The Hilarian.
[issue 1 2019]
Want to contribute to the Hilarian in 2019? Get in touch via
thehilarian1@gmail. com
Editor’s Welcome Oh hello (**turns around and blushes**) You may have noticed that this is the very first issue of the Hilarian in 2019. You may have also noticed that it is thiqqer, with more content and a strong spine - features not shared by most of the Law School. This issue is all about the students and by that we mean it is mostly stereotypes and generalisations written by students. Our mantra is to uphold journalistic integrity and transparency in the AULSS - where that fails we revert to shitposting. This fails often. Hilarian in 2019 is going to be chunkier, more media driven and juicier than ever before. We have added a subcommittee of talented law students and writers to ensure the magazine retains its girth. We have also broadened our online presence - avoid it if you want to live a simple life and follow it if you want to hate yourself.
Issue One contains a number of insights across the ideological spectrum, you will have your views challenged, crushed, rebuilt, crushed and if there is time, rebuilt again. You will be scared, you will be happy, you will be aroused (just be outside of Liggy for this please) and you will probably be unemployed for a while. Hilarian Discourse, our resident section for serious discussion on live issues and topics of interest is alive and well. Our feature is by Barrister and the AULSS competitions’ favourite son, Enzo Belperio who discusses his involvement in animal law as a primarily commercial practitioner. Please enjoy the fruits of our labour, if you do not please don’t harass us. With consensual, tender love, Hugo, Rory and Nick
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Editors Hugo Chapman Rory Clark Nicholas Garbas Sub-editors Josh Claridge Felix Eldridge Alex Lowe Christiana Michaels Art Bianca Tramaglino Creative Director Elliott Sarre
Highlights 5 President’s Welcome 7 Which law school accessory are you? 10 RCC: A Vandal’s Review 16 Left, Right and Centre 22 Law’s cool 23 Donogh-You Bloody Beauty 27 AGLC 29 Pretty Strong Views 33 Hilarian Discourse
IT Officer Sufwan Wahabzada Printing Kwik Digital The Hilarian does not reflect nor represent the opinions and views of the Adelaide University Law Students’ Society (AULSS), nor those of the University of Adelaide Law School.
President’s Welcome Dear Student, Welcome to another year at the Adelaide Law School. It is surprising, but satisfactory, that you have decided to come back for another year. Good luck! If you don’t already know me, I’m Sophia Laparidis and I’m the President of the Adelaide University Law Students’ Society. I have the gruelling job of reading each edition of this magazine to ensure it is up to our finest quality standards™. If I have one tip for getting through Law School, it is to avoid pronouncing Ligertwood at ALL costs. No one else can pronounce it, and they won’t appreciate y’all flexing on them like you have ANY idea either.
I have written for the Hilarian in the past (Re: Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick’s Tumultuous Relationship) and I urge you to get involved. Writing can be fun and quite cathartic compared to the routine IRAC at law school (except when you’re forced to write a President’s Welcome). The AULSS office has open meetings and an open door policy so if you’d ever like to say hi, feel free! I’ll be around this year if you ever have any questions or concerns. You can either email me at president@aulss.org or connect with me on LinkedIn. Yours sincerely, Sophia Laparidis
Don’t forget to stay organised and do all your work early! I hope none of you have had to experience a coffee induced all nighter as yet this year (I imagine this will have changed by the third edition of this fateful magazine).
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An Ode to Thongs in Ligertwood: Five Haikus by Zsuemo Lohtrab
“Hey Kevin parker” They say; you wear jeans and thongs Every day. First year: wear with pants Or with risqué summer looks All semester long Stylish rubber friends Match made in heaven; dream pairs, “I love you O thongs” One day they’ll break off From excessive wear and love And leave you barefoot
Thong-et 18
You’re cold without shoes, But then what will you do-es, Level up: RM’s.
by Bill Shakesbeer Shall I wear thee on a summer’s day? No, thou art gross and the sole domain of a ‘mate’, Rough skins do slap the darling pads of May, And summer’s extended feature of thou I hate. “Me thongs are just easier”, thou whines, My view of the world is dimmed, And thy wardrobe rating immediately declines, Thy toenails, unhygienic and coarse, untrimmed; But my eternal summer shall not fade, Nor lose possession of what I value most, My life, for the relinquishment of thy thongs, I would trade, Because of thy thongs I am thoroughly grossed. So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see, Get those god damn thongs away from me.
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Tiffany & Co necklace colour coded notes Camilla year 12 formal dress Greek island hopping contiki witty instagram bio Ralph Lauren Cap First year Fat Controller maturity of an 8 year old snapchat streaks
Birkenstock SACA member beach house in Port Willunga late to everything secretly hates beer
Which Law School Accessory are you? by Christiana Michaels Macbook secret ASMR enthusiast always snacking hopes to attend Med Ball enjoys Married at First Sight
Messenger Bag strong opinions buddies with the Dean naive to pop culture mature age student
Keep Cup environmental law elective drinks coffee like it’s water “have you heard of the Arctic Monkeys?” reliable and trustworthy
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RCC Fringe Review: The Presets
So, for those who were lucky enough to see The Presets: was it worth the wait?
by Alex Lowe
In a word: absolutely.
