Dec. 2011

IN THIS ISSUE MAKE PEPPERMINT MACARONS FIND OUT IF YOU’RE A CAT LADY BEST ALBUMS OF 2011 HOW TO MAKE SUFGANIOT SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS WITH THE PARENTALS PICKING THE PERFECT GIFT FOR ANYONE

NBA PREVIEW/PREDICTIONS WHAT’S NOT ON D-ROSE’S WISHLIST THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WAS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE CHRISTMAS MOVIES ACCORING TO A CYNIC DEALING WITH LONG DISTANCE OVER BREAK

CONCEPT Lisa Hinrichs

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Emily Waldron

DESIGN Theresa Lopez

STAFF WRITERS F. Amanda Tugade, Arik Wonsover, Ben Kohler, Kayla Flam, Sarah Soenke, Stephany Guerrero, Steven Wear, Taylor Odisho, Klaudia Dukala, Lauren Rohr, Lisa Hinrichs, Grace Gong, Michael Hoffman CONTRIBUTING WRITER Philip Sudderberg EDITORS Betsy Drazner, Darshan Patel, Nora Johnson, Samantha Krabbe, Arik Wonsover

ADVERTISING For further details, contact us at spreadjournalism@gmail.com

THE SPREAD IS A DIGITAL PUBLICATION OF REGISTERED STUDENT ORGANIZATION AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS JOURNALISM, ADVERTISING & MEDIA STUDENTS OF THE COLLEGE OF MEDIA.

A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

PIECES of

PARIS Story and Photos by Stephany Guerrero

J

ust saying the word “macaron” makes one

1

thoroughly.

feel a little more French. These tiny puffs with a slightly crunchy exterior and soft

2

Sift the almond/powder sugar mixture to ensure the batter is smooth.

filling are like cotton candy for grownups. Macarons were catapulted into worldwide recognition after

Blend the almond meal and powdered sugar together

3

Beat the egg whites and as soon as the whisk leaves

Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette, hit theats in

marks add one tablespoon of granulated sugar.

2006. People lauded the scenes oozing with French

Slowly add the rest of the sugar. Continue to beat

pastries, from perfect petit fours to the mini

the mixture until it forms peaks.

macaron towers that decorated Marie Antoinette’s

4

Add the food coloring drops and gently fold the color

lounge. Ladurée, the famous French pastry shop,

in from the bottom up. Since the flavoring is liquid,

(and from who the movie supplied its treats), is

it is crucial to do this slowly in order to keep the

considered a Mecca for the perfect macaron, and

consistency of the egg whites light and airy. You can

tourists flock to visit them on the Champs-Élysées

also add any flavor in here from cinnamon to citrus

in Paris. Known for being tricky to make on the

zest as long as the flavor is not in a liquid form.

first try, this pastry requires patience and attention

5

mixture little by little.

to detail. But it will all pay off when you bring a Parisian touch to your next holiday party and impress your guests with a little ooh-la-la.

BRING A PARISIAN TOUCH TO YOUR NEXT HOLIDAY PARTY AND IMPRESS YOUR GUESTS WITH A LITTLE OOH-LA-LA

6 7

Preheat your oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit.

Put your pastry bag in a cup to help you while you fill it with the batter. Twist the bottom of the bag as you fill it to ensure it doesn’t spill. Line your baking sheet with parchment paper.

8

Some recipes recommend drawing one inch circles on the parchment paper for guidance. Attach the round tip to the pastry bag and squeeze out one inch circles, one inch apart from each other. To get them flat, squeeze close to the paper in a down- up fashion. They will have little swoops at the top, but

INGREDIENTS 1 1/3 cup almond meal*............................................

With your spatula, slowly mix in the almond/powder

these can be smoothed over.

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Let the circles sit for at least 20 minutes so the

If you can’t find this in the store just take peeled almonds

batter can set before it bakes. Patience! Some pastry

and grind to a powder.

chefs recommend letting them sit a whole day! This

4 egg whites*..............................................................

method is what gives them that “rising” look. Add

For best results refrigerate the egg-whites in a closed

toppings like sugar or cinnamon.

container a day before.

4 tablespoons granulated sugar.................................

1 1/2 cup powdered sugar..........................................

Food

10

because too much heat and will make them crack.

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onto the inside of one shell and sandwich the other

Festive holiday colors or your choice.

BLENDER•ELECTRICBEATER•SIFTER* SPATULA•PASTRYBAG* BAKINGSHEET•PARCHMENTPAPER

Let them cool at least an hour or so. Fillings typically vary from chocolate ganache to butter-cream. Pipe it

coloring*....................................................

EQUIPMENT

Bake them for 12- 17 minutes watching closely

on top.

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Refrigerate them for a few hours or even a day.

Show off your cooking prowess at your next party by towering them like a Christmas tree, and enjoy!

*Sifter: Preferably metal, otherwise the oil from the almonds will start to block the openings. *Pastry Bag: With a simple medium round tip (or a zip lock bag with a corner cut off at a 45 degree angle.

WHAT’S COOKING

GOOD LOOKIN’?

Story and Photos by Kayla Flam

W

ith every holiday comes different food traditions. Being a CaJew (half Catholic and half Jewish) I have an opportunity to celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas every year. You’re now wondering if I get twice the gifts, and the answer is no. But we did get to enjoy tasty foods for both holidays. If you don’t know the story of Hanukkah, I’d suggest you look it up. Basically, the Jews were victorious over the mighty army of Antiochus IV Epiphanes even though the temple they were in only had enough oil for one night (instead it lasted eight nights). Since both winning the battle and the long lasting oil were miracles, let’s eat! Foods on this holiday tend to be fried because of the oil, so latkes (potato pancakes to you non-Yiddish speakers) and jelly filled donuts are common. Latkes are basically grated potatoes, grated onions, matzo meal or flour, and eggs, mixed together and fried in patty form. However, no Hanukkah would be complete without the dreidel game and some sweet chocolate gelt. I’ve listed a simple donut recipe below.

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Whisk together first nine ingredients (water through lemon extract). Blend well and stir in most of the flour to form a soft dough.

2

Knead by hand, adding flour as necessary. The dough should have some body, not too slack, but be smooth and elastic.

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Place in a greased plastic bag and refrigerate at least two hours or overnight.

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Roll dough out to about three-quarters of an inch.

