Feelgood 10-02-2012

TERAPROOF:User:jaycarcioneDate:08/02/2012Time:18:01:37Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:1

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Friday, February 10, 2012

LOVE ME, OR LEAVE ME? Dave and Aoife launch the first of our five-week blind date series: 8, 9

ROMANCE

Couples who eloped to tie the knot: 4, 5

GIFTS

Put time not money into saying I love you: 11

FOOD

We rate those chocs before you buy them: 12

♥

e on Th diti e

Feelgood

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2 News front Kate O’Reilly WHAT’S ON ■ FREE COURSE: WRAP, the Wellness Recovery Action Programme, was designed to help individuals manage stress in their everyday life and cope with various strains. These free Cork courses are being run by SECAD in Midleton, Ballincollig, Cobh and Carrigaline. For more details contact the SECAD office in Midleton on 021-4613132 or visit www.secad.ie ■ KIDS WORKSHOPS: Be a Brainbox! workshops are back for the mid-term at CIT Blackrock Castle Observatory.

Aimed at children from age eight up (ages six and seven if accompanied by an adult) Taking place daily from Feb 13 – 17 between 2 and 3.30pm, workshops are €5 per child.

For more information contact CIT Blackrock Castle Observatory on 021-4357917; www.bco.ie ■ BARNARDOS COURSE: Barnardos is offering a four-week course for adopted adults to explore issues around growing up adopted, etc. The course will run on Thursday evenings for four weeks starting on Feb 23 at the Hilton Hotel in Kilmainham in Dublin 8. The cost is €80 and registration is on http://www.barnardos.ie/adoption ■ DATE WITH DUBLIN: Temple Bar Culture Trust (TBCT) has unveiled a programme of events to celebrate Valentine’s Day called A Date With Dublin.

From 12 noon until 12 midnight on Feb 14, cultural organisations across the city will be offering lovers and friends a programme of affordable and free events.

Log on to www.templebar.ie for full details of events.

■ ZOO ROMANCE: Celebrate romance at Dublin Zoo this weekend, with Woo at the Zoo, which includes special keeper talks on breeding, courtship and romantic rituals of the animals. Special Valentine’s face painting and arts and crafts will take place in the Family Farm House from 12pm – 3pm. For further information see www.dublinzoo.ie.

■ LOLLIPOP DAY: Lollipop Day, which involves thousands of volunteers throughout the country selling lollipops to raise funds for the Oesophageal Cancer Fund (OCF) is held at the end of February each year. Ireland has one of the highest rates of oesophageal cancer in Europe.

Volunteers will be selling lollipops and pins (€2 each) on Friday, Feb 24 and Saturday 25. If you would like to get involved visit www.lollipopday.ie ■ CUPID’S DASH: The Irish Heart Foundation (IHF) is urging walkers, joggers and runners to help mend broken hearts in more ways than one, by signing up for annual Cupid’s Dash 10k fun run tomorrow. The romantic sunset run organised by Irishfit will take place at 5pm on North Bull Island, Clontarf, Dublin 3 and the IHF will receive a €5 donation for everyone who registers.

Registration costs €25 at www.cupidsdash.ie; IHF sponsorship cards from Grainne Kennedy, gkennedy@irishheart.ie or phone 01-668 5001.

Items for inclusion in this column can be sent to koreilly8@gmail.com

FeelgoodMag

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FeelgoodMag

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The sudden death of their healthy son Tom O’Reagan from SADS left his family devastated, Arlene Harris reports

Shock death

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HEN Tom O’Regan was 29, it seemed like the world was his oyster. Tall, dark and handsome, the Cork man was working as an IT manager for Zenith Technologies in Singapore. He came from a loving family, was in a happy relationship and had plenty of good friends.

His future looked bright.

But just a fortnight before he was due to return home to Ireland for a holiday, the fit and healthy young man died in his sleep. His family was devastated and although he has been gone for over 18 months, his parents, Dorothy and Brendan and sister, Dara, are still mourning the exuberant young man who seemed so happy and full of life.

“Tom was a great personality and a much loved character,” recalls Dorothy. “He was one of those people that others just took to immediately and he had a great kindness about him which put people immediately at ease.

“He spoke French and German, and was learning Mandarin and Malay to converse with his friends in Singapore. He was an accomplished guitarist and songwriter and loved to try his hand at anything that interested him. He also had a wide variety of other interests — capoeira, ice-hockey and he chased the waves in Ireland, with his surfboard and wet suit in the back of the car — he really lived life to the full.”

Dorothy (who used to work as a therapist until her son’s death) and Brendan (CEO of Zenith Technologies) visited Tom in Singapore shortly before he died and saw nothing to indicate that he was in any immediate danger which is why his sudden death was so shocking.

“We had been out in Singapore with him the week before he died (Jun 26, 2010) and he was healthy and well, but complained that he couldn’t seem to shake off the flu he had since the previous March,” says Dorothy.

“He said many nights he went to bed at 9pm, exhausted, and woke at 6am for work feeling as if he hadn’t slept — but this was the only symptom.

“We encouraged him to see a doctor and he agreed as he was always careful about his health. He was completely anti-drugs, was mindful of his diet; loved fruit and drank plenty of water and had no more than a few pints at the weekend. He always seemed very well.”

But a few days after his parents returned home to Ireland, Tom had been playing music in a bar in Singapore and returned home to sleep after a couple of beers. He was dead by the following morning.

“Tom had a great night out, his bar tab showed he bought four pints but his autopsy showed he had less than two pints of lager in his system,” says Dorothy. “His girlfriend woke at 9am the next morning and thought she heard him snoring which she said was unusual. But she wasn’t alarmed and went back to sleep.

“When she awoke 20 minutes later he was already dead. We now know that what she had actually heard was the ‘chain-stroke’ breath — his last breath. But there was no www.irishexaminer.com www.irishexaminer.com

FAMILY’S GRIEF: Tom O’Regan, seen here with his mother Dorothy, died of Sudden Adult Death Syndrome caused by a virus. possible way she could have known this.

“We got a phone call from the Irish Embassy at 5.50am on Saturday morning. It was a living nightmare. My husband took the call, and broke down immediately. I knew something horrific had happened to Tom, but didn’t know what. I grabbed the phone and when I heard what was wrong, I was chilled to the bone as if the whole world had suddenly stopped. It was beyond surreal.”

The family dragged themselves through hours of disbelief and Tom’s parents made arrangements to fly to Singapore to try and discover what had happened to their son.

“Brendan and I got a flight to London that same afternoon and flew on to Singapore,” recalls Dorothy. “Dara stayed home with family and prepared the house to bring Tom home and we kept ourselves sane by convincing each other that we would get there and find out it wasn’t true — that there had been an error at the hospital.

“At the same time, we cried for the entire journey and just held each other.

“When we arrived, we were met at the airport by the Irish ambassador who brought us to the funeral home. It was a nightmare seeing our beloved son lying there like a waxwork, when only a week before he had been laughing and joking with us, completely alive and well.”

Tom’s death was attributed to Sudden

www.irishexaminer.com feelgood@examiner.ie

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) which probably occurred as a result of persistent flu virus he had been complaining of.

“We were told that a flu virus had gone to Tom’s heart and killed him,” says Dorothy. “This is still so hard to accept as he was such a vibrant, healthy and happy young man — but tragically, it is the truth.

“The doctors in Singapore said that although it was unusual, it was not unheard of, particularly in young men. His heart was enlarged because of the virus attack but he was otherwise in perfect health. We pushed for further information but that was it.

“Since then, Dara, Brendan and myself have attended the Family Heart Screening Clinic in the Mater Hospital Centre and have had thorough checks. They found nothing in any of us, but we were treated with the utmost kindness and compassion.

“We have always been a very close, united family and, although there will never be a way to fully accept our tremendous loss, the support we have received is a great comfort and we couldn’t have got through this without our wonderful family and friends who rallied around and kept us going when our feet couldn’t even touch the ground.” ● For more information visit www.materfoundation.org or familyheartscreening@mater.ie

Editorial: 021 4802 292

Advertising: 021 4802 215

TERAPROOF:User:jaycarcioneDate:08/02/2012Time:18:06:41Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:3

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In profile

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THE SHAPE I'M IN

Ariana Barrett

Society girl

C

ORK woman Ariana Barrett isn’t going to settle for anyone on TV3 dating show, Take Me Out. “My friends say I’m high-maintenance because I’m really picky — I have very high standards,” says the Midleton-based 20-year-old, who runs Dynamic Dancers, a company that supplies entertainers — dancers, fire breathers — to nightclubs and for promotional events.

“I suppose the selection of men is varied on Take Me Out, but I haven’t really seen much of my type,” says Ariana. So what is her type? “You can’t go wrong with tall, dark and handsome and he’d have to have good banter.

You have to be up for a laugh.”

Ariana says she didn’t know what to expect when she signed up for Take Me Out. “I love that about life — taking risks. Being on Take Me Out has been such a great experience — I’d do it all again in the morning,” she says. On Valentine’s Day, she’d love to be surprised.

“I love a surprise. I’d like a guy to say ‘pack your bags — I’m bringing you away for the night and I’m not telling you where’.”

■ The Valentine’s Day special of Take Me Out Ireland is on TV3 at 9pm on Friday, Feb 17.

What trait do you least like in yourself?

To be honest, I wish I wasn’t so nice. If somebody lets me down, I forget it. People say ‘no Ariana, you have to put your foot down’. For me, it’s water under the bridge but I do get walked on a bit.

Helen O’Callaghan

16th Feb Questions of Spirituality and Health 7pm - 9pm, Beech Hill House Hotel, Derry 17th Feb Spirituality & Health Understanding the Language of your Symptoms 9am - 5pm, Beech Hill House Hotel, Derry

What are your healthiest eating habits?

I drink two and a half litres of water a day. I eat small amounts and often and I always have breakfast — cereal, yoghurt, and banana. I tend to keep the carbs low and the protein high, so I’d eat chicken salad and quick stir-fries. For snacks, I’d have muesli bars, fruit or rice crackers. Also, I’m a non-smoker.

18th Feb Spirituality & Health Understanding the Language of your Symptoms 9am - 5pm, Kippure Estate, Co. Wicklow

What’s your guiltiest pleasure?

Chocolate, which I’d say is everyone’s guilty pleasure.

19th Feb Spirituality & Health Understanding the Language of your Symptoms 9am - 5pm, Vienna Woods Hotel, Cork

What would keep you awake at night?

Being too busy. I have a really busy schedule and I try to organise it all when I’m in bed. I over-think. I’m a perfectionist.

For booking & info contact: Karen 087 6536916 karen@brendadavies.com Collette 0044-7956592532 collette@brendadavies.com

How do you relax?

It’s hard to relax because I’m always on the go. On Sundays, I just stay home and have a day to myself. I turn off the phone, chill out, maybe have a DVD day or watch telly. I also relax by being around friends and family.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

I’d have four guests — Barack Obama, because he seems down-to-earth and good fun, plus he’s good-looking. Davina McCall’s an inspiration — she keeps fit and she looks so well. I’d invite Graham Norton, because he’s from Cork and he’d be good craic, and I’d have Katherine Lynch, just for the banter.

