TREND
Now Inside
volume 01_number 31_ July_2011 www.theinsyder.com
Step aside silicone wristbands, plastic watches are in. Huge, colourful, jellylike plastic watches. Plastic watches are quickly becoming one of the biggest trends in the high skool scene. These watches offer something that both captures the look and feel 2011 and combines it with something from the 80’s.
SIZZLE ALERT
ATEENtion! Check out what’s popping this week. The hottest track, dopest flick on the big screen, coolest accessories to rock and the top gizmo on our covet list
PLAY
Smooches by Candice Pillay. The R&B track is slammin’ and jammin’ up the charts. It features one of the fastest rising R&B stars, Candice, alongside super diva Kelly Rowland. The joint is all about a girl who meets a dude and wants the ultimate experience with him… smooches baby!
series
Watching Jaguar perform at the Big Brother Amplified eviction party last Sunday, just made the elimination of Kenya’s last representative in the House only more painful. Real talk: like, seriously! I thought this was our year to win it. Especially when you consider no Kenyan has ever won the BB title and Millicent had progressed further than any other Kenyan before her. That, and the fact that I had put 5k on her Eastlands a** to beba the cash. NKT! Story by Kaminju Kamonjo
A Game of Thrones is an adaptation of American author George R.R. Martin’s epic fantasy novel series A Song of Ice and Fire. The show explores a medievallike fantasy world with its array of characters all struggling in the only game that matters - the game of thrones. And in this game you either win or you die, there is no middle ground. Gripping stuff!
Rockin’ 23 In the world of fashion where trends never last long! Where your favourite pair of jeans is in fashion shorter than a teenage fling! Where a Gucci belt can draw ooohs! On one day and Booooo’s on the next! The one constant in the sneaker world is brand Jordan. Jordan’s have never and will never be out of fashion. And the way they make you feel when you lace them up. Thank Mr. Micheal Jordan!
TECH
Among the most basic of human needs is the need to connect with others. Today, the connections between people increasingly happen online & The Insyder has expanded its social online experience to Google +. Catch The Insyder on Google+ by searching THE INSYDER MAGAZINE
W
here was I? Ah, the Jaguar wharrr?! I won’t performance… get into the details of how he was practically gasping for air towards the end of his performance, that was depressing enough, the entire purpose of this piece is about artist development. It’s as simple as that. I ain’t h8ting, I’m just calling a gasp a gasp (lemme catch my breath here... ). Besides, I luv the joint ‘Kigeugeu’ and think Jaguar is a really enigmatic character. Fact of the matter is; Jaguar is the epitome of what happens when artists aim to make a quick buck off a hit joint, in the stead of investing in themselves. In the music business it’s called, the art of artist development. Jaguar has all the potential in the world to be a great artist. He's a dope writer, he connects with people through his music and lyrics, and he’s got this laid back demeanor that appeals to the general public - but he ain’t the complete package - yet. If an awards show was held today, his biggest recording to date ‘Kigeugeu’ could win all the awards east of Lake Victoria and
west of Mombasa; but he wouldn’t come close to bagging a performing artist award. His selection to perform at the Big Brother eviction party last Sunday wasn't based on how well he performs on the ‘Kigeugeu’ track, but rather how well put together it was conceptually, emotionally, musically and lyrically. Although his performance at the Big Brother bash may have tarnished his name somewhat, at least in the eyes and ears of people who know and understand music and music theory -that doesn't matter at all. It doesn't matter because his fans will always sing along to his hit song every time it plays. Sing along and love every moment of it. Granted, he may release more hit songs after Kigegeu, eventually he will be expected to back up his musical success with equally electrifying stage performances. And that’s where the true test of Jaguar’s sustainability will be dependent on his ability to adapt, change and deliver on the demands that will arise from the expectations of his fans. If he invests in cultivating his stage presence and developing himself into a complete performing and recording artist, there is no
doubt that Jaguar will be a dominant force in the music industry. But ultimately Jaguar is in charge of his own career and calls the shots. That’s why as a writer who loves Kenyan music and would like it to grow by leaps and bounds would like to pose this question to the artist: don’t professional athletes have coaches? I strongly feel that he needs a dance coach and an even better vocal coach. On the other hand, what do I know? I could easily be labeled as another entertainment writer who wants to become a celeb at the expense of our fledgling industry. Like akina… (nah, I won’t go into that this week). The fact of the matter is; Jaguar is still a sick song writer (if he writes the lyrics to his own songs) and could probably make a lucrative career by being a recording artist. But I believe that an artist should be able to do both; sing and perform brilliantly! There is nothing worse than hearing an artist with a massive hit song sound awful when they do a live gig. Perhaps Safaricom should persuade him to join their Kenya Live! Tour. Perhaps not.