Never have I ever seen the campus in such chaos as it was on the evening of Friday, March 1.
The songs have become so well recognised because of their ability to cross the genre divide and appeal to fans of all sorts of music. And it was evident; hundreds of audience members singing along at the tops of their lungs. The atmosphere was electrifying.
A queue, which stretched from North Terrace down past Union House and into the RCC Fringe, promised a wait time anecdotally reported as “at least 2 hours”. There were those who decided enough was enough, and left the line for Hindley Street, encouraging all still waiting to do the same. There were others (the faithful) who held steadfast in their determination to get into the event. At about T-minus 10 minutes before the show began, the faithful were told their efforts had been in vain, and that the venue had reached capacity. No one else was getting in. No one. Not anybody. Unless of course, you were a University of Adelaide student who had signed up for Fringe benefits (or a BankSA customer). Those people, at the point the main line was closed, were all rapidly ushered into the event. The RCC being hosted on campus may have been controversial, but in this moment all those students who were able to get in, on time and for free, were feeling rather grateful.
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When My People came on the Earth may as well have moved beneath our feet. You could quite literally feel the vibrations radiating from the speakers and from everyone jumping around you. The lyrics are also apt for the occasion, and really do provide a sort of wholesome sense of community (which is quickly juxtaposed by the person beside you vomiting from a combination of the heat, motion sickness and far too much alcohol, but hey, it’s all part of the fun). It’s not the first time The Presets have played at Adelaide Uni. The duo quipped that they had played at the campus 14 years prior, and to an audience of about 14 people. Let’s hope we don’t have to wait another 14 years for them to grace us with their presence again.
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Royal Croquet Club 2019: A Vandal’s Review An entrepreneurial and anonymous student reviews the RCC’s triumphant return to our hallowed grounds, as well as the exploratory opportunities it created. by Corey Malarkey
Anyone who’s ever been on a righteous night out knows that large quantities of alcohol and small acts of vandalism and/or breaking and entering go together like beans on toast. This ethos is dear to me, and I’ve diligently practised it ever since illegally accessing my sternbrowed and white- collared father’s Waymouth Street office as a means of interfacing with the vending machine after a night on the good stuff. “But Rory Corey” I hear you plead, “haven’t you ever stopped to think that you approach minor criminal acts with a sense of levity and joviality that is a privilege available only to those with the economic and social position to take such risks with the law?” A question which I will immediately deflect to introduce some new information. The esteemed Royal Croquet Club announced its partnership with the University last year, drawing a
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mixture of adulation and ire from a student body eager to argue with each other over something. Despite the somewhat divisive decision by the Vice Chancellor’s office, it can be almost universally lauded that this year’s RCC offering made it super fuckin’ breezy to break into shit lmao. The more secretive catacombs of Union House have remained a mystery to us laymen, reserved only for those with the absence of soul required to spend their early twenties engaged in Student Politics. However, Mad March has graciously lifted the veil, and I often found myself obstructed by little more than a disinterested, possibly dissociated security guard positioned ambiguously outside the cloisters. The immediate decor of the Union building had visibly benefitted from the RCC’s presence, with the tried and tested smell of mothballs being replaced by the more urbane and gentrified smell
of urine. Furthermore, the occasional Honours student cowering in the shadows and weeping softly as pounding bass reverberated through the building led me to dwell upon the symbolic triumph of a monolithic, for-profit venture over a long established academic tradition. This leads me to dwell on other thoughts about the gradual neoliberal metamorphosis of educational institutions from places of learning into admissions-driven behemoths designed to endlessly churn thousands of young people through a by-the-numbers process that, year by year, does an even less adequate job of preparing them for reality. I soon dispense with that nerd shit and look for more stuff I can steal, however I realise that most if not all of the rooms in the building have been pillaged by MDMA- fuelled revellers already, and I defeatedly trudge out into the night. I decide to bite the bullet and check out the RCC itself, hoping that I might be able to save a rather uneventful night by immersing myself in some “culture” or whatever the kids call it. These dreams were shortly crushed when I had the honour of waiting two hours in the student’s line, bracketed by the exact type of people I spent all of High School trying to be. The overseas market doesn’t know what it’s missing out on.
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Dressing like an Arts Student: a guide, by an Arts Student. So you have decided to do Arts. . . . . Don’t worry, we all make bad decisions. But now that you have joined the Arts cohort, it’s best you start dressing like it. Many Arts students detest classist behaviours, so when it comes to your fashion choices, be warned: you must choose carefully. There is a fine line between what is acceptable attire, and what makes you look like a bit of a prat. For example, do not rock up to a tute wearing a Tommy jumper you bought yesterday from DJ’s for $150. But by all means, if you bought it for the same price except it’s *vintage* then go for it. And when people compliment you on it, remember to always respond: “Thanks, it’s vintage”. That’s so edgy.
