The Insyder October 2014

Tha

Teeniez

Voice!

| www.theinsyder.com | Volume 14 • No. 10, October 2014

AQUINAS’ SECRET TO BEING A TOP SCHOOL

Season of strike

10 common, lame reasons for student protests

Career advice Fred Omondi of ‘Hapa Kule News’ answers QUESTIONS FROM STATOE

Five awesome study tips

Plus

HIGH SCHOOL FLASHBACK

10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT RABBIT

SUCCESS WISHES FROM YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBS

250 Baab

‘DABOTAP’ LYRICS | fashion advice | BOY TALK: HELP, I’M OBSESSED WITH MY COUSIN

FIND US ON FACEBOOK

Free Seyi Shay and Rich Homie Quan posters The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

|1

over making the c Tha Teeniez

Voice!

Editor Charles Muthinji SUBEDITOR Wangai Mureithi Editorial KRU David Ng’ang’a, Muthoni Wachira, Thomas Rajula, Okumba Okumba, Liverpool VCT & all teeniez massive Design Elias Mwangi PHOTOGRAPHY Moses Mwangi Marketing Kamau Kimani PRINTER Smart Printers Cover photography Charles Muthinji

The Insyder Office Vihiga Road, off Makueni Road, Kileleshwa PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00200 +254 (20) 2323363/519 +254 (0) 714 888 555 +254 (0) 707 595 657 www.facebook.com/Insydermagazine www.instagram.com/theinsyder www .twitter.com/theinsyder www.vine.co/u/1112346805343313920

COPYRIGHT The Insyder is published by Teenwise Media Limited. All rights reserved. It is released once a month. Contributions are welcome and must be accompanied by stamped self-addressed envelopes.

All due care will be taken with material submitted, but the magazine and publishers cannot be held responsible for loss or damage. The editor reserves the right to edit, amend or alter material in any way deemed necessary. The Insyder cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the editors and publishers of The Insyder.

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Insyde

What’s

SIZZLING

THIS MONTH

What’s sizzling this month

iqru’s

HOT STUFF

5 awesome study tips for KCSE exams

take

What is success to you?

11

Season of strike 15 Why you should look good all the time

26

How TAs go out of their way to help 404s get ready for final exams

SUCCESS WISHES FROM YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBS

15

20

Jacqueline: Our greatest glory is in rising every time we fall.

Moses: Achieving your most desired dreams through hard work.

Thomas: A feeling or event, rather than a conclusion. It is when I attain the goal I needed to overcome a specific challenge. So, for me, every day is a chance to succeed at something.

David: The desire to achieve your ultimate goal despite going through a number of failures.

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The October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 5 TheInsyder InsyderMagazine Magazine--October

mail

Teen

LETTER OFTHE MONTH Hey, guys. I gotta say that your mag is the dopest among teens in Kenya. All the way from Form One, I’ve been an avid reader of it and I must stay that you guys never, and I mean NEVER, disappoint. The quality of the mag has really been good and it always has eye-caching articles. I’d not forget to say I really like the way you connect with teens on social media, especially Facebook. The issues captured on your fan page are what we teens face and so you guys act as our voice. I ask your team to consider adding more articles in the magazine, especially on fashion. This will indeed make teens crave for your magazine even more. Ohh…and continue featuring more funkies and ensure that pictures are in plenty coz it would go without saying that teens love seeing themselves in the magazine. All things considered, you guys still remain on top of the league, and continue staying put coz I believe you deserve to be the voice of teeniez! Mko ligi soo!

Khalifa Harry (404) Nyagzville Hae This is by far the best mag I’ve seen so far… and I mean it! I don’t know how I would have survived in my entire high school lyf without ua survival tips. I’m a true fan of yua mag. And must I say that yu guys are tha best thing tht has ever happened in my high skul life. ‘The Insyder’; all the way to the top!

Quintah Nyambura, Kambui Galz Hi iQru, Much love for the awesome work you do.I really love your magazine and everything in it.Its simply fantastic! It reaches a point in class where I can’t even revise for my exams coz I always re-visit it page by page when the revision starts boring me. Keep up the same spirit coz we really,really love u guys.Lemmi end it there.

Stacy (204) Nginda Gee

I wanna say yew guyz are toppest. Every time I peep into ‘The Insyder’, I always get motivated .Thanks for motivating young artists by displaying their artwork in the Mistari Arts.Keep up with the spirit.You are the best.May God bless the iQru. Aming’a Malbeex (404), Mac Bee

‘The Insyder’ runs the high school world and that’s for sure. I feel like writing a whole essay on how ‘The Insyder ‘has had great impact to me especially when it comes to Bic Mistari.I might not be a good artist but at least I’m working on my skills and very soon my art work will be displayed on that Bic Mistari page.

Nevertheless,my shout out goes to you guys for your splendid job and you know what,keep ‘em magazines coming!

Lynette, Siaka Gee Big up, guyz, for giving us a piece of advice on how to survive Form One in your March issue.

Having read your mag for the 1st tym I must say this is the coolest stuff I’ve ever come across. At least now I’ll know how to conduct myself during funkies. Thanks a lot.

Karis, Chano Bee I can’t believe that I’m not gonna see u guys again now that I’m a candidate and there won’t be any funkies this term.I can only sit in class and reminiscence the good times I had when u guys came over to our school for the Thika Opens.Rest assured I’ll be reading your magazine even after I’m done with high school..well at least for some time though. Massive S/O to your great crew na m-maintain your high standards.

James Maina, Thika Hae Well done, ‘The Insyder’, keep it up, for your magazine is always more than nice, with good educative, inspiring and encouraging content that not only entertain teens, but also guide us to the right way. Congrats again, ‘The Insyder’.

And for we will always not let you down on representing ourselves thru contents such as red corner, slang corner, big up’s e.t.c. One Love!

Thomas Kaloki, Mac Bee

Salaamz iQru, Surely you have proved your ability in organizing efficiently and effectively Kenya’s best mag -- ‘The Insyder’. You guys have taken up successfully the task of keeping Kenyan teeniez abreast with the hottest trends in fashion, music, hae skul stuff n hottest funkiez that bang year in year out.

Salute to the iQru one more tym!

Byron Oyoo, St. Pius Uriri Bee

Connect

Drop us

a mail I’d luv to give a big shout out to your crew for attending our sports event last month. It was just amazing how you fired up the place especially during the entertainment period at night. In other words, you literally killed it! I just can’t wait for your next visit...the anticipation is real!

Andrew Kimeu (204) Pioneer Boys

If there were awards for the most influential brand among teens,trust me my vote would have gone to ‘The Insyder’. Wow! You guys keep us moving no matter how hard we face life here in high school. Cheers and more so to the editorial crew that surprises us with new, fresh content every month. Mob love!

Alvin Sospeter, Kaheti Boys

Insyder, Thanks for making my high school life a bed of roses.Cheer s guys especially to the C.E.O. of the company.

Peter Tanui, MFA

Aki if it were not for you I would not know what took place in various funkies across a number of top high schools. Yaani it’s only in ‘The Insyder’. where I can be updated on all trendy stuff for teenagers amongst other things like motivational essays.

Waaah!You can’t just make this stuff up!Your mag. is way to dope and to miss it is definitely a diss.

Much love for what you do and for those latest 411 news on your website.

Marto Msawa (304) (Ex-Njiirian)

In “New Flame”, one cannot help but notice how talented Chris Brown and Usher are.

In your own opinion, who among the two stands out in the song?

Ephantus Ngugi (404) Pioneer Boys Ray Kiio: Team #usher it like i add you Samuel Wairimu: Team Chris B Kui Carol: chriss brown my bby my love hes the bomb Chalice Wa Nzisa: Usher all the way mad love for you!

Angiebebz Njiks: mbona mna argue...chris brown rocks it...

William Daudi: team breeeezy Danteh Bexx Adanteh: U wudn’t compare CB to UR. Usher is way up there...(a few wl gt ths) Betty Zulueta: Team Chris Emilly Sarongo: Chris brown Mariam Juma: Chris brown David Romi: Usher Marisa Aidan: Kistiahale breeezyyyyyyyyy Quincy Quinn Shiro: Cnt rate.. thy kills it both Angel Gabriela Montana: Chris brown.he kills my heart.

Marion Jacintah: usher...killed it...

Wilbrone Baron: i’ll be on the fence abt this.... lol to all. #teambreezyn usher Daniella Misocha: Team#Chris like i add u Shicqs Mugo: usher raymond ofkos!

Nicole Deonne: breezy...

Gladys Makunga: usher nimkare ata rabbit anajua Adah Key B: Wot Usher da usherin twinkler....u rockin!

Alex Kemboi: ;>waaaauw christ.B..?

Genesis Peromyscus Leucopus: chris lakini apunguze bangi Manu Ela: hard to choose mayne! both cb and usher kills it.especially the dance routine

Joel and Brian, AQ

If you want to feature in the magazine, give us the scoop on your school -the hottest funkie, coolest peeps and all the lowdown.

On your mark, get set, spill!

Hit us up on...

Okumu Derrick and his crew Email Facebook www.facebook.com/theinsyder yuaholla@theinsyder.com

Twitter @theinsyder

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Teen pix pix

SNAIL MAIL PO Box 53164 Nairobi 00200

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 7

Winners Gallery

presents The Bic Mistari Art Competition is expanding Bic Mistari will now have three sections: 1. Art Drawings/Cartoons; 2. Original Lyrics/Poems; and 3. Designs (e.g. of clothes and houses).

You can send entries of any of these types. The requirements listed at the bottom left of this page remain.

Yours Truly, Bic

Ritchie (204) Bluxxville Bosco (404) Mak-5 High Skul

Fishy Ent.

Wizzie Cros, Koelel Bee

George Wang’ang’a, AQ

Sunday Ojengu Isaac Nzongoi (304) Meru Bee Derrick Kimz (304) Mac Bee

Alfred Wango (204) Murang’a Hae

Do you reckon you have the talent to feature in this section?

Send us your artwork. Each month, we will feature entries and pick the top three for inclusion in the winners’ gallery. Awards ceremonies will be held during the April, August and December holidays, with winners receiving fantastic prizes: No 1: Shopping voucher, funky tee & Bic sationery pack No 2: Lunch voucher , funky tee & Bic stationery pack No 3: Travel bag, funky tee & Bic stationery pack For your entry to win, it must be drawn using a Bic biro and must have the Bic logo on it.

What’s more? All winning monthly entries will be entered into a draw for an opportunity to win a cool mountain bike or one term’s school fees.

Send your entries to The Insyder Bic Mistari, PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00200 Please ensure you include a telephone number on your artwork.

Samuel Kariuki (204) Kianyaga High Skul Elkanah Kinyanjui (104) AQ

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Brayo Mutwiri (204) Thika High Skul

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eVER WONDER With

21. If an atheist goes to court do, does he swear on the Bible?

20. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 19. Can you make a candle out of earwax? 18.

Are children who act in R-rated movies allowed to watch them? 17. Is there anything easier done than said? 16. Are eyebrows considered facial hair? 15. If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys? 14. Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings? 13. Can a short person” talk down” to a taller person? 12. Do prison buses have emergency exits? 11. Do you yawn while asleep?

10. Why do they lock coffins’ lids? 9. Wouldn’t it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? 8. If a fork were made of gold, would it still be considered silverware? 7. If mars had earthquakes, would they be called marsquakes? 6. Why is it that when something says “do not eat” on its packaging, it becomes extra tempting to eat it? 5. What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called? 4.

Does Mututho drink beer? 3. If the beautiful ones have not been born yet, are all these beauties around samples? 2. Is an Apple phone edible? 1. Was Kenyatta named after Kenya?

