The Transmitter Issue 6 by Transmission Publications Ltd

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ISSUE 6 JUNE 2009

THE MAGAZINE FOR SE LONDON www.thetransmitter.co.uk

BARBIE GIRL

Celebrity Masterchef Nadia Sawalha gets out the barbie tongs

WEDDING BELLE Transmitter girl Natasha gets spliced in Dulwich

THIS SPORTING LIFE FOOTB ALL RUGBY CYCLING SWIMMING MORE FOOTB ALL

ABOUT US Editorial Editor Andy Pontin Sub Editors Jonathan Main, Annette Prosser Regular Contributers

WELCOME From the Editor(s)

Digging the Garden Sue Williams

Welcome to issue six!

Digging the Music Howard Male

Did you know it's nearly a year since The Transmitter started transmitting? The next issue is our anniversary so I hope you lovely readers will help us to celebrate, we may even have a party in the park!

Making the Food Nadia Sawalha Eating the Food Justine Crow Drinking the Beverages Michael Eyre Retail Therapy Liz Clamp Design & Production Smash Bang Wallop Simon Sharville Printing AD Print Services Ltd Contact Advertising sales@thetransmitter.co.uk Listings listings@thetransmitter.co.uk Editorial editor@thetransmitter.co.uk The Transmitter is published by Transmission Publications Ltd Registered in England 6594132 PO Box 53556, London SE19 2TL Cover

Dulwich & Sydenham Hill Golf Club Clothes and styling: Vintagehart Photography: Smash Bang Wallop

For this issue, we've gone sport crazy; we have articles about football, rugby, cycling, swimming and even more football. Even our local history piece is about flipping football. We've got information for you if you can't wait for your kids to get started down the road to becoming the next Jonny Wilkinson or David Beckham. If Victoria Beckham is more your thing then you can read our article about Frankie & Lola's, a rather stylish new ladies fashion shop that has opened right on our doorstep (p23). If you are not so keen on the beautiful game, you can empathise with poor Howard Male whose life has been ruined by it, well sort of (p16). We've got tips for you if you are planning on walking up the aisle anytime soon in our Let's-Pretend-Natasha's-Getting-Married-at-Dulwich-PictureGallery Photoshoot. We've got all our regular articles on gardening and books and music and food and drink, and that Nadia off the telly had a big barbeque round her gaff and we can all get into the summer thing by trying out her recipes, instead of just buying burgers and kebabs from Sainsbury's. We also present to you the results of the Crystal Palace Curry Cook-off. Be warned though, it makes you hungry reading that one, so probably best leave that until about 8pm on Saturday Night (p38). Enjoy! There's lots more to see on our new website: www.thetransmitter.co.uk

Warm thanks to Dulwich and Sydenham Hill Golf Club for letting us create a big mess in one of their sand bunkers for the cover shoot. The 6,100 yard course is set among the old oaks of the Great North Wood and was designed by the late, great Harry Colt and boy, the view! If you don't believe us, take a look at their webcam feed on the new Transmitter website, it's an amazing view of London and you can also watch the golfers arguing on the 18th green. They have the only clubhouse in the world that overlooks a capital city. And not a lot of people know that. You can call the club office on 0208 693 3961 to enquire about playing.

ROBOTS IN FOREST HILL AT THE HORNIMAN MUSEUM

ISSUE 6 JUNE 2009 www.thetransmitter.co.uk

CONTENTS 8

CYCLING: HISTORIC GEM IN DANGER! THE HERNE HILL VELODROME

FA CUP FINALS IN CRYSTAL PALACE PARK B ACK WHEN CP WAS THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE

12 14 16 18

PUTTING THE BOOT IN LIZ CLAMP FOLLOWS THE STORY OF THE FOOTB ALL BOOT

IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR CRYSTAL PALACE TRIANGLE GETS A TOUCH OF GLAMOUR

LOCAL HERO WE TALK TO A VERY NICE MAN FROM CRYSTAL PALACE FOOTB ALL CLUB RUGBY IS A GIRLS GAME SUE WILLIAMS FINDS GIRLS PLAYING RUGBY IN DULWICH I HATE FOOTBALL MISERABLE HOWARD MALE TELLS US HIS PROBLEM WITH THE GAME

WEDDING BELLE TRANSMITTER GIRL NATASHA PRETENDS TO GET MARRIED IN DULWICH

34 38

PALACE PATCH SUE WILLIAMS WANTS TO BE A LAWN

40 41

FANCY A BEER? MICHAEL EYRE AND FRIENDS TRY A FEW BEERS WITH THEIR CURRY

THE BOOKSELLER PLUS C A CHANGE, PLUS LA MEME CHOSE, JONATHAN LOOKS B ACK......

THERE’S A WORLD OUT THERE HOWARD MALE FINALLY FINDS SOME HIP HOP HE LIKES

CATHY’S COLUMN ARE YOU WEARING THE RIGHT SHADES THIS SUMMER?

THE CRYSTAL PALACE CURRY COOK-OFF WHO'S POPPADOMS ARE TOPPADOMS? WE TEST THE LOC AL TAKEOUTS

I'M A BARBIE GIRL NADIA SAWALHA SMOKES UP(PER) NORWOOD WITH HER COOKING

LETTERs Lonely Urban Guerilla

Happy Shopper

Dear Editor I am a local guerilla gardener and, as far as I know, the only one in the area. My guerilla activities take place in Albert Yard, alongside the public footpath by the Royal Albert pub from Westow Hill to Westow Street. The patch used to be a dogs’ loo and general rubbish tip. I’m pretty good at the rough stuff such as planting, weeding, digging etc. but am in the dark about the finer points such as pruning, cutting back and how not to kill plants by doing the wrong thing at the wrong time!

Dear Editor One Saturday morning recently, as I was on my way to Sainsbury's to do some shopping, I was approached by a pretty young lady who offered me a copy of The Transmitter - the first time for a long time that a young lady has approached me and offered me anything at all..I was pleased to accept, and read

Is there a proper gardener out there who would like to join me occasionally to do the skilled stuff? My phone number is 0208 653 9173 and it would be great to get a call!

What the blazes is it? answers please at: www.thetransmitter.co.uk

The needy patch

By the way, you are welcome to come and sneakily improve the gardens at Transmitter Towers, we have dropped enough hints to Sue Williams but she can be a bit dim. - Ed

Keep on transmitting! Febrin LePadden Thornton Heath

Thanks for your kind comments, Febrin.We are indeed trendy.

THEN AND NOW

I do like your magazine by the way, it’s a really good read. Sincerely Helene Richards

Thanks for your kind comments, Helene. I hope one of the proper gardeners out there gets in touch so your clandestine activities can flourish.

the magazine later with interest. The verdict? Entertaining and informative, but so trendy - or does that say more about me than about the magazine?

Historical picture from Pete’s Prints 07896 150187 Catch Pete’s stall at the Alma Market every Saturday.

trading places WHAT’S GOING ON AROUND THE CRYSTAL PALACE TRIANGLE? For fresh-as-a-daisy info, gossip and news: www.thetransmitter.co.uk

Victory! A New Market for us!

A New Boozer

new market popped up on Crystal Palace Triangle over the Easter bank holidays - right in the commercial heartland, in Victory Place (opposite Blockbuster)

A fabulous addition for all of us who eschewed foreign, sunny climes, the great mix of food and crafts ensured something for everyone. Fresh food ranged from organic sausages and bacon, to the olives and peppers, baklava and vegan cakes.

First among equals were Francis et Sylvie, jointly the fromager-charcutier traditionnel. We have been stinking up the Transmitter fridge with their delights for weeks - some of that cheese is now very runny indeed. The hot food was, well...hot, with Jamaican patties available alongside gamey venison burgers and garlicky prawns. It wasn’t just lovely food but also interesting and imaginative crafty stuff, I bumped into my neighbour sporting a gorgeous ring which she had just purchased and my daughter was delighted with her extremely colourful felt daisy bag. Lisa York, market organiser and general good egg has hopes to make the market a regular thing which sounds like great news. If we can be patient (I know that’s hard because we soo want it) but Lisa is aiming to have a fishmonger, organic fruit and veg and an organic butcher with stalls available for local producers (how are those home allotments going guys?).

Meanwhile, the landlord of the new Grape and Grain Public House on Westow Hill is hosting a welcome new flavour of drinking hole for us.

It’s a Gone Thing

t’s a Green Thing has closed its' doors at 40 Westow Hill. What with Woolworths gone, that side of the Triangle is starting to look like the weak argument in Pythagoras's theorem.

A Bigger Picture

Open Studio

Bromley Fun Run

Lene Bladbjerg, Tine Bladbjerg and Catherine Shaw are opening their studios and inviting you for a drink and the opportunity to view their latest work. This is a chance to see how some of the best local creators of bespoke fashion, jewellery and artwork go about their business. Have a drink, a chat and relax amongst their creations.

group of local artists led by Roy Peterson, Angelique Hartigan and Paul Martin, collectively known as ‘Bigger Picture’, hope to access a number of empty shop fronts to display local artworks and open a Trianglebased gallery exhibiting works from the first weekend in June. Roy said "Our aim is to showcase the work of local talent working in various media from works on canvas through to ceramics and jewellery. We want to bring life and colour to the Triangle and attract as many art lovers to the area as possible. Sharon Baldwin from Croydon Enterprise said: "The artworks should improve the street scene while being beneficial to landlords..."

The Transmitter team went to their event last year (well, to be honest we'd go to the opening of an envelope if there were free drinks) and we can report that they are all very nice, friendly, creative people.

Friday 29th May 6pm-9pm Saturday 30th & Sunday 31st May 11am-5pm

Organiser Ashlee Corfe from Bromley Mytime said, “We never expected to get so many people in the first ever fun run, and it’s been such a success that I hope we can continue it as an annual event."

The Overspill 4 Coopers Yard Crystal Palace SE19 1TN

Weight Watchers, the main sponsor, said: “We were delighted to be a sponsor, especially as this event sums up everything about our new get active challenge. The challenge encourages people across the UK to increase their activity levels to lose weight, improve their health and wellbeing and raise vital funds for the British Heart Foundation”

For info email: britartinfo@aol.com website: biggerpicturegallery.co.uk

Roy

Rings by Tine Bladbjerg

Stop Press

The Gallery opening night exhibition will be held on Saturday June 6th from 7-10pm. Hope you can come along and celebrate this project with us.

Dry and sunny conditions greeted the runners and the 5k race was set off by the Mayor of Bromley Councillor Denise Reddin at 10am. Many of the runners were in fancy dress, and the winner – Geoff Dillon - completed the course around the Norman Park track and park in just over 18 minutes. A family fun run of 2k followed at 11am with many runners being sponsored for various good causes including the Mayor’s charities of Harris HospisCare and Foal Farm. Races were organised by Active Bromley a partnership including the Council and Bromley Mytime that aims to get more people active.

Hazel Blears, Secretary of State for communities and local government has promised £3m in small grants for creative re-use for empty shops. Roy added "The Olympics are only three years away and I want visitors to come here and think, what a wonderful place for art. The Triangle should be an amazing attraction."

