Feelgood 11-03-2011 by Evening Echo

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Feelgood Friday, March 11, 2011

Too close for comfort How our sexualised culture puts teens under pressure: 8,9

SPEAKING OUT

Young cystic ﬁbrosis sufferers still pleading for proper care: 4

NEW DIRECTION

Psychologist David Coleman helps family on the edge: 11

REAL ME

Man trapped in woman’s ﬁnds his freedom: 13 body ﬁnds

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2 News front Kate O’Reilly WHAT’S ON ■ HELPING YOU QUIT: Ash Wednesday, Wednesday March 9 was National No Smoking Day. There are approximately one million smokers in Ireland and while many people quit smoking by themselves, the HSE provides a range of support services to help people increase their chances of giving up successfully. A six-week smoking cessation group will begin in Mallow Primary Care Building on Monday, March 14. Call 022-582011 for more details. Groups are also run in Cork city, call 021-4921641 for further information. The National Smokers Quitline offers a trained team of smoking cessation counsellors, Monday to Saturday, 8am to 10pm, on Lo Call 1850 201 203. More advice is available on www.giveupsmoking.ie ■ ENDOMETRIOSIS WEEK: Endometriosis Awareness Week (March 7 to 13) is an annual event which gives women with endometriosis around the world a focus to raise awareness of the disease. The Endometriosis Association of Ireland annual Information Day takes place tomorrow. Attendance at the event, which will be held in the Lucan Spa Hotel, Co Dublin, from 1.30 to 5pm, is free. There is also an information phone line open every evening during Awareness Week from 5pm to 7pm on 086-8203855. More information is also available at www.endo.ie ■ DIABETES MEETING: The Diabetes Ireland Research Alliance (Alliance) and the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) will hold a public meeting on the latest research into Type 1 diabetes in Cork this weekend. Consultant endocrinologist at the South Infirmary, Dr Matt Murphy, will be speaking on the impact that a diagnosis of diabetes has on individuals and their families at the meeting, which takes place in the Gresham Metropole Hotel, MacCurtain St, Cork on March 13 at 2.15pm. Dr Eleanor Kennedy, JDRF Head of Research, will provide an update on the D-GAP project which is researching how and why Type 1 diabetes occurs. For more details contact the Diabetes Federation on Ireland on 021 4274229 or visit www.diabetes.ie ■ BUNGEE BLAST: Do you fancy jumping off a crane from 220 feet for a good cause? If so, why not join more than 100 other bungee jumpers and take part in the Ballydehob Bungee Blast on March 19. The event will take place in Ballydehob Community Field and in order to jump you need to raise F200 in sponsorship. Funds raised will go to The Hope Foundation. The minimum age for jumpers is 14. For more details, contact Ryan Crowley on 085-2712274 or see www.hopefoundation.ie. ■ HEART CLINIC: The Irish Heart Foundation will hold a free blood pressure and cholesterol testing clinic at the Family ResourceCentre, Farranree on Wednesday, March 16 from 2.30pm to 4pm. For further details call 021-4505822 or if you have questions about stroke or heart disease you can also contact their helpline 1890 432787. ● Items for inclusion in this column can be sent to koreilly8@gmail.com

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The symptoms of glaucoma, which causes blindness, are barely perceptible until it is too late, says Arlene Harris

Out of sight

ITHIN ten years, 80 million people will lose their sight to glaucoma. Dubbed the ‘thief of sight’, this disease strikes without warning as symptoms are almost non-existent until it is too late. This week is World Glaucoma Week (WGW) and experts are urging people to take care of their sight and have regular check-ups to prevent the onset of this debilitating condition. Lynda McGivney Nolan, optometric advisor for the Association of Optometrists in Ireland, says while sufferers of glaucoma may not display symptoms, the disease can be detected during a routine check-up. “Glaucoma refers to a group of eye conditions where pressure builds up in the eye and pushes on the nerve fibres and blood vessels at the back of the eye, eventually resulting in a slow and gradual nerve death,” she says. “The peripheral vision starts to go first, but by the time this is noticed the damage has been done and the patient may be left with only 30% of their vision. So because of the nature of the onset, it is vitally important for everyone to be vigilant with their eye care by having regular check-ups — especially for anyone over 40,” she says. (One in 10 people over the age of 50 will develop glaucoma).

CLOSER LOOK: While the symptoms of glaucoma are not obvious, it can be detected in a routine check-up. Picture: iStock

Factors can pre-determine risk. “Anyone with a family history of glaucoma should be aware of the possibility of developing it themselves,” she says. “If you know someone in your family had a visual impairment, check it out and find out what the cause was and when you are having an eye test, make sure to let the optometrist know your history. “People of Afro-Caribbean descent, the elderly and anyone with cardiovascular disease or diabetes are also more prone to developing glaucoma.” But as with most conditions, timing is crucial and early detection could make the difference between saving and losing your sight.

World Glaucoma Week aims to help raise awareness and promote early detection — key factors include: ■ Ensure regular eye checks (once every two years) ■ Know family history ■ Keep follow-up appointments ● During WGW, simple glaucoma tests will be available free-of-charge from optometrists nationwide. PRSI and medical-card holders are entitled to free glaucoma tests all-year-round. ● For more information, visit www.optometrists.ie and www.ncbi.ie.

HEALTH NOTES ALCOHOL Action Ireland has launched a new leaflet detailing what women need to know about low-risk drinking as research shows that alcohol-related conditions are on the rise among women. “Women are more affected by alcohol than men are — it’s not sexist, it’s a fact. We are smaller, we metabolise drink at a slower rate and it affects our vital organs more,” says Alcohol Action Ireland director Fiona Ryan. Women account for a quarter of alcohol-related hospital discharges, but among those aged 17 and under the proportion of discharges is almost half, at 47%. Women & Alcohol: Making the Drink Link is available on the charity’s website at www.alcoholireland.ie in the Alcohol & You section.

To co-inside with international brain awareness week, the Dublin Neurological Institute has launched a new patient drop-in information centre at 57 Eccles Street, open from 11am to 1pm. It is free of charge and open to anybody who needs advice, regardless of where they are being treated. For details visit: www.neurologicalinstitute.ie. Intervene, the Irish health information service set up by Irish independent pharmacists, has introduced a lung test to show a smoker their ‘lung age’, which can be significantly older than their actual age. The test is non-invasive and gets you to exhale into

www.irishexaminer.com www.irishexaminer.com

quit smoking and retake the test six weeks later. Www.intervene.ie.

Meet health guru Patrick Holford when he officially opens the Quay Co-op Organic, health and wholefood Shop on Main St, Carrigaline on Monday, March 14 at 10.30am.

FREE SERVICE: TV3 Presenter Sinead Desmond helps launch The Dublin Neurological Institute’s patient drop-in information centre. Picture:Sasko Lazarov/Photocall Ireland

a hand-held unit. The results can highlight the increased risk of smoking-related illness such as lung cancer, emphysema, heart disease and stroke. The test is free to customers of Intervene pharmacies and takes five minutes. A follow-up service is available for smokers who

www.irishexaminer.com feelgood@examiner.ie

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

Dáithí Ó Sé and Síle Seoige have launched an Irish-language depression support booklet, How to Say Lean on Me. Part of the mental health awareness campaign Lean on Me, it provides information on how to begin a conversation about depression, as Gaeilge. The aim of the campaign is to encourage recognition of depression and, empower people to support those affected and encourage them to seek the support of their GP if necessary. The campaign includes an interactive website — www.leanonme.net — which provides detailed information on the causes, symptoms and impact of depression. It is estimated that 400,000 people in Ireland experience depression.

The Cork Branch of Arthritis Ireland is holding an informal meeting for parents and carers of children with juvenile arthritis on Wednesday, March 23 at 11am on at Vienna Woods Hotel, Glanmire. For details contact: 086-8956940.

Editorial: 021 4802 292

Advertising: 021 4802 215

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In profile

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Aisling O’Neill

THE SHAPE I'M IN

Drama of life

CTRESS Aisling O’Neill has nothing but sympathy for her Fair City character, Carol, who’s caught in the dilemma of loving two men. As fans gear up for ‘the wedding’ next week, Aisling wishes she could give her screen character some advice. “I feel so sorry for Carol. She loves them both deeply. She has a huge fondness for Christy — it’s not the passionate love she has for Louie, but she loves him deeply. It’s a very human thing to happen. “She doesn’t want to hurt Christy, so she can’t face telling him how she feels about Louie. Instead of being so scared of hurting people’s feelings, she should be up-front.” The 37-year-old, who grew up in Dalkey, has a three-year-old son and is herself the daughter of Chris O’Neill, who played Benjy’s brother, Michael, in The Riordans. What shape are you in? In the last four weeks, I’ve got into a lot better shape. I have to travel 40km to work, because I live down in the Wexford area. I don’t get to walk much when I get home, but I love walking on the beach at weekends. I also have a horse, which I share with my mother, so I horse-ride, too. I go swimming with my son at weekends. What are your healthiest eating habits? I’ve started putting a bit of effort and thought into what I eat. I’ve cut down on carbs. I eat porridge or fruit in the mornings. For lunch, I’d have fish or a stir-fry — I’ve been asking for the chicken to be done in water with vegetables and I like chilli included, because I’ve heard that speeds up your metabolism. What’s your guiltiest pleasure? Pasta. I don’t have a sweet tooth. I’m a real savoury girl. I love cheeses, too. Do you have any health concerns? No.