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5 awesome study tips TO HELP YOU PASS examS

To all 404s,

I may not have been an A student, but there are a few basic lessons I learnt that can make you study effectively

By Jacqueline Muthoni

Join groups They say that friends can either multiply you or destroy you. Well, this is very true. Joining discussion groups and forming revision groups with most of my close buddies really assisted me to pass my exams. My confidence and self-esteem grew more each day. The fact that I was active and participated in all discussions really helped me.

Scientific approach Science has become an art to assist people to pass more. For instance, remember the SQ3R – survey, question, read, recite and record. Ensure that every time that you study a topic, you survey the content first. Once you are sure about what the topic entails, ensure that you question every topic and subtopic that you want to read.

Make sure that you re-read what you have surveyed and then question it. Later, recite it. Once you are sure you understand it, record it in your revision book in your own words.

Take initiative We all need both long-term and short-term goals. Note what these are then make sure that you follow them diligently. Have your priorities set right.

For instance,while

in school, we have this wrong notion that we cannot study a topic before being taught about it. Well, make an initiative to always be ahead and have an idea of what it all entails. If possible,complete the syllabus (of course in the assistance of your classmates-group members)! Teamwork always wins trophies!

Revise your past papers Do you remember those past papers you have stored in those old files?

Well, it is good to ensure that you go through them while highlighting your mistakes. If possible, ask for assistance from a teacher. The main duty of your teacher is to help you. That is why they are employed.

Every mark counts Whenever sitting for an exam, ensure that you are efficient. You know how Chelsea always have their game intact and going.

Yes, I know I am a diehard

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Manchester United fanatic, but I love how Chelsea get the ball rolling. Be defensive. Do not let the exam to score against you. Ensure that you are on a par with the exam to avoid any form of frustration, and then make sure you answer all the simple questions first.

Take, for example, when I was in school. I always ensured that I knew what exam I was sitting for early and made plans. Well, mathematics has always been a major challenge for me and I have never have been a big fan of it.

I know we all have that one subject that gives us a chilly shiver down our spines. Nonetheless, l learnt to overcome mine. My game plan for mathematics was not the same as that one for Christian Religious Education or for history.

My mathematics teacher taught me that in mathematics, one requires good killer passes to have a good total tally. Good formulae and well-written concepts will always have the marks scored.

Know that 20 per cent of what you learn will account for 80 per cent of your marks. Therefore, make sure that you learn a lot so your 20 per cent has a chance of being useful in exams.

yOU’ve GOT everyTHiNG iT TaKeS TO Be SUCCeSSFUL

aLL THe BeST May success be with you, not just in your exam, but also in every walk of life.

May all your dreams come true and may each day bring out the best in you.

One Love, Crew

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feature

404s and the god of the last minute

By David Ng’ang’a

dear lord, the exam is here with us. please make us pass... we need your miracles. and all god’s people say...

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!

CHEATING IN EXAMS TURNS DIGITAL

By David Ng’ang’a

Wololo! wallahi KIMEUMANA!

I

not even that, since they joined high school. But here they are, wanting to lead the Sunday service or the church choir.

Some would call them hypocrites, but as Harrison Thuo from Kianyaga Boys notes, God will listen to those lastminute prayers, even if the one praying used to have a bad character.

“Haijalishi kama ulikuwa unachafua kwa ma funkies ama ulikuwa msee mbaya, God huskiza kila mtu ata hiyo last minute,” he says.

The relationship with God “grows” even much more when you spot the lastminute “followers” attending Bible study groups that they used to scorn back then. They even go class to class, trying to interpret God’s word from a Bible that would be kept below a “special funkie uniform” in a dormitory box.

Better still, others get “saved” despite having done the same while in 104 or 204. Their behaviour in church changes as they rush to book front seats every Sunday; something so strange, especially among monos, since those seats are usually reserved for them.

All this happens in a quest to justify

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kwisha mimi!

AMEN!

T n Philippians 4:6-7, it is written: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

This is a verse being recited by many candidates the way nursery kids recite the Lord’s Prayer. This is in a bid to seek God’s favour before and after sitting for the Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education exams.

That said, you will notice how the Catholic Action (CA), Christian Union (CU) or any other religious group in high school records an increase in number of “404 followers”, especially in the third term of school as the KCSE exam period nears.

Indeed, every candidate knows how important it is to have God by their side, no matter how much of a genius they are.

What amazes many about this increase in “404 followers” is that a good number of them had never given a damn about the church since the first term…wait,

sasa hako kaphone na kanisaidie....

oneself to God that they have done everything possible to “please” Him, hence, in return, He should grant them a good grade.

Hellen Wambui, a former Kangubiri Gee student, says she knows about chicks who sought God just a few weeks to KCSE and eventually performed well. ”I remember a couple of students who used to hold everything to do with the Sunday service in contempt but automatically turned to God and scored very good grades,” she tells ‘The Insyder’, stating that one should not judge someone by their character, despite their rush to seek God in the third term.

However much other students criticise these “last-minute God-seekers”, the issue remains that God does not close His doors on anyone and is more than ready to listen to everyone’s prayer.

My word to these last-minute guys is that they should not to be deterred by critics since KCSE exams are a matter of life and death, and they will attest to this once they find out their grades in March 2015. Let it not be a habit though; seek God all day, errday.

he issue of cheating in national exams has been a tough nut to crack for the Kenya National Examinations Council (KNEC).

The more it imposes stiff penalties for those involved in exam irregularities, the more candidates devise new ways of cheating. Each exam season comes with new cheating methods and it seems technology is helping society slowly raise a digital generation.

In other words, exam candidates are making use of devices such as mobile phones to get fresh exam leakage on exam day.

Some are even going to an extent of forming groups on WhatsApp or Facebook to try gather possible exam leakage from candidates in other schools. It seems rather impossible, but these things do happen.

What’s more, the few who manage to get the leakage from trusted sources make money by giving those desperate candidates leaka.

Your money is nonetheless non-refundable in case the leakage you bought happens to be fake.

Guys make a kill during the Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) exam period and for those who did not study in their entire high school life and are so desperate to pass, they are better off asking their parents to pump in more pocket money.

As said earlier, let’s see how technology has revolutionized cheating in this

digital generation: The mobile phone Mobile phones will always find their ways to the dorms in spite of those fake inspections that take place on opening day.

The technique here is to get a trusted source and not a quack who would waste you later on. Where such a candidate gets credo or charges the phone is what I don’t know, unless he bribes a watchie or cook as long as ako na uradi.

The funny thing is that those with phones are the chopis who end up “milking” cash from the nduazi (dunderheads) who would do anything to get that leaka.

So if today guys are sitting for, say, Ngoso (English) at 8 a.m., leaka is sent through the phone in the wee hours of the morning. That is when you see 404s waking up as early as 3 a.m. to prepare mwakenyas.

At times, another source might send a different leaka, say 10 minutes before the exam start, yet you had prepared the earlier mwakenya.

That is the time unaskianga kujinyorea, literally!

Another way students get leakage is when invigilators open exam papers when they are not supposed to and they send out information through mobile phones.

This shows you how important this gadget is in exam time and no matter how much KNEC claims that a certain

mobile phone network will track the culprits, to exam candidates, hiyo ni kuchora giza! #Teamtuokoleane groups on social media I still wonder how these groups are usually active when they are, considering that guys are in school and not on holiday. All the same, you will come across groups such as “KCSE 2014 Leakage” or “KCSE 2014 Study Group” on Facebook. There, you will be surprised to find all manner of candidates, ranging from those in shaggz schools to those in top schools. Such groups are meant to seek leaka from candidates from top schools who are believed to have teachers who share this information with them.

The same happens to students on WhatsApp who from their own groups and share possible leakages before coming to a conclusion on which one might have a higher chance of featuring in an exam. Such conclusions may be determined by whether the said leakage appeared in several mock exams in various counties.

These groups become irrelevant once KCSE exams end, and many of the said leakages are fake.

That is how intelligent Kenyan candidates are. You simply cannot take them down when it comes to cheating. Very soon, laptops will find their way into dorms and be part of this scam. Mark my word.

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Cover story

Season of strike

10 common, lame reasons for student protests

By Charles Muthinji

The timing is usually perfect and teachers are caught unaware because gathering intelligence is probably not easy. But what makes students go on strike and what are some signs that this act is about to happen? After a long fact-finding mission, I have deciphered 10 common, lame causes of this common act of rebellion 1. Food One early morning in a school in Murang’a, everything is quite and calm. However, there is something unusual at this time of the day -- the school is very busy. Movement is quite slow. Suddenly, it is time for breakfast. The dining hall is filled to capacity. James lets out with a scream, “the tea is sugarless”. He looks disgusted as he sips sugarless tea. His friends join him. They too look disgusted by the fact that the tea is without this precious add-on. They turn to the kitchen staff and the in unison throws cups filled with hot tea to them.

“Kunywa hiyo chai wewe,” they say.

In no time, the entire school is chanting the famous tune, “haki yetu”, and boom…a strike is on.

This is a common line. Student protests are often connected to food.

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Guys in a certain school once went on strike because of being served a meal that had too much cooking fat, a reason that could be as lame as that of being given too much food.

2. The new teacher is tempting So the school has a new, good-looking teacher. She wears miniskirts to class, thus students cannot concentrate. This was the case in a school in Central Kenya. The students could not stand a hot woman who was in teaching practice. Because it is a boarding school, the boys there were very thirsty; she was not doing them any good. The students went on a rampage and did a reasonable amount of damage. Eventually, the teacher had to change her “evil ways”.

3. The prefects are too powerful The school has a new prefect body

and it gives it authority to not only punish students but to even suspend them. This is the case in a wellperforming institution in Nairobi.

Such prefects are not liked by other students. At a school in Eastern Kenya, the students had enough of the prefects and decided to do something about this. They locked up the prefects in dormitories and set them ablaze. This is one of the ugliest scenes to have ever been witnessed in the country.

4. Teacher is too tough This is a common one. Students love doing things in a certain way. As a result, when change comes, they do not take it lightly. They will cause drama. One teacher was known to punish students by having them engage in frog jumping all day long.

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Cover story He was probably the most-feared TA in that school. One day, students got tired of his antics.

They decided to wake up late, so, the teacher, being on duty that night, decided to punish a few of them. He made the students lie down on wet grass for a whole day. Others went to the dormitory, took their blankets and joined their fellow students. The guys later went on strike, burning one of the school’s dormitories.

5. New by-laws Schools review their rules and regulations every few years. When the administration decides to add some few rules, like no carrying grabo to class, something that the students are used to,

this spells trouble. We do not like new laws, especially ones that affect our freedom. Do you remember about that school in Central Kenya whose students went on strike because the administration told them not to wear short skirts?

6. The new television is too small Finally, the school has a new television. Everyone is happy, especially Form One students, is happy. But their Form Three counterparts want to go home, probably because mock exams are around the corner. Everything in school is perfect but there is exam phobia. What to do? An dea pops up: the new TV set is 42-inches big yet we were told it would to be 49-inches big…students, let us go home….

7. The school bus has no music system It could be that the school bus was perfect until the brother school got a new ride fitted with a dope music system, and three screens (it is always exaggerated).

The “jealous ones” complain: “How could this be? We need our bus fitted with a new sound system and TV screens on every seat. After all, tumelipia. Haki yetu”. By the way, those loud students have huge fees arrears. LOL. And the next thing you know, they strike and reduce their old bus in ashes.