Using a biscuit cutter (or rim of a cup), cut out rounds. You can also pinch off pieces and form balls if the dough starts to rise.

SUFGANIOT

6

In a deep fryer, or deep frying pan, heat about

Hanukkah jelly doughnuts

INGREDIENTS 1 ¼ cups slightly warm water.....................................

1 tablespoon yeast.....................................................

6 tablespoons sugar...................................................

1 teaspoon salt......................................................... ¼ cup canola oil........................................................

2 egg yolks................................................................

1 egg.........................................................................

1 teaspoon vanilla...................................................... ¼ teaspoon lemon extract.........................................

3 ½-4 cups flour.........................................................

Sugar for coating........................................................

1 ½ cups of your choice of jam or jelly.....................

Oil for frying.............................................................

Cover and let sit 15 minutes while heating oil. four inches of oil.

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Add the doughnuts to the hot oil (temperature should be about 375 F) and fry until the undersides are deep brown. Turn over once and finish frying the other side.

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Lift doughnuts out using a slotted spoon and drain well on paper towels.

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To fill, make a small opening and spoon in jam or jelly. Using a piping bag or jelly in a plastic bag with a small hole cut in the corner makes it easier to get the jelly in the middle.

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Sprinkle lightly with sugar by rolling in sugar or shaking in paper bag.

EASY EGGNOG

Christmas is a bit harder to pin down food

wise, since every culture has different goodies: Mexicans make tamales, Italians eat lasagna, the French have la Buche de Noel. One thing that is very traditional (at least in America) is cookies. When I was young, one of my favorite things to do during the Christmas time was to make cookies with my mom. Sugar cookies are easy, and if you’re planning on decorating them, using a boxed recipe makes it easier and gives you more time to decorate. You can either buy icing or make a simple frosting by mixing powdered sugar, water, and food dye. If it’s too watery, add more powdered sugar. A great gift idea is to get mason jars from Michael’s or another craft store and layer the dry ingredients for your favorite cookie recipe. Attach a tag with the recipe and what wet ingredients the baker needs. If you make a cute card (or find something at your local craft store), this is a simple, thoughtful and tasty gift for co-workers, sorority sisters, teammates, or whoever. It’s pretty cheap too, with the jars being between $15-$20 for a pack of twelve. No Christmas celebration would be complete without eggnog, whether it contains alcohol (brandy or bourbons are the liquors of choice) is up to you.

INGREDIENTS 6 eggs........................................................................

2 cups milk...............................................................

8 tablespoons sugar...................................................

3 teaspoons vanilla extract...................................... ½ teaspoon ground nutmeg.....................................

In a large bowl, beat the eggs. Slowly add milk and sugar. Continue beating until mixture thickens slightly. Add in the vanilla extract and nutmeg.

Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until chilled at least three hours.

SUFGANIOT

HOW TO PICK THE PERFECT GIFT FOR ANYONE

by Steven Wear

WITH THESE SUGGESTIONS, YOU

ARE GOING TO BE WORSHIPPED AS THE GIFT-GIVING GOD YOU ARE. IF YOU RECEIVE A BOX OF GORILLA DUNG, I’M SORRY. YOU PROBABLY NEED TO WALK YOUR DOG MORE.

O

ne of the biggest sources of stress during the holidays is what to get the people around you. The pressure is on because what you get any given person says a whole lot about your relationship with them. Not very often do your relationships get put up for review, but when that wrapping paper gets torn away, more may be revealed than what’s in the box. A crappy gift causes the recipient to ask, “Why do you hate me?” A great gift: “Did I ever tell you you’re my favorite kid?” It’s hard to win, but here’s how to get your Charlie Sheen on this holiday season.

The first Next-Level-Father-Gift: Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Bacon Maple Ale. Yes, it’s everything a man loves… in a can.

This flavorful beer isn’t going to be in your local grocery store, but for only $13 on Rogue.com, this fifth of beer is a bargain. If that doesn’t sound like your dad, go for the Worx JawSaw. It’s as if a chainsaw and a robotic arm had a baby for three easy payments of $39.95 at WorxTools.com.

FOR YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER This one is

FOR MOM

A gift for your mother is crucial to your enjoyment of the holidays and life in general. A sub-par gift is going to land you more nagging phone calls at school, because according to her, a gift of poorly-made bead bracelets means you must be smoking something as a cry for help. There are two fail-safe options when it comes to shopping for mum. The first is an easy to care for plant. Don’t get her the plant that is going to be like taking care of a newborn; it sends the wrong message. Get her a plant that requires as little attention as you do. A Phalaenopsis orchid only requires watering once a week by putting two ice cubes in its pot, and it looks great.

If plants aren’t really her thing, go with Netflix. Who doesn’t like movies? Depending on how tech savvy she is, you can get her the streaming option or the discs sent to her door for as many months as you can shell out $8. Plus, you can hop on her account and benefit from it yourself.

FOR DAD Dads are stereotypically easier to get gifts for than most other people, just because they seem not to care as much. Either that or they are just used to getting the same ol’ ties, underwear, socks and books. But this year you could blow his mind with a gift so awesome that he didn’t even know he wanted it until it was already in his hands.

tough. Your parents are forced to love you no matter how terrible of a gift giver you are, but your significant other can dump your sorry ass for someone with better taste. With my help, you can prevent this from happening. This gift must come from the heart. In some cases, a material gift is great, but an unforgettable experience is even better. For example, spend the perfect day in Chicago with your other half. Dine at a unique restaurant, go see a show like Second City or the Blue Man Group and end the day at a four star hotel that you scored for cheap off of Hotwire.com.

FOR THAT PERSON YOU ESPECIALLY HATE This one is even tougher. Not everyone gets their arch nemesis a gift during the holiday season, but sometimes it feels good to go above and beyond. And not everyone you dislike deserves the extra attention, but that prick of a neighbor you have who doesn’t walk his new puppy enough (the one he isn’t even supposed to have), but when he does, the puppy can’t make it down the hall before dropping a second chocolate puppy in the middle of the hallway… I digress. For that thorn in your side, show them you care by sending them an exotic box of feces. PoopSenders.com will discreetly and anonymously deliver a quart or gallon of cow, elephant or even gorilla dookie straight to anyone’s door. Nothing says “Merry Christmas, you filthy animal” like a gallon of elephant poo.

