March 2014 by Marcus Itimu

T h a

T e e n i e z

V o i c e !

| www.theinsyder.com | Volume 14 • No.3 March 2014 |

a teenwise media lIMITED publication

The Survival

Issue How to get through form one

wHICH Funkie

Relationship

Mang’u, Bush, Thika and MFA

9 things girls shouldn’t do on dates

ROCKED?

Willy

paul

ANSWERS HIS CRITICS

guidebook TEEN GOSPEL TRENDSETTERS

Meet five teenagers reppin'gospel music

Discover what’s hot Three fashion looks you must try out

Plus: free Samantha J & Juan Mata posters

250 Baab FIND US ON FACEBOOK

over

making the c

Tha Teeniez Voice!

www.theinsyder.com

SUBEDITOR Carlos Mureithi cmureithi@theinsyder.com Editorial KRU Snyder Lukalia • David Ng’ang’a • Alexis Nereah • Liverpool VCT • All teeniez massive DESIGN & LAYOUT Elias Mwangi PHOTOGRAPHERS Sami Khan • Moses Mwangi CirculatioN manager Joash Mumo joash@theinsyder.com Marketing team Cornelius Mambili cornelius@theinsyder.com Njoki Githieya njoki@theinsyder.com Makeup ARTIST Fredric Mwaniki, Vera Beauty College Printer: Emirates Printing Press LLC, Dubai

The Insyder House Vihiga Road, off Makueni Road, Kileleshwa PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00200 +254 (20) 2323363/519 +254 (0) 714888555 yuaholla@theinsyder.com www.theinsyder.com | m.theinsyder.com

COPYRIGHT The Insyder is published by Teenwise Media Ltd. All rights reserved. The Insyder is published once a month. Contributions are most welcome and must be accompanied by stamped self-addressed envelopes. All due care will be taken with material submitted, but the magazine and publishers cannot be held responsible for loss or damage. The editor reserves the right to edit, amend or alter material in any way deemed necessary. The Insyder cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. The opinions expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editors and publishers of The Insyder.

The Insyder Magazine - February 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 3

Insyde What’s sizzling this month

What’s

SIZZLING THIS MONTH

HOT STUFF

Where will you be

in 2030?

i-qru’s take

WHAT'S THE WORST ‘PANO’ YOU CARRIED OUT IN FORM ONE?

Alecksiz: Carrying stones and cement from the gate to the dining hall. The struggle is real!

TEEN GOSPEL

David: When the discpline master told me to plant some trees using pig poop for about 2 weeks! Eeeeww!

TRENDSETTERS

Snyder: None. Yes, I had a great high school experience. I was in a Muslim school. I guess the worst part was not attending “funkies”. Otherwise, pilau and biryani any day as opposed to githeri and ‘funkie’ every weekend. Oooh...and I was that sums it up.

MANG’U open

a day scholar. I bet

18 Do you ever wonder what you will be doing 20 years from today? Planning for the future isn’t as hard as you think. Follow these steps and you might just turn your dreams into reality 2030 1.Think big! Don’t be afraid to dream 2.Write down your dream 3.Speak to others about your dream 4.Plan how you will achieve your dream 5. Have fun So don’t just imagine about your future, grab your Bic and start writing your future today

Willy Paul

ANSWERS HIS CRITICS

BUSH OPEN a muddy, muddy affair

Connect

Teen pix

Fact or fiction?

Eating quails will make you look like this:

Ssup I-Qru, Myn is for thanksgiving coz you guyz featured our skoolin your cool mag. Am addicted to reading the copies you guys produce every month and for sure m-mepromote ma-teeniez ka mimi. Very soon ntawatumia my coolext snaps and hope zita-appear kwa The Insyder Mag. I will be doing this every now and then, just to make my school shine Brighter and Brighter. Xina mob I-Qru, MOB LUV, Am Awt!! Alonxo Mwax (KIBEI)

Now ever since the legitimate leader Osama left us. I guess you guys be the best replacement of terrorists lol! Your mag is just the BOMB!!!##** IT’S SO KILLING YANI! It’s a healthy nuclear weapon, we even wondering why Aladeen hajakam kununua moja. All you do is rock us and we can’t help keeping it tighter than Taveta. We will always be your big fanz . Keeping it locked like a solex, we screaming out YOLO!! Grishon (bengbeng) n Wasyx

I’m much privileged to get this chance to pass my salamz to the I-Qru team words alone cannot fit the fun that has been in high school coz of the Insyder . U’ve always attended most of the funkies it has al been maaaaaad fun!! You guys just made my life in high school a success and full of fun. Ganging from your high quality magz. Your beautiful team of chics and cool dudes. May you continue with the good work n God awabless! Muendelee IVO IVO!!! BIG UP: Octopizzo- I’m his number one fan Snyder – she rocks Boydis – kutuwelcome kwa HQ Felo – cares about our welfare Mose – picha ziko juuest!! Simoh ( NAIROBI)

Dear Insyder Staff, I like your mag very much and the work you do with every issue in your magazine. Thank you for having put one of my drawing in one of your issues. I love the Insyder and all those who make the Insyder as it is. May you all be blessed. Logging out….. Grace Amuti

Hi I-Qru, Hallarig at you as Khalid Mvoi from Oloolaiser High School (Ol’ Skul). Thanks for nurturing these young teens talents esp the Bic Mistari Art Competition and Floetry Fury. You extrenmely rock the thing. Fully swagged out I-Qru! *LOL* thanks for all these na big ups 2 SNYDER LUKALIA -- Keep your swag moving BOYDIS ADEGA HQ -- Mistari zitambe MOSEH -- Picharazzi nayo Looking forward 2 working with you after high school. Khalid Mvoi aka Carlix

Hyx I-Qru, Guyz ur killin it. Dropping it hot. Your issues so swagged up we love what you bring to us, got me craving 4 more. Keep de fire blazing haaaaaawt! We really appreciate your work. Mbiri Kelvin (204) GITHEZ

LETTEROFTHEMONTH Hey guys. I gotta say that your mag. is the dopest among teens in Kenya. All the way from Form One I’ve been an avid reader of it and I must stay that you guys never, and I mean NEVER, disappoint. The quality of the mag. has really been good and the articles are always eye-catching. I’d not forget to say I really like the way you connect with teens on social media especially Facebook. The issues captured on your fan page are what we teens face and so you guys act as our voice. I wanted to ask your team to consider adding more articles in the magazine especially on fashion. This will indeed make teens crave for your magazine even more. Ohh.. and continue featuring more funkies and ensure that pictures are in plenty coz it would go without saying that teens love seeing themselves in the magazine. All things considered, you guys still remain on top of the league and continue staying put coz I believe you deserve to be the teeniez voice and will indeed be! Mko ligi soo!!!! Khalifa Harry(404), Nyagzville hae

Wassup? Yo Insyder, its Gabby hear all the way from Kitengela International School. Big ups to you guys coz damn your mag. is so dope like waaahh! To be sincere, you guys are one of the most brilliant people in Kenya..big ups!! Gabby, Kitengela International School.

Hi I-Qru. Its ben so long since I hit yo mag but c kwa ubaya. I wanna big yu up coz u do rock it. One complement on me iz dat I’m na admirer of jigglers coz dey make it real and lively both for you I-Qru ,you damn kill it.

Hey xxup guyz, pe mko sete. Myn iz jxt 2 show ma great luv 4 u guys coz u rock! I’m a no. 1 super fun of ua funfilled mag. You have turned our high skulin2 samthin worth livin. Thank you big tym!

Ryan Festus, Mu-hae

Risper Nchabz, Smagz gee

Carolyne Mwikali Quial eggs zinafanya nini? Lyk seriously Petalyce Njorooh Ghaii!!...acha za ovyo. Patrick Troy Alloys Hahaa cud be true Phenny Awino Cheki maneneo Stan Ticha fiction Alex Kassidy fact Juliah Roberts fiction Moses Molly Aky what’s a quail? Nels Tshiroh fiction Renee Chloe Lyk, 4 real?? Sam Rilnsy Erastus fact Michael Mike Kariuki fiction

Charity Mwathi

If you want to feature in the magazine, give us the scoop on your school: The hottest funkie, coolest peeps and all the lowdown. On your mark, get set, spill! Hit us up on...

Email Facebook www.facebook.com/theinsyder yuaholla@theinsyder.com

Twitter @theinsyder

6 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

Christine Moraa (404) Ngara Girls

SNAIL MAIL PO Box 53164 Nairobi 00200

Lily Brawan, Nyakiambi Gee

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 7

Winners’ gallery

presents Aming’a Malbeex, Mac-Bee

Samuel Kiarie, Umoja Sec

Patrick Ngugi aka Paddy Bboy Mohxeh Mwaura, Kutlass Hae

Khalid Mvoi (403)

Lisa Put

Rozen Ian (404) Bush Bee

Nyosh Deryc Don

Moses Mwanzia, Highie Martin Myles Sojah Deryc Don

Do you reckon you have the talent to feature in this section? Send us your artwork. Each month, we will feature entries and pick the top 3 for inclusion in the winners’ gallery. Awards ceremonies will be held during the April, August and December holidays, with winners receiving fantastic prizes: No 1: Shopping voucher, funky tee & Bic sationery pack No 2: Lunch voucher , funky tee & Bic stationery pack No 3: Travel bag, funky tee & Bic stationery pack For your entry to win, it must be drawn using a BIC biro and must have the Bic logo on it. What’s more? All winning monthly entries will be entered into a draw for an opportunity to win a cool mountain bike or one term’s school fees. Send your entries to The Insyder Bic Mistari, PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00200 Please ensure you include a telephone number in your artwork.

