Feelgood 09-11-2011 by Evening Echo

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Friday, December 9, 2011

In from the cold

In the true spirit of Christmas, Andrea Keogh welcomes Russian orphan Maryna Titova into her home for a holiday: 8, 9

MISTLETOE MAGIC

Use the season of goodwill to pluck some heartstrings: 4, 5

GOOD MEASURE

Strategies to help cut down on your festive drinking: 6

LIP SMACKINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Mince pies are put to the taste test in our annual round-up: 7

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2 News front Kate O’Reilly WHAT’S ON ■ CHARITY MOVIE: The Kinsale Movie Club is showing the Christmas classic, It’s A Wonderful Life, on Thursday next at 8.30pm in Hamlets of Kinsale. There is no admission fee and there will be mince pies and refreshments, courtesy of Hamlets of Kinsale, with all donations going to the St Vincent de Paul. ■ COFFEE MORNING: Oesophageal cancer patients, survivors and their families are invited to a patient support coffee morning tomorrow in the River Lee Hotel, Cork at 10am. Speakers include members of the Oesophageal Cancer Fund, ARC Cancer Support House, Cork, the Irish Cancer Society and Dietetics Service, Mercy University Hospital, Cork. ■ OPEN DAY: Join the therapists for a day of free health consultations, wholefood and product sampling, health advice from Dr Dilis Clare, mulled wine and more at the Health and Herbs Clinic, Sea Rd, Galway, tomorrow from 11am to 5pm. Free mini treatments can be booked by calling 091-583260 and all donations go the Saint Vincent de Paul; www.healthandherbs.ie ■ CHARITY BAZAAR: The Castletown Kenneigh Annual Bazaar takes place this Sunday at 1.30pm at the local hall, with Santa arriving at 3pm. Proceeds go to Enable Ireland, Cork. All welcome. ■ BOTHAR GROTTO: Over 1,000 children are expected to meet Santa at the Bóthar Grotto at Nutgrove Shopping Centre in Dublin, which will feature the charity’s first pop-up Christmas Gift Store. Visits to Santa are free and a printed photo is available for a donation of €5 to Bóthar. Prices in this year’s Bothar Christmas Catalogue start at €10 for a share of snails destined for families in Cameroon. To order log on to www.bothar.org or call Bóthar on 1850829999. ■ GIFT OF SIGHT: Just €6 can stop the pain of trachoma and prevent blindness for someone before it’s too late, while for only €11 eye tests can be carried out and four children fitted with glasses. The Gift of Sight can be given through www.giftofsight.ie. You can also send an instant greeting anywhere in the world which makes a great last-minute gift solution. Trocaire also have an e-card option with their Global Gifts. Call 1850-408408 or log on to www.trocaire.org to choose from nine Global Gifts which include fruit trees, €7 and chickens €15. ■ SANTA DASH: Children’s charity Barnardos is calling on you to don your Santa Suit and join Santa in the Barnardos annual Christmas 5k Santa Dash this Sunday in UCD, Dublin at 10.30am. Register on www.barnardos.ie for a festive family day out with fancy dress, a reindeer hunt, face painting, festive music and entertainment for children. The Irish Heart Foundation’s Santa Dash will also take place that afternoon at 2pm from Clontarf Rd, Dublin 3, visit www.santadash.ie for full details. ● Items for inclusion in this column can be sent to koreilly8@gmail.com

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As more people live longer, the need for elder mediation in family disputes over care is rising, says Arlene Harris

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OR the past few years the people of Ireland have been living in difficult times and this week’s budget has done little to alleviate the strain on the financial, health and emotional wellbeing of most sectors of the community. One of the most vulnerable groups are the elderly and many will be concerned about where the future lies, what will happen if they become sick and what can they bequeath their families after their demise. Elder mediation is a popular form of intervention in the US and Canada, and although relatively new in Ireland, the idea of seeking professional, impartial help to deal with the most common issues affecting elderly people is gaining momentum. The Mediators Institute of Ireland (MII) says demand for the service is increasing and by 2026 the number of people who are over 65 in Ireland will have almost doubled to 767,300. Siún Kearney, Cork-based mediator with Roundtable Mediation, says: “Elder mediation is an area of development which reflects the fact that people are living longer and maybe facing challenging decisions about future living and sadly this can lead to conflict within the family.” Karen Erwin, president of MII, agrees: “In elder mediation, a mediator facilitates families in having important discussions and making decisions about the needs of the elder family member — and the support to

ON THE DOUBLE: The number of people who are over 65 in Ireland will have almost doubled to 767,300 by 2016. Picture: iStock

be provided by the family. The emphasis is on the quality of life for the older person. “Family members are generally best placed to resolve issues, but on occasion, they may need help in having what might be difficult discussions. “Sometimes not all of the family members are in agreement on how their parent should be cared for; whether the parent can or should be cared for at home or in a nursing home and the amount of time available by different family members to contribute to that care,” says Erwin. Decisions covered by elder mediators include: ■ Living arrangements

■ Environmental, therapeutic interventions ■ New marriages or partners ■ Grand-parenting ■ Provision of care and plans for care-giver support ■ Family disputes ■ Nursing-home and medical decisions ■ Financial issues ■ Holidays and recreation ■ Estate issues ■ End-of-life decisions and succession planning ■ Powers of attorney ● For more information call 01-6099190 or visit www.themii.ie

HEALTH NOTES A NEW resource to help parents, teachers and carers in supporting school-age children with ADHD has been launched this week. The toolkit, which offers practical advice in managing children who suffer from this condition, has been developed by Shire Ireland in collaboration with ADHD-Europe (the European umbrella patient organisation) and an ADHD Awareness Taskforce consisting of some of Europe’s top experts in the field. ADHD affects one in 20 children and is characterised by significant difficulties in levels of concentration, activity and impulsivity. Dr Juliet Bressan, a Dublin-based GP, is researching material for a new book, Menopause The Drug Free Way. She is looking to talk to women about their experiences of the menopausal years and after. There are four simple questions: 1. What was the biggest difference you noticed to your physical self, when your periods finally stopped? 2. Was your menopause a problem for you? 3. What piece of “golden” advice would you like to give other women, and why? 4. Is there anything else you’d like to add? If you would like to contribute to Dr Bressnan’s book please email through her website: www.julietbressan.com.

www.irishexaminer.com www.irishexaminer.com

ease you can contact their helpline 1890-432787.

ADHD RESOURCE: Launching the ADHD resource toolkit were (left to right), Shane Ryan, Dublin GAA Player and primary school teacher; Jack Olden, Shire Pharmaceuticals Ireland, and Prof Fiona McNicholas, a consultant in Child Psychiatry at Our Lady’s Hospital for Sick Children. Picture: Leon Farrell / Photocall Ireland

The Irish Heart Foundation will hold free blood pressure and cholesterol testing clinics at their Munster office, 42 Penrose Wharf, Cork from 10am to 12pm on Tuesday next and at the Community Centre, Ballinlough on Wednesday next from 10.30am to 12pm. For further details call 021-4505822, or if you have questions about stroke or heart dis-

www.irishexaminer.com feelgood@examiner.ie

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

Children born a few weeks early are significantly more likely to suffer behavioural and/or emotional problems before they start school, researchers say. Those born between 32 and 35 weeks’ gestation (moderately premature) are almost twice as likely to have behavioural and emotional problems as children born at term (38 to 41 weeks). The study, published online in the journal Archives of Disease in Childhood, found moderately premature children were almost twice as likely to suffer somatic complaints and externalise their problems through their behaviour.

Safefood’s Take Away My Way cookery competition for post-primary schools encourages students to choose their favourite takeaway dish, modify it to make it healthier and reduce the cost, and then cook it. The all island cookery competition for post-primary students is now in its second year and had almost 1,000 entries in 2011. For more information on the competition and how to enter, see, www.safefood.eu/takeawaymyway or call the safefood helpline on 1850-404567, or email takeawaymyway@gmail.com.

Editorial: 021 4802 292

Advertising: 021 4802 215

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In Profile

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THE SHAPE I'M IN

Monty Halls

Great escapes B

RISTOL man Monty Halls spent six months living in Connemara for his series, Monty Halls’ Great Irish Escape. “It’s very difficult to pick out one event as the highlight of that trip but something very memorable was when we tagged an aggregate of basking sharks. It was extraordinary to be off this wild, rugged headland surrounded by hundreds of sharks.” Before that, he had lived in a converted cattle-shed in Scotland for his Monty Halls Great Escape series. “It was extremely unconverted when I first came upon it — it looked like the cattle had just moved out in disgust. At the beginning, there were only four walls and no running water but we were three miles from the very best gastro-pub in Scotland.” A marine biologist and professional diver (he’s also a former Royal Marine who worked in South Africa on integrating ANC fighters into the post-apartheid army), Monty turned his back on city life to become a modern-day beachcomber five years ago. Now, though, the 44-year-old is about to embark on what he calls the greatest adventure of his life — fatherhood. His girlfriend Tamsyn gave birth to their first child, a daughter, Isla Grace, last Friday. ● Monty Halls’ Great Escapes DVD box set is available now priced at €41. To order, visit www.cannystore.com. Halls’ new show, Great Barrier Reef, will be on BBC 2 in the New Year.

it with everything. It’s the greatest food invention.

