Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage December 2013
Magazine
Christmas Spending
Know your limits
the ABCs of gift giving
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE In The Church? CHRISTIAN WIVES OF AMERICA Promoting Marriage God’s Way
LAUGH! It Does A Marriage Good
LIFE LESSONS A Single’s Perspective
911 MARRIAGE EMERGENCY
ASK MINISTER BELL
Leon O. Allen
website: leonoallenphotos.com
REDEEMED INTERNATIONAL CHRISTIAN COLLEGE Where Great Learners Become Great Laborers
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
ISSUE 7: DECEMBER 2013 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley tamara@uniqdesign.org GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITORS LaTonya Gibson MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher
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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Gibson, Zelma Allen, Terrance Hundley, Tamara Hundley and Derryck Fletcher GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES Anjenette Criner and Rhonda McKinney FOUNDERS Terrance and Tamara Hundley
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Editorial Inquiries: Send inquiries to info@rewindmarriage.com (no phone calls please). The magazine is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. REWIND does not necessarily share the opinions of its authors. Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributor and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND. To subscribe visit www.rewindmarriage.com. Subscription Price: $18 per year. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission by REWIND is prohibited. Copyright 2013. Uniqdesign, LLC. All Rights Reserved. REWIND Magazine is a Uniqdesign Publication. REWIND (ISSN 2169-3102) is a free online publication. Subscription and fee required for printed copies.
CONTRIBUTORS
Derryck Fletcher is a radio host for Morgan State University’s (WEAA 88.9 FM) Sunday Gospel Music Show. He is a loving husband and father of three.
LaTonya Gibson is the Dean of the Redeemed International Christian College. She is an author, editor and freelance writer. Read LaTonya’s blog at latonyasreturn. blogspot.com Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.
Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.
Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
Editor’s Corner Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Make the best of the Holidays by celebrating your marriage, but also by being a blessing to another couple. Take a couple to dinner or have a couples’ dinner at your home. The dinner could include games and gift exchanges. This is an opportunity to witness God’s love as well as strengthen and encourage one another. Remember, we are helpers of one another. So make a point to be a source of strength and love to another couple and God will continue to bless and strengthen your relationship. Terrance & Tamara We advise anyone considering marriage to seek biblical pre-marital counseling.
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contents December2013 Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
in this issue...
14
LESSONS 13 LIFE A Single’s Perspective
Know Who You’re Dating. BY ROSALYN M. HALL ABCs OF GIFT GIVING 16 THE How to shop for people who have it all. BY LATONYA GIBSON
4 marriage matters 10 in every issue
EDITOR’S CORNER email us at info@rewindmarriage.com to post your reaction to this issue.
LAUGH! IT DOES A MARRIAGE GOOD The benefits of keeping fun in your marriage. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY
12
6
ASK MINISTER BELL Licensed Therapist, Pamela Bell, answers questions submitted by readers in our new “Ask Min. Bell” column. BY PAMELA BELL
REWIND / December 2013
19
finance
31 33 CHRISTMAS SPENDING How to get through the Christmas Holiday without breaking the bank. BY ZELMA ALLEN
hot spot EARTH, WOOD & FIRE Baltimore, MD
BY LATONYA GIBSON
CHRISTIAN WIVES OF AMERICA A group promoting marriage God’s Way. BY LATONYA GIBSON
34
“I Do” Toons & Puzzle
Relax and enjoy our cartoon and a quick puzzle. Relax, Relate, Release!
feature
24
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE CHURCH Bringing awareness to a silent problem. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY
7
REWIND / December 2013
Bible-based Professional Therapy
For couples who are serious about taking their relationship to the next level.
Minister Pamela Bell, Licensed Professional Counselor
LT
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Marriage Matters
LAUGH!
It Does A Marriage Good
healing process of not-so-healthy relationships. Taking time to have fun isn’t a waste of time. On the contrary, it is an essential ingredient that every relationship could benefit from. According to recent studies, individuals who have a strong sense of humor and laugh often are less likely to experience burnout and depression. Quite the opposite, they are more likely to enjoy life in general – including marriage.
