1563 by TNT Magazine

August 12-18 2013 Issue 1563 tntmagazine.com

WIN!

YOUR OWN VODKA LUGE FOR THE PERFECT SUMMER PARTY!

BATTLE of the BEERS Great British Beer Festival and London Craft Beer Festival go head to head this weekend THE CITY’S BEST AL FRESCO EATS Street food to swanky – scoff in the sunshine!

TREK THE END OF THE WORLD Hiking the planet’s most southern trail in Patagonia ISSUE 1563 / £1.95

+ TOP LIVE-IN JOBS MAKE YOUR OWN GIN PADDLE STOCKHOLM ADAM GARCIA VS ARSENAL

9 772051 605008

Become a myTNT VIP for access to fantastic freebies, huge discounts and heaps of benefits. For just £50, joining our new members club will give you the chance to do more in London and beyond for less. For full details see tntmagazine.com/myTNT-VIP

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NEW! FREE membership to the exclusive Travel Club – worth £49 FREE VIP experience at TNT’s amazing Travel Shows – worth £30 NEW! FREE MedSailor voucher for September travel – worth £200 SAVE 20% on all Hop-On Hop-Off passes with Busabout ACCESS to exclusive travel deals and massive London discounts Save £49

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Sign up to become a VIP and you’ll bag free entry to The Travel Club – worth £49. As well as offers and deals on fantastic trips, you’ll get a £100 travel voucher, airport lounge passes and 10% off trips booked with G Adventures.

FREE ALBELLI PHOTO BOOK Get a professional, topquality photo book and remember your travels with a free, 24-page medium landscape album. All members will be able to design and create their bespoke album for free when they join myTNT VIP.

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FREE CASE OF BONDI BEER Make sure your summer BBQ kicks off in style with a case of Bondi Beer. The first 50 VIPs will receive a case of 24 cans of premium lager. Because we all know summertime parties are thirsty work. You are very welcome.

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FREE ANNUAL CUISINE CARD Take advantage of huge deals on London’s top restaurants with this discount card which boasts the likes of the Rainforest Cafe, Shaka Zulu and Tiger Tiger. The first 100 VIPs will bag an annual membership with Cuisine Card.

FREE 8TH DAY ADVENTURE This sport, adventure and social club which hosts hundreds of events every year is offering the first 30 myTNT VIPs free annual membership worth £140. After that, VIPs will benefit from 2-4-1 savings on all membership prices.

MY LIVING LONDON All myTNT VIPs will bag an annual membership to this fantastic discount card – My Living London. Worth £60, it will give you access to discounts of up to 65% on theatre tickets as well as at top London bars and clubs and beauty salons.

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER London is doing its darndest to knock you off the diet wagon this week, with not one but two beer festivals at the weekend and a huge array of outdoor food fairs and markets determined to make the most of the summer sun. So TNT says bugger the calorie counting and enjoy this al fresco frenzy while it lasts. Turn to P26 to find out which of the booze fests suits you best. Then check out P8 and plan what you’ll eat to soak up all the grog. Enjoy!

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FEATURES AL FRESCO EATS

Make the most of the sunshine with street food and the best outdoor foodie fests

BEER BATTLE

The Great British Beer Festival vs London Craft Beer Festival: which will you choose?

ADAM GARCIA

NEWS

UK TRIP

The Aussie Coyote Ugly star talks taking on ex-Arsenal players at the weekend

LATE DEALS

HOTSHOTS

TOP FIVE

TIPS

SHORT BREAK

BIG TRIP

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

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DIARY

Photos: Jo Rhodes

12+15

MAKE YOUR OWN GIN

TNT heads to Plymouth to have a go at creating our very own brand of booze

KAYAKING STOCKHOLM

The Swedish capital is a great place for an island getaway – no, really, we’re serious

THE END OF THE EARTH

Try trekking the world’s southernmost trail, a challenging hike in Patagonia

70 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Become a myTNT V for access to fantastic fre huge discounts and heaps o For just £50, joining our new club will give you the chan more in London and beyond For the full list of details an see tntmagazine.com/myT NEW! FREE membership to the exclusive Travel Club – worth £49 NEW! FREE MedSailor voucher for September travel – worth £200 FREE 8th Day Adventure membership for 30 VIPs – worth £140 FREE My Living London discount card for all VIPs – worth £60 FREE Cuisine Card membership for first 100 VIPs – worth £29.99 Save 10%

EXPAT EXPLORE EGYPT TOURS All myTNT VIP members will benefit from an exclusive 10% discount when booking an Egypt tour with Expat Explore. Sign up, and you’ll get an exclusive code to bag this incredible saving when booking tours.

FREE ALBELLI PHOTO BOOK

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Get a professional, topquality photo book and remember your travels with a free, 24-page medium landscape album. All members will be able to design and create their bespoke album for free when they join myTNT VIP.

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NEW! £200 WITH MEDSAILORS The first 35 VIPs will get their hands on a FREE £200 voucher to spend with MedSailors for travel in September. Take in the breathtaking sights of Croatia, Greece or Turkey on the perfect holiday onboard your very own yacht

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WANDERING DUCK TRIPS Lucky VIPs can take advantage of a fantastic 15% discount on all of Wandering Duck’s Canal Boat Experiences. Get ready for a completely unique experience on 2000 miles of man-made canals. See online for more info.

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BUSABOUT HOPSave ON HOP-OFF Book a hop-on hop-off tour with Busabout, and you’ll be able to tailor your trip around Europe to take in all the must-see sights at your own pace. What’s more, all myTNT VIPs will benefit from an extra 20% off when booking. Sorted!

NEW! THE TRAVEL CLUB Sign up to become a VIP and you’ll bag free entry to The Travel Club – worth £49. As well as offers and deals on fantastic trips, you’ll get a £100 travel voucher, airport lounge passes and 10% off trips booked with G Adventures.

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TNT SOCIAL EVENTS TNT knows how to throw a good party. And now you’re invited – for free! Whether it’s a BBQ on Australia Day, or a fancy dress party at Halloween, we’ve got your social calendar sorted. All VIPs get entry to TNT events.

2-4-1 BURGERS AT THE ELK BAR We all know how expensive food can be in London, so we’ve got your backs covered. Chow down on a succulent burger at the Elk Bar in Fulham before 6pm each day, and all myTNT VIPs will be able to bag a top 2-4-1 deal. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributor Caroline Garnar

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Platform: up and coming artists get their break in east London

Shhh... SECRET LONDON hackney wicked art festival east london

The sixth annual installment of this arts fest promotes local culture and gives a platform to both emerging artists and names that are established and internationally recognised as well. There will be exhibitions, open studios, live performances, music, fetes, workshops, talks, tours and loads more. Top picks not to miss out on include the acoustic music nights on Aug 16 and 17 and The Tomorrow People exhibition, which focuses on the up-and-coming artists making a name for themselves right now. free

Aug 16-18, 12pm-6pm Queen’s Yard, Hackney Wick, E9 5EN

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hackneywicked.co.uk

canary wharf jazz festival

shonen knife bbq party

London’s biggest and best respected free jazz festival comes to town this weekend for three days of the very finest contemporary jazz sounds from around the world. Up and coming artists and word-class performers from across the globe all take centre stage in this summery al fresco setting.

Japanese all-girl pop-punk band Shonen Knife, who were one of Kurt Cobain’s all-time favourite acts, are over here for the Japanese culture convention, AyaCon, and decided to play one other show, plumping for this all-day south London BBQ party. There’s loads of support bands and guest DJs, too.

FREE

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

Hackney Wick

Aug 16-18, times vary Canada Square Park, E14 5AB Canary Wharf canarywharf.com

£10

Aug 17, 4pm-12am The Windmill, SW2 5BZ Brixton windmillbrixton.co.uk

r3d market Now in its third year, this outdoor evening street food and tunes market is going from strength to strength. This is its last week of the summer, so if you haven’t been down to check out its awesome DJ-soundtracked and Burger Bear-curated culinary delights, then this is your final chance. FREE

Aug 15 & 16, 5pm-11.30pm 5-7 Rivington Street, EC2A 3DT Shoreditch High Street redgallerylondon.com

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Represent your country Park up: watch Stand By Me in Queen’s Park

NOMAD CINEMA

Queen’s Park and Bushy Park

Awesome tours The Nomad Cinema specialises in outdoor screenings all over the place, and they have two absolute corkers this weekend. First up on Friday night at Queen’s Park in northwest London is classic coming-of-age tale Stand By Me, starring the late River Phoenix. Then on Saturday night in Bushy Park, south of the river near Kingston, is Christopher Nolan’s trilogylaunching reboot Batman Begins, with Christian Bale. £8+

Aug 17 & 18, 7pm NW6 6SG; TW11 0EQ

Queen’s Park

Kingston

whereisthenomad.com

BULLSHIT LONDON TOUR

INSIGHT RADICAL

”London is one of the most incredible cities in the world. So why should its tours be credible?” asks the Bullshit Tour boys, and they have a point. This fun, frank and totally made up tour of London lets you in on secret stories about London and its famous past that just simply aren’t true. At all. It’s totally made up and we love it.

This curious travelling exhibition, ... Where Science And Art Meet, was the brainchild of six artists in residence at the University of Melbourne who sought to artistically explore free radical chemistry. It’s about unstable atoms that are essential to life but which also cause human body degradation. Offbeat and thought provoking.

Thur, 7pm-9pm St Paul’s, EC4M 8AD St Paul’s bullshitlondon.com

Until Aug 30, 10am-5pm Griffin Gallery, W11 4AJ White City griffingallery.co.uk

£10

Weekend festivals

FREE

Weekly after match socials

Big bites: Feast food fest merges global cuisine and entertainment

Tasty morsels It’s all about al fresco eats and drinks this summer, so get out and grab a bite of the best outdoor grub going Words alasdair morton When the summer sun stretches into those long balmy evenings, the city comes alive with al fresco pop-up restaurants, street food and bars to make sure you enjoy the best weather of the year in the best way possible – while filling your face. Food fest Feast at Battersea Park this weekend is one such example. A gourmet extravaganza held over three days, it’s a ‘posh picnic’ on the grandest of scales, comprising restaurants, street food, barbecues, a ‘vineyard’, a ‘beach’ and more. “I came up with the format because I wanted visitors to enjoy a really fun day out with very different eating and drinking experiences,” says Feast event director Sue Hitchen. Feast is the first shindig the Foodies Festival team, who hold nationwide events, have hosted in Battersea Park. “We want people to discover new food, the best styles of cooking and leave feeling they’ve had a great British summer experience,” Hitchen adds. To make sure Foodies’ Feast serves up this and more there’ll be a big beach where visitors can kick back on deckchairs and enjoy seafood as if they 8

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were down on the coast, plus there’s a barbecue arena (of course) and a farm with a tea tent. You can also learn some new culinary skills and get your hands dirty while stuffing your face. Lessons on offer include truffle- and sushi-making classes, and cocktail workshops that’ll equip you to pull off the finest mojito at your next party. There‘ll also be star chefs, including 2012 Masterchef champ Shelina Permalloo and Anna Kelly of Gordon Ramsay’s new venture London House, in the Chefs’ Arena. Hitchen tells us: “I wanted it to reflect the London dining scene [by] developing our street food theme and adding more pop-up restaurants, and the huge feasting tent which will give the event a really convivial posh picnic feel.” If you want something a little more low-key than a whole park of food and hungry folk, then wine tasting and lunch event Wine On The Roof in east London offers something a little different – and also promises to make “al fresco sexy again”. “It looks at the lighter side of wine,” says organiser Simon Howland, with different weeks shaped around themes

such as Wine Silliness, The Next Big Thing and Pretty In Pink. “The focus is not so much learning to show off but how to have more fun with wine. “We’ll spend Saturday afternoon on a roof in central London tasting – and drinking – a selection of unusual and interesting wines and then finish up with lunch at The Long Table on top of [East End pub] The Princess Alice.” There are also experienced wine gurus on hand to give you guidance as you sup, so you can learn all the tasty trivia you need to make Sideways-era Paul Giamatti look like a layman fool. “It’s chilled and everyone inevitably ends up hanging around afterwards for a drink,” Howland tells us. So get outside and give your taste buds a treat this summer – your belly will thank you. MORE AL FRESCO EATS ›› Feast at Battersea Park. Aug 16-18. £22. Battersea Park 11am-9pm SW11 4NJ foodiesfestival.com Wine On The Roof. Saturdays, 2pm-6pm. £35. Until Sep 7. The Princess Alice, 40 Commercial Street, E1 6LP Liverpool Street winebysimon.com

Vino with a view: sip samples and see the city

Cooking class: learn while you stuff your face

Wine On The Roof: making “al fresco sexy again”

streetfeast shoreditch

eat my pies across london

Street food traders including Mama’s Jerk Station, the Sweet Tooth Factory, Big Apple Hot Dogs and Pop Up Barbados will be at this Friday and Saturday street food and drink market in Dalston Yard. Along with all the grub, there’ll be cocktail masterclasses and DJs spinning tunes all day – so get down and enjoy some food and drink in the sun!

Eat My Pies gaffer Andy Bates is a man who is passionate about food and, as the name suggests, about pies especially. There’s hand-held pies, hot pies, pasties, cold raised pies, Scotch eggs, quiches, wraps, sandwiches and rolls even (so not all technically pies, but we’ll let him off). A must for those who like their food simple but stuffed with love.

£5+

Fri, 5pm-12am. Sat, 12pm-12am. Until Sep 14 Hartwell Street, E8 3DU Dalston Kingsland streetfeastlondon.com

£4+

the lido cafe herne hill This cafe next to Brockwell Lido is open all summer long, serving up award-winning breakfasts and brunch as well as a full lunch and dinner menu, all made with seasonal British ingredients sourced from local indie producers. They have just launched a menu of craft beers (all brewed in London), too. Probably best to have a dip in the pool before loading up on alcohol and grub, though. £5+

Wed, 10am-4pm. Thur & Fri, 10am-3pm. Sat, 10am-4pm King’s Boulevard, N1C / White Cross Street Market, EC1 / Broadway Market, E8 4QJ King’s Cross / Angel / Haggerston eatmypies.co.uk

Sun, 8am-10pm. Mon, 8am-6pm. Tue-Sat, 8am-11pm Herne Hill thelidocafe.co.uk Dulwich Road, SE24 0PA

frank’s cafe and campari bar peckham

real street food festival south bank Street food takes centre stage over the bank holiday weekend at this year-round weekend market. There’s a mouthwatering array of traders drawn from London’s diverse multicultural street food scene, who will be taking to the Southbank Centre to share the same best quality-boasting, ethics and passion-driven ethos of the Real Food Market. Grab some grub, from American South staples to Indian snacks, and give your taste buds a workout. £5+

Aug 23-25, 12pm-8pm. Aug 26, 12pm-6pm SE1 8XX Waterloo realfoodfestival.co.uk

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mother clucker shoreditch After a stint in Soho earlier this year, this southern fried delight (right) will be parking its truck outside the Truman Brewery with its twice-fried free-range chicken and buttermilk biscuits. £4+

£2.50+ If you’ve seen Only Fools And Horses, then Peckham might not be your first choice for a dinner and drinks night out. Especially not a multi-storey car park in said district. But Frank’s Cafe on the 10th floor of a local concrete car park is one of London’s trendiest spots – expect to queue to get in if the weather’s particularly nice. The rooftop bar offers lunch at the weekend, as well as a bar snack menu that includes ox heart kebabs, an array of Meantime beers, and cocktails to sup on while you watch the sun set over the city. A far cry from Delboy and Rodders’ Nelson Mandela House and the Nag’s Head.

Punk riffs on Korean classics here as fast food gets an Asian-style makeover as traditional kimchi, the fermented cabbage dish, mingles with burgers, fried chook and chips at Kerb King’s Cross.

