Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage JUNE 2013
$
SHOULD MARRIED PEOPLE SPEND HOURS OF TIME WITH FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? Magazine
THE AVERAGE WEDDING COST
JJ & Trina HAIRSTON
JJ Hairston of YOUTHFUL PRAISE
and his wife Trina share their story of enduring love in the gospel industry. They also offer tips on preparing for marriage.
WHEN CANCER HITS HOME Pastor DUANE JOHNSON
and his wife Cynthia, share their story of love, survival and victory over cancer!
FASHION FORWARD
Wedding Styles That Won’t Break Your Bank
Leon O. Allen
website: leonoallenphotos.com
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
REDEEMED INTERNATIONAL CHRISTIAN COLLEGE Where Great Learners Become Great Laborers
ISSUE 5 : JUNE 2013 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley tamara@uniqdesign.org GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITORS LaTonya Gibson Monique Miskimon MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher
ENROLLING NOW!
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Gibson, Zelma Allen, Kisha Wright, Terrance Hundley, Tamara Hundley and Derryck Fletcher GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES/MARKETING Anjenette Criner & Rhonda McKinney FOUNDERS Terrance and Tamara Hundley
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The Redeemed International Christian College 807 E. 43rd Street Baltimore, Maryland 21212 An afďŹ liate of The Church of the Redeemed of the Lord
LaTonya Gibson, Dean Dr. Jerome Stokes, Sr., President
Editorial Inquiries: Send inquiries to info@rewindmarriage.com (no phone calls please). The magazine is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. REWIND does not necessarily share the opinions of its authors. Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributor and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND. To subscribe visit www.rewindmarriage.com. Subscription Price: $15 per year. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission by REWIND is prohibited. Copyright 2013. Uniqdesign, LLC. All Rights Reserved. REWIND Magazine is a Uniqdesign Publication. REWIND (ISSN 2169-3102) is a free online publication. Subscription and fee required for printed copies.
CONTRIBUTORS
Derryck Fletcher is a radio host for Morgan State University’s (WEAA 88.9 FM) Sunday Gospel Music Show. He is a loving husband and father of three.
LaTonya Gibson is the Dean of the Redeemed International Christian College. She is an author, editor and freelance writer. Read LaTonya’s blog at latonyasreturn. blogspot.com Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.
Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.
Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
Editor’s Corner
F
or many, preparing for marriage or even making the decision to marry carries its own level of stress. Hence, it is vitally important that couples gain the proper perspective of marriage. God created marriage completely whole – nothing broken, nothing missing. The problem is so many manage marriage according to their own thoughts and ways. This will never work because marriage comes from the mind of God – not from the mind of man. We can’t make the institution of marriage conform to our thoughts or our ways. Our marriages must conform to the instruction the Lord provides in His word. Submitting to his standards makes for a successful and healthy relationship. Consider this: Would you purchase an expensive car and then ignore the manufacturer’s guideline regarding the type of gas and oil the car requires? Instead of adhering to the guideline, would you use whatever you think would work? If you did, nine times out of ten, you would destroy the car. Most people would never take that risk. Now consider marriage – an investment far more valuable and precious than a car. Why chance its success by using your own thoughts and ideas in an effort to make marriage work? Be wise and follow the manufacturer’s instructions for marriage. God ordained it and He is the only one who knows what makes it work. When couples understand that marriage is God-ordained, they can rest in their decision to get married. This will keep both individuals in the relationship from placing unnecessary demands on the other, understanding that no one is perfect. Instead, it will create the opportunity for them to grow together and experience marriage God’s way. The reality is we don’t know how to be married or what to do to make it successful. It is only through God’s word that we get a clear understanding of how we should conduct ourselves and treat one another in the marital relationship. Submission to God’s design leads to successful marriage – one that is whole and complete because it lines up with the instruction and guidelines of the one who created it. - by Terrance & Tamara
We advise anyone considering marriage to seek biblical pre-marital counseling. Corrections: In our April 2013 issue, Minister Pamela Bell was listed as Dr. Pamela Bell. Minister Bell is a Licensed Therapist and owner of Serenity Counseling, Randallstown, MD Counseling couples over 10 years, Married 26 years
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contents
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
JUNE 2013
12
features
10
12
IN THE CHAT BOX OR IN PERSON... Should married individuals have friends of the opposite sex that they spend hours of time with? BY LATONYA GIBSON
14
VICTORY OVER CANCER Duane & Cynthia Johnson Living Victoriously By The Miraculous Healing Power of Jesus. BY DERRYCK FLETCHER & LATONYA GIBSON
24
JJ & TRINA HAIRSTON Eduring Love In The Gospel Industry. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY
THE AVERAGE COST FOR A WEDDING BY TAMARA HUNDLEY
24
14
LT
EDITORIAL SERVICES “Always Working For You”
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contents
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
JUNE 2013
13
in this issue... Life Lessons
13 / WITH DANIEL & KISHA WRIGHT
Sharing a simple lesson that goes a long way. BY KISHA WRIGHT
31
hot spots 31 / OYA RESTAURANT Washington, DC
Rewind’s Hot Spot Pick.
