The Insyder April 2013 Issue by Marcus Itimu

April 2013

www.theinsyder.com

Volume 13 No. 4

bus wars 2.0

1o holiday

commandments 200 baab

amina Talks boy schools

making billions 10 richest ballers

www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3 plus: bush, parky, mfa, patch, mka, buru, nyeri bap

FIND US ON FACEBOOK

Making

the Cover

Tha Teeniez Voice!

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publisher Teenwise Media Limited Directors Ann Ngigi â&#x20AC;˘ Adam Nyakundi â&#x20AC;˘ Ngaruiya Githegi Editorial director Mahinda Mahinda SUBEDITOR Carlos Mureithi Editorial KRU Snyder Lukalia, Dismas Adega, Cathy Ochung, Charles Kariuki, Nina Kosen, Liverpool VCT & All Teeniez Massive Marketing EXECUTIVE Irene Njoroge Circulation Manager Joash Mumo

Departments Corporate Affairs: Ann Ngigi Distribution Agency: Nation Courier Printer: Emirates Printing Press LLC, Dubai Makeup Fredrick Mwaniki - Vera Beauty College Fredrick Mwaniki &Vera Beauty College PHOTOGRAPHY Emmanuel Jambo & Moses Mwangi Design & Layout Elias Mwangi The Insyder Offices Vihiga Road, off Makueni Road Kileleshwa Tel: 020 2323363/020 2323519/ 0714 888 555 PO Box 51634 - 0200 Email: yuaholla@theinsyder.com

COPYRIGHT The Insyder is published by Teenwise Media Ltd. All rights reserved. The Insyder is published once a month. Contributions are most welcome and must be accompanied by stamped selfaddressed envelopes. All due care will be taken with material submitted, but the magazine and publishers cannot be held responsible for loss or damage. The Editor reserves the right to edit, amend or alter material in any way deemed necessary. The Insyder cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. The opinions expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editors and publishers of The Insyder.

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e d y s Insyde Insydee Insyde InsydizezIn g n i l de y S d s e y n e I s d s ’ e d y t n y d s I a y s n s I h n I n I W e d y e s h d e e y n t d I d s y n y s n s I o n Ihnis M Insyde Insyde IInsyde TIn syde Insyde

Insyde

i qru’s take

cover story

amina amina

What’s the best thing about you?

INKREDIBLY

SMOOTH!

HOMEWORK

uUUUUM... EEEEeRRRRR... Mrs Kilonzo I know this is hard to believe but,

Nina:

I smile, laugh lots and love to have fun!

12 Charles:

‘TAKE NOTES’ HATERS JAY A IS WITH IT!

back to school

It’s true Mwalimu, i ate his homework

BUS WARS 2.0

My art of dancing, flashy piercing, sense of dressing and finally...mode of rhyming.

29 BONUS: free KENDR ICK LAMAR & RITA ORA PO STERS

Snyder:

My laughter!

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BIC Fine Point, the incredible, smooth awesomeness of my creativity www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3

eVER WONDER 19 21. When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination? 20. Is a hangover a wrath of the grapes? 19. Between Jay-A and Collo, who is shorter? 18. When you erase a word, where does it go? 17. If the universe is everything and scientists

say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding to? Since all class one pupils will be getting laptops, will form fours get the new Samsung Galaxy Can you make a candlestick out of ear wax? 4? Why is the zero digit on a phone located after one? Aren’t the good things that come to those who wait just the leftovers of those who got there first? Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Why are people so scared of rats yet they love Mickey Mouse? Why is it when things get wet they get darker and water is Why are we offered free gifts, aren’t all gifts clear? meant to be free? Why is a square meal served on round plates? Why do people say you can’t have your cake and eat it? Why would you buy cake you can’t eat? What do vegetarians feed their dogs? Why is it when you’re humming and you plug your nose the humming stops? Can you burp and fart at the same time? Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs? Can vampires donate blood? Why is it necessary to nail down a coffin?

16.

15. 14. 13.

12.

11.

10.

18 11

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a l l o YUah STORY

Then say ing to say?

Got someth

it here

As a student in my early teens, I am a big and major fan of yours and the I-Qru.You guys are the bomb and will always rock my teenage months. Vanessa Wambui Diane Mbugua (P.B Kagwe) I have been a fan of the Insyder magazine ever since I knew its existence. Your editorial team and everyone who works and contributes to it being a success inspire me a lot. Stacy Mikuzi (404)Nembu Girls’ Was sup I-Qrew,I’m Annfrennie Murugi from State House girls and a super funkie holic. I would like to big up the INSYDER magazine(which tops my list). Insyder has always been my aspiration and I’ve been dying to get the latest issue. Your crew rocks my world and brings colour to the monotony of dull high school life. The Insyder magazine has brightened my future! I aspire to become a journalist and with the Insyder by my side I know I will make it. Even though some people discourage me in my career, when I read the magazine I always feel encouraged... mob luv Insyder. Brayson Brian,Mother of Apostles Seminary

If you want to feature in the magazine, give us the scoop on your school: The hottest funkie, coolest peeps and all the low down. On your mark, get set, spill! Hit us up on: yuaholla@theinsyder.com Online: www.theinsyder.com twitter @the insyder Connect with us on the Twitterverse and share your thoughts with the world

We as Mac Bee 304’s humbly request the Insyder crew to feature our bigups and shout outs on the magazine. Many of us are dying to send our shout-outs in an artistic manner. The Insyder magazine has been the best teenage magazine in the market and we feel that you deliver our messages to our dear ones in a form they can appreciate. The swag is hot and dopest and so we won’t let you down. Thank you. We sure will, Mac Bee. Thanks for the love! Mac Bee (304) Thank you I-qrew for unfolding the true stories of illuminati in music. I like the way you unfold fun with musiq and how ua mag cruises through celebrity lives. I find these amazing bkoz it adds fun, flavor and glam to my hae skul life.

SERENE BEAUTY

The brightness of its magic I long for the message It’s cool breath near me Its muscles vibrate with tautness Am restless yearning for it. Its yearning without satisfaction Strange serene beauty pursuing me Its love beautiful like the moon Nobody can ever know

I am much interested working with I-Qru, people like Boy-dis, Snyder and your very talented Dj Felo who are doing great work into making the magazine hot.

I leave day by day by its thoughts Many seasons I try to run dry Yet it still persuades my heart For I long for its magic

Thanks John. Kindly apply for the internship programme.

I have every tree and every flower Every sea and every ocean Every star and its twinkle With Insyder by my side I have the flight to the moon

John Mwangi (404)

The Insyder… who doesn’t read The Insyder? The best and only teen magazine of all time. A major asset for every normal highschooler as it makes high school cherishable and memorable. It is also a unifying factor for public, private, day and boarding schools, schools and local celebrities and the best boys and girls. May the Insyder legacy live forever. James Mugo (404) MFA

Hi I-Qru, first and foremost, I would wish to halla at the entire crew, you guys rock! As always and thanks a lot for putting a smile on most teenagers’ faces including myself in all the insyder issues. Eva Nyambura (404) Am Dorleen Muthoni Wabere from Wankan gee. You guys at The Insder have always kept me up to date with the latest celebrity gossip and latest trends. I do promise to stay loyal forever. I like the way you people light up the moods during events. Any function without you is no function at all,but with you on the ground, its on FIRE!! My name is Victor Gitonga reppin Igikira hae school. I can only imagine a life without the insyder magazine..... boooring ofcourse. Keep up with the good job.

AXE

MACHARIA ANNE (404) KAMBUI GIRLS

Insyder fans, we appreciate the love shown through the Yua Holla shoutouts. Kindly send photographs together with your letters so your fellow readers can match your writings to your lovely faces.

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Milcah Mumbi Mburu (304) Yermo

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presents

t r A i r Mista

ry lle a G s’ er n n W ry lle a G s’ er n n W

Griffin Lundu (204) Pio Hae

Stacy,Fridah n Nancy (204) kambui gee

John Boboti - UBA

Felissa Madikz Vanessa Diane Mbugua

Competition

Rozen Ian (404) Bush bee

Grace Amuti (304) Elite Senior School

Jay Jay Murunga (Ol’ Skul hae)

Fridah Ijai Iraya (304) St. Mary’s Girls, Mumias Eganalvinonget

kambui gee Stacy,Fridah n Nancy (204) kambui gee

Reckon you have the talent to feature in this column? Send us your artwork to win great prizes. Each month we will feature entries and pick the top 3 for the winners gallery. The winners will receive fantastic prizes@ the BIC Hols Giveaway Hangout In April, August &Dec No 1: Shopping Voucher, Funkie Tee & a Bic Sationery pack No. 2: Lunch Voucher , Funkie Tee & a Bic Stationery pack No.3: Travel Bag, Funkie Tee & a Bic Stationery pack For your entry to be selected as a winning entry the mistari must be via a BIC biro and MUST have the Bic Logo. All winning monthly entries will be entered into a draw to win a cool mountain bike or a term’s school fees. Please ensure you include a telephone number in your artwork. Send your entries to P.O Box 51634-00200 Nairobi 10

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Gabriel Chege - Vatican Hae Edna T (304) MFA Lanet Grace Amuti (304) Elite Senior School

Peteros Ndunde (MOAS) Eldoret Hezzy

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ISIT V BUSH â&#x20AC;&#x2122;S RIL AV

Woba, Temba, Mash,Shox,Ian & Chumo of Entertainment Department 2013.

Brian,Shaz,Njoro & Chris.

Avril & Ian.

Barry, Alfred, Miss Okullo, Edwin,Chris, Fred, Emmanuel, Brian, Sitati, Gideon, Onyancha & Mr Miheso. Red, Barry, Gideon, Alfred & Edwin

Shaz, Kwoba, Murage, Njoro, Chumo & Shox.

Edwin, Emmanuel, Alfred, Chris,B arry, Fred, Brian, Gideon, Sitati & Brian.

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Fred, Barry, Mwawasi,Alfred & Edwin.

Edwin, Kiptoo, Alfred, Chris, Barry, Fred, Brian, Gideon, Sitati & Onyancha.

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Cover story

AMINA AMINA ious t c e f in d n a e r bly natu b u b r e v e r ck but e a h b e il h w a Yâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;all love t h e limelig h t o t e m ging a c in s e r e h h it w smile. Sh e surpris y b e n o y r e v e then took talent.

