thislife issue 7

Page 1

Issue 7

thislife

FREE www.thislife.org.za

in search of meaning

HOW I SAY SORRY AT THE OFFICE -

South Africans around the globe

WIN!

A weekend away, perfumes, children’s pizzafest and loads more...

HOT TIPS FOR HUSBANDS!

Rondebosch housemates

TEENS vs PARENTS making it all better

spill the beans

Easiest ice-cream

look, no machine!

PENNY HEYNS on Chad le Clos

stories of hope l local living l contemporary faith

05

contents ON Â THE Â COVER *V]LY WOV[VZ I`! ;VU`H /LZ[LY 4LY^LSLUL ]HU KLY 4LY^L

06   sportymoment  Penny  Heyns  on  chocolate  and  Chad  le  Clos 08   studentrap  Rondebosch  housemates  spill  the  beans  on  life  in  digs 09   foodielife  Easiest  ever  ice-cream 20   worklife /V^ 0 ZH` ZVYY` H[ [OL VMĂ„JL! :V\[O (MYPJHUZ HYV\UK [OL NSVIL 25   lovelife  Hot  tips  for  husbands!  26   parentlife 7HYLU[Z ]Z [LLUZ! THRPUN P[ IL[[LY

AND  THE  REST 04   younglife  Why  parents  shouldn’t  text,  and  WIN  a  pizzafest! 05   locallife 4LL[ [OL <*; THU Ă„NO[PUN THSHYPH HUK MHI ZOVWWPUN 10   dailylife  Pippa  Shaper  pushes  through  personal  tragedy  to  help Â

25

       Cape  Town’s  children 13   betterlife  How  to  be  a  fabulous  friend 14   mylife  How  Shaun  Shelly  beat  addiction  18   photomoment  A  moment  of  joy 23   coolstories )\PSKPUN HZZLZZVY 9VIPU >PSSPHTZ Ă„UKZ OVWL HUK H W\YWVZL 24  hotmedia )VVRZ HUK TV]PLZ *HWL[VUPHUZ YLJVTTLUK 28   infomoment  courses/groups/support  for  YOU 29   marketplace 3VJHS JSHZZPĂ„LKZ

32   retailtherapy  Marvellous  gifts  you  feel  Â

great  about  buying

790A,:!  up  for  grabs  in  this  issue ‹  Â‹  Â‹  Â‹  Â‹  Â‹ Â

PIZZAS  AND  ICE-CREAM  FOR  4  CHILDREN  donated  by  Bruegels  Pizza  Studio  p4 TWO  NIGHTS’  SELF-CATERING  STAY  FOR  A  FAMILY  OF  FOUR KVUH[LK I` 2SVVMaPJO[ ,Z[H[L W HIS  AND  HER  FRAGRANCES  donated  by  Edge  by  Brandon  Berg  p5  NIGHT  AWAY  FOR  TWO  PLUS  BREAKFAST  donated  by  La  Petite  Dauphine  p17 A  30  MINUTE  BLOKART  â€˜SAIL’  ON  LAND  KVUH[LK I` )SVRHY[ W BREAKFAST  OR  LUNCH  FOR  TWO  donated  by  Friends  CafĂŠ  p27

Want Â

[HRL [OL las V\[ VM SVVRPUN

‹  ‹  ‹ ‹  ‹

thislife  delivered Â

to  your  door?  We  are  free  I\[ 9 ^PSS JV]LY WVZ[HNL WHJRPUN MVY JVUZLJ\[P]L issues.  ,THPS! thislifemag@gmail.com

HARLEY  DAVIDSON  WHIRL  FOR  TWO  donated  by  Cape  Corporate  Tours  p20   A  WEEK’S  BOOT  CAMP  donated  by  Adventure  Boot  Camp  for  Women  p13 SNATCH  :JYHIISL H[ ZWLLK W ÂşUNSTOPPABLE’  BY  NICK  VUJICIC  KVUH[LK I` *<4 )VVRZOVWZ W DVD  â€˜THE  VOW’  donated  by  Nu  Metro  p25  Â

CONGRATULATIONS  to  the  winners  from  our  last  issue: Â

0HU +Y` (UKYLH (YVVTVVNHT 4LSHUPH 1VZPHZ :\ZHU )LU[SL` (UKYL^ 6]LYTL`LY 4PSKYLK :HTWZVU (U[VUPH 3LZLYPUR ,KP[O 4HRPUH :OLSI` ;OVTZVU (UKYL (SL_HUKLY 0HU +V]L[VU /HUULZ +VUHSKZVU 4LYSL -LIY\HY` (]YPS 4\YWO` 1\K` ,UNSHUK 3\J` >PSLTHU .HYY` ]VU )YH[[ :HSS` )PUNOHT 1HUL[ 2UPNO[ HUK /VWL /LUULZZ`

COMPETITIONS

A33 *647,;0;065: 05 ;/0: 4(.(A05, ,5+ 4(9*/ 9LHSS` ZVYY` PM `V\ÂťYL MYVT HMHY I\[ HSS WYPaLZ ULLK [V IL WPJRLK \W PU *HWL ;V^U 5VYTHS :4: YH[LZ HWWS` ZV ZVYY` MYLL :4:LZ ^VUÂť[ ^VYR ;/, )6905. )<; ;9<, )0;! Please  note  that  all  our  prizes,  including  the  physical  activities,  are  undertaken  entirely  at  your  own  risk:  we  can’t  accept  any  liability  whatsoever  for  any  damage  or  loss  you  may  incur.   Also,  we  may  use  your  name  in  the  next  issue  of  thislife  or  other  channels  for  publicity  purposes.   By  entering  any  thislife  competition,  you  accept  these  terms

CONTACT Â US

Want  to  give  input,  or  send  a  comment  or  question  to  anyone  who  wrote  in  this  magazine?     Â‹ ,THPS 2H[` H[ thislifemag@gmail.com ‹ 7O`ZPJHSS` KLSP]LY HU`[OPUN THYR P[ Katy  @  thislife  mag [V :[ 1VOUÂťZ 7HYPZO 6ɉJL ' :\TTLYSL` 9VHK 2LUPS^VY[O [LS

A  special  thank  you  to  Max  Bosanquet  and  Martin  Yodaiken  of  Cape  Photography  (www.capephotography.co.za)  who  lent  us  their  equipment  (again...) 02    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7   Â

/LSSV

 and Â

you

our  editorial  team:  what’s  not  to  love?

welcome to thislife  magazine!

UL]LY RUV^ ^OH[ SPML»Z going  to  throw  at  you  and  neither  do  we  at  ,  we’ve  learnt.  During  our  latest  JVTWL[P[PVUZ V\Y JVTW\[LYZ ZULHRPS` KLJPKLK [V send  a  small  number  of  you  a  message  saying  your  competition  entries  hadn’t  been  registered  â€“  even  though  they  actually  had  been!  A  wailing  of  epic  WYVWVY[PVUZ IYVRL V\[ PU V\Y VMÄJL HZ ^L WPJ[\YLK your  frustration.  We’re  truly  sorry,  and  hope  that  by  the  time  you  read  this,  all  affected  readers  will  have  accepted  our  caffeine-coated  apology  of  a  quality  cappuccino  â€“  on  us.

thislife

But  frustrating  as  that  was  for  all  concerned,  there  are  greater  curve  balls  in  life  than  a  competition  NSP[JO (UK P[»Z HSS [OL TVYL YLTHYRHISL ^OLU WLVWSL push  on  through  them  to  do  great  things.  Wynberg  TV[OLY 7PWWH :OHWLY ^VYRLK [OYV\NO WLYZVUHS tragedy  to  set  up  dozens  of  foster  homes  for  ]\SULYHISL JOPSKYLU W 9VIPU >PSSPHTZ .YHZZ` 7HYR I\PSKPUN HZZLZZVY UV[ /VSS`^VVK HJ[VY MV\UK hope  and  a  purpose  following  divorce  by  building  HJJVTTVKH[PVU H[ H 4HKHNHZJHU OVZWP[HS W And  Shaun  Shelly  overcame  a  long  and  devastating  drug  addiction  to  commit  his  life  to  JV\UZLSSPUN V[OLY HKKPJ[Z W (Z ZVTLVUL ZHPK (though  there  seems  to  be  confusion  over  who, Â

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Â

L_HJ[S` ‘It’s  never  too  late  to  become  the  person Â

you  were  meant  to  be’. 4HU` *HWL[VUPHUZ HSZV ÄUK [OL` JHU ILJVTL [OH[ WLYZVU I` JVUULJ[PUN ^P[O .VK HUK `V\»SS ÄUK WLVWSL VU V\Y WHNLZ [HSRPUN HIV\[ ^OH[ [OPZ TLHUZ to  them  personally.  6M JV\YZL ^L JHU HSZV ÄUK H SP[[SL OHWWPULZZ PU PJL cream.  A  balanced  life,  and  all  that.  See  our  YPKPJ\SV\ZS` LHZ` UV THJOPUL YLJPWL VU W ;HRL heart,  oh  ye  of  little  domesticity.  No-one  would  dream  of  calling  me  a  domestic  goddess,  in  fact,  my  TV[OLY PU SH^ ULHYS` OHK H OLHY[ H[[HJR VM QV` ^OLU ZOL ZH^ TL ZL^PUN VU UHTL[HWLZ SHZ[ ^LLR )\[ even  I  am  going  to  give  this  ice-cream  a  go  after  tasting  the  sample  we  made  up  for  our  shoot,  and  seeing  how  little  you  actually  have  to  do.  Just  one  Ã…H^! [OYLL KH`Z HM[LY LH[PUN P[ `V\ JV\SK IL O\UNY` again.  Enjoy  your  life!

Katy  Macdonald Ed

PS  Want  to  model  for  us?  See  p8. PPS  Just  in  case  you’re  wondering,  this Â

mag  is  anchored  by  a  cool  group  of  Anglican  JO\YJOLZ PU *HWL ;V^U ^^^ Z[QVOUZ VYN aH

win Â

‘Like’  us  on  facebook  right  now  and  you  stand  a  chance  to  one  of  5  â€˜Hello  Love’ *+Z I` *OYPZ ;VTSPU VY [OL TV]PL ºJoyful  Noise’ JV\Y[LZ` VM 4HYHUH[OH 9LJVYKZ HUK 5\ 4L[YV

OUR  TEAM:  Editor  Katy  Macdonald  |  Strategic  planner  Dean  Hand  |  Picture/Production  editor  Tonya  Hester  |  Writers  Kendi  Mugambi,  Natasha  Curry,  )YVU^LU )V^TLY *SHPYL :[L]LUZVU 1LZZ ;HZRLY c Designer  .^`U 3\IIL c Additional  layout  Simone  Potter  |  Gift  page  co-ordinator  :HT 4\UUPR c Advertising/ marketing/distribution +LIIPL .YH` 1HUL [L >H[LY 5H\KL 9LILJJH 7HYY` 4HY` /VSNH[L +LIIPL ;O^HP[Z c Consultants  Brian  Burnett,  Angie  Tate,  Cindy  Webber To  advertise  with  us JVU[HJ[ 9LILJJH VU VY ZHSLZ [OPZSPMLTHN'NTHPS JVT ]PZP[ ^^^ [OPZSPML VYN aH VY HZR MVY 3PUKH VU

thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     03

younglife

Why parents

shouldn’t  text

YOU Â ASKED Â IT

Q:   How  can  I  have  a  life  that  counts?   A:   @V\ JHU OH]L H SPML [OH[ THRLZ H KPMMLYLUJL I` daring  to  be  honest!  For  example,  saying  no  to Â

HNL YLZ[YPJ[LK ZP[LZ HUK TV]PLZ UV[ ILPUN \URPUK VY \UMHPY [V WLVWSL V]LY 4_P[ -HJLIVVR VY ZTZ V^UPUN \W when  you’ve  done  something  wrong,  and  not  lying  about  OVTL^VYR SL[[PUN V[OLYZ \ZL `V\Y ^VYR  @V\ JHU HSZV THRL `V\Y SPML JV\U[ I` [YLH[PUN V[OLYZ ^P[O respect,  whether  it’s  your  parents,  friends,  teachers,  the  â€˜cool’  group  or  the  not-so-cool,  even  the  people  who  bully  others.  The  golden  rule,  which  Jesus  gave,  is  to  treat  V[OLYZ HZ `V\»K SPRL [V IL [YLH[LK `V\YZLSM )LPUN RPUK [V ZVTLVUL LSZL PZU»[ HS^H`Z LHZ` LZWLJPHSS` PM P[ THRLZ `V\ \UWVW\SHY 0[ [HRLZ JV\YHNL [V IL RPUK ^OL[OLY P[»Z [V ZVTLVUL ^OV»Z \URPUK [V `V\ VY ZVTLVUL V[OLYZ HYL SLH]PUN V\[ (ZR `V\YZLSM! ^V\SK 0 SPRL [V IL [YLH[LK SPRL [OH[& (ZR .VK [V OLSW `V\ [V IL OVULZ[ HUK RPUK HUK /L will  help  you. Answer  by  Barbara  Richardson,  children’s  church  co-­ordinator  @  Christ  Church,  Kenilworth

WIN!