What shape are you in? Not bad at all for an old man. Being a former Royal Marine instils the mentality of staying in good nick. I love running and I still play the odd bit of rugby. I also take the alsatian for a walk.

When did you last cry? Bizarrely, watching X Factor. I was saying to Tamsyn that I’m turning into a sentimental old fool. When somebody get knocked out, I get emotional — that’s worrying.

Do you have any health concerns? Not really, I’m kind of lucky. Both my grand-dads died of heart attacks but they were well into their 70s.

What would keep you awake at night? I’ve always been lucky. I tend to sleep very well. I’m an outdoors sort of person, I spend a lot of time on boats and running so when I conk out I really do. Planning would keep me awake though. I get an idea in my head and I get very excited — plenty of times I’ve had to get up and furiously write something down. How do you relax? There’s nothing nicer than collapsing on a sofa. I love watching sport, I love reading — escaping into a good book. I love coffee shops.

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Who would you invite to your dream dinner party? Nelson Mandela, actor and novelist David Niven (I’ve always thought him very charming), naturalist Gavin Maxwell and the father of scuba diving, Jacques Cousteau. What’s your favourite smell? Wet dog — my dog Reuben is such an integral part of my life. What would you change about your appearance? I’d like to look younger. As a 44-year-old bloke, it’d be nice to look like a 24-year-old.

What trait do you least like in others? Any form of ignorance from being impolite to being ignorant of someone else’s culture. I think everyone deserves respect. I don’t like people who are rude to waiters.

What are your healthiest eating habits? I eat a lot of chicken and fish and I steam my food. I think a bit of cake or chocolate is okay so long as it’s part of a healthy lifestyle. My motto is ‘Everything in moderation’.

What trait do you least like in yourself? I wish I applied myself more to things. I procrastinate.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure? Probably mayonnaise — it will be my undoing. I have

What would cheer up your day? A small unexpected act of kindness.

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BEST FRIENDS: Monty Hall with his dog Reuben — “such an integral part of my life”.

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

FREE Gift Wrapping • 3 For 2 Offers Christmas Club NOW OPEN Lancome, Clarins, Chanel and Select Fragrance in many branches.

NEW LOYALTY SCHEME LAUNCHING SOON! Market Square & Tesco S.C. Mallow • Charleville Kanturk • Youghal • Rochestown • South Gate Bridge Bandon • Skibbereen

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The Xmas factor

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Forget St Valentine’s Day, the festive season is the perfect time for new romance or

Sharing love

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to stoke up the embers of your existing relationship, says Deirdre Reynolds

THE CHRISTMAS WRAP-UP

T may be cold outside — but there’s nothing like snuggling up with that special someone in front of a roaring fire to warm the cockles at Christmas. Maybe it’s the mulled wine, presents, fairy lights or (tin of) Roses, but when it comes to romance Valentine’s Day doesn’t have a patch on December 25. And if you’re on your tod under the mistletoe this year, here’s a reason to be jolly. There’s never been a better time for romance, according to Ireland’s top dating experts. “Christmas is a great time to meet someone special,” says systemic family therapist David Kavanagh of Avalon Relationship Consultants. “Between work dos, dinner parties and nights out, there are lots of opportunities to meet new people. All our inhibitions from the past year go out the window and we unconsciously give ourselves permission to behave in a way we wouldn’t usually.” “Around Christmas, we’re all looking our best and socialising more,” agrees Lisa O’Hara, a counsellor with Relationships Ireland. “If you’re looking for love, it’s the perfect time to put your best foot forward.” Love Actually, The Holiday and While You Were Sleeping are just some of the romantic festive flicks sure to be on rerun over the holiday season — with stars Keira Knightley, Kate Winslet and Sandra Bullock all falling head over heels in the snow. With even Santa and Mrs Claus all loved-up, however, for real-life singletons it may be tempting to spend the festive season hibernating in your PJs like Bridget Jones and abandon the search for a soulmate. “With the snow outside and mistletoe inside, people can get caught up in the romanticism of Christmas,” says O’Hara. “So anyone who’s not in a relationship can really feel it at this time of year.” “Christmas can be very lonely if you don’t have someone to share it with,” agrees Sharon Kenny, founder of Takes2 dating company. “Surrounded by couples at the Christmas family dinner and with no special present waiting for you under the tree, singletons can feel like they’re left out on a limb at Christmas.” For singles who like to mingle, the over-30s match-making company is set to host two Christmas events — one in Cork on Thursday, December 15, and one in Dublin on Wednesday, December 21. “When people have been single for a while, sometimes they just need that gentle nudge to get back on the dating scene — especially after divorce. In the two years since we set up we’ve had a very high success rate.” One such success story is accountant John from Cork, who’ll be celebrating his first anniversary with the love of his life this Christmas. “When I first separated three years ago, it was very disconcerting,” says John, 45, who asked for his surname to be withheld. “You suddenly go from being a husband and family man to being single. After a while, I knew I had to start life again — so one night I decided to go out salsa dancing. I didn’t meet a woman, but I did make friends with another guy who convinced me to go along with him to a dating event in Dublin. “Every week we’d drive from Cork to

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FESTIVE TOGETHERNESS SOME top tips for couples to keep stoking the fire of love at Christmas are: ■ Deck the halls — decorating your home alone for Christmas is just another chore, but together it can be festive fun. Decorate the tree together while chatting about your favourite childhood memories of Christmas. ■ Revel in the romance of the season with an indoors date night. Snuggle up on the sofa together in front of an open fire with some mulled wine, toasted marshmallows and the Christmas classic movie It’s a Wonderful Life. ■ Discuss whether or not you’re going to exchange

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Around Christmas, we’re all looking our best and socialising more. If you’re looking for love, it’s the perfect time to put your best foot forward Dublin for the singles night,” he recalls. “Then late last year I met a terrific woman. We clicked instantly. We have the same interests right down to our favourite books and movies, same viewpoints and moral code, and she gets along well with my son, which

is important. “Twelve months on, we’re looking forward to doing all the normal Christmas things like picking out a tree and cooking dinner together.” Whether you’re 25 or 55, looking for a bit

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

says Sharon of Takes2Dating.ie. “In other words, a miracle. Both male and female clients are quite specific about what they’re looking for — generally, men don’t want overweight women and women don’t want short men. “But before you start a relationship with someone else, it’s important to work on the one you have with yourself,” she advises. “An awful lot of clients in their 30s and 40s are lacking in confidence after a marriage break-up. You almost have to brainwash yourself into realising that you’re worth it and force yourself to get out and about over Christmas. “Your body language reflects how you feel about yourself,” explains David Kavanagh of AvalonRC.ie. “So if you’re feeling insecure when you’re out it will show and create a barrier between you and others. “One simple thing you can do is smile more, and you’ll notice people will smile back — establishing a rapport.” “Relax and smile,” adds Lisa O’Hara of RelationshipsIreland.com. “But be careful

of fun or true love, to avoid disappointment make sure your Santa letter isn’t too demanding. “We get guys who say ‘I’m looking for a slim, blonde woman in her 30s who’s never been married and doesn’t have any kids’,”

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gifts on Christmas morning, and if so, set a price limit. Alternatively, make your loved one a gift such as a modern-day mix tape — a personalised iPod playlist of songs that hold special meaning for you as a couple. ■ Like Santa himself, make a joint list of all your hopes and dreams for 2012 — whether it’s tying the knot, taking a holiday or just re-tiling the bathroom. Make a New Year’s resolution to say something nice to your partner every day. ■ Christmas is peak season for mating, according to biorhythm boffins — so make the most of the mistletoe to spice up your sex life.

how much you drink — or someone who wouldn’t usually be appealing may suddenly become very appealing. We’ve all heard the Christmas office party horror stories.” Even if you’re already coupled up this Christmas, you can still re-ignite the flame as it freezes outside. “One thing I recommend for couples to do at Christmas is to make out a romantic wish-list,” advises marriage therapist Kavanagh. “It doesn’t have to be anything expensive — it could be something as simple as your partner running you a bath after work or making your favourite dinner. Each week over the Christmas period do two of these things for each other. For new couples at Christmas, less is more say our experts. “If you’re only just getting to know each other, there’s no need for lavish presents,” says Lisa. “Discuss whether or not you’re going to exchange gifts on Christmas Day, and if so, put a cap on the price.” “In these difficult financial times, I think it’s more important to pay attention to each other than buying extravagant presents.” And if by December 25 you’re still flying solo under the mistletoe, it doesn’t have to be lonely this Christmas. “Don’t put too much pressure on finding love over the festive season,” adds O’Hara. “It’s also a good time to appreciate all the friends and family in your life and enjoy time chilling out on your own. “Relationships are lovely — but they’re not everything.”