HOW TO

by Lauren Rohr

GO BACK TO LIVING UNDER YOUR PARENTS ROOF AFTER A SEMESTER OF FREEDOM Throughout the semester, I’ve noticed that everyone handles being away at school differently. However, once finals week rolls around, students tend to feel one of two ways: They can’t wait to go home to get away from schoolwork, dorm food, roommates and the hectic life of a college student, or they would rather spend their entire break on campus and can’t wait for the month at home to be over. Either way, most students go back to their hometown for the holidays and have to deal with an unexpected transition to a sudden lack of freedom. Abiding by your parents’ rules was hard enough before college. Now that you’ve known the meaning of “independence” and you’ve started making your own rules, it’ll be even harder – unless, of course, you learn to enjoy the occasional break from independence and appreciate the month of home-cooked meals and your own bathroom. In order to do that, you’ll have to prepare yourself for a new type of “freedom” – or lack thereof.

CUT THE CURSING

For some reason, as soon as some people get to college, they develop a serious case of potty mouth.

EXCUSE #1 Everyone talks that way in college.

EXCUSE #2 Nobody tells you not to. But when you go home for the holidays, Great Grandma Pearl isn’t going to appreciate any form of “FML” or “SOB.” It’s possible to have an “awesome” Christmas instead of a “b*tchin’” one. You can describe the sweater your aunt got you as “ugly” instead of a “piece of sh*t.” And at the family party on Christmas Eve, Uncle Tim got “drunk,” not “sh*t-faced.” This rule applies even more so if you’re around little kids, although nobody really appreciates a potty mouth, especially your family. If it has become part of your alternate college persona, save it for second semester.

RESPECT YOUR FAMILY’S RULES

Staying out until 4 a.m. on weekends, or even some weekdays, is acceptable and often encouraged by peers when you’re in college. But once you step inside your parents’ home, don’t expect them to give you the car keys and say, “Be home sometime before the sun rises.” If you have parents who understand your newfound freedom and allow you to stay out as late as you want, props to you. But a lot of parents don’t change their curfews just because their kids are in college.

It seems unfair, but look at it from their point of view – they care about you. They worry about you. This month that you’re at home is one of the only times they know for a fact that you’re being smart and safe about your decisions.

So when you’re under their roof, abide by their rules. This applies to more than just curfew.

CONTROL YOUR ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION Yeah, Christmas break is somewhat ideal for college students, given that semester classes are over and their responsibilities on campus are put on hold for a month.

But that doesn’t give them the freedom to get drunk every chance they get. When you’re stumbling through the door to your apartment at 3 a.m. with your roommate, completely trashed and laughing about the night’s events, that’s one thing. When you’re stumbling through the door of your parents’ house, it’s a different story. Parents aren’t stupid and a lot of them have experienced college life before.

They know all of the crazy things you’re exposed to, and as much as they don’t want to think about it, they know you’ve probably made some stupid decisions while you’ve been away. (Let’s face it, who doesn’t?) But they don’t want to witness it. Save the hardcore partying for campus.

DON’T BE A SLOB Being at home doesn’t give you the right to be messy.

Your mom isn’t your maid. What you do in your dorm is your business, but when you’re at home, clean your room, do the dishes, make your bed and do your laundry. Keep your sh*t together. The more you demonstrate your independence and maturity, the more likely your parents will actually want to do things for you while you’re home.

DON’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYTHING Enjoy your time at home. Enjoy showering without flip flops and sleeping in your own bed. Enjoy every homecooked meal and family movie night. It’s great to be independent, but it’s okay to let your family take care of you sometimes. Don’t spend your entire break counting down the days until you can go back to school. You get to be with your friends from college for months at a time, but you only get so long to see your family. Relinquish in the fact that your family and friends from home miss you and want to spend time with you. Learn to appreciate home as much as you appreciate your time at school. Life moves fast, so enjoy it.

HOW TO

TELL IF YOU’RE A CRAZY CAT LADY

Story and Photos by Kayla Flam

T

he phrase “crazy cat lady” probably brings to mind images of the mumbling, cat-throwing lady from the Simpsons or an episode of that creepy “Animal Hoarders” show, or perhaps you have a Great Aunt who is off her rocker and knits sweaters for her five Persian felines.

Well, these are all crazy cat people. But like any classification, there are the extreme weirdoes that ruin it for the rest of us. So in case you’re unsure of whether or not your friend or neighbor or coworker is actually a crazy cat lady (or gentleman — men can be obsessed with cats too) then here is a purrfect list of ways to tell if you — or those around you — are bonkers about cats. own at least one cat. I mean, you can’t 10 You really be a crazy cat lady without actually owning a cat. Chances are you probably have more than one.

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You own at least one article of clothing that has a cat on it. I’m gonna go ahead and disqualify Halloween wear. Black cats are a symbol of Halloween and I’m sure more than those obsessed with cats have owned one of these in their lives.

Like the actual, live animal, you probably own more than one piece of clothing with a cat on it.

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You actively seek out cat videos/books/ pictures. After watching the video your friend posted on your wall, do you then proceed to watch other YouTube videos that pop up on the side? Or when in a bookstore, do you somehow always find the cat books and rifle through them?

Cat lady behavior.

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You’ve dressed up your cat. Cats look funny in clothes, so I don’t know why anyone would not want to dress them up. But then again I would be classified as a crazy cat lady myself, so I can’t be an accurate judge…

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You’ve dressed up your cat…more than once, as in for multiple holidays, and you’ve posted pictures to social media. I don’t think this one needs additional explanation.

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You’ve created media (photos, blog posts, videos) featuring your cat. On the left is a collection of pictures I did of my cat Jaspurr.

This is a good example of cat lady artwork.

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8

Multiple conversations throughout your day revolve around your cat(s). Whether it’s talking about the crazy thing your cat did while you were watching TV or how your cats resemble the cast of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” people think they know your cats like they are their own by how much you talk about them.

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You give unsolicited advice about cat behavior or health, or you give commentary on what the cat is doing/thinking. Examples of this: “When it comes to litter boxes, you should have one more than cats. So if you have 2 cats, you need 3 litter boxes.” Or:

People post cat videos on your wall. If someone’s first thought after seeing that amazing cat video is that you would love it, then they already know you’re a cat lady. Same goes for gifts. If someone doesn’t know what to get you for your birthday, they know you’ll always love something cat related.