What’s your favourite smell? I have so many. I love the smell of freshly-cut grass, the smell of the sea, of horses, of my little boy. What would you change about your appearance? Well, I suppose we all want to be skinnier. When did you last cry? I cried when we were shooting recent Fair City scenes. What trait do you least like in others? Disloyalty — I can’t stand people who aren’t loyal. What trait do you least like in yourself? I worry too much about things that aren’t important. I give too much time to things that the better part of me knows I shouldn’t be spending my energy on. Do you pray? Yes, often. What would cheer up your day? A real good belly laugh with a friend. That really lifts things. Also, when I’m driving home, I listen to Country ’n’ Western music. I’m a closet Country ’n’ Western fan — it always puts me in a good mood. Helen O’Callaghan

SHORING UP HER ENERGY: At the weekends Aisling takes to the outdoors with walks on the beach and horse riding.

International DePuy Hip Implant Recall Conference

presented by Lynch and Partners Solicitors Venue: Horse and Jockey Hotel Conference Centre Date: Saturday, 19th March 2011 Expert Speakers include: Mr. David J. Langton, MRCS Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeon, Joint Replacement Unit, University Hospital of North Tees, Stockton, England Dr. Thomas Joyce Mechanical Engineer, School of Mechanical and Systems Engineering, Newcastle University Chairperson: Mr. John M. Lynch Managing Partner, Lynch and Partners Solicitors For further information please contact Orla Clancy on oclancy@lynchandpartners.com or 052-6124344. If you are unable to attend please contact us for a free INFORMATION PACK.

www.lynchandpartners.com

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How do you relax? I love spending time with my son and with friends. I like being by the sea. I get a yearning to be near it. A good book really helps me to switch off.

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Who would you invite to your dream dinner party? I’d love Robert De Niro and Al Pacino.

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I love spending time with my son and with friends. I like being by the sea — I get a yearning to be near it. And having a good book also really helps me to switch off Feelgood

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Coping with illness

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Cystic fibrosis care has been largely neglected in Ireland, but sufferers and their

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families keep fighting to have their voices heard, says Helen O’Callaghan

A matter of life and death

RELAND has the world’s highest incidence of cystic fibrosis (CF) — three times the average rate in Europe and the United States. In Britain, one in 25 people carry the CF gene — here, it’s one in 19. Not only that but the type of CF most prevalent in Ireland is more virulent than in other countries. The fact that CF patients’ life expectancy is five years less than it is in the US is not down to bad luck but to what Philip Watt, CEO of the Cystic Fibrosis Association of Ireland (CFAI), calls a blunderbuss approach of reducing costs rather than focusing on clinical need. One simple example, he says, is the non-replacement of essential frontline CF healthcare staff. “Progress has been made in terms of investment in CF staff but often when they go on maternity or sick leave, they’re not replaced. Over Christmas, CF patients in one hospital didn’t see a physiotherapist for three months.” Physiotherapy is hugely important for CF patients. CF is an organ-damaging disease that ravages the lungs and digestive system and it’s vital that patients avoid build-up of mucus in the lungs. This can lead to repeated infections, deterioration of lung function and reduced life expectancy. “Physiotherapy exercise is vital in management of CF,” says Watt. Other gaps in the system include lack of isolation rooms in hospitals, where air is changed 12 times daily. These are essential for staving off cross-infection. “Some of the worst infections are caught off other people with CF, like cepacia, a particularly insidious infection that can have a dramatic impact on health,” says Watt. But, with CF patients needing to attend hospital four times a year for check-ups, dedicated out-patient facilities are vital too. While most hospitals follow the ‘best practice’ standard of having all relevant specialists (CF consultant, dietician, physiotherapist) visit the patient in one central room, CF patients still risk cross-infection because this room is often located next to A&E or is used by other general medical patients. “If it’s used by other patients, there’s less chance it will meet necessary hygiene requirements for people with CF. Location of the room can also pose problems — it should be in a peripheral part of the hospital.” Watt welcomes the HSE promise to screen all newborn babies for CF from June 2011. “Some children aren’t diagnosed until they’re four. And some milder CF cases aren’t diagnosed until the person is 30. Yet early diagnosis makes a huge difference, especially with regard to weight gain. One problem for CF patients is lack of weight gain due to malabsorption of fat. This can have implications for cognitive development and, in the worst case scenario, later diagnosis can shorten lives.” Katie Drennan, a 20-year-old University of Limerick student wasn’t diagnosed with CF until she was nearly three. “I missed a lot of school. I’m still trying to catch up. You’re always trying to avoid cross-infection. I went to a smaller school because it was easier to prevent getting sick. We’d check every morning if anyone had flu and if they had I wouldn’t go in. “I was 17 when I transferred to the adult CF services in Limerick. It was basically a non-existent service — no CF specialist con-

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IN THE FRAME: Nuala Carey, Ambassador for Happy Faces Day 2011 pictured with siblings Tiarnan and Saoirse Ahearne from Meath, who both have CF.

I never had a proper relationship until I met my wife, Ciara. Up to then, I’d been afraid to get close to a girl in case she wasn’t willing to take on the illness

TÉ’s Nuala Carey is fronting Happy Faces Day 2011, in aid of CFAI. The event is organised each year by the Irish Professional Photographers’ Association (IPPA) and they’re aiming to raise F100,000 for CF. The CF cause is close to Nuala’s heart. Soon after her cousin, Marlene, gave birth to her third baby, Jamie, in October, 2009,

he was diagnosed with CF. “Jamie never thrived. He had chest infections a lot and was back and forth to hospital. He always seemed to have a cold. The diagnosis was a bolt from the blue. My cousin and her husband weren’t aware they were carriers of the gene.” On Happy Faces Day tomorrow the public can have a professional portrait taken for

just F25 by their local IPPA photographer. IPPA members will open their studios or rent out local hotel venues/clubs, with an invitation to all, while at the same time supporting the CFAI’s goal of providing vital isolation facilities in Irish hospitals. “Every penny counts,” says Nuala Carey. “No matter how small the amount, it makes a difference.”

bowel obstruction when he was a newborn was the first sign that Dubliner Paul Wynne, 26, had cystic fibrosis. “As a child, I struggled to accept I was different to others, that playing was hard because I’d get out of breath. I started going to hospital a lot when I was 12. I suffered with chest infections in those years and spent about six months a year in and out of hospital. I dropped out of school when I was 12. I never went to secondary school. I got hospital tutoring. “CF hasn’t stopped me doing what I want. I’ve had two jobs. At 16, I worked in a stained-glass studio. When I was 22, I started working in a drop-in centre for drug-addicted people. I did that for two years. Now, I’m doing a PC maintenance-and-repair course. “I never had a proper relationship with a girl until I met my wife, Ciara. Up to then, I’d been afraid to get close to a girl, in case she wasn’t willing to take on the illness. I met Ciara on New Year’s Eve, 2005. We met in the hospital, through a friend who was working there, so straight-

UPWARD CLIMB::Cystic Fibrosis sufferer Paul Wynne seen carrying his portable oxygen tank, says as a child, he struggled to accept he was different to others, that playing was hard because I’d get out of breath. Picture:BARRY CRONIN/ away Ciara knew about my condition. “As we got more involved, we spoke about how CF might affect my fertility ... Now, we’re talking about having a baby. Five to 10% of men with CF can naturally father a child, but realistically we know it might be a long haul. The grants that Cystic Fibrosis Association of Ireland give for fertility treatment are a huge benefit to couples like us. It doesn’t get me down — I take comfort from knowing it isn’t completely impossible. “Since the age of 13, I’ve maintained the

same level of lung function. I’m on nebulisers in the morning, oxygen overnight. I take multivitamins and enzymes for digestion. Since meeting Ciara, I haven’t had half the infections — I put it down to her support. “It would be a bummer to have a kid and then die only a few years later. But if I had done what I wanted to, that’d be good. “One of the biggest downers for me is losing friends to CF. I lost a friend at Christmas. It was like losing a brother.”

SPEAKING UP: Katie Drennan speaking at a new conference earlier this year which announced better facilities for the Mid-WestPicture:Don Moloney / Press 22 sultant. You went in under the general chest doctor. We were put in clinics with the general public.” Only the campaigning of parents such as Katie’s mother, Linda (see www.tlc4cf.com), has resulted in a promise of better facilities for the Mid-West. A F10.5 million purpose-built facility at the Mid-Western Regional Hospital is set to include a CF out-patient unit with five treatment rooms and an in-patient unit with nine rooms. “We’re fundraising for everything that will

go into this unit,” says Katie. CF patients grapple with life-and-death issues on a daily basis. The condition impacts on fertility, particularly in males. This has prompted CFAI to make grants available for fertility treatment. People are faced with reduced life expectancy — in Ireland, it’s early 30s for men, late 20s for women (lower in women because of the impact of oestrogen on CF). High-profile CF campaigner Anita Slowey died recently. She was 24 years old.The

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young Monaghan woman came to national prominence last October after she wrote an emotional open letter to health chiefs detailing her decline due to poor services. “I’ve been to many memorial services. What strikes you is what people pack into short lives. A lot of people with CF are strong characters determined to make the most of things,” says Watt. But he questions why last year saw a one-third decrease in numbers of organs utilised for transplantation. For a CF patient,

whose options are decreasing, a lung transplant can give an extra 10 years of life. “We’d ask some major hospitals why only one or two people were provided with organs from their A&E departments last year. Is organ donation not a priority? It shows the need for an effective organ transplantation office and for legislation underpinning donation and transplantation.” Katie Drennan has just one message for the powers that be. “Keep CF on the agenda. Up to now, it hasn’t been there.”

