Volume 33, Issue 30 - April 28, 2011

Metro’s name change a no-go

•3

THE

THE

ETROPOLITAN METROPOLITAN

April 28, 2011, Vol. 33, Issue 30

Serving Auraria for 31 years

Online >> http://themet.metrostudentmedia.com

Annalyse Garcia gets welcomed at homeplate by her teammates after a home run during Metro State’s 9-2 win April 23. Photo by Ryan Borthick • rborthic@mscd.edu

Softball sweeps away Regis NEWS No plans to expand Auraria Fitness Center • 6

SPORTS Baseball half game away from division lead • 18

• 16

METROSPECTIVE Custom guitar revival showcases local talent • 11

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • 3

EWS

“Other vandalism is hatched in respectable conference rooms by realtors and developers not in jeans and sneakers, but business suits, backed by money.”

— J. SEBASTIAN SINISI • INSIGHT • 8

Looking for a new home

INDEX INSIGHT ... 8 METROSPECTIVE ... 11 SPORTS ... 16 TIMEOUT ... 22

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4.28 • Mostly sunny High: 68/Low: 36 4.29 • Partly cloudy High: 69/Low: 40 4.30 • Chance of rain High: 55/Low: 36 5.1 • Mostly sunny High: 59/Low: 33 5.2 • Mostly sunny High: 64/Low: 35 5.3 • Mostly sunny High: 69/Low: 38 5.4 • Mostly sunny High: 72/Low: 40

By Kendell LaRoche

CORRECTIONS

Metro student Hannah Saliman reaches out to Betty, one of the dogs up for adoption from the MaxFund Animal Shelter April 26.

Photo by Rachel Fuenzalida • rfuenzal@mscd.edu

Metro’s name change on hold Board of Trustees votes to postpone action until 2012

By Caitlin Gibbons cgibbon4@mscd.edu Metro’s Board of Trustees voted unanimously to postpone its pursuit of changing the name of the college until the 2012 legislative session.

The board met April 22 to discuss where to go with the strategic name change initiative after the University of Denver launched an effort to stop the change.

BOT Chairman Rob Cohen said the board had three options to work with: continue with the initiative to change the college’s name to Denver State University, consider another name to submit to the legislature, or postpone the initiative until the next legislative session.

After more than an hour of discussion, the board decided to take option three and Trustee Dawn Bookhardt made the motion, “Whereby the Board Of Trustees would like to see Denver State University prevail, we see it in our best interest to defer legislative action.”

“The board made the right decision,” Metro President Stephen Jordan

said. “They affirmed their support of the students and are being strategic about it by taking a step back and wanting to build the single best case they can to move forward in the future.”

Sen. Mike Johnston, D-Denver, was planning to introduce a late bill the week of April 25 with the name change authorization for Metro and Mesa State.

Christine Staberg, Metro’s lobbyist with the Capstone Group, said it was likely the bill would fail with the name Denver State University, but Johnston was still willing to fight for the college if the board felt they should continue.

DU’s concerns with Metro changing the college’s name to DSU included trademark infringement and brand confusion. DU offered Denver Metro State University as a suggestion it would be comfortable with.

Student Government Assembly President Sammantha O’Brien said she was offended DU would send the college a letter with a suggested name and expect Metro to take it.

“I think that DU has a lot of money and influence and I think that they are using that to really pressure us to back down. You can’t own Denver in your name,” O’Brien said. “If we were to back down this [legislative] session in

order to win next session, I think that’s a good decision.”

Trustee Melody Harris is a trademark lawyer and said in her opinion, DU wouldn’t have a legal leg to stand on.

“I know that trademark litigation is extremely expensive and extremely distracting,” Harris said. “We could fight to the death and ultimately win, in my opinion, but we would lose a lot of things along the way … I don’t care about DU, I think we win at the end of the day but is it a win that’s worth damage that we as an institution take along the way — and we will take damage.”

The issue of expending political capital was also discussed by the board. Members expressed concerns that if they continued with the name change this year, it would compromise some of the other initiatives the college is pursuing at the capitol.

“I always subscribe to one of the statements of Sun Tzu in The Art of War, that sometimes you retreat momentarily for the sake of getting what you want to get in the long run,” Former speaker of the House and Trustee Terrance Carroll said. “Deals done at the last minute to try and get a bill passed sometimes just don’t work out right.”

Before the board decided to pursue changing Metro’s name to Denver State University, two brand assessments were conducted by Sector Brands LLC., for a total tab of $50,000.

The first part of the brand assessment looked into how faculty, students and alumni felt about the name Metropolitan State College of Denver. The second phase tested three new names in addition to the existing one.

DSU was the front runner for a new name, followed by Metropolitan State University of Denver.

Trustee Ellen Robinson said it would be unfair to put the bill forward with any other name than DSU, as there has not been time to properly evaluate the name with the key constituents of the college. Other members of the board said they shared her concern.

Student Trustee Kat Cammack said the students would not support another name. She said she was supportive of the board’s decision to postpone the name change until next year.

“We lost this battle but will continue to fight the war,” Cammack said.

Metro will continue to work with the University of Denver to resolve any trademark concerns about the name and present legislation in the 2012 session.

On page 3 of the April 21 edition of The Metropolitan, Jarrod Joplin’s name was misspelled in the photo credit.

The Metropolitan will correct any errors brought to its attention. Please send your correction to themetonline@gmail.com.

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4 • NEWS • APRIL 28, 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

Election results stand up to complaints

By Alex Baskett abaskett@mscd.edu Despite numerous complaints filed, the Student Government Assembly Election Commission confirmed the election results and Jesse Altum will serve as Student Government Assembly President for the 2011-12 school year.

Kile Clabaugh and his vice-presidential candidate Ian Brown, who lost the election 308-218, submitted 10 complaints April 15 , the final day of voting.

Eight of the complaints were accepted and heard before the SGA Election Commission April 22 in Tivoli 642. Presidentelect Altum and Vice President Tesa Johnson Ferrell Jones filed a single complaint that came before the commission.

Clabaugh and Brown’s complaints ranged from violations of Auraria Higher Education Center policy about chalk art, to writing on white boards in classrooms, making a unauthorized copies of campaign fliers in the SGA office and tampering with the opponents’ campaign.

Altum and Jone’s complaint involved improper storage of campaign materials in the SGA office.

After nearly three hours of arguments from both sides, the commission concluded that President-elect Altum violated AHEC’s posting policy. However, the commission decided that the infractions were not significant enough to affect the outcome of the election. The Commission ruled Altum needed to write a letter of apology to the SGA for his infraction.

Because Clabaugh and Brown’s complaints were filed at

the end of the voting period, instead of during, the commission could not overturn the results of the election. If complaints about posting policy are filed during the election, different levels of disciplinary action can be taken immediately.

“This was all about paper and chalk,” Altum said, referring to the allegations about sidewalk chalk advertisements and campaign posters.

The commission dropped the complaint alleging tampering. Clabaugh and Brown lacked substantial evidence for the claim.

Candidates have until 5 p.m. Wed. April 27 to file an appeal to the Student Court, Election Commissioner Anne Frankovich said.

NEWS BRIEFS

Bill seeking in-state tuition for undocumented immigrants dies in House Education Committee The Colorado House Education Committee voted 7-6 to kill a bill seeking in-state tuition for undocumented immigrants.

April 26 the committee heard more than five hours of testimony on Senate Bill 126, dubbed ASSET—Advancing Students for a Stronger Economy Tomorrow—by supporters. The bill would have given undocumented immigrants unsubsidized in-state tuition at Colorado’s higher education institutions.

The students covered under the bill would have been required to actively seek citizenship, have been enrolled in a public or private high school for at least three years, and have their diploma or General Equivalence Degree.

The House Education Committee voted on party lines, with the seven “no” votes coming from the Republicans.

The Senate voted on party lines, 20-15, in support of the bill. Similar legislation was introduced in the Colorado Senate in 2009, but failed to make it out of the chamber.

Sens. Michael Johnston, D-Denver, and Angela Giron, D-Pueblo, along with Reps. Joe Miklosi, D-Denver and Angela Williams D-Denver, were the bill’s sponsors.

Supporters say they will try again in the 2012 legislative session.

No tax increase planned for Regional Transit District

The Regional Transportation District’s board of directors voted 13-1 on April 26 to not place a proposition on the upcoming November ballot calling for a sales tax increase to help fund RTD’s FasTracks program.

The proposition would have increased sales tax in the eight counties covered by RTD by .4 percent.

The revenues collected from an increase would help fund the 122 miles of commuter light rail and the redeveloping of Union Station called for by the FasTracks plan.

“The RTD Board realizes that while economic conditions are slowly but steadily improving in the Denver Metro area, the timing is not right for a 2011 ballot initiative,” said RTD Board Chair Lee Kemp, in a statement released after the board’s meeting. “We remain committed to continuing to work with our regional partners to complete FasTracks sooner rather than later.”

RTD said with the tax increase, FasTracks should be completed by 2020. If voters do not eventually approve a tax increase, RTD estimates that construction would be complete by 2042. The board will meet over the next few months to determine if they will place a proposition calling for the tax increase on the 2012 ballot.

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • NEWS • 5

World renowned primatologist visits campus

By Ramsey Scott rscott42@mscd.edu The Indonesian island of Borneo is more than 13,000 miles from Denver but Metro brought one of its famed inhabitants, the orangutan, a little closer to campus April 21.

