TCI Parent Magazine Spring 2018 by Turks & Caicos Parent Magazine

AN ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO WHAT PARENTS ARE TALKING ABOUT

Turks Caicos SPRING 2018 | Website :www.tciparents.com

Finding the

balance

Getting your groove back after baby

Potty Training Techniques AUTISM AWARENESS ........................

Keeping hope alive

Parents

FREE

Having a

Happy Birthday

without the party

Being a

single parent

Stress free Bedtime

Cover Photo 2018

Cover winner is Aaron Gangasingh 2nd & 3rd place goes to (L) Anjali Saunders and (R) Brooklyn L’heureux

Content PREGNANCY & BABY 8-9 Do away with Diaper

Rash

As parents we do everything in our power to avoid an uncomfortable and painful rash for our little ones, but realistically...

12 Dealing with daily mommy stress

The modern mom, whether working as a mom at home, or in the workforce, juggles many things. As a mother of three and a business owner, I feel as though..

15 Sleep time for baby

I have never been a “night owl.” I’ve always needed 8 hours of sleep. So when my water broke, my hospital bag was packed with the essentials, but I also had wellleafed copy of a well-known sleep training baby book...

LITTLE ONES 18-19 Make the most of your

maternity leave

Not because I don’t love my oneyear-old but because I want to escape him. … Rather than obsess over the nutritional content on his high chair tray.

22 Potty training techniques

For most parents, potty training proves to be a painstaking process that you don’t quite look forward to. However, it must be done. If you are lucky enough, you may not get the full brunt as some caregivers and pre-school administrators..

26-27 5 tips for a fun and stress-free bedtime

Nobody likes to be pulled away from what they’re doing without any kind of warning. For children this is

especially true.

TWEENS & TEENS 40-41 Is your child ready to stay home alone?

Children must have the skills and maturity to handle being on their own safely. There is no magical age that determines a child is ready to be home alone but kids who are ready show the following signs..

FAMILY LIVING 46 Travel tips for family trips

It’s vacation season. Parents everywhere are thinking about the complexities of getting everyone to their fun-filled destination safely and sanely. Whether you take a 2 hour plane trip or a 14 hour car ride, traveling with kids can be stressful..

editor’s note What Parents are Talking About PUBLISHER

Creative Designs EDITOR

Patrina Pierre A DVE R T I S I NG S A LE S

Kaya Fulford & Nidra Ganness tciparentsmag@gmail.com D E S I G N & PRO DU C T I ON

Creative Designs W R I T E R S & CONT R I B UTO RS

Chenice Peniston-Williams, Sarah Lyons, Yolande Robinson, Thea LoweGangasingh, Maxcia Rigby, Kerrie McLoughlin CO N TR I B U T I NG PHOTO GR AP H ERS

Attimi Photography and Eva Lakhani Turks & Caicos Parents Magazine is associate with Bermuda Parent Magazine but is published by Creative Designs every quarter. Readers correspondence, photo submissions and editorial submissions are welcome. We reserve the right to edit, reject or comment editorially on all material contributed. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without express written consent of the publisher. The opinions expressed by contributors or writers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this magazine. Distribution of this product does not constitute an endorsement of the products or services herein. CO N TAC T US

tciparentsmag@gmail.com Tel: 954-708-5299 www.tciparents.com facebook.com/TCIParents

New Beginnings

pring is the best time to celebrate new beginning. After all these islands (Turks & Caicos Islands) have been through with Hurricane Irma and Maria, new beginnings are on the horizon. As parents we are always looking for new and interesting things to do with our family, from places to visit to what’s for dinner. So many decisions we are faced with daily, but we get through them. As parents we can often feel isolated from our friends or even lonely. Becoming a parent brings great responsibilities and that transition brings many life changes. But as the saying goes we take lemons and make lemonade. This issue offers some wonderful tips on how we can continue to be better parents. Read “Dealing with mommy stress” pg12 and all about different types of “Potty training techniques” and how you can get help identifying them pg22. Follow us on Facebook, visit our website at www.tciparents. com or send us am email at tciparentmag@gmail.com. Don’t forget please share a copy with a friend.

Patrina Pierre Editor notes

www.tciparents.com

TCI Parents

Caleb Harvey

Ffion Cerys Prew

Joswin & Dan Joby Jose

Cceline Parker

Dena Grace Jose

Dillon Ryan Forbes

Jahniya Hutchinson

Joneil Leshawn Belzi

Kaliyah Simmons

Kiyanna Hamilton

Rishith & Tejas Gururaja

Laâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Naiyah Alcineus

Want to see your child featured here? Email a photo to tciparentmag@gmail.com Ethan Gangasingh

Samâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;aih Lightbourn

Robert Forbes & Kairo Ingham

Symphony-Aria Forbes

Mariely & Marileydi Martinez

Sanaya Ganglani

Tia Sarai Robinson

Jamell, Maya & Jacob Robinson

Shlok Ganglani

Zoe Diotte-Joly

Maya, Gabriel, Anjali & Michael Saunders

The Hope Foundation for Autism Awarenee TCI Inc.

pregnancy & baby

BY Sarah Lyons of Olathe, KS

Do away with Diaper

Rash

Chances are your baby will develop a diaper rash at least once before potty training is complete but with these tips, baby should be comfortable and rash free in no time.

s parents we do everything in our power to avoid an uncomfortable and painful rash for our little ones, but realistically, even the most diligent parent has to deal with diaper in the first few years of parenthood. Knowing the common culprits of diaper rash and how to treat it will help keep baby happy and rash free.

Common Culprits of Diaper Rash

Culprit # 1: Infrequent Diaper Changes We have the best intentions when it comes to changing our babies but sometimes things happen and that wet diaper stays on a little too long causing red, sore, irritated skin. Even the most absorbent diaper can allow wetness to touch the skin, which can leave baby’s bottom red and irritated.

Culprit # 2: Yeast Infection The diaper area is warm and moist, making it easy for bacterial infections, like yeast, to grow and flourish. Yeast passes through the child’s digestive system and eventually lands in the diaper next to the warm damp skin. This can result in a rash in the folds of the skin. (babycenter. com) Regular diaper creams won’t improve this type of rash. It’s best to speak to your doctor about treatment, which may include an antifungal cream.

Culprit # 3: Allergies or Sensitivities It is possible your baby is sensitive to the brand of diapers or wipes you are using. Your child could also have an allergy to a new food that is causing loose stools, which in turn cause added irritation and wetness in the diaper area.

With some trial and error you may be able to narrow down the cause of the rash and help your child’s rash improve greatly with a few small changes.

Treat and Prevent Diaper Rash Clean and Dry

Make sure baby is clean and dry before putting on a new diaper. Remember to pat baby dry rather than rub which will further irritate skin

Air Dry

Let baby go diaper free. When weather allows, spend some time outside sans diaper. The fresh air will help baby heal faster.

A Gentler Clean

Use mild, alcohol free wipes or try using a squirt bottle of water to gently clean baby.

Read the Label

Use a diaper cream with Zinc Oxide or Petroleum Jelly on the ingredient list. (www.webmd. com). Apply a protective layer of cream to help prevent future rash.

Go Green

Cloth diapers made with

natural fabrics are gentler than disposable diapers which may

contain chemicals that can irritate baby.

Try Homemade

Making homemade wipes or diaper cream allows you to decide what ingredients touch your baby’s skin and therefore avoid any harsh ingredients store bought products may contain.

Healthy Belly

Probiotics can help prevent yeast infections. Check with your pediatrician to see if he can recommend a probiotic that is safe for your child. “Some research has shown that consuming probiotics... can positively affect your child’s balance of bacteria.” (parents.com)

Try something new

Experiment with a new brand of diaper or wipes, change your cloth diaper detergent, make sure your baby has a proper fitting diaper, take note of any reactions to new foods, and remember every baby is different so what works for one child may not be a good fit for another child. Chances are your baby will develop a diaper rash at least once before potty training is complete but with these tips, baby should be comfortable and rash free in no time. www.tciparents.com

pregnancy & baby

BY Sarah Lyons

Budgeting after a baby

Sarah Lyons is a stay at home mom of six children, including two year old triplets. She has learned to cut costs and save money in a variety of ways over the years as they added to their family. Bringing home a new baby is an adjustment in many ways and financial priorities may have shifted in your family. In time, you will adjust to your new lifestyle and budget and you will feel comfortable with budgeting after baby.