A Bigger Picture have now obtained the keys to 93 Church Road Crystal Palace SE19 and the gallery is a GO!

ver 800 people enjoyed the first ever Bromley Fun Run at Norman Park on 19 April.

palace pool Re-opens ARCHITECTURAL HERITAGE WITH NICE CHANGING ROOMS

efore I go any further, I will say that there is still work to be done at our beloved CPNSC, something the management readily admits; it will be a while before the whole place is fully functioning and evidently there was some snagging to sort as I went to explore for the first time. The main entrance on the bridge is open again and Lesley is back in her natural habit, behind the arcing counter beneath the vaulted ceiling and acres of glass. (It may not be the palace the parish fanatics want rebuilt but it has certainly kept a few glaziers in business over the last few years). Excitingly, beyond the reception, there was a regional swimming event taking place in the main pool. The spectators are on their feet yelling, whooping and clutching their cheeks in suspense while the coaches whistle encouragement to the teenage competitors sewing backwards and forwards like machines, scrutinised by the officials in white parked on the end of each opalescent ribbon. At the start of each heat, they leave the stylish new starting blocks like precision needles, the newly installed electronic pads at each end discreetly receiving their touch. And when they climb out to cheers, their names literally up in lights, they look tall enough to touch the bottom without ever getting their ears wet. Sadly, I find myself salivating at the prospect of getting into the Big Girls’ Pool.

Fan-tastic! I am staggered at the transformation. Where before there was a beaten landscape of cockroach hotels, broken lockers, cracked tiles and fibreglass changing tables that made an unbearable scrape when pulled, now there is a new layout of slate floors, varnished wood benches, locking cubicles – locking showers! – hairdryers, loos that flush and even, for those of us who have actually gone out to the pool without remembering to tuck in their gusset, a full length mirror. Having suffered the ignominy of ye olde changinge village at Beckenham (where one dashes from the shower in nowt but a towel, only to have a male serf tap you on the naked shoulder and ask if they can have your quid if you don’t need it any more) this is woman space that I would pay to be in without even getting wet. It’s the following day, however, when I get my turn to crack the water. For two years I have swum stoically amidst the terry-turbanned ladies of Kent and lost count of my lengths as I swerve around mums and babes at South Norwood. For two years I had lowered myself in gently on account of the NO DIVING ON PAIN OF DEATH signs. Now, teetering at one end, the other so far away that it is shrouded in mist, I begin to wonder if I’ll ever have the courage to go in head-first. I do though, and as I complete my first straight uninterrupted 50 metre swim for centuries, I half expect my name to flash up on the

scoreboard. Lane 5, Crow, 100m Freestyle, 45 minutes. Well, that’s about how long it felt. I eventually did 20 lengths but it was 15 before I found my rhythm – and on the tumbles, I kept turning early and getting a face-full of fresh air and fizz. Seriously, a fellow swimming teacher I bumped into whose boy is a club swimmer said that it has been a real problem with local competition participants unaccustomed to practising on the correct distance after months in 25m pools. The walk from pool to shower was prohibitively arduous afterwards – that’ll sort the wheat from the chav – but it still remains the best value swim in the universe. And despite the yet-to-be-filled vending machines, unopened café, wires protruding from walls and emulsion spattered stairs, the sports hall has new bleachers, the signage is neat and effective, the cream and wood interiors flatter the fabulous space and let in the big sky. There is more to be done, not least getting the crèche back in action, but the National Sports Centre is a thing of wonder and for the time being, it is the nearest thing to a palace we have.

Justine Crow www.gll.org/centre/crystal-palacenational-sports-centre.asp

I wandered down to the observation corridor that has had all its rusty snivels painted out and then sneaked into the changing rooms that Lesley promised me a week earlier were looking Flippin'

HERNE HILL velodrome A HISTORICAL LOCAL GEM UNDER THREAT FROM REDEVELOPMENT

erne Hill Velodrome in Burbage Road is not just a local gem and a mecca for cyclists across London and the South East, but a venue with global recognition and a historic sporting legacy;

it’s the only remaining venue from the 1948 London Olympics These different elements are brought together every Easter at an international track cycling event that attracts Olympic and World Champions and top track riders from across the UK and Europe. All the greats have ridden at the traditional Good Friday Meeting, spanning a 106 year period, including the great Reg Harris,Tony Doyle (double World Champion and Britain’s most prestigious rider on the European ‘6 day’ track circuit), East German sprinting giant Michael Hubner, and British wearer of the Tour de France Yellow Jersey, Sean Yates. On a windy Good Friday in 1994 I was privileged to witness an attempt on the legendary Hour World Record (set by a top Italian rider at altitude in Mexico City almost 20 years earlier) by the then little-known, eccentric, young Scottish cyclist Graham Obree. For more than half the attempt Obree was ahead of Moser’s record as the crowd screamed, yelled and banged the boards that surround the velodrome to urge him on to glory. Unfortunately the wind picked up in the final 20 minutes and the record slipped away, but it was one of those magic sporting moments that will live long in the memory. In recent years the Good Friday meeting has welcomed several British Olympic and World champions, including Rob Hayles, Sir Chris Hoy and Bradley Wiggins (who was trained at Herne Hill as junior). While rain stopped play early at this year’s event we were

still entertained by some of our Olympic heroes, including members of the World Record-setting pursuit team, Chris Newton and Ed Clancy. Despite this legendary status the Herne Hill Velodrome is currently under threat from a dispute between the national organising body, British Cycling, and the Dulwich Estate that owns, and is looking to redevelop, the land. The venue has been expertly managed over the past four years by the local cycling club, Velo Club Londres (VCL) while British Cycling pushes for a 99-year lease to secure its future. In recent months cycling heroes Sir Chris Hoy and Tony Doyle (MBE) have put their weight behind a campaign to save the track that is now being spearheaded by the Olympics Minister, Tessa Jowell. Jowell has stated “I am absolutely determined to bring the track back to its former glory”. Sir Chris adds that “It’s important from grass roots level up to elite to keep it going and upgrade the facility”. While the historic case for saving the venue is galvanising support at the highest level, the venue is currently enjoying a golden period. Now open to the public six days a week the track is attracting record numbers of cyclists, with expert guidance from a group of highly skilled coaches. Beyond offering elite-level coaching and training facilities, the venue provides cycle training to a wide cross-section

of the local community, including open sessions for families from 4.30pm on a Friday evening and introductory track training sessions on a Monday evening. The centre-piece Saturday morning training sessions currently attract around 200 riders between 9am and 1.30pm. The Herne Hill Youth Cycling Club is also located at the Velodrome, offering “off road mountain biking (MTB) adventures for young dudes aged 6 – 16” on a Saturday morning (from 10am). Bikes are available for hire at highly subsidised rates. Visit it, ride it, support it - as a community sporting facility they don’t come much better! Velo Club Londres: vcl.org.uk Herne Hill Youth Cycling Club: hhycc.com Good Friday Meeting bristowevents.co.uk

Local History

FA CUP FINALS in the park BACK THEN, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN QUAFFING ALE IN THE WHITE HART WITH THE TOP PLAYERS IN THE WORLD - THE NIGHT BEFORE THEY PLAYED THE FA CUP FINAL

hundred years ago a trip to the FA Cup Final would have been a short step for Transmitter readers (well obviously there was no Transmitter or magazine then, but please go with the flow here). This is because the Twenty FA Cup finals prior to the First World War were played right here in Crystal Palace Park, on the site of the present athletics stadium. The first FA Cup final at Crystal Palace took place on 20 April 1895 between Aston Villa and West Bromwich Albion and those who arrived late missed the quickest ever final goal, which was scored after 30 seconds by Bob Chatt. The last Crystal Palace FA Cup Final took place in April 1914 when

Burnley beat Liverpool 1-0 in front of King George V. Enormous crowds attended the games, including the record for a final, 120,081, who saw Aston Villa beat Sunderland in the 1912/13 final. Tottenham Hotspurs of the Southern League, in 1901, were the only London side to appear in a Crystal Palace final. 110,820 spectators saw them draw 2-2 with Sheffield United. Spurs went on to win the replay and are the only non-league side to win FA Cup, since the Football League was formed in 1888. The tradition of the winner’s ribbons being attached to the cup dates from this final. Some of the teams stayed in Central London, but others stayed

locally and both the Queen’s Hotel and the White Hart accommodated top players before their big day. Many supporters came from ‘up north’ by train but some Newcastle fans came by boat to see the 1908 final - the Toon Navy rather than the Toon Army if you like! (you can stop laughing now - Ed). The Newcastle United official photographer was a Mr Gladstone Adams. He came south by car, a 1904 Daracq-Caron. Cars were still such a rarity that it spent its time in London on display in a car showroom in Oxford Street. The weather during the game, and on Mr Adams’s journey home, was dreadful. Driving was difficult in the wet weather and he decided that what the car needed was a devise to sweep the rainwater away from the glass screen. In April 1911 he patented the design for the windscreen wiper. In 1909 Manchester United won their first FA Cup final, 1-0 against Bristol City, the only goal being scored by Sandy Turnbull who tragically was killed in the Battle of Arras in 1917. As both teams played in red they decided to use change kits. This was the first time special kits were commissioned for a final. Bristol City played in blue shirts with the City coat-of-arms as their badge. Manchester United chose white shirts with a red V on the front, and on the left breast the red rose of Lancashire. The spirit of the Crystal Palace finals was revived in April when Fans of Bristol City and Manchester United remembered the 1909 final by playing a special game at the same time, same day, at the same venue, only one hundred years later (Friday 24 April 2009, 3.30pm). They hired Crystal Palace stadium for the game and played under1909 rules, so there were no substitutes and players ran out in 1909 kits. www.1909replayed.org/2009.html

David Blaine fans

Stuart Hibberd 11

Putting the boot in A SHORT HISTORY OF THE FOOTBALL BOOT

1830 Boot

Balls, boozers and boots The first recorded pair of boots belonged to the great womaniser and excessive drinker Henry VIII. Until the Industrial Age, sporting boots were handcrafted by the local boot maker if you were rich enough, and if not then you just wore your working boots or went barefoot. For most the working boots were made of heavy leather with steel toecaps and hobnails. The conversion from what was often a violent street game into the beautiful game began with the establishment of the Football Association in 1863. The banning of the addition of nails or studs to the boot was one of the first rules introduced. It wasn’t until 1891, with the arrival of the professional footballer and the report of injuries sustained through the lack of grip, that a change to the rules was brought about. The studs or bars had to be made of leather and could not project more than half an inch. These were hammered into the boots.

Kick-off In 1925 the German Dassler brothers took this one stage

further with a boot which came with interchangeable ‘hammerin’ studs. In Britain, Gola, which had begun life producing running shoes came onto the market with their first football boots with the slogan ‘Gola Means Goals’. But the timing was unfortunate, and when the Second World War broke out production concentrated on making army boots. Following the war international fixtures began to be played. The South American team amazed Europe with their playing that was said to be helped by their lighter, more flexible football boots; this kick-started European manufacturers into producing what we would recognise as the modern boot.

A town of two halves In 1948 the German Dassler brothers fell out, but kept their manufacturing in the same town of Herzogenaurach, each taking one side of the river: Adolf (Nicknamed ‘Adi’) forming Adidas (Adi Dassler - get it?) and his brother Rudolf starting Puma. Intense competition between the brothers led to

massive developments in terms of the sporting shoe and formed the cornerstone of football boot maker rivalry up to today. Both claim the development of the screw in stud, Puma producing the Puma Atom boot in 1948. Adidas launched the kangaroo skin shoe as a lighter leather. Kangaroo leather caught on fast because it is light, strong, and soft, many times stronger than the same thickness of cowhide and it requires no ‘breakin’ period. Many of the top boots of today still use kangaroo skin. Adidas managed to get the West German team into the kangaroo skin shoe and it was their unexpected 1954 win against Hungary that launched Adidas worldwide. In the 1960s, as economics changed, Adidas and Gola fought for their share of the British market. Adidas were huge sponsors of the teams but Gola recognised the role of the sports physiotherapists. Fans would soon watch the players being attended to by physios wearing Gola T-shirts with enormous kit bags with Gola written on them.