The lecture in St. Cajetan’s Center featured Birute’ Galdikas, one of the world’s foremost experts on the orangutan, discussing the solitary creature and their dwindling numbers. The event was hosted by Metro’s Department of Anthropology and ALPACA (Archaeology, Linguistics, Physical, Applied, Cultural and Anthropology), Metro’s student anthropology organization.

“I always wanted to study orangutans ever since I was a child. What inspired me was the orangutans themselves,” Galdikas said, describing why she moved half way across the world to the jungles of Borneo in 1971 when she was 25-years-old.

Metro anthropology professor Cathy Gaither introduced Galdikas to the crowd of more than 200. Gaither spent time in Borneo in 1990 as an animal health specialist, studying with Galdikas at her facility, Camp Leaky. The camp takes its name from the famous 20th century anthropologist Louis Leaky, who helped train Galdikas along with renowned primatologists Jane Goodall and the late Dian Fossey. Gaither said her life-long passion for anthropology started during a vacation in 1990.

“The passion and devotion that she had to her career, the animals, her research and to the conservation was inspirational to say the least. I realized after that, that I wanted to do anthropology,” Gaither said, talking about Galdikas. “It helped me to find my passion.”

Galdikas spent a portion of her lecture discussing the life of the orangutan in the wild and the work her organization, Orangutan Foundation International, does with rehabilitating orangutans. Yet much of her time was spent sounding the alarm as to the dangers these relatives of man face as the Indonesian government tries to become an industrialized nation.

“In the late 80s ... the [Indonesian] government decided that the forest would be used for palm oil plantations because palm oil plantations were so lucrative. And that’s when the forest really started to be clear cut,” Galdikas said.

Palm oil, which is found in a multitude of consumer products from potato chips to toothpaste as well as bio-fuels, is a valuable commodity on the world market. Palm oil production requires vast amounts of forest to be cleared.

The resulting loss of habitat has led to a sharp decrease in the number of orangutans still in the wild. Galdikas estimates that since she first went to Borneo, the total population of orangutans in the wild has decreased by 80 percent.

“Palm oil concessionaires have blood on their hands. And that blood is of orangutans and other wildlife because they are cutting down the forest, burning it, and in the process sending huge amounts of carbon emissions into the atmosphere. They are making orangutans homeless in their own land,” Galdikas said.

The amount of carbon released from burning forests for palm oil production has led to Indonesia being the third largest emitter of CO2 in the world.

“Before hearing about what she did, I was kind of like whatever, orangutans. Then I started reading about orangutans and reading about Galdikas and its just exploded in my mind,” said audience member Ileana Gutow, a University of Denver anthropology major. “Now I don’t eat palm oil and I’m kind of an orangutan nerd.”

While Galdikas fears for the future of the orangutan, she is also inspired by the next generation of conservationists taking up the cause of the orangutan. One of those she is proud to have inspired is Kristen Nordham, a 15-year-old student from Niwat High School, who helped bring Galdikas to campus.

Nordham’s interest in orangutans grew from an elementary school project on orangutans into a passion, which has led her to raise funds for orangutan conservations and to visit Camp Leaky last year. She has raised thousands of dollars for

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the cause of orangutans and received national recognition for her work, including receiving a grant from musician Jack Johnson’s Ohana Charitable Foundation to go work in Borneo.

“They’re really human and they shouldn’t be allowed to go extinct just because of palm oil. We need to work hard to save them,” Nordham said.

Galdikas’ work is highlighted in the new IMAX movie, “Born to be Wild 3-D” now playing in IMAX theatres nationwide.

Primatologist Birute’ Galdikas lectured on endangered orangutans at St. Cajetan’s Center April 21. Photo by Stephen Cummings • Orangeeyephoto@gmail.com

Congratulations Outstanding Student Award Winners to the 2011 Metropolitan State College of Denver

President’s Award

Jeremy Jie Bird Casey

Outstanding Fall Graduate Christine Becker

Special Service Academic Affairs Margo Birkholz

Special Service Student Services Jesse Freitas

Letters, Arts and Sciences Marisa Rinkel

School of Professional Studies Gabriel Collins

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6 • NEWS • APRIL 28, 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

Potential overload for fitness center Auraria students could soon be lining up to work out

By Ryen Robnett and Cody Lemon As Auraria’s student population grows, the size of Auraria’s fitness center may become an issue.

The administration has no plans to build a new fitness center any time soon, according to Louis Morphew, assistant director of Campus Recreation at Auraria.

“Spacing will need to be looked at as Campus Recreation has outgrown the current space,” Morphew said. “There have been times this past semester when there have been between 60 - 70 patrons in the fitness center at one time. If we continue to see a growth in the fitness center in the current space, there will be a day where we will have to limit the number of patrons that can come in at one time.”

The number of students that use the fitness center fluctuates depending on the day of the week.

“Mondays through Thursdays average around 350 participants per day,” Morphew said. “Fridays average nearly 160 and Saturdays aver-

age 60 participants.”

According to Morphew, every student pays a fee for campus recreation, but many students do not take advantage of what they pay for.

Tony Price, director of Campus Recreation at Auraria, said depending on which of the three schools students attend, $4-$6.25 of their semesters student fees is put towards campus recreation. The fee covers student use of the fitness center, swimming pool and gymnasium among many other amenities.

The budget for campus recreation averages around $500,000$600,000 per semester, but that is a significant difference compared to a lot of other schools in the region, Price said. In some cases, the larger schools collect millions of dollars for their campus recreation, charging their students more in student fees.

“It’s a challenge for us to cover and maintain employee salaries, as well as maintain and purchase new equipment, but for what we do get we feel like we do a pretty good job allocating those resources and providing good services at an affordable price to our students,” Price said.

The budget mainly pays for student employees, professional staff, repairs, maintenance, office supplies and recreational equipment.

“We occasionally buy a piece of

equipment out of our budget when there is a dire need, particularly if it is a safety issue,” Morphew said.

Metro junior Alex Navarro said he uses the fitness center and does not feel that his safety is ever at risk.

“The machines in the fitness center seem to work really well and seem pretty safe,” Navarro said. “I’ve never had to worry about the machines malfunctioning or anything like that. I’ve never had a problem”.

Morphew said if and when the center has any extra money at the end of the fiscal year, they try to replace equipment based on the cost.

“Unfortunately, some of the cardio equipment, particularly the treadmills, are the last to be replaced due to the replacement cost being anywhere from $5,000-$10,000 for one piece of equipment.”

The fitness center has been consistent in the number of students that come in, but Morphew said he hopes to see a rise in participants.

For more information on Campus Recreation at Auraria, click on the campus life tab on Metro’s home page at www.mscd.edu.

Austin Curry goes for a run on the treadmill in the Auraria Fitness Center April 26.

Photo by Ryan Borthick • rborthic@ mscd.edu

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THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • NEWS • 7

Tivoli Taco Bell receives 5 year lease extension

By Ryen Robnett rrobnet1@mscd.edu

Taco Bell employees serve hungry customers April 26 in the Tivoli Student Union. The popular restaurant has agreed on a five year lease extension with the Student Advisory Committee of the Auraria Board. Photo by Carla Ferriera • cferreir@mscd.edu raria SCP’s mission statement. The program’s website states one of the program’s goals is to “institutionalize the principles and practices of sustainability on campus.”

According to Raabe, Taco Bell is expected to help purchase a set of

upgraded waste bins that are spe- bins, Taco Bell will not only be able cifically designed to keep waste orga- to hold its position in the Tivoli food nized into different categories. These court for additional time, but will Size environment include trash, paper, Publication aluminum, also provide a cleaner glass, plastic, compost,DENVER food waste for students.

X 7” METROPOLITAN Prior to 5” the decision of Taco and biodegradable waste.

With additions of the new waste Bell’s lease being extended, there

THA – SF

The Student Advisory Committee to the Auraria Board has decided to extend the lease of Taco Bell for an additional five years.

The Food Service Advisory Committee met with SACAB March 4 to discuss Taco Bell’s extension and the potential replacement of Taco Bell once the lease of the space available in the Tivoli was up.

“As of now, we are still early in the negotiation stage,” said Jeff Stamper, division director for Auraria Campus Use and Support Services.

“SACAB voted to extend Taco Bell’s lease for a period of time.”

In order for Taco Bell to extend its lease, it had to participate in sustainable upgrades of the waste facilities in the food court, including composting, recycling, and alternative waste options.

University of Colorado at Denver SACAB representative and Food Vendor Committee Chairman Jonathan Raabe said Taco Bell was in agreement to participate in some of the programs which the Sustainability Campus Program is involved in. Particularly, the composting program in the Tivoli.

The composting program and upgrades are in line with the Au-

had not been any offers made to the Food Service Advisory Committee by potential vendors who would be willRuntake Date(s)the empty space, Stamper ing to said.

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8 • THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011

NSIGHT

“For Division II especially, we (Metro) want to make sure their academics, athletics and their community involvements all have a place.”

—RON CHRISTIAN, ASSISTANT ATHLETIC DIRECTOR • SPORTS • 21

SGA background checks could backfire LETTER TO THE EDITOR

I am writing to respond to the staff editorial in the April 21 edition of The Metropolitan entitled, “Background Checks? YES.” This editorial argues that candidates for offices in the Student Government Assembly (SGA) should be subject to background checks in order to simulate the vetting process that typically takes place over the course of months in a typical public office.

However, the editorial also seems to suggest that candidates who fail to pass a background check (presumably based on the institutions standards for employment eligibility) should not be eligible to run for office.