Babies cost a lot of money!

Diapers, formula, clothes, and baby gear can take a huge chunk out of your monthly budget. Some families find that with the cost of child care or reducing to a single income makes the adjustment even more difficult than expected.

Here are some tips to cut down on spending.

Trimming Your Baby Budget Diapers

To save on diapers, consider switching to cloth. Modern cloth diapers are easy to use and come in cute designs. The initial cost is typically $10-20 per diaper, but

they can be reused for years. If cloth diapers arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t for your family, there are still ways to save money on disposable diapers. Check manufacturer websites for high dollar coupons and combine with store sales. Generic diapers are another great way to save and they are typically comparable to name brand.

Formula

Breastfeeding is not always an option for families for a variety of reasons and formula is pricey. Coupons and rebates are readily available from the manufacturer. Go to the manufacturer's website and sign up for additional coupons and have friends and family do the same. You can also ask your obstetrician and pediatrician for free formula samples.

Baby gear

Car seat, stroller, high chair, bouncer, swing and more. There sure is a lot of gear for someone so small and it seems each item costs $100, often more. It’s wise to buy a new car seat that meets current safety standards but all the other items can be purchased gently used and later sold again when your family no longer needs them.

Baby clothes

Babies grow fast! It doesn’t make sense to spend a lot on several cute baby outfits when your child outgrows them only a few weeks later. Consider buying gently used clothing and/or asking friends for hand me downs. If you want new items, buy less than you think you will need because they are used for only a short time.

Child care

To save money on childcare, you have to get creative. Ideas include having a family or friend watch the baby at a lower rate, trading babysitting with another family, or alternating shifts with your partner to reduce time in child care. Some companies offer flexible spending plans to pay for child care with pre-tax money.

Trimming Other Areas Wardrobe

The key to saving money

on adult clothing is to shop for versatile pieces that can be worn many different ways. A solid color top can be worn with jeans, slacks, or a skirt and paired with a scarf, necklace, jacket or worn alone for a variety of looks. Once you have your key pieces, only buy clothing when you really need them.

Food

There are several ways to cut costs in this area. Purchasing groceries with coupons, on sale, or generic brands can save money. Also, consider making items from scratch and eating out less to help trim your food budget. A quick google search will provide you with several $5 meals ideas.

Entertainment

Just because a new baby is in the house doesn’t mean that you have to stop enjoying entertainment but you might need to approach a night out in a new way. You do not have to go without movies, concerts, or area attractions but you should check deal sites to see if there are any options available to you. This will require planning ahead to make sure it fits into the budget and that you have childcare covered, if necessary. Also consider if items like cable or streaming subscriptions are necessary. Choose to pay for the entertainment you use and enjoy.

Reduce

Our homes are filled with items we rarely use. Consider selling these items to put extra cash in your hand that can be used for all those new baby expenses. Have a garage sale, utilize consignment sales, or sell

items in online marketplaces.

Trim expenses

Look at the family budget and evaluate where you can easily trim expenses. Do you belong to a gym, have club memberships, subscriptions, or other monthly bills that you do not use enough to justify the expense? Discuss with your partner whether some of these items can be cut to free up the money for other expenses.

DIY

A simple way to save money is to do things yourself. Cleaning and lawn services are nice but expensive. Taking care of it yourself is free. Instead of paying someone to repair or remodel things around the house, try it yourself first and save the money you would have spent on labor. PHOTO BY ATTIMI PHOTOGRAPHY

www.tciparents.com

pregnancy & baby

BY Yolande Robinson, B.Ed, M.Ed.

Dealing with daily

mommy stresses

he modern mom, whether working as a mom at home, or in the workforce, juggles many things. As a mother of three and a business owner, I feel as though I constantly have several tabs open in my brain and managing these tabs is essential to avoid the freezing or crashing of the ‘Robinson Home Management System’ or my company. Stress, whether positive or negative, is inevitable. No matter how organized we are, or how much we try and mitigate situations prior to them occurring, stress will always be a part of life. We cannot control this. What we do have control over is the way that we approach and deal with stress. We have many tools that we can have ready for use, as well as a few lifestyle choices that put us in a better position to deal with daily stresses. The foundation of a lowstress lifestyle involves 3 essential building blocks: diet, sleep and exercise. Take some time to evaluate your diet. Is it balanced? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you ensuring that you are getting exercise daily? No stress reduction program will be successful in the long term unless you have this solid foundation. Mindfulness is a topic that has been a growing trend in research and in popular media. What we know about mindfulness is that it is a bit part of the happiness equation. Individuals that are intentional 12

about being mindful, tend to be less consumed by daily stresses. Meditating daily or adding an active practice of gratitude to your morning routine can do wonders in guiding you to be present in each moment and helping you to see the ordinary magic that is occurring around you daily. The key to stress management is being able to identify your stressors and choose an approach to help you manage these stressors. Since stress is different for everyone, your approach must be personalized. Ask yourself what your stress indicators are. Some people begin to feel anxious, some get neck pain, headaches or backaches. Your symptoms will help you identify exactly what it is that is stressing you out. Once you identify your stressors, you can start to look at how to manage them. Identifying the cause of stress can help you reduce the number and impact of stressors in your life, and it can help you manage the stress that does occur. If you are having difficulty identifying your stressors, you can always create a stress log. Not only can a stress log help you identify your major stressors, but it can also help you identify trends in those stressors and

g i v e you clues as to the best way to manage your stress. Once you have identified your stressors, you must remind yourself that you have a choice in how you will approach it. You can choose from the three A’s • Alter the situation or your approach to it • Avoid the situation • Accept the situation Once you have chosen the A that is appropriate for the situation, having a plan can make a world of difference in your levels of stress. Additional tools that can help you manage during stressful times include: listening to music, having a sense of humor, soothing stretches, deep breathing, meditation and prayer. Remember, stress is inevitable. We have both positive and negative stressors that come into our lives daily and that need to be managed. Be intentional about your lifestyle choices and how you approach stress when it arises.

www.tciparents.com

BY Erin Field

Sleep time for baby Like any other first time expectant mother, approaching her last few weeks of pregnancy, I had a number of emotions and questions – how much would labour really hurt, would my son be healthy, would I be a good mom, and would I ever sleep again?

have never been a “night owl.” I’ve always needed 8 hours of sleep. So when my water broke, my hospital bag was packed with the essentials, but I also had well-leafed copy of a well-known sleep training baby book. I needed my son to sleep through the night stat! This book appealed to me because the author was the only person who had the courage to tell me (and my newborn) what to do every hour of every day even when to have a cup of tea! This sounded like sleep training for dummies! After the “joys” of labour, the rampant hormones, and the general shock of becoming a mom, really felt like a dummy needing to be told exactly what to do and when. The author’s advice and

proposed schedule worked like a charm for the first two weeks. However, my son didn’t want to play along and refused to fall asleep at the exact time that the book demanded. This threw the entire schedule and because I was relying on a book to care for my baby, I had no idea what to do next! I spent the next few weeks searching bleary-eyed through every possible book on sleep training. I was overwhelmed, confused, and above all else, exhausted! Then, like a fairy godmother, I met Linda Russell AKA the Sleep Lady. Based in Scotland, Linda works with families all over the to get their little ones sleeping through the night. Unlike a book, Linda really gets to know you and your baby.

pregnancy & baby She aims to understand your lifestyle and your nature. Linda firmly believes that babies shouldn’t be pushed into a schedule for the first six weeks they should be enjoyed! Young babies need to be held, comforted and given time to adjust to their new surroundings. After those initial six weeks Linda gently nudges your baby towards having a small degree of semblance to their days. She asked that I keep a journal to track the times my son would sleep, feed, etc. which I would email her every few days. This allows Linda to see what your baby naturally wants to do a blueprint from which she begins to design a schedule to fit your life and child. Linda starts with their feeding routine rather than their sleeping habits. She suggests aiming to feed your baby every two hours eventually stretching to three hours as your baby grows. Sleep time naturally then falls around these feeds. We continue this way, tweaking the schedule gently as the baby grows and requires less sleep and feedings. As a general rule of thumb, it takes four days to implement changes to your baby’s schedule so don’t despair. One of the most useful tips that Linda gave me was setting an evening routine right off the bat! I found that by implementing this one consistent routine, the baby gets to sense the time of day and how it is different from any other and helps them to differentiate between night and day (a challenge for babies and often the cause of sleepless nights). In addition to sleep advice, Linda assists with nursing concerns, baby reflux, weaning, potty training, and effective discipline. She is truly a wealth of knowledge on all things children. And for those concerned, Linda does not subscribe to the “cry it out method”. She is gentle and sensitive in her approach to babies and sleepy parents.

www.tciparents.com

pregnancy & baby

BY Chenice Peniston-Williams

Finding the balance

Getting your groove back after baby Having a child changes the dynamics of your life in more ways than you can imagine. It is therefore a must to replenish your cup. It can be physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or even financially daunting after having a baby and trying to restore balance to your life. Stella did it, so how do you get your groove back after having a baby?

