REWIND Magazine by Rewind Magazine

RESTORE, EMPOWER, WIN, IMPROVE, NOURISH AND DEVELOP MARRIAGE

Magazine JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2013

Magazine

FOOD FOR LOVERS

ARE CERTAIN FOODS APHRODISIACS?

What Is INTIMACY? IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH For Better or Worse

TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE?

EMBRACING

THE UNITY OF ONENESS IN MARRIAGE

ercize Your Marriage

MARRIED & STILL IN LOVE... Support REWIND BY SUBSCRIBING HERE: www.uniqdesign.org

REDEEMED INTERNATIONAL CHRISTIAN COLLEGE Where Great Learners Become Great Laborers

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

ISSUE 3 : JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2013 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley tamara@uniqdesign.org GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITORS LaTonya Gibson Monique Miskimon MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher

ENROLLING NOW!

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Gibson, Zelma Allen, Willie Miller, Jr., Terrance Hundley, Tamara Hundley and Marcus Brown GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES/MARKETING ASSOCIATE Rhonda McKinney FOUNDERS Terrance and Tamara Hundley

Advertising/Editorial/Business Offices to view online and support, visit:

www.rewindmarriage.com

For more information log onto www.ricconline.org or crlministries.com and click the RICC link 410-433-0426 ext 118

The Redeemed International Christian College 807 E. 43rd Street Baltimore, Maryland 21212 An afďŹ liate of The Church of the Redeemed of the Lord

LaTonya Gibson, Dean Dr. Jerome Stokes, Sr., President

Editorial Inquiries: Send inquiries to info@rewindmarriage.com (no phone calls please). The magazine is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. REWIND does not necessarily share the opinions of its authors. Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributor and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND. To subscribe visit www.rewindmarriage.com. Subscription Price: $15 per year. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission by REWIND is prohibited. Copyright 2013. Uniqdesign, LLC. All Rights Reserved. REWIND Magazine is a Uniqdesign Publication. REWIND (ISSN 2169-3102) is a free online publication. Subscription and fee required for printed copies.

CONTRIBUTORS

Willie G. Miller, Jr. Author, father, teacher and husband.

LaTonya Gibson is the Dean of the Redeemed International Christian College. She is an author, editor and freelance writer.

Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.

Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marria

Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers

Editor’s Corner

In this issue we interviewed a couple, happily married for 56 years and still going strong (page 26).We have been married for 16.5 years. Although we have a long way to go to reach 56 years, we celebrate the time God has blessed us to be together and have learned to love each other with or without things. We also learned, a long time ago, that having fun and simply laughing together brings healing to and strengthens a marriage. Yes, God is first in our lives and the center of our marriage. We study the word, seek Him in prayer, and we also have fun together. I emphasized the word fun because so many couples have forgotten what it’s like to simply have fun together. It’s natural to want to spend time with someone whose company you enjoy. If you’ve forgotten how to have fun, you’re probably seeking that enjoyment in other things and other people: hence, the reason many couples feel so divided. The Bible says, A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones (Proverbs 17:22[KJV]). Don’t allow your marriage to dry up. Seek the love, peace, and friendship you once had. Stand on God’s principles and do things together that you both enjoy. Remember, REWIND and have fun together. Become best friends again. You owe it to your marriage and your family.

Marcus Brown is a personal fitness trainer, husband, and father.

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Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2013

contents

features 10

SEXercise YOUR MARRIAGE The Benefits of A Healthy Marital Sex Life. BY TAMARA HUNDLEY

EMBRACING THE UNITY OF ONENESS IN MARRIAGE. Learning To Love Being One. BY TERRANCE HUNDLEY

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH For Better or Worse... BY JAMES PATTERSON

MARRIED & STILL IN LOVE 56 Plus Years BY TAMARA HUNDLEY

WHAT IS INTIMACY? A Rewind Survey. BY ROSALYN HALL

Support by SUBSCRIBING HERE: www.rewindmarriage.com

EDITORIAL SERVICES “Always Working For You”

editing copy editing proofreading manuscript layout

info@uniqdesign.org A Division of Uniqdesign, LLC.

ore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

contents JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2013

health/fitness

hot spots

14 / ARE CERTAIN FOODS APHRODISIACS? Fact or Fantasy? BY TAMARA

35 / GERTRUDE’S Baltimore, MD

HUNDLEY

16 / THE DIET ALERT Things To Consider Before Starting A Diet. BY MARCUS BROWN

movie review

Rewind’s Hot Spot Pick.

editorial 36 / A HERO’S REWARD Editorial

I “DO” Toon & Puzzle 38-39 / LAUGH & PLAY Enjoy our cartoon and relax while completing a puzzle. DOMINIC JORDON, Illustrator

BY WILLIE G. MILLER, JR. and Response by REWIND Editorial Staff.

23 TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE? BY ZELMA ALLEN

in every issue 04 EDITOR’S CORNER email us at info@rewindmarriage.com to post your reaction to this issue.

34 / THE VOW - A True Story

of Unwavering Love.

BY LATONYA GIBSON

finance

Marriage Matters

SEXercise

YOUR MARRIAGE

Just As Exercise Leads To Better Health, Having Sex With Your Spouse Has Many Health Benefits Consult your doctor before engaging in any physical activity.

10 REWIND 10 REWIND//January-February January-February2013 2013

Have you ever considered the benefits of a healthy sex life and what you’re depriving your marriage of if you’re more than able, but simply not engaging? According to the Mayo clinic, physical exercise has the ability to control weight, combat health conditions and diseases, improve mood, boost energy, promote better sleep and put the spark back in your sex life. Wow! Great benefits…But did you know that having an active sex life with your spouse has great benefits for your marriage and your physical well-being too? WebMD reports that sex releases oxytocin, a hormone that causes endorphins to increase, resulting in decreased pain. So if you’ve ever wondered why your headache goes away after sex – now you know. Additionally, it reports that regular sex in marriage leads to less stress, better

Marriage Matters

God Honors And Ordains Sex In Marriage

k in c a b ark p s e h put t ... e f i l x e your s

blood pressure, boosts immunity, burns calories, improves heart-health, boosts self-esteem, allows for deeper intimacy, aids prostate health, produces stronger pelvic muscles and causes you to sleep better. Anything offering this many benefits should be a top priority in our marriages.

Sex is not a bad word. On the contrary, God

honors it in the confines of marriage. The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other and should not deny each other except for a short season to devote time in prayer, then come together again (I Corinthians 7:5). When God created us, he made us sexual beings, not only for the purpose of having children, but it is His desire that we enjoy our spouses while engaging in the act. If not, He would not have created us in such an awesome, unique manner that our nervous system allows us to receive pleasure while having sex. I’m sure there are many who feel that emphasis shouldn’t be placed on the pleasure,

but I beg to differ. We should connect with our spouses mentally, physically and spiritually. Of course, we know that our spiritual connection is most important, for without God nothing else matters. So make sure your spiritual foundation is established, but don’t devalue the importance of the mental and physical connection in your marriage. God wants us to enjoy and take pleasure in engaging in sex with our spouses. Consider all the benefits.