( WPaaHMLZ[ ^P[O `\TT` PJL JYLHT to  follow)  for  you  and  three  friends  at  )Y\LNLSZ PU 3P[[SL 4V^IYH` :PTWS` :4: )9<,.,3: [V MVY `V\Y JOHUJL [V ^PU

>L HSZV OH]L [OYLL NHTLZ VM :5(;*/ SPRL :JYHIISL I\[ H SP[[SL TVYL HNNYV \W MVY NYHIZ :4: :5(;*/ [V [V LU[LY :UH[JO JHU HSZV IL VYKLYLK MYVT )LSPUKH 04    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7

locallife

Local  living what’s  new  in  cape  town

All  features  on  this  page  are  genuine  editorial  comment  â€“  thislife  does  not  do  advertorial  in  any  shape  or  form!

rejoice

meet  the  man  behind  the  team  which  may  have  found  a  breakthrough Â

J\YL MVY (MYPJHÂťZ [VW RPSSLY THSHYPH <*; WYVMLZZVY 2LSS` *OPIHSL HUK OPZ [LHT OH]L KPZJV]LYLK HU L_JP[PUN UL^ KY\N [OH[ J\YLZ THSHYPH PU HUPTHSZ ;YPHSZ PU JVSSHIVYH[PVU with  international  partners  will  soon  start  testing  it  on  humans. 4HSHYPH RPSSZ H JOPSK PU (MYPJH L]LY` TPU\[L <ZPUN H YLJLU[S` KPZJV]LYLK TVSLJ\SL [OL \UJH[JOPS` UHTLK 44= 7YVM *OPIHSL HUK OPZ [LHT JVUJVJ[LK H VUJL VɈ KVZL [OH[ J\YLZ [OL KPZLHZL PU HUPTHSZ ;OL [LHT PZ OPNOS` VW[PTPZ[PJ [OH[ [OL molecule  will  do  the  same  in  humans  â€“  and  equally  importantly,  block  the  transmission  of  malaria  from  person  to  person  via  the  mosquito. 7YVM *OPIHSL ^HZ IVYU PU AHTIPH I\[ OHZ SP]LK PU *HWL ;V^U MVY @LHYZ /PZ *= YLHKZ SPRL HU LUJ`JSVWLKPH HUK PUJS\KLZ H 7O+ MYVT *HTIYPKNL <UP]LYZP[` HUK H >VYSK /LHS[O 6YNHUPZH[PVU KPYLJ[VYZOPW /PZ ^PML )LY[OH PZ H JH[LYLY HUK [OL` OH]L [OYLL ZVUZ! 2HSHIH H WVSP[PJHS ZJPLUJL Z[\KLU[" :\^PSHUQP SHZ[ `LHYÂťZ KLW\[` OLHK VM :(*: /PNO :JOVVS HUK H [HSLU[LK Y\NI` WSH`LY" HUK :LJOLSHUQP H W\WPS H[ :(*: 1\UPVY ;OL MHTPS` SP]LZ PU *SHYLTVU[

Prof,  what  got  you  interested  in  trying  to  cure  malaria?  â€˜I  wanted  to  use  my  talents Â

shop Fab  Things  can  only  be  described  as  a  little  shop  VM QV`Z ( ZTHSS OH]LU PU /HYĂ„LSK =PSSHNL VɈLYPUN H whole  host  of  innovative  items  to  give  away  -  or  even  RLLW ZULHRPS` MVY `V\YZLSM (UV[OLY YLHZVU [V I\`! VM [OL Z[VJR PZ :V\[O (MYPJHU IVYU HUK IYLK 7V[[LY` JVVRIVVRZ [HISL HJJLZZVYPLZ HUK QL^LSSLY`! they’re  all  fresh  and  funky  here.  And  don’t  worry,  they  HSZV OH]L 4HU 0[LTZ Âş-HI ;OPUNZ believes  local  is  lekker,  and  not  Q\Z[ SLRRLY I\[ pretty  amazing.  It’s  our  passion  to  bring  you  the  best  and  most  beautifully  created  local  dĂŠcor  and  more,’  ZH`Z V^ULY ;YHJL` ;YL]LS`HU WYV\KS`

48  2nd  Avenue,  /HYĂ„LSK =PSSHNL and  now  in  the  new  Newlands  Quarter  too.   021  672  2229.  =PL^ [OLT VU facebook Â

picture  by  www.chrishitchcock.co.za

Is  malaria  on  the  way  out?  Thanks  to  Kelly  Chibale,  it  could  well  be

MVY ^OPJO 0 KPK UV[ ^VYR MVY [OL ILULĂ„[ VM V[OLYZ HUK MLS[ P[ PTWVY[HU[ [OH[ (MYPJHUZ NL[ PU]VS]LK PU OLSWPUN Ă„UK ZVS\[PVUZ [V [OLPY OLHS[O WYVISLTZ 0 OVWL [V PUZWPYL [OL UL_[ NLULYH[PVU VM (MYPJHUZ [V ILSPL]L [OH[ (MYPJHUZ PU (MYPJH JHU THRL H KPMMLYLUJL MVY (MYPJH and  for  the  world.’ How  likely  is  it  that  what  worked  in  animal  tests  will  work  for  humans?  â€˜There’s  UV N\HYHU[LL I\[ [OLYLÂťZ H YLHZVUHISL JOHUJL ;OLYL PZ WYLJLKLUJL! ^LÂťYL UV[ Q\Z[ ZOVV[PUN PU [OL KHYR Âť If  the  drug  works  on  humans,  what  timescale  are  we  talking?  â€˜Six  to  eight  years’. Your  motto  in  life?  º0 OH]L SV[Z /LYL HYL [OYLL! H MHP[O PU .VK HUK OHYK ^VYR HYL H winning  and  satisfying  combination,  I Z\JJLZZ PZ ^OH[ `V\ `V\YZLSM KLĂ„UL P[ [V IL J O\THU YLSH[PVUZOPWZ HYL TVYL PTWVY[HU[ [OHU HU` RPUK VM Z\JJLZZ Âť TEEN  TALENT How’s  this  for  Capetonian  enterprise?  SACS  schoolboy  Brandon  Berg  has  been  designing  clothes  since  he  was  14,  and  sells  the  range,  called  Edge  by  Brandon  Berg,  at  *SVHR HUK +HNNLY VWWVZP[L *H]LUKPZO Square.  Now,  aged  all  of  16,  he’s  added  scent  to  his  repertoire  with  a  â€˜his’  and  â€˜her’  MYHNYHUJL *OLJR V\[ OPZ JSV[OLZ VU www.edgebybrandonberg.com  or  MHJLIVVR >LÂťYL VMMLYPUN H WYPaL VM both  scents  -  for  your  chance  to  win  one  of  each,  simply  SMS  EDGE  [V

cycle JUST  WHEN  YOU  THOUGHT  CAPE  TOWN  COULDN’T  GET  ANY  BETTER,  IT  DID. /LYLÂťZ Moonlight  Mass H UPNO[ [PTL J`JSL [OH[ [HRLZ WSHJL L]LY` M\SS TVVU ;OL HJ[PVU Z[HY[Z H[ WT H[ .YLLU 7VPU[ HUK LUKZ H[ 3VUN :[YLL[ 5V IPRL& 5V[ [V ^VYY` ^^^ PYPKLHMYPJH JVT ^PSS YLU[ `V\ VUL MVY 9 ;OLYL HYL HSZV ZWLJPHS KLHSZ PUJS\KPUN 9 JVɈLLZ HUK 9 KYH\NO[Z VɈLYLK I` JLY[HPU YLZ[H\YHU[Z LU YV\[L Alone,  or  with  a  group,  what  better  way  to  spend  the  evening  with  the  moon  as  `V\Y Z[YLL[SPNO[ LTIYHJPUN *HWL ;V^UÂťZ ILH\[`& /LSTL[Z YLJVTTLUKLK >LI! ^^^ TVVUSPNO[THZZ JV aH VY ^^^ MHJLIVVR JVT TVVUSPNO[THZZ thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     05

picture by Merwelene van der Merwe

sportymoment

06 thislife.org.za | issue 7

sportymoment

swim

your  own  race

6S`TWPJ SLNLUK 7LUU` /L`UZ VU JOVJVSH[L *OHK HUK *HTLYVUÂťZ UH\NO[` KVSWOPU RPJR

;

OL KH\NO[LY VM H I\ZPULZZTHU HUK U\YZL MYVT :WYPUNZ .H\[LUN Penny  Heyns,  38,  is  widely  regarded  as  one  of  the  best  female  breaststroke  swimmers  the  world  has  ever  seen.  She  is  still  the  only  woman  in  Olympic  history  to  have  won  both  the  100m  and  200m  breast-­ VWURNH UDFHV D FOHDQ VZHHS VKH DFKLHYHG DW $WODQWD LQ WKHUHE\ ZLQQLQJ 6RXWK $IULFD LWV ÂżUVW Olympic  gold  medal  in  44  years.  Penny  swam  in  three  successive  Olympics,  and  broke  14  world  records  in  her  swimming  career.  Having  retired  from  competing  in  2001,  Penny  transitioned  highly  Z\JJLZZM\SS` MYVT Z^PTTLY [V TV[P]H[PVUHS ZWLHRLY ( UH[\YHS H[ [OL WVKP\T ZOL [YH]LSZ ^PKLS` IV[O PU South  Africa  and  abroad.  She  also  commentates  on  television  and  runs  swimming  clinics  at  every  level.  Currently  based  in  Pretoria,  Penny  graciously  granted  H WLLR PU[V OLY SPML HUK OLY [OV\NO[Z on  South  Africa’s  exciting  swimming  stars

thislife

MOST  IRRITATING  HABIT  IN  SELF? 0ÂťT H WLYMLJ[PVUPZ[ 0[ JHU THRL SPML KPɉJ\S[ H[ [PTLZ Best  sporting  moment? ;OLYL ^LYL ZL]LYHS NYLH[ TVTLU[Z OV^L]LY 0 Z\WWVZL T` Ă„YZ[ 6S`TWPJ NVSK ^HZ H IPNNPL 0[ ^HZ [OL T IYLHZ[Z[YVRL YHJL H[ [OL ([SHU[H 6S`TWPJZ 0 OHK broken  my  own  world  record  during  the  prelims  that  morning,  so  the  goal  was  to  improve  on  that,  and  if  ZV WVZZPIS` ^PU NVSK PU [OL Ă„UHS (Z P[ [\YULK V\[ 0 won  the  race  but  my  time  was  slightly  slower  than  the  morning,  so  I  had  mixed  feelings.  I  was  relieved  and  happy  at  the  win,  but  disappointed  with  the  time  Worst  sporting  moment? Slipping  on  the  starting  block  at  an  international  meet  PU -YHUJL PU 0[ ^HZ HU PU]P[H[PVUHS L]LU[ ZV PU some  ways  not  that  important,  but  it  was  televised  in  ,\YVWL HUK [O\Z X\P[L LTIHYYHZZPUN 0 ILSS` Ă…VWWLK into  the  pool  and  was  last  at  the  turn,  but  I  made  up  ZVTL NYV\UK [V Ă„UPZO ZLJVUK L]LU[\HSS` ;OL NVVK thing  was  that  it  gave  myself  and  fellow  competitors  something  to  laugh  about Cappuccino/rooibos/other?

Caffè  latte

Guilty  pleasure? Lindt  chocolate.  I  try  not  to  eat  it  more  than  once  or  twice  a  week!  I  actually  eat  more  now  than  when  I  was  JVTWL[PUN ILJH\ZL 0 ^HZ IHZLK PU *HUHKH HUK <:( where  the  chocolate  isn’t  as  good!  Your  reaction  when  Chad  le  Clos  beat  Michael  Phelps  to  win  gold  in  the  London  Olympics?

I  was  extremely  proud  of  Chad!  It  was  a  great  example  of  swimming  with  heart,  and  never  giving  up.  He  proved  the  seemingly  â€˜impossible’  is  possible

What’s  he  like?   I  don’t  know  him  well  but  I  believe  he’s  a  very  hard  and  diligent  trainer.  And  he  appears  very  humble Your  advice  to  Chad  for  the  next  Olympics? Repeating  as  a  medallist  is  one  of  the  hardest  things  to  do.  Surround  yourself  with  the  right  people  who’re  there  to  look  after  your  best  interests,  not  their  own.  7HJL `V\YZLSM PU [LYTZ VM JVTTP[TLU[Z [V TH_PTPZL opportunities,  and  don’t  compromise  your  swimming  WYLW MVY Your  take  on  Cameron  van  der  Burgh  using  an  extra  dolphin  kick  in  his  gold-winning  Olympic  breaststroke  race?  0ÂşT ZHKKLULK OL ILSPL]LK P[ ULJLZZHY` HUK HJJLW[able  to  do  illegal  kicks!  I  think  he’s  a  better  swimmer  than  that,  and  didn’t  need  to  resort  to  illegal  tactics  to  win Hardest  thing  you  ever  had  to  do,  and  how  you  coped? +LHS ^P[O [OL WHZZPUN VM T` TV[OLY PU 4H` 6UL day  at  a  time,  and  I  know  some  day  I  will  see  her  again You  and  God? 0 ILSPL]L /L PZ [OL (SWOH HUK 6TLNH >P[OV\[ /PT UV[OPUN ^V\SK L_PZ[ ;OL JVVSLZ[ [OPUN HIV\[ /PT PZ [OH[ /L KLZPYLZ [V OH]L H WLYZVUHS PU[PTH[L YLSH[PVUship  with  every  individual,  and  loves  us  despite  our  sin  HUK SHJR VM SV]L MVY /PT Your  top  piece  of  motivational  advice? -VJ\Z VU ^OH[ `V\ÂťYL PU JVU[YVS VM HUK KV P[ [V [OL ILZ[ VM `V\Y HIPSP[` >OLYL]LY `V\ HYL IL [OLYL :^PT `V\Y V^U YHJL HUK Z[YP]L [V IL [OL ILZ[ Âş@6<Âť that  you  can  be!

this  page  proudly  sponsored  by  Redford  Capital JVU[HJ[ \Z H[ PUMV'YLKMVYKJHWP[HS JV aH thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     07

studentrap

PJR No  rules  and  no  clean  spoons:  this  is  the  best  and  the  worst  of  life  in  digs,  say  Rondebosch  house-­ Z [V 5 tion  R U H O c [ u O d mates  Warwick  Kay,  Jess  Kuhlenthal,  Mike  Duminy,  Nick  Key,  Adri  Coetzee  and  Sheldon  Yoko o >P[ JO eo  pr Y \ id O v  J f  o K head VU .YV\U aged  to  T T ma n he  usly  H[ *V lo u s  in  t c e a t ir a m m e  e who  e  tim hous  m is a h s   ll get  a at  the pher! lace  p  e togra sam r  pho u o  r fo

moving  in... DOES  LIVING  IN  DIGS  mean  piles  of  unwashed  plates  in  the  sink Â

and  dubious  take-­aways?  Well…yes  and  no,  say  these  six  Rondebosch  housemates,  a  mixture  of  students  and  working  types.  Read  on... (by  the  way,  they  all  talked  at  once,  so  we’ve  squished  their  answers  into  one  voice!) What’s  the  best  thing  about  living  in  digs? 5V Y\SLZ ;OLYL»Z UV VUL JOLJRPUN \W VU \Z HUK V\Y KPɈLYLU[ SP]LZ TLHU [OH[ JVU]LYZH[PVU PZ LHZ` –  we  never  get  bored

And  the  worst?

No  clean  spoons,  paying  bills  and  the  green  pool

WIN!

Craziest  situation  you’ve  had  to  deal  with? Â

Y[ ZHPS PU \[L )SVRH ( TPU e  friends!  u  and  thre o y r  o f  rg MVY `V\Y Muizenbe [V ; 9 ( 2 6 ^ ^OH[ :4: )3 +VU»[ RUV PU ^ co.za  V [ J OH UJ L .blokar t. w w w U R V VY N PZ& *SPJ U V )SVRHY[PU Y L K K [ 4HYR ;L aH VY JVU[HJ ISVRHY[ JV [' YR H T

( IYLHR PU 4PJOHLS ^VRL \W H[ HT HZ HU PU[Y\KLY opened  his  bedroom  door.  Who  got  the  bigger  MYPNO[ OHSM UHRLK 4PJOHLS VY [OL THU ^OV ZH^ OPT PZ \W MVY KLIH[L I\[ LP[OLY ^H` OL Ã…LK >L were  all  pretty  freaked  out  so  we  sat  and  drank  JVɈLL [VNL[OLY \U[PS P[ ^HZ [PTL [V NL[ \W :OHYPUN the  experience  actually  brought  us  closer

we  should  set  up  a  housemate  interview  process  which  includes  messing  up  the  kitchen  and  asking  â€˜DO  YOU  SEE  ANYTHING  WRONG  HERE?’!   ;OVZL VM \Z ^OV HYL Z[\KLU[Z HSZV ^PZO ^L»K RUV^U [OL WL[YVS WYPJL ^HZ NVPUN [V YVJRL[! NL[ting  to  class  is  crazy  expensive  now

@V\Y HK]PJL MVY ÄUKPUN H KPNZ& If  personal  contacts  don’t  work  out,  use  the  PU[LYUL[ VY MVSSV^ \W VU HKZ I\[ KLÄUP[LS` KV `V\Y own  personal  research  too.  When  you  visit  the  digs,  ask  the  locals  what  the  area’s  like  safety^PZL HUK JOLJR OV^ SVUN P[»SS [HRL [V NL[ [V ^VYR JVSSLNL \UP PU Y\ZO OV\Y -PUK V\[ ^O` [OL SHZ[ person  left  and  check  out  the  rooms  of  your  potential  new  housemates  for  over-the-top  untidiness!