Style 32 / FASHION FOWARD WEDDING Styles That Won’t Break Your Bank. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY FEATURING: SHANIA HUNDLEY
32
I “DO” Toon & Puzzle 34 / LAUGH & PLAY Enjoy our cartoon and relax while completing a puzzle. DOMINIC JORDON, Illustrator
21
finance
MARRYING YOU AND YOUR MONEY Engagement: Financial Plannng for the Big Day and Beyond! BY ZELMA ALLEN
in every issue 04 / EDITOR’S CORNER email us at info@rewindmarriage.com to post your reaction to this issue.
THE AVERAGE TOTAL Marriage Matters
Attire & Accessories $1,600 Wedding Dress $1,053 Dress Accessories $144 Headpiece and or Veil $119 Tuxedo / Suit / Other Accessories $111 Tuxedo / Suit / Other Rent/Purchase $271
Beauty & Spa $130 Makeup Service Hair Service Manicure & Pedicure
$60 $71 $47
Entertainment $1,300 DJ Live Band Musician / Soloist / Ensemble
$748 $1,751 $559
Flowers & Decorations $1,800 Boutonnieres, Corsages Bridal Bouquet Bridesmaid Bouquets Ceremony Decorations Ceremony Flower Arrangements Flower Girl Flowers Flower Petals Reception Decorations Reception Flower Arrangements Reception Table Centerpieces by Tamara Hundley 10 REWIND / June 2013
$134 $139 $180 $235 $298 $86 $88 $287 $348 $366
Honeymoon
$3,700
Marriage License
$70
Venue, Catering & Rentals
$10,500
Ceremony Accessories Ceremony Location Ceremony Officiator Hotel Room for After Reception Reception Accessories Reception Bar Service Reception Food Service Reception Location Reception Rentals Rehearsal Dinner Wedding Cake/Dessert
$206 $937 $219 $281 $203 $2,207 $4,339 $2,672 $1,385 $865 $386
COST OF A WEDDING
“i do” SAVE!
PLAN! ENJOY!
“from this day forward”
Gifts & Favors $800 Gifts for Attendants Gifts for Parents Tips (for all services) Wedding Favors
Invitations $800
Ceremony Programs Engagement Announcements Guest Book Invitations & Reply Cards Postage Reception Menus Save the Date Cards Table Name and Escort/Place Cards Thank You Cards
Jewelry $4,500 Engagement Ring Wedding Bands
$196 $148 $374 $262
$110 $150 $59 $255 $85 $119 $125 $84 $94
$3,465 $1,862
Photography $2,800
Digital or Photo CD/DVD $296 Engagement Session $335 Prints and/or Enlargements $224 Traditional Leather Bound Album $459 Wedding Photographer $1,777 Wedding Videographer $1,152
Planner/Consultant $1,250 A La Carte Services $1,123 Day of Coordinator $845 For Getting Started $880 Full Service $2,491 Month of Direction $1,302
Transportation $400 Limo Rental Other Transportation
Statistics Source: Association of Bridal Consultants 2012
$487 $420
11 REWIND / June 2013
Marriage Matters
N I R O X e O B als hav
T idu v A i d H n i C ied r nd r E e a p m s H y d l T e th hou m S IN o . h . . w N ith w O x e S s PERof the opposite friends ime with? ft o s r u o h
by LaTonya Gibson
T
here was a time in the not too distant past when men and women simply did not interact with each other unless it was for the purpose of courting. The idea of men and women being platonic friends is a recent phenomenon that has given birth to the question of whether men and women can be friends at all. Further one must ask if cross-sex friendships are possible, how those types of friendships affect marriage. In 2012 Dr. April Blescke-Recheck and her students at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Clair conducted a study in an attempt to find out if plutonic male/female friendships were even possible. The findings of this study were very interesting. They suggest that males are usually more sexually attracted to their cross-sex friends. Further, it found that married males and females who were attracted to their cross-sex friends were also experiencing
12 REWIND / June 2013
some degree of dissatisfaction in their marital relationship. A separate study conducted by Julia Wreford for the University of Guelph found that “increased quality of alternatives, diminished commitment, and dissatisfaction were associated with current cheating.� These two studies have far reaching implications. Friendships are built on mutual affection and commonalities. What starts as two co-workers with a shared dislike for a boss or a shared responsibility for some task can quickly develop into a friendship. A polite nod at the gym turns into a conversation about weight training and a gym friendship is born. Commonalities such as these, though they seem small and insignificant, link people together. These links are the seeds of friendship. Further, commonalities are the reasons friends desire to be in one another’s