2
The Insyder Weekly /Saturday July 31 2011
Shhh Ca n Yo u Ke ep A Se cre t
ie f f ha S oes D ho W Think He Is?
CHANTELLE GOT ES THE CHANGING T! IM BUZZ TOO
the Kenyan celebrity. When onality, Shaffie Wer u, has redefined pers o radi ning win rd Awa AT CH Multiple top entertainment gig. When , he’s probably emceeing at some kye Kale of out k hec the g atin irrit he’s not r Milan. Thought you knew busy playing dad to his little daughte he’s ty, par a at ne sce a sing cau he’s not all about Shaffie? Guess again… bet very few people School - that’s somewhere
I
know my middle name is Adballah. I was born on May 25th, 1980, so that makes me a Gemini baby! I’m also known as The Shaffstarr, Wasabi or Raverend. I’m a radio presenter, I host The Rush Hour on Kiss 100 every evening with Big Mama. I’m a good father; at least my daughter and my babymama say so. I’m hustler like dat; I do like five other gigs apart from my usual radio job. And hey, I’m engaged to a very hot mama, her name Joanne…I guess that’s another story, a cover story. I went to school in Meru from class 7… that was way back in 1992. I finished my 404 in Chukka still in that same area code. I bet most of you would never guess this; I was in the high school basketball team for 4 years running. I also played in all the four national school championships. Be4 transferring to Meru back in 1992, I was in TOI Primary
in Kibera… our sister school was Quabbz Yezzz MOI GALS don’t mess we shared a field and fence at least. Also in TOI Primo was Government spokes man Alfred Mutua he was there a couple of years be4 me. He was also the headboy at Toi Primary School, but if the Gova is looking for a next Gava spokes boy, they should not look far I’m right here. I love cars and travelling, I guess you already knew that so lemme not bore you with the details. I also love to eat a lot - but this I got from my co-host Big Mama I didn’t start as a presenter at Kiss FM, but as an intern in the Newsroom 10 YEARS AGO! I have been a presenter now for 7 years. If you want to make it in this life, be prepared to put in the hours and sacrifice everything for your ambition.
e i ff
A
fter being spotted severally together in the streets of South B, Chantelle and a Changing Times good boy are considered to have officially toklezead as a couple. The couple has apparently been dating for five months and are always joined at the hips during their late night walks. We hope they stick for a while and give a run for next CHAT Awards ‘Teeniez Fav Couple.”
Sla ng Cipher
a h S
This week’s cipher is courtesy of one of the hottest rap tracks right now. A lot of readers have been questioning the rationale of the chorus to the song and how “a chopper can fit into a car.” It doesn’t really make sense (unless, of course, it’s a really big car). Let the Cipher crack the slang for yah… Word: Chopper Song: John (If I Die Today) Word as used in song: I'm not a star, somebody lied/ I got a chopper in the car Meaning: AK47 assault rifle As deciphered in the song: The money don't sleep so Weezy can't rest/An AK47 is my f****** address
Big - Ups TIGOI GEE.
Tabbie(404) to Bill(404) Mux B:It seems that u`ve bcam d` fibre of soul,d very reason 4 ma existence. Carol(404)to Bill(404) Mux B:miss u,handy 2 be watched.Hot guy in Mux B. Stacy (404) to Bill Mux B. Mambos chop smart. Tabie (404) to Phanuel Mux Bee. Two more years in skul HAHAHA. Awuor (404) to Belea (204) Bishop Sulu. Work hard 4 a nice future. Love you. Caro (404) to Collo (404) Bake Nyango. Im crazy about you. I want to know you more. John Gucci (204) Gathiru Bee to Fath Alice (304) Gitwe. You are my greatest desire . I love you. Angie (204) Maasai Gee to Akkan (404) HIghie. I love you bro work hard. Deno Keeru B. to Christie Gikurume G. you are a tranquilizer with no side effects. Melvo Wachoro B. to Carolito (104) Makuri G.