Cover story

here have you been hiding mami? She had peeps speechless when she gave Jay A’s single ‘On Me’ the ‘umph’ it very much needed. We know that so far you agree with us, right? But let’s get to know her better. Amina Abdi describes herself in five simple words: bubbly, extrovert, opinionated, amazing, funny and ambitious. Why? You ask. Well, here it goes: Bubbly. This mami is always and in a good mood. It’s almost annoying sometimes for guys who never understand what is always putting a smile on her face. She believes no matter what it is you are going through. There is always something to be thankful about in your life. Extrovert. She doesn’t know how to hold anything in. She is very outgoing and overly expressive. Opinionated: if she sees or feels something is not right or not being done in the way it should, she will speak up about it. Amazing. Need we explain? Before y’all start thinking that she is full of herself, she says “It’s good to love yourself and think of yourself as the best there is. If you don’t, how can you expect someone else to?” True. Funny. Amina loves having a good laugh. Ambitious. She works hard and plays hard. Nothing in life comes easy so one has to have that unbreakable desire for personal achievement. She attests to her not being far from success at the moment, but she says is that the recipe for success is commitment, hard work and a positive attitude. One has to set a goal and work towards it. “When I used to be in high school (shout out to Boma) and our principal went on and on about setting goals, I never quite understood it until I was done with school. Trust me, if you set your mind to achieving certain things, absolutely nothing can stand in your way. I am nowhere close to where it is I am going but I know I’ll get there,” wise words from Amina. Head up to y’all who were eyeing this hot chille, she is very much in love and they have been dating for a very very long time. He is not in the entertainment industry and would not be comfortable having his name out there. Point is, she has a man in her life.

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HER FIVE FAVE BOY HIGH SCHOOLS She completed high school ages ago, but the sweet memories still remain, from house compez to awesome funkies. Big Up to Boma once again. Amina tells us of her top five boy high schools of all time. In no particular order:

around ladies. For smart mamis, this is the guy to date; focused and a sure guarantee of success.

and wonder why in the world they were not the ones who had the mail sent to.

Lenana School aka Changez- The school used to and still has hella cute guys. Her biggest crush was from Changez. Nathan if you are reading this, halla at this chille ASAP. Not only do they have cuties, they are also great in rugby. ‘Mean Maroon’ is a household name when it comes to Changez Open, Prescott and Black rock. Where does one get a combination of great looks and peeps that look nice in tight shorts? Girls know exactly what Amina is talking about.

Nairobi School aka Patch- She used to love the edginess of these guys. They are very raw and manly just the way she likes them, *wink*. They are always on top of the list when it comes to Maths and Kiswahili Contests. Yes, bad boys can be great in academics as well, contrary to people’s beliefs. They are also famed for having cuties and guys that have the best pickup lines. It’s like they do selections based on looks first then the grades, coz a mami who is dating a guy from Patch would hold her head up high for having scored the best looking guy in probably all of high schools in Nairobi.

Number 5 is a tie. Highway aka Highie and either Pumwani Boys aka Pumu or Jahmuhuri Boys aka Jahmu - Believe it or not, these guys were the most interesting. They were funny and down to earth. She used to have too much fun with them. These are the peeps you want to hang around during funkies. You are guaranteed to enjoy every bit of it. They are satisfied hustlers and a snack here and there as you walk around the school is must, they know how to show a chille a good time and make her laugh in the simplest of ways.

Alliance Boys aka Bush Boyz - They are such an intelligent lot. Getting a letter from one of them used to be uber cool. Amina says. These are peeps you get hooked up to and never leave, a guy who takes all the sciences and has big dreams which are most likely going to come true. Chics agree with her that they have maard vybe, as much as they are famed for being bookworms, they know their way

Mang’u- These were the type of boys she would take home to meet her parents disciplined and very well behaved. They boast of always having the biggest funkies with more than 50 other schools in attendance. It used to be a big deal when a chille got a letter from Mang’u. During preps it letter would be read out to everyone, and then listeners would get all mushy

In high school, she used to be quite a handful; she was once caught trying to hepa. She got into so much trouble and thought her dad would kill her, but she survived. Looking back though, she is still not sure what the hell she was thinking. Amina did the famous, feet-in cold-water stunt to keep awake. And just in case you think it worked, well think again. She still kept dozing off but in the spirit of working hard and passing exams, she did it very many www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3

GOGERRIT! BACK TO SCHOOL PROMOTION

times. Amina, music and TV As for her music, there are so many people she would love to work with. She tried to break it down to us as follows. She says that Collo and Didge are probably the best song writers we have in the region. She confesses that she is unfortunately not talented enough in the skill of expressing herself in writing but she will work with these guys to bring out the best in her music. She is currently working with 3 producers, Dillie (he was the genius behind ‘Wedding Day’, ‘Exponential Potential’ and Redsan’s smash hit ‘Yule Pale’) Saint P (He did ‘Sari Sari’, ‘Am Walking’ and ‘I live for you’), and Lucas from Ogopa. For her videos, it might be between Enos Olik and Macharia while internationally, she would like to work with Alaine. She hopes that this gives her fans a good picture of who she wants to work with in terms of music. As for TV, she just landed a job with M-Net and is very happy about it. You definitely haven’t heard the last of her on radio; she will stay at Homeboyz Radio. It’s just like her family and she is not sure if she will ever leave for another station. In her line of work, she meets celebrities every day, so if she was to get star struck it would be embarrassing. She has a show on radio called ‘My Top Ten’ that is basically about personalities. So she gets to interact with so many 18

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people from news anchors, actors and musicians. Although she admits that meeting Alaine and Gramps Morgan will always be memorable. Her celeb crush has never and probably will never change. Trey Songz it is baby!!! Sadly no one in the 254. Her idea of having fun is being with close friends and just letting loose. She says it’s not necessary for one to drink to have fun, so her idea of having fun is quite diverse. From bungee jumping to a night out with the girls. She loves adventure and trying out new things, as long as its krazy (but safe, key word people SAFE). Her family and friends are too much fun, when she is with them on a random sato it somehow relaxes her.

Simply buy a copy of the May issue of The Insyder magazine and stand a chance to win great prizes:

Playstation 3 SMART Phones Beats By Dre Cool Tees among others

SWAG

Amina’s advice to Teeniez Have fun in school, it’s going to be one of the best years of your lives, Make friends because whether you believe it or not they will be your closest when you get into the real world. Choose to love and not to hate. On the real though, if you work hard you will achieve success. It’s that simple. Amina loves all of you guys who send her nice messages online and hopes that she will have encouraged at least one of you to be the best you can be despite all odds.

SKOOL

Collect your Go Gerrit coupons, complete the prize & send it to us for your chance to win.

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feature

’ OTES N ‘TAKE , JAY A TERS A H ! IT IS WITH 20

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hen we first introduced you to this killer artist, he was still starting up in the music industry. But he put ish on a standstill and left everyone watching his step and wanting to know what his secret is. Juma Ali, otherwise known as Jay A, has all the ladies drooling and guys hating on him coz they simply can’t be like him or even get close. He has taken the industry by storm and stayed at the top, releasing one hit song after another while showing great versatility with each single. He comes across as a player and an easy guy at the same time. We clearly haven’t found a chille who doesn’t like that so far. A third year student at The Graffins College taking Business Information Technology knows that school is very important just as important as knowing one’s music. Jay A took his time to learn his art and makes sure that all his tracks have a meaning behind them. We will take you through a few of them though. For instance, ‘Take Notes’ was targeted at the haters. He simply gives them advice, instead of being all nasty against him, peeps should simply grab a pen and paper and take notes on how ish is done. After all, he has been in the music scene for a very short while and is already taking over, this he says with no pun intended. ‘Gello’ is meant for the dancers, you see he knows that Kenyans, in particular his fans love to party and have a tune to dance to. He released ‘Gello’ for their sake. Now ‘Pledge My Love’ is his latest single and it’s all about the ladies. He reached out to the mushy part of him and came up with a sick love tune. He also was smart enough to have Anto Neosoul drop some lines in the track, just to spice up the romance. Ladies went crazy over this. What better time to release it other than Valentine’s week? And the video location sells it even more. The castle and vintage concept is something guys haven’t done before. Big up for that Jay A. His growth in the music industry has been phenomenal. The highlights being the rotation of three of his songs (On Me, Gello, and Pledge my Love) on the Channel O. This was followed by a major breakthrough when two of his songs (‘On Me’ and ‘Gello’) were aired on another major African music platform: MTV Base. Locally, Jay A has worked on other great collaboz with some big names, Including STL in the re-mix of her hit song ‘Stella Stella Stella’ as well as the remix to Otoppizo’s ‘Bila Mic’ followed by DJ Nruff’s new release ‘Doing it right’. They young artiste has performed in a numerous functions around the country and enjoys great support from the local media both print and electronic with his songs being played on all TV and major radio stations. His other support base is from his fan’s ‘Team Jay A’. Legoo! It seems like this teen sensation is here to stay. SORRY HATERS.

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ed’s head

HA! HA!

HA!

HA! HA! H

HA!

ATI hakuna difference ya VOICE YA HUYU MSEE YA DAMME yake!

HA!

grrrr

HA!

“HOTTER THAN WHO?”

MY VOICE HASN’T BROKEN YET Dear Ed,

Dear Tom,

I’m a boy aged 15. My voice hasn’t changed yet and I probably have the highest pitched voice in my grade. My friends and classmates never really noticed until their voices changed and mine didn’t. I joined high school this year, and surrounded by a lot of new peers, people started making fun of my voice and making assumptions that I’m homosexual. Two or three classmates even asked me if I was gay, which I am 100% not. I don’t know what to do. I am embarrassed to talk to my parents about it and I can’t really talk to my friends because it seems like they are starting to ignore me. They don’t want to be seen around with ‘the guy with the squeaky voice’. Should I see a doctor about my voice? What should I do?

Well, this is a common area that cause teasing and to some extent bullying as you said it makes kids think your different and might be gay. Yes it is a little unusual that you or your friends or family haven’t noticed a change in your voice but you personally can rarely notice your voice changing unless it cracks in which case that is an obvious sign. Because you hear your voice all the time you rarely notice a small change in the pitch of your voice and this goes for close friends and family as they are with you too much to notice the little changes. Your voice could be changing right now but very slowly or it may not have started yet which is also normal but on the late end of the stages if puberty. If you haven’t noticed a change in your voice or have noticed any of the big signs of puberty at this stage then you may have a condition where puberty is delayed or worst case scenario your brain doesn’t have the

Tom

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proper connections to initiate puberty then this is a medical issue and you need to see your doctor. Your doctor can prescribe a medicine that kick starts puberty but is only prescribed to a severe case. If it is that your body isn’t developing as fast as everyone else’s then thus is normal and you will just have to wait for your voice to change naturally. A good sign that your voice is changing or is going to change soon is if you notice your Adam’s apple developing. That’s the little bump you see on grown men’s neck. You should try to talk to your parents about these things as they have gone through it themselves and know what to expect and also genealogy says that the way your parents developed, ie were they late bloomers or early bloomers will determine if you will begin to develop later in life. They are there to help you through these issues. Ed

Is it Jeanette(204) or Lenny (204) for Miss MFA?asks Mwanaisha.(304) from Parkie Arya.