What  do  you  wish  you’d  known  before  What  do  you  eat  when  there’s  no  money  left  in  the  budget? you  moved  in? :OLSKVU RUV^Z ^OLYL [V ÄUK JOLHW MVVK! 9 ;OH[ MYPLUKZ KVU»[ ULJLZZHYPS` THRL NVVK OV\ZLTH[LZ @V\ NL[ [V RUV^ HUV[OLY ZPKL VM WLVWSL –  and  sometimes  that’s  the  untidy  side.  Maybe Â

I\UU` JOV^Z HUK 9 NPHU[ JOPW HUK JOLLZL rotis!

thislife

MODEL FOR US?  Wanna  model  for  THNHaPUL& >OH[L]LY `V\Y HNL NLUKLY YHJL ^L ^HU[ `V\ >L JHU»[ WH` I\[ P[»Z H SV[ VM M\U @V\ KVU»[ ULLK [V IL H O\UR VY YH]PUN ILH\[` ^L SPRL YLHS WLVWSL 4HPS `V\Y WPJ UHTL HNL HUK [LSLWOVUL JVU[HJ[ [V [OPZSPMLTHN'NTHPS JVT HUK ^L»SS IL PU [V\JO [OL TVTLU[ ^L OH]L HU VWWVY[\UP[` MVY `V\ 7SLHZL TLU[PVU PM [OLYL»Z HU` WHY[PJ\SHY HJ[P]P[` `V\»K LUQV` ILPUN WOV[VNYHWOLK KVPUN 08    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7

foodielife

,HZPLZ[ PJL JYLHT (no  machine  needed!)

Here’s  one  of  our  winning  recipes  from  our  Easy  Ice-­Cream  competition.  We  tested  it  â€“  it’s  utterly  delicious  and  SO  easy!  Have  fun  by  serving  it  in  quirky  containers:  teacups,  espresso  cups,  assorted  glasses…

Yoghurt  ice-­cream  (recipe  by  Sally  Bingham  of  Claremont) WHAT  YOU  NEED   (serves  8  to  10)  ÷ WLQ FRQGHQVHG PLON ÷ PO IUHVK FUHDP ÷ SOXV 21( RI WKH IROORZLQJ D PO *UHHN \RJKXUW DQG J IUHVK RU IUR]HQ EHUULHV RI \RXU FKRLFH PL[HG WRJHWKHU PM Z[YH^ILYYPLZ JOVW [OLT ÄYZ[ OR E PO IUXLW \RJKXUW RI FKRLFH [Y` JOLYY` MYVT >VVS^VY[OZ VY HWWSL Z[YL\KLS MYVT 7PJR U 7H` WHAT  YOU  DO  4P_ JVUKLUZLK TPSR HUK `VNO\Y[ ^P[O ILYYPLZ PM \ZPUN \U[PS ^LSS ISLUKLK )LH[ cream  and  fold  into  this  mixture.  Freeze  overnight,  or  for  as  long  as  you  can  wait  before  indulging!

Go  to  www.thislife.org.za  to  see  our  other  winning  recipe  for  rooibos  and  honey  ice-­cream by  Janet  Knight  of  Kommetjie

thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     09

dailylife

a life in the day of… Pippa Shaper, co-­founder of Home from Home

Coffee at Spades & Spoons breathes life into Pippa Shaper, who has survived tragedy to set up numerous foster homes

Pippa Shaper, 47, was born and educated in London. She worked as a fashion buyer for Marks & Spencer before marrying celebrated South African lyricist Hal Shaper, with whom she moved to Cape Town in 1992 and had four children After Hal died in 2004, Pippa co-founded Home from /VTL HU 5.6 WYV]PKPUN ZTHSS JVTT\UP[` IHZLK MVZ[LY homes for children in need. In 2007 she married businessman Sean Wiblin, and they live in Wynberg with Harry, her youngest son 10 thislife.org.za | issue 7

dailylife WIN!

Two  night  s o at  Klo f  four,  se  for  a  fam (w w w ofzich lf-cater ily  .kloo t  Estat ing,  fzich e,  Tulb tes t a a te.cogh  . za) Â

m

y  alarm  goes  off Â

at HT )\[ ^OH[ HJ[\HSS` NL[Z TL NVPUN PZ MYLZOS` IYL^LK JVɈLL ¶ 0 JHU»[ MVJ\Z \U[PS 0»]L OHK T` ÄYZ[ J\W 0 YLJRVU 0 KYL^ [OL ZOVY[ Z[YH^ because  while  Sean  puts  fresh  water  next  to  the  bed  at  night,  I’m  the  one  who  gets  up  in  the  morning  to  brew  [OL JVɈLL ;OHURM\SS` /HYY` THRLZ OPZ V^U IYLHRMHZ[ and  gets  himself  ready  for  school,  so  my  routine  isn’t  too  rushed.   I  do  the  morning  school  run  to  WesterMVYK /PNO :JOVVS HUK :LHU JVSSLJ[Z PU [OL HM[LYUVVU 5LP[OLY /HYY` UVY 0 HYL JOH[[` PU [OL TVYUPUN ZV ^L usually  listen  to  music  in  relative  silence.  I’ve  tried  to  NL[ OPT PU[LYLZ[LK PU J\YYLU[ HɈHPYZ VU [OL YHKPV I\[ [V no  avail!

delicious 5V [^V KH`Z HYL [OL ZHTL H[ /VTL MYVT /VTL :VTL KH`Z 0 OLHK Z[YHPNO[ [V V\Y >`UILYN VɉJL HUK VU others  I  schedule  breakfast  meetings  â€“  a  good  time  for  WLVWSL [V TLL[ 6UL VM T` MH]V\YP[L ZWV[Z PZ 2ULHK which  has  excellent  early-morning  specials,  and  I’m  HSZV X\P[L H YLN\SHY H[ T` SVJHS >`UILYN JVɈLL ZOVW :WHKLZ :WVVUZ! [OL MVVK PZ KLSPJPV\Z 6[OLY^PZL I  go  to  the  gym,  run  or  do  some  yoga  before  the  day  starts.  It  may  sound  a  well-oiled  routine,  but  believe  me,  it  doesn’t  always  go  smoothly! 6U 4VUKH`Z ^L OH]L H TLL[PUN ^P[O V\Y [LHT VM ZVJPHS ^VYRLYZ WYVQLJ[ JV VYKPUH[VYZ HUK HKTPU Z[HɈ to  connect,  discuss  any  issues  and  plan  the  week  HOLHK 6\Y MVZ[LY OVTLZ HYL ZJH[[LYLK HJYVZZ [OL Western  Cape,  and  my  mornings  generally  consist  of  visiting  foster  parents  at  the  homes  and  meeting  with  JVTT\UP[` HZZVJPH[LZ Z\WWVY[LYZ HUK KVUVYZ 6\Y donors  range  from  large  foundations  to  a  domestic  ^VYRLY ^OV MHP[OM\SS` ZLUKZ \Z 9 H TVU[O 6\Y ]PZPVU H[ /VTL MYVT /VTL PZ [V WYV]PKL H SV]PUN OVTL LU]Pronment  for  as  many  vulnerable  children  as  possible.  6\Y NYLH[LZ[ JOHSSLUNL PZ [V ÄUK [OL YPNO[ MVZ[LY parents.  Looking  after  other  people’s  children  is  a  JHSSPUN UV[ H QVI HUK HUK P[ [HRLZ ZVTLVUL ]LY` ZWLJPHS [V ÄSS [OPZ ]P[HS YVSL <USLZZ 0 OH]L H S\UJO HWWVPU[TLU[ 0 WHJR T` V^U S\UJO! ZV\W ZHSHK VY SLM[V]LYZ MYVT SHZ[ UPNO[»Z Z\WWLY \USLZZ ZVTLVUL LSZL PU [OL OV\ZLOVSK OHZ ILH[LU TL

:4: 2 chan 366- [V ce  ends to  win.  Co MVY `V  13  M \ m arch  petition  Y 2013

[V P[ 4VZ[ HM[LYUVVUZ 0 ^YP[L YLWVY[Z VY WYVWVZHSZ H ]P[HS WHY[ VM T` QVI 4` ^VYRPUN KH` LUKZ IL[^LLU Ä]L HUK ZP_ HUK T` ZOVY[ JVTT\[L OVTL TLHUZ 0 can  usually  squeeze  in  exercise  if  I  didn’t  get  round  to  P[ [OH[ TVYUPUN! PM 0 KVU»[ OH]L ZVTL ºTL [PTL» 0 NL[ HU[Z` ;OPZ PZ T` [PTL [V [OPUR HUK JOH[ [V .VK HIV\[ ^OH[L]LY»Z OHWWLUPUN PU T` SPML 0M P[»Z H -YPKH` 0 KV T` utmost  to  get  together  after  work  with  a  few  girlfriends  for  a  glass  of  wine,  and  we  usually  end  up  howling  with  laughter  at  things  that  have  happened  in  our  week. I  buy  groceries  after  work,  grabbing  what  we  need  for  the  evening  meal,  which  either  Sean  or  I  prepare.   If  P[»Z H 4VUKH` [OL ^OVSL JSHU NH[OLYZ MVY V\Y ^LLRS` family  dinner.  It  can  be  hard  then  not  to  think  of  my  daughter  Lucy,  who  died  when  she  was  four.  She  contracted  a  freak,  catastrophic  virus  and  died  in  under  [^V KH`Z 0 VM[LU ^VUKLY ^OH[ ZOL ^V\SK IL SPRL UV^! TH[YPJ\SH[PUN KYP]PUN H JHY ;OLYL HYL UV ^VYKZ [V describe  the  pain  of  losing  a  child  â€“  it  is  every  parent’s  ^VYZ[ UPNO[THYL 3VZPUN /HS [V JHUJLY [OYLL `LHYZ SH[LY was  another  horrendous  blow,  and  I  had  no  idea  at  [OL [PTL OV^ 0»K NL[ [OYV\NO P[ )\[ .VK OHZ IYV\NO[ TL [OYV\NO THU` KPɉJ\S[ [PTLZ HZ ^LSS HZ NP]PUN TL THU` THU` [PTLZ VM QV` ¶ PUJS\KPUN ZLUKPUN TL :LHU a  fabulous  man  to  be  a  husband  for  me  and  fantastic  Z[LW KHK [V T` JOPSKYLU .VK PZ T` YVJR HUK T` MHP[O helps  me  realise  I’m  a  precious  and  much-loved  piece  PU HU PUÄUP[LS` IPN W\aaSL

glitz )LPUN H I\`LY MVY 4HYRZ :WLUJLY ^HZ HTHaPUN HUK ÄSSLK ^P[O HSS [OL NSP[a VM [OL MHZOPVU PUK\Z[Y` )\[ KV I  miss  the  corporate  world  and  the  glamour?  Not  in  [OL SLHZ[ 0[ ÄSSZ TL ^P[O QV` [V ZLL [OH[ UV TH[[LY OV^ abused  or  sick  a  child  is,   a  loving  new  family  and  good  nutrition,  education,  and  medication  can  give  them  a  completely  new  lease  on  life.  )HJR [OLU 0 [YH]LSSLK [V 7HYPZ HUK 4PSHU I` WSHUL ;OLZL KH`Z 0 [YH]LS [V 2OH`LSP[ZOH PU T` /`\UKHP )\[ what  I  do  now  gives  me  a  profound  sense  of  purpose  and  satisfaction.   I’ve  never  once  looked  back.  After  a  day’s  work,  when  I  settle  down  for  the  night,  my  last  thought  is  one  of  absolute  gratitude.’

Want  to  know  more  about  Home  from  Home?  Click  on  www.homefromhome.org.za [OPZ WHNL WYV\KS` ZWVUZVYLK I` .YHWL]PUL 0U[LYHJ[P]L TVIPSL THYRL[PUN ZWLJPHSPZ[Z ^^^ NYHWL]PULNYV\W JV aH JVU[HJ[ 5LPS /\[JOPUZVU VU VY ULPS']PUL JV aH thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     11

advertise

12 thislife.org.za | issue 7

WIN!

betterlife

Â

( ^LLRZ (K]LU[\YL )VV[ Camp  for  Women  worth  R690.  Find  the  location  of  your  nearest  camp  at  www.adventurebootcamp.co.za   ( ^LLRZ JHTW SHZ[Z KH`Z

how  to  be...  A  FABULOUS  FRIEND

:4: )66; [V MVY `V\Y chance  to  win Competition  ends  13  March  2013

t

OL` ZH` [OH[ MYPLUKZ HYL .VKÂťZ ^H` VM HWVSVNPZPUN MVY V\Y MHTPSPLZ ;OL` TH` ^LSS IL YPNO[ 9HYL PZ [OL ZV\S ^OV LUQV`Z SPML ^P[OV\[ [OLT ;OL` OLSW \Z W\SS \Z out  of  our  rut  and  bring  us  new  perspectives  â€“  and  the  very  act  of  sharing  life’s  stresses  with  them  nearly  always  makes  us  feel  better.  Now  medical  research  is  showing  further  ILULĂ„[Z! MYPLUKZ UV[ VUS` THRL \Z MLLS NVVK they’re  actually  good  for  our  health!  An  American  study  *(1) VM ULHYS` U\YZLZ ^P[O breast  cancer  found  that  women  without  close  friends  were  four  times  as  likely  to  die  from  the  KPZLHZL HZ ^VTLU ^P[O VY TVYL MYPLUKZ ( six-year  analysis  *(2)  of  more  than  700  middleaged  Swedish  men  suggested  a  good  social  network  was  far  more  important  for  their  heart  OLHS[O [OHU H SPML WHY[ULY (UK H `LHY Australian  study  *(3)  found  that  older  people  ^P[O H SHYNL JPYJSL VM MYPLUKZ ^LYL SLZZ likely  to  die  during  the  study  period  than  those  with  fewer  friends.  )\[ ^OPSL ^L YLSPZO [OL JVTWHU` HUK Z\WWVY[ our  friends  bring,  are  we  ourselves  as  good  a  friend  back [V [OLT HZ ^LÂťK SPRL [V [OPUR& /V^ can  one  be  a  fabulous  friend?  It  all  boils  down  to  that  age-old  principle,  says  2HYPU ;PSUL` VM :[YLZZ :[YH[LNPLZ ^OV OHZ more  than  25  years’  counselling  experience  \UKLY OLY ILS[ Âş;YLH[ `V\Y MYPLUKZ HZ `V\ `V\Yself  would  like  to  be  treated.’  )\[ ^OH[ KVLZ [OH[ YLHSS` TLHU& How,  actuHSS` ^V\SK ^L SPRL [V IL [YLH[LK& /LYL HYL

2HYPUÂťZ [PWZ MVY ILJVTPUN [OL RPUK VM friend  you’d  really  like  to  be. ‹ 3PZ[LUPUN HUK LTWH[O` HYL [^V VM [OL most  powerful  tools  in  friendship.  Be  a  genuine  listener,  not  an  interrupter,  HUK HJRUV^SLKNL `V\Y MYPLUKÂťZ MLLSPUNZ Empathy  means  saying  â€˜I  understand Â

Âş( MYPLUK PZ ZVTLVUL ^OVÂťZ [OLYL MVY `V\ ^OLU OLÂťK YH[OLY IL ZVTL^OLYL LSZLÂť

you’re  feeling  disappointed  about  not  getting  the  job’.  3HJR VM LTWH[O` PZ ZH`PUN! ‘It’s  not  that  bad  â€“  think  about  the  jobless  all  around  us,  and  move  on!’   A  friend Â

^OVZ KLHSPUN ^P[O SVZZ VM HU` RPUK ^V\SK SV]L [V move  on  but  needs  time  to  process  things  and  forgive  (and  be  aware  that  forgiveness  is  one  of  [OL OHYKLZ[ WYVJLZZLZ VM HSS

-­  Anonymous Â

‹ )L YLSPHISL HUK Ă…L_PISL 0M H MYPLUKÂťZ NVPUN [OYV\NO H KPMĂ„J\S[ [PTL IL YLHK` [V KYVW V[OLY commitments  to  support  them  at  their  time  VM ULLK )L Ă…L_PISL VU [OL SP[[SL [OPUNZ [VV LN choices  of  outings  or  movies.