No, sex isn’t everything in a marriage –

it is only part of it, but remember, it is a vitally important part. The enemy wants to destroy marriage and if you allow him, he will use the lack of sex to destroy your marriage and drive you away from one another. If you’re physically able, take steps to improve the sex life of your marriage. If it’s already great, then keep doing what you’re doing. Remember, God honors and ordains sex in marriage. - Tamara Hundley

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11 REWIND / January-February 2013

THE CHURCH OF THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD A Church Committed To The Word And Ways Of God

Dr. Jerome &

Lady Marsha Stokes

Join us for worship SUNDAYS Sunday School 8:30 a.m. Morning Worship 10:00 a.m. WEDNESDAYS Corporate Prayer Bible Study

THE CHURCH OF THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD 4321 Old York Road Baltimore, Maryland 21212 Phone: 410-433-0426 | Fax: 410-433-2444 website: www.crlministries.com view us live at: www.livestream.com Dr. Jerome Stokes, Pastor and Founder

12 REWIND / January-February 2013

6:00 p.m. 7:30 p.m.

Marriage Matters

Embracing

THE UNITY OF MARRIAGE

mbracing the unity of marriage is a lifetime decision – not a one-time choice. It is a decision couples must continue to make throughout the course of their marriages. It is not enough to embrace the idea of unity on the wedding day and think that’s all to it. As couples grow, life will present new challenges that will place a demand on them to decide again and again to embrace the unity of marriage. The decision must be based on and maintained upon the covenant of marriage established by God. When we embrace the covenant of marriage we concurrently embrace the unity of marriage or what I refer to as the “oneness factor”. The covenant is what gives the marriage validity. Without the covenant we have no sense of what marriage is. We must understand that God instituted marriage. He is the one who initiated the standard by which a man and woman could not only come together sexually, but also have a life-long, perfectly designed companionship. This union is both complementary and compatible. It was never meant to be competitive. God is an advocate for oneness. It is clearly seen throughout scripture. For example, in John 17:22 Jesus prayed for the oneness of those that the Father had given him. He said He had given the same glory to them that He had received from His father, so that they would be one. In 1 Corinthians 1:10-13, while in Ephesus, Paul writes to the

church at Corinth because of the numerous problems they were having – one of the most prevalent being disunity. Verse 10 says, “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” Additionally, Ephesians 4:3 admonishes us to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Although this appeal is directed toward the church, the principle can easily apply to the marital relationship. Throughout the Bible you will find several scriptures speaking of unity and its importance. The Lord desires that married couples apply that same commitment to unity in their relationships. Genesis 2:24 says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. Some believe the oneness factor will cause them to loose their individuality. They feel this way because they have limited themselves to a “me, myself, and I” agenda. This closed mindset, based on selfishness, will cause one to become distracted from understanding the

power of being one. The “oneness factor”, by no means is a loss of individuality. If anything, it enhances the qualities of each individual, causing them to be the best that they can be, in and for the marriage. This is what promotes the “we, us, and our” agenda in the marriage. No one is slighted, left out, or unfulfilled because each one is equally contributing what is necessary for the success of the union. A good example of this is a sports team. In order for the team to be successful and accomplish its desired goal it must learn to master the art of oneness. Each team member must train and condition him or herself to meet the expectations of the team – making it a stronger unit. Likewise, in a marriage, each individual must work at maintaining and embracing unity. This can be accomplished by taking the following steps: 1) Accept everything God has established regarding marriage. 2) Commit to one another. 3) Explore and learn each other. 4) Cultivate the marriage. 5) Celebrate each other. 6) Protect your covenant. - by Terrance Hundley

13 REWIND / January-February 2013

Health & Fitness

FOOD FOR ? y s a t n a F Fa c t o r

byTamara Hundley

A Are Certain Foods Aphrodisiacs?

14 REWIND / January - February 2013

s she sat in her living room enjoying rose flavored ice cream, Lauren explained what she felt… “To my delight the experience was climatic. The cream of the ice cream soothed my taste buds as the taste of roses danced on my palate. Finally, the pivotal moment came as the scent of roses wafted from the rear of my nasal passages resulting in a sensory overload of sheer delight.” Needless to say the “so called” aphrodisiac led to a night of romance for Lauren and her husband. At some point in your life I’m sure you’ve heard about foods that excite, arouse, and get you in the mood – foods that some call aphrodisiacs. Both men and women alike have claimed being aroused by something they’ve eaten. With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, many married couples may want to know whether indulging in these foods will ignite their date or just be a practice of utter futility? The term aphrodisiac is defined in Stedmans’s Medical Dictionary (25th edition, 1990) as a substance, which excites sexual desire. Although for many, the search for food aphrodisiacs

LOVERS correlates directly with pleasure, others seek them out to overcome issues with sexual performance and fertility. Whatever the reason, people link certain foods to sexual excitement. WHAT ARE THESE FOODS? Some of the most popular “so called” food aphrodisiacs are chocolate, hot chilies, vanilla, bananas, and yes, even garlic. Why these foods? Well it seems logical enough: Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, a stimulant that raises blood pressure and blood glucose levels, causing a feeling of well-being and contentment. Hot chilies have been known to raise the body temperature. The warm, sweet smell of vanilla seems to excite men. Bananas contain certain minerals said to enhance the male libido. And despite its aroma, even garlic has been known to aid in arousal. Although this all sounds exciting, according to the US Food and Drug Administration, to date, there is no scientific proof that foods are aphrodisiacs. Yet, people who eat certain foods insist that they act as stimuli for them. Some experts say perhaps it’s just the idea that causes the excitement or even the individual’s desire to be aroused playing a part in their excitement while ingesting these foods. So as you light the candles, throw Support by SUBSCRIBING HERE: www.rewindmarriage.com

out the rose petals and turn the music down softly…go ahead and throw a few chocolates and strawberries in the mix. There may be no scientific proof that they are aphrodisiacs, but don’t let that destroy your fun. Indulge and excite your palette – if nothing else. – Tamara Hundley Sources: Benedek, Thomas G. “Food as Aphrodisiacs and Anaphrodisiacs?.” The Cambridge World History of Food. http://www.eatsomethingsexy.com/wordpress/ aphrodisiac-foods/what-is-an-aphrodisiac-food/ http://www.gayot.com/cooking/ top10romanticfoods-aphrodisiacs/bananas.html

15 REWIND / January/February 2013

Health & Fitness

The DIET ALERT At the beginning of each year we often look for ways to shed the weight. As we search for plans of action, we quickly realize just how many “miracle” weight loss plans there are. So how will you know which one is right for you?

