Digital edition available at facebook.com/thebeacononline
THE BEACON Volume 69, Issue 2
October 15th, 2018
“That’s a Good Wisdom”: The How-To Guide to University Let’s Talk About That I’m now in my fifth year of study at Crandall, which means I’m more or less a grandparent compared to most of you reading this. Despite my lack of grey hair and wrinkles (though, considering I’m now writing my second honours thesis, that might change), please imagine me as some sort of sage, with great wisdom and experience (but mostly just experience), distributing my knowledge to those young, naive students who have not yet been disillusioned by years of exams, Chicago-style bibliographies, and badly formatted syllabi. Wisdom #1: Talk to people who can change things
A favourite student hobby is complaining. We complain about the course work, food, chapel attendance, furniture choices, our lack of sleep, picky profs, roommates, and the colour of the walls in dorm. While some of these items are silly and/or your own fault (get called out), sometimes students hit on legitimate issues. Maybe you’re really struggling with a particular class; maybe you’re having trouble with cafeteria meals because of dietary restrictions; maybe you feel like something important at Crandall isn’t functioning the way it should. Don’t just complain about it to your friends. This can be very satisfying, but it doesn’t actually tend to accomplish much. Go talk to someone who can do something about it. Make an appointment and ask your prof advice on how to do better in class. They’re the ones marking you. They know better than anyone what you need to do to succeed. Write up a short petition and ask people to sign it . Talk to the cafeteria people, or Crystal, or the registrar, or Dr. Ohlhauser . These are all really good people who legitimately want each student to succeed and want to help you do so. The issue is that they can’t fix something if they don’t know it’s broken. And they won’t know it’s broken unless someone tells them about it. Dani Reimer graduated last year with an Honours in English, but came back for a “victory lap” (read: more stress, sleeplessness, and caffeine) to also acquire a History Honours degree. Dani can be found falling asleep on library desks, dispensing historical wisdom in the Student Success Center, wandering aimlessly around the Crandall halls like the ghost of students past, or being confused about why everyone is so young.
Spicy Crandall Memes
An Interview with Sandi Killeen Can you take us through a summary of your academic history? I spent 4 years at Crandall earning my BA (Hon) in Biblical Studies from 2010-2014. I wrote a truly terrible honours thesis on the hermeneutical significance of the prologues and epilogues of Job, Proverbs, and Ecclesiastes. I implore you not to read it, but I learned much through the process and became fascinated with Wisdom Literature. For that reason, I chose to attend McMaster Divinity College, and graduated with my Master of Theological Studies in 2017. What interests you most about your current field of study? This very much depends on the day. My first love is Biblical languages, especially Hebrew, but I have lately been very interested in biblical theology, specifically the themes of presence and suffering. What are you passionate about besides your field of study? I love camp ministry, and work year-round at Hampton Bible Camp, through which I get to teach an exceptional group of local kiddos both during the summer and throughout the year. I love to teach through the Biblical narrative in its entirety, and it has been so exciting to see and hear growth in the understanding of returning campers, and to bear witness to the work that God is doing. I also love to bake (especially pies), knit (especially mittens), have recently taken up embroidery, and intend to hone these skills to one day be the ultimate grandmother. What, in your opinion, is the most underrated book of the Bible? Ecclesiastes is the bomb. Come talk to me about it sometime!
ageable rather than challenging (many thanks to Dr. Bodner for noticing this and not letting me get away with it). You will get more out of your undergraduate experience if your first concern is learning rather than your GPA. Do you have any advice for students who are thinking of taking your classes? Do you think that you are a hard marker? If you show up, do the readings, ask questions, and try your best, you will do well in my classes. I don’t think I’m particularly a hard maker or an easy marker, but I am liberal in the giving of stickers for fine work. What do you most like about Winnie-the-Pooh?