8 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

Rob@ Itaanywa (304) Kaaga Bee

Michael Jasiel, Parky

Sheila kWAMBOKA, mOI gIRLS eLDORET

Peteros Ndunde, MOAS Eldoret

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 9

eVER WONDER

word Play

With

21. Who came up with the quail theory? 20. Should Bridman call himself Quailman? 19. Is it okay for a thermometer to brag as it has 100 degrees? 18. Would you get back together with your ex? 17. When do you know that the struggle is real? 16. Is there a perfect relationship? 15. What do you do when you’re stuck in traffic? 14. Will Sheng’ ever become an official language? 13. How does traffic start? 12. Is Kenya the only country with pimped matatus? 11. Is Khaligraph Jones a better rapper than Octopizzo? 10. What questions would you ask your international celeb crush? 9. Is the 8-4-4 system really necessary? 8. What do form one students think about before reporting to school? 7. What’s on your bucket list? 6. How does one get to take a selfie with a president? 5. What survival skills should form one students use? 4. EDM Culture vs OBE Culture 3. Which is the best Android phone? 2. Why are the numbers on a calculator reversed? 1. Can anyone dig all the way

Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga Lyrics – by Majirani, KenRazy and V-sita 12

to China?

Beacon Wonder Bar. Twice Refined, Twice The Pleasure Milk

Nut

Fruit & Nut

Mint

The taste that takes you places! Like our ''Beacon Confectionery'' Facebook page & stand a chance to win an awesome gift hamper or a trip to Haco Tiger Brands Beacon Confectionery

10 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

[Intro] mmh hehe Kama kawaida tunajua siku zimeenda sana [hivo ndio zinaendanga] kasoup na sembe ni kushiba mzee, ni KenRazy , Majirani , V-sita... Grandpa kama kawa... [CHORUS] Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, [verse 1] : Majirani Je ushalala usiku jo ukaota umekufa, kuamka asubuhi Gover imekusunda, ukashtuka ukadai aki mbona, lakini hapana jali , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, ukanoki msupa juu anaendanga kanisa, ukaharakisha kumuoa kumbe ni Merimela, saa unapiga nduru juu ushapotezanga hela, lakini hapana jali , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, ulihepa sistangu ukadai

amechapa, kuhamia Nairobi ukaoa kahaba, kuharibia kwanza alikuwanga wa Nyeri, mwanaume unachapwa, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, si dunda dunda, dunda dunda na yee, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, dunda dunda, dunda dunda na yee, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, [CHORUS] Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, [verse 2] - KenRazy Mambo msupa - Hivo Ndio Unaanzanga, and then machupa - Hizo zinamuezanga, kabla ukute kitu ushableki ushalalaaaaaa - Hivo ndio unatuangushanga, nafanya madem wacam Razy mi nikiendaga, The Ti-Cha eeh, so vijana mukae rada, acha na cham kumikumi hutaonanga,

hachoo fever , hii Sanaa hutaiManga, [example] dem ocha umempatanga, unadhani yee ni fala hatatanga tanga, after masiku "madam" ukimuitanga, "mscheeew" Hivo ndio anaitikanga, na akiwa mbali hapigi simu ni ma-please call me, eeeiih Hivo Ndio Wamezoeanga, na nikitry kuhala back speedy speedy masaa, aaaaiii, Hivo Ndio Credo ilikatikanga,... [CHORUS] Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, [verse 3] - V-sita Hihihahaha - Hivo ndio mi nachakanga, Sita - Hivo Ndio wananiitanga, ni kushiba mzee , Kitambi napapasanga, kasoup na sembe hivo ndio mi nakunjanga, vvvvvrrrra, wakati nilikuwa

down, kwanza huko town, walinishow madharau, mafala hao, nili achana nao, wakaenda zao, na hivo ndio waliendanga, Ve-Vera Vera Vera Vera Vera Vera Sidikaa, Wengi wamekusakanga, si kwa ubaya ni vile bolingo zako zimetushika, alafu hujazifichanga, mwaah mwa mwa mwa rhaaa, Hivo ndio wanaotanga, nipite na yee , nipite na yee, vroooom, na Hivo dndio tuliendanga, [CHORUS] Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga , Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, Hivo Ndio Kunaendaga, [till fade]

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 11

THE WRI

teen writer

TE STUF

WHY MY AUNT

IS CELIBATE

Donna Aluoch Onjala, Mount Laverna Girls’ Secondary School

ff?

ite stu Do you have the wr

y aunt, Tamara, is what I term the true definition of a survivor. I often wondered why she had decided to live a celibate life -- beautiful as she was. It just didn’t seem right, especially now that she was in her mid-thirties. As close as I was to her, she never really had the audacity to answer me whenever I asked her the question about being her being unmarried. She would either excuse herself and go to her bedroom, or change the topic of discussion. Noticing this, I decided it was best to leave some questions unasked. Someday, somehow, I would uncover the truth.

e we are looking tim is th d an on is n io tit The essay compe rtaining pieces. te en d an n fu e, tiv ea cr for uber So do the write thing. ning not more than ai nt co y sa es l na io ct fi Send your to work with the I-QRU ce an ch a d an st d an ds 500 wor ver know, we ne u Yo . lz ho e th ng ri for one week du well! might just publish it as

As I approached my 17th birthday, I was told of a testimony that left me cautious to date. I was busy with chores when my aunt stormed into the room and said abruptly, “Donna, we need to talk”. The sound of that rang a bell that whatever she wanted to say was surely of great importance. So I left what I was doing and accompanied her to her bedroom, which she was so fond of. We sat down and she began to talk.

“One day, he promised to come for a visit at my hotel so I decided to prepare a meal especially for him. Everything had been well set at the table and I was eagerly awaiting his call so that I could receive him by the gate. An hour passed without even a text message from him so I dialed his number. The phone rang for long but there was no reply. I assumed that he was caught up in a traffic jam and his phone was on silent mode. ‘But it was so unlike him to stay silent when he was caught up’, I thought to myself. I was heading for the door when suddenly my phone rang. The number was new but I answered anyway. The speaker was a lady claiming to call from Nairobi Hospital. She confirmed that I knew Javis and said that I was needed there immediately.

[TrendS]

A WAKE-UP CALL:

“What I am about to say to you is based on my true life experience. I am sure it will answer most of your questions concerning me. I just realised that you are growing older with time and you need to be prepared psychologically for whatever you may face in whatever aspect of your life. When I was about your age, I fell deeply and irrevocably in love with a boy called Javis. Surely, he was the perfect match according to my principles of a dating partner, and I was almost sure we would spend the rest of our lives together and make a perfect couple. We dated for five consecutive years with no cases of unfaithfulness or cheating reported by anyone concerning either of us. Everybody, including my late mother, was cock-sure about our future together though they never really showed him this. By then I was an upright twenty two year old lady facing her campus life.

feature

immediately and I left for the hospital. A nurse approached me almost immediately to guide me to where Javis was. You would think she had been waiting for me all along. We walked down a hall that felt like a million miles away to me. She suddenly came to a halt in front of door number 13. Without further ado, a confused me stormed into the room before the nurse had confirmed the patient’s name. The sight that my eyes met was very disturbing. Javis had his face covered in bruises and one of his eyes was extremely swollen. Parts of his body, except his nose and mouth, were in bandages and plasters. I couldn’t bear the sight. I walked slowly towards him and I looked at him. He tried to speak but with great difficulty. Just then, he uttered my name but before he could continue, he had a shortness of breath and moved his lips slowly uttering anything. Javis took his last breath with me standing by his bedside. I was too perplexed to even make a move. With him went all the happiness I ever had. My ability to love was lost and now a permanent wound is left in my heart. To date, I don’t even know what happened to him. I miss him every single day.”

Mail it to: Contest, The Insyder Write Stuff 200 or PO Box 51634, Nairobi 00 m yuaholla@theinsyder.co And include your ail address full name, school, age, em & telephone number

creatlivoivtye

writing!

is in my DN

By the time she was done talking, Aunt Tamara’s eyes were soaked in tears. I wanted to show my deepest sympathy to her, but what would I say?

“My heart began to pound at the sound of that. I hung up 12 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

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feature

#TERM1 It’s that time of the year again. Guys are getting ready to be ushered into the cool side of life: the most eventful four years that they will ever experience. This will be a time to get to know who you are and understand that adolescence is real, and that thirst is something to deal with for an entire term or alternatively, something to find a way to cope with

ou are probably very excited to finally wear that nice uniform, those trousers, and the short skirt approved by the late Mutula Kilonzo. Wait! Has anyone given you “The Talk”? Not the one for the birds and the bees, but on how you are going to survive this year? More importantly, how you will stay alive for the first term of the rest of your life? Relax. We will provide the tips. So you are finally in the school of your dreams, you are cleared by its administration, your parents will be leaving in a few minutes, and you will be left alone to be the independent child they trained you to be. You have never been this scared; all the monolization stories run through your mind as you head to the dormitory to store your stuff and head to class. Do not worry. Here is a guideline on how to survive this term -- the D-Hall, the dorm and the funkies. The D-Hall

SURVIVING FORM ONE: 14 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

Eat every high school meal. You have to take this very seriously. There is no midnight snack here, more so if you go to a school where one is not allowed to carry ‘graboz’. As you have probably noticed by now, no one cares whether you have had a balanced diet

at the end of the day. We won’t lie to you that the food will become delicious as the days go by. Actually, it becomes nastier. You just have to learn different techniques to make it “better”. Please note that “better” is relative. Therefore, not everyone will agree with us. Well, there is the universal avocado. You most likely took them for granted while in primary school but trust us, this fruit will now become precious as it works with all types of food. Your other option is Aromat, which you can get in a supermarket, put it in githeri, eat the food then lick the plate. Another thing to note: “mwenye nguvu mpishe”. Your time to eat the top layer of food is not here yet. Wait. The dorms You will agree that rest is important -- especially after an afternoon of double mathematics lessons. And people normally stay in dorms after classes to share stories. But you will sleep on your mattress for at least the next three years; do not let individuals change your bed into a place for relaxation. Sure, this can earn you points in your cool metre, but dude, mattress “yako itaisha” before you get to term three.

turned into a butterfly or it being changed into a bottomless ‘box’? Well, these techniques of getting stuff from your box have and will always be there. You just have to know where and how to place your compartment of goodies. In addition, do not announce how this storage item of yours has all the stuff everyone wishes for. That is how you end up campaigning for it to become a beautiful butterfly. Moving on, choose your friends wisely. Spot the fourth former who seems to call the shots in your dorm room, and make him your buddy. This way, your metal box will not be a victim of the butterfly tragedy. Neither will you. ‘Funkies’ This is very simple. -- Stay away from other people’s boyfriends or girlfriends. -- Always wear your best skirt, shirt and trouser. Nobody has time to spare for someone in faded uniform. -- Stick to your your lane. If that chick looks a little too much baggage for you, stay away for now. Learn how ‘funkies’ work before you get her. -- And take this page everywhere with you just in case you want to refer to it.