Before you start any nutritional program consider these key questions: • Does the program integrate physical activity? • Does the program account for personal preferences based on lifestyle and career? • How fast does the program encourage weight loss or muscle gain? • Does the program help change negative behaviors into positive behaviors? • What kind of professional support is provided? • What kind of maintenance program is provided? Consult your doctor before starting any diet or exercise program.

16 REWIND / January-February 2013

Health & Fitness

The first thing is to know what your goals for weight loss should be. You should be looking to lose body fat, gain muscle and improve your overall physical fitness. In order to accomplish these goals it is important to realize that there is NO miracle means to good nutritional practices. Yes, there are thousands of diets consisting of various food combinations and dieting angles. However, many of these trendy diets may be deficient in important macroand micronutrients. Most of these diets do not provide adequate nutrition and, therefore, are not meant for individuals who engage in fitness programs. Fad weight- loss diets can be too high in fat. They can also leave dieters in bad health having damaged their metabolism. Typically the weight lost while participating in fad dieting consists of water weight, fat and muscle mass. The loss of muscle mass creates serious problems because it reduces the body’s ability to burn calories. When the diet is over and individuals return to their normal eating habits, their bodies have a lower capacity to burn calories. As a result, they tend to gain more weight as body fat and can end up having a higher percentage of body fat even if they somehow manage not to return to (or supersede) their previous weight. As you enter this season of weight loss, be mindful of the dangers associated with the top four restrictive diets. They could do more harm than good.

Carbohydrate Restricted Diets

Most fad diets severely cut carbohydrates from their list of foods recommended for consumption. Not only does this drain your energy making it nearly impossible to exercise and gain muscle, but it can also harm your day to day performance. The fact is you need carbohydrates for your brain, muscles, heart, and other vital organs. The main fuel of the brain and nervous system is glucose, which is easily obtained from carbohydrates. If carbohydrates remain unavailable for several days the body attempts to conserve essential protein by producing an alternative fuel source known as Ketones. Ketones are made from the burning of fatty acids. As the breakdown continues, theses ketones build in the blood causing an abnormal condition called Ketosis. The initial weight loss is not fat but water, as the kidneys attempt to rid the body of excess ketones. Ketogenic diets make the blood more acidic, upsetting the body’s chemical balance and causing serious side effects like headaches, bad breath, dizziness, fatigue, and nausea. It is true that a large volume of weight will be lost as glycogen (stored carbohydrate) depletes in the muscles and liver, but the weight is from water loss. This will not help body composition or overall health. Individuals who are on a carbohydrate-restricted diet have lower energy levels and quickly experience fatigue during exercise. This means workouts will be shorter and of lower intensity thereby negating the goal of muscle development and improved physical fitness.

Protein-Restricted Diets

Any diet that drastically cuts protein should be considered unhealthy. We may not realize it, but our bodies are in a constant state of flux. Body protein is constantly being turned over as old cells die and are replaced by new cells. Science has proven 98 percent of the atoms in your body are replaced within one year. In three months, your body produces an entirely new skeleton. Every six weeks all the cells have been replaced in your liver. You have a new stomach lining every five days. Every month all of your skin is rejuvenated as dead cells are shed and the new cells which grow underneath

are revealed. The proteins in your muscles continually turn over as muscle is broken down and new tissue is synthesized. Every cell in your body is constantly being recycled. Where do all these new cells come from? These new cells come from the protein you consume everyday. Restriction in protein intake will result in protein degradation and muscle breakdown. As a result dieters experience muscle soreness, general fatigue and overall weakness.

Fat – Restricted Diets

Diets that notably cut fat intake are usually healthy. However, it’s unhealthy to drastically reduce levels of unsaturated fat. Fat acts as a carrier for the four fat-soluble vitamins (A, D, E, and K.) and it helps to cushion your kidneys, liver and nerves. Research has shown that an extremely limited intake of unsaturated fat can result in elevated cholesterol, a condition that can lead to a heart attack or stroke.

Calorie-Restricted Diets

Most diets involve limiting the number of calories consumed per day. Diets that severely limit calories make it unlikely that full vitamin and mineral replenishment will take place in the body. Be mindful that the body’s number-one priority is to obtain sufficient energy to carry on vital functions such as circulation, respiration and digestion. In the absence of adequate dietary carbohydrates, protein, and fat calories, the body will break down not only dietary protein, but protein in the blood, liver, pancreas, muscles, and other tissues in order to maintain vital organs and functions. Basically, without sufficient energy, the human body has the innate ability to break down muscle tissue for use as an energy source. The process is known as gluconeogenesis and is the production of glucose from non-carbohydrate sources. In addition, low-calorie programs cause side effects similar to ketogenic diets; however, with decreased calories medical consequences are more severe. Therefore, low-calorie diets should only be administered under careful medical supervision. I don’t recommend any plans

that contain fewer than 1,200 calories. Marcus Brown

17 REWIND / January-February 2013

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Miraculous Recoveries

IN SICKNESS

AND IN HEALTH

For Better or Worse...

James and Alberta Patterson’s story of love, endurance and faith

he all too familiar scene is set as the day for the marriage ceremony arrives and a woman prepares to be received by her husband. As she comes down the aisle, she cries tears of joy that her day has finally come. The husband is full of joy, great expectation, and is stunned by her beauty as she appears to float down the aisle toward him. Finally, she arrives at the altar and the ceremony begins. The minister has the couple recite the wedding vows. The couple is so overjoyed at the idea of giving themselves to each other, that one has to wonder if they are really listening to what they are saying. “For better or for worse”, “In sickness and in health.” Do they truly realize the weight of this vow or the demands of this promise? In that moment are they truly aware of the fact that they are swearing to never leave each other through every situation; good or bad. Are they cognizant of the assurance they are offering the other to stick by them if they grow ill, encounter sickness, or any incapacity? They are assuring the other that no matter what comes, they will stay with the other and love the other without condition. This is the institution of marriage ordained by God.

