JAN - FEB 2022
HYPOCRISY & HOMOPHOBIA: The Toxic Relationship between the LGBTQIA Community and the Black Church
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NEW YEAR, N U YO U , N U M O N E Y, N U H E A LT H Articles inside to improve your physical wellness, finances, & mental health
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PRIDE IN THE PEWS
How one person passion for the Black Church started a Movement!
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National B l a c k H I V/A I D S
AWA R E N E S S D AY AJ Totten-Reynolds Coming Out Story of Living Positively Out Loud
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!
Dr. Lakara Foster
Unapologetically shifting the perspective around her gift ○CHRISTIAN MINISTER ○ P S YC H I C M E D I U M ○AUTHOR
Dr. Foster is a sought-after psychic medium who set the internet ablaze after her appearance on VH1 Couple Retreat went viral. She’s the host of a YouTube series entitled “The Gift.”
THE RISE UP ISSUE VISIT TUVMAG.COM
FINDING YOU
IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY®
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BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including: � Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section. � Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections that may have been hidden in your body. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY. � Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY. � Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat. � Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain. � The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (6%), and headache (5%).
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ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults and children who weigh at least 55 pounds. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains: � dofetilide � rifampin � any other medicines to treat HIV-1
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HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.
GET MORE INFORMATION � This is only a brief summary of important information
about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.
� Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5 � If you need help paying for your medicine,
visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.
BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, GILEAD, the GILEAD Logo, KEEP ASPIRING, and LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: February 2021 © 2021 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. BVYC0370 04/21
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| THE UNLEASHED VOICE
DIMITRI LIVING WITH HIV SINCE 2018 REAL BIKTARVY PATIENT
KEEP ASPIRING.
Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.
BIKTARVY® is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in certain adults. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.
Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you. See Dimitri’s story at BIKTARVY.com. Featured patient compensated by Gilead.
Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the previous page and visit BIKTARVY.com. THE UNLEASHED VOICE |
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CON TEN TS
Ad Deadline February 12, 2021
Next Issue to March | April 2022
COVER PHOTO CREDITS Stylist/Designer: August Brandon Photographer: Reaux Woods Videographer: Erykah Morris Makeup: Bob Maddox
08‐10 Cover Story Dr. Lakara Foster Unapologetic 06-07 | Editor’s Letter Gwendolyn D. Clemons Dr. Davin D. Clemons
12 | Spirituality Don Abram, D.MIV Pride in the Pews
13 | Spirituality Beth Trouy Rise Up: Change is Gonna Do You Good
16 | Physical Health Michael Lauderdale 5 Tips to Keep the Fire Burning
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Advocacy News
AJ Totten – Reynolds National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
17 | Financial Health Wesley Fenner 10 Tips to Help You Financially Conquer 2022
19 | Commentary Monick M. Monell Book to Read for 2022
20-21 | Mental Health
11 22
Special Feature 4
Brodderick Roary Finding Yourself
| CONTENTS
Special Contributor Monika M. Pickett Hypocrisy & Homophobia
Dr. Umieca N. Hankton Prioritize Mental Health in 2022
Shawn M. Clemons Administration/ Fashion Director
Gregory Graphics Layout/Design
Monika M. Pickett Guest Contributor
Monick Monell Talent Director & New York Correspondent
Whitney Johnson Chief Editor
Kyra Bonet St James-Cassadine Transgender Correspondent
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CONTENTS |
5
FINDING YOU! ay, NO! d o t it h s r u o y ' in k ta 't I ain I ain't takin' your shit tomorrow, NO!
(Summer Walker)
I
can totally relate to Summer Walker’s
lyrics in her hit single “Unloyal.” These
lyrics are now my anthem for 2022. In this
song Walker is interestingly speaking about her boyfriend, but for me I am speaking
to anyone who think they can bring their negative energy into my space!”
Last year did something to me. It wasn’t a good thing or a bad thing. It was a
change that heightened my awareness of how important it was to maintain healthy relationships. It made me evaluate the
quality of relationships I had formed. It
made me evaluate how I was showing up in
my inner circle and how those people were showing up for me. It made me understand that I needed to get back on my grind and finished the goals I set for myself. Losing my mother made me question my own mortality and immortality.
I figured out that my WOES started in
2019, but I was able to camouflage my
stress through my representative. I guess one can assess that I was in a slump,
kinda of like Steph Curry missing 3’s! LOL!
Nevertheless, I had a huge amount of stress and did a poor job by my standards in
handling it. However, things have changed, and I am now finding my “Hope Again!”
None of us are immune to LIFE! LIFE is
going to show up and most of us aren’t
ready! I mean things are going to happen
to ALL of us that may knock us off our feet. In the words of Les Brown, “If you fall down
try to land on your back, because if you can look up, you can get up!” I got up in 2022,
6
| EDITOR’S LETTER
just like that and I am ready to get back in the game! Don’t’ let people fool you into thinking they always have it all together because “they, we, or you” don’t!
“Finding You” doesn’t start at the New Year. “Finding You” starts the moment you realize that you don’t have to take no “ish” off of anybody! PERIOD! ON THE COVER: Dr. Lakara Foster who is Unapologetically
pioneering a new path, shifting perspectives, and creating conversations around what it
means to be a Christian Minister and a Psychic Medium. We are excited to offer a different
Christian perspective about God and religion to encourage you to THINK, CHALLENGE, and RESPECT DIFFERENCES!
