REWIND Magazine Issue 2

RESTORE, EMPOWER, WIN, IMPROVE, NOURISH DEVELOPMarriage MARRIAGE Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish andAND Develop NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2012

GIFT IDEAS UNDER $100 MARRIAGE MATTERS

DE-STRESS FOR A PRESSURE-FREE HOLIDAY SEASON

SHATTERED

THERE IS HOPE AFTER AN AFFAIR

MISSIONS Stereotypes & Prejudices

BEATING THE COST OF CHRISTMAS SPEND WITHOUT GOING INTO THE RED

REACHING THE WORLD THROUGH MISSIONS AND MARRIAGE

ASSET OR LIABILITY

HAS THE MARITAL RELATIONSHIP BEEN REDUCED TO THIS?

UNEQUALLY YOKED

WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN? AN EDITORIAL

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REDEEMED INTERNATIONAL CHRISTIAN COLLEGE Where Great Learners Become Great Laborers

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

ISSUE 2 : NOVEMBER/DEC EMBER 2012 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley tamara@uniqdesign.org GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITORS LaTonya Gibson Monique Miskimon MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher

ENROLLING NOW!

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Gibson, Zelma Allen, Willie Miller, Jr., Terrance, Hundley, Tamara Hundley and Marcus Brown GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley PHOTOGRAPHER Vernon Crest ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES/MARKETING ASSOCIATES Kimberly Stokes Rhonda McKinney FOUNDERS Terrance and Tamara Hundley

For more information log onto www.ricconline.org or crlministries.com and click the RICC link 410-433-0426 ext 118

The Redeemed International Christian College 807 E. 43rd Street Baltimore, Maryland 21212 An afďŹ liate of The Church of the Redeemed of the Lord

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CONTRIBUTORS

Willie G. Miller, Jr. Author, father, teacher and husband.

Thank you to our supporters The first issue of REWIND had more than 4000 readers, including the digital and print publication. We have received numerous testimonies of how the magazine helped couples and individuals in their marriage and relationships, including this message from one of our readers: LaTonya Gibson is the Dean of the Redeemed International Christian College.

She is an author, editor and freelance writer.

Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.

Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.

Marcus Brown is a personal fitness trainer, husband, and father.

Terrance & Tamara Hundley

REWIND FEEDBACK

T

here were so many aspects of the first issue of REWIND Magazine that I enjoyed and could have responded to. However, the story that touched me the most was the story by Steve and Cordie Daniels entitled “He Said, She Said, but what Does GOD Say?” I really identified with the issues and problems they had in their marriage. While reading it, I would often say out loud “OMG! This is me and Duran (my husband)!” I read Steve’s words, “One of the greatest tools to use is self-evaluation” over and over. It helped me to realize that if I wanted my marriage to be better, than I first had to evaluate myself, and change things within me.

After reading the article, I realized that the issues we had been having, like dealing with in-laws, loosing our home, unexpectedly expanding our family, financial problems and issues with intimacy were not my husbands fault nor my fault – this is just life. I realized GOD allows us to go through all He does to make us better. In the words of Kirk Franklin “The Pain is Preparation For My Destiny.”

Steve and Cordie’s relationship is a perfect example of what it means to truly let go and let GOD. Although they may not know it, they have helped my marriage. It’s not quite what is should be, but thank God it’s not what it used to be! Keep the exciting, informative and relevant articles coming. You have a reader who can’t wait to turn the pages of REWIND! Excited about what’s to come, Ashley Salliey-Little

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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2012

contents

features

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

12

10

DE-STRESS For A Pressure-Free Holiday Season. BY TERRANCE HUNDLEY

12

SHATTERED There Is Hope After An Affair.

BY TAMARA HUDNLEY

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Asset or Liability

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m r. Jero Beating The Cost of DChristmas

Missions: Stereotypes & Prejudices Gift Ideas Under $100

REWIND EDITORIALS: Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributer and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND Magazine.

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contents

Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage

health/fitness 14-15 / CHANGING SEASONS Doesn’t Have To Mean Changing Sizes. Enjoy your holiday meals, but understand the content and eat healthy. BY MARCUS BROWN

recoveries 18 / ASSET OR LIABILITY Has The Marital Relationship Been Reduced To This?

BY LATONYA GIBSON

finance 53 / BEATING THE COST OF CHRISTMAS Spend without going into the red this Holiday season. BY ZELMA ALLEN

movie review

26

34 / UNCONDITIONAL - A family oriented

drama inspired by true events.

hot spots 35 / CADILLAC RANCH - Annapolis, MD

Rewind’s Hot Spot Pick.

Editorial 36 / UNEQUALLY YOKED - Editorial

BY WILLIE G. MILLER, JR. and Response by REWIND Editorial Staff.

I “DO” Toon & Puzzle 38-39 / LAUGH & PLAY Enjoy our cartoon and relax while completing our holiday crossword puzzle.

DOMINIC JORDON, illustrator

26 MISSIONS Stereotypes & Prejudices Reaching The World Through Missions and Marriage in every issue 04 EDITOR’S CORNER email us at info@uniqdesign.org to post your reaction to this issue.

Videos and Photos With Life

email: info@goallinemedia.com ofďŹ ce line: 443-686-9390

www.goallinemedia.com

Marriage Matters

DE-STRESS For A Pressure-Free Holiday Season

Focus on the most important things: • Life – Things may not be the way you want them, but be happy to be alive and celebrate that life.