Sometimes I just wish Kenyan high schools had cheerleaders. The sexy outfits, energy, flexibility and of course the drama that surrounds them. Thanks to all the chilles who have watched a little too many movies and therefore carry all these ideas to implement them on any funky they attend.

n any girls’ school there must be these two chicks whose beef is declared openly and they are known by everybody. They both think they are hotter and more swaged-up than the other and they always fight(not physically)whenever they get the

It was a tie for both Lenny and Jeanette. But Jeanette carried the day.

chance. Funkies are a delight to them as they get to prove who is the sexiest mama than the other by wooing most dudes. MFA’s Journalism Day was one of such where every American series lover got a treat of the type of drama they see on such television series. This event brought together four girls’ school and it is actually funny that only chilles from one school (Parky Arya) decided to participate in the modeling compe. Several ladies hit the floor showcasing their short outfits amidst the screams and shouts from ‘thirsty’ MFA dudes. All was going well until it got to the time to eliminate some chicks. The method applied was through the loudest scream when an individual was pointed at. The MC had an easy time until it got to the last two finalists. These two girls had an equal fan

Brian and Mugo (404’s) of MFA shared a photo moment with the two Parky queens.

base and the screams were at the same level. Rumor has it that this was just history repeating itself as these two hot mamas Jeanette Kawira (204) and Lenny Adis (204) had a similar clash during the Miss Parky Arya competition. They eyed each other as if they wanted to jump and tear each other into pieces. Then to break the tie, they did a re-run but to no avail. Seems like they both had equal charms. But then a decider was quickly put on the table. The best dancer bags it all! It didn’t take even ten seconds for everyone to notice who the best of the two was. The crowd went “Igweee” for Linet. To all funkie organizess, if you want your gig to liven up, you better not forget Parky Arya in the invite list! www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3

The ELECTION’S OVER It’s Back-to-school time

awesome sports teams Aquinas. Thika Hae.

Stevo (404) of Jabz Boys squeezes himself btwn Ruth and Jackie of Switchez.

Mary Leakey babes all loaded for school.

Rahab and Irene (304) reppin’ Choxx.

Starehe (Starch) b-ball team Tala Boys. Oloolaiser.

Kijabe Boyz (Jabz) guyz reppin’ Insyder hard.

Schola, Sharon, Tracy and Joan (Choxx) all ready for school.

The thinkers: Vicky (304) and Rose (204) of Karoti Girls.

Muhuri Muchiri (Texas).

Guys from Masinga Bee in a riddim mood.

All that load? Girl, ur strong. Deno (404) of MFA poses for The Insyder paps.

Dan Nelson and Andrew (204) chill for their favourite mat.

Georgina Christine (404) of Karoti Gee flaunts her shopping.

Buru G.

Nyeri Baptist.

Kotet.

april 2 0 1 3 Gee www.theinsyder.com Sally 24 Ndegwa (204) of Muthurwa Rizzo,Xtine and Angela (Switchez) and her best cuzo Lavender. (204s) reppin’ St.Tito Gee

Byron (104) of Kerugoya Boys’ is ready for the long journey to chuo.

Barbara and Josephine (204s) show off their shopping.

Part of Ngara Gee’s b-ball team.

www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3 Buru Gee.

Feature

K-Letta: the new ARTISTE on the block

-Letta aka Mr K Dash, was born in the U.K to an African lady but later he relocated to his homeland Kenya. This 80’s guy had steady focus, desire and dedication to his craft, he has grown from strength to strength to become the well rounded artist and songwriter he is today. This talent in songwriting has seen him write for several projects both local and international. As an artist he shows a diversity rarely seen in the music world, easily weaving between genres while still being able to produce enjoyable music with a familial sound. The end product is something he likes to call ‘commercially credible.’ Through the apt use of literary devices and clever word play he endeavors to continually push the creative envelope.

artist he had in mind, although given the opportunity, he would like to add Wahu and Amani to that list especially as a songwriter. Holla at him ladies! Looking wider he’d say the best artists from Africa and the rest of the globe. If he wasn’t in the music industry, he would have been a lawyer, after all he studied law, there you go guys; books still stand out as a very important component of becoming

successful. Fashion wise, he would rather be caught dead wearing Supras for one and skinny jeans. How these still exist and considered fashionable he has got no idea. But hold up he says there is a big difference between skinny jeans and fitting pants. The craziest thing he has ever been caught doing is getting kicked out of a hotel room for partying too hard, and get this, the guy

His secret to success is hard work, staying focused, self belief and keeping a good team around him. Above all else, he believes in God. If he could describe himself in five words, here’s what he would say, ‘I am funny, charming, loyal, entrepreneurial and impatient. I think this describes me best and are all characteristics that have contributed to my progress in this business’. Sorry ladies, the man is taken, he reveals that he is dating someone but wants the whole storo to remain on the DL as the mami is also a very private person. However, there’s a running joke amongst his friends about how he was at a loss of words when he first met Corine from Homeboyz Radio. That’s a story for another day. Since he began his career, his greatest achievement has been that the supporters actually take the time to listen to my music and request for it. That to him is still crazy! Apart from that, his music being played in different countries as well as performing in different places. He believes there are more achievements to come. It hasn’t been easy though, he has performed for an unreceptive crowd, he however understood that but its part of the job and it happens sometimes. He just kept it professional and kept the show moving with the best performance possible. He has worked with most of the Kenyan 26

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feature

had just checked in. Rock star living nayo? Back in high school, K-letta used to be the classic hustler, guy used to hire out my disc man (yes disc man!) and CDs at great rates. When asked what he has always wanted to do but never got around to doing it, guy says he has always wanted to be President. Seriously though, bungee jumping is top

of his list.

From here going forward, his aim is to show that an East African artist is capable of producing music that is at par quality wise with global standards, while maintaining his own unique style and flavor. Be on the lookout for The Mr. K Dash EP a precursor to the album, as well as forays into the wider entertainment world with his company Origarmi Boy Ltd. Prepare to watch history being made! Tunes by K-Letta you should most def put on reply are, ‘Get Low’, ‘Kata’ and ‘Paint The Town Red ft Amina. What have you always wanted to do but never gotten around to? Being President! I really need to dedicate more time to making that happen haha. If not the music industry, what crazy career would you have picked and why? If I wasn’t in this music game then I’d probably be a lawyer somewhere, after all that’s what I studied at

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THROUGH THE LENS

university. Have you ever been star struck? By whom? Who is your biggest celebrity crush? Wow you’re really putting me on blast here lol. Well, give us 5 things you always have near or around you wherever you go and why. My phones (Those are practically my mobile office. Also where I write my lyrics.) Flash disk (Contains all my music, my portfolio. Always be prepared) Rosary (My protection) An Origarmi Boy Lifestyle t-shirt (Branding my company plus they’re cool!) Money or cards ( For obvious reasons) What is your idea of having fun? To be honest I rarely get to do so anymore but when I do, getting to spend time with loved ones is something I enjoy. Listening to my new single Paint The Town Red featuring Amina is another fun thing I do : ) Any final words for the teens out there? Don’t be in a rush to grow up too fast, enjoy your youth. Surround yourselves with friends that improve you and not drag you down, remember iron sharpens iron. Whatever it is you choose to do, work hard at it and it’ll happen. Much love for supporting me and my music. Follow me: TWITTER.COM/KDASHLETTA FACEBOOK.COM/KDASH.LETTA FACEBOOK FAN PAGE: K-LETTA YOUTUBE.COM/ORIGARMIBOYTV

ver gone through your past documents then an old photo that you once took slips out? You quickly pick it up and for some few minutes you are taken back by a random flash of memories which throw you into a state of nostalgia. You ask yourself "What was going through my mind at the time this photo was taken? Where did so-and-so go to? I wonder how that place looks like now". One of my role models in the photojournalism field once said that ‘’I see life through the lens of a camera’’. Photography has been, still is, and will continue being a fascination to mankind. The ability to capture memorable images for reference later is a true description of seeing life through the lens. Photography, just like every other invention,

has evolved from far. The word comes from Greek ‘photos’ (light) and ‘graphien’ (to draw). With the ancient cave drawings all over the world, it is clear that man has had the interest in storing images. It is this craving for images that saw the invention of the first camera which needless to say, doesn’t look like a camera to you newborns of this generation. These cameras were bulky, some wooden, with big camera flash and cumbersome to operate. Did you know that in the past you had to rotate a cork and then pull a string...or should I call it a rope, as opposed to pressing a button? If that’s not enough, you had to keep a little distance because the flash came alongside thick smoke! The future for cameras shines bright as they

have been taken to a whole new level. As they evolve they continue to be smarter and smaller. This has led to the invention of the ‘’Nikon CoolPix S01’’ which is the smallest camera in the world with an estimated size of the human nail! How cool is that? Wait until you drop it at night. Photographs are everywhere: in magazines, newspapers, billboards, CD album covers, you name it. Can you imagine a life without them? No memories, no photographic evidence, no cool photos of your favorite celebrity, nothing! It is said that a photograph is the pause button of life. So next time you find yourself staring at one, give it your best smile.*Cheese* www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3

BUS WARS 2.0 WHICH IS THE BEST OF THEM ALL?

Mang’u High School. St. ELizabeth Boy’s High School - Karen.

Komothai Boys’ High School.

Mt. Kenya Academy.

Nairobi School.

Kanunga School.

Kirangari High School.

St. Peter’s Mumias Boys High School.

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Njonjo Girls High School.

Githiga Boys High School.

Bishop Gatimu Ngandu Girls High School.