‹ 0[ ZV\UKZ WYL[[` VI]PV\Z I\[ HJ[\HSS` JVUnecting  with  your  friends  is  vital  for  maintaining  MYPLUKZOPWZ :VTL TLU JHU Ă„UK [OPZ OHYKLY I\[ the  â€˜cappuccino’  business  meeting  has  now  made  it  socially  acceptable  for  Alpha  males  to  meet  for  coffee.  Men  shy  of  coffee  shops  can  persuade  their  friends  to  join  them  in  anything  as  diverse  as  a  cycling  group,  wine  club  or  Rotary,  and  of  course  there’s  always  good  old  Watching  Sport.  In  particular,  celebrate  birthdays.  Vast  L_WLUKP[\YL PZUÂť[ ULLKLK ;HRL [OL PUP[PH[P]L HZ the  day  approaches  and  suggest  a  birthday  ^HSR Y\U IYLHRMHZ[ 0M `V\ SP]L MHY HWHY[ LTHPS :R`WL ZTZ ))4 HUK L]LU [OL WYLOPZ[VYPJ landline  leave  you  with  no  excuses.  Start  up  or  PUJYLHZL JVU[HJ[ HUK `V\ÂťSS WYVIHIS` Ă„UK `V\ enjoy  it!

really  love  your  son,  but  I’m  concerned  you’re  not  getting  to  his  rugby  games’.  If  you  are  told  not  to  interfere,  say  calmly,  â€˜As  your  friend,  I’m  saying  this  purely  out  of  concern  for  you  and  your  relationship  with  your  son.’

‹ 2LLW P[ JVUĂ„KLU[PHS 9LZPZ[ [OL \YNL [V [HSR about  friends’  struggles,  however  concerned  you  are.

*  (1)  Social  networks,  social  support,  and  survival  after  breast  cancer  diag-­ nosis  (Candyce  Kroenke)  (2)  Lack  of  social  support  and  incidence  of  coronary  heart  disease  in  middle-­aged  Swedish  men  (K  Orth-­GomĂŠr)  (3)  Effect  of  social  networks  on  10  year  survival  in  very  old  Australians  (Lynne  C  Giles) Â

‹ :WLHR [OL [Y\[O PU SV]L 0M `V\ KVUÂť[ ^OV ^PSS& 0[ÂťZ OHYK I\[ PM [OLYLÂťZ HU PZZ\L H[ Z[HRL `V\ sometimes  need  to  *(17/<  say  how  you  feel  HIV\[ H MYPLUKÂťZ ILOH]PV\Y ;Y`! ‘I  know  you Â

‹ .L[ WYHJ[PJHS! [HRL [OLT H TLHS ^OLU [OL`ÂťYL PSS ZVY[ V\[ [OLPY IYVRLU NH[L NP]L [OLPY JOPSKYLU H lift.  And  when  it’s  needed,  a  good  friend  simply  NVLZ [V [OLPY TH[LÂťZ OV\ZL HUK THRLZ [OLT H cup  of  tea

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0 MV\UK T`

true calling How Shaun Shelly clawed his way out of addiction

Shaun Shelly has turned his drug addiction around to help others

Shaun Shelly, 46, was born and grew up in Wynberg, Cape Town. He attended Westerford High School and then the University of Cape Town, which he left early to start a lucrative business career. At the height of this success, he fell prey to a drug addiction which unravelled his life. Ultimately, however, he beat the habit and turned his life around. Here he relates his story, and tells of the challenges he still faces daily

14 thislife.org.za | issue 7

[OPZ WHNL WYV\KS` ZWVUZVYLK I` +VYYPUN[VU 1LZZVW 0UJVYWVYH[LK ([[VYUL`Z JVU[HJ[ )HYY` 1LZZVW! IHYY`'KVYYPUN[VUQLZZVW JV aH

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don’t  think  back  on  my  childhood  much,  but  if  there’s  anything  I  remember,  it’s  being  a  weedy  boy  who  wasn’t  allowed  to  play  rugby  in  case  he  got  hurt.  After  living  through  two  divorces  as  a  small  child,  my  family  relationships  were  inevitably  fractured.  I  didn’t  have  a  close  relationship  with  most  of  my  family,  but  was  close  to  my  biological  brother. 0 OH]L NVVK TLTVYPLZ VM >LZ[LYMVYK /PNO School  and  my  friendships  there.  I  went  to  church  with  those  school  friends  and  it  was  [OLYL [OH[ 0 ILNHU H YLSH[PVUZOPW ^P[O .VK ;OPZ was  not  to  last,  however,  and  my  new-found  faith  was  tested  when  I  attended  a  meeting  one  day  in  a  church  that  wasn’t  my  own.  I  witnessed  what  I  felt  to  be  mass-hysteria  and  insincere  worship  and  decided  to  discard  a  faith  I  now  viewed  as  deceptive.  I  got  a  good  matric  which  earned  me  a  place  H[ *HWL ;V^U <UP]LYZP[` [V Z[\K` TLKPJPUL following  the  obligatory  two  years  of  national  service  where  I  became  a  lieutenant  in  the  infantry.   I  was  politically  naĂŻve,  only  later  coming  to  respect  my  brother’s  decision  to  ILJVTL H JVUZJPLU[PV\Z VIQLJ[VY 0 KYVWWLK V\[ VM \UP]LYZP[` PU T` Ă„YZ[ `LHY 0 wanted  to  make  money  immediately.  After  moving  in  with  my  father  in  Constantia,  I  saw  wealth  all  around  me  and  I  wanted  that  independence  and  lifestyle.   I  embarked  on  a  successful  sales  career,  but  although  I  was  Ă„UHUJPHSS` Z\JJLZZM\S Âś I` [OL HNL VM 0 KYV]L H 7VYZJOL HUK )4> ZLYPLZ HUK SP]LK PU H large  house  in  Newlands  â€“  it  left  me  unsatisĂ„LK ( MYPLUK HUK 0 ZH[ KV^U HUK PKLU[PĂ„LK businesses  which  would  have  a  good  future  in  South  Africa  at  that  time.  We  set  up  two,  a  printing  business  and  a  security  company  that,  within  a  short  space  of  time,  grew  to  include  VɉJLZ PU 1VOHUULZI\YN *HWL ;V^U HUK (\Z[YHSPH )` 0 ^HZ Y\UUPUN OP [LJO WYVQLJ[Z for  the  government  at  a  ministerial  level. Â

beautiful 0 ^HZ SP]PUN ^P[O T` WHY[ULY .PUH ^OV 0 OHK met  at  work  one  day  when  she  walked  into  my  VɉJL [V ZLSS TL H WOV[VZ[H[ THJOPUL :OL ^HZ extremely  beautiful  and  our  relationship  blosZVTLK HUK ^L OHK H IHI` NPYS 4VYNHU >L were  together  for  nine  years,  but  I  worked  long  OV\YZ PU [OVZL KH`Z HUK PU [PTL .PUH Z[HY[LK going  out  at  night  without  me  when  I  stayed  at  home  working.  I  sensed  the  disintegration  VM V\Y YLSH[PVUZOPW HUK KLJPKLK [V QVPU OLY

socially  in  an  attempt  to  salvage  what  we  had.   )\[ P[ ^HZ UL]LY [V IL ZHS]HNLK :VVU [OLYL after,  we  split  up. 0 ^HZ ^OLU 0 ^LU[ [V H *HTWZ )H` YLZ[H\YHU[ VUL UPNO[ ^P[O MYPLUKZ 6UL VM [OLT JHTL back  from  the  toilets  saying  that  some  women  there  had  been  doing  a  line  of  cocaine.  It  was  then  that  we  all  decided  to  go  to  one  of  the  friend’s  houses  to  try  ZVTL V\YZLS]LZ ;OL KY\NZ ^LYL a  mere  phone  call  away,  and  I  soon  realised  that  many  people  and  friends  who  were  a  part  of  T` SPML OHK ILLU Âş\ZPUNÂť HSS HSVUN <U[PS [OPZ [PTL 0 OHK [OV\NO[ [OH[ VUS` WLVWSL PU TV]PLZ KPK KY\NZ! my  only  exposure  had  been  to  one  or  two  people  smoking  pot  at  parties.

importance  to  me,  and  collapsed  from  lack  of  headship.  Item  by  item,  I  began  to  sell  everything  I  owned  to  support  my  drug  addiction.  I  remember  having  a  sense  of  regret  and  guilt  as  I  sold  my  once-loved,  valuable  collection  VM HY[ HUK N\P[HYZ I\[ [OPZ ^HZ ZOVY[ SP]LK! 0 ZVVU MVJ\ZLK VU T` UL_[ ÂşOP[Âť 5L]LY VUJL while  my  life  was  falling  apart  did  I  think  drug  HKKPJ[PVU ^HZ [OL JH\ZL! HS^H`Z it  was  something  else,  and  drugs  remained  my  only  salvation. Â

‘THIS  WAS  JUST  A  SPELL  OF  BAD  3<*2Âť

Not  much  of  a  drinker  or  socialiser,  never  having  smoked  a  cigarette,  and  having  no  concept  or  thought  of  addiction,  I  decided  [V [Y` JVJHPUL MVY [OL Ă„YZ[ [PTL In  retrospect,  I  think  it  was  only  to  be  sociable  that  I  took  the  decision  that  was  to  impact  my  SPML ZV KYHZ[PJHSS` 0[ OHK SP[[SL LɈLJ[ VU TL [OL Ă„YZ[ [PTL 0[ ^HZ VUS` VUJL 0 ^HZ WLYZ\HKLK [V [Y` HNHPU ZVTL KH`Z SH[LY [OH[ P[ OHK [OL LɈLJ[ that  users  the  world  over  rave  about.

(M[LY Q\Z[ H ML^ ÂşSPULZÂť 0 ILNHU H SV]L YLSH[PVUZOPW ^P[O L]LY` KY\N VM [OL TVTLU[! JVJHPUL OLYVPUL LJZ[HJ` ;OL KY\NZ M\SĂ„SSLK L]LY` need  I  had  ever  had,  and  needs  I  never  knew  I  had!   Socialising  became  easy  and  the  drugs  lured  me  into  the  lifestyle  and  clubbing  culture  until  I  belonged  there.  Never  alone  and  never  ULLKPUN HU`[OPUN LSZL 0 QVPULK many  others  in  this  lifestyle,  and  together  we  partied  from  sundown  to  sun-up,  sometimes  going  for  days  without  sleeping.  It  was  during  these  years  that  I  had  a  short  relationship  with  Angela  who  became  pregnant,  and  is  the  mother  of  my  ZLJVUK KH\NO[LY 4PH ,]LU[\HSS` 0 YLHJOLK [OL Z[HNL ^OLYL 0 ULLKLK KY\NZ >OLU 0 went  without  them  out  of  practical  necessity,  such  as  work  meetings  in  Johannesburg,  I  became  highly  PYYP[HISL HUK KPZZH[PZĂ„LK ^P[O H SVUNPUN SPRL H YHNPUN O\UNLY 4` solution  was  to  use  again  and  again.  ;OL I\ZPULZZLZ Z[HY[LK [V SVZL [OLPY

Seven  or  eight  years  after  my  Ă„YZ[ OP[ 0 ILJHTL H KY\N KLHSLY to  support  what  was  now  a  voracious  appetite  for  drugs  HUK H ZLLTPUNS` \UĂ„SSHISL OVSL 4` TVZ[ MYPNO[LUPUN TLTVY` VM those  days  is  of  having  my  arm  broken  by  some  gangsters  and  OH]PUN [V Q\TW V\[ VM [OL ^PUdow  of  a  two-storey  Wynberg  Ă…H[ [V LZJHWL KLH[O

4` HKKPJ[PVU ^HZ O\NL HUK I  could  never  make  enough  TVUL` [V Z\Z[HPU P[ ;PR ^HZ UV^ T` KY\N VM JOVPJL )` 0 ^HZ OVTLSLZZ HUK ZSLLWPUN \UKLY H [YLL ;OL Z[YHUNL [OPUN PZ [OH[ 0 UL]LY VUJL ZH^ [OPZ ZP[\H[PVU MVY ^OH[ P[ ^HZ 4` [OPURPUN! [OPZ ^HZ Q\Z[ H ZWLSS VM IHK S\JR HUK 0 ^V\SK ZVVU IL IHJR VU T` MLL[ HNHPU 4` brother  and  two  friends  tried  to  help  me  but  I  didn’t  believe  I  needed  help.  I  was  unable  to  maintain  any  true  relationships,  any  company  I  kept  was  toxic  and  dependent  on  drug  availability. 6U [OL ML^ VJJHZPVUZ 0 [YPLK [V YL[\YU [V T` previous  life  to  visit  my  family  and  children,  I Â

Shaun  with  daughters  Mia  (7)  and  Morgan  (17) thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     15

