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THE BEACON Volume 71, Issue 3
TLDR: News, to the point.
March 9th, 2020
Written by: Carter Plant
The Ninth Democratic Presidential Debate: What is it? It is an opportunity to get to know the democratic candidates better. What is it actually? Well, you do get to know the candidates “better” in the same way that you get to know your aunt better when she posts a video of herself after “one too many” on Facebook. The debates resulted in insults being thrown, jeering from the crowds, and candidate Joe Biden, well, existing. The debates inevitably had no clear winner (unless you count the news stations that aired the political equivalent to WrestleMania). The Australian Fires: What’s the good news? A torrential downpour earlier in Februrary put out a third of the fires, which was met with a sigh of relief from both Australians and the gargantuan danger animals that have been struggling with the fires since June of 2019. So what’s the bad news? There are fires that still are burning, and the fire fighters are still a-fightin.’ The exact cause of the fire is yet to be determined; meanwhile, Smokey the Bear could not be found for comment. Rest in Paste: A tool for the dedicated student, a weapon for the academic scoundrel, the ‘copy and paste’ function of computers has been a friend to many, a gift that should never be taken for granted. Creator of copy and paste, Larry Tesler, has passed away. The next time you find yourself frantically copy and pasting your essay the morning of, remember to thank Larry for the saving grace. Officer down, bottoms up?: A town in New Hampshire told its sole police officer to hand in his badge, patrol car, and uniform. As any of us would reasonably do, he removed his uniform there and then, before leaving the police station behind, and walking home in nothing but his underwear. I am sure that there is wisdom to be found here; granted, I think it was left in the officer’s other pants. Brain Seize: Perhaps Dr. Frankenstein should have shopped local? A human brain was seized as it was being transported in a Wisconsin-bound delivery truck. The brain was not shipped with the proper permits and was taken in by the Canadian border guard. The border patrol contacted the CDC (Center for Disease Control) to figure out what to do with it. A decision has yet to be made, but some have suggested adding a “return to sender” stamp and then see where it goes.
Spicy Crandall Memes
Life at Crandall: Tips for Success While walking down the hallway you may have seen something strange: these large posters talking about this upcoming play that your friends are putting on. While it sounds like a fun-filled evening complete with witty fourth wall breaks, amazing costumes, a great cast, and the most beautiful understudy known to man, I am here to tell you right now not to go. So here are three reasons not to go to The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood. Your friends will tell you all about it anyway. It doesn’t matter if you go or not because your one friend will go and tell you all the best parts! Although this is the same friend who gave you their notes from class and you did totally fail that test… it’ll be fine, I’m sure. It’s not like this play will be a once in a lifetime opportunity that people will be referencing for years to come… right? You want to go home that weekend. Sure you just spent an entire week at home and you’re starting to hate your families guts, and you’re about a month away from spending the entire summer in a similar situation, but it’s a perfectly okay excuse to miss the play that they’ve put so much work into just to spend another two days with your life-givers. On the other hand, if you want a small break from the monotony of home life, staying back “for the play” is the perfect excuse. The cast is lazy So they’ve been spending on average 9 and 12 hours a week on this (the equivalent of doing two extra courses), but they’ve probably just been hanging around playing theater games, gossiping about who knows what, or just twiddling their thumbs. There’s no way that they’ve actually been painstakingly putting this show together, blocking every scene to perfection, and memorizing detailed lines to create the best possible result! It’s way too expensive Sure the cost for students is less than it would be to go to a movie (which is shorter and probably not as funny), but you’re a poor university student who spends absolutely all of your money on ramen and can’t afford to shell out a measly 12 bucks to support this and future theatre projects. It’s not like you’re constantly spending money on things like coffee, streaming subscriptions, and eating out with friends! There you have it: three reasons not to go to the play. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hide from the hoard of theatre nerds with pitchforks who are seeking to end my life. Mark McEwen is a mildly-insane, satire-loving third year Psych/B.Th. major. If you want to learn more about Mark, try talking to him, as he loves making new friends. (He’s the guy with red hair.) Editor’s Note: This article is a work of satire, and is to be taken as a joke, not as serious advice. Neither the Beacon nor its affiliates endorse the behaviours presented in this article.
