Making
The cover
Tha Teeniez Voice!
www.theinsyder.com publisher Teenwise Media Limited
Editorial Kru Benjamin Imende, Annie Wambita, Ruth Adallah, Marcus Itimu, Ken Rufus, Detox Thuku, Liverpool VCT, All Teeniez Massive
Design & Layout Elias Mwangi
Marketing Team Carol Kariungi Irene Njoroge
Departments Corporate Affairs: Ann Ngigi Distribution Manager: Jimmy Mumina Distribution: Nation Courier Printer: Emirates Printing Press LLC, Dubai
Directors Ann Ngigi • Adam Nyakundi Funkie-licious TV • Ngaruiya Githegi
Undercova Brotha The Insyder Offices pg 26
Joseph Kangethe Road, Tel: 3861649/3861623, 0718 000 002, P. O. Box 51634 - 0200, email: yuaholla@theinsyder.com
Make-up Betty Mugo - 0720 720 312
Cover PHOTOGRAPHY Emmanuel Jambo
PHOTOGRAPHY Moses Mwangi
COPYRIGHT The Insyder is published by Teenwise Media Ltd. All rights reserved. The Insyder is published once a month. Contributions are most welcome and must be accompanied by stamped selfaddressed envelopes. All due care will be taken with material submitted, but the magazine and publishers cannot be held responsible for loss or damage. The Editor reserves the right to edit, amend or alter material in any way deemed necessary. The Insyder cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. The opinions expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the editors and publishers of The Insyder.
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July 2011
Insyde
The i-Qru’s Take
What’s Sizzling This Month
cover story
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Our local artitsts have taken music videos to anaa level which super video have you been awestruck with?
DALLAH BILL
rax Maddtov ing…. Keep it m
Haba haba STL is the truth!
sniper
Street style
Annie Sauti Sol’s Am Coming Home is platinum!
JIMMIE
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She said dat Remix Wyre alongside Bad Gyal Cecile
22 BONUS: J-Lo & Tarrus Riley posters
ents
The iMC’s Coolest July Mom
r.. ondeo? w r Eve ar yuk C’z
Aga Khan Mombasa
hillez!
Beaver C
xx Maddtrasoul is h s bare Komo loses its swag 2
July 2011
BLACKRO
CK!
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Mistari Art
presents Competition
W nners Gallery
Osama-Victor M Vala. Changez Makmende by Idris Simiyu - UBA
The Insyder March Cover model-Marian by Wyclife Anarnia Maranda
Tero By Wycklife Anarnia Maranda High
T I By -Brian Amatu Sipala High
Daddy Owen by Brian Amatu Sipala High
Keith Otinya UBA
Reckon you have the talent to feature in this column? Send us your artwork to win great prizes. Each month we will feature entries and pick the top 3 for the winners gallery. The winners will receive fantastic prizes No 1: Shopping Voucher, Funkie Tee & a Bic Sationery pack No. 2: Lunch Voucher , Funkie Tee & a Bic Stationery pack No.3: Travel Bag, Funkie Tee & a Bic Stationery pack For your entry to be selected as a winning entry the mistari must be via a biro and MUST have the Bic Logo. All winning monthly entries will be entered into a draw to win a cool mountain bike or a term’s school fees. 4 J u l y Send 2 0 1 your 1 entries www.theinsyder.com to P.O Box 51634-00200 Nairobi
Obama-Brian Amatuo Sipla High Skool
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T9
z ma
the z teenie e voic
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tee
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Yua Holla
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dumping 101 A
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THE INSYDER FANATI
HOOK ME UP
Hi there,
Sup iQru, I need the greatest favour on this earth. Please hook me up some rap artists coz am an upcoming artist and would like some mentorship.
The I so love the new feel and look for and glitz so is g ythin Ever . mag Insyder glamour. I have to rush coz we are letter reading the mag and writing this Tah. Tah n. lesso during a C.R.E
George Mugambi.
Neddy Cate M.G Hae Skool.
Sup G,
Hey gal,
Invite us for a funkie in your skool and you will get a chance to meet these celebz yourself on a one to one basis. And you never know…All the best
So hilarious. Toodles! iMC.
iMC.
ART CORNER Hi iQru,
ce to show wing artists a chan ing underground dra giv art is my z for co ll ya irit up sp e big sam I must continue with the ll wi u yo m Chania pe fro e ho I off their skills. er skool. Major lov I hope to pursue aft t tha e lov d an on passi Hae fraternity. o Bee Junior Orinah. Chan Hey Jr. We are so glad that
you love art. Keep it
Search: The Insyder Magazine on Facebook to connect with The Insyder Magazine and holla at us all your comments.
Slang’ Corner Word: Kuuma Udosi Origin: Changez Meaning:Kudoze/Sleeping As used in a sentence
1. Maze Pascal alishikwa na Mr. Mbai akiuuma
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July 2011
Prince Pinto Charles Bestest mag ever been known to mankind.Wordup! Ramadhan Dzombo We want 2 have u fabulous guys please come down and rock with us in coast saint George’s high school.Love u big. Dennis Kartel U r the dopest!!! Mad lav Purity Njeri Karanja I like your mag coz iko yuu tu sana Ronney Rút Øh Ati hundred and fifty baab?!!! Hata mki hike I will still buy coz it’s too niiiice! Fredrick Kelvin Njoroge Oh,When I think of you, My happiness is triggered, I dream of you always, And hope to see myself, On the face of your beauty, Oh, Insyder.
up!
iMC
udosi daro.
connect
playboy’s life is always adventurshe might use the same text against ous. Just like some chiquittaz play you. For sure she will comfortably get hard to get, it’s also the same her revenge. way hard to dump them. But why should Meanwhile, you can decide to be a you have one babe with all the beauties gentleman and inform her personally. in this world. Men! Life can be this good. But what will happen when she starts As ThaDogg Master, you cannot have crying or leaks your secrets? TheDogg the time for all the chiquittaz you have Master is proud and doesn’t entertain had in your life. In addition, the list is such scenarios. If you are bold, you can long such that it will be hard to continue still go ahead with a good strategy to funding dates of all honniez and their inform her. relationships. Furthermore, they will ‘eat’ First, you can think of a place you can into your time. You need to drop them take her. Of course she will be expecting immediately you are done for the new the best but who cares? A private place adventures. is a better option since no one will be There are several ways to dump your watching the aftermath. girlfriends. So far, “drifting away” has A public place can also be good because been the traditional method. You start many people around means less drama by gradually reducing the times you call or tears. After informing her you can get her; you don’t keep the promises and up and walk away quickly. This will help change into ‘emotionally unavailable’. you not be part of the problem. She will definitely get the message and But before that, you should as well think step out. of what you will tell her. If she is used However, you can as well be a coward to guyz or she can’t just leave you, you and write her a letter or text message. might decide to suggest you become But don’t assume it will be easy as friends and get her a gift. Something stated in the ‘divorce’ text message. She like a goodbye souvenir She will want to might as well think of a better method cling. So keep your distance before she of coming back to win you again. That’s grips and dumps you like a hot potato. why ThaDogg Master doesn’t do this. In addition, he knows a text is e? Having babe problems & need advic good evidence. When you go back, Prezident Send your questions to the Playa syder.com himself Mr. T-9 on yuaholla@thein or write to him at The Playa Prezident P.O Box 51634-00200 Nairobi
Z LA EA D ER D Y S IN E TH IN JO ! N O TI ATEEN W
ant to make ca$h while you’re still in skool? You’re in luck coz The Insyder is
Word: AGM Origin: Buru Gee Meaning: Anti Gich Machine As used in a sentence
1. OMG, Nkatha is such an AGM she never gets the easiest of jokes!
recruiting new student distributors to join its exclusive Insyder Dealaz Team.
Are you a street wise hustler with the right connects and influence in your skool? Does the expression that chic/dude is so damn persuasive they can sell milk to a cow apply to you? Can you ensure that every cool teenie in your skool religiously gets their monthly copy of The Insyder Magazine? If your answer to all these questions is Yes! Yes! Yes! Prove to us that you’re the person that we are looking for by asking your skoolmates (even teachers) to nominate you for the job! The individual with the highest number of nominations will earn themselves a one-way ticket .
ol: p on your scho ve us the scoo gi e, in az ag n. m w low do feature in the eps and all the If you want to nkie, coolest pe : fu on t es up tt us ho it e Th get set spill! H On your mark om .c er yd ns yuaholla@thei 002, SMS: 0718 000 yder.com ns ei www.theinsyder.com .th w Online: ww
Send your application, with your name, skool and contact information to jimmy@theinsyder.com or Insyder Dealaz at P.O. Box 51634-00200.
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July 2 0 1 1
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EVER
WONDER
i On Hoods
SOUTH Best
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Isn’t it time Sana chucked a new song or how many versions of ‘Najuta’ will we hear? Still at it now that she is back with Manga bado anajuta? Nicole Scherzinger, Jojo, Beyonce, Jlo who’s next on the comeback list…Amani? Lazy song’ remix by Alaine & Bruno Mars should we expect a Denyque Beiber collabo? Still on Bruno, will he be a billionaire at this rate with his lazy song? Is Exodus to Stardom show (KBC) the gospel version of Bongo star search? When will Rih and Bey ever collabo? With the end of Oprah
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Ian buys for iQru Annie&Dallah Bill movies at Rocker Feller
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iQru Dallah Bill chillz with South B teeniez
show, is Tyra the new queen of talk show? Is Lady Bee Kenya’s bad gyal? Nikita vs. the Event? How many remixes of ‘Motivation’ will Kelly Rowland do after Weezy, R. Kelly and Michelle before she lets go? Now that Uppah went on strike during mid-term, will guys be punished for sneaking back into school? Will face book and twitter go head to head for its fans? Who has ever seen Nicki Minaj’s real hair? Don’t you just ‘Likey Likey’ STL’s track? Was Lady Gaga born that way? Is Kim Kardashian a long lost twin to Nicole Schezinger? Someone say, ”Dentist!” to Marya Now that every Teenie likes Black Blingers, what is FBI gonna do? Arrest them for Blinging? where is C-zar?
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Hood Hoppin’ by Annie Wambita
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The Insyder takes you on a fantastic voyage to the hoods or mtaas that rock. i On Hoods, a column that gives you the full 411 on the coolest hoods in Kenya. This month, the eye was on The South –South B. This is all you need to know about southing with the best.
Ian from Jahmu repn’ South B
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Andrew’s Clothing
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Steward
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Am Still Waiting
Food Joints: Mumz ya phase 4 and Spears Vumira House.
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Movies: The illest joint to get the latest vibe on movies and series is at Rocker Fellers just at the Junction ukienda Highway Complex ama catch a movie on big screen at Fox Theatre at Capital Centre (CC).
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Cyber: To check out your emails and the latest gossip on the internet Cyber Palace Café hapo Shoppie is the joint.
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Bangaiza Corner: It goes without saying the true jobless corner is at Shoppie Bus Stop.