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I was 17 when I transferred to the adult CF services in Limerick. It was basically a non-existent service — no CF specialist consultant FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

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Relationships

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Marriage needs to reflect the huge changes in society, say relationship experts Bob and Rita Resnick who have proposed a more flexible model. Cleo Murphy reports

Getting it together T

HERE is no single recipe for success in relationships but if you’re looking for a basic foundation on which to build, perhaps it should be how to stay connected to your partner while still maintaining your own sense of self. That’s the theory of American relationship experts Bob and Rita Resnick, who’ve been married for more than 30 years. It is easy in theory, utterly challenging in practice, but after decades of working with couples and furthering their own studies, Bob and Rita are proposing a new way of relating. “We call the old way the Fusion Model,” says Bob, an LA-based clinical psychologist. “Two become one. It’s very romantic and, up until 30 or 40 years ago, it worked fairly well. In times of survival it was pragmatic for two to become one and function as a unit, working to defined roles. Now, in developed worlds where women have more opportunities, the divorce rate is going up because the Fusion Model is no longer working.” Even worse, he says, there are people remaining silently miserable in marriages that are not functioning in a satisfying way. They stay for fear of being alone, because of religion, financial dependency, for the sake of the children and for many other reasons that have nothing to do with the health of the marriage. Rita points to the moment in a wedding ceremony that best symbolises fusion. “You know the part where they both take their individual, lighted candles and they go to the altar and jointly light the larger candle,” says the Gestalt and couples therapist. “It’s very romantic. But what do they do then? They blow out their individual candles. They give up themselves.” When differences emerge in such a marriage they are seen as a threat or a danger to the unit. A woman goes back to work or develops a new skill and her husband is afraid it will create cracks in their marriage. A man wants to downshift his work to embark on a new venture and his wife worries that she will lose him in a world where she can’t follow him — not to mention the potential drop in household income. These can be terrifying prospects to a couple locked in a fixed idea of how their marriage should be. What the Resnicks are now proposing is a Model of Connection. For any two things to connect they must, by definition, be separate, and so it is with people. With this model there is separation and connection, space and boundary in a constantly shifting, moving relationship. There are no fixed or defined roles as there used to be and the only way to succeed is to learn to dance on this high wire. Being individual and different is what allows you to connect with another, different individual. “Put your hand in a bucket of water which is at body temperature and very soon you’re not sure where your skin ends and the water begins,” says Bob. “Make the water a bit hotter or a bit colder and you have difference again. Difference is a gift. It is the connective tissue that holds you together. It’s how you deal with your differences that matters. You just have to separate out the good differences from the toxic differences.” There are differences you can live with and differences which are simply not compatible.

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FACING UP: Bob and Rita Resnick who say that separateness is just as important as togetherness in keeping your marriage healthy. Picture:Eamonn Keogh

How to look at problems RELATIONSHIPS suffer when they become stuck and it is often difficult to separate out the elements of the problem. The Resnicks offer the following simple advice. 1. Don’t assume there is something wrong with you or your partner: It may be simply that you are not a good fit. 2. Disconnect for a while: Work out what nourishes you outside the relationship and enjoy it.

Picture: Getty Images

Bob points out that a desire to have children is not compatible with a desire for a child-free lifestyle. “Sometimes you have to acknowledge that you love the other person but you cannot form a relationship with them because of your differences.” It’s at this point of difficulty that a couple often shows up at a therapist’s door. “The first thing you have to do is disconnect,” says Rita. “You have to leave the fused relationship to find yourself and your interests. Decide what brings enjoyment and nourishment to yourself and then bring that back into the relationship. We try to teach people to stay with what is nourishing.” She also recommends identifying each individual’s core needs. “We all have needs and some of them can be satisfied beyond the relationship. Others can only be satisfied within the relationship and these are core needs. You need to identify these. You can’t ignore your core needs or compromise on them to accommodate your partner. “Most people will say that monogamy is a core need — although a lot of people will actually be able to work through a transgres-

sion, so perhaps it isn’t a core need.” But connecting is not static and the Resnicks believe you are constantly going around a circle of connection. At times it involves simple contact, at others intimacy, sometimes withdrawal, sometimes total isolation and, yes, sometimes fusion or what the Resnicks call ‘confluence’. “It’s not that we’re against fusion,” says Bob. “We’re just against the idea of staying there. In fusion there is no boundary. That’s wonderful when you’re making love or dancing. It’s not so useful when you’re trying to arrange who is going to pick up the kids or sort out your finances.” Sometimes you can find yourself stuck in a mode of relating while desiring to move to another place but fearing the consequences if you move. “It’s a question of where in the cycle are you getting stuck,” says Rita. Bob and Rita have been coming to Ireland since 2002 to give workshops to therapists. Geraldine Sheedy at the SouthWest Counselling Centre in Killarney then facilitates supervisory sessions for counsellors in Cork and Killarney throughout the year.

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3. Identify your core needs: What is it that you absolutely need for this relationship to continue, as distinct from the needs that can be fulfilled elsewhere. 4. Be authentic: Say what you feel without accusing the other person. They won’t hear you if they have to defend themselves. 5. Seek help: Therapy helps to work through negative patterns in a relationship. Find a counsellor you are comfortable with and begin the process.

“Bob and Rita’s approach ensures that each partner in the relationship is respected and accepted,” she says. “I have witnessed couples make great breakthroughs over the years and go on to be happier not only in their relationship with their partner but in other relationships in their lives.” ■ For information contact: SouthWest Counselling Centre, 064-6636416, www.southwestcounselling.ie ■ For information on the Resnicks’ work visit: www.gatla.org

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Psychology

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When the things we depend on to keep us secure in the world collapse we can despair

Life’s meaning

The

Feel Good Personals FOR COST EFFECTIVE ADVERTISING Phone: LORI FRASER Tel. 021-4802265 Faxx 021-4273846 lori.fraser@examiner.ie

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PONDERING ALL: When the world seems to be falling apart, the key to survival lies within — not in teachings of others. Picture:

Tony Humphreys

Getty Images

HERE is a central human experience that will rock each one of us to the core at some point in our lives. We don’t acknowledge it and rarely talk about it. Because of its threatening nature we distance ourselves from it by being busy with the affairs of relationships, work, education, food, pleasure and status. The experience is best termed existential despair and can happen when all the props that have supported our life collapse unexpectedly. Suddenly, the meaning our life had up to this point in time is no longer enough and it ceases to be meaningful. Up until this point, in order to feel secure, we may have relied on success, achievement, wealth, power, status, being the bread winner, being loved or loving others. But now it all seems empty, meaningless and we wonder why we did not see that these pursuits were illusory and provided no absolute meaning. In our anxiety we may now seek for some absolute, unshakeable reason for it all, some solid ground, yet often what we are left with is the arbitrariness of life and our hopeless efforts to grasp onto something when there seems to be nothing there at all. There is a school of thought in psychology — existentialism — that distinguishes between two types of anxiety — ontological and neurotic anxiety. Ontological anxiety arises from meaninglessness and gives rise to existential despair. It is called ontological as it is a response to potential loss of being and loss of meaning. Because we create our purpose, direction, security, support and meaning based on factors outside of ourselves we can find ourselves suddenly unable to depend on them. It is then the bottom falls out from our world. Neurotic anxiety arises in response to threats to our self-esteem, security and lifestyle. Common neurotic anxieties include: worrying about how others see us, being successful, and anxieties created in response to a lack of loving. However, there comes a point where what others think, and being successful cease to matter in the face of the deeper existential dread of the whole world we have created falling out from under us. For me, there is wisdom too to this crisis — to bring us to a deeper experience and appreciation of our true nature. Existentialism developed from the ideas of the philosophers — Sartre, Camus, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche — who came to believe there is no clear, absolute ground for human life, hence Nietzsche’s exclamation ‘God is dead’. What existentialism attempted to do was to resolve existential despair by creating meaning out of a person’s own individual existence. Basically, they believe the only real source of meaning is our own individual conviction, action and choice. However, such a perspective brings no resolution to existential despair because it offers no absolute and unshakeable meaning for human existence. In other words, it is subjective in nature, hence existentialism offers no way to resolve the experience of groundlessness and dread that hits all of us at critical points in our lives. Personal meanings don’t hold up very long in the face of impending death and man’s inhumanity to man. So, what are we to do in the face of such overwhelming darkness of spirit