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B GUPS KAYT SKUL Edwin Fergus(304) to Idah(104) pango gee Yow!!!ope uko radar mbayar na mbuku kip da fire blazin Steve mwangi(304) to essy gigz(304)mary mount loving u is lyk breathing how can I stop Clvince awuor(304) to Vivian chanize(304)our lady of mercy our luv is still alive .pliz brek da silence mwaah Ricco(304) to lynet mazsuza(304)bush gee thinkin of u is easy buh mixn u is a hrt attack luv u big mwaaaest!! Bruno(304) to bridged(304)MFA longing for u dya Bryoh(304) to Audrey(304)lughulu gee fwendz wid benefit...kip it chained Dennoh kips(304)to Millicent(304)st marys NRK hey gal,mixn u sana Moses(304) to lily(304) Gashoire gee asap ma angel,I miss u most n mobbz of luv Franque(304) to yasmin(104)senior chief a glance of ur eyes nourishes my hrt,,miss u big Sadra sam(304) to olives rono(404)kippeh tek it criasly I do mix u Kerich dennyce(304) to meva(104)kippeh ur silence has grown big. mad lurv beb! Byron(304) to sharleen(204) milimani skul ur luv is the essence of everything lol!! Edux(304) to Sonia(204) mchai tsup gyal it has been long xoxo! Eryco(304) to Cynthia Rachael(204)naks gee fwendship’z a ship that floats smoothly on dah deep sea of lurv miss u lol!! C.J(304) to kippeh bballers was just chekin on u galz tizi tafadhali NIQ kirui(304) to quaren(204)L. gee miss u big diar luv u more Danex langs(304) to josphine(204)saintee u r one in of a kind byutiful n extra ordinary is ua 32

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name Rooney(304) to essy mwihaki(304) wazup msupar sending a holla at yew chop hard Kevinash ogesh(304) to Tabby Bianca(304) Immaculate gee ma mixxment ndo kibao.... Feasto rotich(304) to mercy brig(304)kippeh with u on earth I’ll always lurv u Tony lavo(304) to Nicole(304)Ochilz miss u mostest.lol! Edu siele(304) to get-rude(404)Ten gee Amoureux est gal Gerald ngenoh(304)to Doreen(204)L.gee am not crazy nor frenzy bt am snazzy......*wink* Cleohraz kips(304) to shanspel(204)kippeh chop hard ......lurv u big Zach Langat(304)to abby(304)Ten gee uko juu tu xanar......mob lurv Kevin ogeto(304)to marcinta pretty(304)Mchai xa c kuna venye..... Wezzere kiiru(304) to khadija abubakar(304) L gee alwaiz on ma mind....miss yah muchext Alph rop(304) to Doreen chebet(204)kippeh usisahau kuchambua hizo mbuku.....miss yah Ambrose(304) to sera(304)mercy gee u r stil on ma world lurv u big Ngenoh Geoffrey(304) to Iddah(304)pango gee Lemme wish u all da best in ua academix.chop hard cuzo Zaddy(304) to daisy chepkemoi(304)Mchai gee i don’t have an idea to describe your silence,miss you Big!! KIBEI(KIBEI-FLAGS) Kharl imani(204) to phaith njeri(104) Muru gee thea is no doubt I hav fallen in luv with ya,I don nid a lyftym to know that Alloha!! Palma opisa(204) to Dorothy gathoni(304) sengani gee hae baby,long tym since we met bt I want to tell u that I luv u so much,nyc tym.........chop hard Alonxo(204) to riemalyniz shiroh(204)ruchu gee miss yew big n

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glancing @ ur yewer gorgeous face is ma pleasure.mob luv n chop hard Allan mwas(204) to paula wangui(304)kiriaini gee baibex,yewer one in a milly.luv u big......chop hard!!!mwaaaa..... Fyeibian mungai(204) to lyelia njogu(204)kamahuha gee fwend,xilence 2uu loud.....brek it.....sain hae.chop vigwanest gret fwen William mwangi(304) to sheila Wambui(304) kaghle gee@ P.B. distance has kept ux far,tym has bcome limited 4 us bt we’ve alwaiz bin in2 this 2getha without regrets... alwaiz will luv u much mo Whimcarl mwangi(304) to maryann wangari(304) Gatanga brown(ridgez) buddy!?dhat xilence iz too loud.....brek de xilence....alwaiz u hav a true fwen gotea kendy(204)c ya Kibei to I-qrew!!hae I-qre u rilly r on the toppest of dhe world n allwaiz kip up em gud spirit...u mek teenie wald spin,nyc work George Kamau(204) to ngina(104)mumbi gee I wish I neva said gdbye,now tears roll down my eye,precious in u I hav a tenacious belief in luv Magua William(304) to lydiah(204)kamahuha galz...whoa!!u’ve alwaiz bin a great xiz n carin one...chop smartest n xsore da best.alwaiz treasure u n will b thea 4 u....take care n chop smart!! Kevo chao(204) to Melissa Wambui(104)kahuhia hw iz u baibz ope uko poa,anywy chop hard n mob luv mwaaaest Alonxo(204) to choxx(304)rax gee ssup quit,long tym cinx no meet.miss ya big!chop hard Allan mwax(204) to Winnie wahome(304)kiburia gee ajez mrembo?miss yah big n wanna c u... chop hard... Alonxo(204) to Cynthia rispah(204)ruchu gee hi gyal,opes uko rada dhat

I miss y und wanna c u... chop hard Sirmey rogan(204) to matha kiarie(204)ruchu gee hop dat u r doing fwine chop hard dia(luv u)this is to show how much I care for u Sam(204) to veronicah nyokabi(304)chinga gee long tym no see kwani umeamua aje?anywaiz chop hard swithart NYAHURURU ELITE SCHOOLS Jayne wanjiru(304) to Eugene mutuli(304) mkaas xwee,I miss yw tew much Jayne wanjiru (304) to betha Muthoni(304)st hannah’s Karen siz,cnt we just cloze skoolz.....all the drama Jayne wanjiru(304) to johnte stifler (304)triple S yu guy,ve hatad yw xx.rem tarr read btw! Jayne wanjiru(304) to cornell(304)triple Smahn,whts wit the silence!!saey hae tah denoh nd thar whole krew Crystal njambi(304) to kelvin masai(304)UBA I effin miss u Phyllis shukiti(304) to gasim musa (304)AQ look at who just popped outta yuh window Phyllis shukiti(304) to Charlie kamande(304)AQ I.M.Y!!Insane myndz Phyllis shukiti(304) to dennis Muigai(304)AQ toxic love !! Michi wanyee(304) to luther jude(304)triple s IMYSFM! Michi wanyee(304) to gilian(404)ngara cuzo,I miss u loads,wishin u tha best.lots of love Mich wane(304) to cynthia(404) riara springs IMYSM....dec holz is just a century to go.....work hard play hard.......ILY... hala @ur siz 4 me Rachel kimmie(304) to Michael adnan(304) M.F.A blondie moment... aladeeen love Rachel kimmie(304) to john meshack(304)patch you gaht me thinking l8ly Rachel kimmie(304) to Samuel wachira(304) ditchez - best I ever had! Rachel kimmie(304) to antony ngugi(304)

lukenya missin u is an understatement Grace amuti(304) to ken shifta mungai(304)MFA srry I went silent on u bt still miss our talks.xoxo Grace amuti(304) toian(304)kabarak Nakuru missin u big tymz dia xoxo Grace amuti(304) to Bradley shawn(304) marion schools hi brad,mob luv xoxo Grace amuti(304) to amina mohammed (304) mama ngina hi,hop ur doin well n av missed ur........ Grace amuti(304) to brian kamuren(404) shiners bee...wats wid de silence???oh!u chopin hard.success. mwaaah!!!hahaha *wink* Grace amuti(304) tokulush,goodwill n mose(204)triple s hae guyz.hope mko poa*wink*just greetin u MFA Bryan Aricci(204) to tony mirimu(204)Quabbz I miss ya vibaya!Tabby(204)st gee y da silence?its killing me.shirlette(204) st hannahs I luv you!st gee mob luv 2 ya’ll Brian Kibiri(204)Kerry Lisarina(grade 10)Aga Khan!Missed you big time,love you! Felix Maroa(204) to Lydia Wacera(204)LK mapenzi toxic ungekuwa chlorine ningechoma *lab* madest luv!Maryanne(304)Embu Gee za dec niaje? Nelly Masse(304) st gee uxome hp hauko round mwende chuo!!! Haha! Hpiness(304)buru gee uko 2 sawa!shambala; Kerry lisarina(grade 10)Aga khan huko pia tumefika mah8terz n riddi lovers.wazoote wa F,(dendai)msihepe chuo Iann limo(204) to ann nyakinywa(204)lockwood hae brek da silence!! Beatrice wanjiku(204) MFA lanet......i hav to see u Nicole awiti(204)mat gee kip it real phat ‘n’ grilled. mob lurv !!! Ian kiplimo(204) to mercy cheptoo(404)Christ the King academy hpe u

Do you/your skool want to feature on The Insyder Big-Ups corner? Send your big-ups to yuaholla P.O Box 51634 - 00200 Nairobi or Text 0714 888555

r fine big siz mob lav Geoffrey njenga(204) to KAY-T SKUL gloria wairimu(204)VanEdwin Fergus(304) to essa grant frndshipz a Idah(104)pango gee ship that float smoothly Yow!!!ope uko radar on deep sea of love mbayar na mbuku kip da Terry ndanu(204) if I drop fire blazin a tear into tha ocean Steve mwangi(304) then I find it,that’s when to essy gigz(304)mary I will stop luvin u mount loving u is lyk Yusuf ali(204) to breathing how can I stop shirleen(204)mahiga Clvince awuor(304) to gee ajeaje!y da silence. Vivian chanize(304)our hop uko poa na unachop lady of mercy our luv vihardest.i miss u so is still alive .pliz brek da much.gotea Maureen silence mwaah na hao mabeste wako Ricco(304) to lynet wengine,mob luv mazsuza(304)bush gee Joe brian(204) to esther thinkin of u is easy buh Murray(204)mt.Laverna mixn u is a hrt attack luv hop bado uko??Anywei u big mwaaaest!! brek da silence Bruno(304) to Nitram mwas(204) to bridged(304)MFA felista shiru(204)mulonging for u dya goiri gee break de ice of Bryoh(304) to Ausilence,clouds pregnant drey(304)lughulu gee with love.see ya fwendz wid benefit...kip it Joe brian(204) to chained wambo(304)wamagana Dennoh kips(304)to Milgee u made my one licent(304)st marys NRK week holz{lets do it again} hey gal,mixn u sana Anywai soma kwa bidii Moses(304) to lily(304) maddest luv......mwah! Gashoire gee asap ma Mark k. Wamae(204) angel,I miss u most n to stef(104) lurv you mobbz of luv enuf men!!lots of lurv Franque(304) to yasto my won n only(Doris min(104)senior chief a Nyawira) glance of ur eyes nourJoshua kim(204)Loreto ishes my hrt,,miss u big kiambu mob luv 4 Jackie Sadra sam(304) to olives Mwendwa(304) cant rono(404)kippeh tek it think of anything...its criasly I do mix u crazy Kerich dennyce(304) to meva(104)kippeh Springvale academy ur silence has grown big. Ted Casanova to Fiona mad lurv beb! Mwnia(pb kilungu) Byron(304) to shar**kiss me thru the leen(204) milimani fon**hehe..av a greatskul tym ur xul..mith luv is theuessence in mostestof everything lol!! Ted to Edux(304) to Sonia(204) stella;403(brainsworth mchai tsup gyal it has acad,msa) been long xoxo! U be killin it wit ur Eryco(304) to Cynthia maaard class...me stil kip Rachael(204)naks in touch 4 sho’ SFFgee fwendship’z a shipElizathat Teddy to angie(st floats smoothly on dah beth) deep rsea miss uol Wea u...iofbelurv searchin’ lol!! ova...mith u enyewe. C.J(304) totokippeh bCasanova ash(buru ballers clock was zjust chekin gee)The tickin on u galzknw tizi whose tafadhali away..u arms NIQ quati runkirui(304) into aftertoexams... ren(204)L. makin love gee faces miss u big diarluv u more Matoeto Danex langs(304) to josEsther(Riverview) phine(204)saintee ur Bby..itx ua luv that ma onecant in of rexixt a kindeven byutiful hrt a n extra ordinary lil’!!!!!!luv u big! is ua name Rooney(304) Job King to to essy mwihaki(304) wazup Alice(Kamahu0ha girls) msupar sending a holla at Eyy swiry..Jus missin yah