H
ave you and your spouse ever laughed together to the point of tears? Sometimes the laughter is triggered by something only the two of you would find funny, but somehow the more you engaged in the moment with words or gestures, the funnier it got. Now think about how happy you both felt in those moments. If you thought it was a good feeling, you’re right, but those moments impart much more than good feelings - they refresh, energize, and strengthen the marital bond. Unfortunately, too many couples have lost the joy of simply laughing together. Instead, it has been replaced with work, meetings, and other tasks that many feel take priority over simple pleasures . . . Huge mistake. The Bible says, a merry heart does good like medicine (Proverbs 17:22). Hence, laughter can have a medicinal affect on marriage – promoting a happy, healthy relationship. Research also proves that laughing and just being silly together strengthens healthy relationships and aids in the
10 REWIND / December 2013
THE BENEFITS OF LAUGHTER •
• • • • • • • •
Reduction of stress and tension Stimulation of the immune system An increase of natural painkillers in the blood A decrease in systemic inflammation Reduction of blood pressure Lifts your spirits Brings couples closer together Can help keep a relationship fresh Doesn’t cost you anything
Marriage Matters
Things To Do Together To Promote Fun and Laughter • • • •
Enjoy a movie (comedy) together Incorporate “Play Time” in the relationship – time spent alone as a couple together with other couples playing games, doing fun activities, or engaging in fun, relaxing conversations Do something different together for example, find a hobby you both like and engage in it together Enjoy extra playful moments like pillow fights or playing in the snow
These are just a few suggestions – the list will differ based on each couples’ specific interests. However, the point is both partners in the relationship should make a concerted effort to keep fun and laughter in the marriage. Couples cannot afford to allow their relationships to dry up. Both partners should learn not to be so serious about everything. Lighten up, Laugh and enjoy marriage. by Tamara Hundley
Sources: www.simplemarriage.net
Enjoy relaxing and playing together.
Marriage Matters
911 e g a i r r a M
Y C N E G R E EM
Ask Minister Bell
Q: I am in my second marriage and find myself constantly on guard against things my former husband would do, but my current husband simply wouldn’t. How can I move past this?- Stuck on past hurts. A: Dear Stuck on Past Hurts, It is difficult to let your guard down once you have been hurt. It sounds like you have erected protective walls around your heart. These “walls” may help you feel less vulnerable, but they are also a constant reminder of past hurts. This is why you are constantly on guard. You are in a battle with the ghosts of your past. If you are truly ready to move on, you must make a commitment to tear down the wall of distrust and open your heart to love. Practice these 3 steps daily: 1. Pray. Ask GOD to give you the courage and strength to love fearlessly! 2. Separate Past from Present. When you have a negative thought about your husband, write down your concerns on a piece of paper. Then ask yourself, if this concern is about something that your husband is actually doing or are you entertaining a ghost from your past. If your concerns are based on past hurts, tear up the paper and pray for peace. If it is a real concern, go to your husband and communicate your needs. 3. Count Your Blessings. Start a Gratitude Journal. Every day write down at least 3 things for which you are grateful. Share your gratitude with your husband. Let him know that he is a blessing to you. These exercises will help you stay focused on your present life. If you are still having difficulty trusting your husband, seek additional support from a professional counselor. Q: Happily married, but no more sex...HELP!? - Sexless A: Dear Sexless, Lack of sexual interest is usually a symptom of a deeper issue. In order to restore sexual excitement in your marriage, you must first deal with the root cause of the problem. For some couples the problem is time management. The decline in their sex life is due to changes in their work schedule or the demands of bearing and rearing children. These couples must make a conscious decision to nurture their sex life by setting aside uninterrupted, private time for intimacy. There are a variety of more serious issues that cause sexless marriages.