History The Puma Super Atom, claimed by Rudolf Dassler to be the first screw-in boot

The boots on the other player Gola was providing clubs with free boots but Adidas representatives would turn up at clubs and actually pay players to wear their boots. In 1965 the Liverpool football team pitched up at the Gola factory to pick up some free boots even though they had been paid by Adidas to wear Adidas boots. They wore their Gola boots but painted the distinctive three Adidas stripes on the side and consequently won the FA Cup wearing Gola boots. The rivalry between Adidas and Gola was fierce. In 1977 Stan Bowles (sponsored by both companies) played for England against The Netherlands unbelievably wearing Gola on one foot and Adidas on the other. Puma, recognising the South American talent and market opportunity, took their brand to Pelé who scored the winning goal at the World Cup wearing the Puma King. Pelé switched later to Gola. British company Umbro also launched around this time.

Roy of the Rovers returns Teaming up with popular children’s comic Roy of the Rovers Gola

designed shirts for the Melchester Rovers football team. Wayne Hemingway of Red or Dead recognised the ‘fashion’ status and identity of the brand – he was probably Gola’s saviour. When Noel Gallagher from Oasis requested their famous Harrier design they began to reach a whole new audience, and today Gola is in collaboration with fashion house Christian Lacroix.

and Adidas (incorporating Reebok in 2006). Their concentration on sponsorship has allowed smaller producers such as Mizuno, Diadora, Lotto, Hummel and Nomis a place in the market with their emphasis on research and development. The world’s first customised shoe, by British company Prior 2 Lever using laser technology, is perhaps the most exciting innovation of recent times.

The sweet spot In the 1990s there was a new wave of football shoe design as Adidas released the Predator whose blade-shaped stud was developed by ex-footballer Craig Johnston. The Predator was said to enable a greater surface area to come into contact with the ball – to allow players to hit the ‘sweet spot’. Puma hit back in 1996 with a foamfree midsole football boot, known as Puma Cell technology. Then the big boys in sport, Reebok and Nike joined this very lucrative market. Result! Today the big three in terms of the football boot are Puma, Nike

Adi Dassler

Modern shoe, by Brit co Prior 2 Lever

Liz Clamp 13

a local hero JUSTINE CROW MEETS A VERY NICE MAN

For many of us local parents, Mr Clarry Birch is a familiar figure trudging across the pitch whether lustily grassed, plastic-turfed or cruelly tarmacked, in rain or rare sunshine. Zipped into a CPFC tracksuit, with trademark baseball hat, pristine trainers and hefty bunch of keys, he has the magical knack of those in the educational trade of instantly recalling children’s names and their teams, ruffling heads and collaring parents. And watching him talk to the boys after the rough and two-touch tumble, tangled in bibs, skidding in gravel amidst the cones, I am transfixed by the way he addresses the mixed crush of all colours and sizes. He delivers the post-match debriefing moderately, as level as a playing field. If behaviour has been dodgy during the course of the session, nobody is singled out for a public rollocking. Instead, the guilty know who they are and shift uneasily as he outlines his disappointment. Nobody gets a kick out of upsetting Clarry. Everyone is hoping for restitution. Eventually, he smiles, pats the air with satisfaction as if plumping the cushions up and we all file past him to say goodbye, glad of a word or a chuck of the cheek. And that’s just us parents. Later, I am thrilled to be up in the executive rafters of Selhurst Park, the Surrey hills hazy beyond the smart Holmesdale end that is a hundred times comfier than the old step and iron-bar terrace I used to hang about on, looking down upon a handsome bright, bright green

pitch. To my surprise I see it is still being hand-mown – apparently nobody, not even the worshipful Neil, is allowed to squash a single blade til Saturday. It all looks so sparkling that it is hard to credit the chant from the Sunderland fans a few seasons ago: “Our garden shed, is bigger than this!” I feel so privileged. We sit across a boardroom table and Clarry, no doubt making the most of a rare sit down, folds his arms. I ask him how he got to be in such a hallowed place. Was he always at the home of the mighty Eagles? “I started at Leyton Orient but my parents wanted me to have a proper career so I followed my dad’s advice and went to Barclays Bank.” He chuckles wryly: “I didn’t regret it because none of my fellow players went on to earn a living from first class football.” Brought up in the East End (“I was proud, really proud to be an ‘Ackney Boy, with no H”), he moved over the river to bring up his own young family. I tell him that my parents, born in Brixton and Bermondsey but raised in Norbury and Thornton Heath (or Forten Heef, as my mum used to call it) moved out to Surrey to give us a taste of the country. Clarry laughs: “Coming from where I did, I thought Croydon was the country!” He ran a local team called Shirley Juniors that went on to beat a Palace side and impressed (my description, not Clarry’s) Steve Coppell (for it was he) who asked

him to come and do some work at what was then the Palace Centre of Excellence. “I trained and trained and trained. When you work hard, it pays off.” It did that time, that’s for sure. But there is no doubt that Mr Birch is working for the love of it. “It is nice to reflect,” he muses, “that thousands and thousands of kids have been introduced to playing through the Crystal Palace Football in the Community schemes.” As development officer for the Croydon Borough of the CPFC Community Sports Trust, his is the face that everyone associates with the grassroots of the local game – the children instantly recognise him and are eager to say hello when he passes with his clipboard and keys. Someone told me they were at one of the spraunzty big CPFC dinner functions, attended by all the stars of the team and management: “And we saw Clarry there!” she’d gushed, clearly awestruck. It’s no good. Mr Birch doesn’t sound right. He is Clarry to everyone. And occasionally all that local fame, graft and expertise results in the ultimate satisfaction of seeing one of his youngsters go on to find success at a high level. Wayne Routledge of QPR was recommended to Palace by him; he also recommended Sean Scannell at 12. Jay Tabb came through the Academy and is signed at Reading (no longer under Coppell’s remit of course); Nigel Reo Coker played for Clarry’s team way back when; Wade Small of Sheffield

Wednesday passed through too. Despite having been part of the Tandridge Representative team, at London Youth for eight years and in management at a semi-professional level with Fisher FC, he is quick to point out that his head is not turned by dreams of the top flight. “It is not all about ability. It is about getting as many young people interested in football as possible.” “One little lad wouldn’t come out of the car,” he recounts. “Was too upset. The next week I threw him a ball, the week after that he kicked it back to me and so on. It calmed him. He grew into an eventempered boy who went on to play for Croydon Schoolboys.” Clarry also works in schools including South Norwood Primary, his keys unlocking opportunities for all kinds of children to try all kinds of sport, not just football. But he can’t help but notice that by the time he gets to the top of the school, all the little blonde boys have gone, having all moved away to escape their London fears. “I imagine the beaches of the Sussex coast full of the middle classes all looking out to sea wondering how they can move even further south,” he laughs. There are about a million (it seems) different football courses in the boroughs of Croydon, Bromley and Sutton provided for boys and girls of all ages and abilities (including plenty of free sessions for local children at weekends, after school and during the holidays, mini tournaments, coaching

sessions for special needs and even teacher training days). As well as being part of the Goals Thru Football ‘Kickz’ initiative in the three boroughs, Clarry is proud of the Community Trust’s Social Inclusion programme that works in target areas to provide youngsters between the ages of 11 and 19 with opportunities to engage with their peers, participate in positive activities and gain qualifications to realise their true potential. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that this means getting kids off the streets, onto the ballcourt and out of trouble. I say to Clarry that I notice he never raises his voice to the boys and he acknowledges the comment with a sole purposeful nod, placing the ball on the spot: “I say to them – why are we so loud? You boys don’t need to be so loud. It is just seeking attention. We must be civilised about our business.” I ask him what he might like to do in the future, maybe beyond football? And for the first time he looks away towards the blue sky above the stands and says quietly that he would like to continue working for the community. “Perhaps as a JP..” Now I’m not qualified for much, but I can’t think of anyone fairer and more suited to such a role.

leather – has found an exhilarating outlet for his obsession. More importantly, his sense of identity is stitched in Palace colours. He reserves the flashy show-off teams across the river for telly entertainment, just like cartoons. But he, along with hundreds of other youngsters, gets his sense of grounding and confidence for being a south Londoner from the coaches, from the Trust and, especially, from Clarry. Contact Colin Morris Project Manager at Crystal Palace Community Sports Trust 0208 7686047, info@cst.cpfc.co.uk or www.cpfc.co.uk for all information regarding Social Inclusion, Kickz, schools programmes and weekday, weekend and holiday courses for girls and boys, from beginner to established player aged 3 to 16, across the Croydon, Bromley and Sutton boroughs.

Justine Crow

It may be one of the last fine redbrick and meat pie stadiums in the city, but in the dignity of Selhurst Park my soccer-mad son – within whom bounces a heart of 32 panels made from waterproof

rugby is a girls game

f you wish you knew your Scrum Half from your Tight Head Prop then Old Alleynians Rugby Club is the place for you.

At a time when rugby is one of the fastest growing sports in the country â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with its emphasis on inclusivity and fair play â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Norwood has a fantastic club on its doorstep.

Just along from the College on Dulwich Common, old Alleynians started life in 1898 exclusively for pupils past and present of Dulwich College.

This was the case right up until 2000 when Ditch Boultbee was instrumental in opening the club's youth section to all-comers. From fairly humble beginnings nine years ago the OAs now have a membership of over 700 with ages ranging from 6 to 46. The youth rugby is really well attended with up to 70 boys and girls in most age groups. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no need to have Jonnyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kicking skills to join OAs â&#x20AC;&#x201C; thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something for all abilities. The emphasis is on fun, fitness and confidence-building and each age group fields several teams. Throughout the year thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a full calendar of festivals, local matches and joint club training and even touring (this season the under 12's and 14's teams went to Wales and Somerset).

Parents are actively encouraged to get involved and the club runs coaching and refereeing courses. Harry Goodhew has just become the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s youngest qualified rugby referee (and made it into the book of Guinness World Records) at the tender age of 12. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a Veterans team for the over 35s â&#x20AC;&#x201C; youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re never too old for a spot of egg chasing â&#x20AC;&#x201C; and a buzzing social side with regular BBQs, quiz nights and a well-stocked bar. For all you girls who fancy a rugby challenge there are under 12 and under 15 groups who play the same variety of festivals and matches as the boys. OAs would welcome any ladies who would be interested in learning to coach the girls. The girls under 12s played at the Surrey festival recently and won it!