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A typical Arts student outfit looks something like this: • Shoes: Doc Martens (vegan leather preferred) $250 • Bottoms: Skinny jeans, black $30-$180 • Top: Vintage designer $50-$150 • Jacket: Denim $80-100 • Backpack: Fjallraven Kanken $140 So, on average, you’re looking at around $700 for a total outfit. Better start saving. Oh, and for the record, never wear your RM’s or a Ralph shirt. That would make you look like a spoilt rich kid, and Arts students hate that.
(An honest) First Year Guide by Christiana Michaels Saints boys and Saints girls, welcome. Congratulations on completing Year 12, yet failing the UMAT, it’s lovely to have you here. As you walked your lap of honour around your school quadrangles on valedictory day, shedding tears and farewelling the snug fit of your blazer, you undoubtedly reminisced on the wonder that was your private education. Furthermore, you may have feared the unpredictability of university itself, and the chance you may not encounter another Young Liberal member again. I’m here to tell you (thankfully!!), that half of you have just signed up for approximately 4-6 years of the same bullshit, making Ligertwood your home for longer than Cardinal Pell will be behind bars. The other half will soon illustrate the drop-out rate, either pursuing the “creative arts” or that urgent calling to Amsterdam. You see, the normative clichés regarding university life do not coincide with the shielded experience that is law school, where your peers are simply a culmination of everyone who attended your Year 12 Formal. Your dominance on the SACE Discussion Space ironically mocking
students seeking an Arts degree has converted into a backseat role in Overheard, doing the exact same thing. While your professionally photographed cover photo of the first XVIII winning Intercol may banner your Facebook profile, this will soon be replaced with a suited up Law Ball picture with the same people, plus a few Loreto girls. Dingy after parties with forged consent forms permitting alcohol have miraculously turned into regular appearances at the West Oak and SuperCali, where you insist you know Darren. Most importantly, you still insist on wearing your Year 12 jumper and school memorabilia so you are identified as the top of the food chain (prestigious wanker). Now don’t get me wrong, there are naturally some adjustments that occur in the university system. By this point in the semester you may have boldly crossed the courtyard and attended segments of your nominated double degrees, where you have complained about those peers to fellow law students. They don’t like or understand you either. Furthermore, you have a new cult hero who in the first week you have dubbed ‘Stubbsy’, a nickname to fit in and compensate for the fact you are not familiar with any other staff. Also, the overpriced school canteen has been replaced by the loose feeling of having afternoon pint before your TORTS lecture. So, as much as you may be missing your high school comfort zone, relax. You never left.
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Greenie Reforms for Ligertwood With the increasing global focus on energy efficiency and alternative energy sources, Legitwood needs to keep up with the times in order to maintain its status as an elite law school and an example to the rest of the university. Here are three steps that can be taken to mitigate power consumption. #1 Turn the lights off Lights use a lot of power. If you turn them off, there will be less emissions. #2 Alternative energy sources With wind, solar, and other ‘indie’ energy sources being commonly used nowadays, why not a simple reform to law school disciplinary action. Instead of losing marks on a plagiarised assignment, slap the guilty party on one of those exercise bikes that generate power for a couple of hours. People power is infinite, so that means a lot of power generated. As a further benefit of this, it promotes a healthy lifestyle and an active wellbeing. #fitspo
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#3 ban people Simple enough. If there were no people in Legitwood there would be no need to have anything turned on. This is by far the best approach as it will drastically improve power consumption the most.
Hilly’s Help with JonJo Jhonson Dear JJ,
Hi Kirk,
I am a 28-year-old Mature Age Law student at the University of Adelaide, and I need help. How do I stop myself from thinking about other men fucking my wife? I need some respite from this psychological torture I’m facing, my wife turned to me the other day and asked if I wanted to ‘do it’ and in a malaise, I responded, ‘why do you always ask me that?’. I mean what person would turn down perfectly good strange in such a manner?? Please help me, or don’t, I am only 5’5”.
I just want to dispense with the formalities, you do not need to preface your question by saying you’re a UofA Law student, just shorten it by saying you’re a cuck, it’s common around here.
In submission, Kirk Holde
My first piece of advice would be to delete all the anime and manga off your laptop and other respective devices. I don’t care if it’s Naruto, My Neighbour Totoro, or a saucier ‘Cumming of Age’ type deal, delete it. This is the clearest indication and cause for FMW (F*ck My Wife) syndrome. Second, even if you’re short, don’t sell yourself short. You might not have hit the genetic lottery but I’m sure you can still hit your wife (sexually) in a mildly satisfactory manner - if you can’t just hit the books! What better way to say, ‘I have a fiercely unsatisfying sex life, please sleep with my wife’, than having an HD average? Nothing, that’s what. If all else fails, hmu with your wife’s details and I’ll slide into her DMs quicker than you can say ‘manlet’. Good Luck! JJ
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Welcome to ‘Left, Right and Centre’. The aim of this forum is to gather students from different parts of the political spectrum and attempt to accept their differences, unite their interests and ultimately deconstruct the partisan barrier that exists between them.
