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July 29-August 4 2013 Issue 1561 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

A CASE OF BONDI BEER WITH OUR BLOGGING COMPETITION!

Snoop around Buckingham Palace and more this summer

ON BOARD WITH CANAL CULTURE The Big Smoke’s floating cinemas, shops and bars

AMDAM’S DRAG QUEEN OLYMPICS We discover the stiletto sprint and handbag toss

ISSUE 1561 / £1.95

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Become a myTNT VIP for access to fantastic freebies, huge discounts and heaps of benefits. For just £50, joining our new members club will give you the chance to do more in London and beyond for less. For full details see tntmagazine.com/myTNT-VIP

FREE entry to TNT social events in the next year – worth £75 FREE VIP experience at TNT’s amazing Travel Shows – worth £30 FREE home delivery of TNT for first 200 VIPs – worth £50 FREE tickets to see The Beach with STA for 30 VIPs – worth £50 ACCESS to exclusive travel deals and massive London discounts Save £60

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FREE MY LIVING Save LONDON £29.99

All myTNT VIPs will bag an annual membership to this fantastic discount card – My Living London. Worth £60, it will give you access to discounts of up to 65% on theatre tickets as well as at top London bars and clubs and beauty salons.

FREE ALBELLI PHOTO BOOK Create a professional, quality photo book and remember your travels for years to come with a voucher for a free, 24-page medium landscape album – which all myTNT VIP members will receive when they sign up.

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FREE CASE OF BONDI BEER Make sure your summer BBQ kicks off in style with a case of Bondi Beer. The first 50 VIPs will receive a case of 24 cans of premium lager. And what’s more, it’ll be delivered to your door free of charge. You’re very welcome.

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FREE ANNUAL CUISINE CARD Take advantage of huge deals on London’s top restaurants with this discount card which boasts the likes of the Rainforest Cafe, Shaka Zulu and Tiger Tiger. The first 100 VIPs will bag an annual membership with Cuisine Card.

FREE 8TH DAY ADVENTURE This sport, adventure and social club which hosts hundreds of events every year is offering the first 30 myTNT VIPs free annual membership worth £140. After that, VIPs will benefit from 2-4-1 savings on all membership prices.

ITALY ON A BUDGET TOURS For the month of July only, all myTNT VIPs will have access to this exclusive deal. Italy On A Budget Tours is offering a 30 per cent discount on its fantastic four-day Amalfi Coast tour to let you experience Italy “like a local” for less.

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER OK, so I took the piss out of the country’s ‘heatwave’ last week, but even I have to admit this is turning out to be an unusually summery summer for London. So make the most of it while it lasts – whether that’s escaping the hustle and bustle for the city’s growing canal culture (P26) or cooking up the ultimate barbecue to impress your mates (P36). Oh, and some lady gave birth to a kid last week, and everyone went royally nuts. Seems like a good time to snoop around Buckingham Palace (P6).

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

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MYTNTVIP DRINK & EATS

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@TNT

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SPOTTED

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LONDON SOUND

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CHATROOM DALLAS FRASCA

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LONDON SCENE

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LONDON FOCUS

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SPARE TIME

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ONLINE

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LIFESTYLE

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HEALTH

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LIVING

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NEWS

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COMPETITION

Photos: Getty; TNT

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SPORT

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TRAVEL

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FEATURES ROYALLY AWESOME

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Buckingham Palace opens its doors to celebrate the Queen’s 60-year reign

‘CANAL COOL’

Head to Regent’s Canal for a summer idyll with floating bouti ues and booksho s

DIARY

52

THE PERFECT BBQ

NEWS

53

UK TRIP

54

We show you how to nail the barbie’s key ingredients – gourmet, grog and games

LATE DEALS

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FRINGE BENEFITS

HOTSHOTS

57

TOP FIVE

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Heading up to Edinburgh for the fest? Here’s the best of what else is on offer

TIPS

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SHORT BREAK

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BIG TRIP

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CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

88-89 90

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DRAG RACING

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Amsterdam’s Drag Queen Olympics has to be seen to be believed. So off we went

COLOMBIA ROAD TRIP

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Is South America’s ‘big bad’ as scary as it seems? TNT tours the ountry to find out

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EDITORIAL Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributor Caroline Garnar DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

LONDONDIARY

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Water works: the Thames hosts cinema and art’s unsung heroes

SALES Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Jaqui Ward ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 3011 1066 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE: £1.95 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Shhh... SECRET LONDON THE FLOATING CINEMA ACROSS LONDON

After its 2011 success, The Floating Cinema returns for Extra-Ordinary, a 10week programme of free and ticketed events. The cinema, a mobile floating sculpture, will host shindigs celebrating the overlooked and the ordinary in everyday life, which are actually quite special when we look closer. Events not to miss include It Could Only Happen Here live art tours (Aug 2), the Horror Weekender (Aug 9-10), a fancy dress-led screening of Tim Burton’s Frankenweenie (Aug 23) and interactive tour Water Folk (Sep 13). £VARIOUS

Until Sep 30, times vary Various floatingcinema.info

SKATE KING’S CROSS

THE SCIENCE OF SPEED

BREWFEST

It’s a full on retrorager this week at the King’s Cross roller rink. There’s a special ‘disco night’ programme with Severino (Horse Meat Disco) and Nico De Ceglia up this Friday night, along with ‘disco inspired’ grub from Disco Bistro. So put your skates on and get as funky as is humanly possible on wheels.

As in velocity, not the drug. This adults only Science Museum late looks at going really fast – you can build your own speed machine, discuss free running with the experts, learn how card sharks’ speed confounds the eye and, for the energetic, take part in the Bleep Test challenge. Or you could just enjoy the silent disco and drinks!

More than 300 brews from the UK, the US and Europe will be on offer at this three-day fest at the Royal Naval College’s Old Brewery celebrating all we can do with hops. If you fancy getting technical, there will be experts on hand to offer food pairing advice, so you’ll be your crew’s most educated craft beer fan.

July 31, 6.45pm-10pm SW7 2DD South Kensington sciencemuseum.org.uk/Lates

July 31, Aug 3 & 4, 12pm-10pm SE10 9LW Cutty Sark meantimebrewing.com

£13

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Until Sep 6, 10am-late West Handyside Canopy, N1C 4AA King’s Cross skatekingscross.com

FREE

£15

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THURSDAY NIGHT RUGBY LEAGUE at The Twickenham Stoop

Full coverage: the pigeons are loving the outside arty action

WATCH THIS SPACE: AUGUST OUTDOORS South Bank

This pop-up mini-fest outside the National Theatre has music, theatre, dance and an art gallery for the month. Highlights include Sixties and Seventies rock ‘n’ roll from Sneakers and Streetlights; H2H, which fuses dance, circus and theatre together; Pigeon Poo People from the Natural Theatre Company (above) and Bang On!, in which a giant drum is, well, banged on. Bring the sun cream! FREE

Aug 2-31, times vary SE1 9PX Waterloo

Thursday August 1st, kick-off 8:00pm at the Twickenham Stoop, TW2 7SX londonbroncosrl.com

nationaltheatre.org.uk/augustoutdoors

CAMDEN BEACH

THE FUTURE IS HERE

Want to relax in the sand, beer in hand, but not leave the city? Camden Beach – and its 150 tonnes of sand – is back this week for a month-long north London residency. There will be live music and DJs every Friday night, kicking off with the finest urban soul (Aug 2). Don’t forget the bucket and spade.

Subtitled A New Industrial Revolution, this new exhibition looks at the changes in manufacturing that are shaping the designs – and consequently our lives – of the future. The exhibition has a special emphasis on the blurred boundary between producer and consumer.

Until Aug 24, 12pm-11pm Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH Chalk Farm roundhouse.org.uk

Until Oct 29, 10am-5.45pm Design Museum, SE10 2YD Bermondsey designmuseum.org

FREE

Photos: Hydar Dewachi

v LEEDS RHINOS

£11.75

ON THE NIGHT Steel band ts Fire breathers & acroba nge Selco half time challe

@LondonBroncosRL facebook.com/LondonBroncosRL

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A new Queen: Elizabeth was 27 when she was crowned

A royal summer Royal fever is sweeping London as Buckingham Palace opens for summer and everyone goes nuts for the royal sprog WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON Celebrating the anniversary of one of the most momentous days in British history, Queen Elizabeth II’s ascension to the throne, a new exhibition at Buckingham Palace, The Queen’s Coronation 1953, goes to great lengths to capture the essence of that day 60 years ago. “We wanted to make the exhibition about the royal family in the setting of Buckingham Palace, which was the focal point for the coronation,” explains curator Caroline de Guitaut. The major exhibition of this year’s Summer Opening at Buckingham Palace, where you get to snoop around the royal abode, brings together dresses, uniforms and robes, works of art and more used in the coronation. And with the country still gaga for the brand-new Prince George of Cambridge, there couldn’t be a better time to celebrate all things Windsor. When TNT visited we were struck, aptly, by the majesty of the palace. Walking through the Grand Hall and up the Grand Staircase, it’s a gold-plated tour through the British monarchy, with paintings of royals past lining the walls. 6

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An introductory room with footage from the day itself, alongside replicas of Fifties TV sets, introduces you to the day the second-longest reigning British monarch took the throne. Elizabeth II’s coronation was unlike any other to have preceded it in many ways, not least due to the fact it was the first to be broadcast live on TV. “[The Queen] wanted the Coronation to be a celebration of tradition but also to encompass modernity,” de Guitaut explains. The centrepiece is the Coronation dress. Designed by couturier Norman Hartnell, it is “full skirted, has a nippedin waist, encrusted embroidery, and encompasses the national emblem of the UK, as well as the Commonwealth countries of which she was now head of state,” de Guitaut says. Hartnell submitted many designs, and it was only after alterations to the eighth requested by Queen Elizabeth, that the 5.3m-long dress was finalised. A walk through a recreation of the Queen’s Coronation State Banquet illustrates how the occasion was marked behind closed doors, and the adjoining Green Drawing Room is

especially revelatory about the day. “This is where [photographer] Cecil Beaton took the official portraits [of the royal family],” de Guitaut says. “They would go on to be the most enduring images of her reign.” One of the most revealing aspects of this room though is not the photos, or the ornate presentation of the silklined walls, but private footage shot on the day for the royals – a family video on a most grand scale – which shows a four-year-old Prince Charles messing around only to be brought into line by an orderly touch on the shoulder from not a minder, but the Queen herself. Stocking up on Prince George mugs and keen for more of royal London? Check out our top picks over the page, from crown jewels to Tudor cookery and a royal afternoon tea. MORE ROYAL LONDON The Queen’s Coronation 1953 runs Jul 27Sep 29. £19. Buckingham Palace, SW1A 1AA Victoria royalcollection.org.uk

WHAT’S YOUR ROYAL BABY NAME? tntmagazine.com/royally-monikered

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26/07/2013 14:12:55


WIN a weekend in Barcelona Prince and Princess: Charles and Anne were four and two years old on the day

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Discarded designs: Norman Hartnell submitted eight original designs for the Coronation dress

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Perfecting the wave: one of six balcony appearances the Royal Family made TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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YOUNG HENRY VIII EXHIBITION HAMPTON COURT £17.60 Henry VIII (below, sort of) is known for various things – being a fat rotund monarch who went through wives like nobody’s business for one. Before he’d gorged himself into a giant, he was a dashing young man (he had to do something right to get all those lady-wife trophies) who wrote music and poetry and was ace at pretty much any sport he turned his hand to. It is this period of Henry’s life that this exhibition looks at with paintings and interactive displays. Once you’ve learned up on the ‘pin-up prince’, you can stroll through 60 acres of gardens and take a wander through the famous maze. Daily, 10am-6pm Hampton Court EC3N 4AB hrp.org.uk

THE ROYAL MEWS BUCKINGHAM PALACE The Royal Mews is responsible for providing transportation for the Queen and royal family, whether this be automobile or horse-drawn carriage. Seven daily – and free! – tours take you behind the scenes to see how the Mews aids Her Madge in carrying out her formal duties. FREE

THE CROWN JEWELS TOWER OF LONDON The Crown Jewels are a glittering symbol of the British monarchy and an essential part of a visit to the Tower of London, a fascinating trip through royal history in itself. The Imperial State Crown (above), the Coronation Spoon and the Sovereign’s Sceptre with Cross are on display under armed guard. The British monarchy is the only one in Europe to still use their Crown Jewels in their coronations and they’ve done so since 1066 in Westminster Abbey. £21.45

Tue-Sat, 9am-5.30pm. Sun-Mon, 10am-5.30pm EC3N 4AB Tower Hill hrp.org.uk

THE UNDERCROFT BANQUETING HOUSE This Whitehalllocated abode (right) was primarily for entertaining and its basement space a drinking den for James I. The character-filled spot is rented out as a unique party venue to this day. £5

Daily, 10am-5pm SW1A 2ER Embankment hrp.org.uk

QUEEN CHARLOTTE’S COTTAGE KEW GARDENS Visit this small cottage in Kew Gardens which was once the informal retreat for the royal family, who would hold picnics and take long walks in the surrounding grounds here. £16

Daily, 9.30am-5.30pm TW9 3AB Richmond hrp.org.uk

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Daily, 10.15am, 11am, 12pm, 1pm, 2pm, 3pm & 4pm SW1W 1QH Victoria royalcollection.org.uk

DIANA MEMORIAL FOUNTAIN HYDE PARK This sweeping memorial – built using Cornish granite – was built in 2004 and opened by the Queen to honour the late Princess of Wales, who was killed in a car crash in 1997 in Paris. FREE

Daily, 10am-8pm Park Lane, W2 2UH Hyde Park royalparks.org.uk

GREENWICH ROYAL TOURS GREENWICH These walking tours take you to Cutty Sark, the Old Royal Naval College, the Greenwich Royal Observatory and National Maritime Museum. They’re private tours of no more than six to a group so you get plenty of attention. £45

FASHION RULES KENSINGTON PALACE

Located in the heart of Horse Guards Parade, this museum looks behind the scenes at the work of the Household Cavalry Regiment.

This new exhibition at the palace, which has enjoyed a £12million rejuvenation recently, brings together dresses from the Queen in the Fifties, Prince Margaret in the Sixties and Seventies and future king Will’s mum Diana in the Eighties. With 21 individual dresses spread across five rooms, the collection shows how fashions have changed over time – from the nipped-in waists of the Fifties, to the short skirts of the Sixties and Seventies and the shoulder pads of the Eighties – and how each of the three royal ladies’ style has shaped generations of women around the world.

Daily, 10am-5pm SW1A 2AX Embankment householdcavalrymuseum.co.uk

Daily, 10am-5pm W8 4PX High Street Kensington hrp.org.uk

Daily, 9.30am Greenwich Tourist Information Centre, SE10 9LW Cutty Sark greenwichroyaltours.com

HOUSEHOLD CAVALRY MUSEUM WHITEHALL £6

£15

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26/07/2013 14:13:07


THE ROYAL KITCHENS KEW PALACE

YEOMAN WARDER TOURS TOWER OF LONDON FREE The Yeoman Warders, or Beefeaters as they are nicknamed, are one of the most iconic symbols of London and Britain. A minimum 22 years Armed Service is required to become one of the famous royal bodyguards, who lead tours round the Tower of London regaling you with tales from its eventful and grizzly past. Tue-Sat, 9am-5.30pm. Sun-Mon, 10am-5.30pm (tours depart every 30 minutes) EC3N 4AB Tower Hill hrp.org.uk

The Royal Kitchens at this west London residence have been untouched since Queen Charlotte’s death in 1818, so they give a revealing look at what Georgian life might have been like at the time. You can explore and learn who would have worked here, what their work would have been like, and just what exactly went into producing a 19th-century dinner or banquet. A visit to Kew Gardens includes entry to the palace, too. £16

ROYAL MINI TOUR CENTRAL LONDON Take a tour round the royal sights of London in style in a classic Mini Cooper. These up close and personal tours pick you up outside St James’s Park Tube station and whiz round the central London royal landmarks such as Buckingham Palace, Horse Guards Parade and Whitehall, before ending up outside Big Ben, Westminster and 10 Downing Street. These mini adventures last half-an-hour. £54

Daily, 10am-10.30pm SW1H 0DB St James’s Park

smallcarbigcity.com

ROYAL GARDEN HOTEL AFTERNOON TEA KENSINGTON This five-star hotel opposite Kensington Palace, former home to Princess Diana, won The Tea Guild Special Award of Excellence this year and last, making it the perfect place for British afternoon tea. £24+

LIVE TUDOR COOKERY HAMPTON COURT PALACE The kitchens of Hampton Court Palace are famed for their food – they were responsible for the bulging waistline of famous resident Henry VIII. They continued to feed Stuart and Georgian monarchs for 200 years after big Henry, and recently have been host to food archaeologists who’ve been experimenting with traditional recipes, food and cooking methods in these live cooking demonstrations.

Photos: Getty

£17.60

Aug 3-4 & 24-26; Sep 7-8; Oct 5-6; Nov 2-3; Dec 7-8 & 27-31, times vary Hampton Court EC3N 4AB hrp.org.uk

Daily, 9.30am-5.30pm TW9 3AB Richmond hrp.org.uk

CHANGING THE GUARD BUCKINGHAM PALACE Changing the Guard (right), or Guard Mounting as it’s officially known, is an iconic daily tradition in which a new guard changes position with the previous guard outside Buckingham Palace. The ceremony, which takes place every morning at 11.30am, lasts 45 mins. FREE

VICTORIA REVEALED KENSINGTON PALACE

This 17th century building was the home of Charles I’s queen, it is now an art gallery and is regularly hired out for private events by the wealthy who want to enjoy its glamorous setting.

Explore the private rooms where Mary II would have relaxed and walked through to reach her secluded garden retreat.

With many of her own journals as inspiration, this exhibition explores Queen Victoria’s personal life and her public, official life. Victoria was crowned queen in 1837 at the age of 18 and reigned for 63 years, longer than any other British monarch and the longest for a female monarch anywhere in the world. This exhibition has many of her personal belongings on display in the room in which she would have once lived.