The club boasts several international players who started their sporting lives at OAs including David Flatman and Andy Sheridan, and Nick Easter who still assists with the 1st XV coaching. The club also actively develops links with local schools especially non-rugby playing ones: in the under 12 age group there are 65 boys from 25 schools. So if you like the sound of rugby - whether playing, coaching or supporting - pop down to OAs any Sunday morning between 10 am and 12 from September onwards. Summer training is taking place every Saturday in June & July between 10.30am and 12. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll find a warm welcome and a great atmosphere. www.alleynian.org/rugby

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0ME "MMFZOJBOT $MVCIPVTF (SPVOE %VMXJDI $PNNPO -POEPO 4& )" 5FM XXX BMMFZOJBO PSH SVHCZ NJOJ@SVHCZ JOEFY TIUNM OAs_half_page_ad.indd 1

11/5/09 08:10:27

the death of imagination IN OUR SPORTS ISSUE, HOWARD MALE PLAYS DEVIL’S ADVOCATE BY EXPLAINING WHY HE REALLY DOESN’T CARE WHO JUST GOT THE BALL INTO THE BACK OF THE NET

I don’t like football

don't like football. There, I’ve said it. And that’s not an easy statement to go public with. I certainly wouldn’t dream of saying it at my Newcastleborn brother-in-law’s local, when I’ve joined him and his dad for a traditional lunchtime/early afternoon/ late afternoon quick pint/two pints/six pints. Those how-far-can-we-push-theMrs sessions have a sacred air about them. Everyone speaks in pub code and shorthand, a pint of Newcastle Brown becomes a pint of ‘dog’ because walking the dog is the excuse the put-upon husband has always used to get out of the house and down the pub. And thus, when someone shouts across the hubbub, "The game’s about to start," they don’t have to specify what that game is. Everyone knows it’s not table tennis, or snooker, or even Monopoly. It’s The Game.

football is pointless

The Game is what separates The Men from The Martians, so alien would a man seem if he dared to confess he was unmoved by the sight of, if you’ll forgive an often used summation, twenty-two grown men kicking a ball around. But I have once in a while breached the subject of why I hate football, if the men I’m supping ale with are sufficiently wimpish (fellow bookworms or music fans perhaps) and I’ve drunk enough to feel playfully confrontational. I may even go as far as to be really honest by saying, "I hate football." But my blunt outburst will be so far removed from their understanding, that they won’t even humour me with a, "So why’s that then, Howard?" But you, dear Transmitter reader, will now be told. Let’s begin with my almost perfect childhood. I’m eleven years old, playing TV detectives, or maybe superheroes, with my best friend Stephen. Every day we charge around the high walled, agreeably scruffy garden I grew up in, woolly blanket capes tied around our necks, water pistols poised Bond-like as we peep from behind reassuringly wide tree trunks. But then one day my make-believe world just crumbled because Stephen found some new friends who preferred kicking a ball around to battling evil. I simply couldn’t understand it. How could this banally repetitive act be more fun than racing across an unmown stretch of lawn, imagining one is flying two-hundred feet above jungle foliage? Playing at being a superhero utilised the imagination, whereas football... what does football

do? Well, I learnt the hard way: football heralds the death of the imagination for young boys. So that was the first time I said, "I hate football." Stephen just shrugged his shoulders and ran off to greener and more rectangular pastures. I might as well have said I hated life. But at least the departure of my best friend heralded the beginning of my sense of being a freethinking individual. To paraphrase one of my then TV heroes: "I am not a number 11, I am a free man!" But obviously there’s more to this than a pseudo-Freudian interpretation of my childhood. Let’s look at a few facts. First, football is pointless. Pointless in the true sense of the word, in that no spectator or player is any the wiser by the end of a game. I suppose the player might end up a little fitter. But the sofabound, lager-guzzling spectator probably just ends up a little fatter. The greatest physical challenge he faces during the match is how to get a succession of drooping pizza slices into his gob, rather than down the front of his T-shirt. Second, football is our evil government’s way of generating a spirit of tribal cohesiveness amongst the masses, in preparation for when we are needed once again to fight off invading nations. Football is like a religion: the football fan doesn’t choose the team which seems best fit to win matches, he generally adopts - for better or worse - the team of his birthplace.

what are you going to do about it, eh? What a miserable existence it must be for the football fan who is born in a third-division town, a fan destined never to see his hapless two-left-footed eleven make it to the top. But if you were to suggest to such a football fan that perhaps they should pick a more talented team to support, they’d give you the same look that a Protestant would if you suggested that their soul might get a better deal if they converted to Catholicism. And what’s more, these geographically dictated loyalties have now become virtually meaningless, as the richest teams simply buy the world’s best players. The third, and biggest, problem that I have with football is that it turns even intelligent, sensitive, caring men into complete morons. I have been out socialising with male friends that I thought I knew; men I thought were on my side. We’ve been discussing the latest Amis novel, or which 1970’s band will reform next, or even whether Jamie Oliver’s recipe for hummus is superior to Nigel’s. But then, out of the blue, one of them will say, "Did you see the game last night?"

It’s just so rude! Sometimes I’ll get so desperate for distraction that I’ll try to bluff it. "I knew they’d walk it," I’ll interject at an entirely inappropriate juncture in their manly chatter. My once intelligent conversationalists give me the same look they probably give their youngest when he’s just redistributed half a Mr Whippy ice-cream across his face and down his front. Then they get back to their kick-by-kick analysis of what was clearly the most important event in the history of Western civilisation. And me, I just have to resign myself to finding a corner of the pub I can stare at mindlessly which doesn’t have a flatscreen TV showing a bloody football match.

So, yes, that’s why I hate football. And what are you going to do about it, eh?

Howard Male

Suddenly it’s like the invasion of the body snatchers. Even the way my pals are standing subtly changes: their shoulders become more relaxed; there’s a rakish shifting of body weight onto one leg; and leaning on the bar becomes obligatory. And then they start rambling on about the minutiae of this match. What am I suppose to do with myself?

LITTLE KICKERS CONTINUING OUR SPORTING THEME, HELEN DAVIES VISITS A LOCAL OPTION FOR YOUR LITTLE ONES

improve your cycling E

lite Cycling is a local cycle coaching and bike-fitting service based at the Crystal Palace Sports Injury Centre "aimed at anyone who wants to improve his or her performance".

Run by active cyclist and accredited coach Paul Mill, Elite Cycling provides services to cyclists of all ability levels - from top-level track riders at Herne Hill Velodrome to local leisure riders. They also provide consultancy services to London, Heathrow and the North West Ambulance cycle response units. As well as coaching Elite Cycling will undertake a bike-fitting service for those wishing to either improve their comfort or gain a more efficient biomechanical position, with referrals from physiotherapists and other clinical staff working in the Centre. And to further improve this service they have become the UK agent for a revolutionary dynamic bike-fitting service called Dialed in Motion, which works on video analysis of a cyclist in action. How cool does that sound? elitecycling@blueyonder.co.uk

07941 295845

prog #2 has been showing an interest in football for a few months now but, both his parents being more of the ‘forgotten-my-kit’ than ‘jumpersfor-goalposts’ persuasion, we’ve been a bit in denial about it. It was only when his uncle suggested that constantly trying to divert him into making daisy chains would, at best, make him a social misfit that we thought it was time to start getting our heads around the offside rule. Little Kickers runs coaching sessions for girls and boys aged from eighteen months to seven years. The class we tried out was Junior Kickers, for two to threeand-a-half year-olds. The class started with a warmup, led by coach Tim and his two assistants. Sprog chose this moment to decide he was shy, so I had to sit with him, which wasn’t a problem - although the kids are encouraged to be independent there were a couple of other mums joining in. Our warm-up included squeezing our toes to check if they made a funny noise. (I’m not sure about my toes, but my back certainly made a funny noise when I bent down.) Then it was time to dish out the footballs, and the kids copied the coaches as they rolled the balls around, tapping them on the floor and on their heads, before a game where the kids kicked the balls at the feet of the coaches, who made a silly noise for each direct hit, making Sprog laugh like a drain. The next game was dribbling between rows of cones. Sprog took a while to get the hang of this – his first instinct was to kick the ball directly at the cones and shout “Goal!” (Not between the cones – at them. Even I know that’s not right.)

The final game, Sprog’s favourite, was when the kids took it in turns to shoot at the goal. I had to physically restrain Sprog from jumping the queue, but once it was his turn he hit the back of the net. He then ran around the hall, waving his arms above his head, before heading to Chinawhite to down Cristal with a bevvy of Page 3 stunnas. Well, home for watereddown apple juice with mum anyway. I can’t see that Little Kickers is going to turn Sprog into the next Wayne Rooney - unfortunately, sport isn’t in his genes - but next time he wants a kickabout we’ll have a few ideas for games and things to try out, rather than aimlessly passing the ball back and forth as we normally do. Just don’t ask me about the offside rule. Classes run at various venues around Crystal Palace and cost £91.50 for a term of 12, 45 minute sessions, plus a registration fee of £20, which includes a football kit. littlekickers.co.uk

Helen Davies

it’s a family affair SELF CONFESSED FASHION JUNKIE? GET YOUR FIX AT FRANKIE AND LOLA’S

Hair by Willie Smarts Pictures by Smash Bang Wallop Fankie wears red top by Sugarhill £30, jeans by Zara £22

I have a shopping problem I think confesses Frankie Farnesi, 25, who is one half of the team behind new high-end dress agency Frankie and Lola. In this case, it’s a healthy problem to have. Frankie knows her fashion labels, brands and trends, and is bringing this knowhow to the Triangle to benefit fellow clothes addicts. And Lola? Although a ‘real girl’ who appreciates the finer things in life, Lola is none other than Frankie’s pampered bulldog – who from time to time will make an appearance at the shop to keep a check on her mistress! The dress agency, which had a champagne opening on May 2, has been stylishly designed by Frankie’s mum Gail, a trained interior designer who runs Funky Junk furniture and accessories shop, just a stone’s throw away. ‘I think I was probably one of mum’s most difficult clients yet! I knew I wanted the shop to feel welcoming, not intimidating, with bright, light changing rooms that give customers real views of how clothes fit them’ explains Frankie. ‘I’ve worked out in LA a lot, and my partner is from there, and although the shopping can be fantastic with a wide range, I hate all that “Ooooh you look amazing”. I much prefer total honesty and real advice which is what we will be offering customers.’ If you haven’t yet visited, the shop is a much welcome addition to the Triangle; the style is very chi-chi boudoir with white chandeliers and saucy French figurine wallpaper – which itself is not mass produced but sourced and only available handmade from Hastings. A good sign of what to expect from the stock.

Customers will not only be able to pick up some fantastic labels, they will also have the opportunity to sell on their pre-loved labels and Frankie will also be offering a wardrobe clearance service, cherry-picking high fashion pieces on brands for resale on a 50/50 sale basis. Confident of success, she says, ‘I’m known by my friends as someone they can come to to borrow things for the perfect outfit. In the past I tried organising wardrobe swap nights where friends would swap clothes and I tried buying and selling on Ebay but found it too time consuming. Did you know statistics show women only wear 20% of their wardrobe which is incredible – they may as well be turning unwanted pieces to profit!’ Frankie goes on to say that times may be tough out there, but people – well women mostly – are realising they can pick up great bargains from pre-loved pieces and are getting tired of cheap-as-chips items that just don’t last. They are also realising they can make some cash from that dress they’ve only worn once to a wedding. ‘I have never not worn a piece of clothing I have bought but I love clothes so much, I like changing them often. I figured there must be other women out there like me so I came up with the idea to have a dedicated dress agency offering women of all ages and sizes highend, high street clothes.’ Before taking the bold step into opening her own dress agency, Frankie gained invaluable managerial experience in the restaurant business as manager of Gaucho’s in Richmond and cut her teeth in the trade by working locally in the Triangle at Domali years before that.

Frankie wears green dress by Reiss £40

Fashion

‘I really love the area here, it has a villagey feel to it, and other shops in the area have been really supportive and friendly.’ The Triangle does have a sprinkling of vintage outlets and dress agencies, but Frankie believes she is offering something a little different. So what can Palace fashionistas expect to find at Frankie and Lola? ‘We will be offering the highest quality clothes, shoes, bags and accessories for a stitch of the price – clothes for all ages, sizes and every occasion. Large sizes will be provided – did you know the average size of a British woman is 16? There’s nothing worse than finding everything is a tiny size 6 – larger ladies will be very welcome here! Our target audience will be women aged 16-60!’ Frankie and Lola will also be interested in buying clothing from customers though they will not be stocking vintage: all the clothes on sale will be not more than two years old unless it is something really special. Regular stock turnover will be ensured through Frankie’s team of ‘stock suppliers’. ‘There are some dress agencies in London offering very high-end fashion at quite high prices,’ Frankie explains, ‘but we will offer high-end high street – everything from Topshop pieces to Reiss, Jigsaw or Prada. We will have some jewellery pieces from £5 and clothes will range from £8 to a really special piece such as a Marni bag or a Ghost dress which will be a bit more pricey.’ There are also plans to stock up-andcoming designs from fashion students, so customers could be getting their hands on some unique, and potentially priceless items, including pieces by Frankie’s sister Sophia, currently a student at the London College of Fashion. frankieandlola.co.uk

Frankie wears blue dress by 'Blank' £120. Sophia wears white dress £35, shoes by Office £60

WEDDING BELLE NATASHA AND DAVID TIE THE KNOT IN DULWICH PICTURES BY SMASH BANG WALLOP PHOTOGRAPHY

ou’ve decided to tie the knot, and you’ve picked a date. Now what?