• Family – Every family has issues, but during this season put issues and differences aside and focus on the positive aspects of your immediate and extended family.

• Friends – Reach out to your friends and embrace them. Sometimes the holidays are rough, but a simple smile or hug from a friend goes a long way.

Give yourself as a gift to your spouse: • Give your undivided attention to your spouse. This even means to turn off your cell phones. Don’t throw them “leftover” time. Invest quality time.

Don’t spend time together because when you spend, sometimes there’s no return. However, when you invest in something or someone of quality, there’s always a return.

• Say things to build your spouse up… on purpose. Talk about their special qualities…why you love them…what they mean to you…Don’t take the attitude, “I don’t have to say it, they already know it.” Remember, words have life. Speak life to the one you love.

• Appreciate and celebrate each other’s uniqueness. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Ps.139:14 (NIV).

M

any couples celebrate the holiday season by shopping, cooking and spending time with family and friends.

This is great, but unfortunately the holidays often bring negativity as well – including the stress couples experience because they are not able to do the things they want to do for each other or their families. Here are a few tips to help you destress the holidays.

Allow yourself to be happy Don’t get caught up in how mainstream society defines the holidays.

Even if you don’t have the finances you desire – be happy about life and love.

Happiness is not having what you want but wanting what you have - Schachtel, Rabbi H. Choose to be happy in whatever state you’re in right now and make the most of it together. - Terrance Hundley

10 REWIND / November-December 2012 Support by SUBSCRIBING HERE: www.uniqdesign.org

Realtors - Realists Multiple - Listing Certified Approval

Zelma Allen

Sales Consultant

S. LEE MARTIN & CO. Realtors - Realists Multiple Listings Certified Approval

ZELMA ALLEN Sales Consultant

Mobile: 443-791-3726 Office: 410-367-6500 Home: 410-323-1182

Mobile 443-791-3726 S. LEE Office 410-367-6500 Home MARTIN &410-323-1183 CO.

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Marriage Matters

THERE IS HOPE AFTER AN AFFAIR

by Tamara Hundley

Devastated, embarrassed, humiliated and heartbroken are just a few words that describe couples whose relationships have been challenged by extramarital affairs. The impact often leaves deep emotional scars and wounds that must be healed. Not to mention the unforgiveness and extreme bitterness that lingers as a result of the violation. In most instances where one of the partners in the marriage has had an affair, the relationship transitions from one of companionship to loneliness. The element of trust is ripped away and in a lot of instances, the self-esteem of the faithful partner is damaged. The mind often becomes a battlefield where thoughts of giving up on the marriage or fighting for it oppose each other. Many questions come to mind such as, who do I share this with or who do I confide in? Should I be vindictive or try to get even? Should I try to make my spouse feel what he/she has made me feel?

Where do I go for restoration? These questions and thoughts can become overwhelming to the point that the most important questions are overlooked. Questions like: What does God want me to do in this situation? How does God require me to respond and react? What does the Word of God say about my hurt, my unforgiveness and even my marriage?

Affairs Happen As many as 65 percent of men and 55 percent of women will have an extra-marital affair by the time they are forty, according to the Journal of Psychology and Christianity. A Christianity Today survey also found that 23 percent of 300 pastors who responded admitted to sexually inappropriate behavior with someone other than their wives while in ministry. Affairs happen to believers just as they do to non-believers, but there is hope

12 REWIND /November-December 2012

Marriage Matters

after the affair and separation and divorce is not your only alternative. Try reconciliation.

against God although we had no reason to. By the shedding of the blood of Christ; He forgave and continues to forgive us. We must, because His word commands us to, forgive as He has forgiven us. When we harbor unforgiveness we harbor sin.

Here are a few suggestions to help you move toward reconciliation: Regain the Trust – Proverbs 28:26, He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be kept safe (NLV). This verse warns us against trusting in our own judgment. Too often we allow our hearts to get involved in situations and we lose the ability to make sound, wise decisions. When you are hurting, distrust your own judgment and seek the godly and objective counsel of others, especially of God. We can really make a mess of things when we try to trust our own hearts.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Our own understanding is limited and subject to fail. We serve a God who knows all, sees all, understands all and cannot fail. We can trust Him to direct our paths, even after an affair. This is not to say that you have to roll over and take whatever is dished out in a marriage. It does mean that you don’t simply throw your marriage away, even in a situation that has shattered it into pieces.

Learn To Forgive – Ephesians 4:32 – Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. Being kind to one another is a demonstration of love and humility. If we are really striving to be like Christ, His forgiveness will cause us to be open and forgive others – even our spouses when they have hurt us in the most unfathomable way. Remember, we sinned

Consider Reconciliation – 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 – All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And He has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

We take responsibility when we seek reconciliation. The Bible says that Christ reconciled us to God (Romans 5:10; Colossians 1:20-21). The fact that we needed reconciliation means that our relationship with God was broken, even shattered. Since God is holy, we were to blame.

Our sin alienated us from Him. Likewise, if our marital relationship and bond is broken because of sin, we have hope for restoration. Just as God reconciled humanity back to himself through Jesus, we can seek reconciliation for our marriages through Jesus. If you are the one responsible for the sin, which caused the break in the relationship, repent and seek forgiveness and reconciliation. If you are the innocent party in the situation, use the word of God as your guide and seek counseling. Consider the bond and relationship that you once had and understand that through Christ, that bond can be restored and made stronger than ever. Remember, lean not on your own understanding or feelings, but allow God to direct your path.