Tour of Ireland 16th - 19th February 2012 www.brendadavies.com

What’s your favourite smell?

When I lived in Australia for a year, the smell I really missed was the distillery in Midleton. I absolutely love it.

What would you change about your appearance?

I’d like to have smaller boobs but still keep my curves. I could have a lovely dress and my boobs would just get in the way. They also give me back pain.

Feelgood

Acclaimed author, spiritual healer, psychiatrist, and motivational speaker is touring Ireland for a series of evening and one day events - don’t miss this amazing opportunity to meet this inspirational teacher.

What would cheer up your day?

Someone texting me out of the blue and saying something nice, or more work coming in.

Do you have any health concerns?

I’ve got no health concerns, no allergies, nothing — I’m lucky.

What trait do you least like in others?

I don’t like cockiness. I think there’s a difference between being confident and being cocky.

DR BRENDA DAVIES

Do you pray?

No, I don’t.

What shape are you in?

I’m in pretty good shape. We’ve just had a pole installed in our apartment, so I do a lot of pole fitness. I go for a few walks during the week.

When did you last cry?

I cried about two weeks ago, watching The Notebook.

3

TAKE ME ON: Ariana Barrett, who appears on Take me Out, is choosy about men.

Picture: Dan Linehan

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Evening seminar £25/€35 per person One day seminar £65/€75 per person

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No-fuss marriage

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Eloping is more intimate and less stressful than planning an expensive wedding for

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150 guests. Sue Leonard speaks to four couples who opted for a quiet union

They ran away for their big day

OST women — and little girls — dream about their wedding. It’s supposed to be the best day of their lives. But the exorbitant cost, and the stress of keeping two sets of relatives happy, can mean that tension not serenity rules.

Many modern couples keep it simple.

They’re going abroad with 60 friends and relatives, rather than hosting 150 guests in Ireland.

Some couples, though, would prefer to run away from the fuss altogether. We met four couples, who decided, for their own reasons, to get married privately and in secret.

Emma and Danny Buckley eloped to the Faroe Islands in June, 1999.

Emma from Donegal, and Danny, from Cork, got engaged in 1999. Danny, a teacher, was at college in Dublin.

“We were going to a lot of weddings and people seemed to be concentrating more on the party than the mass,” says Danny. “We both have a strong faith and we wanted our wedding to be meaningful. I knew a Franciscan sister on the Faroe Island and knew how spiritual the islands were.”

It took six months to get the wedding organised, and, meanwhile, the two were living in separate, shared houses in Dublin. They didn’t tell anyone.

“The most difficult part was telling our local parish priests. It was hard for Emma’s not to let on. And we had to have the civil wedding in Dublin, first. That was tricky. I was working part-time as a carpenter. My foreman came down as our witness. Then I went back to work,” says Danny.

They flew out through Aberdeen and stayed in a Faroese youth hostel.

“We rang our parents the night before,” says Emma. “Mum says she went round dead-heading the roses.”

Emma wore a simple white dress she’d had made in Dublin. They were married in the Catholic church in Torshavn during a routine mass, and then the nuns laid on a lunch for them. Later they spent the night in Torshavn’s only hotel.

They stayed for two weeks, touring the islands, being recognised everywhere.

“The news had spread. It was amazing,” she says.

Twelve years, and five children, on and the couple say they’ve no regrets.

“We feel we married the right way. It was meaningful and just between the two of us.”

Michael and Róisín Shanahan eloped to Maui, July, 2007.

Michael and Róisín eloped because they didn’t want the stress of keeping all their relations happy.

“We didn’t want any fuss,” says Róisín.

“We planned the wedding through a photographer I found on the web. And we pretended we were going on holiday to the Canaries.

We didn’t tell anyone, except my sister. She was into fashion design and I wanted help with the dress.”

The couple flew via Los Angeles and spent some days looking round Hollywood.

“We bought the ring in Tiffany’s,” she says.

After a magical welcome, with flowers on Maui, they set off for the Sheraton Hotel.

“We were married on a beach, at sunset,” says Róisín. “There was nobody else there

Feelgood

BIG APPLE: Finbar McLoughlin and Nuala Ni Chonchúir, seen here with Cúán, baby Juno, and Finn, eloped to New York, seen below, and had one witness at the ceremony. Picture: Hany Marzouk ROMANTIC ESCAPE: Jenny and George Foxe with their sons Ronan, 6, and Damon, 4, and right for their wedding, they picked up rings from Argos on the way, and grabbed some flowers from a seller in Grafton Street.

Picture: Maura Hickey.

ISLAND DREAM: Danny and Emma Buckley 12 years after they eloped, pictured below, to The Faroe Islands, to have a more meaningful religious marriage ceremony.

Picture:

Keith Heneghan / Phocus.

because it was Friday 13. It was a traditional Hawaiian wedding with lots of singing. We had dinner afterwards in the hotel. That felt a bit strange, with just the two of us.”

Both sets of families were a little disappointed. But Róisín’s parents threw a party a few months later.

“I had nothing to do with it, but it was nice. I enjoyed wearing my dress again, and being able to share my photos and talk about the day with other people.

“I didn’t think I’d any regrets, but when

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

my sister got married recently, I thought it was nice for her that my family were there.

And I did wonder if any of my friends felt hurt that I hadn’t confided in them,” she says.

Jenny and George Foxe eloped within Dublin in 2005.

“We were engaged and we had a baby,” says Jenny. “But we weren’t living together, because George was living with, and caring for, his grandfather. I’d applied for an American visa and didn’t want to be in the position that

the baby, Ronan, and I had a visa and George didn’t.

“But I didn’t want to organise a wedding. I had baby weight on and we hadn’t much money. If I couldn’t do a wedding perfectly, I didn’t want to do it at all. We made a notification of intent, and went in to the registry office to set a date. We never told anybody.

But the Saturday before the wedding we realised we needed witnesses, so we told his sister and her husband, and they said they’d drive us in. We explained we didn’t want anyone else to know, or to come.

“I wore a black suit and grey blouse. We picked up rings from Argos on the way, and grabbed some flowers from a seller in Grafton Street. It was a lovely wedding, with just me, George, our baby and witnesses. Afterwards, we went to Captain America’s. It was totally stress-free.”

Jenny’s family, though, were disappointed to have missed out. So Jenny was persuaded to organise a ‘mock’ white wedding the following year.

Feelgood

“And that was stressful. If we hadn’t been married I don’t know if our relationship would have survived it. I think it’s good to keep the party separate. The marriage itself then means more,” she says.

George and Jenny now have a second son, Damon, four. And on their sixth anniversary, they finally got away for a honeymoon.

“We went to Amsterdam for the weekend.

We went alone, and it was bliss,” says Jenny.

Nuala Ni Chonchuir and Finbar McLough-

lin eloped to New York in May, 2010.

Author of You, Nuala Ni Chonchuir had been married before.

“When my first marriage broke down, I was anti-marriage for a while. I’d look at people marrying and think, ‘you’re mad.’

Then I fell deeply in love and wanted to be married to Finbar. But I didn’t want any fuss,” she says.

“We didn’t want people to feel obliged to come. We decided to marry in New York, where we knew a few people. We told our families just before we left.

“I bought a teal maxi dress in Zara. Finbar wore a suit and I bought him a Liberty tie. I wore a peacock necklace and our one witness wore a peacock feather in her hair. I bought a posy of red-and-white roses and baby’s breath, and we bought a carrot cake from a 24-hour deli.

“We were married in City Hall. My two sons Cúán, 17, and Finn, nine, were there; and our daughter Juno (now aged two).

Then, we went to our favourite veggie

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

restaurant and met our other five guests, including an Irish writer I’d contacted online but never met.

“It was lovely. And much less stressful than my first wedding, in 1999, which I planned for about a year.

“For me, marriage is a statement of commitment to the world. It was important to Finbar too. He was 40 and it was his first marriage. His parents were disappointed it was in New York. But we had a party for our families three months later.”

TERAPROOF:User:margaretjenningsDate:08/02/2012Time:17:18:37Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:4

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4

No-fuss marriage

XH - V1

Eloping is more intimate and less stressful than planning an expensive wedding for

M

5

XH - V1

150 guests. Sue Leonard speaks to four couples who opted for a quiet union

They ran away for their big day

OST women — and little girls — dream about their wedding. It’s supposed to be the best day of their lives. But the exorbitant cost, and the stress of keeping two sets of relatives happy, can mean that tension not serenity rules.

Many modern couples keep it simple.

They’re going abroad with 60 friends and relatives, rather than hosting 150 guests in Ireland.

Some couples, though, would prefer to run away from the fuss altogether. We met four couples, who decided, for their own reasons, to get married privately and in secret.

Emma and Danny Buckley eloped to the Faroe Islands in June, 1999.

Emma from Donegal, and Danny, from Cork, got engaged in 1999. Danny, a teacher, was at college in Dublin.

“We were going to a lot of weddings and people seemed to be concentrating more on the party than the mass,” says Danny. “We both have a strong faith and we wanted our wedding to be meaningful. I knew a Franciscan sister on the Faroe Island and knew how spiritual the islands were.”

It took six months to get the wedding organised, and, meanwhile, the two were living in separate, shared houses in Dublin. They didn’t tell anyone.

“The most difficult part was telling our local parish priests. It was hard for Emma’s not to let on. And we had to have the civil wedding in Dublin, first. That was tricky. I was working part-time as a carpenter. My foreman came down as our witness. Then I went back to work,” says Danny.

They flew out through Aberdeen and stayed in a Faroese youth hostel.

“We rang our parents the night before,” says Emma. “Mum says she went round dead-heading the roses.”

Emma wore a simple white dress she’d had made in Dublin. They were married in the Catholic church in Torshavn during a routine mass, and then the nuns laid on a lunch for them. Later they spent the night in Torshavn’s only hotel.

They stayed for two weeks, touring the islands, being recognised everywhere.

“The news had spread. It was amazing,” she says.

Twelve years, and five children, on and the couple say they’ve no regrets.

“We feel we married the right way. It was meaningful and just between the two of us.”

Michael and Róisín Shanahan eloped to Maui, July, 2007.

Michael and Róisín eloped because they didn’t want the stress of keeping all their relations happy.

“We didn’t want any fuss,” says Róisín.

“We planned the wedding through a photographer I found on the web. And we pretended we were going on holiday to the Canaries.

We didn’t tell anyone, except my sister. She was into fashion design and I wanted help with the dress.”

The couple flew via Los Angeles and spent some days looking round Hollywood.

“We bought the ring in Tiffany’s,” she says.

After a magical welcome, with flowers on Maui, they set off for the Sheraton Hotel.