Most of the pictures on your phone or camera are of your cat. Cats do awesome and adorable things ALL THE TIME, so obviously you have to document them sleeping in an adorable circle on your couch from every angle…every time they do it.

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“THOMAS IS DEFINITELY THINKING, ‘I’LL TOLERATE YOU JASPURR, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU.” And there you have it: Crazy cat lady/gentleman behavior.

BEST ALBUMS OF

2011

by Taylor Odisho

As the year comes to an end, so ends another milestone with music. Skrillex made Dubstep mainstream, Deadmau5 made house music popular again, and Rebecca Black made it a fact that any music video can go viral. Here are the top three albums that 2011 brought us.

The third best album of the year has to go to Tyler, the Creator’s sophomore

the spot for the second best album of the year. Critics and music lovers would likely agree with us, considering

album, GOBLIN. The Spread recently covered an album that explained the movement that is Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All (OFWGKTA). Tyler and gang made vandalism, cursing, and profanity cool again. Goblin begins with Tyler claiming not to be a role model and just telling everyone he’s a “19-yearold… emotional roller coaster with pipe dreams.” Well, those dreams came true and fame hit Tyler hard. He won a VMA for best music video of the year for his second track on the album, “Yonkers,” which is by far the most popular song from the artist.

Since Odd Future prides themselves on their beats, Tyler plans on his next project Wolf featuring a variety of instrumentals. Some key tracks from the album are “Burger“, “Tron Cat“, and “Nightmare“. And if you’re just looking for a good laugh and a track you can jump around to, “BSD” is your best bet.

Bon Iver’s self-titled, Bon Iver, holds

Bon Iver is Bon Iver’s second album after their first success, For Emma, Forever Ago. For Emma was a love album compiled of songs that spoke of longing and heartbreak. Justin Vernon, frontman of the band, said on the new album “each song represents a different place and has a different story at each of these places.” It’s a beautifully made album, and we would expect nothing less of the hopeless romantic that is Justin Vernon.

And the number one album of 2011 goes to — drum roll please — Canada’s very own, Aubrey Drake Graham’s album, Take Care. It’s his sophomore album and surpasses his first work, Thank Me Later. In Take Care, Drake blurs the lines between hip-hop and R&B. He has created an album that transcends the rest that were released this year. Take Care takes you on a journey, beginning with a slow ballad “Over My Dead Body”. He works his

BON IVER IS NOMINATED FOR FIVE GRAMMIES, INCLUDING RECORD OF THE YEAR FOR “HOLOCENE” AND BEST NEW ARTIST.

this year. TAKE CARE takes you on a journey, beginning with a slow ballad “Over My Dead Body”. He works his way to an up-tempo “Take Care“, then brings us back down to earth in “The Real Her“. Drake has enlisted some big name artists for collaborations on the album, including Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Kendrick Lamar, Andre 3000, and fellow YMCMB, Lil Wayne. This makes for a wide array of styles and voices that create a masterpiece.

We highlight “We’ll Be Fine“, “Crew Love“, “Make Me Proud“, and “The Ride” as some of the best songs on the album. They are upbeat yet laid back, and can be listened to over and over again, making it the album of the year for 2011.

Of course, a few albums deserve honorable mention. If you need an album to jam out to while getting ready, check out Jay-Z and Kanye West’s Watch the Throne. If you’re heartbroken and you need to listen to a song that epitomizes what you‘re going through, Adele’s 21 will hit the mark. And if you’re just looking for a psychedelic album to relax to, Radiohead’s The King of Limbs can fill that spot. Other listen-worthy artists of this year include Robyn, Daft Punk, The Black Keys, Foster the People, and Death Cab for Cutie. Happy listening!

by Taylor Odisho

T

he Black Keys is a rock duo consisting of members Dan Auerbach on the vocals and guitar and Patrick Carney taking the role of drummer and producer. They formed their band in Ohio in 2001 and have since released seven studio albums.

Brothers was a huge commercial success and helped the band garner much of the popularity they have today. It was a tough act to follow, but El Camino does not disappoint.

Paste Magazine wrote, “By the time the record ends, there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself immediately wanting to start over again from the beginning. El Camino is yet another ear-pleasing installment in the catalog of a consistently impressive band. It’s an album that leaves you breathless and wanting more…” Reviews across the board are very similar to that of Paste. Rolling Stone gave it 4 out of 5 stars. Pitchfork gave it a 7.4 out of 10, claiming that, “… they’re the true victors of the 2000’s garage explosion.”

The Black Keys listed The Clash as inspiration for their sound in El Camino. This is apparent in the long guitar chords we see and the choppy style of the songs. They have widened the gap between their bluesy, folk sound into a more rock inspired groove, and fans are liking the move.

The album is very upbeat and a few of our favorite tracks at The Spread are, “Lonely Boy”, “Stop Stop”, “Little Black Submarines” and “Mind Eraser”. You will definitely not be able to erase this album from your mind and you’ll be reverting back to it everyday like we have. A great listen recommended to all the lonely boys and girls.

by Philip Sudderberg

I

f being postmodern requires an embrace of eclecticism, The Roots, on their freshly released record undun, have earned such a brand, whether they like it or not. Postmodernism implies an aesthetic pastiche of sources (in this case sound sources), and in undun there exists as many epic proportions of Curtis Mayfield as there are splinters of Brian Eno, both heard superimposed atop one another inside numerous soulful hooks that shuffle above rounded or otherwise gritty salinous textures. For maybe the most potent example of the record’s play with the concept of category is the existence of Sufjan Stevens, whose piece “ Redford (For Yia-Yia & Pappou)” has been lifted unchanged from his 2003 record Michigan and curiously placed in its entirety towards the downward crest of undun’s inseparable wave, a bold move that acts as further testament to the

record’s many shades and shapes. But somehow despite this auditory prism, undun remains The Roots’s record, and not a curious homage to their myriad influences. Questlove still scoops out husky chunks of time with his unmistakable backbeat; Captain Kirk’s spherical riff and the moaning sample on “One Time” interact like you and an ex-lover, distant but still somehow, even if regrettably, always connected.

The album necessitates a thorough listen. Concise in it’s length (a doable 38 minutes), but heavy in artistic weight, undun flows by with little room to breath between songs. Lyrically, Black Thought remains troubled by social and personal problems one thought he had fleshed out in 2008’s wonderfully angst-driven Rising Down. Not the case though as he still struggles through ever gnawing queries about fame and America’s economic inequality.