I would suggest that barring students from positions on SGA because of a failed background check could result in severe negative consequences on the democratic process.

I believe there are two primary areas in which these consequences might arise; first, regarding the right of fee-paying students to run for an SGA office and to vote for whomever they chose, and second, regarding the ability of college administration to select who may and may not run for office.

I am a CU Denver student and as such am not intimately acquainted with Metropolitan State College of Denver’s policies regarding eligibility for candidacy to be elected to an SGA office.

However, CU Denver’s policy states that any fee-paying student may run for an SGA office. The imposition of a requirement that candidates pass a background check would put many students into a position in which they are required to pay student fees, but do not have the ability to have a voice at the tables at which those fees are set.

Moreover, it imposes a restriction on the ability of the student voters to select whichever candidate they choose. If certain students are deemed ineligible for candidacy purely as a result of actions which might have taken place long before they began their academic careers it seems to infringe the rights of every student of the institution to select their representatives.

The second significant consequence which I foresee as a result of a policy requiring background checks as a requirement of eligibility for candidacy is the ability of college adminis-

tration to choose who may run for office.

The background check process is highly subjective. Often there are offences in an individual’s history that requires an institution to determine whether they are severe enough, and/or recent enough to warrant disqualification. Introducing this subjectivity into the election process would seem to give the college the ability to bar a student they would rather not see elected from even having the chance.

If you feel that candidates should be subjected to background checks as part of the vetting process, fine. Have the candidates sign a release waiver, run the background check, and make it public information.

But if you wish to use these background checks to deny a fee-paying student the right to represent themselves and their fellow students, I recommend considering the consequences.

— Josh Diller is senior at the University of Colorado at Denver. He served on UCD’s Student Government in 2009.

As Denver develops, it loses its soul

Just a few weeks ago, the jackhammers and bulldozers of progress started the serious work of tearing up part of Denver’s Cherry Creek North area — barely four miles from Auraria.

Like most cityscape screwup scenarios, the project is being pimped as progress. Whether destroying the grassy Fillmore Street mall – the last open space, human-scaled gathering place in that part of town – in favor of another all-asphalt street is a plus, has raised serious doubts among neighborhood activists, despite a flood of well-financed hype.

If you’re on a student budget — and I don’t mean a student at The Univerisity of Colorado at Boulder — chances are you don’t spend too much time or money in the pricey precincts of Cherry Creek and its high-end stores, bars and spiffy restaurants. But you need not be a student of architecture or design to care about what’s happening to Denver’s cityscape.

Vandalism takes many forms. One is the work of kids armed with spray-paint cans.

Most municipalities have clean-up campaigns backed by stiff fines to fight that form. Other vandalism is hatched in respectable conference rooms by realtors and developers not in jeans and sneakers, but business suits, backed by money.

Fillmore Street is now seeing the second form of vandalism, supported by serious money: a couple of billionaires in this case. The plan to turn the open space on Fillmore Street into what will be called “Fillmore Plaza” — actually, a street — came from two developers who happen to own projects on either side of the street: the Sturm Group and Western Development.

The first has billionaire backing and the latter is co-owned by Christian Anschutz, son of well-known, but reclusive, Colorado billionaire Philip Anschutz.

The pair of mega-heavies proposed the “plaza” project early in 2010 to the Cherry Creek Business Improvement District (BID), whose board has shifted from small retailers to

big-boy developers. For more than a year, the proposal was opposed by small store owners and residents of the Cherry Creek North neighborhood. They never had a chance. In January, 2011, the Denver City Council — that seldom meets a development project it doesn’t like — approved an agreement between the city and the Cherry Creek BID as a green light for redevelopment to begin.

The unanimous-vote City Council rubber stamp recalls a comment made years ago by Denver Post columnist Al Knight who said “ … when it comes to development, Denver is one the cheapest ‘dates’ around … ” Knight was talking about the 1997 demolition of architect I.M. Pei’s modernist “parabaloid” in front of the old May D&F department store on the 16th Street Mall at Tremont Place in downtown Denver. A cluster of anorexic-looking ballerina sculptures replaced the piece on the site to herald a redeveloped hotel, then called the Adams Mark. St. Louis developer Fred Kummer got the Denver City Council to come up with a $30 million tax-abatement city subsidy then, although no city money will be involved in the Cherry Creek project.

Not a single project opponent or member of a neighborhood group turned out for the Fillmore ground-breaking ceremony on a freezing February morning earlier this year, according to coverage in the Glendale/Cherry Creek Chronicle community newspaper that was not enamored with the “plaza.” But the cheerleaders were all there – including Denver Mayor Bill Vidal, City Council members and BID members. All but Vidal gushed the project’s praises.

Said BID President Julie Bender, “… the new, improved design will enhance pedestrian, event and retail activity on the block, and have a major impact throughout the district.”

She also said, “the new space will be closed off throughout the year for the Cherry Creek Arts Festival ... and other community activities.”

In its early years in the 1990s, the arts fest

THE METROPOLITAN Since 1979

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Caitlin Gibbons cgibbon4@mscd.edu MANAGING EDITOR Ramsey Scott rscott42@mscd.edu NEWS EDITOR Cody Lemon clemon2@mscd.edu FEATURES EDITOR Megan Mitchell mmitch46@mscd.edu MUSIC EDITOR Ian Gassman igassman@mscd.edu ASSISTANT MUSIC EDITORS Stephanie DeCamp Matt Pusatory SPORTS EDITOR Mark Babish mbabish@mscd.edu ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR Matt Hollinshead COPY EDITORS J. Sebastian Sinisi Drew Jaynes Stephanie Wilson Daniel Laverty PHOTO EDITOR Steve Anderson sande104@mscd.edu ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITORS Luke Powell Sean Mullins ADVISER Jane Hoback hobackje@comcast.net WEBMASTER Drew Jaynes

J. SEBASTIAN SINISI sinisi2@msn.com featured some art that was actually affordable.

But it long ago morphed into a venue for the Panama hat/chardonnay/designer sunglasses crowd in a reflection of what happened to the Cherry Creek area itself.

Cherry Creek became uber trendy after the opening of the upscale Cherry Creek Mall in 1990. Adjacent to a money magnet, most of the modest bungalow homes in Cherry Creek North were scraped off and replaced by ostentatious monuments to what I like to call “Texas Taste,” where bigger and flashier almost always trumps taste. So, you got an assortment of overthe-top architectural styles in a single McMansion — including fan-window Palladian, Cape Cod, Faux Chateau and Beaver Creek Bogus.

Denver City Councilwoman Jeanne Robb claimed turning the open area into a street would lend a “European feel” — whatever that’s supposed to mean. Artists’ drawings show the usual idyllic streetscape peopled by well-dressed shoppers strolling in the lobotomized haze that makes for perfect consumers.

Exciting, innovative and — excuse me, I’m falling asleep. Rather than trusting me — a dubious venture at best — see the progress- inprogress for yourself. This being Cherry Creek, you’ll first have to pay for the privilege of parking on the street.

Cherry Creek, and Denver, deserve something better.

GRAPHIC DESIGN Kathleen Jewby kjewby@mscd.edu ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT STUDENT MEDIA Elizabeth Norberg enobert@mscd.edu INTERIM DIRECTOR OF STUDENT MEDIA Kate Lutrey lutreyk@mscd.edu INTERIM ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF STUDENT MEDIA Steve Haigh shaigh@mscd.edu

The Metropolitan accepts submissions in the form of topic-driven columns and letters to the editor. Column article concepts must be submitted by 1 p.m.. Thursdays and the deadline for columns is 9 p.m. Sundays. Columns range from 500 to 800 words. Letters to the editor must be submitted by 5 p.m. Mondays to be printed in that week's edition. There is 500-word limit for letters to the editor.

The Metropolitan reserves the right to edit letters for formatting and style. All submissions should be sent by e-mail to themetonline@ gmail.com.

The Metropolitan is produced by and for the students of Metropolitan State College of Denver and serves the Auraria Campus.

The Metropolitan is supported by advertising revenue and student fees and is published every Thursday during the academic year and monthly during the summer semester.

Opinions expressed within do not necessarily reflect those of Metropolitan State College of Denver or its advertisers.

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • 11

ETROSPECTIVE

Bringing business out of basements

Acoustic Music Revival holds its first custom guitar showcase for seven local craftsmen Story by Megan Mitchell mmitch46@mscd.edu Photos by Sean Mullins smullin5@mscd.edu In the last 22 years, Bob Laughlin has hosted dozens of concerts, art exhibitions and other music-related events at his guitar-centric shop, Acoustic Music Revival, at 3445 S. Broadway in Englewood.

April 23, he held his store’s first custom guitar showcase for local, home-based luthiers (people who make or fix stringed instruments) to display their handmade creations.

Soft chords from impeccably crafted acoustic guitars slid from each of the seven vendor’s stations, and blues and rock notes tinkered melodically like opened jewelry boxes for the sixhour event.

“We’re just trying to figure out a way to get new people in and support local music,” said Laughlin’s wife and business partner, Shawn Winchester. “They’re working out of their homes and they’re not all in the big city … We had enough people coming through there to get them each a little bit of recognition.”

Even when the store was packed into a smaller space more than a decade ago at 1934 S. Broadway in Englewood, Laughlin strove to bring attention to local musicians and craftsmen, and to provide aspiring guitarists anything they could possibly need.