4 ril...Maaard luv..these lonely moments make yew chop hard me wna say cme bby Kevinash ogesh(304) to cme. Tabby Bianca(304)ImJamal,Hassan Karim to maculate gee ma mixxFiona Muthoni(ngaramia ment ndo kibao.... girls) Feasto rotich(304) to With you is where my mercy brig(304)kippeh happiness lies and promwith u on earth I’ll always ise 2 giv uu my luv and lurv u attention olweiz..ur luv Tony lavo(304) to Nihas been the best and cole(304)Ochilz miss u kiss,fill me with life...cant mostest.lol! wait 2 wed uu..lurv uu.. Edu siele(304) to lets meet at the aisle get-rude(404)Ten gee Stevo(304) to ValerAmoureux est gal ie(404)choxx Gerald ngenoh(304)to Our luv is so pure& true Doreen(204)L.gee am like the sky.together not crazy nor frenzy bt 4eva,without you and ur am snazzy......*wink* lurv 4 me....i’ll definitely Cleohraz kips(304) to die’e.mob lurvh shanspel(204)kippeh Sawdust(304) to nasri chop hard ......lurv u big (Burgzville) Zach Langat(304)to Ayeiya mbabie....you giv abby(304)Ten gee uko moi goosebumps with juu tu xanar......mob lurv your swt gentle touch... Kevin ogeto(304)to marmwaaaahx hunie. cinta pretty(304)Mchai Moses Mwathie to Safina xa c kuna venye..... Betty(Lukenya Girls) Wezzere kiiru(304) to I only miss uu wen m khadija abubakar(304) breathin’ coz ua th luv f L gee alwaiz on ma my lyf!!Mwaahxest...wife mind....miss yah muchext Morris Mule to Aida Alph rop(304) to Doreen Sonia(Steph Joy) chebet(204)kippeh usiM so addicted to you sahau kuchambua hizo swirie!! mbuku.....miss yah Emmanuel to Ambrose(304) to Rosemary(Kaninga Gee) sera(304)mercy gee u Since we parted ways r stil on ma world lurv theaz been a big space u big in my heart,I still find it Ngenoh Geoffrey(304) hard to understand y u to Iddah(304)pango gee luv z unfair..burh I guess Lemme wish u all da best it’s the distance that in ua academix.chop hard hurts but not love can cuzo wait to hold you once Zaddy(304) to daisy more in my arms chepkemoi(304)Mchai Moses Mwathe to Faith gee I don’t have an Munyiva(st catherine) idea to describe your This luv kips puzzling silence,miss you Big!! me...thanx 4u bein u!!Nob KIBEI(KIBEI-FLAGS) luv BFF!! Kharl imani(204) to Kelvin Muindi’Ke Vybz’ to phaith njeri(104)muru gee Nerissa(Braeburn) thea is no doubt I hav As the clock ticks and fallen in luv with ya,I don my eyes blink,these are nid a lyftym to know that things about u... I never Alloha!! stop to think...mwaaahxPalma opisa(204) to Dorest othy gathoni(304)sengani Vinnie to Faith 404(Kegee hae baby,long tym nya High) since we met bt I want Please leave me to tell u that I luv u so alone!!!!!nt interested much,nyc tym.........chop Vinnie to Viona(404 St hard Gee) Alonxo(204) to riemalyniz You are the closest shiroh(204)ruchu gee person to my heart and I miss yew big n glancing don’t want to lose you..... @ ur yewer gorgeous EVER!!!!!! face is ma pleasure.mob Stevo(304) to Emily Naluv n chop hard serian (Gen Mulinge 304) Allan mwas(204) to

MY LUV 4 U Z BLAZIN BBE....ROTFLMFAO paula wangui(304)kiriaini Ken Kinnessian to gee baibex,yewer one in Joyce(404;Senior Chief ) a milly.luv u big......chop Hey hey hey kip it kewl hard!!!mwaaaa..... Jamal Hassan Fyeibian mungai(204) to Karim to Maureen lyelia njogu(204)kamaMunju(Brightstar) huha gee fwend,xilence **Speechless...** M awt. 2uu loud.....brek it.....sain Hbd. hae.chop vigwanest gret Taylor to Avril(Calif Refwen cords)Omg I can see the William mwangi(304) collabo cumin.U rock’d to sheila Wambui(304) kaghle gee@ P.B. distance WIZARDS has kept uxtofar,tym has ‘Dick’tator any interbcome limited 4 us bt ested chic we’ve alwaiz bin in2 0716173130..call methis 2getha without regrets... ASAP alwaiz will luv u much mo All’adin to Ng’araria chics Whimcarl mwangi(304) Stay Away!!!! to maryann wangari(304) Spirngvillains to the Gatangamag. brown(ridgez) Insyder buddy!?dhat xilence Ze mag f yurhs z so iz too loud.....brek de rockfabolicious!*bliss xilence....alwaiz u hav a true fwenUPPER gotea VATICAN kendy(204)c Ian dann(304)yato Erica Kibei to I-qrew!!hae gachoka st Andrews I-qre u rilly r gyal,wish on the toppest of howdy to meet dhe smtime world n soon allwaiz kip yah up em gud spirit...u mek Michael johnstone(304) teenie spin,nyc work to laurawald chepGeprge Kamau(204) korir(104)moi kbarak to ngina(104)mumbi remember,love is a price geebe sought I wish I and nevawon said to gdbye,now tears and a treasure to roll be down my eye,precious shared.gyalwanna meetin u I hav a tenacious belief you again in luv Raymond k. peter(304) Magua to to elsie William(304) chero(Tengecha lydiah(204)kamahuha gee) and Elsie(Tambach galz...whoa!!u’ve gee) u rilly rock alwaiz my lyf a great xiz n carin nbin make it interesting.ope n it uone...chop gyallz willsmartest always kip xsore da best.alwaiz blazing hot treasure u n will b to thea John mwangi(304) 4 u....take care n chop stellar wanjiru(304)Nagee smart!! wen I remb our earlier lyf Kevo to I dat iz chao(204) btful moments Wambui(104)kaflMelissa lyk.........nweiz knw dat hw mo iz uthan baibzurope Ihuhia miss yuh uko poa,anywy chop hard imagination n mobmike luv mwaaaest Mark thiong’o(304) Alonxo(204) to to suzzy wacuka(304) choxx(304)rax geeu isssup Njonjo gee lovin a quit,long bt tym cinx unois a treasure loosin meet.miss ya big!chop misfortune hard Charles chaplin to Winnie Allan mwax(204) togee Winwanjiku(104)gitwe nie wahome(304)kiburia without u ma lv ship gee azn ajezawa mrembo?miss sinks relationyah big n c u...luv ship.kip it wanna afloat.mob chop hard...to EuBrian(304) Alonxo(204) to Cynthia nice kariuki(304)bush rispah(204)ruchu gee hi bee to luv is a natural gyal,opes uko rada dhat feelin,chop hard.adios! I miss y und wanna Jowsayph chege to c u... chop hard caroline naccah(204) Sirmey rogan(204) to st.agatha Eldrt. Gret matha do kiarie(204)ruchu mynds great deeds n gee hop dat to u rpart,bt doing fwendz meet fwinecertainly chop hard dia(luv they part to

meet again Colonel jay Z to all u)this is to show how mafans wa insyder n much I care for u foremost Vatican upper Sam(204) to veronicah of rome 301 u just nyokabi(304)chinga gee knw that luv knows no long tym no see kwani reason,knows no lies,luv umeamua aje?anywaiz defies all reason bt bt luv chop hard swithart is not blind,luv sees bt NYAHURURU ELITE neva minds SCHOOLS Michael gachiu(304) to Jayne wanjiru(304) to Eubeautilicious nkeri(sheikh gene mutuli(304) mkaas mohammad khalifa) my xwee,I miss yw tew much nose is so big I can smell Jayne wanjiru (304) to u from miles away betha Muthoni(304)st Koseph mwangi(304) to hannah’s Karen siz,cnt Lucille zichwin(304)x-tee we just cloze skoolz.....all uko juu tu xanar,mys u the drama big Jayne wanjiru(304) to Felix naccah(304) to johnte stifler (304)triple michelle chelal(304)bush S yu guy,ve hatad yw gee hi mish,long tym no c xx.rem tarr read btw! bana pliz jus kip in touch Jayne wanjiru(304) Dixon kuria(304) to to cornell(304)triple jayne ann manga(304) Smahn,whts wit the stepnjoy jus wanna silence!!saey hae tah desay hi tah uuu .....n only noh nd thar whole krew UUU...Dixn kuria(304) to Crystal njambi(304) to joy wairimu gatacha(304) kelvin masai(304)UBA I bishop gatimu I know u effin miss u know that i know I really Phyllis shukiti(304) to misss.........uuuu gasim musa (304)AQ Moses Kamau(304) to look at who just popped adrine ashie(304)mary outta yuh window leakey schl....hae,rilly Phyllis shukiti(304) to miss u yah much.want Charlie kamande(304)AQ to see u (cover courtesy I.M.Y!!Insane myndz of me!) Phyllis shukiti(304) to Jefferson dennis Muigai(304)AQ ng’ang’alito(304) to toxic love !! emmah wairumu(304) Michi wanyee(304) to Christi xorry!!my hrt z luther jude(304)triple s not a recycling bin!!! IMYSFM! Joe(304) to joy wairMichi wanyee(304) to imu(304)Yermo gee gilian(404)ngara cuzo,I guezz ur hrt iz one of the miss u loads,wishin u tha treasures Kenya iz yet to best.lots of love discover bt luckily I got u Mich wane(304) to 1st!!!!lol cynthia(404) riara springs Brayo mathenge(304) IMYSM....dec holz is just to ester wanjuru(304) a century to go.....work othaya gee gret deal hard play hard.......ILY... wth greater pple that’s hala @ur siz 4 me wat kip me goin....u r in Rachel kimmie(304) me to Michael adnan(304) George gakuru(304)to M.F.A blondie moment... Aabilyda(304)shamata aladeeen love gee jus wana say hae 2 Rachel kimmie(304) to u n kip the cyk up john meshack(304)patch Lawrence ng’eno(304) to you gaht me thinking l8ly Victoria chemutai(204) Rachel kimmie(304) to st.francis Xavier da Samuel wachira(304) most eloquent silence is ditchez best I ever had dat of 2 lips dat meet in Rachel kimmie(304) to a kiss.luv yah antony ngugi(304)lukenya Lemiso lee(304) to peggy missin u is an underann(mimo)rwathia gee. statement if missin u was a muvie Grace amuti(304) to ken it wuld only host one shifta mungai(304)MFA character U!miss u big srry I went silent on u bt Derrick(304) to sonie still miss our talks.xoxo (Anester gee)trip over Grace amuti(304)