Whether you’re looking for a no-holds barred day of luxury, or a credit crunch-induced more understated celebration, there’s a perfect wedding day out there waiting for you. So keep calm, don’t panic, and have a read of these tips to get your own ideas started.

n important first decision to make is your guest list. Whatever kind of wedding you have, a lot depends on how many people you want to invite. Once your guest list is decided, you can then investigate venues (it’s no good having a dream venue that just won’t hold all your chosen friends and family). Remember that so many costs (glasses of champagne, favours, puddings, invites) depend

on how many of them you need. Even The Cake dimensions depend on how many mouths there are to feed! Once the numbers are sorted, you’ll have more idea of how much you can or want to spend on all the fabulous details. Here’s a quick guide for two different approaches to the special day. Of course you can pick and choose from both …

Spend Spend Spend

Lay on transport between wedding ceremony and the reception. Our photoshoot was enhanced by James Weddings, a reliable family business offering a fantastic choice of gleaming and valeted cars including a 'gatsbyesque' 1930's convertible 'Beauford', a Rolls Royce Silver

Shadow and Bentley S3 - as well as lots of other gorgeous limousines and posh cars. For rates check out their website or call James on 020 8647 5895 or 07720 638 194 (jamesweddings.co.uk)

Try an unusual venue with a wow factor like The Dulwich Picture Gallery, but consider adding your own touches with chair covers, sashes, table linens. (dulwichpicturegallery.org.uk)

Hire of a real Red London Bus is a slightly different approach but could be a great touch. Buses can be personalised both on the inside and the outside. (london-heritage-travel.com)

3 4

David wears suit: silver & cream striped, 3-pc wool & silk suit £1,200. Shirt: black & white lily print cotton shirt £120 Tie: black & white lily print 7-fold silk tie £80 All by Blaqua.

Employ a stationery designer to design your invitations, RSVP cards, place cards, menus. Personalise your champagne and have your own labels, showing your names and wedding date.

Use a wedding website to send your guests all the travel and accommodation details. (weddinghomepage.co.uk)

Personalise your wedding favours (chocolate bars from mylittlewrapper.co.uk) or tie in the favours with the wedding dĂŠcor.

Get a professional make up artist to do your make-up as well as your bridesmaidsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; makeup (makeupbyiseli.com)

Use the same florist for church, reception venue and bridesmaids so that the floral theme runs through the day.

Get a professional photographer. Yes, we know uncle Harry just got that new SLR camera and he reads all the magazines - but you may only get married once.. do you really trust him to capture all your unrepeatable precious moments?

Natasha's Cotton Pearl earrings and matching necklace by Passionate About Vintage at Smash Bang Wallop

dash NOT Cash

1 2 3

Find a venue that doesn't charge corkage, and just order in all your own sparkling wine. Go for a more quirky wedding favour like little packets of Lovehearts.

Make it a real family and friends event by delegating different research tasks to your loved ones, such as finding you the best photographer, the prettiest tiara, the best value wedding cake etc.

A venue near the church or registry office means transport between the two is not necessary. If you are not getting married in a church, choose a licensed venue (a list is usually available from your local registry office).You can then use the same venue for both the marriage and the reception, saving on hire costs

Let uncle Harry shoot the actual wedding with his new digital camera, but try to do a deal with a professional photographer to do a pre or post wedding portrait photoshoot. That way you can get some great images of you and your partner to cherish without paying a pro to capture all those boring shots of auntie Sue getting drunk.

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t overlook local venues - village or community halls can be transformed with a minimum of draping and theming (phoenixcrystalpalace.org)

Make your own invites.

don't bother!

f all this sounds too much like hard work, you can always delegate everything to an expert. Getting a wedding planner will save you an enormous amount of time and will leave you free to enjoy lunch breaks and weekends as usual from now until your wedding day. (info@gemlimited.co.uk)

Natasha's Dress by Catherine Shaw, Allbone & Trimit, Cotton Pearl Bracelets by Passionate About Vintage at Smash Bang Wallop

David wears clothes and jewellery by Blaqua. Grey and pink Prince of Wales overcheck, 3-pc wool & silk suit £1,350, Shirt: white with contrast detailing cotton £120, Tie: pink paisley with edgestitch detail silk by Blaqua £60 Ring: sterling silver lizard ring £99 Bracelet: sterling silver 5-charm bracelet £POA Boots: black patent mock-croc Cuban heeled boots £180

WEDDING pICTURES “It’s hard to think of a more magnificent setting for nuptials than this gorgeous nineteenth-century building by Sir John Soane.” Time Out magazine

ooking for a unique, historic and Lwedding truly stunning venue for your or Civil Ceremony? The view down the enfilade at Dulwich Picture Gallery is one of the most dazzling visual feasts in London. Indulge yourself in the stunning backdrop of Old Masters including works by Rembrandt, Rubens, Canaletto and Gainsborough. If you hold your Civil Ceremony or wedding celebration at Dulwich Picture Gallery they will provide you with personal service

and help tailor your day according to your wishes. They cater for a wide variety of celebrations, from relaxed drinks receptions to large formal dinners. The breathtaking gallery, glass-fronted cloisters and stunning grounds create an unrivalled setting for a special day. Wedding Packages can be put together to suit all styles and budgets from relaxed evenings in the Gallery CafĂŠ to lavish formal dinners in the gallery itself.

Dulwich Picture Gallery Gallery Road, Dulwich, SE21 7AD. Emma Barrow Tel: 020 8299 8713 Blaqua 5 Davidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Road Forest Hill London SE23 3EP info@blaqua.net 020 8699 5115 Allbone and Trimit The Overspill, 4 Coopers Yard, Crystal Palace, SE19 1TN Tel: 07764 196284 WWW. allboneandtrimit.co.uk

Reservations: 020 8771 6023 66 Westow Street, Upper Norwood, SE19 3AF

www.phoenixcrystalpalace.org

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If you don’t know where to start, or you haven’t got the time, get in touch! 07802 516613

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I Want to be a Lawn

pring has arrived at last in Norwood and with it the glorious smell of freshly mown grass – a true harbinger of the long balmy days to come. With this in mind the Patch intends this month to tackle the sticky wicket of all things – lawn. Probably the easier and most immediate results for a new lawn are achieved with turf. The preparation is essentially the same as for seeding and a good lawn is all in the preparation. So, if you are intending to re-do an existing lawn where the foxes, dogs and even moles have done their worst, dig over the turf to one spit deep

(that’s one spade’s depth). This provides a good firm base for the new lawn. If the area is not already grassed, dig over in the same manner. The surface now needs to be gone over with a fork or rake in order to remove as many stones and weeds as humanly possible as the finer the soil the flatter the lawn. Next step is to compact and level the surface. The days of gardens possessing a trusty Victorian cast iron roller are long gone so bring on the scaffold board. I find this to be a great leveller - rather like disco dancing - especially when manned by two willing helpers. Simply lay the board at one end of

the lawn and stamp up and down on it before moving on to the next section. At this point the soil will require another rake and riddle to remove the endless stones which keep surfacing. And now for the sharp sand, a true wonder component of the lawn process. A layer (approx ¾“ deep) on top of the soil enables a really smooth surface to be achieved. The board will be required for a final stamp and then the area should be ready for turfing. The longer spent reaching this point, and a millpond surface, the better the end result. There are many types of turf to suit all needs from Crown Bowls

A very popular lawn at present is the wildflower lawn

standard to a durable grass for a young family. The internet is a good source of products and firms will usually deliver direct. This is really the easy part. The turf is delivered in giant swiss roll formation. Start in the farthest corner and roll out the first turf. Overlap the second roll by about 2” to the end of the first and then cut through with a bread knife to ensure a neat, tight join. Continue this process making sure the joins do not line up – rather like a brick wall. All that remains to be done on the grassy road to a Wimbledon lawn is regular watering – preferably with a sprinkler – until the turf is established.

A more traditional and costeffective method is lawn seed. Follow the same steps as for turf but scatter the seed on top of a sandy surface and then rake well in. Any bare patches which remain after the grass has started to grow can be reseeded. This process does not provide the instant fix of turf but with time will produce just as good a lawn at a fraction of the cost. A very popular lawn at present is the wildflower lawn. I have not tested this personally but have just seeded an empty bed with mixed wildflower seed so will keep you posted on the results. To create this effect mix the lawn and wildflower seed and sow at

the same time, preferably in spring. Mowing probably looks most effective if simply carried out in the one swathe ‘thro’ the meadow’. Also keep an eye out for perennial weeds and remove them as soon as they spring up. Well, Norwood turfers, good luck with your lawn laying this spring – remember it’s all in the preparation, like so many things in life. And the first mow – it’s magical. Happy Gardening.

Sue Williams

how to Conceal your kids WE GO TO THE ROBOT ZOO AT THE HORNIMAN MUSEUM

aving seen this exhibition at Futurescope in France a couple of years ago towards the end of it’s stint there and in a noteverything-quite-in-working-order state, we were a little nervous. But we shouldn’t have been, these imposing and impressive models including a giraffe, fly, grasshopper and rhinoceros looked stunning and everything was fully functional....so we took along 3 boisterous girls to see what they could break. Charging off in different directions each grabbed one of the many interactive exhibits. One of them remembered the timed bat bar, show the locking mechanism that keeps bats hanging, as you hang off the bar you are timed. Having left her mark in France as the longest hanging monkey (sorry bat) she attempted to do the same – it wasn’t long before a serious competition (mainly with boys) started and arms were aching.

They then went on to see the Jet Propelled Racing. To race required a rigorous and repeated yanking action on a piston that was positioned at waist height for an adult, a sight unbecoming in the case of the middle aged men who were apparently oblivious to the potential problems associated with performing this action in public. The giant chameleon made an unconvincing attempt to blend into its surroundings by changing the display on it’s six large tv monitors from bright green to bright pink.

This wasn’t the case with the camouflage wall. Dressing up and watching themselves on tv always appeals to kids, but this time as they grabbed similar patterned cloaks they watched themselves disappear. We all enjoyed the fab graphics and the explanations were clear and easy to read and the kids were, well..kids. They mainly dashed from one exhibit to another not seeming to take anything in. A week later however, we were at London Zoo when one of them said "We know how they do that don’t we...."