Spicy Crandall Memes
Dickon…. Ah, Dickon with his lisp and his pudgy little face. The scene where he cuts a sliver off a branch to show Mary the green life inside is the reason that I took a pocket knife The Secret Garden Trailer Review *spoiler alert in into the woods with me and left almost no small tree standing. They might’ve been alive when I got there, but effect* they certainly weren’t when I left. -Deney: We’re baaaaack. This month’s review is going to - My goodness, your adventures are surely the reason we be on a remake of a film that I have not seen, but, unsurare facing such brutal environmental conditions… you’re prisingly, Frannie has. I think I must have spent more of my childhood reading fantasy novels and pretending to be just as bad as Irving. Is that taking it too far? I think not. a hobo in the pile of sticks in my backyard than Fran did. Look, let me be real with you, I have a hurting wisdom Her loss, really. Anyway, we are going to be discussing the tooth and a headache and I am tired and stressed and I brand-spanking-new movie adaptation of The Secret Gar- honestly cannot remember what happened in this trailer to den, which I assume many of you cultured individuals are save my life. Some flowers bloomed and the embroidered doves moved and the girl pulled a key out of a tree with a familiar with. -Frannie: Okay, I think it’s a bit ignorant of you to assume stick… She also fell down a hill at some point. It’s all such a blur. that I never spent any time outdoors making hobo bin- That was honestly a pretty decent synopsis, there’s not dles and pretending to be a child raised by wolves… because I did, maybe too much time. But, I was also cultured much more to be said. If by any chance our review did not completely scare you away from seeing this movie, it is by my old parents on classic cinema, The Secret Garden coming to theatres April 17th. As a fan of the original, I do being one such movie. Fun fact: this is actually one of my recommend that you find a copy of that one first. Keep in dad’s favourite movies. Don’t ask me why, that man is a mind it’s a lot less fantastical and Disney-esque than the walking, talking killer of childlike wonder. (JK love you, Dad). Anywho, childhood trauma aside, I grew up with this remake looks to be, but still incredible nonetheless. movie, and parts of it are vividly burned into my head, like the horrible, brattish attitude of main character Mary Len- Deney Taylor is a third-year business student focusing in accounting. She is an antisocial recluse who rarely emerges from the depths of the internet, but when nox (although, spoiler alert, her parents did die in a tragic she does it’s most likely because she has to pretend to be a responsible adult fire, so can you really blame her?), the children taunting (ugh). “Mary Mary, Quite Contrary” as now orphaned Mary Frannie Branswell is a third-year business major who isn’t playing basketball awaited rescue by her only living relative, the shrill, strict this year, I know right?! She loves making art, watching movies, and sleeping, commands of Mrs. Medlock (played by none other than all of which she sacrifices for school and good grades. Maggie Smith), and the wise nature lessons of young
Critic’s Corner
Can you believe it’s already March? Me neither! Time does this thing where it just...disappears. With all the readings, assignments and deadlines, the days and weeks just mould together into one big glob of mush. You feel me? These past few months have brought a lot of changes, not just in my life, but in the lives of those I care about. Graduation is getting close for some, and this season is preparing me for the change that will hit me next September, when there are faces I will no longer see, and things I will no longer do. I’ll be honest and say that most of the time, I am resentful of the changes that are happening, and I find it difficult to deal with them. There was a period where there were a lot of things up in the air for me and the people in my life, and questions that were not getting answered. Needless to say, it was making me anxious, impatient and, I cannot stress this enough: out of control. I felt like nothing was in my control and that I could not do a single thing to help anyone or get the answers I so desperately wanted. And then I heard a gentle reminder from the Lord; “I am in control. You don’t need to be. I’ve got this.” Let me tell you, I breathed a sigh of relief. Of course I don’t need to have it all together, of course it’s okay if I don’t have control of everything, because the Creator of the universe had it instead, and I trust Him more than I trust myself to keep things in order. For the next few days, I felt such a difference when I gave my worries and stresses over to God and said, “You handle this one. I trust you to do what is best for me.” I physically had to say these words aloud sometimes. God is in control, even when it feels like everything is falling apart. God can easily handle the things we cannot. That is such an amazing reminder for me. I hope we can all get into the habit of letting go, and letting God, especially when it comes to the big life changing stuff, because it can be really scary. When I finally got the answers to the questions I had been agonizing over, some were what I had been hoping for, but some weren’t. Although this was a little discouraging, I had to remind myself that ultimately, God wants what’s best for me in every area and situation, even if it doesn’t line up with my own plans. I hope this has given you some encouragement, friends. Have a wonderful week!