13 REWIND / November-December 2012

Health & Fitness

Changing

SEASONS Doesn’t Have To Mean Changing Sizes

Garlic mashed potatoes Calories 157 Total fat 5g Saturated fat 1g Monounsaturated fat 2g Cholesterol trace Sodium 90 mg Total carbohydrate 24g Dietary fiber 2g Protein 2g

14 REWIND / November-December 2012

by Marcus Brown

I

t’s that time of year again. The season has changed and the holidays are just around the corner. This is the time we spend with family and friends. We sit, eat and enjoy meal after meal, often indulging in comfort foods packed with calories and fat we’d typically avoid. To further complicate matters, our standard exercise routines are usually abandoned.

According to the Gallup-Healthways report, Americans typically exercise more in the spring and summer and less in the fall and winter. In fact, frequent exercise usually drops to its lowest point in December of each year. As a result we usually carry more and more weight into each New Year, resolving repeatedly to lose it in the year to come.

Be determined that this year will be different.

Start by making the right food choices. At a typical Holiday meal you will encounter turkey, and a plethora of side items and desserts. There’s no need to avoid the family meal, simply make careful selections. For example, opt for the lower-fat white meat without the skin and eat small portions of the side items. For dessert choose a small slice of pie minus the crust. Pumpkin pie is a good choice because it is lower in fat and calories and also provides a good dose of Beta-carotene.

“Whatever you do, don’t stop exercising!” cont. from p.14

Additionally, when you have your own party, consider serving healthy choices.

The Mayo Clinic offers delicious and nutritious recipes that can make a delightful party. Simply log onto to www.mayoclinic.com and under health information locate the healthy living link. There you will find an extensive list of great recipes. The following suggestions are great for dinner parties: Herb-rubbed Turkey Calories 215 Total fat 39g Saturated fat 1g Monounsaturated fat 2g Cholesterol 122 mg Sodium 85mg Total carbohydrate 5g Dietary fiber 1g Protein 37g

Apple salad with figs and almonds Calories 95 Total fat 2g Saturated fat trace Monounsaturated fat 1g Cholesterol 0mg Sodium 35mg Total carbohydrate 17g Dietary fiber 3g Protein 2g

Warm chocolate soufflés Calories 184 Total fat 7g Saturated fat 2g Monounsaturated fat 3g Cholesterol 7mg Sodium 106mg Total carbohydrate 30g Dietary fiber 4g Protein 6g

Whole-grain buttermilk biscuits Calories 77 Total fat 3g Saturated fat 1g Monounsaturated fat 1g Cholesterol 7mg Sodium 165 mg Total carbohydrate 11mg Dietary fiber 1g Protein 3g

Jamaican Barbecued Pork Tenderloin 4pork tenderloin slices Calories 180 Total fat 6g Saturated fat 2g Monounsaturated 3g Cholesterol 75mg Sodium 508 mg Total carbohydrate 6g Dietary fiber 1g Protein 24g For dessert consider a few strawberries dipped in chocolate.

Gluten-free recipes can be found at www.Gluten-Freeclub.com There are over 600 Gluten-Free recipes.

For Diabetic recipes, go to www.Freshbegginning.com

Support by SUBSCRIBING HERE: www.uniqdesign.org 15 REWIND / November-December 2012

REWIND Publishers Terrance Hundley

Tamara Hundley

LAUNCH PARTY - SEPTEMBER 2012

R

16 REWIND / November-December 2012

Miraculous Recoveries

HAS THE MARITAL RELATIONSHIP BEEN REDUCED TO THIS?

H

aving it “all” is something most couples strive for. They want the house, car, children, and plenty of money for investments and vacations. This sounds like the American Dream; however, couples pursuing that dream, without proper balance, run the risk of diminishing each other’s humanity to nothing more than a mere equation - an asset or liability - removing all emotions and engaging in a mechanical relationship.

Curtis and Latoria, a couple with successful careers, found their relationship endangered by this risk. However, they have learned how to pursue the dream while maintaining the proper perspective of their marriage.

They met on the campus of the University of Virginia in 1992, became fast friends and married upon graduation. Their college friendship has nurtured a 15-year marriage. From college, Curtis went on to become a corporate lawyer and Latoria an investment banker. Holding powerful corporate positions, they embody the American dream of obtaining success and achieving personal goals. It seemed as if nothing could go wrong with this union. Because of their love for each other, they were bound to have as much personal success as they had

18 REWIND / November-December 2012

experienced in their individual careers.

Completely unconscious of anything being wrong, neither realized that behind the “picture perfect relationship” contention was rising. Bogged down in their careers, Curtis and Latoria had inadvertently entered a collision course. As an attorney, Curtis frequently works 12 to 13 hour days with clients who are often at the height of their frustration. In addition to long hours and high strung clients, his job requires Curtis to travel extensively. As an investment banker, Latoria has had to work as late as 2am. She points out that daily she is engaged in non-stop meetings and phone calls. “Half way through [the marriage] we realized this was more work than we thought.

Our careers and family issues demanded time. We had to ask

ourselves what we could do away with.

What is an asset? What is a liability?”

Latoria says as she describes the moment in banker’s terms.

The question of asset and liability was not just directed at their careers, but their marriage. Each of them had worked hard to achieve success. Marriage was supposed to be a reprieve from work and earlier on it was. They would exchange pleasantries, having no real time to discuss any mounting issues. However, the unsustainable nature of this reality became apparent during a vacation they took several years ago. “We finally had time to talk and found ourselves arguing the entire time,” Curtis says. Latoria adds, “We are on the beach and just verbally tearing into each other.