Another went for the muscle machines which, with the use of shock absorbers and pumps, mimick the insides of animals. The favourite with many of the very young there was the turtle race. This was a circuit where down on all fours, kids raced round the track with a turtle shell strapped to their backs.

crystal palace The gauntlet had been thrown down and the challenge was on: Who's bhajias were best? Who's poppadoms were toppadoms? The Transmitter Curry Cook-off was about to commence!

rystal Palace is awash with Indian restaurants and no doubt many readers will have the menu of their preferred one stuck on the fridge, telephone number and favoured dishes circled in biro. We all know how easy it is to go for the same option every time, so this week we try something different for our food pages, so maybe you could?. The Transmitter offered an open invitation for local takeaways to send round a selection of their finest food (hopefully including their signature dishes). And in a deserted shop full of shower fittings and baths, along with the rest of the Transmitter writers, Justine (somehow) managed to keep track of all the names, flavours, naans and nationalities. Here’s what an eclectic mix of journalists, designers and photographers (ok, ok a motley crew of middle-aged takeaway-food loving south Londoners) made of it all. Thanks to all the restaurants for taking part with such enthusiasm. Paprika were the first to arrive (top marks for on-time delivery). Their Paprika Masala and Bagari

Gosh (with decorative vegetable flowers) went down well. And although no one was raving about the dishes, they got everyone’s taste buds ready for the next instalment. Palace Spice boasts ‘exotic Indian & Bengali cuisine’ and although the nosh came in standard placcy tubs, beneath the practical appearance lurked creativity as well as sensibility: Howard thought the Tandoori Jaflung lamb chop to be “tender” and though it was early days, a frontrunner emerged when Sue gave a firm thumbs up to their Special Chingri. The next lot arrived from the down the road and up the hill. Beautifully boxed and labelled, The Indian Dining Club had made a big effort to impress, though you wouldn’t know it given Sue’s expression when she saw the fish chutney. Anyone would think she’d been asked to lick the inside of one of the tanks in the aquarium shop. Actually, it was good. It went well with the Nilgiri Murgh, soft chicken in a minty gravy with nuts and coriander. Annette (our token taster with a low hot/spicy threshold) said she preferred it as it wasn’t overwhelmingly strong. Even

the Naga Murgh, though reputedly fiery, slipped down without recourse to one of the varied beers and lagers on offer (see Michael’s review). In fact, it has to be said that none of the dishes we tried that evening were particularly pokey, the stereotypical bladdered vindaloo thankfully being an anachronism. At least this side of Whitehorse Lane, anyway. Their salad was posh too - a bit of frissee and oak leaf. There followed a discussion about those inferior little bags of salad that inevitably arrive with a takeaway. Why are they there, given that no Indian chef worth his pinny would dream of topping off a jalfrezi with a pile of shredded iceberg in a restaurant? And who eats them? Who even opens them? A delegation from the Yak and Yeti then appeared carrying an enormous round tray so elegantly organised that one was tempted to open wide and pop in the lot. The juicy vegetables were served seductively in a pewter bowl. The black lentil Makhani dahl winked saucily and tasted divine. There were chicken lollipops: this food was cheeky. Somebody did say something about there being too much cream in the dahl.

CURRY COOK OFF

Suddenly, we realised a signature dish was missing. A call to emergency services was made and a smart chap materialised like the man from the shop in Mr Benn to present us with Aloo Tikki Chat (very nice), his arrival coinciding with our next selection of goodies. The Gurkha Cottage took our culinary adventure up the slopes to the peak with a superb array of typical recipes in lidded dishes inside a vast silver casserole, all labelled with glossy name cards as if pinched from a NATO summit. Underneath a banana leaf the simple Sea Bass Parcel was adroitly nailed by Jonathan as the right side of moist, gently gently spiced and the absolute perfect contrast to the richness we had been trawling all evening. I really enjoyed the Paneer Makhanwala with its slender tiles of cheese in a paprikery makhani sauce and though the cutely named Kus and Tus stuffed chicken with ginger and coriander doused in onions went down well initially, there were complaints afterwards that it had too much saffron. (How can you have too much saffron?) The Masu Bhutuwa was described as beautifully tender.

Finally, as we mopped our porcine gobs with the cooling hand towels supplied by the Gurkha Cottage (told you the stakes were high), our editor asked, what were the ‘shiners’? The answers were pretty unanimous: The Palace Spice Chingri, the Indian Dining Club’s Nilgiri, the sexy Yak & Yeti Dahl Makhani, the Gurkha Cottage Seabass. The Indian Dining Club’s Papri Ma Ghosh got the special commendation medal from Liz, but the Gurkha lollipops were disappointing despite the inventiveness. The Indian Dining Club Afghan Naan topped the bread

charts though we all agreed that the garlicky paratha from the Gurkha Cottage was very moreish and Jonathan commented that there’d be a fair few lengths to swim of the re-opened Crystal Palace Pool to work off the Yak & Yeti’s excellent butter naan. Gurkha Cottage 020 8771 7372 17 Westow Street Indian Dining Club

020 8670 7588 244 Gypsy Road

Palace Spice 0871 223 7940 36 Westow Hill Paprika 020 8761 6688 138 Gipsy Hill Yak and Yeti 020 8771 5522 107 Church Road

FANCY A BEER MATE? MICHAEL EYRE TRIES A FEW BREWS WITH HIS RUBY MURRAY

y brief this time round was to try and team up a selection of beers and lagers (and the odd cider or two) with a plethora of dishes from Indian and Nepalese restaurants based in and around the local area. I tried to keep it as simple as possible; pretty much all of these drinks can be bought from supermarkets and various other grog shops. I rounded up a reasonable amount of different bottles from hither and thither some of which, upon testing, just seemed to fall short of the mark.

To start: Lager

f the four lagers on offer (Brahma, Cobra, Hoegaarden & Tiger) only one seemed to generate any sort of interest. This was the Brazilian Brahma. It sat very well with both spicy and creamy foods whilst at the same time being an accessible and refreshing drink in its own right. Not too fizzy and with a light undertow of melon on the finish which offset the heat and cut through the cream, it was a delight.

Next: Beer

here were only three on offer at this point. The Duchy Originals Select, a fabulous big, dark and hoppy beer, unfortunately did not quite work with the curries (and believe me I gave it as good a go as I could.) The Old Speckled Hen was in there but once again, fine as it is, was left floundering in curryland. St. Peterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on the other hand was an unmitigated success. With its fine balance of light fruity hoppyness and full-on four-square flavour it complemented, in a nonoverwhelming fashion, the more spicy dishes (for example the rather nice prawn one from The Indian Dining Club) and also melded very well with the more creamy food on offer. Well worth a go for those beer lovers among us.

Finally: Cider

ere we had four ciders to think about, Dunkertons Organic, Waitrose Vintage French, Dabinet and Westons Perry. The Waitrose French initially gave the impression that it was up to the task but soon seemed to fade once presented with the food. A shame really.

The Dabinet, with its light, bright, high notes skipped between the spicy and the cream with consummate ease and was a real find, given that all my cider choices were a bit of a stab in the dark. The Dunkertons Black Fox had a long sharp finish which lent itself to the more creamy side of things (a case in point was the Makhani dhal, truly scrumptious) but not so good with the Jaflung lamb for instance. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d try it again. The Westons Perry was an excellent drink when matched with the more spicy, salty foods that were available. It was light and refreshing, and juxtaposed the spiciness very nicely. Until then.

Michael

I'm a Girl

THE SUNS OUT! QUICK! GRAB SOME BRICKS, SOME METAL, BUY SOME CHARCOAL! NADIA IS BARBIEING

sunny day in May and I'm only too well aware how short lived this burst of summer is likely to be. Any opportunity I get in Upper Norwood to stage an Arabic Barbie, I do so with gusto. With the fragile promise of a baking hot summer ahead of us I thought it prudent to share in the highs and lows of a Sawalha Barbie. You see, very few culinary events in our household escape the antennae of relatives from Streatham all the way down to Taunton. In fact it wouldn't suprise me one jot if, the very moment the letters BBQ emerge from my mouth, a peculiarly succulent call to prayer goes out on the mosque Tannoys of Amman in Jordan. More often than not, within minutes of having decided to opt for an outdoor meal, somehow the sizzling message of impending meat descending onto red hot coals, spreads through the extended family like wild fire. No sooner is my husband dragging the 3 tonne 'portable' barbecue from my mother's garden next door onto our patio, than the house phone, my mobile phone, and my mother's collection of approximately eight

different types of phone, all start pinging and chiming with the texts and voice messages of nephews, cousins, uncles, even cousins of cousins we've never met before. It's the tribe thing you see. And when you mix Bedouin with nearly Croydon ... Well ... It's a heady mix of culinary fanaticism. It's so extreme, that I've often thought for an Arab to light a barbecue, is tantamount to sending tantalising aromatic smoke signals across London calling all other Bedouins to SE19. Within minutes, what was planned as a manageable lunch has ballooned into a veritable celebration of all that is great about being Jordanian. Cousin such-andsuch decides to bring his new bride to be; somewhere there's a new baby who "must smell and taste the delights of the charcoal"; wandering up Beulah Hill is a procession of 2nd cousins bringing baklava sweets and bottles of Arak. I'm almost certain I've seen a camel on Biggin Hill once. But, somewhat strangely, in my immediate family, those who are most excited are NOT the men! In

fact, things couldn't be further from the Aussie stereotype of various fellas fanning the flames with a can of lager and skewer in each hand expounding on the virtues of having an Easterly wind to fan the coals and not overwhelm the meat. No. In my household the barbie fanatics are ALL women (with the one exception of my nephew Zak). Whilst for the various women of the family the three letters BBQ promises the delectable smokey delights of lamb, chicken, peppers, homemade burgers and sometimes fish - for the men in the family (most notably my father and my husband) - the phrase "We are having a barbecue" is tantamount to some form of culinary verbal abuse. No sooner is the food circus in motion, the garden now a mirage of desert luxuriousness, than they are both trying to create their excuses and effectively do a runner! As me, my daughters, my mother and even my vegan little sister go into overdrive sourcing the fuel, preparing the skewers, washing the veg and generally stage managing an afternoon of fun in the sun, for some reason Dad and Mark both huff and puff, complain of the

impending smoke, are suddenly fretful about all their clothes smelling of charcoal, feign asthma attacks, and generally exclaim that all you ever taste is the fire - not the meat. Sad though it is, as the party starts to swing, and the delights of the grill are consumed with ever increasing joy and noise, neither Dad nor Mark are to be seen anywhere near the food. Strangely though, as the sun sets, and the last embers of the grill glow their last reddy charcoaly grins - the circus starts to dissipate, the mirage starts to fade, the bright colours begin to melt away. As the final relatives depart with various bits of food in their hair and the waft of a charcoaled afternoon in their clothes the garden sinks into silence. As we women continue the gossip at the kitchen table, we hear the mutterings of what sound like two small feral animals outside. Grabbing the half empty bottle of Prosecco we head to the lounge to investigate. Out of sight (or so they think) are my father and husband fiddling around with the barbecue grill. As things clatter and hiss - one of us accidentally knocks over a glass of fizz. Wheeling round on the spot the two most anti-BBQ-ers in the world have meat juice all over their faces, and a look of utter childish guilt. My father (ever the speedy on the spot actor) proudly exclaims ; "this would be even better with some chutney!" As he looks at Mark for moral support, my husband knows the value of silence having already started to drag the 'portable' barbecue back to my mother's. Here's some of the dishes they missed out on;

THE RECIPEs Parsley Tahini Dip Tabbouleh

ShishTaouk

INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves

200g/ 4oz bulghar (soaked for half an hour in hot water and a couple of tsps of salt)

4 chicken breasts diced

1tsp of salt - though it is a case of taste, taste, taste 300ml ½ pint tahini A very large handful of finely chopped parsley 2 lemons again this depends on your palate Some warm water to thin

METHOD You can use a garlic press, but I love to make this in the pestle and mortar. Put the salt in and pound the garlic till it’s really smooth. Pour in your tahini and mix, a whisk is best, add your lemon and keep whisking - it will start to look really strange and sticky, this is when you start to pour in your warm water, still whisking. It’s ready when it looks like thick double cream. Stir in the lusciously green, finely chopped parsley. Place the bowl into the bowl of iced water and put in fridge.