Have you heard of a metal box being

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feature

#TERM2 WELCOME TO THE LONGEST TERM IN HIGH SCHOOL

ou probably didn’t like the last term because of the crazy situations you went through. From washing the lavatories to scrubbing the dormitory floors, at some point you thought that your parents brought you to a “prison”. Did I forget to mention the notso-good food that you had to get used to? Nevertheless, term one seemed rather shorter than expected. They say that term two is the longest session in the school calendar. This is would of course be the best term for students (especially 304s and 404s) as they get to attend a lot of “funkies”. Still, surviving this term is quite tricky considering it’s length. If you don’t take extra precaution, you could be expelled -- especially in schools with strict rules. Some of the students you become friends with may tend to mess up your mind. It’s better playing safe than being at odds with the administration. Don’t show the teachers that you are a boss yet you are just new in school. Make friends with guys who’ll guide you “na wakujanjarue”; not those who’ll make you initiate school strikes. In terms of “funkies”, you may have to wait for at least 2 years before attending them becomes a “right” for you (well, at least for a

good number of schools). The only events that you will get access to are maybe the talent searches or sports tournaments. Don’t try sneak in to events you have been “barred” from attending. You might be punished at the end of the day. Be warned that if you don’t take care of your clothes where you hang them, someone else will “anua” them for you. This normally happens when a “funkie” is coming up. I’ve warned you: guys from higher classes crave for 104s’ clothes. They’d rather not wash their old uniforms. Term two involves quite a number of sporting activities. Involve yourself in as many as you can and show your prowess in a sport. Another thing: I’m sure your parents got you shopping that would last for almost one year yet you don’t even consume everything within this term. And I bet you saw that students from other classes rarely carry out shopping. If you want to make sure that no one intimidates you, “wajenge na” something little. Whether it’s drinking chocolate or a scoop of margarine, share it and be sure that nobody’s going to lay a hand on you. In other words, just play safe this term while you try to come out of that “perplexed zone” that term one got you into

#TERM3 START ACTING LIKE YOU'RE IN FORM TWO Thank God you completed term one. Insults were hurled at you, especially after not cleaning that form three or four student’s sleeping area. Not anymore

ou began getting excited in term two after seeing chicks or boys in “funkies” but sadly enough, they were exclusively for 304s and 404s and not for “monos” like you! Here comes term three. Your character has changed. So have your habits. You feel as if you’re the new boss in school and you want every student to get your attention since you’re no longer that “ratchet” dude who wore full school uniform on a Saturday. This is a term for you to assume the role of a form two student. By now, you should have known how 204s behave, plus how they are presumed to be the naughtiest bunch of students in school. In term three, you should have made friends with the coolest and most popular guys in school (preferably 404s). Quit being a snitch if you were one. Otherwise, your schoolmates will teach you a lesson. Try getting out of the ‘“Holy Joe” zone. If you want to remain there, then watch out because every eye will be on you. At this point, make sure you know all those witty words used by students; teachers’ nicknames too. Note that if you are the lad that still keeps jam, Kiwi, bread or even a plate inside your desk, then you still have a problem. You are now heading to 204. “Unafaa kuwa umeacha hio tabia second term!” Become that social guy who can be approached even by a 404 when he wants some cocoa or sugar. Besides, make sure your grades are good as this will give you an

16 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

image that your TAs will like. If you are that person who still chimbas in academics yet you are in 104 and the year is coming to an end, be careful because you are treading on thin ice! Write notes during lessons and study. You’ll not be spoon-fed. The form two syllabus will seem quite difficult for you if you don’t perform well in form one. If you are good in calligraphy, don’t conceal this. Schoolmates will need you to “chonga” their letters and sure enough, some cash will come your way while you are still in 104. This is a term for you to establish a good rapport with

when the term ends, especially third term, kindly be mature (and I mean it). If others use “matatus”, then join them. Save your parents the fuel. Traveling with “mathrees” is much more fun than traveling with your parents, with whom you’ll just talk about education. These are some of the guidelines to help you in term 3. Just avoid being a soft-spoken person and enjoy high school life. Oh! Make sure you’ll be getting a copy of ‘The Insyder’. This way, I assure you that you’ll make friends very fast! Now, go to form two.

schoolmates. This is why some 104s will never be bullied -- they made friends as early as in first term. Lastly, if you still call your parent(s) to come for you

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 17

teen writer

ARTISTE COMEBACKS: IS THE STRUGGLE THAT REAL? They say that music is a universal language, that anyone and everyone can understand it. Musicians make all this happen and we enjoy every minute of it. Then they disappear

GIRLS, PLEASE DON'T DO THESE THINGS You go out on a date with someone that you probably had a crush on for days! What do you end up doing? You mess it up, and after that struggle to get his attention Lavera Ndanunga aka Penpuke Moi Girls Eldoret (Cagez)

o more singles from them every month; no music videos to look out for from them. What happens to these artistes? What exactly do they do when they are away? And how do you, the fan, take

it? So how hard is it for an artiste to resume singing after a long break? Let’s bring this home. Mr. Lenny, Big Pin, Kunguru, XYZ’s Alex, among others, were at their career peaks when they all of a sudden stopped working for a moment. Mr. Lenny, who recently got back to music with a new track, “Randa Randa”, stepped away from the music scene at a time when he was considered the “king of collaboz”. We missed his unique sound. He was like the Lil Wayne of Kenyan music. His voice would bring some “oomph” to a song and make it an instant hit. His work with Nameless, Mr. Googz and Vinnie Banton stayed high on the charts for weeks. Well, Mr. Lenny is back and he is promising a big impact. Will he regain his fan base? Listen to his new music -- be the judge. Kunguru also enjoyed his time before he left. Do you remember “Don’t Go”, which he worked on with Mr. Lenny? Kunguru used to bring a Luo swag. You had to love it. His comeback track is titled “Superstar” and it features Apondi. Does he stand a chance? You only have to listen to their new music. Maybe you will rekindle the love. Or maybe not.

Who said that being early for a date means that you are cheap? Show the dude that you are independent enough plus responsible by keeping time. It sure helps in the future.

Mr. Lenny

You send text messages under the table. Come on. You are on a date and the dude is not blind, you know. If he isn’t that interesting, why did you bother attending the date in the first place?

Mr. Googz

Girls! Girls! Girls! Why the heck do you have to pretend that you don’t eat that much when on a date?

You order all the expensive stuff and leave the boy to get himself tap water. SMH!

Girls should stop using the bathroom frequently. I mean, I understand that you have to stay pretty but you spend half the time of the date in there; cut the dude some slack.

Kiss and tell is the ugliest trade. You just had a great date then you go shouting it out on the rooftop for your friends to hear. Not that I’m jealous or anything, but who the hell cares? I mean, it’s your business, isn’t it? If he’s that great, you might end up losing him to one of your girls. I’m just saying though. “Watch out fi dis!“

You should know how to appreciate humour -that’s if you really like the guy. Can you imagine he crammed or rather memorised them for an entire night? LOL! The things we do for love. Force a laugh, won’t you?

Girls, don’t apply too much make up!

Avoid talking about your former boyfriend. It’s a total turnoff plus it makes it seem like you still have a hangover from being with him.

Big Pin Kunguru 18 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 19

UNDERCOVER BRO

All roads lead to Mang'u open

From the dance moves and the music, we noticed that obe culture had taken over. I mean, you have to love some of it even if you are an Electronic Dance Music (EDM) freak. The guys at Mang’u Open had various styles. Hunky and students from Gatunguri High (Franchise Unit) danced and made Mang’u Open come alive. After that was Muroria with the G Move and Muhoho Skool with Shake Shake, an interesting approach that no other

school took. So when ‘The Insyder’ decided to turn up at the “funkie”, everyone appeared. Even boys did the “one drop”! How amazing is that? Would QQ have to change the song to, “Every boy a wanna do di wanna drop”? It sounds gay. LOL! The mother of all moves was the twerk -- attendants definitely had fun with that. Not until the DJ played EDM. Riddim diehards wondered what EDM enthusiasts were doing because,

according to them, jumping around isn’t dancing. ROFL. What was the sad part? The hosts didn’t seem to be having fun. These students were wearing their entire school uniforms yet it was hot. Besides, they weren’t dancing. How sad can life be? Away from that, the only awesome zone was the pool area where all the cool kids hanged out. There was good music and great talk there. What a funkie!

Members of MFA’s rugby team Compuera’s finest

“Go! Mang’u” Choxx’s swimming team

Buru’s Jess and Sham with Dave and Waithaka from Mang’u The rowdy Mururia High crowd

he last time you saw the chick you hit on was probably in Dec “holz” after you two exchanged contacts.

Now for the ladies, the skirt has to be put under the bed for it to be straightened out, fitting and tight (“me adi girl in adi tight up skirt”).

A Mang’u player defends his turf

Lights, camera, no action. So when one anticipates an event for a long while, they end up jinxingit. I guess that is what happened. We expected a little too much.

Enough about the preparations.

We walk in and all we can see are boys all over. Where are the girls? How dare we call this a “funkie” when the ratio of boys to mamas is 7:1. Don’t judge my math though.

Was Mang’u Open really worth the while?

After all, we walked around and realised that there were actually a

20 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

few girl schools -- from the likes of St Anne Lioki to Compuera Girls, St Francis Girls High School Mang’u and Loreto Girls. Since there wasn’t any hype, the hosts decided to get themselves into the mood with traditional songs. It didn’t work. I swear I almost dozed off. The highlight was the presence of Nairobi International School, but their students were only interested in their basketball game. They left when it ended.