Teeniez chilling at Capital Centre
Coolest Mathreez: There was a time when South B mats were the talk of town but as for now Steward is holding it for now. Shopping: When thinking of pimping your closet if you are not shopping at Mr. Price Capital Centre you are at Andrew’s Clothing pale corner ya Sana Sana will always have your back. Hood within a Hood: What some fresh air Diamond pack huko nyuma ya Balozi got. These peeps are clean and neat. Big up yourself!
iQru taken for lunch at Spears
forward to going into media then Institute of Mass Communication is the place to go. Hae Skoolz: The biggest skoolz repn’ this hood is AWA and Highie. We here they pretend they have beef but kumbe wana love for each other. Celebz: South B is like the home of all celebrities as of now. From dudes like OJ, Kevin a.k.a Sean of Changing Times, Smitta Smitten to duddettes like Avril and Tanya. So who is moving in soon?
Collez: If you pack in B and you are looking
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South B has a Fox theatre at CC Highie
19 Mass Comm
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Ashez
Awa
Hood in a hood goes to Diamond Park
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Action reaction
UNDERCOVER BROTHER
CAN YoU DigG it!! BLACK ROCK ROCKED
Girls take over a boy’s skool
Patch crushing for the pix.
Miss Komothai Bee
The first runners up
is it legal! Caro Wambui-the second runners up
some artwork -played out! harging up for game! Msongari Honniez Saints and Hannas at work
Dudes are known to be bold and aggressive. However, during Miss Komothai Bee things have not the same. The visiting skools Kabare Gee and Muthurwa Gee proved that when two girls’ schools unite, then dudes take cover! The undercover bruv has to say that Komo Bee has a case to answer. They had good music and good materials for the day if the skits and other presentations the honniez had were to be considered then good is an overstatement! John 404 said that they were shy. But sure you can’t invite a guest and let her take over. That’s not shy, that’s just getting gassed! The chiquittaz not only landed but they took over the funky, developed the funky and managed it
competently! With a maad psyche, they won all the competitions from dancing, rapping, mchongoano to singing. Reason being? The dudes were like paka’s had been nyeshewad! Ama, you guys are not used to such hot mama’s visiting? Lmao! At one point the dudes were so mad confused they waited to go on stage a group of mamas just breezed by them and performed before them! Wharrrrr…. If I was in Komo Bee I would never again sing the school anthem with my hand to my chest or my head held high. Infact until they redeem themselves, if you see a Komo Bee guy swaggering just giggle. Hii ilikuwa kaa msee kuja kwenyu achukue remote
awake news na-akuulize, “utado?” And with no TA’s so whats your excuse Komo?Lakini if that was your plan all along then you guys shindad, the funkie really rocked! Tena sana But for real was it your funkie ama Kabare Gee and Muthurwa Gee had hired your hall? Hilda 204 Kabare was crowned as Miss Komo, Sera (304) Kabare Gee and Caro Wamboi taking the first and second runners up respectively. If you are in Kabare Gee or Muthurwa Gee, please hit us up and for sure we will throw an insyder funkie in your skool, you chiquitas are just too fresh! Toooooooo fresssssssh!
FLOETRY FURY
MFA
Saints cats celebrate afer winning the cup
Blackrock never diasappoints as a funkie.....this year was no diffrent, Black rock was a blast plus Saints WON!
T
his year’s theme was ‘Rocking Black.’ The 2011 gala also saw international entrance by Hanna Mixed School from Uganda(lol! Hannah). Hannah won this year’s national seven aside school games in Uganda. Hannah ( I can’t stop saying that) is got mob Kenyan’s notably Patrick Maina, Kelvin Macharia and Alex Mureithi among others. The Kenyan players attracted a large following especially from the PBs’. being UG champs really meant they were good which was visible when theyeasily qualified past the qualification stages then beat Mang’u at the quarters, and rolled past Patch in the Semis to book a date at the finals. Blackrock has always been about the rugby first then the party after or atleast watch the rugby while we party. THAT DONE CHANGED SON! Mang’u and Patch were lucky that there were a few dudes cheering every body else was in the
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village getting DOWN! . So the fans, showed up for the finals, like they alays do and what a finals it was! unlike Hannah the other finalist didnt just sroll into the finals! it was an uphill task to even get through qualifications. then they had to go through Rossylyn and Hillcrest for a chance to get at Hannah (lmao! thats a hilarious school name, for real). So this was it, the finals, the chilez all gathered together on the sidelines ready to cheer!, dudes on the sidelines hoping they had played ruge for saints....... Both sides started strong untill the Kenyans fifth minute pressure overwhelmed the Ugandan, Hanna Mixed resulting in a try from Richard Kamau that was converted by Samuel Oliech. It was too early to predict the winner but the Kenyan side was now holding the Ugandans in their half . At the seventh minute Philip Wakoranji from
the visiting side capitalized on a small blander from the Kenyan side to get through a porous wall created by the Saints to make a try. Mike Ouma converted the try making the scores to stand at 7- 7. Two minutes before the game could end; Richard Kamau made another stunning try. The try was converted by Samuel Oliech making the final score 14-7. They became the darlings of many with Cianda Chiquittaz shouting, “Number 8 will you be my boyfriend!” Msongari could not hold it anymore; they ran after the saints for photo sessions when the game ended. Strathmore collected the spoils by winning the Plate while Jamu won the Bowl. Hidden Talent won the girl’s category. Upper were kicked out at the knockout stages. They left the Saints compound even before the finals started. Sore losers!
Red Corner Jina ya Gova: Wilson John Msanii: Wilcy Track: illest kid Reppin: Rangez (Njiris School) Am fly like the Insyder Damsels everywhere wanna see me on the Insyder Hustlin for my cheddar Don’t mess with them ranger Rolling with the i-Qru Clear the way we’re coming through Yes I’m fantastic lemmi say exotic Chiqittaz attracting me like I’m static Haterz wanna pause nikiroll na maflow Coz nikishika mic he next thing ni court case Accused of killing it I know y’all feeling it
Blue Corner
Jina ya Gova: Rashid Msanii: Incredible Ray Track: Kitu Kali Reppin: Koelel Kitu kali kama Insyder kuliko war fighter Ka una like then we ni insider Ka una ichukia we ni outsider Tuna mafans wengi hadi ma Al-Qaida Ikojuu kiindustry hadi ya ma writer Hata kwa hotels ina somwa na ma waiter Bila kusahau mafans wengine kama ma weider Nilianza kuichop 24th September Na siwezi ku surrender juu nishapenda Mambo gwan kama selector Tuishikilie vinoma na ma suspender
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Blackrock festival 5
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Blackrock 1.We be chilling maiiin! 2. Woiya Mang’u. 3. The black swag was well represented 4. Hae Breed 5. RVA pamoja 6. Msoh-licious 7. Two is company, three is... 8.The cool clique 9. Hot Sauce 10. Friends forever 11. Gimme gimme gimme 12. Posing for the picharazzi! 13.
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Simple but sassy 14. Haina Wass! 15. For some, getting the new monkey style was a challenge
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Ed’s head
ANSWER BITCH
TECH-NO SHADES: GET OUTTA HERE!!
My girlfriend is close to my pals
Usher
T-Pain
better yet get your miserable self a dude! I hate you! Edgar Dear Edgar, Wait, who mailed who? Who reads my shallow disses? Who is looking for my attention to stay relevant? You can’t answer? I thought so! Get a grip loser! AB Flo-Rida
Ssup Bitch Ain’t it fascinating with the major flips in the music industry. Everybody is doing Techno from Flo-Rida, T-Pain, Usher you know name it. Could this mean we are to expect a revolution in music? Sort me out AB coz you claim to know everything. Chris Chris Does the line ‘Everybody hates Chris’ sound familiar? Of course not! Techno is the new isht since you are shady we will excuse you for now. Get with the program dude this is so five years ago. Just to remind you celebz set the trends not you in a million years. AB Dear AB, What really your problem with all your shallow disses. Are you mental by any chance or just looking for cheap attention to stay relevant? Find something creative to do or 14
July 2011
Ssup Bitch, Whoever told Jaguar that he can sing totally lied to him. I don’t get what the fuss with Kigeugeu. He sounds like he is in the loo suffering from so serious indigestion. He needs to go back to the drawing board. I know you feel me on this. Kerrie I don’t get why you are going ape crazy, where are you with your songs? At least he is getting paid and I am getting paid for bitching. Kigeugeu is a dope song with tight meaningful lyrics and if you can’t see this, go back to the drawing board. AB Hi Bitch, I want to be on the cover of the Insyder, how can I get in? This is my dream come true just help me pliz. Jerry Jerry Nkt! AB
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The honey I am seeing is very close to my pals. She spends most of the time with them when am not around. But I am sure they can’t do anything. We have dated for the last seven months but we have known each other for more than five years. Please help. John
First John you should understand that friendship is built on trust. Being your friends you understand them better. Her being your girlfriend you must also have understood her by now. She might be hanging out with them because she is missing you or she likes the company. She might be hanging out with them because she wants you to prove that while you were away, she was safe with them. But have you ever talked about the issue? You also need to talk and find out why? But don’t assume. They might take advantage of your absence to cheat on you. If she won’t cheat on you with them it will be to your advantage. You will know that she is worthy to trust. But if she messes it will still be much better. You will have known her and pull out. Above all be a man stop being jealous. www.theinsyder.com
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The July Beauty Galore 16
July 2011
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Sniper
Sniper
SUPER ISSUE FOR A SUPER FUNKIE
BEAT DOWN Not only were they beaten on the pitch but Patcherians were also so dry on the honiez! These cats had to hang out with palz coz no chiquittaz were no feeling their vibe. They were claiming it’s becoz they were Barbie chics. This made the Sniper wonder if they were claiming that the skoolz they had been vibing were ghetto. Warning ladies if a Patcherian halaz at you it sayz a lot. Then came the AQ brotherz whom the Sniper now understands why they
were thwacked on the pitch so hard that they gave up and went to dance by the party rig. AQ had t-shirts instead of strong polo shirts that are normally won while playing rudge. The Sniper cannot refute that Saints is an ill team but we still can’t make out how they won considering all their ‘mazoezi’ are done lying down on the ground. I mean, after a proper whooping by Hannah Skool whom the Sniper has vowed never to cross paths with Phillip the wonder boy we can only conlude that it’s Saints Team
spirit that got ‘em through! The loosing teams were not the only ones who got a beat down. Some Parky Bee thug had his dayz numbered when he tried to thug a Msoh chic. They might be Msohlicious but these hottiez are just as tough. They managed to get the guy who was twice their size and give him a good face slap before they got the security to take him to the cop station. Beware; you do not want the Sniper to mark you!
We BFF’s and we look good
Wewe
Ungem United
Saints peeps got a chance to chill with 9Con and they all look good Wow but shinny naah!
Busy as a bee
Shika huyo mwizi
So Ecentric
Black Rock Baiby
Hannah skool promise to slaughter Saints dudes
First aid after being beaten by Hidden Talent chics
We BFF’s and we look good Patch got no company
Eh,its cold but let me pretend to be hot Do not diss your skool especially when you have a wardrobe mulfanction
Shoree get Shorty
SCENE: SAINTS FUNKIE: BLACK ROCK 2011 FASHION GALORE It was amazing that guyz turned out in awesome numbers and the event was fashion packed. Though the weather was cold some peeps were willing to freeze
and shine as long as they were looking hawt! There was one chiquitta who probably got the memo that Black Rock was a fishing event coz she came rolled up in an 80’s net outfit. I mean, who still does fishnet tops unless they were looking forward to barbequing their own body.