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— in the face of the absurdity of it all? Five years ago, I experienced an episode of existential despair. I was participating in a residential course on psychotherapy and Buddhist spirituality. As the course progressed I found myself questioning many aspects of Buddhism — as I had done with Catholicism many years before. One night, after I retired to my room, I plummeted into the blackest of depressions. My hopes that the teachings of the Buddha would provide the absolute meaning for life that I had long sought were dashed. I was shaken to the core, but decided that I would stay with the depression and allow myself to sink into it, not having any idea where this would take me. Over several hours I wrestled with the hopelessness but eventually an over-riding realisation emerged that ‘it is not Buddha that can save me, not Christ, not Mohammed, but only myself ’. Somehow, that realisation lifted the depression and I began to sense a deeper reality of transcendence that I have continued to pursue. The depression, meaninglessness and hopelessness, rather than being experiences that needed to be denied or rationalised, became stepping stones to something deeper. What emerged, though elusive, was an essential clarity, transparency, a warmth and peacefulness and a fullness of presence that had no need to be something. This is not the neutral or terrifying emptiness that existentialism attempts but fails to address, but a pathway to a connection to one’s true and unique nature. The words of the late poet and philosopher John O’Donohue powerfully echo the experience I have attempted to describe: Allow your loneliness time To dissolve the shell of dross That has closed around you; Choose in this severe silence To hear the one true voice Your rushed life fears; Cradle yourself like a child Learning to trust what emerges, So that gradually You may come to know That deep in that black hole You will find the blue flower That holds the mystical light Which will illuminate in you The glimmer of springtime. ■ Dr Tony Humphreys is a clinical psychologist, author and national and international speaker. His book, The Power of ‘Negative’ Thinking is relevant to today’s article.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

Think of it as a blank canvas Have your say in shaping your newspaper at www.irishexaminer.com/readerpanel

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8 Cover story

Early sexualisation

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We are living in a sexualised culture which puts pressure on young people to act in a certain way and forces parents to confront the issue openly, writes Helen O’Callaghan

THE FALL FROM INNOCENCE F

Picture: iStock

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ROM First Communion dresses designed like mini-bridal gowns to padded bras for seven-yearolds, from pop-video imagery that verges on soft porn to the sex myths told in schoolyards before children have thought about kissing, early sexualisation is real. While adults can be sensitive to early sexualisation, children may not perceive themselves as sexualised, says Dr Patrick Ryan, director of clinical psychology at UL and author of You Can’t Make Me, Get The Best Out Of Your Teenager. “If we see an eight-year-old in a skimpy top, we assume that’s her being sexualised but she has no concept of that. If you ask her, she’ll say ‘I like it because it’s yellow and my friend has one too’. It doesn’t have any additional meaning for her.” Parentline manager Rita O’Reilly recalls as a child wanting to wear her mum’s high heels and scarves. “Kids want to emulate their mums and older sisters but there has to be a balance,” she says. What’s crucial, says Ellen O’Malley-Dunlop, Dublin Rape Crisis Centre CEO, is that adults need to understand the distinction between normal child sexual development and early sexualisation. “Little girls will sidle up to their daddies and be very coquettish and say ‘I want to marry you’. An adult might say ‘isn’t she very seductive’, but it’s a normal stage in the development of a child. The daddy needs to gently manage that and say ‘you’re gorgeous but Mammy is my wife and you’ll find a lovely husband when you’re big’. “If a child is gyrating her hips because she has seen a Lady Gaga video, it’s important not to encourage the behaviour. If such behaviour is responded to inappropriately by an adult, it arrests the child’s normal development. It needs to be managed in a very gentle way — maybe by distracting the child and asking her to sing a different song.” If we try to control the cultural elements that promote early sexualisation, we’re setting ourselves up for failure, says Dr Ryan. “Adults might want to control the pictures in magazines, the clothes sold in shops, the lyrics in songs. But they’re trying to control forces over which they’ve got no control. Instead, we should ask: ‘what can we control’? We can influence the messages children take from the world. We can engage them in talking about how our culture has become more openly sexualised. We can get them to see themselves as much more than a person imitating a glossy picture in a magazine. We can teach children that their body is part of who they are, that it’s not to be used by anybody. If we put out the message that a girl’s body is defined in terms of its usefulness or beauty, we’re inferring there’s another group who can use it — boys and men. There’s a subtle permission that the girl can be used.” Early sexualisation narrows the “developmental space” of children. “If you give a child full freedom, it will examine all sorts of possibilities around ‘who am I? What do I want’? But if you redefine femininity as simply about being beautiful, thin or a certain shape, you limit the natural curiosity

Picture: iStock

We can’t control the cultural elements that promote early sexualisation of children. What we can influence are the messages they take from the world around them around identify formation because you’re saying all other things aren’t important — that there’s no point in learning to play rugby or climb a mountain,” he says. So whether in relation to brightly-coloured friendship bands — each colour represents a sexual activity to which the wearer might say yes — or sex-themed internet pop-ups, we have to teach our children to be critical thinkers, says Ryan. “We’ve got to embed it in our educational system, the ability to critically evaluate the message they’re getting from every

source.” One mum anonymously, spoke of how she felt when she found her 13-year-old son had Googled ‘porn’, ‘pornography’ and ‘naked’. “I nearly dropped dead. Then his dad reminded me that young boys always tried to get their hands on ‘dirty’ magazines or books with sexual content. But in our day, it was a drip-feed. Now everything’s available to them via the internet,” she says. Yet Irish findings of the EU Kids Online Project (www.eukidsonline.net), presented last month, show children are more likely to

see sexual imagery on traditional media than on the internet. Fourteen percent of nine to 16-year-olds have seen sexual imagery on TV, films or videos compared to 11% who have seen it on the internet. One in three of those who had seen sexual images were bothered by the experience, with older teens more likely to be upset. “Older children are more likely to be accessing adult sites regularly and deliberately so they might come across more violent and degrading content,” says Simon Grehan, internet safety manager with the National Centre for Technology in Education. Kate McCarthy set up the Freedom From Pornography Campaign because she was concerned about the amount of pornography infiltrating Irish society. “It’s everywhere — in your local garage shop or supermarket, in magazines placed adjacent to children’s comics. It’s on the internet and TV. If your mobile phone has an internet connection, you can link into porn sites or chat lines,” she says. A mum of three grown-up children, she raised her family to talk about sex. “I gave them the message that sex is something to be enjoyed, that it should be based on mutuality, equality and safety. I see the infiltration of pornography as undervaluing that message and threatening my right as a parent to give the message,” McCarthy says. She says pornography “objectifies and dehumanises” women, and yet many young people are using it to learn about sex. “But pornography distorts what a healthy sexual relationship should be. Young boys are looking at images of women being dehumanised and the women are asking for this to be done to them. So young men are thinking this is what girls want. And young girls are thinking this is what they have to want. Pornography takes no account of authentic pleasurable needs,” she says. McCarthy works with women struggling with domestic violence and says some have confided distress at being asked by male partners to behave in ways portrayed in sexually explicit magazines. “Young girls are beginning to report discomfort too at what guys are asking them to do, stuff like oral and anal sex and threesomes,” she says.

“It’s not uncommon in Ireland to find certain discos where 14- or 15-year-old girls are encouraged to go without underwear,” says Deirdre Seery, CEO of the Sexual Health Centre in Cork. “It’s almost like a rite of passage. The more assertive young people are, the more likely they are to say ‘that’s boring’, to pull back and say ‘that’s not for me’.” O’Malley-Dunlop says the fallout from the proliferation of explicit sexual imagery is all too visible. “We see the horrible coal-face frontline consequences, with teenage girls presenting to sexual assault units because they’ve been raped or assaulted.” McCarthy says Irish society needs to start asking questions: “Where are young people getting their information about how to enjoy sex as something that’s pleasurable — something they can have with respect and dignity and as equals between the sexes? How are we giving young people a voice to talk about what their needs are?” How people are represented is how they will be treated. “If women are represented as less than fully human, that’s how they will be treated,” she says. Orla McGowan, Crisis Pregnancy Agency information officer, says pressure on teens to be sexually intimate can be twofold. “It can be a response to what’s being talked about among a teen’s group of friends and arises out of the young person’s desire to keep up with the group. Or it can be a more direct pressure, almost coercion, where a girlfriend or boyfriend says ‘what’s your problem — everyone else is doing it’,” she says. Conflicts felt by teens can be gender-specific. “Girls are expected to maintain their reputation, while at the same time being under pressure from boyfriends to be sexually intimate. Boys can feel substantial pressure to be macho, to know about and always be ready for sex, so a boy may be sexually intimate before he’s ready,” she says. Deirdre Seery says she wishes Irish teens were as assertive as their Dutch counterparts. “In the Netherlands, teenagers have a sense of what they deserve in life. If they don’t want to do something, they say ‘that doesn’t suit me’.”

TIPS FOR PARENTS

Picture: iStock

■ Create an open dialogue, so a child feels secure about asking questions about sex and sexuality. ■ With teens, create opportunities for discussing sex. Use celeb news or TV programmes to kick-start conversations. Go for walks or drives, where you can talk uninterrupted. ■ Mums and dads should talk to each other about conversations they’ve each had with their child so as to avoid mixed messages. ■ Don’t assume, because your child hasn’t mentioned having a boy or girlfriend, that they haven’t felt under pressure to be sexually intimate.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

■ Knowing what’s going on in your teen’s life is a protective factor against early sexual activity, says McGowan. ■ Ensure teens know where to get accurate information. www.b4udecide.ie has info about making healthy decisions and relationships. Developed in consultation with more than 200 teens, it launched in December 2009 and had 80,000 visits in 2010. ■ A supplement for parents, Tips For Talking To Older Teenagers, and the Busybodies DVD and booklet about puberty and growing up are available by texting “talk” and “busy” respectively (plus name and address) to 50444.