It’s the institution I entered 25 years ago when I married my best friend, Alberta. I met her when I was 15 years old. Shortly after we met, a series of events quickly taught me what it would mean to be with her and to support her through hard times. First her house burned down and three days later her father passed. All of this transpired the week before Christmas and immediately cast me in the role of supporter. Therefore, 34 years later when my wife began to battle what has turned out to be a year long illness that may have lifetime effects, I was unmoved. At the altar I assured her I would be there through everything. I vowed to remain by her side through continual hospitalization, incapacitation, nausea, severe pain, great weight loss, loss of sight, operations, recovery, rehabilitation, loss of mobility . . . everything. The woman I love is in constant pain, not mobile, and not able to do what she is used to doing. Initially, I questioned myself. Had I done something wrong to deserve this? Was I outside of God’s will? Had I fallen short in some area? But then, her illness became a divine moment in which I have the opportunity to be there for her like Christ was there for me – at the moment I needed Him the most. This is a moment in which I can 19 REWIND / January-February 2013

pour out my love towards her. It is a love that she says strengthens her and helps her to get through her valley of sickness. Now more than ever before, it is my job to let her know I still find her stunningly beautiful and she is still the only one for me. Yes, it’s a constant battle reassuring her that it’s going to be ok. But what she knows with certainty is I will always be there for her. Because she knows I love her, she also knows I am constantly praying for her, fighting for her well being, and that I am not going anywhere. Through this valley of sickness we are learning more and more about each other and how to love each other more. Love is one of the greatest emotions that God released from his spirit. His word even declares that without love we are nothing (I Corinthians 13:1). In fact, God loved us so much he gave his only begotten son so we may live. (John 3:16). Further, as spouses we must love each other just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. I didn’t think it was possible, but after 34 years of loving each other this sickness has caused our love for each other to increase. The word “intimacy” even has a greater meaning now. In sickness the long hugs, slow back rubs, foot massages, hair brushing, preparing of meals, gifts, and all those many kisses are not mere displays of desire. They are displays of love and methods of healing. Being a spouse and caregiver is challenging; however, early on I realized how vital it is for me to remain both balanced and full of faith. Yes, as her caregiver, I must deny myself often in order to direct my energy toward my wife. Simultaneously, I must make sure to take care of myself so I can be of some use to her. I did not master this immediately. There were moments when quite frankly I felt dead on my feet. Those days I walked around dazed. I was unable to focus and unable to connect. I’d worked myself to the bone and rendered myself useless. Quickly, I realized I had to find ways and opportunities to take breaks

and regroup through this process. When I do I am sharp and on top of things, a fact my wife appreciates greatly. Her concern that doctors would experiment on her in their attempt to identify the cause and source of her illness made it necessary that I be clear headed and able to ask poignant questions. If I wasn’t at my best she felt unsure in the care of the doctors. This truth only reemphasized to me the essentiality of taking care of both her and myself. As a husband I have to remain full of faith in order to stand in the gap spiritually and declare “My Lovely’s” complete healing. God gave us authority over each other’s body. That does not just pertain to the marriage bed, but in moments of sickness I have the authority to declare her healing and she mine. As such I give doubt no room to fester, but stay before the Lord in prayer. Fervently I call on His name and reflect on the miracles of healing He has performed in the past. The scriptures are full of examples of God’s healing power. I believe the Word of God to be absolute truth and, therefore, hold to what scripture says can and will happen. To this end I have seen her greatly improve over this last year of sickness. I have learned to lean completely on God while she leans on me. That’s the only way we are both still standing. Throughout this testing time in our lives I see even the more why I asked her to be my wife. She is constantly concerned about me. She has always taken care of our home and made sure that my daughter and I were well taken care of. Today is no different. Even in her illness she is concerned about not being able to cook, clean and carry out other wifely duties. She attempts to ensure that I am not doing too much. She is afraid that between ministry, working, and caring for her I would be wiped out. She has told me that her love for me makes it difficult to imagine me being overwhelmed because of her. Her desire to know I am alright ministers to me and helps me to persevere. I know she loves me and that brings the reassurance that always and forever, she is the only one for me. If you are faced with the sickness of a spouse remember: loving your spouse is a lifetime commitment and with God’s help, you can do it. Surround yourself with people who have faith like you. In times like this naysayers are draining and sap your vigor. Refuse to allow worry to replace your prayer time. Through prayer we renew our trust and belief that God will deliver. Remember to be sensitive to not just their health concerns, but their mental state. They are fragile and mentally strained. Maintain the outlook that it is going to get better, it is going to change. Know when to take breaks. They are essential. When you are tired you don’t respond properly, you’re irritable and you can risk damaging them with your words. Breaks give you a moment to decompress and regenerate. There will be times when you are tired and ready to give up. In those moments experience the power of release and allow the tears to flow. It will remove some of the pressure and help you go on a little further. Finally, remember loving God’s way requires a lifetime commitment. It is a commitment that is completely worth it because love is greater than any medicine a doctor could ever prescribe. - James Patterson

Had I done something wrong to deserve this? Was I outside of God’s will? Had I fallen short in some area?

20 REWIND / January-February 2013

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Finance

TO SHARE OR NOT TO SHARE A MARITAL DEBATE

by Zelma Allen Sharing is one of the most challenging aspects of marriage. It requires equal degrees of responsibility, commitment, trust and communication. Before a couple gets married, they should discuss how their household finances should be handled and how they plan on sharing their funds. The decision may come down to one of three primary options: joint accounts, separate accounts, or a combination of both. Each of these options has pros and cons.

of a joint account is that some may feel a loss of financial independence. Additionally, one spouse failing to inform the other of their account activity can result in overdrafts and bounced checks. Further, marital strain may result if one spouse is less financially responsible than the other, or if one spouse enters the marriage with student loans, credit cards, child support or other debt that must now be paid with joint funds.

JOINT ACCOUNTS One of the biggest advantages of a joint account is simplicity. Remove the fussiness associated with managing household finances by paying all bills from the same account. This method requires that the couple agree every bill belongs to the household regardless of who generated the bill. The pros of having a joint account are that this account requires the couple to work together as a team when managing the household finances. It adds a critical check-and balance system, encouraging couples to think twice before engaging in unplanned or impulsive spending. Neither spends without first consulting the other spouse making it much harder for one spouse to become financially irresponsible without the other knowing about it. The con

SEPARATE ACCOUNTS Couples need to remember to work as a team when dealing with their finances but, believe it or not, sometimes it makes absolutely no sense to have a joint account. If one spouse is unable to control his/her spending, having separate accounts reduces the risk of one spouseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s credit being negatively affected by the other. Additionally, if one spouse has premarital financial issues stemming from not paying their creditors on time, not paying them at all, or having IRS trouble having a separate bank account may make sense. In cases like this, having a separate account may be essential in keeping the peace. The pros of having a separate account include the opportunity for each spouse to retain their financial independence and maintain separate

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Finance

cont. from pg. 23

Just as it takes two to make a marriage successful, it takes two to establish a clear line of communication in financial planning. credit histories. It also will help to reduce arguments regarding how the household money is spent. The cons of having separate accounts include inefficiency. Simply put, they also make money management somewhat more complicated. Further, separate accounts demand less accountability when compared to joint accounts and does not help couples who have trouble spending less than what they earn. Some Christian financial advisors believe that separate accounts can signal deeper problems or lead to destructive patterns. They also feel that, within a marriage, having separate bank accounts are danger signals that unresolved trust issues are lingering or developing within the relationship. COMBINATION OF BOTH: Some couples will take a compromise approach that utilizes joint accounts for their household bills and separate accounts for personal spending purposes. This may provide the benefit of joint accounts and the independence of divided finances for the couple. If you want a healthy relationship establish a monthly budget. Couples who don’t have budgets tend to become defensive when the word is mentioned. However, a budget is an essential element in being a good steward of God’s money. Budgets assist couples as they figure out how much is needed to spend on necessities and in determining an amount each will receive every month for discretionary spending – which depends on how much money is available after all the bills are paid. Discretionary spending is money that does not have to be accounted for by the other spouse.

