Issue 711

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Issue 711 - April 4, 2011

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SCOOTING AROUND

by Patricia L. Cook

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303-805-4333

Is Your Daughter’s Diamond Bigger Than Yours?

Now that the weather is warming, and spring is officially here, you probably have noticed more twowheeled vehicles on the streets. Let’s explore the popular rides called “scooters.” Most of them don’t go very fast, but they sure go a long way on one tank of gas!

• The first powered two-wheeled vehicles that were the predecessors to motor scooters and motorcycles were patented in Munich, Germany, in 1894. Hildebrand & Wolfmueller used a twin cylinder water-cooled engine and a step-through frame.

• Some of the first scooters in North America were made by Cushman in Nebraska. They were used by the Army, Navy and Air Force in World War II and included an airborne model made to be dropped by parachute. Cushman manufactured motor scooters from 1936 until 1965.

•

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Another scooter introduced in 1936 was the Salisbury Motor Glide. Built in Pomona, California, it was fully equipped with a horn, lights and collapsible handlebars. The 1938 models had the first automatic transmissions. From 19471950, Salisbury sold the very popular model 85 Super Scooter, believed to be the world’s first maxi scooter. The sleek model could reach 50 miles per hour (80.5 kph) and is a sought after collectible today. turn the page for more!

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SCOOTING AROUND (continued): • During and shortly after World War II, the Cushman Scooter Company was the main manufacturer of scooters, and they were producing about 300 scooters a day. In the post-war world, scooters were very popular because they were economical. Japan, France and Italy started making their own models.

• The U.S. Department of Transportation definition for a scooter is a motorcycle that has “a platform for the operator’s feet or has integrated footrests,” and has a “step-through architecture.”

•

Scooter owners and admirers sometimes refer to scooters as “putt-putts!” In countries where cars and gas are very expensive and in cities where parking is a problem, scooters are all over the place.

• Problems with scooters in the early years discouraged some buyers: They had loud two-stroke engines, they were known to have parts fall off, and they didn’t last very long. In spite of these problems, the companies did a good job selling them with advertising that made them look like must-haves for “cool” people. Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck fell in love while riding a Vespa in the movie “Roman Holiday.” Scooters were romanticized as much as horse-drawn carriages.

• Vespa is the brand name for scooters built by the Piaggio Company in Italy whose production started in 1946. They produced 2,484 Vespas in their first year; the second year production jumped to 10,535, and almost 50 years later, in 1994, Piaggio built over 10 million of the fun machines. So, where did they get the name? Vespas make a buzzing sound like a wasp — the Italian word for wasp is “vespa.” Many people tend to call all scooters Vespas.

• The Piaggio Company was one of several former military aircraft companies that started producing scooters after World War II. Its Vespa was ahead of its time with many new features. It had easy-to-change tires, a hidden engine that cut down on noise and messiness, and its parts were better protected from the elements. These machines were seen as more durable and desirable. By 1960, Vespas were being manufactured in Germany, Great Britain, Belgium, France, Spain and still in Italy as well.

• Another early scooter in Europe that came about after the Vespa was the Lambretta. It was built by plumber Ferdinando Innocenti Continued on page 7

Tidbits of Douglas County Colorado Ads R Us, LLC Tim Mundy, Publisher P.O. Box 4423 Parker, CO 80134

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Dr. James Olson - The Meow Doc Feline Quotes and Sayings: “Old Age is Not a Disease?” – Dr. Richards

Age Related Signs that Your Cat Needs Medical Attention Senior cats may show subtle signs of age and those signs need to be addressed. Aging in humans and cats affects teeth & gums, mobility, pain/soreness, sleep habits, eating & drinking habits, attention to details such as grooming, and social interactions.

The following list of questions may give clues to Arthritis and/or Cognitive Dysfunction:

My Senior Cat . . .

1. shows signs of disorientation, is forgetful and confused 2. is recently reclusive, is less active and sleeps more 3. cries out loudly for no apparent reason 4. has recent increased vocalization and increased activity 5. has become more fearful and/or more aggressive 6. plays less and is disinterested in people and animals in her environment 7. is less interactive with her ‘special’ people and is less affectionate 8. spends less time grooming or stops altogether 9. has litterbox accidents for no apparent reason 10. eats less & drinks more, eats more & is losing weight, or is gaining weight 11. has difficulty climbing stairs 12. has difficulty going in and out the cat door 13. shows lameness or limping 14. is less agile and loses her balance easily 15. is less willing to jump up or down and/or has stopped jumping altogether 16. appears stiff and sore, and cries in pain Observation is the key to defining problems early before they become serious. Most age related problems can be helped. Make an appointment with your veterinarian to have a physical exam, routine lab testing and to talk over what has changed with your cat. Early diagnosis and treatment is the best hope to bring your cat back to normal!