Picture: iStock

Confronting the issues

INCE their early teens, Tommie Ryan, 21, Denise Kirwan, 21, and Vicky Wall, 22, have been involved with the Squashy Couch health and information project in Waterford. Offering sexual health programmes to young people in secondary schools. Squashy Couch’s services — free to teens aged between 14 and 19 — reach 6,000 teenagers annually. Now students at Waterford Institute of Technology, Tommie, Denise and Vicky recall their early teens and the pressure felt by some young people to be sexually active. ■ Contact Squashy Couch (also on Facebook) on 051-859000. VICKY: “I THINK there was pressure at a younger age — prior to third year — to be sexually active. The perceived view is that the older ones are all having sex. You’re told ‘ok, she is’ and you think ‘should I be?’ or ‘should I say I am just to take the pressure off ’. “A lot of young people started saying they were having sex at around 15 or 16. It was a huge topic. It came up every week, especially after the weekend — ‘what did you get up to?’ After third year, the pressure went. If you TEEN TALK: Tommie Ryan were [having and Vicky Wall who are sex], you involved in the Squashy were, and if Couch sexual health and you weren’t, information project in you weren’t Waterford. Picture:Patrick Browne — people felt it was your own business.” TOMMIE: “Sex is a big part of life from age 14. It’s more talk than action but there are some instances of sex. By the mid-teens, people start experimenting. I think the media forces young people to participate in adult activity at a young age. “Personally, I didn’t feel under pressure to have sex young, probably because of the group of friends I palled around with. I was also more informed about safe sex and STIs than the vast majority of young people.” DENISE: “A lot of pressure came from peers, just from their talking about what people were doing. If you were with a particular group of friends, you’d feel you had to keep up with them in order to still be friends.”

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10 Medical matters

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Q. My nine-year-old boy loves swimming, but is plagued by swimmer’s ear. I don’t want him to have to stop swimming, but it is causing him a lot of discomfort.

I’M due to start in a new job shortly which involves night shift work. Is working nights damaging to your health and, if so, what can I do to minimise this?”

Dr Niamh Houston

FAMILY

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Dr Niamh Houston is a GP with a special interest in integrative medicine. If you have a question about your child’s health email it to feelgood@examiner.ie or send a letter to Feelgood Irish Examiner City Quarter Lapps Quay Cork

A. Swimming pool water is known for having high levels of bacteria and some pools are less clean than others. A. Biologically we’re designed to An outer ear infection like swimmers be diurnal animals, we tend not to ear is usually considered chronic if perform at the same level as we can signs and symptoms persist for more during daytime. If you are working than three months. This can occur if shifts, particularly nights, or constantthere are conditions that make treatly changing schedules, this can upset ment difficult, such as a rare strain of your circadian rhythm (24-hour body bacteria, an allergic skin reaction, an cycle), cause sleep deprivation and faallergic reaction to antibiotic eardrops, tigue, as well as disrupting family and or a combination of a bacterial and social life. fungal infection. The long-term health risks from If your son’s infection hasn’t reshift work can include an increased sponded to standard treatment of medrisk of breast cancer, heart attacks and icated ear drops, his doctor can take a cardiovascular disease. Earlier onset of sample of discharge or debris from his stomach ulcers, as well as an increased ear and send it to a lab to identify the risk of depression are also associated exact microorganism causing his infecwith shift work. tion. Regular meals and maintaining a Where the ear canal is completely healthy well-balanced diet can be difblocked by swelling, inflammation or ficult when working shifts. At night, excess discharge, his doctor can use a the loss of appetite often leads to inwick or suction to help drainage and creased snacking on junk food. The clean away any discharge, clumps of trouble for many workers on night earwax, flaky skin or other debris. shifts also is the craving for sweet, fatCleaning the outer ear is necessary ty foods which can lead to weight to help eardrops flow to all infected argain. eas. Lie on the side with the infected People who work shifts face many ear up to help medication travel problems that others do not recogthrough the full length for the ear nise. The difficulties stem from the canal. During treatment, don’t swim, change in eating, sleeping, and workavoid flying or wearing headphones. ing patterns. Unfortunately, changing jobs isn’t an option for most people. NIGHTMARE DIET: Working a night shift can often lead to Avoid getting water in the ear canal poor eating habits because regular meals and a healthy when washing, Use a cotton ball coatIt is essential that you keep the same sleep routine. It doesn’t matter well-balanced diet can be difficult to maintain. Picture: iStock ed with petroleum jelly to protect the ear. Keep the ears dry, and dry thorwhen you sleep, but it’s vital to get oughly after exposure to moisture. six to seven hours rest. Sleep on a set schedMix one part of white vinegar and one ule to help establish a routine. Some people lots of water, keep caffeine, fizzy drinks to a part rubbing alcohol together and pour one may prefer to get a full period of rest just minimum and eat the usual balance of vegbefore the next work shift. But you need to etables, fruit, lean meat, poultry and fish and teaspoon of the solution into each ear and let it drain back out. This will help promote try different patterns of sleep to see which is wholegrains. Bring low-fat crackers, nuts drying and can help prevent the growth of best for you. Make sure your sleep environand fruit to work with you, instead of relybacteria and fungi that can cause swimmer’s ment is comfortable, dark and that you have ing on takeaways or convenience foods. ear. Just make sure the eardrum isn’t perfoa specific quiet place to sleep during the If you’re on a rotating shift work pattern, rated. day. Regular exercise is also key to staying you will adapt better if its rotated forward. There are ear-plugs that can be specifically well, even a brisk 30-minute walk after your So going from a morning to evening to moulded to fit an individual’s ear canals and shift will benefit you. night shift is the best pattern. it is advisable to get these for your son beMaintain regular eating patterns as much Try to car pool with work colleagues as possible and time meals carefully. Night when finishing work. You’ll keep each other fore he returns to swimming. Remind him to avoid putting objects in his ear, including workers should eat lightly throughout the awake and increase your chances of getting cotton buds, paper clips, and hairpins. shift and have a moderate breakfast. Drink home safely.

NOTE: The information contained in Dr Houston’s column is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a doctor first

Catherine Shanahan MUM’S WORLD Feelgood

LEVATORS, escalators, hiding places, potential child predators — the shopping mall has become a war zone. Enter at your peril. Level One, the car park, is hard to navigate. Here, drivers reverse with gay abandon, oblivious to the tot passing behind them, just below their line of vision. Make it intact to the trolley stand to find you have the wrong coin size. You try asking passersby for change but some look on in disdain and others look straight ahead because they think you’re there to beg, making capital out of two radiant little angels. Some old dear takes pity and offers you two euro but your conscience won’t let you bleed a pensioner. You return, red-faced, to the car and search on the floor because you know it held the contents of your purse the day before, thanks to one of the radiant angels. You finally strike gold and return for the trolley where you cage the two angels while travelling down the escalator. They beg to be paroled when you reach the ground floor and you know you should say “No”, but you don’t. You tell them not to run, but it’s like telling a rabid dog not to have a go off the postman. Programmed to canter once their feet hit terra firma, you struggle to keep tabs on their whereabouts. One reappears — he

needs to use the loo instantly — and you know that he who hesitates wets himself. You scan for the girl and espy her by a kiddie ride a little boy has set his sights on. As you approach, she swings a right hook catching the boy on his jawline. You contemplate walking by as the boy begins to cry, but you really need to reach the toilets. You grab her and run, and, crisis averted, you return to the business of shopping. Mid-order in the butcher’s you notice the silence and turn in search of the angels. You hear them before you see them in the shop across the mall pleading with the assistant for freebies. It’s the two euro shop, their favourite pit-stop, and they’re standing at the counter with their choices. “Oh please can we have them,” you hear your son say, and mortified, you run in their direction. An audience looks on wondering who they are and why they’re alone in the centre. You contemplate disowning them but instead you reclaim them all the while offering your apologies. When you finally get home from the battle zone, you swear it’s the last time you’ll take them. From now on when you shop, you will use your desktop and the shopping mall will be a safer place for everyone.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

Mid-order in the butcher’s I notice the silence and turn in search of the angels. I see them across the mall pleading with the assistant for freebies. It’s the two euro shop, their favourite pit-stop

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Family strife

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Tension between Sarah Kearney’s eldest four children and their ‘step-dad’, the father of her fifth child, led her to contact David Coleman for help, says Arlene Harris

No longer all at sea

ARAH KEARNEY is bringing up five children. She loves each of them, but the pressures of family life and the bitter squabbling between the siblings was driving a wedge between her and her partner Stephen as they struggled to find a balance between discipline and chaos. Four of the children are from a previous relationship and were finding it difficult to adhere to rules laid down by their new ‘stepfather’. Consequently, this caused disquiet between the parents, disobedience among the children and an overwhelming feeling of despair throughout the family. Sarah, the weary mother of Adam, 13, Jade, 11, Chloe, nine, Jake, six and Kyle, two, decided enough was enough and sought the help of child psychologist, David Coleman. Starting on Monday, a new series of Families in the Wild shows how she followed expert advice as she tried to bring her family back from breaking point. “Stephen and I have been together for five years and we have a two-year-old son together,” says the 32-year-old. “The older kids had been used to having me to themselves, even when I was with their father, so it was very hard for them to get used to having another adult around. They didn’t like being told what to do by someone who wasn’t their dad and my eldest boy, Adam had terrible problems with anger. “We all had communication issues and spent most of our time shouting,” she says. “The kids were constantly kicking, hitting and biting each other and the girls were just as bad as the boys, if not worse — it was a nightmare and we all knew we had to do something about it.” It was her teenage son who was the catalyst for contacting David Coleman. “Adam was nine when Stephen (30) arrived on the scene and he found it very difficult,” she says. “He considered himself the man of the house and suddenly someone else was taking his place — he didn’t like it at all and was constantly shouting, breaking things and fighting with his brothers and sisters. “I sent him to counselling to see if it would make a difference but when the sessions were over he asked me if he could go back as he knew he needed help. He was only 12 and that is when I realised that something had to be done before it was too late. “When Jake was in play-school, he had a lot of tantrums and his teacher told me to read David Coleman’s book, so this is what made me think of him when I needed to sort the whole family out,” says the Dublin woman. “Without thinking, I sent an email to the RTÉ programme and asked if David could help me,” she says. “I told Stephen, who was initially nervous about going on the show, but neither of us thought we would be picked so we just forgot about it. “Then I got the call and found out it was going to happen, so I had to tell the kids. They were delighted, both because they were going to be on television and because we were finally going to get some help.” After an initial interview with the psychologist, the four eldest children went to Kerry in September with their mother and step-dad. There they embarked on a week of