We did it again
Real galz play rugby
I Love Babes
Hold me and don’t let go
Easich Hae
Ungem peeps teach 9Con how to do the Naija dance
Coz I’m a big deal
Spider’s web
CRY BABY CRY
The Sniper had to walk with tissue for teams like Strath and Jahmu who did not believe that they did not win. Simple advice from the Sniper is that Jahmu should begin by changing their yellow and black uniform. We know black and yellow might be the isht now but your combie just looks like a buzzing bee outfit so maybe if you change it you will not get stung as much! Strathmore Strathmore Strathmore, lyrics from your own anthem I hope singing it while hugging each other helped you feel much better. Better luck next time. Samuel who protected his head three quarters of the game did help you at look at least skilled so big up yo’ self!
Parky Gee went Ninja
July 2011
Treat her like a lady
Put the bag down bro
Ungem just before they started hustling Brookhouse honiez
We BFF’s and we look good
Strath’s Samueli better run away fast Let’s just be friends
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Wonder why they hepa you
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Ebu let’s dance before these AQ guyz come and take over the stage
Jaguar changed his uniform
Size 8 brought ‘em some fire Peeping Tom at the window
Honorable mention Apparently, Beaver babes (Mama Ngina Girls, coasto) gave Aga Khan guys a lift in their bus to Science Congress yet the jammaz instead of at least trying to return favor, kept on ignoring the mamaz the entire funkie and hiding whenever a camera man aimed their direction. They totally wanted nothing to do with Beaver honniez. Beaver have not taken this matter lightly since then. They have gone to the extremes of saying Aga Khan should be on their knees for reconciliation as they (Beaver) are now a natio meaning their status has been upgraded and they don’t have time for wanna be barbies like them! We keep telling you the sniper is always watching…….beware! www.theinsyder.com
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FUNKIEVYBE SHOW
i-QRU has been on a roll hitting upstate skoolz with Fanta under the new slogan ‘More Fanta, Less Serious’. Some peeps have really impressed us and mos def we going back again. Others however…….The score’s are in, muji-pime!
FUNKIEVYBE SHOW
Funkie: Fun Day la Scene: Saints Ya Score: 52% Grade: C
The plains of Yala saw a rather slow interesting afternoon. From the unique breakdancing by 3D dancers, mchongoano, and rap battles to the non-stop riddim dance sessions, there was nothing much these cats
Wasee wasee ..eeh! Unacheki hu mse...eeh.
We are! Yes we said it...we are 3D! Preparations for Face of Beaver
Funkie: Face of Beaver Scene: Mama Ngina Girls, Coasto Score: 90% Grade: A
They treated Dallah to a tuk tuk ride Tsk Tsk...trust a Beaver mama.
Even the Org. chica was caught on the darting fever...ndani ya box
3Dbreaking their bones away
the stage with some Sheik Khalifa dudes hit making them win serious chakacha moves rting was on ana Da up! gro the best dance make it more interhigh level and to even …can you imagine! wa Kis in s esting, it wa at a gal garra do and wh One chica had to do small note that ka a via ber num a ask for TSK! ds! han ng landed in the wro not invited and we re we es dud n Kha Aga bad air between the found out that there is
the low down…..) two skools. (sniper has s gave an electrifyNeck of the hood dancer the best female g nin win nce ing performa asto is blazing Co in t dance group. The hea mad love and respect hot in all aspects and kie was off the fun The m. to the org. tea ing back for com hook and we definitely ! ies lad up more! Big
Big man Collins had something to show his peeps
This funkie was full of surprises like crazy. We met all sorts of fellaz and we must say KH is well endowed. We came across Collins Ondeu probably the tiniest and sweetest dude around. He is the love center of attention of KH, you might mistake him for a baby class kid but his swagga and confidence levels are admirable. Then there was this dude (Levis) whose rapping is between Twista and Eminem and blew the crowd away. One shocker was told to name three i-Qru members only Do or die...musical chair for him to shout back “Mejja, Size 8 and Dallas”; he didn’t hear the end of booing from mad peeps, LOL! The acrobats’ were on point and treated us to some cool fresh tricks. Musical chairs in KH is a
Levis a.k.a Em, Twista blazing it up!
The beauties...tam tam
Soon it was easy..chini kwa chini NDOMBOLO!!
Aki ningependa kutuma salamu....Seriously?
Shake it..cmon shake it
Queen of Limbo dance Jane Njeri...shorty gettin low He had no option but throw em’ lines via the window since she coun’t come out
Maybe we aren’t meant for each other
Fanta fanatics Face of Beaver
dead or alive kinda musical chairs! The participants were ready to kill each other just to win. Chairs broke, guys fell and fists charged…easy boys it’s just a game you know! The rugby team was not left behind as the loosened up to give a terrific routine dance of Fally Ipupa’s sexy dance, one word; WHOA! The highlight of the less seriousness was the skool captain ‘Skanga’ (Ben Onsasi) who took on imitating the teachers with different tone variations, walking/standing styles! It was so hilarious we almost pissed on our pants. We thought these cats would bore us to death but word is…we had fun just up your game a little!
Then got the flow...and Braaarp!
They watched from a distance...
Funkie: Fun Day Scene: Nyabu (Nyabururu Gee.) Score: 78% Queen of the dancehall (Lisa) showing a SC dude how to Grade: B+ dunda At first we thought we were in a dude skool as all the mamaz have short hair, but these mamaz take the cup in Kissiland. The energy was mwenda! The dancing on point! The showdown was between Nyabu and Senior Chief Kegati that Nyabu won to join the Fanta team in an earth shuttering Lingala dance. There was one fella from SC Kegati who upon winning a bag decided to start tumain’ salaams to his pals! Dude was booed and almost chapwad. He
Mmmhhh....
www.theinsyder.com
Full Riddim swagga on a roll
Oh boy! Skanga (skool Capu) cracked our ribs silly
Neck of the Hood gettin jiggy with it.
July 2011
The scramble for Fanta lol
Funkie: Fun Day High) Scene: KH (Kisii Score: 59% Grade: C +
The acrobats gave a superb show
20
Safaricom wakikuona wana sema hatuko na wewe”. For a first time, we must say they were a bit low…let’s hope they were just lonely and this is not the usual case.
Ok..this is the deal ...I love you both..so now
s ranks atoto wazuri ka nini! Thi kiez so fun t les coo the of one as came olz sko e Nin m. far this ter e of Beaver 2011 fac the s nes wit to h throug hawt Anita Mulonza that saw the sassy and Beaver honniez e. bugging the coveted titl Year’ contest for the of t sho ‘Big even had a antha WairSam es. bab all the big beautiful t chakacha ugh ll tho imu won the title. If y’a ng as wro t ugh tho you g, was a chic thin
W
put on the table for us to sample. One thing for sure is that they know how to have fun on their own despite wifey Ng’iya Gee not being around. They had the sickest mchongoanos like “wewe ni mblack hadi
Phew...this is how low I can get
however did not give up the mic to the MC as he sought to drop some ‘sexy’ rhymes to the mamaz who count take it further and decide to throw stuff at him. Lisa queen of Nyabu was the babe to look out for. Her dancing prowess made her win the limbo dance on the lowest level to the admiration and failure of many. SC Kegita dudes were overheard plotting on how to vibe her. Randomness is when you decide to have a catwalk session on the bball court
Not even shoes could stop them from the catwalk
bare feet…yes it was weird but interesting especially when a dude from SC hit the catwalk with his diva walk, the ladies went wild. We love Nyabu’s guts why lie! The funny thing we noticed was that Nyabu mamaz end every word with ‘o’ say bigo for big ups, Fanto for Fanta but with their hit songs being Katenga and Pretty Gal (get physical) one cannot get any less shocked! Not bad galz! www.theinsyder.com
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street style
ipe Stripes Are R
udes can be Playing with longitudes and latit patterns to the just are pes so much fun. Stri do they be rocked this season. Not only look rt sma a confuse the eye but have tagged on ‘em.
Gives You The Freedom Fun quiz
SED ARE YOU SUPER OBSES WITH YOU BOO? Do your other friends know about your crush? A. Like duh! Every thought of him him/her B. Not really, only my close pals
Going for a party with your pees? A hot stripped dress will just work fine. Dudes can rock ‘em in pin stripped shirts and throw in a bright tee for a casual look Denim stripped dress: 1,800 blings
To kill him on your first date go for a sassy slim fitting stripped sweater and heels to show how confident you can be.
For a polite day to the movies with yo’ galz, a stripped dress top with shorts or tights is a must! Stripped vest dress top: 1400 blings
Stripped scarfs or fedora hats are for the fashion concious brotherz!
Do you force to exchange FB passwords? A. Yeah, you only refuse if you hiding something B. Nah! That’s his/her personal space
Have you stalked your boo any time? A. Ok, all the time but I do it for fun B. I only stalk strangers, I know my boo
Stripped scarf:1,000 blings Stripped Fedora: 1,500 blings
You are totally obsessed with your boo. Every minute you are not together you worry about who he/she is with. You are the Dan & Serena (Gossip Girl) kinda love that ends so badly with a nasty heartbreak. Grey striped pants: 2,000 blings Stripped kicks: 2,200 blings Pink tee: 800 blings
Low cut stripped shirt: 1,800 blings
All items available at:
Striped pants the best switch from everyday jeans. Toppled on stripped plimsolls or old skool it becomes more of style than fashion.
July 2011
www.theinsyder.com
How many times do you call/text or post on your boo’s FB wall in a day? A. 8-10 times a day B. Wait for them to call and reciprocate
Do you know all your boo’s friends? A.Yes, even just his buddies B. Only the ones he/ she has introduced me to
If a hot girl/boy talks to your boo, do you feel jealous? A. They will not even get a chance to start talking B. I’m number one…no one comes before one right?
Do you feel tense when he/she talks on phone for a long time? A. Yes, worse even when I call and it’s engaged. B. No, it may be one of his boys/girls so no cause for alarm
Do you question him a lot about his/her activities especially at funkiez? A. I hang out with him all funkiez B. Funkiez are for socializing not specializing
Whatever Winnie/Will
Honest Hellen/Henry
Black stripped shirt: 1,800 blings
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Do you check his/her phone to see texts and call history whenever you get a chance? A. All the time even in my thoughts B. Hell no, i ain’t insecure
Clingy Cindy/Chris
For the mysterious brother, a black stripped shirt is a wardrobe neccessity.
Va va vum chics always know how to flaunt by rocking a stripped casual shirt rude gal style and a touch of denims can never go wrong.
start
Q&A
Serena & Dan (Gossip Girl)
Obsession is for insecure people who are not honest with each other. For you, the whole point of being in a relationSilver & Dickson ship is the honesty bit and if this is not there then it ain’t working. You live by the mantra; ‘there is you, me and then us’. You put emphasis on the ‘us’ part only just like Silver & Dickson (90210)
You clearly give your boo his personal space. You live by the mantra ‘whatever’ and not that you don’t care but you are just careful not to invest your emotions so much into it. You love is long lasting kinda love even if you break up…typical Shaffie and Debbie.