Marriage Matters presence. It’s all perfectly innocent and natural. We all have friends and life would not be much without them. Therefore, cross-sex friendships are not inherently evil and should not be avoided. They are healthy and needed. However, one must consider that these cross-sex friendships are usually the foundation for great intimate relationships too. Friends have learned about each other. They know each others’ likes and dislikes. They know passions and dreams. Who better to be involved with intimately than a friend? With this in mind married couples must ask if spending great quantities of time with cross-sex friends is worth the risk. According to the Wisconsin study, sexual attraction is definitely a factor – whether it is an admitted factor or not. Sure, the study also said, dissatisfaction was a factor in sexual attraction among those who were married. However, dissatisfaction can be created, especially if one views a friend as a “quality alterative.” For this reason, Diane Gottman, author of “Can Married People Have Opposite Sex Friends?” and nationally recognized etiquette expert with Protocol School of Texas provides tips for married people on how to handle cross-sex friendships. They include listening to your intuition, keeping personal space and physical touch in check, not discussing your spouse’s flaws, meeting in public places at appropriate times, including your spouse in your plans, and always keeping your spouse first. Friendships are beautiful and vital parts of a healthy life. However, if that friendship threatens the beauty of a marriage, one must weigh the benefits and risks and govern themselves accordingly.
Sources: Bleske-Rechek, A. (2012). Benefit or Burden? Attraction in Cross-sex Friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Gottsman, D. (2011). Can Married People Have Opposite Sex Friends? Hitchedmag.com Wreford, J. (2012). How Close is Too Close? “It’s Complicated”: Factors Associated with Cheating, Electronic Extradyadic Intimacy, & Attraction to Close Cross-sex Friends.
Life Lessons
by Kisha Wright
od has a special way of G seizing moments in my life as opportunities to provide insight
and direction for my life and my marriage. This was the case one particular morning when I woke feeling especially neglected by my husband, Danny. It all started Mother’s Day. He bought me a card, but never filled it out to give it to me. Instead, it remained in the store bag that he purchased it from - unsigned, laying on the top of the computer - for a week. I thought to myself, “Was it just too much for him to fill out the card and give it to me?” Anyway...after Danny left for work and after I had my 5:30 morning prayer, God seized a moment. I went into the bathroom and was greeted by a huge water bug dancing around my floor. I screamed Daniel & Kisha Wright because I was totally freaked out. I captured it under a plunger, but was too afraid to kill it (the popping sound it makes when you hit it with a shoe gives me the creeps and I must confess . . . I was somewhat scared of it). I immediately called Danny and told him and he said, “Did you kill it?” When I answered “No,” and explained to him how I put the plunger over it to capture it, he calmly exhaled. Finally, he said, “Okay, we’ll go get some bug spray and get the apartment ready for those outside bugs that come with the summer.” Once I finished talking with him and went on to do laundry, I became upset all over again. I started thinking about the reality show that Danny, my two sons and I watched recently called “Infested.” It was about a family whose home was infested with cockroaches. They started off with a few here and there. However, the roaches grew in number in no time because the family did not deal with the issue to stop it from growing and spreading. They did not address, treat, exterminate or kill the issue when they should have and because of it, the cockroaches grew in a massive number and destroyed the foundation of their home. Well, as I was tearing up, mad about the waterbugs and thinking about that show, I began to think about how God gave me dominion over all the little creatures and how I should not be scared to kill it, especially since I have the power to do so. Further, if I did not...then it would grow in number and wreak havoc in our home, taking over and destroying our belongings. Hmph... In that moment, GOD began to minister to me and likened the bug issue to my issue of feeling neglected. He showed me that if I avoided talking to Danny about this small problem . . . it can grow into something big in my heart. As it grows, it plants more seeds with the potential to eventually destroy us - all because I didn’t kill it when it arose within me. I immediately agreed with God, took some spray bleach, went into that bathroom, picked up that plunger, and sprayed that nasty, ugly waterbug to near death. As I did I proclaimed loudly and boldly “DIE YOU BUG, GOD GAVE ME DOMINION OVER YOU, DIE!” Then I swept it up while it was still kicking and flushed it down the toilet. With the flush came the determination to talk to Danny immediately and kill this issue before it grows. I love my husband wayyyy tooooo much, & I refuse to let a small issue outgrow us and destroy our foundation! In Jesus Name, Amen! Thanks be to God for that revelation!!!