There, on that beach, we unleashed everything we’d held in over time. Neither of us realized that the other felt this way and it was simply overwhelming. There were tons of questions going on in my mind. For one I was trying to figure out how we got here.” Curtis points out, “I’m wondering if this idea of a happy marriage is a farce. Is it all just a pipe dream?” They left the beach with a lot to consider and with their marriage hanging in the balance.

He said: “I left that moment frustrated. I thought our marriage was a well oiled machine that needed no effort. Now I was faced with another ball in the air and I was wondering if marriage was going to be more work.

Was it going to be another thing I had to deal with in an already packed life? I thought our marriage was good, idealistic, wonderful, but in that moment I saw it as a task oriented journey that could even be described as laborious at times. Was that going to be an asset or a liability? Should I just quit and find an easier way? I finally came to the conclusion that a task oriented journey isn’t really a bad thing especially if it’s with a person you love. If I were willing to work for anything, I would work for this. At work, I helped negotiate compromises. I learned that compromise was not just necessary at work, but it was necessary at home, too. I came to the realization that the labor associated with marriage could be balanced by having learned each other and by loving each other for our differences.”

She said: “Great sacrifice is associated with every achievement. On that beach I realized that my marriage had been sacrificed for our jobs, our careers. I suddenly felt inadequate. Realizing that I was not as successful at home as I was at work was difficult

to accept. As a career woman you get caught up in presenting the idea that you have it all together.

In that moment, I came to the realization that it is impossible to have it all.

I am not perfect. It was an epiphanic moment in which I realized that though I want to be all things to all people I have to say no. That includes saying no to some church activities as well because while I was meeting the demands of work, I was also singing on the choir, and the praise team. There was not a church function I did not attend, but my marriage was suffering.”

Curtis and Latoria point out that their marriage drastically changed when they realized marriage is not an asset or a liability. It is not something that can be disposed of when it is no longer idealistic. Marriage takes effort and will not manage itself. Curtis and Latoria say after that day on the beach, they took some time to consider the fact that they are both rational individuals and should, therefore, consider the others’ grief. They decided to come back to the table and re-evaluate the problem instead of throwing away the marriage. In doing so, they each realized there were some things they needed to do differently if their marriage was going to succeed.

Curtis and Latoria realized that marriage takes effort and will not manage itself.

Here’s what they did and what they suggest that other couples try: 1. Create client free fun time. It is true that Curtis and Latoria married young and they are two very different people today than they were then, but the fun people they were when they married still exists. They just have to make time for fun, loving people they were.

2. Remember what initially drew you to the other person. Curtis and Latoria agree that though they both have great corporate responsibilities, and have to be much more serious than the two college kids that met at the University of Virginia, it was safe for those two college kids to come home to each other.

3. Refuse to become a casualty of the corporate war. At work Latoria is a leader and manager of a team. She points out

that at home she has to turn off Ms. Corporate America and turn on Latoria, the home version. In other words, at home she is not the boss and is perfectly fine with that.

4. Concentrate on what matters. Curtis and Latoria agree that mutual respect is the main priority. Further, they point out that knowing each other, always trumps the attempt to change each other.

Curtis points out that after all of this he and Latoria realized they had not trusted the other to handle their concerns. This was something for which each of them found it necessary to forgive the other. Latoria points out that, “Forgiveness is a decision, but forgetting is the hard part.” They say that getting to forgiveness requires that you daily choose to forget and never allow past issues into a new situation. Further, they identify the key to forgiveness as knowing each other.

“I know her, so I know she has no ill intent,” Curtis says. “Exactly,” Latoria adds, “I know him so I’m careful with him, we’re careful with each other. He’s not my dumping ground. He’s my friend.”

Curtis and Latoria are 15 years strong.

Together they are committed to making their marriage as successful as their blossoming careers.

19 REWIND / November-December 2012

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Finance

BEATING THE COST OF CHRISTMAS

by Zelma Allen

C

hristmas is a sacred celebration of Christ’s birth. It’s a season of peace, joy and good will. Unfortunately, Christmas can also be a strain in a number of areas; money being the most pressing. For many families worrying about how to pay for the celebration, which includes the purchase of food, toys, and gifts, has turned the idea ofChristmas into a stressful financial nightmare.

No longer focused on reducing their debt, many families find themselves increasing it because of the Christmas holiday. In fact, Statistics show that more than 30% of families will go into the red to pay for Christmas with credit cards, the most popular way of paying for gifts and toys. Those families that dipped into the red last year are still trying to repay what they borrowed.

Refuse to make the same mistake year in and year out. What mistake is that? If you are still paying for last Christmas as this Christmas approaches, then you have made a mistake. Instead of repeating it, learn from it. Make a vow not to do it again this year.

22 REWIND / November-December 2012

Christmas stress can make the season more of a burden than the joy that it is suppose to be.

Once you’ve made the vow, you will be tempted to break it. It’s easy to dismiss the consequences of overspending and banish them into the coming year; however, you must wake up to the reality that Christmas is only for one day. It is not worth months, years or even a lifetime of stress and debt. I understand, you don’t want your children and family members to go without presents, but the stress of increasing debt is not worth blowing an entire budget. Do you know the sad part about this? Some of the presents that you went into debt for are left unloved under the Christmas tree or even taken back to the stores the day after Christmas. Many of the toys will only be used for a short

period of time, only to be abandoned in a corner. Further, two weeks after Christmas no one really remembers what you bought them over the holidays. This proves that doing too much is simply wasteful. The memory is gone, the money is spent, but the debt lingers. Before the spree begins consider this and keep your vow.