Wed-Sun, 11am-11pm. Until Sep 28 10th Floor, Peckham MultiStorey Car Park, 95A Rye Lane, Peckham Rye SE15 4ST frankscafe.org.uk

Wed, Fri & Sun, times vary Kerb King’s Cross, N1C / Street Feast, E8 3DU / Chatsworth Road Market, E5 Various kimchicult.com

Until October 1, 12pm-4pm & 6pm-10pm E1 6QR Aldgate East motherclucker.co.uk

kimchi cult across london £5.50+

the ship wandsworth This well-loved local has been serving drinks and food since 1786, when it was then known as the Thameside Waterman’s Inn. It has had a bit of an upgrade since those 18th-century days though, its last arriving only earlier this year when a new menu and dining room were unveiled alongside the retooled outdoor bar, terrace and BBQ area. Which makes it an even greater place for a summertime beer and afternoon barbecue. And on Sep 1 Mr Reggae Reggae Sauce Levi Roots will be playing a one-off show. £7.50+

Sun-Wed, 11am-11pm. Thur-Sat, 11am-12am SW18 1TB Wandsworth Town theship.co.uk

notting hill carnival west london

street kitchen across london Mark Jankel and Jun Tanaka (below) are the culinary masterminds behind this famed street food with a number of different outlets across the city. Their Airstream One van can be found at the Moto GP at Silverstone soon, while more permanent points include Airstream Two in Broadgate Circle, The Hatch next to Ransome’s Dock in the city’s southwest, and their residency at London Bridge’s The Miller. Celebrated for their dogs ‘n’ slaw as well as their new burdgerdog menu, all food is made using 100 per cent UK ingredients. £6.50+

Times & dates vary across London Various locations streetkitchen.co.uk

As well as the parade and the sound systems, this famous annual two-day event on the August bank holiday is also a great place to check out some of the finest West Indies cooking at the many stalls that line the streets of the well-to-do suburb. £2+

truck stop east london A wealth of Americana-inspired grub served from 20 food trucks make this one of the must-not-miss food events of the summer. Everything from southern fried chicken to smoked lamb wraps served out of the back of the likes of old fire engines, ambulances and milk floats. There will be a keg party, taco shack and a craft beer bar, too. £10+

Sep 5 & 6, 5pm-11pm Wood Wharf,‎Harbour Quay, E14 5HQ truckstoplondon.com

portside cabana london fields Promising the freshest pina colada in London, this new al fresco bar serves up the look and feel of a Cuban lounge bar, with cocktails and punch bowls. Yum. £4+

redemption bar bethnal green This new rooftop bar offers a boozefree option to Londoners. Novel indeed. As well as great views of the city, it has a long menu of mocktails and loads of other alco-free drinks. This new concept is a daring one – the Brits like a drink whatever the excuse – but it could catch on. You won’t be hungover to hell on Monday morning, for one. Photos: Gaz Fraser

£4+

Sun, 11am-10pm London Netil House, E1 3RL Fields netilhouse.com

Aug 25 & 26, 9am-7pm Notting Hill, W11 Notting Hill Gate thenottinghillcarnival.com

Sat & Sun, 12pm-7pm. Until Aug 18 Netil Market, E8 3RL London Fields portsideparlour.co.uk

queen of hoxton shoreditch This east London institution’s rooftop is famous for its city views, plus top tunes matched by drinks and eats, with frozen cocktails and a barbecue serving up burgers and more. You can even check out a movie at the Rooftop Film Club while you’re at it.

Canary Wharf

wiggies rooftop pigmac pig out london bridge This one-nightonly event raises awareness for the Pig Idea Campaign, which aims to change the EU rule stating catering waste cannot be used to feed pigs but must instead be thrown out. In honour of this, pork pop-up Wiggies will serve up their famous Pig Macs (right). £10+

Aug 13, 7pm-10pm The Skyroom, SE21 2TU London Bridge wiggieslondon.com

£5+

Daily, 12pm-10pm 1-5 Curtain Road, EC2A 3JX Liverpool Street queenofhoxton.com

lucky chip EAST LONDON This ‘burger van double parked in Netil Market’, as they say of themselves, brings seriously superior burgers, hot dogs and more to the daily stalls. £4+

Daily, 11am-6pm London Fields E8 3RL luckychipuk.com

borough market london bridge A legendary mainstay of London markets and source of great food and ingredients, this is a fab place to take a stroll around and sample away. There’s also a packed line up of events, including various workshops and demos. July saw the opening of Market Hall, a large glass structure which opens out onto Borough High Street and directly into the Green Market, and is a great new place for food shoppers to sit, relax, chat and, of course, get their teeth into some tasty grub. £3+

Mon-Wed, 10am-3pm (lunch). Thu, 11am-5pm. Fri, 12pm-6pm. Sat, 8am-5pm (full market) 8 Southwark Street, SE1 1TL Borough boroughmarket.org.uk

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LONDONDRINKS

THE EAGLE

@tntmagazine

Shangri-La: a haven around City Road

PUB THE SCENE The Eagle boasts of having “one of the finest gardens you’ll find anywhere in London” and they’re not wrong – it’s a hidden gem of picnic tables and greenery tucked away in the urban jungle around Silicon Roundabout and the surrounding area. Just don’t tell anyone about this boozy Shangri-La just off City Road or you’ll never get a seat again. The staff is a helpful, friendly bunch and it’s a great option for post-work drinks – who wants to stand on a crowded pavement? Plus, The Eagle strikes just about the right balance of a nicely done-up traditional pub, while falling short of becoming another ghastly gastropub clone. THE GRUB There’s a decent selection on the fixed price menu – £10 for two courses and £13 for three – which includes starters of crunchy whitebait or chicken and chorizo skewers and mains of bangers and mash, a tasty macaroni and cheese or fish pie. The standard menu and outdoor barbecue are a little on the steep side, with most of the mains coming in at over the £10 mark.

Pints from £3.80. Lagers include Estrella, San Miguel, Red Stripe and the Czech beer Kozel. There are also guest ales such as Hop Back’s Taiphoon and standards include the ever-popular London Pride and Cornwall’s Doom Bar. VERDICT Although it can work out pricey, this old-fashioned pub and its brilliant garden are a welcome retreat from Shoreditch’s relentless concrete. DAN THORNE BEHIND THE BAR

2 Shepherdess Walk, N1 7LB

DESSERTS

Old Street

GOAT’S MILK RICE PUDDING

SALTED CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER CARAMEL TART CUP SUNDAE

Served with goat’s cheese ice cream, this decadent pud (£10) is whipped up at the tiny six-seater dessert bar in posh food and drink complex Pollen Street Social, near Hanover Square.

Shoreditch mainstay Pizza East might be better known for its pizzas (hello veal meatballs with prosciutto and cream), but this cheeky dessert is the richest indulgence you could hope to find for a mere £6.

pollenstreetsocial.com

A revolutionary new concept in seafood dining, sourcing the best sustainable fish on a daily basis from our own fisheries in Cornwall and encouraging you to create your own dish

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pizzaeast.com

Though folks queue for the burgers at Meat Liquor in central London, this peanut butter ice cream, peanut brittle and Reese’s peanut butter cup combo (£5) is worth lining up for too. meatliquor.com

4 Inverness Street, Camden Town, London NW1 7HJ info@simplyfish.com | 020 7482 2977

www.simplyfish.com

Photos: Twitter, Pizza East, Meatliquor, Pollenstreetsocial

3 OF THE BEST

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Nothing to haute about it: classic French brasserie done brilliantly

BITE SIZE WHOLEY COW Beef plus beer will always equate to a happy foodie, but Byron and Camden Town Brewery are taking things a step further this month with their Wholey Cow event. On Aug 30 and 31, those meaty maestros from the burger chain will be serving every possible part of a cow at the brewery’s HQ, cooking up everything from shin, cheek and tail chilli to sliced, slow-cooked short rib and burgers. And you can wash the feast down with Camden Town’s craft brews and Byron’s Bloody Bull cocktail – a Bloody Mary with beef bouillon substituted for half the tomato juice. Epic. Cooking from 6pm-11pm on the Friday and noon-11pm on the Sat. byronhamburgers.com

SAUSAGE PARTY Now from beef to pork, and most would agree no one does sausage quite like the Germans. So it’s lucky for Londoners that a new branch of wurst joint Herman Ze German has just opened on Old Compton Street. Get your hands on Berlin’s famous currywurst and order up a side of sauerkraut. Think of it as training for Oktoberfest. Open seven days a week. herman-ze-german.co.uk

Reef ‘n’ beef

REEF, BEEF AND BUBBLES Let’s round off with some surf and turf – but not as you know it. For an almost unfeasibly reasonable £15, Drake & Morgan pubs are offering half a lobster, steak, chips, salad and a glass of bubbly. The Reef, Beef & Bubbles deal is on until the end of August, so nip in quick if you want a lavish meal on the cheap. Find D&M pubs in south and east London (locations online).

garnier FRENCH BISTRO

Classic, refined, if a little old-fashioned, Garnier makes no attempt to be the trendiest joint in town – maybe that makes it uber-cool, but I hope not. It’s all gold-framed mirrors, red velvet, wood seats and finishes and white tablecloths, without the prices to match. This is proper French bistro style with panache. The grub A matching retro French brasserie menu that would make the godfather of Frog cuisine Auguste Escoffier proud. But it’s in no way intimidating if you’re not well versed in this type of thing. It could come off hokey, but classic dishes are like clichés, they last because they work. My date and I agree to share each course with plate switching halfway through, but each dish is as hard to give up as the next. My duck liver terrine and apple compote is a simple treasure, the tart apple cutting through the creamy, rich pate. Similarly, the warm goat’s cheese with aubergine caviar is gooey joy, counterbalanced with bitterish leaves. While my opposite went for the perfectly cooked morsels of dover sole (450 grams of it, choose fried or grilled) with parsley butter sauce, I can’t turn down a contrefílet mínute with sauce bordelaíse (my translation is a juicy sirloin steak deeply flavoured solo, but richly indulgent with bone marrow butter and red wine sauce). Dessert is the closest we get to disappointed. My orangey chocolate terrine is a dark, rich slab with a thick ganache texture – not for the faint-hearted, even this dark chocolate fiend. The classic crepes suzette are, not surprisingly, delicately executed, but instead of stagey flames at the table we just get a good extra splosh of Grand Marnier. THE SCENE

Expertly selected wine list on which I hadn’t heard of a thing – it’s all French of course – but the waiter is more than willing to match conventional preferences with a French equivalent (lots of them available in half bottles, too). Bill please Starters from £6.90; mains from £16.50; desserts from £6.90. Half bottles of wine from £11.90; white and red wines from £18.50 a bottle. verdict Unapologetically old school – all class in staff and in the place. michael gadd Behind the bar

drakeandmorgan.co.uk 314 Earl’s Court Road, SW5 9BQ

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Grunge godfather: Neil Young will rock London

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OYA

Medieval Park, Oslo. Aug 6-10. £70+ oyafestivalen.com

This five-day event takes place in Oslo’s Medieval Park, mixing nature with culture. The music line-up is diverse, taking in everything from Britpop kings Blur (left) and electro legends Kraftwerk to thrash metal titans Slayer and Aussie band of the moment, psych-roockers Tame Impala. And after the festival finishes, a line-up of top DJ talent hits the city’s clubs.

NEIL YOUNG AND CRAZY HORSE The O2, SE10 0DX MON, AUG 19 | DOORS AT 6.30PM | £52.75

Neil Young is, simply, an absolute legend – he’s been rockin’ in the free world for more than 40 years, has released 35 studio albums, his latest Psychedelic Pill was out last year, and he’s been inducted into the Rock ‘N’ Roll Hall Of Fame – twice. Young formed legendary band Buffalo Springfield in the mid-Sixties before teaming up with the surname-favouring supergroup Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, and then embarked on a solo career in 1968. Over the course of this celebrated musical odyssey, Young has always set out to push the boundaries and has taken great pleasure in wrong-footing his fans with every release – each of his albums is quintessentially Young but often pays little regard to that which preceded it. Yet it was this wilful quest for experimentation and musical chameleonism that saw him run aground in the Eighties. After scoring one of his most critical and commercially successful albums with 1979’s Rust Never Sleep, Young found himself sued by his own label, Geffen Records, for making music that was unrepresentative of, well, his own music. But then over the course of Young’s career, he has always tinkered with genres, indulging in everything from acoustic to folk, punk, swing and electronica, even. And he’s regarded by many as one of the progenitors of the Nineties alternative scene, with many grunge acts crediting his distortion-dominated guitars as a key influence. And four decades after he first strapped on a guitar and took to the stage, he is still doing things his way and breaking all the rules. North Greenwich

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NEW BAND

GIG aug 16-18. 12pm £27.50+

Wilton’s Music Hall hosts this four-day celebration of world music with the artists performing hailing from all corners of the world. Highlights include Future Swing Stories (New Zealand), rising folk star Arias (Colombia), Japanese DJ Kochi and Senegal’s Kadialy Kouyate (right). Wilton’s Music Hall 1 Graces Alley, E1 8JB Tower Gateway wiltons.org.uk

don’t you want me baby?

oxjam brixton takeover launch

CLUB

sat, aug 17. 9.30pm-3.30am £5+

sun, aug 18. 4pm-11pm £10

This weekly club night is all about the classics, as it brings you all the finest pop, indie, cheese, disco, retro and rock tunes that you can imagine (and some you had forgotten about, too). Just to make sure you have the most hedonistic time possible and drunk-dance more than is medically advisable, there’s loads of drink promos, too.

Elly Jackson, aka La Roux, stops by her native south London for a DJ performance at this rooftop launch party for the multi-venue Oxjam event this October. Fellow local Maxi Jazz will also be taking a turn at the decks with Cinematic Orchestra’s Patrick Carpenter and Nadia Ksaiba in on the act, too.

The Roxy 3-5 Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ Tottenham Court Road theroxy.co.uk

The Lambeth 469 Brixton Road, SW9 8HH facebook.com/thelambeth

Brixton

gaoler’s daughter The buzz so far This south London guitar band have built up a word-ofmouth following with their frenetic gigs and early singles, which won them fans including Zane Lowe and Steve Lamacq. After tours with Babyshambles and Graham Coxon comes their debut LP, How To Make Time, which blends influences as diverse as Sixties surf pop and Nineties alt-rock with rapidlybecoming-trademark rhythms. The Critics say “ Quirky, bluesy and very cool” ShowMeSomethingDifferent.com

Single Cordelia is out Aug 12. Album How To Make Time is out Aug 26. Play The Monarch, Aug 23. £5 NW1 8BG the plug

Photos: Getty

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rewind: the 80s festival

supernova fifth birthday

susie stapleton

GIG

CLUB

GIG

aug 16-18. 12pm £27.50+

sat, aug 17. 10pm-11am £15+

sun, aug 18. 7pm £TBC

A cornucopia of Eighties stars descend on suburban Henley-on-Thames, with Kim Wilde, Heaven 17, Nik Kershaw, Billy Ocean, Belinda Carlisle and, of course, the one and only Chesney Hawkes. Alongside the retro musical flavours and stars of yesteryear, there will be posh nosh and glamping, too.

New York City legend Danny Tenaglia comes to town for the first time in ages for this mammoth 13-hour set to celebrate house and techno night Supernova’s fifth birthday in London. Joining the line-up for what is promised to be only the first part of the anniversary celebrations are JB, Nils Hess, Kevin D Cruz, Kyle E and loads more.

The Sydney-born, Melbourne-based songstress makes a return to the UK after her performance at last year’s Folk Festival on her first European tour. Stapleton, whose sophomore EP Obladi Diablo was released last autumn, has garnered plaudits for her heartfelt delivery and fierce guitar playing, as seen in her latest video, Hit.

Henley-on-Thames Temple Island Meadows, RG9 2LY Henley-on-Thames rewindfestival.com

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

12 Bar Club 26 Denmark Street, WC2H 8NN Tottenham Court Road 12barclub.com

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Adam Garcia

The Aussie hottie talks taking on a team of ex-Arsenal players this weekend, Drew Barrymore and tap dancing

INTERVIEW KAYE HOLLAND

You’re best known as an actor, tap dancer and TV judge but on August 18, you’ll be playing in a London hospital radio station’s charity football match... That’s right. A friend of mine made me aware of the charity and the football match [Garcia will be joining Radio Northwick Park’s side as they take on a team of former Arsenal players], and I thought, what better way to help than to play the game I love the most? What’s your position? I’m probably going to play left-back or as a central defender. Football isn’t massive in Australia – we’re more obsessed with AFL, then rugby league, then cricket and then football – but everyone plays. I was a winger when I was a kid, but by the time I was a teenager, I played left-back. That’s where I feel comfortable – defending. Defending against the might of the ex-Arsenal team. How’s the training going? Pretty well actually, yeah. I have been training at a place called Catz in LA, which is where David Beckham trains. I have a few friends there who are trainers and they have been helping me with my fitness. As long as I am able to run and not have my lungs fall out of my mouth, I reckon I’ll be happy. Have you been enjoying any other sports this summer? I haven’t been enjoying the cricket. We’ve reached a nadir in terms of talent and ability but that’s alright – we’ll come back. I like anything with a ball, really. Put five people in similar coloured shirts, kicking a can down the road, and I’ll watch. You’ve been in London for 19 years now. Did you ever dream that you would enjoy such a love affair with the city? Never. I had no plans to come to London but it’s a great city and as soon as I arrived, I knew that I wanted to stay longer. I had no idea it would be this long though! What do you miss most about Australia? The beach, the surf and locally grown fruit,

Defensive: Garcia will be fending off Arsenal attackers in Harrow like mangoes. I also miss the enormous array of wildlife and waking up to a dawn chorus, instead of just the sound of blackbirds.

special. Working with Trevor Nunn was another highlight, and working with Drew Barrymore [in Riding In Cars With Boys] was great too.