Daily, 10am-5pm SE10 9NF Cutty Sark rmg.co.uk

Daily, 10am-5pm W8 4PX High Street Kensington hrp.org.uk

Daily, 10am-5pm W8 4PX High Street Kensington hrp.org.uk

Mon-Fri, 2pm-5pm; Sat -Sun, 2pm-5.30pm W8 4PT High Street Kensington afternoontea.co.uk

THE QUEEN’S HOUSE GREENWICH FREE

Daily, 11.30am (alternate days in the autumn and winter) Buckingham Palace, SW1A 1AA Green Park royal.gov.uk

QUEEN’S STATE APARTMENTS KENSINGTON PALACE £15

£15

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Become a myTNT V for access to fantastic fre huge discounts and heaps o For just £50, joining our new club will give you the chan more in London and beyond For full details see tntmagazine.com/myTN FREE 8th Day Adventure membership for 30 VIPs – worth £140 FREE My Living London discount card for all VIPs – worth £60 FREE Cuisine Card membership for first 100 VIPs – worth £29.99 FREE case of Bondi Beer for first 50 VIPS – worth £24 FREE 24-page Albelli photo album for all VIPs – worth £15.95 Save 10%

EXPAT EXPLORE Save EGYPT TOURS £29.99 All myTNT VIP members will benefit from an exclusive 10% discount when booking an Egypt tour with Expat Explore. Sign up, and you’ll get an exclusive code to bag this incredible saving when booking tours.

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FREE ALBELLI PHOTO BOOK

£15.95

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Create a professional, quality photo book and remember your travels for years to come with a voucher for a free, 24page medium landscape album – which all myTNT VIP members will receive when they sign up.

Save 5%

5% OFF WITH TRAVEL TALK Whether you’re looking to explore Egypt, Morocco, Turkey and Jordan or Russia, or want to sail around Greece or Croatia, VIP myTNTers can get an extra 5 per cent off advertised prices with an exclusive discount code.

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Save 30%

FREE ANNUAL CUISINE CARD Take advantage of huge deals on London’s top restaurants with this discount card which boasts the likes of the Rainforest Cafe, Shaka Zulu and Tiger Tiger. The first 100 VIPs will bag an annual membership with Cuisine Card.

FREE 8TH DAY ADVENTURE This sport, adventure and social club which hosts hundreds of events every year is offering the first 30 myTNT VIPs free annual membership worth £140. After that, VIPs will benefit from 2-4-1 savings on all membership prices.

ITALY ON A BUDGET TOURS For the month of July only, all myTNT VIPs will have access to this exclusive deal. Italy On A Budget Tours is offering a 30 per cent discount on its fantastic four-day Amalfi Coast tour to let you experience Italy “like a local” for less.

More at tntmagazine.com/myTNT-VIP 26/07/2013 15:57:21

S £


NT VIP ic freebies, aps of benefits. new members chance to do eyond for less. s see myTNT-VIP

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FREE entry to TNT social events in the next year – worth £75 FREE VIP experience at TNT’s amazing Travel Shows – worth £30 FREE home delivery of TNT for first 200 VIPs – worth £50 FREE tickets to see The Beach with STA for 30 VIPs – worth £50 ACCESS to exclusive travel deals and massive London discounts Save 20%

BUSABOUT HOP- Save ON HOP-OFF Book a hop-on hop-off tour with Busabout, and you’ll be able to tailor your trip around Europe to take in all the must-see sights at your own pace. What’s more, all myTNT VIPs will benefit from an extra 20% off when booking. Sorted!

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SEE THE BEACH Save FREE WITH STA myTNT is teaming up with STA Travel to offer a pair of tickets to an outdoor screening of The Beach to the first 30 VIPs. Chill out with a few beers in a beach setting and watch this classic on July 25, 2013, in Bishops Park, Fulham.

FREE CASE OF BONDI BEER Make sure your summer BBQ kicks off in style with a case of Bondi Beer. The first 50 VIPs will receive a case of 24 cans of premium lager. And what’s more, it’ll be delivered to your door free of charge. You’re very welcome.

£75

Save 50%

More at tntmagazine.com/myTNT-VIP TNT_1561_011 11

FREE MY LIVING LONDON All myTNT VIPs will bag an annual membership to this fantastic discount card – My Living London. Worth £60, it will give you access to discounts of up to 65% on theatre tickets as well as at top London bars and clubs and beauty salons.

TNT SOCIAL EVENTS TNT knows how to throw a good party. And now you’re invited – for free! Whether it’s a BBQ on Australia Day, or a fancy dress party at Halloween, we’ve got your social calendar sorted. All VIPs get entry to TNT events.

2-4-1 BURGERS AT THE ELK BAR We all know how expensive food can be in London, so we’ve got your backs covered. Chow down on a succulent burger at the Elk Bar in Fulham before 6pm each day, and all myTNT VIPs will be able to bag a top 2-4-1 deal. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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26/07/2013 15:57:28


LONDONDRINKS

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YE OLDE CHESHIRE CHEESE PUB

A sign at the front boasts this re-built in 1667 pub (the year after the Great Fire) has served (beer) under 15 sovereigns, starting with Charles II, and there’s room under Liz II for a couple more. Sure, it’s a tourist trap, but one of the good, authentic ones that gives a real sense of its history and the obligatory head-smacking staircase. It’s a rarity where Ye Olde actually means bloody ancient and is must-visit when relatives or friends keen for a proper slice of London are in town. The cosiest and quirkiest of the many rooms is immediately on your right as you enter, with a fireplace, bar and historical types on the walls. It used to be gentlemen only, but now it’s impossible not to strike up a chat with those of both sexes sharing nearby tables. THE GRUB An average stab at homely pub grub, with a much more mash than seafood fish pie (£7.95), but the fish and chips (£9) gets the crispy batter/ flakey flesh balance on the money. Other pub staples are available too. THE SCENE

Brews from Samuel Smith (Yorkshire’s oldest brewery) work a treat here, with a light-flavoured lager, a bitter and a cracking wheat beer. Prices could be much worse than they are in this part of town. BILL PLEASE Beers from £2.90 a pint. Wine from £3 for a small glass. VERDICT A must-visit for Londoners and visitors. MICHAEL GADD BEHIND THE BAR

145 Fleet Street, EC4A 2BU (tel. 020 7353 6170)

3 OF THE BEST ‘BEACH’ BARS

Blackfriars

City Thameslink

CAMDEN BEACH

KANALOA CLUB

SUGAR CANE

North London’s pop-up ‘beach’ returns on the roof terrace of the Roundhouse. Sand, deckchairs and fruity summer cocktails create a seaside vibe, though last year’s epic queues for the bar almost spoiled the mood.

This City tiki bar is as kitsch as they come, but who cares when it serves halfprice cocktails 5pm-8pm, Monday to Friday? Throw on an alarmingly bright shirt and order something with pineapple in it.

A taste of the tropics in, um, Clapham, you can go classic and plump for something too-blue with an umbrella plonked in, or be brave and order up a ‘tiki death punch’. Guaranteed to make you feel like you’re on vaycay.

roundhouse.org.uk

A revolutionary new concept in seafood dining, sourcing the best sustainable fish on a daily basis from our own fisheries in Cornwall and encouraging you to create your own dish

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Worthy: a ye olde gem that has earned its title

kanaloaclub.com

thesugarcane.co.uk

4 Inverness Street, Camden Town, London NW1 7HJ info@simplyfish.com | 020 7482 2977

www.simplyfish.com

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26/07/2013 14:16:07


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FOR THE FIRST TIME. IN LONDON. The greatest spiritual healer of the world

MR HAMBA.

Medium, Tarot card reader, Dream transl ator, Bl ack magic and astrologer Love | Abusive relationships | Divorce, union or separation | Court case | Bad luck Immigration | Family matters | Prosperity | Exams | Protection | Sexual problems 158 Stratford High Street , London (just 10 min walk to Stratford station) Tel: 07944 095838 / 07771 437675 email: Diabyhamba@gmail.com

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BITE SIZE

Not middling: midrange prices but high quality at this neighbourhood restaurant

CARIBBEAN JAM If you can’t wait until Notting Hill Carnival for your Caribbean fix, head to the new Jamaica Jamaica pop-up at ace Clapham and Chelsea pub The Jam Tree and soak up the tropical vibes. There’ll be curried goat, fried dumplings, ackee and salt fish, jerk chicken and more coming out of the kitchen and off the barbecue between August 6 and 20, with potent cocktails courtesy of Jamaican faves Wray and Nephew and Appleton Rum, plus a reggae soundtrack to roll your hips to (a heightened possibility after all that grog). Also look out for The Jam Tree’s signature jam-filled cocktails. thejamtree.com

THE TERRACE EUROPEAN

Calypso prawns, Jamaica Jamaica

CREEPY CUISINE Four courses of insect cuisine? Sign us up! OK, maybe you’re not convinced right away, but hear us out. Four courses of insect fine dining, each paired with a cocktail, will aim to showcase “the possibilities of insect cuisine” at a secret location in south London on August 15-17. The project is brought to us by Grey Goose and Ento – the latter hopes to prove to the West that insects are a tasty, sustainable alternative to traditional protein sources. Intrigued? Tickets are £75. greygoosetaste.com/visions

AFTERNOON ‘ICE’ TEA Afternoon tea sound like madness in this heat? Lucky that Paramount, the bar at the top of Centre Point on Tottenham Court Road, has introduced a new frozen afternoon tea, with ice cream and a frozen cocktail to help frazzled Londoners cool off. You can’t keep a good tradition down. From £28.

THE SCENE It’s typical that a self-styled ‘neighbourhood restaurant’ in Kensington would be so elegant – this is the nice part of town, after all. Still, The Terrace is far from formal, kept light and airy by understated cream and grey decor, with the relaxed-but-stylish vibe to match. Service is as friendly as you’d expect from a small ‘local’ enterprise, but the food outstrips expectations of your average eatery just down the road. Non-residents would do well to seek out one of the handful of tables at this gem tucked into a quiet corner of Holland Street, as it serves probably the best midrange cuisine we’ve had in all of London. THE GRUB The menu reads like reams of others around the capital – pork belly with something pureed (celeriac, usually); lamb rump and a fancy-sounding accompaniment that’s essentially gravy … you know the drill. But the difference here is in the execution. I’ve paid over £15 for decent but unmemorable meat and veg plenty of times in venues across the Big Smoke, but at The Terrace, every ingredient is cooked to its best. That can certainly be said of my rump of lamb, crispy lamb breast, champ mash, samphire and broad beans, a main which lives up to the expectations set by my starter of crab on toast with fennel and apple salad, the latter dish deftly sidestepping ‘alright’ for ‘outstanding’. Sure, neither of these plates reinvent the wheel on paper, but they coalesce into perfection on the tongue. My lamb is plump and positively leaking rich flavour, while my date’s pan-fried cod with crispy goujon and pea shoot salad feels light but is heavy on taste. A finale of apple tart, vanilla ice cream and salted caramel sauce is warm, more sweet than sour, and has us moaning in ecstasy – I recommend you have what we’re having.

Wine from £5/ £19.50 per glass/ bottle. Cocktails from £9. Starters from £7.50; mains from £16.50; desserts from £8 (or home-made ice cream £3 per scoop). VERDICT Who knew low-key dining could be so fine? LAURA CHUBB BEHIND THE BAR BILL PLEASE

paramount.uk.net 33C Holland Street, W8 4LX

theterraceonhollandstreet.co.uk

High Street Kensington

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The future Monarch of the UK has probably just shat himself, dribbled a bit, and rolled on the floor- Good old Charles

Jos

the royal baby is called george – zippy and bungle are mortified

Leigh

The prince is called George Alexander Louis. Kate Hopkins yet to say if that’s SUITABLE FOR HIM to play with her kids

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if selena gomez had her 1St drink at her 21st, i toasted my 30th with MY 1ST wank

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it’s so nice kate and wills named the kid something traditionally british - i just didn’t expect it to be asda’s clothing line

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pay your church loan back on time or they’ll crucify you with interest

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royal headlines: the guardian: it’s a boy. tele: it’s a boy. daily mail: how kate will get her pre-baby body back

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My Gran loves weather this hot. Her heating bill goes down 10 per cent

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last night was strange. my web date didn’t turn up, then some woman walked in, gave me a weird look and left the pub

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In mourning: protesters stage a mock funeral in response to the Tories’ plans for the NHS

EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM JULIAN ASSANGE DIVIDES READERS

Re: Julian Assange interview (TNT 1560): Let the man be a man and face the accusations of sexual assault in a Swedish court straight-on, and I might start listening to whatever else he has to say again. Jo Hughes, via Facebook National hero. Balls the size of Canberra too. ntownuser, via Reddit What do I think of WikiLeaks? I think it may not be what it appears to be. Read Deconstructing WikiLeaks by Daniel Estulin and at the same time also read the chat logs between Adrian Lamo and Bradley Manning. Diane Reed, via email If Assange is guilty so are the editors and owners of the New York Times, Guardian, all bloggers, retweeters, relinkers etc. This is obviously not the case. Set him free. Thanks Ecuador for continuing to

protect him from America. The criminals are in Washington, D.C. Anonfreepress, via tntmagazine.com Julian Assange, quite hypocritically, has done all he can to build for himself an image as the font of truth, and as a martyr who is being persecuted for all his truth-telling. Anything he says is true, anybody who challenges him is a fool, and any criminal charge against him must be a giant conspiracy. Meanwhile, he doesn’t have the slightest qualm with manipulating the public to achieve political or personal ends, despite the way he presents himself as the guy you can trust. iamplasma, via Reddit SAFE CITY CYCLING /32 PERFECT BBQ /36 ALT ASHES LINE-UP /48 COLOMBIA /66

Re: Tories facing online backlash over virulent criticism of NHS as IloveourNHS campaign highlights thousands of positive treatment stories (tntmagazine.com): Great to see some coveage of people’s outrage about the low skullduggery of this government re: the NHS. They have uncorked a genie and the British people, though slow to rile, are waking up to what is being done to their most treasured achievement. Their wrath will blow the Lib Dems and Tories into outer space. Stephen O’Neill, via tntmagazine.com Stephen wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

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WATCH THE TRACKS

COME ALIVE

DUBAI DUTY FREE SHERGAR CUP

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GO WEST ATOMIC D:REAM BJORN AGAIN

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SATURDAY 10 TH AUGUST

An afternoon of international racing at Britain’s premier jockey’s team competition, free family entertainment, fairground rides, urban displays and three hours of live music throughout the evening.

CHILDREN GO FREE ADULTS FROM £21PP 0844 346 3000

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RICK ASTLEY


The nation’s beers are dropping into London

Great British Beer Festival London Olympia 13-17th August A fantastic fun packed festival atmosphere with over 800 quality beers & ciders, variety of food, live music, entertainment, games and activities to enjoy.

Book Today

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ASHES SCREENING Elk Bar, Fulham Thursday, July 18, 2013 Photos by: Ashwini Kapoor/ TNT More pics and tag yourself at facebook.com/tntmag

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Rocking all over the world: Dallas Frasca and co. bring Sound Painter tour to London

festival

watch

EASTERN ELECTRICS

DALLAS FRASCA The 100 Club, W1D 1LL AUG 2 | DOORS AT 7PM | £10

Knebworth Park, Hertfordshire, SG1 2AX. Aug 2-4. £45+

easternelectrics.com

A short train ride from London takes you to this house and techno music fest in Hertfordshire. The line up, spread across six stages, speaks for itself, featuring a who’s who of legends, contemporary stars and upand-coming talent: Maya Jane Coles, Seth Troxler, Miguel Campbell, Maceo Plex, Kerri Chandler, Giles Smith, Richie Hawtin, Sasha, Eats Everything, Paco Osuna (left) and Damian Lazarus are just a snippet of the underground stars who will be rocking this weekend.

The rocking Melbournite is having one hell of a 2013. Dallas Frasca and her band have been on the road taking their sophomore LP Sound Painter to the world, and they bring their series of UK shows to an end this week with a headline gig at the legendary 100 Club. In the past few months, Frasca has played M4C In The Park in south London, rocked out in Corsica with Patti Smith and torn up the main stage at the Le Mans 24 Hour race in France – to no fewer than 250,000 souls. Not bad work. Frasca and co. released Painter last year and have been busy introducing it to the world since, hitting the road with stops in Canada and the US. The arena show in France, where they’re signed to Verycords, last month kicked off the band’s sixweek summer tour through Europe, which culminates this week – so if you haven’t been able to catch the trio yet, then now is your final chance. Touted as “the next AC/DC”, the hard riffing trinity have toured with the likes of Aerosmith, 30 Seconds To Mars and Billy Joel already, and Frasca’s song All My Love came third out of 16,000 entries in the AAA catergory of last year’s International Songwriting Competition, judged by the likes of Basement Jaxx and Ozzy Osborne. They have been tearing it up wherever they’ve played, whether it’s small intimate club shows or mega-stage arena gigs, and have got some pretty big fans already. Just ask Guns ‘n’ Roses six-string legend Slash, who was blown away by Frasca’s “great vocals, riffs and groove”. And let’s face it, he should know! Tottenham Court Road

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100club.co.uk

26/07/2013 14:14:32


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NEW BAND

IRON MAIDEN GIG AUG 3 & 4. 7PM £45

They will never be cool, but Bruce Dickinson and his band of shaggy-haired metallers, who have sold 85 million records and toured the world for 30 years, just don’t give a fuck. We reckon they’d still be playing their anthemic hard rock, such as Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter, after the bombs had dropped. The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX North Greenwich theo2.co.uk

X PRESENTS: H.O.S.H, STIMMING & ADRIATIQUE

SOUNDCRASH: ROOF PARTY III

CLUB

CLUB

FRI, AUG 2. 11PM-8AM £13

SAT, AUG 3. 4PM-12AM £5+

Diynamic artists H.O.S.H, Stimming and Adriatique have all pushed house music in new directions – Stimming has been known to incorporate things like pizza cutters and children’s toys into his compositions, even – and take centre stage tonight, along with Max Chapman, Kolo & Dyze and Willers Bros.