8. The outings are few Funds to schools have been reduced by the government. This means the administration cannot afford to make students attend as many funkies they would like. The last event students attended was the zonal round of the MF (that is music festival, for the blondes), in which your school came second to last. No, there is no other funkie till next term. And it will be a maths symposium.

So students say: “Boring stuff. Comrades, let’s lobby for more funkies…haki yetu… haki yetu”.

9. A ghost in the dormitory This is special and classic. It mostly happens towards the mock exams period in the second term of school. We cannot ascertain whether it has anything to do with exam phobia or fatigue, bearing in mind that it takes place in the longest term.

Stories vary from someone touching another at night to someone in white clothes running after another at night to students having weird dreams (which are strangely similar).

This is bizarre, don’t you agree? When it is something to do with evil spirits, we have to blame it on someone -- either the new teacher or the principal, who has a new ride, by the way. Ametoa wapi hiyo doe?

What better way to exorcise demons than to break some few window panes, maybe burn the chemistry lab, and, if time allows, burn the new library too.

10. Coolest student receiving unfair treatment The coolest student is guilty…again. This time, teachers say she has molested her Form Two schoolmate. But to other students, the administration is on her case because she has long hair; that the teacher who suspended her always has cheap weaves.

“Huu ni wivu. The teacher has a daughter in the same school and she is not as pretty as the coolest student,” they say. “Huu ni wivu, and we have to support our own. It’s us against the bad teachers. Let’s go on strike.”

These are a few lame reasons some high school kids go on rampages and leave trails of destruction, forgetting that their parents will have to pay for the damages.

I hope that through democracy and by being civilised, students will be able to settle their grievances in decent manner. It is not fair to cause unnecessary chaos.

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career advice Emma Ndung’u (304) Statoe: How is a typical day for you?

Fred: My ideal day should start at 5 a.m. with an hour dedicated to prayer, then from 6 a.m to 7 a.m., Bible study, followed by another hour of personal reading till 8 a.m. and then an hour of catching up with the news while taking breakfast. I will then proceed to my office, where I will either be working on scripts for ongoing or forthcoming shows, prepare for shoots, work out financial details that are required to make a particular shoot take place, prepare shooting scripts for the shows I’m supposed to direct, sign a few cheques here and there and by 6 p.m, get done with office work and take an hour to wind down before going home.

That is what ideally should be happening and I must say it rarely happens like that. To give you a glimpse of what I am talking about this is how my day has been on the week beginning Sunday, September 14.

After attending church in the morning and treating my family to some lunch and fun at a

fred omondi OF ‘HAPA KULE NEWS’ answers STATOE’s questions

By David Ng’ang’a

“To all you lovely girls wa Statoe…mtaenda mbali mbaya…the world is waiting for you…

UUUUUSSSSSSSSTAKEONA!” -- Fred

popular spot, we returned home at about 5 p.m.

I took a snooze for two or so hours, had dinner and by 10 p.m., I was at the office. There was a show whose deadline was way over and we needed to burn the midnight oil to get the edits done. We spent the whole night in the studio, till 7 a.m. I rushed home briefly to freshen up and by 10 a.m., I was back at the office again to do the final touches. I left the office at 2.00 p.m. to get the footage to the station before close of business at 5 p.m. I submitted the footage that was due and immediately headed for studio for ‘Hapa Kule News’ shoot, where I spent the night till 4 a.m. shooting and got home at 5:30 a.m., took a snooze and at noon, I was back in the office to prep for the shoot that we were supposed to have on Wednesday from 7 a.m. to 6 a.m. on Thursday. After the shoot on Wednesday, I had the day’s rest on Thursday and on Friday, I was back to what should have been my ideal day.

Munira Muhamad (304) Statoe: What challenges do you face as a comedian that may also affect your work as an architect?

Fred: Munira, for the two years that I practiced both, one challenge that I had was that I would be required on site to supervise construction work and at the same time I would be required for a shoot for a television drama that I used to act in called ‘Tabasamu’. Doing one would lead to me missing out on another and the repercussions would be dire.

Joy Maritim (304) Statoe: Can you make a living out of comedy?

Kaari Ndegwa (204) Statoe: How are you able to handle both comedy and architecture?

Fred: Kaari, wacha nikwambie ukweli…I was not able to handle both comedy and architecture. The issue was not ability to handle and juggle both (I did this for two years before I quit practising architecture two years after graduating from university. Just to mention, at the time I was quitting, I was about to be made partner at the construction company that I was working for…being partner meant being a young millionaire, just like that). The issue was how far I needed to go and when I put my vision into perspective, it became apparent that a pursuit of both comedy (and arts in general, so to say) and architecture would only leave me as an average hustler simply driven by the desire to make money and as I have perhaps mentioned, there is more to life than making money.

Fred: Mtu nguyas Joy, ustie wow wow, swali yako naishughulikia mara yori yori.

You can definitely make a good living out of comedy or any other genre of performing arts for that matter. Pesa iko… but Joy, may I suggest to you that there must be something that gives relevance to your career pursuit beyond making money. Bear in mind that to eat, drink and find satisfaction in your toil is a gift from God. Making a living is important but not nearly as important as finding satisfaction in what you do -- your toil.

A simple guideline from me to you would be this: TALENT is the natural ability to do something well, that which you were born with. SKILL, on the other hand, is acquired knowledge that will help you utilise your talent effectively and efficiently. Think about what you are good at and supplement it with knowledge that will make you a skilled craftsman in whatever you do…then you will have an axe that is not dull; one that you can use to chart your future through the forest of untold possibilities.

But there is something extra that is only gotten by the few who choose to seek it…that is the GIFTS of the Holy Spirit, which He gives to whosoever He wishes and however He wishes. They give you that ability that is beyond talent and skill and in these abilities, you will find satisfaction that is beyond description or human glory. I wish you all the best, Joy.

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By trying to be in both places, the end results would be rushed work that lacked excellence.

You try to do your duty quickly in one area so that you can rush to the other and do another quick job.

Vanessa Ndinda (304) Statoe: Does your comedy interfere with architectural work?

Fred: Vanessa, one thing that helped me put everything into perspective was the discovery of my purpose. It is life changing when you get to understand why God created you and why you possess the ability that you do and why he has blessed you with various spiritual gifts.

It is life changing to know that everything you are working on is part of a bigger plan, that ‘Hapa Kule’ is not an end in itself, but rather a means to one. There is a certain level of hope and inspiration that you get when you know you are working out God’s purpose in your life, na kakiumana, He is there to help you out.

In this regard, you are able to figure out what to do with the many things that are on your plate in regard to what to keep and what to shelve, what to pursue and what to learn, who to associate with and who not to, where and how to position yourself, and most importantly, how to say no and to what.

Yasmin Leila (304) Statoe: While in school, did you ever think of growing up and being a comedian as well as architect at the same time?

Fred: Yasmin, I never thought I would either be a comedian or an architect ever in my life. I began the serious pursuit of arts as a result of necessity. When my mother passed on while I was in Form Four and left me an orphan, having lost my father when I was in Class Six, and finding myself in a situation whereby neither one of my siblings was in a position of taking care of any of the other siblings and neither one of my relatives was willing to extend a helping hand, I found myself asking myself the question that is synonymous to that which was pondered

by Moses in the Bible, “What do I have in my hands?”. The answer to that saw me begin my serious pursuit in scriptwriting, directing, acting, emceeing and eventually stand-up comedy plus TV hosting.

I never applied for a course in architecture while filling in the campus admission forms.

My first choice was mechanical engineering,

a course that I had no clue at all what it was about, but because it sounded serious, I put it as my first choice. By God’s grace, I failed in physics and could not attain the required A grade for cluster cutoff. Thanks to the advice of my friend’s father, I reapplied for campus admission immediately after the results were out and based on his advice, I chose architecture as the first choice but just for the sake of it. It had become apparent to me that I was not going to make the cutoff for it and all my eyes were on bachelor of commerce, which would see me land at Kenyatta University (KU), where I was going to have a chance of utilising my talent. But to my surprise, I was called to the Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology’s School of Architecture and Building Sciences to pursue that which I had ruled out. I was ready to apply for intervarsity transfer to go study commerce at KU but after discovering that my sibling did not believe I had what I took to successfully study the course, I chose to undertake it as a dare. And at the end of it I graduated with a second class honours (upper division) degree.

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 21

FEATURE

Wahu, singer All the best, guys! Remember: 1) Don’t stress -- many people have done this before...and passed...so if they can do it, so can you.

2) Everything begins and ends with your attitude -- have a winner’s mentality, a winner’s perspective, and you shall win.

3) Don’t CRAM! -- make sure you understand your concepts, theories, literature, etc. If you don’t understand, ain’t nothing wrong with asking for help.

Only thing you need to cram are the following words: THESE EXAMS DON’T SCARE ME! :-) See you on the other side!

Lotsa love.

SUCCESS WISHES FROM YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBS Avril, singer, actress and model

Here’s just to wish you all the best in your upcoming examinations. I am going to tell you the cliché because that is precisely what works. Preparation is key. Clear your mind and stay focused on what you want to achieve. God bless you, and see you at the top. :-) Nameless, singer Just want to wish the fourth form Ninjaz success as they approach their KCSE exams.

DJ Crème De La Crème I’d say to everyone who’s sitting for their exams that EVERYTHING in this life has a time and a season. You put in genuine work and effort in reading for the exams, and the time has come to reap the bounty harvest. I remember sitting for my KCSE, it was [a] nerve-racking [experience], the adrenaline and the pressure, but things work out eventually. They always do.

Go into that exam room knowing that nothing can stop you from touching the skies apart from YOU! You are the captains of your own ships, the masters of your destiny. You shall do well and succeed, not because someone else said so, not because Creme De La Creme said so, but because you BELIEVE! Let’s Get This.

You are all in my prayers.

Much Love.

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Trust me when I tell you this is one of the most important exams you will sit for in your life. It is thus important that you dedicate the remaining months to focusing on doing your best. You have a long life ahead of you. The decisions you make now will begin to determine how you will live the rest of your life. Discipline, hard work, focus, determination and prayer will help you achieve your goals to pass with flying colors. Then you can party hard in Dec. Hehe!

God bless and good luck.

Brenda Wairimu, actress and model SILENCE is the best Answer to all questions A SMILE is the best Reaction in all situations Unfortunately, BOTH Never Help In any EXAM And so to accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream.

Not only plan, but also believe.

Best wishes in your Exams!

Lots of love.

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Picharazzi

MC Ronnie keeps the crowd on its feet Wakuu Family show off their CDs

The top 3 finalists with the judges

Syomasaku aka The African Illiterate

The judging panel, featuring Tapeli and Ulopa Ngoma

The final round has some crunk Song-bird the diva De Ville, the second runner-up, belts out an RnB song

xtr ROUND 1 Our search for the next big name in entertainment shows us Kenyan teens have mad talent

It definitely is a friend-meeting zone

Mishu the dancehall girl

Too much jam session influence

Teddy display their rap skills

Riddim fever in da’ house Versace, Versace, from Felly

This is how it should be done

Monica does her thing

The music is too catchy

Mishu, the winner of XTR Round 1, poses for the cameras The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 25

NEW KIDS IN SKOOL

panoerama

By Okumba Okumba

magneto vs grim reaper Reppin’ Queen of Apostles

wakuu familia

Africa’s teen ambassadors for hip hop

TA’s name: Father Wanyoike AKA: Mzae Villain he represents: Magneto (X-Men) Most memorable day: Mzae found some students who had been sent to harvest maize playing footballinstead of performing their duty. As a result, he beat them severely with electric cables in the farm for the whole afternoon Mode of punishment: Cane sticks! Cane sticks! Cane sticks!