Beacon of Light
“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42 NIV India Miller-Bidwell is a third-year student majoring in Interdisciplinary Studies with a minor in English Literature. She is excited to combine her love for Crandall and Jesus by writing devotionals for The Beacon! She also loves coffee, sunflowers, and her friends!
Dr Cathy Rogers: Getting Things Done Could you introduce yourself for any students who have not yet met you? So right now I'm teaching a one-off gender studies course at Crandall, but I'm really a full-time politician, and have been in the political field for five years. I was Minister of Social Development and Minister of Finance, but this term I am in opposition, so I’m an MLA in Moncton. Before that I was a full-time professor at Crandall and part-time at UNB in sociology, and before that I spent 17 years in federal government. I’m from Moncton, and I’m married with four grown children and four little grandchildren. What made you go into politics in the first place? I never wanted to go into politics. I never thought I had thick enough skin for politics, and I also thought it was way too combative and adversarial. Plus, you give up your private life totally, so I never thought I would want to go in it. But I was always a social advocate—I was always an advocate for change, and I was always interested in good policy— policy that is effective and doesn't prevent people from getting ahead. I was always interested in good social change, and of course politics is one way you can do that. But I still self-selected out for many years. I guess the biggest thing that made me finally agree to go in was that I kept being asked over and over and over again—I was literally asked by all four parties. I was never partisan, I just cared about good policy, good governance, and good social change. When I finally succumbed, I thought, ‘well I don't know if I can handle it’—but I did get thicker skin! What are the challenges associated with being a woman in politics? I’d say it's still more difficult for women than men in politics and there still aren’t many women going into politics, I think for many of the reasons that kept me out for years. It is very adversarial, even in the ways that the institution is structured. There’s a party in power and there’s the opposition—well, why do we call it ‘opposition?’ And the way that they sit even in the legislature—instead of a circle where you can be collaborative, it's the old adversarial model of two sides separated by a big space, and it just sets you up for an interaction where anything that one does the other has to criticize or go the opposite way. I never liked that model, and I started day one by literally walking across the floor and shaking hands with everyone in the opposition (at the time I was in government). And I said, “listen, just so you know, if you have good ideas I will support them, and if you have things that I seem to be not supporting, feel free to come and talk to me—maybe I don't understand the whole thing.” I think women are generally socialized to be more collaborative and to be more circular in their discussions and in their means of arriving at a conclusion and this political model does not suit that socialization. Another thing is that you have to be away from home a lot. For many years I was a single parent so I couldn't be away from home, but even women who are in two-parent families tend to still carry the larger responsibility of family, so it's difficult to be away. There's also more judgment for women, and even when it comes to participating in discussions and forming policy, women's voices are still not heard as loudly as men's. Women are judged on double-standards, sadly, I still see that. How has your faith impacted your work in the political world? Well, this is a really difficult job and I don't think it's a job you go into just for the fun—you have to give up a lot for it. But I believe that God has put me into a variety of experiences in life so that I have something to bring to this, so I am following that calling. I've always said that I will be myself and if there's no room for that, I will not be there—it's as simple as that, so my colleagues know I'm Christian. So I am here for the purpose of the vulnerable—to give voice to vulnerable populations, whether that’s people in poverty, people with disabilities, refugees and newcomers, people who are sick, who have mental illnesses or addictions—they are the reason I'm here. I didn't come to help the rich get richer, I came to help everybody to have a full and inclusive place in society, and that’s, for me, motivated by my faith.