13 REWIND / June 2013
Health & Fitness
VICTORY O CANCER!
14 REWIND / June 2013
Health & Fitness
Duane & Cynthia JOHNSON
Living Victoriously By The Miraculous Healing Power Of Jesus
OVER Support by SUBSCRIBING HERE: www.rewindmarriage.com
by LaTonya Gibson and Derryck Fletcher
T
ragedy has a way of revealing our true character. It also reveals the quality of our relationships. This truth is often experienced when loved ones are diagnosed with life threatening illnesses. Such was the case with Duane and Cynthia Johnson. Their relationship is one that seemed to be destined by God. After dating their senior year in high school, Duane made the decision to end the relationship. Seven years later Cynthia was driving down the street praying that the Lord would bless her with a man like the guy she dated in high school. Five minutes later, she found herself sitting at a red light next to none other than Duane Johnson. They pulled over into a Papa John’s parking lot and have been together ever since. In fact Duane told Cynthia that he’d messed up once, and “if it ever happened again it would be because she left him.”
15 REWIND / June
2013
Miraculous Recoveries
The cancer is gone, but the lessons Duane and Cynthia gained from the experience remain. The probability of Cynthia leaving Duane was negligent until a diagnosis completely redefined the term “leaving.” After 14 years of marriage and the birth of son Nolan, Cynthia - pregnant with their second child – was diagnosed with breast cancer. The fight to stay together became synonymous with fighting for Cynthia’s life. “I kept telling the Lord,” Duane recalls, “She has to live. She can’t leave me here.” Medical treatment for the cancer began during Cynthia’s pregnancy and included surgery and multiple rounds of chemotherapy. Today, Cynthia and daughter Zada are healthy and doing well. The cancer is gone, but the lessons Duane and Cynthia gained from the experience remain. During this crisis, Duane and Cynthia realized how valuable their friendship is. “We’ve always been best friends,” says Duane, “This took it to a whole other level.” Cynthia completely agrees and points out that their friendship was paramount in keeping her spirits up and her attitude positive. “We have always spent time together, but we spent even more time together doing simple things and finding pleasure in them,” Cynthia adds. “Even simple things like taking a car ride became more precious. I found myself smiling more.” Additionally, Cynthia points out, “When you get a diagnosis like that, you don’t have time to sweat the small stuff.” Duane adds, “We realized you don’t have a problem unless you have a short time to live. You stop worrying about people who don’t matter and stop trying to impress people who don’t matter.” Not worrying about people did not equate to not caring about people. To the contrary, Duane and Cynthia became even
16 REWIND / June 2013
more concerned about those who were connected to them because of their role as pastors of a young and growing church, Speak to My Heart Ministries. They were immediately concerned about how this diagnosis would affect the new parishioners under their leadership. Retrospectively, they realize that the faith of the church increased because the parishioners had the opportunity to see faith in action. “The church began to fast and pray more. We were no longer going through the motions of church, but were actually walking the word out.” says Duane. He goes on to explain how this journey caused the church to become a family-focused ministry. Further, Cynthia says, “When I was going through cancer, I saw the hand of God in it. It gave me a peace and I knew things would be alright. I saw growth in others and I have seen evidence of that growth.” Cynthia admits that she did have low moments. Many things about her appearance changed: her complexion, her hair, her nails, and her body image. “But Duane had a way of still making me feel beautiful and like the sexiest woman in the world.” When faced with the possibility of having to remove her breasts Duane’s sincere response, “I don’t care about breasts, I want my wife,” reiterated his commitment to his friend and life-long companion. As Cynthia’s caregiver, Duane – a Baltimore City Public School Teacher – used all of his sick leave to attend each of Cynthia’s appointments. Additionally, he rearranged his schedule at WEAA, a radio station in Baltimore, Maryland on which he hosts a very popular Sunday Morning show. He refused to let Cynthia go through this alone.