Summer is finally here, so get out there and catch the tunes along with the rays at this third of four east London roof parties. Poppy Ackroyd (Hidden Orchestra), Polaroid 85 (live), DJ Cheeba, Tom Central & Cosmo Lopez, and Boba Fett will be taking to the decks. There’ll be a Jamaican BBQ, too. Sun-kissed and glorious.

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

Dalston Roof Park 18-22 Ashwin Street, E8 3DL Dalston Kingsland soundcrashmusic.com

YOUNG AVIATORS THE BUZZ SO FAR Scruffy garage punk and the energetic and cheeky pop charm of Britpop indie combine in this Northern Ireland born, Glasgow-based three piece who throw all their youthful passion and insight into forthcoming debut Self Help, chronicling life as a youth in Cameron’s Britain. They’ve already got a couple of singles under their belt, with LP and lead single Forward Thinking on the label that launched Biffy Clyro and Snow Patrol. THE CRITICS SAY “Sharp sweet thrills” Robin Murray, Clash Music

Forward Thinking is out now through Electric Honey Records. Self Help is out in September. Play Notting Hill Arts Club, W11 3JQ. Aug 6. £8 W11 3JQ Notting Hill Gate youngaviators.co.uk

Photos: Jodi Carot

THE PLUG

STANDON CALLING

SHOREBITCH: BACK WHERE WE BELONG

THE MENZINGERS

GIG

CLUB

GIG

AUG 2-4. 12PM-11PM £50

SAT, AUG 3. 9PM-4AM £8

SAT, AUG 3. 7PM £12

Half-an-hour on a train out of London and you’ll find yourself at this impossibly cool music and culture fest. This year’s theme is ‘running away from the circus’ and there will be the likes of Digitalism and De La Soul, a swimming pool, a nightclub in a cow shed, an ultra-late night bar, and loads of just-about-to-break bands.

After banging sell-out nights at the Scala in King’s Cross and south London’s Bussey Building, Shorebitch brings this party to east London. Dream McLean (live, above), Secret Guests (live), M.O. (live), Bill & Will, Debian Blak and DJ Kahlil line up in room two, with Budaken, 7oel, Miguel Dare and Fifi next door.

The Philadelphia indie-punk poets are back in Blighty for a run of headline shows. The Epitaph label foursome are playing Camden and then two nights on the trot at south London rock and punk venue The Fighting Cocks in Kingston (Aug 4 & 5), treating raucous crowds to last year’s critically lauded third LP, On The Impossible Past.

Standon Standon Lordship, SG11 1PR Bishop’s Stortford standon-calling.com

XOYO 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP Old Street shorebitch.co.uk

The Underworld NW1 0NE Camden Town theunderworldcamden.co.uk

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Bowled Over The sun’s come out so it’s time, once again, for a barbie, some tunes and a roll on the lawn

lawn bowls tournament Grab a bunch of mates and head down for an afternoon of barefoot bowls – 11am start for the warm-up session, comp starts 1pm

bodean’s BBQ

For the rib-licious experience, we smoke it low, cook it slow: 2-4pm

dj live entertainment Live music and DJ entertainment ‘til late

‘Old timers’ fancy dress – come as your nana! Tickets

£5

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ow!

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Sun August 11 - From 11am: Southwark Sports Bowls Club, SE21 7EU


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Dallas Frasca

The hard rocking Aussie on playing stadiums, the pros of European booze, and why Patti Smith is a legend INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

You played to 250,000 people in Paris last month at Le Mans racetrack – how did it feel? We were stoked to be invited for this huge opportunity. We were seen by a promoter for the event in Normandy on our last European tour in February. We told him we wanted to scalp the audience with our volume, the next thing we were on our way to playing in front of record crowds with Earth, Wind & Fire in France for the 90th year of the Le Mans car race. It was a truly mind-blowing experience. What’s the best thing about European audiences? They dig their raw and meaty guitar riffs. They have to be one of the most appreciative crowds of rock music in the world, and their cheese and booze is not bad either. And they’ve tagged you as “the next AC/DC” too… AC/DC are one of the most legendary Aussie rock ‘n’ roll bands of all time, so you can imagine we have been pretty fucking stoked to hear this across the media. Rock ‘n’ roll is far from dead! You played with Patti Smith too – did she live up to your expectations? She is everything you could have imagined and more. Her voice is so wildly strong and she rocked the French to hell and back at this show. She just oozes with strength and creativity. It was a truly inspiring performance. You played your first stadium gig in April on the same bill as Billy Joel – how did you find big shows like that? The music we play was built for stadiums. Next time we would probably bring even more lighting and pyrotechnics with us. And it was a true honour to be on the same bill as BJ. You have often spoken about how you talk as a band before you go on stage – what do you guys say? We like to clear our heads away from everyone else, huddle in silence together, and begin to put ourselves inside the rock and transform into one entity. Sometimes we might get audience members to rub oil on our bodies, too.

Made up: Frasca and the boys You’re playing the legendary 100 Club this week – how does it feel to step out onto such an iconic London stage? The band are super pumped – we’re big British rock invasion fans and know we will be standing on the same stage that The Rolling Stones, Metallica, Sex Pistols, The Clash, and even Louis Armstrong have graced. We’ll be soaking up the energy as soon as we walk in the door and will be hanging to spill some blood and sweat on that sacred stage. What has been the best moment for you on this recent visit to the northern hemisphere? Opening for both Patti Smith and Earth, Wind & Fire were both mind blowing experiences. They’re both real musicians. And also our guitarist woke up in Germany after a show in Paris, which was a pretty epic story but you’ll have to talk to him about that one. Your sophomore album Sound Painter came out last October – what personal experiences did you draw on? All of my lyrics over the years have come from true-life experiences. It’s always been a great therapy to write about the things I have struggled to deal with emotionally to help light my way home. Before I wrote the album I went through an incredibly heavy break up – we’ve

all dated dickheads before and I picked a doozy this time. This ended up giving me some great material to write about, though, and the album is riddled with it. Having a positive outcome is always important to me, as I think everybody needs to be inspired by hope. Without hope you may as well hang yourself. How did you cut down the 100 songs you wrote for the 11 on the album? I think our benchmark was when we completed All My Love, every song had to stand up to the strength of that. When every member gets goose bumps the song gets the OK. Otherwise it’s back to the drawing board. If you could play with any musical legend who would it be? Musical goddess [Sixties and Seventies US funk singer] Betty Davis gets my blood totally pumping. She broke musical and lyrical boundaries that weren’t even considered in those days. She howled, she growled, she arranged, she was a great song writer and shaked her arse hard during the process. Being dangerous and unpredictable is what gets me excited. It’s the foundation of rock ‘n’ fucking roll. Sound Painter is out now. Dallas Frasca play 100 Club. Aug 2. £10 100 Oxford Circus, W1D 1LL Oxford Circus the100club.co.uk

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Funny haha: Greta Gerwig delivers a standout turn in this ace New York-set comedy drama

FRANCES HA FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Greta Gerwig, Mickey Sumner | 15 | 86mins | Out now

ONLY GOD FORGIVES FILM STARRING: Ryan Gosling | 18 | 90mins

Ryan Gosling re-teams with his Drive director Nicholas Winding Refn for this Bangkok-set tale of revenge as a brother out to kill those who murdered his sibling. Brit actress Kristin Scott Thomas turns heads in this violent flick with a gloriously against type turn as the seductive mother of the family who has an odd relationship with her son. On general release August 2

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Indie starlet Greta Gerwig co-writes and stars with a career-making turn in Noah Baumbach’s latest, a New York-set comedy drama about a young woman who’s struggling to find her path in life. Gerwig is twenty-something Frances, failing to make it as a dancer in the Big Apple, fruitless in love (or “undateable” as she describes herself), and helplessly watching as her former best friend Sophie (Mickey Sumner) goes off and finds a man with marriage beckoning, putting their closer-than-close relationship on the rocks. Real-life couple Gerwig and Baumbach (Greenberg) tell a story that revels in life’s minutiae: the slight conversations that mean so much, the revelations and moments that prove life-changing in unexpected ways. It is a sublimely well observed and moving account as Frances ambles through her life, her aimless direction concealing realisations that are coalescing underneath. It is also extremely funny, not just because of the finely crafted dialogue, but also through the daft decisions Frances occasionally makes (a trip from the US east coast to Europe provides plenty of the latter). Gerwig, who made a name for herself with mumblecore movies Hannah Takes The Stairs and Baghead, steps out from this indie shadow, and emerges as a stunning talent. And Baumbach, who mined New York upper class familial disharmony so well in his breakout debut The Squid And The Whale, again demonstrates his gift for noticing what is at the same time absurd yet profoundly human. GOOD FOR: Seeing a bona fide classic in the making.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 14:19:38


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GIVE US A

NINA CONTI: DOLLY MIXTURES

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

After her sell-out run earlier this year, ventriloquist extraordinaire Nina Conti is back for another run. Her show, in which she introduces the audience to her daughter, handyman, gran and much more, succeeds in making ventriloquism clever, utterly contemporary and genuinely spellbinding. Soho Theatre W1D 3NE. July 29-Aug 10. £20 Court Road sohotheatre.com

Tottenham

5000 FEET IS THE BEST

DAYTONA

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Omer Fast presents his 30-minute film about drones and their impact on contemporary warfare, as he interviews those who’ve piloted them over Iraq and Afghanistan. The documentary begins traditionally before it mutates into a wholly disorientating experience, questioning the morality of using drones.

This three-hander can’t decide what it is. It begins as a comedy – with a septuagenarian Jewish New Yorker couple practicing for a ballroom dancing competition – and turns into an exposure of buried secrets and a debate about meting out justice to war criminals. Despite this, the performances hold the attention. LK

Imperial War Museum Lambeth Road, SE1 6HZ. Jul 29-Sep 29. FREE Lambeth North iwm.org.uk

Park Theatre Clifton Terrace, N4 3JP. Until Aug 18. £22.50 Finsbury Park parktheatre.co.uk

MIKE SHEER What’s the show about? The varying cultural perspectives from diff..., nah, not really. Tricked you. It is actually about pounding back curry and drink and laughing like a drain.

Photos: Tristram Kenton

Who inspired you to pick up a mic and take to the stage? Johnny Rotten, nee Lydon. My original stand-up technique consisted of menacing stares into space after each punchline. Now I smile instead, though, as too many people got distracted trying to find what I was looking at.

THE HEAT

PRIVATE LIVES

FILM

THEATRE

Bridesmaids director Paul Feig marshals this crime comedy about Sandra Bullock’s uptight FBI agent and Melissa McCarthy’s don’t-playby-the-rules Boston cop who are forced to work together. With McCarthy’s foul-mouthed charm and Bullock’s deadpan appeal this looks like a Miss Congeniality spin-off, hopefully, or it could just be the next Cop Out.

Noel Coward’s frequently revived 1930 comedy – about divorced couple Elyot (Toby Stephens) and Amanda (Anna Chancellor) who, after five years, find themselves rekindling old flames – comes up fresh and sparkling in this finely tuned production. A witty account of a couple who can’t live with or without each other. LK

On general release August 2

Gielgud Theatre W1D 6AR. Until Sep 21. £10+ Piccadilly Circus privateliveswestend.com

What is the funniest thing you have ever seen? Maybe the time a seagull dropped a tennis ballsized poo on my forehead and I didn’t know so I thought the slow explosion of warmth at the front of my brain was me having a stroke. Oh how I screamed and panicked at the time, then laughed about it later, while still shaking. What’s your favourite joke? Capitalism. Scrumptious Comedy and Curry The Gallery Cafe, E2 9PL. July 31. £10 (inc curry) Bethnal Green facebook.com/kentoncomedy

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Clockwise from top: barges on the canal at Mile End Park; vintage store Frocks A Float; bookshop Word On The Water; the Floating Cinema; WOTW co-founder Paddy Screech

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 14:17:44


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Canal culture Floating cafes, boutiques, cinemas and bookshops ... London’s canals are having a renaissance. Here’s where it’s at WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Once considered dingy and dirty, a grubby relic of the capital’s past, Regent’s Canal has been undergoing a quiet renaissance over the past few years, in many ways being reclaimed by the ‘ordinary’ folk of London. ‘Idyllic’ is not often a word associated with the Big Smoke, but head down here and you’ll find something a million miles from the relentless urban throb of the city’s streets. Between the picturesque calm of Little Venice in Maida Vale and the emerging counterculture along the towpath linking Broadway Market and Victoria Park – where indie shops sell their wares from barges and hot, young things drink beers by the waterside – London’s canals have never been so popular. “The canal is a hive of creativity now and people have taken their passions to the water, setting up a wide range of businesses on board,” confirms Fran Read, of the Canal & River Trust, a charity entrusted with the care of England and Wales’ 2000-mile network of waterways. “It feels very different to the chain shops and bustle of London’s streets. It’s a haven in the heart of London.” Dating back to 1820, Regent’s Canal stretches 8.6 miles from the Paddington arm of the Grand Union Canal, past Regent’s Park, Camden, Islington and Victoria Park, before joining the Thames at Limehouse Basin. Here, we meet a few of the folks at the centre of London’s new ‘canal cool’.

“The canals are popular at the moment because they’re arteries of countryside running through this mad, work- and money-obsessed city. Sustainable lifestyles and a real sense of community are fascinating to Londoners now, as they’re coming to realise how far normal metropolitan lifestyles have become divorced from those values.

The canal is a haven in the heart of London

“The future of London’s canals is unclear – either they continue to thrive and retain their quirky qualities, or they become dull corridors with office complexes and yuppie housing hiding the sunlight, and with only the most well-off

Paddy Screech, co-owner, Word On The Water This floating second-hand bookshop first launched in 2011 and has been going from strength to strength ever since. It’s co-owned by Screech and two pals, John Privett (‘The Professor’) and a mysterious Frenchman known only as ‘The Captain’. The barge makes its way along the Regent’s Canal and the River Lea, mooring at various spots on the way. It also often hosts live music and poetry slams. “We decided to open a bookshop on a barge as we realised that trading on the canal would not incur the crazy rents that have been killing bookshops recently,” Screech tells TNT. “We knew the canal is just the sort of place where people are strolling slowly enough to be able to concentrate on choosing an inspiring book. “People love [this dying breed of] peaceful old bookstores and personal service, cats draped over the shelves and moorhen chicks squeaking as they read.

Liquid lunch break: Tamsin Elliot chills on the tow path TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Tranquil corridor: Regent’s Canal, just by Victoria Park able to afford to live on boats. The people of London will have to decide which future happens.” MORE: Location published at facebook.com/wordonthewater

Tamsin Elliot, owner, Frocks A Float Elliot has run her vintage boutique from a narrowboat on Regent’s Canal since 2010. You can find all sorts of treats on board, such as Sixties shift dresses at bargain prices (around £20), and there’s row-upon-row of shirts, shoes, sunglasses ... you just need to come prepared to rummage. Elliot can often be found moored by Broadway Market. “I was a rockabilly in the Eighties and had loads of clothes [that my mum had in storage for me] that needed emptying,” she tells us of how the business got started. “It was only going to be a temporary shop on my boat, but I loved it so much and I have a magpie’s eye for fashion, so I’ve carried on. I love how everyone leaves the boat with a smile, purchase or not. “The bad reputation the canals had of being stinky and dangerous has lifted. It does help that the waterways are more populated nowadays as this makes [the area] much more homely. Renting and buying in London is impossible for young people these days and buying a narrowboat seems an easier, cheaper option. This new young demographic has only helped the success of the trading boats and the image of the London canals. “I’ve been on the water for almost 10 years now and the populace has perhaps quadrupled in that time. It’s getting very difficult to find mooring spaces and the newbies are a bit rubbish at canal etiquette. But on the upside, a growing, vibrant community is always a good thing.” MORE: Location published at facebook.com/FrocksAFloat

Emma Underhill, director, Floating Cinema

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LIVE ON A HOUSEBOAT IN LONDON tntmagazine.com/houseboats

3 MORE TO TRY ... Souk On The Water The tow path by Mile End Park will host this floating market throughout August, although it’s often on the move, sometimes mooring by Broadway Market or City Road Basin. See Facebook for updates. facebook.com/SoukOnTheWater

The Sandwich Barge This ‘organic cruising cafe’ serves up homemade cakes and drinks as well as renowned sarnies and is currently moored on the River Lea at Springfield Park in Upper Clapton. thesandwichbarge.co.uk

The Palm Tree It don’t float, but this awesome East End boozer (with gold wallpaper!) is the epicentre of canalside cool, right next to the water by Mile End Park. Plus, being all the way out on the eastern edges gives it an even stronger sense of being a secret idyll. 127 Grove Road, E3 5BH

Floating market: Souk On The Water

Photos: Facebook and supplied

The Floating Cinema returns to London’s canals this week with a programme of films about the extraordinary in everyday life (more on P4). “There is something very magical about the idea of a floating cinema which captures people’s imaginations,” says Underhill. “When looking at the rapidly changing landscape [of London], the canals are one of the few things that remain constant. The Extra-Ordinary theme [for this year’s Floating Cinema] focuses on the extraordinary and overlooked in daily life. The canals and what they can offer are part of that.” The Floating Cinema’s 10-week programme features an eclectic collection of shorts and features, from specially commissioned work, such as a film about the River Lea, to more commercial offerings, including a ‘Horror Weekender’. As well as on board screenings, there will be larger scale

outdoor screenings for bankside audiences and even floating tours, such as ‘London Lost’, led by experts in human remains and London’s burial grounds from the Museum of London Archaeology. There’s a mix of free and ticketed events, so check the website for more details. “We want Floating Cinema to encourage people to appreciate the canals and experience something unique in an unusual location,” Underhill adds. “As we navigate the waterways, we‘ll attract people to areas of London they wouldn’t ordinarily explore.” MORE: floatingcinema.info

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Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe are back with their ace 12th studio record. £9.99 amazon.co.uk

Super Luigi U Various Artists: Drum & Bass Arena Summer Selection 2013

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The lesser-known plumbing brother throws turtle shells at people in his own game. £29.99 play.com

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Thirty tracks of drum ‘n’ bass tunes, featuring Drumsound, Bassline Smith and more. £6.17 amazon.co.uk

Now, Running App

Devises running playlists based on the energy level you’re looking for. FREE itunes.apple.com

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Stories from the indie record stores that survived the online/ chain-store takeover. £7.99 amazon.co.uk

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Bruce Willis and The Rock are among those who join the crew for this action sequel. £10 play.com

App of the Week Byliner App

This monthly subscription app gives you access to its raft of stories and writing, like a streaming service for reading. FREE itunes.apple.com

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London is a cycling city. There are more cyclists in the capital than ever before. For racing enthusiasts, casual peddlers, fitness junkies and daily commuters alike, check out our top independent cycle shops feature, for all your cycling needs.