Shaffie and Debbie.
Q. How long can I wear the OB tampon? A. The tampon should never be worn for more than eight hours at a stretch. In any case, it is likely that the tampon gets full before then. If it is still not full even after eight hours, you should definitely switch to a lighter tampon. It is best if you start with mini or regular size tampon. Change around five or six hours to check if the Ob is full you should give the thread of the tampon a slight tug. If it feels as though it can easily slide out, it means that it is full. If the tampon stays on firm, it means that you can wear it for some more time. If the tampon is full within three and a half to four hours, you may need to switch to a more absorbent size. www.theinsyder.com
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CHANIA BEE
Patty (404) to Lucie Muruiki (404) Karoti Gee Pole kwa mabaya yaliyokutendekea. Next time ukikuja we’ll purchase another phone. Otherwise miss you big. Patty (404) to Julie (3040) Komothoi Gee Was silence the answer? Eric Hunoytong (404) to Bianca Nannay (404) Mugoiri Gee Kill the silence mrembo. Kevin Kibuku (304) to Vygnett Shesh (304) Katichia Gee Love you vi gwannest. Sammy G (404) to Essy (304) Choxx Break the silence gal! Sammy G (404) to Rahb (204) Boma I love you major. Sammy G (404) to Njeri (404) Naivasha Gee Chop hard and take care gal. Stevo (404) to Christine (404) Mt. Carmel Forever in my heart coz you are the sweetest. Marto (404) to Joy (404) St Gee I love you and will always do. Ray Collo (404) to Eurellah Mary (304) Mount Still waiting for the big thing. Fasly Ididi (404) to Sharon Muthoni (404) Oasis Gee Keep it locked. Gabson Jr (204) to Rebikitar Becky (204) Karoti Gee You be the sweetest thing in my life. Mbugua (204) to Emily (204) Birithia Always love you. Dixie (204) to Cecelia (204) Lockwood Gee I love you big. Kenne (404) to Shiku (404) Mungu Always on my mind. Ian (204) to Joyce (204) Tito Always on my mind. Karanja (304) to Trizah Wangui (204) Quabbz Love You! Nyash (404) to Mercy (204) Mesmerized by your looks. Collins (404) to Dana BG (304) You are the only one for me. Patty (204) to Shee (304) Kihu Best cuzo ever and sweetest pal for life. Say hi to Purity and tell her maringo apunguze! Ray Collo (404) to
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Leah (304) Pangoe Usinyamaze sana Katesh (404) to JB Mugoiri You are the only one. Mwendia (404) to Christine (304) MFA Lanet Break the silence. Kabaku (404) to Juliana (404) Marry Immaculate Best palz forever. Martin Mugo (404) to Angie Karuiki Buru Gee Cuzo, keep it rock forever. Martin Mugo (404) to Maryam Abubakar Qubarr Academy You know you are the love of my life, ama? Work hard! Reuben Guchu (404) to Angie Wanjiku Gatanga Brown Wassup, how you doing? Reuben Guchu (404) to Juliet G.G Choxx Friends forever. Sniper (404) to Braisy (304) Tumutumu Gee Bado sisemi kitu. James Njuguna (404) to Nelly Njeri Rwathia Friends for life, ama? Mob Love XOXO. Dennis Mbuthia (Maxzim) to Saumu Nassin Tumutumu Love loud and clear. Mathew Faymat (404) to Sylvia Wainaina Muthiga Gee Life with you was an experience. Brian Karanja (304) to Afroniah Wanjiru (304) Kibz Gee Hope you are fine… until next time! David Karanja (304) to Loura Kena (204) Alliance Gee Miss you big swiry. Philip Murage (204) to Cynthia Wambui (204) Tumutumu Gee Break the silence hun! Ian Mithia (204) to Vanessa (204) Mahiga Gee Love you big sweets! David Ranjulitu (304) to Lennah Nyambura Graceland Gee Miss you big sweets and please break the silence. James karoki (304) to Juck Stankovich Kahawa Garison Chop hard maze! Ian Waweru (304) to Stacious Pangoe Love you much. David Karanja (304) to Trizzah Wangui (204) Quabbz I know your legs are too tired coz you are always running in my mind!
NG’IYA GEE
Fay Uhuru (304) to Yunia Sandra (304) Lwak Gee Hey bad gyal, how is Rafiki? I’m sure he is really yearning for you. Hahaha.Cherished. Yvonne (304) to Allen
July 2011
accumulation of easy things that should have been done last week. Joanne to Erique Gordon (304) Changez We share one thing in common and guess what? It is …oops! Next time Sgaron Bella (304) to Fred Dete Wassup cuzo kwani ni how? Must I send a Cadbury SMS ‘I miss you’ ndiyo urealise nimekumiss? Pay me a visit some time and break the silence. Winny Ojwang (304) to Trevor Mnyun (104) Chianda Aje bro. I wish you good times in skool and jitokeze outings kibao! Becky (304) to Lucy (304) Hospital Hill This Dec I will be home so nongojee! Store a big warm hug for me sis. Miss you most. Dianah Dee (304) to Marie Claire (304) Lockwood Gee Try to do your best and will inspire to do the rest. Love you! Mitchy (304) to Rodgers (304) Ukwala Bee If you mean it do it. Crave towards achieving your goal. Mobest love! Faith Uhuru (304) to Marion Akinyi & Joy Ocholla (304) Boma Life can be unthinkably cruel and lonely if you try to do it all by yourself. Love y’all peeps. Nicki Winki (304) to Saints Yala Get ready to mingle boyz coz the bond has been revived.Yeah! Rebz (304) to Anto Abat (304) Usenge Bee Lucy alikugotea. Be a struggler so not to end up as a hustler. Yvonne (304) to Samson (204) Maseno If you wanna go high you must first go deep. Lotsa XOXO! Diannah Dee (304) to Onyi (304) Maranda Miss you very much. Joan (304) to Francis (304) Bush Bee Hallo friend! Faith Uhuru (304) to Joe (304) Maseno Hey! Kwani are you dead and extinct? Fungua roho yako na ongea. Stay fly! Sharon B to Anto Abat (304) Usenge Incase today was a world secret day, you know what I would tell you. So find out! Nicki Winky (304) to Rita Emmaculate St. James Sema small sis, I have missed you so keep that in mind until next holz. Mitchy (304) to Alphone (104) KB Sky is never the limit so aim higher.
Benta (304) to Dennis (304) Ambira What goes around comes around. Winnie (304) to Clive (204) Ambishe Chop hard bro, life ni gwann. Shish (304) to Shem (404) Saints Yala Never mind, coz you will come to appreciate it all. Grace Abungu (304) Turphosa Ochieng (304) Lwak Gee Howz life there? Chop smart. Maureen (304) to Prince Oduor (204) Kanga Hi guy mbwaku. Kama ni vector ya kukimya nimepiga saluti. Lourine (304) to Ann (304) K.G Hi friend, I hope you have kepy your promise. Lydia (304) to Dary Omondi (204) Maranda Halla cuz. I wish you fantabulous moments at skool. Cheer up and soma. Shez Winnie (304) to John (304) Jamhuri Baby you got me, and I aint going nowhere. I’ll be in your arms and go nowhere but up. Shez Cyndy Achola (304) to Winnie Achieng (104) Mbaga Gee Chop smart sis. Life is not a bed of roses. Georgyne (304) to Elvis (304) Moi Ulema Still remembering you. Edith (304) to Sylvia (304) Mary Hill Gee Hope to hear from you soonest. Mildred Monica(304) to Chris Anthony I love you bro. Bro and sis for life. Gotea that ka chic of yours. Poa! Dianah Gisoi (304) to Dennis Ombaki Mang’u Distance never separates a heart that cares. Mwaaahest! Yvonne (304) to Nancy (404) Buru Gee All great achievements require time and persistence. Chop smart gyal. Faith Uhuru (304) to Clinton Sylvester (404) Saints Yala You know saints are sinners who kept going. Hahaha! Stay fly Jannice (304) to Gerald (104) Rangz Bee Furahia maisha bro. Rebecca (304) to Martin Wanga (404) Katch Bee Emotionally sick? Take panalove. If symptoms persist seek emotional advice. Long time no see, where are you? Charlene (304) to Austine (304) St. Mary’s Yala Take love without hatred. Winny Ojwang (304) to Bill Onaya (204) Jahmu We!! Umenyamaza kwa nini? Sipendi so halla at times. Joanne (304) to Christine Karosi (304) St. Cecilia Misikhu Gee
Niaje msupa, remember you need to return the favour. Adios my amigo! Diana (304) to Freddy Jairo (304) Maranda Opportunity knocks but it has never been known to turn the knob and walk in. If you are ready then… Lydia (304) to Rose Bella (404) Lwak Gee Wish you success in your studies bana. Chop smarter . Friends forever. Alice Neccy (304) to Veronica Nduko Makau (404) Miss you big. Always
Quabbz
Nelly (404) to Oscar and Alex Mac Bee (404) Y’all peeps have gone dup! wea r U?? I miss you! Mwix (404) to Kevo (404) Patch I jus miss ua presence! Barbara (404) to Saha (404) AQ Wassup, miss ya bigtym!! Ida (204) to Anto (404) Ditchez Aki nimekuhata vizii, stay fly. Zena (204) to Miguel (404) Jahmu Long tym no talk! Break da silence. Miss ya bigtym. Cynthia Mwash (304) to Sammy Ongash (304) Texas Stop killing me with the silence you’ll make me go mad. I miss you! Nelly (404) to Edu, Karis, Sanchez, Gman and Broz (404) Uppah I love you all. Y’all don’t know how much you mean to me!! Miss you! Winnie Mumbi (304) to Sheila Wambui (104) Mary Immaculate Hope high school is what you expected and you are enjoying it. Luv you and miss you and pliz chop hard.