However, Duane did not view this as some great sacrifice. Instead he says, “There was no other option but to do whatever it took to keep my wife alive and Nolan’s life normal.” Duane’s support meant that sitting in a corner depressed just wasn’t an option for Cynthia. Instead, she focused on healing scriptures and says, “Those scriptures became my medicine.” Additionally, she often recited the first clause of Proverbs 29:18 which says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Determined not to perish, she kept the vision of their future in front of her. Those visions included dancing at her children’s weddings and holding her grandkids. “I couldn’t die. I had to survive so that we can fulfill every dream we have.” Duane was not the only support system Cynthia had. In fact, they were both supported by their church family who often ensured there was cooked food available for them. Cynthia’s parents, James and Betty Gresham attended each of Cynthia’s chemo and doctor’s appointments with Duane. Bishop James Nelson, Sr. and Evangelist Bessie Nelson were spiritual supports and present at many of Cynthia’s appointments. Their family and friends even took care of bills and helped with Nolan. In fact, the Johnson’s say there was no need that was not met. This additional support freed Cynthia to focus on getting well and freed Duane to focus on being the husband and father he wanted to be.
Health & Fitness
THE CHURCH OF THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD A Church Committed To The Word And Ways Of God
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Finance
MARRYING YOU... AND YOUR MONEY Engagement: Financial Plannng for the Big Day and Beyond! by Zelma Allen
M
arriage and money, they go together like peanut butter and jelly . . . except when they don’t. In those cases, the marriage becomes another messy sandwich on the path to divorce. Money is the currency of life, star struck lovers would be foolish not to discuss their debt before marriage. The discussion should be approached from two separate angles: getting married while being in debt, and going into debt to get married. Those who are engaged should keep one fundamental truth in mind. Once married, debt is shared. His debt becomes her debt and her debt becomes his. Further, the credit score of one affects the other. In other words, though he may have maintained a solid credit score, future loans can be jeopardized by her credit score making long-term, credit dependent purchases difficult if not impossible. Simply put, bringing debt into a marriage can cause problems before the ink dries on the marriage license. Therefore, engaged couples should look at each other’s credit scores to see if there is anything that could possibly affect their financial future together. Engaged couples should sit down and answer some really important questions about money before getting married. They should know about the giving practices of the other. Does he
give the first tenth of his earnings to God? Is she a tither? They should know how many credit cards the other has as well as what the balances are on those cards. What are the interest rates and how long will it take to pay those cards off? Engaged couples should talk about how each manages money. Does he pay his bills on time? Is she getting calls from debt collectors to collect delinquent payments? Does he pay the minimum amount due, or does she pay more than the minimum payment? Additionally, it is very, very important for engaged couples to discuss their spending habits. Know ahead of time if a potential spouse has a bad gambling habit or needs to buy designer clothes and designer purses each month. These types of habits can become problems especially if they interfere with future goals. Therefore, it is essential that they discuss this ahead of time. Further, if either has been married before, a frank discussion of any financial obligations to the ex-spouse, or any child support payments is essential. Finally, engaged couples should discuss their assets such as real estate, investments, retirement funds or savings. This discussion should lead to another essential conversation in which future financial plans are mapped. This is a time to set financial goals? Is getting out of debt a priority? What is the best method
21 REWIND / June 2013
Finance cont. from pg. 21
Never lie or hide information from each other about finances. of attacking the debt? After marriage, will assets be combined? Will joint bank accounts be opened, or will everything be kept separate? Will a household budget be created to which both will adhere? If there are children, how will they be supported? How will daycare, schooling and college tuition payments be managed? There are no right or wrong answers to all of the questions regarding your financial situation. However, if a potential spouse is not willing to discuss money before marriage, one should consider it a huge red flag. There is something wrong. Discussing finances pre-marriage will benefit the couple immensely after the “I Do’s” are said. Finding out later that he is a saver and she is a spender could be detrimental to the health and longevity of the marriage. Early discussions will help the couple identify a happy medium that can be put into practice from day one of the marriage. Now that all of that has been ironed out, let’s consider the second angle: The cost of the wedding. According to recent surveys, the average cost of a wedding in the United States is appoximately $28,000.00. Call me cheap, but that seems like a lot to spend on a party a couple is throwing for themselves. If debt is used to fund the wedding, it also seems like a bad way to start a marriage... especially if both parties are already in a lot of debt. Instead of getting in debt for a party, save up and pay cash. If there is some big hurry that makes saving impossible, why not have a small wedding or get married in the Pastor’s office. I always advise couples to try to pay off as much debt as possible before the wedding. A marriage without the burden of debt is much more enjoyable. Further, the best way to make a marriage work is to keep talking about finances.
