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THE BEACON Volume 69, Issue 1
September 24th, 2018
Life at Crandall: Tips for Success Greetings all, Being in my second year, I have clearly mastered all there is to know about being a Crandall University student. Thus I have decided to transmit my vast wealth of knowledge to you, my dear fellow students. Here are 7 tips for getting the most out of your time at Crandall. 1.
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Become fully engrossed in a university relationship There is no better way to truly experience the full breadth of your university experience than to spend all of your time in your significant other's room focusing on how amazing this whole dating thing is. Becoming a semi-stalker of your significant other is exactly what God intended for romantic love… I can’t find the verse reference but I know it’s in there some where. The way you can tell that your relationship is truly healthy and going to last longer than a month is by whether or not you are letting all of your other relationships, including your relationship with God, slowly fade into oblivion. This segues into my second tip which is: Ignore the spiritual disciplines. You’ve spent your whole life doing the “God stuff” like praying, reading your Bible and meditating, and university is the perfect time to slack off. Sure it made you a stronger person, better equipped to deal with the trials of this life, but what bet ter time than some of the most difficult academic years of your life to try and go it alone and depend on your own strength to get you through? Only associate with your small group of friends. If you’ve come to school and made the perfect number of friends to fit into a single table at lunch, the time to become a social hermit is now. Avoid eye contact with all other human beings around you and never strike up a conversation with anyone under any circumstances! It’s not like you go to a school filled with people of different cultures, backgrounds, and walks of life that you could learn from to become a more rounded individual…...right? Ignore your physical health. The freshman 15 is a badge of honour, a goal towards which we should strive. Who cares that eating a balanced diet, working out in the totally free gym we have, and sleeping more than 2.25478 hours a night improves grades, increases focus, gives us energy and is linked to considerable mental health benefits? You’ll be fine without that stuff, and it's way too much effort anyway.
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Life at Crandall: Tips for Success 5. Forget everything society has ever taught you about personal hygiene. The myth that we need to shower more than once a month is a lie sold to us by the big soap corporations. We don’t need all of that stuff. Also, laundry costs like three bucks so why would we ever pay that to get clothing that smells like its owner hasn’t been dead for over a week? It’s all a scam. 6. Don’t pay attention in class and don’t do homework. Everyone knows that the only reason you came to school was to get that precious ring by spring. So why let silly things, like the education you are spending a small fortune on, get in the way of that? It’s not like the content we are learning was tailor -made so that we could be intelligent individuals as opposed to the mindless sheep our generation seems intent on becoming. 7. Don’t do the dishes The best way to make a great first impression is to avoid doing a simple task that three-year-olds are capable of. Who cares if it makes the shared living area you inhabit with dozens of other people look like a dump? I’m pretty sure the R.A.s love doing dishes so you should totally leave yours for them to clean. They are definitely not going to find out who you are and make you face the unspeakable consequences of your actions. On a completely unrelated note, has anyone seen Frank? Mark McEwen is a mildly insane, satire-loving second-year Psychology/BTh major who enjoys long walks on the beach, Biblical debate, theatre, and pretty much anything nerdy.
Hello friends, and welcome to the first Beacon edition of the year! I hope you’re all settling in well to the rhythms of school life, getting engaged in classes and extracurriculars while also making sure to contemplate on the truly important facts of life—namely, that there are only 13 Fridays before Christmas!! That said, I suppose there are other things on your mind as well, as apparently seems to be the norm with students. To complicate the matter slightly, I’m here to throw one more consideration on your radar: This year, the Beacon team is on a hunt. We’re looking for writers and thinkers, movers and shakers. We’re looking for artists, poets, philosophers, and collaborators. We’re looking for scientists, academics, diplomats, and creatives. We’re looking for students who care about and engage with the world around them in a plethora of ways, who have important thoughts just waiting to be shared. In short: we’re looking for you! Here at the Beacon office (it’s actually a CSA office, but we like to pretend it belongs to us), we’re always looking for passionate students with voices to be heard. So whether you have opinions, poems, comments, visual art, criticisms, or anything in between, we want to hear from you! Give us a shout at crandallbeacon@gmail.com, or find me wandering aimlessly about the school as I forget the location of Postcolonial Literature for the umpteenth time. Alternate means of communication include smoke signals, telegrams, and Myspace. However you want to get a hold of us, don’t hesitate! We’re invested in making the Beacon your Beacon—so help us out!