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Mosquitoes Bring Heartworm Season –

Prevention is Key! Cats and dogs can be infected with heartworm disease by the bite from a carrier mosquito. The coyote has become the ‘natural’ reservoir for the disease. Dogs are the primary host for the disease, but cats and other animals can become infected, and the consequences are serious. Indoor cats are just as susceptible as outdoor cats!

The good news is that this disease can be prevented. There is no effective treatment once your cat is infected, so prevention is the key.

A safe, monthly topical medication is the best way to protect your cat(s). If you have questions please call our hospital.

Dr. James Olson, Dipl ABVP (Feline) Dr. Jennifer Olson 612 Atchison Way • Castle Rock CO 80109

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4. Who was the last Kansas State men’s basketball player before Denis Clemente to have at least 1,000 points in a two-year career?

5. Name the last American taken in the top five picks of an NHL Draft.

6. How many races did Kyle Busch win in the three main NASCAR series in 2010?

7. When was the first time no American male tennis players were in the ATP’s top-10 ranking?

Answers 1. Oklahoma State’s Robin Ventura hit in 58 consecutive games in 1987. 2. Montreal’s Dennis Martinez (1991) and Arizona’s Randy Johnson (2004). 3. It was the 1993 season (Buffalo and Dallas). 4.

Mitch Richmond (1986-88). 5. Zach Bogosian was the third overall pick by Atlanta in 2008. 6. He won 24 races (three in Sprint Cup, 13 in the Nationwide Series and eight in the Camping World Truck Series).

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1. What is the island in the Mediterranean located off the tip of the Italian peninsula?

2. Name the metallic chemical element that goes by the symbol Ag and is used in coinage.

3. They called him “The Voice”, “Ol’ Blue Eyes”, and the leader of “The Rat Pack.”

4. What do you call the hard supporting parts of an organism composed mainly of bone and cartilage?

5. What do you call the controlled aerial acrobatics performed during a fee-fall flight by a parachutist?

6. What actor was recently convicted and sentenced to three years in jail for evading taxes on $32 million of earnings?

7. What is the common word for elongated reptiles with loosely constructed skulls and jaws, flexible backbones, and hundreds of ribs, but without legs, moveable eyelids, or external ear openings?

8. What is the slang name for the serialized TV love stories many women are hooked on watching every afternoon?

9. What do you call the scientific study of the interaction among people and of the effects of this interaction on human behavior?

10. Two cities are mentioned in the Bible for their depravity.

One of the cities was named Gomorrah, what was the name of the other city?

11. What is the astronomical term that refers to the sun and the family of bodies revolving around it?

12. You can probably find this card game on your computer because you play it all by yourself.

13. Name the east African country whose capital is Mogadishu.

14. What do you call the sound device that transmits sound waves that may be reflected from underwater objects?

15. What do you call an organization of women students at a university or college, usually designated by Greek letters?

16. John Philip _____________(1854-1932), American bandmaster and composer, was famous for writing many marches including The Stars and Strips Forever.

17. The Mount Rushmore National Memorial is found in what state?

18. What is the name of the longest serving manned spacecraft in the world, originally conceived in the 1960s for the Soviet effort to explore the moon?

19. Nancy Pelosi was the first woman to become the ______________ of the House of Representatives.

20. What was Princess Diana’s maiden name?

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For Advertising Tidbits® of Douglas County Call Tim (303)994-9683 Harris Home Health 5 A Mobile Veterinarian’s Philosophy Upon starting our relationship with Tidbits and being

offered this space to communicate with our current and future clients it became clear that a further introduction was required. We started A Mobile Veterinarian as, we hope, an innovative way to see pets without the stress of a clinic setting. To accomplish this we don’t have an RV or a van, we see our clients in their own homes. The reason for this is so we are able to see pets in his/her own environment; this makes it easier to evaluate the pet.

Dr. Steve can’t count the number of times a pet is presented for lameness but upon seeing the pet in the clinic the lameness has magically disappeared do to stress, only to resurface upon getting home. In addition, we offer surgeries and dentals in our clients’ homes. The philosophy behind this is we want our clients to be as involved as they want to be as well as educated.