Gwendolyn D. Clemons, MBA, MSM, PRC
Editor in Chief of TUV Media
Let’s Go To the Next Level in 2022 H
appy New Year and Welcome to the
next level of your life! Many of us have
been committing insanity for many years
in our lives. We want to change but never ask ourselves what does hitting the next
level in life mean to us? I mean at the end
of the day, reaching the next level sounds great. But what does it look like, feel like, smell like and even taste like to you? So, the first step is to define what the next
level looks like to you. What area of life
do you want to reach it in? This is usually
the easiest step. Then what will that area of your life look like after you've had this
breakthrough? What will you be wearing? What emotions will you be feeling? Who
will be around? More importantly, who will NOT be around anymore? Once you have
gone through these two simple steps, the
real work begins. Leonardo Dicaprio says, “Every next level of your life will require a different you.” The New International Version bible declares, “Therefore, if
anyone is in Christ, the new creation has
come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Now, let’s remember this really starts off with a complete BEGINNING. This
beginning is accepting that it will be painful and difficult to get to the next level but
it’s possible. You must be HUNGRY! You will either choose to push through and be persistent, until your breakthrough or you will throw in the towel on life.
Breakthroughs are not for the faint of heart. They require discipline and consistency.
Along with the innate desire to transcend the limits that YOU put on you. Look at it
this way; That YOU created you! YOU are completely responsible for the person
you are today! Taking FULL responsibility
for your life is the 1st step to reaching the next level in life. And ultimately the first
step toward living an empowered life on
your terms. Remember this from this day
forward, assume full responsibility for your life. YOU got you here and YOU can get you out of it. It’s as simple as that!
Here are some of my tips for the next level of advancement in life! Let’s Go!!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Do Something You Never Thought was Possible (Set A New Standard) Keep Failing Until You Succeed Positive Self Talk, The HELL Out of Yourself (Pun Intended) Change Your Squad Journal Your Day Use Your Story To Your Advantage Be Grateful Believe It Can Happen To You BEGIN NOW
THE UNLEASHED VOICE |
7
NAPOLOGETI
Unapologetically
pioneering a new path,
shifting perspectives, and
creating conversations
around what it means to be a Christian Minister
and a Psychic Medium.
Check out more from Dr. Lakara Foster: LakaraWithTheGift.com
Raised in New Orleans, Dr. Lakara Foster offers healing and insight as a psychic medium, minister, and author. She ministers at Vision Church of Atlanta, owns a spiritual gift shop called Lakara with the Gift in Atlanta, Georgia and hosts a YouTube series entitled The Gift. Q: What have you come to understand as the reason for your gift of mediumship? A: As a medium, I can connect people to their departed loved ones and bring messages
of healing, closure, and peace. Many people who seek my services are suffering from
grief and that grief can steal years off their lives. When people lose loved ones, they
bodies, and when we depart from these bodies and departing is an inevitability. We’re all going to do it and when that
time comes, it doesn’t matter if we are
seven months or seventy years old, when the soul’s mission is complete, the soul
transitions from the physical body. But the soul, the spirit, lives on.
sometimes get angry with God. I have found
I believe the gifts we divinely receive are the
helped people to find their way back to
we enter these physical bodies. I also believe
that mediumship is a healing tool that has God. Ultimately, they desire to know that
their loved ones are okay and the personal messages they receive let them know that they are okay and even though they are
no longer here physically, their souls are
still among us. I’ve worked with quite a few
people who’ve lost loved ones to COVID and are mourning that they didn’t get to bury the physical body. I explain to them what Spirit has helped me to understand and that is
that Spirit has no connection to the physical
body once it transitions from the earth realm. The body can be buried or cremated but the soul lives on and is now there to guide and protect. When people know that then they can shift in their understanding of death. I don’t even like to use the word death
because I understand that there is no end. I start every reading by explaining, “I’m
not talking to dead people, because there is no such thing as dead.” I use the word
transition because we simply change form. I’ve researched both quantum physics and metaphysics, so I know that we are energy
and energy cannot be created or destroyed. It’s just continuing. We are energy before
we enter these bodies, while we are in these
ones that we agree to operate in even before that God only gives us the gifts that God can trust us with. When I asked God why I had
been given the gift of psychic mediumship, God spoke to me saying, “I promised my
people eternal life. How will they know I’ve kept my promise if the medium doesn’t demonstrate the gift?” These gifts are
Q: How did you first become aware of your gift? A: One of my earliest memories of this
gift of mediumship, which I didn’t realize was unusual at the time, was being at a funeral for my mom’s aunt when I was
three years old. I saw the casket, so I was
very clear that the body was in the casket. But I was also very clear that my mom’s aunt was sitting there among them. I
thought to myself, “Oh, this is cool…You get to go to your own funeral when you die,” not realizing that no one else was experiencing the presence of spirit.
primarily for us to serve others, assist them
Another early memory I have is getting
humanity. God wants to use all of us, but
giving everyone their favorite section. My
with finding their purpose, and to elevate
so many people are stuck in their grief. So, for me being assigned a medium is God
saying, “Hey, we’ve got to help them get
unstuck because they have to complete the divine assignment.” I am helping people to understand we all have signed a spiritual
contract before we get into these physical bodies, and we don’t know when that
contract is going to expire. But we know that
it will because the scripture tells us that none of us know the day or the hour, but we all
know that day will come. But until that final
day, our job, our mission is to live life and love to the absolute fullest. We are supposed to
experience heaven on earth because Spirit has told me that we don’t have to die to get to heaven. We can have it right here.
the daily newspaper, dividing it up, and
brother would get the sports section. My mom read the cover stories. And oddly enough, I would grab both the comics and the obituaries. As I read these
obituaries, I could feel the departed
person there with me and while obits
never tell you how people passed, usually
just about their life, I always knew how the person transitioned and other things that were not listed in the newspaper. I never
talked about these experiences because they didn’t feel foreign or warranted any intervention. I honestly thought this is what everyone experienced.