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Therefore, one person is not asking the other one for money every time a purchase is made. The budgeting process also provides the couple an opportunity to work together to figure out ways for the bills to get paid off. Although joint accounts are a matter of preference, God requires all of us to be good stewards over everything God has given us, including money. Everything belongs to God. See 1 Chronicles 29:1116; Luke 16:10-13; and 1 Corinthians 6:20. Finally, examining the pros and cons of all the options will help lay a strong financial foundation and ensure a couple is in agreement with all of their financial decisions. Once the decision is made, couples should agree to sit down and meet monthly to discuss their finances. This ensures everything remains out in the open. Couples should check with each other to make sure the bills are getting paid and that they are sticking to their savings goals. The meetings may be a little difficult, but try to approach them with an open mind. Remember, one person should not control the family finances because it may create serious problems in the relationship. A bond of uncompromising devotion creates a healthy atmosphere for togetherness: studying God’s Word, praying and managing God’s money wisely. Just as it takes two to make a marriage successful, it takes two to establish a clear line of communication in financial planning. It’s how we faithfully manage what He has given us that will determine whether He will give us greater things to manage.

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56 Years Love Later... STILL IN

Carl & Diane Scott

...A love that has stood the test of time CARL AND DIANE SCOTT MARRIED September 9, 1956 Six children, 17 grandchildren, and 10 great-grandchildren

by Terrance & Tamara Hundley

Q: How old were you when you married? A: Carl: I was 19 and Diane was 17. Q: How old are you now? A: Diane: I’m 74 Carl: I’m 75 Q: When and where did you meet? A: Diane: We met in high school. Carl: We actually grew up together. We went to the same elementary, junior high and senior high schools. It wasn’t until senior high school that we started noticing each other. Diane: My friend said to me “I know a guy who likes you.” Carl: I was dating her friend at the time. Diane: I believe it was our destiny. My dad died when I was five. After my mother remarried, my stepfather wasn’t really a father to me and my sister. We wanted a father like we had. My stepfather and my mother argued all the time and we could hear them. Later

on after I got saved, at about the age of 12, I began to pray. I loved to read and pray and I asked God, “Please don’t give me a husband like that.” Carl: Jokingly says, “And the Lord blessed her with me.” Diane: I believe that wholeheartedly. I didn’t want a husband that drank or smoked. When we became friends, he was a nice guy. He knew how to treat me and it was just a good relationship. We hit it off right away. Q: How long did you date before you married? A: Carl: We dated through the twelfth grade. We graduated from high school in June of 1956 and were married in September of the same year. Diane: I really wanted to be married and have a family. I prayed that night and I told the Devil, “I’ll show you how to raise a family”. That’s just how befuddled I was at home…to hear my mother crying. I was determined to have a better marriage.

Carl: We got married very young. Around the time that we married, there were a number of couples that we graduated with who were also getting married. Q: How long were you married before having your first child? A: Carl: We had our first child seven months into the marriage. Q: Did having a child that soon after marrying make it difficult for you? A: Carl: It made it difficult in that we were struggling during that time. We were both right out of high school. I had a job and got laid off. I went to draw unemployment…not knowing that there was nothing to draw from because I hadn’t worked – I was fresh out of school. We were actually struggling…had it not been for the couple we were renting a room from, a lot of times we wouldn’t have had anything to eat. I think that kind of bound us together a little bit more. We

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stayed with a minister and his wife. She worked at school and would bring food home from the cafeteria. That was what we had to eat most of the time. We had no income at all. Q: With that happening so soon, did you ever wonder if you all had made the right decision? A: Diane: No. Carl: No. That was the ironic part, especially being as young as we were. We never entertained that idea. We never said, “We shouldn’t have gotten married” or “I’m sorry we got married.” That never entered our minds. We had a lot of struggles, but they were never between us…they were struggles we had to confront and face together. Diane: We always stood on commitment. I didn’t know he was going to ask my mother if he could give me an engagement ring, but he did. I honored him for that. Carl: Nowadays, these young boys bypass that part of it. Back in our day that’s what you did – you went to the parents. I went to her mother because her father was deceased and her stepfather was not really… Her mother gave me her speech about us being very young, and of course Diane was already pregnant at the time. But she gave me her blessing. Q: You all had a good support system. There were people there for you. What advice would you give to struggling couples? Couples who may not have that type of support? A: Carl: They need to learn how to lean on each other instead of trying to find outside sources. What happens today, a lot of the young men will find other women or start drinking and bring all of those vices into the relationship. Couples need to lean on each other. Where I’m weak, she helps to strengthen me. Where she’s weak, I can help to strengthen her. Even though we were young and immature and probably didn’t even realize a lot

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25th Anniversary Vow Renewal of times what we were doing; leaning on each other was exactly what we were doing.We loved each other and we had made up our minds that we were going to remain committed. My mom and dad and her mom were strong influences in our lives. My mom always told me not to give up. I wanted to quit high school because I hated school, but she would always encourage me not to give up. That “don’t give up spirit” remained with me…even into my marriage. I never gave up. I never entertained the idea that we needed to give up on the marriage or I needed to go somewhere else…and it’s been 56 years. There has never been another women and Diane’s never been with another man…and it’s just the grace of God. Diane: Thank you Jesus! It’s also the result of prayer. Q: What would you say to married couples having a rough time or to those who feel like they don’t love their spouses anymore? A: Diane: Some people don’t even understand the word love – what it really is. When you say you love somebody, it ought to be unconditional. You have to love…period. You have to love beyond your trials and tribulations. Carl: It’s a matter of love and commitment. When you love

somebody, you commit yourself to that person. And the fact that both of us were raised in the church helped us a lot …because we always had the GodFactor. I wasn’t always saved, but the God-Factor was there. I hadn’t already accepted Christ in my life, because I didn’t really have a full understanding of it. I just knew that God was God and church was church…but that GodFactor helped us to know that we had to do what was right. Any alternative to that was wrong… to separate or divorce was not an option. Diane: Another thing that helped me…after we got engaged, I told Carl we had to sit down and talk. I tell young people, “I was 17, but I wasn’t dumb.” There were two things I wanted to be clear on. I told him that if for some reason things didn’t work and we split after we were married with children, that the children would go with me because I was their mom. He responded by saying no babe, the

Rewind Feature

children would have to go with him because he would be their dad. We said to each other, what we’re going to do is stay together. We made a commitment. The second question I asked is, “ You’re not going to ever hit me are you?” He said you don’t ever have to worry about anything like that. Carl: I don’t believe in that.