2 medium tomatoes peeled and de-seeded 3 tbsps finely chopped spring onions (as fresh as can be or these devils can ruin the dish) ½ cucumber, deseeded and very finely chopped, salted and left to drain for ½ hr before adding to salad 3 tbsps very finely chopped fresh mint 200g/ 7oz very finely chopped parsley (it will have to be completely dry to be able to chop it as finely as you need too) 4 tbsps lemon juice 5-6 tbsps olive oil One Cos lettuce Salt

METHOD You will need to stand a tea towel lined colander in the sink. Drain the soaked bulghar, and put it into the colander, this is so you can get every last bit of by taking each corner of the tea towel and twisting and squeezing the water out .Put into a mixing bowl and stir in all the other ingredients tasting and adjusting all the way. Be careful not to let everyone else join in the tasting though, as this can end in disaster!! This salad looks simply spectacular in a glass bowl- especially if you line it with Cos lettuce leaves standing to attention, and pile up the salad in the middle - it will glisten and twinkle in a truly magical way.

6 thighs diced 8 plump garlic cloves pounded till creamy 4 juicy lemons Handful of thyme Lots of crunchy salt

METHOD Throw the lot into a nice big bowl and give it a good old mix .The longer you leave this marinating the more tender and delicious this will be. I have to admit though I hardly ever have enough time to leave it for more than about fifteen minutes and it's still delicious. Whenever you are ready thread onto skewers and put onto your hot white coals!!! Nurse them, by turning and basting them till cooked through and golden, with lovely little charred bits. I like to wrap mine in hot flatbread with a sprinkle of tabbouleh and a drizzle of tahini garlic sauce.

NADIA SAWALHA 43

the bookseller JONATHAN REVEALS HOW MUCH HAS CHANGED IN 42 YEARS OF CRYSTAL PALACE SHOP TRADING. NOT.

o says Finn, a young man in Angela Carter’s wonderful novel The Magic Toyshop (Virago £7.99) as he prepares to show Melanie, the book's 15-year-old heroine, Crystal Palace Park and its remaining, mostly fallen, statuary. Of course, once inside the park he is also planning to (temporarily) remove the bubble gum he has been chewing and kiss her, which one way, or another, is actually what the book’s about. First published 42 years ago in 1967 The Magic Toyshop was Angela Carter's second novel and it established her as one of the most imaginative and original writers of her generation. In an echo of The Railway Children – whose author E Nesbitt also loved and wrote about the park - three middle-class, country dwelling children are orphaned and sent to live with their misanthropic uncle Philip, a toy maker with a toy shop in Crystal Palace – not so named, but described as a ‘wedge-shaped open space high on a hill’ in a part of South London that has, as Finn reflects on their way to the park, seen better days. They live above the shop, sharing it

with Philip’s wife, Aunt Margaret, who is dumb and communicates by writing on a blackboard, and her two brothers, Finn and Francis Jowle, the three from Ireland, red of hair and fond, when Uncle Philip isn’t around, of a jig. The toy shop sits between a failed boarded-up jeweller’s and a grocer’s displaying a windowful of sunshine cornflakes. The shop is home to a parakeet who keeps up a running commentary on the customers, chanting ‘no sale!’ at regular intervals, although the intricately hand-worked and highly priced toys attract expensive women who arrive from north of the river looking for something that will make their friends say, ‘wherever did you find that?’ These women in turn bring the attentions of ‘the Sunday colour supplements’ who promise to have ‘half of London banging down the shop’s door’ until, that is, Uncle Philip smashes the photographers camera and throws it down the stairs. Much like trading in the Triangle today, then. In addition to the grocer’s, the neighbourhood contains a butcher’s

- the butcher with a slash of cruel bloodstain on his boater - a greengrocer’s shop, a new furniture shop, whose faulty neon sign reads, ‘everything for the ‘ome’ and of course a junk shop, where a ‘withered, pale woman sat and knitted by a paraffin stove among broken old things…’ There is half-day closing on a Wednesday and of course, no Sainsbury’s and no houses in the middle of the triangle. Angela Carter died age fifty-one in 1992 and left behind her a legacy of 14 works of fiction including Nights at the Circus and Wise Children (both Vintage £7.99) and both highly recommended. She lived for much of her life in south London, and indeed, before she wrote The Magic Toyshop had worked at The Croydon Advertiser, giving fuel, no doubt, for the above quote. David Thomson, the celebrated film writer, author of more than 20 books including the seminal The New Biographical Dictionary of Film (Litttle, Brown £2.00) and last years Have You Seen (Allen Lane £22.00), lives in San Francisco, but Try to Tell

They're planning to bulldoze the park and build workers' flats. But I've read that in the local paper since I came here. The Magic Toyshop

The Story (Alfred Knopf £16.99 ) is his memoir of a war baby childhood in Streatham with regular excursions to Mitcham and the Surrey hills. It is a childhood of playing on bombsites, visiting Streatham Ice Rink, the cricket of the day, boxing and football - there is a wonderful descriptive passage of a visit to Stamford Bridge, taking the 49 bus to Cheyne Walk, where, "The river was grey. The mist sepia. The air was scathing, and if you blew your nose there was grime in the phlegm. This was London, the centre of it all, but the air was worse than Streatham…" Who would have thought it? Of course, above all, the book is shot through with the author’s nascent love of cinema. Ridiculously it isn’t published in the UK so we have to import it from America. Geoff Dyer used to live in south London where he sometimes used to buy books from me. He used to write about slackers in Brixton. Now his books are given a lead review in The New York Times and he writes about successful slackers visiting the Venice

Biennale, lives in north London and no longer, even occasionally, buys a book from me. Perhaps we can forgive him, because his books, hovering somewhere between ‘almost’ fiction, ‘almost’ travel and ‘almost’ autobiography are mostly very good indeed and his latest, Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi (Canongate £12.99) is no exception. For fun this month I have been rediscovering the novels of American crime writer Richard Stark, who was also known by his real name of Donald E Westlake. But while Westlake, wrote many enjoyable, funny, crime capers, the Stark novels are the exact opposite; ruthless, pared down and minimal. My particular favourite at the moment, Lemons Never Lie (Hard Case Crime £5.99) is a joy, featuring an actor named Alan Grofield who runs a summer theatre company and who commits crimes, robbery and writing paper (bouncing cheques) to pay the bills, using his theatrical skills to the full as he does so. Above all, these books are brilliantly written and elegantly constructed imagine Samuel Beckett himself if he had had a go with a big tough guy and a gun.

Finally, there is a recent New Yorker cartoon: A chap and his wife are driving down a street. He says to her, “Keep your eyes open for one of those little stores that don’t exist anymore”. I couldn’t help but think of this as I read The Last Shop Standing – Whatever Happened to Record Shops? By Graham Jones (Proper £12.95) Indeed reading about the demise of so many great small businesses run by passionate, enthusiastic people – remember Beano’s in Croydon, for example, or even our own Warrior, on Westow Hill, both mentioned here from the point of view of somebody who owns an independent bookshop is a nervous occupation as, apparently, we share much in common. A passing browser saw the title the other day and exclaimed, "Ha! That’s easy, the internet, that’s what happened to record shops." Too, true my friend, and supermarkets, too, but it doesn’t answer the question, "Where can I buy a CD from in Crystal Palace?" does it.

Jonathan Main 45

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Certificates and gifts awarded on completion of 7 to 10 sessions.

THEREâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S A WORLD OUT THERE! WORLD MUSIC SUNG IN ENGLISH AND WITH A STRONG POLITICAL MESSAGE? HOWARD MALE DISCUSSES THREE NEW RELEASES WHICH ARE AS CHALLENGING AS THEY ARE EXCITING.

was tempted to spend the whole of this issue's column waffling on about just one CD, so much do I admire the artist behind it. The extraordinary hip-hop singer/ songwriter, K'naan was born in Somalia where he suffered all kinds of hardship during the Somali Civil War before his mother finally managed to organise their escape on the last commercial flight out of the country. His first album, 2005's The Dust Foot Philosopher, vividly described many of the nightmarish situations he faced during his childhood. But not only does he never descend into self pity, he also suffuses many of his songs with wit, joy and a heartbreaking degree of optimism which one rarely, if ever, comes across in American or UK hip-hop. But what's also so astonishing about K'naan is that he actually writes songs rather than just collating some samples and then rapping monotonously about how great he is, how big his gun is, and how subhuman his lady friends are.

English phonetically by listening to American hip-hop records so it's remarkable that his lyric-writing skills have surpassed most - if not all - of his heroes. And it's also remarkable that his songs are devoid of the racism, arrogance (except as tongue-firmly-in-cheek parody) and misogyny of much of the music that inspired him. Instead you get beautifully moving love songs like Fatima about a childhood sweetheart in Somalia who was randomly shot dead before she and K'naan could live out their innocent daydream of travelling to New York City together. But there's no mawkish sentimentality or glorification of gun violence here. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a celebration of this young girl's character and beauty, followed by an impassioned cursing of a society in which such a terrible and pointless thing could happen. My eyes well up every time I listen to this exquisite song of love and loss.

Yes, K'naan writes songs, as in songs with verses, choruses, middle-eights, and tunes.

So, look, if you've got kids who are in to hip-hop buy them this album (or his previous one) so they get to find out what can really be done in this genre which, in the last two decades, has failed to live up to its early promise. End of lecture.

And so we get to his new release, Troubadour and why you should acquire a copy if you have any interest in contemporary popular music and the evolution of the English language. K'naan learnt

Also recently released is the debut album from the London-based outfit Peyoti for President. They are a spirited, politically motivated band who produce a powerful mix of flamenco, samba and ska overlaid

with some good old punk rock power-chords and rebel-rousing choruses. And they have an awful lot of fun doing it. Their greatest claim to fame so far is that they supported the legendary Manu Chao on his 2007 UK tour. But if Rising Tide of Conformity (Sordid Soup Records) gets the exposure it deserves they should soon be taking that headline slot themselves. Finally we have The Rough Guide to Afrobeat Revival (World Music Network.) Nigeria was, of course, once part of the British Empire hence the fact that Afrobeat as a genre is usually sung in English. But that doesn't stop it being one of the funkiest forms of music in the world today, surely destined to one day be as ubiquitous as Jamaican reggae. If you are not familiar with this muscular, brassy mix of jazz, soul and traditional Nigerian roots music then this CD is a great place to start. And if you like what you hear, and feel you want to dig deeper and further back, the late, great Fela Kuti is your man.

Howard Male

horrorscope

OUT

Summer is almost here, horrah! Last summer Shutter Shades were the sunglases of the summer now Ray Bans are bouncing into action - you can buy them in most clothes shops, it aint just a style for girls though!

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LS_Dec Bennett Welch 2.qxp

26/11/2008

14:08

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If your job is threatened…

…don’t compromise on legal advice When your employer is ending your employment, you need specialist advice to protect your rights and maximise your entitlements. At Bennett Welch Solicitors we have extensive experience of advising on the termination of employment, including redundancy, and on Compromise Agreements, whether simple or complex. We provide a fast and efficient service and can normally see you within 24 hours of receiving your call. If you cannot attend our offices, we can advise by telephone and email. Your employer normally contributes towards your legal costs so you may not have to pay any costs at all. We act for and advise employees and employers on all aspects of the employment relationship, including: -

Dismissals Discrimination Contracts Maternity & Paternity Equal Pay

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ADVERTISING What is in the budget for me? Not much is the straight answer. The family silver had been sold off, a long time ago, and with the bank at maximum overdraft limit, there is not very much we can do for you! If you have Income of up to £6,475 in the current tax year you will not be liable to any Income tax, I am assuming you are under 65 years of age. Inform your bank that you are not a tax payer and get the interest Gross if your income is less than £ 6,475. Rent a room in your home and claim exemption of £ 4,250. This is useful additional money in these hard times.