It wasn’t until college that I realized
everyone was not having these same spiritual encounters. During my
freshman year, a friend of mine was COVER STORY |
9
us from our spiritual history and
NAPOLOGETI
indigenous practices. While I do identify as a Christian, and I am a believer in Jesus Christ, I am not lost on how
Christianity has been used by certain
groups to oppress already marginalized people such as women, the LGBTQIA,
and African Americans to name a few. My work specifically detailed why
psychics and mediums are biblically denigrated, and it begins with King
James as it appears he had a personal agenda while rewriting the Bible. The story suggests that six women, who
identified as witches, hexed the boat of
heavily grieving the loss of an aunt
know, or just guess or Google, so
“see” the aunt there with us every
my gosh, yes, that is absolutely my
who had raised her. I could feel and time we talked but could not find the words to communicate to her what I
was seeing. After several weeks of her non-stop grieving I finally asked, “Is
your aunt really tall?” She just looked
at me and said, “Yeah.” I asked, “kind of a big woman?” Again, she said, “Yeah.” When I asked, “Did your family bury
her in a sparkly red dress?” she started
freaking out. We weren’t from the same city, and I hadn’t known her before
college so there was no way for me to
know these things. She asked, “How do you know this?” I told her, “She’s here with us. And she hated the dress y’all
buried her in, by the way.” All she could do was laugh, “I knew it. I knew she
was going to hate it.” And it suddenly became something that was funny, and familiar, and comforting to her.
She said, “Oh, my god. This is my aunt. Exactly what you’re saying is exactly how she would talk to us.” So, she
knew, even though her aunt wasn’t with her physically anymore, that she was
still with her in the spirit, still protecting her, still guiding her.
It was then that I began to realize that I could help people with this gift. I
realized that departed Spirits would
give me things to communicate to their loved ones that I couldn’t possibly
that people will be able to know, “Oh grandmother, absolutely my mom,
absolutely my dad coming through.”
And then they can feel for themselves, “Yeah, there is no end to this.”
Q: When people feel like they ee a conflict between your gift of ministry and your gift of mediumship, what are they seeing as the conflict?
his wife, Queen Anne, causing menacing storms to prevent her from traveling to
their country. This angered King James and two of the women were burned at the stake under the Witchcraft
Act of 1563. The bible only began to
admonish the work of psychic mediums at the beginning of the 17th century with the completion of King James’ translation where he categorized
psychics, mediums, witches, sorcerers, and spiritualists all together into one
How do you respond?
heretical group. I believe it is necessary
A: I believe, at the core of it, the
n psychic mediumship or any
conflict that people have is not
understanding or finding it difficult to accept that mediumship is a spiritual gift from God. My doctorate is in
ministry, and it meant I had to really
study and research what it means to
possess the gift of mediumship while
also operating as a Christian minister. I looked at it from religious, scientific,
and Afrocentric angles and discovered that this gift isn’t anything new or
peculiar. Before our lives as African
people were interrupted and we were
forcefully brought to this country, this gift, and others like it existed and we used it in our culture and operated
freely with it. I believe more people are waking up to that knowledge.
Another part of my research findings
helped me to understand how religion has played a part in disconnecting
that people who are gifted spiritually other “peculiar” gifts might find it necessary to investigate further
what the original biblical texts stated regarding their gifts.
People will criticize, ostracize,
and even demonize those of us
who possess the gift of psychic
mediumship. Through all this God
has shown me that I do not have to defend the gift. I am only called to
demonstrate it, and the gift will speak for itself. I have seen some of my
most vocal critics apologize and even sought my services when they have
lost a loved one and I still share God’s gift with them because it isn’t mine to
hoard. I believe that some people just
need time to grow, time to evolve, time to see, time to witness and as they do, I will continue to walk in this calling, unapologetically.
Finding Yourself is Important to Living a Fulfilling Life… By Brodderick D. Roary
SPEND TIME ALONE Spending time alone with yourself is one of the most refreshing and reflecting things
to do. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant
alone? Gone shopping by yourself? Watched
a movie at a movie theater by yourself? If you haven’t, try it. It’s just you and your thoughts. This gives you time to focus and not become distracted from the usual company you would have along with you. TRAVEL Throughout life, we change as we age. I’m
not just talking about appearance, but more
about who your soul is: how we think, how we live our lives, what we like to do for fun, who
we want to hang out with, what foods we like, what we want to do with our life. All these things make up who you are.
Sometimes what we think we want ends up not being what we truly want. This can be
a confusing time. A time when you start to
question yourself. There is a time in everyone’s life where they need to take the time to see
Traveling does wonders to open your mind
to experience new things. Traveling can also make you think of things you never thought about doing. You learn a lot about yourself, whether it’s discovering a new talent or
enriching yourself with new cultures. Anyone
who loves to travel can back me up by saying, once you come home from a trip, you’ll never be the same- you will see yourself and the world through new eyes. TRY SOMETHING NEW
what’s important to them. A time to find
Whether it’s a new exercise class, a new
enjoy being alone, travel somewhere new by
it gives a fresh start to your life and can
comfortable in your own skin, and learn to love
tasks can become boring. You need to switch
period of focusing on myself. I moved to a new
learning different forms of dance. This gives
that help you decide who you are and what you
love of dance and remain physically fit. Little
thing, as you grow you may need check-ins
perspective to activities and discover things
yourself. It’s a time where you dedicate time to
restaurant, or new decor around your house,
yourself, start a new hobby or job, learn to be
become exciting! Sometimes the everyday
yourself. The last couple of years have been a
up your routine and start something new. I like
city and started a new job. It’s things like this
me a way to express my creativity, feed my
want in life. Finding yourself isn’t a one-time
things can go a long way and give you a new
with yourself to keep you on track.
you didn’t even know you liked!