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Single jingle belles’ guide HERE are some tips for singles’ Christmas survival guide: ■ Send the right signals under the mistletoe. Your eyes are your love lassoos, so use them capture the attention of the object of your desire for a second, before glancing back a few seconds later. Avoid ‘closed’ body language like folded arms and crossed legs. ■ Flirting is practically mandatory at the office Christmas party — but before you sign up for goodwill to all men, remember to respect work boundaries. Keep it light and friendly and don’t flirt with anyone who’s taken, it’s just not part of the festive spirit. ■ If you live alone, don’t just cancel

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

Christmas — get into the festive spirit by putting up a tree, lighting a log fire and burning those fancy candles. Instead of feeling sad about not having someone special to buy you that perfume, buy and wrap it for yourself. ■ Have a merry Christmas — just not too merry. Alcohol is a depressant, so too much eggnog is only likely to lead to a blue Christmas for singletons — making ‘Bad Breath Barry’ in R&D suddenly look like George Clooney. ■ Christmas is all about love — but it doesn’t have to be of the romantic variety. Spend the festive season reconnecting with old friends, enjoying Christmas dinner with your family or spoiling the person you should love most — you.

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The Xmas factor

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Forget St Valentine’s Day, the festive season is the perfect time for new romance or

Sharing love

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to stoke up the embers of your existing relationship, says Deirdre Reynolds

THE CHRISTMAS WRAP-UP

Feelgood

Picture:Getty Images

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

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Picture: Fotoware

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

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Party time

The Xmas factor

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Alcohol is an integral part of Christmas but for many it’s a time which brings into focus their drinking habits. Gabrielle Fagan asks a therapist for coping strategies

Know your type

T’S the season to be jolly and for most of us that means having a drink in our hand when we’re socialising and relax-

ing. But is the niggling worry in the back of your mind that you’re drinking too much getting ever more insistent? Perhaps you have a concern that your tolerance to alcohol may creep up even further over the Christmas period, with the increased opportunities to drink and peer group pressure to join in rounds. “There’s definitely more pressure on people to drink and to drink more at this time of year,” says Georgia Foster, a therapist and author who’s created a method, the Drink Less Mind 21 Day Programme, to help people reduce their alcohol consumption. “Generally, this is a peak time for people coming to me concerned because they just can’t seem to cut back on their drinking. “They’re normally aged between 30 and 60, come from all walks of life, have perfectly normal, successful lives, and certainly aren’t alcoholics and don’t want to abstain. What they have in common is that they feel they need more boundaries for their drinking. “Many will be drinking daily and their doctors may have told them, ‘Just cut back a little bit’, but for most people that’s a bit meaningless because if it was that easy they would have done it.” Foster believes, however, that instead of focusing on units and drinking, it is our thinking that needs to change, and that it’s essential to recognise why and when we drink, so that our patterns can be changed. She believes that for many people drinking is an emotional habit, the reasons for which vary with each individual, but generally alcohol can variously be viewed as a ‘reward’ at the end of a day, a fast way to de-stress, an antidote to inhibition and low social confidence, or even, wrongly, used as a ‘nightcap’ to aid sleep. The Department of Health and Children advises women shouldn’t exceed two to three units of alcohol a day, or 14 units a week, and for men three to four units a day and 21 units a week. And when we do drink, it’s best to pace yourself, with every alternate drink either water or an a non-alcoholic tipple. Drink Aware recommends we aim for three alcohol-free days a week. Foster adds that “doctors are aware that when people are asked how many units they drink, on average many probably drink up to three times more than they admit.” Instead, she believes people need to key into the part of the brain that helps maintain harmony, balance and a positive approach to life, so they are more able to be responsible drinkers. “The Drink Less Mind 21 Day programme trains the individual to learn new coping strategies so they can drink to enjoy rather than gulping the first glass down for emotional purposes,” says Foster. “The aim of the programme is that people reduce by around half their alcohol intake over the 21 days, and then as they feel more confident and more in control of their drinking, they can then start to focus on further reduction, based on the unit intake guidelines,” she says.

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fect, especially as a state of perfection in all things is almost always unattainable. Try to encourage yourself to feel more relaxed about life. Find relaxing activities that you can enjoy without alcohol. Each time you have a glass of alcohol in your hand, put the glass down between sips. THE PLEASER PERSONALITY “This type is a people pleaser and they have an inability to say the word ‘no’,” says Foster. “They feel guilty and run around looking after everybody else, and hate letting people down, which stems from a secret fear of rejection and a driving need to be liked and needed. Unfortunately, that can extend to being unable to say ‘no’ when it comes to drinking during socialising, and even though they usually know they are exceeding their limit, they will drink to fit in with other people’s drinking levels, often to the detriment of their own health and wellbeing. “Pleasers drink pretty much every day and have difficulty having any alcohol-free days. They can be classified as the classic regular heavy drinker.” What can I do? Practice in your mind saying ‘no’ to people in certain situations. Remind yourself that others refuse and are still accepted so why shouldn’t you be. Decide before you go out how much you are going to drink so that you can have an idea how to pace yourself. Avoid heavy drinking friends who try to coerce you into drinking, or be ready with suitable excuses so you can justify less intake. Try to eat something before you drink to soak up the alcohol.

The unit average recommended can seem low to people at times like Christmas – two bottles of wine a week for a woman, three for a man Check out your drinking type and Foster’s tips to make your drinking more mindful. THE INNER CRITIC “The first and most powerful personality is the inner critic,” says Foster. “This inner voice says things such as, ‘Everybody else drinks less than you — what is your problem? You have no self-control. You always say you’re going to cut back and yet you never do. You’re a failure!”’ “The ‘inner critic’ judges you on everything and can literally drive you to drink,” she explains. “This type of drinker will use alcohol to drown out this negative voice. They will justify the amount they drink because they believe alcohol allows them to relax, have fun and feel better about life.” What can I do? Negative thinking is a state of mind, not the truth. Every time you hear the ‘inner critic’, breathe out and then repeat to yourself, ‘It is safe to drink less alcohol, irrespective of my past’. Try to disregard your imag-

ined premonitions of bad outcomes, and remind yourself there’s no evidence for them and they’re only triggered by your anxiety and fears, heightened by alcohol, and they may prove groundless. A lot of people drink alcohol when they are actually thirsty. Before you start drinking, drink one large glass of water to quench your thirst and try to alternate a glass of water with a glass of alcohol. THE PERFECTIONIST If you are this type you’ll probably have no problem having alcohol-free days, says Foster. “These personalities are good at being healthy, watching their weight and keeping fit. However, when ‘perfectionists’ drink, they can drink to excess,” she points out. “They have the ‘all or nothing’ syndrome. They get incredibly frustrated and angry at themselves because they just can’t have a few drinks and leave it at that.” What can I do? Ask yourself whether you need to be per-

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

THE INNER CHILD “This type often feels misunderstood, and drinks to have fun, to play, to be spontaneous, sexual or sensual,” says Foster. “They believe the inner creative side of them cannot be expressed unless alcohol is involved, and they have a desire to live in the now and push aside deep-seated worries about the past and the future. “Drinking for them can sometimes unleash unbridled emotions of tears, tantrums and their underlying feeling that the world has treated them unfairly. “If we feel unsafe and vulnerable emotionally our body produces stress chemicals, and the mind will look for ways to calm down. “If this type regularly uses alcohol to subdue those feelings then over time the mind will start to automatically turn to thoughts of alcohol at any time of stress,” she says. What can I do? ■ Start to find ways to have fun without alcohol. ■ Look for spontaneous ways to show affection, investigate ways to improve communication skills, and boosting your self-esteem and confidence. ■ Try to talk through your issues with someone independent such as a GP or counsellor if they are severe. ● ● INFORMATION: To measure the amount you are drinking see www. drinkaware.ie — Drinks Diary and Drinks Calculator.

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Food survey

The Xmas factor

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Tempting bites

A little of what we fancy in mince pies

Roz Crowley

CAN feel it on my hips already, pounds piling on with every bite. The mincepie tasting season is here. A few weeks ago on this page, dietitian Zoe Harcombe told us not to worry about calorie counting. That would be fine if, as

Alternative Bread Company, Cork€1.10 (4 for €4.20) THESE pies are always top of our tasters preferences as they are generously proportioned. Tall, with lots of filling right up to the top, the pastry is better than last year with more flavour and a firmer texture. A good old fashioned pie enjoyed by all tasters. Good value.

she suggested, we didn’t, instead, have to give up sugar in all its forms. Make no mistake about it, mince pies are laden with it, from the pastry base through the filling (even dried fruit has lots of sugars) to the sugar dusted on top. But a little of what we fancy, every now and again, does us good. Allow yourself no more than three during the festive season, and make sure of getting a walk soon after to work off the extra kilos before they settle in. If moderation is the key to a happy life, we have to be moderate about our deprivation too. Enjoy a little of everything and feel no guilt.