12 REWIND / December 2013
Minister Pamela Bell is a Licensed Therapist and owner of Serenity Counseling in Randallstown, MD. She has Counseled couples for more than10 years Married 26 years
Infidelity, sexual addiction, pornography addiction, and substance abuse are a few; however, any type of impulsive or addictive behavior can cause a significant decline in your sex life. Additionally, people who struggle with sexual orientation issues may avoid sex with their spouse because of a lack of attraction. Further, those who suffer from trauma, low self esteem or a mental health disorders (such as depression) may not have much of a sex drive. Erectile dysfunction and vaginal discomfort due to illness, medications or hormonal imbalances, may cause couples to shut down sexually. Some of them may be too embarrassed to seek medical care for their inability to achieve sexual arousal. A sexless marriage is merely a symptom of deeper issues. If both partners have a desire to revive their sex life, they should start by praying for healing in their marriage. GOD honors marriage and no situation is too hard for HIM! Secondly, they should seek professional guidance for the underlying issues. They should also practice intimate touch (massages, hand holding, caressing) and other forms of affection, while they are getting help. Q: Every time my wife and I get into a heated argument, she raises her hand to strike me. I’m all man, and I’m scared that if she keeps trying me I’m not going to respond well. How do I address this before it gets out of hand? - Abused A: Dear Abused, It sounds like your situation has already gotten out of hand! Your marriage is in crisis. Domestic violence is unacceptable, regardless if the abuser is male or female. The LORD did not create any of us to be a doormat or a punching bag. I strongly suggest that you seek marital counseling, immediately. Make an appointment to see your pastor or find a licensed marriage counselor who specializes in domestic violence. If your wife refuses to go to counseling, go alone. A trained professional will help you to sort out your thoughts and feelings about your marriage. They will also help you develop a safety plan. To learn more about domestic abuse visit – www.turnaroundinc.org
Submit your questions to info@rewindmarriage.com
Dressed To Kill l
Lessons from the Armor The first in a series of work books designed to aid in the practical appilcation of lessons from scripture By LaTonya Gibson
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Single Matters
Life Lessons
A Single’s Perspective by Rosalyn M. Hall
D
Know Who You Date!
o you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)? Are you Bi-Polar? Are you an alcoholic or a drug user? Are you married? Are you divorced? Are you financially stable? Do have a real relationship with the Lord? These are just a few of the questions I’ve found myself asking before agreeing to go on the first date. Times have changed and single individuals can only benefit from taking a few extra precautions before entering the dating world. In fact, singles should conduct a thorough vetting of persons they are considering as possible “hook ups”. Experience has taught me that before I consider seriously dating a person, it is not enough to merely ask tough questions. It is imperative that I take the time to truly get to know the individual. I once dated a man who answered all my questions and revealed he had ADHD. He also indicated that he had been off his medication for more than 12 years because his condition was well Rosalyn M. Hall managed. Being non-discriminatory and accepting his claim of salvation, I decided to give him a chance. However, after a few dates I discovered that not only was his salvation questionable, but he really needed his medication. Failure to take care of himself and take his medication caused problems in our relationship - mostly related to his ADHD symptoms. We all have issues and a disorder is just another issue. However, we have to be honest with ourselves and decide what issues we can or cannot handle. Whether it’s an ADHD disorder, a drinking problem, or a cheating problem...whatever the issue, don’t ignore the signs because you’re anxious to have a “need” met (i.e.; lonely and want to date). Be honest with yourself. Tolerating things you would not normally accept isn’t fair to either party in a relationship. Refuse to compromise for the sake of filling a void (having someone).
So before you decide to go out on that first date, here are a few suggestions: • Take the time to get to know the individual. This way you can see if their life indicates a real relationship with the Lord. • Communicate via phone, social media, etc. until you feel comfortable. • If they indicate that they have an issue that concerns you, read up on it before jumping in or jumping out. • Always let someone know where you’re going, who the individual is that you’re going out with and their contact information. Remember, you can’t be too safe. • Meet at a neutral location. Don’t have the individual come to your home; especially if you don’t know them yet. • Have a positive outlook, but be alert. • Finally, say a prayer and hopefully...have a fun date! Rosalyn M. Hall is the founder and CEO of RMH Marketing. She is a 36 year-old single woman who loves the Lord. Like her on FB and follow her on twitter.
13 REWIND / December 2013
for a consultation contact Anjenette Criner 443.413.9252
15 REWIND / December 2013
Christmas Gift Solutions...
The ABCs
In the dictionary next to the word intimidating should be the following definition: shopping for Christmas. This is especially true when the names on your Christmas list consist of people who are perfectly capable of buying whatever they want whenever they want it. How do you shop for such people? Follow the ABC’s of Gift Giving:
A
G
B
H
C D
I
Album – Find those pictures that people have forgotten about. Add the story associated with the picture. Laughter is guaranteed. Books – A good book is always welcome. Not sure what genre the recipient prefers? A Barnes and Noble gift certificate should solve that problem.
Cooking Class – Today Cooking classes can be fun group experiences.
Diamonds – There’s nothing more to say.