The next Tiger Power will come from Chania Boys... perhaps

“She’s mine.“ Kiambu High School’s Jones Waihenya holds Jane from St Anne Lioki

Code name “WAHE”

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 21

Big ups! KIARITHA PORTMORE Fazul(404) to Jayne Wash(404) Ngiriambu gee...hae yummie cuz bruk awt 2 bom 4 lyf coz 4 mi am pullin up 2 di bom 4z bumpaa,kip it locked...miss ya most. Denitoh(404) to Ivy(404) Karoti gee..wazup cutie jxt sending a holla at yew chop hard..mob luv..kip it chained Jack cure(404) to Shamira Ivy karima Gee..big up urself ope uko rada mbaya na mbuku.. mko hawt c siri uuuuiiiii!! Mike mzaeh(404) to Estah(404) St.Monica gee..luk at who jxt popped awt yuh window..chop hard miss u big. Fazul(404) to Daizy(404) Gatz gee..wallap hunie imagin ma brain cellz r ravin wen I tnk ov u..nyway,du di classroom bully wea all buk shit appn mob lurv mwaaahext Moxeh Munga(404) to Keysha(404) Gatz gee..ayeiya mbaibe..ur swit tender touch iz sensational..I wud luv 2 sink in tha deep sea ov lurv chop hard ..mwaaahx hunie Vicky Mwas(404) to Mary Anne(304)Gatanga gee..swiry miss yah big anywaiz chapa mambuku big tym mob luv xoxo Eddy(404) to Jane(304) Gatz gee Dropd on yah 2 sah hae... big up urself,Mob misment. Jefgeoffry(404) to Angel smasha(404)Gatz gee..whoa uve alwaiz bin gr8t baibz n caring one,chop smartest alwaz treasure u..lov u madext Davi mash(404) to hawtiez gatz gee..wat a gwan kulies waz jxt checkn on u gyalz..waagwan jigglerz big up Eunice Edu(404) to Mary(404)Gataragwa galz..hey gal pulloop..missin u xana usisahau kuchambua izo scriptz za knec..big up urxelf Mash(404) to Wanga aka ma princess hiriga gee Miss u loads,wishin u tha best.lots of luv. Eriko(404) to Maureen(304) Karoti gee..a wi reppin kiaagz 2 di fullext...chop smart,mob luv! Clarence(404) to Gataragwa gee U galz really on the toppext of di world n always kip up em gud spirit Alexii wambugu(404) to Wendy joy(404) Askofu gatimu gee Thea iz no doubt ma luv iz madest.I don nid a lyf tym 2 know dat..missin u big dear! Moxxeh publo(404) to Bonitah(404)Mugumo gee..kukumiss nayo it feels lyk 4 eva bein

witawt u..still da wan luv yah 4 eva Vicky mwas(404) to Liz(304) Mathaithi gee..Luvin is a treasure bt losin u is a misfortune ..mob luv! Dennoh(404) to Grace(204) Katchez gee..Hae culie myn jus chekin on u n sykn u 2 chop smart..luv ya most! Ecram(404) to Beatrice(404) Mt.Carmel gee..Baibe 2ko kil kip it locked chop radext! Vicky maxi(404) to Lydiah(404) Gatz gee..Swirie I knw skul lyf iz hectic..n u knw whose arms 2 run in2 afta skul..Chop smart! Johnteh(404) to Suzie Muthoni(404)St.Monica gee..If missin waz a movie den I wud regard u az di staring who neva dies.. mob luv Dennoh(404) to Mirri(404) Senior chief..ayeiya ao iz u cutie..hope u r doin well wid bukz,bubblin pon dem..tek kea! KIRWARA Dennoh(304) to Ruth(304)Tala Gee..Hi bbe I still miss u! KInya(304) to Valee(404)Karoti Gee..Hi bby I miss U lyk crazy! Fazzul James(404) to Tabby Mia(403)Kijabe gee..This long distance is killin.Mob lurv! George Munga(404) to Winny Gaell(404)Gatanga CCM..Miss u lyk craizee!Mob luv Nicholas Weru(404) to Mercy Njoki(404)Gitugi gee..Mob lurv! Martin Kimaru(404) to Caroh(403)Chania gee..Love u more thn I can show..later! James Ngotho(404) to Tabby WAnjiru(404) Kijabe bee..Missing u hun! ITURU BEE Vinny(404) to Lucy Wanjeri..No matter d distance btwn us,u’ll always have ma heart. Dennoh(404) to Eunice Gitwe gee No matter wat I’ll still luv n treasuer u.Luv ya most! Andy(404) to Charity St.Francis Hi Huny..just want u to knw I luv yu big.If your luv can be avoided by closing eyes thn I’ll neva blink..Chop smart! Rodney(404) to Viky (404) Dem say mard aint kul..mi mard n luv u big Brayo(404) to Ann(204) Big ups lot..kukuhata mxt Kriss(404) to Cynthia Huruma gee.Whts up beautiful..much misment fwom mi n hope uko poa..Lotsa luv! Kevin(304) to Ruth OTG.Luv ya big but now miss is bigger. Meantym gimmi ‘em bukz ‘em justice..mob luv Austin(304) to Carol(404)

Mary Immaculate Missin u most,Chop vihardest...mob luv.. Ken (404) to Claire(404) St.Claire gee Wassup..’op ur choppin hard..nyway,no hard filins,ryt? NYAGZVILLE Ngich(404) to Rubi(404) All saints gee Miss u lyk crazy. Chop gwanest! Ngich(404) to Annex (404) Mercy gals.Chop hard,work hard,play hard! Pincheez Pita(404) to Cynthia (404) Naru Ajez beibz!Missment ndo zangu.Myn ni kukuwishia al da bst na lyf ya 4 yrs. Pincheez pita to Sarah(404) Tumutumu Hi bff,kunyamaza ni kama kukill samwan silent buh naelewa ni condition za chuo. All tha best The Harry fam. (Mariga,Tuchi-404) to Stacey,Sharon,Lizzie (404) Mutira gee Aiyeh!Bado tupo kuwahata ndio zetu. The Harry Family to Betty Mitchelle na wengine(304’s) Louis(404) to Nancy (304) Choxx Missin u big dearest. Levy(204) to Liz (204) Ruchu gee.Salams mob n lukin 4ward 2 seein you soon! Ngich(404) to Delva(404) Mercy gee.Kulost nayo! Harry (404) to Grace(404) Bush gee Miss yah! Harry (404) to Natasha (304) PB.Hellow! Pinches Ptah n Harry (404s) to Maureen,Ann,Ivy Joyce,Auxi,Essy,Betty(Karoh) Now ‘we won’t stop’ Luvin yah Evorico(404) to Rahab(404) Missin you! MAC BEE Eric Kioko(204) Betty Wairimu(204) Precious gee Riruta. Mob luv to you beib! Eric Kioko (204) to Gloria (204) Precious gee Riruta.Big up to ma bff. Eric Kioko (204) Primrose Wanjiku(204) Statoe. Mob luv to yu dia David Mwendwa (204) Venessah Njoki(Moi gee,Quabbz) U’ve got di bst place inna mi heart. Thomas Kaloki (404) to Mercy Wafula (404) Kyethiro gee. Luv u baib mob.Break da xilence. Eric Kioko (204) to Cynthia Wanjiru (204) Statoe.Big up to you beib. David Mwendwa(204) to Stacy Wairimu(St.George’s) U just rock ma world Timothy Mwaura (204) to Sta-

cey Wacuka-Kapsabet gee.Big up beib..Kunyamaza nayo Thomas Kaloki (404) to Bridgit Mutua Mat gee Break da xilence ex-dia.Mob luv James Mbinda (404) Mac bee Belinda Mueni Makueni gee Mob luv beib.Chop Hard. Johnte Kamula (404) Mukaa skul to Mercy MiltoN (Moi gee Kibz) Hi mob luv..miss u big. Maurice Mui (404) Mukaa school to Joy Mugendi.Always with me,Kip tha fire burning. Maithya (404) Mukaa school to Monicah Shantelle Kisau gee (404) Luvin so much and need you any tym. Moses Mwongelatt (404) Mux bee Journeys (Vyulya gee) Much affection baibz Moses Nzioka (304) Mux bee Journey(Makueni gee) Big up.Much luv and I miss you. Ezekiel Muthenya (304) Mux Bee Faith Nzuki (404) Mux gee Luv yew mwaaah! MFA James Thiong’o (404) to Luck Nduku St.Gee Mob lurv<mwaaaaest> Brian Aricci to Faith Kimish(St. Gee) I miss ya so much Elton Muturi to Angela Wairimu(Steph Joy) I luv ya so much Sidney Priceless Mwanzia to Tatyana n Alecksiz Nereah.. XOXO Ian Gacheru to Whitney Akinyi (St.Gee) Feels gud to be your hubs. Timothy Baro to Agnes Moraa(St.Carmel) Miss n luv you a lot.Mwaaaaest! Isaac Runji to Cynthia Shiro(Bahati gee) Want it even more! Moses Makau to Ivy Nyatich(Bahati gee) Hope to see u soon. Sean Mutuma to Sumeya Ali(204) Parky I.M.S.F.M. Lotsa luv Gerald Katua to Asha Mohammed (204)Parky Miss yu big tym James Kimwaga to Grace(104) MFA Lanet Luv you! Alvine Otieno to Stacey(204) St.Gee Miss u mad! Chris Kisombo to Hotee(204) St.Annes Mad lurv! Austine Mwasi to Kelse(Maguirimu gee) Missin yu! Brayan Omos to Lorna (404) Bahati gee,Faith(304) Anestar.. Precious Mob luv.