luv,u kan get up,fall ibn luv u fall 4rever,lyk I hav toian(304)kabarak Nafallen 4 u.miss u big kuru missin u big tymz xwirie dia xoxo Jodeph gichia toRuth Grace amuti(304) to Njoki(Anesta gee) they Bradley shawn(304)marsay silence of two ion schools hi brad,mob mouths ,it in a kiss.gyal luv xoxo yuh make me goooo Grace amuti(304) to nuts. amina mohammed (304) Dennis mwathiki(304) mama ngina hi,hop ur to lorna kinuthia (bush) doin well n av missed hey thea,mixxin u lyk ur........ crazy,op 2 c u during holz Grace amuti(304) to brian kamuren(404) KITUI SCHOOL AKA shiners bee...wats KITCHEZ wid de silence???oh!u Roughfile(304) to chopin hard.success. Subo(304)Statoe chop mwaaah!!!hahaha smartest n misin u*wink* terriGrace amuti(304) bly....May be far from yew tokulush,goodwill bt a wont consider it a n mose(204)triple reason to forget you.....!!! s hae guyz.hope Roughfile(304) to mko poa*wink*just greetin Tunu(304)Statoe Ur u physical appearance gives me the spirit of hope, so unaeza imagine venye niko nau... Roughfile(304) to Tess(304)Buru gee Bby from China with luv...C u na dat u r my imported princess charming strait from China...!!xoxo Roughfile(304) to Kiama(404)kimzBee Bdo 2ko kimoja kiwan tym even tho a left the crew bado 2ko wan tym Roughfile(304) to Fayeeth(404) Sainty Hope dat u 4give me na mowb 2tatok tym ya holideiz. MISSIONS OF HOPE INTERNATIONAL(MOHI) Kelvin Sabde(304) to Penninah(204)Charlea Njonjo Laikipioa gee Chop vigwanest mwaaah!! Simon Njogu(304) to Lily(404)kinyui gee and Nyambura(304)Facing Mt. Kenya I hatar u chiks.........chop smart Duntez(404)to Edith(104) St. Titoh gee,Ashlyne(104) Whitefield gee and Getrude(304)Makuri gee miss yah!! Dennis Magawa(304) to Mercy Njeri(304)Kaginga Oasis chop hard. Brian Mwangi(304) to Sharon T. Iverson(304) Stremaggz Haez kuzo,mob luvn chop vigwanest......ur silence iz freakin me out.

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HOLIDAY TEEN

COMMANDMENTS

ust fter being awarded a two week midterm break courtesy of the 2013 elections, the holz are here again. It’s time to enjoy being away from the system. Still, in this age when everybody has a phone and FB account, behaving badly in public or being known for a particular unlikable habit will not be taken kindly. So all young fresh teens out there, remember to memorise and keep the ten teen holiday commandments close.

THOU SHALL NOT ‘RECYCLE’ CLOTHES Granted, clothes are expensive! Lakini si kuna mix and match na kuexchange a top with a pal? It’s unacceptable for you to show up in the same clothes twice at back to back out of school funkies. Common chic, we know those jeans are cool lakini aii, hauna nguo zingine?

THOU SHALL NOT FORNICATE Girls, fornicate stop thinking that all the attention you are getting from jamas is great. It depends on what type of attention it is. Giving it up means that for sure you will get the attention. Not the good kind though. You will be getting thoughtfulness from even the shopkeeper…and wait till guys go back to school and share your stories…Slut alert!

3 THOU SHALL NOT FAKE FLOSS OR SAY BOSS SH**T It’s okay to drive your folk’s car (with their permission) and it’s also fine to wear your pal’s cool kicks. Lakini wacha nikwambie, “budah usiwaii kuja kujaribu kufloss kwa funkie or on a Friday afte outside Lifestyle”. No. First buy your own Voxy…

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Please ifikirie hata us u! hiyo kujarib i poa story s

THOU SHALL NOT COVET A PAL’S MAMA/CHALI Loyalty and friendship are sacred things. So do not call yourself a persons friend if when they step away you’re ready to hala at his/ her significant other . There is no exception to how hot or cool they look out of school uniform. Be a faithful friend and not a Judas - we all know how that ended.

6 eneFshik on

eneFshik on

No! zi!

zi!

THOU SHALL NOT STEAL It’s one thing for guys in your HS to know that you’re a Klepto but for the whole world to find after you have your face plastered at the entrance of a supermarket…Now all the neighbours won’t let you near there haos, your parents are ashamed and generally everybody just wants you to go back to school. All for what? Lip-gloss?

sha Ukiwa a fany eza ama unaw k i n pid, u t s a vitu i kam ma n a r d N o! Finde

THOU SHALL NOT DRINK OR SMOKE Yes, in the movies and cool MMG rap videos all the rappers are doing is drinking Crystal and smoking Cubannas. Well life isn’t a music video and the moment you try that BS, you’ll end up drunk from Bluemoon and some cheap weed plus roll on the floor. All this time screaming in your mother tongue. Shhtuppid!

THOU SHALL NOT DATE BABAZ Girl, your still in 202. What’s the rush to date a dude who looks like your father’s Zaks? Ohh! Now I get it. It’s the money that also comes with STDs and angry wives chasing you half naked across your hood? Stay in your lane young dendai.

THOU SHALL NOT USE THE HOUSE OF GOD TO KATIANA This has been a teenie trade mark activity for years, everybody loves teens class! Lakini guys please learn something, there guys who have made Sunday and bible study a mission to get chilez. Stop it. Show some respect to the house of the lord, PRAY!

THOU SHALL NOT BEEP/FLASH With mobile phone call and SMS rates so low, why would you flash? Teeniez amaze me. With a Pao ( Ksh 20), you can get airtime to use for a day. If you can’t afford two kindes yet you have a phone, you should really rethink the choices you make in life.

10 THOU SHALL NOT HATE Kindly quit all that smack talk about people who are shinning more than you. If she is flyer, appreciate, if his kicks are dope, give a head nod. Teenies are hating on everything from celebs to simple things like a guy’s FB post. Stop it. Do something constructive like…shut up.

www.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3

heckler

Feature

A Black Spiderman

VIP FUNKIE

unkies...that breathe of fresh air from the boring system. The definition of the who’s who within the high school social circle. The music, artists, Insyder crew and crazy vibes from pretty dendais and hot guys! Well, if you’re popular enough you get invited to funkies within the main funkies to chill with the cool kids. This ‘VIP only’ event happened

Last year’s release of ‘Spiderman 4’ was received with excitement from fans worldwide. But what most people don’t know is that Andrew Garfield, who played Spiderman, nearly lost the role to an African American actor Donald Glover.

fLOETRY

during the drama fests this year. And no, Nairobi kids, you weren’t the only ones with drama!

Being as cool as I am, I got invited.The game was spin the bottle and damages for quitting were a punch...like anybody had that kind of money. The dirty soda bottle was spun and the dares become more gruesome as the game continued. Funny thing about this game was that the boy to girl ratio lacked balance but the girls had no complaints about this and clearly, the boys didn’t either!

fURY

almost got it!

Red CORNER

Girls at this funkie knew all the right moves as they bubbled and bent over to their favourite riddimz, to the joy of the hoard of guys watching their ‘behinds’ and drooling all over the place.

The grinding at some point was so touchy that some people required privacy to do their dares...Hahaha! A short curtain was the spot chosen and the fact that the audience of the main funkie could see their legs seemed to excite them more. Soon the game was dying and more ‘private time’ was taking place. Everyone was clearly getting excited and the teachers had no idea. As some youngin’ was trying to get my attention, I saw the crowd scatter as some couples got busted...doing what I dare not say! Everybody left the crime scene but I grabbed a chair and watched the drama continue to unfold! Disappointed and clearly bored by the young guy, I began walking away but tripped! The hell...on my feet was a dirty white bra...YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT. Well...now we clearly know what cut behind the curtain...and here I was thinking it was just spin the bottle!? SMH.

NAME: Dennis Waweru a.k.a Wiz CHUO: Nyagatugu Boys a.k.a Nyagz/B5 FORM: 304 SO FAR AWAY The pain for long I’ve felt To the point i almost fled One that doesn’t kill but like a deep wound it hurts So far away you are A journey of sleepless nights it is Why away are you Away from we to be me On this long journey I am Coming to find where you are For it is where I can tilt my neck And my head can lean and rest Where do I find you? One that I’ve ever worn One that forever my heart seeks The one my heart will forever love?

So who is Donald Glover? Well, for most film and series lovers he is a familiar face in the sitcom ‘Community’. He has also done plenty of stand-up comedy and appeared on Comedy Central, The Muppets and was among the writers of the hit series ‘30 Rock’. A campaign targeted at having him on ‘Spiderman 4’ ran on Twitter. He was considered when he wore the character's costume in an episode of ‘Community’, much the amazement of Brian Michael Bendis who is a well-known comic writer. What about this guy? Well, Glover is also a rapper. He goes by the name Childish Gambino and has a couple of mix tapes out. His first album was released 36

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in 2010 and his most famous album yet, EP, features the song 'freaks' and geeks' which was the soundtrack to a recent Adidas advertisement. This artiste grew up in California and went to a well-off school which he claims was a source of ridicule from his African-American friends stating that he still struggled past the hood in his song ‘Outside‘. In ‘All the shine’ from the album 'Camp', Glover tries to differentiate himself from other rappers stating ‘he isn’t after the fame’ as he already is a comedian; and his passion for rap, stating ’am not trying am doing’. His sound takes an interesting turn in the song

‘Heart-beat’ of the same album which has a retro-electro beat. He DJs and produces all his own music which is easily relatable to the youth especially as he raps about the modern-day struggles facing young people. The rapper signed to Glass Note records is currently at a net-worth of $1.5 million mainly due to the success of his global tours. He has worked with Leonna Lewis and Kid Rock. This ‘funny guy' is definitely someone to watch out for in 2013.