Rating: 8.5/10

Lil King, JT and Nicc, the trio who compose Wakuu Music Familia, want to take over Kenyan music. They are young, but as our writer Jacqueline Muthoni learns, that does not necessarily mean they are inexperienced ‘The Insyder‘: Who are Wakuu Music Familia?

Lil King: A rap group made up of three talented teens named John Mungai, aka JT, Zacheous Oduor, aka Lil King and Nichodemus, aka Nicc, aged 16, 15 and 14, respectively.

How many songs do you have so far?

JT: We have done twenty seven songs but we have released only two and our reason for taking long is support for local artist is something hard to get. But we are here to stay.

Where did the stage name Wakuu Music Familia came from?

Lil King: It came after a show which we killed and the organisers of the show said we are greater than our ages, so we decided to call ourselves great and wise.

Describe Wakuu Music Familia in five words.

JT: I would summarise in 3 words -incredible, talented and skilled.

What is your style?

Lil King: We do music for all, but mostly hip hop. That is our signature.

What is the best part of your work?

Lil King: The attention we get.

Do you write your own songs?

JT: This is Wakuu -- all our music is our own.

Who was your favourite artist during your childhood?

Nicc: We all loved Kalamashaka, We still do and that is where it all began.

Why Kalamashaka?

Nicc: Theirs is real hip hop. Wakuu is all about being keeping it real.

Who would you like to collaborate with locally?

JT: Any artiste who is serious and ready.

‘The Insyder’: Define good.

Lil King: Something of high quality and standard. We all want the best at the end of the day.

Do you have any mixtapes or albums beckoning?

Nicc: A mixtape is dropping soon and we are working on an album. Wait for great things.

Tell us about hip hop in Kenya and how you plan to do things differently.

Kenyan hip hop is growing after a long fall and we are the ones taking Kenyan hip hop to another level.

Do you have any collaboration so far?

Lil King: We have done a collabo with Abbas and Ramsey and are planning a collabo with Khalighraph and Frasha on different projects.

What is your song ‘Lazima Watii’ about?

Lil King: Informing the industry that Wakuu are here to stay, so they have to obey and respect that.

What are you working on?

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Lil King: We are working on a project that will be hitting you soon….Wait for it!

Who is your favourite female artiste?

Lil King: Nick Minaj, because she is hardcore rapper.

JT: Nazizi. She has the right lyrics.

Nicc: Iggy Azalea. I just love her.

What music do you listen to?

JT: All kind of music as long as it is rich.

‘The Insyder’: What is your favorite song

by Popcaan?

Lil King: The only man she wants.

What do you when not creating music?

Nicc: We are still in school, so when we are not doing music, we are working. We need to be focused in life. Education is part and parcel of our goals. We do put in a lot of effort, more so hard work in our school work.

JT: If we are not doing music, we are in school. We also love to spend time with close family and friends as well as attend gigs from time to time when we are free, Give the young generation a word of advice.

JT: Never let any obstacle hinder you from reaching your goals.

Lil King: Inspiration, determination and hard work should be your key drivers.

Nicc: The sky has never been the limit.

Aim to be better than yesterday.

Reppin’ Muhuri Muchiri a.k.a texas TA’s name: Mr Muchiri AKA: Beast Villain he represents: Grimm Ripper Most memorable day: Some peeps were late for class. Beast made them lick the floor continuosly for two hours as he whipped them mercilesly with combo sticks Mode of punishment: Hitting the culprit with combo sticks and adding blows plus punches Rating: 8/10

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FASHION TIPS

You would not be caught dead in Baggy pants or top. I like wearing fitting outfits.

This item makes you feel handsome instantly My red sweatpants and my favourite ragged brown short.

Your best ever fashion buy My blue sky complete suit bought from La Giacca.

The cheapest item in your wardrobe My Sh1,000 shirt I bought from Gikomba.

The most expensive item(s) in your fashion collection A brown, leather Italian shoe (Sh9000) and my grey designer suit (Sh25,000).

Your all-time favourite look Designer suit and shorts with Italian shoes or sneakers.

The greatest fashion crime young men commit Sagging a trouser, especially an official trouser. Most young people never know

that this sagging thing originated from prisons since prisoners do not have belts.

Your advice as a fashion personality Three things that are very important: know your body measurements before you start shopping, always know your coolers and always limit your accessories (if they become too much on your body, you will look like a hawker).

Your passion Taking the Kenya fashion industry worldwide.

Where you draw inspiration from Mostly films like period pieces, as well as from blogs, books and magazines.

Your fashion peeve Sweatpants and other long wears to class.

Where you want to be in five years I want to spread fully my amazing brand, that is Bashka The Model, in the next few years. I want to reach out to the hidden talent in our youths, not

only in modelling and fashion, but in all sorts of talent.

Your greatest challenge When I started indulging myself in fashion, I never had any income. I approached many designers but they ended up misleading me, even to the extent of taking the small amount I had.

How you have dealt with it I started saving. I remember I was saving up to Sh2,500 or Sh3,000 every week. Since I am good at training models and giving them choreography, I ended up getting such jobs, and here I am.

Greatest achievement Signing a contract with a modeling industry as a choreographer.

Parting shot Nothing tastes as good as the skin feels, so always wear what appeals to your skin and not your eyes.

Why you should look good all the time Bashir Mohamed, a model, choreographer, shoot director as well as fashion judge, tells us about his work and shares style tips

By Jacqueline Muthoni

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Big ups!

MANG’U HIGH SCHOOL Freshia (304) to Lewis (404): Ssup!Ma missmentation nazo.

Hope hutawai nisahau even though u hood far from me.

Thanks 4 the advice of life and I learned a lot out of ‘em.

Gabbie(304)to Lewis(404): Hey Hun? This long distance is killing me already but all in all ntakuwa patient.Was at your place(school) never saw u ile contest.

THIKA HIGH Mercy(304) to Wycliffe(404): Ma missmentations nazo.

Manze break tah silence coz its driving me nuts.

Anyway,success in your studies.Mob love.

Bhakita Lopez(304) to taylor Elvin:Watsup my dear.

Kukumiss nayo.Btw,mida we’ll talk even if we are not in good terms.Anyway,nakumiss excess.Mob love and chop smart.

Harriet(304) to Sharks(304):Hey,kukumiss nayo ni most waaa!Anyway,chop hard and smartest.

KIRWARA BOYS Freshia(304)to Frank(204) :Wadup dude.Though u decided kutulia sana,haina mambo.

Just missing you so much.Chop hard and smart.

Harriet(304) to Mathew(404): Hey man.Uko aje,mi niko poa tu.Lyf takin me fab 2.Mambo ni ng’ang’ana 2.Anyway,chop hardest 2 make your goal.Miss u sana.

Mercy,Freshia,Jayne,Evan(404) to Chris Kadogo(404): Heeh awolan! Ma missment nayo.. waa!Nakumiss 2 excess.Hope life is kul and soma kwa bidii.

ST.SPARTA(THIKA) Freshia(304) to Peter(204).

Haez ma missment nayo.Ope uko sawa and me I’m ok 2.Lyf rocks and its kul.Chop hardest.

Freshia(304) toSam(304):Hey,wassup.Ma missment nayo.Hope uko kul.

Chop hardest pal lots of luv 2 sana.Xoxo!!

Bakhita Lopez(304) to Sparta(304):Hey hun.Ma missment nayo.Anyway,chop hard and smartest.Lots of luv pal.

Bakhita Lopez(304) to Aleki(304):Waddup swtest?Kukumiss nayo waaa even can’t tell.Hope life is kul n taking yu smartest.

Anyway,chop smart and hardest so as to brighten your future.

Mercy(304) to Anto(204): Wassup buddy?Kukimiss 2

ndizo zangu.Chop smart koz lyf is not easy bila studies.

Chop smartest ma diah.

ST.PAUL’S KENOL Bakhita Lopez(304) to Ted Ville Timothy(304):Sema cutes.

Kukumiss ndizo zangu.Hope u kul and skul lyf is taking u well.Aki nakupenda 2 excess.

ST.PETERS GATUANYAGA Bhakita Evaluna(304) to Bash(404):Wassup bff.Hope lyf is taking u kul.Kukumiss ndio zangu.Mob luv and soma hard.

SEMA BOYS Evaluna(304) to Wallah(404):Wassup diah.

Hope lyf is coolest in skul.

Anyway,chop hard and smartest 2 achieve yo’ goals.

MAKUENI BEE Bhakita Evaluna(304) to Maxyne(404):Ssup swts.

Ma missmnetations nazo.

Nakupenda san asana.Nothing will separate us swts.

KIJABE BOYS Bakita(404) to John Kinuthia(404):.Ssup diaz.Ope yo kulest.Chop hardest coz the strongest person is he who stands alone.Anyway,mob luv dearest.

Lopez(404) to Benson(404).

Wassup bro.Kukumiss nayo.

Waaah!Its 2 much,can’t even try 2 estimate it.Anyway,chop smart.

Bhakita(404) to Boneye(404):Hey diaz.Hope u kul.Anywaiz,I’m still mad at you.We’ll talk over mida.

MBUGITI BOYS Bakita and Freshia(404)to Kevin Nduati(404:.Wassup decko.Kukumiss nayo waa waa!Anywaiz,chop hard and smart.We’ll talk home as usual.Missing u big.

AQ Gabbie(304)to Brian Alberberts(404): Buddy! Me missin u big.U rock ma world up comrade.Otherwise hope uko poa.Swag out kwa papers.

Gabbie(304) to Bior(304) Heey cousin?Hope uko poa.He!He! Love u big.

Freshia(304)to Ken(204): Break the silence man.Enweiz kukuhata ndo zangu.Chop bro.

MATUNGULU BOYS Gabbie(304) to Jacob O. Chris(304):Thnking of you is no harm but 4getin you is the crime issue.I love ya and you light my world up.Chop smartest.*winks* Gabbie(304) to Davince(304).

Hey bro? Miss u big siz.Will always love you.Endelea kustruggle na books.

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Freshia(304) to Davince(304): Hey yu.Iyo silence zii,naikataa.

Ebu changamka na ubonge.

CHANIA BOYS Patriciah(204) to Elvis(304):Ey swts.Vipi kukumiss 2 ndizo zangu.I love yew.

Freshia(304) to Elvis(304):Ey,niaje ope uko poa.Chop smartest.

Freshia(304) to Robert(304):Ssup swts,kukumiss nayo?enyewe ulinibamba 2 tah fullest.Chop hard lakini.

Harriet(304) to Lemick(304):Wassup hun.

Lots of missments and fantasisation is drivin mi crazy.

Anywaiz,chop smart like I. PIONEER BOYS Haynes(304) to Laura(304) Riara springs:Can’t wait to know u!

Baf Fadhil(404) to Zahra Tayolo(304) New light:Love you.

Breezy(304) to Martha(304) Compuera gee: Chop smart.

Love yu!

Ayub(304) & Yassin Munyanya to Sharon(204),Vanessa Wendy(304) Buru Gee:Lovely dolls bigtym...KooKoo.XOXO!!

Joseph Karanja(304) to Winy Patience(304) &Olive Wangeci(204):Miss yew big tym.

Peter Mungai(304) to Ivy Njeri(404) Riara Springs: Missin you so much!XOXO!!

Brian Mwadime(304) to Rose G. Wanji(304) Mustard seed:Missed you lots.Come back home.#MaHitta Robin Ndubai(304) to Joan(304) Bristar Gee: Love you.

Lawrence Mwanzia to Angela Mwanzia(404) Pioneer Girls:Love you big.Success in yo’ exams.