Skillfully he manages to never repeat himself. Maybe this is a due result of the focus The Roots put on guest spots and the human groove being created by what is very indisputably the most consistent live band in hip-hop, an edge that certainly has maintained their freshness throughout their fourteen history.

Regardless of its many merits, I’m not sure if there’s ever a point where undun pokes you in the shoulder if you aren’t paying attention. However, this critique could be considered in two ways: As a flaw, or the record’s point.

I chose to unhelpfully side somewhere in between. undun’s ability to evoke as many disparate influences across a smooth, start-to-finish arch is, in itself, an achievement, but the absence of a distinctive peak may leave some listeners stranded on top of the record’s plateau, although a high-lofted one.

CHECK THE LIST TWICE; I’VE BEEN NAUGHTY

by F. Amanda Tugade

I

t doesn’t matter whether you’ve been naughty or nice this year. Here are the top sexiest songs you can add to your playlist to heat up your Christmas and roast his chestnuts.

1 “Santa, Baby” --Eartha Kitt Imagine this: Weather-inappropriate clothing. Engine running. Fogged windows. You look at the clock, and you notice that you are 20 minutes late for the Christmas dinner at your grandparent’s house. Relax, baby. Your tousled hair is a new style. Just straighten out your shirt and swipe a little gloss on your lips.

10 “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” --Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrell The cute duet from Elf will inspire you to lead your special someone from underneath the mistletoe to under your sheets. A little naughty and nice never hurt anyone.

2 “Every Year, Every Christmas”--Luther Vandross A little visit from Luther’s soulful voice will keep the fire going.

3 “White Christmas”--Babyface What more can I say. it’s Babyface.

4 “Christmas Tree” --Lady Gaga Gaga’s raunchy lyrics will unleash your sinful temptations.

5 “8 Days of Christmas” –-Destiny’s Child If you’re feeling in “lo-lo-lo-love,” Beyonce, Michelle and Kelly bring a little Christmas cheer in this bootylicious soundtrack.

6 “All I Want for Christmas”--The Yeah Yeah Yeahs No, this isn’t the Mariah Carey song. Karen O’s hypnotizing voice chips the icicles around your heart and makes you realize that all you want for Christmas is for your special someone to be near.

7 “The Christmas Waltz” --She & Him This song is the epitome of all Christmas romances. You know, slow dances are still cool.

8 “You’re the One that I Want” --The Lennings Okay, I know that this isn’t a Christmas song, but it’s the cover from the Grease song sung by Olivia Newton John and John Travolta. Go on. Grab your Snuggie and cuddle with your boo.

Here’s to the late nights you spent cramming eight weeks worth of material. To every project, 12- page research paper in MLA and Chicago format and test that will make or break your grade. You made it to the end of the fall semester. Go home, my loves, and enjoy yourselves. Happy Chrismakwanzika!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Last Christmas- Wham!

All I Want for Christmas is You- Mariah Carey Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays- *NSYNC Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree- Brenda Lee I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus- Ronettes The Christmas Song- Nat King Cole Walking in a Winter Wonderland- Dean Martin Happy Christmas (War is Over)- John Lennon Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas- Judy Garland Someday at Christmas- Jack Johnson

SURVIVING

THE HOLIDAYS

by Klaudia Dukala

T

he holiday season is a time where family, Christmas cookies, and chubby men in red jumpsuits surround us all, but it’s also an ego-eroding time where all of the single women and men are constantly reminded of how alone they really are.

Every year people find themselves at family gatherings being bombarded with questions about their relationship status, leaving them feeling lonely and upset that they don’t have a significant other with which to exchange gifts or share a New Year’s Eve kiss.

It’s not unusual to find yourself feeling sad around the month of December, especially if you’re not being showered with love, but this year, instead of repeatedly listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” while quietly sobbing and gorging down Christmas cookies, stop hanging out with your cat and embrace the positives of being single around the holidays.

DON’T DROWN YOURSELF IN YOUR SORROWS First of all, don’t drown yourself in your sorrows.

Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself won’t get you a boyfriend/girlfriend and it definitely will not make you feel any better. Being single isn’t always a bad thing around the holidays, anyway. Having no significant other means one less person to shop for and less money you have to spend on someone other than yourself!

ENJOY YOUR TIME TO RELAX It’s called a “Winter Break” for a reason. Take time to do things for yourself and relax from the recent stresses of school, work, and everything in between. It’s okay to have

a day or two where nothing else matters but the cartoons on your TV, the couch that you’re lying on, and the leftovers in your fridge from your parents’ recent holiday party.

GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS Remember when winter break was all about spending time with your friends and playing in the snow? Well, having no significant other means you’ll have more time to spend with your friends this holiday season and time to catch up with your old ones. Instead of doing the same things you and your friends usually do, however, opt for more holiday related activities such as, ice skating, old school snow ball fights, sledding, making gingerbread houses, or watching cheesy holiday related movies.

MAKE/GIVE SOME EXTRA MONEY While everyone else is spending money that they don’t have, pick up a seasonal job and make extra cash this holiday season. Many companies look to hire around the holidays due to overcrowded shops and not enough staff, so it’s a perfect opportunity to land a job and save up some money for your summer shopping list. Not willing to work over your entire winter break? Consider volunteer work to give yourself an instant pick-me-up. Nothing feels better than helping those who are less fortunate during a time when they need it the most.

Being single doesn’t mean your holiday will be completely ruined. This winter, remind yourself to be happy and to do something nice for yourself, your family, your friends and for others less fortunate, and actually celebrate the holidays without dwelling about your relationship status.

KISS “NEW YEARS EVE”

GOODBYE

by Grace Gong

Y

ou know how when you didn’t expect to see a good movie, and then after you watched it, the movie turned out to be amazing?

New Year’s Eve was the opposite. Even worse when I saw Zac Efron gain 20 pounds and then share a kiss with a 53-year-old lady. New Year’s Eve is one of the movies that tries to make as much money as possible with the least investment.

Every year, some cheesy movie appears in the theater that tries to grab your attention with a star-studded cast, fancy background settings and popular songs. I wasn’t expecting to see a movie with action from The Terminator or a movie with a sexy scene, such as Mila Kunis kissing Natalie Portman in Black Swan. I imagined it as just a funny movie with Zac Efron and Ashton Kutcher, maybe even possibly taking off their shirts.

But it didn’t give viewers even that.