Get active! Most women struggle with losing those extra pounds after having a baby. You avoid all contact with mirrors or any object that would project an image of the new you. Luckily, you can still bounce back and find fun and exciting ways to lose those extra pounds! You can start by taking a short morning or evening walk. In the event that you can’t get a sitter, you can always take baby along for the walk…put that stroller to use! Not yet ready to be outdoors? Enroll in a nearby but small gym, Zumba, yoga or dance class. You can also get more intimate by hiring a personal instructor. Even more convenient is the luxury that technology affords us. YouTube has a myriad of free workout channels that you can subscribe to and use to workout, all on your time. In no time, you will be well on your way 16

to fitting into that favourite pre-pregnancy jeans again!

Get social!

Most people tend to

abandon their social life or find their friend count getting lower and lower after having a baby. Inadvertently, sometimes with having a child, you are forced to change your social circle. Your friends without children may not always understand why you can’t hang out as you used to, or sometimes can’t hang out at all. However, that should not discourage you from having a social life. Being associated with people who understand what you are going through is a must. You may find yourself not even wanting to do the things you once enjoyed. Joining a mommy group is an alternative as you won’t have to worry about not fitting in or not being able to be out as late as others as you’d all be familiar with the intricate duties of being a mom. So next time you’re at the supermarket or out shopping and you get that smile and nod from a fellow mom, use it as an invite to make a new friend!

Talk, talk, talk! Ask any new mom and they’ll

definitely tell you how emotionally and mentally overwhelming this new role can be. This being said, moms need an outlet ever so often to vent and express how they feel and are impacted by this new role without fear of being judged. You can read all the manuals and blogs on parenting but there would still be days where you feel like you have the world on your shoulder. No, don’t think you are just complaining but keeping it in can be mentally, emotionally and

eventually physically exhausting. When you talk to others, it opens opportunities for you to also get help when needed, which in turn gives you that extra hour to do something for you to get back in the groove and feel alive.

Budget! A new addition to the family equates bigger expenses. Instead of getting that new dress you’ve been watching since your last pay check, you find yourself going to the Kids Store to get

something for the baby instead. Writing down your expenses and seeing where there may be some extra cash to be spent on yourself is important as we know there may be the unplanned expenses in caring for a baby. Include in your budget and schedule the time to go to the salon to get your hair and nails done to be paired with that new dress and heels to go out and feel vibrant and alive again. Before earning the title of ‘mommy’, you were a woman, so be sure to do what is necessary to feel sexy and always have and maintain your sass! www.tciparents.com

pregnancy& baby pregnancy

By Kerrie McLoughlin

Make the most of your Maternity Leave

Many moms will tell you they think working a full-time job is easier than being a full-time stay-at-home mom. As a guest blogger at ScaryMommy.com so eloquently put it, “I want to go back to work.

ot because I don’t love my one-year-old but because I want to escape him. Rather than obsess over the nutritional content on his high chair tray. Rather than watch the Wiggles for one more minute.” Allison Hahn, Psy.D. shares, “When you come back from the hospital beginning maternity leave initially it is an overwhelming experience in terms of how little you actually know, regardless of how informed you thought you were, about caring for a newborn.” She continues, “What can be particularly shocking for professional moms is how little they get done during a day. The typical thought is ‘I have the whole day at home for several weeks? I’ll get that re-fi completed, get the shed painted, write that novel and keep the house spotless.’ It is shocking to realize that you get NOTHING accomplished.” It’s important to realize you’re not alone. There are message boards, like Mothering.com, all over the Internet where you can find like-minded mamas who are going through what you are experiencing. Some are dreading going back to work while some are anxious to get back to the comfort zone of their full-time job. Some must go back to work for financial reasons while some gain most of their fulfillment from their work.

To get out of nonstop Baby Mode, hook up with your current mama pals or with new ones you meet through local activities calendars you can find online and in your local parenting magazine. If your sleep-deprived brain can’t figure out a place to go during cold weather with your baby, check out fast food restaurants with indoor play areas; community centers, churches, malls or gyms with set playtimes; or trade off meeting at a friend’s house. Of course we all know these playdates aren’t for your teeny new sidekick, but for you! Keep the diaper bag stocked at all times so you can bolt whenever you start feeling cooped up. Likewise, keep the stroller or sling in the car so you have one less thing to think about. Forging a routine might help when things seem out of control, especially if you have an older child at home during this time, as well. Jill Connors, pregnant mom of four, says, “It helped me to get out of the house every day, even if it was just to walk up the street with the baby in the stroller ,to treat myself to a fancy coffee.” It’s nice to be able to go to bed and know that every morning you’ll be waking up to a hot pot of coffee and a cup of yogurt with your favorite granola; that no matter what the baby does, you will still be able to enjoy these things!

You might also think about scheduling some time out of the house at the same time on the same day of the week EVERY week (even after you go back to work). I quickly discovered that multitasking comes in just as handy at home with a new baby as it does at work. Strap the baby to your chest in a safe sling or carrier and start folding laundry while you return a phone call. And when you’ve had just about enough puke, poop and pee for any sane person to handle, realize that it’s not forever. Alyssa Ast of TheWMParentingConnection. com says, “Although you may be going stir crazy to get out of the house while on maternity leave, enjoy every moment while you can because after you’re back at work you’ll be wishing you were at home with your baby.” Depending on your experience and your personality, at the end of your maternity leave you may be crying, “Get me out of here!” or you may be lamenting, “I don’t want to go back to work!” Either way, know that your child will be fine in the long run. Take a look around you at all the adults you know can you tell who had a stay-at-home mom and who had a working mom? Probably not, so don’t waste a second on guilt during one of the most special times of your life.

www.tciparents.com

little ones JANAE LEAH BELZI - RUNNER UP COVER CONTEST 21 2018 www.tciparents.com

little ones

BY Chenice Peniston-Williams

Potty training techniques The time is finally here when you are ready to make that move from pampers or pull-ups to the potty! But how do you get the toddler to give up the diaper and transition to the potty without it being a nightmare?

or most parents, potty training proves to be a painstaking process that you don’t quite look forward to. However, it must be done. If you are lucky enough, you may not get the full brunt as some caregivers and pre-school administrators take on this task and you are simply left to reinforce. If left with the task to potty train, these are a few non-traditional techniques that can be adopted. Firstly, do you have the tools needed to complete the task? Your first assignment would be purchasing a potty. When doing so, you would want something that is as close as possible to the toilet. You may even be lucky enough to get it with your child’s favourite cartoon character! It’s imperative that this potty is strategically positioned for use. From observation, you would note that corner or room the child goes to when doing number 1 or 2. This is your prime spot for setting up the potty. After doing this, you have a chit chat with your child about using the potty. This chit chat however must be fun and exciting! You must personify this potty for the child. You can visit your local library and not only obtain material for you on potty training, but be sure to visit the Children’s Section and get that story about a character potty training and read it to your child. Dramatize the story and be sure to show the pictures to the child as well so that they have a pictorial view of how to go about using their potty. As such, whenever the child wishes to use

the potty, when he or she gives the cue, you remember a tag from your story and use it to keep them motivated and excited about using the potty. When the child finishes using the potty, give them a high five or some form of affirmation that they are doing the right thing. Technology, YouTube in particular, is your best friend! When the child has screen time, be sure that they get to view any episode of their favourite show that teaches about hygiene and potty training. This may bring on more questions than anticipated, but it should nevertheless be considered. More so, train the child to ask or indicate when he or she needs to use the potty and guide them to use it. Additionally, assign days whereby the child does not use pampers or pull ups and get them in the habit of using the potty. By exercising these practices, you get your child in the habit of using the potty and before you know it, you’d be removing pampers and pull ups from your shopping list.