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OF THE WEEK DAISY PARKER

SWIM IN LONDON

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London is glorious in the summer (until you have to take the Tube that is), the streets are full, the parks are beautiful and everything just looks better. We’ve also got some great open air pools and we’re not too far from the beach. The Oasis Centre is a rooftop pool in central London. It feels slightly bizarre, swimming while looking out over the capital, but once you’re over that you feel pretty cool. But if you’re looking for an outdoor swim without spending big dough London Fields Lido is perfect. The pool itself is gorgeous – and heated all year round so it’s fun to visit in winter too – plus the crowd is always varied and interesting and you can even enjoy some sunbathing afterwards. Fancy a swim in the wild? Why not head to Hampstead Heath’s ponds – probably the closest you’ll get to wild swimming in London. For those who want to get out of central London and have something to do after, try the pools in Richmond Park. Bring a book and spend the day there. If you’re looking for a seaswimming fix Londoners can head to Southend-on-Sea, Essex (Liverpool Street – 50min) or Camber Sands, East Sussex (St Pancras – 1hr). Southend is the closest beach to London, but Camber Sands is beautiful, with miles of sand and dunes, meaning you can get a spot to yourself even on hot days. It’s also striking in the winter and close to the lovely town of Rye. Read more at my.tntmagazine.com/blogs

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

KAYAKING Kayaking is one of those few activities that is at once a great workout, exciting and amazingly peaceful. It’s also a great hangover cure – as I discovered when I had a go one bleary-eyed Sunday morning when all I wanted was my bed, Paracetamol and a carb-fest. As it turns out, kayaking down the Thames works just as well, if not better, as by midday I felt energised and happy I had tried out a new experience, rather than succumbed to the usual ‘sofa Sunday’. Meeting at Datchet Rail Station, near Windsor, the Thames Kayaking crew took me to the bank where the kayaks are moored up. Having only done kayaking once before I was a little wary, but as soon as I was aboard I was reminded how stable they are. It was hard work in this hot weather, with my back and shoulders aching and the beginnings of blisters on my hands after the two-hour trip, but the picturesque route and camaraderie of the group made it worthwhile. Plus, it easily ticked off one of my three exercise sessions a week (which I rarely stick to). Thames Kayaking also offers full-day and camping trips. A twohour trip costs £40pp. Get in touch to find out what days they plan on heading out. CG

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Safe cycling In light of London’s three recent cycle tragedies, TNT investigates how to stay safe on the roads WORDS CAROLINE GARNAR

Thousands of cyclists recently pedalled in protest following the deaths of three cyclists in as many weeks. We ask the City what’s being done so cyclists can ride in London without fearing for their lives, as well as what you can do to keep safe…

What’s being done? “We have a range of measures underway,” says Transport for London’s senior delivery planning manager, Peter Wright. ”These include carrying out major and substantial improvements to a number of key junctions across London, carrying out enforcement against dangerous road user behaviour, and providing funding for both cyclist and driver safety training.” Wright advises that you can report any dangerous incidents related to cycling on the roads to the TFL-funded Metropolitan Police Cycle Task Force via https://secure.met.police. uk/roadsafelondon. Also, to help you work out the safest cycle route home, TFL’s new website is set to fully launch later this year

and will feature a “more accessible” cycle journey planner. For safety training course info, see the box on the right.

What can you do? CYCLE LIKE YOU DRIVE: “Stop at red lights, make sure you are in the correct lane, and remember to slow down in wet weather as it will take you longer to stop,” says German Dector-Vega, London director at Sustrans, a charity that encourages people to choose walking and cycling over driving and is holding the Pedal On UK charity event from August 16 (sustrans.org.uk/pedalonuk). WEAR A HELMET: “Like you would wear a seatbelt in your car, you should wear a helmet when you cycle,” Doctor-Vega says. For some crazy reason it is not yet a legal requirement but, according to the Bicycle Helmet Initiative Trust, wearing a helmet reduces your chance of brain injury in an accident by 88 per cent and risk of fatality by 75 per cent. SEE AND BE SEEN: “Use lights and consider wearing bright or reflective clothing,

Datchet thameskayaking.com

Wheely important: Barclays bikes encourage cycling 32

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Crash hat: London Mayor Boris Johnson sets a good example

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LIFESTYLEBEAUTY WHAT’S NEW

On your bike: hi-vis vests, helmets and other measures will keep you safe on the road

Jane Iredale’s Sunbeam Four-in-one and fabulous £39.95 iiaa.eu

Ruby Red cooling foot cream Moisturise and cool tired toes £18.00 rubyredcosmetics.co.uk especially in towns, at night and in bad weather; make eye contact with other road users, especially at junctions, then you know they’ve seen you; signal clearly at all times and use your bell,” says Dector-Vega. GIVE YOURSELF SPACE: “Ride away from the gutter and if the road is too narrow for a vehicle to pass you safely, it may be safer to ride towards the middle of the lane,” says Wright. “At junctions, use the advanced stop lines for cyclists where you can. Also beware of blind spots around large vehicles – it’s often safer to hang back.”

Decor-Vega adds: “Never cycle along the inside of large vehicles, especially at junctions. Don’t assume the vehicle is going straight ahead just because it isn’t signalling. Always avoid ‘undertaking’ NEXT WEEK in this situation – it’s Forceful: Make better to hang back dominatrix skills until the vehicle has work in real life moved off.” LONDON’S BEST INDIE CYCLE SHOPS tntmagazine.com/cycle-shops

Hair thickening treatments Pumps up fine, flat locks £8.95 & £9.95 nanogen.co.uk

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CYCLING COURSES AND EVENTS

Join in: RideLondon’s FreeCycle bonanza

• To find out about cycle training courses local to you, call the National Cycle Training Helpline on 0844 736 8460/8461 or submit your details via the cycle training form at tfl.gov.uk • Prudential RideLondon is taking place on August 3 and 4. You can get involved with FreeCycle, which offers an eight-mile traffic-free loop in central London on the Saturday for all abilities. prudentialridelondon.co.uk • If you are a confident cyclist, why not do your bit for charity? Join former England cricket captain Michael Vaughan on a stage of his route through England and Wales from September 6, raising funds for disadvantaged children with Chance to Ride. chancetoride.co.uk

Earth Science herbal mist Hydrates and sets make-up £9.95 earthsciencenaturals.com TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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tntjobs.co.uk COMMUNITY CASE MANAGEMENT SERVICES T: 0160 868 2522

www.ccmservices.co.uk We are a Case Management Company providing case management for our brain and spinally injured clients.

MINISTRY OF PAINTBALL T: 020 7415 7003 www.ministryofpaintball.com/jobs Ministry of Paintball, regarded as the world’s largest paintball company and renowned as the

JOB OF THE WEEK: SUPPORT WORKERS ref: RK/LOD Location: St John’s Wood, London NW8 Salary: £13.00 per hour weekdays, £15.00 per hour weekends POSITION: Enthusiastic, positive support workers for 32 year old man with acquired brain injury and profound needs for personal care plus socialising and accessing community. Working with family and therapists. 12 hour shifts. Driving licence required. liz@ccmservices.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: 30 positions available for Trainee Managers Location: London Salary: £30,000+ POSITION: We want you! Ministry of Paintball is recruiting for our summer/spring promotions team. If you love travel, flexibility, sunshine and earning loads of money, give us a call now!

leader in old fashioned customer service.

Sam Wilson | sam@ministryofpaintball.com | 0207 415 7003

THE SIX BELLS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-in Bar / Kitchen Assistants Location: East Sussex Salary: On Application

T: 0182 587 2227 The Six Bells is a well known, busy, live music 17th centaury pub in the centre of Chiddingly, East Sussex.

VISA INN IMMIGRATION SPECIALISTS T: 020 3586 4035 UK Immigration specialists representing all aspects of UK Immigration including EC law, Human Rights and appeals plus all aspects of UK Immigration rules.

THE OLD MILL INN T: 0179 647 4020 www.theoldmillpitlochry.co.uk We are a busy bar & restaurant with rooms in a rural, tourist town in Highland Perthshire.

POSITION: Some inexperience required, sense of humour preferred, being able to drive would be an advantage. Would suit Aussies or Kiwis. Jackie 07854 760869

JOB OF THE WEEK: Trainee Immigration Caseworker Location: Harrow on the Hill Salary: To be discussed POSITION: Graduate (law) trainee Immigration caseworker - Suit wearing, well spoken, well presented, highly literate, outgoing team player for busy UK Immigration Law firm looking for a career. Full training to the right applicant. 020 3586 4035 | allan.immigration@gmail.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: BAR, WAITING & GENERAL ASSISTANTS Location: Pitlochry, Perthshire Salary: Excellent renumeration package POSITION: We require competent, presentable, cheerful individuals to work in our very busy Inn. 07841135190 | fiona@victorias-pitlochry.co.uk

T:07957 456496/07760 260686

JOB OF THE WEEK: Site Operative Location: London and surrounding counties Salary: Good Rates

We are a company who provides site operatives to the construction industry. We have been operating successfully for the last 13 years.

POSITION: We are a company who provides site operatives to the Various activities from general site labour, to off loading deliveries. People applying for the job must be reliable and have UTR NO + CSCS cards, or certificates and N.I. numbers. TONY 07957 456496 | QUINTON 07760 260686

TOQUIN S.A. LTD

ORIGIN T: 020 7617 7894 www.origincare.com Live-in roles typically of 2 weeks on and 1 week off. Free specialist training provided with Origin, a dedicated company established over 10 years.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-In Carers Location: London & South East Salary: £574 per week Our clients are young adults with a spinal injury. We need positive people to help them live independently. Free accommodation, food and refunded travel expenses! Promotional prospects and higher rates of pay available. John Hardy | 020 7617 7894 | johnhardy@origincare.com

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

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Travel writer Find your next social work job with Sanctuary Personnel Market-leading social work recruitment specialist Prefered supplier to 180 local authorities Dedicated regional consultants for improved service Headline sponsors of the Social Work Awards Find out why we’re the agency of choice for social workers by calling us on 0800 046 1166 or by registering at sanctuarypersonnel.com.

TNT Magazine is looking for a travel writer to join its fast-paced offices in the City. This job is not for the faint-hearted. You'll be a master at juggling myriad tasks, keeping an eye on multiple deadlines and turning sloppy copy into sharp gold. Proven experience with InDesign, subbing and editing is also essential. A contacts book brimming with talented freelancers and industry insiders is another requirement, as is the ability to meet daily deadlines and turn features around within hours. The ideal candidate will have an unbridled passion for travel, will know the backpacking circuit inside out, and is a stickler for details. You’ll also be comfortable writing across topics including lifestyle and entertainment. As well as working on the weekly print magazine, you'll be turning copy around quickly and accurately on a daily basis for the web, using SEOs and uploading them using our CMS. You'll be trained to NCTJ level or equivalent and understand journalism isn't a 9-5 job. To apply email careers@tntmagazine.com with 'Travel Writer’ in the subject plus: A cover letter detailing your current salary; 200 words describing the TNT reader; three examples of your work; and a 100-word pitch – including headlines and sells – for each of the following sections: UK Trip, Short Break and Big Trip.

Award winning, Michelin starred restaurant requires

CHEF DE PARTIE

The Pheasant Hotel in Kelling in North Norfolk is looking for energetic, positive, cheerful & experienced staff, keen to be part of a hardworking friendly team at our newly refurbished four star hotel up on the North Norfolk coast.

If you are interested in working with great food and in

A FULL TIME RECEPTIONIST FOOD AND BEVERAGE WAITING STAFF

an energetic, friendly team please email your CV to patra@latrompette.co.uk

We can provide accommodation and salaries will be discussed on application. Check out our website pheasanthotelnorfolk.co.uk and see what an opportunity to have a lifestyle in one of the most beautiful stretches of coast in the UK.

We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

ACCOMM PROVIDED We offer excellent rates of pay, but sound experience in similarly high class establishment is a must.

We really look forward to hearing from you. Please contact Carrie or Hayley on events@pheasanthotelnorfolk.co.uk TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LIFESTYLELIVING HOME

STYLE .00

£32

ProCook coloured knife set Fun knives for kids! (Not really) procook.co.uk

50 10.

The perfect recipe for a great barbecue? It’s all in the Gs Gourmet. Grog. Games. There it is. The big secret. It may not sound that groundbreaking, but these three Gs can turn a bummed-out barbie into a brilliant braii.

‘Wine improves’ wooden sign An age-old truth for the wall romanathome.com

.00

£25

Sagaform beach chair Enjoy the weather while it lasts! occa-home.co.uk

.95

£17

Royal stork mug Welcome the new royal with a brew dorisandco.co.uk

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The three Gs of BBQs WORDS CAROLINE GARNAR

£

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Gourmet We’re sure you can already grill a mean burger – and if you can’t, you are a traitor to your country – but we’ve all eaten a good slab of meat in a roll. Adding a gourmet twist to your feast will have your mates hailing you as the true king or queen of the barbie. They may even craft you a trophy of meat. In fact, you should demand it. So how do you get this great honour? Well, although we Antipodeans know our grills, the Argentinians add some serious pizazz to their asados. Diego Jacquet, who runs Zoilo Argentinian restaurant in Marylebone (zoilo.co.uk) shares his ideas: GO FISH: “Fish is often overlooked on the barbecue and it shouldn’t be – try grilling squid and then serving it on top of toasted sourdough and barbecued chorizo – this surf ‘n’ turf combination is delicious and even better when accompanied with aioli.” MARINADES: “Chimichurri is an ideal marinade for grilled meats. A poignant mixture of chilli, herbs and garlic, it is perfect for matching with meats as it provides a sharp and spicy accompaniment, which is great with charred flavours. “For white fish, criolla sauce, made with red peppers, herbs and garlic, is a great match. Drizzle on top or just serve as a dollop on the side.” See right for recipes.

Meaty treat: learn how to spice up your steak SIDES: “Fry shallots in a deep pan until golden brown – they will be sweet, crunchy and delicious as a meat topping. Also, pep up any green salads with toasted nuts such as almonds or pine nuts.”

Grog A braii without beer is practically illegal, but forget warm tinnies of flat Foster’s and impress with craft beers instead. Beer blogger and sommALEier, Melissa Cole is one of the team heading up Hackney Wick popup bar Urban Sessions (urbansessions.co.uk). Here she shares her perfect pairings: GO FISH: “For me this is crying out for a lovely golden ale as a match to pick out the sweetness of the squid and balance out the smokiness of the chorizo and richness of

Barbie beer: you can do better the aioli. I’d say something like the odd, but brilliant, lager/IPA hybrid Caesar Augustus from Williams Bros that has a lovely rose-like aroma and a lime zest finish (available at Sainsbury’s) or Loddon Ferryman’s Gold, with its gentle lemon meringue-like aroma and

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Cheats feast: get the finest BBQ fare in one bag from tilia.co.uk. £90 to feed six

YOUR VIEW CASIDY

STEVENS IT specialist,

24

Grill master: Diego Jacquet

“I’m pretty traditional with barbecues... beef burgers and sausages are my go-to. Nothing is worse than seeing a veggie burger or tofu on the grill, though.”

JUSTIN

NOVAK Student, 22

SommALEier: Melissa Cole delicious preserved lemon bite at the end (available at Asda).” MARINADES: “With the chimichurri I recommend an amber ale like BrewDog 5am Saint (available at Sainsbury’s and Waitrose), with a gingery caramel backbone and lots of orangey grapefruit hop aromas and a nice cleansing bitter bite at the end. Alternatively, Harviestoun Bitter & Twisted is also a cracking partner. “For the criolla, with the sweet base of white fish and the freshness of the herbs you want something that will add extra zing without competing too much. I recommend something like the classy-looking Estrella Inedit, a Belgian-style wheat beer with coriander seed, orange peel and the unusual addition of a little liquorice. Alternatively, if you have a sweet tooth then Fuller’s Honey Dew would make a spritzy alternative (both available at Waitrose).”

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; TNT

Games These team games are perfect for barbies. They’re great for playing outdoors, keeping everyone lively and getting most of them wasted as the losers do the obligatory shots. POOP THE POTATO: Divide into equal teams of minimum four and line each team behind a chair with a (raw) potato on it. Each team member must pick up the potato using their thighs or butt cheeks and waddle their way to a bucket placed a few metres away. If they drop it, they must still only pick it up using their thighs or bum. Once dropped in the bucket they must bring it back to the

“I’m a skewer guy, which I’ve heard is considered fancy, but I don’t think so. Diced British lamb, onions, peppers and tomatoes, seasoned with olive oil, salt, and pepper. Mum taught me well.”

LAUREN

SIBIGTROTH Nurse, 26

Squishy: beware, pass the tomato goes pear-shaped chair for the next team member to do the same. The first team to have all members drop the potato in the bucket wins. LEAKING BUCKET RELAY: Divide into equal teams of minimum three and put a barrel of water for each team at one end and smaller empty barrels at the other. Give each team a bucket with holes pierced in the bottom. Each team member has to scoop water up from one barrel and deposit it in the other, carrying the bucket over their heads. The first team to fill their barrel wins. PASS THE TOMATO: Divide into equal teams of minimum five and line yourselves up. Starting at the front, a tomato must be passed from person to person, but it must only be held under your chin. If it drops, what remains must be picked up and passed back NEXT WEEK to the first player. The first Careers: Work team to get it to the end in Beijing of the line and back wins. TOP SUMMER COCKTAIL RECIPES tntmagazine.com/summer-booze

“Honestly, the only things I need are a pitcher of Pimm’s and a good spot in the shade.”