A Note From the Editor
With love from your friendly neighbourhood editor, Kira Smith
A Beacon of Light I am going to tell you the story of Jonah. “Oh my gosh,” you might be thinking, “I’ve heard this story a million times and could recite it in my sleep!” I would agree with you. But I’m going to dive deeper into a part of the story that I never paid much attention to in Sunday school, a part that reveals a massive truth about God that some of us forget sometimes. When God asked Jonah to go and preach God’s Word to the city of Ninevah, Jonah was far from willing. He ran away from God (literally) and hopped on the first boat he could find, thinking that he could get far enough away that God would not be able to find him. It’s funny, isn’t it, that we humans think that we can outrun God? Thankfully, this is impossible! Even if we go to the ends of the earth, God will still be right there with us. This is so comforting to know. Scripture affirms this truth endlessly, but I think Psalm 139:9 says it best, “If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast” (NIV). Jonah was definitely proof of this verse! You can see that Jonah made the mistake, as we all do, of blaming God for abandoning him, even though he was the one to run away from God. God will never, ever leave our side; it is always we who stray. “Remain in me, as I remain in you”, says John 15:4 (NIV). This is like God saying, “I am always here, I never leave you. So, to thrive, you must stay connected with me like I do with you.” If I ever feel distant from God, I like to remind myself of this truth: God is closer than your next breath. That’s pretty close! So if you are ever seeking God and are wondering where He’s gotten to, know that you will never have to look far to find him. India Miller-Bidwell is a second-year student majoring in Interdisciplinary Studies with a minor in English Literature. She is really excited to combine her love for Crandall and her love for Jesus by writing devotionals for The Beacon! She also loves coffee, sunflowers, and her friends! Many thanks to Frannie Branswell for the column title.
Spicy Crandall Memes
Leah Eisener is a fourthyear English student who laughs at her own jokes and enjoys memes more than the company of others.
Isaac Trail is simply trying his best.
Isaac’s Crossed Words
Critic’s Corner Mary Poppins Returns Trailer Review: -Deney: Dude, it’s been so long that I don’t even remember how to do this... I guess to start I would like to take time to welcome everyone back to another promising year at Crandall! I hope you are all just as excited for this mess of a column as we are. Hopefully you aren’t too disappointed, but that may be inevitable knowing how pathetic these “reviews” really are at actually reviewing anything worthwhile. -Frannie- As usual I will be playing the role of “the optimist.” Unfortunately, we’ve lost our biggest supporter—John G. Stackhouse Jr.—so if a dedicated reader could forward this and the following articles to his Vancouver residence that would be fantastic. We operate on praise and praise alone. Now, then, to the trailer review! - As you are probably already aware, based on the title of this article, we are going to be covering the official trailer for Mary Poppins Returns. Shockingly, it would seem that the tables have turned and for once in my life I am the only one out of this duo who has watched the original film! Admittedly, it’s been approximately five hundred years since I’ve watched it, and given how faulty my memory is on a good day, any and all information I provide is guaranteed to be largely inaccurate. Anywho, on to the “review.” It would seem, as the trailer begins, that the two children from the original movie are now grown adults who are struggling with, well, life. And boy, can I relate. -If I had to explain the trailer to all of the non-viewers out there, I would say that it looks like a cheap knockoff of Nanny McPhee. You can practically SEE the strings hoisting her through the air. However, this movie, unlike Nanny McPhee, is set in depression-era London. This is probably due to the fact that they had to differentiate from Nanny McPhee to avoid a lawsuit. -I’m just going to butt in and assure you all that Frannie is not an idiot. I have informed her that Mary Poppins was, in fact, a Broadway musical and therefore is infinitely better than Nanny McPhee. She’s just aiming for comedy. -Wow, a peek behind the curtain there. Anyway, the story opens with the return of Mary Poppins, who explains that she is entering the Banks’ lives once more to bring joy back to their family. We are
Spicy Crandall Memes