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left  chaos  in  my  wake.  When  I  got  a  call  from  Angela’s  father  to  say  that  my  second  daugh[LY 4PH ^HZ IVYU 0 [\YULK \W H[ [OL OVZWP[HS having  been  high  for  days,  and  must  have  SVVRLK H ZPNO[ ;OLYL ^LYL OV^L]LY H OHUKM\S of  moments  when  I  did  manage  to  stay  sober  to  visit  my  daughters,  and  I  will  cherish  those  ZPNUPÄJHU[ TVTLU[Z MVYL]LY 0U 0 ^HZ HYYLZ[LK MVY Z[LHSPUN H IHN VM chocolate-coated  raisins  from  Checkers  in  7S\TZ[LHK (Z 0 ZH[ PU [OL IHJR VM H WVSPJL ]HU while  the  police  attended  to  another  issue,  a  middle-aged  gentleman  spoke  to  me  through  the  bars,  surprised  that  I  was  in  this  situation.  I  MLS[ KLLWS` LTIHYYHZZLK HUK MVY [OL ÄYZ[ [PTL ever,  I  had  a  sense  of  how  low  I  had  fallen.  After  20  minutes  in  a  police  cell,  a  police reservist  released  me  and  told  me  I  didn’t  ILSVUN PU [OPZ SPMLZ[`SL /L ZHPK 0 ^HZ TLZZPUN up  my  life  and  should  get  help. Although  I  still  wasn’t  convinced  I  had  a  problem,  I  started  to  listen  to  two  now  drug-free  friends.  I  went  to  one  of  their  houses  to  bath  and  borrow  clean  clothes  before  attending Â

me  in  the  night,  and  I  realised  I  didn’t  want   to  YL[\YU [OLYL L]LY -VY [OL ÄYZ[ [PTL 0 ZH^ HUK registered  the  chaos  of  active  addiction. ;OL UL_[ TVYUPUN 0 ILNHU [V ^HSR MYVT [OL Mal  Huis 0 ^LPNOLK RN HIV\[ RN \UKLY my  normal  weight,  and  owned  nothing  except  the  clothes  on  my  back  and  the  bag  I  carried,  which  held  a  t-shirt  and  a  pair  of  takkies.  I  realised  there  was  nothing  I  could  do  to  stop  taking  drugs,  yet  to  continue  would  be  to  return  to  that  Mal  Huis.  I  began  a  conversa[PVU ^P[O [OL .VK 0 VUJL RUL^ HUK ZHPK ‘God, Â

if  you  are  there  and  you  want  me  to  be  clean,  I  need  three  things  from  you:  a  place  to  stay,  money  for  food  and  a  slice  of  lemon  meringue  pie.’ ;OPZ ^HZ ZVTL[OPUN 0 ^HZ JYH]PUN PU T`

hungover  state!).

friendless Something  happened  to  me  then  on  the  greenbelt  on  which  I  was  walking.  I  became  fully  aware  of  the  truth  of  my  situation.  Into  my  head  HSZV JHTL [OL [OV\NO[ VM -LYKPUHUK 4HSHUNH

calm  and  friendliness,  and  without  batting  an  eyelid,  he  listened  as  I  said,  â€˜I’m  a  drug  addict  and  I  need  help.’ /PZ YLHJ[PVU ^HZ PTTLKPH[L!

‘Fantastic!  Do  you  need  a  place  to  stay?  I  have  a  Wendy  house  which  was  recently  vacated.  Here’s  R500  for  food.’  I  remembered  my  words  HU OV\Y VY ZV LHYSPLY HUK YLHSPZLK T` ÄYZ[ [^V requests  had  been  met. 0 ^HSRLK [V *VUZ[HU[PH =PSSHNL [V I\` MVVK HUK MVY [OL ÄYZ[ [PTL PU THU` `LHYZ 0 OHK TVUL` in  my  hand  with  no  thought  of  buying  drugs.  0 ^HZ WHZZPUN [OYV\NO [OL 4\NN HUK )LHU restaurant  to  get  to  Spar  when  I  collided  with  a  waitress  who  was  carrying  a  tray  out  of  the  oven.  It  sounds  so  unbelievable,  but  the  tray  held  a  large  lemon  meringue  pie!  As  I  sat  down  HUK [VVR T` ÄYZ[ IP[L 0 MLS[ [OH[ 0 OHK JHSSLK \WVU H .VK ^P[O H ZLUZL VM O\TV\Y ^OV OHK YL]LHSLK OPTZLSM [V TL PU T` TVZ[ ÄJRSL desire! (UK ZV HNLK 0 ILNHU T` YLJV]LY` 0 H[tended  NA,  walking  a  long  way  there  daily.  I  ^HZ YLX\PYLK [V KV TLL[PUNZ PU KH`Z [V JVTWSL[L [OL Z[LW WYVNYHTTL 7HY[ VM [OL programme  is  taking  a  step  to  make  amends  [V WLVWSL PU V\Y SP]LZ 6UL VM [OL TVZ[ KPɉJ\S[ [OPUNZ 0 KPK ^HZ YLWH` 9 [V H THU ^OV was  still  a  drug  dealer,  knowing  the  money  could  be  used  to  buy  and  sell  drugs.  I’m  pleased  to  say,  though,  that  he  too  is  now  in  recovery.  I  learned  through  NA  to  face  the  fact  that  everything  I’d  believed  concerning  drugs  was  a  lie,  and  I’m  still  learning  to  reprogramme  my  thinking  in  this  regard. Â

parties

Ferdinand  Malanga  Katalay,  whose  kindness  was  pivotal  in  Shaun’s  recovery  process T` ÄYZ[ 5HYJV[PJZ (UVU`TV\Z 5( TLL[PUN PU H JVTT\UP[` OHSS PU 6IZLY]H[VY` 0 MLS[ self-conscious  at  the  meeting,  but  there  was  something  in  every  person  there  that  felt  like  H YLÃ…LJ[PVU VM T`ZLSM :VTL[OPUN Z[PYYLK PU TL ^OLU 0 YLHK H ZPNU ^OPJO ZHPK! ‘There  is  no  chemical  solution  to  a  spiritual  problem’,  but  I  was  still  sceptical,  and  left  the  meeting  not  RUV^PUN PM 0 ^V\SK YL[\YU /H]PUN UV WSHJL [V sleep,  I  went  to  the  Mal  Huis,  a  council  house  PU 7S\TZ[LHK VJJ\WPLK I` H U\TILY VM KY\N HKKPJ[Z ;OL UVPZLZ JVTPUN MYVT HKKPJ[Z ^VRL 16    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7    Â

2H[HSH` H *VUNVSLZL YLM\NLL ^OV OHK ^VYRLK for  me  as  a  security  guard  at  the  height  of  my  business  career.  A  genuine  Christian,  extraordinary  in  his  demeanour  and  bearing,  he  had  now  started  his  own  security  business,  which  I  knew  he  operated  in  that  area.  0 YLHJOLK -LYKPUHUK»Z VɉJL HUK HZRLK ZVTLVUL [V JHSS OPT ;OPZ ^HZ ]LY` O\TISPUN HZ -LYKPUHUK OHK VUJL RUV^U TL HZ OPZ ^LHS[O` LTWSV`LY 0 MLS[ HZOHTLK /L HWWYVHJOLK TL as  though  he  had  expected  me.  With  perfect Â

I’m  learning  to  rebuild  my  life,  and  I  now  have  H NYLH[ YLSH[PVUZOPW ^P[O 4VYNHU HUK 4PH ^OV HYL HUK ZL]LU ;OLPY TV[OLYZ OH]L HSSV^LK me  back  into  their  lives,  and  I  see  each  of  them  weekly,  doing  everyday  things  like  lifting  4VYNHU [V HUK MYVT WHY[PLZ HUK ML[JOPUN 4PH from  school  and  doing  homework  with  her.  +LZWP[L [OLPY HNL NHW [OL NPYSZ NL[ VU ^LSS HUK we  have  been  on  an  annual  holiday  together  MVY H ML^ `LHYZ UV^ 0 ^VYR MVY -LYKPUHUK KVing  admin  part-time  to  make  ends  meet  so  I  JHU ZWLUK TVZ[ VM T` [PTL H[ /VWL /V\ZL *V\UZLSSPUN *LU[YL H UVU WYVÄ[ VYNHUPZH[PVU PU ;VRHP ^OLYL 0 THUHNL [OL HKKPJ[PVUZ programme  under  strict  supervision,  working  as  a  full-time  volunteer  until  we  secure  government  funding.  I  still  live  in  the  accommodation  -LYKPUHUK VɈLYLK TL ZVTL Ä]L `LHYZ HNV We’re  like  brothers,  and  I  can  never  repay  his  kindness  to  me. I’m  still  in  recovery,  which  is  a  process,  and Â

mylife WIN!

( UPN O in a lu[ MVY [^V WS\Z xur -YHUZ +H\WOPUy suite at IYLHR MHZ L [ JOOV L LR (w .\LZ[ / a Petite V\ZL w w.l a p et i t e .c o. z a ) still occasionally attend NA meetings. Like all drug addicts, I’m highly susceptible to stress and certain triggers, and it hasn’t been an easy road. I have relapsed once, and in some ^H`Z P[ ^HZ L]LU TVYL KPɉJ\S[ [V YLJV]LY MYVT this. I felt as though I had lost my new-found purpose, but I realised that life is not about the falling, but about the getting up again. I went back to studying and obtained a counselling X\HSPÄJH[PVU [OYV\NO <50:( HUK MLLSPUN ]LY` clearly called to specialise in drug addiction, I’m working towards a post-graduate diploma in addictions care through Stellenbosch <UP]LYZP[` >VYRPUN ^P[O HKKPJ[Z HZ HU HKKPJ[ is challenging, and not to be recommended for those who aren’t constantly aware of their own ^LHRULZZ HUK WYVWLUZP[` [V MHSS 6UL [OPUN of which I’m certain, though, is that this is my true calling. I believe there’s a human condition which feeds addiction, and that is our need for three

[OPUNZ! ZVJPHS ZLJ\YP[` PUKP]PK\HS ZPNUPÄJHUJL and a spiritual connection. We place too much LTWOHZPZ VU [OL ÄYZ[ [^V VM [OLZL ULLKZ HUK live our lives saying, ‘Who am I, does the world like me?’, which always leaves us wanting. When our identity comes from our spiritual JVUULJ[PVU ^P[O 6UL ^OV PZ NYLH[LY [OHU ourselves and who loves us without reserve, I ILSPL]L [OH[ HSS V\Y ULLKZ JHU IL ÄSSLK »

S imply SM S PE MVY T Com `V\Y JOHU ITE to petitio JL [V 13 M arch n ends ^PU 2013

Shaun’s advice for drug users 1. Be honest with yourself and ADMIT you have a problem 2. ASK .VK [V OLSW `V\ ^OL[OLY `V\ ILSPL]L PU /PT VY UV[ 3. ACT ZWLHR [V ZVTLVUL HUK NL[ OLSW ;Y` PUMV'OVWLOV\ZL VYN aH HUK ^^^ UH VYN aH

thislife.org.za | issue 7 17

photomoment

MOMENT OF JOY... +HUJPUN NPYSZ ZWV[[LK VU H :H[\YKH` TVYUPUN PU 2PKa 2S\I H NYV\W Y\U I` 1\IPSLL *O\YJO PU 6IZLY]H[VY` ^OPJO WYV]PKLZ H ZHML HUK SV]PUN LU]PYVUTLU[ MVY JOPSKYLU MYVT PUULY JP[` HYLHZ 18 thislife.org.za | issue 7

picture by Tonya Hester

photomoment

[OPZ WHNL WYV\KS` ZWVUZVYLK I` 5L]PSSL >LSSPUN[VU HUK *OHYSPL 4PSSLY thislife.org.za | issue 7 19

worklife

WIN!

A  2Davidso hour  chauffeure  ]PH /V\ n  whirl  for  2  fro d  Harley  Z[VW PUJ [ )H` [V *OHWT m  Camps  Ba y  S\K HU your  ch LK :4: /(9 »Z 7LHR KYPUR 3, @ [V ance  to  w 4HYJ in.  Competitio MVY n  ends  O w w w.c . a VY JVU[H pecorporatet V [V o J VY OK ' [ 1HZVU VU urs.co.za  SP]L JV a H M Harley  t eam-bu VY PUMV VU V[O LY ilding/c o rporate WHJ R HN  LZ

South  Africans AT  WORK

saying  â€˜yes’  to  the  global  challenge Â

ah,  work.  It  can  be  exciting,  tedious,  creative  or  pressu-

London

rised.  Occasionally  it’s  all  those  adjectives  in  just  one  day.  But  VUL [OPUN HSTVZ[ HS^H`Z HWWSPLZ! P[»Z M\SS VM JOHSSLUNLZ MVY ^OPJO we’ve  received  scant  training.  So  how  do  others  negotiate  the  hurdles? thislife ^LU[ NSVIHS HUK HZRLK [OYLL OPNO WV^LYLK :V\[O (MYPJHUZ YV\UK [OL ^VYSK HIV\[ SPML PU [OL VMÄJL¯

Ken  Costa,  63,  was  born  to  citrus  farmer  parents  in  Tzaneen,  and  studied  at  Wits  before  going  on  to  study  at  Cambridge  University,  UK.  An  illustrious  life  in  the  City  of  London  followed.  He  was  vice-­chairman  of  the  giant  UBS  Investment  Bank  for  over  30  years  before  becoming  chairman  of  Lazard  International,  a  job  from  which  he  retired  in  2011.  Still  involved  in  a  number  of  interests,  he  is  married  to  Fi,  a  musician.  They  have  four  children  and  live  in  central  London

TELL  US  ABOUT  A  TIME  YOU  HAD  TO  SAY  SORRY  AT  WORK!  I  once  was  extremely  rude  to  a  senior  colleague,  and  the  re-

YOUR Â NUMBER Â ONE Â TIP Â FOR Â MANAGING Â PEOPLE Â WELL? Â

Look  not  at  what  they  are  today,  but  what  they  will  become  tomorrow

IF  YOU’VE  EVER  GOT  WORK  AND  PLAY  OUT  OF  BALANCE,  WHAT  HAPPENED  AND  WHAT  DID  YOU  DO  ABOUT  IT?  ,HYS` VU PU T` ^VYRPUN SPML 0 ILJHTL ZV HIZVYILK PU H Z[PT\SH[PUN KLHS [OH[ 0 KPKU»[ ZWLHR [V -P MVY H ^LLR 0 YLZVS]LK [V THRL Z\YL [OH[ KPKU»[ OHWWLU HNHPU 0 UV^ [Y` [V THRL Z\YL 0 ZWLHR [V -P L]LY` KH` ^OLYL]LY 0 HT PU [OL ^VYSK .L[[PUN T` WYPVYP[PLZ YPNO[ PZ LZZLU[PHS PM 0»T [V RLLW T` SPML PU IHSHUJL 0 ILSPL]L [OL YPNO[ VYKLY VM WYPVYP[PLZ PZ .VK T` JVYL YLSH[PVUZOPWZ HUK [OL ^VYR [OH[ .VK OHZ JHSSLK TL [V 0[»Z HSZV important  to  rest

HOW Â DO Â YOU Â MAKE Â DECISIONS Â AT Â WORK? 4HRPUN [V\NO

decisions  is  such  a  crucial  issue  in  the  workplace.  I  need  to  be  clear,  robust  and  determined,  and  be  sure  my  decisions  are  consistent  with  my  values 20    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7

picture  by  Ben  Wetherall

lationship  between  us  was  very  strained.  I  was  quite  sure  I  was  in  the  right,  and  he  in  the  wrong,  but  that  assurance  did  not  make  for  more  harmonious  relationships.  So  I  decided  to  break  the  negative  atmosphere  and  write  him  a  letter  to  say  sorry.  It  was  easier  than  a  face-toface  confrontation,  which  could  have  ended  up  making  matters  worse