“We were married on a beach, at sunset,” says Róisín. “There was nobody else there

Feelgood

BIG APPLE: Finbar McLoughlin and Nuala Ni Chonchúir, seen here with Cúán, baby Juno, and Finn, eloped to New York, seen below, and had one witness at the ceremony. Picture: Hany Marzouk ROMANTIC ESCAPE: Jenny and George Foxe with their sons Ronan, 6, and Damon, 4, and right for their wedding, they picked up rings from Argos on the way, and grabbed some flowers from a seller in Grafton Street.

Picture: Maura Hickey.

ISLAND DREAM: Danny and Emma Buckley 12 years after they eloped, pictured below, to The Faroe Islands, to have a more meaningful religious marriage ceremony.

Picture:

Keith Heneghan / Phocus.

because it was Friday 13. It was a traditional Hawaiian wedding with lots of singing. We had dinner afterwards in the hotel. That felt a bit strange, with just the two of us.”

Both sets of families were a little disappointed. But Róisín’s parents threw a party a few months later.

“I had nothing to do with it, but it was nice. I enjoyed wearing my dress again, and being able to share my photos and talk about the day with other people.

“I didn’t think I’d any regrets, but when

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

my sister got married recently, I thought it was nice for her that my family were there.

And I did wonder if any of my friends felt hurt that I hadn’t confided in them,” she says.

Jenny and George Foxe eloped within Dublin in 2005.

“We were engaged and we had a baby,” says Jenny. “But we weren’t living together, because George was living with, and caring for, his grandfather. I’d applied for an American visa and didn’t want to be in the position that

the baby, Ronan, and I had a visa and George didn’t.

“But I didn’t want to organise a wedding. I had baby weight on and we hadn’t much money. If I couldn’t do a wedding perfectly, I didn’t want to do it at all. We made a notification of intent, and went in to the registry office to set a date. We never told anybody.

But the Saturday before the wedding we realised we needed witnesses, so we told his sister and her husband, and they said they’d drive us in. We explained we didn’t want anyone else to know, or to come.

“I wore a black suit and grey blouse. We picked up rings from Argos on the way, and grabbed some flowers from a seller in Grafton Street. It was a lovely wedding, with just me, George, our baby and witnesses. Afterwards, we went to Captain America’s. It was totally stress-free.”

Jenny’s family, though, were disappointed to have missed out. So Jenny was persuaded to organise a ‘mock’ white wedding the following year.

Feelgood

“And that was stressful. If we hadn’t been married I don’t know if our relationship would have survived it. I think it’s good to keep the party separate. The marriage itself then means more,” she says.

George and Jenny now have a second son, Damon, four. And on their sixth anniversary, they finally got away for a honeymoon.

“We went to Amsterdam for the weekend.

We went alone, and it was bliss,” says Jenny.

Nuala Ni Chonchuir and Finbar McLough-

lin eloped to New York in May, 2010.

Author of You, Nuala Ni Chonchuir had been married before.

“When my first marriage broke down, I was anti-marriage for a while. I’d look at people marrying and think, ‘you’re mad.’

Then I fell deeply in love and wanted to be married to Finbar. But I didn’t want any fuss,” she says.

“We didn’t want people to feel obliged to come. We decided to marry in New York, where we knew a few people. We told our families just before we left.

“I bought a teal maxi dress in Zara. Finbar wore a suit and I bought him a Liberty tie. I wore a peacock necklace and our one witness wore a peacock feather in her hair. I bought a posy of red-and-white roses and baby’s breath, and we bought a carrot cake from a 24-hour deli.

“We were married in City Hall. My two sons Cúán, 17, and Finn, nine, were there; and our daughter Juno (now aged two).

Then, we went to our favourite veggie

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

restaurant and met our other five guests, including an Irish writer I’d contacted online but never met.

“It was lovely. And much less stressful than my first wedding, in 1999, which I planned for about a year.

“For me, marriage is a statement of commitment to the world. It was important to Finbar too. He was 40 and it was his first marriage. His parents were disappointed it was in New York. But we had a party for our families three months later.”

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6 Eating healthily

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Purple foods may not only reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes and cancer, but by keeping you in top health, also give your libido a boost. Oliver Moore reports

Follow the rainbow

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HAT is it about the colour purple? Over the eons, its rich, deep and dark colour has been used symbolically in religion and royalty, mystery and magic. As we approach Valentine’s Day the exotic shapes and shades of purple foods stimulate our imagination — and we nedd not confined ourselves to just popping some luscious grapes into your loved one’s mouth!

There is growing evidence that purple foods keep us fighting fit — and in the process boosting our libido.

After all, research shows if we are tired, or our immune systems are down, then bedroom frolics go out the window.

Purple occurs quite rarely in our foods — beetroot, grapes, ‘red’ cabbage and onions, some berries — though it is thought that our pre-farming ancestors consumed significant amounts, often by munching berries.

Recently, purple foods have been gathering something of an interest from researchers.

The dark pigments in purple and blue foods are called anthocyanins. This is a flavonoid that has been linked to numerous beneficial effects, including reduced risk of heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers, therefore keeping us in peak condition.

There is also evidence that they help brain functioning as we get older.

Anthocyanins are among the most powerful of all phytonutrients, and are found in red, blue and purple foods such as red apples, grapes, berries and also wine. Research on numerous purple plant foods, of many hues and varieties, has found similar positive levels of anthocyanians, including Japanese purple sweet potato and, most recently, purple corns in China.

A 2011 study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found those with the highest intake of anthocyanin (predominantly from blueberries and strawberries) had an 8% reduction in risk of hypertension”.

This 14-year study was impressively large, involving 150,000 people at the outset, 35,000 of whom were considered at risk of hypertension.

“A lot of the significance of the colour purple has to do with classes of antioxidants. As we learn more about their protective effects, we find different classes. And it can be helpful to classify these through colours,” says Richard Burton, director of the Irish Institute of Nutrition and Health.

“No one type

Feelgood

TASTY GUIDE: Go purple and add some other shades to keep you in peak health and fighting fit for your love life. Picture: Getty Images

of antioxidant will cover all your needs, so eating lots of colours is recommended — it’s almost like colour-coding antioxidants.”

Colour coding is a tasty, affordable, fun and simple way to choose the healthiest of options. Aiming for one fruit or vegetable from each colour, each day, will both add to your culinary skills and healthfulness. (See panel) While providing vitamin C and varying levels of other vitamins and minerals, the intake of 400–600g day of fruits and vegetables has been associated with reduced incidence of many common forms of cancer, due to the presence of phytonutrients.

So how do we decode the nutritional value of different coloured foods?

“Purple and blue are quite uncommon in foods, so blueberries, blackberries and so on are much sought after,” says Richard Burton.

“With fruit, you have to look ‘under the bonnet’ to see the broader class of antioxidants across a range of foods. And colour is a useful way to do this.”

However, there are technical

limits to the colour-coding notion: “Dark green leafy veg has lots of beta carotene, but it isn’t orange — its colour is masked by the chlorophyll. Purple is not necessarily better as such — reds, greens and oranges are really useful too. So don’t get too hung up on one colour, go for the rainbow. And not too many white-beige foods,” he says.

Another more serious caveat on colour coding, however, may come with the nightshade family (Solanaceae) and its links to arthritis.

Some studies have found that a proportion of people with arthritis are sensitive to this family of plants, which includes tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, aubergines and also the tobacco plant.

Alkaloids in these foods can impact nerve-muscle, and digestive and joint function in some people who are especially sensitive to it.

The link between arthritis and the nightshade family was

Food colour

Notable property

Attributed positive effect

Red foods (tomatoes)

Lycopene

Prostate health

Yellow-green vegetables (corn, leafy-greens)

Lutein and Zeaxanmthin

Anti-ageing in the retina eyes)

Red-purple (grapes, beetroom, red onion/cabbage)

Anthocyanins

Reduces hypertension

Orange (carrots, squash)

Beta carotene

Boosts immune system

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

initially noticed by farmers, and then in livestock research from the early 1900s, and then finally in human studies from the late 1970s.

Dr Norman F Childers eliminated the unexpected onset of arthritis in his own body when he dropped a fresh spiced-tomato juice from his daily diet. Initially, it was thought the spices were problematic for him. However, his interest in the ingredients of the drink was tweaked, and so began his academic studies and eventual publications (in 1977, ’79 and ’93) into tomatoes, the broader nightshade family and arthritis.

It is not the case that everyone will feel the negative effects of the nightshades.

Burton says: “In my experience, its a problem with some but by no means all people,” citing research that found about 17% of people were likely to be susceptible to it.

“I’d say that if you consume a lot of any food or drink — be it tomatoes, potatoes, black tea or anything, and have a concern, give it a miss for three weeks and see. Of course, it might not be the nightshade-related element that’s causing a problem if you are consuming lots of foods in this category.”

These caveats aside, rainbow eating makes eminent sense. And purple foods, once our forest forbearers’ staple, have returned — so line up those colours for February 14 and give the chocs a miss.

TERAPROOF:User:PAULOKEEFFEDate:08/02/2012Time:19:36:19Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:7

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Psychology

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Valentine’s Day celebrates romantic union, but to love another person you must first love yourself

It’s me, not you

7

What’s happened to your New Years Resolutions?

Did you give up smoking? Did you start that diet?

Do you need to improve your confidence?

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I can help you achieve any of these by Cognitive Hypnotherapy (Clinic in Cork City & Killarney)

Contact me now on +44 (0)7977 922242

or email: JohnShea@Amazingminds.co.uk or visit my website www.Amazingminds.co.uk

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For more information visit www.actnowireland.com

Tony Humphreys

N the words of the German poet, Rainer Maria Rilke, ‘for one human being to love another is the most difficult of all tasks’, and this is true for parents and children, friend and friend, lover and lover and husband and wife.

For the purposes of Valentine’s Day, I am going to focus on adult relationships. In the USA, 60% of marriages break down, and, poignantly and significantly, 80% of second marriages end unhappily. Those statistics do not take into account the high percentage of intact, unhappy marriages.

It is a real conundrum that if love is the greatest power on earth — the force that sustains human life — how is it that many relationships are a near-certain prescription for unbelievable pain and emotional devastation?

There are hundreds of books available that offer relationship fixes; there are also many couples therapists. The reality is that book solutions, and often therapeutic interventions, turn out to be plasters that fall off because the deeper wounds have not been identified and resolved.

In my experience, all the unhappiness in human relationships can be traced back to an unconscious and wise expectation of not being loveable.

Nevertheless, I believe that your nature is love but when your earlier relationships did not result in being loved for self, you creatively hid away your true and unique self and are slow to trust that another will honour your presence with unconditional love.

Not feeling genuinely held in the arms of love, we fall into the grip of fear of re-experiencing the horrors of abandonment.

To fill the resulting void, you cleverly create substitute ways of gaining attention: ■ being the ever-so-pleasing child ■ being perfectionist ■ being a ‘winner’ ■ being shy and timid ■ being manipulative and controlling ■ being sick ■ being the carer ■ being difficult ■ being the rebel.