RECIPES Chimichurri marinade: Chop six garlic cloves, one bunch of fresh parsley, one bunch of fresh oregano and half a bunch of spring onions and mix with one tbsp chilli flakes, one tsp paprika, the juice of two lemons and a quarter cup of balsamic vinegar. Add sea salt, pepper and olive oil to taste. Criolla sauce: Finely chop and mix two red peppers, six plum tomatoes, two white onions, one bunch of parsley and three garlic cloves. Whisk together one lemon (zest & juice), 150ml olive oil, 50ml white wine vinegar, salt and pepper. Combine the two and mix well.

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WORLDVIEW

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Nazi theme: not to some tastes

NAZI-THEMED CAFE FORCED TO CLOSE INDONESIA

He didn’t really think it through. Now Henry Mulyana has managed to offend people around the globe after opening a Nazi-themed cafe in Indonesia. Following increasing pressure from local authorities and tourism bosses to change the theme of Soldatenkaffee in Bandung, Mulyana is to shut the venue. The cafe opened in 2011, but recent media reports prompted angry responses from foreigners and Indonesians. Mulyana insisted he was not pro-Nazi but was instead using the theme to attract customers. TWEETS OF THE WEEK @DVNJr Not Prince George Paul John Ringo? #royalbaby #missedopportunity @robdelaney My life has been a caravan of pain and fear for decades. But the royal baby will turn it around. @stephenfry The official easel. We are a marvellously bonkers country

PRICEY COGNAC SMASHED IN QUAKE NEW ZEALAND

There was one victim in the Cook Strait earthquake – a £2100 bottle of cognac. Staff found the shattered 700ml bottle of super-expensive Remy Martin Louis XIII on the floor of the specialist shop following last week’s tremor. “We lost about 10 to 12 good cognacs and vodka, but interestingly, no scotch was harmed,” said Alistair Morris, general manager of Regional Wines And Spirits in Wellington. Luckily a bottle of 2001 Chateau 38

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PM or S&M?: A Kevin Rudd look-alike poses in handcuffs with Australian Sex Party president Fiona Patten on the opening day of the annual Sexpo exhibition of adult merchandise at the Convention Centre in Brisbane

d’Yquem survived – it usually sells for £800 and is considered the best vintage of the best sweet wine in the world.

HIPPO HIDING IN SEWAGE WORKS IS CAPTURED SOUTH AFRICA A roaming hippo that set up home in a Cape Town sewage plant last year has been caught and shipped off to a game reserve. The young male had eluded capture after spending a few weeks in a suburban recreational lake, popping up in gardens and on roads, while on the run. It then moved into the sewage treatment works where it was captured last week. “He walked into a boma (enclosure) and then into a crate and then we closed

the crate door, put the crate on a truck and drove him to Gondwana,” said Julia Wood, the city’s manager of biodiversity management. The semi-aquatic animals are known to be extremely violent at times and can run faster than a human on land. “We were very, very worried because obviously it’s such a dangerous animal,” Wood added, reassuringly.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 13:48:11


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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 195 Drug-driving: this seems like a good idea if you’re on meth

Percentage of Brits who admit to getting jiggy in a car – with Fords getting the most action. Very sexy

MAN USES PLIERS AS STEERING WHEEL AUSTRALIA

He’s either a genius or an utter fool. Police thought the latter after they pulled over a 38-year-old man in Adelaide for driving erratically on blown tyres. On closer inspection of the old Holden Senda, officers noticed the steering wheel was missing – in its place, the man had fastened a pair of pliers to the steering column. Thinking the driver must be high, police carried out a booze and drug test on the man, who tested positive for both cannabis and meth amphetamine. To make matters worse, the car was both unregistered and uninsured, the man’s driver’s licence had been disqualified and he was found to be breaching his outstanding terms of bail. And it is suspected the man and his beat-up old Holden may have been involved in a hit and run incident earlier in the day. Needless to say, he was arrested.

MAN WINS SMALLEST PENIS AWARD

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty, Facebook, AAP

UNITED STATES

It’s not something you’d boast about winning to your mates down the pub – unless you’re Nick Gilronan. The 27-year-old has been crowned the winner of Brooklyn, New York’s annual ‘Smallest Penis Pageant’. Surrounded by 100 people, Gilronan proudly accepted his award, erm, beating off five others with his small member, as the band sung Tiny Dancer by Elton John at New York’s Kings County Bar. In his victory speech, Gilronan claimed to be proud of his puny package and said

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Cost, in pounds, of ‘limited edition loving cup’ to celebrate arrival of royal baby. Sounds like money well spent

400 Small package: Nick Gilronan girth wasn’t as important as a sense of humour. “The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship,” Glironan said. He also said that he just went out there hoping to “put on a good show for audience”.

DRUNK CANADIAN SWIMS TO US CANADA

An intoxicated Canadian provoked an international rescue after he jumped into the Detroit River and swam to the US. After being released from custody, John Morillo, 47, called the stunt “very stupid” but said he’ll now be able to boast to friends about his exploit. Morrillo reportedly managed to swim across the river separating Windsor, Ontario and Detroit, and was heading back when he noticed the rescue operation. His neighbour back on the Canadian shore had called police when she lost sight of him in the treacherous waters. He has been charged with public intoxication and faces fines of up to £16,000 for swimming in a shipping channel. Still, bragging rights, bro.

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Amount, in pounds, the average woman spends on attending a wedding, according to UK study. Nothing in life is free

Height, in metres, of balcony in Portugal from which a man fell – surviving after landing on a car

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK Is likely to be injurious to the public good New Zealand Office Of Film And Literature Classification bans Elijah Wood’s horror film Maniac

26/07/2013 13:48:19


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HOW TO BLOG Sign up to our social network at my.tntmagazine.com. You’ll meet fellow travellers living in London, share tips and photos and get access to awesome competitions. There are also easy instructions on how to start your own blog – about travel, London, you name it. Start blogging on my.tntmagazine.com and you could attract hundreds of thousands of readers!

BLOGGING FOR BEER The more you blog, the more chance you have of bagging that beer. We’ll be giving away a case of 24 x 500ml Bondi Beer cans to the 10 most active bloggers on myTNT every month for the next eight months! Remember: more blogs = more chance of free beer!

ABOUT BONDI BEER Bondi Beer is named after Sydney’s world famous beach and was first brewed in a microbrewery in the heart of Sydney in August 2009. There’s a brilliant Saaz hop character and a perfect balance of flavour, with proper body and a good buzzy finish, giving the crisp refreshment of a premium lager. Bondi Beer is already available in the UK at some pubs and bars such as The Porterhouse in Covent Garden.

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26/07/2013 16:50:50


TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: HELEN ELFER helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Right royal palava: Kate, Wills and George, the uber-baby that sold a gazillion papers

Post-royal baby news blues: how will the British cope?

Photo: Getty

Now that Prince George is here, is there anything left to say?

It’s been a thrilling few months for royal baby enthusiasts. There have been daily excitements about everything from the inner workings of the regal womb to furious betting on what name will be sewn onto the label of the little blighter’s polo shirts. Of course, for non-royal baby enthusiasts, the bone-rattling boredom of these topics has been nothing short of cruel and unusual punishment. I’m no anti-royalist, and to me a young couple who seem – despite the odds – happy and fond of each other having a healthy young baby is a reason to be (mildly) pleased. But that’s all – it’s here now, time to move on. Not for a large proportion of the British public it seems. You’d have to be a real misanthropist to be enraged about Baby Cambridge’s arrival, but it seems there are a lot of real misery guts out there, who can’t stop jumping around, howling about over-privilege and foaming at the mouth over how much Kate paid to give birth in the posh suite at St Mary’s hospital. Every chauffeured baby visit, every pricey royal gift is fodder for fresh rage – how dare they splash the cash when the rest of the country languishes in austerity! Of course, equally unable to return to real life are the die-hard royalists, whose appetite for royal baby news can only be sated with a four-page feature that asks: who will be the better gran – Carole or Camilla? Or just as daft, but much more sickeningly, a horrible OK! front cover offering exclusive details of ‘Kate’s post-baby weight-loss regime’. There really must be a special place in hell… Seriously though, what are we going to read and talk about now the royal baby news is wrapping up? Britain might be about to enter its worst slump yet, this time crippled by post-baby news blues instead of the economy. Weather headlines are the only way forward. I can’t wait to see the next newspaper that leads with ‘Britain Boils!’ and a full-page picture of burned sunbathers on Clapham Common. That’s what being British is really all about. » Agree or disagree? Are you over or a lover of royal babymania? letters@tntmagazine.com

MAN WITH LONG HAIR FREAKS VIRGIN Virgin Australia has just lost a legal battle with one of its male flight attendants. Think he might have been dismissed for in-flight boozing? Or maybe he spilled one too many vegetarian pastas on someone’s lap? Nope, they didn’t like his hair. Virgin Australia has a strict policy that all flight attendants have to conform to the company ‘look book’. This bans beards, goatees and ‘bottom lip fluff’. And male hairstyles must not exceed 4cm in length. David Taleski’s long hair got him the sack back in 2011. What kind of creep comes up with

Refusing to cut long hair got him sacked

these kinds of rules? Is there anyone on the planet that gives a stuff what hairdo the guy offering you complimentary red or white has? Only massive snobs, surely. Anyways, thankfully common sense – and the Fair Work Commission – has finally won out here and Taleski expects to be back in the air by next week. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Plight of the boat people As PM Kevin Rudd announces controversial policy, Labor party tweets images of unwelcome asylum-seekers WORDS CAROL DRIVER Holding her head in her hands and crying, this is the moment an Iranian asylum seeker learns she won’t be allowed to settle in Australia under new immigration rules. Instead, the woman will be sent to Papua New Guinea (PNG) after Australian prime minister Kevin Rudd announced never again will the country accept asylum seekers arriving by boat in a deal that’s been signed by the two countries. To show they’re serious about the controversial policy, which has sparked debate around the world, the Labor party last week released these images and a video of 81 asylum seekers being told they won’t be going to Australia – publicising them on their website and on Twitter. The photo above, taken inside the Christmas Island’s West Point temporary immigration detention facility, was captioned: “A female asylum seeker comes to terms with the fact she won’t be settled in Australia.” The news release issued with the images was headlined: “81 Iranians get the new message: you will not settle in Australia.” Christmas Island Department of Immigration regional manager Steven Karras said: “The message we did give them was quite clear, in terms of where they will be processed and I think that probably sank in a bit.” He added a number of asylum seekers wouldn’t have made the journey to Australia on a smuggler’s boat if they had known the rules had changed. “I’m sure they’re now thinking about whether it was wise to come in the first place. And I think, in fact, over the coming days ... they will start to contemplate very seriously whether in fact returning home is a better option.” Rudd signed the treaty with his PNG counterpart Peter O’Neill two weeks ago. It means boat arrivals claiming refugee status in Australia will instead be sent to PNG for assessment and, if found to be refugees, settled there, while those found not to be refugees could be detained in PNG, returned home if possible or be sent to a third country. In return, the Canberra government will provide fresh aid 42

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to PNG for hospitals and universities and pay “resettlement costs” for the refugees. Announcing the draconian rules, Rudd said it was “a clear and undiluted message to every people smuggler in the world that your business model is basically undermined”, and there was no limit on the numbers of asylum seekers PNG would take. The 81 asylum seekers could now be destined for Manus Island – an Australian-run detention centre in northern PNG where, according to a former security guard, rape and torture is rife. Speaking out about the conditions, whistleblower Rod St George told Dateline on TV’s SBS ONE

It’s a clear message to people smugglers

the centre wasn’t fit to “serve as a dog kennel”. He said: “I’ve never seen human beings so destitute, so helpless and so hopeless before,” describing repeated instances of rape and sexual abuse between asylum seekers with the full knowledge of staff. “We might separate people in those circumstances on the mainland, but there aren’t any facilities at Manus to do that he said, so these people who have been assaulted are forced to remain back in the tent.” But, despite the claims, Rudd said he has no plans to change his hard-line stance. And the news has lifted Labor’s rating on this issue, with the latest Newspoll showing support rising six points to 26 per cent, while the Coalition’s dropped 14 points to 33 per cent, compared to February results. Former PM Malcom Fraser said the allegations about mistreatment on Manus Island indicated a lack of accountability by Australia’s Immigration Department.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 16:48:33


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For more than 21 weeks, TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine.com/ukba. Seventeen weeks ago it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas. In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same. Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that: ✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition. Follow the link from tntmagazine.com/ukba

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“They’ve allowed the most terrible conditions to prevail. What’s happened on Manus is not new. It’s been going on for months and months. The department have known that, and it’s only public exposure that has brought it to light, [and] brought about, hopefully, some change.” He also called for a royal commission into Australia’s management of offshore asylum seeker processing, describing it as “an abdication of our basic humanity”. Human rights groups and politicians around the world also condemned the move, with PNG opposition leader Belden Namah calling it an “agreement between two madmen”. He said Rudd and O’Neill had had no regard for UN conventions, and urged for the treaty to be debated in the nation’s single house of parliament. “O’Neill is making decisions like a chicken with no head,” he said, adding PNG should not make money from asylum seekers. Just days after Rudd made the announcement, at least 15 people were killed when an overcrowded asylum seeker boat carrying more than 200 people sank off Indonesia’s coast. It was bound for Australia. Home Affairs Minister Jason Clare said he’d heard reports of people smugglers telling wouldbe asylum seekers to get on to boats before the policy came into force. “Every lie you can think of is now being told to encourage people to get on to boats,” he said. It prompted a response from the world’s top body for the protection of refugees, which said it is troubled by the policy, citing significant shortcomings in the legal framework. The UN High Commissioner for Refugees said: “Australia’s Regional Resettlement Arrangement with the Government of PNG raises serious, and so far unanswered, protection questions.” However, it seems Australia isn’t for turning. Bob Carr, Australia’s foreign minister, said the party was standing firm despite the UN’s concerns. He added: “You’ve got to break this model of people-smuggling, otherwise it’ll occupy more and more of the immigration intake to Australia.”

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Not welcome: asylum seekers en route to Australia; left, the image of an Iraqi woman released by the Oz government

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26/07/2013 16:48:52


SPORTNEWS

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ASHES: THIRD TEST PREVIEW IN QUOTES CRICKET

The Australians have a mountain to climb to salvage their pride in this Ashes series, starting with the third Test at Old Trafford from Thursday. But naturally, the experts, players and former players all see it a bit differently. Some (Nathan Lyon) are more optimistic than others (Glenn McGrath) and England are simply going for the jugular after years of pain.

Cheeky grin: Warner may have smashed his way into Test three

Come in spinner: Lyon’s much better at bowling than football

Duck: things can only get better for captain Clarke

Broken record: tedious James Anderson gets another wicket

“We’re looking at a 3-2 victory to us right now.” Nathan Lyon, strongly tipped to make his series debut ahead of Ashton Agar, the spinner who’s starred more with the bat

“I’m embarrassed. I hope like hell they [Australia] can do something in Manchester.” Not exactly constructive from Aussie great fast bowler Jeff Thompson on 5Live

“I don’t really feel any sympathy. We want to win the series 5-0, so we will be doing everything we can in each game to win.” England bowler James Anderson plans to dish out a flogging like those he’s copped

“I can’t feel sorry for them because we’ve had many beatings from them. Losing is very hard and they do tend to rub your nose in it. They are going to take one Test match at a time and they have to keep the foot on the Australian throat and make sure they don’t get up … if there is a team that can do it sometimes, it’s an Australia team.” MCC Pres Mike Gatting echoes Anderson’s sentiment with a gentle warning

“They say that you have to hit the bottom before you can start to get back up. That is where this Australia team are right now, rock bottom. If these players have not heard the wake-up call by now, then they do not deserve to be in the Australia team. They have to turn this series around now.” Glenn McGrath, former Australian quick and temporary Yazz member, goes with the “only way is up” mantra

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“Nathan Lyon, between his debut in 2011 and the start of this series, took as many wickets in Test cricket as any other Australian bowler, 76 at an average of 33. He should start the next Test. I like Ashton Agar and admire his energy but … we need a spinner who can make more of an impact on a match than he is able to.” McGrath again in his Guardian column on the harsh truth of Agar’s two wickets

“I hate Headingley [in Leeds], so it is good to play a Test at Old Trafford.” Anderson on his home ground.

”Sitting on the sidelines and copping that punishment and not being selected, it was a thing that I needed. I definitely needed a kick up the bum. It was my own fault.” David Warner after he smashed 193 in South Africa to stake his claim on a spot in the struggling Aussie batting line-up

BIG WEEK FOR ... This is an unfortunate image of Shane Watson with his bat out of sight after being given out LBW – again – in the second Test at Lord’s. The Aussie opener’s willow has been deserting him at key moments this series, as it has throughout his international career, usually after he’s got between 20 and 60 runs and just as he’s getting wrapped on the pads and given out. Any likelihood of the big all-rounder being dropped is quashed by a lack of other obvious options and his vital, reliable bowling, but the chorus is getting louder and louder for Watto to live up to expectations if his side has any shot at getting something out of the series.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 14:28:51


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THE ASHES 2013

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TNT’s extensive Ashes coverage as the Aussies fight to return the urn

Full reports on every session

Guns: world champion James ‘The Missile’ Magnussen looks to put London behind him

PREVIEW AUSSIE SWIMMING CHASE REDEMPTION WORLD SWIMMING CHAMPIONSHIPS

UNTIL SAT, BBC ONE & TWO Australia’s swimmers made the cricket team look like they’re flying after a dismal London 2012, finishing their first Olympics without an individual gold since 1976. They get a chance at redemption this week though at the FINA championships in Barcelona, which started yesterday. James Magnussen was known as The Missile coming into the 2012 Games, but was more dud than scud as he failed in his pet 100m event after talking it up big time. After being implicated in the team’s

“toxic” events in the Athlete’s Village as well, he says he’s a changed man now, no longer believing his own hype as he targets the 50m and 100m this week. The Australians’ one gold (women’s 4x100m relay), six silver and three bronze was the worst Olympic haul since the 1992 Games in Barcelona. Since then, the Swimming Australia president, chief executive and head coach have left or been sacked, while a major sponsor’s gone and the government has cut back funding. Tough times. But still, Magnussen is the defending world champ and has posted the fastest time of the year so far in the 100m.