HOW  OFTEN  DO  YOU  TAKE  RISKS,  AND  HOW  DO  YOU  COPE  WITH  THE  PROCESS?  Risk  is  an  essential  part  of  bank-

PUN `V\ JHU»[ THRL TVUL` ^P[OV\[ YPZRPUN P[ 0U H MHZ[ Ã…V^PUN ^VYSK 0 ÄUK P[ LZZLU[PHS [V Ä_ T` OLHY[ HUK TPUK VU [OL YLSH[PVUZOPW 0 OH]L ^P[O *OYPZ[ ;OH[»Z [OL MYHTL^VYR MVY T` L]LY`KH` SPML PUJS\KPUN [OL YPZRZ 0 take Â

worklife

The  Hague Natasha  Naidoo,  40,  was  born  in  Durban.  She  practised  as  a  criminal  defence  lawyer  and  public  prosecutor  in  South  Africa  before  becoming  a  legal  advisor  in  the  Appeals  Chamber  of  the  International  Criminal  Court  in  The  Hague,  Netherlands,  nine  years  ago.  She  loves  good  food  and  (fortunately)  travelling  and  meeting  new  people  YOUR  NUMBER  ONE  TIP  FOR  MANAGING  PEOPLE? Â

7LVWSL YLZWLJ[ NVVK SLHKLYZOPW 0 ÄUK [OH[ PM 0 ZL[ [OL YPNO[ L_HTple  at  work,  colleagues  usually  respond  positively,  which  makes  MVY H OLHS[OPLY ^VYR WSHJL 6M JV\YZL UVIVK`»Z WLYMLJ[ HUK ^L HSS ZLSKVT NL[ P[ YPNO[ HSS [OL [PTL 0 ÄUK [OH[ ^OLU [OPZ OHWWLUZ P[»Z IL[[LY [V HKKYLZZ [OL PZZ\L H[ HU HWWYVWYPH[L [PTL [OHU WYL[LUK [OL PUJPKLU[ VY TPZ\UKLYZ[HUKPUN UL]LY OHWWLULK ;OL RL` PZ probably  good  communication  and  the  ability  to  listen

EVER Â GOT Â WORK Â AND Â PLAY Â OUT Â OF Â BALANCE? ;OPZ PZ HU

HYLH 0 UL]LY ZLLT [V PTWYV]L \WVU ;OL 5L[OLYSHUKZ KVLZU»[ YLHSS` SLH]L VUL ^P[O THU` ºWSH`» VW[PVUZ 0[»Z [VV JVSK HUK KHYR TVZ[ VM [OL `LHY MVY NVPUN [V [OL ILHJO VY KVPUN T\JO V\[KVVY HJ[P]P[` 7LVWSL [LUK [V I\Y` [OLTZLS]LZ PU ^VYR HUK ZV KV 0 /V^L]LY UV[ OH]PUN H balance  in  this  area  is  not  sustainable  so  I’ve  learnt  to  make  a  conZJPV\Z LɈVY[ UV[ [V IYPUN ^VYR OVTL 0[ OLSWZ [V OH]L ºTL» [PTL VU Saturday,  and  connect  with  friends  and  church  on  Sunday,  too

WHAT  DO  YOU  FEAR  MOST  AT  WORK? 0U T` SPUL VM ^VYR ÄUKing  the  right  solution  and  advising  accordingly  is  a  huge  responsibility  ^OPJO JHU IL X\P[L KH\U[PUN (WHY[ MYVT RUV^SLKNL 0 ÄUK H ]LY` YLHS

need  to  rely  on  my  faith  to  overcome  problems  that  appear  larger  than  SPML 4VZ[ [PTLZ SVNPJ HUK YLHZVU HYL UV[ LUV\NO ¶ 0 ULLK H ZLUZL VM WLHJL [V RUV^ T` KLJPZPVUZ HYL [OL YPNO[ VULZ ;OPZ 0 ÄUK VUS` JVTLZ MYVT T` YLSH[PVUZOPW ^P[O .VK

A  TIME  YOU  HAD  TO  SAY  SORRY  AT  WORK?  Recently  I  had  to  choose  between  apologising  to  a  supervisor  or  embarking  on  a  JVSV\YM\S KLMLUJL VM T` HJ[PVUZ ^P[OV\[ HJ[\HSS` ZH`PUN ZVYY` -VY [OL sake  of  peace  and  not  to  waste  time  on  trivial  things,  I  apologised  immediately  and  promised  to  be  more  considerate  the  next  time.  ;OPZ WYL]LU[LK H ZTHSS ZP[\H[PVU MYVT LZJHSH[PUN HUK 0 MV\UK H ZPTWSL apology  engendered  more  respect  and  understanding  between  the  supervisor  and  me,  and  strengthened  our  work  relationship

San  Francisco HOW  DO  YOU  MAKE  DECISIONS  AT  WORK? *HYLM\SS` ;OLYL HYL

[OV\ZHUKZ VM WOV[VNYHWOLYZ V\[ [OLYL ^OV»K SV]L T` QVI ZV 0 [Y` [V THRL as  few  mistakes  as  possible

picture  by  Heather  Hryciw

YOUR  NUMBER  ONE  TIP  FOR  MANAGING  PEOPLE  WELL?  3PZ[LU JHYLM\SS` )L RPUK 9LTLTILY [OH[ UVIVK`»Z H[ [OLPY ILZ[ L]LY` KH` :H` [OHUR `V\ 0 [Y` UV[ [V SL[ T` HU_PL[` VY MY\Z[YH[PVU ZOV^ 0 ÄUK [OPZ helps  keep  my  team  on  track

Commercial  photographer  James  Baigrie,  41,  grew  up  in  Cape  Town,  and  studied  at  Bishops  College,  then  UCT,  before  moving  to  New  York  City,  where  he  discovered  photography.  He  is  married  to  Capetonian  Karen  Stead,  whom  he  met  when  she  was  au  pairing  in  New  York.  They  now  live  across  the  Golden  Gate  bridge  from  San  Francisco  with  their  two  sons,  two  dogs,  a  snake  and  a  gecko

EVER  GOT  WORK  AND  PLAY  OUT  OF  BALANCE?  I  had  work  and  WSH` V\[ VM IHSHUJL MVY `LHYZ 0 SP]LK PU 5L^ @VYR *P[` HUK ^VYRLK T`ZLSM to  the  bone.  What  did  I  do  about  it?  I  moved  to  California  where  I  have  MV\UK ºIHSHUJL» MHY TVYL H[[HPUHISL 0 ^VYR OHYK Z\YM TV\U[HPU IPRL HUK ZWLUK H SV[ VM [PTL ^P[O T` MHTPS` VU [OL ILHJO HUK PU [OL TV\U[HPUZ 6\Y JO\YJO JVTT\UP[` OLSWZ H SV[ [VV >L»]L QVPULK H ZTHSS I\[ ]PIYHU[ SVJHS church,  and  this  has  given  me  a  new  perspective  on  life,  helping  me  to  ºZ[LW V\[» VM T`ZLSM WHAT  DO  YOU  FEAR  MOST  AT  WORK?  Not  having  enough  of  it!  In Â

T` I\ZPULZZ [OLYL»Z UV N\HYHU[LL HUV[OLY QVI PZ PU [OL WPWLSPUL 0 [Y` UV[ [V let  this  unnerve  me

A  TIME  YOU  HAD  TO  SAY  SORRY  AT  WORK?  I  can’t  think  of  any  VUL IPN PZZ\L I\[ 0 ZH` ZVYY` MVY ZTHSS [OPUNZ HSS [OL [PTL -VY PUZ[HUJL giving  people  poor  direction  on  a  set HOW  DO  YOU  AVOID  YOUR  JOB  TAKING  OVER  YOUR  LIFE?  I  work  in  a  profession  that  attracts  workaholics,  and  have  spent  years  trying  [V ÄNO[ [OPZ [LUKLUJ` 0 IVVR OVSPKH`Z HUK [Y` [V VYNHUPZL T` ^VYR ZJOLK\SL accordingly.  I  don’t  spend  my  weekends  in  front  of  my  computer,  and  try  to  accept  there  are  certain  things  that  will  simply  need  to  wait.  I  don’t  let  my  Ã„UHUJPHS NVHSZ KVTPUH[L T` SPML 0[»Z UV[ LHZ` [V YLTHPU JVTWL[P[P]L PU I\ZPULZZ ^OPSL ÄUKPUN H OLHS[O` IHSHUJL IL[^LLU ^VYR MHTPS` HUK WLYZVUHS SPML 0 KVU»[ have  the  perfect  answer  to  this  yet! thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     21

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22 thislife.org.za | issue 7

coolstories

( )\PSKLY»Z ;HSL Robin  Williams PZ H WYVWLY[` HZZLZZVY MVY H SHYNL IHURPUN PUZ[P[\[L /L PZ THYYPLK [V -LSPJP[` H JH[LYLY HUK [OL` SP]L PU .YHZZ` 7HYR

i

Robin  Williams  found  hope  and  healing  while  working  on  a  hospital  in  Madagascar

always  wanted  to  do  some  kind  of  poverty  relief  work  but  I  went  through  the  wars  for  a  while  in  my  life,  including  a  horrendous  four-year  divorce  which  I  tried  hard  to  avoid.  I  felt  challenged  in  L]LY` ^H` HUK ^YP[[LU VɈ I` THU` 0 JV\U[LK as  friends.  I  went  through  a  healing  period,  then  an  opportunity  came  up  in  my  church  to  go  with  a  medical  and  building  team  to  a  hospital  in  4HKHNHZJHY 0[ MLS[ SPRL [OL YPNO[ [PTL 0 NV[ T` ]HJJPUH[PVUZ ZVY[LK HUK Ã…L^ V]LY ^P[O H YLJJL [LHT 0[ ^HZ [OL ÄYZ[ [PTL 0 OHK SLM[ :V\[O African  shores!

clean 4HKHNHZJHY PZ YHURLK V\[ VM [OL WVVYLZ[ nations  in  the  world  and  I  was  blown  away  by  P[Z WV]LY[` +\L [V THSU\[YP[PVU TVZ[ 4HKHgascans  only  came  up  to  my  shoulder  â€“  and  0»]L HS^H`Z [OV\NO[ 0»T ZTHSS (IV\[ VM people  live  in  mud  huts  or  huge  metal  drums.  ;LTWLYH[\YLZ HYL VM[LU PU [OL MVY[PLZ HUK ML^ people  have  anything  like  a  fridge.

6\Y KLZ[PUH[PVU ^HZ (U[HUPTHSHUK` /VZWP[HS PU 4HOHQHUNH H JVHZ[HS [V^U OV\YZ MYVT the  airport  by  bus.  It  was  very  clean,  but  very  V\[KH[LK! :V\[O (MYPJH PZ HOLHK I` SLHWZ HUK bounds!  0U 4HKHNHZJHY PM `V\ Z[H` PU OVZWP[HS ZVTLone  has  to  go  with  you  to  do  your  washing,  JVVRPUN HUK NLULYHS JHYL ;OL` [OLU ZSLLW PU shacks  outside  or  on  mats  under  trees.  When  the  monsoons  come,  they  cram  into  the  metal  drums,  or  sleep  under  the  patient’s  bed!  We  felt  the  biggest  building  need  was  for  canteens  and  accommodation  for  these  families,  as  well  as  a  boundary  wall  to  stop  people,  dogs  and  other  animals  using  the  hospital  as  a  shortcut! :P_ TVU[OZ SH[LY PU 1\S` ^L ^LU[ IHJR HZ H [LHT VM HIV\[ TVZ[S` TLKPJZ ^OV helped  inside  the  hospital,  and  a  building  [LHT ^OPJO 0 SLK 4` JO\YJO WHPK MVY [OL building  materials,  and  we  all  paid  for  our  own  airfares  and  accommodation  â€“  about  9 LHJO >L ^VYRLK H[ [OL OVZWP[HS MVY [OYLL ^LLRZ [YHPUPUN `V\UN SVJHSZ KHPS` )` the  time  we  had  left,  we  had  done  double  the  amount  of  work  planned,  and  the  locals  could Â

OH]L X\HSPÄLK HZ VWLYH[VY IYPJRSH`LYZ >L WSHU to  go  back  to  the  hospital  every  year.  I’m  very  excited  about  the  next  trip,  and  really  hope  ^L LTWV^LYLK V\Y NYV\W VM 4HKHNHZJHUZ [V build  things  themselves. Â

ashes ;OYV\NO [OPZ WYVJLZZ 0 OH]L JVTL [V ILSPL]L [OH[ ZVTL[PTLZ .VK HSSV^Z \Z [V NV [OYV\NO hurts  and  disappointments  in  life  to  build  us  up  stronger,  and  to  use  us  to  show  his  love  to  the  world.  When  life  is  hard,  we’re  tempted  to  believe  we  have  lost  out,  but  we  need  to  ignore  that  feeling.  Life  might  have  thrown  me  a  curve  ball,  but  I  ended  up  being  part  of  a  team  that  worked  for  others.  It  feels  as  if  I  was  raised  up  from  the  ashes,  and  given  hope  and  a  purpose.’

Robin  went  on  the  Madagascar  mission  with  Common  Ground  Church  (www.commonground.co.za)

[OPZ WHNL WYV\KS` ZWVUZVYLK I` [OL >PSZVU MHTPS` <:(! 4PRL )HYIHYH >PSZVU VM )\ɈHSV /LSLU >PSZVU VM +L[YVP[ HUK 3Pa >PSZVU VM 6RSHOVTH *P[` thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     23

hotmedia

:;<-- 7,673, 36=, Capetonians  tell  us  what  inspired  them

%22.  Unbroken,  by  Laura  Hillenbrand     Reviewed  by  Dalmari  Steward,  secretary,  Plumstead  :KHUH WR JHW LW ,_JS\ZP]L )VVRZ VY ^^^ L_JS\Z ]LZ JV aH &RVW from  R170

t

OPZ [Y\L Z[VY` PZ H T\Z[ YLHK! H YP]L[PUN UHYYH[P]L VM SLHKLYship  and  endurance  in  all  its  forms.  Recounting  the  life  of  Louis  Zamperini,  an  Olympic  runner  and  World  War  II  veteran,  its  story  of  a  man  suffering,  surviving  and  forgiving  inspired  me  deeply.  Louis’  story  has  broad  appeal,  but  will  have  particular  interest  for  anyone  interested  in  North  America’s  involvement  as  an  ally  in  the  war,  and  particularly  in  the  conditions  that  prisoners  of  war  were  forced  to  endure  in  Japanese  camps. I’m  not  a  fan  of  historical  details  but  what  particularly  interested  TL ^HZ 3V\PZ» L_WLYPLUJL VM .VK ^OLU OL [OV\NO[ OL ^V\SKU»[ survive.  It  inspired  me  never  to  give  up  hope.’