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Different world CLINICAL psychologist David Coleman says modern parenting can be more difficult than previous generations. “There is a lot more tension between parents and children than there would have been in the past because there are more outside influences,” he says. “Children are exposed to a lot more and have higher expectations than their parents had and this can lead to conflict.” “But communication is vital and there are a number of tips to help parents and children to understand each other: ■ Spend more time together as a family. ■ Talk to each other and explain the reasons behind your rules and regulations. They may not agree but understanding why will lessen their frustration. ■ Make time for family meals without the interruption of television or computers. ■ Parents should lead by example — if you are shouting at your children, they will do the same. ■ Changing your ways may take time and effort but it will be worth the effort.

CALM WATERS: The Kearney family by the sea, back row, Sarah, Sarah’s partner Stephen and clinical psychologist David Coleman; second row, Adam and Jade, and in front Chloe. outdoor activities, family bonding sessions and one-on-one counselling. They were very hopeful. “We left Kyle with my aunt as he was too young for the trip and set off on our activity week,” says Sarah, who is a part-time childcare worker. “We were a bit anxious about it to start with but were so busy all the time that we didn’t really have time to think. During the day we went surfing, cycling, rock climbing, hill walking and orienteering — it was hard work but really great fun. “Then in the evening, we had dinner and would spend time either with the kids or talking to David about how we could improve on certain areas. We were constantly on the go but everyone had a really brilliant week.” After seven days of observation, Coleman had prepared a number of coping strategies for the family and tips on how to obtain and achieve a calm household. And on their return to Dublin, they put the advice to the test. “David noticed that we didn’t communicate very well and found that we were too quick to dole out punishments,” says Sarah. “For example, if someone wouldn’t eat their dinner, they would get sent to their

room and wouldn’t be allowed back until they apologised. He told us that we should pick our arguments, especially with the older children, and shouldn’t get so hung up on little things. “We were also told to look out for things to praise instead of criticise — this could be if one of the kids took their plate away from the table without being asked or did their homework well or was even playing nicely with their brother or sister.” The psychologist also recommended that talking was the best policy when dealing with children, even after tempers have boiled over. “Talking seems to be the key when it comes to children and it has taken me a while to realise that,” says Sarah. “There are days when I lose the rag with the kids but as long as I explain to them that I have had a bad day or am feeling tired, then they know there is a reason why I am cross with them. “I also try to spend a little time with each of them individually every week, even if it’s just in the car or going down to the shops, just to give them the time to talk about anything that’s bothering them.” Combine two working parents and five children and you will get a busy household so there may not always be time to talk, but

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

■ For more information visit www.davidcoleman.ie.

Sarah says learning to communicate has been the lifeline that kept the family together. “Without a doubt, this form of parenting is hard work as trying to listen to everyone and not lose my patience is very time consuming,” she says. “But although it is difficult, it is so much better for everyone. We are much stronger as a family — we talk about what is bothering us and try to work through things rather than just roaring at each other.” The week on the wild side has also helped Sarah and Stephen’s relationship as a couple and they have learned how to share their responsibilities. “We have really benefited from David’s help,” Sarah says. “We stopped shouting at the kids and each other straight away and have begun to work as a team. Now I know if I am getting too stressed to deal with something, I can just hand over the reins — a bit like a relay race. “Sometimes I even think about giving it all up, but it has changed all of our lives dramatically and I really believe it has saved our family.” ■ Families in the Wild begins on RTÉ One on Monday, March 14 at 9.35pm

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Healthy food

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Guaranteed Irish talent Roz Crowley

E are blessed with wonderful food producers and retailers, and as long as we continue to support them they will continue to supply us with an excellent range of fresh and well crafted products. With St Patrick’s Day on the horizon, let’s salute those who have braved the elements at markets during the cold winter months and those who have dared to start businesses in a recession. First up is Deirdre Collins who got a terrific lift when early last year she succeed in extracting F30,000 from Dragons’ Den judge Niall O’Farrell. His offer was best and her flawless performance garnered huge respect from all the ‘dragons’. At that stage Dee’s Wholefood Burgers were doing well, but needed finance for a sealing unit for packaging to provide the longer shelf life demanded by supermarkets. She had already secured a listing with Dunnes Stores with a 12 day shelf life, but others demanded 21 days. “Dragons’ Den was a great experience but you don’t just walk out of the Den with a cheque in your hand,” says Deirdre. She had to form a limited company and prove her business was working well. “It was heart-in-mouth stuff. The day after the show aired on television we got 500 enquiries. We got the sealer on June 1 and the day before I had got an order from SuperValu, then soon after one from Superquinn, so it had to be working at full tilt immediately.” She was surviving on 90 minutes sleep a night during that phase. Then in January she secured a listing from Tesco for 20 stores in Ireland and has recently established her products in a large number of health and wholefood stores in Britain. Her expansion across the water is expected to continue with a presence at a health food exhibition in Brighton which has the highest proportion of vegans and vegetarians in Britain. Next month there is the Natural and Organics Trade Show in Olympia in London where she hopes to secure orders for shops north of London. All her burgers are meat-free, wheat-free and gluten-free, with no dairy, soy or eggs either and are low in salt, so it’s not surprising they have caught on, especially as they taste great too. Our tasters gave them one of our top marks in our gluten-free survey in 2009. She gets a great kick out of exporting to Dubai, currently selling through a distributor, and often links up for promotions with Ballymaloe relish — a perfect partner on the plate as well as in business. For Deirdre the future looks bright and she is full of ideas. Work is ongoing on a one-pot, bean-based low-salt, low-sugar and low-fat meal. Her current problem is in finding suitable packaging which is not plastic. “Ideally we would have a biodegradable pot, but leakage is an issue in lots of the samples we tried.” Every aspect of keeping the integrity of her wholefood product is being considered. “I’m energised by it all. It’s not easy, but we have plans and so far, so good.” An Irish company to be proud of.

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DRAGONS SUCCESS: Deirdre Collins from Dee’s Wholefood, Ballincollig, Cork, with Niall O’Farrell, from the Dragons’ Den. Picture:Fennell Photography

CHICKEN DELIGHT: With a shared passion for good food and eating well, Gavin McCarthy and his wife Sara Mitchell set up a mobile rotisserie unit. www.dees.ie Meanwhile, Gavin McCarthy, who was made redundant from a property company in August of 2008 didn’t wait around too long to lick his wounds. He wasn’t particularly happy in that job and even before the axe fell could see the future wasn’t promising. With a three-week-old baby and the cushion of his redundancy package, he didn’t panic, taking time to enjoy the new arrival and consider his options.

With his wife Sara Mitchell’s cookery skills and his own passion for eating well, he eventually invested his redundancy money in a rotisserie and van similar to those he saw while on holiday in France. The husband-and-wife team set up Poulet Bonne Femme, a mobile rotisserie unit seen at markets in Dublin and occasional music and festival gigs. The chickens are all free-range which is important to ensure good taste and texture.

“Taste is all important to us,” says Gavin. “We get the most satisfaction when customers return to us. We have Michelin-starred restaurateurs buying for their family meals, food writers, discerning diners who appreciate our basting ingredients and marinades.” There’s no particular age group or type of customer, just people who know how chicken should taste. From early days their range has been extended to include pork and duck, roasted vegetables, coleslaw and sauces such as blue cheese which Sarah creates. In the future they hope to offer an even wider choice, but don’t plan on expansion by buying other vans. “We’re doing something we love and keeping control of — quality is key to our success so far. It’s difficult to make money, but it’s has been said that if you start a business in a recession you learn to scrutinise every cost and have no waste. When the recession lifts we’ll be ready with more products, and we know now that everything we produce is as good as it could possibly be.” With the high costs of cooking in an oven, a free range chicken for F12.50 (F7 for a half) is excellent value. They cater for parties and do some deliveries around Dalkey and Sandymount in Dublin. Last week they received the Small Firms’ Association award for one of the best emerging small businesses in Ireland. The luck of the Irish? No, just consistently hard work and a steady eye on quality and service.

Green tips for St Patrick’s Day ■ REVIEW your recycling habits, making sure tops are taken off bottles and jars before recycling. Keep glossy magazines separate from newspapers. Reuse cartons for school lunches and wash ziplock-style bags for re-use.

■ CELEBRATE St Patrick’s Day by planting a few seeds in a used carton or other shop packaging. Lettuce is easy, or try some parsley.

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■ ALWAYS fill the oven to save fuel. Make scones while a roast is on, put rice in a covered dish while scones are cooking. Cook whole beetroot in the oven while something else is cooking. It’s not fussy about temperature.

