INNER PARENTING
My Daughter’s Weight Gain Is Bothering Me On Unconditional Love By Shiffy Friedman
I’m blessed with a large family, baruch Hashem, and, like every good parent, I try to give my children what they need so they can grow into their best selves. For the most part, my kids are well-adjusted, and I connect easily with them. One thing, however, has been bothering me for a while, and last issue’s editorial served as the impetus for me to reach out to this parenting column, which has provided me with much insight in the past regarding the inside-out approach to parenting. Reading Shiffy Friedman’s essay on the kinds of conversations we can have with our children about their appearance and how healthy it is for the topic to be a non-issue highlighted for me how much work I have to do in this area, especially in regard to my 13-year-old daughter. I wish I could be nonchalant about her pronounced weight gain, but I’m absolutely not. As someone who’s not especially weight conscious but has always been on the relatively slender side, it’s hard for me to watch the change, and when I see her munching on candy and chocolate it takes all my self-control not to say something. We went shopping for camp clothes the other day, and I really felt bad for her. The “I told you so” kept echoing in my mind, but I actually never told her so—because I want to be that kind, loving mother she needs. It’s hard work, but for the most part I keep it all in. Still, it’s clear to me that something’s not right here. Should I just keep pretending? Should I be honest and say something? And while a big reason why I have a hard time with my daughter’s weight gain is because I feel sorry for her, I won’t kid myself that it also puts a strain on the way I feel about her. Honestly, I find it harder to accept her this way. It bothers me that I can’t be that loving mother to her because something as petty as her appearance is getting in the way. What advice can you give me so that our good relationship can remain this way—and perhaps become even stronger?
Wants to Be a Loving Mother
68
WELLSPRING / JUNE 2023