E
ner plays, din to ts e. Be e m k o t – Tic s will be welc at the n e m in ta ie th Enter ce. r the mov tickets so theatre,pourchase genericat their convenien to m e sure can use th recipient
16 REWIND / December 2013
F
Groupon – Groupon is a website that offers great discounts on all kinds of products and experiences. It is a great resource. Plus who doesn’t want a discount? Hats and Hosiery – These two accessories have become items of self-expression. From team caps to brightly colored tights, there is something for everyone. Initialed items – Add the recipient’s initials and suddenly the generic gift has become very personal and precious.
J
Jackets – The perfect jacket can make an outfit. Purchase a jacket that can be adjusted by rolling the sleeves. This way your recipient can tailor the perfect look.
Freez busy mer Meals – Th Chris om or the is is great experitemas list. Juselderly persofor the t make nced. n sure th on the e cook is
of Gift Giving by LaTonya Gibson
K L
Kettle – A good kettle is always beneficial. Often it is the last thing replaced. However a fresh one would be very welcomed.
Limited Edition prints – Those who value art will greatly appreciate acquiring a great piece of art. However, art is expensive. Save a few dollars with a limited edition print.
M
Manicures – We all like to be pampered. Pamper the recipient with a manicure. However, don’t skimp. Get a gift certificate from a “real” spa.
N
Never ending supply of - whatever. Provide the person who uses the same thing all the time with an unending supply of it. (Trick – get a year supply and next year do it again.)
O P Q
Organizer – Time moves quickly. Help your recipient keep track with an organizer. Pedicures – same as the manicure.
R
Rent – Who wouldn’t rejoice if someone offered to pay their rent for a month?
S T U V
Shoes – Be sure the size is right and the style is current.
Target gift Certificate – Target covers everything.
Under Armour – For the active person on the list, Under Armour will be a welcome gift. It’s Light, warm, and strong. Velvet lounge wear – During the winter months the feel of warm velvety cotton is welcoming. New York and Company offers a variety of colors and styles.
W
Warm weather package – During the winter give the gift of warm weather. A trip to some warm locale would be great and unexpected.
but is a a lost artie, s. A snip of a is g n ti il r u o t Quilts –ayQto cherish meampiece of the shirmom w to to t a d n e e r w g dress se e propos weddings wearing when tihng. Dad waless and comfor is price
X
X-box – It begins with an X.
Y
Yard décor – Provide the recipients home with some curb appeal. However be sure that the yard décor reflects the recipient’s character and fits the style of their home.
Z
Zoo mem ership – Th activity inbth is is alw is also a wa e spring, summer ays a fun y and keep zo to do something toand fall. It os open. support
17 REWIND / December 2013
Videos and Photos With Life
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Finance Finance
by Zelma Allen
C
hristmas is a sacred celebration of Christ’s birth. It’s a season of peace, joy and good will. Unfortunately, Christmas can also be a strain in a number of areas; money being the most pressing. For many families worrying about how to pay for the celebration, which includes the purchase of food, toys, and gifts, has turned the idea ofChristmas into a stressful financial nightmare. No longer focused on reducing their debt, many families find themselves increasing it because of the Christmas holiday. In fact, Statistics show that more than 30% of families will go into the red to pay for Christmas with credit cards, the most popular way of paying for gifts and toys. Those families that dipped into the red last year are still trying to repay what they borrowed. Refuse to make the same mistake year in and year out. What mistake is that? If you are still paying for last Christmas as this Christmas approaches, then you have made a mistake. Instead of repeating it, learn from it. Make a vow not to do it again this year.