LOVE WHO YOU ARE You were born with the skin you’re in now and that will never change. It’s important to learn to love yourself. Unfortunately, the media gives unrealistic goals of how we should
look. If you don’t love the skin you're in, it’s
going to be very hard to have someone come into your life and love you. We’re our own
worst critics. We judge ourselves on parts
that others can’t even see. I think that part is normal and happens with everyone, but it’s
the way you process it. You can either obsess over what you want to look like or come to terms that this is the body you were born
with and it’s perfect, unique, and belongs to
you. Learning to be comfortable in your own
skin can teach you all sorts of things that you may not have known about yourself. There is
only one YOU in this world. There isn’t a need to try to be anyone else.
» Finding yourself and knowing who you
really are gives you a new perspective and is important as we grow and find our purpose in life. There is always room for learning
new things and exploring new places. As we enter the various stages life has to offer,
we may have to reevaluate ourselves. It is all about the journey and finding the best things in life to fulfill yourself!
SPECIAL FEATURE |
11
D
on Abram’s shared passion for the Black Church and the LGBTQ+ community
prompted him to start Pride in the Pews.
Don grew up in a hand clapping, toe-tapping Black church on the Southside of Chicago.
Every Sunday, at 11:00am, he was in the pews expecting a soul-stirring sermon. At the age
of 14, he was called into ministry and moved from the pews to the pulpit—a paradigm shifting transition. With his new role, he
adopted theological positions that mirrored
and storytelling. Pride in the Pews seeks
of oppressions that seek to dehumanize
Christians in the Black Church can share
embodies intersectional liberation through
to create a platform by which LGBTQ+
their testimony and contribute to a more just and equitable world. Don is deeply committed to ensuring that the next
generation of Black LGBTQ+ leaders of faith are equipped to be change agents. Q: How did Pride in the Pews get started?
the teachings of his home church. After years
A: The work of Pride in the Pews was born
a halt when Don realized that he embodied
justice and during ongoing legislative
against: queerness.
In the wake of the George Floyd protests,
of preaching orthodoxy, everything came to
on the heels of historic protests for racial
the one of the very things that he preached
attacks against the LGBTQIA+ community.
As a student at Harvard Divinity School, Don was presented with an opportunity
to critically engage scripture with a focus on marginalized communities, including the LGBTQ+ community. With rigorous
theological training and a heart for justice,
Don deconstructed queerphobic theologies from the perspective of Black liberation
theology. As Don’s theological commitments evolved, his love for the Black Church never
ceased. In fact, his commitment to ensuring that the Black Church pursued a ministry that centered the needs and voices of
marginalized communities grew stronger. Frustrated with lack of theological nuance and the silencing of LGBTQ+ voices in the
Black Church, Don decided to launch Pride in the Pews. He believes that far too many LGBTQIA+ Christians in the Black Church still hear dehumanizing messages about their sexuality and their gender identity,
which impedes their ability to contribute to a more just world. So, he decided to
confront queerphobic theologies in the Black Church through storytelling.
civic engagement, political education,
12
| SPIRITUALITY
and resists the vestiges of harmful
theologies and ideologies that serve to otherize and disempower members of our own community. @Pride in the Pews @Pride in the Pews
identity. The Black Church has always
been the training ground for monumental leaders in our nation’s history. However,
it has excluded a pivotal consistency for far too long: Black LGBTQ+ leaders of
faith. With the proper tools, training, and resources, the Black Church can once
again be a birthplace for transformative
leadership, producing individuals who act as catalysts for social movements that
impact the church and our nation. But, it
must become radically inclusive and lead
from a place and empathy and compassion, especially for LGBTQ+ people, to do so.
At Pride in the Pews, we believe that the
next generation of changemakers lie within
Black LGBTQ+ leaders of faith but the Black Church is not equipped to provide them
with the necessary training and skillset. We are working to fill that gap, so that Black LGBTQ+ people of faith can continue to be catalysts for social movements that advance equity and justice for all.
A: Pride in Pews imagines a Black Church
to advance social movements through
We envision a church that acknowledges
for all, regardless of sexual and/or gender
Pews. It is a grassroots nationwide nonprofit emerging Black LGBTQ+ leaders of faith
aid, and ministry for the marginalized.
to recommit itself to the work of justice
Q: What is the goal of Pride in
that develops, equips, and organizes
advocacy, community outreach, mutual
Don saw a unique time for the Black Church
Armed with a $40,000 grant and a calling to ministry, Don launched Pride in the
the disinherited. We envision a church that
the Pews campaign?
reconciled unto itself. We envision a church that reflects and celebrates the sexual and gender diversity that exists within Black
Christandom while challenging all systems
PRIDE IN THE PEWS By Don Abram, M.Div
while also allowing our grief to pass through
RISE UP: CHANGE IS GONNA DO YOU GOOD By Beth Trouy
“If you don’t like change, don’t be in
healthcare.” I really don’t like change. Being a Physical Therapist however has been
my passion, so I’ve managed the ups and
downs. But the past 20 months… let’s just say that I’ve been pushed to the limits of endurance, and beyond. For many of us,
us. It’s true the saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
Grief also can transform us in positive processing my journey has been cathartic
for me. Normalizing these emotions has also allowed me to process and master them.