BY Chenice Peniston-Williams

Being a single parent

• Are you always tired? • Do you feel overwhelmed at times by all the responsibilities with caring for your child? • Feel like you’re alone on this journey made for 2 persons? • Your social life has seemingly come to screeching halt?

f you’ve answered YES to any of these questions, you must be a parent, but more so, a single parent. It’s the part of pregnancy that no one really plans for. But what do you do when the inevitable occurs? Being a single parent, a much stereotyped role in our society, can be a result of many factors. Sometimes it simply happen whereby the relationship ended and you have no control over the situation, a partner dies or the more modern trend where the decision is made to simply raise a child alone. Despite how it may happen, single parents still experience the joys and challenges as any other parent. But is the role of a single parent really that different from that of the nuclear family? Some may agree while others may disagree. However, being a single parent, most times, you find yourself having to undertake all the responsibilities that come with caring for a child, ALONE! It may seem that with your schedule and every decision that you make, the child is at the centre. Whereas with both parents present, you can roster Parent Teacher Meetings or co-curricular activity schedules. As a single parent, however, you are now propelled into being Super Mom to carry out all these tasks. There may be days when it will definitely be overwhelming, but take heart that your child is appreciative of

your efforts to be there. Imagine after a long day at work, there is someone eagerly awaiting your arrival and ready to show you off to everyone present at school or play. Or that hour you spend watching your child train or participate in an activity that they enjoy, they grow to remember you being ever present for it all. No doubt you go through the challenges alone, but you are also awarded full credit for their successes and achievements, something that far outweighs these challenges. What about those days where you feel like you can’t do it and you are falling apart? Take a break! You deserve it! One of the major challenges with being a single parent is that you are always on the go and as such, may feel burnt out quickly or you are always fatigued. Therefore, it’s quite important to have a strong support system. Never pass up the opportunity, whether it is from that close friend

or family member you can trust and rely on to care for your child, so that you can have a moment, sometimes to simply breathe or catch up on some much needed sleep. Everyone is unique and will have different coping mechanisms. As such, it’s important to ensure that you are well taken care of so that you can care for your child in the best possible way. So next time you feel like giving up, or that the duties of a single parent may be too much, check off the ‘to do’ list.

TO DO LIST - STOP! - Take a deep breath! - Hire a caregiver for the day or a few hours. - Go watch a movie, head to the spa, beach or just do something for you. - Take a short ‘mommy-cation’! - Take a trip without the children. - Remember, you got this!!

www.tciparents.com

little ones

BY Sarah Lyons

Have a Happy Birthday without the Party

Budget friendly birthday ideas that make your child feel special The day your child was born is a day to celebrate and make them feel special. Birthday parties are fun but they can be a lot of work and the costs can quickly add up. If you decide to skip the birthday party, it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate big. Here are some ideas to make sure your child’s birthday is special.

Create anticipation As the birthday approaches, build

anticipation by talking about it and planning what the day will hold. You can create a special countdown by making a paper chain and tearing off one chain per day or even just counting down the number of days on a chalkboard in your home. Explain that although there will not be a big birthday party this year, there will still be a lot of fun things planned.

Make the cake A great way to save money on a birthday celebration is to make the cake yourself. Choose flavors and colors or themes your child loves and get siblings involved in the preparation. Kids typically don’t care about whether the cake is perfectly decorated, they are happy with a cake that is made just for them.

Balloon avalanche When your child goes to sleep the night before their birthday, decorate the house with balloons or birthday decor. Try taping a disposable tablecloth to the outside of the door jam and fill the space between with balloons. When your child opens the door, they will be greeted with a balloon avalanche that is sure to put a big smile on their face.

Kid’s choice When you are planning the day, consider your child’s favorites. Plan the day’s meals around your child’s

favorite foods. Choose things that you typically do not serve to make the day more special. If you will go on an outing or if you will be dining out, let the child choose the location.

Document the day Create a list of questions to ask your child on their birthday such as “Who is your best friend?” or list TV shows, songs, foods, etc. Record the answers in a safe place and repeat each year. It’s fun to look back and see how your child has changed and matured over the years.

Tell their story Kids love to hear stories about the

day they were born, the cute things they did as a baby, or how you prepared for their arrival. Spend part of the day telling favorite stories about your child, they are sure to love it.

Have out others reach Ask friends and family to wish your child a happy birthday with calls, texts, messages, or cards. Consider talking to family members via Skype. This will help your child know that others are celebrating them even if you aren’t hosting a big birthday party this year. As parents, we often feel like we have to spend a lot to make our child’s birthday special when this is truly not the case. With a little extra planning, your child’s day can be just as special as any expensive party.

More big ways to celebrate without a party - Go to the movies - Visit amusement park - Have dinner out at a favorite spot - Go bowling - Take a day trip to a neighboring town - Attend a sporting event - Be a tourist for the day in your hometown, visiting the zoo or other local attractions - Let your child pick a place they would like to visit

www.tciparents.com

little ones

By Dana Obleman

tips for a fun and stress-free bedtime

It’s been one of those days—and despite your best efforts, it’s an hour past your children’s bedtime and you’re still trying to get them into their pajamas. Half an hour later, you’re still trying to get the kids into bed but they’re busy goofing around instead of brushing their teeth. Gaagh! The next thing you know, you’re raising your voice and snapping at them to “get to bed NOW or else!” and your last few minutes of family time are filled with unnecessary strife that leaves you frazzled and feeling like a less-than-stellar parent. The good news is, bedtime doesn’t have to be a struggle. Here are five tips to get the stress out of your evening routine and end your time with the kids on a high note.

Give a five-minute warning

Nobody likes to be pulled away from what they’re doing without any kind of warning. For children this is especially true. They thrive on structure and routine to give them a sense of security and awareness of their own boundaries. If you give them a warning letting them know that in five minutes, they’ve got to put away their toys or turn off the TV or computer and go brush their teeth, you’ll get a lot less resistance when those five minutes are up.

Create a regular bedtime routine Children thrive on a bedtime routine that lets them know what’s coming so they never feel caught off guard. A warm bath, a couple of stories, maybe a glass of warm milk all these activities help the body and brain transition more easily from day to night and create a sense of calm expectation that allows sleep to come more easily.

...in order for the timer to be effective it has to be the law which means you have to obey it as much as the kids do.

A good time frame for a bedtime routine is 20-30 minutes in length.

A timer is your friend

When you’re busy having fun, five minutes can seem like an eye blink. No wonder kids get upset when you tell them playtime is over! A timer is a great way to help your kids feel like they have more control over the situation and defuse the power struggle. After all, it’s not YOU who are saying it’s time to put the toys away it’s the timer. Of course, in order for the timer to be effective it has to be the law which means you have to obey it as much as the kids do.

Set a story limit and stick to it

“Just one more, Mommy!” How many times have you caved in to that request? The problem with caving is that your children will expect you to do it every time. And on the nights when you don’t give in, they won’t understand why you’re not playing according to the established pattern and this can make them feel confused and upset. That’s why it’s good to choose a specific number of books (our family limit is two) and then always read THAT number and no more. It creates a sense of expectation and security that will help your children fall asleep more easily.

Follow through with consequences

If your kids have never followed a bedtime routine, you may experience some resistance when you try to introduce one. If your kids complain, act out, or ignore you, the best thing to do to remain calm and consistent and let them know exactly what the consequences will be if they refuse to do what you ask. Then you absolutely have to follow through on those consequences. For example, if you have to ask your kids three times to stop playing their video game and go brush their teeth and they just ignore you, there should be some sort of meaningful consequence for that. Maybe it means you won’t read them a story because there isn’t time for one. Of course you will all be sad to miss out on story time that night, but you can be sure they will listen to you the next time you tell them to brush their teeth!

It only takes a few nights to make bedtime a dream Imagine spending quality family time with your kids each day before putting them to bed at an hour that gives them all the healthy sleep they need. Then imagine how wonderful it will be to follow up that great experience with a few hours of “you” time each night! Sound like a dream? It doesn’t have to be. Just follow the tips outlined above and in a few days you’ll be amazed at how much easier and more fun your children’s bedtime will be. www.tciparents.com

pregnancy little ones

BY Yolande Robinson, B.Ed, M.Ed.