“It seems to be a real service to the music community,” Winchester said. “We have a lot of people that come here and just hang out … they may be looking for information about where to play or where they can get [guitar essentials] they need.”

Denver luthier and graphic designer, Russell Brodoway has been refurbishing and building acoustic guitars from scratch as a hobby since 2006, but has never sold his work.

“I kind of stumbled into it,” Brodoway said. “I’ve always been a woodworker, and then the Project Angel Heart art auction came up and I thought, ‘Well, I’m not an artist, but what can I do,’ so I actually built a heart-shaped guitar out of plywood, and that’s what got me into it.”

Project Angel Heart is a food delivery service for sick and elderly people that Brodoway was involved with. After attending the showcase, he exchanged information with someone interested in commissioning an similar guitar from him.

“I love coming up with these unique designs and making them come out,” Brodoway said. “At the end, they’re musical and that’s part of the magic of guitar making. Every step of it is beautiful.”

Other vendors were there to promote the uniqueness of their particular style of craftsmanship. James Einolf has been building guitars since he was 14-years-old. He currently has a two-year waiting list for one of his rare, 1926 Gibson L-0 and L-1 series replicas, which he creates out of his home in Castle Rock as a tribute to the late blues artist Robert Johnson.

Likewise, Jeff Bamburg has built guitars in his home in Salida for seven years; he made it his full-time career in 2009. He took an interest in the guitar as a musician, but quickly learned that not every instrument was created to fit everyone properly.

“I did like to play, I wanted to play, but I was sort of a frustrated player because I bought a guitar that gave me a little bit of an ergonomic struggle,” Bamburg said. “It didn’t fit my lap right and I ended up getting tendonitis from it because the strings weren’t adjusted correctly and the action was really high.”

He decided to try building his own model, mainly to see what it involved, and found that there were several adjustments with the shape and design of the guitar that he could manipulate to suit him better.

“All string instruments are a bit of a mathematical compromise,” Bamburg said. “[My approach is] an effort to return to a

FROM LEFT: Dave McGregor jams out with Russ Brodoway April 23, during the Custom Guitar Showcase at Acoustic Music Revival in Englewood. Brodoway built the heart-shaped guitar for the Denver based charity, Project Angel Heart.

An Art & Lutherie Folk Spruce Burgundy guitar hangs on display during the daylong guitar showcase. true temperament rather than a just temperament.”

In addition to the exhibits, concerts and promotions, Laughlin and Winchester offer free music lessons on Saturdays for guitar, bass, banjo, ukulele or mandolin of any level or style and voice. Volunteer teachers work through Acoustic Music Revival and can be contacted for appointments.

The shop also offers stringing and instrument maintenance through their resident repairman, Chris Herbert, who has operated his business within Acoustic Music Revival since its relocation after Winchester and Laughlin were married 12 years ago.

“I was looking for somebody to play music with when I met Bob,” Winchester said. “Then we decided to start a band. [It was] the two of us and we didn’t have a name. I was singing and playing percussion and he’s a guitar player.”

The couple now has an eight-piece band called Bob’s Basement Band, which will make their musical debut May 21 at the store, and will play again June 25 during Englewood’s free Eats and Beats Festival.

Jon Steidemann, an employee at Acoustic Music Revival, strings a guitar in the repair room April 23.

12 • METROSPECTIVE • APRIL 28, 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

Students, community address prejudice with words Metro’s 4th annual Poetry Festival promotes social activism, awareness with memoriam to Lalo Delgado

By Ashley Moreland amorela1@mscd.edu Some people use posters to protest social injustice. Some use a blowhorn, and some even use bombs. Lalo Delgado used a pen and paper.

The Department of Chicana/o Studies hosted “Man on a Mission,” the fourth-annual Lalo Delgado poetry festival, April 25 at St. Catejan’s Center. Delgado died in 2004, and the festival honors him and his work. The poet, social activist and mentor taught at Metro for 17 years and was “instrumental” in the creation of the Chicana/o studies department, said Luis Torres, deputy provost.

While many of Delgado’s poems address issues in the Chicano community, Delgado “used the power of the pen to move minds and hearts … He was the universal poet,” Torres said.

“He believed fervently in the power of the pen to educate and restore justice and principle that I believe benefits all of us, regardless of our ethnicity,” Metro President Stephen Jordan said.

STUPID AMERICA

By Lalo Delgado 1969

Stupid America, see that Chicano with a big knife in his steady hand he doesn't want to knife you he wants to sit on a bench and carve christ figures but you won't let him.

Stupid America, hear that Chicano shouting curses on the street he is a poet without paper and pencil and since he cannot write he will explode.

“Mixing writing and social activism came naturally to Lalo.”

In 1969, Delgado published “Chicano: 25 Pieces of a Chicano Mind,” which included his most well-known poem, “Stupid America.” The poem discusses how America sees the Chicano community through a lens of stereotypes. This sort of social activism was the theme of Delgado’s poetry, and it is a theme used by those he inspired, whom immortalize him and his work with their own.

“Lalo’s legacy is so strong that he continues to be recognized, even after his death,” Jordan said.

Members of the community were invited to speak about Delgado and share their own poetry, which covered a wide range of topics.

Jose Guerrero, a 19-year-old single father and student at the University of Denver, was one of these community poets. He said he had a chance to perform a spoken-word piece at the poetry festival last year during an open-mic period, and was excited to be able participate in a more formal manner this year. One of the poems he performed was about immigration and undocumented workers.

Other community poets included Mari Zepeda and Ken Arkind. Zepeda performed a poem about homosexuality and religion. Arkind shared a poem he said was a prayer for Ken Buck, Colorado’s 2010 Republican candidate for U.S. Senate. Arkind’s poem described Buck as a politician whom is out of touch with American society and uses religion to justify his political agenda.

Delgado’s work demonstrates the power of the pen and that anyone can advocate for social justice and work toward a more harmonious world. “[Lalo thought] we are all witnesses to the condition of our community. You poet, you doctor… a housekeeper or a teacher — all of us together have the power to transform the betterment of our community,” Jim Garcia, a family of Delgado friend, said.

Stupid America, remember that Chicanito flunking math and english he is the picasso of your western states but he will die with one thousand masterpieces hanging only from his mind.

TOP: Jose Guerrero performs his poem entitled “Fathers Love” April 25, during the “Man on a Mission” poetry festival in honor of Lalo Delgado, former Metro instructor, social activist, and poet. Photo by Steve Anderson • sande104@mscd.edu

LEFT: Amanda Duran and her four-year-old son, Benjamin Sandlin, listen to poetry April 25.

Photo by Sean Mullins • smullin5@mscd.edu

Spoken languages of antiquity club forms in passion, protest

By Linzy Novotny lnovotn1@mscd.edu The Spoken Languages of Antiquity Club was established in fall 2010 to prove to Metro’s English department that enough interest in medieval languages exists to revise the offered languages curriculum.

“I hoped to convince the department to offer more courses that three medievalists in the department are willing to teach,” said club president David Boyd. “[We want] to hopefully encourage them to establish a linguistics major.”

Other founding members of the club are Aaron Van Berg and Ryann Horn. They met in their Old English class. Boyd and Van Berg are linguistic students who are interested in modern languages and languages that are no longer spoken.

“I wanted to convince the student body that old languages are not simply for the elite, nor for

a niche group of academics,” Boyd said. “They are applicable to understanding meaning in culture and language even in the modern world.”

The club held its first meeting in January with five members. Since then, the membership has grown to 18. “[Members] do not need extensive language knowledge or linguistics skills to enjoy or participate in the club,” Van Berg said. “Most members of the club are linguistics and anthropology students, with one member being a civil engineering major, but we would like to expand our member base.”

The club discusses the historical and cultural meanings of texts, such as “Beowulf,” and passages are read aloud.

“It’s fun to pretend to be a Roman centurion or a Viking warlord,” Boyd said.

Next semester there are plans to hold an Old Norse workshop. Paleography, which is the study of ancient handwriting, and techniques for read-

ing manuscripts will be introduced at meetings too.

“When we have a good idea of how a language works and what it sounded like, then it can be used for communication rather than to just study,” Van Berg said. “Call it a novel version of a language restoration project.”

Boyd is graduating this semester and will be attending the University of Glasgow in Scotland to complete his master’s and doctorate in medieval studies.

“This club is for anyone interested in language, history, culture or anthropology,” Boyd said. “By using the language of these long past societies, one may be able to contextualize our own language and our own social interactions based on the foundation laid for us by the culture of the ancients.”

The club meets in Tivoli 329 at 3:30 p.m. on Mondays. Fall semester, the club plans on meeting twice a week, Van Berg said.

Club president David Boyd shows his enthusiasm for classic literature April 25. Photo by

Steve Anderson • sande104@mscd. edu

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • METORSPECTIVE • 13

Phi Sigma Sigma raises funds during river race

By Ashley Moreland amorela1@mscd.edu Photos by Steve Anderson sande104@mscd.edu And they’re off!

Number 15 had a bit of an awkward start, but he seems to be recovering as he floats past a cluster of ducks. Oh, but wait! There go three ducks, caught in the current, floating toward rocks! And now they’re coming down to the Platte River. Can number 15 hold on to his lead? Yes, he can! It’s number 15, floating upside down, by six seconds!

Metro’s Phi Sigma Sigma held a duck race April 22 at Confluence Park to raise money for the National Kidney Foundation.

“I’m really proud of that duck; he really held on!” said Jena Law who was a member of the sorority before she graduated in December.