BEATING THE COST OF CHRISTMAS Christmas stress can make the season more of a burden than the joy that it is suppose to be. Once you’ve made the vow, you will be tempted to break it. It’s easy to dismiss the consequences of overspending and banish them into the coming year; however, you must wake up to the reality that Christmas is only for one day. It is not worth months, years or even a lifetime of stress and debt. I understand, you don’t want your children and family members to go without presents, but the stress of increasing debt is not worth blowing an entire budget. Do you know the sad part about this? Some of the presents that you went into debt for are left unloved under the Christmas tree or even taken back to the stores the day after Christmas. Many of the toys will only be used for a short
period of time, only to be abandoned in a corner. Further, two weeks after Christmas no one really remembers what you bought them over the holidays. This proves that doing too much is simply wasteful. The memory is gone, the money is spent, but the debt lingers. Before the spree begins consider this and keep your vow. Keep your vow by considering what God teaches about borrowing and lending. Proverbs 22:7 says, “The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender” In other words, those who live beyond their means end up enslaved to their creditors. Let that thought cause you to think twice before going into more debt with your credit cards. Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by
19 REWIND / December 2013
Finance cont. from pg. 19
Jesus Christ.” Use this scripture to guide your purchases. Ask yourself if you really need an item before you buy it. If you answer yes, save up for it. When you have saved up enough for the purchase, buy it debt-free. Keep your vow by being honest about your financial situation. This includes being honest with your children. Sit down with your children and let them know that your financial situation has changed. Inform them that this Christmas may be different from those in the past, let them know that you may not have as much money to spend for presents. Show them your budget. Teach them to focus on the actual celebration of Christmas and minimize the importance of gifts. Teach them to select or create gifts
“ Christmas stress can make the season more of a burden than the joy that it is suppose to be. ” that will be more appreciated than an abundance of senseless, short-lived gifts. Remember that the holidays are supposed to be about God, family, love, peace and joy. How can you experience all of those things if you are constantly worried about paying off Christmas debt? Budget your money to live within your means. Proverbs 21:20 says, “There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.” In other words, those who are wise and prudent will have the necessities of life, while the foolish spend all they have to acquire nonessential things for pleasure. Today many foolishly use easy credit, which often proves to be their undoing. God is pleased with those who wisely accept a lower standard of living rather than go into debt and live beyond their means. (Reprint courtesy of REWIND)
20 REWIND / December 2013
1O TIPS
CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A VACUUM CLEANER IS HOOKED UP TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT 1. Keep God as the center of your Christmas Celebrations. 2. Pray about what your priorities should be this Christmas. Ask God to show you what He values and what will be most meaningful for you. Pursue only activities and purchases that align with those values. 3. Plan a Christmas budget and stick to it. 4. Set up a Christmas savings account for the Christmas holiday. You can start at the beginning of the year by saving $10 to $25 a week. Use the money to pay cash for your presents. 5. Start shopping early for your Christmas presents. 6. Make your own Christmas cards. 7. Limit your spending on adult presents.
Catrice Usher
8. Leave your credit cards at home. 9. Draw family names for selected gifts, rather than each family member giving to everyone. 10. Give the gift of service. There are families who will have nothing this year. Find fulfillment by giving to someone in real need. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound; everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:12-13 Be thou not one of them that strike hands or of them that are surties for debts. If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thou bed from under thee? Proverbs 22:26-27
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Rewind Feature
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE...
24 REWIND / December 2013
Rewind Feature
In the Church? I turned to grab my baby and he hit me in my back with his fist. I wanted to call the police, but I was afraid he’d get mad and hit me again. I also wondered if they would really do anything? This has been going on for a year now and I don’t know what to do. We have been married for three years. At first it was wonderful. We met at church, dated for a year then we were married. I honestly didn’t see the signs. Today, we continue to work in ministry together, but no one knows what’s going on. I’m too ashamed to even tell my family. I don’t want anyone to know he hits me, but I can’t take it anymore. I wish there was someone I could talk to, but I’m scared…
25 REWIND / December 2013
Rewind Feature This scenario and worse happens everyday…even in the church. Recently a married woman approached me about telling her story and mentioned that while she was in court for Domestic violence she noticed that two other female parishioners were there for the same reason. Don’t be fooled…Domestic violence happens everywhere…even in the church. As believers, we have a responsibility to bring awareness to it and to do what we can to stop it. The church must refuse to be silent about this issue. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors implemented to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. These are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. Abuse includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Various forms of abuse can simultaneously occur. Domestic violence can happen to anyone. It is not something that only affects a specific group of people based on race, age, gender, or religion. In fact, it happens everyday to people from all walks of life…even those who attend church and worship together every Sunday. It affects people of all backgrounds and education levels. According to the most recent report by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): •
•
One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an
intimate partner each year. •
85% of domestic violence victims are women.
•
Historically, someone they knew has most often victimized females.
•
Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.