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Male health

I never felt right as a girl

ARREN Matthews grew up as a girl — but the reflection in the mirror never matched his image of himself. Now 20, he is on his way to becoming the male he always felt he was. “I had no light-bulb moment, but from the age of 16 I really knew being a girl wasn’t right for me,” says Darren, who is transgendered female to male. Transgender refers to individuals whose gender expression and/or gender identity is different from sex assigned at birth. This may include people who identify as transsexuals, transgender, intergender, crossdressers and genderqueer. “I got information from the internet, talked to my GP and to my mum.” Today, he has been on testosterone for a year, initially using gel, but now injections, which he gets every 10 days. “The testosterone stops periods, deepens the voice, gives you more body hair and builds up cartilage in your throat, so you get an Adam’s apple,” says Darren. Periods were a nightmare for the teenager. “If I was at school, I would just go straight to bed when I came home, and if I was home, I would just stay in my bedroom. I just felt this was not supposed to be happening to my body, my body shouldn’t work this way,” he

BORN AGAIN: Darren Matthews has been on testosterone for 12 months and says it’s been one of the best years in his life. Picture:Denis Minihane

Deirdre O'Flynn MOSTLY MEN says, adding that while testosterone hasn’t cured his depression, he’s just had one of the best years of his life. “I went two years without looking in the mirror and now, even though I haven’t had chest surgery, it’s becoming easier to look in the mirror.” Chest surgery to remove his breasts is the next move, depending on finances and weight loss. In the meantime, he binds to flatten his breasts. “For a lot of people, it’s enough to present as their gender and be accepted but, for me, the chest surgery is important to align my body to my brain.” Family support has been vital in his jour-

ney. “I didn’t need to tell my mum I was transgender, she asked me. She helped me cut my hair and shave my head. She’s extremely open and supportive, as are my siblings.” A member of Transgender Equality Network Ireland (TENI), Darren facilitates the Cork Transgender Support Group. TENI is a national voluntary organisation supporting transgender people and their families, and

Bowel cancer awareness Smokers lose up to seminar offers support 15 years off their lives THE Irish Cancer Society will hold the Bowel Cancer Support Group’s annual ‘national bowel cancer’ seminar on April 2 at the Alexander Hotel, Dublin 2. This event is free of charge and open to all affected by, or with an interest in, bowel cancer.

TAKE

You can download the Bowel Cancer Seminar programme at www.cancer.ie and register your name and address so that you will be notified when online registration is open. Alternatively, to book your free place or for further information, conPicture: iStock tact Valerie at the Irish Cancer Society on 01-231 0518 or email vabbott@irishcancer.ie.

SLENDER TEA: Drink your way to a slimmer shape with new Lifes2Good Slender Cho Yung Tea. Designed to boost the metabolism and aid weight loss, it’s a blend of green tea and herbal ingredientsb including lotus leafb which is high in antioxidants and known for its weight-loss properties. Available from pharmacies, one box of Slender Cho Yung tea contains 20 teabags, F24.95 (each tea bag can be used twice), www.slender.ie.

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SMOKERS lose an average of 10 to 15 years from their life expectancy. And if you are in the same room as a smoker, you are exposing yourself to at least 50 agents known to cause cancer. That’s according to new research from Aviva Health Insurance, which showed that the risk of developing lung cancer is set to increase by 59% for men, according to

NATURAL SUPPORT: Nourish health store recommend Viridian’s NAC+ supplement, F24.70, for those trying to quit smoking. NAC+ is an antioxidant that has been formulated to target the area of willpower, nicotine addiction and dependency, while providing nutritional support. It works by stimulating the brain chemicals that mediate reward-seeking behaviour and cravings. Craving Essence from Jan de Vries, F4.85, is also formulated to help people trying to change unhealthy lifestyle habits. It works by promoting feelings of well-being, reducing cravings and boosting motivation.

the National Cancer Registry. “Smoking affects your cardio-vascular system, making your blood clot more easily. This can block an artery in your heart leading to a heart attack or an artery in your brain which can cause a stroke. Smokers are three times more likely to have a stroke than non-smokers,” says Dr Stephen Murphy of the Aviva Medical Council.

promotes the wellbeing and needs of transgender people in Ireland. ■ The Cork Transgender Support Group meets on the first and third Tuesday, or every month, in The Other Place, North Main Street, from 7-9pm. For more info, call 085-1083935 or check out Cork TENI on Facebook.

DId you know... Most sexually active people will have genital human papillomavirus (HPV) at some time in their lives Source: www.cdc.gov/std/

Picture: iStock

FLOWER POWER: If you are starting to struggle with your Lenten pledges, how about a little help from some flower essences? Two drops of the Bach Flower remedy Cherry Plum may help you to overcome that desire for chocolate; gentian is designed to strengthen resolve, while chestnut bud stops us from repeating the same mistakes. Bach Flower remedies cost F8.95 each. Another remedy from Dr Bach which may be useful when giving up smoking, is Rescue Chewing Gum, F4.95 — it comes with a refreshing orange and elderflower flavour. Each piece contains four drops of stress-relieving Rescue Remedy.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

Lenten detox

NEW TRAINERS: Following the success of the Ecco Biom Walking Shoe here last year, Ecco has now launched the Biom Trainer. This multi-functional leather fitness shoe can be used for a range of activities, from running to gym classes. Based on the principles of “natural motion”, the lightweight sole is made of one component which is flexible and twistable. It is designed so that your feet can move as naturally as possible, helping to strengthen the foot and lower leg muscles. Biom Trainers are available in several colour combinations for men and women and retail at F130.

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Beauty

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Done and dusted

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POPPY KING IF you needed any further evidence that lipstick is embarking upon global dominance, then look to the new collaboration between legendary lippy brand Poppy King and No7. Created by the Australian entrepreneur of the same name, King, pictured here, is of the belief that a good lipstick can help women take on the world, and while we’re not entirely convinced that your bright red lippy will help you seal that deal, we do like King’s style. With the emphasis on colour — beautiful bold colour — the range comes in seven iconic shades with a vintage twist with tones of red, rose, blackberry and pink. Lipsticks cost F16.95 and are available from Boots stores nationwide.

Emily O’Sullivan

Long-wearing face coverage is back, and may be worth the investment during tight times

E’RE pretty suspicious about the term ‘beauty trends.’ Sometimes, it feels like somebody’s made them up in an effort to make more money, which, in fairness, they probably have. But do we even need half the stuff we throw on ourselves every day? Absolutely not. Regardless, we still fall for it, and we still find ourselves adding to our make-up bag, sometimes on a monthly basis. Thankfully, one effect of the recession is to draw the incessant spending to a halt. Right now, we’re a lot less casual than we used to be about buying a F25 eyeshadow, especially when we can nab one for a third of the price that works just as well. Still, when it comes to beauty’s spring/summer trends, there looks like there’s no slowdown on the product binge. Big on the catwalk and making a show on the Oscar red carpet and at the Vanity Fair Oscar party, Taylor Swift (I think you hear us knocking) was the ‘done face’. Until pretty recently, the done face was a complete no-no. Done faces were about as dated as, well, blue eyeliner and red lipstick, but both of those have bounced back in a major way. Same, too, with the done face. Taking time, applying your make-up properly and reverting to a tried-and-tested system of moisturiser, primer, foundation, concealer, powder and blush is now pretty much de rigueur, especially when you’re going out.

Take three SPRING GLOSSES

Picture: Getty Images

It seems like a lot, and it is a lot, but most of us have these products lurking around our bathroom cabinet, we’re just not used to wearing them all at the same time. MAC kicked off the trend a few weeks ago with the launch of a collection called Future Face, which brought proper, long-wearing, medium to “buildable” coverage back onto the table. At the same time as Chanel were launching their lightest ever base, Vitalumiere Aqua, MAC was heralding a foundation that really puts base centre stage. But it’s not just foundation that’s back: primer is big (MAC leads the way here, too, with new products in its excellent Prep + Prime range) and powder has somehow wheedled its way back into our make-up bags, as well. Light or full-on, make-up shouldn’t look blocky and one-dimensional — otherwise, it can give a flat, mask-like look to the skin. Keep it as light as you can. If you’re going for more generous founda-

tion, then you can do away with primer as mostly these formulations will be long-wearing and oil-free, which helps keep them on the skin longer. Powder has been off the boil for a while now as a far dewier look has dominated beauty, but it’s back. The key is to make sure it’s very transparent and translucent — just as light as could be. Seeing it on the skin is a complete no-no, so look to formulations such as Bobbi Brown’s sheer finish loose powder for flattering effects. Part of the resurgence of ‘real’ make-up is this summer’s preoccupation with nude. Wearing neutral shades on the face means that it’s essential that your skin is looking polished and flawless, otherwise it just looks like you’re washed out. The trick, instead, is to go for a very sculpted look that relies on clever use of blush, strong brows and minimal eyeshadow, all of which should be set against a backdrop of perfect skin.

slight yellowish tone that sets your base and flatters the skin.

It looks very natural on the skin and contains a broad spectrum SPF 25, too.

MAC Prep + Prime Transparent Finishing Powder, F24.50. Light and silky, this is a great powder for fixing your base in place. It takes away the kind of shine you want to avoid, while ensuring that your make-up doesn’t look too set.