Hassets Bakery, Cork, €1 each. DECENT-sized pies with a well browned top, the pastry was just a little soft for some tasters’ liking. The fruit is slightly boozy providing an old fashioned flavour liked by all tasters. Good value. Score: 7.75

Score: 8.25

EASY AS PIE: Enjoy a festive mince pie or two over Christmas but remember they are packed with calories. Picture: iStock

Diva Boutique Bakery & Deli mince pies, Cork, €1.90 each LOCATED in Ballinspittle, this is our best discovery of the festive season. Open Wednesday to Sunday, we would liked to have tasted all their Christmas treats, but these mince pies were worth the journey. Seattle-born Shannen Keane and her team have produced the tastiest pastry of the selection, flaky, yet not falling to pieces. We could have done with just a little more of their filling, which was a little jammy and could have had plumper fruit.

Nash 19, Cork, €3.50 each WE took the photograph of these pies when they had attractive star pastry toppings. They have since been changed to solid pastry lids. Just as good hot or cold, most of the tasting team liked the texture of the pastry, but one thought it too brittle. The filling is generous and of good quality, but not quite enough to justify the high price. Score: 7

Score: 7.5

Tesco Puff Pastry Mince lattice tart, €1.each

Luxury mini all butter mince pies Marks & Spencer, 9 for €4.09

Specially Selected 6 Luxury mince pies Aldi, 6 for €2.49

THIS long tart is enough for at least six people and for €1 particularly good value. The pastry bottom and lattice top are both made from a decent enough puff pastry, the kind we buy ready made. The fruit is not generous or top quality, but everyone liked it, once it was heated.

A NICE pastry is reasonably well filled with tart fruit and brandy flavour, but we couldn’t find the glacé cherries promised on the box. Mini pies are a good idea to give a taste of the festive season with half the calories of large ones.

THE pastry in these pies is soft and claggy in the mouth and the fruit doesn’t do anything to provide enough contrast. There are lots of forms of sugar and lots of additives. Even without knowing what was in them, tasters did not want seconds.

TASTERS wondered what the slightly unusual, heavy flavour was, and the label tells us the pastry in these pies are, unusually for these days, made from margarine. The filling is pleasant enough, nothing special, so the pies lacked anything to make tasters want more. Decent size.

Score: 6

Score: 4

Score: 6.25

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

Old Mill Mince pies, 6 for €4.25

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The Xmas factor

Christmas giving

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Central to the Christmas spirit is the impulse to give, to share even when resources are meagre. Helen O’Callaghan speaks to members of three organisations that embody this spirit of generosity and are making a difference at the far end of our continent

Reaching out with kindness A

T the heart and soul of Christmas is a mother nurturing her baby. Debbie Deegan, founder of To Russia With Love (TRWL), understands this. For more than a dozen years, the charity set up by the Clontarf mum of three has worked with thousands of orphaned Russian children, transforming their living conditions and their life prospects. This year, 17 teenage mums in Western Russia — themselves orphans — will spend Christmas with their babies thanks to a mother and baby programme set up by Debbie. She never intended to set up such a programme. But 18 months ago, a boy from one of the orphanages she supports told Debbie his sister was pregnant. “She was in labour for two days. She had a Caesarean section. She was 15 years old with this ridiculously huge wound and a baby she hadn’t a clue what to do with.” Debbie and her colleagues at TRWL knew the new mum needed medication, she needed to go back to hospital to have her wound attended to and she needed someone to mind her baby. “Orphan girls who become mums don’t have what we all have — neighbours and nanas and babysitters,” says Debbie. So the mother and baby programme began. “That girl was the start of the flow. We’ve added another 16 since.” The girls are typically aged between 15 and 17. “It would be just about their last year in the orphanage or they’d have already left. The weaker ones would be leaving to go to low-grade vocational schools. The girls who get pregnant are the needier ones with a more difficult background — they may have been abandoned earlier by their own mother. “Orphan girls in general are quite needy of physical attention because they’ve never had any. When they get to 16 or 17 and have boyfriends it’s difficult to keep them on the straight and narrow. They crave touch, anything that will give them solace. They don’t have the education to know whether it’s just sex or a meaningful relationship. All they know is deep down they’re craving a relationship. They’re craving anybody who’ll tell them they love and need them. They do what pleases the boy because they want attention and they don’t have money for contraception.” According to Debbie, it’s cheaper in Russia to get an abortion than to go on contraception. With her mother and baby programme, Debbie hopes to play some small part in breaking what she calls the “huge” orphanage cycle that exists in Russia. But because these girls were never themselves mothered they don’t know how to do it when their own baby comes along. “There are horrific stories of children going into labour wards and getting no epidural. And then they don’t know how to mother because nobody mothered them. They’ve been through a traumatic birth and there’s nobody in the hospital to support them. By the time they get home, they have no interest in this squealing thing. They have no granny, mammy or daddy and they don’t realise they’re supposed to be nurturers.”

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When Maryna gets excited or sees something she likes, you’d think she’d almost walk out of her chair. She has only some vocal ability but is highly intelligent and can tell me what she wants, whether it’s a certain type of food or which dress I should buy

LOVING GRASP: Teenage mothers with their children who have benefited from the To Russia With Love (TRWL) programme, are from top, Olga Smiyan with her baby Sofia and directly above, Abramova Katya and baby Sergey.

— Andrea The young mums’ needs range from material (nappies, baby-clothes warm enough to combat minus 30 degree winter temperatures) to practical. “Because the girls have been abandoned at birth they know nothing about their backgrounds. They don’t have the proper paperwork to apply for social assistance. We get legal people in to get their paperwork in order so they can qualify for aid.” Frightened and exhausted, the girls need heaps of emotional support. Debbie has three full-time staff working on the programme and has enlisted the help of “quite a few very generous, kind Russian sponsors” — all women. “A company boss in Moscow is sponsoring one mum and baby and has taken on the task with gusto. She’s shopping for warm winter clothing for this little boy and has spent time with him and his mum in their one-room flat. She writes to the girl, who now feels she has a guardian angel. This woman has no grandchildren of her own and what she is doing will change this young mum’s life. If the girl didn’t

have this support, she’d have put her baby in an orphanage. We encourage sponsors to be involved in the girl’s story,” says Debbie. New single mum’s also get hands-on support from TRWL. “One new mum had had a Caesarean and a staff member moved into her flat for six weeks and nursed her into some sort of

normality. She was a 16-year-old and didn’t know when the baby cried that she needed to tend to it. If the neighbours had heard the baby crying, they’d have called the police and the child would have been taken to an orphanage.” This year, Debbie’s going to see to it that ‘her’ cohort of young mums will feel some of

the Christmas spirit. “Our focus will be to get them through Christmas. On Christmas Day, they’ll all be in their flats with their babies — we’ll make sure they’ll get a visit. We’ll get them a hamper and some of the staff will take the mums and babies to their own homes for Christmas.”

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

IT’S A GIFT: Tom McEnaney, founder of the IODP, says disadvantaged children like these in Belarus, have a natural resilience that allows them forget the bad times and focus in on the really good times. like when Santa visits.

Keogh

● Anybody interested in sponsoring or part-sponsoring a mum and baby for six months to a year (paying a staff member to support mum and baby costs €400 a month) should contact 01-8532920 or email debbie@torussiawithlove.ie. The sponsor would receive a report on the progress of mum and baby. Visit also www.torussiawithlove.ie.

WARM WELCOME: Andrea Keogh, from Kilkenny one of the host families from Chernobyl Children’s Project International welcomes Maryna Titova to Ireland last Christmas. This Christmas will be Andrea’s fourth year hosting the 10-year-old orphan. Picture: Don Moloney/Press 22

significant sums this year, but we hope to have some emergency funding, so if a child needs a pair of shoes we won’t be stuck for the few bob, or if we find an orphanage doesn’t have a water pump we’ll get them that.” The Belarusian Santa orphanage trip, planned for just after New Year, will be very much a family affair — Misha, 3, will even be an elf. “Come hell or high water, these children will get Santa Claus,” promises Tom. ● To donate to IODP, visit www.nammado.com/nonprofit/orphan. Anyone wishing to organise a fundraiser for IODP should email tom@tommcenaney.com or phone 01-4734975.