22 REWIND / June 2013
Please never lie or hide information from each other about finances. That can create serious problems in a marriage. Always discuss big purchases and opening new credit cards ahead of time because it could affect the credit of the other as well. Make time to discuss the proximity of financial goals such as paying off debt and saving for retirement. Work together towards major goals and accomplish more. Going into a marriage where one or both partners has a large amount of debt can be very stressful, and can cause some serious problems in the marriage. It doesn’t have to be that way and can be avoided by having frank and open discussions about debt, and financial goals ahead of time. This can alleviate many of the problems couples face in marriage surrounding money. Couples who take this advice will be glad they discussed these important topics sooner rather than later in a relationship.
Psalms 37:21 warns, The wicked borrowth, and payeth not again: but the righteous showeth mercy, and giveth. Debt is a responsiblity not to be taken lightly. The Bible says that debts of money, gratitude, and respect should all be paid to whom they are owed. Proverbs 22:7 warns that, The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Those who live beyond their means end up enslaved to their creditors.
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REWIND FEATURE
JJ & TRINA
HAIRSTON Enduring love in the gospel industry. by Tamara Hundley
I.
f you’re at all tuned into the Gospel Industry you’ve heard the jubilant, life-changing music of JJ Hairston & Youthful Praise. Songs like Incredible God, Lord You’re Mighty, and his latest hit, After This are dynamic examples of JJ Hairston’s God-given talent. However, beyond the spotlight is a person you may be less familiar with, JJ Hairston the husband and father. While he is committed to his music, his commitment to God, his marriage and his family runs even deeper. This July, JJ and Trina Hairston will celebrate 19 years of marriage and are the proud parents of three children. During their REWIND interview they both reflect on their beginnings and openly share what they would have done differently if they had to do it over. JJ said he met Trina when he moved to Connecticut. She was the pastor’s daughter at the church he and his mom attended. When they met JJ was 15 and Trina was 14, at least that’s what he thought. “Trina was a preacher’s kid. She lied and said she was 14 when she was actually 13,” JJ laughs
t s r i F y l i Fam
by Terrance & Tamara Hundley
photographer: Tanya Riley Triley-design.com
25 REWIND / June 2013
Rewind Feature
THE HAIRSTON FAMILY
JJ & Trina, and children from left to right: James L. Hairston, IV (17), Janay L. Hairston (10), and Jayelle L. Hairston (3)
as he reminisces. Trina clarifies by saying she was turning 14 in December of that year, so there was some truth to it. Nonetheless, this young “puppy love” quickly developed and matured into a lasting love between two people who knew what they wanted early in life. Trina adds, “We were committed to each other from an early age. I was truly 15 years old when things began to get serious between JJ and I.” Although this young love excited the couple, it was not so well received by others in their family. Trina explains that JJ was scrutinized more than she was. Perhaps it was because they were so young and no one expected the relationship to last. However, it did last. A fact that JJ attributes to having to be a responsible man at an early age. “I was working and had my own apartment at the age of 16,” he explains. Once he graduated from high school, JJ says he had three options, go away to college, join the Airforce or stay home. “I was afraid I would lose Trina if I left, so I stayed home and we married three years later,” he adds. JJ and Trina were engaged
26 REWIND / June 2013
at the ages of 17 and 19. As soon as Trina turned 18 they were married. He and Trina both agree that his ability to handle responsibility at such a young age helped to partially prepare him for the success he’s experiencing now in marriage and music. However, by dating and marrying at such early ages, JJ and Trina admit they were not fully prepared for marriage. “We didn’t prepare for marriage, we just jumped in. We felt it was the right move to make. We loved each other and we both felt there was no one else we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, so the next step for us was marriage,” Trina says. She adds that her parents knew they were talking about marriage, but did not believe they were serious. Because they weren’t taken seriously they decided to make the decision themselves and secretly married. Trina adds, “We clearly weren’t thinking. It was just the two of us. We went to the next town, went before the judge and got married. It was our secret. We weren’t even living together at first. We were married and I was still living with my mom and he still had his apartment. The reality hit
when we had to go to two separate places. It was then that we realized we had to face the decision that we made. We had to make it public.” She also points out that neither she nor JJ knew the best way to reveal what they had done without being scrutinized. She says this added more pressure. “We had to figure out how to make this public and not make it appear that we had done something shameful in our haste to be married and to be together,” she adds. As a result of running off and marrying, Trina and JJ did not seek pre-marital counseling; however, JJ says they should have. “There were some things we went through after we got married that we probably would have been better prepared for had we taken the time to get counseling,” JJ says. “We don’t recommend jumping into marriage without counseling,” Trina adds. “We advise engaged couples to seek marriage counseling and discuss real life, day-to-day issues before getting married.” Retrospectively, they are both grateful that JJ was already accustomed to paying bills and handling rent. They agree that the early years of their marriage would have been much more difficult if that were not the case.