Our clients are all over the board as far as involvement. We have had some people want to help during a procedure and others go off into another room and just check in every once in a while. We love it this way because if a situation arises and we need the Mrs. Michelle Kelly, Vice Presiowner’s input we don’t dent-Operations have to worry about trying to get you on the phone and describing what is occurring. Our clients love the fact that they know everything that is happening to their pet and their pet is able to recover at home, not in a noisy veterinary kennel. The pet will have Dr. Steve and Morgan’s full attention during the whole procedure and during recovery.

All of our equipment is human quality and we have one of the best monitoring systems available. Some of our clients, who are nurses, have commented that our equipment is better than what they have in their units.

Because we offer this in our client’s home we realize it is not for everyone. All of this is in an attempt to bring the highest standards to veterinary medicine while keeping cost down.

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The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being..

She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?'

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze..

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends.

Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and ex-

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Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium.. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.'

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do.

The only people who fear death are those with regrets..'

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give..

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

'Good friends are like stars...... ....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.'

6

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Scott McQueen Emeralds, aquamarines, and the charming pink of morganite have left gemstone-lovers spellbound for years. They are famous for their variety of color, sparkling brilliance, and suitability for jewelry. What many don’t realize is that they belong to a single family - they are all beryls. The rare red beryl, the golden beryl, the yellowish-green heliodor, the pink, or the colorless goshenite beryl are all different but have similar chemical and physical properties, making them related.

Beryl is found in the gemstone deposits of South America and those of Central and West Africa. However, they also occur on Madagascar, in Russia and the Ukraine, and in Goshen, Massachusetts where goshenite berly is mined.

The skilled hands of gemstone cutters turn them into a multitude of many-faceted shapes.

In particular, beryls are well suited to rectangular or square step cuts, since it takes a clear design to bring out to the full the transparent beauty of this colorful gemstone family.

Scott McQueen is the owner of Pinetree Jewelers, Parker’s oldest jewelry store established in 1976. It is located at 11028 S. Pikes Peak Drive in Parker. For more information on gemstones or jewelry of any kind call 303.841.2666

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For Advertising Call Tim (303)994-9683 Tidbits Information Tidbits® of Douglas County 7 SCOOTING AROUND (continued): with its frame made out of pipes. He wanted to build a more affordable scooter. The name Lambretta came from the Lambro River, which was the site of the factory, near Milan, Italy.

•

The Rabbit and the Pigeon were two of the first scooters built in Japan, by Fuji and Mitsubishi, respectively. These filled a need for cheap transportation in the far-eastern market from the late 1940s to the 1960s.

• With Cushman and Vespa selling scooters in the United States at a very fast pace, Harley-Davidson, the only made-in-America motorcycle company in 1959, decided to manufacture some of the popular small machines. Their ads said, “Tops them all in beauty! Tops them all in performance!”

However, it’s estimated that only about 3,000 sold in the five years they were made. A nice 1960 model is on display at the Motorcycle Hall of Fame Museum in Pickerington, Ohio.

Artistic Iron designs and manufactures a wide range of custom steel and iron products. For more than three decades, Artistic Iron has provided unique solutions to enhance the appearance and security of homes and businesses throughout the Denver area.

• By the late 1960s and early 1970s, scooter popularity faded in America. People were more interested in sports cars and saw scooters as a last-resort ride.

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Crowded countries like India, Japan and Taiwan still had a need for cheap transportation and vehicles that didn’t take up a lot of parking space. Today, for example, the population in Taiwan exceeds 23 million.

There are more than 11 million registered motor scooters in that country alone, with Kymco motor scooters probably the most popular.

• A small company that came along with its first scooter in 1954 was Honda — not so small today. Honda’s scooter history in Japan has been progressing since then, but they didn’t enter the North American market until 1983. Honda has marketed numerous scooter models, from two-strokes to the more environmentally friendly four-stroke models.

• Honda’s most popular scooter in North America is called the Metropolitan in the United States and the Jazz in Canada. The same scooter model is known as the Crea and Scoopy overseas. Cool names for cool little scooters, wherever you ride!

• The last decade has been a good one for Hondas, Vespas and many other brands of scooters in the United States. Thanks to higher gas prices, scooter sales have been brisk. The best year yet for Honda’s small scooters was 2008. Every dealership in the United States sold out by the middle of the summer. In 2009, Honda ramped up production and ended up with too many, but those had sold too by 2010.

• You can’t haul children to soccer and baseball practice or drive the family on a crosscountry vacation, but commuting to work on a scooter may become the norm, even in prosperous North America in the coming years. Will we become more “scooter-driven” like Paris, Milan, Tokyo and Beijing in our new economy?

OVERCOMING THE ODDS: THEODOR SEUSS GEISEL Born in 1904 in Springfield, Massachusetts, Theodor Seuss Geisel credited his mother with his ability and desire to create rhymes. Better known as Dr. Seuss, he rhymed his way into hearts all over the world.