Tell us a bit about Camp, the new US TV series you’re starring in... We shot the show near Australia’s Gold Coast earlier this year, and it’s airing in the US right now. I have no idea whether it will come to the UK. It’s one of those shows that is very American – it’s about summer camp, which the UK doesn’t really have. It’s funny – like a dramedy – and the Americans seem to like it, so hopefully it will find its way to the UK.

Speaking of Drew Barrymore, you have worked with some of the world’s most beautiful women in her, Dannii and Kylie Minogue and Kimberly Wyatt. Who was your favourite? Drew is certainly up there. She is a genuinely amazing person and because we were playing son and mother, we had this really interesting on-screen relationship that developed into a lovely friendship. Drew is clever, funny and just a very good person.

Is TV your favourite medium? I like the variety of dipping in and out of different mediums, I really do. I love theatre, which was the first thing I did as a performer. There’s something exciting and adrenalinethumping about being in front of a live audience that you can’t replicate. But then TV and film are rewarding too: you get to do the scenes over and over again in a very specific way and create a story. What have been your career highlights? Saturday Night Fever was amazing in terms of being thrown in at the deep end. To lead a West End show at 25... Opening the Sydney Olympics with the rest of the Tap Dogs in 2000 was pretty

What’s next for Adam Garcia? I’m on holiday – woo! I have all of August off, which is fantastic. I’m currently in LA but will be back in London for the football match. Then I’ll hang out with my girlfriend before flying to Australia, in September, to film political thriller The Code for ABC. It’s quite heavy, so very different from what I’ve been doing. Tickets to the charity football match, which kicks off at 2pm at Harrow Borough Football Club (gates open 12pm) on Aug 18, cost £5. Earlsmead Stadium, Harrow, HA2 8SS radionorthwickpark.org/football South Harrow Northolt Park

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Blood brothers: fast-paced actioncomedy that’s good fun but ugly

2 guns FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Denzel Washington | 15 | 108mins | Out Aug 16

kick-ass 2 FILM Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz | 15 | 103mins

Jim Carrey may co-star in this comic book movie sequel but it hasn’t stopped him attacking the violence in the action-comedy. Check it out and decide for yourself when the titular high school superhero is joined by a team of fellow aspiring crime fighters, including Moretz’s Hit Girl, to combat super villain Red Mist (Superbad’s Christopher Mintz-Plasse). On general release August 14

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This old school action-comedy about a DEA agent and a navy intelligence officer who are both trying to infiltrate a Mexican drug cartel is brutal, fast-paced and a lot of fun, yet despite all the loud, brash action, it is resolutely hollow, too. Denzel Washington’s DEA agent Bobby and Mark Wahlberg’s wise-cracking sidekick Stig are both out to get Edward James Olmos’ Mexican drug lord Papi Greco. Neither is aware of the other’s real identity, but they’re both landed on the run when a bank robbery sees them inadvertently steal a load of cash from the CIA. What follows is a frenetic narrative that crashes through fist fights, double crosses, raging bulls (you’ll see) and gun battles, and it is all carried off with a certain vintage action flick swagger. It’s completely fun, and will keep you guessing to the end, but there are issues amidst all the blood and explosions. First up, neither Bobby or Stig are particularly likeable – they’re both essentially good guys, but they’re unpleasant ones all the same. And with all the carnage it is hard to care what really happens, who wins, who gets the US$43m in cold crisp notes, and who winds up riddled with holes. The upshot of this is that all the wellstaged action is dour and carries no consequence. What does work well is the two leads’ chemistry, as they exchange gags with fluidity and panache, especially once they begin to realise the rabbit warren of a problem they have got themselves into. If you like dumb action movies that require you to switch your brain to its ‘off’ setting, this is your bag. Good for: Two hours of mindless escapism.

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Angel comedy

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Top drawer free comedy at this famed north London club from the likes of Hyde Panaser (right), finalist of TV’s FHM Stand Up Hero Henry Ginsberg, Tony Dunn, Ed Caruana and MC James Loveridge. With a line-up sure to split sides as much as this, you’ll have to get there double early to make sure you get a seat. Camden Head 2 Camden Walk, N1 8DY. Aug 17. FREE Angel angelcomedy.co.uk

john hinde: postcards

Wag! the musical

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Trailblazing colour photographer John Hinde captured the British holiday resorts of the Sixties and Seventies as part of his famous postcards exhibition. Eight of the most eye-catching and memorable images go on display here both as prints – for the first time – and as the original postcards.

An extra fiver per ticket gets you a large glass of house wine and you’ll probably need it for this flimsy musical – set in an upmarket department store about to launch with the help of a host of footballers’ spray-tanned wives. Were it a TV sitcom, it would have you rapidly switching channels at home. LK

The Photographer’s Gallery W1F 7LW. Until Oct 20. FREE Oxford Circus thephotographersgallery.org.uk

Charing Cross Theatre The Arches, WC2N 6NL. Aug 24. £12.50+ Charing Cross charingcrosstheatre.co.uk

luke mcgregor What’s the show about? The fear of failure and the importance of trying anyway. I talk about my OCD, fear of the opposite sex, social anxiety ... I also tell jokes. I feel like I’ve made it sound really serious. I also have a parachute stories joke. Who inspired you to take to the stage? My former housemate – he entered an Australia-wide comedy competition back home and I went to support him. When one contestant didn’t show up I took their spot – I’d had a bit to drink. I did my first gig that night and was hooked.

Photos: Johan Persson

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen? A YouTube clip of an old lady hitting the front of a Porsche with her handbag after a guy beeped her for not crossing the road fast enough, causing his airbag to go off.

bachelorette

the sound of music

FILM

THEATRE

Kirsten Dunst, Lizzy Caplan and Isla Fisher reunite for the wedding of a high school friend, played by Rebel Wilson. Troubled relationships, fractured friendships, and all manner of hysterical happenings come together as the past comes back to haunt and create havoc en route to the big day. A fiesty Hangover remix that takes on the men at their own game.

Don’t miss this delightful production of the popular 1959 musical about the von Trapp family. It was a Broadway success, subsequently filmed, and is an immensely pleasurable evening here packed full of familiar favourites and the Open Air venue providing a perfect backdrop. An absolute joy. LK

On general release August 16

Open Air Theatre Inner Circle, NW1 4NR. Until Sep 7. £25+ Baker Street openairtheatre.org

How have you found audiences in the UK? Other comedians back home said they were great and switched on and that’s been my experience, too. I haven’t tried stage diving yet to see if they’ll catch me but I might try it on the last night. My Soul Mate Is Out Of My League. Until Aug 17. £15 Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE Tott Court Road sohotheatre.com

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Great British Beer Festival

The battle of the beer festivals commences this weekend. Words Laura Chubb

This CAMRA extravaganza features hand-pumped real ales, the best of foreign booze and ciders to boot Great British Beer Festival WHERE AND WHEN: London Olympia, Kensington, Aug 13-17. THE BOOZE: More than 800 real ales, ciders, perries and foreign beers will be on hand for punters to swill. The Great British Beer Festival is CAMRA’s (Campaign for Real Ale) flagship event – the organisation dates back to 1971 and has been campaigning for real ale and community pubs ever since, it’s MO being to challenge the domination of the UK beer market by a handful of big companies. Although this type of British beer has long suffered a rep of “flat and warm” among visitors to our chilly isles, CAMRA’s Neil Walker explains the temperature of real ale is all down to its status as a natural product, which is left to mature in a cask. “Real ale should never be served flat or warm, but it also shouldn’t be freezing cold or carbonated in the same way as a keg lager would be,” Walker explains. “Real ale is served at cellar temperature, meaning it’s nicely cool rather than ice cold, and has a soft carbonation that comes from the naturally occurring CO2 created by a secondary fermentation in the cask it’s served from.” It’s a living product, as opposed to keg beer, which is pasteurised to make it sterile (giving it a longer shelf life). “It’s the traditional way to serve beer in 26

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Britain and is truly unique,” Walker adds. Still, if you remain unconvinced by Britain’s brown ales, there are plenty of European beers and American brews at the fest to have a go at (out of the 800 booze varieties available, only half are real ales). You can also sign up for tutored tasting sessions. THE FOOD: Stalls serving Cornish pasties, bratwurst and fish and chips will help soak up the day’s experimentations. THE MUSIC: A typically British eccentric mix of brass bands, string quartets, and a Celtic-folk-meets-rock-n-roll band called Ferocious Dog. THE CROWD: Say ‘real ale’ and we immediately think beardy types in socks and sandals, but Walker disagrees. “This has changed over the years and you only have to walk around the festival to see that real ale is a drink everybody can enjoy,” he reckons. DON’T MISS: Walker says he’s looking forward to “big hoppy IPAs such as St Austell’s Big Job or Kirkstall’s Dissolution IPA, and beers you can’t get anywhere else on cask, such as Harvey’s Imperial Stout or Fuller’s Vintage Ale”. THE DAMAGE: Day tickets start at £10 and tasting session tickets at £18 for non-CAMRA members. GET TICKETS: gbbf.org.uk

LondonFOCUS

London Craft Beer Festival

Which one will you hit up for a frothy booze odyssey?

A newbie on the booze fest scene, east London’s beer bonanza is all about locally crafted at its best London Craft Beer Festival WHERE AND WHEN: Oval Space, Bethnal Green, Aug 16-18. THE BOOZE: More than 80 beers courtesy of 21 craft breweries from London, the UK and Europe. Brewers on board include the capital’s very own Camden Town Brewery, Crate Brewery and Beavertown, plus Scotland’s BrewDog. London’s craft beer and brewpub scene has been snowballing at the rate of a sexting scandal of late, so it was only a matter of time until we got a proper festival to celebrate it. And, as with anything ‘locally artisan’ these days, east London has established itself as the epicentre. So it seems only right the shindig be held at Oval Space, a warehouse-esque multi-arts venue that overlooks Bethnal Green’s dramatic gas holders (this is industrial chic at its highest to the hip). But if you’re not one for skinny jeans and rampant facial hair, don’t let the setting put you off. “This festival is for absolutely everyone,” says fest founder Daniel Sylvester. “It’s not an exclusive club and it’s not just for a certain type of person. It’s really celebrating a concept, which is the craft concept – quality, passion, ability and skill. People often say CAMRA is a more old-school establishment and not so into craft beer, for example, but we’ve had a huge, supportive response from them.”

Dipping into the craft beer scene can seem a bit overwhelming when you’re used to big-brand lager, but this is intended as an inclusive event where you can have fun experimenting (or, to know your porters from your IPAs, check out our cheat sheet over the page). “You don’t have to have any prior knowledge about craft beer,” Sylvester assures us. “All we require of you is a sense of adventure and a willingness to try something new.” Or, indeed, many, many plastic cups of newness. THE FOOD: Top-notch street food from London’s finest, including cuts from butcher The Ginger Pig, gelato from artisan poshos Gelupo and a series of dishes created especially to match a pale ale, an IPA, a porter and a stout. THE MUSIC: Live sets from bands including French electropoppers We Were Evergreen and DJs such as BBC Radio 6’s funky chicken Craig Charles. THE CROWD: Inevitably young and pretty owing to craft beer’s lofty position on the trendometer. DON’T MISS: Sylvester is keeping the final list of beers close to his chest, but snap up a BrewDog Dead Pony Club if you see one. THE DAMAGE: Tickets are £35 but this includes a beer from every brewer at the fest and a commemorative glass. GET TICKETS: londoncraftbeerfestival.co.uk ›› tntMagazine.com

Which festival? Still can’t decide? Try this quick quiz ... DO YOU EVEN LIKE BEER? BUT MIGHT YOU BE WILLING TO EXPERIMENT WITH NEW TYPES OF BEER?

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ARE WE TALKING MORE TRADITIONAL OR THICK LAYERS OF COFFEE, CHOCOLATE AND TOFFEE?

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE AND TOFFEE

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MORE TRADITIONAL

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DARK & BITTER

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FRUITY & FLOWERY

HIT UP LONDON CRAFT BEER FESTIVAL

AN ON-TREND WAXED MOUSTACHE

Craft beer cheat sheet Craft beer has never been cooler than it is right now in London – but what if you don’t know your porter from your IPA? TNT enlisted beer sommelier Steve Livens, a supporter of the Let There Be Beer movement, to make us a cheat sheet… Pale Ale THE COLOUR: Light copper to golden. THE TASTE: Enormously refreshing, easy drinking beers with an approachable balance of dry, biscuit malt and fragrant, floral, fruity hops. PAIR WITH: Light summery salads and beer tapas – aka pork pies and Scotch eggs! TRY: Redemption Pale Ale (Redemption Brewery, Tottenham); London Pale Ale (Meantime Brewery, Greenwich); and London Fields Pale (Brodie’s Brewery, Leyton).

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Wheat, wit and weizen THE COLOUR: Cloudy. THE TASTE: Coriander, orange peel and even raspberries or cherries can be thrown into wheat beers, while the use of different yeast strains introduces flavours and aromas of banana and cloves. Light, refreshing, creamy. PAIR WITH: Lighter, summery dishes, but also a perfect match for spicy food – especially when shellfish is involved. TRY: Camden Wheat (Camden Town Brewery); Meantime Raspberry Wheat (Meantime Brewery). Let There Be Beer celebrates the British beer industry. Follow @lettherebebeer on Twitter or see

lettherebebeer.com

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Facebook

IPA (India Pale Ale) THE COLOUR: A similar, burnished copper colour to pale ale, but a much stronger taste. THE TASTE: Toffee, marzipan, marmalade, grapefruit, pepper and spice flavours jostle for prominence and marry up with even more fruity, citrus and grapefruit aromas. PAIR WITH: Strong cheeses or darker, strong meats. TRY: Shoreditch Triangle IPA (London Fields Brewery, Hackney); IPA Citra (Kernel Brewery, Bermondsey); Five O’Clock Shadow American IPA (Weird Beard Brewery, Hanwell).

Dark beers, porter and stout THE COLOUR: Deep, ruby red to oily black. THE TASTE: Toffee, caramel and plum fruit and the dark, bitter, smoky character of chocolate and coffee. PAIR WITH: Try porter or black IPAs with dark, roasted meats. Enjoy a stronger, richer shot of stout to finish a meal with a dessert or cheese. TRY: Get down and dirty with Kernel’s darker beers – Export Stout, Baltic Porter or London Porter.

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Summer has been here for a few weeks now, and we all know what that means – it’s liable to disappear any moment. So let’s make the most of it. Check out our selection of the best beer gardens in the capital for a sunny Sunday.

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One of the advantages of being an island, apart from being hard to invade, is that there are plenty of places for awesome watersports. And, to that end, TNT has gathered up the best spots for some soggy fun.

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Real-life Garfield gets stuck in his cat flap coming through the door

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NEW VISA RULES On July 26 2013, the Home Office filed its grounds of appeal against the July 5 High Court judgment on the new financial requirement for all non-EEA spouses/partners joining British nationals. In addition to the basic evidence required to prove their relationship, British Nationals are required to prove that they meet a minimum income threshold of £18,600 per annum. Higher thresholds are in place for applicants with children. For now, decision-making on existing applications will remain on hold for those who don’t currently meet these rules. However, where the British National is able to prove they meet the financial requirement of £18,600 or more, applications will continue to be processed. There is no indication of how long this appeal process could take. Usually, these types of cases could take months to be processed. In a statement handed down on July 26, the Home Office spokesperson said they’ve asked the Court of Appeal to expedite the process. The statement doesn’t give any indication of the Home Office’s intention to reduce the financial requirement, nor do they offer any advice on whether or not they’ve taken into account the High Court’s recommendation of £13,000 as a new threshold. For now all we can do is hope appeals would yield some good news for non-qualifiers under the current rules. Read more at: my.tntmagazine.com/blogs

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What with the annual carnival, Portobello Market and even a Hugh Grant rom-com to call its own, Notting Hill is a prestigious and hugely popular area. This must mean you can’t afford to live there. Or does it?

Why Notting Hill? Notting Hill is west London’s star player in the battle against the east’s cool, bohemian scene. With quaint boutique shops and cafés lining the streets, the brightly painted houses and bustling Saturday market add real character and a sense of community to the area. With garden squares, bars and restaurants, Notting Hill is self-contained but also conveniently close to the city centre.