This movie was full of commercials.

From cars to lipsticks, the producer of the movie never gives up any opportunity to save money, not to mention gain profit.

In the movie, a messenger boy, played

by Zac Efron, helps an unfashionable 53-year-old woman achieve her crazy dreams. In the movie, she works for a huge entertainment company, but her outfit makes her look like an oldfashioned nanny. And they almost steal the show, despite a celebrity-fest.

Most notably, the cast also features: Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Jon Bon Jovi, Robert De Niro, Katherine Heigl, Seth Meyers, Sarah Jessica Parker and Sofía Vergara. With this many characters, the screenwriters decided to divide up the plot into six to seven distinct stories, instead of a manageable two or three.

And by the time the two hours are up, it leaves your head spinning trying to

figure out who belonged where in the grand scheme of things.

New Year’s Eve hired too many people for this movie to attract potential audiences, only to extort money from their loyal fans.

Watch this movie only as a comedy, and wait until it comes out on DVD. Don’t invite your friends or your potential sex partner, because your friends might make new friends and your date might leave with someone else.

LONG DISTANCE

RELATIONSHIPS

OVER BREAK

by Emily Waldron

W

hen the term “long distance relationship” is used, most people’s minds jump immediately to those who are attending separate colleges from their significant other, or those who are attending college while their significant other stays at home. It isn’t often that the words “long distance relationship” make you think of couples who attend the same college, but are from completely different parts of the country (or even the world).

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He lives in Phoenix, and I live just outside of Chicago. I knew when the relationship began that it would mean dealing with being away from him over breaks. And while I knew it wouldn’t be easy, I didn’t imagine how difficult it could be. The good news is, I have a few Do’s and Don’ts, based on my own experiences, for successful breaks away from your significant other.

1. DO Skype. Yes, there are plenty of ways to communicate with your boyfriend or girlfriend: Texting, phone calls, facebook chat, instant messaging. But the best way, in my opinion, is Skype. It’s the closest you can get to the way you would communicate in person: Face to face, hearing one another’s voices, and seeing the reactions of the other person as they happen (with only a few seconds of lag time).

2. DO text — but don’t overdo it. It’s completely normal to text your significant other throughout the day, every day. But you don’t want to text them constantly from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall asleep, otherwise you will run out of things to talk about, and end up talking about just how much you miss each other, which isn’t a fun topic.

3. DON’T

count down the days until you get to see your girlfriend/boyfriend again. Doing this will only make you more miserable. Instead, think about all the great things about home: Sleeping in your own bed, having no schoolwork, seeing your family and friends, etc.

4. DO

play a game with or against your boyfriend or girlfriend. Playing a game like Words With Friends with your girl/guy gives you an alternative way of keeping in touch throughout your time apart that gives a little competitive edge to your communication.

5. DO

go on long distance dates. Depending on the length of the break you are on (this usually applies more for winter or summer break), you can still go on the dates you long for. For example, you can both cook the same food and sit down for a Skype dinner date. Or, you can both play the same movie or TV show episode at the same time, and talk on the phone while you watch it. It will give your brain the illusion that you are together for a short time.

6. DO

occupy yourself. Keeping yourself busy can only help by keeping your mind off of missing your other half.

While nothing can completely cure the feeling of missing them, you can at least take your focus off of the empty feeling by hanging out with your friends, seeing family, or playing video games and watching movies.

7. DON’T surround yourself with happy couples. The thing that makes me the most bitter when I am away from my boyfriend is seeing happy couples and wishing I was with my guy so I could be just as happy. Obviously there’s no perfect plan for avoiding happy couples (unless you lock yourself away in your room for your entire break), but try to avoid places where there will obviously be happy couples: Popular date restaurants, the movie theater, roller rinks, bowling alleys — you get the idea.

8. DON’T

fall victim to temptation. Other guys/girls know very well that you are separated from your significant other, and they know that your relationship feels weakened by the distance. Some of these other guys/girls will try to take advantage of your vulnerability by trying their very hardest to get you to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend.

As tempting as it can sometimes be, remind yourself that temporarily satisfying your need for romance while your significant other is away is definitely not worth ruining your entire relationship permanently.

A CYNICAL GUIDE TO YOUR FAVORITE

FILMS

CHRISTMAS EDITION

by Lisa Hinrichs

I

n light of ABC Family’s annual 25 Days of Christmas, I recently found myself analyzing their holiday movie lineup. And let me tell you, there are some very questionable films in the schedule. First of all, since when did Harry Potter have anything to do with Christmas? (Besides that one scene in a total of eight movies. An ugly sweater with a “H” on it comes to mind). And don’t even get me started on the Disney-Pixar weekend. I’m pretty sure Aladdin (about Middle-Eastern street rats) and Up (about an old man in a hot air balloon) have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

Not that I’m complaining that these movies are on TV because I am quite the Potter and Disney fanatic, but that’s no way to get into the holiday spirit!

Luckily, ABC Family does make up for its faults in genre classification by including your typical Christmas favorites.

Nonetheless, in order to achieve complete holiday satisfaction, viewers will also have to surf the guide to find additional networks looking to take advantage of the season and boost their ratings. I know that sounds like quite the challenge, pressing the page down button on the remote, but no worries!

I put together a little list of flicks you should keep an eye out for. And then we can all be cynics together, judging the lame narratives that end up grossing these movies millions of dollars.

CLASSICS

I know what you’re thinking. How cruel am I to dis both Claymation animals and Mickey Mouse ‘n’ gang. Well, I’m sorry but the Abominable Snowman is scary, especially when he has teeth. And those creepy broken toys were just pathetic, with the crying doll Sally being the exception. I had nightmares for decades after seeing Rudolph. And don’t even get me started on Scrooge, Tiny Tim and the three-time traveling ghosts. It’s basically a horror film.

NEWBIES

NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION • ELF I am lying if I tell you I have any sort of hatred towards these two movies. They are simply awesome. But for the sake of cynicism, what kind of idiot dad drives under a semi on the highway, cuts down his own tree from the woods and leaves a squirrel in it, and then staples lights to every square inch of his house? Clark Griswold, that’s who. Plus, no way in hell would I let Uncle Eddie into my home without spraying him with Lysol first. As for Elf, watching Will Ferrell run around in green tights is not pleasant for either the male or female gaze. Buddy was also an illegitimate child stolen from an orphanage. I’m pretty sure Santa should go to jail for that.

