Kisha Green’s @digitalforeplay
Love Without the Heartbreak He loves me… He loves me, not… When we were younger, we played with Barbie and Ken - they were so in love with a dream house and a convertible. Neither of them had a job but lived on love. We never heard stories of Ken cheating or Barbie hooking up with one of his friends—no baby mama drama, love, peace, and happiness. I often wondered where I would be if my first love hadn’t cheated on me with his friend’s girlfriend’s cousin. I endured my first heartbreak at the age of sixteen. I learned then that a guy could have a good girl but will mess it up for a temporary feeling. He had no idea that the girl’s heart he broke loved him completely, but for reasons unknown, he wouldn’t commit to being monogamous. At the time, we both were scared because we had not experienced what we were feeling, but there was some reluctance on his part, as if it terrified him to give up the player card. That was the first red flag that I ignored because the reality was that he had some growing up to do or he did not want me. Whatever the case, he wasted my time and broke my heart. Even though there were signs, I wanted to see the potential in Mike and become his biggest cheerleader. I was willing to plead and even rationalize his behavior. Again, more heartache. This emotional rollercoaster would continue because I wanted to believe he was a man of his word. AND THEN Like an epiphany, I woke up out of the daze I was in. During this transition, it made me reflect on all of my former loves after Mike; for a while, I believed I was asking too much when I wanted a commitment, I liked the security of a relationship and all of those lonely holidays, but it was not too much. I was asking the wrong person. I began praying, meditating, reading, journaling, and doing therapy. This combination was the best thing I could have done for myself. While you were ignoring me, I was getting to know myself and allowing my heart to be opened and repaired for the real man who was ready for all my formers were not. He accepted everything about me, flaws and all, while admiring me in total awe. He studied my habits, smile, and demeanor and was dating with a purpose, meaning he wanted to give me all his attention. When he walked in, it was easy to put the past in the...past because he put every effort into making me wanted, needed, appreciated, and desired. He was just what the doctor ordered, finally building with someone who saw a future instead of making me feel like I was an option, I was the priority, and it felt damn good! Now, the former flames all come out of the woodwork, from the accusations of me of acting funny and the lack of comprehension that calls are ignored and going unanswered. Those texts that once gave me butterflies are now oneword or brief responses, and I am damn sure not excited by the Netflix and Chill, Applebee’s, or Red Lobster invites. The icing on the cake is I am the daily recipient of the Good Morning Beautiful texts and the newly designated person to receive memes. They want me back... BUT..... There is no coming back. I am, for once, happy inside and out. I have a smile and a different glow, and that is because it comes from self-love. I finally love myself and learned about love after heartbreak; my love of self is more significant than I could ever give to any man. I put myself first, and love found me...on purpose.
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THE HEAT SEEKERS MAGAZINE