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LEFT Amelia Brontaccelli, a law student and a union representative for the Electro-Plumbers Union of South Australia.
RIGHT David Loman-Phillipps, a law/commerce graduate and member of the Young Liberals.
1. WHAT IS YOUR VIEW ON RENEWABLES? SHOULD HOUSEHOLD POWER PRICES BE THE PRIORITY? LEFT My view is simple, bear
the minor cost of switching the renewables now, or bear the major financial and environmental burden of not doing so later. RIGHT I am 100% not a climate sceptic, climate change is definitely happening. That being said, I believe a smoother transition to renewables is more appropriate, one that won’t place most of the financial burden on your average Australian. CENTRE HA! An amusing question
but ultimately futile, whether we die, or the planet does is irrelevant. The particles that constitute our beings will eventually unravel and will inseminate the universe with renewed existence. I look forward to my ashes providing sustenance for the next step in our cosmological evolution.
CENTRE Mortimer Michaells, President of the Centre for the Understanding of Centrist Knowledge.
2. HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE YOUR PERFECT DATE? WHO PAYS FOR DINNER? LEFT Take me out to something that’ll get the adrenaline pumping, if you can rustle up some rock climbing or cliff-diving, I might even let you share my post exercise Ben and Jerry’s. I always offer to pay but never insist more than twice. RIGHT I am kind of a hopeless
romantic – a long walk by the river or down the beach at sunset is the perfect way to my heart, I really need to feel that connection on a human level, you know? I’ve never not paid for a date, but I guess if they were persistent, I would agree to split it. CENTRE I have no preference
except for what Bernice wants and allows, she is my world and I do what pleases her. I am a feeder, and I ensure Bernice is filled to blissful excess for she is my sole provider and I am her ward. If Bernice so wishes, a night of heavy and hardcore fornication will occur. If I am lucky, she will release me from the clutches of (both) my cages and watch her in her euphoric delight no closer than 10 feet from her person.
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3. DO YOU HAVE A FAVOURITE FILM? LEFT My guilty pleasure(s) is the
John Wick films, I love everything about Keanu Reeves – except the scene with his dog in the first one, I can’t watch that. RIGHT When Harry Met Sally, the perfect rom-com, I challenge anyone to say otherwise and you are wrong if you do. CENTRE Perhaps it would have to
be the old family footage of Father Abraham. Father Abraham was a good and honest man, his grain was second to none. The footage of Father Abraham pushing a hoop down the hill adjacent to his property brings me the most joy. How Father Abraham loved that hoop, and oh, how we loved Father Abraham.
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4. IT’S MIDNIGHT AND YOU’RE PECKISH, WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO SNACK? LEFT That cheap Woolies brand
cheddar cheese crudely cut on some Jatz, I need to exercise restraint otherwise I end up eating the whole block. RIGHT A big, fat bowl of Coco-Pops with the chocolatey milk saved for last, of course. CENTRE The human condition
does not require choice brother, it requires order. I achieve all of my daily nutrients through an exclusive combination of Sustagen and the Mother’s Milk, my brother. The Mother’s Milk keeps me strong and keeps me true, gaze on my being and despair.
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Cocky Admin Law Student uses FOI to investigate various University decisions. by Felix Eldridge Last month, Admin Law student Joe Davidson set out to prove what all his law lecturers had deemed impossible . . . fill out an FOI application. After numerous mistakes, including filling out the Commonwealth FOI document instead of the SA one and attempting to request secret defence papers, Joe was finally ready to request some information to prove that he had learned something from his law degree. As a cocky git he attempted to start small and not make many enemies. His first target: The University of Adelaide. His first batch of replies came back today and the results were shocking. It transpired that UniSA had orchestrated the whole ‘merger’ discussion with Adelaide Uni as commercial leverage for the real merger discussions with Flinders Uni. After observing the ‘Meme Wars’ between the three main South Australian Universities, UniSA
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Vice-Chancellor David Lloyd decided it was best to capitalise on his University’s reputation as ‘SuperTAFE’ by merging it with South Australia’s second most sub-par uni. Adelaide University Vice Chancellor Peter Rathjen was regrettably informed of this decision just days after the Adelaide Uni and UniSA merger talks were discontinued. It is rumoured that the new sub-standard tertiary combo will be named ‘UltraTAFE’. Joe also investigated the close cooperation between the RCC and the University. In an email to the VC’s office, the RCC attached the results of a survey conducted about their level of popularity on campus. The results were overwhelmingly steeped in negative stigma.