Without these substitutes, life would be unliveable, but there is nothing compared to the real experience of being loved and accepted for self.

Later on, as an adult, when you feel attracted to another you will operate from a defensive, substitute place rather than an open and real place. Quickly, your fears of not being good enough will determine your interactions with the person of your affections. You may be passive, hesitant, possessive, jealous, success addicted, workaholic, irritable, eager to please, reliant on the other to love you, dependent, threatening.

Your hunger and thirst for love will intensify your defensive responses, inevitably resulting in conflict. The relationship quickly becomes co-dependent as your partner is also operating from his or her repertoire of defences.

Unless a consciousness of how each is within self arises, the relationship is doomed to a defensive cycle that will escalate.

The resolution of falling in and out of love is to fall in

Feelgood

HEALTH&LIFESTYLE ADVERTISING Picture: iStock

The resolution of falling in and out of love is to fall in love with self love with self, so that when you seek intimacy with another, you do so from a conscious place of your own fullness. When you become one with yourself, you are one with life itself, you are conscious of your essential beauty and power. This oneness sets you free from fear. You experience the uniqueness, essential dignity and nobility of your true self, which does not depend on anyone else’s approval or validation.

Love between two people is essentially a coming together of two individuals who each hold themselves in love and from that inner sanctum unconditionally hold the other. Once again, the poet Rilke puts it well: ‘Marriage consists in this, where each appoints the other the guardian of their solitude’.

However, for a person who did not feel loved as a child to dare feel and express his lovability is a monumental task, for fear of a recurring of the daily rejections experienced. Nevertheless, the pain and conflict between people are the allies that are attempting to draw attention to a deeper powerful reality — the fear or terror of revealing your lovability.

If it is relationship that sends you into hiding the unique pearl of self, it is relationship that provides the safety for you to emerge. However, to find such a relationship — of unconditional love — is very elusive. Sometimes, there is a need to seek such a relationship with a therapist. Whatever it takes, it is in the experience of unconditional holding that true love for self and another ultimately lies.

Dr Tony Humphreys is a clinical psychologist, author, national and international speaker. His book ‘Myself, My Partner’ is relevant to today’s article.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Target more females in Munster and Cork than any other daily newspaper.

To reach them, advertise in ‘Feelgood’.

Call Lori Fraser

Tel: 021 4802265 lori.fraser@examiner.ie

TERAPROOF:User:irenefeighanDate:08/02/2012Time:18:12:38Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:8

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8 Cover story

Romantic relationships

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9

With Cupid in the air, we’ve asked dating coach Avril Mulcahy to give tips on love and to — over the next five weeks — follow three single guys and gals on their blind dates

From singles to doubles V

ALENTINE’S Day is just four days away Attitude: A first impression begins with attitude. Nobody and from heart-studded cards to lavish wants to meet Mr Misery Guts or the Ice Queen. When you bunches of flowers and appealing teddies, greet your date, smile. Not only will it show the other person there is no escaping the compelling power of you’re happy to see him or her, it also shows open and friendly romance. qualities — perfect for a first date. Also remember to uncross Taking our cue from Cupid, we’ve asked dating your arms (crossing them can make you seem uninterested and coach Avril Mulcahy to — over the next five weeks unapproachable) and to sit up straight, as it will help you feel — put singletons on a course for love, with expert more confident. tips and advice. And there’s more. Avril has asked three single guys and three single gals to take the Dress to impress: We are visual creatures thus your physical plunge and go on a blind date. Today we meet Dave appearance speaks volumes. The bottom line with clothes is O’Rourke and Aoife McKenna who are about to the better you dress, the more seriously people will treat you. meet up for dinner in a Dublin restaurant. Pick up Not only that, the way we dress influences our behaviour and Feelgood next Friday to read how they got on. attitude and that in turn influences other people. Think about Our dating coach will be on hand to offer all three your appearance, then think about what image and attitude couples advice and support. you’d like to project. Dress to Then, on the final week, we your body shape and wear a will hear what, if anything, little cologne/perfume to has happened since the first help engage the senses. blind date.

Avril, who has a backConversation: A simple ground in public relations ‘Hello, how are you?’ is a and is a life and business good enough ice-breaker. coach, comes from Tipperary Remember everyone wants and is probably best known to talk about themselves. for her widely publicised 40 Even though you may think dates in 40 days Lenten unyou are the most interesting dertaken last year. As a single person in the world, do not woman, her aim was to unfocus on yourself. Do not derstand the Irish dating talk about dates you had with scene. “I faced rejection, other people or your exes. It’s fanatical feelings, logistical too early in the game. problems, tiredness, pre-datGood open-ended quesing nerves, shy-ness, tions that ensure more that a wardrobe dilemmas, weight yes or no answer, paired with gain… the works,” she says. active listening is an almost “But I overcame each and foolproof recipe for a lively every obstacle and was deterengaging conversation. Hunt mined to find out as much as for common ground. The repossible about what attitude alisation that two people is needed in today’s dating share things in common scene.” (films, hobbies, values, restauThrough her personal exrants) makes you feel you alperience and research, Avril ready know each other and has developed a dating road will take the pressure off the map for success to help sinfirst-date scenario. gles take control of their dating lives. Determined to No phones: Checking your change the image of singlemobile phone during a date tons who are often portrayed is one of the quickest ways to as lonely and luckless, she has make someone feel uncomestablished singlelista.ie to enfortable. Concentrate on courage people to embrace making your date feel special, being single and be happy and you won’t even notice from the inside out. “I guide any calls coming in. my clients to becoming the best person they can be, so Timing: Don’t let your date they can attract the best partlast too long. Think of it like ner for them,” says Avril. a good meal — you should Here are her top tips to finish your plate feeling like WINNING WAYS: Dating coach Avril Mulcahy is take the stress out of first you want just a little more.

Picture:John Cogill co-ordinating our blind date series. dates, and ensure you make a This is the best time to finish a great first impression. date.

Location: No movies on the first date. How can you get to know each other if you spend the majority of the time in silence? It’s best to take your date out for dinner.

Go somewhere you feel comfortable but that is a bit different and helps kick start the conversation — for example, unusual décor, food or engaging service.

Go somewhere you can easily afford.

Feelgood

Relax: It’s understandable to be nervous on a first date but don’t let it ruin the night. If you get any pre-first date jitters, take a deep breath and count to three and then walk into the room. Remember, this is just one date, and it’s just date one.

Sometimes there are sparks, sometimes there aren’t, and you may at least find a new friend. Stay in the moment during your date, remember to breathe and have fun getting to know the other person.

■ Meet our first couple to go on a blind date ■ Name: Dave O’Rourke

Name: Aoife McKenna

Age: 33 years

Age: 32 years

From: Castleknock, Co Dublin

From: Grand Canal, Dublin 4

Star sign: Libra

Star sign: Scorpio

Occupation: Commercial artist

Occupation: Business Owner — 4th Avenue Beauty Salon, Ballsbridge, Dublin 4

Name of business: Creative Dave Build: Working on it

Build: Medium

Height: 5ft 7 inches

Height: 5ft 6 inches

Smoker: No

Smoker: Social – in the process of giving up

Describe yourself: Fun, hard-working, intelligent, spontaneous, artistic

Describe yourself: Hard worker, loyal, funny, dependable, friendly

Interests: Art/culture, movies, sports

Interests: Keeping fit, socialising, puzzles and quizzes

Three things you cannot live without: My diary, my family, my bike

Three things you cannot live without? Chinese on a Friday night, my friends, laughter

Tell me something unusual about you: I have a selectively photographic memory; I can remember movie dialogue verbatim even years later. Only works with movies — weird

Tell us something unusual about you? I can do many funny impressions and accents What makes you smile? My niece, Lia

What makes you smile: Spontaneous unsolicited generosity between strangers

Your ideal holiday? Complete chill-out in the sun with the phone turned off. Good food and good company

Describe your ideal holiday: Relaxed sun holiday, adventure weekend or European city break — don’t mind, just never the same thing twice

Dream date? I’m a romantic at heart. My date would be with the man of my dreams, who organises the dates all around me because he knows me so well

What type of relationship are you looking for? I’ll tell you when it happens

What type of relationship are you looking for? Ultimately a long-term relationship, with a bit of fun along the way

Five things that irritate you about people: Ignorance, arrogance, monotonous/routine oriented, too much make-up, boring

Five things that irritate you about people?

Tight with money, lack of time for me, selfish, over the top people, moaners What are your blind date expectations?

Have a nice time with good company

What are your blind date expectations? Fun

Picture:Maura Hickey

Watch Dave and Aoife meet for the first time: http://exa.mn/36

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Online sites can be the key for some

S

OCIAL networking has gone from being the latest fad to a core part of our daily lives through Facebook, Twitter and endless websites. So, it makes sense at a time when much of our lives happen online, that we must incorporate the online community in our dating plan. Internet dating is a well advertised form of dating but if you are new to it embrace, engage, and enjoy.

Anyone who says the internet is full of ‘weirdos’ needs to get over it. You have as much a chance of meeting a weirdo in any pub or night club in Ireland.

There are dozens of dating sites out there, so be prepared to explore a bit before deciding where to focus your energy and your money. They are all priced differently, and mostly the level of service and type of user is reflected in the price.

They range from the ‘wild west’ dating sites that are obviously advocating a very short-term relationship, to others who are looking for mere friendship, to those more premium sites for singles who are looking for a longer-lasting partnership. Yes, there are some sites awash with ‘timewasters’, people who are internet dating junkies who never actually want to meet.

Many sites have an icebreaker quiz to help you break the ice and introduce yourself. Here are few tips to help you along in the online dating world.

Don’t be shy: Expressing your interest, but it doesn’t make as good of a first impression as a message would. Go straight for the “contact” button.

Keep it simple: Make your first email friendly and short. Something along the lines of “Hey, I noticed your profile and that we both like reading and I’d like to get to know you better”, works well.

Ask a question: Often asking a question can improve your chances of hearing back from the person you are sending it to. For example, ask: “What books are you interested in?” This gives the person a reason to respond.

Don’t get too personal: Saying things like “How much do you weigh?” is going to give the impression you only care about their physical attributes.

Don’t be too pushy: Usually it’s best to wait for three to four email exchanges before you ask for the phone number. Some people are very shy on the phone and much more comfortable

on the computer at first.

Keep it upbeat: It is important to keep messages light and conversational in nature.

Spelling/grammar: Give off a professional intelligent manner. This is not a text message so avoid the abbreviations. Re-read everything before you send to avoid any misunderstandings.

Be safe: When you finally make a date make sure you meet in a public place, preferably during the day.

Let a friend or family member know who you are meeting and where. Bring your mobile phone.