TOM MCENANEY, founder of the International Orphanage Development Programme (IODP), believes in sustainable development. For the past 13 years his organisation has pumped €3m into construction projects in Belarusian orphanages. “We’ve created farms, playgrounds and libraries that will still be providing a tangible benefit in 10 years time. I passionately believe in the benefits of play and reading, so we’ve put playgrounds and libraries into 60 orphanages.” For Tom, Santa Claus falls into the remit of sustainable development. “Children who come from great disadvantage have a natural re-

silience that comes out as they get older. It allows them forget the bad times and focus in on the really good times. Santa allows us to give them those really good times. It also allows us introduce toys to orphanages.” This year, Tom, his wife Róisín and son Misha, as well as a handful of close friends, will bring Santa to 800 children in 11 child institutions in Belarus — orphanages, child prisons and centres for children with disabilities. “As part of the magic of Santa, the children get the chance to ask for whatever they like. Each of the children writes a letter to Santa and, in the run-up to Christmas, our elves will collate all these lists. Each child will then get what they’ve asked for — relatively simple things like footballs, dolls and fishing rods. Over the last few years, the most common request has been for MP3 players.” When Ireland’s economy was booming the IODP frequently — in addition to Santa — brought between €50,000 and €100,000 to the orphanages. “We don’t expect to bring

ANDREA KEOGH from Thomastown, Co Kilkenny, has two special girls on her Christmas present list. It will be the 29-year-old PR worker’s fourth time hosting Maryna Tsitova, 10, for Christmas and her second time taking in Nastya Zaitsava, 8, for the two-week festive period. Maryna lives in Vesnova Orphanage, home to 160 children aged five to 18, located approximately 176km from the Chernobyl reactor in Ukraine. Nastya, whose parents, says Andrea, are in a “difficult social situation”, hails from Vesnova village. For Christmas, Andrea’s planning to get Nastya something arty. “She loves making things so I’ll maybe get her a jewellery-making set.” For Maryna, who has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair, she has to think carefully. “I always try to get her something that makes noise, something that isn’t very heavy. Last year a neighbour bought both girls a musical set, which they loved. They wouldn’t really have a concept of Santa. They love getting their few toys, but being around people is what makes Christmas for them,” says Andrea. The Kilkenny woman, who is single and who has been a care worker, first visited Vesnova under the auspices of Chernobyl Children International (CCI) in April 2007. “I wasn’t prepared for how severely disabled some of the children would be. I was really upset the first couple of days. Then you build a bond with the children. They are excited by the smallest of things, even blowing bubbles. “When Maryna gets excited or sees something she likes, you’d think she’d almost walk out of her chair. She has only some vocal ability, but is highly intelligent and can tell me what she wants, whether it’s a certain type of food or which dress I should buy,” says Andrea, who knew from day one she wanted to bring Maryna to Ireland under the CCI’s rest and recuperation programme. (Altogether 60 children from Belarus will be hosted in Ireland this Christmas). The girls’ journey to their Irish Christmas will be a long one. With Belarus over 3,000 miles away, they will travel at least 13 hours. Meanwhile, in Kilkenny, Andrea can’t wait to see their faces. ● Give a life-saving gift to the work of Chernobyl Children International. To purchase your Christmas gift, go to GIFTS @ XMAS at www.chernobyl-international.com.

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The Xmas factor

Christmas giving

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Reaching out with kindness A

Feelgood

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

Keogh

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Beauty gifts

The Xmas factor

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You need to do your research when buying beauty products as Christmas gifts. Here are some of our faves from this year

Festive booty

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Jo Malone Pomegranate Noir Bath Oil, €75. It’s described by Jo Malone as embodying the “sensuality of a daring red dress”, so who are we to argue? This gorgeous luxury bath oil takes pomegranate, raspberry and plum and livens things up with spicy woods, pink pepper and Casablanca lily. Total heaven. Lush Best Wishes, €12.50. I love a prettily packaged present. And Lush is coming up trumps this Christmas with great little gifts that look very special under the Christmas tree without you really having to do very much. And they’re not too budget-busting either. This one has three bathtime treats in it — a Satsumo Santa bath ballistic, a So White ballistic and a Superstars bubble bar. Perfect for winter, ideal for Christmas, and all wrapped up in a nice box. Origins Ginger Savory Bath Bar, €16.65. Soap might not seem like the most glamorous or modern present in the world, but it’s time to rethink your soap prejudices. Soap has been back on

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Giorgio Armani Mini Brush Set, €81. Really good brushes cost a fortune, but they are an excellent investment, and looked after properly can last for years. Not only that, but they can make a difference to how your make-up is applied. Go upscale with these brushes from Armani. They rock out. Compagnie de Provence Liquid Soap and hand Balm, €22.25 (each) from selfridges.com. This is a risky one, so if you’re going to order it you better order them soon because these goodies are only available online, but we love having fancy hand washes and moisturisers in the toilet. Give someone a treat with these gorgeous patchouli-scented products from one of the most beautiful soap companies based in Marseilles. They look great and smell great.

Emily O’Sullivan

OME beauty products are just tailor-made to be given as Christmas gifts. These are a few of our favourite things — items that we’ve been dreaming about all year, but haven’t actually been able to shell out for. Truly indulgent stuff: overpriced lipsticks, palettes that pack a punch for style as well as substance, sumptuously packaged bottles of fragrance. Christmas gifts are all about something special but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to be expensive – it just means that they have to reflect a lot of thought. A simple soap wrapped up in a big red ribbon, your favourite nail polish shade housed in a small but super-pretty box — it’s all about something that shows a bit of an effort. And that makes the receiver happy. The world of beauty products can be a minefield for women, and a total nightmare for men. But it’s not too hard to get the right gift if you know how. It can be easy to get dazzled and overcome by what is known in the beauty world as the Christmas ‘coffret’ or ‘gift set’. To be honest, we’ve never been convinced. We’d far prefer to get a Chanel lipstick than bad fragrance and body lotion overdressed in a mountain of excessive packaging and lavender-coloured satin. Instead spend a little time, give it a little thought, and you’ll find your partner thanks you for it. Over and over. If you need to watch what you’re spending this Christmas (don’t we all), don’t panic. Beauty gifts offer quite a good choice in the lower price ranges. Look to off-beat brands such as Make-up by Topshop, ELF, Soap and Glory and Lush. While, if you’re determined to blow the budget, do it in style and turn your head to companies that go for maximum glamour with great packaging and super-sex appeal. For us, if money was no object, it would be Tom Ford all the way. Here are the products that would make my Christmas list for Santa:

shades are really lovely and range from deep chocolate (brown is very now) to glistening gold. An excellent option for women that like a smokey eye, disco-style.

Cowshed Udderly Gorgeous Bath Salts, €23.95. While you might not want to think about udders when pregnant, the loveliness of these bath salts could help us change our mind. This is part of the Udderly Gorgeous Maternity Range (all Cowshed products have cow-themed names) and is 100% natural with wild-crafted sea buckthorn oil. Molton Brown Bath Oil Cedrus Bathing Infusion, from €26.32. This bath oil might not have the glamorous bells and whistles of some fancier offerings, but you can always pop in into a special pretty box to make it feel a little more special. The main thing is that it works a treat, and is ideal for anyone in need of a little TLC. Moroccan cedrus tree oil and Bulgarian lavender oil make it a soothing, end-of-the-day special. Tom Ford Violet Blonde, €58. Swoon. Whether it’s fabulous make-up or to-die-for fragrances, Tom Ford knows how to do it with a big dose of sexiness. His latest fragrance is no exception, and happens to be rather festive-looking at the same time — it being gold and all that. Glittering violet is doused with Italian mandarin, Baie rose, jasmine sambac, musk and cedarwood. Consider us ravished.

HAPPY DAYS: If buying a beauty product as a gift look for something with a touch of glamour. Picture: iStock

the scene for a while and there are some really lovely ones from L’Occitane, Handmade Soap Company and Crabtree & Evelyn. It’s not overly personal as a gift either, so makes a good one for female relations, aunts and such. Try this peppy little fellah from Origins. It’s a gingery winner. Ciaté Syle Album nail trio, €26 at ciate.ie. These are great polishes. And if you’re looking to buy a present for a nail polish junkie, then this is just perfect. A great trio of colours, all housed in elegant bottles with a black ribbon. Take it from us, they look as fabulous in your bathoom as they do on your nails. Love ’em. REN Rose Mini Gift Set, €27. Could we love anything more right now? Maybe not, REN is our winter skincare brand of choice and this gift set is perfect. If you have someone in your life that loves

roses, then you literally can’t get any better than this — a gorgeous trio from REN’s lovely Moroccan Rose Otto collection with a shower gel, a body cream and an insanely amazing bath oil. We love it so much, we might buy it for ourselves. Amie Organics Luxury Treatment Candle ‘Fa la la la la’, €18.95 Scented candles are not our thing, but they are insanely popular and it wouldn’t be Christmas without a Christmas candle, really. This is one of the most lovely around with a really festive combo of mandarin, vanilla, cinnamon and ginger. Bobbi Brown Chocolate and Gold Eye Paint Palette, €44.50. Christmas eyeshadow gift palettes can be a total bore-fest, but not this one from Bobbi Brown. As well as being elegantly packaged in a sleek black glossy case, the

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

MAC Iced Delights Nail and Lip Bag in Rocking, €xxx. MAC’s Christmas line-up is always worth a look, and this year it’s no different with a great range of products housed within the kind of mak-up bag that you’d actually use. Our eyes are turned towards Rocking — with a Kanga Rouge Lipstick, Golden Blanket Lipglassand a mini-sized Asiatique Nail Lacquer. This Works Award Winners, €33.96. An instant ticket to kudos — this gift will definitely show you know your stuff. This Works is an excellent beauty brand — a little under the mainstream radar — with some really great products. This little box is ideal for the frequent traveller or gym user with three mini-sized award winners. There’s Perfect Cleavage Firming Lotion (which will get you a laugh if nothing else), Skin Deep Dry Leg Oil and Perfect Hands Intense Moisture. Lovely. Chanel No 5 Intense Bath Oil, €75. Honestly, you could have the most miserable bathroom in the world and a few drops of this oil would make it feel like a million dollars. Chanel’s iconic scent goesuber-luxurious this Christmas with a truly fabulous bath oil that leaves your skin softened and beautifully fragranced. What’s not to love?