Keep your vow by considering what God teaches about borrowing and lending. Proverbs 22:7 says, “The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender” In other words, those who live beyond their means end up enslaved to their creditors. Let that thought cause you to think twice before going into more debt with your credit cards. Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by

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Finance cont. from pg. 22

Jesus Christ.” Use this scripture to guide your purchases. Ask yourself if you really need an item before you buy it. If you answer yes, save up for it. When you have saved up enough for the purchase, buy it debt-free.

Keep your vow by being honest about your financial situation. This includes being honest with your children. Sit down with your children and let them know that your financial situation has changed.

Inform them that this Christmas may be different from those in the past, let them know that you may not have as much money to spend for presents. Show them your budget. Teach them to focus on the actual celebration of Christmas and minimize the importance of gifts. Teach them to select or create gifts that will be more

“ Christmas stress can make the season more of a burden than the joy that it is suppose to be. ”

1O TIPS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A VACUUM CLEANER IS HOOKED UP TO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT 1. Keep God as the center of your Christmas Celebrations.

2. Pray about what your priorities should be this Christmas. Ask God to show you what He values and what will be most meaningful for you.

Pursue only activities and purchases that align with those values.

3. Plan a Christmas budget and stick to it.

4. Set up a Christmas savings account for the Christmas holiday. You can start at the beginning of the year by saving $10 to $25 a week. Use the money to pay cash for your presents.

5. Start shopping early for your Christmas presents.

6. Make your own Christmas cards.

7. Limit your spending on adult presents.

8. Leave your credit cards at home.

appreciated than an abundance of senseless, short-lived gifts.

Remember that the holidays are supposed to be about God, family, love, peace and joy. How can you experience all of those things if you are constantly worried about paying off Christmas debt? Budget your money to live within your means.

Proverbs 21:20 says, “There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.” In other words, those who are wise and prudent will have the necessities of life, while the foolish spend all they have to acquire nonessential things for pleasure. Today many foolishly use easy credit, which often proves to be their undoing. God is pleased with those who wisely accept a lower standard of living rather than go into debt and live beyond their means.

24 REWIND / November-December 2012

9. Draw family names for selected gifts, rather than each family member giving to everyone.

10. Give the gift of service. There are families who will have nothing this year. Find fulfillment by giving to someone in real need.

I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound; everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Philippians 4:12-13 Be thou not one of them that strike hands or of them that are surties for debts. If thou hast nothing to pay, why should he take away thou bed from under thee?

Proverbs 22:26-27

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MISSIONS STEREOTYPES & PREJUDICES

As two oddities in a world full of stereotypes and prejudices, Karen Taylor and Troy McAdams stood out - Reaching the World Through Missions.

by LaTonya Gibson

T

o their friends, the lives they chose were plainly different. However, common ground set the foundation for this interracial relationship, and a friendship developed with a solid commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord of lords was preeminent in both their lives and this testimony gave light to the power of His blood. Karen met a brother in Troy, and he a sister. Through a common rock, a romance naturally developed as did clear vision for a joint future of international proportions.

Until his senior year at the University of California at San Diego, Mexico was as far as Troy had traveled. However, in 2008 Troy informed his roommate that he was making plans to move to China to answer the divine call to the life of a missionary. Little did he know that a separate, but similar vision for China was birthed within a young woman from Baltimore, Maryland that same year. Exactly 6 months later, Troy and Karen met on the west coast as they both entered the Concordia University at Irvine Master of Art in International Studies program. Karen entered as part of a co-op with the University of Maryland, College Park to complete a Master of Arts degree in International Business and pursue her Doctorate in the same. Troy entered to pursue his Master of Arts in Education. They entered two separate programs for a single purpose – get to China and begin the work of missions.

They met when they arrived on Concordia’s campus to prepare for a year abroad in China and their friendship blossomed from there. Both agree that coming to China was the best thing that ever happened to them. “Ever since starting afresh

photos: Crest Images

with China as our residence, we have been to every corner of the Globe, save Australia, bringing the good news of God’s Love for each and every one of us,” Troy says.

A

s if living in a foreign country wasn’t enough to overcome, Troy and Karen were faced with the additional obstacle of race, but it was an obstacle they quickly overcame. Troy explains, “Although we came from distinctly different backgrounds, the Lord has independently shaped our lives to meet at a specific time and in a specific university setting as we commonly sought higher purposes with a global vision.

To be honest, after Karen and I became acquainted with each other, the ‘race issue’ was dissolved. Sure, at first she saw me as a possible Klansmen; to me, she was the affirmative action African American. But, there was so much more. She was radiant on campus like a light that never loses its glow. Her smile was warming; her eyes were understanding; and the care with which she handled every person was positive and affective. A moment in her presence would empower a person

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to seek out their biggest dream. She was a motivator, a mover and a shaker, a woman with a can-do attitude. Her life spoke so loudly, that her race wasn’t an issue.”

The issue was resolved with them, but not necessarily with others. Karen recollects when Troy called Karen’s father to ask for permission to escort Karen from California to China. Karen and Troy were actively dating at this point and Troy thought it only right to inform Karen’s father that he would be with her in China. “They were talking,” Karen says, “and my father tells Troy that as black men they have to protect . . . I don’t know what my father said after that, but Troy pulled the phone away from his ear, covered it with his hand and mouthed to me, ‘Your father just called me black.’ My father assumed I was with a black man.