It’s been over 50 years since these stages
were first defined and yet, can’t we all relate to each one as we trudged through the
nightmare of Covid? In the beginning, fear
and denial overwhelmed us. It was followed
by anger as we watched the chaos and death. Our anger was further fueled as we butted
heads with those who refused to help slow
the spread and trust science. We bargained, we pleaded, we tried having candid crucial conversations to no avail. Depression
followed as we came to realize our world as we knew it was probably forever changed
and some of our closest relationships as well. The final stage, acceptance, is a work still in progress for most of us.
and not just those in healthcare, the past
The awareness of seeing these stages as a
physical sense, but mentally and emotionally
toward a calmer place of acceptance and
2 years have been hellish. Not just in a as well. We’ve not only been battling a
pandemic, trying to keep ourselves and
our patients safe, but we have also battled
misinformation and resistance from people we thought we could depend on. Many
have thrown in the towel for a multitude of reasons and retired at rates we’ve never seen. It’s been so dramatic that it has a
name: The Great Resignation. Personally,
well-defined process has helped me move
peace. Being able to see that these powerful
emotions are a process that many go through in dealing with trauma and loss, helps
normalize the suffering. It also gives us hope
ways if we allow ourselves to accept its presence. Loss can be channeled into
compassion, loneliness into empathy for others. Through this journey, the change
within us moves us closer to acceptance and peace and this is where hope emerges. The transformation is also a gift for it brings us closer to a 6th stage of grief only recently discovered by researcher David Kessler in 2019: “Finding Meaning.” This is the
best tool for surviving and thriving within this ever-changing environment that has
become the new normal. We live in a world that goes through exceptional trouble to
avoid pain and suffering and yet, for those
of us brave enough to stay in the arena and keep our hearts filled with love, we will find meaning and peace. Change and suffering is inevitable. Choosing acceptance over
denial is our choice to make. So as this roller coaster ride rounds into another year and starts clanking up the great hill of 2022,
consider easing your grip on the lap bar,
throwing your hands into the air as you did as a kid and embracing what lies ahead with an open mind and heart.
that we will survive the chaos inside if we just keep moving forward. We also recognize we are not alone in our struggles. Sharing with
others helps us gain a broader perspective
I’d like to join them and at least catch my
breath, but financially, it’s not a possibility.
So, what’s the game plan for surviving, and thriving in this future climate?
The strongest tools for this challenge I
believe are self-awareness and acceptance. When I look back on the roller-coaster ride of these past months, I can see the stages of grief as defined by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-
Ross which closely parallel my own journey
through this process: 1. Denial and Isolation, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, 5.
Acceptance. I didn’t recognize them when I was in the moment, but reflecting now and
SPIRITUALITY |
13
This is My Story:
How I Overcame Stigma and Shared my HIV Testimony By AJ Totten-Reynolds
I
n 2006, I received news that would change my life forever. I learned that I was living
with HIV. At the time, I was 20 years old
with no job and no real sense of stability. I had just moved to Atlanta 2 years prior
and to say that I was struggling is a severe understatement. I was sent to the city
from Houston so that I could make my
family proud. I had goals of excelling at a
The idea of sharing my HIV status was once a daunting thing. I thought that sharing my status would be the admission of some sort of failure. On the contrary, I discovered that it was a declaration of personal triumph.
prestigious college, pursuing a reputable career and being the model of what a
successful Black gay man could be. As I
sat in the hospital room digesting the news that I contracted HIV, all I could think about was the idea that I let my family down. In
that moment I vowed never to disclose my status to anyone in my family or on any
public platform. On World AIDS Day 2021, I decided to change that.
In the first few years of my diagnosis,
the challenges of accessing and staying in quality healthcare made it nearly
impossible to find any solace with my status. I was overwhelmed with appointments,
paperwork, and hours upon hours of sitting in waiting rooms. When I tried to advocate for myself, I would hear things like, “Either you’re going to pay with money or with
time,” and, “If you had made better choices, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” At one point, I gave up completely on seeking Ashton "AJ" Totten-Reynolds is a minister,
nonprofit leader, and community advocate in the
metro Atlanta area. He serves as a Board Member of THRIVE SS, Inc., a nonprofit organization
committed to providing support services to Black gay men living with HIV.
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| THE UNLEASHED VOICE
care. I thought it was better to suffer in
silence than to endure the perceived shame of confronting my HIV status head on.
Thankfully I had a few folks in my tribe who pushed me back into care and eventually
I was able to find a consistent routine. I’m
happy to say that for the last 10 years I have been consistently in proper HIV care, and I have remained undetectable.
While I had been fortunate to enjoy quality medical care and viral suppression, I still struggled with disclosing my status. Of
course, my close friends, previous sexual
partners and my spouse all knew about my status. But I just couldn’t bring myself to
make a public declaration. Even though I
spent years supporting others living with
HIV as a minister, community advocate and nonprofit leader, a small part of me felt a
tinge of shame about my own diagnosis. I would always speak about HIV in general
terms, being careful to not implicate myself as a person living with HIV. Ironically, one
of my main fights has been the elimination of the stigma that is associated with HIV
all while denying my own status in public
spaces. That goes to show just how strong HIV stigma really is.
The early years of the HIV epidemic sent
shockwaves through our communities. Lack of research and access to proper treatment meant that many who contracted the virus
would succumb to it in very short periods of time. So many people were lost to the virus that it became normalized to associate HIV with death. This birthed a negative stigma around those living with HIV. This stigma
has persisted over the last 40 years, despite the overwhelming advances in treatment options which have led to longer and
healthier lives for people living with HIV.
When World AIDS Day 2021 came around, I
was incredibly moved by the testimonies of my peers, colleagues and friends who were bold enough to share their HIV statuses.
Every post I saw on social media was like a gentle tug on my heart. I knew deep down that it was time for me to share my story. I
spent the whole day debating it with myself. What would happen if I did disclose? How will my family react? What if my employer found out? I would find a reason to talk
myself out of it, then I would see another
post of a brave soul sharing their story of
triumph. Then I began to ask myself, what if I
don’t share my story? What life can be saved by my testimony? Who is silently struggling that might find comfort in knowing they’re not alone? I reasoned with myself that the risk of shame was not worth the missed
opportunity to change someone else’s life. Without giving it another thought, I did it. I
publicly declared that I am a person who is not just living with HIV but THRIVING with
HIV. I used my post to speak against stigma and to encourage others to get educated
and seek out resources. For the first minute or two after I made the post, I was a little anxious. But as the comments began to
pour in, all the anxiety I had been holding
on to for 15 years quickly dissipated. I was completely blown away by the positive
feedback I received. I had friends, family, and coworkers sending me private messages thanking me for sharing my story. Folks
who I had known for years began to share
their own stories with me. The outpouring of love and affirmation was confirmation that I
made the right decision. It is a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life.