You’re beyond pretty. Kaich Wachoro B. to Alice (304) Elite girls Am the case you’re the judge, make us proud. Edu (404) AQ to Jane (304) GItwe. If kisses were leaves I would send you a forest. Umoro (204) to Njambi (204) Pangoe. Break the silence, miss you big. Bryo (304) AQ to Roz Mwikali (404) PB Kilungu. Am not yet done with your feelings so spesho. Lamex Lavin AQ (204) to Leah Luttah (204) Kabare. Love you more thanks. Expect more. Carol (304)vidhu sec.to stella (304)kabare, friends are like shoes,some loose,some tyt,sam fit just right tohelp u as u walk thru difficulties.thanx 4 being my size. Brayo (204)Njoro 2 Mitchelle(404), my love is unbreakable.4 u age is just a no.
MUMZ BEE
Taiti (304) to Liz (204) Ukia Gee Without ur luv. I can,t live,
neither survive nor exist. Omosh (304) to Tareez (304) Misyani Gee I’m addicted 2 u like a rasta 2 his weeds cuz without u, u mek ma heart beat. U r the ryt gal I need. Mwaaaah! Fred (304) to Ann (304) Lema Gee Its pleasure and leisure like a treasure without a measure to have a pal lyk u. Mwaaah. I luv u! Wiki (3049 to Diana (104) Mac Gee Babie kip it real n lemme knw how u feel! Tom (304) to Wairish (304) Viulya U r ma removed rib which I was lukin for. Arnold (304) to Sophie (404) St. Theresa Gee Every tym u luv me, luv me lyk u’ll neva c me again baby. Chop hard. Pato (304) to Liz (204) St. Catherine Riskin it all is in a glance, how u got me blind is still a mystery. Vicky (304) to Maria (104) St. Vale It doesn’t matter wea u r but wat r u doin wea u r.
Luv u. Chop hard. Kenneh (304) to Nancy (204) Moi Galz (Kibwezi) If I was a thong, it wud b gud feelin the warmth btwn ur thighs Jesse Kyalo (304) to Rhoda (204) Kathiani Neva had I imagined livin without u n ur smile. Luv u!! Eric (404) to Angela (404) Mac Gee U r livin proof that tru luv exists. Johnny (404) to Grace (204) Mulango Gee U won da game so guard da medal. Miss u big! Ben (404) to Dorcas (204) Muaz’ville I am jealous of the nyts u spend alone. Daniel Kirochi (304) to Caroline Mukiri (204) Muthetheni Gee U deserve 2 b luvd. Velo (404) to Sharon (404) Masii Gee I mean it by sayin I luv u. Rickie (404) to Maryam (304) Masii Gee With u is wea I’d rather be…..Luv u! Vin Pili (404) to Linet Wambo (304) Kyethivo
Fallin in luv is da easy part bt stayin in luv iz da real test of endurance. Willy (404) to Colleta (404) Muaz’ville The world kips on turning but my luv 4 u kips on burnin! Kelvin M (404) to Jemmimah (404) Danana I can call u Gilette cz ur da best a man can get. Ben (404) to Lilian (404) Sinaga Promise 2 b a pal 4 ever. Rotich (404) to Claudia (304) Vyuliya Gee I owe u sam luv. Miss u a lot Denno (404) to Mercy (304) Mumz Gee Am goin mad and crazy for ur luv! Davie (404) to Judy (404) Matuu M.G U leave me breathless gal. Miss u big. Mwaah Simo (304) to Cherin (304) Kathiani Galz U r always in ma life even if am nt in urs. Luv u… Nico (304) to Winnie (104) Mua I miss u big babie. Julius (304) to Vivian (304)
Tala Gee It will tek painters 1000 days to mek a perfect figure lyk u. Mob luv!