•
Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
Domestic violence also affects men and is just as serious. However, statistics prove that the majority of its victims are women. It has been argued by some that this is the reason why it is a silent subject in many churches. Those who make such arguments site the church’s teachings on submission and making marriage work at all costs as the reasons most churches avoid dealing with the issue. One article even stated that several married women who sought help in their churches for domestic violence were persuaded to pray about it and try to make the relationships work because of their duties as wives. Their safety was not the main priority. This is a very sad, disturbing, and startling accusation, but definitely not true of all ministries. As a matter of fact, several ministries are now bringing awareness to the problem and providing information and resources about domestic violence for parishioners. Additionally, some have incorporated training for their ministers and ministry workers. This training clearly identifies domestic violence as a crime and ensures all ministry workers know the proper steps to take when someone in an abusive relationship seeks help from the church.
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? The Bible is unambiguous that domestic violence is wrong. Likewise, anyone who tries to justify or condone such an act with scripture is in direct violation of the Word of God, which promotes love and respect of others.
Scriptures Against Domestic Violence: •
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. Ephesians 5:28-29, NKJV
•
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Ephesians 4:31, NKJV
•
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:19, NIV
•
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard. I Peter 3:7, NIV
•
The mouth of the righteous is a well of life, but violence covers the mouth of the wicked. Proverbs 10:11, NKJV
STOP
26 REWIND / December 2013
Rewind Feature
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!
27 REWIND / December 2013
•
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:1920, NKJV
HOW DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IMPACTS FAMILIES? Domestic violence not only affects the victim, but it has a devastating effect on the family unit, especially children. More than 15.5 million children are exposed to violence in the home each year. As a result, many children who have experience domestic violence in their homes have academic and behavioral problems. Many are also known to have trouble sleeping and concentrating. Further, the effects of domestic violence on children follow many of
them into adulthood. Some have reported having trust issues, problems developing lasting relationships and depression. In many cases other family members become stressed and drained by their involvement while trying to help the victim. Sometimes they experience frustration because their immediate resolve is to get the victim out of the home. However, that immediate response may not be the right response for a victim who fears for their life. In most cases, it is better to seek professional help for the victim to ensure that every step to help and assist also ensures a safe environment for the victim.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED Physical Abuse
You may be experiencing physical abuse if your partner has done or repeatedly does any of the following tactics of abuse:
Domestic Violence Affects everyone, especially children 28 REWIND / December
2013
•
Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
•
Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
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Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
•
Using weapons to threaten to hurt you, or actually hurting you with weapons
•
Trapping you in your home or keeping you from leaving
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Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
•
Harming your children
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Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
•
Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
•
Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past)
Emotional Abuse
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner exerts control through: •
Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
•
Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
•
Trying to isolate you from family or friends
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•
Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
•
Demanding to know where you are every minute
•
Punishing you by withholding affection
•
Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
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Humiliating you in any way
•
Blaming you for the abuse
HOW MINISTRIES CAN HELP VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
•
Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
Suggestions:
•
Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
•
Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
•
Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
•
Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
•
Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like him/her
There are also other types of domestic violence/abuse including sexual abuse and coercion, reproductive abuse and financial abuse. Whatever the case, ALL abuse is wrong and violates the law and Biblical principals.
•Become educated about local resources, magistrate numbers, support groups, counseling, shelter programs, and legal advocacy services. (The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-7997233.) • Make literature about domestic violence available for parishioners. • Provide training to ministry leaders and staff on domestic violence. • Be clear on the ministry’s position concerning domestic violence – that it is viewed as a crime. • Respect the victim’s privacy by keeping their information confidential. Do not add their names to public prayer lists, as this may further endanger the victim. • Encourage the victim to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline and local authorities for help and guidance. • Always make the individual’s safety first-priority.
If you’re a victim or know a victim of domestic violence call The National Domestic Violence Hotline today at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or visit
www.thehotline.org for more information.