All the latest Ashes news Photo galleries Opinions & blogs Bluffer’s guides Greatest Ashes sledges

Photos: Getty

TV HIGHLIGHTS RUGBY UNION

FOOTBALL

Super Rugby Final

Sheffield Utd v Notts County

Chiefs or Crusaders v Bulls or Brumbies Sat, 8.30am, Sky Sports 1

It’s League One, but football is back! Fri, 7.45pm, Sky Sports 1

CYCLING

RUGBY LEAGUE

Ride London

London Broncos v Leeds Rhinos

20,000 riders do the Olympic course Sun, 11.30am, BBC One

Live Super League action from London Thur, 8pm, Sky Sports 1

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Wild thing Aussie cricket firebrand Shaun Tait’s globe-trotting T20 specialist life has led him to Essex WORDS MICHAEL GADD

Shaun Tait is a King and a Royal. He’s also a Rhino who was a Renegade, but is now a Striker and a firebrand who is a Firebird and an Eagle. Such is his life as a journeyman Twenty20 cricketer. Since deciding – with significant input from his ailing body – in 2009 that the rigours of first class cricket were too much for his injury prone frame, Tait has been one of the most indemand players in the most modern form of the game. He plays in the T20 premier leagues of India (Rajasthan Royals) and Bangladesh (Chittagong Kings), and their equivalents in New Zealand (Wellington Firebirds) and Zimbabwe (Mid-West Rhinos). In the Australian Big Bash, he started with the Melbourne Renegades but has moved back to his native Adelaide Strikers. Now he’s turning out for the Essex Eagles in the Friends Life T20 tournament, which wraps up its preliminary phase this week as teams throughout the UK jostle for places in the quarter finals on August 6, 7 and 8. Getting used to a new tournament and team is part of Tait’s career now, after he enjoyed a brief three-Test career and starred in Australia’s dominant 2007 World Cup victory. But considering he took on T20-only duties to protect his elbow and shoulder injuries, he’s still playing a lot of toplevel cricket. “I was finding it very tough to play other forms of the game,” he admits. “If I played a one-day game I’d have to take another one off, so [trying to play first class cricket] was becoming a bit painful and annoying. “But then you find that you’re trying to cover your calendar and end up playing a fair bit of cricket.” A former Bradman Young Cricketer of the Year, Tait had an up and down first class career due to the nature of his style – he’d rip through a team or cost hefty runs with his super-quick slingshot action that earned him the nickname ‘The Wild Thing’. 46

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He came into the Aussie Test squad due to the 2004 injury of another young speedster, Brett Lee, and after winning his first Cricket Australia contract in season 2004/05 took 65 wickets in the domestic first class series, a South Australian record. Later that season, he’d debut for Australia in Tests in the Ashes at Trent Bridge and took the scalps of opener Marcus Trescothick, England hero Andrew Flintoff and current star Ian Bell. He was as shining and exciting a young star as they come, nudging 160kmph with his missiles, the crowd loved it. In

I just can’t be a dumb fast bowler anymore

2007, he’d debut for the ODI national team and took man of the match hauls against England and South Africa in the play-off phases of the World Cup. When the big money of T20 tournaments such as the IPL came in, there were real fears cricket could lose some of its brighter stars from the longer form of the game. It wasn’t the lure of money that took him to the shorter form, though. “I did it for a reason, because my body was in a fair bit of disarray,” Tait tells us. “I would have loved to play all forms of the game, but the way it’s worked out I’ve had a chance to travel around the world. I don’t think the game was ever in any danger of losing that talent, though ... everyone wants to play for their country.” With the high fees available to players, the competition for places in T20 franchises is fierce. “It’s not that easy to just say I’m gonna turn up and be a pro in the IPL,” Tait says. “You’ve still got to be picked.”

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 15:08:38


Destroyer: Tait’s no stranger to smashing stumps

Slinger: Shaun Tait’s trademark action

Photos: Getty

In globe-trotting, Tait has played with some of the world’s greatest. He lists his Royals skipper Raul Dravid – ranked the third greatest batsman of all time by Wisden – as number one. “He’s such an impressive guy,” Tait gushes. “A total gentleman. To be that famous in a country like India and be so humble and normal, is pretty amazing. “The whole thing’s a great life experience, not just the cricket. The people is a big thing. The best thing about the IPL is you can have a South African, Englishman, Sri Lankan, New Zealander and an Aussie in your team. I like that a lot.” It’s much the same at Essex. Under captain James Foster, Tait’s rejoined by T20 specialist Owais Shah, who he’s played with at Rajasthan and Wellington. Opening batsmen Hamish Rutherford and Greg Smith are from New Zealand and South Africa, and Ryan Ten Doeschate is Dutch. The Eagles, ahead of the weekend’s fixtures, were second behind Hampshire in the south group, which would give them automatic passage into the quarters. But London-based sides Surrey and Middlesex were one point behind, fighting to nudge them from second or take one of the two spots for the best place third side in the three groups. “We’ve got a lot of T20 experience in our side, with guys like Ravi Bopara and Owais, so we should be able to use that to our advantage,” Tait reckons. A notable omission from his experienced mentions is the 30-year-old himself. “I guess I’ve got better at tactics and fields,” he says. “My body’s getting older, so I’m not as nippy as I was (he still bowls over 150kmph regularly). And I have to think about change balls and things a bit more rather than being the dumb fast bowler and try to take wickets.” Friends Life T20: Essex plays Surrey on Wed, 7.10pm, at The County Ground, Chelmsford. Quarter finals will be played Aug 6-8 at venues TBA. The semi-finals and final will be Aug 17 in Birmingham friendslife.co.uk/cricket

... or batsmen

Back to bat: Warner in action

TAIT BACKS WARNER RETURN AUSSIES NEED ‘DANGEROUS’ DAVE Shaun Tait backs the return of David Warner to the Australian line-up after the opener was suspended for throwing a punch at Joe Root. “I think you live and learn from your mistakes,” Tait tells TNT. “I’m sure Dave’s gonna learn from his.” Warner has copped his punishment on the chin and after a 193 for Australia in South Africa is a big chance at returning to the Ashes line-up, where coach Darren Lehmann says he’d bat at number six. “Dave’s a funny guy,” says Tait, who played in the national T20 side with the destructive hitter. “He’s a dangerous player, you want him in your team.” The slinger adds the appointment of Lehmann, his mentor at South Australia and a mate, is the best thing that could happen for Warner and the Aussies. “He’s got a quality cricket head and knows when to enjoy himself. I love the old school approach,” Tait says.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Specialist skipper: George Bailey

Defector: Sam Robson

Worst case scenario: pick a whole new Aussie team nd Cri

et ustralia don t need to for out for an flights

» Agree or disagree? Who would you include/axe? letters@tntmagazine.com 48

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FANS, LOOK TO THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE Going for Arsenal, Chelsea, Man U etc is fine if you’re minted enough to afford at least £50 for the cheap seats, but if my experiences from last year are anything to go by, go low for a cracking day out. For little more than the price of a movie you can get tickets to Championship and League One matches. There’s a little less shine on everything compared to an EPL game, but if you’re into sport and not too bothered about who wins, the atmosphere at a place like Watford (£25) or Charlton Athletic (£20+) is well worth it. Or if it’s just a passionate contest you’re

Tickets aren’t much more than a movie

after, why not get to some League One (Brentford or Leyton Orient in London) or Two (AFC Wimbledon in the west or Dagenham and Redbridge in the east) action, which kicks off this weekend. Who knows, you could get so into it you buy the scarf and have a new team – and a bunch of beer change in your pocket.

Photos: Getty

Sounds crazy, right? But it isn’t really. In England’s County Championship right now there is a team that would challenge, if not beat, the blokes in Baggy Green. Sam Robson: Chris Rogers’ opening partner at Middlesex, 24, is carving up with an average of 70 this year. Also, despite playing under-19s for his birth nation, he qualifies and wants to play for England from 2014. Selecting him would sabotage that. Simon Katich: One of many victims of past Aussie awesomeness, he’s still scoring runs for fun at Lancashire, including a 200 against Northants. Bowls left-arm Chinamen. Ricky Ponting: Didn’t think he was good enough after 168 Tests at 51.85 – he was wrong. Finished his run at Surrey on Friday and is retiring, but couldn’t leave him out. George Bailey (C): Aussie T20 captain before he was capped, a gun for the ODI side, then captain, so might as well skipper here. Michael Clarke’s the only safe player. Rob Quiney: Not exactly carving up at Essex, he’s here on past exploits, a habit of 1000run seasons and how unlucky he was to have been dumped after two failed 2012 Tests. Adam Voges: An ODI regular averaging 51.3, but scored 150 and 50 for Middlesex against Warwickshire in July. He’s one of the three decent part-time spinners in this side. David Hussey: Michael’s brother would have played 100 Tests for any other country. A batsman for any situation, his first class averaging is 52.9. A reliably tight off-spinner. Riki Wessels: The only keeper available is legend Kepler’s son. Plays for Notts and despite being born in Oz and growing up in South Africa, wants to play for England. Jim Allenby: An all-rounder who was annoyed at getting 42 wickets and 733 runs for Glamorgan last year – “disappointing”, he said. Dan Christian’s also playing T20 here. Trent Copeland: “Unfashionable” but terribly effective quick for Northants. Steve Magoffin: Another unfancy quick, but one of the best in the Championship. So there you go Boof and Pup, if all goes tits up, just get this lot on speed dial.

Left-field: coach Darren Lehmann got in the nets last week. Call up?

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he country WORLD CLUB 7 s y storm. TWICKENHAM STADIUM THE INAUGURAL

17 - 18 AUGUST 2013

Rugby worth making the trip for this summer!

hilaratingTWICKENHAM rugbySTADIUM is forecast. ARRIVALS SUMMER 2013

series guarantees a feast of Friday night rugby for all the A C T high-scoring B R U Mrugby B I alongside E S live music . Enjoy thrilling, p family Hentertainment. All 12 Premiership Rugby clubs A R L E Q U I N S mpete to reach the Final at the Twickenham Stoop.

A L WE S T ERN PROV I NCE A ear Saracens scooped the inaugural trophy and went on to A Uglory. C K Will L AthisN year's D winners do the same? A Premiership S A N at F7pm R Aon N CFriday I S C5th O August. L Final starts N S£5Afor I NU21s. TS O R£10 T H for A Madults P T O and L ets areNjust B L U Evia Bthe U LHarlequins LS ets available ticket office on A B U EorN online O S at A Iwww.ticketmaster.co.uk. RES A 1 527 1315,

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‘the butcher for all your needs’ polskie mięso, mi so, w wę ędliny i kiełbasy kiełbasy łbasy

BUTCHERS


TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

POLE DANCING At this rather irreverent temple fair in Taiwan, girls get groovy on top of a 4x4 while traditional dancers look on.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Ashley Howe; Sarah Reid

INSIDE

BEYOND THE FRINGE /54

DRAG RACING /62

COOL COLOMBIA

Heading to Edinburgh’s fest? Here’s how to make the most of the city once you’ve had your comedy and drama fix.

The cream of high-heeled athleticism battle for gold in the stiletto sprint and handbag toss at Amsterdam’s Drag Queen Olympics.

Fancy some casual ‘coke’ with a reformed cartel boss or finding the fabled Lost City? Colombia is an adventurer’s playground.

/66

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TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

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Take a trip: who knows where you’ll end up at Burning Man

TV TRIPPERS Ever booked a trip somewhere because you liked the look of the place on the telly? According to recent research by the Post Office, 19 per cent of tourists from Britain chose their holiday destinations inspired by what they’ve seen on the small screen.

Top of the poll was New York. The culprits? Sex And The City fans eager to spend their holidays picking up strings of hot men, pausing only to neck a few rounds of cosmos and nibble on the odd undressed green salad, a la Carrie and crew. Other TV trippers said they were keen to check out the Baywatchesque booty in Hawaii (come on guys, that was a long time ago) and Rome made the list because of classic movies such as La Dolce Vita. Naturally, since the survey was released there’s been much disdainful sniffing by travellers who consider themselves far too cultured to be inspired by anything as hoi polloi as the TV. But I’m all for it – whether you want to prove that you’re an adventurous type by heading deep into the Bolivian jungle, or prefer to picture yourself sprawled elegantly on a Bali beach, isn’t pretty much all travel about living out a fantasy? It’s the couple of weeks a year you can spend living your life the way you wish it could be all the time. There’s no contest between flicking through bland holiday snapshots for inspiration or getting sucked into a TV show that offers up a whole lifestyle to drool over, complete with atmosphere, action, interesting characters and, if you’re an SATC fan, lots of very snazzy outfits. TV and travel both provide escapism at it’s finest, and where’s the harm in that?

in and tell us at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

Want to get naked save for a few licks of neon body paint? Stay high for a week straight? Dress up as an alien? Pretend to be one? 26-2 Whatever your maddest of inner impulses, you can unleash them at Mac Daddy of out-there festivals, Nevada’s Burning Man. Music, dance, arts and heaps of hallucinogenics are the order of play here. AUG-SEP

WHY: Over the 20-odd years that Burning Man has been running (the origins are a little hazy) it has developed cult status. The basic idea is that a community of around 50,000 establish a temporary metropolis in the desert called Black Rock City. They party there for a week and then burn it down.

HAMBURGER FESTIVAL US

The town of Seymour, Wisconsin, claims it’s the 10 “home of the hamburger” (invented in 1885 in case you’re interested) and celebrates that fact every year. A bun toss, hamburger parade and burger eating competition are all part of the fun. AUGUST

homeofthehamburger.org

AIR GUITAR

Finland

This is the 18th edition of the Air Guitar World 21-24 Championships, held this year in Oulu, northern Finland. Anyone can enter as long as you send your song clip in by August 14. Prepare then for some serious air-shredding on stage. AUGUST

airguitarworldchampionships.com

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DO IT BECAUSE: You’ll get the chance to witness the traditional burning of ‘The Man’ from which the festival gets its name. A huge effigy around 40ft tall, it’s sent up in flames on the final night in a symbol of personal release and self-expression. burningman.com

GREEN MAN

Wales

An independent music festival in the scenic Black 15-18 Mountains, Green Man keeps the entertainment rolling 24 hours a day, with comedy, poetry and literature performances as well as bands. Forget your overpriced burger vans too – the festival organisers pride themselves on providing locally sourced food for the punters. AUGUST

greenman.net

BIRGITTA

Estonia

The music and theatre performances at Birgitta 9-18 Festival are held in an eerie medieval Pirita convent in Tallinn. Can’t ask for more atmosphere than that. AUGUST

birgitta.ee

Photo: Getty

Book your holidays based on TV shows? Write

BURNING MAN US

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26/07/2013 14:39:25


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STAR WARS CITY BURIED Star Wars fans will be distraught to hear that the site of fictional city Mos Espa, featured in Episode I: The Phantom Menace of the Jedi saga, is about to be swallowed up by sand dunes. The remote site in the Tunisian desert was the set for the planet Tatooine in the movie, which was the home of the young Anakin Skywalker who later became Darth Vader. Many a devoted fan has taken the journey to visit this site (see tunisia-tourism.org for details). However, because of the movement of sand dunes in the desert, caused by strong winds, the film set will soon be buried. Experts say it will probably reemerge but will be badly damaged.

Photos: tunisia-tourism.org

GERMANS GO NUDE With temperatures reaching scorching heights, it’s always tempting to just rip off those swimmers altogether... isn’t it? The answer is yes if you’re German, who, according to a new survey by Expedia, are the most likely to go au naturel on the beach. Nearly a fifth confessed they’ve gone nude by the sea on at least once occasion – that’s more than twice as likely as the global average. The Danes were similarly likely to throw caution (and bikini tops) to the wind, with 40 per cent of the country’s women happy to sunbathe topless. Least likely to sunbathe topless were ladies from Japan and Malaysia.

‘Mos Espa’ soon to be buried by dunes

SHARK-PROOF SUITS Australian entrepreneurs have launched an ‘invisibility’ wetsuit, which they claim protects wearers from shark attacks. According to their research, in the last two seconds before an attack, sharks use eyesight over the other senses. The wetsuits have been designed with special patterns to deter sharks, including a black suit with stripes which confuses the predator and a blue-and-white design making the wearer ‘invisible’ to the shark. Entreprenuer Craig Anderson told AFP: “It’s based on new breakthrough science which is all about visionary systems for predatory sharks.”

IPAD DISGUISED iPads might well be terrifically handy gadgets to bring away on holiday, saving you from packing a suitcase full of guidebooks or laptops. The obvious flipside is that they’re so very nickable, which leads many travellers afraid of having their prized possession stolen to leave them at home. However, Paris-based ‘digital newsstand’ lekiosk.com has come up with a solution – iPad covers that double up as a nifty disguise. The cases look like glossy magazines, hopefully realistic enough to con passing sticky-fingered thieves into ignoring them. The covers will soon be available from lekiosk.com.

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Skyline: Edinburgh is a stunner at sunset [Caption]

Edinburgh

SCOTLAND

SCOTLAND Glasgow EDINBURGH

Seaside retreat: Portobello beach

GETTING THERE Fly from London Luton to Edinburgh from £61.98 return with easyJet. easyjet.com

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP Within a stone’s throw of key Fringe venues, The Holyrood 9A does the best burgers in the city. There are 19 varieties on the menu along with a selection of grills. Burgers from £6.95. (9A Holyrood Road; tel. 0131 556 5044) Mother India’s Cafe offers a refined small-plate concept so diners can sample more expertly prepared North Indian options from the menu. From £3.50 a plate. motherindia.co.uk

Old school Edinburgh boozers don’t come more relaxed than The Blue Blazer. Pints from £3.50. (2 Spittal Street; tel. 0131 229 5030) Straddling the line between traditional pub and bohemian hangout, Joseph Pearce’s is perfect for a quiet drink or as a staging post on a raucous night out. Pints from £3.75. (23 Elm Row; tel. 0131 556 4140) One of the best value options in town, the Hudson Hotel combines sleek boutique elements with prices that are hard to beat. Rooms from £85pn. thehudsonhotel.co.uk

Eco-friendly art: Scaffold at Jupiter Artland

Ten Hill Place Hotel has ‘skyline’ rooms which offer stunning views of Arthur’s Seat and Holyrood Park. Rooms from £75pn.