NEMBU GEE
Hildavan (304) to Alfred Makwabe (204) Uppah Miss ya big! Hildavan (304) to Issack Hussein (404) Ridgeways. Miss ya and luv you so much Sophie Mitto (304) to Marcus Githua (304) Its been too long. Sophie Mitto (304) to Frank Chonde Sema Frank, long time no see miss ya big tym. Primerose (304) to Nelly – Millan (404) Kathiani Always treasured. Miss you big. Deno (204) to Lynn Wambui (204) Huruma Gee Miss you a lot cutie Wambugu (204) to Farida Wacera (204) Karoti galz Gal, I’m missin u a lot. Kiss via the mail, mwaaah! Haleem (204) Changez to Darvin Ocholla (204) Quabbz Missing you big
Lumbasi Joseph (Mux Bee) to Linet (St. Mary’s Sosio) I miss you baiby I need you ryt by by ma syd. Bonnie (404) Mux Bee to Rina (304) KG Ur so xquisite. Passion ya n il always b dreamin 4 U Anastacia (304) to Marley (404) Tala High Always in my heart man Brian (Sigalame) to Lister (St. Agnes Shibuye) Cuzo miss you big Birdgal to Badman (404) Watch every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every tym I pray, al b missing you Ivy (304) to David (304) Mang’u For me to say this means u r truly special. Thanx for coming into my life at the ryt moment. I miss you. Brian (304) Sigalame to Becky (304) Butere Gal miss you big long time not seen. Harry Potter (304) Easich to Cory (304) Parky Arya If friendship was a gamble then ours is a safe bet friends forever. Babbz (404) to Nyash (404) Patch Nakupenda sana bro Winnie Mumbi (304) to Daphnie Wanjiku (404) Shiners Gee You are one in a zillion and da best siz in tha world. Chop hard and know that I miss you and that our mail box still exists. Luv ya. Ms. Nembu 09’ – 10’ (304) to all Uppahillians (404) Mob mapenzi y’all. Sophie Mitto (304) to Ken Orwa (304) Wassup! We gonna fly high Sophie Mitto (304) to Edwin Ochieng’ (304) Hi Edu, have a fab tym Sophie Mitto (304) to Mwangi Kaminju (304) I’ve got lingua for you. Cate Lila (304) to Eric Tura (304) Hi why da silence. Have a fab time. Aphline (304) to Boston (304) Maranda High. To me u are a diamond that is rare to find Primerose (304) to all Lukenya G chiqs (404) Nawamiss vishenzi. Keep it wired n chop crazy. Success. Primerose (304) to all Vyulya chiqs (304) Sijawasahau. Miss y’all big. 3B mob luv. Primerose (304) to Diana Akinyi (404) Hospital Hill I hope zile dance skills zetu bado ziko. Msi-retire kama mimi missing you Primerose (304) to Nelly B (404) Parky Njaro zako za mtaani utawacha, kumbuka wasse wako and don’t loose ur swagger. Mob luv. Winnie Mumbi (304) to Ridhwani (404) Khamisi Bee Coast.
Nakuhata tu sana and just long to see ya luv ya and keep it real lakini don’t luv to much na usahau kuchop. Success. Diane (304) to Martin (304) Lukenya Bee We ride together; we die together, best friends for life. Shaquille (204) to Darline (304) Happy Birthday Alice Nish (404) Kartvil to Bryo Mwangi (404) Thika Hae Instead of counting ua birthdays annually ill always be counting miracles blessing daily just 4 u Shiru (204) to Cele (204) Quabbz Have an extra fantabulicious b day n a year full of fun n yeh chop hard Mic Mutuku to exchangerians Thanks everyone who made my day special Crispus Owiti to Jamel Mumina Happy birthday mzee (Thaks Buda- Jimmie) Mulama Collins to Franklin Bett Bro, zeeka vizuri Charlyne to Mbatia Happy bathday swti hehe Humphrey Kilonzo to Comfort Wambui Its been so long since I saw you but I would never forget your special day Malo to Kelly Happy birthday sunshine Lawrence to Christine Happy bday Estel to Nelson I wish you the most awesomeEST day on your bday and I hope I make your year as special as I feel you are. Kunta Kinte to Courtney Muchina Im sorry I was not there at the re-union but have a swell birthday. Faith (204) Gatanga Gee to Hassan Tuzu (304) Kagumo Hae Missment. Chop vi gwan! Julie Gathoni (204) Gatange Gee to Chalo Ngatia (304 )Nyeri Hae Luv you big bro 4 life Julie Gathoni (204) Gatanga Gee to Bancy Mwangi Hey whats up! John Tallam (304) Koelel High Xul to J.J Heller (204) Pangoe Both our hearts qualify to be a theatre of romance. Gwanest love Kelvin Murai (304) Koelel High Xul to Anne (404) P.B Riruta Let u be the judge n’ am the case Jeff Kamau (404) Koelel High Xul to Carolyn Wambui (404) Loreto Limuru U make me delirious and that’s what I call serious Selestine Hugzville to Alphonse Pumu (404) You make my world go round. Mob love Caro Hugzville to Lynne Ngara
Do you/your skool want to feature on The Insyder Big-Ups corner? Send your big-ups to yuaholla www.theinsyder.com P.O Box 51634 - 00200 Nairobi or Text 0718 000002
Chop smart! We going far…mob love! Faith Hugzville to Ryan (104) Baricho Bee Miss ya cuzo Lilian Hugzville to George Lumumba (404) Ofafa Jericho Hi, miss u too much Juma Murithi (404) Buru School to Stellah Mokaya (304) Kinchez Since the day we met, never has anyone made me feel this way. Love you Dennoh Beauta (404) KI Buru School to Jecinta (404) Kiine Gee Both our hearts qualify to be a theatre of romance. Mob love Mary Hugzville to George Abedi (404) Ofafa Jerico I treasure u always. Say hi to Ken Sharon Hugzville to Laban Waichere (404) Ditchez Chop hard bwoy! Denoh (404) Kiburu to Ann (404) Tumutumu Gee Your friendship is the illest. Mob love Denoh (404) Kiburu to Edith Wanga (404) Moi Equator Keep in mind you are still the bestest. Missing you! Denoh (404)Kiburu to Angela (404) Elite Senior Sch Your kisses are hot like fire. I love you, mwaah Peris Hugzville Robin Kibisu (404) Vihiga Miss u much chop hardest! Sarah Awuor Hugzville to david Phillip Munene Parky (404) Manze! Chop hard! Life ni hard Natasha Hugzville to Anto Lenana Pamoja as always Nicole Hugzville to Bill Jamu (204) Luv u always Vivian Hugzville (Nile Road) to Bill Jamu (204) Miss you Jacky Hugzville (Nile Road) to Tuff ditches (404) Chop smart! Its nice being your friend Takerz AQ to Gilliane Parky, Givers Parky and Huruma Girls Whats up? Anto AQ to Christine and Rebecca, Kagumbiri Gee Semeni!!! Elcy Minaj Hugzville to Mathew (404) AQ Wish to see ya!!! Celishei Alabaster Hugzville to Anto ma luv (404) AQ Ma lov Celishei Hugzville to Caro and Chege AQ Chop hard maisha ni gwan Miss ya Brenda Rita (304) Luxville Gee to Stacy Washuka and Lyren (304) St Francis Mang’u You galz are da best palz one can ever get. Denoh (404) Kiburu to Ann (404) Tumutumu Gee Your friendship is the illest. Mob love You are my best pal
Reppin Patch!
Deuces baby!
Blackrock rocked with full swagga and glitz as teeniez repped their skools to the max. Check out some of the sizzlin’ pix we took at Saints.
B GUPS
(104) Maranda Hard work is usually on
Even the Beatuies rocked Blackrock
AQ Rudge Team
a section of the fans
And the Nokia dancers rocked the crowd Saints Team A and B pose with the Blackrock 2011 Cup
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hottest
a t n a F e r o M s u o i r e s s s le r u o t l o o k S
hunk
Kevin Mkuche UBA
g’etich Towett N 16 yrs tch (304) Pa
hottes
t
Maria Goretti 16 yrs (304) Choxx
Name: Eva Kagwi Age: 17 yrs (404) School: Kottet
It’s down to two contestant for each of The High School’s Hottest Categories. Vote for the Hottest High School Honie. All you have to do is vote like craaazy for the honie/hunk that you think has what it takes to be High Skool’s Hottest Honie/Hunk to win yourself an Exclusive iWear Tee. Send your vote to yuaholla@theinsyder.com or cut this coupon and mail it to: High School Hottest Honiez/Hunks P.O.Box 51634-00200
THE HOTTEST HONIE: ________________________________________THE HOTTEST Hunk: __________________________________________ YOUR NAME :___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SCHOOL: _____________________________________________________________________ AGE : ____________________________________ FORM : _____________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________ CELL PHONE: _____________________________________________________ EMAIL: ______________________________________________ 26
July 2011
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July 2 0 1 1
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THE HECKLER
The Heckler
M E E R T X S ’ A UB ! H S U R R A SUG
C’mon quick lets finish and run for more
They struggled up the velcro wall....
Finally he got it and won the Tee
Oh snap we can’t breathe
Halafu kuka waka motooo!!! FIRE baby
He was almost giving up.... Pimp or....she must have been electrocuted from all the heat
Z
e Heckler is still recovering from the multiple sugar rush I had when I decided to pop at UBA for their talent day. It was mega fun I must admit as I did not expect this from these dudes. The reason I attended was not because of their numerous mails and posts on FB but coz they claim to own the Rift and I had to go witness this. FYI I’m now Twirra (Twitter) baby… deuces to all my stalkers and groupies! Finally I can enjoy some me-space! Anyho my swag that day was untouchable, Khaki Sailor pants? Check. Ed Hardy hoodie? Check. Hot purple Vans? Check. And of course I was wearing my designer Givenchy cologne! Ooops… do I love myself too much? (Pun intended). As I checked into the hall (all
eyes on me) the group on stage just bambad me. The acting was on point as they demonstrated the double life of a CU chairlady and her boyfriend. It was too hilarious especially when she got pregnant and the dude had to pretend that he cares while he secretly curses. Then there was the group of dudes who kept on singing zilizopendwa like they came from another life! Seriously boys not the Bruno Mars era! Several acts were presented but what amazed the most were the themes of the play. From skool strikes, teeniez hiring fake ‘parents’ to represent them in skool cases to early pregnancies, I have to say the funkie was well thought out. Big up dudes…you got my attention! The afte session was now more play and less serious with Fanta who
It was a Fanta craze...sorry if you missed
provided sodas and more sodas to everyone present. Lucky cats that did not have money to impress a mama were definitely sorted on this one. There was some serious entertainment from the Fanta crew with interesting games. The one guys could not get enough of was the Velcro wall game that involved going up the wall to get the stuck outfit. It was crazy and hilarious seeing guys fall off the wall like apples! The quick puzzle where one had to spell Fanta was also interesting though I wonder how someone can fail in this game. The performances were insane! One fella from Solai Bee. Popularly known as MC Ghetto rocked the crowd with his rap you’d actually think he is K-Denk as the resemblance is too striking and he was not in uniform. Topaz mamaz
Ghai...what will he win .The face expressions, lol
from Lockwood totally failed me as I have always liked how the bring the house dance with their flattering dances. Epic fail this time ladies! Some chics totally bored us to death with some boring shairi just when guys had the syke to shake it to the floor with the DJ’s electrifying riddims. It was long I had to block my ears. Galz pliz next time gauge the time to bore people and not when it’s less serious time! At the end of all the crazy games and mchongoano, everyone was treated to sodas and I count help notice a few tanks who were flashing the sodas in a sec to get ana one while some peeps were busy hustling i-Qru and Size 8 for pics. Glad no one could recognize me, thanks to my Gucci stunnaz. Till next time a diva gusta manicure her nails…Adios!
We are homo erectus coz we love zilizopendwa
From her expression she is too serious for these cats trying to impress Chillin with Size 8 and i-Qru’s Dallah
MC Ghetto aka K-Denk won himself a Tee & Soda Aii bana funki iko juu!!!