Mathew Kihanda to Teresa(304) Riara Gee: Missing u most,can’t wait for holz.#LoveYou Sam Waruru(304) to Gladys Warindi(304) Riara Girls: Can’t wait to see u.#XOXO Jimmy Mureithi & Brian Wanjau(304) to Julie Nguyo(404),Teresa(404),Stella Wanja(404):Can’t wait to meet all of you.#XOXO Collins Tireu(204) to Yvonne Tawarar(204):Miss u!Big tym!

Evans Siele(204) to Nelly Kimani(204) Mary Hill:Missin you so much.

Danny Rokik(304) to Cecily Mxoh(304) Nginda gee: Love u big n much.

Arnold Tallib(304) to Babe

Risper(304) Karima gee:Love you babe & missing you so much.

Jimmy Mureithi & Brian Wanjau to Joy Wamah(Precious Blood): Loving u & missing u.#XOXO Paul Sirya(304) to Yvonne Shiro(304) Compuera Gee: Missing yu lots.Mob luv.

Ian(204) to Darleen(104) Moi Girls Nai: Missin yu soo much!I love yu.

Juma Boy(204) & Brian Mwadime(304) to Fosi,Fiona,Zamzam(Msoh): Miss u so much!

Paul Sirya(304) to Fidaus(304) Elite Nyahururu:I love you.

Missimg you big!

Francis Kariuki(304) to Triza Nyokabi(304) Riara Springs:Wuu!Mapenzi,love you most!

Mike Karanja(304) to Pretty Rosebell(204) Lukenya:Love you lots & Missin u too.. mwaaahhh!!!

Chris Macharia(304) to Cynthia Karimi(304) St.Francis Mang’u: Lots of love.

Derrick Kyalo(304) to Lydia Wanjira(304) Riara Girls:Love you fam!

Derrick Kylao(304) to Michelle(404) Riara Girls: Success fam!! Love you!

Allan Gathitu (304) to Daisy Kimari(304),Valerie(304) Buru Gee: Mard luv beauties!

Paul Mungai(204) to Stella Wanja & Teresa Buru Gee: Missing u most.

Kiguta Ndikwa(204) & Brian Wanjau(304) &Paul Mungai (204) to Elizabeth Wairimu MaryHill: Missing u much!

James Peter(204) to Elyne State House Gee: IMYSFM! Bernard Kariuki(204) to Claire Wairimu:Missing u guyz so much.

Ian(204) to Ivy Wairimu(204) Precious Blood:Miss u siz!

Jeffrey Kanja(104) to Morreh Gatweku(104) Njiiris High:Be cool,stay smooth bro.

Samuel Mungai(404) to Jackie I-Qru:You are one cool lady.

Eric Mwenda(204) to Cathy(304) Kenya High:Big lolest 2 yah!

Yahseen Keya(304) to Vanessa Kalekwa(304) Buru Gee: Missed yah big!Stay safe #Peace Kandee Markie(304) to Nicole and Rozie(304)Riara Springs:Mob tough love!

Bonnie Peterson(304) to Natasha Njeri(404)Elite High School:Love you big tym!!

MAC BEE

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Michelle Ndeti(304) Mat Gee:Even if u r a million miles away.Luv iz da only amour dat we need.

Mwaaah!

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Sarah Mweu(Mum Gee): Though you decided kutulia xanar,haina mambo.Just missin you so much.

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Bridgit Mutaa: Mob luv baib.U take da most part of ma heart.

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Ann(204) Mat gee:Hae siz.Chop vismart.

Caleb Muia(404) to Esther Mutunga(304)Nyayo Gee: Hi.I am glad to remind u dat u r da pillar of ma heart.Chop vihard madze knowing dat I’m always thinking bout you.

Alex Muindi(404) to Maureen(404) Tawa Gee: Hae hun.Miss u big!

Alex Muindi(404) to Faith Nzioki(404) Mat Gee: Ssup gal.

Missing to c yah.

Steve Kiema(404) to Grace Musyoka(304) Muthale Gee:Keep it real en rolling.

Brian Makau(404) to Barbra Makena(404) Matori Gee: Love and cherish u dear…

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Mercy Wafula(404) Kyethivo Gee: B happy alwaiz and keep the fire burning.Mob luv yah.

Brian Makau(404) to Merisha Adiptho(404) Moi Girls Eld: Chop vigwan dia,I love u!!

Neville Ngenzi(404) to Tracey Mitau(404) Munyu Gee: Dear Darling,wish I could not forget that u are mine.Missing and loving you each day gets me from my bed with a smile.

Malbeex(404) to Choxx(404): Madze yew chics are hawt.Keep working hard.Luv yew all.

Malbeex(404) to Annah(404) Choxx: Always be my best.

Dopest Luv Malbeex(404) to Felicia and Edna(404’s) Ngara Gee: I will always remember yew.Chop hard,work smart.

Malbeex(404) to all Mac Gee(404’s): Hope yew are working hard coz tha game is really tough.Wishing yew fab tym.

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Bridgit Mutua(404)Mac Gee: Haez?I gonna say ma appreciation to

u bby gal.Duirng holz u gave mi most of your tym.Big Up once more.Alwaiz 2gether as one.

Thomas Kaloki(404) to Angela Mule a.k.a. Qui Lee(Karatina Uni): Big up 4 the maturity and wisdom you shown during that short holiday we did meet.

MUTIGE BOYS Reuben Gatimu(404) to: Pauline Njeri(404) Kabare Gee:I.L.Y.S.F.M.Chop smart.. mwaaah!!

Shanny Willy(404)Kabare Gee:Friends with benefit cutie.

Betty(404): I’m longing to meet you..Lol! All 304’s Kiburia Girls: Keep the fire burning.

Janet(404),Vera(404) U always made ma day..Success!

Julie(304) Muruguru Gals: U kill man,uko tu sawa.

All 404’s Mutige Boys:Success and chop smart.

ST. MARY’S GIRLS KIANGIMA SECONDARY SCHOOL Dianah to Felix( 404): Swits Luv yew sanah.Nyc times.Teh kea just for ma sake...BYE!!

Dianah to Rigarn: TxaTxah.Uko poa?Meh nko smart kukugotea tuh.Bye!!

Yvonne to Emmanu(404): Xaxa!I knw its kinda weird tew xay hae n hatujuani.Buh the truth is tht I’ve heard lots bout yew kutoka kwa Jibril Cameroon.Maxlamz tew ndo zangu.Stay safe.

Yvonne to Jim(404): Sup swits!Hope u doing great.

Maxalmz tew n missed yah..

Oh!Btw,check me out kwa Insyder ya May..Ace tymz.

Yvonneto Jared(404): WaWawah!Ata cjui nxeme?Za Kunyamaza?! Nway,hope u r doing good.Chop smart ma dear.Nyc tymz.

Jahkey to Fellow:I donno you buh ave heard lotsa gud stuff about u.Nyc tymz.I’m just sayin Hi and I hope yo Ace..Adios.

Monkhezron Amira(404) to Yvonne: Hellow there.Howz you?Me nko pia n hope yo rocking diem books.By tha I’m looking 4ward.Tew meet yew someday.Fab moments.

Jemimah(404) to Felix(404):Hello dude.U driving somebody bananas over be here..WTF!I give her seconds and she’ll be ni the ICU!God

Send your shoutouts to The Insyder for an opportunity for them to be read live by Corrine on HBR.

forbid!Pliz just take good care of ma siz!Fab tym.

Melow Dee to Felix: Mmmh!Kumbe u r da dude whoz making me pal go haywire??Nwei u r da best love birds so far n keep da swag up coz her love 4 yew grows every sec of his lyf.Make sure u buy da mag @ least 2 have her memories n also feel her close to yew.She’z da best of em all n so try n be tha best 4 her ama?Tek kea as we take care of her.Gat to go..Nyc tym.

TEZ HIGH (TERIGE HIGH) Nemu <304> to Tash St. Marys Gee <304> Hae Doc! Masmissmentations kibao. Hpe 2 c u soon. Mob luv.

Bob <304> to Sylvia <204> Oletipis Gee. Heylowha! Gaga lurv…

Denis Meli <304> to Beetow <304> Loreto Matunda Gee. Miss yah much. Cravin 4 da holz. Luv yah!!!

Kevin Mullaii <304> to Magy <304> Criscent Gee… mob luv, enjoyed yah company… missyah Adero <304> 2 Trizah <204> Coullsion Gee. Waah! I dnt even knw where to start uh u made mah day I da musiq fest, miss u lyk shyt! Ol da hugs n kisses pretty one!

Kevoh <304> 2 Facks <304> Coullsion Gee.. Am aced up wid ur luv beib… U made ma dei’musiq fest’. Luv u big.

Mullai Mrui <304> to Lesly <204> Naks Gee… heey w@ ssup!!! Still waiting to rock wid yah! Lol! Denis Meli<304> to Marie <304> Naks Gee… Miss yah company. Thnks u made mah dei!

Elly <304> to Emmah <204> Bahati Gee… W@s up! Sweet pie miss u moh than words can explain, ope 2 see u A.S.A.P. coz dem sweet memories r killing me, mwaaeet!!

Oliver<304> 2 Lilly <204> Loreto Limuru. Wazup!! Hunny, miss yah much. Hpe uko poa mest. Luv yah mob!

Deis Chogeh <304> to Zuhura <304> Naivasha Gee. Miss yah much gyal dyn’ tew talk tew yah A.S.A.P. Kevoh, Denoh, Adero (Okumu)

Mullaii <304> tew Linda, Jamimah, Monica, Cynthia, Leiyan, Krystl… n dem ol of Wellsprings Gee.. Luv yah all!!!

MUTIGE BOYS SCHOOL Kevoh Yout <404> to Esther Wangechi <404> Karoti. U ar amazing just the way you aare, when you smile... amazing.

Emily Kiama <304> Mutithi Gee, don mind. Zipporah <404> I love you.

Laban Junior <404> to Priscilla and all 304s Kiburia Gee. Mob love to you all. June <404> and all 404s Ngaru Gee. Success people. All Mutige Boys 404s chop smart tukutane uni.

Chris Mureithi <404> to Leah and all 404s Kamahhuha Gee u rock!! Ann Mwas and all 404s Tambaya wish you luck for rill.

All 404s Murige Boys success.

Salome <404> Karoti Big up to you pal. All 404s Kagumo Gee. Work hard. Play hard.

Deno cool <404> Aniger Twita <404> Senior Chief Gee and Jessica Duncan <404> Naro Muro Gee hi LOL. Miss you all.

Khartel Ian Denis <404> to Eva Karimi <404> St Mary’s Kiangima manze umemute tu sana. All 404s success.

Carol Destiny <404> Thumaita Gee mob love to you gal.

Emily <304> Kabahre big up.

All 404s Mugumo success. All 404s mutige Boys hard work pays.

Victor Maia <404> to Grace Karanja <404> Kiburia Gee I expect more from yew and break the silence, love you swit. @ Xoniah <404> you are awesome.

Allano Kizangila <404> to Julliet Wangechi <304> Muruguru Gee mob love, keep chopping. Angie <404> Ngaru Gee missing you big. Lavi <404> St Mary’s Mwea mob love.

Jess James <404> karoti ajez arif miss u. Vicky <404> New Jogoo Road School missing you like sh*t.

Smoqee <404> to Keshie <304> Mugumo Gee always in ma heart baib. Joan <304> Kiburia gals miss you beautiful onne.

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 31

teen writer

Unconsciousness I heard people speaking very seriously as I was constantly coming and going to and from that dark land called unconsciousness. I saw an elderly woman -- I had no idea who -- wearing a black felt hat. It was gently placed on top of her blonde hair and solid brown dress which, looking very conservative, reached down to her pale ankles. She had a pleasant smile on her face and was laughing so sweetly.