Blue CORNER Name: Job King’ Jina Ya Gova: Taylor Major Reppin: MMG(Springvale) Track: You can diss’ if u kan Major,haters wako sad niko so bak, Yeah back at it again nikiattack hii track, Understand that I hustle for this rack, Ati hard feelings mapunk?get it fuck, Mnaget so sad nikirise in the the game park, Bado nikishine at your side its soo dark, Man its so suck,kama utambi instead of six pack, Ukileta your big mouth nitakubite kama shark, Nikuintroduce at your place bad luck, Nirun over you like a truck, Nikutafune so slow kama snack, If I were you I’d retaliate b4 I get stuck.

Branches:

Nairobi, Nakuru & Eldoret.

Certificate and Diploma Courses offered: Fashion Design Beauty Therapy Modeling and etiquette Hairdressing Beadwork & Accessories Instructor’s course Motivational Public speaking ʩ Events Planning & Management ʩ Events Decoration & flower arranging Contact Us: ʩ Interior Design ʩ Design and sketching Tel: 020 221 6 520 Cel: 0725 923 550 ʩ Entrepreneurship email: info@verabeautycollege.com & small business website: www.verabeautycollege.com management facebook: Vera Beauty and Fashion Collegewww.theinsyder.com april 2 0 1 3 37 ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ ʩ

strictly siz

The grass is greener on the other side! why is life so unfair? why does she have it all?

STILL WAITING TO GO RAVING

t was exciting. The fever of another election made all the adults wizzy and it was a great surprise when my zaks allowed me to follow my cousins to Westie on the rave. This wasn't my first rodeo. I had been out at night at least three times before. The difference was that this occasion was the first that it wasn't to a crusade or concert. This was straight disco, a rave like the one my cousins and 404 pals talked about. While I appreciated the whole kesha experience and it was amazing when I went to the Cecile concert at Sepetuka, this was the grown man's game… this was electric avenue. I had heard about the music at Changez and the elegance of Skylux and I was going to enjoy this all on my cousin's dimes. Living large. This is what it means to be paid! Dear Siz, I am in form three and having a difficult time in school because of a friend of mine. I am jealous of her, though we have been friends since we joined the school. She is popular, social, pretty, clever, talented and comes from a well off family. She does not run out of pocket money and will constantly lend those without. Everyone seems to admire her and want to be in her company. I have even noticed the teachers also seem to like her. We are both in the school basket ball team and recently went for a friendly match with a sister school. She was named the best player and all the girls from the other basket ball team wanted to be in her company. She has not done anything wrong to me but I find myself resenting

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her. Just recently in class we were paired to work on a project together but I refused to cooperate with her so that we ranked last. She has not yet noticed my attitude yet but I can’t help the way I feel. Please help. Anonymous Dear friend, your attitude towards your friend is normal but not healthy. In life there will always be people we think are better than us. Friendships are meant to grow one and if one party is not honest in the friendship then it is not a healthy one. You describe your friend as one with many good attributes that seem to make her popular and also adds that she has not wronged you. My guess is she is aware of how you

feel about her but is wise not to ruin your friendship. Good character attracts people as is in your friend’s situation. You must have been attracted to her as a friend because of a good quality about her. If I were you I would use the friendship to build a better you. Jealousy blinds one and stops one from enjoying many things as you spend most of your time being negative. I advise you to stop wasting your time and energy on negative thoughts and instead learn one or two things from your friend and you will find yourself attracting people too. I am sure you are also much more than you describe your friend but is burdened by jealousy that you do not notice any good about you. Start behaving like the friend your friend deserves and make the most of the friendship. Siz

We began with a stop at a house somewhere in Kile where my cousin was to pick up three mamas who were his pals from college. While I thought we were just going to be there for five minutes, it turned out that none of the ladies were even ready. It was 9PM and being really excited about the rave, I thought I was missing out. Pissed at the thought of sitting on a couch instead of daggering, I told my cousin I would wait in the car as I listened to riddims on HBR. After 30 minutes of Konshens, Vybez and Popcaan without a dance floor, I gave up and went it to the girls apartment to wait for them to get ready while halain stories with my cuz. Being a novice in this rave game meant that I had a million questions but not wanting to seem like a Panzi, I kept my cards close to my chest only asking my cousin any questions that I figured any 'ravehead' should know. When I queried

why we were not yet at the rave yet it was heading to half past ten, he replied, “Chill bro, only youngin’s kimbia the dunda before 11, plus we get there when we get there”. More confused now more than when I asked the question, I figured out the best way to stay a head was just copy what he did and act like I had been here before. You know, “fake it till you make it”. To my cousin, the first order of action was to 'get his juice on'. Nope, it wasn't a term that meant he needed to hydrate, rather that he needed his pre-party drinks which meant drinking straight out of the vodka bottle. He did this with such ease and swagger that for a minute, just before it was my turn to take a swig, I could swear that was the coolest thing I ever saw. It was James Bond-esque Then it was my turn and the foulness of the dry drink reminded of a mwarubaini mixture my grandfather once made me drink. I was ready to scream at all the actors in movies where such exotic drinks are consumed with ease; making alcohol look like strawberry ice cream while in the real case it was the devil's tears in a bottle. Still I had a role to play. This night was going to be epic and I would not let a devil's tear interrupt the party. Like a child taking medicine it took all my willpower to gulp down the handsome swig that I had in my mouth and passed the bottle back to my cousin who had a grin on his face reminiscent of the guy from thechai jabba commercial! While I may be inclined to say that my night ended there and it was all terrible...blah blah blah…the truth is that after a few minutes regaining my senses, I had begun feeling warm and fuzzy. I even took off my hoodie which I normally kept on because my big sis says I have shoulders resembling hangers.

As it got warmer inside, I got more confident. I didn't care about my hanger-like shoulders or that I was a 202. I had confidence that I imagine only Kanye West would understand. I even cracked jokes like my cousin and his pals were doing. "This is what a rave should be", I told my self. This is the life. It was now approaching 11PM but even though the girls had changed into their going-out clothes, nobody was in a hurry to leave. They instead opened up a second bottle of vodka and it begun to make the rounds...no glasses. They drank from the bottle just like I had seen dudes from the rugby team, sip and pass. Having gotten over my jitters when by the time the bottle came around, I hit it hard, taking a gulp so big that some poured from the sides of my mouth. I felt like the guys in the rap videos taking about their doe. My effort at the bottle was so impressive that one of the girls even gave me a kiss on the cheek. The warm feeling was intense, maybe a little bit too intense. It felt great at first but that changed quickly when what I thought was a belch turned out to be a full blown “Mwaura”. Like a scene from a poorly made horror flick, right there in this poor girls’ living room I vomited everything I had in my entire system including some njugus I had eaten while I waited for my cousin to pick me. It was horrid and that was the start of my embarrassment. While my insides freed themselves, my legs lost all form of balance and I fell into the "mwaura" face first. Yes, it happened. To spare you more gorrey details, I cleaned up the house, picked up my things and my cousin dropped me home as they went out. It's safe to say that the night is worth forgetting.

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panoerama

A GIRL’S B***H SHIELD It is inevitable that you will come across a bitchy woman in your life(if you haven’t already) She’ll be happy to tell you exactly what she thinks about you, without a second thought as to how you might be feeling afterwards. George encountered a firsthand scenario with such a bitchy lady. The local reality dating television series ‘Tujuane’ aired on Friday at 8pm on KTN brought about a lot of chatter recently in the social networks. This all started when a blind date involving a guy named George and a lady by the name Mirfat Musa took a turn for the worst. The lady gave this guy some serious crap all through, bragging of how she is ‘classy’ and stuff and how the guy was of no match to her. To the disappointment of many men, George remained calm and never put the chick in her rightful place. I decided to shed some more light in this issue.

C A F E H T n o s p A L TAKE THAT: 6 S

warning! stay away from me, am the b***h that your mUm warned you about! NAME: Mrs Matiru ALIAS: Matish VILLAN REPP’ED: Sedusa (Powerpuff girls) WEAPON OF CHOICE: Stick rods and Diab kicks Skool: St. Tee Galo FATALITY COMBO: Throwing anything portable at

you and chasing you around the compound! WHY SOME WOMEN TEND TO BECOME BITCHY Alpha bitch These types of girls are quite rare, but you will come across them. They are women that know what they want and will never waste a second on a guy that doesn’t deserve her attention. All she’s doing is weeding out the weak guys, by giving them shit tests. Mirfat did not let George pay for the food and even claimed that ‘’plastic money is for ghetto people’’

on George because he comes from the ghetto and she was constantly castigating his sense of dressing. TYPES OF BITCH SHIELD 1. Defence This is almost impossible to break because this chick gives you nothing to work with. She will use phrases such as.... “Am not interested… go away” or “Excuse me, go away now”.

Bad day Not only ladies but everyone in general has one of these days. Where you wake up feeling like crap and your moods are just low. What you should try doing is cheer her up and maybe she might switch back to her normal self.

2. Attack She tries her best to humiliate you. She will be like ‘’nice jacket, did you get that from Gikomba?’’ In Mirfat Musa’s case, she went ahead to tell George not to wipe his face with the hand towel!

Good mood If she is in an extremely good mood she gets to be selective. She feels that she can get get plenty of guys to ask her out and thus becomes very selective with the type of guy she gives a chance. Mirfat was looking down

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU COME ACROSS A MIRFAT

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1. Don’t be emotional– Treat her like a little sister (nothing can hurt you) she’s just a

little brat. Don’t get aggressive or scared, if you do you’ve just lost 2. Approve what she is doing- Go ahead and tell her how you like fiery women, this takes away her power. 3. Break her pattern-Most of these chicks are used to doing these so you don’t want to be doing what any other guy does. Agree with her and then throw in some questions to counter her (don’t be rude though). This changes the situation and she won’t know how to react 4. Control the frame – You need to direct the conversation towards comfort. So always be aware of the situation, never get into an argument or shout, just be aware that you’re in control. 5.Dont be put down- you are a guy for heaven’s sake and no bitch should embarrass you anywhere let alone on national television. You can find lots of angle to attack her from. If I was George I could ask Mirfat how comes she doesn’t listen to loud music whereas her favorite music is Techno?