Kweli more play less serious. THE OUTFIT!!
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Fanta quick puzzle was fun fun fun
They displayed their acting prowess
Ma bouncer nao walikuwa radar
Fanta sandals compe
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i ON SKOOLS
PANOE-RAMA
Beaver Baby!
E M È R C E TH ! O T S A O C OF
e these Fun, crazy, cool and hip ar e not about babes from Beaver, they ar aded to a to apologize for being upgr out time. Natio as they say it was ab discover The iQRU hit their skool to interesting stuff n peeps… ere! we definitely going back th
At night this view becomes Las Vegas
Yeah..we said it!
The hide out a.k.a Frank furt aweeee look at Jane blushing away
Isn’t it beautifu....Beaver’s Miami
Name: Edmond Makosa
Beaver from the roof top
Skool: Mama Ngina Girls A.K.A: Beaver-crème of Coasto Relationship Status: Single ladies…we put our hands up but don’t mind friends with benefits… Shimo, SSS *WINK* Craziest Class: 3B kwani watuonaje sisi? Coolest class: 4B wako chini chini, kinya kinya Queen of Chakacha: Maggy Sada Queen of Split (180): Ivy Wanjiru Funniest chica: Tabitha Nyamba a.k.a Laffiesta Queen of Blushing: Jane Ndeke…yuablushia ata msichana huyu! Coolest Cop: Lorrine Muga, ametulia tu sana… hana wasi wasi. Best/coolest Teacher: Cecile Musebe…ako juu tu sana. Mwenyewe halalishi (you don’t sleep in his class). Funkieholic: Pamela Nyandoro…twandhani yeye ni jinni maanake kila funkie yumo hata kama hakupanda basi.Lo! Queen of Dancehall: Jane Njeri Gichira…boneless
huyu! Queen of Panoez: Esther Kerubo, mtoto mtukutu aonyesha teacher middle finger! Kisha kaongeza na matusi kadhaa. Mwalimu alikoma kumtaja taja ovyo ovyo! LOL. Coolest Funkie: The one and only ‘Face of Beaver’. Ukose uchekwe! Most Hated School: Agha Khan, wanajifanya sukari wenyewe chumvi! Shindwe! Best Meal: Sima (Ugali) na Nyama Tuesday n’ Sato supper. 5star breakfast daily; sausage, egg, bread and tea! Mtajuaje tushapata madaraka… Nationali!! Worst Meal: Pilau…nyama nyingi ndani haileti shangwe, afadhali waeke kuku ndani. Coolest Clique: The Big Five; Jane Njeri, Becky Kebbz, Jane Vix, Vivianne Njendeke, Gracey Cuty. Coolest House: El Paraiso…kwisha sema!
Beaver Slang:
1. Hothy e.g wewe ni mhothy to mean you are hot.
Crime: Skiving class to attend fests Sentence: 100 meters ‘Ngunyi creeper’ (invented by teacher J. M Ngunyi) The Panoe Yaani mode bambaad me walking with two hawt honniez from Riara and St. Hannah’s. Having skived classes to attended fests in the hall, the T.A made me walk while squatting holding both girls’ hands. Not only did the chicaz stop talking to me after but I was nicknamed ma-squatter! We niambie!
3.14 X 0.00004 + 0.8878838 + X +y.......... NKT! hii gethafu hai ingiani!
2. Usini chafue nyusi to mean don’t disgust/bore me/waste my time
Most precious Asset:
• Dstv installed Plasma Flat Screen TV. • Kibanda la Kuku a.k.a Noah.(Kizee kimetulia tuli) –the loved school bus. • Miami: From this rooftop we have a view of the ocean, beach, sunset, and moon! Beautiful is the word! • Las Vegas: This rooftop at night gives us the view of the City, adorned with blinking night lights. The music coming from jumba takatifu (F2) makes you wanna dance. It is Vegas in Coasto for sure. It is also a perfect view for fireworks during Diwani season. • Frankfurt: Hideout when dodging class or mass! • Bajia: Gusa gusa tamu ka nini…itabaki tumekupeleka zipikwazo! •Shoutouts: To the illest dance group ‘Black Blingers’. Njooni Coastarica tafadhali! XO!
El Paraiso...need we say more Coolest cop Lorraine
Crime: Busted reading a mail in class Sentence: Gethafu to the fullest! Panoe The T.A tore the paper into tiny pieces, and then ordered me to count all the letters in the torn pieces of paper and give a total finding, measure the diameter of the papers and label the findings! NTK, tell me I can’t do statistics I whoop you bad!! Whoa! Check out queen of split Ivy
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Bajia’s hot source...mmmh See our TV ...hatuachwi nyuma
The bus a.k.a Noah
Name: Philip Onserio (304) MFA www.theinsyder.com
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cover story
to anyone is eing a younger brother always tryare You k. tas g ntin a dau ing to be try ays alw up, ing to catch Stylez’s DJ re we you like him. Now imagine r name? you ws kno n eve y bod small bro. No s Bro”! they call you, “DJ Stylez’ t you and your bro tha k thin t, tha Added to same thingsthe d like were similar; you mostly music! It but s girl s, car l, bal basket g with him, learning would be great hangin ody knows this so from him but then nob copying or trying are you ms see it always choose to be n’t did to be your bro. You . But now every sic mu e lov to or t las born on what your ed bas is ke choice you ma Everybody ng. doi brother has done or is r brother… you ng api t jus are you believes kept it He . rax ddt Ma Welcome to being g. vin mo
cover story
B
was the first to Bubbz’s studio, Bubbz n? He needed to an artist. When t sn’ wa he him a jam over and over gai ind rem de you feel. So ma sic mu g to Dj Stlyez the son how d the tan unders he first played n out eve not s wa axx dtr he was looking for Ma n he was a DJ, DJ excitement in reactio number was called his erstood what he en und y wh bod ool No sch h re! hig the of wasn’t dered had Co of s ber me ? me ctly l ina exa up, The orig was trying to do Entertianment and ing to say about left to form Blackstar Everybody had someth t tha t uni a ed join he , ter, how he DJ’s bet it ded ke nee ma ed ld Coder how he cou and tiq pno Hy DJ , ure success. me ens Crè included WDJ,DJ needed to tweak it to was not ready to . he d Yes sai en? ple list Peo axx ut. dtr alk Ma Fin So did f later this CoNope. it? nge cha be a DJ. A year and a hal he Did o award. Madtraxx like you know the deRed Unit won a Chagu He released it as is, and g! vin y. was mo rest is histor
rt Djing, everybody When he decided to sta Stylez even if be to ing try s wa said he ing and Maddtrax mix into Stylez was more n’t matter that did It was into turntablisim. for madtraxx, n ssio gre pro l ura it was a nat was at 6 ba rum a kid who knew what d by the the ate cin fas s wa o wh kid years, a o cared? Wh ck! tra ala guitar riff on a ling lez! So why didn’t sty be to ing try s wa He let it go? he quit? Why not just dtraxx, all your Well in the mind of Ma rybody said Eve se! opinions were noi hing. He knew not rd hea he ing eth som He had a plan in why he wanted to DJ. didn’t factor, he n his dome, your opinio this was the and d tan ers und to needed nted to make wa he If d. way to understan to underded nee music, be in music he at made wh ce, dan you de ma stand what en to list you de ma you like a song, what
x a r t d MKeaepdit moving….
in music. He was a in the VIP secHe had found success Sitting with Madtraxx t crowds in ges big the of watching a Kenya nt m fro diu in DJ playing tion at Nyayo sta at gre the for ed rais tain game where he is to east Africa, he cur Basketball Federation -Z! Jay p talking about his ia. sto zan not Tan can in Jay-Z perform, he i would ed, lud inc me guys behind his e, els The ic. If it was anyone new unit Red Republ py to be on the calls it a new hap He s. ed, res isfi ma sat n Ska bee e gem hav newest childhood his by er t. eth uni tog Hottest DJ sound brought had He it! n ability g bee e kin hav ma t Finally this should friend Kora whose bea like ld do it. He nds cou sou he e ool iev sch bel old ple by peo made is influenced wasn’t. he ll whose Sti egz ed. Nd isfi and sat n ala should have bee rumba, benga and ling is unmisable ce uen infl k roc and k Happy? Yes. pop, fun . Madd trax is Satisfied? No. in Skamaress the future d use foc s wa l stil he ed … rd… wa for g As his DJing flourish vin mo er stopped makon his music. He had nev htshift Nig ned sig had ry where the Calif he t ing beats, in fac Simply put. In an indust s recording there ere an Ogopa wh le, kab ista unm is and Diggito and he wa t of Redroom, sound par Musyoka’s as m ere the wh , ing tay nag ins music, ma baseline is a ma d ste ere Int . dio stu ing CodeRed’s record quality is unmatched. deRed had built a Maddtrax come in? in recording music, Co Why does the sound of The led cal ces offi re the discography? at his e dio recording stu How do you describ Hii to Poa to ndi Rau to da aBo Redroom. Bod From and a host STL i, ink ash s? Ny res as, ma Prezzo, Abb Get down to ska orded here under on the bus and of other artists all rec You don’t. You simply get h wit dits cre he o wh l keep it movam wil Hir axx of dtr n Ma . ctio ride dire the enjoy the s hooked, wa rax ddt Ma t. alo teaching him ing. rybody thought it he wanted in. Not eve his ed ord he rec was a great idea. When Boda Boda at massive mainstream hit,
BIG BRO: DJ Stylez
uter t come across a comp it all. DJ Stylez had jus ed ms art st mu 03 eir 20 th o in z int it ersation with DJ Style x. In fact he installed A phone call and conv th his brother Madtrax wi it to admit it, “the beat d st are fir e sh th he d be ll an wi ps He loo ! at ity be fru a d de lle . He had dtraxx ma program ca th it for a minute, Ma it he had to keep trying wi of t ng dli ou g fid hin er yt aft an d an ke computer he wanted to ma d made a beat, still if was wack”! but he ha to keep it moving……
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! Y D A B R U O Y L L O R
Purple monkey
RIDDIM NATION
It is the super issue and we cannot go without mentioning the super dancing styles. We take a look at the top five most rocking dance styles on this side of the Sahara and we bring it with some guidelines on how to heat it up with your own swag.
Elephant Man
Skip To My Lou
Skip to my lou brought to you by non other than the brother who rocked CHAT Awards this year. A QQ in collabo with Ding Dong. Skip to my lou derived from a nursery rhyme is a dance that makes you slide from side to side to as you juice it up with your swagga coated all over it. This Track rocks best in Serani’s ‘Slow Skip To My Lou’ version coz of the slow beat. Looks more polite.
Rum Ram
Of course the second slot goes to QQ once again with the ‘rum ram’ style from his track ‘Take it to dem’. You bend your knees, fold your
Ding Dong
Vybz-Kartel
Serani
elbows and tilt your head. So hilarious but trust to turn heads!
Sweep
Brought in by Green and Yellow man- and not Weezy but Elephant Man, Sweep is a knocker off the dance floor. Just like the broom sweeps the floor, so do your feet sway from side to side. Sweep rocks with so many raga tunes but grooves better in the songs ‘Sweep and Gulley Creeper’.