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The downside to Notting Hill is it’s bloody expensive. “Notting Hill is definitely not an area where most people can afford,” admits Samuel Harrison, manager of Hamptons International Notting Hill. “Your average one- or two-bedroom rental in the area is circa £500 per week.” To enjoy the benefits of Notting Hill but without the high rental prices, you can try nearby areas including North Kensington, Bayswater, Lancaster Gate and Paddington. “Anywhere north of the Westway tends to be cheaper whilst still being within walking distance of Notting Hill and Portobello Road, as well as being close to transport links,” says Serena Roberts from Douglas & Gordon’s Notting Hill lettings department. Alternatively, The Collective, a company

Swatch it: the coloured houses add character that converts buildings into reasonably priced rented accommodation, has a sixstorey Victorian townhouse in Notting Hill comprising 18 studios. Well decked out and retaining the property’s original features, the studios are well-priced for the area, at £230-£395 per week. “These properties are a big hit with those looking to enjoy the best of both worlds: a central London lifestyle and a stylish crash pad that doesn’t break the bank,” says The Collective’s founder and director, Reza Merchant.

The connections Within the wider Notting Hill area you have four Tube stations: Notting Hill Gate, Holland Park, Westbourne Park and Ladbroke Grove. These cover the Central, District, Circle and

Vibrant: Notting Hill Carnival Hammersmith and City lines. There are plenty of buses too, including five 24-hour routes and three extra night buses.

Don’t move here if... You don’t like crowds. It can get rammed,

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MY AREA constance elowitz Bartender, 24

“I just think Notting Hill is one of the most beautiful areas of the city. I love the aesthetics – especially the pastel coloured buildings.”

Takuro

matsuda Exchange student, 19

Go west: Notting Hill’s bohemian vibe rivals the east’s particularly on weekends due to tourist traffic heading for Saturday’s Portobello Market. Roberts adds, “There can be quite a bit of construction work going on as it is a highly invested area.”

Where to hang out Notting Hill knows its eggs, apparently, with Café 202 (202london.com) and The Electric Diner (electricdiner.com) both cooking up stellar breakfasts. Walmer Castle (walmercastle.co.uk) and The Cow (thecowlondon.co.uk) are good for a low-key drink, while The Sun In

Splendour (suninsplendourpub.co.uk) and Champion (thechampionpub.co.uk) are great for Sunday roasts, and The Shed (theshed-restaurant.com) has a gorgeously wholesome menu that changes daily. For sophisticated suppers and cocktails, try Granger & Co NEXT WEEK (grangerandco.com), The Ledbury (theledbury.com) Heartbreak: and Beach Blanket Babylon Get over being dumped (beachblanket.co.uk). NOTTING HILL’S BEST BOOZERS tntmagazine.com/notting-pubs

“I really like the Portobello Market. They’re a little pricey, but I feel like you can’t get much fresher fruits and vegetables. And the people are so friendly.”

marcus

sieber Student, 21

“I’m a big fan of the Notting Hill Carnival. Last year was the first time I went, and I’m so happy I did. I am really looking forward to it this year.”

w11 INFO Borough

Kensington & Chelsea Council Tax

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Photos: Getty

Travel time to London

Studio From £996pcm

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The studios in this property by The Collective are sleek, modern and clever with their use of space. You can have a slice of luxury Notting Hill life for a snip of the usual cost.

A 10-minute walk from Notting Hill Gate, this flat is on Westbourne Grove, but situated at the back of the building, so is peaceful and has access to a private garden.

This clean, bright, modern and spacious flat is on the edge of Notting Hill. All three bedrooms are doubles, one with en suite, so it could work out at just £488pp.

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Got it maid: if you’re a live-in housekeeper, you get to live rent free in a fancy pad

Your bed and butter When arriving in a new country, finding a job and somewhere to live can be tough – so why not combine the two? Words Caroline garnar You’re in a strange city. You don’t know anyone. You don’t know where to live or who to live with. And you don’t have a job. We suggest you kill a shitload of birds with one stone by getting a live-in job.

Live-in nanny Working as a nanny is a great way to gain a ready-made family. “I felt pretty isolated when I first arrived in London,” admits Australian Lucy-Anne Chambers. “When I finally found work as a live-in nanny, it was so lovely being surrounded by the dynamics of ordinary life. Plus I get to live in a seriously nice house in Chelsea, rent free – my friends are really jealous about that!” You’ve obviously got to be good with kids, and you will need qualifications 34

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such as Cache Level 1, 2 and 3, NVQ 2 and 3, BTEC, NNEB or a degree in early childcare. Criminal record checks are carried out, which cost £60 and can only be obtained through an agency. You will also need references from your previous employers. Sadly, live-in roles for nannies have significantly dropped recently. “Families are having to cut back and prefer to hire nannies before and after school only,” explains Christina Stanbridge, The London Nanny Company’s (londonnannycompany.co.uk) managing director. “Having said that, we are hopeful the upturn is around the corner. And quite a few families express a keen interest for Antipodean nannies as they are very good workers.” If you do manage to bag a role, you

can expect to earn £350-£450 a week on top of your food, board and travel – with some families providing a car. Providing primary care for the children, though, does mean you will be working 10 to 12-hour days.

Live-in housekeeper Usually, the role of housekeeper tends to be combined with nanny duties. You will probably only need to look after the little ones for a few hours either side of school, though, so you primarily take care of the house. Sally Harrison, director of Best Bear Childcare (bestbear.co.uk), an introduction agency which specialises in housekeepers and nannies, points out that most expats start on a live-in basis and then, once settled, move on to daily

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‘Through our Nightingale branch in London we provide general and specialist staff to the independent sector including Private Hospitals and Clinics, Hospices, Private and PCT funded Homecare, and Corporate Businesses.’ Nightingale Nursing provides nurses, midwives, ODPs and HCAs to independent sector hospitals, clinics, hospices and incorporates both generalist and specialist staff including ITU, Paediatrics and Theatres and to private and PCT funded clients in their own homes. Nightingale is the provider of choice for many clients and holds primary and preferred supplier status. If you are looking for a professional and caring organisation to work with that has flexibility and competitive pay rates. We have great opportunities for our staff within both the NHS and Private Sector, in Hospitals, the Community, Primary Care Centres and in patients’ own homes. We offer flexible working patterns to best suit your lifestyle. We give our staff full training, induction and constant support with opportunities for educational development. Whether you are a specialist nurse, primary, secondary care nurse, midwife, or Operating Department Practitioner we would be very interested to hear from you. Benefits Include; • Golden Hello and Recommend a friend bonus schemes (terms and conditions apply) • Free mandatory training • Free uniform • 50% off on CRB • Flexibility in shifts requirement To register, please call the Recruitment Team now.

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Tel: 0207 202 6688 tntMagazine.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS On the job liam russell

Career Visual effects animator Age 28 Lives West Dulwich From Kent How did you get into your job? I studied fine art at college, media and technology at uni, and did an MSc in computer animation. I joined Framestore on an internship in 2007 and have been here ever since.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

Helping hand: make a difference as a carer

Play house: live-in nanny’s get their office and accommodation in one

there at night in case live-out roles. sorting your visa you’re required. Again, thorough As a nanny, carer or housekeeper “You need to have background checks are you need to sort out your own visa carried out. The pay is as you’re basically self-employed. a calm, friendly nature, around £400-£500 per This can be arduous and confusing, and be someone week, with food, rent and there’s no guarantee your who enjoys others’ and sometimes even visa will be approved. Try using a company,” says an annual plane ticket visa consultancy, such as Global Stephanie Isaacs of home covered. For a Visas (globalvisas.com). They guide Otus Live-in Care Ltd housekeeping role, you through the process, and can (otusliveincare.co.uk), experience is valued increase your chances of approval which matches carers over qualifications, plus, by monitoring the constantly with live-in roles. echoing Stanbridge’s changing government legislations “You also need to earlier comment about that may affect your application. be passionate about those coming from independent living Down Under, “Aussies and Kiwis are for the elderly or those suffering from known as easy-going, hardworking chronic illness or a disability.” people, so they usually don’t have Pay is around £455-£735 per week trouble securing a role – even with depending on experience, plus free board, lodging and travel. You little experience.” need a few qualifications, such as a Live-in carer certificate in ‘Moving and Handling’, a background check and face-to-face “When I moved to the UK, I really interviews, plus you must have missed my family, in particular my ouma [grandmother],” says South personal liability insurance. African Tamsin Behren, who is now a In addition to that, live-in carer for 85-year-old Iris. “Now, Isaacs says, “Care NEXT WEEK with Iris, I feel like I have a bit of that and empathy connection again. She might be 50 are the best Household drama: years older than me but we still have qualifications How to deal with you can bring a right laugh.” asshole landlords to the job.” In truth, if you are a raging party animal, being a live-in carer is not the TNT’S TOP NANNY SCANDALS job for you. You are effectively on duty tntmagazine.com/nanny-scandal 24 hours a day, and you need to be

What do you do day-to-day? My day tends to be split between working on animation shots and having reviews with directors. What’s the most rewarding part? Knowing that people enjoy what they see at the cinema or on TV is by far the most rewarding part. Plus seeing my name in the credits once the film is finished makes the whole process even more of a reward. And the most challenging? Technology is always changing and developing, so you have to keep up. The VFX (visual effects) industry has some fantastic artists all over the world – I’m challenged to create the best work I can every single day. framestore.com

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Peach Nursing Limited are currently recruiting live-in/residential carers for positions in London. We currently have vacancies for long-term, residential single placement posts with days off each week. We are specifically interested in applications from experienced carers with up to date training certificates. You will be required to provide evidence of your experience and training undertaken in your role as a carer, and two referees who will be able to provide an assessment of your suitability for the post. Successful applicants will be provided with; • A competitive rate of pay • Days off each week • Further on-going training and support ESSENTIAL Requirements; • 2 years (minimum) ongoing care experience • Evidence of up to date training • An excellent command of English - written and spoken • Good communication skills • Presentable, reliable and professional • Exude strong work ethics Peach Nursing offer good rates of pay for Residential Carers to work in Central, N and NW London. We specialise in Domiciliary Care and currently have clients looking for residential support of the highest calibre; If you meet the criteria above, please forward your CV to us TODAY; office@peachnursing.com

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tntjobs.co.uk IMPERIAL COLLEGE

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POSITION: PhD study in scientific instrumentation for chemical and/or physical materials characterisation. Suit UK or European graduate in chemistry, physics or chemical/electrical engineering. The successful applicant will join world class experimental research group. d.r.williams@imperial.ac.uk

Chemical Engineering Department in Top 10 Global University in Central London.

URBAN MEADOW T: 020 7415 7003

Urban Meadow’ Café & bar the exciting new restaurant opens early September 2013. With a fabulous location opposite Kensington Gardens this restaurant is destined to become a great success and the place to meet for both locals and visitors alike.

CHARLES TYRWHITT T: 0208 735 1072 www.ctshirts.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Food & Beverage Team Members Location: London W2 Salary: Competitive POSITION: With an emphasis on fresh ingredients and local suppliers we are now looking to recruit Food and Beverage Team Members with experience in these areas to drive customer service that ensures our clients come back time and time again. We are holding a Recruitment Day on Friday 16th August 2013 at 11am. email cv’s to | aaron.burchell@urbanmeadowcafe.com | to register to attend our open day

JOB OF THE WEEK: Customer Service Representative Location: Shepherds Bush, West London Salary: £18,500

Founded in 1986; Charles Tyrwhitt is a quintessential British multi-channel retailer selling men’s and women’s shirts and other clothing.

An office bound role, responsible for receiving calls from customers, liaising via email, white mail and web chat. We are passionate about providing our customers with WORLD CLASS customer service and the best shopping experiences. Caroline Robertson | 0208 735 1072 | caroline.robertson@ctshirts.co.uk

C&V INSPIRE TRAINING DEVELOPMENT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Care workers, Support workers, Homesharers, Live in work Location: London Salary: Competitive rates of pay

W: cvinspire.co.uk We recruit staff and supply mainly temps to the employer. We do supply permanent placements at times as per our clients’ needs levels of service and home cooked food.

POSITION: Care experience is not essential as we offer training and help you gain level 2 certificate. we looking for carers with excellent communication skills Cathy/Vanessa | 020 70641231 | info@cvinspire.co.uk

BERNERS TAVERN RESTAURANT & BAR

JOB OF THE WEEK: Waiter/ess / Bar Tenders

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Salary: Competitive hourly rates, plus service charge.

This gastronomic gem under the direction of Executive Chef Jason Atherton boasts 140 covers, serving guests for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

MONOCLE T:0207 725 4343 www.monocle.com Monocle is a premium media brand and global magazine.

THE DINER T: 07557 124 922 www.goodlifediner.com A fun expanding group of American diners serving all aspects of American food from burgers and pancakes to some new southern classics.

Location: Berners Tavern Restaurant & Bar, London POSITION: Berners Tavern are currently looking for Waiters / Waitresses. LondonJobs@EDITIONhotels.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Monocle Café Manager Location: Monocle Café, Marylebone LONDON W1U 7QA Salary: Based on experience, £25,000 POSITION: We are seeking someone extraordinary to manage the Monocle Café’s slick & speedy operation with confidence & ambition. Working with an excellent team, the energetic candidate will have extensive experience in operating an independent cafe. Jessica Harris | 0207 725 4351 | jh@monocle.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: chefs of all levels Location: Central London Salary: Depends on experience POSITION: We are looking for chefs of all levels to join this fun dynamic group. You must be able to work under pressure and deliver food to the highest quality. lizzy@goodlifediner.com | 07557124922

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

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Paolina Lozubone, 25

Photos: Getty; TNT. Interview: Amy Donegan. Research: Brett Murphy

‘Sale’ boat Not a lot beats a summer trip winding a tranquil route through the UK’s xxxxxxxxx canals on a floating hostel. Wandering Duck offers Xxxxxxxxxxx overnight trips on 70ft narrowboats, where you can help with steering and working the locks, xxxxxxxxx as well as enjoying the on-board meals, real ale Xxxxxxxxxxx pump and honesty bar. With rates from £59-£170 for one- to three-night stays, myTNT VIPs get an xxxxxxxxx exclusive 15 per cent off. Visit my.tntmagazine.com/ Xxxxxxxxxxx offer/view/79 for details. Encounters of the cheap kind xxxxxxxxx If you’re as organised as TNT’s in-tray (ie, not Xxxxxxxxxxx at all), you can join an itinerary-led group tour around Morocco or Egypt with Encounters Travel. And, if you sign up to be a myTNT VIP, you will receive a 20 per cent discount off your tour. Whether you’re a solo traveller, a couple (who may kill each other if you spend the week just the two of you), or a group of friends, you can pick from whatever trip suits your needs and just focus on enjoying yourself while Encounters sorts out the rest. For more info on the offer see my.tntmagazine. com/offer/view/61.

LIFESTYLEMONEY

Job Waitress From Italy Lives Elephant and Castle How do you budget? I put aside a bit each week for savings and the rest goes on rent and bills. Do you have any tips for saving money in London? I walk around to save money on public transport, and I get my daily coffee for free from my boyfriend, who works as a barista. I also make the most of student discounts, particularly when buying clothes. What was your last big blowout? The new iPhone 5. What non-essential items do you spend money on? I’m always on ASOS.com browsing – and buying – the latest fashion accessories and clothes.

how THEY spend it! Counting the losses Tamara Ecclestone’s hubby Jay Rutland had his £50,000 Rolex stolen when he was mugged mid-al fresco pee in some bushes in East London. Spent more than a penny, then

❚ Lucky for Rutland, it’s

Moss loss: spent £75k on Banksy

easier to replace a fancy timepiece than it is a Banksy. Poor Kate Moss had a portrait by the street artist, worth £75,000, pilfered from her London home.

❚ Lindsay Lohan had more than £85,000-worth of jewellery and clothes nicked from her LA home by the so-called ‘Bling Ring’, a group of teens who targeted celebrity homes.

❚ Silly slebs should learn not to carry cash. According to reports, Hollywood star Matthew McConaughey had £1300 stolen from his hotel room in Nicaragua after he passed out in it while drunk.

❚ The Jonas Brothers apparently hired more security when it became clear they were the victims of a serial knicker-nicker, who kept pilfering pants from their dressing rooms. Priceless.

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Urine trouble: Panesar

spin this! panesar fine for drunk wee united kingdom

The Ashes can apparently be even more stressful for the players than the fans – and it seems Monty Panesar found a way to, er, relieve that stress. It all happened after the 31-year-old was reportedly kicked out of Brighton club Shoosh for allegedly harassing women during a late-night Ashes celebration. Panesar, a spin bowler for Sussex County Cricket Club, went to a promenade above and urinated on two bouncers. After being hauled back, he was held for 45 minutes while police were alerted. A spokesman for Panesar, who was fined for being drunk and disorderly, said said: “Monty would like to apologise unreservedly for any offence caused.”