There were no other things like the soft purr of a kitten, and the sound of a loud thunderous sea. More than those things though, there was one thing that reverberated throughout my mind as well as soul. It filled my entire being. It was the attractive sound of a young gentleman, again, someone I did not know, but I felt I should have known, sobbing. “I love you,” he gasped out before he started weeping again.

Now I was gaining consciousness again. But it felt totally different this time round, more solid and more constant. As I regained awareness of my surrounding, I began to look around.

I was there lying in a white hospital

5

Take

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Five

bed, in a white hospital room. There were three chairs in a row along the wall at the foot of the bed, and there sat the elderly lady. She must have heard me because the moment I looked at her, she rushed out of the room, returning quickly with a nurse.

God knows how much I hate hospitals.

The nurse began to check my various IVs and then turned to me. She asked me, pointing at the elderly woman, “Who is this?”

“I do not know,” I replied truthfully about this the elderly woman who was now dressed in a white dress.

She was shocked, mournful and fearful -- all at once. I felt a pang of sympathy for her.

The nurse scribbled down on the clipboard that had been lying on the table near the side of my bed. “Fine,” she said. “Ummmh…what’s your name?

How old are you? Where do you stay?”

I felt quite terrified by now because of her too many questions at once.

Questions ran through my mind. So why was she asking me all that? Was I supposed to know some things?

What had really happened to me? I

Meet Martha Run (304), the coolest chick in Lockwood Gee

By David Ng’ang’a

What song are you into at the moment?

Since I’m into R & B, I’m now listening to “Good Kisser” by Usher.

What is the most expensive item in your wardrobe?

An African dress from World Business Center worth Sh12,500, with a pair of heels worth Sh10,500. Currently, I prefer African outfits since they are classy and comfy.

When it comes to relationships, do you prefer hunky or skinny guys?

I prefer hunky guys, but I don’t go for looks. I prefer checking on personality and character. Looks are deceiving at times, you know.

How many messages do you send on WhatsApp in a day?

Honestly, I can’t count them.

Between Cristiano Ronaldo and Neymar, who is your football crush?

Neymar, obviously.

32 | The Insyder Magazine -October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

was gradually starting to feel throbbing pain throughout my body. It was like I had been bee slammed on a wall.

“I do not know,” I whispered as I began to whack my body.

Just then, a young gentleman, looking very attractive, entered the room carrying salads and tomatoes. He had not realised that I had woken up and the moment he did, he lit up and his whole face was jolly. He nearly ran to the side of the bed, shoving the salads and tomatoes as he fell on his knees.

“You are awake…thank God!” he exclaimed joyously I began to inch my way towards the other side. I was now feeling totally lost and confused. I at some point was not sure about myself…was I supposed to know him, as well as everyone else in the room? He gave the young lady the look as if expecting an answer from her….

They met eye to eye and looked quite dejected. Then she said, “she has no idea who we are”.

WHAT MAKES SUCCESS CARDS GET YOU SO THRILLED?

By David Ng’ang’a

The exam season is here and everyone is quick to wish their loved one in 404 all the best in their Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) exams.

It is here that success cards come in handy -- where short messages of good luck are written to encourage students

They vary in shapes and sizes. Some come with lousy music and others in beautifully-designed roses laced with glittery stuff.

Every candidate expects to get success cards from their family (including those relatives whom you cannot recall how they look like) and friends. Some even get cards from their mums’ friends (those women from your her chama), but that is only if you are well known to them.

Now,that aside,here you are in class as a KCSE candidate revising for your national exam then the mails captain comes in with the first batch of success cards.So much is the excitement as the he reads out the names written on the cards that everything comes to a halt. Name after name, but you cannot hear yours.

You probably think it is among the last cards but to your surprise, “hutajwi pahali”. The captain is done and asks those who have not received cards to chill, “etibadoziko Posta zinakam”.

The situation is no different on the second day.Your classmates are even asking you to help them carry their huge number of success cards to the dorm.You even hear of others boasting about success cards they received from their relatives who live overseas. Without further ado, you “catch feelings” as you wonder whether anyone back at home cares about you. Until KCSE begins,you have only managed to receive one or two success cards -- one being from your “peroz” and the other from your Member of Parliament (MP).

This scenario paints a picture of how the issue of success cards may affect a candidate psychologically, and how they will prepare for the exams.

Maxwell Mwaura, a former Njiirian, says that in when he was in school, there reached a point it became kind of a competition to see who bagged the most success cards. ”Our cards would be issued every weekend at the parade ground, so you can imagine how they would accumulate over the week,” he tells ‘The Insyder’.

“They’d be placed on the parade ground on Saturday, after which one would go pick his cards with some managing to get only one from the local MP.” He chuckles, recalling those who would embarrassingly walk away with a funny-looking success card from a legislator.

Mwaura was a lucky fella, as, he says, most of his cards had money inside, and I mean good “mulla” from his relative s(well, it was just tuchwani and a few a hundred shilling notes).He even received the cards on the last KCSE exam day.

In the midst of all this,many have the attitude that it is not always a guarantee that those with many success cards will pass KCSE exams, while some think it is always the other way round.

For instance, Lynette Mahinda, a former student at Chinga Girls High School, did not receive many success cards, and she attained a C−.

Collins Mureithi, a former student at Kianyaga Boys High School, who received loads of goodluck messages through success cards and managed to get an A−, says: ”It’s not a matter of whether or not you’ll get success cards. Your effort will determine how you’ll fair in KCSE....We ukicatch feelings ju ya kukosa success card, ujiekee, but si ati iaffect kile utaget KCSE”.

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 33

these myths work… trust me, they work pretty bad. As a matter of fact, they work so well that most who tried them out are still in school….

While preparing the most basic of materials for the exam, remember not to forget a blue ballpoint pen, specifically for writing answers. It is a i as

By Brian Mal myth that worked

during my days s m a x (blue is a royal e to pass t n a w u o color). y Do ll, read e W ? g in This is how it y d without stu works. In an on exam room, there is always a “good luck ghost” that goes around “marking” the exams. Here is where the magic lies; the “ghostmarker” can I will share some myths (not tips) only read handwritings in two colors: that will “help” you. blue and red.

The academic year 2014 is just Red is exclusively a pen to be used by about to end, and as is normal in the people marking the exams, so you the Kenyan 8-4-4 system, the year do not want to end up marking your ends with exams. Well, everyone own exams. But I am sure you would undertakes exams -- pupils from the not mind some correction from an most basic class in primary school to invisible thingy, so write using a blue the ones in the most dreaded stage in pen. It might just turn out to be the secondary school life, that is, Form 4. miracle you have been waiting for.

So, first and foremost, it would be You do not believe me, do you? Fine. in order for me to wish all Kenya Try this other trick.

Certificate of Secondary Education As you are walking into the exam (KCSE) exam candidates success in hall…put a small stick along the this exam season. Trust me, this artientrance. Make sure all your classcle will come in handy. Try what you mates, or in this case your examare about to read (but do not try too mates, are already sitting. Ensure the hard and forget to revise, because you stick is strategically placed in a way will fail with flying colors). that the invigilator specifically carSo, back to biashara. There are very rying the exam papers passes on top many myths that come with this exam of it. Believe you me, if that happens, period, some of which are extremely then that exam will be one hell of out of this world. But some are just so an easy one. As a matter of fact, you “innocent” that students find themwill finish way before time and spare selves trying them out, all in the name yourself some time for a short nap. of trying to see if their grades will Your exam-mates will envy you while become better. Who does not want you sleep. But trust you me, you are to pass exams, anyway? I have made the one who will envy them on the day work easier for my learned friends… of getting the results.

POPULAR EXAM MYTHS

I

34 | The Insyder Magazine -October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

I do not intend to direct anyone to failure, but, hey, truth be told, myths exist. These are just myths. If you decide to follow and try them out, then keep your results to yourself if you fail. But shy not, if you pass by putting into practice what my myths say and not by studying, then holla, because this is a business opportunity then.

Back to my myths.

Every school has a teacher who all students wish they could own for just a day. I do not mean “own” for “possession”, I mean “own” for “obsession” (I just burnt my dictionary). Keen readers of my articles, I am sure, have seen one that clearly dictates how to snatch your friend’s catch. Now, in this case, use the same steps in that article, only this time around, in a school setting.

This myth is only for the brave ones (just in case you land yourself a “panoe”, do not blame either me or this publication). Anyway, approach the teacher in a manner likely to suggest that it is that point in time that you have realised you ought to be more serious. Remember, it is exam time.

Anyway, the bottom line of this myth is: make friendship with that fly TA. Make everyone envious that she prefers talking to you better than other students in class. Befriend her and luck will find you.

Seriously, KCSE exams are just mere tests with an intention of gauging how much you have learnt in four years. It is of very high importance to realise that these exams, however difficult they might be, are not at all intended to shape your destiny. Only you can shape your destiny.

Be bold, walk shoulder high into the exam room and write on your papers.

Study well, eat healthy and have enough rest, especially in the 11th hour, and all will be well. Do not forget to pray. But remember, if you have not studied, you are bound to fail.

At this point, I, Brian Malasi of iQru, wish all KCSE exam candidates success in their forthcoming final exams.

It shall be well.

quote of the month “Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.” – Josh Billings

ng slan er cor

Slang word: Fadhela Meaning: Buda As used in a sentence: Brathe, nimeona fadhela akitoka makejani, kwa hiyo ongeza hiyo volume ya tenje.

Internet

slang:

By Jacqueline Muthoni

Initials: 254 What they stand for: Kenya’s calling code Meaning: Kenya Initials: What they stand for: Talk To You Later Meaning: Busy saa hii, nitakuongelesha baadaye Initials: BRB What they stand for: Be Right Back Meaning: Gimme a minute Initials: TTM What they stand for: Talk To Me Meaning: Fungua roho yako Initials: MIA What they stand for: Missing in Action Meaning: Mteja Initials: IDK What they stand for: I Don’t Know Meaning: #Blackout

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 35

High school flash back teen writer

A dreamer

THE MOBILE PHONE: A Bane or A Boon?

By Nonnie Gathoni, Moi Nairobi Girls High School

W

e walked hand in hand through the wet grass. Both of us were quiet. Neither of us needed to speak since the rain shower rafted around our heads. Wandering through the forest behind the car tracks, we had once discovered an old barn. I looked at him and tugged him closer to the overgrown building. “Can you imagine?” I whispered.

“What it must have been like in its day?” he finished for me. “It would have been beautiful.”

Going up next to the vines, he reached out to the barn, his fingers stroking the old wood, and asked, “Do you ever wonder how old it could be?”

He looked at me. That twinkle in his eye reminded me of the time we first met. When I was young in primary school, I had found an old train car in the woods behind my grandmother’s house. Sometime later, he was new in our school, so he was figuring out his way to school. When he saw the barn, he carried out his investigation around school until he found me sitting inside it with a lantern and one of my favourite books.

He was grinning from ear to ear and that smile was contagious. We spent the holidays and it had become our escape, even now that I am in high school.

“I bet it is as old as our train car” I answered.

He looked at me with a lot of fondness. “I think. I bet so too,” he said, walking back to me. He took my hands and kissed them. He caressed my cheeks.

I was not sure about how I was going to react or at least the plan in my head did not turn out like it was supposed to. He took my hands in his and studied them.

“Neither of us was going to plan to find a barn, but I am glad I found you,” he said.

This is where in a girl’s mind, they usually have some sort of fantasy and wish that one of their legs would automatically rise up on their own. Oh Lord !