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE • A CHRISTMAS STORY MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET • HOME ALONE If you want to make yourself utterly depressed, immerse yourself in a dysfunctional family, watch the US court system hate on Santa or see burglars take advantage of a child, I definitely recommend these movies. But there is always a silver lining, I guess. “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings,” and George Bailey doesn’t commit suicide!

Ralphie gets his “Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action TwoHundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle” and doesn’t shoot his eye out; he just breaks his glasses instead. Matilda saves the day while promoting Macy’s Department Stores. It’s a winwin. And, finally, people can rob your house any time of year—not just Christmas. What a relief!

ANIMATION RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSE REINDEER AND THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS • MICKEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL

BAH, HUMBUG!

HOLIDAY MOVIE

MATCH-UP

GUESS WHAT MOVIE THE QUOTE BELONGS TO! Compiled by Lisa Hinrichs

1 “Buzz, your girlfriend, Woof!”

2 “You smell like beef and cheese. You don’t smell like Santa.”

3 “I wish I had a million dollars… Hot dog!”

4 “Save the neck for me, Clark.”

5 “Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”

6 “ It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.”

7 “Didn’t I ever tell you about Bumbles?

Bumbles bounce!”

8 “Happy Birthday!”

9 “I shave in the morning, and by the afternoon, I look like this!”

10 “And God bless us, everyone.”

1 Home Alone (1990); 2 Elf (2003); 3 It’s A Wonderful Life (1940); 4 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989); 5 A Christmas Story (1983); 6 How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000); 7 Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer (1964); 8 Frosty the Snowman (1969); 9 The Santa Clause (1994); 10 Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983)

THE BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIE

YOU DIDN’T REALIZE WAS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE

by Michael Hoffman

F

or a movie set in New York City during Christmas time, Eyes Wide Shut is certainly the most unconventional of its class that you will likely ever see. Instead of a jolly ol’ St. Nick, wintery feel-good tale, this psychosexual thriller explores the dark confines of temptation and infidelity.

But it also manages to celebrate the unexpected and mysterious aspects of life that the holiday season allows us to appreciate.

This was legendary filmmaker Stanley Kubrick’s last work and is also one of his best. Tom Cruise plays Dr. Bill Harford, a charming yet unpretentious gentleman married to Alice, played by Nicole Kidman. Both actors are in the prime of their career and effortlessly radiate a youthful, seductive beauty as an elegant Manhattan couple.

At a friend’s holiday party, the two have separate opportunities to cheat on one another, but both ultimately elude the gaze of their beautiful strangers.

The next evening, Alice surprises Bill by revealing that she is contemplating

throwing away her comfortable life with him for the sake of a brief encounter she had with a sailor that previous summer.

Images of Alice and the unnamed sailor making love begin to haunt Bill’s imagination. These conjured images push him to actualize his fears with his own attempt at a random affair, which ultimately fails to come to full fruition.

The plot thickens when the doctor reunites with a jazz pianist friend who invites him to a secret costume party outside of town. There he discovers an erotic underworld that I think most people assume exists in real life, but nobody would have any idea where to find it. Upon arriving home, Alice reveals that she had practically the same disturbing experience that night – in a dream.

Both Alice and Bill share a similar sexual delusion. Alice suffers from the temptations within her mind, while Bill actively pursues them in his behavior.

Both conflicts are equally tormenting and equally real.

The film is expertly shot with the

smooth moving Steady-Cam that Kubrick pioneered with his landmark horror film The Shining. The viewer should expect nothing less than stellar cinematography from Kubrick, in both color and composition, and he captures the NYC holiday bustle crisply from beginning to end.

But what makes the film so engaging is the range of unpredictable and intelligent plot twists that sustain the sexual tension between the two but refusing to align them against one another. Judging from its reputation, I expected the film to have more sex scenes than it did. And instead of being over-heated and raunchy, Kubrick used the film’s sexiness as a cautionary device to highlight its broader importance in romantic relationships.

Passion and mystery are the hallmarks of love, and the holidays are a time to be grateful for the people we share it with. Eyes Wide Shut is a powerful film because it appreciates the sanctity of life and how easily it can slip away from us.

ILLINOIS BASKETBALL

A

fter starting the season on a hot streak, the Fighting Illini Basketball team looks to stay on path and stray from the football team’s failures.

In my early-season article about our gridiron gang, I predicted success. As it turned out, the season ended up being one of the most atrocious displays of athletics that this campus has seen in several years. Sure, I wrote the article after the team had gotten out to an unprecedented 6-0 start; but nobody, including myself, expected the Illini to lose the remaining 6 games on their schedule, losing head coach Ron Zook in the process.

No sports writer enjoys when their predictions are literally completely off, so in this month’s issue, I will be doing less of a forecast and more of an analysis of the Fighting Illini basketball squad.

Last season, campus geared up for what was supposed to be a return of the Flyin’ Illini team of 2005, complete with the highly touted senior guard Demetri McCamey.

Similar to this year’s football season, the Illini collapsed under the pressure of the Big Ten and finished the year at 20-14 (although they did finish 14-2 in games at Assembly Hall.)

Whereas the last few years have seen teams with several returning seniors, this season’s team finds themselves with only one senior: Bradley transfer Sam Maniscalco. The rest of the squad is loaded with young talent, including returning juniors DJ Richardson and Brandon Paul, sophomore Meyers Leonard, and several newcomers including Nnanna Egwu, Tracy Abrams, and Mike Shaw. Coach Webber insists that despite the youth of his team, it is one of the most determined and levelheaded groups that he’s ever had.

With the campus swooning after the atrocious end to this year’s football season, it is up to the basketball team to bring the charisma back to the students and bring out the insane crowds that make Assembly Hall one of the

by Ben Kohler

one of the toughest venues for opponents to play in the country.

The Illini swept through the first several games of the season with ease, picking up victories over Loyola-Chicago, SIU Edwardsville, Lipscomb, Richmond, ISU, and Chicago State. The Illini almost always start their seasons in both football and basketball against soft opponents, so this isn’t out of the norm. As soon as winter rolls around, the tougher games start to creep in.

Illinois’ first test came on the road against Maryland, a team that has finished near the top of the ACC the past several years. After trailing after the first half, Maniscalco seemingly couldn’t miss out of the gates in the second.