What does it look like for you to honour God with your work? It means operating with integrity. Sometimes I'm in the legislature even and I could be getting angry at something and sometimes I'll write the fruit of the spirit on the top of my page or I'll remind myself, you know, “mercy, justice, grace, humility, and compassion.” To me it just means I try to operate with integrity—my word is my word. And I try to be open and I try just do what is right and right with my faith and my beliefs. Have there been times when you've experienced a strain or a conflict between the roles that you play as a Christian, a woman, and a politician? Yes, those come up, and I think they come up in every occupation. And they’re heartbreaking, actually, but you do what you can. Sometimes God calls us to plant seeds or to be a little, little salt grain and we may not see the outcome that we hope for, but I think we are playing a role. Is it more challenging, in your opinion, to be a woman in politics or a Christian in politics? I don't really find it difficult being a Christian in politics. I find a lot of support amongst my colleagues for my whole purpose for doing this, which is generosity and community building and taking care of the vulnerable. My colleagues feel the same—our orientations may be different, but we have similar goals. But what I do find difficult, and some of it is because I am a woman, is getting those at the top of the agenda—that's what's hard. I would say a lot of discrimination and such that women experience today is more invisible or subtle. People are not aware of their own biases against the ideas of women. Many people say, “no, I treat an idea from a woman the same as one from a man,” but often they really don’t. So I have a harder time being a woman and getting those ideas heard. I'd like to think we've come further, but I could give you lots of examples—like I one time got an email from a man in Ottawa who said, “I was watching the legislature today and how dare you wear what you wore?” I was actually wearing a dressy white blouse with a collar and a cute little silk tie, with dress pants and high heeled shoes, pearls on the collar of the shirt, and he said, “if you want to dress like a man, put a blazer on like a man.” I have a colleague who actually left her job because she was body-shamed. So women have different experiences than men do—women have to think about so much more, women are criticized for how they talk, criticized for the way they explain things—it's not horrible everyday, but it is different being a man and being a woman in politics. And it's simple things too, like what you had to do at home before you left and what do you have to do and make up for when you come back, versus what men do. I think women still carry more on their shoulders—you need to be super woman. If you could give one piece of advice to students heading out from a Christian school to work in a secular world, what would that piece of advice be? God needs you everywhere. God needs Christians in every area of society because, well—imagine if any institution was void of Christian influence. I would say always speak up, be committed, be strong, be yourself. Have someone to talk to. Constantly monitor yourself, but definitely don't shy away because it's a secular occupation or secular field, because I've actually been very respected for my faith, so it's not been a negative thing, it's been a more positive thing. Is there anything else that you’d like to say to our readers? I certainly would like to encourage more women to consider politics as an option! We need more women and we need Christian beliefs and values permeating society. Now you have to be aware, too, that we live in a diverse culture, so I am one who is very respectful of all faiths and all beliefs. I think if people are going to be close-minded and judgmental about somebody who is different from you it might not be a good place for you, but the reality is that we are a better witness when we are inclusive, when we are welcoming, when we embrace diversity and show love, care, and compassion for everyone.
Recycling at Crandall U Hey there! Are you interested in recycling? Do you want to make this planet earth a better place? Do you care about the environment your children and grandchildren will grow up in? If so, this article is for you. If not, skip to the next page. At Crandall U., we do a pretty good job at recycling. Let me guide you through our recycling process and the items we do collect for recycling. Let’s start with ‘ordinary’ garbage collection. There are bins all over the place and highly visible. RANT # 1: Most garbage bags do not hold liquids. Would you throw out a cup of coffee, tea, or pop in your garbage at home? Of course not, so STOP doing it here! 1.Recyclable bottles and cans: the type you would take to the redemption centre to get a little cash. No coffee cups or other plastic containers. RANT#2: If you get take-out food in a black plastic tray, do not throw it in the garbage! The ONLY way it will get recycled is for you (you bought it!) to rinse it out, take it home or to someone else’s home and put it in the ‘blue’ bag for roadside pick-up and recycling. Too much work? Not going to do it? Now, that is just plain sad. 2. Paper: there are ample and visible collection depots for paper all over the place--Murray Hall, Stultz Hall, Colborne House, Mitton Court. Do not put paper in the garbage, nor recyclable bottles in the garbage. Show you care. Cardboard is not paper. Cardboard is….cardboard. Place it beside the paper recycling bins and it will be taken care of. 3. Batteries: Yes, we even recycle batteries! There are collection boxes in the mailrooms of both Murray and Stultz. Now, if you are an apartment dweller or an inhabitant of Colburne House and would like a drop off for batteries, just ask and ‘it will be so’. If not, simply turn them in to anyone on the maintenance department team. 4. Laundry detergent bottles: Did you know that it takes 700 years for a laundry detergent bottle to decompose in the landfill site? How do I know? The same way we know anything….good ole Google. So, students can place them on the floor in the laundry rooms next to the garbage cans where they will be collected, put in a blue garbage bag, taken home (by me) and put on to the curb for pick up on collection day. Why should I care? I am not so sure, but I do. 5. Printer Ink Cartridges: They are deemed to be recyclable but are currently sent to the landfill. Why? Can’t really get to the bottom of it. Is it the supplier’s responsibility or the purchaser? I gave up on this one. 6. Keurig k-CUPS: Some can only be recycled if you tear them apart. Some can be returned to a depot for recycling. Bottom line: if you insist on the ‘convenience’ then YOU should be prepared for a little ‘inconvenience’ on the recycling end of it. On a more positive note: Crandall U has water fountains with fill stations on them. Installed in 2010, a recent tally shows that we have saved 270,717 bottles from going to the landfill site. Way to go! I know we all can do a better job at recycling at our workplace and at home. Let’s set a good example. Now, if you do commit one of the aforementioned cardinal sins (bottles in the garbage, paper in the garbage, liquids in the garbage), please do the following: stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself. Raise your left hand and slap yourself on the face. Next, take your right hand, turn the other cheek (come on now, it’s biblical!), and do it again. Got questions/concerns/comments? Let me know. I might even have an answer. Respectfully submitted with a nice mixture of sarcasm, frustration, love, and humour by Laurie Douthwright, in the maintenance department.