Three T’s to promote

Language Development Watching children develop their language skills is an extraordinary thing. Watching a baby transition from cries, to gestures and calculated eye contact, to grunts, to sounds that sound a little like words, to words is fascinating. So how does a baby move from babbles and almost words to conversation? Does this happen at nursery, at pre-school? This, like everything in education, begins in the home with the child’s parents and caregivers.

child’s ability to become a little conversationalist does not come out of the blue. We often think that children are born with certain abilities. I challenge you to think about a seed. A seed has certain potential. However, if it is not exposed to the right conditions and given the right amount of care, it will never be able to reach its potential. Children are much like seeds. If they are not nurtured, and given the right amount of nourishment and care, they will not reach their potential. Language development involves a lot of nurturing. We often get as much out of language development as we put into it. Children who develop their vocabulary and language skills do so because of the environment that they are in. If you want your child to have a rich vocabulary, they must be immersed in an environment with a rich vocabulary. If you want your child to be able to hold conversation with not only their friends, but the adults around them, they must be used to environments where they are included in conversation. Let’s first look at the consequences of poor language development. Children who have difficulty with expression orally by using their words and language may also have difficulties with: • Behavior • Understanding • Participation • Completing academic tasks • Social skills • Literacy • Fluency • Planning and sequencing • Executive functioning • Sensory processing So, how can you as a parent encourage the language development of your child? I am going to borrow the concept of the 3 T’s from Dr., researcher 28

and author Dana Suskind. Through her research and the development of the Thirty Million Word Initiative, which works with parents to help encourage language development, she came up with the 3 T’s. Tune in, talk more, and take turns. These Three T’s are to allow for maximal brain development in early childhood…as this is the time when intelligence is most malleable with children. Tune in: The making of a conscious effort to notice what a child is focusing on, and when it is appropriate, talking with the child about it. When a teacher or parent is tuning in, they are following and responding to the child’s lead. Keys to tuning in: • Observation • Interpretation • Action Talk more: Increased focus on talking with your child or student on what they are focused on. • The focus should be talking ‘with’ and not ‘to’ him or her. • The goal of ‘Talk More’ is a mutual level of engagement. Take turns: Conversation exchange should be engaged. The result of building the Three T’s are the development of: • Literacy • Self-regulation and executive functioning • Critical thinking skills • Emotional insight • Creativity • Persistence So, to conclude, remember that young children are like sponges. Although there is a certain amount of growth that happens naturally, their learning and likelihood of reaching their potential is a direct result of their environment.

Provo Performing Arts School

Albert Einstein once said “Logic will get you from A to B (but) Imagination will get you everywhere.” I have to agree. Some of my biggest triumphs in life haven’t come from making tried & tested safe plans. Neither do I have my qualifications to thank for some of my most jubilant moments. The most successful times in my life have been when I made choices that challenge preconceptions, when I have made decisions that require flexibility and trust in my heart. I am a product of my education I suppose; I was born in the 70s when creativity, the arts and individualism were valued at Schools. Now as a mother; I fear for children that are forced into little boxes with Standard Assessment Tests, I worry about the brainwashed teenager that values themselves only by the number of A Stars they obtain or the number of hours they study every night. I hear all the time about educators within our community that warn students to disengage from outside interests that might compete with academic study. My whole existence is a direct product of those “distractions.” Without the arts I would never have found a self-confidence to strive for excellence. I would never have believed in my ability to

accomplish, and I would never have imagined and created Provo Performing Arts School. William Bennett, Former US Secretary of Education agrees too. He believes that “The arts are an essential element of education, just like reading, writing and arithmetic... “ He says “Music, dance, painting and theatre are all keys that unlock profound human understanding and accomplishment.” Another Former US Secretary of Education, Mr. R. W. Riley says “arts education in music, theatre, dance & visual arts is one of the most creative ways to find the gold that is buried just beneath the surface (of children).” So why are the arts being sidelined more and more in mainstream education? Why are we denying our children the opportunity to “make sense of their emotions, develop their ability to understand, allow them to face their fears in a safe environment?” which are all benefits cited by Maggie Kinloch, a former Professor at the Royal Conservatoire, Scotland. Provo Performing Arts School was founded with these values in mind, as well as an understanding of the joy that is felt when stimulated by the arts or by performing on stage.

We are very excited to be in our new premises above Unicorn Bookstore at the IGA Shopping Plaza on Leeward Highway. A purpose built studio that allows us to share our passion for music, dance, singing and acting with the community of Providenciales. Classes run after school Monday to Friday and all day Saturday. We are eternally grateful to Graceway IGA & The Turks & Caicos Friends of the Arts Foundation who support us with our Children’s Scholarship Program. The program enables students with less financial freedom to benefit from our classes. For information contact nikiflowers@gmail.com

www.tciparents.com

real family

By Maxcia Rigby

Keeping HOPE alive

Hope is not an acronym. It stands for that feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. It symbolizes that when your child is diagnosed with any disorder or illness you can feel hopeless. You don’t know what to do, you may not have resources, your family may not support you, or you may not have someone close who understands what you are going through. Hope is just that, we provide hope for families affected by autism and one way is through our classroom.

hen Isreal was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 we didn’t know what to do. As a mother I felt confused and depressed. My whole pregnancy played out in my mind. I figured I did something wrong. However also as a mother I couldn’t stay in this stage very long. I realized that my son needed me. I needed to find out how I could help him and surely there were others like me who knew what to do. I sought out information on the World Wide Web and I started thinking, what if I shared everything I knew with others. How could I just help my son, what about other children and families right here in TCI affected by this? I had my family and friends who were supporting me, what about people who didn’t have this? Hope could be that for them! About a year after Isreal’s diagnosis, we started Hope. The Hope Foundation for Autism Awareness was born. Our press conference was very small and so was our first meeting but our hearts was filled with passion for children with Autism. Our plan was to spread awareness about autism with walks and workshops and fundraisers and that’s what we did. We had our first walk and workshop in 2013 and the support was great! About a year later my husband Almando had an idea, he said why not build a classroom for children with autism? Honestly I thought he was

losing it! We had just gotten started and I thought to myself we barely know how to make this work. However I agreed and we brought the idea to the board and the members and decided to raise funds to start building. We thought about approaching a few schools to see if they were interested in partnering with us. We didn’t want to be completely confined; we wanted to encourage social interaction and opportunities to transition to mainstream school. The first school we approached was Mills Institute. All our children attended there, even Isreal for a short time so we felt close to them. We started talking and turns out they wanted a classroom for children with special needs too! So we began raising funds and

making plans. We approached Coxco (namely Garry Hasting & Mervin Cox) for help and they agreed to do all of the work free of charge. They also got other sponsors to donate windows, doors, AC unit, fixtures and within a few short months, the classroom was done. Dr. Kathy Boisvert (from Boston) and Dr. Grace Lappin (from New York, lives here) are colleagues who joined us from the beginning and eventually became our Education Consultants. Dr. Kathy created the curriculum and Grace ensured that everything here on the ground was up done by international standards. She also lent support and counsel to me as a parent of a child with autism and also a friend.