“I love you, and the moment I first met you in that old barn, I was so certain that I wanted to know you even better,” he told me. “I want us to ensure that we secure the best university in the country, and that will require us to work extra smart and hard.”

I smiled and leaned a bit more close to his chest.

His words were so kind and I felt more attached and secure…despite it being young love, I was certain he was a genuine and good guy. This will last for a long time.

I turned around and smiled at him but I stopped…my mouth drop dead….“Will you marry me?” he asked.

“Oh yes, yes, I will marry you,” I answered.

Wake up, Nonie, wake up. It is time to go church.

Argh! I was disappointed. My dream was so sweet and I did not want to wake up. Well, until it was all over.

36 | The Insyder Magazine -October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

By Sharon Kinuthia (304) Kapsabet Girls High School

I

s a knife a useful instrumental or a perilous weapon? It depends on how it is used. The same implies to technology.

The greatest inventions are those that affect the mass. The cellphone is an example. Some refer to it as a mobile phone or ‘nangos’. Whichever suits you best, it would be very sad if we did not recognise how imperative this gadget is to us.

Cellphones have revolutionised the existence of humans. This is possible only because they are getting cheaper and cheaper by the day. Discounted cellphone accessories have made it even easier to keep the phone intact and give it longer life.

Undoubtedly, if cell phones are in the right hand, then, best believe me, they can do amazing things.

First, they unite not only a country but the entire planet as a global village. No matter how far we are sitting, we can gossip any time and anywhere! In fact, it is bliss to parents as well as children. Parents can be able to monitor their children and ensure that they are safe.

The delight of watching your favourite television show or music video is unmatched. Now, cellphones are embedded with high-tech features that can facilitate this. Also, discounted cellphone accessories have added cherry on top of everything.

Wireless Bluetooth handsets can be used for talking without even holding a cell phone. Cases, pouches, chargers, adapter, screen covers, etc, are also available.

But mobile phones have made it easy for people to carry out terrorist attacks. This has become a matter of concern globally.

A big concern to our parents is what that we do through our phones using the Internet.

Mobile phones have found their way into our lives. However, some users have even started treating them as things they cannot live without.

This addiction is like that of a drug addict, and, to some extent, it has gotten worse.

It has consequently given rise to new phenomena such as nomophobia (fear of being out of mobile phone reach) phantom ring (an imagined call), human antenna (holding of a phone high so that it can receive a signal).

Besides, cellphone usage while driving leads to many road accidents.

We should always remember that there lives a wise man between the valley of two mountains.

Pain and pleasure are results of modern technology.

Is the usage cellphones a bane or a boon? Well, the answer lies in our hands.

RABBIT: THiS WAS ME IN EASTLEIGH HIGH SCHOOL

By David Ng’ang’a

Favourite teacher(s) Mrs Mbero (Arts TA) and Mr Kamau (Maths TA).

They were just cool.

Most embarrassing moment When I came with a civilian T-shirt while in 104 (mind you, I was a captain at that time) then I was taken to the princi’s office for not being in proper school uniform. I was shamed in front of the whole school the next day during the school assembly.

Favourite meal Mchele ndondo.

Club(s) you were a member of Wildlife and Journalism Best, and worst, subject(s) Maths and Art were my best. My worst was Kiswahili.

Nastiest experience in Form One When students in the school went on strike and we had no idea -- as 104s -- what was going on. We were flushed out of class by 404s and told to join the rest in the strike. It happened so unexpectedly and we didn’t know what to do thereafter.

Funkie(s) you always looked forward to Maths contest (esp. the one at Mang’u) and CU rallies, coz of the chics…LOL! Most memorable thing you did in high school We had rap battles every Wednesday at 5.30p.m. The thing that I liked about it was that the entrance fee was Sh10 and since I emerged victorious in almost all those battles, I would be given a small share of the proceeds from the entrance fee.

Sister school St. Georges and Choxx…but walikuwa wanatunyemelea kiplani.

Teacher(s) you had a crush on and why Biology TA. She was so cute…as in she looked like Nicki Minaj at some point.

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 37

feature feature

feature

seven basic steps to easing panic attacks I never have understood why the human body reacts the way it does.

Some say a number of these responses are from the brain, others give them weird scientific names, and others seem not to have an idea what they are

By Brian Malasi

Mr Mbiu Macharia, the principal of Aquinas High School in Nairobi

How TAs go out of their way to help 404s get ready for final exams

A

s this year’s Kenya Certificate of Secondary Examination (KCSE) exams near, school heads and teachers are preparing candidates for these final papers in a number of ways.

Mr Mbiu Macharia, the principal of Aquinas High School in Nairobi, explains how the institution helps its students build confidence to face and succeed in their final exams.

“Two weeks before the national examinations, teaching stops. The teachers have until September 22 to finish up with their respective syllabuses. The students are then split in to three

By Thomas Rajula groups based on the performances recorded during their mocks.

“A to B−: This makes the first group of about 80 students with the best results “C+ and C: This middle group usually has about 100 students “C− and below: These could number anywhere between 50 or less “We have a programme that is called mentorship for those two weeks where the teachers avail themselves to students who need building of confidence and techniques to overcome weaknesses in the subjects they are not doing so well in.

“We look at projections of how they

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can improve and what they can potentially attain in KCSE. “We do not want to limit the candidates either. We set them free to organise their own study programmes or form their own study groups.

“We also allow parents to visit them as much as they deem necessary and counsel them during this time.

“This is part of building of confidence and removal of anxiety. Then on the week before the exam, we as faculty have a meal with the candidates and bid them ‘Kwaheri’ officially,” Mr Macharia says.

The body of a human being is interconnected in a way that there is constant communication between each and every single part. A basic example: when your head aches, it means there is something wrong with your system, hence you need to get checked.

Enough of biology and common sense lessons.

The exam mood is finally settling in and as many would want to ignore the fact that not everyone is prepared, I tend to have my support for those who are not well prepared. A fact is, you are afraid of the exams. Worse still, you might just get a panic attack. Here is how to either avoid a panic attack or how to handle one.

These are the seven most basic steps. Remember, they require no doctor. It is basically what you can do in an exam setting. The invigilators are also ready; c’mon, do not fear. Raise your hand and you will be helped.

Breathe and relax Prevent a panic attack before it starts. When you start to feel like you are going to have panic attack, relax your muscles by flexing all of them in one area of your body (e.g. face and left arm) for a few seconds and then relaxing them. Do this with every muscle in your body. Be sure to focus on your breathing.

Change the atmosphere When you sense a panic attack coming, try drinking a cold glass of water, tell yourself a joke, sing your favorite song or whatever it takes to stop the negative thought process that can start the panic attack. Remember that you are in an exam room -do not make too much noise lest its eems you are trying to distract other students.

Sleep better Get your sleep routine into a formal order and stick to it. Additional sleep may help you sort out a lot of things that are worrying you, reducing the triggers for panicking. The best cure for tension is rest.

Take more breaks I know this sounds like a joke, but take time away from things that stress you, for an hour, a day or even few minutes between exams. Regular breaks allow your body to recharge, even if you feel wor-

ried that stopping will interrupt your revision time.

Usually, a break will restore your mind sufficiently enough to allow you to tackle the hard stuff with more effectiveness.

Put your arms straight up in the air It works for some people. It is like you are praying -- letting go of the pressure and stress for a higher being.

Try hiding This is what I call the blushing effect. Did you know that blushing is a natural defense mechanism for a panic attack? When you look away, your mind automatically switches its attention to another activity. The magic about it is that you can trigger it yourself. Trust me, this works.

Make journal entries Do not to spend a lot of time doing this because you are sitting for an exam. As a matter of fact, this can wait till after the paper. It is important, but not as important as your exam.

Have a panic attack journal with strategies that helped prevent the attacks.

These are the most favourable techniques you can use in an exam room.

When you find something that works, use it next time.

This will help prevent the attack before it starts.

I suffered a panic attack when I was sitting for an exam. It was hell on earth, considering not everyone knew or had even heard about the disorder.

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 39

FEATURE

UNDERCOVER BROTHER

T9

Expectations of Inductees Into Playaz Circle

By Thomas Rajula I feel we should establish a few ground rules about what it really means to be a player, because at the end of the day, what you do is all about the girl(s).

If you end up being the happier one in a relationship, then you are not doing it right.

She is always a queen You are supposed to treat the girl you are with at any particular moment like there is no other girl in the world. This means paying attention to her likes and dislikes, and sticking to these as your guidelines.

Cleanliness is next to godliness When in the presence of girls, you cannot smell like you just came straight from game practice.

Shower and invest in some sort of deodorant. A good one. Dress to

CR3W TEFLON This is a music group that consists of Timmy Tim (stage name Soul Kid) and Ben Vic (stage name Accurate). It was started in April 2011, when it had five members. But by late 2012, only these two had remained. The others went to further their studies oversees

By Okumba Okumba

impress. A good match of clothes and shoes is enough -- clean! Apply hair and body oil too. Don’t look lie you came from a ‘mjengo’.

The con game Confidence sells. Speak boldly and clearly. Do not let your anxiety show. If you cannot, do not approach. Live to fight another day.

This does not mean being arrogant -- check yourself!

Snake charmer This means you need to be smart, witty, funny and captivating in your end of the conversation. She will not want that time to end, and if is the initial meeting, then phone numbers will definitely be exchanged.

Put your ‘A’ game on success will follow you.

strictly siz

By Jacqueline Muthoni

I HAVE THE BLUES

Hi, Lately, I have been really down and feeling depressed. I want to avoid anything concerning interaction with the outside world. I have been having sleepless nights and when I am at home on weekends, I spend most of my time listening to very sad music and crying. I even pretend to be okay but deep down it is killing me.

I wish I could somewhat tell my mother but I cannot. I am afraid it will get worse but I am in so much pain. I am worried that if I tell my mother, my brother will find out and make fun of the situation. Please help.

Diana Hey, Depression is something difficult to deal with. Despite what anybody says, depression is real. It is not something that one can “suck up” to. Do not allow anybody make

40 | The Insyder Magazine -October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

you feel like your feelings do not matter.

Depression is a problem around the world that most people do not know how to handle, or even do not understand it.

People scoff at the idea that a person who seems okay can still be depressed.

Find somebody you can trust or rather you think they will support you -- be it a close friend, family member or even a teacher. If not, I strongly suggest that you find a psychologist or a therapist to speak to.

A trained professional is best for such.

They can tell you how to deal with this and if they feel that you need medication, they can suggest it.

In the meantime, try to focus on things that make you happy. Surround yourself with people and things that make you happy.

There will always be people out here who will be always willing to help you.

Love, Big Siz

Accurate

Why the name “Cr3w Teflon”?

They were initially inspired by Rick Ross through his album “Teflon Don”, only to later to find out that teflon is a synthetic material used in bullet proof items.

Correct! You simply can’t take em’ down.

They state they are on a mission to “breathe out” new music that will have a lasting impact on society.

“We want to take this to a fresh new level, be relevant at home and still hold our own worldwide,” Ben Vic says.

Inspiration Soul Kid and Accurate are inspired locally by Khaligraph Jones, and internationally by Nas, the best rapper in the game,

Soul Kid

according to them.

One Kenyan producer they would like to work with is Musyoka.

Five years from now Owning their own studios and record label.

What we should expect Release of a mixtape on October 18. It will be freely available on www.cr3wteflon.com.

Accolades Won Best Video Category for their song “Children’s Anthem” at The Mobile Arts School Kenya 2014 Awards (industrialist Manu Chandaria presented the award).

The song and its music video are about

children living in slums and problems affecting them, such as rape and child labour.