NEMBU GEE
Winnie Mumbi (304) to Daphnie Wanjiku (404) Shiners Gee You are one in a zillion and da best siz in tha world. Chop hard and know that I miss you and that our mail box still exists. Luv ya. Ms. Nembu 09’ – 10’ (304) to all Uppahillians (404) Mob mapenzi y’all. Sophie Mitto (304) to Ken Orwa (304) Wassup! We gonna fly high Sophie Mitto (304) to Edwin Ochieng’ (304) Hi Edu, have a fab tym Sophie Mitto (304) to Mwangi Kaminju (304) I’ve got lingua for you. Cate Lila (304) to Eric Tura (304) Hi why da silence. Have a fab time. Aphline (304) to Boston (304) Maranda High. To me u are a diamond that is rare to find
Primerose (304) to all Lukenya G chiqs (404) Kanja T.H.S (204) Sema! Just thought it wise to break the silence. Missing you like crazy dear. Fortune Olskul (304) to Maryanne Lorreto Kiambu (304) I hope this is love beyond trust. Bonie Ditchez, Esther 204 bishop Gatimu,no matter the distance you are still in my heart, love u. Paul to Hilda (404) Icaciri. I would stand in the longest queue just to give you a bonquet of red roses,I love you. Kevoh(304) Ditchez to Carol(304) StephJoy, love is not love without you. u big. Ivy (204) Quabbz to Nicko(304) Ditchez,I wish I culd but I love you more than you can imagine. Letoya (404) TO Winnie Zelda (404) Nembu Gee I wish I had a million ways of telling u I luv u! I luv u. Break da sylnc Francis Xavier (404) to Nancy Ngetich (404) Ndururumu Gee
Let da luv b great lyk da distance btwn da 2 of us! Kevo (404) to Damaris M (204) Masii Gee Flowers fade bt ma luv 4 u iz evergreen. Emmanuh (404) to Lydis (304) Vyulya U r candy luv and I admit I’m a prisoner of ur heart. David Murau (404) to Emma M (404) Kyethiro Luv blongs 2 2, the 3rd is just an intruder. Hope 2 meet u soon. Junior (404) to Faith, Winnie, Caro & Linna Kyethiro Gee Ur rockin da world Sylie (404) to Winnie (204) Mac Gee Luv is great with u! Kevo (404) to Faith (304) Muindi Once it was luv but now its mo luv than adoration Teddy (404) to Anne M (304) ABC-Mitabz As dey melted on ma hands, I chose one, guard da net. Damn miss u. Cheerio Raymond (304) to Violet (304) Misyani Gee In a world of 3, there only exists me, u n ma luv 4 u.
3
The Insyder Weekly /Saturday July 31 2011
music festS XTRA
Picharazzi Guess these dudes wanatunga shairi, binti watuskia?
Everyone wanted a glimpse of the best
Dude so lucky, talk about groupe luv!
Kurusha mamistari
Not even a guitar could help these Changez dudes Uppah dudes ‘attack’ a pack of Quabberians Rasta don’t hide dem face! Africa Unite
Warning: Read this notice before you enter the gate!
Excuse me miss, what’s your name?
Huruma Gee zilizopendwa activated! One MFA dude throwing mistari @ 5 St. Elizabeth chiuittaz
Pumu and Ngara, Muungano Choir revived! Getting the latest 411 from The Insyder
Gi ga ga ga, look at that masterpiece!
kruspondents in action Last Saturday, The Insyder hosted 17 teeniez from various high skools for the monthly KRUspondents Konvention. The exclusive event was held @ our Ngong Road offices where the KRUspondents were trained on how to be cool skool reps. We’d like to gota Bradley, Zeddy, Tracey, King, Hillary, Tracie, Nimron, Sam, Anthony, Stacey, Laura, William, Janet, Lavender, Winnie, Claive and Germaine from Changez, Easich, Msoh, Highie, Kamu, Awa, St. Anne’s Jogoo Road and Makongeni for coming thru!
Who said art ain’t alive?
Brayo iqRU mentoring The Insyder Kruspondents
More fun and games
Want to join the iKRU? Give us a shout and in less than 300 words, convince us why we should pick you. Email: yuaholla@theinsyder.com The set up challenge
Hog machines Peggey, King & Sam
2011 The Insyder iKRU reppin’
4
The Insyder Weekly /Saturday July 31 2011
jaguar’s performance at bba
rick gross
Ans wer B****
Whud up bia*** Is it just me but do Tattu just really piss you off?
For those of you who watched Big Brother last Sunday, what is your opinion on Jaguar’s performance at the House?
music make you want to get saved or dance? Ponder that biatch! Ab
Njeri, Dhoni Its just you.
Sup bitch,
AB
Why is Rick-Ross screaming Tupac-back? While he looks more like B.I.G?