Very important news: Kris Smith wears next year’s designs by The Rocks Push at the Myer 2014 Collections in Sydney. This is in no way just an excuse to feature a photo of Smith semi-naked

tweets of the week @edmorrish “Twitter likely to be summoned by MPs as they investigate online abuse, senior Tory John Whittingdale tells the BBC”. What, ALL of us? @DMreporter ZIMBABWE: Robert Mugabe praises the democratic system as over 175% of the country take part in elections

man towing 900kg of bricks swims 35k united states

It took him 51 hours, but a longdistance swimmer called The Shark has finished a 35km journey while hauling more than half-a-tonne of bricks. Jim Dreyer swam from the MichiganCanada border to Detroit while pulling two dinghies filled with the rocks. Dreyer’s swim wasn’t just for fun, he also raised money for charity Habitat 40

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for Humanity, but he said it had other symbolic meaning. “We don’t have to sink with the weight of our burdens,” he said. Dreyer said he had a number of hallucinations en route, including one at night that he described as a vision of Jesus. “I saw a guy in a white robe standing on the water,” he said. “I swam up to him and he disappeared. I was thinking he was the Big JC.”

one life down for stuck fat cat australia

A 9kg cat called Dracula has been put on a diet after it became wedged between two brick walls, sparking a two-hour rescue operation.

The 60cm-long black feline was found wedged in a small gap between two brick walls at his home at Culburra Beach, New South Wales. Emergency workers were alerted after the moggy’s owner Carmel Henebery heard the cat’s cries for help. Dracula was more than four metres in and couldn’t move. After a delicate three-hour operation, the feline was freed. “It was such a nice thing to see this cat reunited with her owner,” rescue paramedic Faye Stockman said. “It is not every day paramedics get to see happy incidents like this.” Henebery said: “He’s going on a diet.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 20

Weight, in tonnes, of rubbish that buried hoarder Wendy Towers when her ceiling collapsed – luckily she survived

Price, in US dollars, of a creepy-looking commemorative doll made to look like the Prince of Cambridge

Eye-eye: weird licking craze

TEENS WARNED OVER EYE LICKING CRAZE

150

Per cent of British people who admit to putting on weight after getting into a relationship, says study

NEW ZEALAND

Kiwi teenagers are being warned against a bizarre eyeball-licking craze sweeping Japan. Oculolinctus, or ‘worming’, involves licking the eyeballs of another person to show affection to their love interest. However, the number of eye infections has risen in Japan – and optometrists in NZ are warning youths not to follow suit. Ian Finch, of Visique NZ, said eyeball licking can cause conjunctivitis, aka ‘pink eye’, as well as transmitting herpes. Photos and videos of people ‘worming’ and being ‘wormed’ are circulating the web.

MAORI CHIEF’S HEAD TO MAKE NZ RETURN

Photos: Getty; AAP; YouTube, Thinkstock

UNITED KINGDOM

The mummified head of a South Sea island chief is to be sent back to New Zealand after more than 150 years in the UK. The Maori head, or toi moko, was brought to Britain in the 1840s, but it will soon be making its way back to NZ because of its “great cultural importance”. Janice Hayes, manager at The Warrington Museum in Cheshire, where it’s currently kept, said: “Maoris used to preserve severed heads for two reasons – either to venerate a loved one, or to ridicule an enemy defeated in battle.” NZ museum Te Papa Tongarewa

The calorie count of the average BBQ, according to a study. The equivalent of a day and a half’s food. Tuck in!

Going home: Maori head is planning a ceremony to thank the Warrington Museum.

‘FATBERG’ FLUSHED FROM SEWER UNITED KINGDOM

A congealed lump of fat the size of a double-decker bus clogged a sewer in London, requiring a major operation to remove it. The residents of prestigious Kingston Upon Thames came butt-clenchingly close to being knee-deep in raw sewage, as a congealed, 15-tonne lump of festering food fat mixed with wet wipes and sanitary products blocked the area’s sewer. The blockage caused the sewer pipe to shrink to less than 5 per cent of normal capacity. “We’ve never seen a single, congealed lump of lard this big clogging our sewers before,” said Thames Water spokesman Gordon Hailwood. It took 10 nights of blasting the lump with a high-pressure hose to remove it.

3,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Simon was unflappable. He had the birds landing on his head and didn’t break a sweat. No one was pooped on, but I was so jumpy Rose Byrne thanks fellow Aussie actor Simon Baker for helping her face her fear of birds when filming I Give It A Year

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including VAT, Vodkaluge London also offers next day delivery – straight to your door. The highly skilled team is on hand to create your desired design from their themed range or even personalise your order with numbers and letters. So whether it’s a night in with your friends or something bigger, check out the eye-catching designs and order yours today! The winner must live within the M25 to take delivery of the prize from Vodkaluge London. Enter at tntmagazine.com/competitions vodkalugelondon.co.uk

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Never accept a glass of wine from Peter Dowling

Things we learned about politicians last week ...

Stephanie Banister “doesn’t oppose Islam as a country”

Sexting politicians should resign their positions

Sending pics of your penis does affect how well you do your job

Photos: peterdowling.com.au; YouTube

OURVIEW

I’m really not sure why anyone would take a picture of their dick in a glass of wine, much less a married MP on the Australian parliament’s ethics committee. A mind that would dream up this bizarre vignette is perplexing enough; making the decision to then text the image to your mistress makes me wonder whether a medical professional oughtn’t intervene. I’m not convinced I’d ever find a cock plonked in a glass of anything a turn-on, even if Brad Pitt himself were to insert his spam javelin into finest Cristal and send me the resulting portrait. Nope, not even if he added an arty Instagram filter. Dowling resigned, and so he should. It’s a bit difficult to justify your position on a committee that handles complaints about the behaviour of politicians when the chick you’ve reportedly been banging behind the back of your wife of 27 years is alleging to anyone who’ll give her air time that you holed up together in hotels paid for by the people’s money (see P44). But even if he weren’t on such a committee, surely it would’ve been the right decision to stand down. And yet we all know the mirthfully monikered US pollie Anthony Weiner wouldn’t agree – he’s refusing to back out of the New York City mayoral race after getting caught up in his second sexting scandal within three years (married Weiner also liked sending pics of his dick to the ladies). The argument that a pollie’s sex life has nothing to do with his ability to perform well in public office is just wrong, especially when it comes to sexting. Just how dumb do you have to be to not only record evidence of your doing the dirty, but put it straight into the hands of the person you’re doing the dirty with? I’d prefer the people who make decisions about things that affect my life possess a smattering of intelligence. Put your dick in your wine on your own time if you must, but please don’t be stupid enough to let anyone know about it. » Agree or disagree? Does sexting make you a bad politician? letters@tntmagazine.com

FAR RIGHT ARE NOT SCARY, JUST STUPID I’d be afraid of the far right if they didn’t take every opportunity to demonstrate that their bigoted ignorance results from a special brand of deranged dimwittedness. Case in point, Aussie One Nation party candidate Stephanie Banister telling Channel 7 last week that she “doesn’t oppose Islam as a country”. This bright spark then went on to claim the government’s National Disability Insurance Scheme was working well, despite it not taking effect until 2016. Right-wing politicians have a real gift for showing off the fetid brain matter responsible for their opinions – take

“

A special brand of deranged dimwit

”

Republican Sarah Palin stating this piece of foreign policy in 2010: “Obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” When we live in a world run by the far right, I will be long dead, for it will be because humans have devolved back to drooling Neanderthals – no doubt thanks in part to all that sexting. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Coq au vin Married ethics MP stands down after mistress releases sext photos of his penis in a glass of wine WORDS CAROL DRIVER It’s ironic Peter Dowling was the chair of Queensland parliament’s ethics committee. Was because the MP has been found with his hand in the cookie jar, or, more accurately, his penis in the wine glass. The 51-year-old married dad of two stepped aside from his two committee roles after he was outed last week for having an affair and texting his mistress pornographic photos. The allegations against the Redlands Liberal National Party MP were made in a letter by his former mistress to Speaker Fiona Simpson. And The Courier-Mail says it has seen explicit messages, including pictures of a penis plonked in a glass of red wine – accompanied by the words: “He wanted a red wine.” Other images allegedly include a selfie of Dowling’s crotch while wearing boxers, and a full frontal shot of his genitalia. Last week, Dowling, who has been married for 27 years, stood before his fellow lawmakers to offer a mea culpa. “I owe my family an apology. I am sorry for the pain and embarrassment I caused you,” he said. “I am not proud of the events plastered all over the paper. I can’t and won’t defend any part of it.” Dowling has also been accused of taking advantage of parliamentary travel trips to meet his mistress in locations including Perth and New Zealand, accepting more than AU$20k (£11,500) in free upgraded flights. However, he denied he had violated any disclosure rules, but would still stand down as chair of the ethics committee – which handles complaints about the behaviour of the state’s politicians – and from the parliamentary crime and misconduct committee until an investigation into his travel is complete. “In relation to the allegations made to the use of travel allowances, I can assure the House that I have complied fully with all the guidelines and requirements of the parliament,” he said in parliament. “However, I do not wish for this issue and for my family to be dragged through the media any longer than necessary. I will answer any questions, front any 44

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investigation. I don’t want pity. I only ask that my family be left alone while this matter is considered by the clerk.” Whether or not Dowling was thinking of his family’s wellbeing during the alleged two-year affair is unclear. The woman, who asked not to be named, detailed how the couple repeatedly used his parliamentary annex bedsit and electorate office for sex, saying she “enjoyed the people’s money” when they went on official trips together. “I enjoyed the people’s money too when I stayed in the hotel rooms,” she told Nine Network. “I enjoyed the perks [at the expense] of the Australian taxpayers because I was in

“

He [my penis] wanted a glass of red wine

”

the hotels with him.” She also said they had sex in Dowling’s Redlands electorate office, and even in Parliament House, on numerous occasions. “I would go and visit Parliament House and we’d go to his office,” she said. “And have sex, yes. Twice I stayed overnight in Parliament House.” His mistress said she thought she had a future with Dowling, but she now understands the serious consequences of their affair. However, it seems Dowling isn’t alone with his penchant for dirty SMSing. Research released last week shows one in five teenagers and almost a third of adults in Australia have received a sext. Dating website benaughty.com suggested a higher rate – at least among singletons – with 57 per cent of its female members admitting to sending an explicit multimedia message and 24.3 per cent of men. It also said 31 per cent of its members aged over 50 had sent a sext. Here’s our other top three political sexters.

•• T CAM TN NT TC AM PA PAIIG GNN

Photos: peterdowling.com.au; BigJournalism.com

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With his bicep flexed, New York Republican Christopher Lee obviously chose his bare-chested sext image carefully before sending it to a woman he’d met on Craigslist. After some digging around, the recipient realised Lee’s true identity and went public. In 2011, the dad of one resigned from Congress after it was revealed not only did he send the photo, but that he lied to the woman about his marital status and his age – oddly, saying he was 39, not 46.

•• T CAM TN NT TC AM PA PAIIG GNN

AIGN MP A AM TTCC TTNN

Christopher Lee

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Joe Stagni “asked for god’s mercy and forgiveness” when he was caught sending inappropriate texts to a woman other than his wife in 2011. The sleazy image of the married Kenner City Councilman, from Louisiana, in his underwear was sent to a colleague he was having an affair with, accompanied by the oddly serious message: “I’m n trouble-serious conversation wwife [sic].” She forwarded it to another colleague’s email, and it found its way on to the council’s official computer system. Surprisingly, Stagni kept his job, and his wife.

IGN MPAAIGN CCAAMP NNTT

••

Joe Stagni

TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency and the service it offers to visa applicants. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK, New Zealand and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine. com/ukba. In March 2013, it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas. In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same. Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that:

AIIG MPPA CA GN AM N NNTT C ••TT

With his rather apt name, Anthony ‘I’ll show you mine’ Weiner has been caught sexting not once, but twice – with the first sexting scandal dubbed Weinergate. It happened in 2011 when, using his public Twitter account, Weiner sent a link to a photo of his erect penis, concealed by boxers, to a 21-year-old female college student. After a huge furore, married father-of-two Weiner resigned from Congress. This year, he announced his return to politics as a candidate for mayor of New York City. Following this were claims of more sexting, forcing Weiner to admit sending sexy messages to three women in the past year. He’s brazenly refused to leave the mayoral race.

AIGN MP A AM TTCC TTNN

Anthony Weiner

••

Sexy texts: one of the raunchy photos Anthony Weiner sent via text; left, Peter Dowling

AIIG MPPA CA GN AM N NNTT C ••TT

sign our petition

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition. Follow the link from tntmagazine.com/ukba

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Three ways with sporting technology…

Unreliable: HotSpot is said to be tricked by tape and could end up Ashes by this series’ end

Totally unnecessary: Remote control discus pick-up device at the IAAF World Champs

Simple solution: Football has long avoided technology but the new goal decision system fitted in all 20 Premier League grounds and Wembley has one simple job starting this week – tell us if it’s a goal or not. If it is, it’ll tell the ref via an ear piece and this watch. Time will tell how well, and often, Hawk-Eye’s expensive (£250,000 a ground) gear works

Smashing: Cameron White

WHITE BLASTS HIS WAY OUT OF AUSSIE CLASH CRICKET

Former Australia player Cameron White says he still wants to stake a claim for national selection, but an impressive half-century for Northants last week strangely saw him hit his way out of a chance to shine in front of selectors. White hit an unbeaten 58 from 32 balls for Northamptonshire in their Friends Life Twenty20 quarter final against Durham as his side set a total of 4-183. They went on to win, with Durham reaching just 6-147, securing Northants a spot in the FLT20 finals day at Edgbaston on Saturday during which 46

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the semi-finals and final will be played. The win also meant Northants will now not play a two-day tour match against the Australians on Friday and Saturday on their home ground. In their place will be the England Lions development squad who will take on the tourists while White and his teammates contest Surrey, Hampshire and Essex for the T20 title. White has played Tests, ODIs and T20 for Australia, with his last time in gold or green the World Cup semi-final exit at the hands of West Indies last October. But the Victorian all-rounder hasn’t given up hope of a call-up with three T20s and five ODIs to come against England. ”It’s part of the reason for being here playing cricket I guess,” he told BBC Radio Northampton. “I desperately want to play cricket again for Australia. I want to put my name forward as often as I can. “This is why I’m here, trying to win games for Northants and I’ll keep pushing my claim.”

BIG WEEK FOR ... Just what the British summer needed, another Aussie-England clash – but this time when the words ‘stoush’ or ‘battle’ are mentioned it won’t be referring to cricket bats and balls. It’ll be accurate as IBF Middleweight Champion Daniel Geale and English challenger Darren Barker literally beat the crap out of each other. The fight on Saturday night will be broadcast live on Sky Sports in the UK (2am Sunday morning) from the Turning Stone Resort Casino in Atlantic City. Geale, 32, has held the IBF belt since he took it from Sebastian Sylvester two years ago. He’s defended it four times, most signficantly in boxing terms with a win over Felix Sturm in Germany last September and recently against Anthony Mundine.

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THE ASHES 2013

All Blacks own: Dan Carter with the 82-year-old Cup

tntmagazine.com/ashes

TNT’s extensive Ashes coverage as the Aussies fight to save the series

PREVIEW BLEDISLOE CUP/CHAMPIONSHIP OPENER AUSTRALIA V NEW ZEALAND

Photos: Getty

SAT, 11.05AM, SKY SPORTS 4 It’s the time of year for Australian rugby fans to have a little hope that they can see the Wallabies wrest the massive trophy that is the Bledisloe Cup from the All Blacks’ grasp. But the numbers are ominous. Australia has to go back to 2002 to see images of a Wallaby skipper holding the 82-year-old cup aloft – and that year it was retained with a 1-1 result, not won outright. The last time Australia actually won the multi-match rivalry was 2001! With new coach Ewen McKenzie at the

helm for his first major match since taking over from Dingo Robbie Deans, he’ll be keen to start with a bang and put the humbling 41-16 defeat to the British and Irish Lions in their last outing behind his players. Worth remembering is the last time the two teams met it was an 18-all draw. As has been the case in recent years, the opening Bledisloe matches – this week in Sydney and next week in Wellington – will double as matches in the Rugby Championship, which also includes South Africa and Argentina, who play at 4pm UK time on Saturday, also on Sky Sports. The third Bledisloe match will be a standalone clash in Dunedin in October.



Full reports on every session



All the latest Ashes news

   

Photo galleries Opinions & blogs Bluffer’s guides One-eyed rants

TV HIGHLIGHTS CRICKET

NRL

Ashes: Australia v England

South Sydney v Manly

Day four and five from Durham Mon & Tue, 10.30am, Sky Sports Ashes

Live from the Central Coast Fri, 10.30am, Premier Sports

FOOTBALL

SUPER LEAGUE

World Athletics Championships

Warrington v Widnes

Live action every morning from Russia Mon-Sun, 6am, BBC One

The all-important run into the finals Thur, 8pm, Sky Sports 1

tntmagazine.com/ashes TNTMAGAZINE.COM

What’s your London club? With the 2013/14 Premier League kicking off this week, TNT and Gunners legend Alan Smith help the undecided choose who to follow WORDS MICHAEL GADD Who do you follow? From this weekend it’s a question you’ll be asked every time you take a cursory glance at a pub TV. Are you a Toff or a Dagger? Do you want instant winners or to follow an underdog? Does image, location or price matter most? This should help you pick a bandwagon to jump onto.