Empathic Elucidation He was running. The shadows that were his and his brothers’ allies’ were flying past. He could see clearly, yet the forest seemed strange. There was some competition. He could sense them, running, not far off. Were they chasing the same quarry? He couldn’t know, but if they were here, that did not bode well for him or his brothers who were not in favorable standing with the rest of the family. This was supposed to be their big break, where they finally didn’t mess things up. He doubled down on his speed, hoping against hope that they could simply outrun both their prey, and their opponent. He shot across the forest floor, a shaft of pitch on a board of night. He could now see his brothers, running like two silver moonbeams, on his left, seeming to flash across the ground, and an ivory dart, shooting ahead on his right. They raced through the trees that stood like pillars of obsidian supporting a roof of black quartz. The four of them shot over a stream, shining like a river of light and painting their surroundings silver and white for a split second, before they plunged back into the depths of the shadowy realm they call home. They were gaining on it. Their target was slowing, they had passed the endurance test and it had not. They burst through the wall of foliage, eyes blazing and teeth gleaming in the moonlight, like so many jagged peaks in the mountain chain of their mouths. They threw themselves at the hapless creature and sunk in. Finally, they had succeeded. They would bring the kill back to the family and maybe they would finally be accepted. It had been so long since they were on their mother’s good side; they were, all four of them, ready for a change. Then he saw it. The foe that he had sensed earlier in the chase. It stood over them, a giant, nearly the size of two of his brothers put together, shimmering gold. It snarled. They backed off from their kill, getting outside of its leap range, but they were not abandoning this prey after they’d worked so hard for it. They stood resolute, growling back a warning. It was four on one, but no matter how this ended, the hunt had just got a lot more dangerous. Justin Reimer (also know as Tarzan) can be seen climbing anything and everything. He is a first-year Communications/Theatre major who you might think is at least second-year because he has been hanging around Crandall for his entire life and took a few courses last year (due to the fact that his father is a professor, he was homeschooled and both of his siblings are going/have gone here). Justin enjoys singing, dancing, theater, musicals, gymnastics, martial arts, and friends.
Spicy Crandall Memes
SHALLNOT Who We Are While “shall not” is usually used as a command to refrain, to withhold, or to compromise, Shallnot holds to the opposite: Thou shalt not be silenced. Shallnot is designed to be a forum and an opportunity for students to express their ideas.
Can I Tame the Beast Within Can I tame the beast whithin?
The Shallnot is a place for students to express, convey, and connect, whether through drawings, poetry, or any other artistic form. While we are often faced with regulation and restriction, this is designed to be a place where creativity and inspiration shallnot be silenced. –Dan Maguire, Assistant Editor
What’s the nature of lust, Violence and sin? Am I here just to indulge or Is there a high nobler purpose. All things that exists do I create Or can they stand alone outside My consciousness? If I do not
Poet
See it does it fail to exist,
Words buzz in my brain and fly out my mouth Words crawl down my throat when I breathe Words beat with the blood in my veins My pulse pounds out iambic pentameter and And trochee trips off my tongue and If you ripped me apart I would bleed on the floor scarlet phrases And my paper-pale bones could be
Made a jumbled poem.
And what part do I play in it’s Existence? Am I an outside observer Or am I irrecibly part of the whole? Surely I did not create it yet there it Stands, Can it exists without me? What is mind and what is existence? Are they one and the same or
Part of greater whole changing at times Places and signifince, a possible
-Trochaic
Intricate weave of part and whole? -Shane Dickie
Shallnot exists to express the views of all students from all walks of life. If you or someone you know has something to say—whether through pictures, essays, short stories, cartoons, poetry or any other form of art—please contact us at crandallbeacon@gmail.com with submissions.