Challenges of Working In The Gospel Arena
JJ said one of the challenges couples face while working in the music industry is making sure their families come first. He says, “You have music that’s doing well and you have to go out and promote your music. However, some people don’t understand that you have to have balance and you have to make sure your family is okay.” He points out that he has been in situations where people, especially management, just want him to go, go, go. He explains how if they could have it their way he would be on the road everyday. However, JJ says he makes sure he takes the necessary steps to keep the balance between his career and family. “For instance,” he divulges. “Wherever I go, I always get two tickets. Trina goes with me. Unless there’s an extreme circumstance and Trina has to stay home with the kids.” He shares that other than that, they travel together and explains how travelling as a couple keeps them together. Additionally, JJ says having a nanny helps as well. They have someone they really trust who stays with their
“We don’t recommend jumping into marriage without counseling.”
! d o G n i h t i Fa
Rewind Feature
happening is to make sure we’re always together. I like to have that covering. You never know what can go on when you’re on the road, but if I have my wife with me I know that someone who always has my best interest at heart is right “I realize that my family is important and there with me. That helps.” my kids are depending on me – my son is Therefore, if it’s watching me.” in his power JJ takes Trina with him. “That helps to alleviate any type of speculation about what goes on when I’m on the road,” he says. He continues by saying that music is music, whether it’s gospel or some other genre. He says, “People are attracted to people in the forefront, whether it’s gospel or secular. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with any great quality the person in the forefront has – It’s just that they’re on stage and people are attracted to that and I realize that.” He says he understands clearly that some of the same women that are attracted to him when he is on stage would probably walk right by him on the street, especially if they didn’t know who he was. He adds, “They are attracted to me because I’m seen in that light and they are attracted to that spotlight. I’ve been in situations before where there’s temptation, but I’m not going to risk my family for someone who’s only attracted to a spotlight.” Further, JJ says he has too much to lose to be worried about quick flings here and there. “I realize that my family is kids. This keeps JJ and Trina from having important and my kids are depending on to separate the kids by sending them me – my son is watching me,” he adds. to different places when they travel. He explains, this works for them because Trina’s Gospel Wives Blog the children can stay at home in an Trina runs a blog entitled Gospel Wives. environment they’re use to and sleep in She started the blog as a result of meeting their own beds. “It is important to us that so many wives of singers, preachers and they maintain a balanced life as well,” he musicians while traveling in the gospel adds. arena. In many instances, she states, the Another challenge both JJ and Trina meetings would be awkward because frankly discuss is the reality of how things there seemed to be a communication can happen when an individual is in the barrier. She says, “Every year, we go to the spotlight and travels a lot. However, JJ and same functions and we see each other, Trina have made a conscious decision to but there was no connection. I felt that we protect themselves and their marriage. JJ had so much in common and I wanted says, “We have heard of things happening something to break the barrier so that with different gospel artists on the road. we could communicate with each other.” We realize that none of us are above Additionally, she says some couples, in reproach and none of us are so perfect the Christian arena, feel that they can’t go that something can’t happen. So I think to counseling because they don’t know if the easiest way to alleviate anything from the person they are being counseled by
It is important to us that
our children maintain a
balanced life as well.
28 REWIND / June
2013
would tell their business. “This forum allows us all to come together and share in a way that people seem to be more comfortable with. It also helps because when you’re going through something, just knowing that someone else has gone through it or is going through it, seems to make it a little more bearable,” she adds. She wanted to open this line of communication, hence, the birth of the Gospel Wives Blog. Since starting the blog, Trina says it has helped her own marriage as well. “When you are heavily focused on ministry as a couple, sometimes you forget to focus on the different aspects of simply being male and female,” Trina says. “The way I interpret something is just different from JJ’s interpretation as a male. We have separate needs. JJ can minister. He’s a great artist, but he is also a man and I’m a woman and those two beings have different needs. The blog has opened my eyes to those differences,” she adds. According to JJ, since Trina started the blog it has caused them to give deeper thought to their decisions. “We can be watching a movie and to me it’s just regular, but she wants to turn it into a full conversation that is later blogged about,” he says with a chuckle. However, he admits that the blog has helped them understand each other better. As far as the vision for the blog, Trina said it is just a launching pad. She calls it stage one. Stage two, she announces, is a talk show. She hasn’t decided if it will be live or pre-recorded online. However, it will be another forum to help hurting couples as well as provide a source of strength and information for couples in general. Trina also indicated that she is planning to go back to school to become a counselor so that she will be better equipped to help couples. “I have really big dreams, Trina says. “I’m probably the only one who tweeted Kim Kardashian when she divorced and asked her if she prayed about it,” she adds. “Celebrities are in and out of marriage,” Trina continues. “They need help and they need to realize there is a spiritual aspect to marriage. They need to recognize marriage in God’s eyes.” Trina says she believes we should be a light to everyone, not just Christian couples. “It is just the truth of Jesus Christ and I want to take that truth to the world. Gospel Wives is for the world,” she adds.
