This is My Story:
How I Overcame Stigma and Shared my HIV Testimony By AJ Totten-Reynolds
I
n 2006, I received news that would change my life forever. I learned that I was living
with HIV. At the time, I was 20 years old
with no job and no real sense of stability. I had just moved to Atlanta 2 years prior
and to say that I was struggling is a severe understatement. I was sent to the city
from Houston so that I could make my
family proud. I had goals of excelling at a
The idea of sharing my HIV status was once a daunting thing. I thought that sharing my status would be the admission of some sort of failure. On the contrary, I discovered that it was a declaration of personal triumph.
prestigious college, pursuing a reputable career and being the model of what a
successful Black gay man could be. As I
sat in the hospital room digesting the news that I contracted HIV, all I could think about was the idea that I let my family down. In
that moment I vowed never to disclose my status to anyone in my family or on any
public platform. On World AIDS Day 2021, I decided to change that.
In the first few years of my diagnosis,
the challenges of accessing and staying in quality healthcare made it nearly
impossible to find any solace with my status. I was overwhelmed with appointments,
paperwork, and hours upon hours of sitting in waiting rooms. When I tried to advocate for myself, I would hear things like, “Either you’re going to pay with money or with
time,” and, “If you had made better choices, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” At one point, I gave up completely on seeking Ashton "AJ" Totten-Reynolds is a minister,
nonprofit leader, and community advocate in the
metro Atlanta area. He serves as a Board Member of THRIVE SS, Inc., a nonprofit organization
committed to providing support services to Black gay men living with HIV.
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| THE UNLEASHED VOICE
care. I thought it was better to suffer in
silence than to endure the perceived shame of confronting my HIV status head on.
Thankfully I had a few folks in my tribe who pushed me back into care and eventually
I was able to find a consistent routine. I’m
happy to say that for the last 10 years I have been consistently in proper HIV care, and I have remained undetectable.
While I had been fortunate to enjoy quality medical care and viral suppression, I still struggled with disclosing my status. Of
course, my close friends, previous sexual
partners and my spouse all knew about my status. But I just couldn’t bring myself to
make a public declaration. Even though I
spent years supporting others living with
HIV as a minister, community advocate and nonprofit leader, a small part of me felt a
tinge of shame about my own diagnosis. I would always speak about HIV in general
terms, being careful to not implicate myself as a person living with HIV. Ironically, one
of my main fights has been the elimination of the stigma that is associated with HIV
all while denying my own status in public
spaces. That goes to show just how strong HIV stigma really is.
The early years of the HIV epidemic sent
shockwaves through our communities. Lack of research and access to proper treatment meant that many who contracted the virus
would succumb to it in very short periods of time. So many people were lost to the virus that it became normalized to associate HIV with death. This birthed a negative stigma around those living with HIV. This stigma
has persisted over the last 40 years, despite the overwhelming advances in treatment options which have led to longer and
healthier lives for people living with HIV.