• The first account of Theodor (Ted) signing his

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303-791-6440 • 7241 W Titan Road, Littleton, CO www.ArtisticUSA.com writing as “Seuss” was while he was a student at Dartmouth College. He was editor-in-chief for the campus humor magazine, Jack-O-Lantern until the editor job was taken away because of a drinking party he and some friends held on campus. This was not only against school policy but against prohibition laws at the time. After losing his editor position, he continued to write for the magazine signing his articles as “Seuss.” Geisel was quite the mischievous character, which can be easily deduced by the nature of his books.

• Geisel attended Oxford University in England after graduating from Dartmouth, mainly to please his father who wanted him to become a college professor. Academics bored him so he decided to tour Europe instead of attending classes. While touring, he met Helen Palmer who became his first wife. She was a children’s author and editor and encouraged his creative genius.

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¥ It was French novelist, essayist and critic Marcel Proust who made the following sage observation: “There is nothing like desire for preventing the things one says from bearing any resemblance to what one has in one’s mind.”

¥ Between 70 percent and 80 percent of all the world’s fresh water is frozen, stored in Arctic and Antarctic glaciers.

¥ The city of Denver holds the distinction of being the first major metropolitan area to allow women to vote in elections, back in 1893. ¥ Connectivity may finally be going too far. Way too far. Beyond death, even. It seems that someone has now invented the solar-powered eTomb, a headstone that stores information from the deceased’s social networking sites. Visitors to the grave can use a laptop or a smartphone to download photos, blog posts and even videos via a Bluetooth connection. ¥ Famed screenwriter and director Woody Allen started his career in show business in the 1960s as a writer for the TV series “Candid Camera.” ¥ In a traditional Moroccan wedding, the bride must be purified in a milk bath and have her hands and feet painted with henna before the ceremony. ¥ A man named Stephen Burns holds a rather odd world record: He managed to hitchhike through all of the contiguous 48 states in less time than anyone else -- 26 days and 6 hours. ¥ You might be surprised to learn that the largest supplier of foreign oil to the United States isn’t Saudi Arabia, Libya, Iraq or Kuwait. In fact, we

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Free Woman’s Hormone Seminar "Stress Busters" for the Sandwich Generation You may be too busy to realize it, but April is Stress Awareness Month. Sponsored by the Health Resource Network, a nonprofit health education group, Stress Awareness Month is designed to Cindy Rose promote awareness about ways to reduce stress in our lives. And if you’re a member of the so-called “Sandwich Generation,” you may well have plenty of stress to deal with — especially financial stress. And that’s why you may want to look at this month as an opportunity to explore ways of “de-stressing” yourself.

To understand the scope of the problem facing people in your situation, consider this: One out of every eight Americans aged 40 to 60 is raising a child while caring for an aging parent, according to the Pew Research Center. The definition of “eldercare” can range from having the parent living in one’s home to helping pay for the parent’s stay in an assisted living or nursing home facility. When you consider the costs involved in this type of care, added to the expenses of raising your children and possibly even providing some financial support to them as young adults, it’s easy to see how you could potentially face enormous strains, both emotionally and financially.

To help ease this burden, consider these suggestions: Save. As a Sandwich Generation member, you’re probably within shouting distance of your own retirement — so you need to save for it. This may not be easy. You don’t know how much financial support you may someday have to provide your elderly parents — and even after your children are grown, they may need some help from you. Unfortunately, in helping these “boomerang” children, many people disrupt their day-to-day cash flow and raid their savings. That’s why it’s important to try to “pay yourself first” by deferring part of each paycheck into a 401(k) and by automatically moving money each month from your checking or savings account into an IRA. Talk. Many people in the “Greatest Generation” (over age 80) have not even prepared a will. If your parents are in that group, you may want to talk to them about taking action. Also, find out who, if anyone, is handling their investments. And ask if your parents understand how Medicare works and if they need to add supplemental health insurance, such as Medigap. Plus, you need to find out if your parents have created a power of attorney or health care directive. It’s best to have these conversations sooner rather than later.

Delegate. You eventually may have to take some responsibility for your parents’ care — but you don’t have to do it alone. You could, for example, work with a financial services provider that offers trust services, which can be invaluable if your parents are incapacitated and useful even if they aren’t. A professional trust officer can, among other duties, help manage your parents’ investments, pay their bills, keep their records and supervise distribution of their assets to beneficiaries. In short, a qualified trust officer can make life a lot easier for you.