One student claimed: “The RCC is like a coal mine. It comes onto campus, makes a quick buck for the landowner, ravages the local environment and leaves us with the ecological damage, just look at the Maths Lawns!”
Joe Davidson chose not to comment on his discoveries, but continues to boast about the value of his law degree and his ability to use FOI.
Another student stated the relationship was parasitic, stating: “The University claims to host the RCC, but since the RCC just saps the financial and cultural lifeblood of the Uni, in reality all students are hosts of the RCC.” Only one student appeared to be happy with the new partnership: “Ah yeah, love the RCC. Now with all of the extra foot traffic and the security office being moved to the back of the uni, I’m able to sell more MD to students.”
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Law’s cool.
I go to law school I think it’s pretty cool Except for poopy take homes Textbooks heavy like tomes Type everything on my macbook Law ball insta post, take a look Seminar prep is such a chore Do the assignment the night before Tell everyone I do law Of other people’s GPA I’m in awe Read where Kirby dissents Go to law school events Pay minimal attention in the lecture Yet another nonsensical conjecture Always keep the facebook tab up Carrying around the Saint Raph’s coffee cup Eat sleep procrastinate studying repeat Make sure my exam notes are neat Why are my grades so bad? Please don’t tell my dad
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Donogh-You Bloody Beauty By Gavin Gooper As law students, we are well accustomed to the trusty, well-written case summary, the saving grace to a student whose organisation is as shit as their personality. But often the legal mumbo-jumbo can still lead to stints of extreme boredom. But what if they were translated by a true blue, dinky-di Aussie? Whether you’re a first year or having your worst year, have a gleam at these translatory beauts:
must be considered a fair bump. King Pin Atkin™ reckoned if ya manufacture something and its received by a sheila or fella n that condition, you owe a duty to the ‘em to take reasonable care. This brainfart was deemed to be a well fair shake of the sauce bottle. Down the track it was considered so decent, the pen-pushers in Canberra used it in bulk laws to protect folks asses from shady characters.
Donoghue v Stevenson – the “Yeah nah don’t dog me though” case
Neighbour principle or “I’m over here mate, but that’s still pretty dog” Atkin being the absolute LORD he is wasn’t gonna roll over. Essentially, his randy idea was to extend the responsibility of cock-ups and their effects beyond that of direct parties with contracts. So, who can sue for cock-ups? At a glance, this is about as clear as my dunny after a curry night grog bog. Pretty much, you have to take reasonable care to avoid dog acts which you can reasonably expect would cock-up your mate’s stuff. Who’s ya mate? The answer seems to be anyone close enough to be directly cocked up by the dog act that you shoulda thought of when doing it.
Negligence – “Cock-up” First up, negligence is a tort, no brainer. But ya used to have a contract to bloody prove negligence. This was no dice for Donoghue as she hadn’t forked out for the thirst crusher and was clenching at thin air for a done deal with Stevenson. Nonetheless, Big Dog Atkin’s judgement established that just because the poor lass didn’t directly buy your crap, doesn’t mean you’re not responsible for its cock-ups. Duty of care or “Yeah nah you better bloody watch it” Pretty much, you’ve gotta work out if what old mate has done is a dog act. The standard for this comparison
Basically, don’t be a shit bloke and dog ya mates.
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WE REVIEW DEFINITELY THE MOST EXCITING, REVOLUTIONARY, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN, ONE-OF-A-KIND AUDIO-VISUALINTERACTIVE INSTALLATION ARTWORK OF THE 2019 ADELAIDE FRINGE AND FESTIVAL….
THE LIME SCOOTER 4.5/5 Stars
Calling all first timers, that is, first time limers. As our team have been traversing the Adelaide Fringe, Festival, WOMADelaide and other exciting arts activities, there has been one particular exhibit that struck a chord with our active artistic and cultural sensibilities. The Hilarian team were lucky to review this exclusive installation work on multiple occasions, in various circumstances. Akin to the ‘yellow bikes’ series of 2017-18, mysterious modes of transport sourced by international tech start-ups initially once again appeared on Adelaide’s streets. The transport vessels are again an electricbright colour chosen for its equally distinctive and repulsive visual qualities.
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This reminds us of the everyday on-road experience – similar to eye-catching fluorescent vests, or the tasteless displays of old men cycling in ill-fitting lycra. Once again in Adelaide, the instalment of this rudimentary transport system has proved a double-edged sword. The piece has pleased both law-abiding and reckless youths, and of course unsettled many boomers and citizens with dodgy knees. Whether you’re a skater wannabe or a corporate dickhead, this installation piece brings out the Tony-Hawk’sdownhill-jam rebel in all of us. Lime scooters unite us all as we soar down North Terrace.