introduced to Jack, played by Lin Manuel Miranda for all of those Hamilton fans out there. -It soon becomes apparent that the Banks’ lives have certainly transformed, for better or worse, as some of the magic that Mary Poppins brings into their home is depicted. In my mind, the most bewildering preview of this is when Mary Poppins spins a bowl and all of the painted flowers on it lift, swirl into a blue vortex, and transport the family into some alternate, (nauseatingly) colourful universe, restoring their joy. -Fans of the original can look forward to the dancing chimney sweeps, the classic music, and a cameo by the one and only Dick Van Dyke! The man is 92 and raving on a tabletop like a rambunctious teen despite the fact that he looks as if he’s just escaped from a geriatric hospital. If this all sounds like your idea of a good time, check it out December 2018. Deney Taylor is a third-year business student focusing in accounting. She is an antisocial recluse who rarely emerges from the depths of the internet, but when she does it’s most likely because she has to pretend to be a responsible adult (ugh). Frannie Branswell is a third-year business major who isn’t playing basketball this year, I know right?! She loves making art, watching movies, and sleeping, all of which she sacrifices for school and good grades.
Stay Tuned for Sunshine As I have sat here time and time again over the past couple of months trying to write something about the [B.Th. mission trip to Cuba] that has meaning or something about the mission trip in general, I have failed. I believe the reason for this is that Cuba, for me, was not about the mission trip itself but about the process of revealing and then pruning. To give this an analogy, I would say before Cuba was the tornado, in Cuba was the calm and after Cuba was the storm that led to hope. To be clear, this series will not be a reflection on the Cuban culture or what I learned about in Cuba or the experiences I had in Cuba, even though I experienced a lot. It will be a reflection on how God turned my world upside down to show me what I am missing and to guide me in the direction to seek Him deeper and heal. Before the Cuba trip, the tornado came. What I mean by the tornado, is the spiral of busyness, inconsistency and holding on for dear life. Throughout the year, I was told by my doctor that she is convinced I have Multiple Sclerosis which came about by a test originally searching for sinus issues. The year continued on with multiple tests that all came back negative because this disease takes 3 to 5 years to diagnose after the initial symptoms start. The unknown of this disease continued to haunt me subconsciously. I continued to push forward in school distracting myself from the lurking diagnoses. I knew regardless of the disease God will use it for good but it was still stressful not knowing what to do when new symptoms arise. On top of that, I would constantly feel guilty for asking for extensions on school work even though I had good reason for such requests. The stress was taking a toll on my health, multiple times God had put situations in my life that forced me to rest but I would not surrender. I continued to fight with myself giving myself all of the excuses not to rest. In reality, I felt like I could not be okay unless I was doing well in school, helping with New Life Mission, doing everything I could for the church, working, traveling back and forth every weekend to see my husband and saying yes to everyone’s request. If I said no, I would feel guilty and the anxiety I was facing would be worse than the energy drained from me. I was not okay and no matter how much I prayed nothing would change. I continuously felt like God was calling me to school, to travel for my marriage and to help at church, so why was I so drained? During the preparation for the trip, the one major concern I worried about was trusting God to keep my marriage safe as there was going to be zero communication. I have struggled my whole life to trust anyone for good reason or not. I would keep trying to convince myself that I needed to trust God when in reality, I had no other choice. In addition to the anxiety that comes from worry and lack of trust, I was so exhausted. Before the trip, I just stopped feeling. In retrospect, I think it was my body saying I had enough because there was so much stress. I remember praying to God and asking Him, “What is love, God? How do I love?” Now after shutting off my emotions, I realized that it would be really hard to love without emotions. But then I would think, “well, Sarah, you are not supposed to live on your emotions.” Needless to say, I was confused by my own logic. As a side note, it is completely against my character to shut off all my emotions, therefore this tornado must have been fierce. Next edition, we’ll encounter the next part of this meteorological analogy: the calm. Sarah Billard is in her third year at Crandall working towards a Bachelor of Business Administration and a Bachelor of Theology. Sarah has been married for over 3 years and enjoys serving with New Life Mission. A Fun Fact about Sarah is that her wedding toppers were Yoshis.