Arsenal FC (Premier League) WHERE ARE YA? Emirates Stadium, Holloway, north London. WHO ARE YA? Middle class. Gooners probably eat cous cous. SMITH SAYS: “There’s an air of disappointment with the fans that they haven’t added some quality to the side – and with Luis Suarez likely not coming, do they have a plan B? If they do they should be pushing for the top four.” BRASS TAX: Match days £26-£126; Season £985+.

AFC Wimbledon (League Two)

WHO’S YOUR NEW TEAM PLAYING THIS WEEK? PREMIER LEAGUE Saturday, Aug 18: ARSENAL v Aston Villa; Sunderland v FULHAM; WEST HAM v Cardiff City. Sun: CRYSTAL PALACE v TOTTENHAM (1.30pm, Sky 1); CHELSEA v Hull City (4pm, Sky 1) CHAMPIONSHIP Saturday: Barnsley v CHARLTON ATHLETIC; MILLWALL v Huddersfield; QUEENS PARK RANGERS v Ipswich LEAGUE ONE Saturday: Gillingham v BRENTFORD; Stevenage v LEYTON ORIENT LEAGUE TWO Saturday: Exeter v AFC WIMBLEDON; Scunthorpe v DAGENHAM & REDBRIDGE (All matches 3pm unless otherwise stated)

WHERE ARE YA? Southwest. The Cherry Red Records Stadium (Kingsmeadow), Kingston Upon Thames. WHO ARE YA? Conscientious, considerate, self-righteous. SMITH SAYS: “A tremendous achievement to get where they are, coming from Combined Counties in 2002 to staying up in League Two last year. A season of consolidation for them.” BRASS TAX: Match days £15-£22.

SMITH SAYS: “I’d be concerned at the lack of strike power but that might change in the window. Chris Powell is a very capable manager – hopefully they can push for promotion.” BRASS TAX: Match days £15-£26; Season £335.

Brentford (League One)

Chelsea FC (Premier League)

WHERE ARE YA? West. Griffin Park, Hounslow. WHO ARE YA? Becoming a Bee, like baldness, is inherited. SMITH SAYS: “Unlucky to not go up last year but they’re over that now. Manager Uwe Rosler is destined for higher things – one of the favourites in the division for promotion.” BRASS TAX: Match days £20-£24.

WHERE ARE YA? West. Stamford Bridge, Fulham. WHO ARE YA? A mockney west Londoner with a second home. SMITH SAYS: “Exciting times for the fans with the old hero Jose Mourinho back. Already a good squad but German André Schürrle is a good buy. Will be right up there but if they got Wayne Rooney it would make a huge difference.” BRASS TAX: Match days £41-£87; Season £750-£1250.

Charlton Athletic (Championship) WHERE ARE YA? Southeast. The Valley, Charlton. WHO ARE YA? Do you like Scott Parker? You’re an Addick. 48

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Crystal Palace (Premier League) WHERE ARE YA? South. Selhurst Park, South Norwood.

Crystal Palace

West Ham and (left) Chelsea

WHO ARE YA? Eagles are brash, good value underdogs. SMITH SAYS: “It’ll be a difficult for all promoted clubs. Manager Ian Holloway has experience with Blackpool in that regard though. Question is who will get the goals, but it’s never an enjoyable place to go for opposing teams.” BRASS TAX: Match days £25-£45; Season £490+.

Dagenham & Redbridge (League Two) WHERE ARE YA? East. Victoria Road, Dagenham. WHO ARE YA? If a bit up and down, you could be a Dagger. SMITH SAYS: “A tough year for the Daggers. Just survived going down last year, but have a stable manager now.” BRASS TAX: Match days £17-£21; Season £335-£400.

Fulham FC (Premier League) WHERE ARE YA? West. Craven Cottage, Fulham. WHO ARE YA? Wanna go to a pretty ground with Aussies? SMITH SAYS: “Interesting. They have a few good signings. Adel Taarabt on loan (QPR) along with Dimitar Berbatov means they’ve got individual talent there. Martin Jol has good players. They had a wobbly season but they’ll be OK this year.” BRASS TAX: Match days £49-£70; Season £449+.

Leyton Orient (League One) WHERE ARE YA? East. Matchroom Stadium, Leyton. WHO ARE YA? Little but loud? The O’s are for you! SMITH SAYS: “A famous old club, with well-entrenched traditions. Look good in round one with a 5-1 win.” BRASS TAX: Match days £14-£37; Season £300-£600.

Photos: Getty

Millwall FC (Championship) WHERE ARE YA? Southeast. The Den, South Bermondsey. WHO ARE YA? Working class? A bit punchy? You’re a Lion. SMITH SAYS: “Lost their manager Kenny Jackett after a long period. One of those places that can be a fortress, the fans

Millwall

Alan Smith now, and (right) in his heyday

make it that way, so expect them to do well at home.” BRASS TAX: Match days £23-£30; Season £400-£499.

Tottenham Hotspur (Premier League) WHERE ARE YA? North. White Hart Lane, Tottenham. WHO ARE YA? Overachiever? Fan of Fiddler On The Roof? SMITH SAYS: “Gareth Bale’s possible departure is hanging over them but Roberto Soldado is good for them – they needed a striker. Paulinho is a good acquisition and they’re strong in the middle of the park to challenge the contenders.” BRASS TAX: Match days £32-£81; Season £730+.

West Ham (Premier League) WHERE ARE YA? Upton Park, east London (Stratford in 2015). WHO ARE YA? Like metal things? Hammers are proper geezers. SMITH SAYS: “I’m a big fan of manager Sam Allardyce. He’s secured striker Andy Carroll and if he can keep the big man fit that gives them a great spearhead in attack. I wouldn’t see them in danger of relegation this year.” BRASS TAX: Match days £42-77; Season £640+.

Queens Park Rangers (Championship) WHERE ARE YA? West. Loftus Road, Shepherd’s Bush. WHO ARE YA? A bit of a pessimist? Can’t decide if you wanna be a big fish in a little pond or the other way around? A Hoop. SMITH SAYS: “The strongest team in the Championship. Harry Redknapp knows what it takes and they’ll be the team everyone wants to beat, which will bring its own problems. Every match day will be like a final. I’d expect them to bounce back up to the Premier League though.” BRASS TAX: Match days £20-£35; Season £509+. Smith spoke to TNT in his role as an analyst for Sky Sports, which kicks off its biggest ever football season with 116 Premier League matches, including every club twice before December and all matches between last season’s top four skysports.com/football

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Head-scratcher: ‘Hmm, which superstar within a three-hour drive will I choose?’

Hodgson battles to get an England team on the park

At least he can be happy he’s not Socceroos boss Holger Osiek

» Agree or disagree? Has Osiek or Hodgson got it easier? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

An impressive season for AFL London’s West London Wildcats wraps up this weekend as they contest at least two grand finals at Sir Joseph Hood Park on Saturday after all three of their teams finished top of their divisions’ tables. In the big one at 3pm, the Wildcats will take on whoever won in the weekend’s preliminary final between North London Lions and Putney Magpies – who each finished the season on 28 points, behind the minor premiers on 32, after 10 games. In the Conference division the Wildcats side, Shepherd’s Bush Raiders, won through to the grand final after finishing

“

Minor premiers in all three divisions

”

the year on top of the table on points difference. They’ll play Regent’s Park Lions or Clapham Demons in the grand final. And if they won on the weekend, the Cats-aligned Ealing Emus also play for a title in the Social division, the most important of them all if we’re playing favourites. Well done Cats and AFL London.

Photo: Getty

It would seem poor Roy Hodgson has to fight tooth and nail to just get a team on the park for England, such is the opposition he faces from clubs and managers not keen for their big money investments to wear the white of their country. From the coverage, Hodgson would make a killer diplomat with the way he handles each squad announcement and the side for the meaningless friendly match against Scotland on Wednesday at Wembley was no different. He had to chat with Scot David Moyes – who loses eight players to England – to justify picking unfit Wayne Rooney and Arsene Wenger as ever is miffed that his broken star Jack Wilshire was called up. But Hodgson can go to sleep at night comfortable in the knowledge he’s not Holger Osiek, who was last week leading a team wearing Australian shirts – not a legit national team – to last place in the East Asian Cup in Korea. His side, which has already qualified for the World Cup – something he has on England as they prepare for their final run of qualifiers – were outclassed by their Asian rivals, scratching a 0-0 draw with Korea and losing 3-2 to Japan. It wasn’t a bad effort considering only one of them, Matt McKay, played a role in the last meaningful game the Aussies played, a 1-0 win over Iraq. This is the reality for impressive Osiek, who used the EAC as little more than a chance to see his fringe, mostly Australian-based players in an international environment. He picks his battles to get his first choice line-up for games that actually matter, and they come from all over the shop. Against Iraq, and in the Jordan game before it, the starting 11 came from clubs in nine different countries, including the US, UK, Qatar, UAE, Japan, China, Russia and Germany (two from the A-League cracked the side). His squad of 22 for the campaign came from 13 countries. Who knows who’ll play Brazil there on September 7. Hodgson’s squad against Scotland all play in England for one of 10 clubs (not even one from Wales!) and all in the Premier League. Should be simple, but might be their problem.

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STREET DANCE Hare Krishna devotees lead the Rathayatra procession in Leicester, England. Rathayatra, or the Chariot Festival, also sees the figures of Lady Suhadra, Lord Jagannatha and Lord Balaram drawn in hand-pulled chariots through the streets.

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Natrure Travels; Jo Rhodes

INSIDE

GIN O’ CLOCK /58

CITY ON THE SEA /66

END OF THE EARTH /70

We have a go at distilling our very own booze in Plymouth, the home of Britain’s oldest distillery.

Kayaking through the Swedish capital’s archipelago, boozing on an island and a night in prison – now that’s a weekend.

TNT breaks in the hiking boots to take on the rugged, wild and remote Dientes de Navarino, the world’s most southern trail. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Sunny tunes: Damian Marley headlines the reggae festival

TONGUE TWISTS Of all the many annoying habits of holidaymakers – persistently searching out the omelette on every menu; spending so much time uploading pics of themselves ‘having fun’ on Facebook that they forget to actually have fun; being British and abroad – surely the worst is a determined ignorance of the local language.

A recent poll of more than 2000 Brit tourists saw 85 per cent of respondents admit they couldn’t give two shites about knowing a word of the native lingo, even if they were to get into strife while overseas. This is probably the point at which ignorance indulges itself with a big googly-eyed grin and plunges with gay abandon into downright stupidity. Now it’s fairly easy to knock me from the lofty saddle on my high horse and into the waiting crowds of slobbering proles on this one, as I confess to possessing only a novice’s command of a few dribbles of phrases from a handful of languages (taking GCSE Russian seemed a novel idea but has seldom given me an advantage anywhere since – including Russia). Backpacking around South America, not one of me or my three friends spoke a word of Spanish, employing instead the international language of mime to get us through. Kinda funny, but also vein-bulgingly frustrating at times, and with no one to blame but ourselves. I suppose it all depends on which one of two camps you fall into: lazy but apologetic (me), or lazy and stupid (those who get angry when they are unable to communicate, blaming the silly foreigners for never learning English). Acknowledging your own imbecility may at least win you some sympathy in a pickle.

and tell us at laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Chill, groove, and immerse yourself in reggae culture at this year’s Rototom Sunsplash. Celebrating its 20th anniversary, this festival 17-24 celebrates the lifestyle of peace, tolerance, respect and great music. If you don’t mind getting a little dirty – and experimental – then make your way to the Spanish coast with the rest of the Rastas. AUG

WHY: The festival is now two decades old and is more-or-less a celebration of the reggae lifestyle’s rags to riches story. Damian Marley is headlining the music line-up and Nobel Peace Prize winner Rigoberta Menchú will be giving a talk at the public forum on personal and social change.

DO IT BECAUSE: Not many fest-goers can say they became better people after a weekend at a music festival – usually, it’s quite the opposite. Rototom Sunsplash offers a true fest experience with a great message. Plus, Castellon is beautiful this time of year.

ROYAL EDINBURGH MILITARY TATTOO

QIXI SEVEN SISTERS FESTIVAL

With a line-up of nearly 1000 performers from the 24 British Armed Forces, Commonwealth and international military bands, this is an extravaganza on the esplanade of Edinburgh Castle.

Qixi is the Chinese equivalent of Valentine’s Day, but with 13 a ‘traditional’ twist. Single girls demonstrate domestic tasks to impress potential lovers, including embroidery and melon carving – the makings of a good wife, we’re sure.

Edinburgh, Scotland UNTIL AUG

edintattoo.co.uk

CREAMFIELDS Cheshire, England

Spend your bank holiday at the Creamfields three-day 23-25 festival. Once just an offshoot from a Liverpool nightclub, this electro festival (think EDC’s cousin) has spread to sites all over the world. This year’s line-up in Cheshire includes monster DJs Avicii and David Guetta. AUG

creamfields.com

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rototomsunsplash.com/en

Wan Chai, Hong Kong AUG

china.org.cn

STUTTGART WINE VILLAGE Stuttgart, Germany

To honour Swabian (that’s southwestern Germany to 28 you and me) tradition, cosy alcoves, decorated in the local style, invite you to settle in and drink the region’s wine. We’re sold. AUG

stuttgart-tourist.de/en

Photo: Getty

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ROTOTOM SUNSPLASH Benicàssim, Spain

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STAND-UP FLIGHTS In-flight stand-up comedy gigs and live music are set to become the norm on Virgin Atlantic’s offshoot domestic carrier Little Red, with comedians making their way to the Edinburgh Festival this month being offered a unique chance to warm up en route. Live music acts are set to start in September. Virgin said the rather elaborate in-flight entertainment was intended as a tribute to the “rich music scenes in Scotland and Manchester”. Virgin Atlantic founder Sir Richard Branson added Little Red’s programme would “shake up domestic flying in the UK”. And is in no way a headline-grabbing gimmick, eh?

Richard Branson: hates gimmicks

Photos: Getty

‘THE PLANE IS ASLEEP’ A parody Twitter account for United Airlines has sent some controversial replies to complaining passengers who mistook the @unitedairlines handle for the carrier’s official account (which is in fact just @United). When one customer asked, “Why has my flight been delayed FIVE times now? What’s going on??”, he got the answer: “Ssshhh, the plane is sleeping. Look it’s wing is twitching. It is dreaming.” Another whinge about the lack of TVs on United’s planes was met with the retort: “We allow you to exchange worthless paper to ride a missile ... how dare you.” The account now has 12,000 followers.

budget baggage A new budget luggage delivery service is taking advantage of travellers’ increasing annoyance at airline baggage charges by offering door-to-door delivery at affordable prices. Following Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary’s recent comments about raising the price of checking bags until no one could afford to do so – “We will keep increasing until we get rid of the bags. Carrying a bag costs me money,” he said – and a TravelSupermarket survey that showed Thomson’s baggage fees had risen by 47 per cent since 2012, using The Luggage Delivery Company could end up working out cheaper. Fees start at £29.99 for 15kg.

HOBART SCORES HIGH Hobart in Tasmania has been voted the world’s second-friendliest city by readers of Yank luxury travel mag Conde Nast Traveler. A poll of 46,000 readers named Florianopolis in Brazil as the friendliest, but Hobart was also praised for being a “truly unique part of the world” that was filled with “kind, friendly” locals. Newark in New Jersey was branded the world’s unfriendliest city, pipping second-placed Islamabad in Pakistan to the top spot. Funnily enough, England’s friendliest city was not deemed to be London, with Bath scoring highest for Blighty – but it still didn’t even make it inside the top 20.