TERAPROOF:User:irenefeighanDate:08/02/2012Time:18:12:38Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:8

Zone:XH

8 Cover story

Romantic relationships

XH - V1

9

With Cupid in the air, we’ve asked dating coach Avril Mulcahy to give tips on love and to — over the next five weeks — follow three single guys and gals on their blind dates

From singles to doubles V

ALENTINE’S Day is just four days away Attitude: A first impression begins with attitude. Nobody and from heart-studded cards to lavish wants to meet Mr Misery Guts or the Ice Queen. When you bunches of flowers and appealing teddies, greet your date, smile. Not only will it show the other person there is no escaping the compelling power of you’re happy to see him or her, it also shows open and friendly romance. qualities — perfect for a first date. Also remember to uncross Taking our cue from Cupid, we’ve asked dating your arms (crossing them can make you seem uninterested and coach Avril Mulcahy to — over the next five weeks unapproachable) and to sit up straight, as it will help you feel — put singletons on a course for love, with expert more confident. tips and advice. And there’s more. Avril has asked three single guys and three single gals to take the Dress to impress: We are visual creatures thus your physical plunge and go on a blind date. Today we meet Dave appearance speaks volumes. The bottom line with clothes is O’Rourke and Aoife McKenna who are about to the better you dress, the more seriously people will treat you. meet up for dinner in a Dublin restaurant. Pick up Not only that, the way we dress influences our behaviour and Feelgood next Friday to read how they got on. attitude and that in turn influences other people. Think about Our dating coach will be on hand to offer all three your appearance, then think about what image and attitude couples advice and support. you’d like to project. Dress to Then, on the final week, we your body shape and wear a will hear what, if anything, little cologne/perfume to has happened since the first help engage the senses. blind date.

Avril, who has a backConversation: A simple ground in public relations ‘Hello, how are you?’ is a and is a life and business good enough ice-breaker. coach, comes from Tipperary Remember everyone wants and is probably best known to talk about themselves. for her widely publicised 40 Even though you may think dates in 40 days Lenten unyou are the most interesting dertaken last year. As a single person in the world, do not woman, her aim was to unfocus on yourself. Do not derstand the Irish dating talk about dates you had with scene. “I faced rejection, other people or your exes. It’s fanatical feelings, logistical too early in the game. problems, tiredness, pre-datGood open-ended quesing nerves, shy-ness, tions that ensure more that a wardrobe dilemmas, weight yes or no answer, paired with gain… the works,” she says. active listening is an almost “But I overcame each and foolproof recipe for a lively every obstacle and was deterengaging conversation. Hunt mined to find out as much as for common ground. The repossible about what attitude alisation that two people is needed in today’s dating share things in common scene.” (films, hobbies, values, restauThrough her personal exrants) makes you feel you alperience and research, Avril ready know each other and has developed a dating road will take the pressure off the map for success to help sinfirst-date scenario. gles take control of their dating lives. Determined to No phones: Checking your change the image of singlemobile phone during a date tons who are often portrayed is one of the quickest ways to as lonely and luckless, she has make someone feel uncomestablished singlelista.ie to enfortable. Concentrate on courage people to embrace making your date feel special, being single and be happy and you won’t even notice from the inside out. “I guide any calls coming in. my clients to becoming the best person they can be, so Timing: Don’t let your date they can attract the best partlast too long. Think of it like ner for them,” says Avril. a good meal — you should Here are her top tips to finish your plate feeling like WINNING WAYS: Dating coach Avril Mulcahy is take the stress out of first you want just a little more.

Picture:John Cogill co-ordinating our blind date series. dates, and ensure you make a This is the best time to finish a great first impression. date.

Location: No movies on the first date. How can you get to know each other if you spend the majority of the time in silence? It’s best to take your date out for dinner.

Go somewhere you feel comfortable but that is a bit different and helps kick start the conversation — for example, unusual décor, food or engaging service.

Go somewhere you can easily afford.

Feelgood

Relax: It’s understandable to be nervous on a first date but don’t let it ruin the night. If you get any pre-first date jitters, take a deep breath and count to three and then walk into the room. Remember, this is just one date, and it’s just date one.

Sometimes there are sparks, sometimes there aren’t, and you may at least find a new friend. Stay in the moment during your date, remember to breathe and have fun getting to know the other person.

■ Meet our first couple to go on a blind date ■ Name: Dave O’Rourke

Name: Aoife McKenna

Age: 33 years

Age: 32 years

From: Castleknock, Co Dublin

From: Grand Canal, Dublin 4

Star sign: Libra

Star sign: Scorpio

Occupation: Commercial artist

Occupation: Business Owner — 4th Avenue Beauty Salon, Ballsbridge, Dublin 4

Name of business: Creative Dave Build: Working on it

Build: Medium

Height: 5ft 7 inches

Height: 5ft 6 inches

Smoker: No

Smoker: Social – in the process of giving up

Describe yourself: Fun, hard-working, intelligent, spontaneous, artistic

Describe yourself: Hard worker, loyal, funny, dependable, friendly

Interests: Art/culture, movies, sports

Interests: Keeping fit, socialising, puzzles and quizzes

Three things you cannot live without: My diary, my family, my bike

Three things you cannot live without? Chinese on a Friday night, my friends, laughter

Tell me something unusual about you: I have a selectively photographic memory; I can remember movie dialogue verbatim even years later. Only works with movies — weird

Tell us something unusual about you? I can do many funny impressions and accents What makes you smile? My niece, Lia

What makes you smile: Spontaneous unsolicited generosity between strangers

Your ideal holiday? Complete chill-out in the sun with the phone turned off. Good food and good company

Describe your ideal holiday: Relaxed sun holiday, adventure weekend or European city break — don’t mind, just never the same thing twice

Dream date? I’m a romantic at heart. My date would be with the man of my dreams, who organises the dates all around me because he knows me so well

What type of relationship are you looking for? I’ll tell you when it happens

What type of relationship are you looking for? Ultimately a long-term relationship, with a bit of fun along the way

Five things that irritate you about people: Ignorance, arrogance, monotonous/routine oriented, too much make-up, boring

Five things that irritate you about people?

Tight with money, lack of time for me, selfish, over the top people, moaners What are your blind date expectations?

Have a nice time with good company

What are your blind date expectations? Fun

Picture:Maura Hickey

Watch Dave and Aoife meet for the first time: http://exa.mn/36

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

Online sites can be the key for some

S

OCIAL networking has gone from being the latest fad to a core part of our daily lives through Facebook, Twitter and endless websites. So, it makes sense at a time when much of our lives happen online, that we must incorporate the online community in our dating plan. Internet dating is a well advertised form of dating but if you are new to it embrace, engage, and enjoy.

Anyone who says the internet is full of ‘weirdos’ needs to get over it. You have as much a chance of meeting a weirdo in any pub or night club in Ireland.

There are dozens of dating sites out there, so be prepared to explore a bit before deciding where to focus your energy and your money. They are all priced differently, and mostly the level of service and type of user is reflected in the price.

They range from the ‘wild west’ dating sites that are obviously advocating a very short-term relationship, to others who are looking for mere friendship, to those more premium sites for singles who are looking for a longer-lasting partnership. Yes, there are some sites awash with ‘timewasters’, people who are internet dating junkies who never actually want to meet.

Many sites have an icebreaker quiz to help you break the ice and introduce yourself. Here are few tips to help you along in the online dating world.

Don’t be shy: Expressing your interest, but it doesn’t make as good of a first impression as a message would. Go straight for the “contact” button.

Keep it simple: Make your first email friendly and short. Something along the lines of “Hey, I noticed your profile and that we both like reading and I’d like to get to know you better”, works well.

Ask a question: Often asking a question can improve your chances of hearing back from the person you are sending it to. For example, ask: “What books are you interested in?” This gives the person a reason to respond.

Don’t get too personal: Saying things like “How much do you weigh?” is going to give the impression you only care about their physical attributes.

Don’t be too pushy: Usually it’s best to wait for three to four email exchanges before you ask for the phone number. Some people are very shy on the phone and much more comfortable

on the computer at first.

Keep it upbeat: It is important to keep messages light and conversational in nature.

Spelling/grammar: Give off a professional intelligent manner. This is not a text message so avoid the abbreviations. Re-read everything before you send to avoid any misunderstandings.

Be safe: When you finally make a date make sure you meet in a public place, preferably during the day.

Let a friend or family member know who you are meeting and where. Bring your mobile phone.

TERAPROOF:User:margaretjenningsDate:08/02/2012Time:16:46:57Edition:10/02/2012FeelgoodXH1002Page:10

Zone:XH

10

Beauty

XH - V1

Forget the oversized teddy bear, petrol station flowers and dodgy undies and get your partner something they can make good use of

The news on...

SHISEIDO This is an expensive cream. Even beyond the €88 price tag, you can just tell it’s a pricey product. The packaging.

The lengthy and impressive title. And the feel of it. Housed in a silver topped, almost UFO shaped tub, Shiseido’s Bio Performance Advanced Super Revitalising Cream smoothes onto the skin like silk.

It’s packed with hyaluronic acid, which is revered for its hydrating properties, and it can be used day or night. Great for women over 30, it’s an all-round performer, if you can manage the cost.

Take three...

SOLID PERFUME Solid perfume is a handy little number — very nifty for when you want to apply perfume without the world knowing about it. Here are three that are winning our favour this month.

S

O here comes Valentine’s Day. If ever there was a year to cry “enough” to the piles of overpriced flowers, annoying V-Day menus in high-street restaurants and fluffy teddies, then it’s this year. Hell, we just can’t afford it. We need our money for better things, like, eh, bread and milk and piles and piles of bills.

We defer to The Beatles on this one as we cry “Can’t Buy Me Love” to anyone that’s interested in listening. But couples — a lot of couples — take Valentine’s Day very seriously, and a gift or some way of marking it is not just considered polite, it appears to be essential.

The thing we find irritating about Valentine’s Day is that so many people seem to spend a fortune on gifts that you would never give to someone at any other time of the year. Service station flowers? Milk Tray?

Cuddly toys? Come on. This is where we believe that beauty products can save the day.

Not only can you get beautiful gifts that are not too crazily priced, but if you do want to spend a lot of money then there is lots around that will make you look thoughtful and considerate. (Honestly, we’d way prefer a bottle of posh perfume to a saucy underwear set or a Tom Ford nail polish to a teddy). If you think your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/

Emily O’Sullivan husband might like something different this year, then now’s the time to start getting creative.

Top of our list this year is YSL’s Opium.

Reinvented late last year with a very smooth and sexy Emily Blunt leading the campaign, this ’70s classic is making waves once again.

Admittedly, it’s a totally over-the-top fragrance — it makes a very big statement with its bold jasmine and mandarin notes, but it’s perfect for dark sexy evenings, of which February has many.

Fragrance-wise, you probably won’t get any sexier than Annick Goutal’s Grand Amour Eau de Toilette — an insanely lovely rose-based scent that’s given extra kick with

jasmine, amber, vanilla and myrrh. It’s got a carnal edge — it was inspired by the “serene passion Annick experienced with her husband”. We think nearly all the fragrances

by Miller Harris are pretty darn cool and sexy, but you won’t go wrong with Noix de Tubéreuse, a deeply exotic oriental fragrance that gets its heady heart from tonka bean, orris and amber.