Whatever issue a husband and wife has between each other, must be resolved before they go to sleep at night.

Q. We know that marriage is about oneness, but the fact is so many couples struggle over becoming one financially. What advice would you give couples regarding this? A. Diane: I think it’s better for couples to put their money together, pay the bills and then allow a certain amount for both to spend on other things. Carl: It’s no question about it. I tell

couples all the time in pre-marital counseling that the Bible says you are no longer two, but you become one. If you’re one, you’re one in everything – not just some things, but everything. We have a lot of couples today, where the husband doesn’t know what the wife makes or the wife doesn’t know what the husband makes. She pays this and he pays that – this is an accident waiting to happen. I always recommend that couples combine their resources,

50th Anniversary Vow Renewal

whatever they are, and pay bills together. Q.: I’m sure, over the years, you’ve encountered many issues. How did you resolve conflict in your marriage? Diane: We never liked arguing. If it was something we had to talk about, we took it to a room and talked privately. Carl: Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. That’s always been one of our themes and we would never go to sleep at night, in 56 years, with any thing between us. Now sometimes we talked a long time…sometimes we started talking at night and when we finished talking the milkman was coming in the morning. Diane: But we always talked about things. Carl: It is unacceptable in a marriage for a couple to live in the same house, eat at the same table, sleep in the same bed and go weeks without talking. It just cannot be. Whatever issue a husband and wife have between them, must be resolved before they go to sleep at night. Diane: I always said I would not argue in front of my children and we didn’t. Carl: Our children will testify today that they’ve never seen us argue. Not that we haven’t had to resolve issues, but we never argued in front of our children. Q.: What kept your marriage fresh and alive over the years? Diane: I love my husband and I like to do for him. I love all of it. I love making my home a happy home for my family. I love loving my husband and that’s all I’ve always tried to do. Carl: This type of wife has almost moved off the scene. She learned a lot from her mom and my mom. My mom took care of my dad and he worked hard to take care of her and our family. She prepared his meals, washed his clothes, and prepared his dinner. That whole mentality is almost lost in young marriages today because they feel that

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50thWedding Anniversay

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independence. The new mentality is “you take care of yourself and I’ll take care of myself ”. Most families don’t even sit around the dinner table together anymore. When our children were growing up, we did things together as a family. We weren’t doing everything without them. We operated as a family. I did get a really good job eventually, but we found free things to do together as a family. Diane: All of our vacations were with our kids for the first 15 years, but we enjoyed each other and the family. Carl: The best advice I can give couples is to be a family. You should not be in a marriage where the wife is out running with the girls or the husband is out running with the guys. I never liked that. My commitment was to my wife and my family. Sure I had friends, but we didn’t do a whole lot of running around to the point that I was away from my wife all the time. Q: How has pastoring weighed on your marriage? Carl: We worked on our ministry together. It hasn’t been, “Oh, well I’m the pastor…” Whatever I do and whatever we do in ministry, we run it by each other and we pray about it. We lean on each other, even in ministry. Diane: I had to learn some things when he started in ministry. I had to understand what he was going through having to prepare messages. On Sunday mornings, that’s when you get your strongest attack from the enemy. I had to learn when and when not to bring certain things up. I might ask a question while he’s preparing to minister and I might not get his full attention or the response I want because he’s focusing on ministering. When he told me he was called to Pastor, I said whew! It took me three months to get to the point where I put my arms up and said Lord if it’s you, I know you’re going to work it out.

You have to do things together and be content. Like having dinners in front of the fireplace.

Q: What is the key to your success? Diane: Marriage is something that you have to work at. I love my husband and I know he loves me. Our life together is good, but we work at it. God only wants the very best for your marriage. We weren’t able to go out to dinner all the time, but together, we did things to make it good. I was okay Carl: Another thing that goes along with the commitment is trust. If I’m committed to her, but I don’t trust her, that’s going to be a problem. Without trust, every little thing that happens will be an issue. Your spouse will get a phone call and right away, if you don’t have trust, you will think it’s something going on. Or you’ll see a car outside your door and automatically think it’s someone messing around with your spouse. When that trust is there, I can go to work and I don’t have to worry about it. I can lay down and go to sleep at night and I don’t have to worry, because I know that I trust my wife. And, any incident that may have looked like it was out of order, couldn’t have been out of order because I know her, she knows me, and we trust each other. Over 56 years it has worked. I’ve never been unfaithful to her and she’s never been unfaithful to me. You’ve got to be committed and you’ve got to trust each other. Diane: You have to do things together and be content. Like having dinners in

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front of the fireplace. Carl: The romance is still here. You can’t let that romance die. The romance has to be there. Don’t let it become routine. Make each other feel good. Diane: I’m reading a paper now that talks about keeping the romance in your senior years. I’m learning now, even in my senior years about keeping the romance alive. Your never stop or let it become routine. Carl: Although we could write a book now, we still read and seek out information to keep romance alive. Q: How do you commit until death do you part? Carl: I always emphasize to couples that marriage is not be entered on a trial basis. You can’t enter marriage with the mindset that you’ll try it for a year and if it doesn’t work in a year, we’ll get divorced. I tell couples, you must be aware that you are making a lifetime commitment. Diane: Today, couples are looking for everything to be given to them. We had to work together to get where we are and working together helped bond us together. We didn’t need everything instantaneously. We worked together.

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Rewind Survey

What Is

INTIMACY?

A REWIND MARRIAGE Survey by Rosalyn Hall

JUST RELAXING TOGETHER Intimacy means different things to different people. Even dictionaries define it differently. One says it’s emotional warmth and closeness. Another says it’s close or warm friendship or understanding, and another says it’s phsysical and sexual attraction expressed between people. Perhaps intimacy is all these things.But what did the individuals we surveryed say?

In a quiet house with the candles and fireplace lit. Soft music playing in the background. Phones, tv and computers are off and the kids and dog are gone! Danielle Alford, Baltimore, MD

INTIMACY IS A BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSION OF LOVE demonstrated in many ways - in song, in poetry, in a simple gift, in a smile, in a prayer. Even well in a moment of silence; intimacy still speaks. Onyx Linthicum, Washington, DC

INTIMACY IS UNDEFINED It’s what makes two people happy. Some examples include going to a nice jazz show and washing your woman’s hair. David Harris, Baltimore, MD

REMEMBERING YOUR FIRST KISS. Samantha Lance Baltimore, MD

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YOU WILL PROBABLY FIND A DIFFERENCE OF OPINIONS BETWEEN YOUR MALES AND FEMALES ON THIS QUESTION

JUST BEING CLOSE Speaking without saying a word and really loving it! Carla Hall- Baltimore, MD