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Peaceful [Caption]playground: Plymouth Hoe

Plymouth England

ENGLAND WALES LONDON

GETTING THERE Take the train from London Paddington to Plymouth from ÂŁ13.50 one-way with First Great Western. firstgreatwestern.co.uk

Plymouth

Result! Anne shows her final tipple

Monastery bar: Black Friars Distillery

Juniper genius: guide Harriet shows her tour how to create delicious gin 58

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UKTRIP

Gin o’clock We have a go at distilling our own booze in Plymouth, home of Britain’s oldest distillery

Photos: Anna Gorringe, Thinkstock

WORDS ANNE GORRINGE

I’m standing in the cellar of Britain’s oldest gin distillery surrounded by trays of exotic herbs. In front of me, the tangle of glass tubes reminds me of a chemistry class – only this one is a hell of a lot more fun, and you’re encouraged to drink booze. The mixture begins to bubble and soon my own unique handmade sample of gin will be ready. The Black Friars Distillery has been making Plymouth Gin on this very spot since it was first established in 1793. The building itself was originally a monastery dating back to the 1400s and the old refectory is now a stylish rooftop bar. A wooden plaque on the wall lists the names of the passengers who set sail from Plymouth on the Mayflower back in 1620 for a new life in North America, having spent their last night in this building. Back in the cellar, the vapours from my brew rise. For the past two hours I’ve been on the ‘Masters Distillers Tour’ and distilling my very own bottle of gin is the final step. One thing I’ve learned is that to qualify as a ‘gin’ the spirit must contain juniper berries. After that, companies add up to 12 other ‘botanicals’ – anything from fresh or dried plants to spices, herbs and fruits. “There are seven botanicals in Plymouth Gin, while Hendricks is the strongest and has 13 botanicals,” our expert guide Harriet explains. Black Friars’ recipe includes peel from “sweet lemons from Spain” and angelica which, Harriet tells me, “smells like an old bookshop and it makes a gin taste ‘dry’”. I can taste exactly what she means. To make my own, Harriet provided me with the neat spirit needed and set me up with my very own ‘still’. She’d preset the temperature, too, so it was heated up and ready to go. All I had to do was carefully pour the alcohol in the flask, having first diluted it with an equal quantity of local Plymouth water and my own choice of botanicals. The heat releases the flavours, while a pitch of root of iris ‘sticks’ them to the spirit. Having previously sampled some five different brands on the tour (and discovered which ‘botanicals’ they used) I opted for sweet, sharp lemon rind, cassia bark and cardamom. As the mixture begins to boil, steam rises and it quickly condenses in the tubes above, dripping into my waiting bottle. When preparing the recipe, I’d convinced myself I’d

come up with a winner, but now it’s time to taste the proof of the pudding and I’m starting to feel nervous. Preparing to carefully pour out a taster, my jitters remind me of Harriet explaining how the phrase ‘Dutch Courage’ came to be. “Juniper flavouring was first used to make the drink Jenever in Holland back in the 15th century,” she said. “This was later given to English troops as a morale boost before going into battle during the 30 Years War of the 1600s.” Seems logical. More tricky to understand is how the strength, or ‘proof’, of an alcohol is actually worked out. This

“

Glass tubes remind me of chemistry class

”

goes back to the days of the British Navy when cannons on board needed gunpowder to fire. Daily booze rations for the sailors were another essential and it was vital that, should the two mix, the gunpowder didn’t become too soggy to ignite. Well, that’s the theory. The problem was solved after different strengths of alcohol and gunpowder were mixed and sailors found using alcohol with levels above 57 per cent allowed the powder to light. Getting a flame was considered the ‘proof’ of the alcohol content and only a keg with sufficient ‘proof’ could be brought. The strong daily rations must have been lethal. My own gin is ‘only’ 40 per cent proof. Does it taste as good as the Plymouth Gin? Actually, it comes out pretty smooth and I think the pinch of nutmeg works a treat. But somehow I don’t think they’ll be rushing to change the ancient recipe.

NEXT WEEK

Master Distiller’s Tour is £40pp, including a bottle of gin plymouthdistillery.com

Bank holiday: Where to go and what to do in your August break

WORLD’S BEST BOOZY TRAVEL BREAKS tntmagazine.com/boozy-travel

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LATEDEALS

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Welcome to paradise: escape to Barbados for just £675pp with lowcostholidays.com

DEAL OF THE WEEK russia highlights

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A six-day Highlights of Russia tour is £247pp (40% off) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 020 8099 9596). Excludes flights and local payment. Book by August 23. Departs August 24.

< £250

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TURKEY A nine-day Fantastic Turkey by Gulet tour is now £383pp (40% off) with Travel Talk (020 8099 9596; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Istanbul, Gallipoli, Troy, Ephesus and Pamukkale. Includes five- and fourstar hotels, some meals and guide. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by August 16. Departs August 17. Zante Seven nights in Zante is £288pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes B&B accommodation at the three-star Perkes Hotel in Laganas and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs on August 29. BULGARIA A 10-night trip to Sunny Beach, Bulgaria, is £365pp (save £160pp) with Loveholidays (loveholidays.com; 0800 215 5900). Deal includes three-star accommodation at Poseidon Apartments and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs on August 30. Mention TNT when booking for discount.

> £500 CUBA An eight-day tour costs £539pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 499 8487, intrepidtravel.com). Includes accommodation in hotels and homestays, salsa lesson, visit to a coffee and tobacco farm, some meals and a tour leader. Excludes flights. Departs Havana on Sep 1, book by Aug 27. Morocco A 14-day Magical Morocco tour is now £503 (20% off) with Travel Talk (020 8099 9596; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Marrakech, Chigaga, Midelt, Fes, Casablanca and Agadir. Includes fourstar hotels and Bedouin tents, some meals, guide and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by August 16. Departs August 17. Barbados Seven nights is £675pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes three-star, room-only accommodation at Halcyon Palm in St James and flights from London Gatwick. Departs September 18.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated weekly. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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Amsterdam Two nights is £164pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Deal includes roomonly accommodation at the four-star Best Western Blue Square and return flights from London Luton. Departs on September 17. MADRID A three-night trip is £245pp with cheapflights.co.uk. Includes five-star, B&B accommodation at Eurostars Madrid Tower, a free threecourse meal at Cuevas Del Duque restaurant, return flights from London Gatwick, Luton or Stansted and free transfers. Book now for travel between September and November 2013. PRAGUE A two-night trip is £132pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Deal includes three-star, B&B accommodation at the St George’s hotel and return flights from London Stansted. Departs September 23. Krakow A two-night trip is £99pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes direct return flights and threestar, B&B accommodation at Bluebells Apartments. Departs from London Southend on September 23. Milan A two-night stay is £198pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes direct return flights and three-star, room-only accommodation at the Ibis Milano Centro. Departs from London Gatwick on September 10.

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DOUBLE RAINBOW FALLS Tracey Lee, from Wanstead, New Zealand

CATCHING RAYS Roma Small, from Sydney, Australia

WHAT’S THE STORY? Tracey captured this double rainbow at Niagara Falls. “We had got an early bus from Toronto and arrived just as it started to drizzle with rain,” she tells us. “We were disappointed with the commercialised nature of the Niagara township itself, but utterly in awe of the vast falls. To top it off we were lucky enough to capture the falls when rainbows fell across it. We loved its sheer size and beauty.” And it’s a beauty of a shot, too.

WHAT’S THE STORY? Catching rays can be risky to one’s health, but rarely in this way. “I was in North London on a rooftop with friends,” Roma says. “I went for a stroll to take in the sights when I spotted this guy, horizontal on the edge of the roof smoking a cigarette. He didn’t seem to have a care in the world. I was completely fascinated – I’d be terrified! I watched him and snapped a few photos while contemplating how he got there, why he chose to go there and thought that maybe, in such a busy city as London, it was his little piece of paradise. “

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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SPANISH STEPS, ROME, ITALY Joanne Barry, from Australia

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TOP FIVE

National Parks

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serengeti, Tanzania

Containing some of the world’s most dizzying landscapes, highest peaks and rarest wildlife, national parks hold a special gooey place in the hearts of nature lovers. There wouldn’t be enough room in a shelf of books to cover all there is to explore in the Serengeti National Park, a massive 14,750km² of grassland plains and savanna in the north of Tanzania, boasting one of the oldest ecosystems on earth. The area that now makes up the park was first stumbled upon by outsiders in 1908. Stewart Edward White, the American game hunter who found it after setting out from Nairobi, wrote: “We walked for miles over burnt out country... Then I saw the green trees of the river, walked two miles more and found myself in paradise.” The park is composed of three key areas (the wider Serengeti region spills over into Kenya), There’s the Serengeti plains, where zebra, gazelle, topi, buffalo, waterbuck and more hoofed animals live during the wet season. Then there’s the swampy Western 62 00

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corridor, where “black cotton” (black clay) soil covers the land. The Grumeti River is the part of the park which the toothy Nile crocodiles, monkeys and eagles call home. Then the Northern Serengeti is where all the open woodlands lie. The Masai tribespeople, who now live in the Masai Mara National Reserve on the edge of the park, call it ‘Siringitu’ – which means ‘the place where the land moves on forever.’ If that poetic description isn’t already tickling your feet, then how about this: it’s one of the places where you can see the Great Migration. More than a million wildebeest and about 200,000 zebras thunder from the northern hills to the southern plains for the short rains every October and November. This migration pattern has held for more than a million years and draws thousands of tourists every year. Park entrance is £16.50 per day. serengeti.org

THE UK’S BEST NATIONAL PARKS tntmagazine.com/natparks-uk

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Yellowstone, US

One of America’s most popular national parks, Yellowstone has it all – geysers, lakes and hiking trails. Over the vast parkland (it stretches across 350km²) you’ll be able to spot everything from wolves to bald eagles, ospreys and peregrine falcons. The geysers are also an amazing sight, with the famous ‘Steamboat’ erupting 300m in the air for the first time in eight years last week. Park entrance is priced from £16.50pp. nps.gov/yell

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

Ranthambore, india

Wanna see tigers? Head to India’s Ranthambore, which is considered one of the most reliable places in the world to spot them in the wild. The park was once known as Tigers’ Paradise, as it was the private hunting ground for the kings of Jaipur. In recent years there have been problems with poachers, so numbers have dropped to around 22, which are closely monitored. Look out for Dollar (named for the $ mark on his flank) and Mala, considered the prettiest. ranthamborenationalpark.com

brecon beacons, wales

You’ve got to hand it to Wales, there’s nowhere quite like the Brecon Beacons National Park for outdoors adventures or just breathtaking scenery. It’s not the easiest of walks, but the Beacons Way is one heckuva 100-mile hike. Crossing the park, it covers the summits of Pen y Fan and Corn du, passes the Llanthony Abbey ruins, Iron Age hill fort at Crug Hywel and the Monmouthshire and Brecon Canals. Phew! No fees. breconbeacons.org

fuji-hakone-izu, Japan

It’s no surprise that this national park is Japan’s most popular – not only is it close to Tokyo, but it also features the beloved 12,000ft, dormant volcano Mount Fuji. Unusually, the park is made up of a handful of separate tourist hotspots, including Mt Fuji itself, Fuji Five Lakes, Hakone, the Izu Peninsula, and the Izu Islands. Between that lot there are hot springs, lakes, beaches and more than 1000 volcanic islands. Entrance fees to the different sections vary.

Hiker’s haven

la roche du marais overview About 300m from a long, quiet beach and amid scenic farmlands is this basic yet hospitable hotel in the beautiful Cotentin peninsula of Normandy, France. Specifically, it’s just outside the sweet little Omonville Village in La Hague, and is geared to provide a comfy retreat for hikers who take advantage of the area’s hugely underutilised landscapes. Many visitors here are taking on part or all of the famed 180-mile coastal walking trail, GR223, which runs from Mont St-Michel to Cherbourg. wow factor Dale Kerrigan’s head would explode at the level of ‘serenity’ here – with all rooms looking onto the ocean or fields. rooms Double or twin rooms are available, and while basic, are very well fitted out, with double-glazed windows in case the distant moo of a local cow might wake you up. bill, please Double or twin rooms range from £56 to £85 per night, depending on the season. Additional bed or a TV is available, but costs extra.

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Ancient Armenia: the 10th-century Haghpat monastery

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Q How can I get easily to Sanahin and Haghpat monasteries, on the way from Tbilisi to Yerevan? Barbora, via email

READERS’ TIPS ON SCANDINAVIA WASH AND GO Most accommodations in Scandinavia charge for sheets and towels per night. I would recommend buying cheap sets from Primark to save money if you are there for a few days. Emma Brunott, via Facebook

Bring your own towels, rubber duck optional 64

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TO MARKET, TO MARKET In Denmark you can expect to pay £5 a pint, but supermarkets such as Fotex offer a good choice if you want to save money on food. Sue Walsh, via email

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A These World Heritage-listed and centuriesold monasteries are located in the Debed Canyon in northern Armenia, close to the Georgian border. This historically rich area conveniently lies on the main route from Tbilisi to Yerevan. Public minivans or marshrutka are a useful form of transport in the area. If you’re travelling by marshrutka, Alaverdi is the nearest large town to both monasteries and the best place to pick up onward local transport to the sites. To get to Sanahin, there’s the fun option of a cable car to take you from Alaverdi to Sarahart, a town just 1km from the monastery. For Haghpat, pick up one of the hourly marshrutky

from Alavedi, or if you’re feeling energetic after visiting Sanahin, it’s a 7km walk to Haghpat, which takes around three hours. If you’re short on time, you could hire a taxi for the day from Alaverdi for less than £15 to take you to each of the monasteries and other gems such as Kobayr’s ruined 13th-century convent. You have a couple of transport options for the 290km journey from Tbilisi to Yerevan. Marshrutka operate along the route and a train runs from Tbilisi to Yerevan daily in summer and every other day in the off season (late September to mid June) and stops at Vanadzor. From Vanadzor, you can hop in a taxi to the monasteries or use onward public transport. You will arrive late at night in Vanadzor, so have accommodation booked in advance and visit the monasteries the following day.

What’s the best time of year to travel? September is the ultimate time to get away from children as they have just returned to school and most Mediterranean destinations will have their warmest water temperatures. Is there any part of a plane that’s more likely to be child-free? Keep to the centre of the plane as the front and back few rows are often reserved for families. If you’re ablebodied, consider volunteering for the emergency exit row; more legroom and child-free zone guaranteed. Are any destinations particularly popular with families? Lanzarote this year has claimed the top spot from Tenerife for half-term holiday searches.

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[Caption]Stockholm’s archipelago is on the Baltic Sea Serene:

Stockholm SWeden

SWEDEN NORWAY STOCKHOLM

GETTING THERE Fly from London Stansted to Stockholm from £38.90 return with Ryanair. ryanair.com

On the water: (clockwise) swanky holiday homes; peace; and silliness

Banged up: the prison hostel

[Caption] 66

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City on the sea Kayaking through the Swedish capital’s archipelago, boozing on an island and a night in prison – now that’s a weekend Words Oliver robinson

The morning sun is starting to make my room uncomfortably warm, which means it’s time to get up and out of here. Luckily, the last item on my to-do list (getting out of here) is easier than it would have been 100 years ago. I’m staying in a cell at Långholmen’s, a former prison in the heart of Stockholm that has been converted into a hostel. Though the guards and guns are long gone, the bunk beds, heavy iron doors and whitewash walls remain, placing Långholmen’s Hostel among the most eye-catching (and affordable) accommodation the Swedish capital has to offer. A taxi waits outside to whisk my friends and I to Sörmlands, the province that stretches from the southeast of the capital to the north and the Baltic. Here, we’ll pile into a fleet of two-person kayaks in which we’ll navigate Sweden’s largest archipelago (the second-largest in the Baltic Sea). Well, perhaps not all of it – the archipelago consists of around 30,000 islands, which fan out 80km from the city. In days of yore, the area’s inhabitants consisted predominantly of Viking-like fishermen, whereas now there are an estimated 50,000 holiday homes and chalets dotting the scenery. It’s no wonder the area is so popular with wellheeled Swedes: the urban vibe of Stockholm feels as if it’s a world away, yet our journey from the city centre takes little over 30 minutes. Herein lies the attraction of the archipelago – we’ve been transported into a Norse fairytale setting, yet our isolation is not intimidating in the slightest, since the slick sophistication of Stockholm (and all the home comforts that come with it) are a short distance away. “Welcome!” exclaims John, from outdoor specialists Nature Travels. After a few pleasantries, John puts us to work – dragging our kayaks from the boathouse and packing them – before giving us a quick but detailed safety brief. John is also our guide. More adventurous tourists can hire kayaks and explore by themselves, but as we only plan to be here for the weekend, we figure it’s best to have an expert lead us through the extensive island network rather than risk finding ourselves in Russian waters come Monday. After wobbling into our dual kayaks, we paddle into the mirror-like expanse, following John’s lead. Either side of us, small lush islands are punctuated with the picturesque holiday homes of Stockholm’s elite. The water is calm, but a day’s paddling still proves a tough workout. Luckily, the scenery is enough to distract us from our aching limbs, as

is the occasional conversation with curious locals, who lean from the verandahs of their colourful wooden cabins to ask us where we’re from and how we’re enjoying Stockholm. The wider waterways of the archipelago accommodate shipping lanes which can, at times, prove frightening to cross. John tells us when to wait and when to paddle, ensuring none of the kayaks have an undue tête-à-tête with an oncoming ferry or cruiseliner.