Freedom: cycle into the countryside 54

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Gothic: underground vaults

tenhillplace.com

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UKTRIP

Beyond the Fringe Heading to Edinburgh’s fest? Here’s how to see even more once you’ve had your comedy fix WORDS DUNCAN FORGAN

With more than 2500 shows over 25 days, ranging from cutting edge theatre to comedy and literary events, the Edinburgh Festival Fringe is a vast beast. Such is the sheer scale of the event even the most committed arts junkie will need a breather at some stage. Thankfully, Scotland’s capital offers plenty in the way of distraction from the noise and fury of the world’s largest arts jamboree. Jupiter Artland Located just to the west of Edinburgh in the grounds of Bonnington House, this outdoor sculpture park has proved a hit with art lovers since opening at the end of 2009. Key to its success has been the pedigree of the sculptors and land artists who have worked on-site to produce specially commissioned works. Big names who have exhibited here include Turner Prize nominees Nathan Coley and Jim Lambie as well as other notables such as Anish Kapoor, Anthony Gormley and Andy Goldsworthy. A highlight of the current season is US artist Sam Durant’s Scaffold, an eco-friendly climbing frame inspired by America’s history of capital punishment. The park is only open Thursday to Sunday, so make sure to plan your visit. Entrance £8.50pp. MORE: jupiterartland.org

Photos: Rosa Maria Ruehling, Thinkstock, Getty, Simon Carey

Jazz cruises Cynics might argue that the mournful end of the jazz oeuvre is a more suitable soundtrack to the Scottish summer than the more uplifting elements of the genre. Nevertheless, if you are fortunate enough to get a sunny Friday evening during August (there are some), it pays to make your way to South Queensferry and embark on one of the legendary jazz cruises on the Firth of Forth estuary. The seasoned band aboard the Maid Of The Forth provides a lively accompaniment to the setting sun as the boat putters its way under the Forth Bridge and past charming islands such as Inchcolm. For those who prefer banjo to upright bass, there are also folk music cruises featuring top Scottish band Pure Malt. Three-hour cruise £17pp. MORE: maidoftheforth.co.uk Portobello Beach The stretches of sand east of Edinburgh along the East Lothian coast are among the finest in Britain. If you can

spare the time, hire a car or catch the train to Gullane, North Berwick or Dunbar where swathes of empty golden beach are backed by sand dunes. Even closer is Portobello, the nearest beach to the city. Tourist traffic might have thinned out since the resort’s heyday in the Sixties, when holidaymakers from around Scotland came to breathe in the sea air and a young Sean Connery patrolled the beach as a lifeguard, but the wide sandy beach and its adjacent promenade remains an appealing spot to take a stroll. MORE: welcometoscotland.com Descend and Discover While major Fringe venues such as The Caves utilise the longdisused chambers of Edinburgh’s Old Town, fans of Gothic history would be advised to dig even deeper into the city’s often murky past. The network of vaults formed in the 19 arches of the South Bridge were once used to house taverns, cobblers and other tradesmen. Other vaults, meanwhile, were used as storage space for nefarious materials including, gruesomely, corpses used by serial killers Burke and Hare for medical experiments. The vaults underneath Blair Street are commonly used for ghost tours but it is possible to explore independently through Mercat’s Descend and Discover tour, which provides a detailed plan of the vaults along with a useful audio visual aid. Tours £6pp. MORE: mercattours.com Edinburgh’s Cycle Network The extensive network of cycle paths that extend outwards as far as Musselburgh in the east and Cramond and Ratho to the west are an outstanding resource for those looking to work off some of the festival excess. Many of the paths are built along long disused train lines and wind their way through bucolic countryside English wines: that feels far removed from Can they compete the whirl of the city centre. with Oz’s finest? MORE: innertubemap.com

NEXT WEEK

BEST OF EDINBURGH FESTIVAL tntmagazine.com/best-edfest

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LATEDEALS

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A two-night stay in Milan costs £198pp with lowcostholidays.com

DEAL OF THE WEEK CRETE BREAK

£256

A seven-night stay with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes return flights and three-star, selfcatering accommodation at the Rena Apartments in Gouves. Departs London Gatwick July 30.

< £250

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TENERIFE A seven-night stay is £268pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation at the Laguna Park II Apartments in Playa De Las Americas. Departs London Gatwick on August 29. MONTENEGRO A seven-day stay costs £419pp with Explore Montenegro (0207 1181002; montenegroholidays.com). Deal includes return flights and accommodation in the two-bed Apartment Blastion in Kotor. Departs London Gatwick on August 28. TURKEY An eight-day sailing expedition costs £419pp (save 40 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0999596; traveltalktours.com). Includes cabin accommodation, some meals and visits to Kos, Santorini and more. Excludes flights, port tax and local payment. Book by August 4. Departs Bodrum September 1.

> £500 BARBADOS A seven-night trip to Barbados costs £628pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Deal includes direct return flights and three-star, room-only accommodation at the Halcyon Palm in St James. Departs London Gatwick September 11. EASTERN MEDITERRANEAN A nine-night cruise costs £699pp (save £400) with Cruise Nation (cruisenation.com; 0800 408 0758). Includes return flights and allinclusive accommodation on the MSC Armonia, plus visits to Ancona and Dubrovnik. Book by July 24. Departs from a London airport on September 18. EUROPE A 10-day London to Paris tour costs £647pp with STA Travel (0800 9880390; statravel.co.uk). Includes visits to Amsterdam and Venice, tour transport and accommodation plus some meals and sightseeing. Departs London on July 26. Transport back to London not included.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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MADRID A two-night trip is £98pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes return flights and three-star, room-only accommodation at Togumar Hotel. Departs from London Gatwick on October 2. DUBLIN A two-night stay costs £199pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Croke Park Hotel. Departs from London Stansted on August 8. OKTOBERFEST A four-day festival tour is £178pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 099 9596; traveltalktours.com). Includes B&B hostel accommodation and a visit to Munich. Excludes flights Departs on September 27. Book by August 4. KRAKOW A two-night trip is £99pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes direct return flights and threestar, B&B accommodation at Bluebells Apartments. Departs from London Southend on September 23. MILAN A two-night stay is £198pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Deal includes direct return flights and three-star, room only accommodation at the Ibis Milano Centro. Departs from London Gatwick on September 10.

£250 – £500

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26/07/2013 14:50:55


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PATRICIA MONTENEGRO Talks travel photography

WINNER

3-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND + PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

WIN

Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

WINNER

RUNNER-UP

GENTLE GIANT’S BATH TIME Mandar Karlekar, Sydney, Australia

ROCKEFELLER SUNSET SKYLINE Hayley Kimpton, London, United Kingdom

WHY IT WORKS This was an “unforgettable” experience for Mandar on his honeymoon in Kodanad, in Kerala, India, famous for its elephant sanctuary. They got a tip from a local that the elephants were getting a bath and had to check it out. “It really was heartwarming to see these majestic animals truly enjoying their time in the river,” Mandar tells us. Just capturing this moment make this shot a winner, but the framing of the gently lapping water and tree behind give the snapshot the balance it deserves.

WHY IT WORKS Hayley snapped this classic New York skyline on her first visit to New York. Instead of the Empire State Building, she opted to head up the Rockefeller Centre and tells us she had to fight her way through the crowd to get a good spot to shoot the sunset. “It was the highest I had ever been and the views took my breath away,” she says. “I love the colour of the sky in this photo and it will always bring back happy memories of my favourite holiday.”

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIPAFOR TRIP TWO FORTO TWO TO WIN WIN BATH & BATH STONEHENGE & STONEHENGE

Going away somewhere soon? Going away somewhere soon? Going away somewhere soon? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself Send a horizontal photo of yourself anywhere around with auscopy of TNT from withworld a copy of TNT around the and, if wefrom printanywhere it, you’ll win a the world if weand print it, you’ll win a trip for twoand, to Bath Stonehenge with trip for twoTours, to Bath and at Stonehenge with Anderson valued £104! Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, tntmagazine.com with your where you’re fromalong and where the name, photo where you’re and where the photo was taken, or from see tntmagazine.com/world. was taken, orat see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be least 500Kb. Files must be at least 500Kb.

[LOCATION, MYRTOS BEACH, COUNTRY] KEFALONIA, GREECE [Name/From] Zac Dillun, from Mauritius

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TOP FIVE

1

MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB

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MATTERHORN, THE ALPS

‘The only way is up’, ‘rise to the challenge’, even ‘climb every mountain’ for Christ’s sake – every metaphor for success involves climbing your way above the rest. It’s no wonder reaching the summit of a mountain is the life goal of many. And we’re not talking walking up a bunch of steep steps (looking at you, Huayna Picchu). Nope, we’re talking rope, crampons and ice axes. Hell yeah. A good peak to set your sights on is the Matterhorn. Our reasons are threefold: 1. There are a number of routes catering for beginners (but you must have a guide and be in good shape), intermediate and expert climbers; 2. As part of The Alps mountain range, which divides Germany, France, Slovenia, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Italy and Austria, it is the closest to the UK; 3. Its pointy peak looks bloody impressive and near impossible to get to, so it’s a great one for showing off to your mates. Intrepid beginners can take the popular Horni Ridge or Lion routes as they have fixed ropes, ladders 58 00

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and rest huts along the way. It is still recommended you employ a guide, as a lot of the rock can be loose and so you need to be careful about where you place your feet – you could come a cropper if you don’t have someone who knows the route well with you. Alpine ISM offers one-on-one guiding for £360 per day this summer, with itineraries spread over five or six days. Although the climb itself only takes one (long) day, the guidance involves showing you how to use climbing tools, working on your scrambling skills across loose rock, acclimatising with stays in mountain hotels, as well as advice, navigation and support throughout your ascent and descent. Alpine ISM’s guides cover most routes, depending on your experience, so pros can tackle the Zmutt, North Face or Furggen Ridges. Bookings are accepted from early July to September for the best climbing conditions. alpin-ism.com

BEST OF UK MOUNTAIN CLIMBING tntmagazine.com/climbing-uk

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

26/07/2013 15:06:17


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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN Rural mates escape

2

KILIMANJARO, TANZANIA

From the 5885m summit of Mount Kilimanjaro it is possible to see the curvature of the Earth. That’s just cool. Despite the fact you don’t need climbing equipment (aside from suitable clothing, boots, etc), we let this on the list because it is a challenging climb nonetheless, and a long one. Explore offers a 10-day trip (eight days on the mountain), using the most scenic and least busy route, the Lemosho, for £1745pp.

Words: Caroline Garnar. Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Wikimedia Commons

explore.co.uk

4

ELBRUS, RUSSIA

Europe’s highest peak (5642m) is a good option for climbers looking to work on their ice and snow training, but you’ve got to get your skates on if you want a go (no, not literally). Adventure Peaks offers a 12-day trip (seven days climbing) from £1750pp, but only until early September, otherwise the route is too dangerous due to unpredictable weather. If you do get up there at the right time, the clean, white, almost ethereal views make it worthwhile. adventurepeaks.com

3

KHUITEN, MONGOLIA

Part of the appeal of climbing Mount Khuiten is actually getting there. One of Earth’s least accessible mountains, you have to trek for a day to actually reach the base camp, with many tour companies using camels to carry equipment. This climb is not as high as others (4374m), but it is more technical, with crevasses scoring the route to the summit. KE Adventure offers a 15-day trip with treks, park tours and a threeday Khuiten climb for £2495pp. keadventure.com

5

EVEREST, HIMALAYAS

We couldn’t have a top five mountains to climb list without Everest on it, could we? No, that would be silly. The summit, at 8858m, is for seriously hardcore climbers – more than 200 people have died trying. But you can start by trekking to base camp, which is still a respectable 5364m high (south side). Take in the sights of Kathmandu with Adventure Company, as well as visit mountain villages on your 10-day climb to Everest’s base camp, and pay a very reasonable £874pp for 18 days.

ETTIFORD FARM COTTAGES OVERVIEW What with England experiencing this rarest of rarities – continual sunshine – it seems a little crazy to board a plane this summer. Instead, grab your mates and head for the stunning Devonshire town of Ilfracombe. The ideal spot for a hen or stag do (a tame one, anyway) or just a bunch of mates looking to get away, these three cottages offer the chance for you to have your own private group accommodation. It’s so remote you can’t even get mobile phone reception, meaning you can party all night without disturbing the neighbours (unless you count sheep). With a retro games room (foosball and pool tables and, er, top trumps) and gorgeous views, you need never leave, but if you do, the pretty town centre, with a harbour and plenty of pubs, is a 10-minute drive away. ROOMS You may have to draw straws as some are much better than others, but you can sleep up to 14 across the three cottages. BILL PLEASE From £25pppn.

Ettiford Farm Cottages, Ilfracombe, North Devon, EX34 9RG ettifordcottages.co.uk Barnstaple

adventurecompany.co.uk

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TRAVELTIPS

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THE INSIDER

‘Real charm’: the bright lights of Dublin

JOHN O’SULLIVAN Product development manager Med Experience

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

Q I’m going to be popping over to Dublin for a wedding in September and plan to book a few days either side of it, what would you recommend I do there? Eleanor, via email A Dublin has real charm and the city’s classic

READERS’ TIPS ON COLOMBIA LEARN THE LINGO Not much English is spoken in Colombia, so brush up before you travel, and make sure you’re at least armed with a few key phrases. Sam Stock, via email STREET EATS If you’re on a budget, street food including empanadas and menu del dias (set menus) are great value. Stock up on fresh fruit at local mercados. Sarah Reiss, via email 60

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must-sees include the iconic Ha’Penny Bridge, Trinity College and the pub-lined cobbled streets of Temple Bar. The Guinness Storehouse, which charts the history and processes behind the famous stout, is also a popular attraction. For a dose of Irish history, take a trip to Kilmainham Gaol, the 18th-century prison which played a significant role in the country’s path to independence. Guided tours take you through the eerie, well-preserved prison building, which is just a short bus ride from the city centre.

Another great historical treasure trove is the Photographic Archive in Temple Bar’s Meeting House Square. Regular exhibitions are held here charting different periods of Ireland’s history. Try to visit on a Saturday when the square also hosts a popular food market serving up delicious local produce. I would recommend taking the time to sample traditional Irish cuisine whilst in the capital. Check out Winding Stair, a cute restaurant and bookstore which serves up topnotch Irish dishes. No visit to Dublin would be complete without spending a morning at Croke Park, the home of Gaelic sport. The stadium also houses a museum of Irish sports such as hurling and Gaelic football and you can even walk on the roof of the stands for great views over the city (25 euros including museum entrance, crokepark.ie).

Best secret spot? Island Proizd – it’s a beautiful island with a bar, a barbecue and amazing natural surroundings. Your favourite place in Croatia? Korcula has it all. It’s an old world city with cobblestone paths and guard towers, but it doesn’t suffer from the overcrowding of other tourist hot spots. It’s also got a killer nightlife – watch out for Dos Locos Bar where the party pours out into the street. A recommended excursion? Make a trip to the village of Dracevica on the island of Brac. It’s a littleknown town of only 80 people, but they have some of the best wine, olive oil and lamb in Croatia.

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Tone it down: not an option at the Drag Queen Olympics

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Drag racing The cream of high-heeled athleticism battle for gold in the stiletto sprint and handbag toss at Amsterdam’s Drag Queen Olympics WORDS ASHLEY HOWE

The stage is a blur of bright colours, big make-up, stilettos and wigs as I arrive at Amsterdam’s Drag Queen Olympics. A huge crowd has already gathered at the Homomonument – a memorial commemorating all gay men and lesbians who have ever been persecuted – for this Gay Pride event, and the excitement is palpable. The music is loud and the crowd gets bigger still as the clock hands move steadily towards 7pm. Suddenly a roar goes up. Miss Gimme Moore appears on stage and starts warming up the crowd, followed by an inspiring performance of Barcelona by Miss Didi Licious – her dress gradually inflating until the song reaches a crescendo and she falls over. Meanwhile, at the back of the crowd, the Olympic torch is lit and Jennifer Hopelezz is carried over the heads of the crowd to the stage. The games are officially open. Amsterdam’s annual Drag Queen Olympics has been hosted and organised every year since 2004, by Jennifer Hopelezz – a hardworking mother with 55 children and counting, so her story goes. “Juggling a busy home life and my work commitments ain’t easy, but I love what I do,” she tells me. Jennifer Hopelezz is the alter-ego of Richard Keldoulis, an Australian-born expat living in Amsterdam. She adds: “I always think it’s really funny to combine drag with sports or drag with politics.” I’m here to watch 2012’s shenanigans, and the first event is the stiletto sprint, a ‘high speed’ race over about 100 metres. It sounds so simple, until the obligatory high heels, even for drag kings, are factored in – and some of the entrants are extremely competitive. Eva Vragen looks like she has been practising hard by the way she takes off. It’s tense, and they really go for it. There is a first aider ready to assist if people fall over, but luckily none of the injuries are serious. There is a podium for the placegetters, first to third, who are awarded rosettes as reward for their achievements. Contestant Miss Didi Licious says: “My favourite contest has to be the handbag throwing because you get to do a long catwalk on the stage, strutting your thing and throwing your handbag high up in the air and watching it descend into the crowd and listening to everyone scream.” This is the next event, and one by one contestants hurl a handbag into the crowd as far as it will go. The methods by which the handbag is thrown varies from a hammer

throw-style, spinning around in circles and letting it go, or just hurling it underarm. Some of the contestants even accidentally throw it backwards and one of the contestants manages to lob hers on the roof of the burger bar, at the back of the hordes, to the amusement of everyone on stage. Bystander Ian Pierce says: “This is brilliant, first time I’ve been, but I’m definitely coming back next year. It’s so funny.” For the tug of war, two haphazard teams take their places

The stage is a blur of stilettos and wigs

on the stage with a rope. The whistle goes off, and the two teams start to pull to deafening cheers – the winning team comes dangerously close to falling off of the stage. The best part about this event is that absolutely

Anchored: drag queens dig their heels in for tug-of-war TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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anyone can join in – it’s open to drag queens and kings alike and there is a dedicated beautician who will help to transform you into a dazzling drag beauty, should you wish to join in the fun. Fancy being part of 2013’s celebrations? Well it’s completely free to enter (if you need some Dutch courage, the contestants get free booze, which is awesome), just don’t forget your wigs and stilettos – even if you’re a drag king, you will need to wear heels. As for those who’d rather just spectate, there’s plenty more to see and do in the city during the same week, as the Drag Queen Olympics are part of the wider Amsterdam Gay Pride celebrations. These take place all over the city and include a boat parade, street parties and a Pride march. One regular Pride participant I spoke to, David Markes, summed up the inclusive atmopshere: “I love the way the entire city seems to be behind the day.” Who could resist a party like that? Drag Queen Olympics take place on August 2, starting at 7pm. To enter as a queen or king, arrive at 5pm amsterdamgaypride.nl; dragqueenolympics.nl

SEE THE DRAG QUEENS IN ACTION tntmagazine.com/drag-videos

Bros and hose: cooling off the crowds [Caption]

NEXT WEEK Munich: The very best of the city, post-Oktoberfest

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Kop Van Jut (left) has a great atmosphere, with photos and memorabilia adorning the walls. The traditional Dutch grub is served in generous portions and the restaurant is always full, so call ahead to make a reservation. Mains from £12. (Leidsekruisstraat 24; tel. 002 0320 7722)

The Dutch might not have a stellar reputation for service, but Rijsel is the exception to the rule. On top of great staff, the food here is excellent. You also have the option to go offmenu for more unusual fare, such as calves brains or dove. Mmm. Mains from £16.