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Going online

The Xmas factor

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The North Pole may be out of bounds, but children can visit a sackful of websites for fun and educational insights into Mr Claus’s life, says Rachel Borrill

Join the santa click T

HE countdown has begun. The letters to Santa have been written, and the excitement for the big day is almost at fever pitch. So, here are some Christmas websites to get you all into the festive spirit. With thanks to my special helpers — children Hannah, 13, Liam, 11, Luke, 8, Ella, 6, and my husband, Gary. www.claus.com This is one of the best and most popular Santa websites. Children attend elf school, where they play games, print and colour Christmas pictures, and get a personalised diploma. But all of my children loved the instant report from Santa to see whether they had made his ‘naughty or nice list.’ They typed in their full name and up popped Santa’s comments. My teenage daughter, Hannah, 13, was told she was ‘nice’ but had to ‘stop answering back’, while Ella, six, was told that she was also on the ‘nice list’ ‘but needs to pick up toys and keep things tidy’. So true. We were all impressed. Score: 9 www.northpole.com This is an impressive website and has loads of Christmas games, recipes and ideas to make the festive season that extra bit special. Our favourite was the Christmas countdown calendar, which you can print and then colour. It has a daily Christmas activity for all the kids, ranging from cooking a special recipe from Mrs Claus’s cookbook to being a star in your own Christmas story. Score: 10 www.saintnick.org This, we are told, Santa Claus’s official website. If it is true, then we were all disappointed. Yes, it was slightly educational — we learnt about Christmas traditions around the world, from Australia to Russia, which was interesting. Then there was also ‘the physics of Santa’ page, which explains how magical he is and why Rudolph’s nose glows. There was only one game to play — a virtual snowball fight, by email. This ‘Snowgram’ looked cool, so I sent a big splat to my husband, but, unfortunately, he still hasn’t received it. Maybe it froze. Score: 4 www.santaclaus.net We loved this website. There was so much to do and see, you could even ‘ring’ Santa. Unfortunately, when we tried to call Santa his phone lines were covered in snow and we couldn’t get through. But you can try again, and it is free. We were able to speak by email to Santa’s elves to see if our names were in Santa’s Official Good List. There are more than a million children’s names listed. Ella chose to chat to Elf Phoebe and had to answer 12 questions — honestly. Just for the record, I know a couple of Ella’s answers were not exactly truthful. The questions ranged from bed-time routines to homework and whether they always eat their dinner. But before she could see if her name

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SNOW PATROL: Rachel Borrill and her family surfing the web for Santa sites. Left to right: Luke (8), Rachel, Gary, Liam (11) Hannah (13) and Ella (6). Picture: Maura Hickey was in Santa’s book, Elf Pheobe made Ella promise that she would be the best girl in the world. Ella was so thrilled to see her name on Santa’s Good list, that, so far, she has eaten all her dinners without any fuss and now goes to bed when told. Perfect. Score: 9 www.xmasfun.com This really is all about Christmas fun. It has everything from Christmas songs to stories and television shows. There are also loads of games — for all ages — to play. Ella loved Snow Line, where she had to help Santa collect the presents, while my older children enjoyed playing the educational games like the Christmas word search. Among all the traditional Christmas stories and verses, there is a poignant poem especially for mums. ’Twas the Night before Christmas, by Karen Spiegler, has to be read “when this season gets to be too much’’ and it brought a tear to my eye. Score: 9

www.noradsanta.org This is the special one, as every Christmas Eve it tracks and films Santa as he flies around the world delivering presents. In our house, we know as soon as Santa leaves Moscow, then he is on his way to Ireland, and that everybody should be in bed by 9.30pm at the latest. The ‘Santa cam’ attached to his sleigh is great, as you can see Santa flying over famous landmarks like the Eiffel Tower in France, and Big Ben in London. Score: 10

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

www.santa.net This is a perfect website for younger children. They can enjoy an animated tour of Santa’s house, his toy factory and see what Santa gets up to on his holidays. Apparently, he enjoys surfing and volleyball. There are lots of free Christmas games to play, from a snowboarding Santa to ski-jump Santa, which were fun, though not educational. Score: 7 www.santaclauslive.com In its first two days, this website had a million hits, because its ‘Santa camera’ has a live-stream inside Santa’s office at the North Pole. Its sounds fantastic. We would be able to watch Santa hard at work, with his elves. But any time we tuned in all we saw was “Santa chilling with friends.’’ My children were not impressed, and the adverts alongside were distracting too. Score: 1

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Psychology

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Corporate leaders who eschew feelings fail the business and their staff. You need head and heart

It’s personal Tony Humphreys

Target more females in Munster and Cork than any other daily newspaper. To reach them, advertise in ‘Feelgood’.

AST week, I wrote about the emotional debt that is owed to many Irish, European and non-European people. I also intimated that corporate and work practices are, at root, an interpersonal relationship between employers and employees and between employees and their customers. And while techniques, strategies, structures and goals are important, it is through the quality of relationships within the work organisation and between individuals in the work organisation and their customers that such ‘head-sets’ are delivered. In other words, the leader’s ability to form relationship — alliances — is the most crucial determinant of his or her effectiveness. So how is it that many leaders — especially males — are considered to be heartless and consider relationship to be the ‘soft’ skills of management? This ‘soft’ concept of emotion is a defensive response on the part of males because, if truth be told, many men are terrified of both the expression of their feelings (with the exception of anger) and the receptivity to the expressed feelings of others. We are half human when we operate only from our heads and the sad thing is that it is our hearts that are the driving force for good in this world. Parenting, educating, governing, managing, need to be both heart and head, passion and reason-driven, but when either one of these is missing, great neglect ensues — as we now only too well know. With men, the heart has largely been missing and, with women, the head has been more absent. It is not for men to pass the buck of responsibility for their emotional life to women and it is not for women to give over responsibility for their intellectual life to men. It is incumbent on all of us to operate from the fullness and light of our sacred nature so that dark behaviours — from either gender — do not shadow one’s own and the lives of others. Certainly, women have taken up the challenge of balancing their heart potential with exploring their head potential. Signs of this are that girls are outdoing boys across all school subjects, and this is not surprising, because when ambition is infused with heart, it thrives. Nonetheless, there is a need for wariness around generalisations. We direly require leaders in all fields of human activity to be fully human. More women in leadership roles are needed, but let us not confuse maturity with gender. Maturity is a human issue, not a gender one. Maturity manifests itself in such qualities as openness, warmth, respect, responsibility, accountability, emotional expressiveness, emotional receptiveness, active listening, equality, fairness, empowerment of others, an orientation of progress for all, a commitment to the well-being of individuals and the championing of people’s right to be themselves. Emotions are the most accurate barometer of the level of a person’s well-being, and, as such, need to be embraced as allies (not as aliens, as many men see them). Encouragement to be receptive and expressive of different emotions needs to be present in all relationships — no matter where — home, classroom, church, community, workplace, the Dáil, the Seanad and in voluntary and sport organisations.

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HEALTH & LIFESTYLE ADVERTISING

Emotions are the most accurate barometer of the level of a person’s well-being, and as such, need to be embraced as allies — not as aliens, as many men see them

Feelings do not disappear because we are told not to have them. On the contrary, repressed feelings of abandonment, hurt, anger, rage, sadness, loneliness and guilt determine how we live, work, play and pray — more often than not without any consciousness being present. Perhaps one of the reasons why feelings are often still taboo is the fact that feelings — like non-verbal communication — never lie. When speaking the truth carries many dangers — in families, classrooms, churches, workplaces, government meetings — it becomes a clever expedient to shoot the messenger: the emotions. In the face of the huge threats that have existed to reveal truth, is it any wonder that many individuals learned to repress, bottle-up, displace, project, introject, modify, dilute or deny their own or the emotions of others? Welfare feelings (for example, love, joy, excitement, passion, compassion, security, confidence) let us know that it is safe to be real and authentic; emergency feelings of anger, hurt, fear, disappointment, hate, rage, sadness, depression alert us to threats to our own and other’s well-being. From our earliest years, the nurturing of emotional expression and emotional receptivity is critical to psycho-social and economic prosperity. Those in governorship roles who struggle with their emotions have an urgent responsibility to seek support and help to become fully human for their own benefit and for the benefit of people in their charge. Dr Tony Humphreys is a clinical psychologist, author, national and international speaker. His latest book, Leadership with Consciousness, is relevant to today’s article.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

Call Lori Fraser

Tel: 021 4802265 lori.fraser@examiner.ie

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Male Male health health 13

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Boxing clever to stay fit B

OXING is a solo sport and it’s one where you rely on mental as well as physical strength to take you over the finishing line — all traits men need in the run-up to one of Ireland’s most challenging Christmas seasons. For retired Irish professional boxer and former WBA Regular Super Bantamweight World Champion and European Super Bantamweight champion Bernard Dunne, it’s all about self-determination and self-drive. “After I stopped training, I stopped going to the boxing gym — any training I do, I do at home,” says Dunne, who also boxed at amateur level for Ireland. “I need to be active. I play soccer twice a week and jog,” he says, adding that he’s passing on that drive — and health need — to be active to ten 16-year-olds from across Ireland who will battle it out in a new RTÉ Television series to be crowned the Ultimate Street Challenge Champion. The 10 teenagers (five male, five female) will live together, cook together and train together, but also compete against each other in the new six-part series which is now running on RTÉ Two on Mondays and Fridays at 5.30pm. “The hard part of any training is getting started, getting out of the house: you have to push yourself to get the gear out and head

Deirdre O'Flynn

MOSTLY MEN

out. Once you get out of the house you will do the training,” says Dunne, who won his first professional fight in Feather Falls Casino in Oroville, California in December 2001. Whilst in Los Angeles, he trained under the world-renowned boxing coach Freddie Roach in the Wild Card Boxing Gym, training with many champions, including Manny Pacquiao. He won his first 14 bouts in the United States before returning to Dublin under manager Brian Peters. Not only does physical exercise have proven physical benefits, it’s also beneficial for mental health. “When I’m out jogging I use that as thinking time,” says Dunne, adding that while he misses being competitive, he doesn’t miss gym time. “I’ve been in a gym since I was five. I had my first fight when I was six.” Today, it’s all about mixing training on his own with soccer with friends and eating well. “Old habits die hard!” he laughs.