SHALLNOT Who We Are While “shall not” is usually used as a command to refrain, to withhold, or to compromise, Shallnot holds to the opposite: Thou shalt not be silenced. Shallnot is designed to be a forum and an opportunity for students to express their ideas –Kira Smith, Editor
PARIAH He is no longer welcome, His company is Not sought after, He is now an outcast, His fate Ill-deserved. He is disowned and scowled, no less By his own people, his family and friends Who walk the other way; he is a rogue by night, He is a scoundrel by day. He is low on the totem pole, indeed. His fall from grace is considerable, Yet he accepts this humiliation, He carries on, like he was still king, When he was questioned he was not Revered, the fall from grace embitters him not He shows it not in his face, He shows only the love he has for humanity.
My Problem Since you first to Crandall came I see the world a different way Now my life cannot be the same. To all the others I must now say nay Your faith, your strength, and your beauty too Create a human who’s rather unique You’re vexing, puzzling, and something new. In you all see our race has reached its peak
Could this all be in my young mind A trick of Cupid for which I will pay There is but one path for this answer to find There seems to be but only one way My problem now is quite plain to see I would like you to go out with me — Could Be Anyone! (If you are hypothetically not the author of this poem but hypothetically use it anyway… your secret is safe with me.)
Sun I loved you like I love the sun: With a sort of reverence, As if I was hardly worthy of your light
With this alienation, his hatred grows not He is not disillusioned, he knows how To think of himself; his confidence And swagger, he keeps hidden for the benefit of others. They called the man Jesus, others—The Christ I called him My Friend. — Shane Dickie
Basking in your passive presence
That was never meant for me alone I think I knew from the beginning That we could only have two ends: Either you’d burn out Or I’d burn up — g.e.
I Wish I Was a Poet Seek Rather Than See To see is to seek, If I could only see past My blindness and seek Rather than to merely see, Then my faith would cross The divide, like Moses dividing The Waters of the Red Sea. I must learn to seek By seeing past what I see And become my own Moses Or Mariam; I create my own miracle Of my faith, the miracle of the Act of reaching out with my Limbs which are Lost And I will re-instruct my members Which are now not Only seeing but are now seeking. —Shane Dickie
The Final Season Seasons come and seasons go Just like winter comes and summer goes, Love comes, and it goes But this time, Love stayed. And it was the most beautiful season of all. — India Miller-Bidwell
I am not a poet, but I wish I was Where a poet blesses pages with tangible music, The beautiful union of discipline and destiny, I scribble incoherent nothings on the backs of restaurant receipts And the backs of my hands; quickly, sporadically, messily, As if my life depends on the words’ ejection from my being A poet leaves dew drops of poignant truths or beautiful lies Sprinkled on pages, embedded in minds, Transcending the bounds of mortal experience I leave charcoal fingerprints, smudges of inconsequential mumbles Shoelaces and paperclips jammed unceremoniously in junk drawers Never to breathe fresh air again A poet is a merchant who deals in rhythm and rhyme Sharing pieces of their soul for a smile, a whispered “I felt that too” In an otherwise barren and alienating place I scour the streets after them, As if following in their footsteps will somehow inspire mine I cannot offer rhythm or rhyme, for I have none of either, But I can offer my hands They are covered in broken, smeared, inky verses And maybe if we hold my palms against yours, We can say, “I felt that too” I am not a poet, but, perhaps, somehow, I am — S.S.
Shallnot exists to express the views of all students from all walks of life. If you or someone you know has something to say—whether through pictures, essays, short stories, cartoons, poetry or any other form of art—please contact us at crandallbeacon@gmail.com with submissions.