%22.  Diary  of  a  Wimpy  Kid:  Cabin  Fever,  by  Jeff  Kinney Reviewed  by  Uel  Osano,  10,  Kenilworth  schoolboy   :KHUH WR JHW LW ^^^ RHSHOHYP JVT &RVW MYVT 9

i

SPRLK [OPZ IVVR [OL ZP_[O PU [OL >PTW` 2PK ZLYPLZ because  it’s  interesting,  super-hilarious  and  easy  to  read  HUK \UKLYZ[HUK 0[»Z HT\ZPUN OV^ .YLN [OL THPU JOHYHJ[LY OPZ ILZ[ MYPLUK 9V^SL` HUK OPZ VSKLY IYV[OLY RLLW WYHURPUN each  other. ;OL IVVR PUZWPYLK TL [V Z[H` V\[ VM [YV\ISL HUK [V IL RPUK [V T` MYPLUKZ L]LU [OL NVVM` VULZ 1\Z[ SPRL .YLN PZ [V 9V^SL` Rowley  gets  him  into  trouble  by  sending  an  anonymous  note  to  the  principal  which  says,  *UHJ +HIÀH\ YDQGDOLVHG WKH school,’ I\[ .YLN KVLZU»[ [OLU KV ^OH[ `V\»K L_WLJ[ ;OPZ IVVR PZ SPRLS` [V HWWLHS [V NYHKL MV\Y HUK Ä]L RPKZ ¶ though  my  mother  loved  reading  it  as  well!’

WIN!

5PJR ‘Unsto =\QPJPJ»Z SH[L  <5:;6 ppable’.  SimZ[ IVVR your  c 77()3, [V ply  SMS  h copies ance  to  win MVY  o .  Com petitio ne  of  3  13 (Prize   March  2013n  ends  donate .  )VVRZ d  by  CUM  w w w.c OVWZ um.co . za

DVD  The  Vow Reviewed  by  Karen  van  Niekerk,  admin  assistant,  Tokai :KHUH WR JHW LW  all  leading  DVD  retailers  &RVW R159,95

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his  is  a  love  story!  A  dramatic  Romeo-and-Juliet-type  story,  with  love,  pain,  deceit,  honour...  all  the  ingredients  of  a  good  movie.  On  their  delightfully  unique  wedding  day,  Leo  promises  7HPNL! µ, YRZ WR ¿HUFHO\ ORYH \RX LQ DOO \RXU IRUPV QRZ

and  forever.  I  promise  to  never  forget  that  this  is  a  once-­ in-­a-­lifetime  love.’

I  don’t  want  to  ruin  the  plot  and  say  what  happens  in  this  movie,  I\[ [HRL P[ HZ YLHK [OH[ [OPZ WYVTPZL ILJVTLZ KLLWS` ZPNUPÄJHU[ The  romance  is  fun,  light  and  endearing,  but  there  is  tragedy  and  pain  too,  which  is  dealt  with  sincerely.  I  felt  totally  immersed  in  the  situation. Leo  is  every  woman’s  hero,  as  he  single-mindedly  pursues  his  ]V^ V]LYJVTPUN VIZ[HJSLZ [OH[ OL UL]LY RUL^ L_PZ[LK ;OL TV]PL PZ SVVZLS` IHZLK VU H [Y\L Z[VY` HUK THKL TL [OPUR HIV\[ the  marriage  vow,  and  just  how  serious  it  actually  is.’

24    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7

%22.  Life  without  Limits:  Inspiration  for  a    Ridiculously  Good  Life  I` 5PJR =\QPJPJ

9L]PL^LK I` 9VY` :OLH ÄUHUJPHS WSHUULY ,KNLTLHK :KHUH WR JHW LW 2HYTHS )VVRZ )LYN]SPL[ *<4 )VVRZOVWZ ^^^ J\T JV aH &RVW from  R109,95

a

\Z[YHSPHU 5PJR =\QPJPJ ^HZ IVYU ^P[OV\[ HYTZ VY SLNZ and  was  considering  suicide  by  the  age  of  eight.  Yet  OL OHZ ^YP[[LU H KLLWS` LUJV\YHNPUN IVVR /PZ JLU[YHS TLZZHNL PZ [OH[ P[»Z LZZLU[PHS MVY \Z HSS [V ÄUK V\Y W\YWVZL PU SPML KLZWP[L [OL KPMÄJ\S[PLZ [OH[ Z[HUK PU V\Y ^H` 5PJR ^OV»Z now  30,  learnt  to  type  with  his  toes,  comb  his  hair,  answer  the  phone  and  shave,  and  ended  up  being  elected  captain  of  his  school.  He  surfs,  plays  tennis,  got  married  last  year  and  is  hoping  to  become  a  father  in  the  future!  Using  his  own  experience  in  overcoming  challenges,  he  suggests  practical  ^H`Z VM ÄUKPUN OVWL HUK YLHSPZPUN H M\SÄSSLK SPML ( ML^ `LHYZ HNV 0 ^HZ WYP]PSLNLK [V TLL[ 5PJR ^OLU OL visited  South  Africa  and  motivated  many  of  the  inmates  and  ^HYKLYZ VM 7VSSZTVVY 7YPZVU /PZ ÄYZ[ ^VYKZ [V TL ^LYL! ‘Give  me  a  big  hug!’  It  is  greatly  motivating  to  realise  that  I  too  can  live  a  life  without  limits  if  I  accept  what  I  can’t  control,  and  focus  on  what  I  can.’

lovelife

7Hot

7LSV IRU Husbands

HRH ;PWZ MVY Hot  Husbands…)

t

Husbands  would  do  well  to  ignore  their  wives’  emotional  meltdowns

here’s  many  a  wife Â

sorely  tempted  at  times  to  buy  her  husband  the  IVVR ‘Women  are  from  Venus,  and  Men  are  Wrong’.  For  while  marriage  is  a  thing  of  luminous  beauty,  men  can  get  a  little  lost  navigating  its  obscurer  pathways.  In  an  attempt  to  help  confused  husbands,  Helga  ]HU 5PLRLYR TVYUPUN OVZ[ of  Cape  Town-based  radio  station  &&)P,  surveyed  a  number  of  women  around  her  for  their  [VW [PWZ MVY THRPUN ^P]LZ happy.  Here,  she  presents  a  selection  of  the  responses  ZOL NV[¯

AFFIRM!  (SS ^VTLU ULLK [V IL HɉYTLK IL told  they  are  beautiful,  clever,  talented,  helpful.  ;LSS OLY ZOL»Z ^VUKLYM\S [OL ILZ[ [OPUN [OH[ OHWWLULK [V `V\ ;LSS `V\Y JOPSKYLU [OLPY TV[OLY PZ H Z[HY (ɉYTH[PVU L]LY` KH` VUJL H[ SLHZ[ ZL]LYHS [PTLZ PZ IL[[LY ;OPUR ZOL KVLZU»[ ULLK it  when  she  gets  to  70  or  80?  Rubbish  -  she  does!  Women  also  need  to  be  thanked.  Whether  she’s  cooked  supper,  done  the  housework  or  gone  out  to  work  all  day,  start  saying  thank  you,  and  say  it  often!  IGNORE  THE  MELTDOWNS!  ;OPZ PZ H

HUGE VUL 4HU` ^VTLU HYL LTV[PVUHS HUK OVYTVUHS ;OL` ULLK [OLPY O\ZIHUKZ» \UJVUKPtional  acceptance  and  support  when  they  have  H TLS[KV^U ZLLTPUNS` MVY UV YLHZVU .\`Z `V\ TH` UV[ \UKLYZ[HUK H Ã…VVK VM [LHYZ HU \UYLHZVUHISL V\[I\YZ[ VY H ZUHWW` YL[VY[ Q\Z[ NP]L them  some  understanding  and  acceptance.  â€˜It’s  going  to  be  all  right,’  is  often  all  they  need  [V OLHY ,TV[PVUHS Z\WWVY[ PZ LZZLU[PHS MVY H ^PML to  feel  happy.

LISTEN! 6O T` ^VYK 0 OHK H U\TILY VM women  saying  they  wanted  their  husband’s  attention!  And  this  means  full  attention  when  KPZJ\ZZPUN ZVTL[OPUN ;OL` KVU»[ ^HU[ [V IL JVTWL[PUN ^P[O ;= JLSS WOVULZ VY JVTW\[LYZ ;OL` ^HU[ O\ZIHUKZ [V Z[VW ^OH[ [OL`»YL KVPUN to  listen  to  what  their  wives  are  saying.  Wives  want  to  be  heard.  Women  like  to  talk!  TALK!  @V\Y ^PML HSZV ^HU[Z [V RUV^ ^OH[

you  think.  Speak  to  her  about  what’s  going  on Â

/,3.( )06

in  your  life.  She  wants  to  know.  Communicate  with  her  about  work,  golf,  family  and  how  you  are  feeling.

HELP! Â +P]PZPVU VM SHIV\Y PZ HS^H`Z NVPUN [V

be  an  issue  in  the  home  that  needs  negotiation.  Women  need  help  to  meet  both  their  physical  HUK LTV[PVUHS ULLKZ ;OL ILZ[ RPUK VM OLSW PZ [OH[ ^OPJO PZ VɈLYLK >P]LZ KVU»[ SPRL JVU[PU\ally  asking  to  have  something  done  until  you  actually  do  it.  Look  for  what  needs  doing,  and  KV P[ 0[»SS THRL HSS [OL KPɈLYLUJL [V `V\Y marriage.

THINK! Â 4HU` ^VTLU SV]L Z\YWYPZLZ HUK

when  a  husband  surprises  his  wife,  she  knows  she  has  been  thought  about  during  the  day.  An  unexpected  gift  at  an  unexpected  time  goes  a  long  way  to  keeping  a  wife  happy.  A  phone  call  PU [OL TPKKSL VM [OL KH` 4HRPUN H J\W VM [LH HZRPUN PM `V\ JHU OLSW [OLT ^P[O HU`[OPUN! `V\»SS OH]L H OHWW` ^PML +VU»[ L]LY MVYNL[ IPY[OKH`Z =HSLU[PUL»Z +H` 4V[OLY»Z +H` HUK 6- *6<9:, `V\Y HUUP]LYZHY` 4HRL H M\ZZ >VTLU SV]L P[

HAVE  INTEGRITY!  Wives  admire  a  hus-

IHUK ^P[O OPNO PU[LNYP[` ;OPZ PUJS\KLZ H]VPKing  even  the  appearance  of  bad  things.  So  don’t  turn  to  a  woman  who’s  not  your  wife  for  anything  that  may  even  look  as  if  you’re  doing  [OPUNZ [VNL[OLY LN! H TLHS NHTL VM ZX\HZO QVN KPZJ\ZZPVU HIV\[ `V\Y ^PML I\ZPULZZ KLHS ;OL ^VTLU 0 ZWVRL [V ^HU[ [OLPY O\ZIHUKZ [V MVSSV^ .VK»Z KLZPNU MVY THYYPHNL HUK THU` also  want  them  to  follow  Jesus  for  help  and  direction.’

Next  time:  HOT  TIPS  FOR  WIVES.  Whether  you’re  a  husband  or  a  wife,  we  want  yours,  too!  Send  them  to  thislifemag@gmail.com.  Best  tip  wins  the  DVD  â€˜The  Vow’,  donated  by  Nu  Metro  (www.numetro.co.za)

([ [OL HNL VM ZP_ /LSNH ]HU 5PLRLYR ^HU[LK [V IL HU HPY OVZ[LZZ 0UZ[LHK ZOL ILJHTL H U\YZPUN ZPZ[LY ( ML^ `LHYZ SH[LY [OPZ YLZV\YJLM\S APTIHI^LHU MV\UK OLYZLSM ZLSSPUN HK]LY[PZPUN MVY *HWL ;V^U IHZLK YHKPV Z[H[PVU **-T ^OLYL ZOL ^HZ HZRLK VUL KH` [V WYLZLU[ H ZOVY[ OLHS[O WYVNYHTTL :OL»Z UV^ HU HUJOVY WYLZLU[LY WYLZLU[PUN [OL 9PZL HUK :OPUL :OV^ VU ^LLRKH`Z MYVT [V HT /LSNH PZ THYYPLK [V 4PRL H SHUK Z\Y]L`VY [OL` OH]L [^V NYV^U JOPSKYLU HUK ZOL»Z H WYVSPÄJ ISVNNLY ^OVZL SPML `V\ JHU MVSSV^ H[ ^^^ OLSNH]HU JVT Best  thing  about  her  marriage?  â€˜Having  a  best  friend  to  do  this  life  with,  and  being  accepted  for  what  I  am.  Of  course  it’s  also  great  to  OH]L H JYLKP[ JHYK SPURLK [V 4PRL»Z IHUR HJJV\U[ >OLU P[ NV[ Z[VSLU OL KPKU»[ YLWVY[ P[ ILJH\ZL [OL [OPLM ^HZ ZWLUKPUN SLZZ [OHU TL 1VRL »

thislife.org.za    |    issue  7    25

parentlife

Parents vs

Teens testing you? Learning to listen to them could be the key to mutual happiness

TEENS making it all better

SO,

you’re scared of your teenager. In fact, `V\»YL [OPURPUN VM Y\UUPUN H^H` [V H]VPK [OLPY exhausting emotional rollercoasters. Everything has changed since you strutted your teenage stuff in ÅHYLZ HUK ZHUN PUUVJLU[S` HSVUN [V (IIH HUK `V\ and your fHJLIVVR HKKPJ[LK [LLU KVU»[ ZLLT [V OH]L a single thing in common. Or perhaps family life is WYL[[` YVZ` UV^ I\[ `V\»K SPRL [V IHUR H ML^ [HJ[PJZ PU JHZL `V\Y J\[L RPK TVYWOZ V]LYUPNO[ PU[V /\YYPJHUL :HUK`¯ If any of this sounds like you, a parenting course run regularly in Kenilworth could be just what you’re looking for. Parenting Teenagers has inspired a variety of South African parents seeking to improve their parenting skills and get the best out of their relationship with their teens. Here, two Capetonians tell how the course helped them

26 thislife.org.za | issue 7

parentlife

WIN!