Michael McGinty became our regular workshop facilitator and designer of the classroom. We contacted him also in 2013 through REACH, a similar organization located in the Bahamas. Mike has been doing workshops for us free of charge ever since! As a matter of fact Mike had designed the first Autism Classroom in the Bahamas in 2012 at the Williard Patton Primary School in Nassau, Bahamas! While reaching out for help, I am in house interview with WIV about our little venture. It was there that Anton Faessler heard my story. He reached out to me the next day and later on convinced the board at TCBC to

our little room and keep Hope growing!! The whole community got involved. By extension the Hope Foundation also provides free evaluations and consultations to any child affected by Autism or other related disorder in the TCI. These services are provided through Dr. Kathy Boisvert over 4-6 weeks during the summer at no cost to the families. We have been providing these services for the past 5 years through Pine Cay sponsorship. The last part of this year, particularly this new school year has been the toughest for Hope. Due to the recent storms, fundraising has proven almost impossible! Rightly so, donations have been

As Director/Chairman for Hope, I know how much we have impacted so many families affected by autism. The First Autism Model Classroom in TCI, our Hope Autism Classroom, brings Hope too many families! “By sponsoring a day for Autism at only $160 years you can help keep our classroom open. It will allow our students to return to school safe and happy about learning and their teachers. It will also allow us to open our doors to 4 more students who can benefit from these services. donate $20,000 for curriculum tools, special toys, games and manipulatives!! This was all coming together wonderfully. By August of 2015 the classroom was completed! So many people made this possible!! We started the year with 8 children, 7 boys and 1 girl, including my son Isreal and 2 teachers. That week I took my vacation from work to be at the room but it was a challenge even with the three of us there. The teachers worked tirelessly and eventually they settled down. Parents and children loved the room and by the following term we started to introduce interactions with Mills Institute. The children started attending devotions, sports events, presented at the Christmas concert and even the Spelling BEE! In 2016 one of our students got 1st place in the K2 Spelling Bee and another got 2nd place in the grade one Spelling Bee! Our teachers work so hard and our students have grown so much in this room. We had two students who transitioned to mainstream school and one who is taking Math classes without an aide. Meanwhile Hope was still having annual workshops, raising awareness, selling t-shirts, pins whatever we could find to help

focused on hurricane relief efforts and because we rely heavily on corporate and community support we may have to close our room... It costs about $6,000 a month to pay our staff and lease, insurance and supplies for the classroom. Most of our parents can’t afford to pay the full tuition of $600 a month so we offer scholarships by asking sponsors to help. We have 6 children this year and they are all happy and thriving! It would break all of our hearts and our Hope Autism Classroom family to send our children home. Our children are safe and educated based on their individual developmental needs. The Hope Autism Classroom supports learning through Individual Educational Plans, center based learning, one on one teaching and group activities. We also aim to educate based on high social skills opportunities and interactions with typically developing children. The classroom is a big part of Hope that speaks of the potential all our children have to learn and succeed. ALL children have the right to be educated without prejudice, it’s their God given right to have a place in this world!”

www.tciparents.com

little ones

By Kerrie McLoughlin

Creating a healthy

co-parenting relationship

hris Schauer, father of one, says, “I may not like my ex sometimes, but we are responsible for raising the best person possible.” You may not be husband and wife anymore, but you are still father and mother to your children, and those are lifelong roles. Check out these five coparenting best practices to help raise emotionally healthy children.

Communication

Deal directly with the other parent through the phone, text or email and don’t use the kids as a gobetween. Consider an online sync-able calendar like Google Calendar so both parents know what’s going on as far as birthday parties, sports events, sleepovers, health appointments, etc. This is also a great place to park school project deadlines.

Celebrations

Shawne Pennington, mom of two sons, shares an idea that has worked for her family, “For the birthdays, whichever parent has the boy on his birth date, that is who my child celebrates it with, and that side of the family. The other parent celebrates either the week before or the week after. Major holidays we alternate so whoever has the actually holiday, the other has the kids the night before.”

Consideration

Allow your kids to build a relationship with the other parent while also staying involved. Pennington

says, “Every night whoever doesn’t have the boys calls around 9 pm to see how their day was and tell them goodnight.” Don’t try to be the cool parent by letting them get away with more, buying them stuff or letting them eat lots of junk, as this is disrespectful to the other parent. Don’t let your child say negative things about the other parent either. 32

Consistency

Everyone has a different parenting style, so you’ll need to really work on this one with each other while also learning to let some things go. Some may tend to be more laid-back with rules, schedules, chores, sports practice, schoolwork, bedtime and things like screen time, while others might prefer to dole out more discipline. Find a way to meet in the middle and share a basic set of rules. Kids get confused (and tired/cranky!) if they are allowed to stay up until midnight at one home while being in bed by 9 at the other.

Above all, be kind

Put your differences aside and work together with the goal of healthy, well-adjusted kids who see marriage in a positive light. Aim for a professional, business-like relationship. Christina Thero, mom of two boys, says, “I’d rather sit next to my ex to cheer my boys on in their sports than have more money and an inability to be the same room together due to resentments. When my boys ask why we got divorced, I tell them that it’s mine and Daddy’s story, and when they are adults, we can sit down and talk about it over coffee when they have a better understanding about how relationships work.” Always think about your shared parenting goals for the future. Every event you can attend together is laying the groundwork for future happy relations. Think ahead to your children getting married, the birth of grandchildren, etc. and about the kind of relationship you want your kids to see you having. Co-parenting is far from easy, but observing some best practices will make the transition easier on your children and yourselves.

www.tciparents.com

health & wellness

BY Nikira John

‘Literacy begins at Birth’

initiative launched at TCI Hospital

earn and Lead Educational Centre has partnered with Interhealth Canada - TCI Hospital to launch an initiative called ‘Literacy begins at Birth’, which seeks to encourage parents and caregivers to incorporate language and literacy development into their child’s daily routine from birth. The initiative was officially announced in a Press Conference held at Cheshire Hall Medical Centre on June, 14th 2017. Every baby delivered at the Providenciales health care facility, and later Cockburn Town Medical Centre on Grand Turk, will receive literacy and language tips along with an early childhood board book, which parents are encouraged to read to their little ones. Learn and Lead Educational Center believes that it is important for persons to take a more proactive approach to language and literacy development in the Turks and Caicos Islands. Research worldwide clearly outlines the need for quality early childhood home learning environments in order to help build stronger literacy foundations for children between birth and five years of age. Babies learn phonemic awareness (the ability to perceive individual sounds in the stream of speech) at an early age. They learn from hearing a flood of words from their parents through positive conversations and a daily variety of read-clouds. According to the Centre on the Developing Child at Harvard University, the science of early brain development can inform investments in early childhood. These basic concepts, established over decades of neuroscience and behavioral research, help illustrate why child development particularly from birth to five years is a foundation for a prosperous and sustainable society. In the first few years of life, more than 1 million new neural connections are formed every second.

After this period of rapid proliferation, connections are reduced through a process called pruning, so that brain circuits become more efficient. Sensory pathways like those for basic vision and hearing are the first to develop, followed by early language skills and higher cognitive functions. Children in the Turks and Caicos Islands typically commence formal education at the age of three. The greatest amount of brain growth occurs between birth and age five. In fact, by age 3, roughly 85% of the brain’s core structure is formed. Problems associated with literacy later in life are traced back to the earlier years of life in many cases. Founder of Learn and Lead Educational Centre, Yolande Robinson, says parents and caregivers should be more intentional and targeted in their literacy and language intervention during this critical period. Children acquire the tools for language and literacy before learning how to speak, read and write. There is a higher likelihood of language improvement if a child is exposed to more vocabulary and utterances, which will improve both their receptive and expressive language over time.

www.tciparents.com

health & wellness

BY Yolande Robinson, B.Ed, M.Ed.

Dealing with fears and anxieties

So, do any of you have children that are afraid of the dark? Or monsters? Or dogs? Fears and anxieties are natural in childhood.

veryone, whether a baby, child or adult, at one point or another feels fear. Feeling anxious can be especially uncomfortable because this comes with the feelings that one needs to escape now, and fast! Your heart might beat quickly, your body might perspire, you might get butterflies in your stomach. Anxiety is no fun. Not for adults or for children. Anxiety is defined as ‘apprehension without apparent cause.’ That means that often when we feel anxiety, there is no immediate threat to a person’s safety or well-being, but the fear seems real. This is important to keep in mind if your child runs into your room due to the monsters in the closet. Rationally, you know that there is no monster in the closet. They may be trying to believe you, but their anxiety may make them feel otherwise. Before we get into some ways to deal with fear and anxiety, it’s important to highlight that these are not always bad emotions. Fear and anxiety can be helpful in making a child behave in a safe manner. For example, if a child is afraid of fire, they are less likely to play with matches. Every child, whether it’s separation anxiety on the first few days of school, or fear of a natural disaster, feels these emotions at some point or another. In fact, dealing with these fears and anxiety can prepare the teen ager or young adult to handle the

unsettling experiences and challenges of real life situations that they will certainly feel at different points in their lives.

How do you know if your child is experiencing these emotions? They may appear to be clingy, impulsive and distracted. It’s not uncommon for parents to notice nervous actions and problems with sleep. Physiological responses include accelerated heart rates and breathing, as well as sweaty palms, nausea, headaches and stomachaches.