Sasa sweetie, I love your Colum because you keep it real. I was wondering what your opinion is on Gospel Music taking over the whole music industry? Is the trend here to stay? Ann Thanks fan. Gospel is taking over the industry but is it taking over our hearts? Does the
Word Play (Get em on) I’m on one (Get em on) I’m on one (Get em on) I said I’m on one [Drake] I’m getting so throwed I ain't went this hard since I was 18 Apologize if I say, anything I don’t mean Like what’s up with your best friend? We could all have some fun, believe me And what’s up with these new n****s? And why they think it all comes so easy But get it while you here boy Cause all that hype don’t feel the same next year boy Yeah and I’ll be right here in my spot with a little more cash than I already got Trippin off you cause you had your shot With my skin tanned and my hair long And my fans who been so patient, me and 40 back to work but we still smell like a vacation Hate the rumours, hate your bullshit Hate these fucking allegations, I’m just feeling like the throne is for the taking Watch me take it! [Drake - Chorus] All I care about is money and the city that I’m from I’ma sip until I feel it, I’ma smoke it till it’s done And I don’t really give a f***, and my excuse is
Kye_ib parsi via Facebook Hmmh, am asking myself the something. Ama, Pac reincarnated as a overweight nudist, At least BIG had the courtesy to cover up. Nkt! AB
Connect Doll Osman It was explicit,but unfortunately nobody understands,apart 4rm Tha 'eh,eh,eh' Part, Even IK Had To translate tha title of tha sng in english,bt hes performance did kenya proud unlike Nonini's Who has gain lotsa cholestrol hence couldnt do a simple spanky leg dance #smh Aisha Babby Jaguar ako juu 2 saana.. Arno Arnoldy
Kenyans waliwasifu but from the comments on big brother wall n twitter, africa didnt feel em, most said they was wack Cecilia Kerubo Manze hiyo kigeugeu yake ili boo juu hakuwa na ma fans. Owen Kanyanga haikuleta show!!next time wajipange Kamalishiuz Oha Ako high ka unga ya ugali Bonviva’nt Mutua hahaha...even IK dissed
them.. Natasha van Muchina Wah!!!!! i missed it awt coz of skul ! Nkt! Aisha Babby Jaguar ako juu 2 saana.. Tricia Karwitha William Nt really impressing but i knw he can do better. Cecilia Kerubo Manze hiyo kigeu geu yake ili boo juakuwa na ma fans.
Join the teeniez network and fan us on Facebook Search: The Insyder Magazine
Joint: I’m On One Artist: DJ Khaled ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Rick Ross that I’m young And I’m only getting older so somebody shoulda told ya I’m on one Yeah, **** it, I’m on one Yeah, I said I’m on one **** it, I’m on one 2 white cups and I got that drink Could be purple, it could be pink Depending on how you mix that shit Money that we got, never get that shit Cause I’m on one I said f*** it I’m on one [Rick Ross] I’m burning purple flowers It’s burning my chest I bury the most cash and burning the rest Walking on the clouds, suspended in thin air Do ones beneath me recognize the red bottoms I wear Burner in the belt Move the kids to the hills (BOSS) Bend shawty on the sink, do it for the thrill Kiss you on ya neck and tell ya everything is great Even though I out on bond I might be facin’ 8's Still running with the same n****s til the death of me Ever seen a million cash, gotta count it carefully Ever made love to the woman of your dreams In a room full of money out in London and she
screams Baby, I could take it there Call Marc Jacobs personally to make a pair So yeah, we on one, the feeling ain’t fair (Khaled) And it’s double M G until I get the chair [Drake Chorus] [Lil Wayne] I walk around the club, **** everybody And all my n****s got that Heat I feel like Pat Riley Yeah, too much money, ain't enough money You know the feds listening, n***a what money? I’m a made n***a I should dust something You n***s on the bench Like the bus coming huh, ain't nothing sweet but the swishas I’m focused might as well say cheese for the
pictures Ohhh, I’m about to go Andre the Giant You a sell out, but I ain't buying Chopper dissect a n***a like science Put an end to the world like the Mayans This a celebration bitches, Mazel Tov It’s a slim chance I fall, olive oil Tunechi be the name, don’t ask me how I got it I’m k*****’ these h**s I swear I’m tryna stop the violence [Chorus] Young mula baby, YMCMB