MOST MEMORABLE DAY: It was on a boring afte when some chillez decided to bask behind their comp lab to get a good combination of an even sunshine and a cool breeze. Mrs ‘Matish’ nyemelead them and popped out of nowhere causing the mamaz to scatter......woe to all unfit girls as they were accompanied with flying kicks and a perfect mix of flying stones and eeer GRASS! RATING:7/10

NAME OF TEACHER: Mrs Mwaniki AKA: Medusa SCHOOL: Jahmu VILLAIN REP’D: Crebos WEAPON OF CHOICE: Dude! Everything FATALITY COMBO: Big-up (6 high fives to the face and anything that involves pain or squealing)

MOST MEMORABLE

DAY:

This kijana in 4 East called Njengere always skived Swa lessons until the Swa teacher decide to call the big guns. Medusa one day ingizad school before morning preps and her first destination was not the library but to the dorms to wake him up. At exactly 4.50 am medusa was in class holding to a4 exercise and two Swa text books.Njegere was heard laughing sarcastically along the corridor while in his usual prep uniform ‘vest and boxers’. He ingiad class smiling and there was utter silence. The door shut behind him and medusa tokelezead. This boy pokead proper good morning greetings from medusa’s hands and the floor mops and the broom not to mention some weird looking electricity cable. He further went on to clean the D.H.on his knees and had the luxury of free tution. RATING:7/10

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under cover bro

PRETTY GIRL SWAG

BALLING ON THE BALLERS

We all enjoy watching the best sportsmen in the world do their thing. We are amazed by how they dribble, dunk, hit and run. Our love for our teams sometimes gets the better of us and we feel that our best players should be the best paid. We only wish.

Cristiano Ronaldo Real Madrid - $12,900,000

Lionel Messi

Barcelona - $13,600,000

The truth is, some guys who you would think are washed up, still get paid big time for their work. So let’s rate players not with their skills or trophies but with their earning power in terms of annual salaries. ‘Nani ana wallet biggest?’

Derrick Rose Chicago Bulls - $16,200,000

Yaya Toure Manchester City - $16,800,000

Wayne Rooney

Russel Westbrook,

Manchester United - $17,900,000

Oklahoma Thunder - $ 13,700,000

ou have all met this kind of girl at least once in your funkie life. This clique of chillez that walk like divas in an inseparable group. They have the “I don’t do high school dudes” kind of attitude and they will put you off with your opening pick-up line. They smell of nice perfumes and they are highly noticeable especially with the way they rock their uniforms in a unique way, such as some reductions in lengths here and there! Some of the schools that boast of such girls include Msoh, Riara and Choxx. But if you thought that this only applies to top-notch schools then you need to wake up! Kiambu zonal drama festivals had a lot going on. This underground girls school came with 42

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style. They came off their boo swaying and they had it all from the word go. Definitely the whole attention was diverted to them. I pitied Kiambu Hae cats who tried their luck vybing these chics only to be coldly put off. Though I couldn’t make out any words, I am sure that what came out from most of the chics’ mouth included the prolonged “puhleaaase”. With that, they gave their performance piece their all and even secured a place on the next level of the fests. Unfortunately, they had to leave the venue early for some unknown reasons, and being the tourist attraction that they had become, dudes had to follow them to the bus. And that is where the tables were turned. The teacher in charge of this school counted

every one as they entered their bus and mysteriously there remained four girls outside the bus. That meant that they either didn’t come with the bus or the teacher is very poor in maths!To everybody’s surprise, the ‘extras’were ordered to climb on top of the bus’ roof and hold on to their drama props!Whaat!” So much for swag now”, some dudes whispered as the chillez applied spiderman tactics. Once on top and comfortable, the bus sped off leaving people with no chance to take photos. Even great artists like MJ never left the stage without some fireworks. So if you can’t uphold your swag from A-Z, don’t even try it in the first place and end up getting stuck at R...which can also translate to ROOFTOP!

Fernando Torres

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Psg - $18,800,000

Chelsea - $14,000,000

Didier Drogba Galatasaray - $15,600,000

Kobe Bryant

Samuel Eto L.A LAKERS ($25,900,000)

Anzhi Makhachakal

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Horoscope

BEAUTIFUL April BABIES

Eddie Murphy - April 4

Kelly clarkson - April 24 Jessica Alba - April 28 Ngara Gee floss their blue and red. Strath Zilizopendwa group.

Great Rift D Hall swag.

Ashley Judd - April 19 Jackie Chan - April 7

Aries (March 21 - April 20) Your ability to get straight to the point will serve you well at school this month. Your TA’s want to solve a problem, not beat around the bush. You’ll be in control when it comes to romance. Express your true feelings for a close friend and he or she will reciprocate. Leo is involved.

Leo (July 23 - August 23) Get to the heart of family matters this month. Talk to loved ones and find out what’s wrong. Don’t let your pride get in the way of getting to the bottom of things. However, you shouldn’t let family affairs affect you at work. Superiors will be considering you for a promotion.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21) Your stubborn nature will work to your advantage at school in the middle of the term. While others look for a quick fix, you’ll hold out until a long-term solution is found, getting you recognized by the higher-ups. A close friend will need your help this month. Be supportive and help out.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) Be wary when a someone asks to borrow money from you, because you’ll need to make a large purchase before the end of the month. Is he or she reliable? A close friend will be there for you. Don’t be afraid to confide in him or her. He or she has your best interest at heart.

Gemini (May 22 - June 21) Friends will look to you to lead the way this month. They’ll ask you to plan an outing for the whole group. While you’re not used to the role of leader, take this opportunity to break the monotony. Work will seem boring early in the month. Enjoy it while it lasts. It will be crazy by month’s end.

Libra (September 24 - October 23) Work will go by quickly this month, because you’ll be busy working on a new and interesting project. Enjoy it, but don’t forget to take some time for yourself. Let your enthusiasm for your job flow over into your personal life. Share your excitement with friends and loved ones.

Aquarius (January 21 - February) You’ll have your freedom in class this month. Your superiors will give you free reign over an important project and it’s your time to shine. Take every opportunity! Your analytical mind will help you make the best decisions. Pisces is involved.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) Love plays an important role in your life this month. You meet someone whom you can’t get off of your mind. Instead of daydreaming about him or her, make a move. Ask him or her out and you’ll find that you won’t be disappointed. Aquarius and Capricorn are involved.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Your compassion will be called on by loved ones this month. Help them calm down and try to boost their spirits. They’ve always been there for you. A close friend will bring you good news at the end of the month. It will give you an optimistic outlook on life.

Cancer (June 22 - July 22) YYou certainly will earn the title of “The Crab” this month. Everything will seem to get on your nerves. Try to remain calm and don’t take out your frustrations on co-workers. Go out to lunch, instead of eating in the office. Meeting some friends after work will help ease your tension. 44

Eddie Murphy - April 4

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Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21) Be brave in class in the middle of the month. You’ll think that there’s a conspiracy against you, because everything will go wrong. Don’t get discouraged. You’re just going through a bad time. Your family life will make up for it. You’ll have a great time with loved ones this month. s on yourself.

Kiriri chics looking all pretty. Mac Bee in their full mode.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) A close friend will be the bright spot in your life this month. You’ll be happier than you have been in a long time and everything will seem to go right. It even will make work easier. You won’t get frustrated by workplace politics and the month will fly by.

Highie dudes with a musical touch. I luv my ladies. Kilungu all swagged up.

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Boy talk

I WANNA TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL

Girl Talk

WHY DON’T I GET ATTENTION FROM BOYS?

A.S.K MT KENYA

BRANCH

SHOW

Hey bro,

Hey siz,

I have this chic whom I have been hitting on since I started high school. She means a lot to me and I was thinking since it is our last year in school, we could at least take our relationship to another level. You know like we could both break each other’s virginity. I think it will be very special for us to do it together. The problem is, she is still saying that she is not ready, but my hormones are running wild and I really do not want to cheat on her. What can brother do at this point?

I have this really bad feeling that I am not as hot as my friends. Every time we hang out or go for funkies in other schools, they are the first ones to be talked to by all the nice guys. I usually end up as a third wheel or alone in a corner. I know I am a very attractive girl but why don’t I get any attention from guys? Could it be that I am not as pretty as I think I am? I am also a very nice person and friendly, I do not have an attitude like my friends but interestingly enough they are the ones who get the attention and I don’t. Please help me understand this.

Paul, 404 Emily, 303 Niaje Paul, Dear Emily, First I would like to congratulate you for keeping your virginity and that of your girlfriend kudos for that. In every relationship communication is key and respecting each other’s opinion is of paramount importance. Your girlfriend hesitancy in having sex with you could be because of fear of getting pregnant, fear to lose her virginity at her age, fear of contracting sexually transmitted infection and just not ready for sexual commitment. Sex is best enjoyed when there is mutual agreement and no coercion, hormones shouldn’t drive you to have sex with others girls as this will hurt and break your current relationship. Every decision made has consequences and cheating on her will have consequences, which you may live to regret. Having sex is not a decision you just make, it is important you think of the consequences and ask yourself whether you are ready to handle them. If not then don’t act on your body feelings, do it at the right time. Sex is not all there is in a relationship and if you want to make it special for both of you; do it when both of you are ready to have it. Make a wise choice today. Biggie

Emily, it is normal to feel left out especially at your age where your sexuality is growing, the need to be noticed by the opposite sex increases and the desire to fit in become strong. The most amazing thing about you is that you have such a wonderful level of awareness about self, something many youth your age struggle with. From what you are saying, you are a nice, friendly person, and you think of yourself as a very attractive lady and that implies to anyone that you have a positive outlook of yourself. Small sis, we have no control of whom to be attracted to or have no control of other people’s feeling towards us. Most of the time we attract what we are; you said that your friends have an attitude that you do not have… probably they attract company that is just like them and this does not mean that you need to change yourself to suit in the company or be popular as they are. You are unique and you need to flourish in that. Emily, it is important to invest in friendships that help build you as person and bring out your inner beauty. You should not lose yourself, because as Emily you have a lot to offer just the way you are, comparing yourself with others will not bring growth to you. Remember your confidence should not be tied to the amount of attention you get or from whom you get it from.

Endless fun and an opportunity to learn new stuﬀ. come hang out with the iQru and your fave celebs at the Insyder Young Farmers Club Village

IT’S GOING DOWN IN

NANYUKI FROM MAY 16TH-MAY 18TH

Big Sis!

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AGRICULTURAL SOCIETY OF KENYA

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Is this the month your

luck runs out? If you’ve been hoping against hope that you

don’t get pregnant, find out what your CONTRACEPTIVE options are. WORD

Check out www.cword.co.ke, call 0800 720 121 Mon - Sun, 8am - 8pm (FREE on Safaricom), or SMS M4RH to 4127 (FREE on any network).

DON'T TAKE CHANCES. TAKE CONTROL!

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IMPORTANT! To avoid the risk of contracting STis, including HIV/AIDs, use a condom every time you have sex.