I like how ridiculous it makes the notion that being very What is your favourite thing about your life right now? grown up is such an important or desirable thing. My favourite thing about my life right now is that I’m not What is your favourite interview question? in charge of it. I have learned, through much stubbornness, that God is much better suited than I am to direct my life, “What did you want to be when you were a child?” and as I have committed my way to him, he has been abundantly faithful in leading me. (Psalm 37:5, Psalm 94:18-19) If you were asked that question in an interview, how would you respond? What is one thing you wish someone had told you when I wanted to be a teacher/zoo keeper/social worker/camp director/baker/professional trinket maker. Omitting “zoo you were an undergrad student? keeper,” this is still pretty close to my ultimate career goal. I wish someone had told me to worry less about my marks and to focus more on learning. I read many books too Isaac Trail is simply trying his best. quickly, spent too many lectures worried about assignments, and chose too many paper topics that seemed man-
Critic’s Corner
Dark Phoenix: Trailer Review *spoiler alert in effect* -Deney: When will it end? Seriously… When. Will. It. End. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy a good Marvel movie. My issue is that this franchise has been stretching on for far too long. Ever the cynic, I want it to end (much like this school year). I present to you Dark Phoenix, yet another addition to the never-ending list of movies X-Men has pumped out of its system. -Frannie: Deney and I have this eternal struggle when it comes to Marvel movies because I favour the X-Men while she favours the Avengers. I also tend to just not care about the Avengers and get frustrated with how frequently the movies seem to be cranked out — yes, I recognize that X-Men is the exact same, but it holds a special place in my heart. I still remember when I binge-watched all of them in high school, and I’ve been excited to see the new releases ever since, despite the fact that most of them are kind of stupid. -Yeah, I agree. Stupid. I honestly do enjoy the X-Men series. I don’t want anyone to misunderstand. I do not think the Avengers are superior in any way, aside from the fact that they have Loki, which may be their only redeeming factor. To prove how much I enjoy them, I will admit that X-Men was the first of Marvel that I was introduced to as a wee infant. That being the case — and nostalgia probably plays a huge role in this — they are some quality movies that I will literally drop everything to watch. My issue is that, similarly to the Avengers franchise, these movies are being flung at us left and right without any clear indication as to where the story is going — or where it has even been, for that matter.
-Well, it doesn’t look like anything has changed, because the story still seems to be going nowhere; although I will still end up standing in line to purchase a ticket, so they must be doing something right. This movie specifically details the past of mutant Jean Grey (also known as Phoenix). Dutch actress Famke Janssen portrayed this character in the original trilogy, while Sophie Turner reprised the role in 2016’s X-Men: Apocalypse and will continue with the character in this film. Fans of the series will know of Jean Grey’s history
and her more violent and powerful side lurking just below the surface. It leads to her demise in the finale of the original trilogy, but now audiences get to see what led to her dark side. -…which I thought we have literally already seen in the past. But maybe I’m just hallucinating. The trailer does show that this addition to X-Men will feature young versions of most characters, which isn’t all that exciting or new. I just thought I would mention it to get our word count higher. Look, it’s midterm week right now, I’ve lost all motivation to live, and I just want to crash for the night. -Well then, as much as I’d like to be the encouraging one here, I agree. One thing I can say, though, is that I am excited to see the younger versions of the characters that we all know and love once again. While I find Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen entertaining, I really enjoy James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender’s younger versions. They have a very interesting dynamic, and I could watch Magneto brooding on screen all day long. -That’s it. That’s the trailer. Frannie basically summed the entire thing up when she said that it is essentially just the (second) origin story of Jean Grey. Go see it in theatres for a life break on June 9 th, 2019. It’s practically a year away. I’m sure you can pencil it in and work the rest of your schedule around that. (Seriously… we try to keep these “reviews” relevant for you guys, but we wrote this entire thing come to find out it’s not even in theatres until 2019. I feel we have failed you, and we — that is, Frannie and I — sincerely apologize. But we are not sorry enough to redo this and find you a more current movie. That’s just asking for too much.) Deney Taylor is a third-year business student focusing in accounting. She is an antisocial recluse who rarely emerges from the depths of the internet, but when she does it’s most likely because she has to pretend to be a responsible adult (ugh). Frannie Branswell is a third-year business major who isn’t playing basketball this year, I know right?! She loves making art, watching movies, and sleeping, all of which she sacrifices for school and good grades.