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30 REWIND / December 2013
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ates can be a lot of work. They often require advance planning and uncomfortable attire. Wives, why not take the pressure off and plan a husband centered date? I’ve got just the place: Earth, Wood and Fire located at 1407 Clarview Road in Baltimore, MD. It’s a great place for you to take your husband on a game night. Put on jeans and a Ravens jersey, sit in the bar area (which includes high-tops and regular tables), and enjoy the game. Large screen televisions adorn the walls of the bar area making the game accessible from any area. The atmosphere coupled with the delectable food, will make your husband your biggest fan. Earth, Wood and Fire is not just about watching the game, the food is incredible. One reason the food has such an awesome flavor is how it is prepared. The restaurant has both a wood burning and a coal burning oven called a Josper. This oven has the capability of heating up to 850 degrees. The flavors that emerge from this oven are incredible. I’m not making this statement out of a fluke-onetime-happenchance experience. I’ve been there twice. Both times I was impressed with the politeness and knowledge of the staff as well as the unbelievable flavors that were produced in the kitchen of Earth, Wood and Fire. On my first visit, I enjoyed the Great Hills Blue Burger. I have ranted about lots of food, but never a burger. This burger invited me to close my eyes and indulge in a moment of intense flavor. My first mouth watering experience at Earth, Wood and Fire left me wondering what else could be enhanced by their unique cooking methods. Determined to get a full range of tastes, I returned hungry and left more than satisfied. It was game night, so I sat at a high-top in the bar area and ordered Coal-Fired Chicken Wings for the first quarter. These wings were cooked with a dry rub and could be coupled with several sauces. I ordered mine with their Chipotle Barbeque Sauce. The result was slightly spicy, smoky, barbeque deliciousness. For the next quarter of the game I ordered their vegetable pizza replacing the broccoli with banana peppers and placing it all on their whole wheat crust option. They make all of their dough fresh on location and are currently working to develop a gluten free crust. Third quarter was accompanied by Coal-Fired Blueberry Cobbler. What can I say about this cobbler? It is simply divine and must be tasted to be believed. Fourth quarter of a nail biting game requires a cocktail. I suggest a Cranberry Saint (ginger-ale, cranberry juice and a twist of lime). It’s a delicious way to clean your palate. I’ve never enjoyed a football game as much as I did on my trip to Earth, Wood and Fire. - by LaTonya Gibson
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photographs courtesy of Earth, Wood & Fire
Earth Wood & Fire is now open every day of the week with new, longer hours! Mon - Wed: 11:30am - 9pm Thurs - Sat: 11:30am - 10pm Sun: noon - 9pm
31 REWIND / December 2013
Editorial
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Shana & Dwayne Newnam Happily Married 14 years
T
here are many benefits to studying the Bible. Beyond developing a certain moral compass, studying the Word of God has a way of revealing life’s purpose and God’s greater plan for each individual. Such was the case for Shana Newnam, founder of the Christian Wives of America (CWA). As she studied the women of the Bible and what the Bible says about the duties of a wife, wives seemed to be drawn to her. Suddenly, she became a source of counsel and guidance to women who inexplicably sought her direction. Her individual encounters with these wives identified a need that she somehow seemed able to meet. Shana thought to start a group for wives that would provide the opportunity to help women in a group setting. But, fearing the possibilities, Shana did not immediately move to create an organization. Consequently, a burden that began in 2011 did not manifest until 2013 when Shana formally founded The Christian Wives of America (CWA), an organization designed to address the
Up Close and Personal with Shana Newnam, Founder of Christian Wives of America specific needs of Christian wives. The two years between identifying the need and meeting the need were not wasted. This was time Shana used to put theory into practice in her own 14 year marriage to Dwayne Newnam. Utilizing “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian, Shana became determined to apply the principles therein to her own 14 year marriage to husband, Dwayne. What she discovered was that many women, including her, simply had no idea what it truly meant to be a wife. She discovered that all of her previous perceptions were incorrect. “You simply can’t go by what the world says,” explains Shana. “You can’t look at the world and say ‘this is how it’s supposed to be.’” That reality led her on a quest to be rewired by the Word of God. After two years of working on herself, Shana answered her “call” and began CWA. “Once I said ‘yes’ God gave me topics and ideas. My calendar is full until 2015.” Her calendar includes speaking engagements as well as CWA’s monthly meetings. In the three months
of CWA’s existence it has tripled its local membership. Additionally, there are wives form California, Virginia, Texas, New York and China who participate by receiving the monthly updates and participating in a closed group on facebook. The future is bright for CWA, and Shana works to make the organization a non-profit. Additionally, the plan to start out-of-state chapters is underway. Finally, the charity event “Warming a Wife’s Heart” which sponsors a complete Christmas for two families will become an annual event for CWA. When asked what advice she could share with wives Shana says, “I’ve learned to look at myself instead of pointing the finger at my husband. Am I being belittling? What am I doing to uplift my husband? If I work on me, eventually I’ll see a change in him. Work on me first.” For more information about membership, email Shana Newnam at christianwivesofamerica@gmail.com
33 REWIND / December 2013
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34 REWIND / December 2013
Happy Holidays From the staff at REWIND Magazine
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