The idea of sharing my HIV status was once a daunting thing. I thought that sharing my
status would be the admission of some sort of failure. On the contrary, I discovered that it was a declaration of personal triumph. I went from being a 20-year-old young
man with no sense of direction and limited
resources to a person who has been blessed to build a better community for our future.
I have been privileged to use my story and my platform to make a positive change in
the world. I have accomplished more than I could have ever imagined, and my family couldn’t be prouder of me. No longer do I
see my HIV diagnosis as a marker of shame. Instead, I embrace it as a badge of honor. To those living with HIV who are still
struggling with stigma, know that you are
beautiful, brilliant, and blessed. Continue to affirm yourself and do what is necessary to live a full and vibrant life. Know that you are not alone, and that you are loved beyond
measure. I encourage all of us to do our part to end HIV stigma. Continue to seek out
education. Embrace and affirm those around you who are living with and impacted by HIV. Take care of yourselves by making well-
informed decisions about treatment and
prevention options. Whether you are living
with HIV or without HIV, we all have a part to
play in ending the HIV epidemic. Let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work together.
THE UNLEASHED VOICE |
15
FIVE TIPS TO KEEP THE FIRE BURNING THROUGH FEBRUARY By Michael Lauderdale
F
ebruary? Yes, through February. I know you are on fire, highly motivated and
ready to knock out your fitness goals
through January. Sure, you took some
time off, after all life happens and you must change priorities. “These bills can’t pay themselves,” you told yourself.
“I’ll get back on it tomorrow,” you told
yourself. “I deserve this ______ (insert
secret indulgence),” you told yourself.
You tell yourself “Yes,” when you really
having clear and understood boundaries
kryptonite, like it is for me, swap it with
is formed. Because there are healthy
4. Reward yourself… but not too much.
a level of understanding and respect
boundaries, they respect the time for
you to be physically active and the food
You deserve a break, but don’t do too much
falls and you fall off track your neighbor
going. Remember why you started, which
choices that go along with it. If the fence can lend a helping hand and repair the
fence. After all, the fence also helps them establish autonomy and grow.
2. Break the clock, even a broken clock
want to say, “No.”
is right twice a day.
The conditions will never be perfect in
Establish two times in a day you can
because we tend to put the needs of
opportunities to be successful, you’re
your journey to living a healthy lifestyle others before our own. They say put
your oxygen mask on first before helping others and for too long you have been holding your breath and refusing to
breathe because you think you have time. Here are my 5 top tips to help you recover and reclaim what you may have lost in
pursuit of your fitness and health goals. 1. Set healthy boundaries. A fence is a neighbor’s best friend. By
dedicate to working out. If you have two going to not only be more successful, but also consistent. You already give people
second chances to make up for mistakes,
brings us to the fifth tip.
5. “Y.” What’s your big WHY? You have a lot of reasons why you do this, but what is that one big WHY that really
motivates you. It can be to be able to walk two flights of stairs without being tired,
but it’s more impactful when you want to
walk two flights of stairs to protect a family member. Your big WHY is connected to something big in you and your life.
apply this same principle to yourself? 3. Swap it out. Switch one bad habit with a good one.
We are nothing if not consistent. If you are a snacker, swap the unhealthy snack with a healthy one. If gummy bears are your
follows intention. However, you must overcome it. Think, feel, and do higher than the
disruption. Only then will you be on your way to keep the fire burning through February. | THE UNLEASHED VOICE
that you feel bad and say “F” it and keep
why not give yourself the same grace and
Remember, once you get started, you are bound to run into disruption, after all disruption
16
broccoli or some other healthier option.
Michael Lauderdale is a Health & Fitness enthusiast. Michael holds a Masters in Physical Education Teachers Education and Leadership and Policy Studies, from the University of Memphis. @MichaelQLau @Michael Q Lauderdale
01
10 Tips to Help You Financially Conquer 2022 By Wesley Fenner
Determine time horizon and your personal risk tolerance. This way
you figure out up front how long you have to exercise your game plan
and what types of investments you
need and are comfortable making to achieve your goals.
02
Set S.M.A.R.T financial goals. Why are you saving and investing for
retirement, for your children, what’s the
motivation? Break long term goals down into smaller goals or benchmarks to
allow you the ability to track progress
and ensure that you are staying on track.
03
04
Stop waiting to invest and just start. Yes, still do your research and
take calculated risk accordingly, but it’s never going to be perfect as there will
08
Capitalize on your own culture. You do this understanding and investing in companies that you regularly patronize for goods and services.
be ups and downs. You can’t win if you
You’re more likely to be committed
cost gets higher and higher with every
already love and believe in. You should
never get in the game! Your opportunity day of contemplation that goes by.
05
Understand the time value of money. Money today is worth more
than the same amount of money in the future. This is why we save to invest
and you should just start (see above).
That’s how you lose money safely. Just
to investing in a company that you be the expert and shareholder of
companies that cater to your needs and interests.
09
Recognize the parallels between your financial and physical health. It takes discipline to be consistent with good habits over time to reach your
because you aren’t taking big losses
goal. It’s usually the little things that
you aren’t losing. You must always
there is no coincidence that the same
on risky investments doesn’t mean
separate the good from the great and
Determine your monthly income,
consider the price of goods & services
principles lead to success in both areas.
save/invest), and tally up essential
not to mention the most recent news
Be realistic with your budget. pay yourself first (this is where you
increasing about 3% a year on average,
living expenses denoting the total.
surrounding record inflation rates.
Everything that does not fall under
either of these previous categories falls in the wants category.