Now with an extended six-month season, this interactive work is not to be missed. As a parting note, I remind you that it’s not too late to use my referral code RLRPYK5 (new users only). SEE FACEBOOK FOR VIDEO REVIEW Elana Bartholomeusz
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Thumbs Down for the AGLC by Hugo Chapman
Almost 20% of Australian legal citations have been found to be incorrect when compared against the AGLC guidelines.
were adulterated, meaning AGLC referencing had been partially used, but was in fact mixed with Harvard and other random citation styles.
Almost one in five Australian university citations, including some from expensive private universities like Bond, are wrong, according to a ground-breaking study that tested the citations of local and interstate papers submitted via turn-it-in.
The study further found that a shocking 86% of Australian citations were put through the website www.citethisforme.com which is known for having inconsistencies with the easy to read AGLC guide.
The study, conducted by a team of scientists at Adelaide University, used 10,000 citations of law papers sourced from around Australia, including all South Australian universities. It found more than half the citations were sourced through the Harvard method, while the other half were simply weak attempts at being AGLC compliant. It was found that most of the Australian citations
Not only has the recent study put universities under pressure, but there are also rumours that not even the lecturers have any idea what they are doing. Students should still maintain confidence in the academic staff, but should not be shocked by studies that will be completed in 2019. I urge you to please give the AGLC a big thumbs down.
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That quiet ethnic law student actually has some pretty strong views. By Nicholas Garbas
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Okay, so it turns out that really, really ethnic guy in your seminar who seems pretty chill but is also pretty quiet actually has some pretty strong views. George, or maybe John, is good value when you catch him on a night out or when you sneak in 30 seconds of conversation with him after a class, but he’s probably pretty conservative. If you can manage more than 10 minutes of conversation with him, you’ll find out that he’s not really into politics, but if he had to ‘pick a side’ he would have to say that he believes in fiscal conservatism alongside socialised welfare – whatever that means. Try and dig deeper into his beliefs and he will steer clear of the conversation harder than he steered on his 13th birthday at the local GoKart track. Examine Alexander’s, or maybe Christopher’s social media and you’ll find out he was an above-average, but not exceptional, amateur soccer player, his 2013 profile picture reveals a behind the back embrace with a close friend, probably a former amateur soccer player as well. Cycle through his various pictures throughout the years and you will see an evolution in maturity as his hair transitions from the earlier skin-fade to the longer, more moderate and nonna approved fade.
Christian, or maybe Victor, lets the ‘Aussies’ know that he is Italian/ Greek/Slavic as early as possible (he’s from here though), he’s not fluent in his ancestral language but he ‘knows enough to get by’. His dad wanted him to become a doctor but refuses to ever go to a physician. His dad also consistently asserts that the criminal justice system is ‘broken’ whenever another alleged felon on A Current Affair isn’t given the death penalty. Dimitri, or maybe Peter has also been in a long-term relationship with the first ethnic girl he dated after highschool. Maria, or maybe Nicole is a lot shorter than him but lovingly places her hand on his stomach whenever they embrace for her new profile picture. Tonight, they will be having slow, intimate missionary sex to the tune of ‘Jordan Peterson destroying the feminist narrative’ on YouTube, a favourite of theirs – oh look he’s already using ‘us, we and ours’ whenever he’s with her, are those wedding bells his aunty hears? Nope, that’s just more Jordan Peterson. Enjoy your life Michael, or maybe Nick, even though it’s been lived 1000 times before.
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R v Yiayia (2019) by Christiana Michaels
“Why am I doing this degree?” We all experience the moment when this question suddenly haunts our entire existence, usually accompanied by a 1AM assignment-induced breakdown deciding whether the tapestry is indeed a fixture or a chattel (Leigh v Taylor [1902] AC 157). For some amongst us, the answer is simple. Whether it draws on dreams of justice, an advantageous ATAR, the convenience of daddy’s comfortable career path or a failed UMAT, these various reasons have all graced the halls of Ligertwood to seek similar mediocrity and unemployment. The rest of us are terrified of our grandmothers. Picture: a yellow-brick 70’s suburban home in Findon*, where yiayia cooks on a Sunday evening in anticipation of her grandchildren’s imminent arrival. In a sea of Adidas slides, you walk in with the rest of your feuding family. As you sit on floral couches and receive an aloe vera treatment on a mosquito bite, she recaps her pilgrimage of migration
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and the sacrifices made to ensure the opportunities available to the future generations. Feeling the watchful eye of the last supper portrait hanging above you, you brace yourself as the discussion turns towards school and career. She then looks at you and presents your life goals. One, marry a rich Greek doctor or lawyer. Two, be a rich Greek doctor or lawyer. When this situation was presented to me, I only needed to look at my Year 10 Chemistry exam result to see my future did not rest in the sciences, therefore eliminating an illustrious career in medicine. Come Year 12, I spent New Year’s Day praying for the aluminium covered coin to be in my slice of vasilopita for a fraction of good luck, or face eternal shame. Thankfully, a lack of prerequisites, spoon-fed education and frequent reminders regarding the heritage of Kourakis CJ decided that my second option of law emerged as the victor. As for the marriage criteria, I am still awaiting an eligible Greek bachelor with a comfortable home in the Eastern suburbs. Call me.