Clarks
in by the Gaza Family headed by Vybz Kartel . Talking of which clarks one prefers, a click can dance in a circle as everyone checks in to free style some feet dance moves.
Pop-caan
Some bad mind energy fi gwann for dis move to take it over. Also known as the Paya Paya dance, this dance is credited to Ding Dong and Boy Demarco. Pop-caan is the bend your knees booty shaker you need. It goes without saying that Ditchez and Nairobi Millie guys have this in check!
DROp ! D A E D Goo goo dolls (Rezeznik at the centre)
Which clarks you prefer? This riddim basically is a platform to floss your knew ‘ndulaz’. Brought
t he beginning of October tha for writing mediocre Day ed en iciz Gre crit up ke wa top to forgot ailing from the his voice is way up, but cs me lyri ke ‘wa coz the song of my voice, and you Lame distinctive! So fellas if when September ends’! abusing the replay de bla the s res imp itress to wa nt a s wa wa m d mu one huh? His ce to button on my old-fashi sucker, scratch your voi driver alongck tru en a wh dad ol sko and ol’ y serious radio (I’m onl he says sound like Chad’s, I’m ) I was side Jazz musician and it comes things like this w! when kno ed you per pam rid had he been decluttering and getting n’t have kers y’all totally digg the uld Roc wo he , kid ’t a s don wa I he gle ‘Iris’ of anything, anyone o would Grammy nominated sin only made it big so far. Wh need in my life right now dolls huh? (I can goo o Go by ie can talk like Bill t ugh ting tho res e inte hav e g) do to uncover som kers! see non-rockers noddin ked this? Learn from him roc fantasies. After I got kic on behind the oni the w with ee kno agr you ally to write I know ya’ll tot ce? outta the band, I used voice esome unforgettable voi aw top ee thr lot my a on ts ugh me eers* my sad angry tho h yours His name is Rezeznik *sn a page choices! Hit me up wit what’s with so now I wanna share but him e lov I ok, es. not e e onc par I com re… we asu tre ce is torn from my the ugly name? His voi ST! that BLADE SUCKER’S PS wrote about the voices definitely wake can ich wh t tha e abusing hav ally you tot Do I’m ga! nth gar is This mo make go the dead up but his hai h k, her wit Pin rt on sta ton s king the replay but those? Well, let’ too intoxicating, just thin t is a Chad fec ger Per sin d *** lea ‘F** e k’s tun bac kle new Nic aloud! it out! e has BIG hit you gusta check Kruger *sips coffee*, dud Armstrong has to be Joe ie Bill e hav m LamI Ada h wit o lab on col r ce He voi the most husky voice my last awesome from erable ere bert on ‘Whatchu want heard in my entire mis th! I don’t even know wh ear ! ve! ind sto rem the you from me’ remix is off life! Like in ‘How to start with him but k’s enalin Par adr an kin Lin get for you ‘21 eo g n’t vid nin did ’ win The me Green Day’s award end’ the new tune ‘Waiting in the rush when he starts out this rocker is untouchs’ gun a like de eone shout… som m fro Can ! irdo out is we first line…’Never ma ed able! The red-ey rockers every BREATHER! wise man’… Can I hear my ex-band liked joking n bee has he shout!! I mean
H Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong
Thika Hae and Chania Bee go head to head on gulley creeping
QQ doing the rum ram
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Wagwaan Papcaan
Cheakey Monkey
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Skip to my lou
Mugoiri Honiez show you
how to do the Rum Ram
Nickel back’s Chad Kroeger
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Corporate dude Gova Names: Eric Muturi Age: 23 Career: Renewable Energy Expert Uni Period: 4 years Inspiration: Saving the earth Career plus: interact with loads of people, save the world. Basic requirements: B+ good people skills, be good in languages Camp mullah: 68k onwards…….
PATCH ON YO’ FACE
H C T A P D N A Z B B QUA GO BALISTIC
MCHUONGOANO
QUABBZ ARE LIONS
Tumenyamaza sana but we back with a bang and we have something in store for all our haterz!!
d l r o w n e e r g a It’s
e... Sasa nikuuliz Chem? pi wa a mmefik Mole sisi tunasoma ushow k na Concept... ni fun!
Dude ! Really? get a life! NKT!!!!
hapo After hiyo kic run... a tt go jo! I have Run......
Other than big organizations like UNEP and other environmental friendly organizations it is very hard to come across young guys who want to help the world go green and save our natural resources from depleting. Eric is one in the exception, he believes that saving the environment begins now for tomorrow’s people. With the recent living trends, the world has lost so much of it’s natural resources hence going green is the term used to refer to saving the little we have. It could be the littlest of things like switching off the lights and using sun light or closing the water taps after use to conserve water. Story by Annie Wambita So your title is pretty long and confusing, what does your job really entail? I basically work for a microfinance company called Faulu Kenya and I am in the advisory department. We advice people who go into business how they can invest better and teach them how to realize their potentials. I mostly encourage those going into businesses that use energy to save artificial energy and use other sources of power like wind energy, solar energy or bio gas which are free coz nobody owns the sun. Tsk Tsk. This will help them save lots of money that they can use to do other things like taking a child to skool. Is this what you studied in college?
Is English a requirement to study business? Not quite. Basically you need to be good at communicating be it through English, Swa na hata Chainise as long as your message can be communicated clearly and directly. In life you will realize that everything will come to happen only if you get your message right. So when you are not advising people, what do you do during your free time? I love hanging out with my palz and just chilling. I am also the Brand Manager of an event called Paragasha where people with similar interest in music come together to share ideas and help each other grow. We have doctors,
lawyers, designers and so very many other people who are in different fields of life- we hook up every last Tuesday of the month and share ideas through music. You really syke up people to go green, what advice do you have for teeniez to safe guard their environment? Through the hae skool club J.A I learnt so much including making a decision to go into business. You can help keep your environment safe by saving the resources around you. Try not to litter; close water taps so as to save water, switch off the lights when you leave a room and recycle papers. You might think it is small but these are the things that save mama earth!
I studied Business Administration and now I am currently doing a degree in Finance and Banking.
Changez Ata after kichapo from Patch bado you still insist that you are the hottest boy skool? Style up dudes coz at the rate you are going you will end up being Gofas and with no chic skool interested. We know that tuko juu but crazily FORCING is a no no!!!Eish bana it won’t or rather will never work get lessons from other skoolz.
Which hae skool were you in? Of course Uppah. So much good memories especially when I look back at a singing click we had called ‘Voices in the Light’ that had guys like Sauti Sol. We used to rock funkiez and after our performances, all chiquitaz waliingia box. Then I used to be a cop, so taking cats for pano was fun.
Buru You chics better thank that BBall team of yours coz that is the only GAME you got against us. You aint gat style, swag and so we highly suggest
What was your fav subject? At first it was CRE coz I had a crush on Ms. Mayra, she was fly! Soon after I changed to English coz of Mrs. Kagotho. She made English so much fun and easy to grasp. 36
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Tripple S What the hizzo? Just becoz you guyz karanga chapo (the only style you actually know). You think you can come to our own skool and scare our monoz with attempts to grind which made you look like hungry jamaaz. Get lives or better yet dig hole and burry yourselves in there!
Eric giving a lecture
Eric goofing with his palz their old skool uniz
you stick to the courts and BBall yourselves to hell. Pangoe Manze nyi madame mmetrip! Just coz we get to wear trousers (actually hipsters for that matter) you have the guts to diss us yet your only jealous coz you can’t show off your goods (that is if you have any). Get a life or better yet get boyfriends to start with. Oopsy, I guess that will be hard coz no boyz even look at you! Starch My oh my, where do we begin? Brotherz you need to upgrade your game coz how do you try and ingiza a chic box through a question like ‘Mko wapi Bio?’ Seriously mko down to another level that is not in this world. Last disturbing question, requirements ya admission chuo yenyu is that you have to be dark? Ama kupakwa makaa is part of syllabus?
Quabbz No beef. We womanizerz so don’t really insist. We show love to all ladies, so do not feel like you are any special. All we do is appreciating you, so let’s just be friends. PEACE! Boma We had to dedicate our version of Jeans and Fittin’ for you in the Aditicha Style Straight skirts and big chests, In dem brown shoez you did it, You Boma thwacks suck to the limit, Boma Boma….ooh! Bishop Gatimu Mapenzi mob na mapenzi pap lakini mnapenda Patch drama mara dat! Eish! Changez We gonna beat you the way we beat you last time. Again, again, again and again until you know your place is in the trees. www.theinsyder.com July 2 0 1 1 37
strictly sis
CORPORATE CHIC
U O Y F I S N A E M WHAT SSS ARE A HOTTIE!
Tellin’ you how to do it! Wendot with a fellow student in the US
Julie Jebet Wendot is the head of the Law Faculty at the Administration Police Training College (APTC) in Embakasi Nairobi.
Have you ever felt a deep physical pain in your chest especially after a bad break up and you actually take pain killers coz you think your sick? Not to fret coz that’s what we call a heart ache and the remedy is here. There are three main types of mega break ups all you will need to wise to learn how to differentiate them
Rihanna with Chris Breey
Rihanna after Chris Brown
Holding her environment certificate high
J
ulie was Born in 1981, and is now a Senior Superintendent of Police (SSP), she has achieved what many people her age can only dream about. Her talent and passion in high school was singing. To make her dream a reality, she planned to pursue a degree in Music after completing her KCSE exams at Kapriopita galz in 1999. However, after her form four, she saw the need to serve many Kenyans. From her name Jebet and Julie, which respectively means brilliance and the one who is youthful, it wasn’t late to change her passion to improve the lives of many. “After watching news frequently and saw people suffer, I thought about my music career and the need to help them. Apart from the money and fame, I felt I wanted a career I can also invest in the society heavily by helping those who cannot access justice,” she said. In 2000 she joined Moi University to purse a degree in Law. After graduating in 2005, she joined Kipkenei and Company, an Advocate firm in Nakuru, for the pupillate. “The pupillate is a period when fresh law graduates join a firm for a one year, under close supervision from the institutions they studied,” she explains. During her working period at the advocates
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firm, she saw the AP recruitment advert in the dailies. Through the advert, the soft spoken Julie saw an opportunity to serve large magnitudes. “When you talk of the administration Police, they are everywhere in the country to the grassroots level. I wanted to use my brains to reach these masses and extend a good hand up to the grassroots,” argued Wendot adding that while serving in the service unit, she realized she would execute justice and maintain order and law, for Kenyans to leave in peace. Armed with her degree, she applied and was selected among the six applicants from her Baringo District to join the force as a constable. “First, I wanted to do what I would be much comfortable. It was through my hard work and picking up a career that was at my heart that my good work was reflected in the ranks that I have gradually risen,” she observed. To her, working for the force demanded more than a sacrifice. “I never knew anything about it. There were many bad stories about the force before I joined. After joining, I noticed all was spin and propaganda,” she says. Currently, as a law instructor, Jebet is working closely with other policy makers in the institu-
tions to promote good service delivery under the reform agenda. “We are all Kenyans and I am seeing a unit that everyone can trust and work closely with, to set a national development agenda,” she says. Meanwhile, she adds that the biggest challenge is that women are not much represented in the force. “There are very few ladies in my rank and above. When I seat in board meetings to help come up with a policy, I know many ladies are looking at me for representation,” she says adding that it also demands a lot of energy to compete with men. According to the mother of a three year old son, when choosing a career, one must be open minded. “Don’t do something because someone has done it,” she says, adding, “I am who I am because I know what I want and I work hard to go for it.” The girl who celebrated her 30th birthday this month has risen through the ranks of an Inspector, Chief Inspector and then the Senior Superintendent, which she still holds up to this particular moment. Currently, she is pursuing masters in Law at the University of Nairobi, Parklands Campus. During her free time, she travels a lot, swim and listen to music.
