Conservative corner!!!Enoch Burke and the rise of the filthy liberal agenda

In order to highlight our commitment to remaining a politically unbiased magazine, we here at the Piranha have invited writers at The Burkean to contribute to our current issue, here is their contribution:

The radical leftist agenda in Trinity has made finding a modest and decent woman an impossibility. Most female students in Trinity have been infected by liberal teachings, and as such believe that not only should men see women as equals, but also that men should not subsist on a diet of Dairylea Dunkers and big bottles of Yop.

The Liberal agenda has turned the women in Trinity into deviants who take joy in flaunting their bodies for all to see. Why, yesterday, in the arts block, I saw a mature student exposing her breasts in public to feed her child. Where have the conservative values of modesty and decency gone? My mother, an honest god-fearing woman, would never stand for such a thing, and that's why, to this day, she only breastfeeds me within the privacy of our own home.

BESS Comunity Hurt and Shocked by “Hateful” SideChat Posts

BESS students -identifiable by their subtle yet distinctive air of confidence, nepotism, and empty corporate greed- have always occupied a contentious place in the hierarchy of degrees. Historically, the criticisms of BESS have always come from their less employable (and less attractive) PPES counterparts- and thus rendered ineffectual since the BESS students “don’t speak broke.” However, with the success of SideChat, students of all degrees now have a platform to insult BESS anonymously; this has acted as an opening of floodgates of sorts. The mockery of BESS has become so widespread that a new filter specifically for BESS Hate is said to be added to the app in the coming months. But how has this derision affected the BESS community?

“I used to be proud of my degree,” An anonymous BESS source confided in me, “Everyone used to tell me all the time how attractive people in BESS were. And it's true. We are very attractive But now when I tell people I do BESS, they always seem to get this sly smile on their face- and I know- I just know. I feel like I need to tell everyone that I’m not like other BESS students- I feel like I need to act ashamed of who I am and what I do. I just don’t feel safe studying BESS at Trinity anymore.”

Other BESS students have taken the offensive.

“The one consolation,” Chad Beckenson says, “Is that one day, all the small, ugly people, putting these small ugly lies on SideChat, will one day work for me.” Beckenson, then, proceeded to show me a crayon diagram of his plan to become an executive corporate CEO of Wall Street (complete with a detailed drawing of him doing cocaine off of Margot Robbie’s boobs). “When my plans come to fruition, they’ll all be sorry.”

The one consolation for the BESS community is that many are left in blissful ignorance of the hate they receive due to the fact that so few know how to read.

The societal corruption caused by modern liberalism in Ireland can be seen loudly and clearly in the recent Enoch Burke fiasco, wherein it was established that free speech is but a thing of the past. Enoch Burke, an honest man, was fired from his job for the crime of stating how he feels, and chasing a pre pubescent child around a P.E hall. I’ve said it before and I said it again, If it is illegal to share your opinion, and threaten small children, then this country is not a place in which I want to live, and although the staff at PlayZone were not convinced, this is a message that I will never stop spreading.

I’d like to thank you for reading this article, and I hope you enjoyed me owning the liberals. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to cultivating as awful a personality as humanly possible, thank you.