06
Learn about taxes and how you can minimize them and other fees along
PRO TIP: Divide essential living expenses further into fixed and variable expenses. Fixed expenses are the ones that are the same every month and thus easy to plan for like rent, mortgage, or a car note. Then you have other necessary living expenses that vary from month to month like fuel or a utility bill. Review bank statements and determine average cost for all your variable expenses and use those numbers to plug into your budget. The key is to have a strict enough budget to work towards your goals yet realistic enough with breathing room for you to enjoy some fruits of your labor along the journey. This way you don’t feel the urge to stray from your budget. A good place to start is 50% needs, 30% wants, and 20% saving/investing and you adjust as you see fit.
your way to building wealth. Choose
tax-efficient investments to contribute to tax-efficient accounts with the
appropriate tax treatment. Investing
in this way can help ensure that you're realizing all potential tax benefits
without increasing your tax liability.
10
Increase your income! Start that side hustle or that business. Go for
a part time job. Sometimes we tend to
focus too heavily on cutting expenses and saving at the end of the equation
when it comes to the financial freedom formula. The reality is there is only so
much fat that can be trimmed. In other words, after your budget has been
optimized for peak financial efficiency
the only way to continue to progress is to earn more money.
07
DIVERSIFY! Having a diverse portfolio of investment
account types will allow you to utilize different income sources to further minimize taxes. Diversifying also
allows you to mitigate risk based on your previously determined tolerance level and timeline.
THE UNLEASHED VOICE |
17
18| CONTENTS
The I Book Always On My Table
am grateful to share a book suggest for
2022, this book that is always on my table.
But before I begin sharing my thoughts
about the book. I want to implore you to always be kind and gentle to yourself.
I initially read this book when I was young and it’s lessons have carried with me into my 40’s and hopefully many more years
ahead. “The Giving Tree” written by Shel Silverstein with an illustration in green with an image of a tree and a boy. This
book taught me about unselfishness and
generosity. Well, that was what I read and felt all the way until a different version of myself appeared in 2022. In my opinion
By Monick M. Monell, TUV NY Correspondent
“finding yourself’ comes in many different
versions. As I re-read the book, I saw where boundaries were misplaced. I read how
important self-love is and finding the best
Does our giving to others necessarily detracts from how much we can give ourselves?
processes of what works best for you.
This year I gained more insight. Different interpretations were depicted by people
about this children's book. I started to see the controversy of it all. Was it mother
and child? Was it earth and humans? Was it friendships? Does our giving to others necessarily detracts from how much we can give ourselves?
There was so much to ask, and I knew all the answers we were seeking may
lie within. I want to suggest that I have
observed that many of us don’t make a
habit of being gentle to ourselves. As I read the “Giving Tree” this time I decided to give it my own ending. My ending sounds like
this: “I still had branches and apples and I still was looked upon; I didn't give it all up
to be loved. I gave what I could and hoped it was enough, because my being on this earth was just as important.”
Now I can’t say every time you open a book
that a revelation will hit you like “BOOM” the second you read it. But I can say take time
to get to know yourself because you could possibly be reading your own story. The
best part about life is that it is very possible to change the beginning, middle and end.
Is there a book you have in your possession or in your time that taught you morals
and had numerous interpretations, both positive and negative?
@BrooklynM
Photo Credit: Amber Chau @Photo10ve
COMMENTARY |
19
Prioritizing Mental Health & Wellness in 2022 Dr. Umieca N. Hankton
L
ike most folks worldwide, you have probably
contemplated how you want to live differently,
more meaningfully, in 2022. Perhaps, you joined a fitness gym, scheduled a yearly physical or
vision exam, created a financial freedom plan, launched a new business, confirmed travel
arrangements, or decided to leave toxic people
in 2021. All of these practices are necessary and contribute to physical and financial wellness.
But, have you considered actions that contribute to mental wellness? When was the last time you
scheduled a therapy appointment? Unfortunately, the benefits of working with a mental health
professional often get overshadowed by stigma, beliefs about the affordability of therapy,
finding a therapist with preferred demographic
characteristics, or the idea that “strong” people handle life demands on their own.
Building brands, securing the bag, losing weight,
and creating or inviting others to the table are all
BOSS moves. Yet, many bosses wake up mentally
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exhausted due to feeling stretched thin by multiple life demands or live with
preventable physical health conditions
(e.g., heart conditions, high blood pressure, diabetes, muscle tension, poor sleep
quality, decreased sex drive, headaches, or compromised immune systems), resulting
from improper stress management. While it is necessary to focus on physical, financial, and spiritual health, the cost of neglecting one’s mental health is far too great of an
expense to pay. Remember, the mind and body are interconnected and influence
each other. Imagine how much more you could accomplish if you also focused on your mental health in 2022.
Here are a few recommendations to get
you started in 2022 as you work to manage the aftermath of 2020 and 2021:
1.
2.
Think PREVENTION and
intentionally attend to your physical,
psychological, and spiritual needs. The
body sends messages about what it needs to thrive. Listen to those messages and
consider how a few changes might improve overall functioning and elevate your mood. Prioritize eating healthy, especially during high-stress periods. Food is fuel for the
Call a therapist to schedule a
mental health consultation appointment
today. Some therapists offer brief phone consultation appointments to discuss
services, explore treatment needs, and
share initial treatment recommendations.
The consultation is an excellent opportunity to ask questions about the therapist's
approach to treatment and inquire whether the provider has experience working
with specific populations or presenting
concerns. In addition, the cost of therapy,
acceptance of your insurance plan, or asking whether the provider offers a sliding fee
scale are other topics of discussion during the consultation appointment. Although
finding a therapist may feel daunting for
some, helpful mental health directories such as Therapy for Black Girls, Therapy for Black Men, Melanin & Mental Health, the National
Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network, and Psychology Today list therapists by
location, provide contact information for the therapists and detail a few of the treatment services offered by each therapist.
body. Notice how your body feels after
excessive carbohydrate, caffeine, or alcohol consumption. Develop a sleep hygiene and follow the plan nightly. Scan your body for
soreness or tension and determine whether your body would benefit from stretching, a massage, acupuncture, physical
therapy, Reiki, or a chiropractic session.