When I took the phone I said, ‘Dad, did you just call Troy black?’

My father told me he sounded black. When I informed my father that Troy was white, he said, ‘The Bible says we’re all one in God.’ And he just kept on talking like nothing ever happened.”

Unfortunately, everyone didn’t take the news of their relationship with such stride. Troy’s 80-year old German grandfather, who grew up in Tennessee, was not as receptive. Before Troy and Karen married he sat them down with a legal pad and four pages of notes. Each page was filled with reasons why Troy and Karen should not get married. Those reasons included things like blacks don’t support each other and whites are very different. It was his job to help them understand that it was just “wrong” for them to marry. The last thing he asked was, “Can you do more for Christ together than apart considering how people will not be likely to accept you if you are together?” Troy stopped his

grandfather by quoting Ephesians 2:18-20 which states, “For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father.

Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone.” This ended the conversation. There was no arguing with scripture.

Having overcome the first of many hurdles, Troy and Karen were married in China on 10.10.10 and in the States on January 29, 2011. The theme of their marriage was the Word of God with the key verses being Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 2:18-20. Out of that union TKM was formed. From the surface one would assume that TKM must stand for Troy & Karen McAdams, but a much deeper meaning is connected to their initials. The Kingdom Mission (TKM) was birthed in Shanghai through months of prayer, seeking, and discussing plans. The future was secure in Christ so TKM developed with the hope to Love Every ONE Anywhere as God so loved the world. TKM is committed to Missions and sponsors mission projects around the world.

On the missions field they’ve shared the love of God to countless souls. They’ve seen firsthand how His love can radically change anyone who believes. “We are overjoyed to see that our marriage has been for the better as we give our time and treasures to God’s work,” Karen says.

It’s the same love that has empowered Troy and Karen to manage their first two years as a married interracial couple living in a foreign land while engaging in on-going missionary activities.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 28 REWIND / November-December 2012

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However neither of them believes missions has put a strain on their marriage. In fact, they believe that it has provided them with a unique bonding opportunity. Like everyone else, their daily lives pull them in varying directions. Troy is a University professor and Karen is the Director of Science at an international school. Preparing for a missions trip gives them a common focus. They split the responsibilities of each trip.

Acquiring tickets and preparing the home so that they return to an orderly environment are Troy’s duties. Karen is responsible for organizing the logistics once they hit the ground of their destination and preparing the materials they use to do the work of missions. They split the teaching duties once they arrive. Troy points out that this process removes the intimidation of trying to do all of it alone, which was what he’d planned to do before he met Karen. Karen emphasizes that once they are on the plane, it’s just the two of them and they are in it together.

For the McAdams, mission trips occur every two months. Karen says, “It’s something we really look forward to. As we prepare for a trip we come together to fast and pray for the trip. This makes us closer. It knits us together in a way that most couples never have an opportunity to experience. The real blessing is that each of us holds missions as our first priority. No one is being pulled to do it. If one of us were not as committed as the other, this would be impossible.” When asked about how this may affect their family as they look at the possibility of having children, they point to other couples in Shanghai who they view as mentors. These mentors have blossoming families, but are still committed to the work. Karen points out, “I thank God for my husband who, as the head, has decided that our family creed will involve missions. Our family’s purpose is to engage in the work of missions. We will not abandon the work to have children, because we’ve been shown that we don’t have to.”

As a newlywed couple, life has shown its ups and downs. Often, communication styles and perspectives collide. When asked to describe Troy, Karen says, “Troy was introverted and reserved,

his eyes were set deep suggesting knowledge and complexity.

His personality was hidden from plain sight, but you could tell that he was wise beyond his apparent years and ridden with rich experience. White skin covered a story so deep that it would take many months to unfold [his] intricacies.” On the other hand, Karen is outspoken and opinionated. There were bound to be communication issues. However, Troy and Karen overcame them by committing to keeping God in every aspect of their relationship and participating in periodical check-ups with their Christian marriage counselor.

Through that counseling they were able to identify other potential stumbling blocks and address them early. Troy clarifies, “With different expectations, we must realize the root of why we think a certain way; Karen had expectations of a man to be everything her father was whereas I looked for a woman who could cook and clean like my mother. Realizing that we had these expectations, we were able to sort through the reality of our relationship and make decisions that would work for us.

Through dynamic discussion and challenging norms, we have set a course for our TKM family.” Spouses should take into account their expectations, the root of these expectations, and map a way unique to their own situation. “Making it work,” Karen continues, “has taken priority over living out others’ views into our marriage. We actively work to make it work. We connect with each other at specific times each day, we have dinner together every night, and we have two weekends a year where we go away together for each other. During those weekends we have no contact with the outside world. Cell phones are left at home.

It’s glorious.”

Lastly, a common culture makes ventures into a common future possible. Karen emphasizes, “While we are different in many ways, we share kingdom ideals, Christian culture, and hope for the future. With biblical foundations, this has been possible.”

TKM

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31 REWIND / November-December 2012

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33 REWIND / November-December 2012

A “Must See” for the entire family

T

he movie, Unconditional, is a family oriented drama inspired by true events. It challenges its audience to admit the degree to which perspectives can become biased and how that bias is often based on limited evidence. In the quest for truth those biases are challenged, yielding unexpected results and completely altering perspectives.