Lush is pretty much the place to go for well-priced gifts that have a saucy side. And this Valentine’s Day, they’re turning up the temperature with delectable massage bars, such as Love Potion (with shea and cocoa butters), and a gift set aptly titled Do Knot Disturb (with Dirty Toothy Tabs, a Sex Bomb bath ballistic, and a honey-chocolate Soft Coeur massage bar).

But if you’re planning on buying make-up as a gift, then play it safe. It can be a tricky proposition trying to determine the shade of eyeshadow your loved one likes to wear. Or what foundation suits their skin tone. So we’d err on the side of a glamorous nail polish. A mighty fine Valentine’s Day gift if ever there was one. You can theme it, by going for a red or pink shade, or splash out on indulgent brands that maybe the object of your affection wouldn’t normally buy. Our best bets are Tom Ford, Giorgio Armani and Chanel.

L’Occitane Cherry Princess Solid Perfume, €9.95. Sadly, when this came through the door, we thought it was lip balm and applied it liberally. A very fragrant perfume, there’s something about this that’s really quite nice. It’s all a bit teenage and super-sweet, but it lasts well and it made us want to apply more.

The Body Shop Love Etc Solid Perfume, €8.55. Well priced and very accessible, the Body Shop excel at sweet little products such as this love-inspired one. It’s not going to change the world in terms of quality of scent, but it’s all very nice with Egyptian jasmine, vanilla and sandalwood.

Diptyque Do Son Solid Perfume, €33.74. If you’re looking for a solid perfume with a difference, French brand Diptyque is where to turn. Elegant and beautiful, the Japanese-style lacquer case opens to reveal a scent that mixes tuberose with berries and flowers. Or, as they describe it: “like a sea breeze in a pagoda on the banks of the Tonkin Gulf ”.

STUFF WE LIKE Tom Ford Grey Vetiver For Men, €60. Despite finding the Tom Ford campaigns pretty hilarious (could they GET any sexier?), we do fall hook, line and sinker for anything Mr F comes out with.

And this men’s fragrance is no different. Bringing vetiver right to the front, it has a glacial elegance that really marks it out.

Annick Goutal Grand Amour Eau de Toilette, €93. It’s big, bold and super-sensual, pretty much everything you’d want from a sexy Valentine’s Day fragrance.

You definitely need to make sure your partner likes roses, because this is an un-

Feelgood

abashed rose scent that is proud of its floral heart.

Vivienne Westwood Boudoir eau de parfum, €38.88. It’s got an obviously sexy aroma, and it’s been around for a long time, but you can’t argue with a classic. A warm spicy floral scent, it’s got a bit of a kick, and with notes of jasmine, narcissus, carnation, cardamom and vanilla, it’s a serious statement maker.

YSL Opium eau de Parfum, €52.

In the ’90s and the ’00s, Opium was the height of naff. It seemed out of place in a world

populated by unisex scents and Calvin Klein. But now it’s back. And how.

Super-‘70s and gloriously retro, the heady fragrance somehow makes sense again.

shower gel that women can use, and you can make him feel like a king. A rich mix of herbs and spices, the main notes here are myrrh.

Soap & Glory Night in Shining Armour Night Cream, €17.47. Okay, well, if someone gave us this on Valentine’s Day, we’d laugh, which is what’s it’s all about, right.

But this cream isn’t just a quick joke, it’s got anti-ageing peptites and oxygen and antioxidants. Mind you, you might not want to dwell on its anti-wrinkle aspects.

REN Moroccan Rose Otto, €40.

This is my ultimate Valentine’s Day gift. In fact, we’d happily receive regular gifts of this throughout the year. It’s an absolute swoon-fest — a rich, exotic and indulgent bath oil that looks fabulous on a bathroom cabinet while also making the room smell divine.

Kings & Queens Emperor Abkar Mango Showergel, €7. A man’s

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Cost-free lovin’

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From love tokens and bubble baths to homemade food and sweet letters, Rachel Borrill shows how you can turn Valentine’s Day into a low-cost love fest

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HIS Valentine’s Day, forget the expensive bouquet of red roses or the huge box of chocolates, and prove that you don’t have to spend a fortune to show how much you love your partner.

A homemade gift is more romantic — it is unique, personal and thoughtful. So here are gift ideas to prove you can be the ultimate romantic without breaking the bank.

bookingideas.com for tips and ideas.

7 Make some Valentine’s Day food It doesn’t have to be anything too fancy or difficult, but it will show you have made a special effort.

Try making a heart-shaped pizza. You can buy the bases, and then add their favourite toppings. You can write a message of love on top with the pepperoni, or mushrooms, or peppers.

Bake a heart-shaped chocolate cake or Rachel Allen’s Valentine stained glass window biscuits, which look stunning and are simple to make. See www.uktv.co.uk for recipes.

For an extra romantic touch make a Valentine heart-decorated candle to be the centrepiece of your special meal.

See www.homemade-gifts-made-easy.com for a simple step-by step guide on how to make the meal.

1. Create some love tokens Give your partner love tokens, an IOU for the future. Choose these carefully, as you must keep the promise. Think what your partner would like and appreciate. Offer to make their favourite dinner, fulfil a fantasy, babysit so they can have an afternoon free, or watch a romantic film together. www.homemade-gifts-made-easy.com has free, printable tokens, some with messages and others blank for you to fill-in. It also shows how to make a love-token booklet to keep them in. Looks great and is simple to do.

8 Make a Valentine’s Day card This is the easiest of all gifts, but will be so appreciated as it is unique and personal. All you need is some card, glue and whatever decorations you want to use — sequins, material, tissue paper, foil, petals etc.

See www.activityvillage.co.uk for simple card ideas.

See www.enhantedlearning.com for 3-D and pop-up cards.

2 Make a special play list, for their iPOD, of their favourite songs.

They don’t all have to be love songs, but ones that mean something special to you, your shared memories and that make you think of your partner. See www.nutsie.com for the top 100 romantic songs, which can also be downloaded. www.aarp.org has a great playlist of classic romantic songs, from the Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody to Marvin Gaye’s Sexual Healing.

3 Escape to bath heaven Run a large bubble bath, and if it is too small and the two of you can’t get into it, sit on the edge holding your partner’s glass of wine, and feed them chocolates and strawberries. Give them a shoulder massage or a foot rub too.

Do this one when the children are in bed; after all, you don’t want to be disturbed. See www.greenangel.com for a divine massage oil with neroli, geranium and Irish seaweed.

See rigbys.demon.co.uk/masstech.htm for basic massage techniques, which they promise will ensure you both enjoy it.

4 Fill a jar with love Prove to your partner that you can be romantic, and not just on Valentine’s Day. Write out 365 messages of love and put them in a jar, so that every day they have something romantic to look forward to.

The messages can be a line of a poem, their favourite song lyrics, the promise of a massage, a joke, a big hug, anything that will

Feelgood

Picture: Thinkstock

Make a special playlist on their iPOD of their favourite songs put a smile on your partner’s face.

Www.theromantic.com has a large selection of love letters, love poems, love quotes and love song lyrics.

5 Make a kiss box A similar idea, but this time write messages of how, and where, you would like to kiss your partner. Put the messages into a special box.

There are so many ways to kiss — a peck on the cheek, a slow kiss, a French kiss, a nibble on the ear; and places too — their lips, back, hand, neck. Try to make enough to last at least a month.

Imagine a month of ‘special kisses’. How ro-

mantic is that?

6. Create a ‘Reasons Why I Love you’ book Everyone loves to be told why they are great, so write it down. I love you because ... you make me laugh, you make me happy, and use examples that are unique to you as a couple. You could also get your children involved.

See www.quotegarden.com for a wide range of love quotes and sayings.

See www.scrapbook.com or www.scrapbookideas.wordpress.com or www.allscrap-

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

9 Write a love letter A love letter from the heart will be treasured forever. You don’t have to be Shakespeare to write the perfect one, just keep it honest and true to you. Tell your partner exactly how they make you feel, remind them of things they have done that really meant something to you and talk about your hopes for the future.

It doesn’t matter how long or short the letter is, just be sincere. Once it’s written, carefully check for any errors.

See www.lovingyou.com for tips, advice and a large selection of love letters.

10 The Gift of Time February 14 is all about being together and making a day that both of you really enjoy.

As our lives are so hectic, the gift of time is a real luxury. So unplug the phone, switch off the TV and the computer, and spend some quality time together, having fun without any interruptions.

■ One extra special tip: download lots of Valentine’s Day colouring pictures to keep the children occupied, while you are busy being romantic. See www.colouring-page.net

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12 Food survey

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Eat your heart out

Roz Crowley

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T’S easy to dismiss chocolates as an easy solution to the Valentine’s Day gift dilemma, but pick the right one and it will be smiles all round, particularly if the treat can be shared.

This year I looked at heart-shaped offerings and sought something new and interesting, reaching further than chocolate to any kind of sweet or biscuit. Biscuits were thin on the ground, but there was plenty of chocolate to test.

We may as well enjoy February 14 while we can as I will be exhorting you to join me in giving up sugar in all added forms for Lent. More about that habit-improving idea another day.

Manufacturers could be forgiven for putting up prices of chocolate this year as the hike in VAT has made a difference to them. While a luxury product at a treat price, there was still fair value to be found and really some delicious chocolate.

The Chocolate Shop chocolate-filled heart shell, 400g, €18.50 (€46.25/kg) This was the only chocolate heart-shaped half shell that we found and it can be filled with any chocolate and wrapped in minimal waste cellophane, with a bow, at the English market stall. Pretty chocolates in the shape of flowers, butterflies and hearts. The orange-coloured white chocolate flower is filled with delicious gianduja-style semi-soft hazelnut and chocolate filling. The dark chocolate heart has a flavoursome, soft raspberry filling and a bright-red white chocolate heart has white praline inside. The favourites of tasters. Excellent for the price.

O’Conaill chocolate heart, filled with praline, 100g, €3.90 (€39.90/kg)

Sweet Hearts fruit gums, 500g, €2.79 (€5.58/kg), Aldi

A good thickness of chocolate, heart-shaped shell with hints of caramel and vanilla encloses a praline, chocolate-hazelnut gianduja-style, semi-soft filling wrapped simply in cellophane. Rich and luxurious, it’s a well-priced treat and good value. Plenty for two. Available in O’Conaill chocolate shops in Cork.

A round, reusable plastic tub has lots of red and white heart-shaped fruit gums. Glucose syrup, sugar, and gelatine are flavoured with white grape juice and elderberry concentrates to provide a satisfying chew with plenty of flavour. Not too sweet.

We loved these. Despite having a lot of sugar, at 60%, they have a decent amount of natural juice and no added colours. While it may not be fair to compare the price with chocolate, which is more expensive to produce, these are good value.