A Beacon of Light You know those days when your alarm goes off in the morning, and you think it will take a miracle for you to get through the day? I have definitely had my fair share of those days. What if I told you the secret to getting through those tough days, and with a smile on your face, too? Pssst, it’s not a secret!! It’s the simple truth that you can ask God to help you. I’m dead serious! Whenever you feel like you do not have what it takes to make it through a difficult day ahead, say something along these lines: “Lord, I am tired, drained and want to sleep for a week. I cannot do this in my own strength. Please give me the energy to get through this day!” And guess what? God will give you the energy you need to not just barely survive through the day, but to thrive! Unfortunately, we cannot ask God to write our papers for us, but we can ask Him to give us the strength and motivation to do what we need to do. God is on our side and wants to help us. I learned this lesson the hard way last year. I just ploughed ahead into my work and convinced myself I didn’t have “time” for God. I thought I could do everything in my own strength and eventually burnt myself out. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did! The end of John 15:5 says, “Apart from me, you can do nothing” (NIV). We were made to depend on God and to go through our days keeping our thoughts on his continual presence with us. “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” (Psalm 55:22, NIV). India Miller-Bidwell is a second-year student majoring in Interdisciplinary Studies with a minor in English. She is really excited to combine her love for Crandall and her love for Jesus by writing devotionals for The Beacon! She also loves coffee, sunflowers, and her friends!
Isaac Trail is simply trying his best.
Isaac’s Crossed Words
Life at Crandall: How to Get Your Profs to Like You Everyone knows that, in the world of subjective grading, the way to get good grades isn’t through hard work, accepting help from the student service center, and effective time management. The real way to get good grades is to force your teachers to like you. So here are 7 totally non-satirical tips on how to force your teachers to like you.
1. Bribe them. When it comes to forcing people to like you, nothing works quite so well as insulting their honor. This is most easily done by assuming that a 15-dollar Tim Hortons card is all that it would take for them to abandon any semblance of integrity and give you an easy A. (Bribing for snow days on the other hand….) 2. Plagiarize. If there's one thing that a person who has spent 10+ years slaving over research papers loves, it’s a person who takes the easy way out of a simple 3 page essay. They probably won’t even notice that you’ve suddenly started using words that are 4 syllables longer than any word you’ve ever said out loud before. It’s not like they read for a living or anything. 3. Personally attack their teaching assistants. University professors absolutely hate their teaching assistants and are worried they will someday steal their jobs. So if you want to score some brownie points with your prof (or actual points on an exam), personally attack their teaching assistant at every possible opportunity. If you aren’t getting straight A’s, it is because the teaching assistant hates you. 4. Let them know you are manipulating them. Teachers will be honored that you have chosen them to be mere pawns in your chess match against academic failure. Their entire purpose in life is to be a good grade vending machine so they’ll be glad that you are manipulating them. It’s not like they are human beings with hopes, aspirations and dreams…. right? 5. Get mad at them for not responding to your email in .005 seconds. Everyone knows that professors are constantly glued to their phones and laptops like everyone else in the world. So if they are unable to see and respond to the email you sent them at 2:30 at night within .005 seconds, then it is clearly a personal insult towards you. You would be 100% justified to become enraged and send 30 more emails asking if they have received the email or to inquire as to why they hate you. 6. Talk trash about them behind their backs. Teachers don’t know the flaws in their teaching style or that the content is totally boring, so you should definitely talk about it. Not in a respectful way, of course. Talk about them to everyone else but them, and when they eventually find out, they will respect you for your honesty and, well, bravery. 7. Don’t treat them like you would any other authority figure. You could definitely become a university professor if you felt like it… I mean, you don’t want to, but you could. So why bother treating their (often decades) of experience in academia as an accomplishment by showing them respect? Once you obey these 7 tips, all you’ll have to do is sit back and let those straight A’s wash over you like a tidal wave of academic success. Mark McEwen is a mildly-insane, satire-loving second-year Psychology/BTh major who enjoys long walks on the beach, Biblical debate, theatre, and pretty much anything nerdy.