Didymus Khaseke to Teresa K.(304)Kottet.Miss u cutie. Justus Asawo to Lorette(304) MFA Lanet Miss yah! Duncan Ng’ang’a to Doris Gitu MFA Lanet,Lynn Wanjiku(204)Boma..Miss you! Harry Abwao to Mish(204) MFA Lanet I.M.Y.S.F.M. James David(Jimmy) to Sheilah(404)MFA Lanet.. Lol babes,Missin u a lot! Issa Ali to Mary(404)MFA Lanet,Maryleen(Bahati gee) Missin you! Pulkol Bryan to Antonia Wangechi(304) Statoe. Cutest and sexy love! Wilson Ocharo to Julian wanja(304) Njonjo gee,Abigail Kerubo(204) Bahati gee..Mob lurv! Raphael Nyamai to Maureen (404) Hospital Hill..Luv ya big.Chop hard,play hard.Although ulinilenga tym ya opens.. Paul Maina and Duncan to Lynn Wanjiku, Boma (204) Hi..long miss Paul Maina to Doris Wairimu,MFA Lanet (204) Missin you! Elphasb Kipng’etich to Mercyline (304) Maryhill.. Hi Jack<404> to Tina <304> Buru GeeAjez mxupa…..op u r chopin smart …u realy made ma dec holz….cant wait 2 c u…..mob luv Kevoh<404> to qudra matuu memo..It’s a pity dat no matter how sweet roses are dey still have thorns……every rain has its end Brayo john<404> to Diana wambua mbooni gee..Auuxpest mrembo…. mismentations nazo…… just thinkin of da tym we had together….nwei chop hard….mwaaest Macqe<404> to nasra mumz gee A true friendship doesn’t need a daily conversation……xo kip calm….big luv….mwaaaest Antoh<404> to Ani-

ta<204> st mary’s..Hae dia…kufanto huku ndo 4m….nwei education is lyk a prostitute..it requires both money n effort…xo chop big….mob luv Dave<404>to bena mary hill.Hows u...op uko fyn…… chop smarter…miss u big… .#peace# OJHS Sammy (404) TO Prisca (404) Statoe.Miss u big bff!! Sammy (404) to Nicole Moraa (404) Kitengela International.Maaaaard luv! Warren Altarmaniac (304) to Julie Manshall (204) Moi gee Kiambu.Yo’..miss u big tym! Aruto(304) to Joy St.Georges (204) Missin our great moments. Marvin Adipo (404) to Tabitha (404) Moi gals Nbi.Missin ya bigger thn biggest..xxx Warren altarmaniac (304) to Nicole (304) Nembu. Break the silence. Dexton Arshavin (404) to Elizabeth Wangare (404) Huruma.Missin you big tym! Derrick Opiyo (404) to Lucy (404) Wanchez. Mahaba kwa wingi. Caleb Kalwes (404) to Becky (404) Huruma. Mob luv Marvin Ng’ang’a (404) to Alisa (404) Ngara gee. Missmentation. Tony Bruno (404) to Joan (304) Buru gee.Long tym no... Adrian Otieno (404) To Twino Julita (404) Nembu.. Sema kumisiwa.. Ian Gakuru (304) to Mitchelle Wacera (304) Statoe.Say something woiyee.. Brian Wain (304) to Safrina (304) Facin’ Mt.Kenya.. Wacha tu! Bryan Mwalimu (404) To Brenda Karimi (304) Alliance gee.Miss u a tard too much. Neymar (404) to Chelsea (404) Choxx.Mapenzi Infinity..

Michael Popi (304) to Anastacia (304) Nembu gee.Future wife. Bruce Onyango (404) to Shee (304) Hurusi.You are the one in my heart. Sammy Altarmaniac (404) to Coleen Lulu (404) St.Gee.Missmentation tu. Sammy (404) To Princess Rama Kitengela International (404).Wewe!hee Aruto (304) to Gloria (304) St.Annes.Remember dem dayz.. OJHS to EMBAKASI GEE.. You dudettes rocked our Tsearch like whoa.Talk about the champion bubblers.Maaaard you gals.. Big up! OJHS to HURUSI...The kind and sweet Majirani. Muchez luv toka kwetu. Lovadoxie woblie. OJHS to BURU GEE..Bestest ever sister skul.We clash,hate,fight and all the crap but mapenzi ni constant on the eqution. Mob luv..aaaaawwww! OJHS to PUMWANI BOYZ..We rent out losses kwa mama mbsHEEQOWoga kama nyinyi. Hurry hurry while stocks last but special stock save 4 you..LADIES! OJHS to STATOE GEE.. You gals are just ...Hmm okay,simple,exquisite aaaand sophisticated.Big up ladies.You rock. OJHS to OUR LADY OF MERCY,SOUTH B...Big up to your St.John-ers toka kwa Naima,Haifa,Nimo... serious things trying. THIKA HAE Brian Kamau (304) Xtine Nyambura.Ssup Nyambu..Hop u r kul n kip it real. Wilson Emmanuel (404) to Fransiscah Wangari L.K. I mix u big tym.Mob luv!! Jose Ndirangu to all L.K. ladies esp. Babra..Lotsa luv!! Don Kiome(404) to Monica Kitengela International..Mob luv! Joel Njoroge (404) to

uts to o t u o h s ur an Send yo der for e y s n I e m to h T h t r o f y nit Corrine y opportu b e v i l be read on HBR.

Mary Kate Njoki..Miss u babe! Nicholas Muriithi (404) to Joy Njeri-Mary Hill..Missin u big! Brian Njoroge (204) to all BURU GEE..Lotsa luv! Mike Kings (404) to Zipporah,Chinga gee.. Much love. Anto Ngatia (404) to Winnie Nyambura Kagumo gee..Mob luv! SOUTH TETU GYALZ Sheeqow(304) to Sami (404) Ma missmentation ndo mostest.Love bila boundaries Lena Charice (304) to Deno Wange (304) Nyi hae.Keep it burning bro!Mwob luv. Txuzzie (304) to Ian,Njiiriz.All ma lovely pals;Joy Kendi-St.Mary’s Igoji..Mobbest lurv bff,Symo,Danqo,Jeff n Mose.Maze luv ur poppin,bottling n dippin fewndship.Keep it in motion sharpenin byadest! Steffi Leocardia (304) to Malo (404) Jamu;Kukuhata nayoweh tutachapiana ome na kina Dicky ucjali. Bresh Msmall to Moha Tala (404) Jamu.Set ma seal upon ur heart,a seal upon ur heart,as a seal upon ur arm 4 luv is strong as death. #ILYSFM# Melodie (304) to all former class 8’s 2011,Nyeri Complex.Make your dreams come true na mjibambe coz YOLO! Ryneenly Mirie (304) to Jack (404) Othaya boyz. Thanks for the card.We’ll think about the beneath. Sheeqow prettie (304) to Tonnie Dontre (304) Kirimara bee.IMY is all dat lingers in ma mind. Lena Charice (304) to Victor (304) Nyi hae.Pata lyf! Soma kwanza kijana! Eunice (304) to Ephraim Maina (404) Nyi hae.I miss yew a lot! Maggie (304) to Ian (304) Nyi hae.Though short,it was the best moment

and honestly,I loved you so fucking,much! Sheeqow to Bradgich (304) Baricho high.Endelea vivyo hivyo.Ma salutations ndizo mobbest.. IMYSFM! Bresh Msmall (304) to Gerald Di (304) Njumbi ice quwl.Umm... Bro!!Kukuhata ndo zangu.Keep it fresh all dae,Mard luv! Wanjugu Wambugu (304) to Kelvin Njenga (304) Murang’a hae..Forgive me for the silence,I’ll definitely break da ice! Leocardia (304) to Peter (404) Mang’u hae..The silence is too loud..break da ice! Bresh Msmall(304) to Sami Mesh (404) AQ.Yew guy...ma wendo ndo kibao na missmentation. Nyawira (304) to Mechzadek (404) Baricho hae..Ope uko wantagwan,kukumiss ndo fomu. Cindy Ted (304) to Ted Alfred (404) Menengai hae...Even if u are a million miles away,love z da only amour dat we nid.. MWAAAH! Abbie Bay (304) to Richard Kariss (404) Nyeri Baptist skul.. Hey dia one...I’m missin ya..no words can explain<speechless> Cynthia (304) to Brian Chizi (404) MFA:Missin ya big tym..MOB LUV! ST.PETERS BOYS(WEST SAINTS) Justin G(304) to Sandra(304)Nax gee Wassuh,missin yu big awt hia.Chop hard and keep safe baby gal! Andrew Mukungu(304) to Whitney(304)St.Nicholas Hae,missin u so effin much! Prince Izaw(304) to Cecilia(304)Ngara gee Keep cul na upende shule Cedrick Scotts(304) to Esther Githaiga(204) Mugoiri gee..All tht still matters is the love and laughter.. Miss ya!!

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 23

Picharazzi There’s never a dull moment at mfa

The monster swag Daisy of Huruma (Huggzville) shows the boys how it’s done

MFA guys are blown away by EDM

Tony (MFA) talks to Bree and Esther from Parky Eastleigh High loyalty Dandora High School students want riddim

OJ: “We love ‘The Insyder’“

The “tatted-up” crew from MFA: Kevo, Briton and Priceless

Sugar looks stunning

Eduardo Xtian and Abdi Mohammed from MFA hold their best teen magazine

Jay A performs “Dumbala”

Huruma Gee’s Super DJ Ruth Livoi

Ian and Elly Rabbin (404s) represent MFA Art Club

Valentine’s Day fever

G-Kon gets some backup dancers

I-Qru’s Alexis meets her former schoolmates from Huruma Gee 24 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 25

ALWAYS AT mfa & Bush As the saying goes, â&#x20AC;&#x153;it starts in your mind.â&#x20AC;? So for one to be confident you need to look like it, simple steps on how to be confident are all you need. Here are some simple and easy ways to boost your confidence.