Score: 8

Tesco finest hand-decorated chocolate heart, 100g, €6.99 (€69.90/kg) A decent shell, thicker on top than underneath, this hollow heart has a rich flavour and good texture. A good size for one or two people without overdoing it. A commendable short list of ingredients, but it’s difficult to justify the price.

Expensive.

Score: 7.5

Score: 8

Score: 9

Lindt Lindor milk chocolate truffles,160g, €7 (€43.75/kg)

Lir Valentine’s heart, 250g, €14.99 (€59.96/kg)

Butler’s chocolate assortment, 105g, €8 (€76.19)

Marks and Spencer Love is Sweet biscuits, 78g, €4.49 (€57.56/kg)

Twelve milk chocolate truffles have one chocolate truffle heart inside the box to keep to the Valentine’s theme.

The truffles are luxuriously creamy, but also quite fatty, with lots of sugar and various forms of milk powders. Average value for those who like their chocolate creamy.

Twenty chocolates, some in heart shape and wrapped in pink foil, are a mixture of white, dark and milk, and look good. While not any of the tasters’ particular favourites, they enjoyed them, but thought them pricey for their level of quality.

A lovely red-velvet heart-shaped box tied with red ribbon is luxurious and tasteful. Inside, seven chocolate truffles sit in a gold-coloured moulding.

The espresso chocolate has little coffee flavour, which disappointed tasters, but the hazelnut praline worked better.

While the box is one of the favourites for presentation, as the most expensive of the samples, tasters thought these overpriced.

From a large selection of different-priced treats in the store, we liked the idea of a heart-shaped biscuit instead of chocolate. The six heart-shaped biscuits are wonderfully crunchy, like ginger nuts. Though the label says it is 71% a chocolate biscuit, there is little taste of chocolate and the remaining 29% consists of two layers of heart-shaped icing in pink and white icing, making them sweeter. Expensive biscuits. Minimal waste cellophane wrapping.

Score: 7

Score: 6.5

Score: 6

Score: 4.5

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FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

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Male Male health health 13

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Happy ever after T

HIS weekend could see a flurry of activity at jewellers as men take the plunge and purchase an engagement ring as a Valentine’s Day surprise. Notwithstanding the fact that it’s a leap year, many men will have decided that they’re ready to commit to marriage with their significant other.

“Men, like women, are looking for more meaning from life and marriage is giving them that,” says Stephen Cummins, director of marriage education at Accord.

More than 22,000 marriages were recorded in Ireland in 2008, according to the Central Statistics Office, with grooms an average age of 33.8 and brides 31.7.

Indeed, research conducted by Accord, in 2007, on the first seven years of marriage, showed that even though couples may co-habit for three years before marriage, they choose to marry for love and the desire to commit to a permanent relationship signifying their love for one another. Marriage is still a ‘romantic’ decision, with only 3% of the couples interviewed saying they married in order to have children.

“Men are seeking emotional and intellectual fulfilment in marriage,” said Stephen, who’s been married for 32 years. “Men need to be listened to, just as much as women ever needed to be. When we ask couples what the most important thing in a relationship is, they say ‘communication’.

“And, when couples come in who are in difficulties, the first thing they say is that they are not sleeping together. Sleeping together isn’t just about sex, it’s also

Deirdre O'Flynn MOSTLY MEN

about communication. It’s about the need to be heard and understood and men find that in marriage.”

Men also need to communicate next week in terms of negotiating Valentine’s Day in a recession. “There doesn’t have to be a financial element to it. Ask your spouse, ‘What would you like me to do?’ If we don’t ask, we’re second-guessing and, by asking, you will meet the needs of the other,” says Cummins, adding that just as the country has changed, so too have individuals.

“The person you’re with is not the same person as they were five years ago, nor are you the same person.

Communication is at the heart of it all.”

BE MY VALENTINE: Men marry for emotional fulfilment and support, just like their partners. Picture: iStock

Rapid Access Prostate Irish ‘breakthrough’ Clinic opens at WRH in lung cancer study A Rapid Access Prostate Clinic was recently opened at Waterford Regional Hospital (WRH) by Dr Frank Dolphin, Chairman of the Board of the HSE. Recent reconstruction works at the Ultra Sound suite in WRH (which is the South East Regional Cancer Centre) has facilitated an improved co-ordination of patient clinical treatment pathways through which a rapid access Prostate Cancer Service will be delivered.

“The suite consists of an ultrasound room, a dedicated private area for pre- and post-biopsy patients, toilet facilities and a decontamina-

TAKE 1

tion unit,” said Dr Dolphin.

“While waiting for the rapid access prostate service to commence, the suite will be used for patients who currently attend for prostate biopsies.”

Establishing a Rapid Access Prostate Clinic means that there will no longer be a need to admit such patients to a day ward bed at WRH.

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SPOIL HER: The limited edition Spoilt Cow collection is a new luxurious edition to Cowshed’s Mood Family. Infused with essential oils of Indonesian sandalwood, French linen blossom and rose absolute, this collection includes shower gel €28; body lotion €30 and a candle €53. Try relaxing Knackered Cow, with lavender and eucalyptus; Moody Cow with rose geranium to help to regulate emotions, or Horny Cow, a seductive floral blend with rose absolute and essential oils. Each range includes candles, soap, body lotion and massage oil, prices from €9.49. Cowshed products are available from pharmacies and health stores. For stockist’s details contact Naturelle De La Riche on 01-8903070.

Feelgood

Research into lung cancer that could lead to new treatments and increase survival for patients is being conducted in Ireland

by Professor Ken O’Byrne and his team at St James’s Hospital and Trinity College Dublin. The thoracic oncology research group has established Ireland’s first lung cancer bio-bank, with 650 samples collected from lung cancer patients.

Picture: iStock

The research, which is funded by the Irish Cancer Society, looks at how enzymes that regulate blood clotting are involved in lung cancer.

The researchers believe lung cancer is linked to blood clotting pathways and new blood vessel formation. Lung cancer patients are 20 times more likely to have a blood clot than someone who is cancer-free. The group has discovered that certain enzyme levels are increased in lung cancer tissue. Treatment with drugs to control these enzymes reduces cancer cell growth and progression.

Irish Cancer Society: freefone 1800-200700.

DId you know...

Marriage increases male and female longevity and benefits husbands physically and wives mentally Source: Cardiff University, Wales

Nature’s remedies

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PUCKER UP: Everyone wants to look their best for Valentine’s Day, but what if a cold sore comes between you and romance? People who are prone to cold sores can have up to three outbreaks a year and causes include stress, a change in the weather, or if you are run down. A. Vogel’s Bio-Propolis is a natural cold sore ointment, which can be used at any stage of the cold sore virus to soothe the attack. Designed to form a protective barrier around the affected area, it also prevents the cold sore from spreading. A. Vogel’s Bio-Propolis is €8.41 from pharmacies and health stores.

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WARM HEARTS: Create a romantic mood with Max Benjamin tea-for-two scented candles in a gift box, €29.95.

These Irish candles, made from 100% natural wax and essential oils, are one of the Kilkenny store’s top Valentine gifts. Other gifts include the Orla Kiely coffret 25ml, €40, or an Irish Heart Foundation knit set, €29.95.

Available in three colours — cream, red and purple, all proceeds go to the Irish Heart Foundation. Each hat, scarf and glove set was made by the ICA and the sets are available exclusively in Kilkenny stores. Kilkenny aims to raise €50,000 to fight heart disease, which claims 10,000 lives a year in Ireland. See www.kilkennyshop.com; or visit one of Kilkenny’s 10 stores.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

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KNIT HIM: Spending Valentine’s on your own? Tap into the current craft craze and let Littlewoods Ireland deliver the ideal man to your door. The Knit Your Own Perfect Boyfriend kit, age 8+ €17, contains needles and wool with instructions to create this soft and cuddly young guy. Or you can choose from 25 designs and Sculpt Your Own Perfect Boyfriend, €17.

Shop online at www.littlewoodsireland.ie, with free four-day delivery.

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14 Medical matters

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Q

I’ve had external haemorrhoids for years. They have only been painful following the birth of my children. But recently they’ve started to bleed. It’s embarrassing to discuss them with my male GP. Is there something I can buy from the pharmacy?

Dr Julius Parker is a GP with HSF Health Plan’s free 24 GP advice line.

For more information visit www.hsf.ie or lo-call 1890 451 451

If you have a question about your health email it to feelgood@examiner.ie or send a letter to: Feelgood Irish Examiner City Quarter Lapps Quay Cork

A, External haemorrhoids, often called piles, develop when small pouches start to protrude over time from the back passage or anus.

Most piles remain invisible, above the anal margin, and external piles may retract and prolapse over time (prolapse is a common description). Straining to go to the toilet is a common trigger, and piles are more common and noticeable during pregnancy.

If you only have two or three piles, most people do not notice symptoms. They may bleed occasionally; usually bright red and painless. External piles may also cause localised itchiness and discomfort. These symptoms can be treated with over-the-counter preparations, which are combinations of local anaesthetics and mild steroid creams.

You should avoid long-term use of steroid creams, but bland soothing preparations, such as zinc oxide, can be used regularly. Avoid constipation by drinking fluids and increasing your fibre intake. This helps prevent symptoms.

Many people do not seek treatment for piles and if they only cause occasional symptoms this is fine. If you have regular bleeding or the prolapsed piles are causing persistent discomfort, see your GP. Piles are common and your GP will have heard what you tell him many times before. Creams (or sometimes rectal pessaries) only treat the symptoms, but there are different treatments which will get rid of your piles and these are often managed in an out-patient clinic. It’s important, especially if you are over 40, to be examined, as, occasionally, more serious conditions can mimic the symptoms of piles.

Q. I’ve had a hacking cough for almost three weeks — it’s worse in the morning.

I’m managing it with lots of water and high-doses of vitamin C and it is slowly improving. But my energy levels are very low. At what point should I consider visiting my GP? A. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been unwell and you’re right; after three weeks of a persistent

NEWS UPDATE

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People should be aware of websites selling cholesterol-lowering drugs as they have been found to be below safe standards, warn researchers in a new study.

The study highlights the dangers of trusting website information in the area of cholesterol-lowering drugs, but is also another indication that people should not trust websites selling drugs not prescribed by their own doctor.

The study — conducted by Professor David Brown at the University of Portsmouth — examined 184 websites and found that they were generally of poor quality.

Information on contraindications of the medication were absent on 92% of the websites, while contraindicated medications were absent on 47% of the sites.

Only two-thirds of the websites described the possible side effects of the medication in language that would be easily understood, and most presented an incomplete list of known sideeffects.

Only 13 of the 184 sites examined presented a list of side-effects which complied with current prescribing information.

The Irish Medicines Board (IMB) has issued several warnings about the dangers of buying prescription drugs on the internet.

cough, it is time to consider seeing your GP. It partly depends whether you’ve noticed other symptoms, as well, and if you’ve got another medical condition, which may be triggering your symptoms.