Stay Tuned for Sunshine The Calm. Cuba was like a breath of fresh air for me. The tornado was gone, and all I had to do was live. Each day in Cuba, I just lived; to be completely honest, it felt like the first time in my life I was able to do so. I did have my anxiety here and there from the food and trying my hardest not to be offensive to others, but it was easy. God granted me the amazing gift of being symptom-free in Cuba and I am extremely grateful for that. I was happy in Cuba for the first time that I can remember. I was out of my comfort zone in Holguin talking to the Cuban youth because I did not know Spanish, but I was not anxious about it. I enjoyed just going with the flow, interacting with others, and fellowshipping with others. The Cuba mission trip was by far one of the most freeing times in my life. Do not misunderstand me — I did have anxiety sometimes, but nothing like what I had in Canada. God used me to speak into several teammates’ lives, which in turn made me feel happy that God could actually use me to bless others. Others had spoken into my life (I will come back to this) in profound ways. The last week of our mission trip, I stayed up extremely late most nights talking to Raimelys about life, and we both spoke into each other’s lives. God used the both of us —through each other’s life experiences, perspectives, and faith — to challenge each other, encourage each other, and have a good laugh with each other. It has been two and a half months since the Cuba mission trip. Raimelys and I still talk several times a week, and we don’t just talk, but we fellowship. I still talk with the three girls that the Lord put me with, in the right place at His right time, about real struggles and victories, and we still pray for each other. In hindsight, through Christ in Cuba, God showed me I have worth in Christ. Now for one of the profound ways God used another to impact my life. A couple of days before leaving, Nestor, our driver, asked Raimelys, our translator, to translate something to me. He said, “When you get back to Canada tell your husband he is a lucky man because you are easy to love because you let people love you.” I believe with all my heart that God had a hand in what Nestor said. I analyzed Nestor’s comment for a while and never understood it. Two weeks prior I was asking God, “what is love and how do I love?” Now I am on a trip just experiencing what God has for me and I am struck by the nicest thing someone has ever said to me, about love. This leads to the storm.
Sarah Billard is in her third year at Crandall working towards a Bachelor of Business Administration and a Bachelor of Theology. Sarah has been married for over 3 years and enjoys serving with New Life Mission. A Fun Fact about Sarah is that her wedding toppers were Yoshis.
Spicy Crandall Memes
Leah Eisener is a fourth-year English student who laughs at her own jokes and enjoys memes more than the company
SHALLNOT Who We Are While “shall not” is usually used as a command to refrain, to withhold, or to compromise, Shallnot holds to the opposite: Thou shalt not be silenced. Shallnot is designed to be a forum and an opportunity for students to express their ideas through poetry, prose, and visual art. Submissions will be edited only in conversation with the author. –Kira Smith, Editor
From Swings to Secret Spaces
Peace Let the bonds and shackles Of yesterday break; And let me have the freedom of this Moment, this day: to enjoy it Without reserve.. to live life free In this very moment, like the precious Gift it is; let the looming of death Not spoil this tranquility, Nothing can interfere with this hard won Peace. No other force of evil or distraction, No other bondage heavenly or earthly Can destroy this moment; This moment is ours. Seize the day or others will seize it from you, Take and raise it to a serenity that knows No bounds: it is ours forever. —Shane Dickie
—Daniel Maguire
As of That Year My hour, as of that year, became a long one; an arduous trail equipped with a blinding fog. Each step, unknown to the last, is solemn in purpose and yet hopelessly indignant; it is as if each fall of my foot aspires to be everything even as they anticipate nothing at all. I move pace by pace—crushing discarded branches under my tired, aching soles—and as every hour heralds the next my difficulty only thickens. Soon, every step becomes an hour and I am left only to breathe the heavy clouds that have been kicked up by my rival. Somehow, I push forwards; even now these stubborn legs insist at their impossible goal. So day by day, even as my quavering lips curse them, my feet will not relent in this desperate race against time. —Caleb Stairs
Solar Systems
Misty Locks
I used to think that the freckles dotting your back and arms and chest were the stars of some distant planet, one that I had never known, yet felt so much like home.
I used to think that your ribs were oddly-shaped planets orbiting around the burning sun that is your beating heart, that your fingertips were burning, blazing, shooting stars, that the ridges of your spine formed the asteroid belt that caught the most experienced of explorers off guard. —Daniel Maguire
I spent so much time considering the immensity of your solar system
Time Time comes and time goes In a circle round it blows We think this moment is it It’s really not There’s so much more time that we got Our time is for use though it isn’t for wasting Each moment, each second of the day that we are given Should make us more wise, more driven Time is plentiful but once we start to waste You’ll find your most precious moments fleeing in haste What will be of value in 10, 20 years? Will remembering now bring smiles or tears? Give each moment to God and you will see. His time is never wasted, that I’ll guarantee. — Patrick M.
that I forgot my body was home to a universe of its own —g.e.
Phil’s Fatal Flaw There once was a first year named Phil Who had a very strong will His dishes he did not Neither pan, bowl, nor pot So the R.A.s were forced to him kill —Ewen M.
Shallnot exists to express the views of all students from all walks of life. If you or someone you know has something to say—whether through pictures, essays, short stories, cartoons, poetry or any other form of art—please contact us at crandallbeacon@gmail.com with submissions.