26 20142013 | www.theinsyder.com 26 || The TheInsyder InsyderMagazine Magazine--March November | www.theinsyder.com

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 27

feature

TEEN GOSPEL

HOPE KID

TRENDSETTERS

They are young, energetic and very good looking. They have at their tender age managed to take over the gospel music industry and put seasoned artistes to test by giving them a run for their money. Their fresh talent is appreciated by fans and their creativity goes a long way in making their releases hits. Meet Hope Kid, Bahati, Mr Seed, Willy Paul and Master Piece. Let’s start with the youngest

Master Piece Emmanuel King aka Master Piece got into music with a bang. He won a Mwafaka Best Video of the Year award for “Kofi Yoo” while he only 15. That was two years ago. The young lad was very proud of that achievement because he had not seen it coming that soon and he was up against some very popular artistes like Eunice Njeri. His mother has been a great support system in his growth in music. The pastor at International Christain Centre (ICC) Mombasa is, however, keen to make sure that her son’s school work is taken seriously. Discipline and good grades are the priorities. Master Piece says that being a celebrity has saved him from being bullied. Instead, he gets special treatment, and some of the big guys hang around him at school “funkies” in order to get chicks. Ladies, have you seen how amazingly handsome this guy is? Most people say he looks like an Arab. Well, that’s not far from the truth. Master Piece is of Arabic descent. He was born and raised in Mombasa as a the first born in a family of three. So how does he juggle music and school work? He is a smart student who knows how make priorities. When on holiday, he works on his music, and when he is in school, his manager takes charge of that as he focuses on studies. Master Piece says he used to sing as far back as he was in class six. Two years later, he met gospel artiste Cabbasa who introduced him to J Blessing. The two mentored him into music. Besides “Kofi Yoo”, he has produced five other songs. Among them are “Mihadarati”, “Never Give Up”, “Photocopy”. He has also worked with producers like J Blessing, Peter of Pin J Records, and T-Soh.

...it’s time for artistes to become real and do everything for the right reasons.

Skilled artiste Hope Kid has taken local music by storm. He is treading a path not many people have perfected in kenya; new school dancehall. He believes that his musical career is a calling -- that it is something that was planted in him since birth, so he had no other option but to pursue it. Surprisingly, no one in particularr influences his music. He says that the word of God and his daily life experiences are great inspirations for his music. And although he sings new school dancehall, he loves listening to worship RnB. Given the opportunity to change anything in music, he would like “to get rid of all the hypocrisy going on”. He expresses his sentiment that It’s time for artistes to become real and do everything for the right reasons. Hope Kid’s major challenge as an artiste has been airplay, but he states that when one has God by their side and trusts in Him, then all things are possible. He describes success as when hard work, perseverance and persistence are placed together. This singer’s goal is to establish “Hope Kid” as a brand; his clothing line, HK Wear, too. A word of advice for his fans and teenagers out there: “There is a possibility that most people have heard this statement severally from different people but let me say it again that ‘God loves you’. When that sinks in your mind, you will begin to do everything through God who strengthens you”. Hope Kid’s fans should look out for more new school dancehall music and surprising collaborations from him.

We look forward to more hit songs from this kid. 28 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

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feature

BAHATI

When Bahati Kevin, 19, recorded his first song, “Siku ya Kwanza”, two years ago, he felt as if his world had crumbled. He had initially thought that the biggest job in music was writing and singing songs. Little did he realise that there were many other challenges ahead that needed to be faced wisely and with a lot of effort. He thought it was going to be easy for him to be declared a star after performing his song in several shows. He did not see that happening and in turn realised that he had to continue working hard, recording songs and also to get enough publicity. He almost broke down, but he prayed hard to God. He knew that music was the only way out of his hard life. So it was a do-or-die situation for him -- an orphan without relatives to rely on for his daily needs. After losing his parents, Bahati felt that instead of going to the streets to sniff glue, snatch handbags, and smoke bhang, he should go to a children’s home to get shelter as well as education. He did just just that when he was seven years old at the time. The ABC orphanage in Mathare got Bahati into Mercury Academy, where he sat for his KCPE exams. He then joined Nakeel High School in Kajiado, but he dropped out when his sponsor could no longer pay the fees. Bahati almost went to the streets, but he was offered a place at Eastleigh’s St Teresa’s Boys, where he continued with his studies and completed form 4 in 2011 -- attaining a C+. Soon after high school, he recorded his first song, “Siku ya Kwanza”. The song was produced by J Blessing and it is about how Bahati got saved. His music career has been on the rise since then as he has released other songs such as “Machozi” and “Mama”.

MR SEED

He took us all by surprise when he made use of a West African approach in his music. Let’s just say that he had foreseen the Nigerian invasion long before us. Mr Seed came to the limelight when he collaborated with M.O.G on “Papa God Ooh”! His has been a rising star that does not show any signs of fading soon. He had told his fans he would make sure he will keeps on entertaining them as soon as he is done with secondary school studies. True to his word, he released the song “Wangu” with Bahati, who is now also rising fast in the local music scene. Later, Mr Seed and Anto Neo Soul came up with “One Day”. The musician’s inspiration -- his family and friends -- give him hope that all will work out and that greater things are in store for him. Mr. Seed did not have an easy life and this put him on another level of hard work as he has had to uplift himself as well as his family. His music has been getting relatively good airplay on radio stations in Kenya but he plans to do bigger and better things. Although he has won awards and he has also earned various nominations, Mr Seed does not dwell on this. Instead, he only sees it as inspiration to rach greater heights. His latest collaboration with Betty Bayo, “Ti Mundu“, is an amazing song and its video is equally cool. This young musician is very promising. Let us watch this space and see exactly what he brings forth.

Bahati intends to exploit his talent so that he is able to give Kenyans -- and East Africans in general -- good music.

After losing his parents, Bahati felt that instead of going to the streets to sniff glue, snatch handbags, and smoke bhang, he should go to a children’s home to get shelter as well as education.

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Although he has won awards and he has also earned various nominations, Mr Seed does not dwell on this.

The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 31

cover story

The 20-year-old musician grew up in Area 3 of Mathare North. His father was a carpenter and his mother was a salonist before illness confined her to bed. Paul dropped out of school while in form three and he has been supporting his family through music since then. Controversy is this guy’s last name. However, his music continues to shine. He was a fan of Bongo music for a long time so when he decided to sing Gospel, he says, God told him in a dream that that was the style he should use. After praying about it, he was able to write lyrics then go to a studio. That explains the Tanzanian accent. But why the Muslim name, Abubakar? He says that it has been in the family for many generations even though none of the members is a Muslim.

His collaboration with Gloria Muliro, “Sitolia“, was a massive hit. And the two were so in sync in the video that it came as a surprise when it was reported that they had a feud over the song’s royalties. Paul was allegedly quite upset when he learnt that Muliro had registered the song as hers and was getting all the benefits. He felt like his hard work was not being appreciated and that he was being robbed. But Paul and Muliro came to an understanding and now have a 50-50 share of the royalties. Besides, they have sang another song together: “Kitanzi”. Paul says it is based on a true story -- just like all his other releases. The inspiration to write it came at a time when things were going bad for him. Haters had become more active and this was affecting him. He was on the verge of a breakdown.

Muliro was his shoulder to lean on, and they decided to work on a song about the situation. She shared this message: “Sometimes we have to sacrifice our best in order to support and help others to achieve their dreams. I think and I believe that Willy Paul needs and deserves a second chance from everyone that he offended in one way or the other. For sure, he has a learnt a lesson from his past mistakes. God has forgiven him. So let us support him. Let us all be behind him for the next release. This time, it is going to be bigger than “Sitolia“. If you are ready to pray and support us, let me hear you say a big ‘amen’”. What about Pendo, the underage chick and all the drama around him? “What about her? I don’t know her. The first time I saw that lady was at the Kisima Awards gala night. She walked up to me while I was in the company of J Blessing who has been a

There is nothing wrong with me having a friend who is a few years younger than me. When did that become illegal?

Willy Paul:

Haters will stop at nothing to make me look bad to my true fans

Wilson Abubakar Radida Opondo, popularly known as Willy Paul, is one very interesting cocktail of nationalities. His late father was half Tanzanian and half Kenyan while his mum is half Ugandan and half Kenyan 32 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

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cover story

mentor and a friend to me and asked if she could take a photo on the red carpet with me. I obliged, assuming she was just being an enthusiastic fan. I was quite flattered, actually. The next thing I’m seeing all this stuff about me and her in the media. She claims to know me and that we were chatting as friends to the extent that I borrowed her some money. Why would I do that when I have my own. I, however, do not care what she says or what the media says because I know it’s not true and it will all come to pass. As for the underage chick that I was supposedly dating, all I can say is that haters will stop at nothing to make me look bad to my true fans. There is nothing wrong with me having a friend who is a few years younger than me. when did that become illegal?” Fashion Paul gets the clothes he wears in his videos from Atlanta but he owes that to an organisation that sponsors his music career. The man responsible for all this is called Karanja, whom he met in Mombasa at the Groove Awards Tour. Paul has not been to the United States or Atlanta for that matter; Karanja just sends him the clothes.

Floetry fury

RED corner Name: Tempo Reppin’: Ofafa Jericho High School Track: The Bomb Tempo niko always here kila season, Nakill them for O.J killer-season, Ambia Texas kama ramger wamepitwa na wakati, Wasifanye ni wadiss mbele ya hii umati, Tell them fi shut up na waache kujigamba, Ni maoxymoron yani washamba, Am lyrically hot nawaburn ka sun, Nikianza kuspit wanapata sunburn, O.J on top uliza ata Uppah nani aukuwa upper, With no ball O.J is still balling, We are in hip-hop university the rest ni madrop-out, All my lines are punchlines and this one is a knock out, Love is in the air but tulihld breathe tukapass out.

Salvation

Last year, he was crowned Male Artiste of the year at the Groove Awards. Paul is really grateful to his fans for the award. However, he does not want to be nominated again. He thinks that he should step aside for others. What next? After rocking the airwaves with his latest hit, “Missi”, Willy Paul announced a tour of the United States through his Facebook account: “Dreams always come true. Thank you Lord. My American fans, here I come. And my fans, thank you for the support. Anything is possible with God. If you believe this, then type ‘amen’”.” Paul will be launching an album soon. We can’t wait.