Elkaar does Dutch fine dining in a laid-back atmosphere – almost to the point of feeling as though you’re entering someone’s home. Take a seat outside in the hot summer months. Mains from £20. (Alexanderplatz 6 1018; tel. 002 0330 7559)

With a great atmosphere, and regular live music, Hannekes Boom (left) is one of the best bars in Amsterdam. When it’s sunny, sit on the terrace which looks out towards the Science Center NEMO. Pints from £2.

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With one of the best views over Amsterdam, SkyLounge (above) is situated on the top floor of the Doubletree Hilton Hotel. During the daytime you get spectacular views, and the city looks pretty lit up at night, too. Cocktails from £10. doubletree3.hilton.com

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Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; dragqueens-oftheworld.com; Facebook

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Adventure tour COLOMBIA

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Welcome to the jungle: trekking in Colombia 66

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Kicking it in Colombia Fancy some casual ‘coke’ with a reformed cartel boss or finding the fabled Lost City? Colombia is an adventurer’s playground WORDS SARAH REID

Kidnappings, cartels and cocaine. You can’t help but think of Colombia when hearing these ominous words strung together. And it’s not surprising. During drug kingpin Pablo Escobar’s reign from the Eighties to the early-Nineties, visiting Colombia was about as safe as backpacking through the Democratic Republic of the Congo. But times have changed. On the 20th anniversary of El Doctor’s death – and amidst a slightly more favourable security situation – I was curious to find out how far Colombia has come. Naturally, it made sense to begin my monthlong visit in what was once considered to be the world’s most dangerous city – Medellín. Big city life

WHEN TO GO: Colombia is a year-round travel destination, but the dry seasons from DecemberMarch and July-August are better suited to hiking. Medellín is famed for its eternal-spring temperatures, and the humidity in Cartagena is much more bearable from November-April. WHERE TO STAY: Expect to pay around £8 for a dorm bed throughout Colombia. Try Medellin’s Casa Kiwi with dorm beds from £6.50pppn. casakiwi.net CURRENCY: £1= 2889 Colombian Peso (COP) SEE: colombia.travel

Stepping off the bus in Colombia’s secondlargest city, I can’t deny I am a little apprehensive about being in Colombia. But my fears are short-lived. Since Escobar was gunned down by police on the roof of a middle-class suburb here in 1993, Medellín has slowly and quietly been getting on with things. A metro was completed in the mid-Nineties, and a decade later saw the implementation of a gondola system connecting the city’s favelas with the Central Business District – taking the trip up to the former no-go barrio of Santo Domingo for a beer at a local bar is an eye-opening way to spend an afternoon. Thanks to a massive art contribution by famous Colombian sculptor and local resident Fernando Botero, the city’s Museo de Antioquia is well worth a look-in, and the cosmopolitan Zona Rosa district is the ultimate party destination. Keen to get more of an insight into the days of the Medellín Cartel, I sign up for the official Pablo Escobar Tour (pabloescobartourcolombia.com; £35), which offers a rare chance to meet Pablo’s brother Roberto. Pulling up at the 66-year-old’s house, our guide Natalia casually invites us in for “some coke”. The joke is on us as we sip Coca-Cola, listening to Roberto – who did 14 years in jail for acting as the cartel’s accountant – regale us with the story of how he and Pablo escaped resort-like prison La Catedral in 1992.

But it is difficult to swallow Roberto’s claim that his younger brother – who orchestrated the deaths of more than 3500 journalists, politicians, police and other civilians – was a “kind, gentle, man”. Posing for a photo with the diminutive Paisa (a nickname for people of the region), left partly deaf and blind by an envelope bomb, is kind of unsettling. Still not sure why I smiled. While the days of the Medellín Cartel are over, it’s estimated Colombia still accounts for up to 60 per cent of the global production of cocaine, and the bacrim (narco-paramilitary gangs) still operate across the country. The UK government currently advises against visiting rural areas bordering Ecuador, Panama, Venezuela and the famous salsa city of Cali, but I personally have no dramas busing up through the latter region from Ecuador. Street crime is still a problem in the big cities, yet I feel more or less comfortable exploring Medellín by day. The capital Bogotá, my next stop, seems a bit sketchier though, and I move on after checking out the fantastic free Museo Botero and photographing the street art in the funky La Candelaria district. Colonial cool

After a week of city life I’m itching to get out into the countryside. First stop: Villa de Leyva. Arriving in this whitewashed colonial village around 150km north of Bogotá is like stepping into a Gabriel Garciá Márquez novel (the protagonist in the 86-year-old Colombian author’s iconic love story, Love In The Time Of Cholera, spends part of his life here). I inadvertently arrive during the Fiesta de la Virgen, which see hundreds of caballeros converge to prance through the cobblestoned streets on their fillies – a sight I’ll never forget. A world away from the city bustle, this colonial time warp town is the perfect place to wind down for a few days, gorging on café con leche and cake. I meet some Argentinians who’d come especially to forage for magic mushrooms, but alas, they come up empty-handed. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Soaked: tackling the Ciudad Perdida trek

Into the jungle Escobar encounters and cake scoffing aside, my top priority in Colombia is tackling the famous Ciudad Perdida (Spanish for Lost City) trek. To warm up, I make a stop in San Gil – Colombia’s adventure capital. Roughly 300km north of Bogota, San Gil is the go-to town for class five white-water rafting on the Rio Suarez (£30 well spent). There’s canyoning, horse riding, bungee jumping and paragliding on offer here too, but the latter is more scenic in Medellín, which is rimmed by forested mountains. If you really want to challenge yourself, it’s all about the Lost City. Discovered in 1972, the pre-Inca ruins located on the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta near Colombia’s Caribbean coast consist of more than 100 terraces and several circular plazas carved into the mountainside, linked by a network of emerald green moss-covered stone steps. For many years, guerrilla groups controlled this region – the National Liberation Army (ELN) kidnapped a troop of hikers in 2003 – but the Colombian military now occupy several bases in the area, which has improved safety for tourists. Only accessible by foot, Ciudad Perdida is reached via a 50km jungle loop. You can choose to tackle the trek in four, five or six days (expect to pay around £200, including food and hammock accommodation), but it’s totally do-able in four. And what a hike – when I bend down to take off my shoes at the first water crossing, my guide Miguel cackles with laughter. He explains it is one of at least 20 streams – some chest-deep – we’ll have to navigate throughout the punishing journey. In short, we are perpetually soaked. Fortunately, a donkey carries our meagre food rations, because my day pack – containing only a dry change of clothes to sleep in, heavy-duty mosquito repellent and a camera that doesn’t spend much time out of its dry bag – feels like it weighs a ton. Completing the trek is a tough slog, but worth every minute. Unlike the crowded ruins of Peru’s Machu Picchu or Mexico’s Chichen Itza, you’ll be lucky to see another 68

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Photos: SArah Reid, Thinkstock, facebook, La Ciudad Perdida

Crystal: among the San Blas Islands

Found: the ancient Lost City’s secret is now out hiking group at Ciudad Perdida – it feels like you’re the first gringo on the scene since the city was thought to have been abandoned during the Spanish conquest. And while it lacks the grandeur of other famous ruins, Ciudad Perdida’s achingly beautiful jungle setting more than makes up for it. It’s said the primitive communities you’ll pass en route have always known about the ruins and kept it to themselves, and I can’t help but feel a little guilty that their secret is out. Caribbean dreaming Following the gruelling trek, I can’t wait to hit the beach. Fortunately, Colombia boasts nearly 1700km of coastline, fringed by picture-perfect coconut palms. A few clicks east of Santa Marta, Tayrona National Park is a popular spot to

In style: travelling on the road in Colombia is always colourful

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spend a few lazy days sleeping out on a hammock by the beach (be warned: the sandflies take no prisoners), while other travellers rave about the sleepy village of Capurganá near the Panamanian border. With just a few days remaining on my visa, I only have time to spend a day or two relaxing in the party town of Taganga before heading west to Cartagena de Indias. One of the first sanctuaries of freed African slaves, Cartagena’s residents reflect its amazing diversity – inside the walled Old Town, street vendors proffer ice-cold watermelon slices while bars blast a mix of salsa, reggae and Afrobeats into the night. The smell of caldero (fish cooked over charcoal) and carimanolas (yucca root fritters stuffed with beef) permeates the streets, and colonial buildings painted in a riot of tropical brights provide photo opportunities at every turn. Still a thriving port after five centuries in operation, Cartagena is the gateway to Central America. Thanks to a near-impenetrable swathe of swampland called the Darién Gap, the border between Colombia and Panama is inaccessible by road. Probably because of this, flights are always really expensive, so most travellers choose to make the journey by sea. Sailing isn’t much cheaper (expect to pay around £330), but it’s worth it to spend three days of the typical five-day voyage cruising the stunning San Blas Islands, off Panama’s remote east coast. Captains tout for business in the hostels of Getsemani, just outside Cartagena’s historic centre, but it pays to do your research – hostel Mamallena in Cartagena (mamallena.com) and Luna’s Castle in Panama City (lunascastlehostel.com) have good info on their websites, as there are some oddball seamen out there. Autonomously controlled by Panama’s Kuna Indians – who’ll catch and cook you a lobster for around £5 – the idyllic San Blas are flanked by the most paradisiacal turquoise water I’ve ever seen. Following the arduous 40-hour open ocean crossing from Cartagena, during which we nearly collide with a freighter, run out of drinking water and all but one of us hurl our guts up as the yacht pitches and rolls through a hectic storm, coasting in the sheltered San Blas waters is a pretty sweet way to end my trip. Colombia might have a bit of a bad rep, but I’d go back for sure.

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LA TOMATINA BUNOL 28TH AUG

plona, La Tom with FFT to Pam d lle ve tra ve ha “I Rock! “ ? - First Festival xt ne re he W . st and Oktoberfe

The small Spanish town of Bunol is our destination for the “worlds biggest food fight” Our tours are based in the beautiful city of Valencia, with plenty to offer whether it be a city bike tour, tapa tasting or just relaxing on the miles of white sandy beaches .

4 Day Deluxe Hotel 26-29th Aug Incl: 3 nights 4* Star Hotel Daily Breakfast Return Coach Transfer to Bunol Entry to La Tomatina Welcome Party night Service of experienced Tour Leader

fr £219

4 Day Hostel 26th -29th Aug Incl: 3 nights Hostel Daily Breakfast Return Coach Transfer to Bunol Entry to La Tomatina Welcome Party night Service of experienced Tour Leader

fr £169

LA TOMATINA TICKETS

This year the Bunol Town Hall has made this event ticketed. We have secured your ticket and it is included in your tour price.

Optional Extras City Walking Tour City Bike Tour Sunset Cruise Wine & Water Fiesta See our website for full details FFT- 8th July2013.indd 1


A

OKTOBERFEST 21ST SEPT - 6TH OCT

£299

With 14 Beerhalls to choose from, an array of German Food and a Fairground to make you dizzy, this is your ultimate party weekend. We have Hostel, Hotel and Camping options available on all weekend. You also have the option to purchase Sunday Beerhall Reservations.

our

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EDINBURGH TATTOO EDINBURGH 9TH &16TH JULY

Packages from

£289

The city of Edinburgh becomes a sea of colour music and emtertainment as the annual month of festivities of The Tattoo and Edinburgh Festival takes hold of the city. Amazing Band Parades and traditional dancing are just a few things you can experience

o

9

RUGBY FRANCE 9TH NOV PARIS

Packages from

£169

The All Blacks are back in November, to take on the French, who will have much to prove after their NZ Series and we all know how unpredicable they are! We have Eurostar/ Hotel packages or if you want to make your own way just Hotel packages. See our website for full itinearies

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RUGBY IRELAND 24TH NOV DUBLIN

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TRAVEL

Packages from

Packages from

£159

Join us in Dublin for a weekend of Rugby Craic ! The locals are always keen for a party and we’re pretty keen to have a go with them! Our packages are both Hostel or Hotel and all city centre. Please note this game is being played on Sunday afternoon.

Full Itineraries can be found on our website First Festival Travel, 68 North End Road, London W14 9EP. Closest Tube: West Kensington

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Packages from

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

follow us on

@tntmagazine

Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. promise to get him for her special milestone. She can’t really see anything, so applicants need not look all that much like him. Must provide own suit and gritty Dark Knight voice. William HIDE AND SEEK: To Alex’s girlfriend (our apparent third roommate). I’ve taken it upon myself to strategically relocate your belongings all over East London until you pay rent. You’ve been eating our food and slouching on

you don’t have to be the nicest person. You don’t have to be the most selfless person or the most moral person. I just need you to be really smart and passionate, please. And god forbid the most anyone has to say for you is ‘nice’. Leah ROYAL PLAYDATE: To Kate and William, I was thinking we could set up a playdate? My baby girl was born on Monday as well and I thought in a couple of years’ time, they could become great

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#540 Employ an extreme royal escort to keep the paps away from baby George

our couch for three months now. Time to pay up. Once you start contributing, I will hand over hints as to where you can find your curling iron, pants, car keys, etc. Howard NICE GUYS FINISH LAST: I am looking for The One. I don’t appear to be finding him in bars. The one thing that I must insist upon, however, is that your most redeeming quality is something more exciting than ‘nice’. Of course I would like you to be a decent person, the kind that feels a pang at the sight of a hungry kitten, but

friends. Maybe even one day, they might get married. Feel free to drop George off whenever you wish! Cheers, Karen PDA: To my neighbour in the flat across the courtyard that has not invested in window shades. Clothing is not a new invention and you really shouldn’t be doing that anywhere near your kitchen. Not very sanitary. Jessica BLOW DRY: When I was a tot, my mum used to do this thing where she’d warm up my towel with a blowdryer while I was in the shower. In the post-shower tundra

we all know, I could wrap myself in a cosy oasis. I want that again in my life. I deserve it. All you need to do is be at my house, in my bathroom every morning at 7.45am while I shower. It’d be better too if we never had to actually see each other. Just come in, preheat my towel, and then slip off. I’ll leave money under the bathmat. Roger SEXY SARNIES: To the Subway sandwich maker. This may come across a little strong, but I think we have a future together. The way you gracefully combine meat, cheese and bread; it’s art in the purest and most delicious form. Please let me know if you feel the same about me (I’m the girl who ogles you every day at 12pm, mouth watering and hands on the glass you’re not supposed to touch). Just me, you and sandwiches for now and the rest of time. X0 Jacqueline ALL-NATURAL: I’m currently eight months pregnant and need a surrogate husband/ boyfriend to step in during the birth. The baby’s father made a timely exodus during the first trimester when I told him I want this to be a natural, water birth in the tub, just like my own 30 years ago. You’ll need to film the entire thing, as well as help with the clean up afterward. I’ll throw in some free rusks. Kristin LOST YOUR LUNCH?: To the lady chewing her shoe on the train to Cornwall as though it was a corn on the cob. Not sure if you were just hungry or whether you might have needed some help. Are you alright? Jess

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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SCOTCH MISSED: To the ultra-hot Aussie chick with the blue headband and gorgeous mane of thick mousey-brown hair in a ponytail. On Thursday July 18 at Morag’s, Loch Ness, we both partied and had a little dance at the birthday party bash. The following morning I was packed off to finish the Haggis tour. Would you like to continue where we left off? Fancy a drink? Contact TNT for my number. Harry WHAT A SCORCHER: To the sunburnt Brit at Clapham Common station last week – your defiance in the face of ever higher temperatures was equally impressive and nonsensical. I salute your refusal to bow down to the rules of sun worship that govern other, more logic-driven people. Jay BAD L-ATTITUDE: Had a great time at my first UK fest at Latitude, great music, great weather, great times. But need to say to the bloke who thought it was hil-arious to heckle every act in the comedy tent: it was not. The joke was squarely on you. Idiot. Ant DOG DAYS: So my landlord’s paid me £10 to walk Fluffy, his ill-tempered Rottweiler-German Shepherd mix. But because of previous engagements and a bad right knee, I won’t be able to complete the task. I’m offering £8 to whoever responds first. (Don’t look Fluffy in the eye). Beatrice RUBBER SUITS YOU: I need a Batman impersonator for my gran’s 90th birthday this weekend. She is absolutely obsessed with Christian Bale, and she made me

t 020 7240 2403 info@smartteachers.co.uk

smartteachers.co.uk Teach. Travel. Be Smart. Be a Smart Teacher.

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