So, to those in the similar position of questioning if guilt and fear of disappointment answers why we chose this degree, I see you. We are those experiencing the cultural clash of third-generation migration, who must daily hide the fact our extended families voted no in the plebiscite and have racist tendencies. Perhaps deep down we do wish we could dress like the folk at UniSA City West, choose Kim’s over Cali, or just undertake a Certificate VI in Beauty like our estranged second cousin. However, somehow, maybe the bribery cash bonuses, keftedes and praise from yiayia, make it all worthwhile. *(for all privileged here – this is in the western suburbs)
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Hilarian Discourse. Hilarian just got serious. Real professionals. Live issues. Proper discourse.
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Animals in a Commercialised World. By Enzo Belperio
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Although most of my work at the bar is in commercial and civil law, randomly I’ve had a number of cases over the last couple of years representing people who have been accused of cruelty or harm to animals. I’ve been asked by the Hilarian to write a short article outlining what cases in this area can be like. Although I won’t write about specific cases, I can make some general observations. Also, apologies in advance – I know this is meant to be a comedy publication of sorts, but my article here isn’t very funny.
course, that’s a joke because, due to the cab rank rule at the bar, we take on matters regardless of our personal beliefs. Moreover, and in any event, though, many of my clients were animal lovers themselves, were wrongly accused and the charges were dropped. Finally, on the issue of whether I’m an animal hater, I have a miniature dachshund at home called Snoop Dogg who, before the birth of my daughter last year, was the cherished baby of the household (my wife and I still like him, but he doesn’t enjoy the same attention that he used to).
I started taking on cases in this area by accident – a commercial solicitor who was briefing me in other matters had an animal law matter on as well and asked if I was happy to do the trial. Then a few weeks later, I was able to answer “yes” when asked by a different solicitor whether I had any experience in animal law. And so on. After I started popping up in a couple against the same prosecutor, he said to me (tongue in cheek) one morning “Enzo, they’re going to start calling you the animal hater”. Of
Most of the cases I’ve been involved in have been prosecutions by the RSPCA under the Animal Welfare Act 1985 (SA). Other states have similar Acts and there are a couple of textbooks on the area. It is an offence to “ill-treat” an animal (s 13). The maximum penalty ranges from $20,000 to $40,000 and 2 to 4 years’ imprisonment, depending upon whether death or serious harm is caused and intended. The definition of “ill treat[ment]” includes
causing unnecessary harm, failing to provide the animal with appropriate and adequate food, water, living conditions or exercise, failing to mitigate harm, and carrying out a medical or surgical procedure on the animal in contravention of the regulations. Upon receiving a complaint, an investigator may go to a person’s house, interview them and seize their animal. Charges may then be laid against the person. Something that surprised me is that there is also power, in certain circumstances, to “destroy” the animal before the trial has commenced. If the charges are later dropped or the person is found not guilty, finding out that their animal has been killed can be devastating for the defendant. Under s32A of the Act, upon a finding of guilt, the Court has power to make a broad range of orders, including the surrender of the animal, but also surrender of any other animals, and an order forbidding that the person acquire or have custody of any new animals until further order. So, what could be sought by the prosecutor (although I personally haven’t seen this ordered) is an order that the person surrender their other pets that weren’t subject to any harm,
and not be allowed to acquire new pets without making an application to the court. Some of the cases I’ve had include people who have been “dobbed in” by neighbours or someone seeing a post on Facebook, and the charges alleging, for example, that a pet was malnourished (it was actually just really old) and that a surgical procedure had been undertaken on a pet (actually it had injured itself and what was said to be the “surgical procedure” had not caused any further harm but instead probably saved its life). You can see I’m no animal hater!
About the author: Enzo Belperio has been a Barrister at Bar Chambers since 2015. As an alumnus of the University of Adelaide, he was the winner of the Golden Gavel, a comedy competition for junior lawyers. Enzo has also been a valued supporter of AULSS competitions, judging a number of moots in consecutive years.