3.
Acknowledge your humanity by
crying when necessary and generously
extend empathy, grace, and forgiveness
to yourself. Ask for help and allow others to show up for you when opportunities
present. Spend time with people who make deposits into your life vs. those who make frequent withdrawals. If you feel drained
after an encounter with a person, consider whether contact with the person should
be limited, even if the person is a relative. Practice the art of saying no. Remember,
“no” is a complete sentence and does not
warrant an explanation. Rest often and TAKE A MENTAL HEALTH DAY!
Move your body as often as possible.
Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins contribute to improvements in mood.
Engage in safe, enjoyable, and creative sex practices or increase intimacy to release oxytocin. When you notice changes in
mood, energy, and thoughts, efforts to
increase mental and emotional wellness should increase in frequency, intensity,
and duration. Create intentional wellness
breaks in your daily routine to include deep
breathing for 3 – 5 minutes, reading positive affirmation, meditating, journaling, seeking opportunities for laughter, and practicing gratitude. Limit access to NOUNS (e.g.,
people, places, and things) that compromise your wellness or spread toxicity.
Disclaimer: While Dr. Umieca N. Hankton is an EMDR-trained clinical psychologist, the information discussed in this article is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with the writer. Instead, schedule an appointment with a mental health provider to receive individualized clinical recommendations and develop a treatment plan.
THE UNLEASHED VOICE |
21
HYPOCRISY AND HOMOPHOBIA: The Toxic Relationship between the LGBTQIA Community and the Black Church By Monika M. Pickett
T
he hypocrisy and homophobia in the
black church are baffling to me. These are
dirty little secrets that are often overlooked by worshipers. Members of the LGBTQIA community are used as pawns within the
church. We are often valued for what we bring to the choirs, the HIV/AIDS ministry, theatrical
church programs, and the like, but the entirety of our identity is denied. Worse, homosexual indiscretions among church leaders are
ignored and/or excused, adding to the overall sense of denial. This is a toxic situation. I have long wondered how the issues of
hypocrisy and homophobia became so deeprooted. I got a glimpse of the hypocritical
leadership in some churches when a friend
sent me a video clip that had gone viral. In the video, a well-known female gospel singer and pastor went on a tirade about how women
should wear a bra in church. The intensity of
her words increased as she ranted about their
bare legs being greased up. She went on to say that their clothes were so tight you could see
their vagina print. The core of her message was that these women were attending church to entice the pastor to “hit it” in the corner.
Her rant was shocking, given that she had been transparent regarding her past indiscretions
of infidelity with men and women. Her delivery was more off-putting than her message. It
reminded me of the adage, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” To a certain extent, I agree with her. Women should not dress
promiscuously when attending church. As an out lesbian, my first reaction was, Ma’am, are
you having flashbacks from the temptations of your past? Are you experiencing a moment of
weakness yourself? Most importantly, How are
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you, of all people, judging someone? I thought
I became irritated when another video popped
isn’t it her job to guide those women without
well-known male pastor and singer who was
judgement was not “of God.” And, as a pastor, referring to them as “ho’s?”
Watching the video made me think of my own experiences with a well-known male
pastor who was on the down-low. Like many
pastors, he was a very charismatic leader. But I would cringe whenever he preached about the fire and brimstone awaiting same-sex unions. I happened to be a member of his
close circle, and once, in a private setting, he hissed that he couldn’t stand sissies. “Sissy”
up on my thread, this time regarding yet another “cured” of his homosexuality. His so-called
“recovery” spread the idea that homosexuality is a choice. To each his own, but to state that
homosexuality is something to be accepted or
rejected at will only encourages further notions of self-hatred. Who, in their right mind, would
choose to be discriminated against? Disowned by their families? Condemned by the church?
Beaten, raped and murdered for loving someone of the same sex? Who would choose this?
is an offensive and derogatory term used for
I found myself shaking my head in disbelief
our group laughed nervously.
jaded in forming my own judgements of them?
effeminate men. I was disgusted; as others in I felt sorry for this pastor, as I recognized the
self-hatred I had seen in so many gay men on the down-low. Most of our society, especially
“the church,” condemns them for loving other men. I wanted to tell him, Sir, just because you
are a masculine gay man who loves effeminate men does not exclude you from being gay.
about these ongoing issues. Was I becoming Was I losing my faith? I slowly refocused on
myself. I prayed that those struggling with their own hypocrisy would ultimately find truth and
happiness within. I couldn’t help but think about the words I’ve heard so many pastors preach:
Judge not, lest you be judged. Instead of judging others, you had better get right with God.
YOU are a gay man who loves “sissies” and yet here you are, breaking the spirits of gay men
who live out loud and proud. I was even more
disgusted by the single and married women in
the congregation who would do anything for the pastor. My stomach turned as I questioned their self-worth. The whispers about the pastor’s “affairs” with choir boys became rumors.
Ultimately, the rumors became facts. As the
mother of a young son, I cringed at the idea of
the pastor having an “affair” with a minor. There is a vast difference between homosexuality and pedophilia. But that’s a whole different conversation that – for personal reasons –
members of the clergy are not willing to have.
Monika M. Pickett is a veteran of the United States Army. She is the author of the 1# International best-selling novel Pretty Boy Blue, Second Edition, and its sequel The Darkest Shade of Blue, available on Amazon. Pickett is an advocate for the LGBTQ community. For more information on Monika M. Pickett, please visit MonikaMPickett.com
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