the words "let me think about it"
from the hassles of real life
your kids tonight (tension in
is to decline. It is okay to offer
and tune into the breath-
snatching world created by
Shonda Rhimes. From Private
Practice to Grey's Anatomy to How to Get away with Murder and now Station 19, I remain
invested in how these ShondaLand characters cope with
life's unexpected changes.
When Shonda's book, "The
Year of Yes," was published,
as a devoted fan, I purchased
my copy. I spent most of 2017 and 2019 saying "yes" to
experiences that caused me to step outside my comfort zone personally and professionally. Without fail, my greatest
successes and revelations
came from my willingness to
sit in discomfort. This path of curiosity led me to examine
further how I moved about in
the world. Honestly, it opened my eyes to the painful truth that I frequently said, "yes," to invitations and people
undeserving of my time, talents, and treasures. As a result
of chronic yeses, my health
suffered. My body ached all the time and exhaustion became
the norm. I needed to learn to
I'll adjust my plans to watch
the shoulders). Yes, I'll let you borrow money to pay your
electric bill (elevated heart rate). Yes, I'll listen to you tell me for
the 50'leventh time your plans to leave a toxic relationship
(fatigue). Yes, I'll volunteer my
time and talents to your worthy cause (insomnia).
Here’s the thing, I know society tells us to make ourselves available to those in need because it is honorable.
However, society should also
listen to every airline that flies the friendly skies and tell us
to grab the oxygen masks and
something and the moment you said, "yes," you felt a cringing sensation in your stomach
or the urge to run away? Our
bodies send us messages when we engage in activities that
we should probably abort. For example, yes, I'll work a few
extra hours to help you finish
without judgment, which is the very definition of mindfulness.
Now, this is where the feathers
may ruffle. If you have agreed to do something and later decide that following through on your "yes" will cost you more than
you are willing to spend, then you can rescind your "yes."
Rescinding your yes will present some consequences and you get to decide how you will
manage those consequences moving forward.
invitation to each of you to
messages could result in
avoidable physical and mental
health complications, ultimately costing us money and time.
Saying "NO" is a form of self-
care and self-love necessary for wellness. If you do not
believe me, test this theory for yourself. Notice how you feel
physically and mentally the next time you agree to do something you don't want to do.
inner voice tells you before
Have you ever agreed to do
in the present moment, and
Ignoring our body's internal
first before helping others.
needed to learn to say "no" to my health and wellness.
your "NO" must be intentional,
As we enter the second quarter
When asked to consider a
experiences that compromised
others a mindful no. However,
place them over our faces
say "yes" to experiences that scared me for growth. I also
cross your lips if the inclination
request, take note of what your responding. If the request does not produce peace, profit, or
pleasure, decline immediately.
of 2022, I extend a heartfelt
consider the following, if you so desire (of course):
1. What are you saying "yes" to that no longer satisfies you?
2. Who are the people you feel inclined to pacify, despite
your inner voice screaming "ABORT" mission?
3. What needs to happen for you to channel your inner
Miss Sophia and boldly say, "HELL NO?"
Dr. U
By Dr. Umieca N. Hankton
your project (headache). Yes,
2007, I unashamedly detach
a N . Ha iec n m
on kt
The AUDACITY of NO
Most Thursday nights since
Permit yourself the audacity to unapologetically deny
requests, regardless of the
person making the request.
There is no need to follow up a declined statement with
an explanation or apology. According to the rules of
assertive communication, "NO"
is a complete sentence. Let not
Dr. Umieca N. Hankton is a Licensed Clinical
Psychologist and Executive Director of UNH Counseling Services. She mindfully offers
trauma-informed behavioral health services to individuals who identify as Black, POC,
LGBTQ+, and others historically excluded.
The information shared in this article is for awareness purposes only.
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