STAYING ACTIVE: Retired Irish professional boxer Bernard Dunne plays soccer twice a week and jogs to keep himself active and healthy.

Climb Kilimanjaro to aid heart group

Be Aware at Christmas if you’re feeling low

FEEL like a challenge in 2012? The Irish Heart Foundation is leading a fundraising team to Kilimanjaro in July 2012 and is looking for your help. Kilmanjaro is Africa’s highest mountain — a magnet for trekkers and climbers the world over. You can secure your place on the Climb Kilimanjaro tour for €300 and must raise a minimum of

CHRISTMAS can be a tough time. Whether it’s financial pressure, changed circumstances in your life, excited children or the loss of loved ones, it can be difficult to remain upbeat. But you don’t have to feel alone. Call for help if you need it. A good place to start is with the Aware helpline, a non-directive listening service for people who experience depres-

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€4,995 (€2,595 is the cost of your place and €2,400 goes to the Irish Heart Foundation). This is a tough challenge and requires a good level of fitness. Money raised from Climb Kilimanjaro 2012 will go towards the IHF’s F.A.S.T Stroke campaign. For information and application pack, contact Gráinne on 01-6685001.

PARTY CURE: Help your body cope with the party season by treating it to some Milk Thistle, a natural way to support your liver and ward off a hangover. A.Vogel’s Milk Thistle Complex combines Milk Thistle with artichoke, dandelion and peppermint and boldo, which help to improve liver function by reducing fat levels in the blood, boosting metabolism and stimulating the digestive system. A. Vogel Milk Thistle Complex is available in tinctures (€10.50 for 50ml and tablet (€12.55 for 60 tablets) at health stores and pharmacies; www.avogel.ie

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sion. It offers a non-judgemental listening ear to people who may be distressed or worried, or just need someone to talk to. You can also call the helpline if you are worried about someone who may be depressed — if you are concerned about family or friends. ● If you are living outside Ireland and wish to access the Aware helpline, you can call 01-6766166. Or call 1890-303302 from within Ireland.

DId you know...

After men become fathers for the first time, they show significant decreases in crime, tobacco and alcohol use (Source: Oregon State University, US)

Party time

BE RADIANT: For a perfect party complexion, try the first mineral make-up collection from The Body Shop, launched earlier this year. Available in three formats and seven shades, this foundation contains moisturising Community Fair Trade cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil and ultra-fine mineral pigments that are easy to blend for natural-looking results. Each formula is fragrance and paraben-free and suitable for all skin types, including sensitive and blemished skin. Be Matt, cream compact foundation is €24.95; Be Fresh liquid foundation is €22.95 and Be Radiant loose powder is €23.95.

NAIL BLING: Add a little sparkle to your nails with IsaDora’s Graffiti Party Purse. This Christmas gift pack contains Wonder Nail Gold Sparkles, Graffiti Nail Top Black Tag and Wonder Nail Top Coat. Simply apply the sparkly base, allow to dry and follow with the Nail Top to see the crackle pattern appear. A final top coat adds a super glossy finish. As IsaDora nail shades are sold separately for €7.50, this holiday gift purse at €15 offers value for money too. IsaDora nail polishes are hypo-allergenic and free of formaldehyde, camphor, toluene and DBP, available from pharmacies.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

HAIR AFFAIR: For festive hair, check out this season’s hottest red shades. Hennaplus Long Lasting Colour’s ultra caring formula is enriched with certified organic extracts and conditioning ingredients including sunflower seed extract, rooibos, green tea, ginseng, chamomile and rosemary. With 100% grey coverage and colour lasting up to three months, Hennaplus is formulated without PPD, phthalates or parabens and available in 33 colours, €12.99 from health stores.

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14 Medical matters

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. WORK has been very stressful of late. I’ve started to wake in the middle of the night with a pounding heart. I’ve checked my heartbeat on a monitor and it’s irregular. Should I be worried?

Dr Julius Parker is a GP with HSF Health Plan’s free 24 GP advice line. For more information visit www.hsf.ie or lo-call 1890 473 473 If you have a question about your health email it to feelgood@examiner.ie or send a letter to: Feelgood Irish Examiner City Quarter Lapps Quay Cork

A. It’s likely you’ve already recognised the cause of your symptoms. Unfortunately stress doesn’t just cause anxiety, it can also trigger many physical symptoms, and one of the most common are palpatations. Palpatations are simply heartbeats that become noticeable, often causing a pounding or fluttering sensation in the chest. This usually lasts a few minutes, but can be alarming. You don’t say when you monitored your heart rate, but during episodes of palpatations it’s very common to notice a missed or extra beat. These are called ectopic beats and are usually harmless. Other factors may be important. Caffeine can trigger palpatations, as can smoking. Occasionally medication can also cause palpatations, for example some asthma inhalers and thyroxine for an underactive thyroid. Alcohol taken before sleep can disrupt your sleep pattern. If you notice an irregular heart beat at other times, especially if also associated with dizziness or lightheadedness, chest tightness or breathlessness, you should see your GP. Investigating palpatations is quite straightforward and may be done either by your GP or a specialist, who should be able to identify any underlying problem. It’s much more likely that your symptoms are being triggered by work stress and of course times haven’t been easy for many people over the last few years. You need to think over what changes would make work less stressful and how you might achieve these. You should talk to your line manager, but it’s best to go to a meeting with some suggested solutions. I suspect tackling this successfully will mean your palpatations will settle down. Q. My eight-week-old daughter has developed a nasty nappy rash, causing her skin to bleed in places. Our GP has suggested a steroid based cream but I’m reluctant to use it on my tiny baby. I would appreciate your advice. A. I’m sorry to hear this, but it’s important to remember that nappy rash is relatively common, about a third of babies will develop

NEWS UPDATE

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THE battle against obesity needs to take place in the first three years of life, otherwise, according to a leading Irish expert, “you are already behind the game.” The comment came after the release last week of a major study on three-year-olds and parents in Ireland conducted by the Economic and Social Research Institute and Trinity College. The report found that 25% of three-year-olds in Ireland are overweight, while 6% are obese. Professor Donal O’Shea, the director of weight-management services at St Columcille’s hospital in Dublin, said the results of the new research were worse than he had feared. We will be in a more critical position in 20 years’ time than the US is now, he said. “It means that the battle against obesity needs to take place in the first three years of life.” A child’s weight is calculated differently to an

BABY FAT: Obesity begins in the first three years of life, setting a life pattern. Picture: iStock adult’s and obesity is ‘invisible’ to parents with 95% of mothers and 100% of fathers unable to detect it in their children. The average healthy weight of a three-year-old is between 28 and 42 lbs — depending on their height. Children who weigh more than 85% of children of the same age and sex are classed

a nappy rash at some time. Usually it’s mild, and will settle with careful skin care. Sometimes it gets progressively worse. This is more likely if your daughter’s had diarrhoea, or if the rash has become infected. Sometimes a more persistent nappy rash can be a sign of eczema, especially if there are patches of dry, red skin elsewhere on her body or if there’s a family history of eczema. In these situations it’s a good idea to see your GP. Many parents do worry about steroid creams being prescribed, but used appropriately they are a safe and effective treatment. Your GP has probably prescribed a low strength cream, such as hydrocortisone 1%. Sometimes this will be a combination prod-

overweight. If they are heavier than 95% of children of the same age and sex, they are technically obese. Obesity is a major cause of illness in adults and, according to Professor O’Shea, the rate of obesity in children is particularly disturbing as “85% of those (overweight or obese children) will grow up to be either overweight or obese.”

uct, also containing an anti-fungal cream. Having a severe nappy rash is distressing for a baby, and steroid creams will help settle the skin inflammation. Remember, you’re only applying the cream to a small percentage of your baby’s total body area, and will be using it for less than a week. All the usual advice to help a nappy rash still applies. You should change your daughter’s nappy regularly, carefully bathe the nappy area with water (no soap) using cotton wool and gently pat the area dry. Apply a barrier cream after each nappy change. This approach is usually enough to settle most cases of nappy rash, but if it’s more severe you shouldn’t worry about also using a short course of steroid cream.