How can you help your child deal with fears and anxieties? The first point is that it is important to recognize that their fears are real. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Talking about it makes the fear less powerful. Try your best not to belittle their fears. Comments like, “Don’t be ridiculous!” won’t make the fear go away. You also don’t want to cater to the fear. For example, if your child is afraid of dogs, always crossing the road will not help them deal with this fear. You may hold their hand and provide support as you pass by the dog. Some children benefit from rating their fears. A scale of 1 – 10 can be helpful, or making it visual. Is the fear up to your knees, your stomach or your head? Help them put it into perspective and, this will help them realize when the fear is reducing. Lastly, never underestimate the power of positive self-statements. “I can do this” “I am ok” By helping your child develop this positive self-talk you are training them how to implement this into their lives and transfer it to other situations. As children grow, many of their fears get either erased or replaced. Having a life free of fear and anxiety is not likely to happen, but the important thing is helping them realize that there is nothing wrong with being afraid and that there are ways that you can help them deal with their fears.

tweens & Teens teens Tweens & JADA KRISTEN JOHNSON www.tciparents.com 37

pregnancy tweens & teens

By Meme Hieneman & Monica Gilbert Parenting Special Needs LLC

What to expect

when establishing expectations

s parents, we often say things like, “I just wish my child would (e.g., get ready on time, put away his things, finish her homework)”. Establishing expectations involves letting children know exactly what we want them to say or do, both generally and in particular circumstances. We all have expectations for our children’s behavior, but sometimes we may be less than clear about what exactly those expectations entail. This article provides strategies that will help increase the likelihood that children will understand and comply with our expectations. Before launching into specific strategies, it is important to note that expectations are influenced by a number of different issues.

First, families, communities, and groups have certain cultural and societal norms that dictate behavior, often communicated through laws, rules, and social etiquette. Second, expectations change and children grow and develop. We expect much more from a teenager than a twoyear old with regard to their

independence, social skills, and other abilities. Finally, expectations vary across circumstances. We are expected

to behave differently at ball games, family gatherings, libraries, and religious services. Because expectations are influenced by these circumstances, as well as our personal values, every family will be unique in the behaviors they desire. Taking these issues into consideration, we can establish expectations using the following principles:

Determine your priorities Decide what behaviors are most important for your children to succeed not only at home, but also at school and in the community. Think about what is expected now, as well as what children may learn to do in the future. Then prioritize: determine which behaviors will lead to the ‘biggest bang for the smallest buck”. You might fill in the blank, “if my child would only do, things would be so much better.” You might decide, for example, that sharing belongings, using gentle hands, listening, and/or picking up after oneself are essential to success across settings.

clear about what you

Define exactly what you expect your child to say or do to meet the expectations. When defining expectations, be clear, complete, and concise, taking

expect.

into consideration the age and level of understanding of the child. For example, gentle hands may mean “touching people only on their arms or shoulders with an open hand and listening may mean stopping what you are doing, facing the person, and following the instructions given. It is important to clarify behaviors that violate expectations as well (e.g., hitting, walking away when someone is talking).

Provide environmental cues. If needed, provide visual

reminders of expectations. For older children, you might have a list of house rules (e.g., posted on the refrigerator or some other conspicuous place). For young children and other non-readers, you can use pictures or other arrangements (e.g., bins for belongings) to remind them of the expectations.

Model the behaviors you want. Follow the expectations

yourself and encourage other family members and guests to do the same (e.g., say “We are teaching Leslie to use gentle hands with her friends. It may help if we would all avoid horseplay for a while.”). When modeling the behavior, point out and describe your actions, making them very clear for children (e.g., “I’m tired and don’t feel like cleaning up, but I will because we have agreed to pick up after ourselves”).

Clarify

choices

versus

Differentiate whether giving a child the option to do something or telling the child she or he is required to

instructions.

perform a particular action. Choices begin with words such as “would you like, which one, and can you”. Instructions do not provide options (e.g., “Please start your homework now”) and are stated firmly. While we do want to maximize choices in our children’s lives, there are certain instructions that simply must be completed.

Set deadlines and criteria.

Let children know when tasks must be completed and how well they need to be performed. For example, we might say “All of the clothes in the laundry basket must end up in your drawers” or “We are leaving at 3:05 and I need you to be in the car at that time.” A great way we can establish deadlines is through fun routines such as singing the “clean-up song” with the expectation that everything will be put away by the time the song is over.

Celebrate children’s successes

Provide praise whenever children follow expectations. If the children respond right away, try very hard, do a little extra, or take initiative, reward them in a bigger and better way such as offering a special activity or treat. One idea is to place tickets with special privileges (e.g., snuggle, trip to the park, choose dessert) in a jar, allowing children to select one ticket for following expectations all day or doing something particularly difficult for them. Stick to your guns (follow through). Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you establish an expectation, or ask a child to do something, make sure it is performed. Only ask children to do things that are reasonable and enforceable (e.g., because you can withhold privileges such as video games or outdoor play until it is done). Consistency is not easy, but it is critical to establishing expectations. Establishing expectations is an important aspect of parenting. In doing so, it is very important not to overestimate or underestimate our children or ourselves. We need to start with what our children are doing right now and gradually shape their behavior, expecting more and more until they have achieved goals that will allow them to succeed in all aspects of life. We must be both realistic and limitless. We also need to believe in ourselves: our ability to put all of these things in action, remaining unwavering even when it is hard. We will make mistakes and let things slide from time to time because perfection is not possible, but we can always reset and reinforce our expectations. www.tciparents.com

tweens & teens

BY Sarah Lyons

Is your child ready

to stay home alone? Giving kids the responsibility to stay home alone can be a positive and confidence building experience, a rite of passage. Every parent will reach the point where they are faced with the decision whether their child is ready to stay home alone. How do you know they are ready?

hildren must have the skills and maturity to handle being on their own safely. There is no magical age that determines a child is ready to be home alone but kids who are ready show the following signs: • Desires to stay home alone and is not fearful being alone in the home • Exhibits good decision making • Shows that he is aware of others and his surroundings

• •

• • •

Proves herself to be responsible and trustworthy Knows home address and phone number as well as how to get in touch with parents Can make a snack for themselves Knows how to use a phone, call a neighbor for help, and dial 911 Follows simple rules and instructions

•

Knows basic first aid

Leaving kids home alone for the first time is a big step. Even if kids are not planning to babysit, consider enrolling them in a babysitting class because the skills taught there can be very useful for kids who are beginning to stay home alone. If you believe your child is ready, how can parents prepare them for success? • Go over the rules • Are friends allowed to come

• •

over? Is the child allowed to leave the house? Are there cable channels the child is not permitted to watch? Go over these and any other family rules and make it clear that your child understands. Discuss possible situations If someone comes to the door what is the child to do? If the phone rings is the child to answer? How will they respond if someone asks to speak to the parent? “She is busy right now. Can I take a message?” is a good response. Kitchen safety Make sure the child knows how to use kitchen appliances and tools and discuss what they are allowed to make in the kitchen. Only cold snacks? Can they use the microwave?

• •

Emergency preparedness Does your child know what to do in case of smoke or a fire? What should he do if there are severe storms? Does she know basic first aid? Post emergency phone numbers and contact information so your child has it in case of an emergency. Discuss who to contact if parents are unreachable (a neighbor, family member or friend). Create a list of “Dos” and “Don’ts” Don’t play with matches or lighters. Don’t let anyone in the house. Don’t leave the house, except an emergency situation. Do call and check in when you get home from school. Do work on homework and chores. Each family is different and will

have their own list of what is expected. • Role play • Act out different scenarios that may arise. Pretend that the child needs to reach you, what will they do? How would they call 911? What would they do in case of a fire? Pretend the phone rings, how will they answer? By walking through different situations kids will be better prepared if the unexpected happens. • Start slow Begin by leaving the child for a short 15-30 minutes at a time and slowly increase. Talk about any questions or problems that may have arose. Ask your child about their feelings when home alone. If the child is fearful, they may not be ready to be on their own.