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You can start saving tax free into an individual saving account (I.S.A) up to £ 5,100 cash with an overall limit of £ 10,200 for age 50 or over. Under 50 the limit are £ 3,600 and overall £ 7,200. If you run a business, you will pay tax on your taxable profits, so it is essential to claim all deductible expenses. You can claim a proportion of your heating and lighting bills and home telephone bills if you work from home. Employers can contribute £104 per year tax and NIC free towards an employees household cost for working from home. Ask your employer for this. No tax charge of on mobile phone loaned to employees by the employer, Get the company mobile phone! Tax free mileage allowance up to a maximum of 40p a mile for the first 10,000 business miles in a tax year which your employer can pay to you. Keep business mileage records. V.A.T rate goes back to 17 ½ % from 1st January 2010. So if you need to replace the cooker, buy it now and save 2 ½ % VAT. TAHIR BEGG - Begg , Williamson & Co.

yoga class 1st session FREE with this ad. £7 per 90min class Mixed ability, drop in class

Thursdays 7.30-9pm Anerley Town Hall Anerley Road SE20 8BD Elizabeth:020 8778 5396 elizabethknott@hotmail.com

Crystal Palace Festival (PART OF THE ‘STORY OF LONDON - JUNE 2009’)

Events Victorian Fair

Events Darwin Plaque Unveiling

Crystal Palace Park

Saturday 6 June - 12-5pm (in the company of Sir Joseph and Lady Paxton) including Victorian Picnic, Collectors’ Antique Fair,Victorian style children’s games, construction of the ‘Children’s Crystal Palace’ and introducing the Crystal Palace Pavilion.

Magic and Storytelling Upper Norwood Library 39-41Westow Hill SE19 020 8670 2551

Saturday 6 June - 2-5pm Professor Heard’s Magic Lantern Show, storytelling,Punch and Judy, historical talks,Victorianstyle magician, Stalls and period entertainers.

Open Air Theatre Paxton Statue,Crystal Palace Park

Sunday 7 June - 3pm Anniversary of Paxton’s first visit to the Crystal Palace site 1850 ‘Joseph and His Amazing Crystal Palace’ open air theatre performed by CREEPS The Crystal Palace ReEnactment Society (is that a good name guys? - Ed)

Crystal Palace Quiz Albert Pub, Westow Hill

Sunday 7 June - 7.30pm Crystal Palace Themed Quiz

Ghost Walk Crystal Palace Park

Monday 8 June - 7pm Ghost Walk in search of the spirit of Joseph Paxton start: Crystal Palace Railway Station finish: The Grain and Grape Pub, top of Anerley Hill. No scaredey cats!

Tuesday 9 June - 3pm Darwin Plaque Unveiling at the Dinosaur Lake

Historical Walk Crystal Palace Area

Tuesday 9 June - 7pm Local Historical Walk with the CP Community Association £5, limited places, call: 8670 4395 or email: cpca@onetel.com start: the smaller transmitter – far end of Church Road finish: Dulwich Wood House Pub

Dedication Ceremony Crystal Palace Corner (Top Site)

Wednesday 10 June - 2.30pm Anniversary of the opening of our South London Crystal Palace 1854 Dedication Ceremony at the new Crystal Palace Corner on top site.

Crystal Palace Band Crystal Palace Museum (near)

Wednesday 10 June - 7.30pm Crystal Palace Band open rehearsal in the Park near Palace Museum

Darwin Symposium Upper Norwood Library 39-41Westow Hill SE19 020 8670 2551

Thursday 11 June - 7pm Darwin Symposium at Upper Norwood Library with speakers from Spurgeon’s College and University College London

Darwin Symposium Queens Hotel, Church Road

Friday 12 June - 7.30pm Festival Finale in the Queen’s Hotel Balmoral Ballroom including music, drama and films

(some of) WHAT’s ON

Send your listings information for August/September to: listings@thetransmitter.co.uk

Comedy Gipsy Hill Comedy

Music The Alma

Black Sheep Bar 23 Westow Hill, SE19 1TQ 07758 521 378 www.gipsyhillcomedy.co.uk Every other Friday at 8.30pm Tickets £7adv/£8 on door

95 Church Road Crystal Palace London SE19 2TA 020 8771 1882

The HOB Comedy opposite Forest Hill station 7 Devonshire Road Forest Hill SE23 3HE 020 8855 0496

Saturday 23 May Dan Evans, Andrew Clover, Gordon Southern

9pm. £9/£6. Bar till 2am Saturday 30 May

MC Rob Hitchmaugh, Chris Neill, Darren Ruddel, Gerry Howell, Reg D. Hunter

9pm. £9/£6. Bar till 2am Saturday 6 June

MC Jimmy McGhie, Andrew Lawrence, Mike Wozniak, Alan Francis

9pm. £9/£6. Bar till 2am.

Friday 22 May Accomplished Jazz from local favourites Funghi Mama.

Saturday 23 May People Doing Things. All manner of creativity manifested at this night hosted by local artist and busy people.

Sunday 24 May The Alma Acoustic Session.

Friday 29 May We Love South Present Sixty Second Silence

rock'n'roll band that sound like Led Zeppelin remixed by LCD Soundsystem. Cool! Saturday 30 May Errol Linton’s Blues Vibe.

Britain’s best Blues harpist (that’s harmonica to the uninitiated) is back for another stompin’ set of his Caribbean infused blues.

Monday 25 May

Sunday 31 May

New Act Night

The fabulous Alma Music Quiz

New and up-and-coming acts showcase their talents. 8pm. £3. Sunday 31 May So You Think You’re Funny?

In conjunction with The Gilded Balloon The HOB hosts the competition. Past winners include Dylan Moran, Rhona Cameron and Tom Wrigglesworth 8.30pm. £5 Celebrity Pub-Quiz

Every Thursday A well known comedian pops the questions and dishes out the prizes Thursday 28 May Marian Pashley hosts – 9pm. £2

hosted by Jess Beep and Camilla Power. £1 entry. Cash prizes.

The Goose is Out! The Goose is Out! Hoopers Bar 020 7733 4797 28 Ivanhoe Road,SE5 8DH www.thegooseisout.com

Friday 29 May Tom Rodwell

Tom will be doing two sets with an interval between, and the live music will start at 9pm with DJs before and after. Come early for a good spot, and don't forget Hooper's do a great range of ales, plus food, so you can eat and drink well whilst listening to some brilliant music!.

The Goose is Out! DHFC 020 7274 8707 Edgar Kail Way, Dog Kennel Hill, East Dulwich SE22 8BD

Friday 12 June Mary Humphreys and Anahata

Mary sings traditional songs, mostly in English and a few in her native Welsh, and plays banjo and concertina. Anahata accompanies with melodeons, concertina and cello, and they play instrumental arrangements, mostly of English traditional music.

The Grape & Grain 2 Anerley Hill, SE19 2AAn

FREE JAZZ SUNDAYS 1.30pm - 4pm Sunday 24 May Georgina Mancio duo

Sunday 31 May Parry Ray duo

Sunday 7 June Charlotte James duo

Sunday 14 June Zena James duo

Sunday 21 June Karen Lane duo

Sunday 28 June Janet Penfold

The HOB see comedy for contact details

Friday 22 May Strange Fashion Classic rock (Queen and Bowie) and originals. 10pm. Bar till 2am. Free entry

Friday 29 May The Life Of Brian

Fine cover band includes kate Bush’s original guitarist 10pm. Bar till 2am. Free entry.

FOR THE LATEST WHAT'S ON WWW.THETRANSMITTER.CO.UK The White Hart 96 Church Road, Crystal Palace 020 8771 9389 thewhitehartse19.co.uk

Sunday 22 March Hair Of The Frog Classic Pub Rock

Saturday 28 March “Hart Attack” 2am License

Sunday 29 March Gengis Acoustic Stadium Rock

Dulwich Picture Gallery Gallery Road, Dulwich Village SE21 7AD 020 8693 5254 www.dulwichpicturegallery.org.uk

Friday 12 June Graham Devine Guitar Concert

7.30pm in theGallery Graham’s growing reputation as one of today’s best young guitarists and winner of the Alhambra International Guitar Competition promises an exciting evening. £17, Friends £15 Includes a glass of wine Thursday 25 June Midsummer Mozart: a summer’s evening of music from the four great Mozart operas. Long interval for a picnic.

6.30 pm Champagne Reception – included in your ticket price. 7.15 pm Performance Tickets £40, Friends £35

DANCE Westow House 79 Westow Hill, Crystal Palace 020 8670 0654

Mondays Salsa, Bachata & Kizomba classes 8-10pm. Dancing 10-11pm. www.dancebachata.co.uk 07946 620702

ART & CRAFT Open Studio

FILM Dulwich Picture Gallery

The Overspill, 4 Coopers Yard Crystal Palace SE19 1TN

Sunday 10 May

Friday 29th May Lene Bladbjerg, Tine Bladbjerg and Catherine Shaw are opening their studios and inviting you for a drink and the opportunity to view their latest work. 6pm-9pm Saturday 30 May Sunday 31 May 11am-5pm

FAMILY & FUN Elm Wood Primary School Carnac Street (off Clive Road) West Norwood SE27 9RR

Saturday 11th July Strawberry Fair

12.30 - 4.30pm £1 Entrance fee for adults children free admission The Elm Wood Strawberry Fair will be a traditional event with games, country dancing, live music, story-telling, drumming, and free art activities for the children. For all you foodies there's a buffet, bar and bbq and the must have cream teas. Treat yourself to a massage, or get a bargain at the designer arts and crafts stall or table top sale. If you would like to hire a table email friends2@kingswoodelmwood.org.uk or call Lisa on 07960 718397 to reserve a pitch

Dulwich Garden Safari Sunday 7 June 2 pm to 6 pm Explore six beautiful Dulwich gardens. Ticket/map available on the day from 4 Woodyard Lane, (off Dulwich Village), SE21. Adults £5, children under16 free. No dogs Caroline Dunmall 020 8299 2623 caroline@dulwich-helpline.org.uk

The Tudor House and Garden The Golden Compass

2.00pm - 5:00pm Linbury Room, including talk on Visual Effects by Sue Rowe £6 includes juice & popcorn! Monday 18 May The Sweet Smell of Success

Programme begins 7.45pm, bar opens from 7.15pm Linbury Room £8, £6 Friends. Includes wine and nibbles and free prize draw for the jazz soundtrack of the movie Monday 15 June The Station Agent

Programme begins 7.45pm, bar opens from 7.15pm Linbury Room £8, £6 Friends Monday 20 July William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet

Programme begins 7.45pm, bar opens from 7.15pm Linbury Room £8, £6 Friends

LECTURES Dulwich Picture Gallery Gallery Road, Dulwich Village SE21 7AD 020 8693 5254 www.dulwichpicturegallery.org.uk

Wednesday 3 June The Tudor House and Garden

Wednesday 17 June Gardens of a Golden Afternoon: the Lutyens and Jekyll partnership

Wednesday 1 July The Outdoor Room

All 10.30 - 11.30 am, Linbury Room. Series of 3 £25, Friends £20. Single Lectures £10, Friends £8

LS_Mar Fortyseven.qxp

24/02/2009

09:31

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85 Church Road SE19

♥

Gorgeous clothes for girls

020 8771 5517

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Smash Bang = funky shop in Crystal Palace

Bursting with new ideas and great products unique to Smash Bang Wallop, with bits and pieces from local artists and designers.

NOW OPEN THURSDAYS K_lij[Xp ()$-gd =i`[Xp ()$/gd JXk Jle ()$-gd

Everywhere you look there are gorgeous gifts & treats. Come and explore the shop or visit us online: www.smashbangwallop.co.uk

TheWhite Hart

85 Church Road, SE19 2TA

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020 8771 5517

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"It’s not a very big place in terms of square footage, but stand in front on any shelf — New Titles, Fiction, History, Philosophy, Poetry, Travel — and the mental space represented is as vast as the universe." Yann Martel Booker Prize winning author of The Life Of Pi