Some of Cr3w Teflon’s songs on YouTube “Kilimani’s Bars” “Children’s Anthem” “I got yu” “Killuminati” “254Low Cypher Vol 1” Their album “True Story” is available on iTunes.

The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 41

the y

Poetr ge

Loun

RED corner

Jina La Msanii: Deno Cool Reppin’: Mutige Bee Track: “Jesus is the Life Essence”

Blue corner

Floetry fury

Jina La Gava: Michael O’ Brian Jina la Msanii: De Sizza Reppin’: Makuyu Boys School Track: “What the World Makes”

DABOTAp

by The Kansoul (Mejja, Madtraxx and KidKora) Chorus (x2)

Chorus (x2)

Verse 3 (KidKora)

Ilianza naka selfie, dabotap nikaona tbt, dabotap akapiga screen shot ya likes,dabotap pia mi nika like, dabotap

Verse 2 (Madtraxx)

Smile...smile pause…pause cheese click damn now thats a picture instagram hashtag no filter tag a friend tag a hater tag a stranger cuz when it comes to instagram i’m an addict looking through your pictures in this traffic you got a phat a** i double tap that a cute face nice waist thats a screen grab a pic of you in 98 thats a throwback and im still looking at you like i would hit that now look at me i’m her mcm cuz a nigga stay fly like KLM

Verse 1 (Mejja) Ilianza na ka selfie,nika dabotap, aka nibamba tukaenda watsapp, ma late night,tulikuwa tuna chat, anatuma mapicha niko zile chap chap, baby gal nataka tulink up, siku ya pili yap!!!! Vile alifika, alikuwa ameiva, ka, kwa zile picha, jokes kidogo akaanza kutabasamu, aka nikaribia tukapigana munju, ikatubamba ikienda kuingia usiku, kabla atoke tukapiga ka-selfie, akaweka instagram,nika dabotap,

Oh mi lodi call the police i like the selfie but i love the body lazima tap tap kwa picha ya rasa instavideo vile una twerk ah si nimenoki picha yako na kui pia tbt ukiwa tu ka toi and a nigga gotta slide in the dm and you know i like to chat in the pm and i know some niggas thirsty kidogo joe muchiri always liking the photos but you send me dm’s when i want it i dont have to say nothing on the comments Chorus (x2)

42 | The Insyder Magazine -October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

holla

Jesus is the life essence With him you’ve got no expense No expense while in his presence He came and stood before all mens N like little kids in silence He taught us that salvation is heaven’s license For God so loved the world so now or hence People may come back to their sense He’s watching us like a magnifying lens Hoping the day we would realize that prudence Aint no common sense God is coming but do not tense Just ask 4 forgiveness n go on with the trends Of praying,u need to commense.

Name: Andrew Mukungu School: St. Peters Mumias Boys High School Class: 404 Poem’s title: “It’s Not a Race” Name: Agnes Muiruri School: Katchez Gee Class: 404 Poem’s title: “Our Love” People say our love is freak, Their comments make mi squeak, I believe that what we love is strong, And that its going to last long, Becoz what we have is real, And that’s is not a deal.

Our love is like that of Cinderella, Only that you are my umbrella, You are my knight and shining amour I just want to be n your arms, Just like the only snow white, One word for our love, ’ALRIGHT’ I know our love is crazy, But what binds us is not lazy, Even if people say its not right It is worth our fight, Two of us have equal might, Our love is that tight.

The world has made me able, Just because I was always stable, I had to make what I learnt my strong stable, East or West, we all have our list of best, No matter what was thrown at me I was sure I could pass the test, Because I didn’t want to let it end or let it fall, So I played pretend or fake a fall, Wonderin if I should go where I didn’t know, Although I had no strength I knew I could crawl, Efforts on point that I hit my targets as if I’m using a bow, Confidence so real it can be seen from head to toe, But when you doubt your ability, And you doubt your identity, It means your life becomes too big a mystery.

She left me there so confused, My life at a mess;try to wear this shoe, I cannot believe its true, What the hell got her today, What made her walk away?

I used to treat her like a queen, Give her everything,hold her like a baby, Call her preety lady, Loved her like a dollar,rejoiced when I got her, I kept the love flowing,my love still growing Learning from experience,growing with obedience, I learned to treat her right,squeeze her tight, But she still broke the fight, Right now I am full of pain,though it rains everyday, I cannot forget her face, Because no one can replace, They say love is like a game, But I cannot find the name, But do not think it’s a race.

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The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 43

October birthday mates

October

Gemini (May 22-June 21) You might find that your internal discipline meter is high while your outer self seeks the usual pleasure and enjoyment. Any forlorn hopes may make an appearance. Use them by transforming them in your imagination into potential future activities. All is not lost. For better equilibrium, schedule Monthly massages. Your wide-mindedness will be challenged. Don’t get weary.

Taurus April 21-May 21 The next 2-1/2 years will shift you from physical realities to monetary possibilities creating a great restructuring in values and land. You are to think of the future in terms of security, business, profession, and the group and/or family you belong to. Do not consider yourself confused. Think instead of a new emerging blueprint precipitating.

Hold your hands out in order to receive it.

You then become magnetic.

Pisces February 19-March 20 Direction will only be found with deep and Soulful prayer. Everything in your life right now is Piscean. Except your professional life. That’s filled with creative ideals, pursuits that will transform you, and wounds from the past. Those are real.

Nurturance will come only from study and maintaining your ideals even if they seem unreachable. Again, it will be prayer that gets you through.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Whereas you’ve always stood with the group called family and/or friends, you will, for the next 2-1/2 years, stand seemingly alone. I say “seemingly” because your support will be not of this realm (not in form), but the Spirits who guide your Way and that subtle voice of God encountered only when deeply alone. This is the Voice of the Silence should you need an introduction.

Leadership will come from within. With help.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22) New ideas for sources of money, new ideals concerning what’s of value to you, and a vision of riding over the plains in search of mountainous peaks to enlighten yourself will fill your mind. This is progress for you, Scorpio, because you’ll emerge out of the cave of your being, wear new colors, deepen your outer experiences, the results of which are to be spiritual self revelations.

Catch a Libra and study together.

virgo

lIBRA

(September 24-October 23) You need a deeply creative outlet (art, dance, writing, etc.) in order to adequately decipher your sense of self shifting all over the place. Do not take this personally. In order to evolve, we must feel lost, not at ease, and at times in pain. What’s attempting to emerge is a new state of mind since that’s where reality has its origins -- in the mind. It’s time for a new structure of study.

I suggest astrology, which is the study of consciousness.

(January 20-February 18)

As your home life becomes topsy turvy, your daily life may feel radically shifted into a new dimension you don’t quite understand. And then there’s the field of relationships and who knows what’s happening there. It’s all quite confusing. No matter since it’s your profession that’s becoming solid and structured and expanded. Concentrate only on this aspect of your life. That’s where the power is.

Plan on a party, invite friends or meet them, because now is a social time where you are the light bulb around which every moth circles. Do be in touch with old friends but seek new interactions. Be prepared for unexpected perceptions, profitable situations to occur, and to finally be gratified in terms of hopes, wishes, and dreams. Someone is very moody.

(November 23-December 21)

Go to a jeweler, find the best diamond and wear it for a moment or two. Think about how the diamond was made. If you don’t know, then research this. What’s important is how the diamond is made, it represents how a Scorpio experiences life, grows and evolves. I don’t think anyone/thing can understand how Scorpios live their lives except a diamond. Thus the study project for you this Month. The system created for both of you is brilliant.

(December 22-January 20) Careful with language and how you speak and think of others this Month.

Great tests are occurring in the form of how we communicate, connect, relate, interpret, and reach out.

Perform all tasks with the thought that you and everyone else are doing their very best and have no thoughts that lessen this intentional behavior of Goodwill. It will bring you home.

Ne-Yo (October 18)

Willow Smith (October 31)

Snoop Dogg (October 20)

Shaggy (October 22)

Katy Perry (October 25)

Tyler James Williams (October 9)

Aries The focus of your resources shifts from monetary means to communication abilities. You will find that what you say has two sides, you’ll talk more, and think about issues never considered before. This is an expansion of your mental processes. What you think, you’ll do, and what you do, you’ll think on more deeply. From the physical to the mental is your Path now. Study yourself.

Bruno Mars (October 8)

Kim Kardashian (October 21)

Arsene Wenger (October 22) Eminem (October 17)

Leo (July 23-August 23) Seems that you’ve been working alone for some time now. Perhaps over a year.

Well, there will be a deep yearning to begin to find your group, initiate new friendships, and seek others with the same mental substance and interests.

This shift, from alone to group, will occur slowly. In the meantime, seek Aquarians and Pisceans to help define this change.

The future will be such a surprise.

Drake (October 24) Amber Rose (October 21)

44 | The Insyder Magazine -October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

Usher (October 14)

Aquarius

(August 24-September 23)

SAGITTARIUS

Wayne Rooney (October 24)

Nick Cannon (October 8)

Ciara (October 25) The Insyder Magazine - October 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 45

Girl talk boy talk

ALL I THINK ABOUT IS MY COUSIN Vipi, I am 17 years old. I have this problem with my cousin: she is so cute, attractive and all. I think I am obsessed with her since I keep staring at her, day in and day out. She treats me like her boyfriend in front of other dudes. She finished Form Four last year. I am still in school and I am hoping to better my grades. But I cannot stop thinking about this girl because I am obsessed with her, and this makes me unable to concentrate in my studies. What should I do?

Caesar (304) Niaje, Caesar, what you are going through is a normal process and most young people your age tend to have a crush on opposite sex at some point in life. What is important is how you deal with the crush.

This feeling you have towards your cousin could be attributed to the fact that you seem to have much in common and more so you are almost in the same age bracket with her and share a lot with her. It also could be as a result of sexual lust which fades with time and you overcome by keeping yourself busy with things that are constructive such as sports.

It is important to note that such a relationship need not to take a romantic angle, as this would amount to incest, which is illegal and unacceptable in the society.

Small bro, you may be on the losing end academically as you are still a student while she has cleared school, this will affect your academic work which may lead to poor performance. Ask yourself if that is what you want in your life.

For now, I advise you to stay more focused on your school work.

One love, Big Bro

DON’T TAKE CONDOMS TO SCHOOLS

E C N E I R E P X E

Hi, I am a Form Four student, and one big issue that is bothering me is having condoms available to students. I do not believe in or advocate for premarital sex, but I know that is not the case for many others.

I go to a mixed-student public school. I feel it is my responsibility to those I represent to vote, if need be, on the side that would help my school the most.

Help me.

Ann (404) Ann, It is quite encouraging to note that you’re concerned about the health and safety of your peers; some youth mostly think of premarital sex due to peer pressure and have regrets much later.

Using condoms correctly and consistently helps in prevention of unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections. Early sexual debut may lead to cervical cancer in women later in life.

There was a debate on whether to allow condoms in schools. Some people oppose the idea, saying that introducing condoms in schools will lead to an increase in cases of immorality.

Informing your peers about sex and their consequences may equip them with knowledge on the risks involved hence it may increase their ability to make informed decisions regarding their choices.

You seem to be in position where you can influence your school mates, influence your peers to focus more on their studies. Sexual relationships reduces their levels of concentration and puts them at risk of unplanned pregnancies which may lead to dropping out of school, HIV and sexually transmitted infections such as gonorrhea and syphilis. Also talk to them on importance of knowing their HIV status so as to take control of their lives.

Inform them of a toll free youth friendly hotline number 1190, where they can find credible and confidential counselling or information on reproductive health issues, sexuality and HIV among other youth related issues.

Love, Big Siz

Y T R PA

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