Samantha Crawford (Lynn Collins) has what seems to be a perfect life. She had a beautiful home, a strong marriage, and a budding career as an author and illustrator of children’s books. However, when her husband is murdered, she loses everything, including her will to create and her faith in humanity. It isn’t just his death that robs her of her hope and faith. It is how he dies that causes Samantha to feel abandoned by God as she hopes for nothing but death herself.

At the height of Samantha’s despair, she places a gun to head ready to end her life, instead of pulling the trigger she witnesses a hit and run.

Keisha (Gabriella Phillips), a young girl from the projects, is hit by a car.

The only witnesses are Samantha and Keisha’s brother, Macon (Kwesi Boakye). Her instinct to do good prompts Samantha to help Keisha and Macon. That help extends way beyond the accident and causes Samantha to become more and more involved in the lives of Keisha and Macon. She discovers that pain from their past has rendered Keisha mute and turned Malcolm into a con-artist. Samantha is not taken by Malcolm, but wins his trust. As a result, she encounters Joe Bradford (Michael Ealy), an old friend whom she hasn’t seen in 20 years.

Joe Bradford, affectionately referred to as Papa Joe by all of the neighborhood children, is a pillar in the community. Having lived through hard times himself, he is committed to helping children find their way.

It is his commitment that often puts him in peril as he loses sight of his own needs in order to ensure that the needs of others are met. He frequently rushes to get to his dialysis machine after spending a long day helping someone else. When he and Samantha reconnect, he sees a

woman in need of help. After hearing the stories of what has transpired in his life over the last twenty years, she sees a man who should be as broken as she is, but instead he has found strength in helping others by sharing the unconditional love of God. This unconditional love both challenges and empowers Samantha.

She transforms from a woman so hopeless that she considers taking her own life, to a woman determined to solve a case the police have given up on – her husband’s murder. But how will she respond when the evidence leads her to a face to face encounter? All of the evidence points to Keisha and Macon’s next door neighbor Billy Crawford (Diego Klattenhoff). With gun in hand, Samantha enters the home of Billy and finds one last piece of evidence. When He walks in she is ready to pull the trigger, but Billy insists there is more to the story than Samantha realizes. When he tells her his version of what happened the night of her husband’s murder, she realizes that her biases led her down the wrong path. In fact, the man in front of her is not a villain at all. He’s a soul won by the unconditional love of God shared with him by Samantha’s husband on the night he died. A profound and powerful movie, Unconditional is a must see. - Latonya Gibson

Find out more at www.unconditionalthemovie.com

34 REWIND /November-December 2012

Hot Spot

SPORTS, FOOD AND FUN It’s the middle of football season. Many men are wondering how to balance work family, romance and football. Wives are wondering how to get some real quality time with the men in their lives without appearing selfish. Why not have a sports themed date. Cadillac Ranch, All American Bar and Grill is a great choice for just that.

Like most sports bars, every wall is covered by a flat-screened television. Some are extra large, others are of medium size, but all are high definition ensuring that he won’t miss any of the action. While watching the game of your choice, the two of you can enjoy a delectable feast. The food

is spectacular and not too pricey ranging from $5 for a basic salad to $30 for a large steak. This is a sports bar, so expect the standard American fare. However, there are a few unexpected items on the menu that make this a standout establishment.

When I was there, I had the Black and Bleu Salmon Salad. The combination of flavors was remarkable and the salmon moist and well seasoned. Every bite made me smile. The wait staff was attentive, and polite making this a pleasurable experience overall. For some added fun, take a spin on the mechanical bull. If nothing else you’ll leave this date having shared an unforgettable moment.

Cadillac Ranch has two locations in Maryland: Annapolis and National Harbor. Both are surrounded by more shopping than anyone could want. Therefore after the game, enjoy a stroll together.

There may be an opportunity to pick up a few items that might cheer him up if his favorite team happens to lose. With this spot, you’re both sure to win.

- LaTonya Gibson

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35 REWIND /November-December 2012

UNEQUALLY YOKED An Editorial

by Willie G. Miller , Jr. Editorial Response

by REWIND Editorial Staff

P

rior to my first marriage, neither I nor my soon-to-be wife had acquired much by way of material possession. We were both young, inexperienced and broke.

Having little affected my definition of what it meant to be equally yoked. At that time, it meant my soon-to-be wife was saved just as I am saved, had like beliefs and convictions and attended the same church I attended.

Shortly after exchanging vows, I realized that my criterion for being equally yoked was very basic and, when dealing with the complexities of marriage, basic was not enough.

As I have evolved so has my definition of what it means to be equally yoked. This evolution also challenges certain belief systems. The first can be identified as the “fairy tale” belief. It is the idea that one day, like Cinderella, a Prince will rescue a woman. This belief emphasizes marrying someone who has the financial means/ assets to immediately change a life from difficult to magnificent. The second is the “concession” belief. It is the idea that despite glaring social and economic differences, two individuals could make it in a marriage. These individuals make concessions by choosing to overlook the other person’s earnings and earning potential. The one may make half the income of the other or have limited education. Persons who adopt the “concession” belief tend to believe they can fix the other person. For example, “concessionists” hold that somehow the person who’s earned a PhD can make his/her mate become his/her equal as long as they are both saved.

These beliefs are mistakes. Basic commonalities are not the most effective

36 REWIND / November-December 2012

means of determining if a person is qualified to be your mate. Just because he/ she speaks in tongues like you; pays tithes like you; gives offerings like you; or sings, dances and rejoices like you does not mean that he/she should be a lifetime mate or that you are equally yoked.