Men are physical . . . in most cases; intimacy for them will always tie to the physical. Women are environmental - emotional - mental. Our definition of intimacy will in most cases lean in this direction. One of our greatest sources of problems in marriages and relationships is caused by a lack of understanding in this arena. It’s by divine design so that we may fulfill the role / assignment created in us by God. The male’s physical nature is tied to his role to be the progenitor of human life. The females role of emotional - environmental - mental is to receive what the male provides, nourish it, and bring forth life. We are wired by God to be this way. Annette Cook - Baltimore, MD

DOING NOTHING TOGETHER! Rosalyn M. Hall - Cockeysville,MD

INTIMACY IS A TYPE OF CLOSENESS Most often Intimacy is focused on physical relationships; however, intimacy is the closeness of any relationship whether it’s your spiritual relationship, your relationship with a friend or your significant other. Intimacy is the forging of a bond. Whether spiritually or romantically, it is the showing of a level of affection or love. Harold Sample - Baltimore, MD

TAKING NICE WALKS IN THE PARK WHILE HOLDING HANDS Going to the Movies. Taking flowers to work. Making dinner. Writing a nice note. Exercising together. Massaging hands and feet. Listening to each other. Going to church together. Praying together. Watching your favorite show with your mate. Reading together. Thomas Allan Phillips, III Baltimore, MD

JUST BEING CLOSE SPEAKING WITHOUT SAYING A WORD AND REALLY LOVING IT! It’s becoming one with your spouse spiritually, mentally, and physically. Spiritually, we have to be on one accord. Mentally, we have to come to understand one another’s plans, visions and dreams. Physically, we have to have that hot fire time. Intimacy is simply becoming one in all three categories. Tanya Howard - Baltimore, MD

INTIMACY IS THE EFFORTLESS EXPRESSIONS OF ONE’S HEART TOWARDS ANOTHER Acts that are not obligations, but true expressions of love. Examples: Winking your eye or smiling at the one you love just because a thought of them made you happy. Laughing and having fun together.

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Relax and enjoy a movie with your spouse

THE VOW Life has a way of presenting us with unexpected challenges. Some of those challenges have the potential to unravel the very fabric of our lives. They leave us wondering if life will ever be the same and if “normalcy” can ever be recovered. The Vow attempts to recapture a moment when Leo and Paige, a couple married for only a brief time, are faced with a challenge that alters everything. Leo (Channing Tatum) and Paige (Rachel McAdams) are seriously in love and in sync. They have a connection that could only be broken by death. The validity of that statement is tested when, on a snowy night, Leo and Paige are involved in an accident in which Paige is thrown from the car and suffers a major head injury. This injury requires that the doctors keep her comatose until the swelling in her brain goes down. Every day Leo waits by Paige’s side for the moment when she will open her eyes and come back to him. When the day comes Leo is overjoyed. Unfortunately, the joy only lasts a few brief moments as Leo and the doctors soon realize Paige has no idea who Leo is. As if his wife’s memory loss isn’t enough, Paige’s estranged parents, Bill and Rita Thorton (Sam Neill and Jessica Lange), show up at the hospital and start running things. Under normal circumstances this would be an ideal situation. After all, Leo and Paige live the life of starving artists and do not have health insurance. Paige’s parents are wealthy and have the ability to cover her expenses. Further, Paige remembers her parents and the life she lived with them. She also remembers her old friends and her old flame. The problem is that Paige hasn’t spoken to her parents in five years, choosing to abandon their plan for her

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A Movie Review by LaTonya Gibson life and find her own path. She hasn’t spent time with her old friends finding they were much different from her. She broke up with her old flame to choose a life that would be much different from the one he would provide her. Leo knows this and he knows why Paige has made these decisions. Unfortunately, Paige has no idea. Her memory loss has erased it all. Paige’s parents choose to capitalize on the opportunity to get their daughter back. Instead of telling Paige about their past, they choose to keep it a secret and woo her back into their grip. When Leo and Paige married, he made a vow to fiercely love her in all of her forms – now and forever. He promised, no matter the challenges, they would always find a way back to each other. Paige’s decision to move back in with her parents and reconnect with the life she knew before Leo places him in a situation where he has to figure out how to remain true to his vow even though, in Paige’s mind, it’s a vow that no longer exists. Leo tries everything but eventually decides to do the one thing he feared the most . . . he lets go. As they go their separate ways, Leo points out that she found her way to true love once before and she’ll find her way there again. Leo was right. Eventually, Paige discovers the truth; the truth about her family, her friends, and herself. These truths lead her to make a series of decisions which steer her right back to Leo. Exercising great wisdom, Leo doesn’t try to revive the old relationship, but begins a completely new one with Paige. At the end of the movie the audience is informed that this is a true story and that though Paige never regained her memory The Vow was kept because Leo and Paige regained each other.

ot p S ot H

GERTURDE’S

10 Art Museum Drive Baltimore, MD 21218 It’s February and the cool crisp winter air is driving everyone indoors. However, there is one important Holiday that makes it necessary for us to venture out doors – Valentine’s Day. It’s time to plan that special rendezvous to express your genuine and complete love for the one who has filled your life with passion. Where should this monumental moment take place? Gertrude’s. Gertrude’s location alone makes it a fabulous choice for Valentine’s Day. Located inside the Baltimore Museum of Art, a date at Gertrude’s should always begin with a tour of one of the museum’s masterful exhibits. This brief walk through an exhibit will awaken the couple’s visual senses and prepare them to have their sense of taste engaged. Once seated, the couple will enjoy a delectable feast. The menu consists of small plates as low as $8 and “big plates” as high as $30. The cuisine is as much art as the paintings gracing the museum’s walls. Every dish is well prepared and served by a polished and professional wait staff. The glass wall that faces the sculpture garden heightens the romantic ambiance and gives the

couple an opportunity to share their ideas and engage in dialogue about the sculptures. With the sense of sight and taste fully engaged, the next sense to be employed is that of hearing. The restaurant always has the best music pumping through its system. The music becomes a meaningful part of the experience as it is set at the exact right level and consists of recognizable jazz classics. However, there is the chance it may be one of those special times when a live jazz trio is there to tickle your ears with their sound. Gertrude’s will do its part by awakening your senses of sight, taste, and hearing. The sense of touch is up to you. - LaTonya Gibson

Reservations 410.889.3399 HOURS OF OPERATION Monday Closed Tuesday 11:30 am - 9:00 pm Wednesday 11:30 am - 9:00 pm Thursday 11:30 am - 9:00 pm Friday 11:30 am - 9:00 pm Saturday 10:30 am - 9:00 pm Sunday 10:30 am - 8:00 pm