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Getting the level of court involvement in Voluntary Administration “Just Right.” By Tim Porter
Do you ever spend your Friday nights thinking to yourself; does Australia strike an appropriate balance between flexibility and consistency in its restructuring regimes? Well if so, then look no further! Voluntary administration refers to a procedure regulated under Part 5.3A of the Corporations Act (“the Act”). A company that is struggling to pay off its debts can go into voluntary administration to increase its chances of survival or, at the very least, the return that can be made to creditors. The court has very broad powers during the voluntary administration process. A couple of noteworthy ones are s 447A (which allows the court to actually modify Part 5.3A of the Act), s 1322 (which the court can use to “remedy” breaches of the Act), and s 90-15 of the Insolvency Practice Schedule (allowing the court to make “such orders as it thinks fit”). These powers have been interpreted incredibly broadly by the High
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Court, who have dismissed a lot of the limitations that parties and lower courts have suggested. However, a court will look to whether proposed orders will meet the purposes of voluntary administration when considering whether to use their powers under s 447A (and presumably s 90-15 as well). This makes sense –while the court could create a requirement under s 447A that the administrator of a particular company has to wear RMs and beige chinos and hold meetings at Super Cali, one could question whether hiring a complete tool would actually help increase a company’s chances of survival. There has been widespread concern about the relatively low success rates that companies in voluntary administration have. Some attribute this to the court’s broad powers and the idea that the company’s assets are slowly diminished through the costs associated with going to court
(colloquially known as “churning and burning”). However, there are a lot of benefits that come from giving the court this power; it allows them to supervise the conduct of administrators to ensure they are acting appropriately. These powers can also be used to “pool” assets, which essentially means that you treat the money/property/etc. of two companies as being the same, saving a lot of time and money. While the court may have broad powers, they generally do not need to be used in voluntary administration, and an administrator could restructure a company with virtually no interaction with the court. Ultimately, it is and should be, the responsibility of an administrator to ensure that they are sensible and only go to court when it is needed. They should carefully evaluate the merits and utility of every application they bring.
About the author: Tim Porter is a final year law student at the University of Adelaide. His honours thesis “Getting the level of court involvement in voluntary administration just right” was adapted into a research article coauthored by Professor Chris Symes and subsequently published in the Australian Journal of Corporate Law.
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Court Mergers: Sound government policy of dodgy cost cutting measure? By Felix Eldridge
In mid 2018, the Federal government announced that the Federal Circuit Court and the Family Court of Australia would be merged to form the new Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. While the bill creating the new court still rests in the hands of the Senate, if passed, it will lead to dramatic change within the family and federal justice systems. According to the ABC:
“The Family Court is responsible for cases involving complex financial arrangements, trusts, serious parenting arguments, allegations of child abuse in custody arrangements and protracted family disputes. The Federal Circuit Court deals with the rest.� Should it proceed, there will be several developments arising from this merger. According to current Attorney General Christian Porter, once fully
operational, the new court would be able to process over 8,000 more cases per year (an increase of a third of its current productivity) and could become far less costly to run. In late 2018, the then Minister for Financial Services Kelly O’Dwyer claimed that the measure would save 5.4 million dollars every year in addition to a projected saving of 9.4 million dollars over the first six years. As the state and federal court systems face huge backlogs, this merger may be an opportunity to reinvigorate a cumbersome process. After all, many cases are shuffled around between the new courts in addition to separate appeal structures, which ultimately serves to clog the system. On the other hand, while the proposition of a more efficient and cost effective court would be enticing to some, it raises questions about how the judicial system should function. Should justice be driven by economics? One of the main reasons
this bill was brought to Parliament was as a cost saving measure. If it passes, would this not set a precedent that our justice system is only as good as the government’s budget permits it to be? And while the new court has the potential to ‘streamline’ cases, it is also possible that unless a huge framework is set up with a massive staff and a huge budget, cases will not be processed quickly since one court will now be forced to handle the workload of two. However, it is important to note that these changes may only be speculative as the merger bill has yet to pass the Senate and given the short time until the next federal election, may not pass the Senate at all. Regardless, it is an interesting proposal that would have far reaching positive and negative implications should it succeed.
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Welcome to Wellbeing. By Brooke Washusen There are a lot of stresses in life: uni, work, whether or not Richie will finally find love in Paradise. This can be overwhelming at times, and we can often feel obliged to tackle all of our problems alone (not the Richie thing, obviously – all of Australia’s battling that one). If there is one message you take away from your entire degree I hope it is this: you never have to face your issues alone (yeah, this did just take a serious turn). When something is too much for you to handle on your own, you can always reach out and ask for help. Not sure if what you’re going through is big enough to be considered a ‘problem’? Let someone know. “A problem shared is a problem halved” is cliché for a reason. So where can you go if you need a bit of extra assistance? If we look locally, the LSS has an open-door policy, so feel free to come in and talk to a committee member if you ever have any concerns. As Equity & Wellbeing Officer I am always happy to talk with any student not only about
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their concerns within the law school but generally as well. (I practically live in Ligertwood, which means I am pretty easy to reach). If what you are experiencing is a bit more serious, the University also offers free, confidential Student Life Counselling Support as well as an out-of-hours University Crisis Line. Remember: people care about your well-being and want you to be okay. It is always better to ask for help, even when you aren’t sure if you really need it. If you have any questions or would like to arrange a time to meet, please contact me at: equityofficer@aulss.org Student Life Counselling Support Call 08 8313 5663 University Crisis Line Call 1300 167 654 or Text 0488 884 197
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