According to Heather Gannon, a Metro senior and the sorority’s alumni and family relations coordinator, more than 350 ducks were sponsored for the annual event, and they beat their goal, raising more than $600. Gannon said they will send the money to the national Phi Sigma Sigma foundation, and they will distribute the money to the National Kidney Foundation.

Law said the turnout was much smaller than in the past, but they had many more sponsored ducks.

“Really, this is the largest I’ve seen,” Law said as sorority sisters made their way down the Platte River, trying to capture “float-away ducks.” “I guess we weren’t really ready for all the ducks this year,” she added.

About 20 minutes after the race ended, the sisters returned, carrying rubber ducks in baskets, shirt tails and even purses.

Gannon said some sorority members had to go three bridges past where the race ended to gather all the ducks that escaped the net used to collect them at the finish line. Gannon said she will make notes of what worked and what didn’t (such as the net) so next

LEFT: Metro student Larisa Buck and fellow Phi Sigma Sigma members ponder how to collect 374 rubber ducks on Cherry Creek near Confluence Park in Denver. The annual event was held to raise money for the National Kidney Foundation. year’s event will be even more successful.

“I think it went well,” Gannon said. “We recovered most of the ducks, and no one got,” Gannon abruptly stopped talking and looked down at her hand. “Oh, I’m bleeding! Oh, well!” she added, shrugging off the small wound. “Well, at least no one was terribly injured!”

As for the ducks — well, they will be in storage until next year.

“They need a year off to rest and actually train,” Larisa Buck, a Metro junior and sorority sister, said with a laugh. “[The duck race] is the biggest day of the year for them!”

14 • AUDIOFILES • APRIL 28, 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

Sounding Off

The Morning Clouds’ welcome debut Josh Wambeke is probably the busiest unemployed musician you’ll ever read about. Right now, he is recording an album with his space-rock outfit Fell and playing bass in the psychedelic rock quartet Jim McTurnan and the Kids Who Killed the Man. On the side, he records bands as often as possible.

Beyond these projects — and that never-ending job search — Wambeke has found a new focus: The Morning Clouds. April 4, he released The Morning Clouds’ sunny, reverb drenched debut called Wasted Youth Blues.

Since then, he has received a lot of well-deserved praise. Wambeke spoke to The Metropolitan about his recording process and what’s next for The Morning Clouds.

Interview by Ian Gassman • igassman@mscd.edu IG: You’re in two bands already, why did you decide to create The Morning Clouds and record this EP? JW: I would say The Morning Clouds is more lighthearted and childish … more of like getting back to just having a good time writing songs.

IG: Does that feel cathartic?

JW: Absolutely. I’d have to say this last year has been one of the hardest years of my life … it was almost like I needed to [record] just to get whatever I had out of my system. It was nice, because I didn’t make a painful sounding [album], I made something that sounded nice and pleasant.

IG: Although it sounds lovely, this EP seems like it’s about a failing relationship. Is that true?

JW: It’s not necessarily my personal, “this is a failed relationship” record. It’s just examining all of my life and relationships.

You know, everyone’s relationships. Honestly, it’s not just about relationships with people. The song, “Wasted Youth Blues,” that’s actually about my relationship with music. [Because], while all of my friends are getting bachelor’s and master’s degrees and having families and kids, I decided to do this thing with music.

IG: Did you record this EP in your home studio or somewhere else?

JW: Yeah, I did it at home. I just kind of went about it. I’ve been recording for years on my own and I have so much downtime being unemployed that I wanted to make sure that, during this time, I was able to explore some other options as far as record-

Josh Wambeke is The Morning Clouds. Photo by Ian Gassman • igassman@mscd.edu ing goes. I don’t know how long in my life I’m ever going to have this [opportunity] where I’m unemployed. Not that I’m slacking and not looking for jobs. But I figured I have this studio in my house and I need to take advantage of it.

IG: When did you start self-recording?

JW: Wow. It was probably the late ‘90s. I had lived with my grandmother, and my uncle was living there and he had a fourtrack [recorder]. At that point, I had some amps, some guitars, effects and I recorded, like, hundreds of songs on the [fourtrack]. That’s when it started and it never stopped. I don’t know if it’s ever going to stop [laughs].

IG: These songs seem like they came to you very naturally. How long did it take you to record them?

JW: Actually, really quickly … it was probably in the [range] of three months. I had written the first song, called “A Walk Home.” [It] was a drum loop and I was just playing with it on my sampler. I wrote the riff and it was a lot poppier than some of the stuff that I do and I was like, “I don’t know if I should [pursue] this.” It seemed to really flesh itself out, almost like a stream-of-conscious recording.

IG: Do you have any good advice for other musicians that record at home?

JW: You know, I think it’s all about coming up with an idea and just experimenting. Don’t necessarily pay attention to the rules.

But, really, I think that’s the beauty of home recording, to be able to have all that time to experiment.

IG: Just to clarify, you played the drums, organ, guitar and bass on the EP, right?

JW: Yeah, I played everything. I don’t necessarily want to do everything. It’s not like, “I’m going to do this all on my own because I want to have total control.” For me, it’s difficult to make musical connections and the people that I’ve made musical connections with are always busy. I have the time and I can play those instruments, so I might as well just do it.

IG: Are you going to take this a step further by getting a band together and playing live?

JW: I’m thinking about it. Honestly, I’ve gotten such a good response out of this thing that I think it might be a nice thing to play live. I just have to find some musicians!

IG: Also, are you ready to record more songs? If so, when do you plan on recording?

JW: I’m thinking soon, man. I’ve been remodeling the [studio] … I’ve written two new songs and I think I’m going to do a fulllength. I’d like to get some people to play on it though. I don’t want to do it all alone again … I’m stoked that everyone has been super positive about it; that makes me feel great. All I ever really want is to have people enjoy [my music]. You do it for yourself, but you also do it in hopes that people will enjoy it.

Download The Morning Cloud’s Wasted Youth Blues at themorningclouds.bandcamp.com

ReAd The LaBel

Brass Tree films favorite local bands Story by Ian Gassman • igassman@mscd.edu Photos by Stephanie DeCamp • sdecamp@mscd.edu

Sitting in the back of Leighton Peterson’s dining room is a brass tree wrapped in blue Christmas lights. This isn’t some random decoration. If anything, this antique signifies the locally driven concert series known appropriately as Brass Tree.

In January, Peterson and his roommates, Ben Mund, Tyler Cambell and Luke Bender, threw a going away party for their longtime friend, Roilen Ivester. As Mund explained, “Roilen was leaving town and we wanted to throw him an awesome party.

So, we got some bands and hors d’oeuvres and invited all our friends over. We wanted people to [watch] the bands from the living room, so we put [a camera] up on the wall.” Once the guys set up that video feed and inadvertently filmed their first concert, Brass Tree was born.

After that, Peterson — who is a member of the folk-rock

Tyler Cambell works Brass Tree’s sound and lighting.

band, Safe Boating is No Accident — networked to book more bands. Then, Mund, Bender and Cambell began working out the technical details. By the second episode, Mund and Bender built a homemade lighting system and used two handheld cameras to film the bands. Meanwhile, Cambell recorded the bands with his eight-track recorder.

So far, Peterson and his cohorts have filmed four episodes that feature bands like Sauna, Lust-Cats of the Gutters, Hindershot and The Don’ts and Be Carefuls. Of course, Peterson has a reason for exclusively filming local bands, “It’s a good way to give back to our community [and] our friend’s bands that might not have the money to produce a really nice video,” he said. “You see so many live clips that are just [filmed on] a shitty flip cam or some kind of camera phone.” Brass Tree strives to produce better videos.

At the same time, Brass Tree does pride itself on being a D.I.Y. operation and, unlike Brendan Canty’s “Burn to Shine” concert series (which also films inside old houses) or the Denver Post Reverb’s “Mile Marker” (which documents touring bands); Brass Tree’s concerts are more intimate. “Venues like this [allow us to] put both the crowd and the cameras right on the eye-level with the musicians. It’s more of a direct connection to what’s going on,” Peterson said.

Although the cozy confines of a house are a good setting for live music, Brass Tree is considering changing venues soon.

Since the second episode, the crew has received noise complaints and Bender’s friend broke his ankle while getting rowdy at a show. According to Bender, “We’re trying to [film in] more legitimate locations. It’s not even for a profit. It’s just to avoid

Leighton Peterson plays a Brass Tree show April 23. legal constraints.”

When summer arrives, and Cambell returns from his vacation, more concerts will be underway. Hopefully, no matter the venue, these new episodes will be just as fun and as intimate as before.

Photo FlashBack: Mushroomhead

Met’s Music Picks

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • AUDIOFILES • 15

out of 5

Damion Suomi and the Minor Prophets • Go, and Sell All of Your Things

By Matt Pusatory • mpusator@mscd.edu Damion Suomi and the Minor Prophets’ new release Go, and Sell All of Your Things, starts with “The Call,” which, true to the rest of the album, is one part traditional Irish folk and one part heavy–hitting drums — with a dash of foot-stomping throughout.

While the band mixes a traditional Irish sound with rock ‘n’ roll elements, they don’t take it as far as, say, Flogging Molly or The Dropkick Murphys. The songs on Go, and Sell All of Your Things have exposed roots, but are all still distinctly original, making Suomi and his band sound new.

After the opening beats of “The Call,” the rocking “Camel” comes crashing in with a catchy chorus and blazing guitars. The instrumentation on the album, which includes mandolin, banjo, piano and horns, diversifies the assault throughout.