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blue corner Name: Job King’ Aka: Taylor Major Reppin’: MMG (Springvale) Track: You can dis if you can

Loun

Name: Hillary Odhiambo School: Chesamisi High School Class: 404 Title: My Love Love made me abase, Abate to it’s a base, When I fell for it’s bait,Like a fish drawn to a bait, But not like asheep to an abattoir. Can’t say she thieved me off my heart, Because she ain’t a thief, But glad of that deed which she did, My heart is pertinacious, But not malicious to her love. And down on knees each day silent prayer, Praying not to hurt her or break her heart, But if her heart is broken, Will pick her broken pieces, Putting pieces to make the puzzle complete. Face like that sunrise in the morning, Smile like the sunset in the evening, Her beauty suppresses venus goddess of beauty, As Africa smiles for producing a voluptous girl, Stars and moon bow down to her beauty. She is my thyme, An added meal to my heart, A rose to my heart, That will always be intact, Forever bounded by chains of love intact.

Name: Julianne Wambui School: Ngara Girls High School Class: 304 Title: Sorry Every time I remember Sunday I wish you’d forgive me some day I know I said some hurtful things Unexpected like stings Then when I start my Mondays I remember what you said Mistakes we both made Truthfully I’m the ine to blame Asked you to spill Promised to be on your side Buh I went against you Your heart I was about to steal And you turned ot into steel You found it hard to believe That I’d be so unreal And so you broke off the deal Am really sorry For making you look so weary And pouring all the guilt Am sorry I acted like I didn’t care And made you look like the monster Turned everything into a disaster Am sorry I forgot you have a heart And you ought to be hurt Am sorry I expected way too much Than you’d actually give and offer Am really really sorry Jhus hope one day you’ll forgive And maybe my days would then be complete.

Major, haters wako sad niko so back, Yeah back at it again nikiattack hii track, Understand that I hustle for this rack, Ati mahard feelings maounk? Get it f***, Mnaget so sad nikirise kwa game park, Bado nikishineat your side it’s so dark, Man it’s so suck, kama utambi instead of 6 pack, Ukileta your big mouth ntakubite kama shark, Nikuintroduce at your place bad luck, Nirun over you like a truck, Nikutafune so slow kama snack, If I were you I would retaliate before I get stuck.

slang corner

He maintains that he has been saved since he was in form one. Being saved to him means walking in the light and respecting God’s will. It’s about following the teachings of the church and practising what you preach.

th ry o P et ge

Word: Hoa Meaning: Tea As used in a sentence: Twendee hoa dining hall. Word: Cheti Meaning: Rice As used in a sentence: Mimi nilidishi cheti na maharagwe jana usiku. The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 35

Funkie vybe show

BUSH OPEN a muddy, muddy affair Tenwek High’s rugby team

Pizo Dizo warns boys about being stingy Weird dance moves

Kahuho Uhuru is in the house! Bush’s swimmers share a moment with I-Qru’s Alexis

The crowd cheers

“funkie” isn’t complete without the presence of I-Qru. That’s why Bush Bee couldn’t dare put our team out of their plans for Bush Open. From the close to 60 schools that attended to the energy from the students, this was one event that would sure rock all day long. We checked in at the right time when schools were arriving. Two extremely big fields were quite muddy after a heavy downpour the previous night. However, various games were off to a good start, and Bush Bee’s entertainment crew was keeping lads happy with music. I-Qru went to the lower field, which

was rather spacious and had a good number of games going on like hockey and football. Routinely, the dancehall fever kept idle dudes “busy” for the better part of the morning. Come time for lunch and the unexpected happened...rainfall! Everything came to a standstill. People had to go to the upper field to seek shelter. Some chicks went nuts and danced along to EDM music in the rain. I-Qru, meanwhile, started preparing to leave. However, to our amusement, the rain stopped pouring and within no time, “funkie“ attendants had

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returned to the fields. Who would have expected artistes to still come despite the bad weather? They did. After a day filled with activities as well as frustration, it was time to end it in style with performances from Pizo Dizo, Libby Clement, Kendi and Shuga. That’s how I-Qru does it. After the show, it was time for us to leave, but not until we pushed our lorry through the muddy pathway between the fields. All said and done, the event was a success. But next time we’ll be armed with boots in case the rain comes calling without notice.

The riddim moves are too difficult for Bush guys

Mukaa Boys are ready for a sleepover

Brenda and Ayan from Bush Gee

Libby Clement entertains the crowd Joy, Marion and Jane from St. George’s

Ha Minsu (104) and Canon I-Qru’s David and Alexis with “The Harry Family” Munyi (404) from Bush “Mono!“

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FASHION

street style

SO WHAT’S HOT? The sun. And going by the weather, you need to be careful what you wear. Please don’t confuse swag with stupidity. Yes, both words begin with an “s”, but some of you just take it too far -- like Rongai far. Much love for the diaspora though. So what do we have?

Lace dress This is a must-have as it comes with diverse styles. You can have the lace on chiffon, which is mostly for those who adore colours; these people are bold enough. We also have lace on Ankara. Now this one is just meant for the African tribal lover, if that makes any sense. Again there is the full lace, not only black but various colours. This is for the playful kind and the most daring. What do you pair them with? Try brogues/vintage shoes, converse/vans, doll shoes or even heels. It basically depends on your personality.

Crewneck sweatshirts These are unisex. Most have face prints, tribal prints and/or silly words just to make that statement get out there. You can also trythe tartan tie with it but this is not highly advised as it will wear off your sweatshirt. For ladies, well, we have various types like the crop sweats or basically those that you have taken from your beau. How to wear them: you can put on the full sweats with sweat pants, denim pants, or statement pants for the edgy look. For the girly girl, try the cropped sweats with A-Line skirts. Boys don’t have to struggle. Just pair them with all pants plus shorts and shoes of your choice. Keep it true and real (trill).

The tomboy look Don’t blame her for her personality. She is considered fierce and outspoken. Basically, she isn’t worried about anything. Not that I’m saying the girly girl is a scared cat, but she is close to that -- no offence. She is probably the girl your boyfriend hangs out with most of the time and you get jealous when you see her around him and also when he complements her dressing. Not that he loves her, but because she is a better fashion ‘killa’ than you are. “Her pistol go, bang bang, boom boom, pow pow” -- A$ap Rocky) This is one of the simplest looks. Simply take any pants from, again, denim, to shorts (pyrex), statement pants, galaxy print and stripes as

this enhances your body size. Horizontal stripes for the slim girl and vertical stripes for the curvaceous lass. They must be high-waisted pants if you want your rear to stand out (this is meant for the girly girl who wants to cross over to the tomboy side, because tomboys don’t care about how tight the pants are as they prefer baggy clothes). The tops also have to be loose; varying from vests to crop tops. Try a basketball jersey too. If it’s not too hot, wear a beanie, better known as a “marvin”. A snapback or bucket hat can work as well. Accessorise with chunky chains, leather wrist bands or any item of your choice. You can likewise have a tartan tie (tying a plaid shirt on your waist) or the bandanna tuck, which is really chick, and possibly the denim overall -- it’s cool for both sexes. NAIL POLISH -- DO IT YOURSELF (DIY) Stripes This is the easiest thing one can do. Just take a plain colour, for example white, get a nail marker and create your stripes. Yin-yang Again, apply the white polish. With the black nail marker or that of any colour of your preference, draw a wavy line then a dot on the curve of the “s”.

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Strictly siz

WHAT SHOULD I TALK

TO HIM ABOUT? Hey siz, I have been dating this dude for around 5 months now and at times I don’t understand him or what he wants. All I need is a couple of guidelines: to know what’s right or wrong, what I can say or what I can keep to myself. Anita (304) Hello Anita, I have 10 pointsfor you.

5 THINGS YOUR DUDE DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR 1. About your ex-boyfriend This just shows thatyou haven’t let go of your ex. Imagine if your current boyfriend talked about his ex-girlfriendall the time. 2. Asking him if you’re fat You are simply pressuring the dude. He already loves you the way you are, babe.

3. Putting yourself down He wants someone who believes in herself. Yes, he will be there for you but at times you have to minimise your problems. 4. Compare yourselfwith other girls You are out on a date and you notice your dude ogling at some fine ‘mama’ across the table. What do you do? You start saying, “I wish I had her smile, her hair, her swag”. You are you, and not her. Be confident. 5. Don’t tell him he reminds you of your brother This is just the same as ‘friend-zoning’ him. He wants to be your better half, nothing more and nothing less.

5 THINGS YOUR DUDE WANTS TO HEAR 1. How strong and masculine he is

Even when he is not, pamper his ego. They love it. 2.Tell him you need him If you want him, you won’t be able to need him. Show him appreciation and affection. 3. Complement his looks This builds his confidence. It’s just like you; when you get your hair done, you definitely want him to notice it. 4. Tell him you are proud of him It gives him a shoulder to lean on. 5. I love you These three simple words can change the global warmingsituation.LOL! Not really, but they mean a lot when they come from within. I hope this will help you out. Love, Big Siz

Ed’s head

Hi Ed, I’m an addict of social media, especially Facebook and WhatsApp. This is quite worrying as it is now affecting my studies. Every single minute, I’m always chatting with my pals; whether at home or at school. In class, I skive lessons to check on any messages on WhatsApp or FB. And at home, I at times ignore my parents when called so as to finish chatting with my “besties”. It has become too much for me as I rarely touch my books and to make matters worse, my grades have been dropping. I’d really love to know what I can do to put a stop to this “disease” and to avoid disrespecting my parents on grounds that I am busy on the phone. Adrian(304) Hi Adrian, Well, most people will at one 40 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

point admit to being a social media addict -- whether it’s with FB, WhatsApp, Twitter or Snapchat, you name it. It is pretty easy to avoid this craving. Even though you are allowed to go with phones to school, try as much as possible not to do so. At home, give yourself a considerable amount of time when you’ll be on the phone, after which you should embark on studying. The bottom line is: after high school, your grades will be much more important than that gadget. And don’t let the phone make you disrespect your parents. Besides, you’ll have all the precious time to communicate online with your friends after high school. For now, make your grades better! Ed

CONNECT WITH GIRLS WHILE IN 104 Yes, you are a “mono”. But relationships might start becoming part of your life. I’m here to at least give you a hint of how to act before “chillez” so you can to stand out and be a “playa” even if you’re in 104

o here comes your first “funkie” in high school -- it could be talent day or drama festival. You probably get to spot a few chicks. A lot of thoughts run through your mind as sweat drips down your face on seeing such gorgeous “mamaz”. Before approaching them, make sure you’ve done the following things. Be that fly dude In any event, just look phat; from dressing to character. Check out what 304s and 404s wear and try to be as cool as, if not better than, them. Remember to make use of an attractive cologne or deodorant because no girl will come close to you if you stink. Stay fly!