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pregnancy advertorial

Contributed By Elizabeth Turner

“Beautiful by Nature”

is not just skin deep

fter a brutal 2017 hurricane season which left us struggling with leaking roofs, no power for over 6 weeks not to mention internet, this was gone for even longer. It is great to see these lovely islands getting back on their feet again. Evidence of damage is still eminent around in places, but by and large we are back to our beautiful by nature standard. Or are we? Clean beaches, litter free highways and communities is one thing, but what goes on under the surface? Most people don’t give much thought to where their waste water goes until it’s inside the house with a backed-up toilet (invariably on a Sunday afternoon when we are all on the beach). Proper disposal of liquid waste is key to us maintaining these beautiful islands. We are built on land which is very much like a massive stone sponge, water from leaking septic tanks trickles down through the endless holes and caverns and finds its way into the underground water supply and eventually out to sea. When these islands were sparsely inhabited, this wasn’t such a big issue with the explosion of development on the islands this is now a crucial problem which has to be front and centre of all developments. Have you ever smelt a whiff of something like a diaper pail when you’ve been out and about in Grace Bay? Filthy irrigation water from a septic system not functioning optimally is the mostly likely culprit, another example of how beauty 42

isn’t only skin deep. If we want to enable our kids to enjoy a clean and healthy environment into their future we need to be mindful of the least tasteful parts of human existence. We have seven (7) kids between us (sometimes it feels like twice that number!) and teaching them the importance of beauty inside and out is important which is why we are working hard to introduce two fabulous new septic systems into the islands. One is from Japan where there is nothing they don’t know about pressure on land resources, the other from Canada which is a leading world expert on environmental standards. Let’s all strive to ensure that our kids enjoy these islands as much as we have.

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recipes INGREDIENTS

Hot Cross Buns

3/4 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C) 3 tablespoons butter 1 tablespoon instant powdered milk 1/4 cup white sugar 3/8 teaspoon salt 1 egg 1 egg white 3 cups all-purpose flour 1 tablespoon active dry yeast 3/4 cup dried currants 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 egg yolk 2 tablespoons water 1/2 cup confectionersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; sugar 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 teaspoons milk DIRECTIONS 1. Put warm water, butter, skim milk powder, 1/4 cup sugar, salt, egg, egg white, flour, and yeast in bread maker and start on dough program. 2. When 5 minutes of kneading are left, add currants and cinnamon. Leave in machine till double. 3. Punch down on floured surface, cover, and let rest 10 minutes. 4. Shape into 12 balls and place in a greased 9 x 12 inch pan. Cover and let rise in a warm place till double, about 35-40 minutes. 5. Mix egg yolk and 2 tablespoons water. Brush on balls. 6. Bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 20 minutes. Remove from pan immediately and cool on wire rack. 7. To make crosses: mix together confectionersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; sugar, vanilla, and milk. Place glaze in a piping bag or a sandwich bag with the corner snipped off; pipe a cross onto each roll. 44

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aspire family living

BY Sarah Lyons

Travel tips for “ 46

family trips

Make a check list of cities you will drive through with a fun fact about each or what you will do there. It helps cut down on the ‘Are we there yet?’ questions.

”

t’s vacation season. Parents everywhere are thinking about the complexities of getting everyone to their fun-filled destination safely and sanely. Whether you take a 2 hour plane trip or a 14 hour car ride, traveling with kids can be stressful. While a family vacation is a great way to spend time together, relax, and make memories, you must make the journey there first. Here are some tips for making traveling with kids a little more enjoyable. Hunger can affect kids behavior and attitude. During travel, pack easy snacks for the car like grapes, smoothies, and crackers. This is a great time to purchase those individually wrapped snacks you usually don’t. They are easy for the adults in the car and seem like a treat for the kids. Stephanie Pratt, mother of two girls, suggests planning lunch stops that allow kids to burn off energy like a restaurant with a play area “Much like you need to stretch your legs, kids need to more.’ she says. Packing a picnic for a rest area or park along the way lets them have some fresh air and lots of open space to play. Timing is everything when you are traveling with little ones. Try to plan travel around normal nap times or bed times so that kids will rest during the majority of the drive. Also plan breaks often enough that kids can get out and stretch and burn off energy. Mother of five, Rachael Kennedy says, “When we are driving on the interstate, we stop at rest stops and the boys do races to get energy out.” Recognize that a trip with kids is going to take longer. Leave extra time in your travel schedule for impromptu stops, as well as planned ones. Wesbsites like www.roadtripradar. com can help you find attractions and hidden gems along the way.

The key to traveling with kids is to plan ahead, but also be flexible. Cut road trip boredom by getting the kids involved. Use games like license plate bingo or car color bingo. Encourage kids to keep a trip journal. Have them write down or draw favorite memories from each stop and add stickers and ticket stubs. Another great way to get kids involved is to give each a disposable camera for them to document their trip. When the pictures are developed they can add them to their trip journal. “Make a check list of cities you will drive through with a fun fact about each or what you will do there. It helps cut down on the ‘Are we there yet?’ questions.” says Kara Thomas, Colorado Springs mom. It is always nice to have a few surprises up your sleeve to break up the trip. Try packing up the kids backpacks and have them waiting in the car. When they

get bored pull out a few surprise items - new magazines or books, crayons and a new coloring book, special snacks, small activities, and maybe some new movies to watch. Websites like Pinterest are full of ideas for traveling with kids. Darcy King, Kansas mom of two, says “Paint a cookie sheet with chalkboard paint and give the kids magnets to play with.” She also suggests gluing magnets to the back of puzzle pieces to use with the magnetic cookie sheet. Jenny Klindworth, mom to preschool age twins, recommends Melissa and Doug brand reusable stickers and Water Wow’s. “They are hands down my favorite activities for planes and cars.” For most families, the go-to solution for road trip boredom is electronics. DVD’s and video games are a great way to kill time in the car. “Loosen electronics time while traveling, but when you get there, restrict time more than

usual. Without a gadget in their hands, they will get more out of your vacation time.”” says Kara Thomas. Summer vacations teach kids to explore what is outside their hometown, the importance of family time, and to make downtime a priority. Best of all you will create memories that last a lifetime. More Travel Tips from Real Moms “The last flight we used window clings. They were a huge hit.” --Sarah Huebner “I keep my front seat organized so I can constantly pass things back and forth to them.” --Jennifer Klindworth “Keep activities rotating! On long trips we switch every 1530 minutes with snacks, games, activities, and screen time.” --Rachael Kennedy “With young kids, plan seating so an adult can sit in back and help pass toys and retrieve dropped items.” --Stephanie Pratt

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family living

By Sarah Lyons

Meal planning in

5 easy steps

Rushing home from an exhausting day, the last thing on your mind is cooking a healthy dinner for your family. The kids are hungry, the baby is crying, it’s already 5:30 pm, and you have nothing planned for dinner. Desperate for a quick solution, you use the drive through for a less than delicious and not so nutritious meal. Sound familiar?

any parents find themselves so busy with work, school, homework, sports, activities, and errands that cooking weeknight meals may seem impossible. Being a busy mother of six I use meal planning every week to make dinnertime simpler. In reality, eating at home can be faster, easier, and more affordable, even on those busy school nights, with these five steps.

Step 1 - Create a Go To List

Start by making a list of meals your family already loves. Be realistic and keep it simple by adding quick and easy recipes that can be put together on a busy evening. Once you have your list, place

it where you can refer to it again in the future. This list is your secret weapon to mastering mealtime.

Step 2 - Plan the Week

With your “Go To List” of meals in hand, start by consulting the family calendar. For the busiest and most stressful days, plan a crock pot meal. On days when everyone is coming and going at different times, try sub sandwiches with fruit. Pull ideas from your “Go To List” of meals to fill in the rest of the week. Meal planning will reduce the stress of the evening rush and solve your “ What’s for dinner?” conflict.

Step 3 - Go Shopping

Look over your meal plan and

make a grocery list. Don’t forget to check the freezer and pantry for items you may already have on hand. When you have your list, head to your favorite store and pick up your items.

Step 4 - Prep Ahead

Prepare as much food as possible in advance. Wash and chop vegetables and fruit, brown meat and put into one pound batches, put together casseroles in advance, and thaw any items you will need in the next few days. Chicken breasts can be cooked in large batches in the crock pot for later use in salads, casseroles, soups, or skillet meals. The more you prepare now, the less you have to do on those busy nights after work.

Step 5 - Stick To It

The hard work is done, and it’s time to stick to your plan. Since everything is prepped and ready, you just have to finish your meals and enjoy. Unexpected challenges may come up, but with an organized plan, you will be able to handle most surprises with ease without getting stuck in the fast food rut once again. With these five easy steps, you will be able to throw together a fast, healthy, and budget friendly meal, while reducing stress, and gaining quality family time.

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