“Holy Ghost,” the most sonically expansive track on the album, builds and builds over a Wild West beat before exploding into the rapid-fire refrain, “There is no holy ghost inside of me.”

The second half of the album opens with “A Dog From Hell (And His Good Advice),” the band’s love letter to drunken poet and writer Charles Bukowski, with the majority of the lyrics coming from Bukowski’s quotes. This song sets the tone for the rest of the album, with its big gang vocals and clinking glasses in the background, it sounds like it was recorded in a pub.

“Let My Love” is a sing-along featuring each member taking the lead on a verse. This song exudes a feeling of lightheartedness and fun, and rounds out the album before its powerful closer “The Lion, The Ram & The Fish,” which features some of the best lyrics on the entire album.

Go, and Sell All of Your Things is a fantastic, eclectic display from Suomi that, in the end, just might jump to the top of your best of 2011 list. Even if it is only May.

Foo Fighters • Wasting Light

By Kelly Clements • kclemen4@mscd.edu

Mushroomhead lead guitarist, Dave Felton (a.k.a. Gravy), plays to a large crowd April 23 at the Summit Music Hall.

Both Mushroomhead and Hed PE brought their mix of hardcore and metal to the Summit’s open stage. Photo by Ryan Borthick • rborthic@mscd.edu

When a bands releases an album marketed as a “return to roots,” it sounds gimmicky, even a bit desperate. But the Foo Fighters’ have always been a trustworthy band of no bullshit rock ‘n’ rollers, so there isn’t really reason to believe this is some comeback ploy.

Wasting Light is an album that delivers the Foo Fighters’ standard melodic and modern tracks. But these songs have been reformed with an injection of heavy, staggering hooks that were created after a year of toil in Dave Grohl’s garage.

With Pat Smear returning on guitar, production by the legendary Butch Vig, and appearances from old, musical friends like Hüsker Dü’s Bob Mould and Motörhead’s Lemmy Kilmister, Wasting Light is a simple, punchin-the-gut return to D.I.Y. rock. Making a late career album that is actually good is no easy feat, yet, Grohl and company make it happen.

On The record

Remembering friendship through Kid Cudi

By Emily Bryant • ejbryant27@gmail.com Kid Cudi’s album, Man On the Moon: The End of Day, had a profound effect on my life, and although it was my boyfriend that introduced me to Kid Cudi, I didn’t really appreciate it until I started hanging out with my buddy, Kylie.

Kylie and I spent our boring summer nights together, complaining about the lack of things to do in our small hometown of Buena Vista. At night, we’d sit in her little car, pontificate and philosophize to Man On the Moon.

Despite the fact that most of Buena Vista’s youth hated rap, Kylie listened to an abundance of it without remorse, and Cudi’s first album was one of her favorites. It quickly became one of mine. We bonded over our out-of-place musical tastes and eventually, after the summer ended, we moved into an apartment together.

Then her big brother, Adam, died.

Suddenly, not a week after she’d carefully decorated her new bedroom, she had to move back to Buena Vista. Just after we’d happily chatted about all of the adventures we’d have as roommates, she was my ex-roommate for the worst possible reason.

Of course, she was devastated. In fact, the word “devastated” was an understatement. Her brother, who was a musician,

would sing “Brown Eyed Girl” to her and beat up the obnoxious boys who hit on her at parties. He had his problems, but, deep down, he had a gentle, kind spirit.

What sticks out the most in my mind was that spirit — when Kylie explained to me why she was moving away, she smiled. I still can’t imagine losing a brother and retaining the ability to smile. But with it, Kylie explained her reasoning to me, “I have to live two lives now.”

It wasn’t fair that Adam died, and she knew that. But she planned to make up for it by living her life with as much joy, love and fun as she could. Because that’s what Adam would’ve wanted for his brown-eyed girl.

After his funeral, our friends and I accompanied her on a drive, and after declaring to the entire car, “This is for you, Adam,” she played a series of punk songs — because, at heart, Adam was a punk. Then, she switched on Kid Cudi.

She sang “Pursuit of Happiness” loudly, with tears in her eyes, and we all sang with her. Four other girls and I had the lyrics burned into our memory because of Kylie’s fascination and undying love of that album. Since then, I’ve never heard Kid Cudi’s Man On the Moon the same way.

Kid Cudi’s jovial raps highlight better times. Photo courtesy of Kid Cudi.

16 • APRIL 28 , 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

PORTS

“He believed fervently in the power of the pen to educate and restore justice and principle that I believe benefits all of us, regardless of our ethnicity.

Mixing writing and social activism came naturally to Lalo [Delgado].”

—METRO PRESIDENT STEPHEN JORDAN • 12

Seniors go out in style Metro sweeps Regis, bids farewell to 7 graduates

This Week

4.29 Baseball

3 p.m. vs Colorado Mines

Men and Women’s Track

By Daniel Laverty dlaverty@mscd.edu Metro’s softball team swept the Regis University Rangers April 22 and 23 at Auraria Field. It was a complete team effort, as five different Roadrunners hit homeruns in the series. Senior outfielder Jennessa Tesone led the Roadrunners with six RBIs on the weekend.

“Regis [is] a really good team,” Tesone said. “It was nice to beat them senior weekend.”

The Roadrunners honored their seniors for the last home series of the season. It was also Metro’s first weekend sweep since they took a four-game set against New Mexico Highlands in late March.

Senior pitcher Julia Diehl took the mound for game one April 22.

She did what she has been asked to do all season — be the ace and set the tone for the series. Diehl limited the Rangers to just two runs on five hits.

Regis struck first with an RBI single in the top of the second, but Metro would answer back in the bottom half of the frame with an RBI from senior third basemen Caitlin Jenks to tie the score at one.

It was an evenly played match with no team gaining any real momentum until the Roadrunners erupted in the fifth inning, scoring three runs. Senior shortstop Amber Roundtree added a two-run home run in the sixth inning, and Metro won 6-2.

Game two saw Jenks take the mound for Metro. She was coming off of a dominant start against Mesa State the previous weekend, and picked up right where she left off, allowing Regis only two unearned runs on six hits in a complete game effort.

Jenks’ brilliant pitching was overshadowed by the Roadrunners offensive outburst. Metro hit against Regis’ pitcher Nikki Haberkorn early and often. Tesone blasted a threerun dinger and senior outfielder Danni Hedstrom punched a two-RBI single into right field in the first inning to go up 5-0.

“This weekend, I was really confident in the box,” Tesone said.

“Which [is] good for the end of the season.”

The Roadrunners kept the bats hot in the second inning. Diehl and freshman designated player Kelsey Tillery would each drive in a run,

SIDELINE

TBA RMAC Championships @ Gates Tennis Center

4.30 Baseball

12 p.m. vs Colorado Mines (doubleheader)

Softball

11 a.m. @ Nebraska-Kearney (DH)

5.1

Softball

10 a.m. @ Nebraska-Kearney (DH)

Baseball

12 p.m. vs Colorado Mines

RMAC Awards

The Metro softball team celebrates their seniors April 23, after the last home game of the regular season, ending with a four game sweep over Regis University. Photo by Sean Mullins • smullin5@mscd. edu and junior outfielder Molly Clark demolished a ball over the left field fence for a three-run shot. Metro led 10-0 after two innings of play.

That was more than enough offense for Jenks, who did not walk a batter and struck out two. Rangers’ junior pitcher Natalie Adami was called in for relief and held Metro hitless the rest of the game, but the damage was already done as Metro cruised to a mercy-rule 10-2 win in five innings.

The Roadrunners scored early again in game one April 23. Metro scored two runs off of two Regis errors to take a 2-0 lead after the first inning. The Roadrunners would tack on two more runs in the fourth, thanks to some clutch hitting and a solo home run from sophomore first baseman Aubree Maul. Metro took a comfortable 4-0 lead into the seventh inning.

Starting pitcher Diehl was masterful throughout the game, frustrating the Rangers’ hitters. Through six innings, she gave up only five hits and kept Regis off the scoreboard.

However, Regis would not go down quietly in the seventh. The Rangers scored three runs on four hits and a Metro error. Things could

have gotten really out of hand had it not been for a spectacular home run saving catch by senior right fielder Kristen Gertner. The inning finally ended when junior Maegan Cooley lined out to Roundtree at shortstop for the third out. The Roadrunners won the nail biter 4-3.

There was still one more game to play, and Metro could taste the sweep. Jenks continued to make a case to be the number two starter as she again threw a gem for the Roadrunners. She allowed two runs on seven hits and again, did not walk a batter.

A trend is developing whenever Jenks starts a game, Metro scores a lot of runs, and then scores some more. They’ve outscored their opponents 27-6 in Jenks’ past three starts.

After scoring in each of the first three innings, Metro led 6-0, thanks in part to a two-RBI double from Tesone and a solo blast from sophomore infielder Annalyse Garcia.

Regis never had a chance as Metro easily won 9-2.

“It was a big weekend for us,” Assistant Coach Tara Mickelson said. “You could feel a different energy in the dugout and on the field.”

The Roadrunners helped their own cause in the win-column of the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference standings. Metro improved to 25-10 (RMAC); 30-13 (overall) and are riding a five game win streak, staying one game behind first-place Colorado School of Mines in the RMAC standings.

Metro will travel to University of Nebraska at Kearney April 30 and May 1 for their final regular-season series before the RMAC tournament is hosted by Colorado School of mines May 5-7.