Clarins Instant Smooth Perfecting Touch, F26. There’s an element of genius in this product. It’s really good. And unlike other primer that can sometimes make the skin feel a bit tight or heavy, it’s so light. Basically, it smoothes over the skin, almost evens it out — creating the perfect base for your make-up. You might not want to wear it every day, but for going out, it’s quite brilliant.

Max Effect Gloss in Orange Smack, F6.99. Orange lipstick? We still need to be convinced. But orange gloss, who would ever have thought that it could be so wearable and flattering. This looks just as pretty on lightly bronzed skin as it does on porcelain pale complexions. A good way of getting a taste of spring without going all out. Yves Saint Laurent Golden Gloss no 43 in Golden Coral, F28. Could there be a more summery shade than coral? While some tones of the stuff are unwearable and a bit kitsch, YSL deftly uses light gold to turn the shade into something undeniably cool. ELF Hypershine Gloss in Vixen, F1.70 at eyeslipsface.co.uk. We know there are postal costs in involved, but less than F2 for a lip gloss is all right with us, whatever the shade. Thankfully, this is a very pretty candy red shade. Flattering and cheap — no argument.

STUFF WE LIKE Giorgio Armani UV Silk, F64.50. We know it’s unbelievably expensive, but this is easily our favourite foundation. It’s simply outstanding. And with good UV protection, it’s a great one for spring. Love it. We just do. Bobbi Brown Sheer finish Loose Powder, F21. We’re big fans of Bobbi Brown products, it’s like real make-up for people who are grown up enough to wear it, but don’t want to look too preened. This sheer powder hits the mark again, with a

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Becca Luminous Skin Colour, F48. Halfway between a tinted moisturiser and a sheer foundation, this is a great one for those who want a bit of coverage but can’t commit to a proper base.

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Clinique Redness Solutions Corrector, F24.50. Honestly? We didn’t think much of this when we saw it — it’s a yellowy stick that we

presumed was probably suited to people suffering with rosacea. Wrong. For anyone blighted with that typically wintery problem of red nose, it’s perfect. It blends in really well, and we now use it every single day. Result.

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Natural health

I HAVE an embarrassing problem. I suffer from flatulence far more often than appears to be normal. It causes me discomfort and anxiety in public because it is painful if I try to hold it in, and embarrassing if I let it out. Is there anything I can do or take to help control this problem?

Megan Sheppard Do you have a question for Megan Sheppard? Email it to feelgood@examiner.ie or send a letter to Feelgood Irish Examiner City Quarter Lapps Quay Cork

A. Excessive wind can be caused by a number of things — from simple food combination choices, through to chronic diseases such as diverticulitis, coeliac disease, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), endometriosis, food intolerances or allergies, colon cancer, or cystic fibrosis. The most common causes of frequent flatulence are eating excessive amounts of fibre, consuming foods that you have an intolerance or allergy to, eating processed or fatty foods, high-legume diets (think beans, chickpeas, lentils — foods with a windy reputation), high sugar diets, poor food combining, carbonated beverages, and candida imbalance. First, you must repopulate your gut with beneficial bacteria, which assist with digestion and absorption of nutrients. Yeast and bacterial imbalance upsets your entire system, creating an acidic environment and causing flatulence, belching, and bloating. A good probiotic supplement, such as Dr Ohira’s OMX, Seven Seas Multibionta, or Biocare’s range, will go a long way towards eliminating excess wind. It is also a good idea to take in fermented ILL WIND: Eating a high-legume diet of beans, foods and beverages, such as those dechickpeas and lentils can contribute to excessive tailed in the excellent book, Wild Ferflatulence. Picture: iStock mentation by Sandor Ellix Katz. If you are currently eating a high-fibre diet, then cut back, and slowly build your fennel essential oil and put one drop in each way towards a high-fibre diet — too much litre of water you drink. You can also purtoo soon can result in painful gas and bloatchase peppermint oil capsules, which might ing. Super sweet fruits are best left alone, with slightly sour fruits such as pomegranate, help in acute situations where you are trying to avoid an embarrassing public moment. currants, cranberries, and citrus being of far more benefit to your system. The only fizzy Which is a better source of omega 3 fatdrinks you should consider are naturally ferty acids, flaxseed oil or fish oil? Are they mented brews — even better if it is a liquid both the same in terms of getting the probiotic drink. MiEssence has a gluten-free omega 3s I need? probiotic liquid called Fast-Tract, which is well worth a try since it can also provide a A. You are quite right to consider the welcome energy boost and reduce cravings source of your omega 3 essential fatty acids, for sugar. since they are not all created equal. There Proper food combination is essential. Beare three main types of omega 3s — EPA gin by simply avoiding proteins and starches at the same meal — this one step can make a (Eicosapentaenoic Acid), DHA (Docosahexaenoic Acid), and ALA (Alpha-Linolenic huge difference in how much gas your body Acid). Fish is rich in both EPA and DHA, produces, and often comes with a welcome while flaxseeds contain significant amounts side-effect of weight loss if you have pounds of ALA. ALA is what is known as a precurto shed. sor to omega 3, which means that it is conAt the beginning it may appear that your body takes a turn for the worse before it be- verted into EPA and DHA by the body. With fish oil, the EPA and DHA are used gins to get better — you are completely redirectly without requiring energy for converbuilding your internal environment, which sion. There is some concern with the condoesn’t happen overnight. sumption of flaxseed oil and an increase in Lastly, I suggest you buy peppermint or

Megan puts the spotlight on:

ROM childhood we’ve been told that sugar is bad for your teeth and drinking too much can cause hangover symptoms. But did you know that eating too many sweets can create a hangover? There are a number of commonly understood health issues surrounding high sugar consumption — weight gain, blood sugar imbalance, diabetes, reduced immune function, candida, and adrenal fatigue — but there are also a number of symptoms immediately after sugar consumption that can only be described as a hangover. Sugar enters the bloodstream causing blood sugar levels to rise, which puts pressure on the pancreas to produce more insulin to assist the transportation

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of the sugar into the cells, which uses up the ingested sugar quickly, causing a rapid drop in blood sugar levels. Now your body is in a state of hypoglycaemia (low sugar), and hormones are released to rebalance the system, leading to a stress response from the body. This hormone release triggers the excretion of sugars from the liver, which results in another blood sugar high. And so your body, along with your mood, swings from high to low in a cyclic fashion. While

prostate cancer among men. Flaxseed oil is very delicate, and can turn rancid quite easily, so if you do prefer it for ethical or taste requirements, please ensure you purchase it from the refrigerator. Healthy and Essential (045-892267; www.heathyandessential.ie) provide a comprehensive range of quality fish oil supplements for people of all ages. They also have a range of both fish and flax oil products tailored to specific health requirements, such as pregnancy, female health, male health, and infant wellbeing. Q. I recently purchased a neti pot, but am nervous about using it for the first time. Can you please give me a few pointers or tips on how to use it effectively? A. The practice of nasal irrigation using a jala neti pot has been used in India since ancient times. It is not only a wonderful way to assist in the relief of allergies and chronic sinusitis, it can also bolster your immune system. Nasal irrigation is not common practice in the West, however allergies, sinusitis, head colds, and ear infections are. This is a particularly important consideration in the face of the increased environmental pollution we experience today. Neti pots can help with chronic sinus conditions, allergies, asthma, cold and flu symptoms, upper respiratory infections, and ear, nose and throat (ENT) infections. Regular nasal irrigation can prevent the need for drug therapy in treating persistent blockage of the nasal passages. I completely understand your hesitation to use the neti pot for the first time, as it is daunting to consider flushing your nasal passages with saline solution. It is best when done after a hot morning shower, because the heat and steam will help to loosen mucous so that the flushing is even more effective. Once you have done it once, it will quickly become a simple three-minute daily process. Simply fill the neti pot with lukewarm distilled water and add ¼-½ teaspoon of sea salt, stirring to dissolve. Lean over the handbasin and look downwards as you place the spout inside your nostril, forming a seal to avoid leaks. Breathe through your mouth so that the water doesn’t drain down the back of your throat. Tilting your head sideways, pour the water gently into the top nostril and allow the saline solution to drain into the basin through the lower nostril. When the neti pot is empty, remove the spout, and exhale through both nostrils into a handkerchief or tissue. Repeat for the remaining nostril. It is important to keep your neti pot clean, and not to share it with anyone. Begin with the smaller amount of salt and work your way towards the full half teaspoon as you get used to the sensation.

Sweet hangover this can happen with healthy sugars, it is even more extreme with highly processed sugars. The temporary sensation of energy and stamina is followed by a feeling of fatigue and drowsiness, with difficulties thinking clearly, headaches, skin issues, emotional imbalance, bowel upset, pain in the joints, and allergy-type symptoms such as inflammation, watery eyes, running nose, and itching. An excess of sugar in the system impacts on all of your internal organs — dehydration, gastrointestinal upset, insomnia/sleep disruption, electrolyte imbalance. Candida is a major issue fuelled by sugar. The bacteria create a by-product called acetaldehyde, which is toxic to humans and accumulates in the mus-

FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011

cles, spinal cord, and brain. This is another chemical which causes hangover symptoms. Even a small amount of highly processed sugar can tip the balance enough to create havoc in your system — and chances are that you are consuming more sugar than you know of, since it is hidden in so many manufactured foods. Try cutting out refined sugars (always check the labels) for three weeks and you will find that you are no longer drawn to this sweet poison.

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Introducing the World’s First Invisible In-The-Ear-Canal Hearing Aid...

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FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2011