)YLHR MH  Z at  Frien [ VY S\UJO MVY [^ ds  CafÊ V ,  (w w w.f riendsc Claremont  afe.co.z a)

:PTWS` : 4: for  your  90,5+: [V c ha Compe nce  to  win tition  en ds  13  Marc h  2013

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revor  and  I  attended  the  course  when  our  JOPSKYLU ^LYL HUK >L ^HU[LK [V LX\PW ourselves  with  the  skills  necessary  for  raising  teenagers.  We  knew  we’d  need  them  to  cope  with  the  physical  and  emotional  changes  our  children  were  going  through.  >L SV]LK [OL JV\YZL HZ P[ ^HZ ^LSS YV\UKLK )HZLK on  biblical  values  and  featuring  both  live  speakers  HUK +=+Z P[ JV]LYLK H OVZ[ VM [VWPJZ MYVT OVYTVUHS changes  and  modern  pressures  to  helping  your  teen  NYV^ PU[V H YLZWVUZPISL HK\S[ >L OHK H J\W VM JVɈLL or  tea  when  we  arrived,  listened  to  a  talk,  watched  a  +=+ HUK IYVRL \W PU[V ZTHSS NYV\WZ [V KPZJ\ZZ ^OH[ ^L OHK Q\Z[ OLHYK 4LL[PUN WHYLU[Z NVPUN [OYV\NO similar  challenges  was  an  added  bonus  â€“  there’s  something  very  therapeutic  about  knowing  your  situation  isn’t  unique! ;OPZ NLULYH[PVU VM JOPSKYLU PZ L_WVZLK [V JOHSSLUNing  issues  such  as  drugs,  alcohol  and  other  vices, Â

i

QVPULK [OL JV\YZL ^OLU T` JOPSKYLU ^LYL HUK ZL]LU ILJH\ZL 0 MLS[ 0 ULLKLK [V I\PSK up  my  parenting  skills  now  that  I  had  a  teenHNLY PU [OL OV\ZL 4` KH\NO[LY OHK OP[ [LLUagehood  with  minimum  fuss  and  was  sailing  along  happily,  but  I  wanted  to  learn  how  to  negotiate  this  new  arena  as  the  dynamics  of  our  relationship  changed.  6UL VM [OL [OPUNZ 0 SPRLK HIV\[ [OL JV\YZL ^HZ [OH[ P[ VɈLYLK PUZWPYH[PVU VU OV^ [V KLHS ^P[O ]HYPV\Z ZP[\H[PVUZ HUK NH]L TL JVUĂ„KLUJL [OH[ 0 ^HZUÂť[ ILPUN [VV SLUPLU[ VY [VV Z[YPJ[ -VY PUZ[HUJL ^L ULLKLK to  learn  how  to  negotiate  a  choice  of  movies,  or  ^LLRLUK WHY[` J\YML^Z ;OL JV\YZL OLSWLK [V LX\PW TL [V IL H IL[[LY ÂşVUS` WHYLU[Âť ZPUJL [OL SVZZ VM T` husband  in  2008.  Its  appeal  was  that  it  emphasised  wholesome  family  values  while  still  acknowledging  KPɈLYLU[ WHYLU[PUN Z[`SLZ All  the  facilitators  were  experienced  parents  who  ^LYL M\Y[OLY HSVUN [OL WHYLU[PUN QV\YUL` ;OL` shared  from  personal  experience  and  their  insights  ^LYL ]LY` OLSWM\S ;OL MHJ[ [OH[ L]LY`VUL \UKLY[VVR JVUĂ„KLU[PHSP[` K\YPUN [OL ZTHSS NYV\W ZLZZPVUZ

Parenting  Teens  is  run  intermittently  I` *OYPZ[ *O\YJO 2LUPS^VY[O ^^^ JOYPZ[ JO\YJO VYN aH WHO’S  IT  FOR?  Any  parent  of  a  teenHNLY VY WYL [LLU `LHYZ VSK MYVT HU` WHY[ VM *HWL ;V^U ^OV ^V\SK SPRL [V Z[YLUN[OLU their  relationship  with  their  teen.  No  need  to  be  a  church  member!

and  parents  often  don’t  know  how  to  help  them  navigate  life  and  still  come  out  on  top.  We  wanted  [V THRL Z\YL V\YZ OHK [OL [VVSZ [OL`ÂťK ULLK ;OL course  taught  us  the  importance  of  providing  our  teens  with  a  loving  space  where  they  would  feel  safe  HUK HJJLW[LK ;OPZ IVVZ[LK [OLPY JVUĂ„KLUJL SL]LSZ because  they  knew  we  loved  them,  no  matter  how  they  behaved.  Â

empathy We’d  always  believed  children  had  to  listen  to  their  parents,  but  never  realised  we  needed  to  listen  to  them,  too.  We  began  to  allow  them  to  interact  with  us  and  voice  their  opinions  more.  Learning  to  listen  and  express  empathy  for  your  teenagers’  feelings  PZ [OL IHZPZ VM NVVK JVTT\UPJH[PVU ;OHURZ [V [OL JV\YZL V\Y YLSH[PVUZOPW ^P[O V\Y JOPSKYLU KLĂ„UP[LS` improved.’ Â

>VUP[H 7L[LYZLU ZJPLU[PĂ„J YLZLHYJO VɉJLY HUK OLY O\ZIHUK ;YL]VY I\PSKPUN WYVQLJ[ THUHNLY VM 4LHKV^YPKNL ZPNULK \W for  the  course  in  2008

created  an  atmosphere  where  one  could  talk  JHUKPKS` HIV\[ VULÂťZ WHYLU[PUN JOHSSLUNLZ ;OL Âş[HRL OVTL X\LZ[PVUÂť OLSWLK TL [OPUR HIV\[ ^OH[ I  was  learning,  and  gave  me  the  opportunity  to  put  [OL SLZZVUZ PU[V WYHJ[PJL 4` KH\NO[LY HWWYLJPH[LK [OL ÂşOVTL^VYRÂť 0 ^HZ NL[[PUN ILJH\ZL P[ NH]L OLY reassurance  that  I  was  taking  the  changing  relationship  seriously. Â

freedom ;OL OHYK WHY[ HZ H WHYLU[ ^HZ SLHYUPUN [V HSSV^ one’s  teenagers  more  freedom,  and  the  space  to  take  responsibility  for  their  own  decisions. ;OL JV\YZL NH]L TL PUZWPYH[PVU PUZPNO[ HUK LUcouragement.  A  parent  can  easily  get  distracted  by  HSS [OL ÂşUVPZLÂť MYVT H I\Z` OV\ZLOVSK HUK MVYNL[ [V focus  on  the  long-term  goal  of  helping  teenagers  NYV^ PU[V ^LSS HKQ\Z[LK YLZWVUZPISL HUK JVUĂ„KLU[ young  adults  able  to  make  their  way  in  the  world.  It  reminded  me  of  the  importance  of  a  consistent,  loving  home  environment,  good  values  and  healthy  relationships  in  achieving  this  goal.’

WHY  DO  IT? Âş0[ÂťZ H NYLH[ VWWVY[\UP[` [V stop  and  think  about  some  of  the  challenges  that  we  face  as  parents,’  says  co-ordinator  /PSHY` 2LYY Âş@V\ SLHYU [V I\PSK OLHS[O` relationships  with  your  teenager,  as  well  as  having  time  to  work  through  tricky  issues.  It’s  also  good  to  know  you’re  not  alone  in  your  parental  challenges!’

/tSuUL ]HU KLY 4LY^L )HURZ HYJOP[LJ[ VM 4V^IYH` H[[LUKLK [OL JV\YZL PU

THE  NEXT  COURSE  will  be  held  K\YPUN [OL UK [LYT Z[HY[PUN [O 4H` ;PTL! œ WT *VZ[! 9 WLY WLYZVU VY 9 WLY JV\WSL HZZPZ[HUJL H]HPSHISL PM JVZ[ PZ HU PZZ\L -VY TVYL PUMV JVU[HJ[ /PSHY` 2LYY VU ;V IVVR JVU[HJ[ :\L 7LUaOVYU VU Z\L'JJR VYN aH VY thislife.org.za    |    issue  7     27

infomoment

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Looking  for  something  new?  Maybe  there’s  something  here  for  you…

parenting Â

BABIES $1' 72''/(56  Share  the  experience  of  motherhood  at  Moms  Connect  baby  and  toddler  group,  with  good  coffee  and  new  friends  in  a  supportive  environment.  :KHUH"  Christ  Church,  Richmond  Road,  Kenilworth.  ;O\YZKH`Z K\YPUN ZJOVVS [LYT! [V 11.30am.  Babies  &  toddlers  obviously  ^LSJVTL [VV *VU[HJ[! 1PSS 4H[OL^ VY Z\L'JJR VYN aH 7((1$*(56  Join  other  parents  to  THRL [OL TVZ[ VM WHYLU[PUN [LLU agers  at  Parenting  Teens,  a  term-long  course  (see  our  feature  on  this  course  VU W VM [OPZ THNHaPUL >OLYL& *OYPZ[ Church,  Richmond  Road,  Kenilworth.  Contact  Sue  Penzhorn  on  021  797  6332  VY Z\L'JJR VYN aH MVY TVYL KL[HPSZ

marriage

0$55,$*( 35(3$5$7,21 ( ^LLRS` course  open  to  all  couples,  church  members  or  not!  Run  three  times  a  year  by  Christ  Church,  Kenilworth.  :KHUH"  Christ  Church,  Richmond  Road,  Kenilworth.  Contact  Sue  Penzhorn  on  VY Z\L'JJR VYN aH MVY more  details ALREADY MARRIED -HUJ` H ^LLRS` date  with  your  spouse?  Just  the  two  VM `V\ ¶ [V [HSR [VNL[OLY IL ZLY]LK H delicious  meal  and  have  some  input  to  encourage  and  challenge  you  in  your  relationship!  Recommended  for  ALL  marriages,  blooming  or  a  little  parched.  No  need  to  belong  to  any  church.  :KHUH"  Christ  Church,  Richmond  Road,  Kenilworth.  Contact  Sue  Penzhorn  on  021  797  6332  or  Z\L'JJR VYN aH MVY TVYL KL[HPSZ

28    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7    Â

personal

:$17 025( &/$5,7<  on  where  your  responsibilities  lie  â€“  and  where  [OL` KVU»[& 3VVRPUN [V SP]L TVYL SPNO[S` without  comparing  yourself  to  others?  The  Boundaries  Course  has  been  run  for  10  years,  with  great  results.  :KHUH"  Christ  Church,  Richmond  Road,  Kenilworth.  Contact  Sue  Penzhorn  on  VY Z\L'JJR VYN aH MVY more  details *5,()6+$5(,  a  recovery  support  group  which  offers  help  and  healing  for  the  hurt  of  losing  someone  you  love,  is  run  by  Meadowridge  Baptist  Church.  *HSS :\L VU [V ÄUK V\[ when  the  next  group  is  starting  up St  John’s  Parish,  Wynberg,  runs  a  ZPTPSHY NYV\W *HSS VY JVU[HJ[ 2SH\Z HUK )HYIHYH /HOULILJR VU RSH\ZO'NSVIHS JV aH

teen  youth  groups Â

$PEies  at  Christ  Church,  Kenilworth,  JHSS 1HYLK! 0HDGRZULGJH %DSWLVW &KXUFK <RXWK,  JHSS :\L! $PSOLI\ ' *SHYLTVU[ 4L[OVKPZ[ *O\YJO JHSS +H]L! <RXWK # &KXUFK RI WKH +RO\ 6SLULW,  2PYZ[LUOVM JHSS (UKYL^! H4K ' ,TTHU\LS *O\YJO >`UILYN JHSS 5PJR`! * &XEHG  and  6XQGD\ 1LWH /LYH  ' :[ 1VOU»Z *O\YJO >`UILYN UL_[ [V :WYPUNÄLSK *VU]LU[ JHSS 2LLNHU VU VY .HY[O VU 073  725  697

divorce

),@65+ +0=69*, PZ H ZLYPLZ VM ^VYRshops  aimed  at  anyone  who  has experienced  the  devastation  of  separation  or  divorce.  :KHUH"  Christ  Church,  Richmond  Road,  Kenilworth.  Contact  Sue  Penzhorn  on  021  797  6332  or  Z\L'JJR VYN aH MVY TVYL KL[HPSZ

helping  others

HABITAT -69 /<4(50;@! OLSW I\PSK H OV\ZL MVY [OVZL ^P[OV\[ VUL *SPJR VU www.habitat.org.za *(9, ;6 /,37 -,,+ /<5.9@ SCHOOLCHILDREN? Â *VU[HJ[! JSHPYL'aL]KL]JV JV aH

spirituality

ALPHA  is  a  fun,  non-threatening  course  that  examines  the  claims  of  Christianity,  aimed  particularly  at  anyone  who  KVLZU»[ H[[LUK JO\YJO VY ^OV ZLLRZ [V ºIY\ZO \W» [OLPY ZWPYP[\HSP[` *SPJR VU www.alpha.co.za  for  courses  round  the  country.  Alternatively,  contact  the  following  churches  for  details  of  their  UL_[ JV\YZL! *OYPZ[ *O\YJO 2LUPS^VY[O *O\YJO VM [OL /VS` :WPYP[ 2PYZ[LUOVM Emmanuel  Church,  Wynberg  :[ 1VOU»Z *O\YJO >`UILYN :[ 7OPSPW»Z *O\YJO 2LU^`U :[ 3\RL»Z *O\YJO +PLW 9P]LY 4LHKV^YPKNL )HW[PZ[ *O\YJO 6((.,1* $ &+85&+ 7+$7 68,76 YOU? .P]L :[ 1VOU»Z 7HYPZO H NV 0[»Z a  lively  group  of  six  Anglican  churches  PU [OL ZV\[OLYU Z\I\YIZ 0M `V\»K SPRL [V ÄUK V\[ TVYL JHSS HUK HZR MVY (SPZVU VY *OHYSV[[L

$5( <28 :21'(5,1* $%287 -(686 7+( -(:,6+ 0(66,$+" For  200  years  the  Church’s  Ministry  HTVUN [OL 1L^PZO 7LVWSL *41 OHZ been  investing  in  the  spiritual  rebirth  of  the  Jewish  People  and  presenting  Jesus  the  Jew  to  Christians.  To  Ã„UK V\[ HIV\[ V\Y JVUMLYLUJLZ YHKPV WYVNYHTTLZ HUK ;VYHO :[\K` .YV\WZ go  to  w ww.cmj-sa.org,  or  contact  John  ([RPUZVU! QVOU'JTQ ZH VYN VY ,KP[O :OLY! LKP[O'JTQ ZH VYN

prayer Â

PRAYER CLINIC  Anyone  with  physical,  emotional  or  spiritual  needs  is  welcome  to  be  prayed  for  by  experienced  prayer  counsellors  from  local  Cape  Town  churches.  Patients  are  usually  referred  by  doctors,  but  you  can  self-refer  by  JHSSPUN YLJLW[PVU H[ There  is  no  charge.  Thursdays  from  4  to  5.30pm  at  Medicross,  67  Rosmead  (]LU\L 2LUPS^VY[O UV[ W\ISPJ OVSPKH`Z +285 35$<(5 /,1(  Call  Radio  CCFm’s  Prayer  Friend  Line  at  any  hour  of  the  day  or  night.  It’s  manned  by  people  used  to  dealing  with  a  wide  ]HYPL[` VM ZP[\H[PVUZ *HSS VY ÄSS V\[ H WYH`LY YLX\LZ[ VUSPUL /81&+7,0( 35$<(56  are  held  at Claremont  Methodist  Church,  Thursdays  at  1pm,  for  anyone  who  ^VYRZ PU [OL HYLH *HSS

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thislife.org.za | issue 7 29

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:DQW WR DGYHUWLVH \RXU EXVLQHVV FDUG LQ RXU QH[W LVVXH" Mail  us  on  sales.thislifemag@gmail.com VY JHSS 9LILJJH VU VY ;VU`H VU 30    thislife.org.za    |    issue  7   Â

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Maybe we’re biased, but we assume that if our advertisers choose our mag, they must be good. However, if you don’t receive total satisfaction, WSLHZL SL[ [OL HK]LY[PZLY RUV^ HUK ZLLR HU` YLJV\YZL MYVT [OLT ,]LU [OV\NO [OLYL PZ SP[[SL ^L JHU KV HIV\[ `V\Y WHY[PJ\SHY NYPL]HUJL WSLHZL KV SL[ \Z RUV^ VM `V\Y JVTWSHPU[ [VV ¶ MVY V\Y M\[\YL YLMLYLUJL thislife.org.za | issue 7 31

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7

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