Top of the Class Metro’s senior class leaves a mark that will go down in the record books.

• 155 wins in four years • 2 RMAC Regular Season and Tournament Titles • NCAA Record 112 homeruns hit in a season • Set RMAC Regular season record 37-2

Senior second baseman David Kaplan was named the RMAC Baseball Acedemic Athlete of the Year. Kaplan currently has a 3.80 GPA and is majoring in marketing. He is joined on the first team by fellow seniors Jordan Stouffer and Joey Widhalm. For softball junior Molly Clark was the only Metro player that was named to the RMAC Softball Acedemic first team. Seniors Julia Diehl and Danni Headstrom were named to the second team.

They said it: “We just fell short in a couple of matches. We all felt pretty healthy in this tournament, it just didn’t go as planned.”

SENIOR CO-CAPTAIN ROSS GELINA ON THE MEN’S TENNIS TEAM PERFORMANCE AT THE RMAC TOURNAMENT • 19

18 • SPORTS • APRIL 28, 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

Did You Know? The only days when there is not a professional sporting event are the day before and after the MLB All-Star game.

Roadrunners speed by Mavericks Metro takes 3 of 4 from division leading Mesa State

By Ryan Ward rward19@mscd.eud After last week’s disappointing series versus conference leading University of Nebraska at Kearney, Metro’s baseball team gained serious momentum after taking three out of four games from the Mesa State Mavericks.

The outcome of the series leaves Metro at 24-12 overall and 20-11 in Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference play and only a half game behind Mesa in the standings for the top spot in the Mountain Division.

With the season winding down, every conference win is a big one.

“We got eight games left we will see what happens. We have to play the game the right way,” Head Coach Tom Carcione said.

Metro started the series with a 10-8 win April 21. Mesa State grabbed the early lead until Metro came to bat in the third inning. The Roadrunners would capitalize on three walks in the inning and some timely two out hitting by senior first baseman Jordan Stouffer and junior designated hitter Evan Claus, who each had two RBI singles.

Mesa wasted no time getting the lead back in the fourth inning. After Mesa loaded the bases with no one out in the fourth inning, Metro’s defense made an two throwing errors that allowed two runs to score.

A double by Mavericks junior outfielder Jeff Popick pushed another run across the board to give Mesa

The Metro baseball team gets pumped April 21, before a 10-8 win against Mesa State at Auraria field. Photo by Sean Mullins • smullin5@ mscd.edu the 6-5 lead.

The score was 7-5 when Metro took the bats to the plate in the sixth inning. Metro would manufacture five runs in the inning after taking advantage Mesa’s wild pitching.

Senior outfielder David Fox came through with a two run double in the inning.

After senior pitcher Bradshaw Perry retired the first two outs of the

inning, a single by Mavs sophomore shortstop Braden Box made Coach Carcione to make the move to his bullpen as Perry’s pitch count was at 122. Perry allowed four earned runs in six and two-thirds innings while surrendering 13 hits.

“He battles man. He competes out there. The very good Bradshaw can beat a lot of teams. This weekend is big for him. He’s got to eat up

some innings for us,” Carcione said.

The bullpen took over and did not allow a run as the Roadrunners held on for the 10-8 win. Perry picked up his sixth win on the season The first game of the doubleheader April 22 resulted in a loss for Metro in more ways than one way.

They lost the game 7-4 but also lost their senior starting pitcher Jake Draeger after he reaggravated the groin injury that has haunted him the whole month of April.

“The same groin injury. It tightened up on him. We’re not looking to start him this next weekend,” Carcione said.

Draeger lasted only four innings in the game giving up three runs and eight hits as he suffered his fourth loss of the season. Mesa scored at least one run in five straight innings as they headed to the seventh up 7-2.

Fox jacked his fifth homerun of the year and junior Ty Jacobs belted his first homerun in a Metro uniform.

Corey Collins took the mound for the Roadrunners in the nightcap and he did not disappoint. He allowed only two hits, the first time a pitcher has done that since 2001(Steven Fox). He pitched all seven innings and demonstrated complete control of the strike zone allowing two runs and striking out four. Fox brought his hot bat for the night game and recorded three hits and driving in two runs. Stouffer also continued his re-

cent surge with two hits and a walk in three appearances. Metro won the game 7-2.

“I’m trying not to do too much with the ball, hit it where it’s pitched and see it out of the hand,” Fox said.

Metro came out April 23 looking to close the gap between them and the first place Mavericks. The Roadrunners came through with the 7-4 win. Fox, who grabbed the RMAC player of the week for his performance in this series, smacked three doubles in the game.

It was a back-and forth game until Metro took the lead for good in the bottom half of the fifth inning after a two run blast by senior outfielder Zach Krueger. The bullpen came through for Metro and closed out the game and the series with a win.

“That makes for a good weekend for us. That was our goal all year. We want to win three out of four every weekend,” Carcione said.

Metro will host Colorado School of Mines for their final home series April 29-May 2 before wrapping up the regular season on the road the following week against Colorado State University at Pueblo.

Metro first baseman Evan Claus slides into home plate April 21, narrowly avoiding being tagged out by Mesa State pitcher Nolan Snell during a 10-8 Metro victory. Photo by Sean Mullins • smullin5@mscd.edu

FYI: There are more than 400 colleges in the USA that have Quidditch as a club sport

Adrien Delvaux returns a backhand to Mesa State during the first round of the RMAC Tournament at Gates Tennis Center in Denver on Friday April 22. Photo by Rachel Fuenzalida • rfuenzal@mscd.edu

Tennis gets aced out of RMAC Tournament Both Men’s and Women’s lose 5-0 in semifinals to eventual champions

By Ben Bruskin bbruskin@mscd.edu Metro’s women’s and men’s tennis season came to an end April 22, at Gates Tennis Center, when both teams were eliminated in the semifinals of the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference tournament.

Both teams needed to either win the tournament, or jump to fourth place in the regional rankings, in order to advance to the postseason.

The women’s team fell to eventual tournament champion Mesa State 5-0 in their semifinal. The men’s team also dropped their semifinal match 5-0 against eventual tournament champion Western New Mexico.

The men’s team then lost 5-0 against Nebraska Kearney in the loser’s bracket, earning fourth place in the tournament, but dashing any hopes of garnering fourth place in the regional rankings.

The women’s team beat WNM in their loser’s bracket earning third place in the tournament, but they would have needed to win the tournament outright to advance to the postseason.

“A lot of it had to do with our doubles play,” tennis Head Coach Beck Meares said. “We’ve been saying that we have to come out of doubles [matches] at least 2-1. It takes so much pressure off our singles [players] and they can just go out and play.”

After beating Montana State-Billings 5-1 to advance to their semi-final match, the Lady

Runners could not get the job done against Mesa.

“The thing that killed us against Mesa was just going out 0-3 in the doubles,” Senior Alexis Alvarez said. “In college tennis, you have to win at least 1 point in the doubles to be able to win the match.”

Although WNM was a tough draw after the men beat Mesa State 5-1 to advance to the semi-finals, they faced a hard draw in WNM. The Runners faultered in doubles losing all three matches.

“Western’s just so tough, and such a good team.” said Meares. “All credit goes to them.”

The men’s team entered the tournament thinking a good showing could help advance them to the NCAA tournament.

“We came into this tournament thinking we could earn our spot in regionals,” Senior cocaptain Ross Gelina said. “We just fell short in a couple of matches. We all felt pretty healthy in this tournament, it just didn’t go as planned.”

The women finished 11-9 this year and will bring back three players next year who won All-RMAC awards. Junior Nadia Khamis was named to the second team for singles, and named to the third team for doubles. Sophomore Sam Schall joins Khamis as a third team doubles selection, and Freshman Niki Amos made third team singles.

The men finished 10-11 on the year. They will bring back junior Lucio Cagano who was named second team in singles and doubles, and freshman Adrien Delvaux who was also a second team doubles selection.

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • SPORT • 19

20 • SPORTS • APRIL 28, 2011 • THE METROPOLITAN

Did You Know? Tug of war was an Olympic event from 1900-1920.

Rockies fans, don’t panic about batting woes Yes, as of April 26, the Colorado Rockies are 16-7. Yes, they are struggling at the plate right now, hitting .188 over the past week as a team. Yes, this definitely should raise some concerns going forward.

Should we panic about this matter? No. It’s April, with at least five more months of baseball to come.

I get that we have been hitting poorly over the past week, but nobody should say, “Oh my God, we’re going to struggle offensively for the rest of the season!”

To those who are starting to think that, relax and give Hitting Coach Carney Lansford some time to help the batters improve their swinging mechanics.

Lansford will continue to work with infielders Jose Lopez (.143), Ty Wigginton (.233) and catcher Chris Iannetta (.170), amongst other players who have not been productive as of April 26, but have shown power in the past.

In addition, Carlos Gonzalez, who won last year’s National League batting title with a whopping .336 batting average, is hitting a lowly .214 as of April 26.

Last season, Gonzalez, who was a National League MVP candidate in 2010, was arguably the best all-around N.L. hitter and also carried his team through adversity.

Considering his low batting average, something might not be right. Swinging mechanics? Confidence? Or another underlying cause? Only Carlos Gonzalez would know the reason.

Matt Hollinshead mhollin5@mscd.edu There’s no question that there was one thing Colorado needed to improve on going into 2011: offensive consistency, especially away from Coors Field.