“

The scenery distracts us from our aching limbs

”

After five hours on the water, John guides us to a nondescript island that will be our resting place for the night. As many local tour companies do, Nature Travels rents the island from local authorities on behalf of wannabe ››

Hard cell?: inside prison hostel Långholmen’s

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explorer tourists such as ourselves. The island is equipped with a smattering of semi-permanent tents, basic toilet facilities, as well as benches, trestle tables and a gas-fire barbecue. We hoist the kayaks onto dry land, set up camp, and arrange a pick-up time with John for the next morning. Darkness never quite falls on a summer night in Sweden, so we eat, drink and make merry with a backdrop of eternal dusk. Before we know it, the sun is creeping up on us and we only have a few hours to sleep before John returns. But then, how often do you get to watch the sunrise over the Baltic? Bleary-eyed and fuzzy headed the next morning, inevitably the journey back isn’t as enjoyable as the way out. We discuss buying a summer house so we can make our visits a regular thing, but John informs us the cost of one of the more modest ones would compare to a London townhouse. It seems we’re destined to return to jail on our next visit to Stockholm. ❚ Nature Travels offers a variety of kayaking packages starting at £119pp. For further details naturetravels.co.uk

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Beached: camp out on an island in Stockholm

next week San Sebastian: Could this be Spain’s coolest city?

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

eat

Trendy soup kitchen/café Stockholm Taste is often packed, so get there early to nab a seat and sample the original and ever-changing soup menu – expect spicy Asian concoctions, as well as hearty European-style broths. Main courses from £5.50. (Wargentinsgatan 3, tel. +46 8 654 5610)

Bistro Berns is a quaint and cosy French restaurant, serving quality classics such as moules frites, steak tartare and boeuf bourguignon. Set inside Berzelii Park, the outdoor terrace is a great place to sit if you can nab a table in time. Main courses from £10.50. berns.se

Operabaren might not be cheap, but you can’t beat the Swedish and European haute cusine, served in a semi-formal setting. It’s also definitely the best place in town for Swedish meatballs. Main courses from £16.50. operakallaren.se

drink

With its dark-wood panelling, flickering candles and beer-hall style vibe, 100-year-old establishment Pelikan offers revellers a taste of Swedish merrymaking as it might have been a century ago. Ales from £7; wine from £9. pelikan.se

Situated on the shore of Lake Mälaren, Mälarpaviljongen is one of the best outdoor spots to sink a beer, or select from their extensive list of bubbles and red/ white wine from £8.50 a glass. malarpaviljongen.se

Slick, popular al-fresco club F12 Terrassen is set upon grand stone steps next to the adjoining restaurant. Come summertime, expect top-notch guest DJs – and don’t arrive until after midnight. Beers from £8; glass of wine from £10. terrassen.f12.se

sleep

One-time prison Långholmen’s still has plenty of quirky, jail-house features, but the newly renovated “cells” are a darn sight more comfortable than they would have been once upon a time. Rooms start at £25.50pn. langholmen.com

This former 17th-century coffee house, First Hotel Reisen, became a hotel in 1819, and boasts great water views. Doubles start at £150pn. firsthotels.com

Berns Hotel is a fantastic boutique hotel in a conventiently central location – stumbling distance from a decent range of pubs and clubs. If it’s good enough for the likes of Rihanna, Bill Gates, and the Dalai Lama... Double rooms start at £300pn. berns.se

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Photos: Oliver Robinson, Getty, Thinkstock, Langholmen.com

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Time to reflect: writer Jo pauses at Lago Escondida (Hidden Lake)

Dientes de Navarino PatAgonia

argentina

CHILE

Ushuaia

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Buenos Aires

GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Buenos Aires from £644 return with KLM, via Amsterdam and Sao Paulo. klm.com A one-way flight from Buenos Aires to Ushuaia costs from £214 with LAN. lan.com

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BIGTRIP

To the end of the earth TNT breaks in the hiking boots to take on the rugged, wild and remote Dientes de Navarino, the world’s most southern trail Words Jo Rhodes

WHEN TO GO: December “El Fin Del Mundo”, the signpost proudly We take the punt, and edge precariously announces – The End of the World. Only along a narrow mountain pass. My heart is in to February is the best time to this bustling port of Ushuaia, Argentina, my mouth as I gawp at the pristine, slatetackle the Dientes de Navarino is a jumble of North Face shops and Irish coloured lake below. It’s as stunning as it is on foot, when the weather isn’t pubs. My boyfriend Michael and I feel a bit terrifying. “This can’t be the way,” Michael as cold and unpredictable. cheated. Shouldn’t the end of the world be says doubtfully. CURRENCY: £1 = 8.38 more remote? We spend the next two hours scaling the Argentine Peso (AGP) and 780 We cross the majestic Beagle Channel peak for an alternative route. There isn’t Chilean Peso (CLP) to Isla Navarino, Chile, and get chatting to one. “Just follow the cairns,” a day hiker ACCOMMODATION: a couple of Israelis who are taking on the advises. “Sorry, the what?” I ask, baffled. Budgeters should try the cheap, Dientes de Navarino, a five-day trek at the It turns out these piles of rocks are, in fact, basic and sociable Hostal Paso southern tip of South America. trail markers. This is useful information. McKinlay in Puerto Williams, “There are no refugios [mountain cabins] Finally, three hours and one tearful prayer Chile. Single rooms start from or facilities,” one tells us excitedly. “You have £12pppn (Piloto Pardo 213; tel. later, we reach the first camp spot. We pitch to drink from the streams and camp in the up on a terrain of mossy pillows and trickling 0056 612 621 124). rugged wilderness.” streams, beside Laguna del Salto. We spot SEE: welcomepatagonia.com It sounds unbelievably special. And on Annie, who has woken from her nap after arriving four hours ahead of us. Clearly our a whim, we decide to go for it. concerns were misplaced – she is a machine! Arriving in the Chilean city of Puerto Williams, we Kiwi couple Amanda and Tone have also set up camp hurriedly purchase gas and supplies. The southernmost town on earth is home to 2000 residents and the Micalvi, a yacht – along with two dogs that have followed them in from club built on an old iron steam ship. Here, after a few pisco town. It’s time for dinner. sours (a potent local cocktail with grape brandy), anything “What the hell is that?” Amanda asks, eyeing our chunky can happen. You might even blag your way to Antarctica. glass-lidded saucepan. Our kilo of cheese alone weighs more But we have some serious tramping to do. First, we than their entire stash of dehydrated meals and, once again, register our departure with the local police station, where we feel distinctly amateurish. we hear tales of trekkers getting snowed in and losing their We kick off day two by clambering up a gushing waterfall tents to the howling winds. The weather is unpredictable and are rewarded with a spectacular view of the Dientes or because of the island’s proximity to Antarctica. Still, we are ‘teeth’ – the mountain range that gives the trek its name. confident. Naively so. The jagged toothy spires make a fantastic backdrop as “Suerte,” the friendly locals call, as we set off for the we trudge through thick, icy snow. At the main ridge, it’s trailhead. It means good luck. possible to see the Wollaston Islands and Cape Horn in clear We clutch one rudimentary map, and I’m already feeling conditions, but today mist obscures our view. It’s a similar story when we reach Lago Escondida, or hidden lake, our a bit clammy under my pac-a-mac. As we set off I think camp spot for the night. It lives up to its name, playing perhaps we are a tad underprepared. peekaboo behind thick cloud. We run into Annie, a petite French-Canadian, venturing That night as the temperature plummets below freezing, out alone. Michael and I exchange concerned glances. Will we huddle deep into our sleeping bags. By morning, our tent she be OK? She soon loses us in the thick beech forest of is covered with ice crystals and we can feel it in our bones. Cerro Bandera. Soon we are scaling a mountain in biting, buffeting Soon the track comes to an abrupt end. “Do you reckon winds. Below the valley is dotted with sparkling, fairytale ›› those piles of rocks mean anything?” I ask. Michael shrugs. tntMagazine.com

Gourmet: Jo amuses Amanda, Annie and Tone with her notso travel savvy saucepan

Cliffhanger: Michael’s fingertips decide whether he falls or not

Flying high: Cerro Bandera (Flag Hill)

Photos: Jo Rhodes; Michael Edey Photos: Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

lagoons. Just one wrong step could send us plummeting to our deaths and at one point Michael is dramatically clinging on by his fingertips. “That would make an awesome photo,” I say, reaching for the camera. “Do I look like I want my fucking picture taken?” Michael snaps. Well that told me. After that we hop across boulders and side-step beaver ponds and dams. This rodent was introduced to the island as game to be hunted for their pelts, but has had the last laugh, devastating entire areas of forest. Strangely eerie, they are like giant tree graveyards. “This is a world away from Torres Del Paine,” Michael remarks. I nod. Torres is probably the most famous hike in Patagonia, and is overrun with Gore-Tex clad middle-aged Americans, keenly thrusting their trekking poles. Here it’s completely unspoiled and deserted. We’ve muddled through so far, but on day four it all goes horribly wrong. We haven’t spotted a marker for a while, but we blindly pick up a trail of footprints. Rather than admit our mistake, we traipse further off track. Then we hit forest, bushwhacking through thick lenga branches and roots. We know we’re lost, but we’re just too stubborn to turn back – 10 hours later, we’re quickly losing the light. “We have to pitch up,” Michael says dejectedly. I agree, reluctantly. Our friends will have crossed Paso Virginia by now and set up camp. They’ll worry if we don’t show, but we have no choice. As I cook pasta on the gas stove, I’m already mentally rationing out our supplies. We suddenly feel very foolish. We don’t have a mobile phone or even a compass between us. The police, and our fellow trekkers, know we are here but I’m still pretty freaked out. The next morning, after a fitful sleep, we’re ready to retrace our steps. Our limbs are scratched and bleeding, 72

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our weary calves screaming in agony. I have a hunch I know the way, but Michael is understandably sceptical – after all, I find shopping malls a navigational challenge. Incredibly, after trudging over yellow, orange and rust-coloured tundra for an hour, we spot a post. “We’re saved!” we cheer, hugging each other joyously. It’s a strenuous uphill slog to Paso Virginia. At times we’re knee-deep in gloopy, foul-smelling mud. Finally we reach the summit and the highest point of the trek.

Ushuaia: ‘the end of the world’

Nearly a thousand feet below us, Laguna los Guanacos nestles in a basin of cliffs. The barren landscape looks like the surface of the moon. ”Er, where’s the path?” I ask uncertainly. Michael points straight down. Every instinct is telling me no. The mountainside is a mass of loose rock debris, and every step triggers another landslide. I take a few deep breaths. Then I clock other trekkers sliding down on their boot heels. It’s surprisingly fun, like skiing. Afterwards, we trudge through endless boggy meadows and cow pastures and, exhausted, I keep tripping over. At one point my pack gets

“

Need to send money between UK and home?

We see jagged, toothy spires as we trudge

”

wedged under a fallen tree trunk, my legs in the air. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I do both. Finally, it’s an 8km schlep along the coastal road back to Puerto Williams and after 10 hours of walking, we’ve finally completed the 53km circuit. First stop, the police station. “Sus amigos,” an officer says, handing us a note from Amanda and Tone. After sluicing off the mud in a hot shower, we join them at one of the few local restaurants, El Resto Del Sur. “You’re alive!” Amanda whoops, wrapping us in a hug. “The police were going to send out a search party if you weren’t back by morning,” Tone tells us. Thankfully it hasn’t come to that and we celebrate with more pisco sours. Michael and I agree – Dientes has been the most challenging and rewarding experience of our lives. But next time we should probably borrow a couple of wise words from the NEXT WEEK Girl Guides and Scouts – “be prepared”. ❚ Trek independently for free or take 5-6 day guided tours with Swoop Patagonia from £785pp swoop-patagonia.co.uk

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LA TOMATINA BUNOL 28TH AUG

plona, La Tom with FFT to Pam d lle ve tra ve ha “I Rock! “ ? - First Festival xt ne re he W . st and Oktoberfe

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This year the Bunol Town Hall has made this event ticketed. We have secured your ticket and it is included in your tour price.

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With 14 Beerhalls to choose from, an array of German Food and a Fairground to make you dizzy, this is your ultimate party weekend. We have Hostel, Hotel and Camping options available on all weekend. By popular demand we have a 4 day camping package on sale now £139

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The All Blacks are back in November, to take on the French, who will have much to prove after their NZ Series and we all know how unpredicable they are! We have Eurostar/ Hotel packages or if you want to make your own way just Hotel packages. See our website for full itinearies

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Join us in Dublin for a weekend of Rugby Craic ! The locals are always keen for a party and we’re pretty keen to have a go with them! Our packages are both Hostel or Hotel and all city centre. Please note this game is being played on Sunday afternoon.

Full Itineraries can be found on our website First Festival Travel, 68 North End Road, London W14 9EP. Closest Tube: West Kensington

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Packages from

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. can’t play the guitar. Fact. Don’t be such a fucking cliché. Todd CHEESE AND ONION : Housemates do the strangest things. Sometimes they leave a mess, take your food without asking, and other times they inexplicably melt a whole lump of cheese in the microwave before tucking into a whole onion with a dollop of raspberry jam. Jimbo, that means you, you legend/twat. Rob

Stop saying all that horrible stuff or I’ll put super glue on the bog seat and give your hairy arses a real problem. Love, Amanda JUST GOOD FRIENDS : Lara, I think you’re a knockout. Fed up of pretending to be just mates, I wanna rock your world. I’ve got a feeling you’re up for it too, don’t leave me hanging girl. I like your attitude and I think we’d make a cool couple. I’m going in for the snog soon, so watch out. Ned

Things the Queen should do before she dies

#542 Join in the early morning raves at Village Underground in Shoreditch

BEAT THE CHEAT : I’m desperately seeking my girlfriend, last seen ditching me for some big rugby playing bastard at a pub in Clapham Common on Saturday night. Actually, bugger that, I’m after someone new who won’t cheat. Love travelling, worshipping cold beer and being loyal to your man? Get in touch here next week, I’m a lovely bloke. Andy M NOT SO SECRET CODE: Dear sneaky new housemates who think I can’t speak Afrikaans – my mum was Dutch, I’ve got your number you bloody cheeky rapscallions.

AHOY SAILORS : I’m looking for a first mate on my vessel. I’m running a no-questions import, export operation. Applicants needn’t know how to swim or work on a boat really. Just must be able to carry large boxes and look the other way on a moment’s notice. Cap’n Whitenose WRITE AND WRONG: My gf and I cannot stop arguing about the dumbest shite. And wafting through the pettifog of this relationship is exhausting. Worst of all? I’m always right. Then she goes back and jumbles my words, claiming

I said this and that. Lies! I need a personal stenographer (preferably short and unnoticeable) to record the arguments, and read back how bonkers she sounds. Clyde ON WITH THE WIND : You’ve heard of penis envy, right? Well I think I’ve developed a little corollary to Dr. Freud’s enchanted conception of the female psyche. Fart envy. My boyfriend just lets ‘em rip whenever he wants. It sounds like a tuba-orchestra in the flat. Well I want female flatulence to become socially acceptable. And I’m tired of clinching. Gina SCREEN SIREN: You know how at the end of an episode on Netflix, the next one just sort of starts with a countdown? Well I haven’t left my living room in 18 hours. I’m a prisoner to the next episode... Please help. Help me. Sarah PARK STRIFE : To the couple in Regent’s Park pretty much journeying through the Kama Sutra. While I respect your adventurous creativity – bonus points for going outside – you’ve taken PDA to another level. Your clothes were on, so I don’t think you were actually doing the deed, but come on. Think of the children! Taylor NOTHING BUT TAIL : To the bald guy with the ponytail down to his arse. I love the dedication to the ponytail, but mate, get with it. If for some reason, a million years from now, our only evidence of existence to aliens is a picture of your head, you’ll really be doing humanity a grave disservice. Greg SHORT & SWEET : TC: fuck off. BD.

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SLIMY ENCOUNTERS : Dear slimy slugs that keep coming into my kitchen. Where the hell are you coming from? My kitchen is not near the garden and you are not exactly known for your lightning speed so how do I not see you until I nearly tread on you whilst making my dinner? You appear to be cleverer than me and I don’t like it. Or you. Please leave me alone or I will put salt on you as well as my dinner. Sophie PULL A PIG : My name is Melvin and I am addicted to Percy Pigs. Is there anyone else out there who is too? Perhaps we could start a group and talk about our addiction, helping each other to stay clean from Percy and his pink, delicious head. Meet me at M&S in Cannon Street by the Percy Pigs if you want to join my group. Melvin COCK OFF: I recently got sent a picture message from a guy I have met once. It was of him holding his cock. Am I supposed to be impressed? Don’t most men have one of those? At least get creative and dip it in a glass of wine a la Peter Dowling. Sandwich it in a hotdog bun or arrange it in a bunch of bananas next time or simply don’t bother. Tara NUKE THE UKE : Desperately seeking someone who shares the same passion for the ukulele as me. And I don’t mean I love it, but am up to here with encountering someone playing one in every park I walk through, and every pub that has a space that can be filled by a group of ‘musicians’. All playing the ukulele says about you is that you

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