Tight defense and forcing the Terps to miss time and time again ultimately led to the 71-62 victory for Illinois.

Maniscalco finished with 24 points and Paul with 17. This was also Coach Webber’s 200th victory as the Illini head coach, improving his record to 200-86 in his 9th season in Champaign.

The next week proved to be an even tougher test against Gonzaga. With one of the country’s most highly acclaimed big men in Robert Sacre, the then 18th ranked Zags rolled into Champaign with high hopes. Fortunately, the Illini came to play. Leonard, who had been criticized for his lack of muscle in the post, was able to bang down low with Sacre, finishing with 21 points in an 82-75 upset win for Illinois.

I’m not necessarily saying that something great will come out of this season, because that seemed to jinx with the Illinois football team. However, it is fair to say that our squad is off to a promising start this season.

WITH THE DWIGHT HOWARD SWEEPSTAKES IN FULL SWING, PERHAPS HIS BEST OPTION REMAINS OFF HIS WISH LIST

by Arik Wonsover

A

midst one of the most chaotic off-seasons

Someone seriously needs to lock this guy in a

in NBA history where we’ve seen Chris Paul traded to the Los Angeles Lakers only to end up with the Los Angeles Clippers, a storyline that has been somewhat overshadowed is Dwight Howard’s availability. Key word: availability. Howard isn’t exactly being shopped, but word around the league is that the Orlando Magic will probably deal him with the likelihood that he’ll sign elsewhere when his contract expires after this season.

At only 26, Howard is coming off a season where he averaged 23 points and 14 rebounds, so it’s a no brainer that the Magic are fielding offers from nearly every NBA team. But there’s a catch: Howard recently revealed his short list of teams that he would be open to signing a long-term extension with if he were dealt one. The teams on this list are the usual suspects: the Orlando Magic, Dallas Mavericks, New Jersey Nets and the Los Angeles Lakers. Hold on, that’s it? Why aren’t the Chicago Bulls on this list? He only forgot the team who had the NBA’s MVP, Coach of the Year and best overall record. Okay, chances are he didn’t forget, he just doesn’t want to play for them, but I just can’t make any sense of this.

Dwight Howard isn’t keen on cold weather. But is he really going to pass up the chance to wreak havoc on the NBA for years to come by teaming up with reigning MVP Derrick Rose because Chicago is cold? If that is true, then Dwight Howard has some major splainin’ to do.

room and put this Derrick Rose highlight reel on repeat. Does he not watch the NBA? Did he miss when the Bulls eliminated the same Atlanta Hawks team from the playoffs that swept his Magic in the first round? He must’ve missed those games while he was too busy whining about a trade.

Some argue that the Bulls don’t have as good of an offer as the Nets or Lakers, but I’d have to disagree with them. The Bulls could offer Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, Omer Asik, Kyle Korver, the Charlotte Bobcat’s protected 1st round pick (unprotected in 2016) and another 1st round pick for Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu. This trade would keep the Magic competitive, while preparing them for the future with young talent and a couple of first round picks. That’s a whole lot of value for a player that’s on his way out anyways.

While the Bulls are giving up a ton in this trade, they would still have a stacked lineup if this deal were done. Dwight Howard would join a lineup with Derrick Rose, Richard Hamilton, Ronnie Brewer, and Carlos Boozer with Taj Gibson anchoring one the deepest benches in the league.

If I were Howard, I would take my chances joining this lineup rather than a Lakers or Nets team that would likely clean house to get him. But that’s the thing, I’m not Dwight Howard, the Magic aren’t Dwight Howard, and you certainly aren’t Dwight Howard. I’m not a mind reader nor do I have the ability or the right to sway this guy in a direction.

Only time will tell if Howard makes the right decision.

“EL HOMBRE”

IS HEADED WEST

by Steven Wear

I

n schoolyards, “Albert Pujols” is a euphemism for a hard on. If you disagree with that statement, you obviously don’t know jack about the living legend that is Jose Alberto “El Hombre” Pujols.

Pujols has made even more headlines than usual after signing a $254 million, 10-year contract with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. This is the second highest paying contract in the history of baseball, second to only Alex Rodriguez’s $275 million, 10-year contract. The announcement came on December 8th, marking the end of his 11-year run with the St. Louis Cardinals.

No one should be surprised. The writing was on the wall at the start of spring training when contract extension negotiations were suspended without an agreement. He became a free agent on November 3rd, making him eligible to sign with a new team for the first time since 1999.

The news of his departure from St. Louis is obviously a sore subject for Cardinals fans. His exit is reminiscent of LeBron James’ Cleveland exit, as both super stars led their respective team to

success only to leave their franchise in shambles. After winning two World Series championships through his stint as a Cardinal, St. Louis’ pride and joy is taking his talents to the City of Angels after much speculation that he would remain with his ball club, just like King James. I’m disappointed Pujol’s didn’t demand an ESPN special called The Choice. St. Louis fans haven’t rioted or burned effigies of Albert Pujols just yet, but maybe it’s because they are too stricken with sadness from the loss of not only their star player, but their future Hall of Fame manager Tony La Russa.

I can’t tell which is more stacked, Pujols’ contract or his stats? As first basemen for the Cardinals, he was able to rack up a .328 batting average, leading all active players at the end of the 2011 season. As a nine time All-Star, threetime MVP, and two time Hank Aaron Award recipient, Pujols was named the “Greatest Player of the Decade” by ESPN. After a decade of glory, Pujols will play out yet another decade, this time in a different jersey. Albert Pujols is 31

years old. Moving to Anaheim is a sign of Pujols thinking about his age. No longer will he have to put up with the weather of the Midwest. Pujols moving to California is the equivalent of old people moving to Florida to warm their bones. But his age means more than just preferring to play in some guaranteed sun. By changing from the National League to the American League, he’ll be able to make a smooth transition from playing in the field at first base to sitting on the bench on defense as a designated hitter for the Angels.

After all, by the time his contract is up with the Angels, he’ll be 41 years old.

If he had stayed in the National League he’d still be playing first base at that age; the chance of becoming a designated hitter relieves him of that wearand-tear and adds years to his career.

Regardless, this will probably be the last contract that Pujols signs before he retires. The Angels haven’t won a World Series since 2002, but I would be surprised if they didn’t rack up at least one or two more titles in the next 10 years. We’ll see if Pujols left his talents in St. Louis or if he’ll bring another title to Anaheim.

HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO