The Quibbler - Summer 2018 by Hogwarts Quibbler

Editor-In-Chief & Divination Dept Head Starflashfairy Gryffindor Managing Editor -MrJHufflepuff Managing Editor & Classifieds Dept Head L-ily Ravenclaw Managing Editor Eldis_ Slytherin Managing Editor Im_Finally_Free Production Manager KackelDackel Production Assistants elpbit Quibbler_editor forwardtotimepast Mathy16 thealtoid Web-Wizard Oomps62 Archives wiksry Payroll Marx0r Art Dept Head PastelPurrfect Castles & Burrows Dept Head Silvestress Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies Dept Head Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts Dept Head rackik Education Dept Head Starboost3 Entertainment Dept Head RGCFrostbite Fashion Dept Head midnightdragon Magical Plants & Creatures Dept Head Ryan814 News & Features Dept Head theDUQofFRAT Sports Dept Head Elphabaisfae Travel Dept Head warlock1992

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k s e D ’s r o t i d E e h T FROM STARFLASH THE DESK OF MADAM Greetings, dear readers!

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itor-i ~Madam Starflash, Ed

Madam Starflash

THE QUIBBLER: NO. 34852 JULY 2018 THIS ISSUE OF THE QUIBBLER WAS CREATED, WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND REVIEWED BY THE HOGWARTS STAFF AT /R/THEQUIBBLER. THIS ISSUE FEATURES ARTICLES THAT EXPOSE THE TRUTH. SELLING OVER 1,500,000 COPIES WITH OVER 29,000 DIFFERENT ISSUES, WE ARE THE WIZARDING WORLDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ALTERNATIVE VOICE AND REASON SINCE 1989. WE THANK YOU FOR READING AND PURCHASING OUR SMALL INDEPENDENT NEWS MAGAZINE

Welcome to OUR BRAND NEW issue of the Quibbler. Below is an overview of everything you can find in this All new edition of the Quibbler! We hope you find the experience Both enlightening and entertaining! THE BIGGEST STORIES FROM THE

FRONTPAGE:

10 A Simple Spell for Banishing Wrackspurts 46 Legilimency for Beginners! 70 Groundbreaking Research What is the Function of a Rubber Duck?

Get rid of those nasty pests once and for all!

6 Ways to Detect Lies

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BREAKING NEWS:

jfjsdjwfksfkljklwenjkfnzwdiewghiorndgknakflenifnsdnakhwroiuwehdnmd, News And Features. ................................ 06

Crafts, Brews, And Hobbies.................... 76

Travel....................................................... 30

Fashion..................................................... 87

Magical Plants And Creatures. ............. 38

Castles and burrows................................ 88

Divination................................................ 48

Puzzles And Horror-Scopes................... 96

Entertainment. ....................................... 58

Classifieds.............................................. 100

Sports. ...................................................... 66 Education. ............................................... 70

STAFF:

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Editor-In-Chief: Starflashfairy Managing Editors: Im_Finally_Free, L-ily, -MrJ-, Eldis_ Administration: Marx0r, Oomps62, Wiksry Layout and Design: Mathy16, KackelDackel, Thealtoid, Elpbit, Quibbler_ Editor, Forwardtotimepast Art: Pastelpurrfect Castles & Burrows: Silvestress Classifieds: L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies: Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts: Rackik Divination: Starflashfairy Education: Starboost3 Entertainment: RGCFrostbite Fashion: MidnightDragon Magical Plants & Creatures: Ryan814 News & Features: theDUQofFRAT Sports: Elphabaisfae Travel: Warlock1992 Contributors: asdf-user, Blxckfire, book_ nerdfighter, colessslaw, CommanderBird, DarkBlonde4, DescX, Eldis, ElphabaPfenix, Grimacedia, hufflepuffball, HylianEngineer, Im_Finally_ Free, infinityxero, k9centipede, L-ily, Malvidian, phdiabetic, quibbler_editor, Rednails5ever, Silvestress, Starflashfairy, TheMidnightArcher, WalrusPeon, Warlock1992, Warstarq, Wiksry, yikespotato

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

The Corruption in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour

by PHDiabetic

Here at The Quibbler, we have heard rumours from readers all around the country that renowned chef (and hobbyist magical historian) Mr. Florean Fortescue, is actually running an illegal business out of his famous Ice Cream Parlour in Diagon Alley. We interviewed Madam Marsh, a frequent visitor to Fortescue’s shop, to find out more. “If you have read ‘The Life and Lies of Cornelius Fudge’, you will know that the former Minister of Magic is notorious for his hatred of goblins,” Madam Marsh told our correspondent last week. “He drowns them, he throws them off buildings, he poisons them, he even cooks them in pies. My belief is that Florean Fortescue is helping with this last endeavour, running an ice cream parlour by day and a Goblin Pie Parlour by night.” Marsh has plenty of compelling evidence to support her accusations. “We know that when he first set up his shop in London, he was given a large loan by Cornelius “Goblin Crusher” Fudge. Most customers thought it was to buy high quality ingredients such as the imported Billywig Stings from Australia, but I knew better! The loan was really a payment for Fortescue in return for baking twenty five Goblin and Apple Crumble pies,” she told us, showing a Daily Prophet article detailing the grand opening ceremony of the ice cream shop. “And why do you think he set up in Diagon Alley? Surely, from a purely business perspective, a shop in Hogsmeade would make more sense. The place is full of school children looking for some sweet treats, he would have been raking in the galleons! But no, he opens a store in Diagon Alley, where most of the shoppers are there for a quick trip to buy some more potions supplies rather than an all day food guzzling outing. 6

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER Anyway, my theory is that he wanted to be close to Gringotts Bank. Once he had baked enough Goblins into his desserts, he and Fudge needed to be close enough to take over the Bank when the goblin security was at a minimum.” When asked what happened to all the pies, Madam Marsh glanced around to check nobody was listening, then said in a low voice, “We’re not sure, but rumour has it that once Fudge has eaten as many as he can, he brings them to the Ministry to feed to his employees. I heard that he had an argument with Dirk Cresswell of the Goblin Liaison Office. Next day, the minister went down to the cafeteria and swapped Dirk’s lunch for one of the pies. It was horrible!” We have attempted to contact Mr Cresswell to confirm this story, but he has refused to comment. Madam Marsh concluded the interview with a dire warning to all the readers, “Don’t eat at Fortescue’s shop! Who knows what’s in your food...maybe the ground nuts on top of your ice cream sundae are really goblin toenails! And whatever you do, don’t order a pie!” If you have eaten at the Ice Cream Parlour, seen anything strange in Diagon Alley, or heard rumours of funny business at the Ministry, then don’t hesitate to contact us with your information! We must work together to give this horrifying story of corruption the publicity it deserves!

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

Wands Without Ages: A New Charity to Support Elderly Witches and Wizards! by PhDiabetic 8

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id you know that more than 40% of the magical population over the age of 100 lives alone? Many older witches and wizards struggle with loneliness and isolation, and although their magical powers remain largely intact, they find basic household and personal care spells increasingly exhausting. Wands Without Ages aims to help the elderly live more fulfilling lives, but we need your support! Volunteers can assist in a variety of ways. Taking a couple of hours out of your weekend to visit and spend some time with someone is a simple and much appreciated way to help out a lonely elderly person. You could bring some board games along - Gobstones and Wizard’s Chess are popular with most of our community, but be careful with the Exploding Snap deck as some people are startled by loud noises. If you own a pet, consider bringing it along as magical creatures can provide comfort and companionship. Please note that we offer free training courses for Pygmy Puffs, in which your pet can learn to become a Therapy Animal!

If you have any Healing skills, you could assist by visiting elderly people who need help taking their medication, or those who suffer from chronic conditions and need occasional wellness checkups. We also need volunteers who are willing to help with cooking and cleaning. It can be as easy as casting a quick Cleaning Charm in each room of the house, or doing some simple household repairs. If you are good with Herbology, please consider helping out with the gardening! If you’re a whiz in the kitchen: assisting with someone’s grocery shopping, or performing a few spells to do meal preparation, can make their week so much easier. Many elderly people don’t have the opportunity to get out of the house very often, especially as some are too frail to take long flights on a broom, or reluctant and fearful about apparition. You could volunteer to take someone to a Quidditch match, or help them take a shopping trip to Diagon Alley, or even take them out to lunch at The Three Broomsticks. We also organise social events and group outings to allow elderly people to connect with each other. On the first Sunday of every month we have dinner and Magical Bingo at the Leaky Cauldron, and on the last Tuesday of each month we run a Book Club at Flourish and Blotts.

If you don’t have a lot of time, please consider participating in our Pen Pals Program! Writing to an elderly witch or wizard can help them feel less isolated and more involved in the community. Ask your pen pal about their life, tell them what’s going in yours, share your views on current events, and connect over shared hobbies and interests. We also run a Correspondence Wizard’s Chess League, in which you will be paired with an elderly chess player and send your moves via owl post. We gratefully accept donations of all sizes. Your contributions go towards organising our social events, buying meals and clothes for poorer members of our community, and subsidising our therapy animal training courses. Please consider volunteering with or donating to Wands Without Ages - every contribution, no matter how small, makes a difference!

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

of a

uggle Studies expert Arthur Weasley and his team of researchers from the Muggle Studies Institute of the United Kingdom have released a widely acclaimed paper about the 'rubber duck'. The purpose of this object has been a mystery to the Wizarding World for over fifty years, and has not seen much attention from top researchers due to early accounts which claimed the rubber duck was potentially dangerous. Weasley managed to procure ten rubber ducks and contain them in a room in the Department of Experimental Charms in order to develop safety procedures for studying the items. Part of the caution surrounding this research was due to the failure of Muggle literature to elaborate on the purpose of rubber ducks. The team performed a variety of detection, concealment, and informative spells but found no problems. Early theories that the rubber ducks were actually alive were quickly dispelled after performing tests indicating that they lacked nervous systems. The newest member of the Muggle Studies Institute, Anthony Goldstein, said that “Arthur always tells us that we shouldn't trust anything unless we can see where it keeps its brain. We can conclude that interaction with rubber ducks is unlikely to pose any harm to their users”. The next stage of Weasley's research program involved the comparison of rubber ducks to other Muggle objects and technologies. “Muggles have invented some ingenious alternatives to magic,” he told our correspondent in an interview yesterday. “I've always been interested in batteries and spark plugs [editor's note – a component of a common form of Muggle transport]. But I've never seen anything ike rubber ducks before. Unlike

other Muggle items I've studied, they do not

interfere with any spells or potions, which indicates that rubber ducks are not powered by

eckeltricity [sic]. I've heard rumours that some rubber ducks contain batteries, but our team is experiencing difficulty in acquiring such items, so we will have tocontend with leaving this topic for future research.” Weasley and his team then created a list of plausible uses for the rubber ducks based on the limited Muggle literature that was available on the subject. Muggle 'scientists' have not produced any research on rubber ducks, so clearly magical and non-magical people are united in their confusion regarding this subject. The team first investigated an idea proposed by Goldstein that Muggles use rubber ducks as decorations. Most of the objects are brightly coloured and appear happy, indicating that they would fit in during a celebration or holiday. The team visited Muggle dwellings across Britain during Muggle special occasions, but as they were unable to see the ducks featured anywhere in the decorations, the theory had to be discarded.

Another early failure was the suggestion that the rubber ducks are used as children's toys. They look appealing, are small enough for children to hold, and are difficult to damage, however, the team concluded that any object which was obscure enough to be absent from Muggle literature was unlikely to be suitable for use by children.

Frustrated by the lack of progress, the team returned to the lab to perform more tests on the rubber ducks. Weasley believed that the objects may be used by Muggles in order to attract real ducks to a particular location. The team left a rubber duck near the entrance to the lab, but after two weeks

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

no real ducks had been spotted nearby, and so this theory was conclusively proven incorrect. Goldstein, a keen fan of the popular Wizarding band “The Weird Sisters”, then proposed that the rubber ducks may be a type of Muggle musical instrument. The team discovered that when squeezed, the rubber duck produces a pleasing squeaking sound, however, they were unable to make any further progress or perform any known tunes using the duck. Weasley received a grant from the Ministry of Magic to undertake fieldwork based on a trip to a concert in London in order to learn more about the way in which the instrument is played by Muggle musicians. Although the concert was a most enjoyable experience, they did not see any performers playing the rubber duck. Further field work undertaken at an opera and at a rock concert confirmed the team's suspicions that the rubber duck was not used in Muggle performing arts. Weasley investigated theories that the rubber duck was a political or religious icon in the Muggle world, but failed to find any mention of it in the literature. He also spent some time collaborating with Hogwarts' Care of Magical Creatures professor Rubeus Hagrid to determine whether the object could be a gift from the ducks to the Muggles, perhaps as a token of friendship between the two. Professor Hagrid keeps a flock of ducks and geese in a pond on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, but none of the creatures were interested in the rubber duck, so the pair concluded that the real ducks were unaware of the significance of their rubber likenesses in Muggle culture. After observing Hagrid's flock, Weasley began work on a new theory that the rubber duck could be a Muggle method of transport across water. His team discovered

that the rubber ducks could float on water without magical assistance, however, they were too small for practical use. As Muggles do not have any alternatives to the Engorgement Charm, this explanation was discarded. Weasley made the final breakthrough after over a year's work on the problem. Surprising as it may seem, the real function of the rubber duck is to be a clothing item! The ducks are worn on top of the head as an alternative to a hat. Although impractical for Muggles’ everyday wear due to the difficulty of keeping the rubber duck attached to the head, the ducks are apparently worn as fashion statements. Weasley believes that this trend could become popular in the Wizarding world, as the use of a simple Sticking Charm would keep the duck in position no matter how the wearer moves their head. Further research done by the team indicates that wearing rubber ducks may enhance one's wisdom and improve one's mood. In particular, when exposed to direct sunlight, the ducks engender positive emotions such as happiness, tranquility and optimism. The researchers believe that this may strengthen Patronus charms and other forms of magic which rely on emotional or mental strength, and are studying further applications in defensive magic. St Mungo’s hospital has commissioned research concerning the healing powers possible due to the combination of sunlight and rubber ducks, and have begun developing a ‘Fun in the Sun’ program for residents of the Long Term Spell Damage ward. Weasley and Goldstein are working with clothing retailer Madam Malkin to produce a range of rubber ducks for both casual and formal wear. Author: /u/phdiabetic

Hogwar Are Pla Attack

he Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare was founded by Hermione Granger in 1994, during her fourth year at Hogwarts. She was friends with Dobby, a rather odd house elf who, once he was freed, demanded to be paid for his work. Unlike most house elves, he cherished his freedom and was happy to have no master. However, most house elves fear freedom. They are intensely loyal to their masters, and being set free is seen as a great insult. If a house elf is freed, that means that the master deems their work to be so poor to the point where they are better off without a

servant, or that the house elf should be replaced. Hermione, being muggleborn, did not understand this. As part of S.P.E.W., she would come to the kitchen to persuade them to be demanded to be freed. Many Hogwarts students and elves ignored her and despised her campaigning. Because her speeches had little to no positive impact on the elves, she tried to liberate them by force. She knit hats and socks to hide around Gryffindor tower, hoping to free an elf who picked them up when cleaning the room. Despite her positive intentions to make their lives better, the viewed

rts Elves anning an k on Our Children BY: BlxckfIre

grateful for the warming charms placed inside. The headmistress refuses to answer any of my questions until we are soundly in her office. “After many years of peace, I am afraid Hogwarts is once again at risk,” she begins. “I have heard rumors that the house elves of Hogwarts are planning attacks on our students. I must again repeat that these are rumors, secrets I have picked up listening to students in the halls. I do not know if you remember the last time the house elves were angered, but it is happening again for the same reason.” This reason, of course, is S.P.E.W. I ventured on down They’re going to to the library, where I hoped to catch some get themselves whispers of students. killed. They decided I caught murmurs of to do something liberating the house elves, and about how similar to Hermione, happy they all would and they have begun be once they achieved their freedom. I to leave socks all couldn’t help but scoff around the castle. at the naivety of the young students. I did, however, Dorris manage to talk with quite a few Hufflepuff Jones students. For those Hufflpepuff, 5th year who didn’t care enough to know, the Hufflepuff common room is located right next to the Hogwarts kitchens, where the house elves spend the majority of their time. Many students found it odd that while Hufflepuffs are the most kind and compassionate students, very few supported S.P.E.W. In fact, many of them were against it. This is because they live in such close proximity to the elves, and have learned all about their plot. “The house elves are really, really angry at us,” third year Lily Bagnold says. “A few Ravenclaws, after researching war heroes, felt that Hermione Granger’s legacy should live on through the continuation of S.P.E.W. at Hogwarts. At first, they went to the kitchen to try to

this as a great insult and refused to clean the common room. Dobby was the only house elf who dared to enter the tower, and the rest of the elves became very angry at Hermione as she continued to attempt to free them. S.P.E.W. never really caught on at Hogwarts. Those who joined only did to make their classmate quiet. However, many years after her departure, it is beginning to catch on yet again. It is a cold, rainy day in Scotland. I meet the Headmistress at the gates of Hogwarts, Transfiguring my broomstick into a quill. I am ushered quickly inside the gates, immediately

“talk sense” into the elves, and they were immediately kicked out of the kitchens. They had to revert to other methods.” She is interrupted by fifth year Dorris Jones. “They’re going to get themselves killed. They decided to do something similar to Hermione, and they have begun to leave socks all around the castle. It’s not just confined to their common rooms, they’re leaving them on the bookshelves in the library, on the benched in the Great Hall, and even in the branches of the trees on the grounds! It’s really horrible to be walking around the castle and see so many socks But the scariest everywhere.” I was puzzled. thing is, the socks “Well, are beginning to the housewhyelvesdon’t just clean them up?” disappear more “That’s the rapidly. I think this is problem,” says Jones. all part of the elves’ “The Ravenclaws them there with plan to attack us. left the intent of a house elf picking it up to Lily be freed. If the socks Bagnold are picked up, the magical binding that Hufflpepuff, 3rd year ties the house elf to their master will be broken, and they will be liberated.” “So they’re just leaving them all over the place. They refuse to pick them up, but they have to follow their masters’ orders. One house elf was told to pick them up, and they were freed. They no longer obeyed the headmistress, so all the other elves are having the one that is freed pick up the socks.” “But the scariest thing is, the socks are beginning to disappear more rapidly.” I raise my eyebrows as Bagnold continues. “I think this is all part of the elves’ plan to attack us.” I listen carefully as she explains what has been going on. She picked up on the fact that as the socks begin to disappear exponentially, more and more house elves were being freed. Normally, a house elf cannot disobey their master. There is a magical

binding between themselves and the house they serve, and if they attempt to go against this binding, they will begin to punish themselves, and their masters do not have to lift a finger. It is estimated that there are upwards of a thousand elves at Hogwarts. They serve the headmistress and are under her orders. They cannot free themselves, as it would be going against their master. However, they are instructed to clean the castle, and if they pick up one of the intentionally placed socks, they will be freed without directly disobeying the headmistress. They are also not instructed to attack the students. However, once they are freed, there are no restraints. 300 have been liberated, and there will be more to follow. They have not yet left the castle, as they are coming up with their plan. They continue to grow in numbers, as does the threat to the students of Hogwarts. The Hufflepuffs continued to explain the plan. Most of the house elves would be freed, while a few would remain because the castle still needs to be tended to. But the students predict that once they hit 1000 freed elves, they will launch an attack on the students. This attack is due to the great insult to their kind. Being freed is seen as the worst punishment they can endure, and they want to make sure this never happens again. This is to send a message to the wizarding world to not disrespect them. I run back to the headmistress and tell her this news. She simply nods, as she has put this together herself. “I’m afraid there is not much we can do. Once a house elf is freed, they are no longer under the jurisdiction of Hogwarts.” Hogwarts plans to contact the Ministry, but until then no further action will be taking. Hogwarts always prioritizes the safety of their students, but for the time being, they may be in grave danger. We urge anyone involved in S.P.E.W. to disband the organization as soon as possible to minimize retaliation.

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YOUR SOUL AT RISK! by Malvidian

Read on to find out what common activity could turn you into the next Dark Lord! Have you ever noticed that people who have been in the spotlight for an extended period are vapid and soulless? I’m talking about celebrities and politicians who have been in the public eye for decades. Now, my dear readers, you must be asking yourself, “Self, what do soulless celebrities and politicians have in common? I mean, other than fact they are soulless… and both words have 11 letters… and 5 vowels… and the letter ‘t’…” The answer to that is simple and has been around for over a century. In fact, the vast majority of wizarding households have, on average, 12.37 of these hanging up in their homes. I am, of course, talking about pictures. Aboriginal people across the world have recognized this fact since they first learned of them. How else do you explain that pictures and paintings in the wizarding world move around and act like their subjects? Simply put, whenever a portrait is painted, or a picture is taken, a small portion of the person’s soul is taken and put in. This is why people like models, celebrities, politicians and my Uncle Beren, who have hundreds of pictures taken of themselves seem so empty. Why their faces look like plastic caricatures of their formerly vibrant selves. It’s because each picture is like a small horcrux, and the only thing we can do to save ourselves is to destroy all cameras and every picture we can find!

Opinion: The Dark Lord and the Battle ofHogwarts

his year marks the 20th anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts and the final defeat of The Dark Lord Voldemort. Everyone knows the official story, of course, of how Mr. Harry Potter and his trusted friends Mrs. Hermione Weasley (nee Granger) and Mr. Ronald Weasley hunted for almost a year the dark artifacts known as ‘horcruxes’ which tied The Dark Lord to this earth- allowing him to survive even if his body were to be destroyed- before the final battle took place on the 2nd of May. The truth is less known, hidden behind the ‘familyfriendly’ version supported by those on the side of the socalled ‘light’. During the fight, many great witches and wizards lost their lives, including one of the last true pureblood witches from the Black family, Bellatrix LeStrange, as well as some lesser creatures (such as werewolves and giants) that willingly fought for the glory of The Dark Lord, and yet they are written off as nothing more than a footnote! Their sacrifice to the cause almost ignored! The rewritten history of the fight ignores the extreme damage caused to the school by the ‘light’ during

this attack on The Dark Lord and his loyal Death Eaters, which ended with his opponent, the aforementioned Mr. Potter, pretending to be dead after willingly ‘sacrificing’ himself to save the school and his misguided ‘army’, to which he recruited children as young as 16 to fight and die for his cause! As he pretended to be dead, our generous Dark Lord offered to allow those on the losing side to join him and be given amnesty before his deceitful enemy attacked from behind and ruined any opportunity for peace between the two sides and started the fight again, ending with the loss of several lives, including that of Lord Voldemort and Mrs. LeStrange. It is on this year we remember one of the greatest wizards to ever come from Slytherin and let the truth of his downfall be told! The Dark Lord was not killed in honest battle but defeated due to nothing more than luck and unknown (dark?) magicks. For now, however, my brother and sisters, we may have to hide our beliefs in the dark, but one day we will walk in the light again! Im_finally_free

Responses

“This is absolutely horrifying to read! The fact that anyone who lived during the war or lost someone due to the disgusting actions of the so-called “Lord” Voldemort could write such a piece supporting him is just awful! I only wish his name could be forgotten as a footnote in the history books indeed!” H_Granger “The truth about the big man, that is, the V dawg, will be known mate, need more people to know the truth about how Snotter won through luck and by getting kids killed!” Deth_Eater_69 “I lived through the battle and will not allow these lies to be spread without complaint or contention. Mr. Potter did not know children were fighting on the front lines and had tried to get them to safety and he felt every death as though he himself had caused it. He saved countless lives that night, including my own, and I will not allow his name to be smeared in this way.” Dragon_M

QUIBBLER DARK ARTS

HOUSE ELF? by Blxckfire

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

as Lord Voldemort Really a House Elf ? The only Death Eater with the ability to conjure a Patronus was Severus Snape. Interestingly, it was a doe, the same as his childhood crush. Adorable, or super-mega creepy? Either way, this suggests that the ability to conjure a Patronus is coupled with the ability to love. The Patronus charm is a very difficult one, and even the most qualified wizards have trouble with it. The vast majority of wizards cannot conjure even an incorporeal Patronus. In order to successfully cast the spell, one must think of the happiest memory that they can. The Patronus is a symbol of hope, protection, and happiness, and the casting reflects this. Similar to unforgivables, one must really mean the incantation when they say it. So if one is not truly happy, one cannot truly produce a Patronus. The success of the charm is reliant on the caster retaining a calm mental state, especially in emotionally tying circumstances. In reallife situations, conjuring a Patronus is very difficult, as Dark creatures mentally drain others. This is one of the reasons why Harry Potter is deemed to be a very powerful wizard, especially at his young age. Interestingly, Lord Voldemort was never known to conjure a Patronus. Some may argue that he simply never needed to, as the Dementors were on his side of the war. Heck, he was the leader of the Dark forces, why would he need to protect himself from anything Dark? He is the Dark.

"Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right. Voldemort was not able to conjure a Patronus, because he was, in fact, a house elf."

Still, Patronuses have other benefits, as they can also be messengers. Also, wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you think Voldy would like to show off his magical powers to his followers, especially while bored, waiting for Hogwarts exam season to start up so they could attack the school? Whatever the reason was, Lord Voldemort was one of the most powerful wizards to walk the Earth, yet he was unable to do this magic. Now, when most people truly try to answer why, they think of the aforementioned reasoning: the ability to conjure a Patronus is coupled with the ability to love. A common rumor is that Voldemort was conceived under the effects of a love potion, so he was never truly able to love. Because of this, he would never be able to conjure a Patronus. Even if he tried with 19

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

all his might to think of his happiest memory, and really mean it, he would not be able to do it. But it is not proven that Patronuses are linked with love, they are only proven to be linked with happiness. And let’s face it, it’s not like the guy was depressed. He had a multitude of loyal followers, controlled all the Dark forces, and had people living in fear of even speaking his name. If I had that kind of power, I’d be bloody giddy. But let me introduce to you a very important piece of information: house elves cannot produce Patronuses. That’s right. Voldemort was not able to conjure a Patronus, because he was, in fact, a house elf. Now, before you scoff, house elves are more apt at magic than you would think. How else would your kitchen floors be so bloody clean, Susan? And it’s not that house elves cannot produce Patronuses because they cannot love. Heck, Dobby sacrificed himself to save Harry Potter, and if that’s not bromance, then I don’t know what is. They simply cannot produce Patronus charms because that’s what magic says. Voldemort was never Tom Riddle. The young wizard did indeed exist, and was obsessed with dark magic. The Riddle family had a house elf, whose name was Voldy. One day, Voldy grew sick of the abuse that his masters treated him. He was so sick that something in his brain snapped, causing him to disobey his masters in the worst way possible: by murdering them and vanishing their bodies. 20

After the event, Voldy became amazed at his newfound power. After observing young Tom for so long, he knew more about wizard magic than most wizards did. Whenever he left the house, he brewed Polyjuice and pretended to be riddle. But soon, he was tired of pretending to be someone he was not. He cast a permanent engorgio on his body, making himself the size of a man. He cloaked himself in over-dramatic robes to hide his elvish figure. He lengthened his name from Voldy to Voldemort. However, there was still one thing that he hated. His nose. He tried shrinking it, but it was still too elf-like. So, he decided to blast it off, leaving him with nothing but two snakelike slits for nostrils. And that is how Voldy transformed into He-WhoMust-Not-Be-Named, the greatest dark wizard of all time who was not really a wizard at all.

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QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

WHAT IS CLIMATE CHANGE AND WHY WE MUST WORRY ABOUT IT by Book_Nerdfighter

ondon is under water. The great landmarks of a former Wizarding age, the pyramids, are explored by fish. Any wizard or witch living from Kent to Lincolnshire will find their homes occupied by merpeople. This will happen if the phenomenon known as climate change runs its course. Almost every coastal city, from Tokyo to London to New York, will be just memories if all the ice caps at the North and South Poles melt. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why would the ice caps melt?â&#x20AC;? you may ask. Because of the Muggles. Muggle elecktricity, facktories, and automotors all emit greenhouse gases, like carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide. These gases warm the Earth. Our readers from Hogsmeade might think that a change for the better, but if the temperature gets too high, the great ice caps will melt. Already, temperatures are rising. Ice caps are melting. Storms are getting bigger and bigger. Many Muggles do not believe anything is happening, although their scientists continue to warn them. Most Muggle governments are not doing anything about this problem. This is the time, more than ever, to learn about Muggles. If we understand them, we will be able to stop climate change in its tracks. The Ministry of Magic must intervene before Muggles flood the world.

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Chimeras may very well be the most dangerous beast known to wizardkind. The creature is classified by the Ministry of Magic as XXXXX, a known wizard killer, impossible to train or domesticate, and very, very, dangerous. These beasts have a lion’s head, goat’s body, dragon’s tail and breath fire. While they are native to Greece, a number of wizards have sighted them outside of Rosenheim, a southern Germany town south of Munich. No Muggle

sightings have been reported as of yet, and the Ministry has refused to comment on what their plans of Obliviation will be. Officials urge wizards to stay very, very, far away from Chimeras, and to notify their local magical law enforcement by owl or Floo immediately. Whatever you do, do not approach or attempt to attack the Chimera. No recent accidents have been reported, but Chimeras are known to be deadly to humans.

Deadly Beast Sightings in Germany Even very skilled wizards are at risk, as we all remember the untimely death of “Dangerous” Dai Llewellyn, famous Caerphily Carapults player, who was killed by a Chimera while on holiday in Mykonos. Only one wizard has ever been known to kill a Chimera. Historians are still unsure of exactly how he managed this, other than it involved some sort of winged house. Unfortunately, he died of exhaustion mere hours later. It is not exactly clear how this creature made its way through

several countries unseen, as their eggs are Class A Non-Tradeable Items. Any wizard with any information on illegal breeding, trading, or transportation is urged to contact magical law enforcement. Rewards will be offered to anyone with valuable information. But we must repeat, do not attempt to take matters into your own hands. Any wizard who spots this creature is at immediate risk of death. Any wizard who attempts to approach Chimeras will surely face imminent death.

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The Mystery of the Vanishing Kneazle

t was a small town near Yellowbrick Stone Park, 20 miles to the east. On a sunny day, you could see the shadows of the houses forming a spiral, seeming to focus on the fountain in the center of town. Butterhold, a cozy place home to 200 or so residents, give off a cheery atmosphere during the day. But by night, a sense of doom looms over the town. It seems that the town folks of Butterhold cease all activity by 8pm. Unknown to the rest of the world, there’s a deep dark secret festering deep in Butterhold. I arrived on February 5, 2018. I checked in to the only hotel in Butterhold, just 2 block from the fountain. This 4 street town had 2 landmarks, the Fountain of Butter, and Hotel Honey B. Hotel Honey B consists of 4 floors, the tallest building in this town; the first floor was the reception and a grocery store, which seems convenient until you realise that the store wasn’t built just for the hotel guests, the entire town shops here. Second floor was where you receive shipments and posts. I was directed to the third floor where my room is. The room was modest and cosy (it seems the only good way to describe the town is cosy), with a bath and single bed. When I asked what’s on the fourth floor, I was told it is just an attic. There have been reports of missing people, tourists, who visited the town of Butterhold and was never seen again; reports stretching all the way back to 1970. Every year, like clockwork, on the 28th of February, someone visiting Butterhold would vanish. Families of the victim would always say that everything seemed normal, they had just spoken on the phone, they had a chat over mirror or received and owl or postcards from the victims. 48 victims, 48 missing wizard report. Of those 49 stories, 36 of them had 24

By ElphabaPfenix

one more common factor. Each of those 36 reports had the victim mention a Kneazles in their communications with their family prior to their disappearance. The aurors found that detail inconsequential. Kneazles are common animals that appear all over Britain. But I believe that the Kneazles play an important role in the missing witches and wizards of Butterhold. You see, Kneazles have a side to them that is unknown to the general public. I believe they form communities with each other to take down wizards in order to steal their magical life force. The Kneazles long dream of being able to wield wands and cast spells instead of being seen as creatures so unmagical that they are deemed unworthy of even being pets! Muggles have a folk lore that says never let a cat near a baby, because the cat will steal the baby’s breath. This superstition comes from Kneazles sucking the magic from baby wizards via breath. But babies contain too little magical life force for it to add much to the Kneazles and they are too

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weak to attack a fully grown witch or wizard. With the case of Butterhold, I believe I can finally prove my theory that Kneazles have taken a new step in their revolution by learning how to work together. I interviewed many town folk of Butterhold. Have they seen any Kneazles in their town, any strange behaviour that they have noticed, what are their thoughts on the disappearance of tourists and why do they think locals are not known to disappear? I was met with denials, accusations of being nosy and crazy. Someone even tried to hex me! The more resistance I face, the more convinced I’m getting close to the truth. After a week of patrolling the streets, the curious thing is there is no Kneazles in sight. Obviously they are in hiding to prevent exposure. Come night time on February 27, 2018, I spotted a Kneazle running behind the local bar in to an alley. I followed as best as I can but as I turn a corner, I spotted the telltale feature of the lion tail slipping past.

Merely a second had past as I caught up to it only to find a dead end of the alley and no Kneazle in sight! I did a myriad of revealing and summoning spells to try and discover the hiding place or secret passageways but came up with nothing. The very next morning, I overheard the hotel staff complaining about another hotel guest apparently skipped town and didn’t pay his hotel bills. I investigated further and found that the guest was a wizard, mid 30s, with a successful career as an alternative homeopathic herbs salesman, with a wife and kids in America waiting for his return. He was in town for business. All his clothes and belongings were still in the room but he didn’t come down to check out like he was supposed to. Local police department was called. No foul play was suspected. Another victim of the Vanishing Kneazle and cover up by the local department. I can only hope that conscience will strike the town and they will join in our effort to rid of the Kneazle Menace! 25

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

E X A M STRESS BY

SILVESTRESS

sometimes breathing becomes something that is unimportant, irrelevant, to what you have to do. Surely the goblins rebelling in (oh Merlin’s beard what year was it?!) didn’t have to breathe. Venomous tentacula will kill us all anyway, we don’t need to breathe. Who needs breathe for charms and transfiguration and potions and astrology and astronomy and defense against the dark arts and (bloody hell is that the time?!). Stop. Breathe. It’s ok.

t is widely known, in both the magical and muggles worlds, that exam season brings stress. The problem is, no one seems to know a sure fire way of getting rid of that stress! And even more worryingly, the fact that we know we can’t get rid of the stress causes us even more stress! So how are we supposed to deal with this mountain of stress that threatens to crush us? How could we possibly go on living when the only thing we can see is exams and courseworks and deadlines, with no hope of them ever ending? Is there even life at the end of all of this? Could there possibly be something that makes it all worthwhile? Will the pain truly end? Well this is a very dark and defeatist attitude, and at the Quibbler offices, we have come up with a few ways to cope with the impending doom of deadlines. (And yes, that includes when things go terribly wrong and the last edition takes a little longer than usual to be finished, and the deadline becomes little more than a memory).

STEP 1 - BREATHE

When you are in the middle of all of this, and revision is all you can think about, 26

Take a minute. You’re not going to fail if you take a couple of minutes to calm yourself. Breathe. Feel any better? Look around you. What room are you in? When was the last time you ate anything? Or drank anything?

STEP 2 - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Now that you’ve stopped, you’re probably realising that your stomach is growling, your mouth is dry, and that smell is probably you. Get up, stretch your legs, stretch your arms, go get yourself some water. It’s ok, your work will still be here when you get back. Better?

Probably not, your mind is still spinning with all of those unanswered questions, all those things that you still don’t know. But it’s ok. When was the last time you showered? You should go do that. Stand under the water for a while. Breathe.

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER That feels nice doesn’t it? Now go find your fluffy dressing gown and snuggle up in it for a while. Why not conjure up a nice hot drink? Can’t remember how because your brain is still a fuzzy mess? It’s ok, you can get up and do it the muggle way. Ok, now you can go back to work.

STEP 3 - SLEEP

So you’ve yawned for the fifth time now, you’ve also read that last line four times. Do you even know what subject you’re revising right now? This is not going to help you at all. You need to get some sleep. I know, sleeping takes away those valuable revision hours. But you’ve just wasted an hour anyway. Yes, you have. Try and recall what you were just reading. See? Go to sleep. You’ll be able to revise much better when you are rejuvenated. And no matter how hard you work now, if you fall asleep during your exam it will all be for nothing.

STEP 4 - BREAKFAST

Ok, so the deadline is on you. Today is the day. Three hours until your exam. You feel like you are going to be sick. You’re not, you haven’t eaten in hours, there is nothing to throw up. Why not have some breakfast? Your brain needs food to you know. If you go into that exam hungry, it’s all you’ll be able to think about.

anything! You’re going to fail! Breathe. You do know it, it has all been worth it, you’re just stressing yourself out. 1612 - Hogsmeade village. 1752 - Albert Boot was Prime Minister. See, it’s coming back to you know. The rest will come, just keep calm. You can do this.

STEP 6 - CELEBRATE

Ok so you still have eight exams to go, but you survived this one, why not have a butterbeer with your classmates before you dive straight back into work again? Take the time to celebrate the little victories, the little positives in this world of black, depressing nothingness. Isn’t it your friend’s birthday tomorrow? You forgot didn’t you? Because right now nothing exists other than your need to work. Nothing matters apart from the next deadline. Go make her a card, it’ll be fun, it’ll be relaxing, and it’ll make her happy when she sees it tomorrow. Find the little bits of light in all this darkness. And if you can’t find one, create your own.

So eat. Fruit, cereal, toast, it doesn’t matter. Your brain will reward you if you are kind to it. Feed it. You have been working it so hard for so long, give it a treat.

STEP 5 - BREATHE

Ok so you are now lined up to go into the great hall. You see everyone around you. Some are muttering under their breath, trying to recall anything they can, others are speed reading bits of parchment trying to get in some last minute revision. You’re feeling ok though. You’ve done all your revision. You know all you can possibly know. Appart from… oh no… the goblin rebellion.. What year was it?! Who even were the goblins, what were they rebelling? Merlin’s beard you can’t remember

Good luck.

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NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

LAW ENFORCEMENT REPORTS The Head of Magical Law Enforcement noted that this season, incidents were few and far in between, however were very grave. Remember to stay ever vigilant and to treat fellow Muggles with compassion. MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PATROL: ◊ April 1 5:09 AM - MLE patrol is called in to Diagon Alley for a disturbance near the shopping district. Well known wizard is found setting up a “prank”. After some questioning, suspect is allowed to leave with a warning. ◊ April 1 10:07 AM - Multiple floos and owls are reported in regards to the world famous joke shop, Wizard’s Wizarding Wheezes. Luckily Mr. Weasley had filled out all necessary permits and his event was already under surveillance. ◊ April 7 11:59 PM - Muggle child was found in the outskirts of Knockturn Alley. Muggle authorities have been notified and witnesses are being questioned. DEPARTMENT OF INTOXICATING SUBSTANCES: ◊ April 20 4:45 AM - Reports of an illegal party in downtown Hogesmeade were called in. Over 50 of the party goers were sent to St Mungos after having ingested an unknown hybrid potion. Testing is being done on the potion but it appears to have muggle base with magical properties. The distributors of this unknown substance are at large. ◊ April 30 6:16 PM - Several shipments of an unknown candy have been appearing in magical communities which only appears to have side effects on minors. There has been a spike in accidental OF

GICAL LAW MA E

magic. The candy is being recalled while the company, Sweetums, is under investigation.

DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES:

◊ May 5 11:30 PM - a local restaurant has been shut down after they were found to be using a level XXXX South American chiles in their salsa. Anybody who went to this restaurant is being instructed to go to St Mungos for observation.

◊ April 7 11:45AM - Group of wizards is found to be experimenting with kneazles and dogs. All suspects taken into custody and animals taken into custody.

IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC: ◊ April 14 5:32 PM - Several weight loss options have made their way into the muggle world in the past three months. Attempts to stop these companies has failed. ◊ April 27 6:54 PM - Local witch was taken into custody after Aurors were tipped off of a witch selling potions at a local state fair. These potions were later found to be “muggle" potions and no charges were filed. ◊ May 5 11:17 PM - A Cinco de Mayo celebration went awry after several charmed piñatas made their way into the muggle world. Luckily, the muggles were able to be obliviated. ◊ May 25 30 5:55 PM - Distraught witch turned husband into a bunny after a domestic dispute and was unable to undo the transfiguration. Victim was taken to St. Mungos for treatment.

◊ April 30 12:45 AM - infestation of Nifflers found in downtown LA. Aurors were called in to obliviate muggles while a specialized team went in to take out nifflers and move them to a magically protected zone. ◊ May 15 7:45PM - A unicorn is found stranded on a muggle beach, thousands of miles away from its herd. Authorities believe it was part of a unicorn smuggling ring but was able to escape. The whole area is under surveillance. ◊ The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Administrative Registration Department, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and all others that keep our world safe. DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES ◊ OCTOBER 21 2:22 AM; Muggle “policemen” had to be obliviated after wizard caused their “fire legs” to spew grindylow spit. Wizard was apprehended.

EPARTME * D NT

EMENT * RC FO N

The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation E O DI I of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, A DIVIS and all others that keep our world safe. 29

QUIBBLER TRAVEL

Wandering Through

the

Magic Mist by warlock1992

TRAVEL QUIBBLER

ast month, the Wandering Monk had the opportunity to set sail to the mystic subcontinent of India. It was a longsought out trip. The ancient kingdom is the treasure trove of magic and it always has been shrouded in mystery. I wanted to discover and unlock some of the magic there. It has been the home of the Occamy and the flying carpet. It is also where the infamous Serpensortia or the Snake Summoning Charm was invented. For more details about how the Ministry used the Snake Summoning Charm in Department of Mysteriesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; research, check my earlier articles. Most people are familiar with the subcontinent through the name of the place Kalale, which is a place deep down in the country which finds a place in the weather reports of the Daily Prophet. A place is known for two monsoons and vagaries of nature as per the mood of the weather dept of the Ministry. From my house in Cromarty, I took a prearranged Portkey (thanks to a love affair within the Department of Magical Transportation whose name I shall not divulge) to Kalale. Kalale greeted me with the smell of magic and stormy clouds. It was as if the population has not received instruction from the ministry about dressing as muggles. The magical community was very vibrant with most people wearing dressing of single cloth resembling ancient sages of the era. Each street had a street charmer and a dozen potioneers, which was not surprising for the fact that, the country is one the top in Alchemy. Unlike our Owls, the magical community of India uses pigeons for all communication. The advantage is that, Owls are seen suspiciously by the native non magicals and pigeons are plenty enough that one could see hundreds in the air and not think of a second thought. And for the matter, Pigeons are also used by the non magic for communication which might be a rarity in the world as we know. India is also the land from where Ali Bashir was caught trying to smuggle Magic Carpets into the country. Magic Carpets comes in all sizes and shapes. From ones having a place for just one person to ones that can take as much as 12 people like the famous Axminsters.

I wanted to really see the Occamy in its natural habitat. The ministry had established a reserve for the protection of the same in the forests of Nilgiris, far away from prying eyes of the Non Magic. I went to the reserve and had to trek quite a bit with ministry approved guides to the location of the Occamy. As all of you might be familiar, Occamy is a two-legged serpent-like creature that can shrink and grow to occupy a space. Highly fierce and protective of its infamous silver coated eggs, Occamy has to be treated with the utmost respect. I was able to get a good glance of a hatching mother and a couple of beautifully ornate silver eggs. The guide told me, the ministry keeps track of each and every egg so as not to lose them to smugglers. Little does he know that , I know much about the plot of Unctuous Osbert, the minister of magic who used Occamy shells to buy out favours to become the minister. After my visit to the Occamy reserve, I went to see a performance of snake charming which is a favourite muggle entertainment. Snake Charming is the tradition followed by unscrupulous people to deceive the Non Magic folks. It is essentially a variation of the Serpensortia charm. Muggles are apparently excited when they see the snakes move to the rhythm. Frowned upon the more dignified members of the Magical community, the practice is still widespread here. And my short yet eventful trip was cut short as I had to rush back to Cromarty to be with my wife who is expecting our first child together. Serpensortia charm. Muggles are apparently excited when they see the snakes move to the rhythm. Frowned upon the more dignified members of the Magical community, the practice is still widespread here. And my short yet eventful trip was cut short as I had to rush back to Cromarty to be with my wife who is expecting our first child together.

QUIBBLER TRAVEL

Muggle Candy Worth Traveling For Hello and welcome to the latest installment of Muggle Candy worth traveling for! In our Spring 2018 edition, we travelled through Europe, where we tasted violet ice cream in France, couberdons in Belgium, marzipan in Germany, stroopwafels in the Netherlands and so much more. Today we are travelling to North America, where we will visit the United States and Canada. Before we leave, however, we are legally obligated to give you some important travel advice. Unlike the United Kingdom and much of Europe, American wizards do not usually interact with muggles, whom they call no-majs. The history of the Salem-trials is still very painful for the wizard society there. Please make sure to conceal your wand properly and use magic as little as possible. MACUSA is not forgiving and capital punishment is legal in the USA. But enough of that, let us meet some of the magical muggle treats of North America!

We are going to start in the far north, in the icecold Alaska. Every year in mid August, they celebrate a blueberry festival, where all things blueberry related are sold. Blueberry Popcorn, however, takes the crown. This delicious blue popcorn is not the only treat worth bracing the cold for: Candied Salmon, too, is very much recommended. This is hard-smoked salmon covered in maple syrup. On the subject of maples, let’s travel south into Canada! Maple leaf cookies are oreo-like, maple -shaped sweets. These two cookies stacked on top of each other with soft maple cream in between them are absolutely delicious and for sale in almost every supermarket in Canada. Want something that’s more pure sugar? Try maple candy! This is simply crystallised maple syrup and absolutely delicious. When you travel to Canada in the winter, the Quibbler also recommends Maple Taffy. Maple syrup is boiled and then poured in the fresh snow. From there, it is rolled on a 32

small stick for you to enjoy. In British Columbia, the Nanaimo Bar is also extremely popular. The bottom layer is a crumbled mix of cocoa and coconut. On top of that is a firm custard with a layer of semi-sweet chocolate to finish it. This treat is named after the city of Nanaimo on Vancouver Island and was voted to become Canada’s favourite Confection. Coffee crisp is for sale throughout Canada, mostly in dollar stores. This bar consists out of alternating layers of thin vanilla wafer and a sort of sweet coffee foam and is completely covered in chocolate. Do you want to have a voice in the most dividing debate of North America? Around Halloween and Thanksgiving you will be able to find Candy Corn all over the United States and Canada. This marshmallow-y treat is shaped like a cone and usually yellow, orange and white, though the Indian Corn variant has a brown base. Some hate this treat, others love it; the debate has even reached the American Wizarding Community,

TRAVEL QUIBBLER leading to the big battle of the Candy Corn in 2011 which left over one hundred people injured and caused almost as many muggles to be obliviated. If you want to combine your sweet trip with some sight-seeing, watersport and nature? MacKinac Island has it all, together with the best fudge you will ever taste. This homemade fudge is the closest thing to magic muggles will ever get, as you can eat and eat without getting sick. Do you want more sticky goodness? Try New England’s salt water taffy! They have been produced there since the early 1880s and are available in a wide variety of colours and flavours. If you travel down to the American Midwest you will encounter the delicious Buckeyes. These are usually homemade in football (a muggle sport) season. Peanut butter balls are dipped in chocolate, resembling a buckeye or horse chestnut. Sunny central California offers more than palm trees and vineyards. Dewar’s (pronounced ‘doares’) candy is native to Bakersfield. There are lots of flavours available, but the most standard ones are either peanut butter, caramel or peppermint. They are chewy and stretchy, kind of related to the New England salt water taffy but with more of a home-made structure. San Francisco offers moon pies, two crackers stacked on top with marshmallow stuffing covered in a flavoured coating. Do you prefer only the marshmallow? Marshmallow fluff is for sale all throughout America. Rather stick to the chewy-ness? Try roman candy. This confection is made with a family recipe and still sold today in the streets of New Orleans. Just search for a vintage wagon drawn by a mule and you will not be able to miss it. You can’t travel to North America to taste muggle candy without trying some Reese’s. This is one of the most well-known American sweets and consists of a chocolate shell filled with salty peanut butter. In love with the peanut? Try peanut brittle, or peanut m&m’s! All of these confections are for sale throughout the entirety of America. Just enter a ‘Walmart’-store and you will find it there. 33

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QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES Are you considering to propose to your loved one, but don’t have enough money for a fancy engagement ring? Propose with a ring pop, the ring you can wear and eat! When your significant other says yes, you can celebrate your engagement with a delicious slice of Cheesecake at the Cheesecake factory, which, unlike the name suggests, is not made of cheese. Other popular North American sweets include Black Jacks, Fruit Salads, Pear Drops, Starburst, Twinkies and Peeps. And, if you’re lucky, muggle girls will knock on the door of the place you are staying and offer you cookies. Make sure to buy the samoas or mint chocolate cookies, for they are definitely a delicious treat. Thank you for coming with us on this tour through beautiful Canada and America. We hope you will join us next edition as we travel further down to central and south America. Until then, happy travelling!

No time or money to travel? No problem! Make these recipes in the safety of your own home: Needhams Ingredients:

• ½ pounds/227 grams of confectioners’ sugar • ¼ cup/80 grams smooth mashed potatoes • 1 tbsp/15 grams unsalted butter • 1 tsp vanilla extract • pinch of salt • 7 ounce/195 grams of sweetened shredded coconut • 1 pounds / 450 grams of chocolate • 1 ½ tbsp vegetable shortening

Directions

1. Put the confectioners’ sugar in a pan or bowl, creating a well in the middle. 2. Put the mashed potatoes, butter, salt and vanilla inside the well and place the bowl inside a pan of simmering water. 36

3. Stir until mixed properly, creating a smooth paste. 4. Remove bowl from heat and stir in the shredded coconut. 5. Let the mixture chill for about 15 minutes in the freezer. 6. Shape the mixture into 20 little squares and freeze them firm, for about half an hour. 7. Melt the chocolate and add the shortening, stir until glossy. 8. One at the time, dip the squares into the chocolate mixture and place them on a prepared baking sheet. 9. Let the chocolate harden at room temperature for about an hour. 10. Enjoy!

CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES QUIBBLER

Peanut Butter Chocolate Truffle

Muddy Buddies

Ingredients

• 2 ½ / 312 grams cups of sifted confectioners’ sugar • 1 cup / 250 grams of smooth peanut butter • 6 tbsp / 85 grams of unsalted butter, melted • ½ teaspoon vanilla extract • pinch of salt • 8 ounces / 225 grams of chocolate • 1 tsp vegetable shortening

Directions 1. Mix the confectioners’ sugar, peanut butter, butter, vanilla extract and salt. 2. Roll the mixture into balls and put them on a prepared baking sheet. 3. Refrigerate for about 30 minutes. 4. Melt the chocolate. 5. Stick a toothpick in the top center of a peanut butter ball. 6. Dip one of the balls in the chocolate, but leave a circle of peanut butter visible on top. 7. Repeat for all, place them back on the baking sheet and cool until firm for about half an hour. 8. Smooth the hole left by the toothpick and serve well chilled.

• 9 cups / 175 grams of Chex cereal • 1 cup / 150 grams of chocolate • ½ cups /125 grams of smooth peanut butter • ¼ cups / 55 grams of butter • 2 tsp vanilla extract • 1 ½ cups / 180 grams of powdered sugar

Directions

1. Put cereal in a bowl. 2. Melt the chocolate, peanut butter, vanilla and butter together, stir. 3. Pour mixture over cereal. 4. Put mixture in a large plastic bag and add powdered sugar. 5. Close bag and shake until well coated. 6. Spread on baking paper and leave it to cool. 7. Store in sealed bag

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A TALE OF A CONQUEROR By: /u/colessslaw

ontroversies about dragons peaking Muggle interest were most prominent since the 13th century. As dragons are among the most difficult to hide of all magical beasts, it is only rational that sometimes Muggles would notice alarmingly large birds travelling alone in the sky in broad daylight. However, one of the biggest controversies as far as the tabs went was when a Muggle girl grew not one but three dragons all by herself (as to what/ whoever she fed them with, it is too ancient and unclear for historians to determine). And everyone who lived in that generation witnessed and remembered what those dragons were capable of.

with a leader from a powerful tribe called the Dothraki. It was said that a rich merchant-prince gave the three dragon eggs to the girl. But historians believe that someone from the Wizarding community had given it or traded the dragon eggs for another, as dragon eggs were worth more or less than a few acres of land during that time. If the Ministry of Magic were already developed in the 13th century, surely traders of things such as dragon eggs will be prosecuted since they are Class A Non-Tradable Goods. It was said that the years had turned the eggs to stone. But when the dragon eggs unexpectedly hatched, nobody contained the shock. Since then, Dany claimed they were her children. Hence, the tribe called her the Mother of Dragons.

Back when the High Middle Ages were dominated by the mighty kings and the respected lords over the poor and lowly slaves, Muggles believed dragons to have been extinct for years. However, an unsuspected The hatchlings were of event in the mountainous regions around South Africa proved the different breeds identified as Common Welsh Green, Peruvian Mugglesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; conviction wrong. Vipertooth and Hungarian Horntail. A fourteen year-old girl, Growing up, the Hungarian Horntail also known with the nickname grew the biggest, followed by Dany, was promised in marriage the Common Welsh Green and

MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES QUIBBLER

Dany’s brother swore he’d take the throne the smallest Peruvian Vipertooth. By the time the hatchlings were fully grown, more people knew about back. And the only way to make this happen is to marry off his sister to a man who had a large horde of fighters the dragons and more people believed. to fight for him when he wages war upon the throne. This was an especially dangerous exposure Unfortunately, Dany’s brother was unable to take even due to a sudden for the witches, wizards and especially the creatures one step back to their lands And so Dany’s tale in the Wizarding community as Muggles tried to look death from molten gold. feverishly for more dragon eggs. In addition, witch began. hunters increased in number around Europe. On rare occasions, some witches and wizards get caught but their lives were spared from execution. Instead, they were held captive to be forced to give the Muggles information of dragon eggs. The Mother of Dragons had a fair share of her rather tragic past herself. They call themselves the Targaryens. Eons ago, her ancestors had already been associated with dragons. The Targaryens flew with them and used them as a weapon of mass destruction for their enemies. A few even believed the Targaryens have magical blood and used their abilities to conquer and enslave cities. This is one of the many events that will soon trigger the formation of The International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy (that wasn’t established until the Ministries of Magic were established as well). As the dragons slowly became endangered, so did the Targaryens. Dany – despite being the third child and only daughter of a king – never had much experience on the life of being a princess. Her family’s reign had ended when the larger enemies of the throne started a coup d’état, taking her father and eldest brother’s life with it. As for her mother and second brother, fortunately, they have fled the capital to escape the advancing armies of their enemies. Dany had only been a wee creature inside her mother’s womb during this time. They had a narrow escape to South Africa. Her mother died after childbirth. Things couldn’t have gone worse after that. There were only two Targaryens left. As the usurper continued to find power in the throne, doors began to close and their lives grew meaner. They had already sold everything that meant to them until everybody started calling them beggars.

O n c e Dany had three fully-grown dragons, she decided to cross the sea to the land her family had fled, to take back her birthright. Along her journey, she freed the enslaved cities and took down her enemies one by one and her many names became renowned. The Ministry have elucidated more than once that the series of aforementioned events were only fictitious; that these are only bedtime stories that parents tell their children to lull them to sleep. However, they claim it true that before the Ministries of Magic were established, dragon eggs were freely and frequently traded by witches and wizards to obtain multiple high-valued lands, potion ingredients, houses, etc; and that there was no real proof that such event happened. Nevertheless, the very same controversy to the Wizarding World had captured the hearts of so many Muggles instead. In fact, a half-blood author who settled down with his family in the Muggle world had written a narrative about it and reanimated once again the bittersweet story of the Mother of Dragon’s loss, rising to power and [probably] the sweetest victory among those who estranged her from her birthright.

What Makes Wood Wand Worthy?

Examining the relationship between Bowtruckles and Wand-Wood Trees. by Blxckfire

e all know that the wand chooses wizard. We all know that every wand is unique, and that a wand’s unique characteristics often correlate with the chosen wizard’s unique characteristics. But the actual character of the wand depends on the particular tree and magical creature from which its materials are taken from. While Ollivander, England’s favorable wandmaker, only uses three different wand cores, he uses over forty different types of woods to make his wands! Meanwhile, Beauvais, a New Orleans Wandmaker, only uses Swamp Mayhaw for all of her wands. Different types of woods are used in different parts of the world, depending on the natural resources in that area. For instance, while Apple and Chestnut wands are common in Europe, African wands are often made of Marula and Adansonia Digitata. But not every apple tree is capable of producing wand-wood. Sometimes, an apple tree is just an apple tree. So what sets normal trees apart from wand-wood trees? Just as only a minority of humans can produce magic, only a minority of trees can produce magical wood. The magical quality of a wood tree is often marked by the presence of a Bowtruckle. These creates are classified by the Ministry as XX, as they are relatively peaceful. In order to examine what makes Wand-Wood magical, we must examine the Bowtruckle. A Bowtruckle appears to be a flat-faced stick figure made out of bark and twigs, with brown eyes and green skin. This allows them to camouflage in their natural habitat very well, and combined with that fact that an adult grows to a maximum of eight inches, they can be immensely difficult to spot. It takes a trained farmer to spot these tree dwellers.

MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES QUIBBLER Wood lice happens to be one of the preferred foods to snack on for Bowtruckles, second only to fairy eggs. While it is now apparent why Bowtruckles live in trees, we only know that they happen to live in magical trees, but we do not know how or why they choose these trees in particular. It turns out that while Bowtruckles mark the presence of magical trees, they are not what gives them their magical ability, but their food may give us a closer look. Wood lice resemble the grains of brown rice, so it is much easier to spot Bowtruckles. However, these creatures are only found in magical trees. The two main subspecies are native mostly to South America and northern Europe, the two regions with the greatest density of magical trees. This is no coincidence. The Southern American wood lice thrives in damp, humid environments, such as the rainforests of South America. While Bowtruckles are not native to this area, there exists Caklups, their distant cousin. They are almost identical to Bowtruckles, as they have similar appearances and thrive off wood lice. They too mark the presence of a magical tree. The Northern European wood lice thrive off dry, cold, climates, particularly that of Scandanavia which explains why Bowtruckles are most populous there than anywhere else. Trees are appealing to both species, as they prefer the dark and can burrow themselves inside the wood. Wood lice eats away at the wood of trees.

They are native to western England, southern Germany, and Scandanvia, but wand-wood farmers have brought them to all parts of the world. In Southern America, they have been named as an invasive species. This may be due to the large number of rainforests, and therefore large amount of wand-wood trees, in that area. They live in and become guardians of their home trees. While generally peaceful creatures, they can become violent if anything threatens the tree or itself. Their twig-like fingers can be used as a weapon against a foe when aimed at the eyes. These fingers have also been well adapted for digging out wood lice in trees. 41

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Farmers have believed for centuries that it is the wood lice that kill the trees, and that they are pests and should be killed immediately. They believe that wood lice feed off magical energy, and that if they are not stopped, they run the tree dry of its magic until it has died. This is why they have brought Bowtruckles all over the world. However, they could not be further than the truth. Wood lice are an amazing, magical species.

The more they eat, the more magical energy they give off. They are exactly the opposite of what many farmers believe they are. When in an environment that they thrive in, they have more magical energy than they can take in. They give off their magical energy to their environment. Because they dwell in trees, these trees become magical. Only the ones inhabited by wood lice have to potential to be wand-wood worthy. Interestingly, Bowtruckles and Caklups feed on wood lice because it increases their magical energy. When they consume them, they also consume their magic, increasing that of themselves. However, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. If wood lice eat too much of a tree, the tree dies. It no longer functions as a magical tree or even as a regular tree.

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This is because the presence of a colony of wood lice attracts Wrackspurts. While wood lice give off magical energy, Wrackspurts feed off it. Farmers may have confused the two of them, as It is not the wood lice that kills the tree by eating it, but the Wrackspurts.

Many wizards do not know about this danger, and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take the necessary precautions to protect themselves and their farms. Hanging butterbeer corks from tree branches has been known to ward off both Wrackspurts and Nargles, and has led to even more powerful wand wood.

They eat the most magical trees, draining them of their energy until there is nothing left, and the tree wilts and dies.

Hanging these protections has also been correlated with wands that seem to last forever. Occasionally, when a witch or wizard dies, their wand will wilt, and sometimes die with them. Wands with wood taken from trees with butterbeer corks never wilt.

Occasionally, a farmer will wake to see all their trees and Bowtruckles dead, while wood lice thrive. This led to the mythical belief that wood lice kills off the trees, and that the Bowtruckles die because they are overcome with extreme grief that their home tree is dead and die of a broken heart. However, we really have the Wrackspurts to blame. Just as they feed off and drain the magical energy of a tree, they will do the same to any other magical creature in that area. Wood lice survive because they are able to hide within the tree.

With this knowledge, it is possible to make any tree worthy of wand-wood. There is such a prejudice against wood lice that farmers may never realize this. They will never realize the true potential to make any tree magical. So sometimes, an apple tree is just an apple tree. And sometimes, a wand is just a rock. 43

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PROFESOR SPROUT

Dear Professor Sprout,

I’ve been trying to grow my own Flitterbloom but so far my black thumb has cursed it into death instead of life. What should I do?

I recently inherited a large potted Flitterbloom from my Gran, who always managed to make it bloom three times a year rather than just once. I can’t even get it to bloom the once. What’s her secret?

Sincerely, Flitterbust

Sincerely, Once Would Be Enough

To my friends Flitterbust and Once, Well, it seems like you are both having problems with your Flitterblooms! Despite their reputation for being as simple as a singing African violet, they can be quite picky, so don’t feel poorly for your troubles. Now, it sounds like you are both having similar problems- a lack of new growth. Once, you may be keeping your Flitterbloom alive, but no flowers suggests to me you aren’t getting much in the way of new leaves even if the plant isn’t dying back. I will save you both the embarrassment of questioning if you are keeping your Flitterblooms in adequate light, not overwatering or underwatering, all those mundane Muggle plant cures which affect our magical herbological specimens just as they do the Muggle ones. If I were Tilden Toots, I’m sure I’d be recommending you both to Rejuicing and Regerminating potions, but fortunately, I’m not. I will save you the overpriced potions and tell you how to make your own. It is actually a very simple potion and you only need to add 1 drop a day to the soil, until you see results. Use two spoonfuls each of beetle eye and honeywater, stir counterclockwise over medium heat for two minutes, add three ground lionfish spines, stir clockwise for five minutes, then add three healthy (or mostly healthy) leaves from your very own Flitterbloom plant and allow the potion to rest for ten minutes. Stir it once more to make sure everything is loosened up, then bottle it and store in a cool, dry place when not in use. This potion will help perk up and revitalize your plant. Flitterbust, you should see your plant revivify itself over the course of two or three weeks, and Once Would Be Enough, I can’t promise you three blooms a year without knowing what charm your Gran used, but I can guarantee that come August you will see flowers! Yours as cheerfully as always,

Professor Pomona Sprout

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A Simple Spell for Banishing Wrackspurts!

by PhDiabetic

ave you been feeling confused, muddleheaded or unfocused? Chances are you've been targeted by a Wrackspurt an invisible creature which floats into your ears and makes your brain go fuzzy! In this article we will help you identify the signs and symptoms of Wrackspurt infestation and teach you an easy spell to get rid of the little pests! Since Wrackspurts are invisible we have no clear idea of what they look like. There have, however, been some descriptions of their appearance written by people who claim to have seen them. “They are small, pink, twig-like beings,” writes Madam Mendax, a Divination expert from Hogsmeade who claims to have seen a Wrackspurt using a pair of Spectrespecs.

“They have three pairs of pale, translucent pink wings. When the Wrackspurt sees its next victim, it flattens its wings against its side and shoots like an arrow into their ears.” A later account, given by Mr Norman Novis of London, suggests that this may not be the full story. “A Wrackspurt can only be seen by the human eye if the person is staring directly at the sun,” Novis writes in his book 'Autobiography of a Blind Wizard'. The body of the Wrackspurt absorbs the sun's rays and thus forms a protective barrier, allowing the human eye to safely observe it [editor's note: for readers wishing to spot Wrackspurts themselves, we recommend a pair of Spectrespecs as the safer option]. My studies have shown that Wrackspurts have at least seven pairs of

MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES QUIBBLER wings, and a prime number of legs. I have only observed Wrackspurts with 2, 5, 19 and 23 legs, but my work in Arithmancy proves that for any prime number there exists a Wrackspurt with precisely that many legs.” Unfortunately we cannot reconcile these two accounts, but advise readers to be wary of all creatures which are pink, or have wings and legs. People prone to daydreaming or forgetfulness are most likely to be targeted by Wrackspurts, as the creatures sense weakness and readily jump at the opportunity to inflict further damage to the victim's mental state. We suggest that our readers practice a variety of relaxation and mindfulness techniques so as not to present an easy target for the creatures. If you are unfortunate enough to fall victim to a Wrackspurt's attack, then the only method of defense, apart from waiting for the creature to leave on its own accord, is the little-known Wrackspurt Banishing Spell. Created by renowned magical creatures expert Xenophilius Lovegood, this easily cast charm is a simplified form of the Patronus Charm. The incantation and wand movement are very simple, but the real power of the charm is derived from the caster's ability to produce a memory. The memory must be recalled clearly the more clarity and detail provided, the stronger the charm.

This fights against the Wrackspurt's natural ability to confuse and befuddle, and upon exposure to the memory, the Wrackspurt will be unable to remain within such a well organised mind. Lovegood has written a step by step guide to help our readers learn and perfect the spell. We reproduce it in full below: 1. Focus your mind upon a single memory, recalling it as clearly as possible. The memory can be of any nature, but must be vividly detailed and clear in your mind. Some people claim that happy memories work most effectively, but this is still a subject of ongoing research. 2. Say the incantation “Abeo Caligo” 3. Tap your wand on the top of your head. This expels the Wrackspurt painlessly through your ear. If you cast the spell correctly, a sensation of clarity and a feeling of awakening will wash over your brain. If the memory chosen was insufficiently strong, then the Wrackspurt may get stuck in your ears, and you will have to cast the spell again to fully remove the creature. We hope you will enjoy using this handy little spell. May you be free of Wrackspurts forever!

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Arithmancy for Dummies:

What Do

Your Personality Numbers Mean?

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Arithmancy is not as hard as it may seem. It is a method of divination by numbers first used by the Ancient Greeks. The most basic form of arithmancy is your personality number, which is based upon your name and tells a lot about you! How do you find your personality numbers? Well, every letter of the alphabet corresponds to a number, as seen in the chart below. For example, Xenophilius Lovegood corresponds to the following numbers:

Now, “reduce” your number by adding your numbers together until you have one single digit.

So, Xenophilius Lovegood has a personality number of 4. This is the “Character Number,” which is used to find the general personality of a person. Another number to find is your “Heart

Number,”

which

represents

your

inner life and can indicate hidden desires and fears. This number is calculated the same as above but with only vowels, so Xenophilius Lovegood has a Heart Number of

Another

number

your

“Social

Number,” found only using consonants and represents your outer personality. Xenophilius Lovegood

has

Social

Number

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Now, what exactly do these numbers mean? Well, take a look below and see what your number says about you! The solitary unit of one represents the number of the individual. Ones are independent focused, and determined. Once they find a goal, they stick with it. Although they are leaders and inventors, they find it hard to work with others and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like to be ordered around. They are often loners, and can be egotistical and selfcentered.

Every good thing comes in pairs. The number two represents interaction, cooperation, and balances. They are imaginative, creative, and sweet; their characteristics include peace, harmony and commitment. However, twos also represent opposites; night and day, good and evil. At times, they can be withdrawn, indecisive, and self-conscious.

Third timeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the charm! Three represents completeness, wholeness, and good luck. They are often free-spirited, and have talent, energy, an artistic side, and good humor. They are highly successful, but they can also be unfocused, easily offended, and superficial.

Your Hogwarts house is most likely Slytherin.

Your Hogwarts house is most likely Hufflepuff.

Famous Ones: Salazar Slytherin, Tom Riddle, Igor Karkaroff

Famous Twos:Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Severus Snape, Ignotus Peverell, Lily Evans

Famous Threes: Cadmus Peverell, Aberforth Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Gilderoy Lockhart

A table sits on four stable legs. The number represents stability and firmness. Fours represent hard work, practicality, and reliability. They are down to earth and prefer logic and knowledge over instinct and emotions. They are organized and very predictable. However, they can be stubborn, suspicious, and prone to anger issues.

Five represents change and uncertainty, as it is the number of instability and imbalance. Fives will often start many tasks at once but never commit nor finish them. They are adventurous, energetic risk takers. They travel and meet new people, and hate staying in any one place too long. They can often be irresponsible and impatient.

Your Hogwarts house is most likely Ravenclaw. Famous Fours:Rowena Ravenclaw, Xenophilius Lovegood, Hermione Granger

Sevens enjoy hard work and challenges, and are perceptive, understanding, and bright. They are serious and scholarly, and have a fascination with the mysterious. They value originality and imagination, but they can often be pessimistic, sarcastic, and insecure. Your Hogwarts house is most likely Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. Famous Sevens: Godric Gryffindor, Sirius Black, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Voldemort

Your Hogwarts house is most likely Gryffindor or Hufflepuff. Famous Fives Helga Hufflepuff, Alastor Moody, Newt Scamander, Percival Graves, Minerva McGonagall, Rita Skeeter, Victor Krum

Eights are practical, ambitious, committed, and hard working. The number indicates the possibility of great success in business, finance, and politics. However, they can be jealous, greedy, domineering, and powerhungry. It is also the most unpredictable number, and Eights can either find themselves at the pinnacle or success or the depths of failure. Your Hogwarts house is most likely Slytherin. Famous Eights: Gellert Grindelwald, Garrick Ollivander

Your Hogwarts house is most likely Hufflepuff.

Six is the number of harmony, friendship, and family life. They are loyal, reliable, loving, and adapt easily. They have a fascination with the arts and teaching others, but they are unsuccessful in business. They love to gossip, and they can get very complacent. Your Hogwarts house is most likely Hufflepuff. Famous Sixes:Rufus Scrimgeour, Cornelius Fudge, Quirinus Quirrell

Nine represents completion, a perfect set. It represents the number three, three times. Nines achieve to the fullest degree, and dedicate themselves to service. They are strongly determined and work tirelessly as an inspiration to others. However, they can be arrogant and conceited when things do not go their way. Nines are very rare. Your Hogwarts house is most likely Ravenclaw. Famous Nines: Barty Crouch Jr, Lavender Brown

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ASK MADAM

Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid off? Don’t hesitate to ask! Madam Starflash ALWAYS has the right answer for you! Contact her in Divination Tower at /r/TheQuibbler now with your desperate questions! 52

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k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

Help! I accidentally dropped a (supposedly) incomplete love potion I was brewing on myself, and it splashed onto the rug that I share with my roommate. My toes have been feeling quite itchy and warm, and my roommate has been consistently crawling ridiculously close to my bed while still asleep. This has been going on for about 5 days now... what should I do?

As a Slytherin student in Hogwarts, the view from my bed is the Hogwarts Lake. Just a few nights ago, I kept on waking up from my slumber to find...well... quite an attractive mermaid looking creature. It could be a siren, perhaps? She keeps trying to flirt with me and she constantly brings shells and adorns my window with it. I want to go visit her...but how? Is it safe? Will I die to the giant squid as a result of a star-crossed romance?

Please please please help,

Yours Truly, A Romantically Challenged Lad

Confused Toesies ---

---

Dearest Confused,

Dearest Lad,

That “love” potion was brewed improperly in a dirty cauldron. What you’re dealing with is actually poison. First, head to Diagon Alley and get yourself a CureAll Antidote from Torble’s Magical Remedies shop. It’s located directly across from Mulpepper’s Apothecary. Since you can’t Apparate by yourself, ask your neighbor two doors down. She is a licensed witch and is quite nice. She’ll also wash the poisoned rug for you, no questions asked. As for your roommate, well, they have quite the little crush on you. That’s got nothing to do with the spilled potion. You may want to have a chat with them about your own feelings over some tea and cookies. The comfort food will make it less tense. It’ll all work out in the end; you’ve liked them too for some time now. Time to admit it.

DO NOT GO INTO THAT LAKE ALONE. If your heart is truly set on meeting the kelpie who keeps visiting you (yes, that is a shape-shifting water demon, not a mermaid), take two of your roommates from the Slytherin dorm and that Hufflepuff friend of yours from Charms class (he’s a particularly good finder) in with you. Make sure you use the Bubble-Head Charm (do not attempt to steal gillyweed, you’ll just get detention) and leave your shoes and cloaks in Greenhouse 7. As the only way to tame a kelpie is by getting a bridle over its head with a Placement Charm, you’d better practice yours because otherwise you’ll be devoured. You really don’t want your entrails floating on the surface of the lake, do you? May Fortune smile upon you!

May Fortune smile upon you!

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h d j e i e u e h e h e h e h e l e l e o e k d n j e i l p j e j e j e j e j e j k l m e j e e u e h h d n d Dear Madam Starflash, So, in late August of last year, I ended up purchasing a small Fwooper for my little girl. As many caretakers of such creatures know, Fwoopers are always sold with a Silencing Charm. This is because the Fwooper will naturally emit a high-pitched cry that drives people insane. This is also why Fwoopers sometimes serve as pets for deaf witches and wizards, because they can't actually hear the Fwooper. Incidentally, Fwoopers in the care of deaf magicians tend to live longer. But lately, there's been something weird with my Fwooper. My wife is not a fortune teller by trade, but on occasion she will read tea leaves with a few other of her friends. It never struck my mind as something odd, but I've noticed that every time the group meets, the Fwooper always emits - not a high-pitched cry - but actually a low pitched warble. Sort of like a didgeridoo. This happens no matter if the Fwooper is in the house when they meet, or in another continent. The Fwooper will always emit this sound. What's more mind-boggling, is that not only does the sound bypass a Silencing Charm cast by multiple wizards, but that the Fwooper will emit this sound during the exact time when they are reading. I could be in Canada, and the Fwooper will automatically adjust time-zones and emit the sound. Frankly, I'm at a loss. Can you help? Sincerely, A concerned and possibly sleep-deprived gentleman. --Dearest Concerned, I am quite sorry to say that your Fwooperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s song has driven you mad. You are no longer hearing the bird, as it died four days ago. Your wife and daughter left you six months ago. This is why Fwoopers require licenses. You must reinforce the Silencing Charm MONTHLY, which you did not do. If you had contacted me earlier, I might have been able to help you. Now all I can tell you is that following in Uric the Oddballâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s footsteps and wearing that badger as a toupee was a bad idea, especially since his was dead and yours most definitely is not. May Fortune smile upon you!

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Author /u/ phdiabetic

Traditional methods of magical weather forecasting, such as crystal ball gazing and cartomancy, often fail due to the inherent bias of the person performing the procedure. Here at The Quibbler, we are proud to bring you the most accurate weather forecast known to the wizarding world - a product of nearly ten years’ research by magical creatures expert Xenophilius Lovegood. After finding his pet Crumple-Horned Snorkack, Snorkel, in the remote Swedish countryside, Mr Lovegood taught Snorkel various Divination techniques. He found that Snorkel’s horn has many unique magical characteristics, such as an ability for Legilimency, that allow her to communicate effectively with humans. Snorkel particularly enjoyed tea leaf reading, and has been applying her unparalleled communication skills to share her discoveries with her owner, and now, with you too! Read on to see Snorkel’s weather predictions for the next fortnight.

Very rainy. Watch out for Nargles - they love the cold and damp. Don’t go outside after 3pm if at all possible, as we predict a shower of Blibbering Humdingers, probably easing off after about ten hours.

TUES 56

Likely to be bright and sunny, good weather for going fishing or conversing with your friendly neighbourhood garden gnomes (they love sunbaking!)

SUN RED ALERT! Cursed rain! Due to a confidential tip off from an anonymous source, we are able to warn you that Wednesday’s mild showers will ACTUALLY be rain cursed with a spell that causes Loser’s Lurgy in anyone who gets wet. As there is no known cure, we strongly suggest that you stay under cover, and cast Impervius charms on your house to be extra safe.

WED

Still going to be bright and sunny, but high winds predicted for the afternoon, with a slight chance of a thunderstorm late at night. Whoops, that was just a clump of tea leaves stuck together. Never mind about the thunderstorm, but still expect the wind and maybe some clouds in the evening.

MON

The warm, balmy weather from the start of the week returns. Expect high humidity, and make sure to water your Dirigible Plums so they don’t suffer from the midday sun. Remember that these fruit will wilt within three minutes if they are not sufficiently hydrated!

THURS

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The tea leaves were undecided on Friday’s weather, with equal probabilities of a beautiful warm day with a slight breeze, or a torrential downpour with hailstones the size of Gurdyroots. But we’re hoping for the pleasantly warm weather, so don’t bother cancelling your plans.

FRI

Do not, I repeat, do NOT go outside today. We will be suffering from a plague of magically enhanced wasps released by Quidditch fans celebrating the victory of the Wimbourne Wasps over the Tutshill Tornados.

MON

Cloudy and cold for most of the day. Good day for getting bitten by gnomes.

THURS

A scorchingly hot, dry day. Aquavirius Maggots love the heat, so expect mass infestations by the pests, especially in flower beds or newly mown grass. If you’re feeling brave, head outside to harvest their droppings (a valuable ingredient in potion making), but be careful - if you get bitten you’ll need to put saliva on the wound every twenty minutes until the swelling subsides.

SAT

MORE WASPS. They’re breeding! Please somebody stop the wasps!

TUES

Misty and wet due to a stray Dementor roaming the countryside. Remember to stock up on chocolate!

FRI

Mars is going to be bright tonight. It’ll be a clear, warm night ideal for a spot of stargazing, so if you’ve managed to rid your garden of yesterday’s maggots, then bring out your telescopes and enjoy!

SUN Wasps subside thanks to the efforts of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Pleasant, sunny day. Partly cloudy in the afternoon. Yes, they’re normal clouds, not the clouds of wasps we had yesterday.

WED Rain continues. Very, very rainy today. Damp, cold and soggy. Wait, those were just the tea leaves again. Never mind, the prediction stands.

SAT 57

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WOULD YOU RATHER? Now that you are home from Hogwarts, what are you going to do when you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do magic? What are you going to do when work is slow? Gather round your friends and play a magical game of would you rather! Would you rather: Become a Ghost or a Poltergeist? Become a Werewolf or a Vampire? Attend Durmstrang or Beauxbatons? Have Voldemort in your turban or Moaning Myrtle in your bathroom? Eat slugs or throw them up? Get lost in the forbidden forest or fall in the black lake? Fall off a broom or get hit by the Whomping Willow? Die a hero or live to be a villain? Never be able to Apparate or never be able to use the floo? Spend a year at St. Mungoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s but be fine when you leave or visit for a few hours but lose your wand hand? Lose a leg or become a squib? Have your first born be sorted into your most hated house but become a prefect or have them sorted into your house but be the bottom of their class?

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oldemort’s back and he’s better than ever. In the past few months, The Big V has made a sudden rise to fame. With hit new singles such as “Beware the Heir” and “The Dark Marky Mark,” the wizarding world is highly anticipating the release of his debut album, “Straight Outta Slytherin.” Here at The Quibbler, we were lucky enough to have a first listen. On a scale from Filch to Butterbeer, the album is definitely a Quidditch. It carries themes of the first two wizarding wars, rapping about blood purity, social status, and dark magic. However, this is juxtaposed by the style of the music, which is highly similar to that of 90s muggle rap. It leads to an interesting concept, which really makes one think about the world that we live in. It just so happens that his rise coincides with the former Dark Lord’s. June was his month of rebirth, and it seems that June will be the month of The Big V’s big breakthrough. So this begs the question, is The Big V really Voldemort reincarnated?

It is quite possible. The only person who actually saw Voldemort die was Harry Potter himself. Because we are not Harry Potter, we do not know if it is true. Besides, it was believed that he was dead once before, but he came back many years later. History always repeats itself, so who is to say that this can’t happen once more? We’re just very happy that You-Know-Who has found new ways to channel his anger and his political views. We will gladly take this fantastic rap album over watching our children being murdered any day. Since we have asked about this connection, The Big V has cut all communication with The Quibbler and refuses to comment on any of this subject material. We will report as soon as we get a response, so in the meantime, we are just as in the dark as you are. One can only ponder about his origins. In the meantime, none of our reporters have gone missing, so that can only be a good thing. And if they do, well, we have the capability to leak his album. So stay tuned for a first listen!

Author: /u/Blxckfire

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Author /u/Warstarq called “Dark, Medieval and Magical I was sixteen when I first Times”, he was oozing heavy metal. heard muggle music. I was at my “Not a fan of Celestina friends house during our summer Warbeck eh?”, he asked, and an hour vacation from Hogwarts, when I later, I had a list of local shows, all noticed a poster on his wall of four, occurring in Knockturn Alley. funny looking men. The next night, I braved the “Black Sabbath”, I asked, steps down into Knockturn Alley, “who are those guys?” against my better judgement, and My friend explained to me proceed to The White Wyvern. When that his since his dad was a muggle, I walked in, I saw a bunch of shady he grew up listening to music from fellows crowded around the bar, and the muggle world. I was shocked, how had he not listened to The Weird listening to an emancipated hour elf attempting to play the blues. “My Sisters as a teenager? I looked at his son and remarked that muggle music master gave me socks, he gave me could not possibly be on the level that shoes. Now I’m a free elf, singing the blues”. He then proceeded to magical musicians were capable of, smash his tiny guitar against his and then he pressed play. face for speaking out of turn about The sounds that came from his wizarding wireless nearly knocked his old master. The house elf sped off amongst the laughter of the me over, I had never heard anything like it before. The music sounded like bar patrons, and a group of robed, mysterious people walked out on magic, it was dark and mysterious, stage. The candles on the tables lit and entranced me. I was being charmed by four muggles, who didn't and began to rise as mist slowly filled the now chilly room. “Disciples of even know that the magic they were Durmstrang”, I hear the wizard next singing about existed, and that was to me whisper to his acquaintance, my first experience with Metal. After “black magic metal from Norway’. the last chord of their eponymous The sound that erupted from song ended, I knew that I had to hear their instruments was massive. The the wizarding equivalent, and thus, guitars sounded as icy as being my life's journey had just begun. run through by a ghost, the drums The next day i set out to The chugged along like the hogwarts Leaky Cauldron to ask its patrons is they knew any local bands, our where express, and the vocalist wailed like a banshee. I looked around live music was played. I mostly got saw wizards with robes filled with told that the music I was looking patches of animated band names and for was trouble, and not actually headbanging wizards, all charmed music, until a shady figure in the by the music. I knew by the time the back called me over. This bloke was show was done, this scene was for wearing a hooded robe and sitting me. in the shadows, and reading a book

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But what about you? This music is not easy listening, it is abrasive, loud and in your face. In the same way that people love horror stories, and hearing about the bloody goblin revolts, metal has a morbid curiosity that draws itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s listeners in. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still interested, it is my job to guide you through the deepest dungeons of what wizarding metal has to offer. From here on out, I will introduce you to one wizarding band per issue, and dissect their music to try and make you a fan. Without further ado, the band of the issue: Serpents of Salazar. After graduating from Hogwarts, the members of Serpents of Salazar were faced with the prospect of joining the ministry of magic. Much to their families dismay, they rejected this idea, and did what nobody expected, started a metal band. Of course, they met their fair share of controversy throughout the years. With a debut album named To Enter the Chamber of Secrets and songs like look into the eyes of the Basilisk and forbidden forest dreams, they all but assured themselves the ire of parents everywhere, and no play on the W.W.N. Their music sounded as if it was echoing off the wall of the dungeons, and conjured up images of bubbling potions, clanking chains and total darkness.

They would go on from their classic debut, to what many would consider their greatest effort, The Full Moon Cometh. The album was heavier, slower and had a raw edge to it. A general sense of dread seemed to ooze with every note. The album opener Lycanthropic Nightmares is a masterclass in building a foreboding atmosphere that haunts the track, you feel as if you are walking in the forbidden forest, you can feel the windchill on the back of your neck. The music on display here is as powerful as the spells cast to create the tone of the album. It tells the story of a victim of a werewolf attack, and a life of isolation and paranoia. It is an emotional look into a still taboo subject, and the band pulled it off without a hitch, it is pure musical magic. Unfortunately, the band would break up shortly before the release of this album, fueling rumours that the lyrics were actually autobiographical in nature. Just like that, the band disappeared, but their music lives on, enchanting young wizards and witches for years to come. That is all for this issue, pick up the next one to learn about what muggles do at their concerts, and to learn about a new band! Have a Black Magic Metal Night.

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A day in the life of Garrick Ollivander

It’s 7 AM when I find myself knocking on the door – notebook and quill in my hands. I nervously shift from my left to right leg, and back and back again, as I once again reassuringly read the plate above the door. Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. I don’t even know why I feel the need to check it – I can still remember the last time I visited it like it was yesterday. Never did I imagine I would visit it again today, this time around not buying my own wand but providing the Quibbler’s readers with some insights into a day here. The door slowly opens with a shriek, followed by a voice somewhere from the back. “Come on in, come on in.” I am surrounded by thousands of wands, piled up to the ceiling in their individual boxes. “Oak, barely flexible, 10 ½ inches, core of phoenix feather.” Garrick Ollivander smilingly looks at me from behind yet another pile of wand boxes. I get an extensive tour around the shop, making a few sketches as I go. 9 AM – the sign in front of the door just turned itself around to show the “open” text. Almost immediately, the first customer stumbles in. Just about falling in, the eleven-or something year old enters the store, his face filled with amazement. I can feel my own face smiling, as I know exactly how he’s feeling right now. A good thirty seconds later, the door opens again. A woman walks in, looking around slightly distressed. As her eyes see the kid, relief clearly shows on her face. Mr Ollivander is already taking him through his first set of wands to try out. I look on, while his mom strikes up a conversation with me. “He’s been so excited about this day, it’s the only thing he talked about for the past two weeks I think!” A clatter somewhere in the store draws our attention, and just after turning around to see what caused it we duck down to prevent a blast of sparks heading in our direction. 11 AM – the look of panic on the face of the guy that just walked in says enough already. I can almost see the pain in Mr. Ollivander’s eyes as he takes the wand from him. A thin crack runs all over its length, deep enough to show the core material. The silvery unicorn 62

QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT hair stands out against the dark of the wood surrounding it. He takes it to the back of the shop to take a closer look, leaving us two in the store. The guy – who also turns out to be one of our lovely readers, shares the story of what happened to it with me. I won’t go into the details, but it includes a cat, a clock, a bolt of lightning. 12 AM – It’s not the busiest of days here, as Mr. Ollivander explains to me. I guess I should really call that my luck, for it leaves us with so much interesting conversation. All the in-depth information I could ever wish for, stories he’s collected for years and years. 15 AM – she almost stormed in here, demanding to talk to the shop owner, asking me if I’d seen him after a few seconds of entering the store. Apparently, someone stole her wand just three days after she bought it, and she seems determined it’s his fault. Without a single moment of hesitation, he directs her back to the door, kindly requesting her to find another wand store. Much to my surprise, she leaves immediately. 17 AM – we are rounding off, just sold a wand to the last customer of the day. I actually got to make a suggestion here! It didn’t end up being the wand she bought, but did find its way to a good second place. With that, I’d like to leave you guys as well. I have a shop to help close up, and an article to write.

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Welcome to K9's June Party Korner! Every Quibbler Edition I'll be providing you wonderful readers with some fun Harry Potter themed activities to bring the extra level of Magic to your Harry Potter Parties! This edition’s party korner is based on self-care spa treatments! It just gives you a starting area to pick and choose ideas from, to best fit the feel and feelings you want to bring to your Spa Day Party. HARRY POTTER THEMED SPA FAVOR BAG Requirements: Assorted Items as Desired You’ll want to prepare a favor bag full of fun Harry Potter themed pampered items for your guests to bring home with them. You can set the bag up to look like Hermione’s Expandable Bag, or theme them by Hogwarts Houses, or anything else that fits the focus of your Harry Potter Spa Day Party. Some suggestions to include are Golden Snitch Bath Bomb, Sleeping Draught Bath Soak (lavender scented!), Drooble’s Best Blowing Bubble Bath, Exfoliating Pygmy Puff-Balls, Butterbeer Body butter, and Pumpkin Face Scrub. You may need to find your own recipe for creating these items, but you can always just buy an item and apply a new label to make it fit, depending on how dedicated you want to be. You can also make part of the Spa-Day activities be having your guests make their own version of any of these items.

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HARRY POTTER THEMED SPA BAR AND ACTIVITIES Requirements: Assorted Items as Desired You’ll want to set up a table or two with various items that your guests can use to pamper themselves. Sort it by what body-part, so guests can pick and choose what they want and need to focus on to relax. You can even give each area special Harry Potter themed names, such as The Great Lake Foot Soaks, Ms. Manticore’s Manicure Supplies, Mimbulus Mimbletonia Tonics and Lotions, Sleekeazy’s Hair Potions, Tonk’s Transformation Supplies, Dragon Scale Nail Polishes, Magic Wands (makeup brushes), Fawkes Revitalizing Face Masks, Gillyweed Slices (cucumber), and Whomping Willow Massage Items. Make sure you also have corresponding stations that your guests can head to with their items to easily utilize them. It is also very important you have any required items needed to allow your guests to maintain sanitation levels to match their comforts, such as individual and disposable tools. Dishpans are good and cheap foot-soak tubs you can use and get for each guests, and allow them to customize them with sharpies or stickers. If there is foot-soaks and toenail painting, you’ll also want to provide some cheap flip-flops/thong sandals. You can also provide ribbons or strips of fabric in various house colors to allow your guests to customize their flip-flops. You can also label the basket for used and dirty towels thematically too, such as HOUSE ELF CHORES.

HARRY POTTER THEMED SPA FOOD Requirement: Assorted Items as Desired No day of pampering is complete without a delightful spread of foods. You know your guests dietary needs and desires best, so make sure you cater to what will make their experience most pleasant. Some items that might be pleasing to have available are Canary Creams, Cheese and Pretzel Broomsticks, Chocolate Cauldron Cakes, Professor Sprout’s Veggie Cups, Herbology Bites (cucumber sandwiches), Devilled Dragon Eggs, and Forbidden Forest Fruit Cups. For drinks, you can have a Mimosa Bar (with or without alcohol), with the classic Harry Potter themed sign of “it’s mimOsa, not mimosA”. You can also serve various sparkling waters or infused water with appropriate potion names.

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Wizard's Chess: The Hogwarts Chess Championship

Last week, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry held its first ever wizard’s chess tournament! The competition attracted attention from students and staff alike, with competitors from all year groups participating, as well as four staff members. Perhaps the most famous chess enthusiast among the Hogwarts staff is Professor Minerva McGonagall, known for transfiguring a giant chess set to make moves by itself. Other participants included Professor Filius Flitwick (who began playing chess after retiring from duelling competitions), Professor Remus Lupin, and Professor Septima Vector.

The Divination teacher, Professor Sybil Trelawney, refused to enter on the grounds that her ability to predict the future would confer an unfair advantage.

It was decided that the tournament would be played in a knock-out format, in which players are eliminated after losing a game. At the end of the tournament, the last two players remaining would play a two game match to determine the champion. The tournament was organised by Professor Pomona Sprout, who devised a number of anti-cheating spells in order to ensure fair play throughout the competition.

“I’m pleased to say that these precautions were hardly necessary,” Sprout told our correspondent. “All players had a great attitude to the game and showed good sportsmanship. We had a slight issue in the third round when one of Remus’ bishops refused to obey his orders, but when we threatened to replace it with an unused piece from another set, the bishop quickly complied. It was rather unfortunate that the poor piece was violently beheaded a few moves later.” There were no other problems with disobedient chess sets, although the pieces certainly complained about what they were forced to do sometimes!

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Special mention goes to the youngest player in the tournament, first year student Rose Weasley, who managed to last two rounds before being eliminated. “My father taught me how to play wizard’s chess,” Rose said, when asked about the secret of her success. “I’m using a chess set that he gave me. My dad taught me the best opening moves to play at the start of the game, and some traps I could use to trick people who aren’t careful enough.” Rose was beaten by McGonagall in the third round, and although the professor quickly built up a winning position, she commended Rose on her focus at the board and her good grace in defeat.

"And coaching others helps me improve too! "

"My dad taught me the best opening moves to play at the start of the game"

Another outstanding participant was fourth year Hufflepuff student Robby Fischer, who talked to younger students after their games and made suggestions to help them improve their play. “I enjoy teaching,” Robby said. “After I finish school, I want to undertake further study, then return to Hogwarts as a professor. Helping the younger students is a rewarding experience for me. I advise them on how they could have played differently in the game, and also give them tips on ways to improve their concentration and determination when they’re playing. And coaching others helps me improve too!” Robby was knocked out in the fourth round, but he remained to watch the rest of the games and provide commentary to interested students.

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The two finalists were McGonagall and Flitwick, who both won all of their games convincingly. McGonagall prefers to play solid positional chess, slowly accumulating advantages and building up her position. Like a boa-constrictor, she creates a bind so that her opponent starts running out of active plans and reasonable moves. She enjoys all phases of the game, but is particularly proud of her excellent endgame technique. After her beautiful last round victory against Lupin, we interviewed her chess set to get some insider information on her style. “She’s a strong player, that’s for sure,” said the queen’s rook, “but it can get a bit boring for us pieces sometimes. She’s always manoeuvring the knights and bishops, but I hardly get to do anything until the game’s almost over.” Flitwick’s style, however, is in stark contrast with McGonagall’s - he prefers to play daring attacks and stunning sacrifices, perhaps an approach influenced by his past as a champion duellist. Flitwick gets his army pointed at the opponent’s king as quickly as possible, starts an assault, and challenges the other player to defend against his relentless onslaught. His chess set certainly isn’t bored, but the pieces do have some complaints of their own. “Filius loves to play gambit lines,” says the king bishop’s pawn. “That means that he gives up material in exchange for compensation such as piece mobility and coordination. Sure, it tends to work out well for him, but it’s not so great when you’re the unit being sacrificed! He sends us out without anyone to defend us, and when we’re captured he doesn’t seem to care! He doesn’t even try to eliminate the piece that took us.” The match between McGonagall and Flitwick was highly anticipated, not only due to the clash of styles but also because the games would be played on one of McGonagall’s giant chess sets. Taking advantage of the good weather, the teachers decided to hold the match on the Quidditch pitch, where everybody could enjoy the warmth and sunshine. In order to erase any bias towards their creator, the pieces were introduced to Flitwick and played a few practice games

under his command. Flitwick’s small stature also posed visibility problems, so he enchanted his chair to raise and lower itself as required during the games. In the first game, Flitwick played the white pieces. We interviewed his light squared bishop, a piece which played a key role in the game right from the start. “It was an exciting game. As usual, Flitwick played a gambit line,” the bishop said, rolling its eyes. “The pawn in front of me was taken on the second move, poor thing! It wasn’t very happy about it - glared at him from the sidelines the whole game. Soon after its capture, I was sent to a good post in the centre of the board. From this square, I could eye the enemy king and dream about checkmating him, perhaps with the assistance of one of the knights, which were developed shortly after I was. But my dreams were soon crushed, as the enemy king managed to castle away to safety. One of the pawns in front of him started laughing at me and taunting me. He said that I would never be able to get at the king while he was defending him, and that I should relocate myself to a diagonal where I wouldn’t be so useless. Now I don’t like being teased, so I encouraged Flitwick to eliminate the peasant. He sent one of our rooks into the enemy territory to do so, but sadly our soldier was killed before he could retreat. Enraged, our army worked together to set up persistent threats to the enemy monarch, but the black forces were defending grimly. Unable to break through, Flitwick sent a knight to sacrifice himself in the noble pursuit of opening up more lines towards the king. But our commander realised that his threats were not sufficient, and we would not be able to checkmate unless black’s king was suicidal. I was told to repeatedly give check to the king, who shrewdly refused to enter more open territory where our forces could get at him. So I kept on checking, back and forth, until the game was agreed drawn due to repetition of the position. It was a thrilling game, but I am quite

tired after all that exertion, and need to rest up before the next round!” A hundred students came out to watch the game, and were very impressed, both with Flitwick’s creativity and McGonagall’s accurate defensive play. The second game saw McGonagall commanding the white pieces. We talked to the king’s knight, one of the busiest pieces in the game! “I was chosen to be the first piece to make a move,” the knight said proudly. “I headed towards the centre of the board, and was soon joined by a couple of pawns and the other knight. McGonagall chose to employ a safe, rather quiet setup which nevertheless promised her a small edge. The start of the game was relatively bloodless, with no captures for about ten moves. Perhaps this lulled me into a false sense of security, because I was shocked when the next few moves saw a flurry of captures. First it was just a few pawns, and then suddenly a pair of rooks were eliminated, and then the queens were exchanged! I thought that the game would soon be over after this bloodbath, but counting the fallen soldiers from both sides showed that remarkably, the two remaining armies had approximately equal strength. Looking around the board, I saw that we had annexed more territory due to our far advanced line of foot soldiers, but the enemy had no obvious weaknesses in their position. My commander seemed pleased with this state of affairs. With our forces so far depleted, it would be impossible for black to stir up an attack against our king. In fact, the king would soon be able to join the fray himself. McGonagall began a slow manoeuvring game in which I was sent back and forth, trying to provoke weakening moves and create targets in the opponent’s position. Slowly but surely, we managed to identify points of attack on both wings of the board. The black army was under a lot of pressure, and eventually lost a pawn for nothing. I thought we would be certain to emerge victorious now, but again I was wrong. Despite the clear disparity in forces, it was not possible to win the game with the few units we had remaining on the board. And so the second game was agreed drawn.”

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Thus, the match was drawn, and the wizard’s chess champion of Hogwarts remains undecided. Flitwick and McGonagall will play another match next week in the hopes of determining a clear winner. Watch this space to see the results of their next games!

Legilimency for Beginners: 6 Ways to Detect Lies by: DescX

Legilimency is known to be a more... mysterious, gloomy branch of magic. An accomplished Legilimens can read another wizard’s mind as if they are reading a novel, scanning through memories and thoughts alike. But now, the Quibbler will let you into some of the art’s less malevolent techniques: detecting lies. Here are 6 ways how to know someone is lying.

1. Legilimency is all about the eyes.

Liars tend to look to the right or more right-downward. That’s because they are fabricating a story, as people who use their memory will often look to the left. Their eyes may dart back and forth as if they were seeking an escape route. People who hide the truth don’t blink a lot and will try to avoid eye contact. You may also find their pupils to grow, however, light may play a role in this process.

2. Watch their hands.

Wizards and witches that keep fidgeting with stuff, maybe busy constructing a whole new story. They will often touch their own face - especially the nose. Maybe they are checking if it is growing larger?

3. The face is enough.

The subtle details in the face, which are called micro-expressions, can tell you a lot. There are obvious ones, like blushing, but some are well-hidden and will only be visible in less than a second, like the edge of their lips trembling. Also, when a liar smiles, they only smile with their mouth. You won’t notice any wrinkles next to their eyes (which is an indication of an honest smile).

4. The body is a book.

These are quite easy to spot. A sweaty torso isn’t always the result of an intensive Quidditch match. Deceivers will also shake their head lightly when saying something, denying their own story. Truth-tellers, on the other hand, will often nod.

5. Watch out for how they talk.

What they say may sound plausible, but how they say it tells you something else… You have to watch out for exaggerated details. "My mom is living in France, isn't it nice there? Don't you like the Eiffel tower? It's so clean there." They may also jump in the middle of a sentence. "No I did not eat your- hey, do you have a new haircut?"

6. Ask them to say it again… backwards.

Lies are hard to tell. But good luck trying to say it again, backwards! A great way to figure out if they are honest about, for example, their whereabouts during the night of a murder, is to let them go over it again - but this time, they have to do it backwards. Note: this only may only work with interrogations, such as describing chronologically where you were during an evening.

Magical Science

Learning about the cutting-edge of magic BY: Hufflepuffball From discovering new spells, combining spells and discovering new applications, to deepening our understanding and creating new breakthroughs, it's clear Magical Science is creating the future.

QUIBBLER EDUCATION

Book Reviews:

New Releases & Old Classics that Belong on your Shelf !

EDUCATION QUIBBLER oday we’re taking a look at “One Minute Feasts - It’s Magic!” by award-winning chef Gustav Gustum. This compendium of simple recipes requiring minimal spellwork is a must have for anyone with an interest in cooking. You’ll find instructions for nearly a hundred different meals, as well as handy sections on ingredient preparation, efficient methods of cleaning, and ways to improve the accuracy of your wandwork. The author shares his tricks of the trade learnt from over twenty years of experience as a chef in both London and Hogsmeade. You too can make meals that look and taste amazing with less than a minute in the kitchen! Quality: This is a sturdy hardcover book with thick, high-quality paper charmed with protective spells to stop it from staining if you make a mess while cooking. It will last decades in even the messiest of kitchens! The pages are easy to turn and do not stick together. The print is in a large, clearly readable font for maximum accessibility while in the kitchen. Each recipe is laid out clearly so you can refer to it quickly to review that vital step in the middle of the preparation or recall the exact wand movement required for a charm. We were highly impressed with the production of this title! Contents: The book starts with a quick introduction and biography of the author (written by colleague Tom the innkeeper from the Leaky Cauldron). After that, the author describes all the spells that will be needed in the recipes in great detail, including pictures demonstrating the correct wand movement. The meat of the book is in the recipes - in order, we have sections about Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Snacks, Desserts and Special Occasions. In the end, the author makes a few concluding remarks including advice for those who wish to modify or combine the recipes, as well as a list of recommended magical cookbooks and an index of all the meals in the book. The book is structured well and is easy to use.

Recipes: The recipes start with a list of required ingredients, and a short review of the spells that will be needed. Every step is accompanied by a diagram indicating what your food should look like during or after the step is complete. At the end of each recipe, there is a short section on troubleshooting, including common mistakes and ways to fix them. There are no more than 5 steps in each recipe, making them quick and easy to read and execute. The author also suggests some variations on the given list of ingredients in case of diners with special dietary requirements, and we commend his commitment to providing alternatives for people with many different medical conditions. Does one of your relatives have dragon pox? Never fear, nearly three-quarters of the recipes in the book are suitable for them with only minor changes to the ingredients! Are you allergic to dairy products? Don’t worry, all these recipes will be safe for you to eat after applying a simple charm! Does spicy food make your eyes water? You’re not alone, plenty of people don’t like the hot stuff! Applying one of Gustav’s original spells to your food will allow diners to set the spiciness level of their own meal, so that everyone’s food is exactly how they like it. What’s more, people who are trying to lose weight will love his new charm that completely removes carbohydrate content (including sugar!) from their meal, without affecting the taste! In the process of reviewing this book, we have tried cooking nearly all of the recipes, and found that the title claim was highly accurate - our average cooking time was 49.8 seconds, and only one of the recipes took longer than 60 seconds (but we expect preparation time to decrease as the cook becomes more familiar with the required spellwork). At the end of each section, the author provides some recommended meal plans for healthy eating. If your child is a picky eater, then the healthy eating tips are a must read - nowhere else can you find a spell that makes potatoes taste like ice cream, or a charm that makes zucchini taste like peanut butter! There is also a spell that cures constipation which can be easily applied

to any of the meals listed in the book, and a spell that cures indigestion which can be cast on somebody before they begin eating. The Special Occasions section of the book is both useful and novel, and is essential for anyone who needs party planning ideas. There are some basic guidelines on cooking artistically, and some simple spells that will add life to your creations. Did you want your bowl of jelly to bounce itself around the table? Or your peas to run around your plate? Or your cake to smear itself on people’s faces when they try to eat it? You can learn all these pranks, and more, in the section on party tricks! The Snacks section provides a list of recipes that can be prepared in under 30 seconds, as well as a list of handy charms that will keep your food in perfect condition if you want to store it for later. Do you take your lunch to work, but hate that it never tastes as good after a warming charm? Don’t worry, one of Gustav’s original spells will keep it warm for up to 48 hours after you cook it! These quick and easy recipes help you cook favourites like Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pasties, and also teach you quirky new snacks like Gulping Plimpy Bisque and Dirigible Plum Yoghurt. Ever wondered if you could make a risotto with Gurdyroots? Now you can! In conclusion, we highly recommend “One Minute Feasts - It’s Magic!” to anybody who cooks regularly. No matter whether you are struggling to put together a sandwich, or whether you can feed a hundred people with a flick of your wand, Gustav Gustum’s best-selling new book is sure to teach you something new about cooking! An enjoyable and extremely useful compendium of recipes and kitchen advice! Special offer! “One Minute Feasts It’s Magic!” is selling for the fantastic price of only three galleons to Quibbler readers. Simply bring the coupon below to Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley to receive your discounted copy!

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

Black Bean Cheesey Dip

Cook Time: 25 minutes Yields: Four cups (1000 ml)

BY GRIMACEDIA

Fondest greetings to you all! Today I’d like to share with you one of my favorite recipes, and one that’s especially suited to summer barbecues and picnics. Everyone appreciates a nice dip, and you can alter the spiciness to suit your preferences or those of your guests. This’ll take about half an hour to make, so let’s switch on the W.W.N. and get crackin’! 76

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Instructions Ingredients

1. If needed, take out the not-yetgrated pepper jack cheese and cream cheese first in order for it to soften for use.

• 3/4 cup (180 ml) tomatillo salsa verde • 15 oz (425g) vegetarian refried black beans • 8 oz (225g) cream cheese • 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper • 1/8 tsp salt • 8 oz (225g) pepper jack cheese, freshly grated, plus a few extra ounces for topping • 1 oz (30g) grated mozzarella, for topping • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes for topping (as desired) • 1/4 tsp dried parsley for topping • Tortilla chips and/or veggies for dipping*

2. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F (or 121C).

*If the gnomes in your garden have stolen your veggies, my deepest sympathies; storebought is fine. I tend to enjoy red pepper slices the most with this dip, but I’m sure anything would go well with it!

6. Top with extra pepper jack, grated mozzarella cheese, parsley and red pepper flakes (as desired), and bake for 10-15 minutes or until hot and bubbly!

3. Next combine your beans and green salsa in a well-seasoned skillet or pan and bring to medium heat on your stove top, stirring frequently to avoid sticking. 4. Add the softened cream cheese, salt, and cayenne pepper to the pan, and mix thoroughly. 5. Once the beans are hot and the cream cheese has fully melted, slowly add freshly grated pepper jack cheese, stirring constantly to incorporate. I highly recommend an enchanted cheese grinder for the job, best purchase of my life! Make sure to replace them often, they get temperamental with too much use!

7. Dig in right away and store leftovers for up to four days in a covered bowl. May be reheated with a simple heating charm - I highly suggest adding more cheese when you do so! 77

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

21 Simple Spells That Can Improve Your Life! Number 14 Will Make You Turn Heads! by Blxckfire 78

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1. Accio

Ah, yes good ol’ Accio. Sure, we have all learned this in our first year of Hogwarts, but it is so simple that sometimes even the most advanced witches and wizards forget about this! Quill just out of reach? Jacket all the way across the room? Left your book upstairs? Don’t even bother getting up, just remember the Summoning Charm. And if you ever think this won’t change your life, just remember that it saved Harry Potter’s, when he used it to summon his Firebolt and escape the Dragon in the Triwizard Tournament!

2. Wingardium Leviosa

Another Hogwarts classic. This charm is simple yet effective. Do not put excessive strain on your back by carrying everything up and down the stairs or when moving furniture. Just simply remember to swish and flick, and your muscles will thank you!

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

3. Episkey

One of the most important selfcare spells, Episkey is perfect for fixing those little wounds we get with everyday life. Dittany is rare, and healers are expensive. Save yourself the trip to St. Mungo’s and fix your kid’s broken nose yourself.

4. Depulso

How many times have you gone out with friends, only to be approached by creepy dudes who just won’t take no for an answer? The banishing spell has your back to keep those bloody idiots at bay.

5. Hairthickening charm

Sure, this might have been used as a hex back in our Hogwarts days. But have you ever looked in the mirror and noticed how flat your hair looked? Yeah, me too. Never have a bad hair day again. 80

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6. Capacious Extremis

7. Arania Exumai

We’ve all been there before. We cannot fit anything in our bag, and it’s just way too heavy. How are you supposed to fit your three outfit changes for the night in one little purse? And do not even get me started on how small the pockets are on witches’ robes. With this handy trick, you can dance the night away without having to clutch your bag at your sides all night long!

Spiders? No thanks. Even if you say you are not afraid of spiders, you are afraid of spiders. This spell blasts those little demons to bits. No need to burn your house down because mama spider laid eggs, just remember this little trick to keep those little guys far, far away.

8. Warming Charm Fireplace just not quite heating up? Have to go and chase your cat in the rain? Never be cold again. This simple warming charm will heat you right up. It works on objects, too! Don’t by into the muggle conspiracy of

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

“microwaves” it’ll render your leftovers soggy and just weird. This charm even works on snow! Never shovel a driveway again. Ever.

9. Refilling Charm More wine, please. Need we say more?

10. Sonorous

For when your children insist on talking over you at the dinner table. Don’t strain your voice. Make yourself sound like the god of thunder to scare the living daylights out of your kids. They will never interrupt you again.

11. Muffliato

For when you do not want your kids to hear what you are saying, cast this charm around you and a select few, and no outsiders will be able to eavesdrop on your conversation. Because you are an adult and talk about, well, adult things. Protect their innocence, unless you really want to have that talk already. 82

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12. Silencio

For when you do not want to hear what your kids are saying. I mean, does anyone want to hear about how Billy keeps eating his boogers on the playground? I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think so. Save yourself the torture of listening to others ramble on for days on end. Simply cast this charm to shut them up. Watch their mouth move. Smile and nod. Rinse, repeat.

13. Aguamenti

Did you forget to use Arania Exumai to kill those spiders, and accidentally set your house on fire trying to burn them? No problem, just shoot a jet of bloody water out of your wand.

14. Colovaria

Have you ever looked in the mirror are just felt bored? Spice things up a bit with the color changing charm. Go from green to blue to pink without having to sacrifice the integrity of your 83

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

locks! You’ll grab everyone’s attention as you strut down the street with your hair matching the trim on your robes. Your house guests will be amazed to find that the color scheme of your living room changes every time they visit! Never be bland again. Live life on the rainbow side.

16. BubbleProducing Spell

This spell produces a stream of multicolored, non-bursting bubbles. Do we need to even explain how this makes life better? Keep the kids entertained for hours. Be a master decorator. Play with bubbles. Bubbles. Do we have to say anything else?

15. Bedazzling Hex

This is typically used to create invisibility cloaks, but it works to conceal any object. Perfect for hiding that god-awful yellow couch your mother-in-law gave you that you only reveal when she’s around as to not hurt her feelings. Or to hide that rope you tied across your kitchen floor and laugh as everyone who tries to steal your food falls flat on their face.

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17. Immobulus

Cat about to run into the street? Save one of their nine lives by freezing them before they hit the pavement. This charm, which immobilizes the target, is also very useful when you have a house full of teenagers who just turned of age and decide to make everything fly around the house.

18. Expoximese

Robes keep falling apart? Arts and Crafts taking too long? Do not even think about picking up that bottle of muggle glue, Karen. This spell creates magical bonds, so you never have to worry about things unsticking. Unfortunately, there is no counterspell, so just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get your fingers stuck together.

19. Reparo This spell, well, repairs things. Because children break everything. If only Potions class were this self-explanatory.

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

20. Impervius This spell causes water to repel from objects. Perfect for a rainy day! Keep your hair dry and your glasses clear! Everyone will envy you as you walk into the pub, completely dry, while their hair is a giant ball of frizz from the unexpected thunderstorm.

21. Scourgify Sure, muggle chores can “build character” and “make you appreciate magic more.” But does anyone really want to scrub the shower tile grout clean with a toothbrush? No. Just Scourgify it.

Scarf

FASHION QUIBBLER

Mayhem by yikespotato

hrough the halls of Hogwarts and Ilvermorny, no matter which house a student may be in, they all have one thing in common. Their scarves. Scarves aren’t just accessories, it’s a symbol of your house and your pride for it. This always bring up, how exactly do I wear my scarf ? Luckily, the Quibbler is here to help you out. There are two main types of scarves. First, a circle scarf. As the name suggests, it connects all the way around to form a circle and you can wear it around your neck just like a really big necklace. This type of scarf is perfect for winter wear as in keeps the heat in and if you angle the scarf correctly, there’s a little place to hide snacks for when you get hungry! Try not to wear this type in the summer as the knitting can trap a lot of heat and cause you to overheat as you watch the Quidditch games in the beating sun! The second type of scarf is just the regular straight scarf you see all the students rocking at school. It’s a classic look but also much better for summer and spring as it leaves the front open to let heat escape. Much better for the hot months as opposed to the circle scarf. If this look bores you, you can always spice it up by folding your scarf as seen on the Slytherin scarf on the right. You can do this by folding your scarf in half, then bringing the two loose ends through the loop. It gives your scarf a bit more pop and you can adjust the tightness and how much heat it keeps in to your needs. Give both a try and see which one you like more! This has been a classic staple of fashion for the Wizarding World and we hope our readers keep up with all the latest trends with us at the Quibbler! Until next time!

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10 Life Hacks for Keeping your Kitchen Pest Free by ElphabaPfenix

It is a daily struggle to balance your busy work life and maintain a squeaky clean kitchen that is free of pest. Today we bring you 10 simple, fuss free ways to keep pests out of your kitchen. Number 8 will change your life! 1. Rice is a staple in many cuisines and is a cheap way to bulk up your meals. Simple to cook and easy to flavour to your liking. But store it improperly will attract common rice weevil or their magic cousin, the rice lice. But fear not! Dry a couple of cloves of garlic, skin on, and put it with your rice will keep those insects from spoiling your rice. 2. Many times, we will be busy cooking for our loved ones and find after slaving like house elves, we STILL have to do clean up! Even with the many self cleaning spells available on the market, you will miss some spots or a banana peel here and there. A simple solution is to clean as you go! Every time you complete one task, wave your wand and do a simple cleaning spell. It is less taxing on you and multiple cleaning through the day makes for a cleaner kitchen and keeps the mice at bay! So simple! 3, Ever had left over bread sitting on the counter only to find mice have been snacking on it? Create a small protection charm around your exposed food! Alternatively, cover your bread with a bowl and charge it with a small electric charge that will shock any vermin that comes close! 4. If you have a moth problem in your cabinets, dry some orange peel and stick a few cloves in them. This ancient charm will keep unwanted moths and flies from nesting in those dark corners and keeps your cabinet smelling citrus fresh! 5. You can never underestimate the benefits of keeping 2 trash bins in your kitchen. One for dry trash that you throw out once every few days, and one for wet trash that your vanish at the end of the day. Keeping your kitchen free of exposed food waste is a great way to send a message to pests that this kitchen is closed for business to them! 6. Growing a mini herb garden in your kitchen but the plants are attracting pests? Take some chilli flakes and sprinkle on the soil of your potted herbs. It doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t harm the plant but keeps insects from coming near. A magic-less solution for magical results! 88

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7. Washing your pots and pan can be a tedious job and doing it half heartedly can lead to food stains that attract roaches. Keep some lemon or vinegar water to rinse your cooking equipments to wash away oil and bring a shiny to those pots. 8. Speaking of vinegar, cleaning your kitchen floors and countertop with a 5 part water 1 part white vinegar solution is a great way discourage pest from setting up shop in your kitchen. It is a miracle how well they work! Keeping my kitchen clean has never been easier since I have discover this simple solution. Works better than any spell Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve tried! 9. The best way to keep our pest is to prevent them from hiding and nesting in your kitchen waiting for unattended food. Seal up any cracks you find and cover up any holes. It takes you about an hour to find them and seal them up with a wave of a wand but saves you so much time and energy from pest management in the future. 10. When all else fails, brew a potion with Agrippa, nettle leaves, rose oil and leaping toadstool. Stew the ingredients in honeywater and let the steam waft around your kitchen form 2 hours. The steam will drive away pests and keep them out for 48 hours. That is when you pest proof your kitchen to prevent them from coming back.

QUIBBLER CASTLES AND BURROWS

Silvestress’s Tips for a

Happy Home!

For this issue, I want to focus on what you can do in or around your home to keep insects happy!

SPIDERS

I know that there are a few witches and wizards at The Quibbler who despise spiders, but did you know that they are more frightened of you than you are of them? (WARNING! This is not true for those giant arachnids, you know the ones, like Aragog, they see you as food). Well in order to live peacefully with these eight legged beasts I have set out a few ways to make them understand that you mean them no harm (if you do mean them harm, then I can’t help you). My first tip, is to allow them a place to call their own. I don’t mean give up your spare room to a family of spiders, but leave a spot, preferable by a window (where the flies will be coming in from) where you leave the spider’s web undisturbed. Once you have decided upon an area, it is ok to then remove other webs. Eventually, the spider will understand that it is only welcome in that one area. Now if you have placed it where I suggested, then there will be plenty of food for the spider, and it will be happy! Most importantly, it will greatly reduce the number of flies inside your home. The second thing you could do, it to encourage them to spend time outside. This is only required if you really can’t stand them being in your home.

BEES

Bees are wonderful, magical, creatures. Did you know, that if we allowed the bees to die off, it would for sure be the start of our own doom? Just ask the Quibbler’s resident fortune-telling fairy, Madam Starflash! But when they start flying close to us, we try to swipe at them and harm them! They are most likely tired and in need of a rest or some sugary sustenance. The first thing that you should do when confronted by a bee is stay calm. They will only sting you if they feel that their lives are in danger. By staying calm and continuing to go about your business, you will not frighten the bee. The second thing, if the bee stops nearby, would be to offer it something sugary. This could be a sugary drink you have, a mixture of sugar and water, or something else you conjure up. It is best given to them in small doses, to reduce the risk of them drowning. For your garden however, there are so many plants that you can cover your garden with to entice these furry-kneed friends to assist you in making your wonderful flowers bloom! Bees love to get into a flower and take it’s pollen and nectar to make honey. As they do this, they spread the pollen between flowers, helping you cross-pollinate! Without you having to lift a finger, your garden will become much more vibrant. The best flowers to plant in order to attract honey bees change depending on the season. For example, in Spring, crocus, hyacinth, moly, and wild lilac are best, whereas in Summer cosmos, snapdragon foxglove, and aconite will prove a much more effective flower.

BUTTERFLIES

Muggles have started a trend that I feel we can easily improve upon, and which greatly benefits the local ecosystem. Bug Hotels. It sounds ridiculous, but the idea is that they provide shelter for many insects, specifically those nesting, from either the cold in winter or potential predators. And they don’t even have to cater to “gross” insects, but can be tailored towards ladybugs, butterflies, and flitterby moths. These hotels give a safe space for many types of insects, and if done correctly will keep them away from your precious plants! For butterflies and flitterby moths, it is best to have vertical slits as entrances to your hotel, ensuring that their sensitive wings do not get damaged. On the inside, it is best to have bundles of leaves, as this will make them feel the safest. There are many more ways in which you can adapt your home or garden to accommodate the creatures, both magical and mundane, who wish to share them with you. I would greatly encourage any reader wanting to do more to seek advice at the Magical Menagerie in Diagon Alley, who will be able to assist with any specific questions you have. 91

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INVESTIGATIVE REPORT AUTHOR: /u/Rednails5ever ARTIST: /u/Silvestress

Computers: What are they? How do they work? flow of electrons, whereas other time the manipulation is much more complicated.

Contents: What is a computer? (this is more complicated than you think, annoyingly) How do they work? (again, super complicated) What do they do? (lots, spoiler alert) Probably some other stuff, let’s see how this goes

f you have read my articles in previous Quibbler issues then you will know that I have dedicated a lot of my time to understanding the mysterious Muggle power of (and I have now learnt how to spell this properly) electricity. After struggling to discover the source of this power, I read Willhelm Wigworthy’s book “Home Life and Social Habits of British Muggles”, which explains that there are in fact tiny living beings inside the wires called “electrons”. It seems that Muggles have found a way to control how these electrons travel down the wires, allowing them to utilise the electricity for machines. Most of the time they simply have “on/off ” switches or buttons that can stop the

One machine that only works with the help of electricity is a computer. Muggles seem to use these contraptions everywhere, in every building, even outside of buildings, and use them for a variety of purposes. As you lovely readers know, I do so like going undercover as a Muggle, and you may have already guessed it, but I went undercover again! I once again donned my Muggle persona, Lilith De’Wiggins, and ventured forth into the great unknown, (well, known as a Muggle university) to learn all I could about computers. I am much more prepared this time dear readers. As usual I have Sir Snuggles, my faithful cat with me, along with my even more faithful wand! You read that right, I am bringing my wand this time, because quite frankly I am not cut out for life without it. I also hope that you all bare in mind that it has taken me three years to get all of this information for you; there will be things left out as there would be far too much to write down.

Diagram 1. Artistic rendition of a computer's interior structure

Computers: What are they? How do they work?

What is a computer?

o, when you first look at a computer, it appears to be a plastic box with lights coming off of it and some fans to cool you down as you look at it. There are also wires coming from the box, some going to sockets, and others to a small TV, a flat typewriter, and something that is called a mouse but looks nothing like one. The flat typewriter is called a keyboard and has a lot more buttons on it compared to a real typewriter; many of them just have symbols or nonsensical words (Tab, Ctrl, PrntScr are just a few). Some of the buttons have words that make complete sense like

insert or home, but these are a lie. The home button does not take you home. The insert button does not allow you to put thing into the TV. In fact, if you try to do what the buttons tell you, like enter, it just breaks things. The mouse. I am unsure how to explain the mouse. It has no ears, no nose, no feet. It does have a tail in the form of a wire that goes to the computer box. Its head, if you can call it that, is split into three parts. The left and right parts you can press and it selects things on the TV, and the middle you can spin up and down. If you move the mouse around an arrow on the screen moves too.

What do computers do? How to they work? got to look into the computer more during my time at university, literally taking apart the plastic box to look at where the electrons live. Inside are a bunch of wires, just loads. I tried to count but it’s just not worth it. These wires take the electrons from one metal thing to another, all of which are called different things. There is a motherboard, which I believe makes the electrons and boses them all around the box. There is memory, called RAM and ROM. I don’t know why we have to shout those words or why one sounds like a sheep. It appears that the electrons have a kind of hive mind and they store all of their knowledge into these smaller boxes. There are fans, they spin very fast and can hurt if you try to touch them while they are moving. Apparently it is to stop the electrons from getting too hot. There is also something called water cooling, but aguamenti makes the electrons angry and stops the computer from working, so I have yet to master that technique. You can also put other wires into holes in the computer to make other things happen. I understand that this is very vague, but well, it is vague. It all depends on what you put into the hole. For example, there are small boxes called universal cereal buses (Muggles really are weird creatures) that when put into the hole give more space to the hivemind. The TV seems to be the important part of the computer though, as it allows you to see what the electrons want you to see. It appears to be the missing part of my research before. The keyboard and mouse allow you to directly communicate with the electrons, which are just fascinating!

here is this place called goggle, that you can see on the TV, where the electrons will answer any question you have! The only problem is that they give you millions of answers to your one question, so I am going to have to assume that there are at least millions of electrons that are simply all trying to answer me at the same time. I feel like I need to warn any readers at this time who are thinking of using the goggle, that sometimes the goggles let you see some nasty things. I don’t want to go into it but let’s just say it is NOT appropriate for young Witches and Wizards. There are places that you can see wonderful things though. Places dedicated to cats wearing hats, dogs in socks, hedgehogs wearing scarfs; I could go on. The best part in my humble Hufflepuff opinion is the sheer amount of recipes available to you. The electrons really know how to make you happy! There is vast amounts of music available to you, and moving pictures much like we have (although they don’t respond to you as ours do). There are history books hidden within computer that go into amazing detail about Muggle history. Although, worryingly, they do seem to be conscious of Wizards and Witches, at least in the past. These books go into detail about Wizards fighting dragons, Witches being burnt at the stake for cursing villages, Wizards ruling lands, all kinds of things. I am not sure what to do with this knowledge. The only thing that gives me peace is that they do all seem to speak of it in the past tense, with no knowledge of the Ministry, the Wizarding schools, Diagon Alley etc. With the right knowhow there are worlds that you can only access through the computer; worlds in which you can meet other people on their computers who have also been granted access to these worlds. You are still only looking in through the TV, but you are able to control a creature in this world with something akin to the Imperius Curse. Most of the time you must either fight alongside these other people or fight them. The strangest thing about all of this is that there is not just one world you can enter, but loads!

C o

ion s lu c n There is so much that I can write about these wonderful machines, but alas it would be impossible

to bring them back with me into the Muggle world, as they do not work around high levels of magic. I also believe that I may have failed in achieving my degree. They tell me that I have to program things. The professors explained that on a base level it would control the electrons through their food and depending on how they bite the food (one bite or no bites) changes how they act, - or something. I was distracted by the food. But anyway, I decided that I did not like the idea of controlling the electrons; they had been kind to me most of the time and so I wanted to allow them to keep their freedom. I talk to them through the goggles, and while sometimes I don’t understand what it is they are saying, I feel a kinship to them. They are clearly hard working as they only stop when you allow them to and they appear loyal; they don’t leave your computer (unless there is lightning, sometimes they leave then). All in all, I would encourage any Witch or Wizard to experience using a computer, while keeping in mind that they must only ask questions they want to know the answer to on the goggle. I accidentally found out the day that I am going to die. The electrons would put Professor Trelawney to shame.

QUIBBLER PUZZLES AND HOROSCOPES

Magical Jumble Words! Submission by PhDiabetic

After Tom Marvolo Riddle anagrammed his name, the popularity of jumble word puzzles fell dramatically in the wizarding world. Here at the Quibbler, we are working towards rectifying this situation, and hereby present to you a magical anagram puzzle. Your task is to rearrange each word or phrase into a single Harry Potter themed word:

E R ER U C T N A OW ) 2 L M E PO R E P G N I L W O E R Y D ) 4 L 3) D E R

O T N

E M 5)

TO AL UC AR AN M

L W O B R E K C U 7) T Answers 1) Werewolf 2) Centaur 3) Merpeople 4) Grindylow 5) Dementor 6) Acromantula 7) Bowtruckle 96

QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT

Magical Creatures and Myths Submitted by infinityxero

Across

1. The cabbages! 2. The western ones have wings, the eastern ones don't. 3. Hercules' steed. 4. Snake in sanskrit (almost!) 5. Opposite of blue bottom. 6. Trelawney's ancestor. 7. Opposite of show in front. 8. Like a vampire but not. 9. Pure.

Down

1. Blood thirsty. 2. Remus' brother. 3. A creature that's living death. 4. A firey circle. 5. The 3-headed guard. 6. Umbridge's downfall. 7. Child Aubrey Graham. 8. Newt's cute accessory. 9. Giant, hairy, man-thing. 10. Not the internet kind. 11. He was a real person. 97

QUIBBLER PUZZLES AND HOROSCOPES

HOGWARTS HORROR-SCOPES Madam Starflash Sees what (mis)fortunes will befall you this season!

CAPRICORN THE THESTRAL

TAURUS THE WEREWOLF

VIRGO THE UNICORN

(DEC. 22ND — JAN. 19TH)

(APRIL 20TH — MAY 20TH)

(AUGUST 23RD — SEPT. 22ND)

Quidditch in the summer is fun, but playing with your friends in the field behind the Muggle village is a risky game. Practice your Memory Charm for when the pretty innkeeper comes to investigate.

Avoid mosquitoes this summer with a homemade bug repellent potion. However, be wary when brewing, because your cauldron needs cleaning. Scourgify regularly!

Head to the Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm’s annual summer festival and make sure you’re the seventh person in line for the enchanted ice cream. Your first scoop will be free!

AQUARIUS THE KELPIE

GEMINI THE VEELA

LIBRA THE DRAGON

(JAN. 20TH — FEB. 18TH)

(MAY 21ST — JUNE 20TH)

(SEPT. 23RD — OCT. 22ND)

Keep your vegetable garden in tip-top ship shape this summer with a nifty little Muggle potion called Miracle Gro. It works better than anything Neville Longbottom recommends! You’ll need it for your tomatoes this year

When your allergies start acting up, skip the Pepper-up Potion. It won’t help you now. Go straight to the Muggle pharmacy and get yourself something called “Zyrtec”. It will change your life. Ask the Gringotts goblins about changing Muggle money.