Paul admonishes in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17, Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?

And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

This setting of scripture provides the believer with God’s stance on His children yoking up with or marrying people who have views and beliefs that are different than those found in the household of faith.

Although rhetorical in nature, the questions that Apostle Paul asks are very direct and pointed. In short, Christians are to separate themselves from those who worship idols. Paul explains by simply stating that righteousness and unrighteousness have no fellowship. He reiterates his point by using the example of light and darkness. Light does not commune with darkness because it is impossible for light and darkness to occupy the same the space.

If God makes the point so clear that people need to share likenesses and commonalities in order to successfully dwell together, why isn’t that same position held when considering a mate?

Unfortunately, more research is put into buying a new automobile or choosing a college than into researching potential mates, the person with whom you and I will spend the rest of our lives.

Before you propose or respond to a proposal consider if you will be equally yoked with that person? Yes, you both attend church and believe in Jesus Christ, but what about the rest? How equal are you financially, socially, economically and physically?

Yes, you’re in love and he/she makes you feel good, but marriage is more than just feelings. Feelings exist with or without marriage.

Too often the struggle with feelings causes one to forget that marriage is really a business agreement between two people.

Instead it becomes an emotional drama filled decision. However, when it gets right down to it, it’s business. You’ve got to be able to ask yourself if this marriage is a good business agreement.

Unfortunately, most people do not realize it is business until they are heading towards divorce. In court, emotions are not considered as part of the settlement of assets. Instead the judge is concerned about real estate, investment accounts, retirement accounts, businesses, vehicles, etc.

Marriage is a spiritual and emotion connection that exemplifies one’s commitment to the other. That is true! However, we need to broaden our perspective. Marriage is and has been a legal and binding contract between two people where there is an exchange of vows and an open proclamation before friends and relatives of each person’s love and dedication one to the other. Additionally, there is one small detail that is often overlooked. Before marrying, the couple must obtain a license from their local circuit court. This license permits them to get married just as one would purchase a license that permits him/her to operate a business. Don’t get it twisted, it’s Business!

The basic criteria of being equally yoked might qualify another individual to be a good friend. However, when considering a person for marriage, we must employ a stricter definition of being equally yoked that considers broader aspects of a marriage and partnership. Marriage is not an easy decision and should not be based on one party meeting the basic criterion. Instead, consider it to be a

business decision which carries with it a different type of liability.

A slacker should consider marrying a slacker. A person of high ambitions should consider marrying a person of high ambitions.

A highly educated individual should consider marrying a person who has some formal education. A person who makes $100K per year should consider marrying someone making close to if not more than $100K per year. One who appreciates the finer things of life should marry someone who also appreciates the finer things of life. Choosing to ignore critical areas where the other person is not equal will, in the long run, destroy your relationship. Ignoring the truth does not make you any less unequally yoked.

While the REWIND Editorial staff agrees with some points in this editorial and believe that if read with an open mind there are some truths to be gleaned, there are several points on which we disagree and they are as follows: • 1 Timothy 5:8 - But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. Here the scripture makes it clear that the man is the provider and if he is not he is worse than an unbeliever.

Nowhere in scripture is a woman depicted as the provider. Yes, in todays economy both the husband and wife work to support the household, but the man has the biblical requirement to provide for his family.

• The editorial says, “Marriage is really a business agreement between two people.” From a Christian standpoint marriage is a covenant. While the business agreement description in this editorial has some validity, it minimizes the covenant relationship that not only exists between “two people” but also includes a vital third party – God. •A covenant is very different from a business agreement. In a business relationship, a breach of contract usually equates to the immediate dissolution of the legal relationship. On the contrary, when there is a breach in the covenant relationship the immediate response is resolution, not liquidation.

• We agree that there should be areas of commonality when it comes to education, earning ability and spirituality. We agree that you should not go into a marriage attempting to change someone or expecting to benefit from his or her hard work. However, we also agree that opposites attract and we must be careful not to disqualify quality people based solely on their perceived inadequacies.

If you would like to join this conversation, send your comments to info@uniqdesign.org

37 REWIND / November-December 2012

“I DO” TOONS by Dominic Jordon

© 2012

blah ah blah bl ah blah bl h blah bla

For crying out loud... Can i just watch the game.

And every man (woman) that striveth to the mastery is temperate in all things

even (1 Corinthians 9:25 KJV) in communication

Holiday Love Crossword

Across 4. a day of gratitude 5. what we fill with gifts on the fireplace Across 4. a day 9. preparing foodof gratitude 5. what we fill with gifts on the fireplace 10. expressions of love in boxes 9. preparing food expressions of love in boxes 11. they 10. enjoy toys 11. they enjoy toys 12. we hand these on these the Christmas tree 12. we hand on the Christmas tree Down Down the day before Christmas 1. the day1.before Christmas 2. who we spend the holidays with 2. who we the holidays with 3. spend a milky holiday drink 4. holiday populardrink item for Thanksgiving dinner 3. a milky 6. Who is Frosty?

4. popular Thanksgiving 7. item what for couples love to dodinner by the fire place Macy's big Thanksgiving celebration 6. Who is8.Frosty?

7. what couples love to do by the fire place 8. Macy’s big Thanksgiving celebration Answers in order: across: thanksgiving, stockings, cooking, gifts, children, bulbs down: Christmas eve, family, eggnog, turkey, snowman, snuggle, parade

38 REWIND / November-December 2012

Holiday Love

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Happy Holidays From the staff at REWIND Magazine

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