Stress Awareness Month lasts only 30 days, but by taking the right steps, you can de-stress yourself for many years to come. After all, just because you’re in the Sandwich Generation, it doesn’t mean you have to be “squished.”

This article was written by Edward Jones for use by your local Edward Jones Financial Advisor.

Cindy Rose, Financial Advisor Edward Jones 2195 N Highway 83 #23 - Franktown, CO 80116 303.688-2127 Member SIPC

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GOD IS NOT MAD AT YOU!!!

Does that statement surprise you? If you listen to religious circles, popular belief, and rumor you most likely have heard this kind of thing. I have heard all kinds of things that God will do to you, He will make you sick, He will keep you poor, He will cause bad things to happen in your life, He caused that storm to come, He caused that earthquake, He caused that famine, He caused that flood, you fill in the blank.

But if you will read the Bible, you will find just the opposite, God is not mad at you at all.

Isaiah 54:10 (New Living Translation)” For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.” This may be earth shaking news for some of you but it is true. This is such good news that many people have a hard time believing it. People think back on all the wrong things they have done, the bad things that have gone on in their lives, and think… how could God not be mad at me for all those things, surely He will do something about it!

Well, you right about that in a way…God did do something about it. He sent His son Jesus Christ to the cross. When Jesus went to the cross, he took all your sins, He took all your sicknesses, His body became so marred and disfigured, that He didn’t even look like a human being. But this very event is the one which has freed you and me, the very event that brought us a covenant of peace, it freed us from the wrath of God forever. Isaiah 53:10-11 (New Living Translation) “But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. 11 When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins”.

The sacrifice of Jesus on the cross was enough to pay for your sins and mine. Sin now has no authority over you in any way! Jesus has paid the price and as far as God is concerned it is all over. All you have to do is accept this finished work, allow God to come into your life, come into your heart and change you forever. Let that Good News sink down deep inside of you, God is not mad at you, He loves you, He will always love you, and He sent His only son to die for you because of that love. That is awesome!

Chris Sutley Senior Pastor Faith Life Fellowship 303-688-1888 csutley@faithlifedenver.org WWW.FaithLifeDenver.Org

Cindy Rose

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¥ On April 19, 1897, John J. McDermott of New York won the first Boston Marathon with a time of 2:55:10. Fifteen runners started the race but only 10 made it to the finish line.

The marathon’s distance was changed in 1908 in accordance with Olympic standards to its current length of 26 miles, 385 yards. ¥ On April 21, 1918, in the skies over France, Manfred von Richthofen, the notorious German flying ace known as “The Red Baron,” is killed by Allied fire when an Australian gunner shoots him through his chest. He was 25 years old. Von Richthofen had downed 80 enemy aircraft. ¥ On April 23, 1923, “Mambo King” Tito Puente is born in New York City. Bandleader and percussionist Puente helped popularize Latin dance music and jazz in America. During a career that spanned six decades, the dynamic showman recorded more than 100 albums and won five Grammy Awards. ¥ On April 22, 1937, John Joseph “Jack” Nicholson, who would become known as one of the greatest actors of his generation and famous for his role in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” is born in Neptune, N.J. In his first film, Nicholson played a troubled teenager in the low-budget 1958 horror flick, “The Cry-Baby Killer.” ¥ On April 18, 1945, Pulitzer Prize-winning war correspondent Ernie Pyle is killed by Japanese machine-gun fire on Okinawa. Extremely popular, Pyle had been at the London Blitz of 1941 and saw action in North Africa, Italy, France and the Pacific. A monument to him exists to this day on Okinawa, describing Pyle simply as “a buddy.” ¥ On April 24, 1976, the Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Washington Capitals, 3-2, in 139 minutes and 15 seconds of total game play, making it the fifth-longest match in the history of the National Hockey League. A regulation hockey game lasts 60 minutes. ¥ On April 20, 1980, the Castro regime announces that all Cubans wishing to emigrate to the U.S. are free to board boats at the port of Mariel, west of Havana, launching the Mariel Boatlift. The first of 125,000 Cuban refugees reached Florida the next day in about 1,700 boats.

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=

TAKE NO ACTION TO APPREHEND THIS PERSON YOURSELF For immediate action call 303.660.7500 or call your local law enforcement To provide information and remain anonymous, call the Douglas County Sheriff’s Office Tips Hotline: 303.660.7579 or E-mail us at DCSO@dcsheriff.net.

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Laugh Lines

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DIESEL Emissions Test Only $40

HEAVEN All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto thebalcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.? The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn?t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you."

ONLY IN AMERICA FOLKS! Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

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