What did we do, you might ask? For starters, Lansford is the new batting coach, replacing Don Baylor from a year ago.

Baylor, who served as Colorado’s manager from 1993-1998, returned to the Mile High City in 2009 as the batting coach. To say the least, he stunk.

The problem was, he compiled two completely different offensive teams within the club.

Following their run to the playoffs in 2009, where they hit .261 overall, including .287 at home and .235 on the road, Colorado hit .298 at home last season, but they hit .226 on the road.

In retrospect, I was surprised we finished 83-79 last year, considering the offensive road woes and injuries.

If it makes you feel any better, we have been more consistent with the bats on the

road this season, despite a .229 batting average away from Coors Field.

Instead of the usual hit-or-miss offense you saw in 2010, we’re doing the little things; we’re hitting more singles and doubles, as opposed to straight-up going for the seats.

It’s the singles and doubles that count because in order to score runs and win, you must consistently get people on base. We are bunting efficiently, scoring productive runs, while still sending the ball to the seats.

Centerfielder Dexter Fowler has emerged as a dependable leadoff hitter, reaching base 21 of 23 games played.

In the long run, Lansford is an upgrade over Baylor as the hitting coach. We may not be happy with the Rockies’ offensive woes as of now, but I say patience.

Also, why dwell on the offensive woes when we have dependable defense? The defense has done very well so far.

Although Ubaldo Jimenez, who still needs to work on mental struggles, doesn’t seem like the pitcher we saw last season, we have three other pitchers with at least three wins. That’s

Historically speaking, I understand we’re not the best team in April, but consider their earlyseason surge a sign of good things to come.

16TH & BLAKE

huge.

Jorge De La Rosa’s command has been excellent. With a 4-0 record and 2.61 ERA, he’s pitching with poise and true confidence.

Among his various pitches, his changeup, which is his specialty on the mound, has been effective. I’d say he’s been our best overall pitcher (nothing against Jimenez).

Jhoulys Chacin is a star on the rise with a 3-1 record and 2.67 ERA. He is more composed, more mature and just more experienced relative to last season, where he started 21 of the 28 games he appeared in.

Jason Hammel and Esmil Rogers, who have a combined record of 5-2, have also done a good job solidifying the back of the rotation.

Fortunately, we will not have to rely solely on the pitching for long.

Aside from the rotation, the bullpen has been very good. Matt Belisle, Matt Lindstrom and Rafael Betancourt have been stellar in setting up closer Huston Street, who is 9-for-9 in save opportunities to go with a 2.35 ERA, following Colorado’s 4-3 victory over the Chicago Cubs April 26.

Historically speaking, I understand we’re not the best team in April, but consider their early-season surge a sign of good things to come.

I assure you the explosive hitting will start up again. The Rockies are fully capable of making the necessary adjustments to hit like they did the first half of April.

Did You Know? There are nine lines on a football field to divide it into 10-yard segments.

THE METROPOLITAN • APRIL 28, 2011 • SPORTS • 21

Metro goes to bat for cancer awareness Baseball, softball teams also collect food to help feed Denver’s homeless

By Mark Babish mbabish@mscd.edu For the third time this school year, Metro’s sports teams hosted a Cancer Awareness Day. Following volleyball and basketball, the softball and baseball teams hosted “Strikeout Cancer Day” April 22.

“I think the girls had fun with it,” Assistant Coach “ It was really cool because we’ve never had a strike out for cancer game before.”

For Metro’s athletic department, the pledge drive shows the student-athletes a different side to the community they play for.

“They recognize that there is a need in the community and getting the athletes to think beyond themselves and understand there is a high purpose for being a community member,” Assistant Athletic Director Ron Christian said.

Normally Metro does not charge fans to watch softball or baseball, but fans were asked to give a $2 donation as admission to the games or they could make other pledges as well.

“Its cool to be able to play a sport. Then be able to use that to help give back and help other people who are going through cancer,” softball senior shortstop Amber Roundtree said.

Metro and Regis softball teams both wore

pink jerseys with Metro wearing pink socks as well.

“It was kinda of a pump up thing, we’ve never really done the pink uniforms before,” senior outfielder Jennessa Tesone said.

The teams were able to raise $279 that will be donated to the American Cancer Society.

“For Division II especially, we (Metro) want to make sure their academics, athletics and their community involvement all have a place,” Christian said.

The following day the Fellowship of Christian Athletes held a food drive collecting nonperishable foods and was asking for Cup of Soup and Cup of Noodles packages.

The team was able to collect a lot of food according to Roundtree.

“We were able to fill up at least a whole table worth of those Cup of Noodles,” Roundtree said.

For Christian, the most important thing is that when athletes are done at Metro they are a well-rounded person.

“Its our goal and I know that Metro President Stephen Jordan shares this vision. Is to make good citizens. To prepare our students to look beyond on how they can contribute in the community,” Christian said.

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CROSSWORD

IMEOUT

22 4.28.2011 THE METROPOLITAN

BEST OF ONLINE Texts from last night

Across 1- Analyze a sentence 6- ___-mo 9- Overwhelming fear 14- Sign of spring 15- Extinct bird, once found in New Zealand 16- Musical drama 17- Art of outdoor camping 19- Relish 20- Broke bread 21- Pituitary hormone; 22- Smell 23- Short nail 25- Prophets 26- Mental grasp 29- Former Fords 31- Grassy plains of Argentina 32- Cushion for kneeling 36- Dies ___ 37- Campaigned 38- Architect Mies van

der ___ 40- Angers 43- Iranian city 45- Tabula ___ 46- Empty 47- Hindu religious teacher 50- Aquatic vertebrae 51- Mild cigar 52- Final Four org.

54- Cmdr Data’s was named Spot 57- Crude carrier 58- Intrepid 61- Golfer Calvin 62- Prince Valiant’s son 63- Electromagnetic telecommunication 64- Made a mistake 65- New Zealand parrot 66- Not quite right

Down 1- Tailless rodent

2- I smell ___!

3- Hoar 4- Equinox mo.

5- Computer key 6- Slap 7- Attic 8- Swear words 9- Own 10- Expeditiously 11- Not once 12- Golf clubs 13- Wagon 18- Speed contests 23- Reduce gradually 24- Alias letters 25- Radical ‘60s org.

26- News letters 27- Trim 28- Counterfeiter catcher 29- Capital of Tibet 30- Convert into leather 33- Mountain spinach

WEEK {PREVIEW} Thursday/ 4.28

“Music by Prudence” 3:30 p.m.

Tivoli Turnhalle Screening of the Academy Award winning documentary, “Music by Prudence,” followed by a discussion.

Free

Friday/ 4.29

Unite for Japan Doors open at 7 p.m.

Aztlan Theater, 974 Sante Fe Drive “A night of music to raise funds for the relief effort in Japan.” All proceeds will be donated to the Japan Red Cross. $10

Saturday/ 4.30

SUDOKU

Roadrunners Give Back Day 8 a.m.

Auraria A day of volunteer work, coinciding with the national Comcast Care Day. Check out www. mscd.edu/volunteerday/ for more information.

Free

Sunday/ 5.1

Faculty Recital 7:30 p.m.

King Center Concert Hall Tamara Goldstein and Brandon Matthews on piano.

Students free with a current student ID.

Monday/ 5.2

Banner Basics 1–2 p.m.

Administration Building 460 Faculty, staff and students are welcome to learn the basics of navigating the Banner system.

Free

Tuesday/ 5.3

Networking Workshop 11 a.m.–1 p.m.

Tivoli 320A Lunch will be included. Registration for the event is required. Check out www.mscd.edu/career for more information.

Free

Wednesday/ 5.4

A Delicious Taste of Denver Street Food 1–4 p.m.

Riverfront Park, 1610 Little Raven St. Join Denver Gourmet Tours for an inside look at — and bite of — Denver’s best street food.

Free

34- Conclusion 35- Asian prince 37- Hi-___ monitor 39- Med. specialty 41- Like a Humvee in Baghdad?

42- Moo goo ___ pan 43- Pertaining to birds 44- ___-relief 47- More cunning 48- Strong Australian horse 49-Aggregate of qualities that make good character 50- Animal life 51- Deal (with) 52- Minn. neighbor 53- Attention 54- Basic monetary unit of Ghana 55- Warts and all 56- General ___ chicken 59- Song syllable

I’ve started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.

Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn’t give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

Oh man..uncle Steve showed me his entire gun collection and is now pouring us shots of Jose Cuervo in dixie cups...Happy Easter, Jesus!

Oh, dude! That made me think of communion and the mini cups of wine/juice. I pictured people with them, cheersing (sp??), saying, “Thank you, Jesus for dying for our sins,” then taking them like shots.

My life is average Today, I looked up dumb laws for Georgia and discovered that it’s illegal to put a donkey in a bathtub. Now I just need to find a donkey. MLIA. Today, I opened my fridge and my cat jumped out. I’m still so confuse. MLIA. Today, I read this story: “Today, I found out the official animal of Scotland is the unicorn. Never have I wanted to move there so badly. MLIA”. I live in, and am from, Scotland. Never before have I been so proud of this fact. MLIA. Today, Cleverbot asked me if I was female. I answered ‘half’. Cleverbot then asked if I was Lady Gaga. MLIA Today I looked up weird laws in my country. Turns out that it is forbidden to bring bears to the beach. I have a new goal for the summer. MLIA

Note: Best of Online entries are not edited.

LAUGH OF THE WEEK DAVE LARSON larsodav@mscd.edu