Take that swimsuit from last summer to Madam Malkins to be mended. Do not try to fix it yourself. I repeat. Do NOT try to fix it yourself. Your fingertips will thank you later.

PISCES THE MERMAN (FEB.19TH — MARCH 20TH)

CANCER THE FIRECRAB

(JUNE 21ST — JULY 22ND) Your baby Mandrakes will have start having nightmares around mid-summer. Play them some Avoid drowning in the ocean by using a CushionCelestina Warbeck (anything but “A Cauldron Full ing Charm. Your Muggle friends will never believe of Hot, Strong Love”) before bed every night to how well you float! avoid being killed by their piercing shrieks. Sleep in earmuffs just in case.

ARIES THE HIPPOGRIFF (MARCH 21ST — APRIL19TH) Avoid St. Mungo’s burn ward this summer by enchanting your umbrella with a simple Misting Charm. It’ll spray mist at regular intervals and keep your skin moisturized in the sun. Just be sure to get those wand motions correct! One small mistake and your umbrella will squirt everyone around you with nasty green goo.

SCORPIO THE VAMPIRE (OCT. 23RD — NOV. 21ST) Choosing between sunscreen potion and self-tanning potion is a simple matter this year. Sun poisoning is real and your sensitive skin will be susceptible to it if you don’t use SPF 5,000 sunscreen.

LEO THE SPHINX

SAGITTARIUS THE CENTAUR

(JULY 23RD — AUGUST 22ND)

(NOV. 22ND — DEC. 21ST)

Go deep-sea diving using the Bubble-Head Charm, but exercise caution with a Shield Charm to avoid shark attacks.

Be sure to head to the beach this summer! Stubby Boardman is coming out of retirement to put on a one-time only charity show for the Gilderoy Lockhart Hair-Care Potion Foundation. Every donation gets you a signed Lockhart photo!

PUZZLES AND HOROSCOPES QUIBBLER

Triva Crossword submitted by k9centipede

Across

2. What time was the Wizarding Duel between Harry and Draco scheduled? 5. What month was Hermione born in? 8. Which OWL did Augusta Longbottom fail? 11. What was Harryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last subject of the week during his 4th year at Hogwarts? 12. When you tickle the pear to enter the Hogwarts kitchen, what color door handle appears? 13. What was Sirius and James' childhood nickname for Snape? 14. Mistletoe is often infested with ____ 15. Umbridge claimed the 'S' on the Slytherin locket stood for WHAT?

Down

1. Harry overheard a 6th year girl ask if her friend thought Viktor Krum would sign her WHAT in lipstick? 3. What spell does Harry use to keep the rain off his glasses? 4. What is the term for the leader of the Merpeople in the Black Lake at Hogwarts? 6. How many valentine's did Lockhart receive in CoS? 7. Complete this wizarding phrase Time is ____ 9. What flavor of ice pop did Harry eat on his trip to the zoo with the Dursleys? 10. What is the term for the basin that Dumbledore collects his thoughts in? 99

QUIBBLER INSERT

Classifieds Reach your Prospects First

/u/wiksry - /u/Silvestress - /u/ grimacedia - /u/phdiabetic - /u/DarkBlonde4 - /u/L-ily - /u/CommanderBird - /u/ElphabaPfenix

FOR SALE Send owl (and 3 sickles) to Notas Cam and get your very first bottle!"

WANTED

LOST & FOUND

FOUND

This amazing potion requires only one application and lasts the whole summer!

Old wizard with early signs of muggle dementia looking for pensieve. Wants to store memories before they are lost.

ANCIENT POTIONS BOOK

A silver heart-shaped locket. Item was found on the floor of a wizard taxi leaving King's Cross Station. Owl "Melissa S." to pick it up. PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP, the locket keeps saying I'm not as goodlooking as "Florence." Invisible Book of Invisibility Last week on a school trip to Hogsmeade I lost my new book. I wrote my name on the front in invisible ink. Please owl me at Hogwarts if you see it.

F O U N D A slightly burnt copy

of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Found outside the Quibbler Castle. The book is signed by Newt Scamander on the back cover. If the book is yours, contact me ("The Holder") via owl.

one of a kind enchanted slytherin inspired ring.

Slithers around your fingers. 5 galleons. Owl Slytherqueen if interested. Old wizard with early signs of muggle dementia looking for pensive, new or old. Wants to be able to store memories before they are lost.

Little Owlets, 3 females and 1 male, to a good home. They’re a bit small for anything more than letters but they make great companions. 4 galleons an owl, will meet you in front of Hogsmeade Station to complete the trade.

REAL ESTATE WANTED One Room For American Witch and Cat. Witch is quiet and tidy, cat will try. Just transferred over from the US and looking for 6-month stay until I get my bearings. Please send any replies by owl post to the Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley. 100

SCARED LITTLE SOCKS My cat has seemed to be scared off by our daughter yet again. Her bout of accidental magic sent our two-year-old feline friend running. She disappears sometimes, but never longer than this! She is all black with white paws, and responds to “socks.” The best way to approach her is with food. Please help me find our dear friend!

Found: Knut Sack Sack of knuts. Normally I would keep this for myself, but whoever carries a sack of knuts with them is really desperate for some money. Please owl Redd Fitzpatrick with how many knuts you have lost if you believe this sack is yours.

PERSONAL

"I would like to join Gryffindor, just Hogwarts, although it's the only wizarding school in ALL OF GREAT-BRITAIN. I could send you this letter with an owl but... I decided to act discreetly. I didn't yet receive my acceptance letter but I know I will. I don't know a lot of tricks, I don't have a wand. Actually I borrowed from my older brother. I know I probably won't go to Gryffindor but... Eh... Bye, have a great day."

STUDY PARTNERS WANTED I just finished my last year at Hogwarts, plan to take the Healer Entrance Exam next February, and would love to study with other applicants. If anyone wants to form a study group, send an owl to Sedna Trines! 20-SMTHG

F A C I L I T Y N E E D E D The Muggle Board Games Club is looking for a new weekly place to meet! Willing to pay 2 Galleons, 4 Sickles per night. We will clean up after ourselves and will vacate the premises by 11 PM sharp. We would prefer a Hogsmeade location to accommodate our student members. Send an owl to "Muggle Board Games Club - Yuki" for more information.

Eastern European witch

looking for friends

New in Hogwarts. I enjoy long conversations, passionate debates, foreign spells and salsa dancing. LOOKING FOR: A summer romance! Recent Salem graduate vacationing in Europe is looking for someone who is interested in a summer fling. I love nightclubs, jazz, and coffee. Owl "American witch"

CONNECTIONS “I love being single; the freedom is great!” Do these sound familiar? Do you catch yourself giving these excuses whenever someone points out you are still single? Fear not! Here at Miss Connections, we have all the solutions to your love needs. Take part in our 12 steps Enter our database for program: Love Is Round matchmaking services at 5 The Corner; Don’t Take Galleons a month. We have The Wrong Turn!, where a unique algorithm and a we teach you how to break special Love Goblet where out of your singlehood we put in your names and it cycle, learn how to look spits out potential couples! out for signs that someone 99.9% success rate! Get a is interested, and open match within 6 months or yourself up to the possibility your Galleons of entering a relationship. back, All for the Low price of 19 guaranteed! Galleons and 16 Sickles! *terms and Hear from our members who conditions found their soul mates through apply* our services: “I grew up watching my parents fight on a daily basis. Every month there would be a full on wizards’ duel! I swore off love and marriage until my best friend dragged me to Miss Connections. Within 3 months, I found the one! She was everything I wasn’t; everything I needed. Thanks Miss Connections!” Tobias Toph 27, self-employed “I’ve tried everything! Having friends set me up with fellow witches! Meeting new people at the bar! Nothing worked! After joining Miss Connections, I realised I had a lot to learn! The mixer was a godsend. After meeting with their in-house dietician, I lost so much extra weight and their grooming specialists gave me a new look that rivals Gilderoy Lockhart! My confidence grew by leaps and bounds and I no longer have trouble talking to attractive witches. My wedding is in three weeks!” Darien Sholt 38, Executive Officer at The Three Broomsticks

“I have always had trouble keeping men in my life. My first love married my best friend, and subsequent suitors all ran screaming from me. They called me crazy, they couldn’t see the truth of the world! (Thanks to The Quibbler for helping me see the truth!) It wasn’t till I saw this ad in this wonderful magazine (nay, gospel!), and responded, that I finally found someone who could see eye to eye with me. Someone who could understand the ugly truth of this world. Thank you, The Quibbler and thanks to Miss Connections!” Elphaba Thropp 45, Witch of the West (self proclaimed)

Terms and conditions: Love Is Round The Corner, Don’t Take The Wrong Turn! is a 12 step program that spans over 9 months. Attendance is mandatory and no refunds will be entertained for any reasons. Miss Connections Database service price may change at any time without notice. Entry into our database comes with a yearly compulsory course of Love Is Round The Corner, Don't Take The Wrong Turn! program at prevailing rates. Results Guaranteed or your Galleons Back promotion starts its 6 months count on the day of first lesson. Completion of program is necessary. After completion of program with no successful matchmaking AND within 6 month of entry into database, refund will be given in full for each month of Database Service subscription (at prevailing rates or first month fees, whichever is lower)

CREDITS Ads

Scrivenshaft Parchement: yikespotato Girkshook's Famous Ointment: grimacedia Dueling: asdf_user

Auror Logs Contributors: L-ily

Castles and Burrows

Classifieds

Contributors: grimacedia phdiabetic Silvestress wiksry Darkblonde4 ElphabaPfenix CommanderBird L-ily Blxckfire Mina Lima Illustration: https://likelovedo.com/2017/07/mina-limasecret-harry-potter-stop-in-london/

Silvestress's Tips for a Happy Home!

Parchment paper: https://www.kisspng.com/png-the-wizardingworld-of-harry-potter-paper-parchmen-86515/

Illustrations: Adobe Illustrator Clip Art

Frames and Illustrations: https://blog.spoongraphics.co.uk/freebies/10free-vintage-style-illustrated-light-ray-vectors https://www.photojewelrymaking.com/ products/free-vintage-sun-face-image-to-download

Author: Silvestress

Background photo: https://lostandtaken.com/downloads/ beautiful-plant-texture-21/

Computers: What Are They? How Do They Work? Author: Silvestress

Illustration: Rednails5ever Mina Lima hand: https://likelovedo.com/2017/07/mina-limasecret-harry-potter-stop-in-london/

10 Life Hacks to Keep Your Home Pest Free Author: ElphabaPfenix Illustrations: Adobe Illustrator Clip Art

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Severus_ Snape%27s_copy_of_Advanced_Potion-Making https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/vintagegolden-retro-logos_1095157.htm

Cover

Duck photo: http://jesusgilhernandez.com/2013/02/16/ talking-to-the-rubber-duck/

Crafts, Hobbies, and Brews Black Bean Cheesy Dip Author: grimacedia

Black Bean Dip photo: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/spicymexican-cheese-dip-beans-120202.aspx Insect Illustrations: Illustrator Clip Art

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Background Art: https://lostandtaken.com/downloads/ beautiful-plant-texture-21/

21 Simple Spells that Can Improve Your Life! Author: Blxckfire

Illustrations: KackelDackel

Divination

14 Day Weather Forecast Author: phdiabetic

Bee icon: https://www.freepik.com/freevector/honeycomb-with-bee-backgroundtemplate_729879.htm Weather icons: https://www.hongkiat.com/blog/freeweather-iconsets/

Ask Madam Starflash

Magical Science

Author: TheMidnightArcher Chair photo: https://images.pexels.com/photos/162389/ lost-places-old-decay-ruin-162389. jpeg?cs=srgb&dl=abandoned-black-and-whitebuilding-162389.jpg&fm=jpg Bubble photo: https://images.pexels.com/photos/220989/ pexels-photo-220989.jpeg?cs=srgb&dl=bubbleschemistry-close-up-220989.jpg&fm=jpg

Legilimency for Beginners: 6 Ways to Detect Lies Author: DescX Green eye photo: https://images.pexels.com/photos/8588/ pexels-photo.jpg?cs=srgb&dl=anatomy-biologyeye-8588.jpg&fm=jpg

Entertainment

Music Review Big V: Who Is He?

Contributors: WalrusPeon

Author: Blxckfire

Arithmancy for Dummies: What Do Your Personality Numbers Mean?

Author: Warstarq

Author: Blxckfire

Illustration: Quibbler_Editor Hand icon: https://thegraphicsfairy.com/victorian-clipart-pointing-hands-steampunk/

Hogwarts Horoscope Summer 2018 Author: starflashfairy

Black Metal Magic A Day in the Life of Garrick Ollivander Author: Quibbler_editor Illustrations: Quibbler_editor

Magical Jumble Words Contributor: phdiabetic

Triva Crossword 2018 Contributor: k9centipede

Would You Rather?

Author: Blxckfire

Education

K9's Party Corner

Author: phdiabetic

Bath bomb photo: https://pearlbathbombs.com/products/94/ unicorn-ring-bath-bomb/bath-bomb

Book Reviews: New Releases & Old Classics that Belong on your Shelf!

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Author: k9centipede

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CREDITS (cont.) Nail polish photo: https://www.dhresource.com/0x0s/f2-albu-g5M01-D6-9D-rBVaJFhi1cSAKzsiAAabzvbOSFg025. jpg/wholesale-e-a-1g-holographic-nail-polish.jpg Cauldron Cake photo: https://static1.squarespace.com/ static/539cc3c1e4b045b6dc9898db/t/5a75c65308522 9a6162ba97b/1517667940708/

Fashion

Scarf Mayhem

Professor Sprout Says

Author: hufflepuffball Hufflepuff common room: https://www.pottermore.com/writing-by-jkrowling/hufflepuff-common-room

News and Features

Groundbreaking Reasearch: The Function of a Rubber Duck

Author: yikespotato Illustrations: yikespotato Photography: KackelDackel

Author: phdiabetic

Magical Plants and Creatures

Illustrations: Pottermore, Olly Moss, Atom Hawk, Lesley Buckingham, Peter Strain, Ross Crawford, Wanissa Somsuphangsri and Andy Singleton

What Makes Wand Woods Worthy Author: Blxckfire

Wand Illustration: Pottermore https://www.pottermore.com/ writing-by-jk-rowling/wand-woods Bowtruckel Illustration: KackelDackel

A Simple Spell for Banishing Wrackspurts Author: phdiabetic

Photo: https://lostandtaken.com/downloads/colorfulbokeh-texture-5/

A Tale of a Conqueror: Mother of Dragons Author: Colessslaw

Hungarian Horntail: https://monsterlegacy.net/2013/03/07/harrypotter-dragon-hungarian-horntail/

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Wands Without Ages Author: phdiabetic

Was Voldemort Really a House Elf? Author: Blxckfire

Dobby: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ harrypotter/images/f/f4/DobbyDH.jpg/revision/ latest?cb=20161215060027 House Elves: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ harrypotter/images/1/17/HogwartsHouse-Elves. png/revision/latest?cb=20140730223912 Kreacher: https://images.pottermore.com/ bxd3o8b291gf/2FFPU5vd0ACg88UEsi8kGc/ b9d72a32c6d2f421e2ad65204b67feb1/ Kreacher_WB_F5_KreacherAtGrimmauldPlace_ Illust_080615_Port.jpg?w=1200 Voldemort: https://static.highsnobiety.com/wp-content/ uploads/2018/01/15111849/voldemort-origins-ofthe-heir-00.jpg 103

Opinion Piece: The Dark Arts and the Battle of Hogwarts Author: Im_Finally_Free

Cloaked figure photo: https://images.pexels.com/photos/247122/ pexels-photo-247122.jpeg?cs=srgb&dl=costumedark-eerie-247122.jpg&fm=jpg White paint stroke: http://www.onlygfx.com/wp-content/ uploads/2017/07/white-paint-brush-stroke-171024x394.png

What is Climate Change and Why We Should Worry About It Author: book_nerdfigher

Illustrations: Adobe Clip Art Library Backgrounnd Image: https://lostandtaken.com/downloads/epicgrey-cloud-sky-texture-7/

The Vanishing Kneazle Author: ElphabaPfenix

Bloodsplatter: https://www.freeiconspng.com/uploads/ blood-spatter-png-clipart-11.png Alley photo: https://images.pexels.com/photos/104707/ pexels-photo-104707jpeg?auto=compress&cs=tinysr gb&dpr=2&h=650&w=940

YOUR SOUL AT RISK! Author: Malvidian

Background photo: https://storage.googleapis.com/ webdesignledger.pub.network/LaT/edd/2016/02/ scratched-and-scraped-metal-texture-4.jpg

Hogwarts Elves are Planning an Attack on Our Children Author: Blxckfire

Exam Stress

Socks photo:

Exam photo: https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/ harrypotter/images/4/4e/OWLS_1996.jpg/revision/ latest?cb=20180212192232

Sports

Author: Silvestress

Background photo: https://lostandtaken.com/downloads/20thcentury-brown-vintage-paper-3/

Deadly Beast Sightings in Germany Author: Blxckfire

The Corruption in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour Author: phdiabetic

Illustrations: KackelDackel

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https://images.pexels.com/ photos/251454/pexels-photo-251454. jpeg?cs=srgb&dl=blur-clothing-cozy-251454. jpg&fm=jpg

Wizard's Chess: The Hogwarts Chess Championship Author: phdiabetic

Chess piece photo: https://media.istockphoto.com/vectors/ chess-pieces-vector-thin-line-icons-king-queenbishop-rook-vector-id586917938?k=6&m=5869179 38&s=612x612&w=0&h=NHaURGVrWIXioYrvbD 2Bka5h4qW-O6UikIjnP3P_Z18=

Travel

Wandering Through the Mist Author: warlock1992

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Mist: https://lostandtaken.com/downloads/focusbokeh-texture-18/

Muggle Candy Worth Travelling For Author: Eldis_

Illustration: HylianEngineer Blueberry Popcorn photo: https://www.yumyumspopcorn.com/ backup/?product=blueberry-popcorn Nanaimo Bar photo: https://www.foodnetwork.ca/recipe/theultimate-nanaimo-bar/16810/ Roman candy photo: https://romancandy.com/order-candy-online Peanut Brittle photo: https://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/ peanut-brittle/9981470d-528b-4386-9958d0c963d732f1

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