Advice to couples planning to get married: Both Trina and JJ have learned a lot in the 19 years of marriage. They offer this advice to couples planning for marriage or looking to improve their marriages. Trina says, “I believe there is a way to understand love. God gave us love. 1 Corinthians gives the purpose of love and what it really means in God’s eyes. That’s the key to the survival of your marriage – Love and faith in God.” JJ also talked about the importance of showing affection in marriage. He says he and Trina openly show affection towards one another on a daily basis. He reveals, “Every day, my wife and I hug and show affection toward one another in front of our children. We want them to see how it’s supposed to be. We want our daughters to see how they should be treated and we want our son to see how he should treat a woman.” Both JJ and Trina agree that along with love, affection and commitment, there must be money. “I would say to the man, Get A JOB!” JJ says. He believes the major causes of divorce are infidelity and financial issues, so he feels it is imperative that the man has a job. He also believes couples should go into the marriage with some type of financial security. “Don’t go into a marriage if you’re both broke,” he says “Also, understand how to alleviate infidelity. People think that cheating happens because you see someone so beautiful that you can’t stay away. But I think a lot of that happens because we fail to do things that we can control,” he adds. Lastly, he admonishes couples to spend time with each other. Finally, Trina adds this piece of advice to women, “Be secure in you before submitting to someone else. Be settled in whatever decision you make.”
“
”
You have to learn to compromise and appreciate the gift.
Visit Trina’s blog at
www.gospelwives.com
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ot p S ot H OYA Restaurant 777 9th St NW Washington, DC 20001
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Restaurant Review by LaTonya Gibson
I
am often leery of restaurants that have become “the place to be.” In my experience, those restaurants are often all hype and no substance. The who’s who of society is there, but the service is . . . less than what one would expect. OYA is definitely the exception. It has received excellent reviews and is determined to maintain their status as “the place to be.” After dining there, I can truly understand why. OYA is a polished establishment truly suitable for celebrating some of life’s greatest events. The ambiance is intoxicating. Swathed in white marble and crystal, the entire establishment seems to glow. The luminosity of the restaurant is only enhanced by the flames that dance on crushed glass in the fireplace and the crystal chandeliers that hang throughout the establishment. It is easy to become entranced by the atmosphere as you relax into the moment. And relax you should. What’s to come next should be savored not rushed. The wait staff at OYA is superb. It is
not often that you experience such professionalism. My every need was immediately attended. We were even greeted by the restaurant’s manager. In the District of Columbia, it is not uncommon for an establishment of such grandeur to cater to the needs of political royalty. My experience has been that such establishments treat commoners as such. That was not the case at OYA. There I was as royal and important as the political elite. In DC, that is rare. Needless to say, I enjoyed every minute of it. The entire experience climaxed at the arrival of my dinner. It was plated beautifully. In fact, it was so beautiful I was concerned it would be more art than delicacy. With the first bite, I was entranced. It was absolutely perfect. Nothing overcooked. Nothing overseasoned. Everything arrived at the perfect temperature and every flavor simply danced on the tongue. The first bite convinced me to stop being a critic and enjoy the rest of my experience. I’m certainly glad I did because the best was
yet to come. It arrived in the form of banana bread pudding. I never gush over dessert; however, OYA’s banana bread pudding is a treat one simply has to have. YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT! Needless to say, my evening at OYA was one of the best evenings I’ve had. If you plan on having dinner there, I’d recommend a few things: 1. Make reservations 2. Arrive on time 3. You don’t know who you may bump into, so dress to impress 4. Celebrate something grand, even if you’re simply celebrating life 5. Order the banana bread pudding – ORDER IT! 6. Slow down 7. Enjoy
31 REWIND / June 2013
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“I DO” TOONS by Dominic Jordon
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