If you’re usually fit and well, and as well as coughing you’ve been feverish, generally achy and perhaps noticed you’re a bit short of breath, then you’ve probably had a bacterial or viral chest infection. If these symptoms have settled and the cough is now improving, with rest you’ll probably feel back to normal after a few more weeks.

If your cough lingers on, there are some other points to consider. If you’re a smoker, or have noticed any blood in your phlegm, you should consult your doctor. This is also

UNSAFE SOURCES: Study shows sourcing cholesterol-lowering drugs on the web is not safe.

Picture: iStock As recently as last month the IMB warned of the dangers of purchasing counterfeit Viagra-type products over the Internet and 1.2 million medical tablets ordered on the web were seized at points of entry last year.

“Websites offering statins for sale contain little information on the safety of these drugs, which are intended as prescription only medicines” said Prof Brown.

“There is an inherent danger in patients seeking to self-medicate in this way without consulting a healthcare professional and being appraised of ways to use the medicine safely.”

the case if you’re getting more breathless, have chest pain, or noticed you’ve been losing weight. These are known as ‘red flag’ symptoms and mean your doctor will want to consider other possible causes of your cough and will probably arrange a chest X-Ray. If you already know you’re asthmatic, or have another airways disease, then a persistent cough may be a sign that your current treatment needs reviewing. Occasionally, medication, especially a type of drug known as an ACE inhibitor, often used to treat blood pressure, can cause a persistent dry cough.

It’s normal to feel tired and lethargic when you have an infection, but, as with a cough, if these symptoms persist you should see your GP and be checked out.

NOTE: The information contained in Dr Julius Parker’s column is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a doctor first

T

Catherine Shanahan MUM’S WORLD Feelgood

HE contrast between a first and subsequent pregnancy is like swopping kopi luwak for a jar of instant coffee: the desire to savour a truly unique experience is outweighed by a need to keep it simple.

First time ’round I was your typical pregnancy devotee — devoted principally to me, napping with dedicated regularity, booking a variety of therapies, from pregnancy massage to reflexology, practising prenatal yoga and water aerobics, attending antenatal class as religiously as mass, steering clear of environmental toxins and devouring every website that offered a pregnancy update. In short, I was a pregnancy swot who listened to Mozart and ate organic in the hope my child would arrive with an innate appreciation for the finer things in life.

I diligently avoided caffeine, blue cheese and shellfish, bought shares in creams that promised to ward off stretch marks and dressed with the best of them, shopping in boutiques for clothes worn twice at most, because, without shadow of a doubt, I was worth it.

I outdid myself with the nursery, regularly met with friends to show a baby wouldn’t change me and relayed every little twinge to my gynaecologist. In hindsight, “Precious” is the word that best described me.

Long gone is that novice, replaced by a veteran who has trouble remembering appoint-

ments, prone to napping spontaneously in the most inappropriate places — on the bus, in work, at the hairdresser. I don’t practise breathing, because, let’s be honest, who are we kidding? And I eat whatever’s convenient, because who needs a food pyramid when hunger takes precedence?

In the face of starvation, an avocado, regardless of its high nutritional value, is never ever going to trump a slice of cold pizza.

Even a plate of left-over chicken nuggets is mildly seductive if it frees you to leave the kitchen and catch your favourite programme which you last saw a year ago because the remote is always hijacked by the time you finally get to unwind.

I know I am pregnant but it may take the breaking of waters to fully recognise it. Psychologically, I rate myself fairly unprepared.

The excitement of a first arrival is replaced by a dread of what’s ahead — a return to sleepless nights, endless sterilising, constant nappy changing and a newborn utterly dependent on my ability to function as a mother with two other children in the picture.

Make no mistake — a first pregnancy is zen compared to successive ones, so if it is your first time around, the keyword is “indulge”. My advice? Roll out the red carpet and get those treatments started. Chances are, you will never hit such heights of pampering again.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2012

I was a pregnancy swot who listened to Mozart and ate organic in the hope my child would arrive with an innate appreciation for the finer things in life

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Natural health

Q

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My husband has two dislocated toes. He has recently had orthotics fitted which may make a difference. As he is on Warfarin, he would like to avoid surgery. What do you advise?

Megan Sheppard Do you have a question for Megan Sheppard?

Email it to feelgood@examiner.ie or send a letter to Feelgood Irish Examiner City Quarter Lapps Quay Cork

A. I am assuming that your doctor has manipulated the toes back into position, and your husband is dealing with post-dislocation symptoms rather than the toes sitting out of position. If not, then the first thing is to have the toes manipulated into their original places, since the longer they are dislocated, the more damage will occur in the joint and surrounding tissues.

The area around a dislocation is likely to feel tender and swollen for some time, often with bruising, depending on how the injury occurred, and the degree of difficulty in realigning the joint. Your husband will need to take great care in putting on and removing socks and footwear, to minimise movement and disturbance to the toes. If he is experiencing numbness or paralysis of the toes, then it is likely that a nerve or blood vessel is being pinched, so this is worth discussing with his GP. If there is a specific walking motion that is creating this injury, then orthotics may, indeed, help. To help in healing of deep-tissue trauma, I often recommend the homeopathic preparation bellis perennis. Homeopathic arnica, both as a topical preparation and an internal remedy, is also useful when it comes to any injury, bruising and pain. Both of these remedies are safe to take alongside the Warfarin.

Should this be a physiological issue that appears on an ongoing basis, then seeing an acupuncturist would be the next stop before considering surgery. It is just as important to disclose all medications, and other crucial information, with a natural health practitioner as it is with a doctor, surgeon, or medical specialist.

Dermot O’Connor runs a successful traditional Chinese medicine practice in Haddington Road, Dublin, incorporating acupuncture, Qi gong, Chinese herbal medicine and nutritional therapy. Dermot can be contacted by phoning 01-6672222 or emailing dermot@acupunctureireland.com.

Q. I was recently struck down with a severe form of stomatitis, which affected my throat, tongue and gums. I found it hard to swallow and eat. I was drooling and felt feverish. My GP prescribed an antibiotic, which eased my symptoms, but I am still left with blisters, furring of the tongue and burning sensation.

My husband got the same infection a while ago, and his doctor prescribed anti-viral tabs and Fluconazole, at 50mg, and it cleared the infection. I am wondering why my own GP didn’t prescribe the same course of treatment for me. Is there any

WINDING DOWN: A meditation or breathing CD, or a moment of contemplation, can wipe the mind of the ‘daily buzz of thoughts’ and aid sleep. Picture: Getty Images natural substance I can take to clear this awful infection, as I do not want to take another course of antibiotics?

A. You don’t mention which form of stomatitis either you or your husband have been dealing with, but it sounds as if your doctor has decided that yours is bacterial in origin, while your husband’s doctor has treated his case as being viral. A simple scraping for microscopic analysis will determine whether a specific bacterial agent is responsible for your stomatitis.

Stomatitis is the inflammation of the inner cheeks, tongue, gums, lips, roof, or floor of the mouth, but the symptoms that you describe sound more like herpetic stomatitis, which is indicated by ulcerations, along with the swelling in the mucous lining of the mouth.

The herpes virus is responsible for this condition, which means that it is highly contagious and difficult to cure. This would also explain why the antibiotics have not helped.

It is worth going back to your GP and asking about the possibility of this being a case of viral herpetic stomatitis, or even going to your husband’s GP for a second opinion. Unfortunately, if you and your husband do have this specific type, then it can flare again when your immune systems are overburdened.

Whether you take anti-viral medication or not, you would do well to boost your reserves by getting plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, and upping your intake of vitamin C. It is worth considering the superfood camu camu, which has 8-10% vitamin C content by weight, once it has been spray-dried.

Although there is no published research demonstrating its anti-viral effects, it has proven, time and again, to be effective in getting rid of herpes outbreaks faster than a pharmaceutical alternative or the use of L-lysine. Camu camu is available from most good health stores.

Q. I always find it difficult to get to sleep.

I feel, just as I am drifting off, some odd thoughts come into my head, which make no sense and wake me up. I have been told it’s the brain slowing down. Can this be true?

A. It sounds as if you would benefit from some form of meditative practice. Clearing the head of the daily buzz of thoughts, so that you are not kept awake as the brain ‘winds down’, is not always easy.

A major culprit when it comes to sleep disturbances is technology — so many of us watch the television or surf the internet to relax and unwind, and it can make us feel physically drained or lethargic, yet it has the opposite effect on our brain.

Meditation doesn’t have to mean sitting in a quiet room aligning your chakras, it can be as simple as taking a walk in nature, watching the sun set each evening, taking a long bath, or practising conscious breathing — the trick is to just be present in the moment.

Getting your daily 30 minutes of exercise (a brisk walk is enough) helps immensely when it comes to sleeping well at night, as does adequate hydration throughout the day.

You can try Qi gong, Tai chi, yoga, or, if you are like me and want a quick, simple solution, you might like to find a meditation or breathing CD, or mp3 download, to ensure a satisfying and restful sleep.

■ NOTE: The information contained above is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult a doctor first.

Megan puts the spotlight on:

B

OOSTING the libido of men and women is often as simple as balancing our hormonal issues.

Of course, psychological issues can play a significant role when it comes to sexual desires or lack of — in some cases a specialised sex therapist is key to unlocking your libido troubles.

After decades of thinking that all issues pertaining to female sexuality were psychological, scientists have now discovered that hormonal imbalance is actually the most common cause.

Many of the herbal remedies now being touted as the latest natural ‘sex pills’ are plants which have been use for centuries in South America. These old remedies work equally well with males and females.

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The Peruvian root, maca, is a great example of an adaptogenic herb which works to balance male and female hormones. It has been used as a superfood and sexual healer for thousands of years — it was given to Inca warriors before battle to increase strength, and used to improve the fertility of both people and livestock. In men, maca improves libido and sexual performance without changing serum reproductive levels, so it can be used by men regardless of their testosterone base level, and is not linked to an increased risk of prostate cancer like conventional testosterone therapy. A trial published in

Natural ways to boost sex drive the Journal of Ethnopharmacology (2001) also showed that it has beneficial effects on semen parameters such as volume, concentration, motility, viability and normal morphology.

Maca, a superfood, also boosts sexual drive in women, and it can also enhance fertility levels. It is a complete protein and high in many vitamins and minerals, including calcium and zinc. Maca increases energy levels, improves mood, and is a powerful antioxidant — it is excellent for women whose menstrual cycles are out of balance, particularly where PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is concerned, PMS symptoms, and to ease

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the passage through menopause.

Muira puama, known in South America as ‘potency wood’, has a reputation for treating erectile dysfunction, but is another herb which is effective in balancing the sex-drive of males and females. . Available in good health stores or Rio Health Direct online www.riohealth.co.uk (00-44-1273- 570987).

■ Quick and free: The internal organs (including the brain) function best when well hydrated. Drink enough water so that your urine is almost clear and you know that you are getting your daily H2O. Blood flow is the other freebie — eating whole foods and exercising for 30 minutes daily ensures that your blood is pumping and your organs are well nourished.

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