35 REWIND / January-February 2013

A HERo'S REWARD An Editorial by Willie G. Miller , Jr. Editorial Response by REWIND Editorial Staff

t has been said that a man will run into a burning house to save his wife. On the other hand, a woman will dial 911 and wait for emergency personnel to arrive. The thought of running into a burning house to save her husband is completely foreign to her. For many men, this is confusing and for some disheartening. Well, get a grip! That is just the way it is… Generally, a man envisions himself sticking out his chest and proclaiming his wife can believe in him to the degree of sacrificing his life for her. If there was a diagnosis for this, it would be the hero’s ego syndrome. For years, men have been programmed to bring the Hero’s ego into relationships. From childhood, men are programmed by the media, their parents and friends to be the hero that saves the woman and the day. You know, like the knight in shining armor. The one thing that men forget about is the hero’s reward. What is the Hero’s reward? Unfortunately, heroes are not

36 REWIND / January-February 2013

often revered. On the contrary they are more often forgotten, unappreciated, over worked, overlooked and (sadly) often alone. Not wanting anyone else to feel the load from life’s stresses, heroes isolate themselves in order to shield others from both burden and responsibility. Consequently, in a marriage the hero inadvertently causes a divide by not sharing the struggle with his wife. Therefore, if a man takes a Hero’s ego into his relationship, he must be prepared to receive the hero’s reward seclusion and depreciation. Throughout history, the attitude towards Heroes is largely negative. Generally, people love Heroes one day, but hate them the next. Jesus is the greatest example of a Hero. One day people hailed him and the next day they nailed him. In fact, Jesus Christ’s greatest act of heroism was allowing himself to die nailed to a cross. Of course, Jesus rose again with power, making Him the ultimate hero. Yes, we are to emulate Christ, but in marriage,

men don’t have the same option or guarantee of resurrection. Therefore, we cannot afford to be crucified by our wives because we want to be the Hero. We might find ourselves unable to resurrect the love and admiration we once received from them. Men often ponder over certain verses of scripture which prompt them to consider marriage as a real option. These scriptures seem admirable because they appeal to the hero’s ego and give credence to the mandate for a man to sacrifice himself for his wife and put her first (after God of course). For example:

Genesis 2:24, A man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Proverbs 18:22, He that finds a wife finds a good thing. Ephesians 5:25, Husbands love your wives and give yourselves for them as Christ gave himself for the church. Normally, Ephesians 5:25 is viewed as man’s mandate to sacrifice for his wife. Yes, I agree that a man should love his wife to the extent that he would give his life for her; but I also believe that a wife should be prepared to give her life for her husband. It is true, God loves the church and gave himself for the church, but God also has an expectation of the church. For example God is clear when He says we no longer belong to ourselves, but to Him (1 Corinthians 6:19). God also requires the church, “His Bride,” to present herself as a living and acceptable sacrifice to Him (Romans 12:1). Further, we cannot forget God’s expectation of the Church to put Him first. Should men have the same expectation of their wives as Christ has of the church? Should wives be expected to put their husbands first second only to God? I’m not suggesting that a man should be regarded as a god. What I’m saying is that if women want men to give themselves as Christ gave himself for the church, women need to be prepared to and should give themselves to the man just as the church gives itself to Christ. Times are changing! Yes, men are still willing to save the day by giving themselves for their wives. Generally, men who love their wives will sacrifice themselves for them. They are willing to die that their wives might live. However, they are not willing to sacrifice themselves to a life of loneliness and feelings of loneliness because they are revered as heroes who only serve their wives. Men don’t want to walk alone in their relationships. Men don’t want to be the forgotten Hero. Men are not looking for relationships where they receive no input or support from their wives. Men need intellectual, emotional and rational input from their wives. Men don’t want to be alone when making life decisions and charting the path for the future of their families. Yes, men still want to save the day and be admired, but not as a Hero who stands alone. Men are taking a different approach to relationships. Men are not just looking for companionship, they desire a partnership. Companionship can be provided by a group of friends

and oftentimes is received at group gatherings through fellowship. Companionship requires little likenesses and commonalities. On the other hand, partnership requires that people be involved in the same activity and collectively work together to achieve the same purpose. Partnership requires a couple to work together and in unison in order to achieve their collective dreams, missions, goals and visions. Each participant must have a vested interest when entering into a partnership leaving no room for either individual to be a hero; the couple is the Hero because they are ONE! They fight for each other just as vigorously as they fight for themselves. They preserve one another just like they would themselves. They rescue each other before they try to help anyone else. They are Heroes to one another. They do not fight for the preservation of the individual; rather they fight for the preservation of the couple, the strength of the couple, the happiness of the couple. Together they work to keep the couple alive. Both the husband and the wife become heroes as they earnestly seek to do what is best for the couple.

REWIND Editorial response: Ephesians 5:22 places the requirement on women to submit to their husbands. Ephesians 5:25 requires men to love their wives as Christ loved the church and willingly gave His life for it. The Bible never isolates the man as the sole example of sacrifice, but places responsibilty on both parties to give of themselves one to the other. If each party commits to doing things the way the Lord commands, neither party is forced to carry out the act of sacrifice alone. He’s not a hero, he’s a mere man. She’s got to realize that... and so does he. If you would like to join this conversation, send your comments to info@rewindmarriage.com

37 REWIND / January-February 2013

“I DO” TOONS by Dominic Jordon

You can see it really good with this magnifying glass

SAL THE PROP rs ago a 20 ye appily h and still today married

Lover’s

Word Find AFFECTION CANDY CARD CHARMED CHOCOLATES DESIRE DINNER ENDEARMENT JEWELRY LOVE ROMANCE ROSES SENTIMENTAL STRAWBERRIES SWEETHEART

38 REWIND / January-February 2013

www.visionsbiz-online.com info@visionsbiz-online.com

RMHMARKETING

THE MISSING PIECE TO “MAKING YOUR VISION A REALITY”

EVENT PLANNING, PUBLIC RELATIONS, ADVERTISING, PROMOTIONS, MEDIA BUYING...

410-499-3174 RMHMarketing@yahoo.com

Rosalyn M. Hall, Owner and CEO

Erika E. Cole, Esq. “The Church Attorney”

Providing Full Services to Churches & Ministries • • • • •

Legal Audits for Legal Church Compliance Tax-Exempt Applications for 501 (c) (3) Status Assistance with Church & Non-profit Start-up Training for Board of Trustees & Officers Review of Church Charter & Bylaws

Erika E. Cole, Esq.

Founder of Annual Church Compliance Conference

(410)

654-4300

www.ChurchAttorney.com

9433 Common Brook Road | Brookside Commons, Suite 208 | Owings Mills, MD 21117

Thursday, September 26, 2013

THE CHURCH COMPLIANCE CONFERENCE 2013

Erika E. Cole, Esq. “The Church Attorney” and Conference Host

Each year, the Church Compliance Conference provides fresh topics that address current issues and legal changes in the law for church compliance. You don’t want to miss it this year! If you are a Pastor, church administrator, trustee, or church leader, you must know the requirements for YOUR ministry to be in compliance with current laws.

The Law Offices of Erika E. Cole, LLC

9433 Common Brook Road, Suite 208 • Owings Mills, MD 21117 Website: www.churchattorney.com • Phone: 410-654-4300