Britney Spears and JT before she went junky
Britney Spears looking very very high
A.HE DUMPED ME
B. YOU DUMPED HIM
This is probably one of the hardest one’s. You feel you are a chiquita and if any dumping should be done, you should be the one to do it. Well life is not always fair gal. What you have to do is ask yourself if he was to blame or you were. Once that is established, completely cut communication. Do not send him mail, text or fb him. It makes it easier to get through the process. Remember you are a hottie and you gasta keep your head high. If you were on the fault apologize and move on. Let him take time to vent like a volcano and decide whether he is forgiving you or not. If he doesn’t ignore girl coz he is a SSS (Such a Sobby Sam). Get some inspiration from Jennifer Aniston who even after hottest man on planet dumped her for our dear Angelina Jolie all she did is maintain cool. She was never grumpy and for sure not making a fuss makes Brad itch!
Of course the craziest reasons would be that he cheated on me, he never cleans his buga (makamasi) or you just don’t feel him anymore. It does not matter. You need to learn how to deal not being together coz regardless the reason, You Will Miss Him! So this is what you do, get into activities that preoccupy your mind. Join clubz like journalism, scouts, JA and anything else that is fun loving. You will be what they call SSS; So Single but Sassy! When you remove your mind from the past you cannot help but focus on the future. Then never forget you are a hottie so you always have to make sure that when you are going to where he is, bumping into his friends or going for a funkie that you look SSS. Make him regret what he did or make him miss you even more. After some serious whooping in public Rih Rih finally decided to step out from the relationship with Breezy and she looks so SSS now.
Brad and Jennifer before Jolie came between
Remember real men do not hit hottiez! C. IT DUMPED US There are very many reasons why couple’s can break up other than each other. It could be a choice to concentrate on your studies, you moved to another skool far away, your parents do not approve or friends wreck you up. All these reasons will be blamed on either you or him. Since you are a hottie, you must be bright up stairs too. This is what you do; totally avoid what made you guyz break up. If it was a friend who came in between you drop her friendship like a hot unsalted potato. Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears used to be the hottest teenie couple in Hollywood until she let drugs (totally not cool) come between them. JT to shed her off and he looks good today. He is truly the male version of a SSS.
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horoscopes
S N IO T O M E T S U J : R E CANC TAKING YOU OVER!
Lil Kim Birthday 11th July
Maina Kageni, Birthday June 29th
Cancer (June 21-July 22) Emotions are involved this month. Yet more than anyone else, you need to be careful not to hurt anyone’s feelings. Don’t read so much into it.
Leo (July 23-August 22) Your school focus is very strong, and you seem to be attracting a lot of attention, which is just how you like it. With exams nearing, it’s best you keep it that way.
Virgo (August 23-September 22) You really don’t understand why someone special is mad at you but try as much as you can to give them space so sort themselves out. Time is a healer.
Libra (September 23- October 22)
You have been causing a lot of heads turn recently at funkiez. Don’t let it get into your head so much coz the same way you got up first, is the same way you might come down.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18) T he targets you have set for yourself may be high but that’s the way to go. Keep aiming high as that’s the way to success. Good luck.
Pieces (February 19-March 20) To fail is not a crime but aiming low is a crime. Don’t give just yet, try it one more time and give it your best shot. You will be amazed.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Taurus (April 20 -May 20)
June 2011
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cir
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Time to reveal that secret that has been haunting you. Remember bottling in stuff is not healthy, speak out and allow others to help you.
NO CIRCUMCISION!
on i s i s cum
Nelson Mandela Birthday July 18th
Some friends are not really worth it. One thing you gusta remember is that the company you keep defines who you are. Careful Aries!
Sagittarius (November 22December 21)
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I WANT AN EYE-BAR!
Laughter, laughter, and more laughter for you this month. Spread the love and share the joy…you will brighten someone’s life in a big way.
A friend will come to you with a disturbing problem and this is the point where you don’t freak out but lend a helping hand, sometimes even a hug is good enough.
GUY TALK
GURL TALK
Be the bigger person and tell a friend what you honestly think of the bad thing they did. Pretending not to notice is not just stupid but makes you a bad dishonest friend.
Hi Big Siz, I’m a real fashionista and into trends so much. Of late I’m totally digging the eyebrow bar so much and contemplating getting one over the holidays. Quick one, how safe is and eye piercing? Plus how do convince my mum to let me have it coz I know we will fight about it bitterly. Thanks. Tytie
Ssup Biggie, I know this may sound a bit crazy and weird in this era but I ‘m really scared of circumcision and completely against it. This is not because of my tribe or anything but the whole process freaks the hell outta me. My mum has sent my brothers and cousins to talk to me to no avail. Kindly advice me on this coz maybe I’m freaking out for nothing. Pato
Dear Tytie, Whoa!! Fashion is the in thing and if you are not in it then…. Having an eye – bar can be really exciting, cool and it is fine to have it if that what you desire. Any body piercing may have physical effects that may affect your body negatively but if done well and with a lot of care it can come out good and with no problems. Our parents dictate what to do especially when we are under their care, sometimes we disagree other times agree. Your mum might not be amused by what you want to do; - gal you need to ask yourself whether it is worth having a fight with your mum right now or you would rather wait until you are independent- you do what pleases you. Think about it rationally and make the decision that is the best. Remember you still need her support so as to continue with your studies. Sis even if fashion is the in thing please don’t let it dictate your life.
Wssup Pato Thanks Pato for expressing your feelings about circumcision and let me start by acknowledging that its normal to freak out about the process ,especially when you think about questions like; is it painful or how will it be done. It’s normal to have fears and anxiety like the ones you are experiencing but the said fears should not block you from seeing the other side of benefits it has. The type of “cut” done these days is medical which is less painless as is done surgically with use of anesthesia and done under the best medical practice if done in a health facility. The importance of the medical male circumcision is that a cut significantly reduces a man’s risk of acquiring HIV during heterosexual intercourse. The benefits are more than the projected fears, address this fears by talking to someone that you trust -who have gone through the same rite. All the best bro, Biggie
Cheers Big sis
Gemini (May 21-June 20) This month will bring out your natural talents and abilities. Don’t let anyone or anything stop you from achieving and rising to greater heights.
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STAR STATS
s e i d a L g n The Big Ba This issue we look at the Super new ladies on our airwaves and they are about to change the whole theory on music from hot to blazing.
Chrisette Michele
Rihanna and Beyonce better make some room for the new diva in town. Not only is she beautiful with a tremendous sense of fashion but her voice is just off the roof. She made her road to stardom after her some ‘Be Ok’ made serious hit on the internet and charts. With four albums already and a few Grammy nominees this lady has featured I n songs with cats like The Game, Jay-Z, Nas, Kanye and Ghost Face Killer. After being featured together with Young Mulaz Drizzy in Rick Ross’s new album ‘Aston Martins Music’ she is sure to make several people in the industry make a run for their money. Her latest single release ‘I am a star’ is sure to make you her number one fan.
Adele
Being British and winning a Grammy Award is quite the big deal especially if it is for Brand New Artist. Adele is only 21 and already been in the Guinness Book of records for having two top albums after the legendary Beetles. She went ahead to win several Brit awards. Her ‘Home town glory’ single is off the hook and her debut album managed to sell over 352,000 copies within the first week and has been signed up by XL Recording- The biggest recording label in Brit. She is one of the most diversified artists of this generation as she can switch from Pop, Rock, R&B and Soul. Her latest singles ‘Chasing Pavements’ and ‘Rolling in the deep’ hip hop versions are just off the chain. She is racing in the major league of big names like Estelle and Leona Lewis.
Dirty Money
Get ready to get dirty with Dirty Money. Theses mamsitaz are just the sizzling hot dish to be chewing right now. Signed up to Bad Boy label, the ladies are a protégé of the one and only Sean Combs better known as P Diddy. Kaleena and Dawn forming the group have had quite the crème dela crème of collaboz. Get this list right ‘Angels’ with Rick Ross, ‘Hello Good morning’ with T.I, Nikki Minaj, Rick Ross, ‘Loving you no more’ feat Drake and ‘I’m Coming home’ feat Slylar Grey. Their latest hit ‘Yesterday’ feat Chris Brizzy is getting even greater air play.
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Real life
O L L O C – I T L MU
We first spotted Collo on the pitch coz this brother is faster than Flash Gordon. We got interested and not only is this lad like a multi robot machine; He plays rudge, soccer team captain, basketball point guard, slashes the hockey stick, best actor drama and owns a dancing clique too.
B
eing a teen everybody thinks that your life is merry where it is all about books, girls and fun but for one Collo being in skool is more of a previledge than a necessity. He was one of the victims of post election violence but he did not let that turn down his dreams. ‘We used to live in D massive and as many of you know when fracas emerged it was the worst hit place in Nairobi. Being a bad boy then, I felt like leaving that place would make me feel like I lost friends too. Friends who used to do drugs and yes some used to even drink but I let go when one of my neighbours from the FBI Dance clique.’ He admits that he was not a good boy at first;
always hanging around with the wrong crowd and being displaced made it even worse coz he got a home with these ‘bad’ friends. ‘Joining FBI who are so big right now. I mean they made it very far in ‘Sakata’ dance show was a good thing coz it kept me out of trouble. I was the kajuniour in the crew and they treated me like family.’ Collo thought that life after the post elections would look up but he was wrong coz he was a good boy now but his paroz did not dig him dancing. They saw it as a waste of time. It almost broke their family apart becoz one parent was supportive while the other was not. They ended up moving to a whole other town in order to keep him away from dancing.
He was not going to give up that easy. His folks were even ready to remove him from skool if he decided not to behave. He decided to start a dance clique at his local church and by the time his paroz found out, they had already performed in big gigs like T.S.O (Totally Sold Out) and Groove Awards. Having the church back him up made his folks see that he truly does have a talent that can take him places. ‘My message for other teeniez like me is that when you think you have big problems be sure that someone elsewhere is having bigger problems than you. So do not give up coz the sun will shine one day’ ’
Collo dancing during a skool funkie
Collo
Name: Collins Gitonga Class: 404 Age: 17 years Skool: Chania Bee Hobbies: Playing rugby, soccer, Bball, singing and of course my first love is dancing.
Collo after a tiring match
Chilling with my peeps
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