NOTE: The information contained in Dr Julius Parker’s column is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a doctor first

Catherine Shanahan MUM’S WORLD Feelgood

HERE are some things you don’t want to hear at your child’s parent/teacher meeting. For example: “With grades like these, he couldn’t possibly be cheating,” or “there’s medication for that kind of behaviour,” or “he can’t read three-letter words but knows every four-letter word in the book.” Likewise, you don’t want the prospect of a meeting with the teacher to reduce you to yogic breathing because the last time you felt this jittery was in the wings at Feis Maitiu, when verse-speaking before an audience was no less daunting than that very first date with your best friend’s mate who thought you’d be perfectly suited. Above all, you don’t want a meeting where the opening greeting is the only cordial exchange and where any attempt at being civil is dead and buried within two minutes, like some bad episode of Dr Phil. What you want is an honest assessment of your child’s performance in an atmosphere where both you and teacher have their best interests at heart, and from which you emerge with a better perspective on your child’s educational development as well as their social and emotional growth. What you don’t want is 10 minutes of

recriminations that leave teacher wishing for a career change, and you wishing you’d heard her out because she had a valid point when she said little Johnny had a tendency to shout at the most inappropriate moments. We approached our very first parent/teacher meeting with a slight degree of apprehension, but it went, I think, fairly well. Our son was doing just fine, but struggling to stay sitting down. This I could relate to. He frequently disappears, mid-meal, from the dinner table. One minute he’s sucking spaghetti, the next he’s under the table or out in the hall playing ball, or half-way up the stairs in search of a light sabre because he is, after all, Luke Skywalker, a Jedi Master and hero of the Galactic Civil War tasked with destroying the Death Star. I had a chat with him about the drawbacks of his wanderlust, which I think is almost subconscious. I was greeted the next morning by tears and a plea not to send him to class in case he made teacher sad. I cursed my own lack of tact. He went in the end, when I convinced him that teacher would miss him. I learned the biggest lesson from that first meeting. Children, no more than ourselves, don’t respond well to criticism. Encouragement is a far better tool if your aim is to motivate and is more effective than correction if you want them to co-operate.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

He frequently disappears, mid-meal, from the dinner table. One minute he’s sucking spaghetti, the next he’s out in the hall playing ball or half-way up the stairs in search of a light sabre because he is after all Luke Skywalker,

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Natural health

I HAVE a 16-month-old baby girl who suffers from constipation. She won’t drink juices, but is a great eater. I have given her syrup of figs, which has helped, but am concerned about using it over a prolonged period.

Megan Sheppard Do you have a question for Megan Sheppard? Email it to feelgood@examiner.ie or send a letter to Feelgood Irish Examiner City Quarter Lapps Quay Cork

A. I wonder if it is worth considering a food intolerance, with such chronic constipation at this young age. Dairy, in particular, can be linked to constipation in babies and young children. The other frequent issue associated with chronic constipation in an infant is anxiety or stress. Magnesium is often referred to as the anti-stress mineral because it has such a calming effect when taken. Not only will it help with relaxation and sleep, it also works to relieve constipation. Give your daughter around 100mg of magnesium daily, either as one dose before bedtime, or in two 50mg doses each morning and night. In addition to this, it will be useful to include soluble fibre and vitamin C to optimise health of the digestive system and bowel. Soluble fibre reduces the amount of pressure needed for elimination, while vitamin C acts as a gentle laxative and restores integrity to the mucous membranes. Rather than using a vitamin C supplement, I would suggest that you use high vitamin C fruit and vegetables, such as capsicum, citrus, berries, kiwifruit, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and leafy greens. Kiwifruit are a particularly good choice, since they contain significant levels of vitamin C and can also relieve constipation due to the presence of actinidin, an enzyme which assists digestion. Psyllium husks are a great source of soluble fibre. On contact with water, they swell and form a gelatinous mass, stimulating the transport of waste through the intestinal tract. Give your daughter 1-2 teaspoons each day in a large glass of water, or mix them in a blender with fruit and water as a smoothie. In fact, adding some omega fatty acids to this smoothie combination would be ideal — hempseed oil, flaxseed oil or Udo’s oil. Syrup of figs can be used for a short period in an urgent situation, however, something which softens the stools (such as the psyllium) is best for longer term use. If it does turn out to be a food intolerance, then addressing the root cause and removing the culprit will mean that your daughter no

A. The prostate is a small gland located at the neck of the bladder, and wrapped around the urethra. While it doesn’t play any specific role in urine-flow regulation, the swelling or enlargement of this gland has a significant impact on urinary habits due to its location. In fact, the prostate gland is an essential part of the reproductive system, with testosterone levels controlling its growth and function. Saw Palmetto (Serenoa repens) is an important herbal remedy for prostate health — it works by triggering the relaxation of smooth muscle cells in the prostate gland and has been proven scientifically to outperform many commonly prescribed prostate drugs. Pumpkin seeds (pepitas) are another valuable nutritional remedy, since they are high in vitamin E and zinc, which are important nutrients for male reproductive and urinary health. Nature’s Way has developed a supplement which combines both Saw Palmetto berries and pumpkin seed oil, along with uva ursi — a herb well-known for its affinity with the urinary tract. Saw Palmetto Complex costs €16.75 for 120 capsules. Other specific herbs that can help with urinary incontinence, working to tone the bladder and strengthen the entire urinary system include, agrimony, yarrow, gravel root, juniper berries, marshmallow root, parsley, sumac berries, mullein and lobelia. Look for a herbal formulation containing many of these herbs, have a herbalist make a customised blend, or just choose a few which appeal. Parsley tea is a simple remedy to make, since the herb is so widespread and easy to grow yourself. Mullein is another of my favourite commonly-found herbal remedies — take ¼ of a teaspoon steeped in 60ml of water before bed. There is a specific device that may help with the leakage issue. It is an external catheter called a condom catheter, designed to collect urine in cases of incontinence. There are a number of different styles of condom catheter, but the basic model involves a condom-like part attached to a tube, leading to a urinary storage bag. To purchase contact a medical supply company, or checkout what’s available online. Most of the ones that I have come across have been US-based, such as the GeeWhiz (www.urinedevice.com). Other people who might be able to help you to track down a local supplier include your GP, nursing homes, disability resource centres, or local hospital.

My little girl suffers from constipation most of the time. What can I do?

longer requires laxative assistance, which can have long-term implications on bowel tone and digestive health. Q. I am a man in my 70s and I have that ugly complaint — an enlarged prostate and consequent incontinence. This problem is embarrassing and seriously restricts my visits and holidays. Of course, I have the pads, and while they work up to a point, at times they get saturated or dislodge. What do you suggest as an alternative?

■ NOTE: The information contained above is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a doctor first.

Megan puts the spotlight on:

INNITUS retraining therapy (TRT), developed by Dr Jonathon Hazell and Dr Pawel Jastreboff in the 1980s, is based on the neurophysiological model of healing. The aim is to change the perception of the sounds, but this therapy has an 80-84% success rate in relieving discomfort. Tinnitus is the sensation of a sound in the ear or head for which there is no external source. It can occur working with loud machinery and musical instruments or equipment, or as a side effect of illnesses and disorders. The sound is a ringing or buzzing in the head, but is different for each individual and can be continuous or intermittent. The main aim of TRT is to assist the

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individual in becoming accustomed to the noise, much as you would the buzzing of a fridge. Jastreboff has defined tinnitus as a phantom auditory perception perceived only by the person, and indicated that relief can be achieved through therapeutic advice and sound therapy. Dr Teresa Heitzmann, of the University Hospital of Navarre in Spain, says that TRT has the highest success rate in treating patients with tinnitus. TRT combines low-level, steady background sounds with one-on-one patient/clinician directive

Tinnitus: Is it all in your head? counselling, so that the individual becomes ‘unaware’ of the tinnitus. By utilising ear sound generators to enrich their background sound environment for a minimum of eight hours a day, the individual becomes habituated to the tinnitus. TRT can take anywhere from one to two years before the ear sound generators are no longer needed. At the end of this period, the patient is still able to focus their attention to the tinnitus if they choose, but no longer find it annoying or bothersome. Vitamin B12, taken in a therapeutic dosage of 2000mcg daily, is effective in

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2011

reducing or eliminating tinnitus symptoms. It works because B12 is important in the production of the myelin sheaths that protect the nerve cells of the inner ear. In fact, research has shown that most tinnitus sufferers are B12 deficient. Solgar make a 1,000mcg vitamin B12 (€13.20 for 100 nuggets; www.solgar.co.uk). Take two tablets daily for one month, then reduce your intake to one per day. B12 is also found in dairy products, meat, and eggs. ● NOTE: Aspirin, quinine (found in tonic water), caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol will all make the symptoms worse, and reduce your exposure to loud noises — carry ear plugs with you just in case.

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