Avoid the “mono” look As you approach a chick, don’t act like a form one student. Don’t be afraid -- as if the girl will slap you. Your introductory words matter most. Start a conversation. In case your talk doesn’t appeal to her, don’t worry. After all,there are plenty of fish in the sea. Make the conversation flow Don’t just say “hi” and leave her alone. Share some stories. You can even walk around. If there’s music, then avoid shying away from dancing. Get her contact details...if possible This is a norm with many guys during “funkies”.

Whether it’s on the hand or the face, the chick gets to jot down her contact details before leaving. I encourage you to ask her to do that because I know you barely had enough time to spend together before the deputy-headteacher came and asked you to part ways. In any case, you might want to get together with her when school closes. There you go. These guidelines will help you avoid “breezing” during funkies. They will make you the talk of the school since every chick will love to hang out with you. You’ve read it. The ball’s in your court.

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march birthday mates

march

Do think this Month on what it is you want and need as you go about serving humanity. Substance (spiritual into form) is available if you use your imagination, concentration, and love. Yes, love is a component to bringing things into form. You may look for another place to live and/or work. Finish commitments, rest and read this Month. A whole new world is puttering toward you.

Pisces February 19 – March 20

(May 22 – June 21)

Gemini

(October 24 – November 22)

Scorpio

What can I say that I haven’t already? A profound shift in consciousness is taking place Well the inner you is still hidden while the outer you is within you. It’s tinged with joy, held by pain, and as charming as a sports enthusiast can be and some nurturing will only occur when you live in the may think you’ve become quite electric (tell them it’s forest once again. Seeking a monastery or place Uranus) and glowy. Someone interesting comes your of retreat will be vital to the next stage of mental way so look for them. In the meantime, your fun acdevelopment attempting to precipitate. Order complishments are seen (and your temper!) and that’s your daily life immediately. And watch what you good for soon you’ll be awash in questions about eat. money. A partnership is discussed.

(September 24 – October 23)

Taurus

April 21 – May 21 Your dream machine (imagination) will be amped to maximum this Month as if a DSL line were linked to your brain and you were receiving every thought God ever had since the beginning of time. This may overwhelm you so best get a top of the line computer and download all those ideas into a hard disk to preserve till the end of time. In the meantime, money will be thrown at you. Pick it up please.

(August 24 – September 23)

As the days unfold you will feel more and more peaceful. Quiet minutes, hours, and days will ease previous month’s stresses. You may enjoy this time alone or with intimates. You won’t assert yourself, won’t go out much, and others may think you’ve become internal, withdrawn and shy. Elegance plays a part here, too, as you consider how your home looks from that sophisticated lens. Sensitivity makes you wear midnight blue.

Cancer

Queen Latifah (March 18)

(July 23 – August 23)

You aren’t who you thought you were anymore. Your life isn’t what it was before. Your sense of self is diminishing rapidly as a new one emerges. It’s all quite confusing on outer levels but very purposeful on inner ones. It’s important to make money now but only by doing what you deeply love. This will take intent pondering and lots of courage. Creativity is afoot and expanding daily. You need to write.

You, and Aquarians, need to create a Vesta art piece. Perhaps you could include lots of flags from other cultures. Creating a Vesta box allows the puzzle piece of why you’re living this life to appear. It may tell you who you are, what your next step is, who to do it with, and why do it at all? Do write this Month. Your approach is so original that reality changes in a blink of an eye. Wounds do heal.

Capricorn

Leo

(November 23 – December 21)

(December 22 – January 20) The money situation is very unusual. You might find it hidden under a plant or in a pot of gold or receive it from an unexpected source. Should you feel you’re at a dead end, imaginatively change direction. Make this a real endeavor and use humor to maneuver difficulties. Who’s happy around you? Be with them wherever they are. You need some sparkle. Buy glitter. I smell soap.

Ronaldinho (March 21)

Aquarius

Theo Walcott (March 16)

Yes, there are two Paths. Let me tell you the Soul seed-thought for Gemini (which the Sun is transmitting to Earth now). The thought to ponder is, “I see my other self (personality level) but that self wanes (gets dimmer) and my other self glows and grows (Soul self). This is the Castor/Pollux (Gemini stars) situation. Aquarians are having two choices now. You’re evolving.

(March 21 – April 20)

(June 22 – July 22) Things you’re not aware of are part of the playing field so if you feel confused be aware that it’s because you don’t have all the information (unless you’re studying astrology then you understand what’s occurring). There are hidden agendas (universal) that have to do with hidden strengths (yours) and creativity (yours again) and if you would focus on your inner self they would be available. Being thrown off balance is good sometimes.

Mariah Carey (March 27)

Aries

It’s a real communication Month for you, Ari, with connections happening everywhere. Do plan on thinking and talking goals since what you say you get and it comes real quick these days. If there’s anyone you need to repair relations with in any way, get on the phone, fax, email, car, or real good shoes and hike on over there and make the reconstruction and restoration right away. No more sticky relationships for you.

Justin Bieber (March 1) Big Sean (March 25)

Fernando Torres (March 20)

Bow Wow (March 9)

Virgo

Fergie (March 27) Didier Drogba (March 11)

(August 24 – September 23) Whatever the situation you’ll need diplomacy. Going into the past will not allow the future to be revealed. Don’t let others go there either. You’re high profile this Month so dress for it. Add a diamond. Go public with your ideas and find another with intellectual abilities. A mystery intrigues you. This pulls forth intuition which provides new activity for the new acquisition. Think about flags.

Ke$ha (March 1)

Lady Gaga (March 28) 42 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com

Ryan Lewis (March 25)

A rainbow is a flag. Think about when rainbows appear. After rain and hail and storms and even when it snows. After difficult weather there’s a rainbow in the sky. Rainbows (the seven spectrums of light we see) represent the 7 Rays of Life from the seven stars in the Big Bear. They’re all streaming into you this Month. Everything works brilliantly now. Prepare to travel.

(January 20 – February 18)

v irgo

Will.I.am (March 15) Robin Thicke (March 10)

Emeli-Sande (March 10) Marcia Cross (March 25) The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 43

feature

CElebRITY HIGH SCHOOL MOMENTS Colonel Mustafa shares his experience at Muguga Boys Boarding Secondary School. ‘Lenga stress’ and read on

Favourite teacher Miss Esther Makumi simply because she looked hot with her fancy smile. Most embarrassing moment I was urinating then a female teacher entered the boys toilets and saw my.... Best dish? Rice and meat. Club you were a member of Wildlife club. Subject you liked most, and least Biology was my favourite and maths was the worst. Sister school St. Georges High School. Funkie you always looked forward to Music Festival. Teacher you had a crush on Miss Morgan -- a trainee teacher from Kenyatta University -because she looked sexy and she used to be aggressive. Nastiest experience in form one I met a form four student in the toilet and he told me to wipe his ass. Most memorable thing you did in high school I had a date with Miss Morgan.

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The Wahundura (WAHE) clique Thika High School’s rugby team

Loreto Kiambu’s Joan and Shavin (404s)

The gang from Thika High School Pioneer-Ruchu love

Hot as always -- Buru Gee’s hockey team Hockey players from Buru

“NOBODY CAN DO IT BETTER than thika hae....” The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com | 45

boy talk Girl talk

I HAVEN'T "UNDERGONE THE CUT"

I CAN’T BE "DEAD" ANY LONGER

Hey bro,

What’s up Siz,

I am so embarrassed to tell you this. I have not yet been circumcised and I am in form three; but all my schoolmates already have. They feel very proud and call themselves men. I do not have the privilege of doing that as I am not yet a man even though I have broken my voice. I have tried to make my parents see how important it is for me to get circumcised sooner rather than later, but they do not agree. They insist that I should get it done it after I finish my high school education. How do I make them understand that this is important to me?

I need attention at all times and I can do anything to get it. Recently, I realised that people do not like my photographs as much as they used to. No one likes my status updates or comments about them these days. I am losing my popularity and this is not good for me. So I decided to fake my death to get people talking about me. And sure enough, this attracted what I wanted. I have a problem though since I cannot be dead for long as I am going to return home for the holidays. What do I do? I still want to enjoy this newfound fame.

George (303)

Dee (303)

George,

Dear Dee, Human beings are social creatures and they need interaction, feedback and validation of their worth. Most people enjoy it when they are the centre of attention; they need to have a sense of belonging and a desire to be loved and appreciated. What you might be experiencing is attention-seeking behavior, that is the use of inappropriate acts in order to gain attention. This is viewed negatively because it can lead to problems for the individual doing it, as well as other people. It could be a result of an underlying issue -- low selfesteem, loneliness, a need to want to feel valued or an experience you went through as a child and you have never dealt with, or are even not aware of. Small sis, you can overcome your desire for attention if you stop associating your self-worth with the evaluation of other people, love yourself and seek counseling services. Show your talents and gifts. Do it for you. You are important and you have great potential. It is important for you to be prepared psychologically for any kind of reaction from your friends after the lie about your death. Apologise. It is good to be honest.

I imagine what you are going through when your agemates think that you are not man enough. Small bro, nobody will make you feel inferior without your permission. Being man enough is not determined by circumcision; it is about being independent and responsible. It’s important to know that you have a choice to either be proud of yourself or to feel inferior. Different cultures have different lifestyles and circumcision is one such way of life that elicits different reactions. Small bro, whatever is of value or of importance to some people may be totally meaningless to others. It seems that your parents are not opposed to you being circumcised. They are clear that it can be done after you complete high school. Focus on what’s important for you at the moment: academics. Big Bro

Love, Big Siz

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48 | The Insyder Magazine - March 2014 | www.theinsyder.com