1565 by TNT Magazine

Aug 26-Sep 1 2013 Issue 1565 tntmagazine.com

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CHRISTMAS IN THE SNOW WITH A SKI TRIP TO MORZINE!

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BIG SMOKE’S BEST CURRIES Indian festivals and feasts in the capital

THE PERFECT MEAL

FORGET THE INCA TRAIL More routes to Machu Picchu, without crowds

E U S S I T A E M THE ies beware g g e V . n o d n omes to Lo c ’ ia p o t a e ‘M carnival Carnivorous ISSUE 1565 / £1.95

+ CANADA SKI SEASON BALTICS ROAD TRIP OZ ELECTION BLUNDERS GLOBAL GLAMPING

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MY LIVING LONDON All myTNT VIPs will bag an annual membership to this fantastic discount card – My Living London. Worth £60, it will give you access to discounts of up to 65% on theatre tickets as well as at top London bars and clubs and beauty salons.

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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER London’s food and drink scene will seemingly never tire of US imports – the craft beer craze, the gourmet burger boom, the ‘quality’ fried chicken frenzy. Next on the list is the arrival of Meatopia, an annual festival that started life in New York and makes its UK debut at Tobacco Dock on September 7. We got chatting to some of the world-class chefs who’ll be cooking their cuts over live fires at the carnivore carnival for your taste buds’ pleasure. Flip to P28 for the resulting food porn (big sorry to the veggies).

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY DRINK & EATS

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LIFESTYLE HEALTH

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SPORT

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TRAVEL

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FEATURES BEST CURRIES

This weekend’s South Asian fest, London Mela, put us in the mood for Indian food

MEATY TREATS

Meatopia lands in the capital this week, bringing delicious dead animals with it

OZ ELECTION SPECIAL

NEWS

UK TRIP

Well, the candidates are certainly special. Especially stoopid, that is. Here’s why

LATE DEALS

OUT OF THE BOTTLE

HOTSHOTS

We ﬁnd the history of Cork at the bottom of a booze glass on its Heritage Pub Trail

TOP FIVE

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DIARY

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EASTERN PROMISE

TNT goes overlanding through the Baltics, dipping a cheeky toe into Scandinavia too

MORE TO MACHU PICCHU

The Inca Trail is just one top trekking route to this bucket list stop in Peru

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Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributor Caroline Garnar

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Spooky: a haunted tour of London

Design and production Head of design and production Lisa Ferron Design / picture editor Patricia Montenegro

Sales Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Jaqui Ward ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 111 Cannon Street, London EC4N 5AR tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 3011 1066 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com sales enquiries

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Shhh... SECRET LONDON ghost bus tours Trafalgar Square

It’s all aboard for this Ghost Bus Tour that takes you through the darkest, most macabre corners of the Big Smoke’s grisly history on board a classic Sixties Routemaster. The horror-theatre-comedy bus tour, so to speak, visits iconic London locations such as the Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, St Paul’s and Tower of London, revealing the murderous, torture-filled and downright ghastly incidents that have taken place over the years, with your haunting crew providing spooky entertainment as you go. £20

Daily, 7.30pm & 9pm 8 Northumberland Avenue, WC2N 5BY

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ghana pop up

portobello film festival

great london swim

Zoe’s Ghana Kitchen pop-up brings the flavours of the west African nation to London. You can expect to find grilled chicken jollof burgers and wraps, Nkatenkwan wraps and garden egg moussaka. The mid-week melting pot on Wednesdays is a social night placing diners around a large communal table.

This free film festival pop-up comes to west London, with a wealth of independent movies for cinephiles to get their teeth into. Punk promoter Malcolm McLaren’s doco Anarchist opens the festival, with Alternative London and World Cinema mini-fests making up part of the programme, too.

The biggest open water swim in the south of England celebrates its fourth birthday this year as adventurous swimmers tackle the one-mile course through the Docklands. There will also be live music, street food and market stalls for those not joining the energetic wetsuit-clad folk in the water.

Daily until Sep 12, Sun-Wed, 11am-10pm. Thur-Sat, 11am-11pm WC2H 8JT Covent Garden zoesghanakitchen.co.uk

Aug 28-Sep 15, times vary Various venues Various portobellofilmfestival.com

Aug 31, 9am Royal Victoria Dock, E16 1RH Royal Victoria greatswim.org

£5+

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Grinners: Swans celebrate last year’s Grand Final win

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Represent your country

AFL GRAND FINAL @ ELK BAR FULHAM

Awesome tours The last Saturday in September means one thing, AFL Grand Final Day. There’s a long month of footy to play before we know who’ll be there on the big day, but we do know the TNT AFL GF shindig at Elk will be showing it on a stack of screens to make sure you see every mark, goal and hit, unless you’re at the bar taking advantage of £3.50 espresso martinis, £2.95 Bundy and cokes and three Jägerbombs for £12. Get your footy gear on too, with a £50 bar tab going to the best dressed. £10

Sep 28, doors 4.30am; bounce 5.30am Elk Bar, SW6 5QB Fulham Broadway

Photos: Getty

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KING PING! TOURNAMENT

OZ/ NZ LITERARY FESTIVAL BBQ

Ping! place 100 table tennis tables across the capital in the summer, and host this King Ping! tournament to mark the closing of another year’s ping pong. There’s music, drinks and prizes ahead of the crowning of King and Queen Ping! It’s a knockout tournament, but the day is really all about the party.

The Australia and New Zealand Festival of Literature and Art isn’t on until next May but this launch event will give you a taste of what’s in store. A night of new writing from Eleanor Catton, Courtney Collins and more, live music from Ben Fletcher, plus short films and great food. £30 tix include food and drink.

Aug 30, 7pm-10pm The Crossing, N1C 4AA King’s Cross pinglondon.co.uk

Aug 29, 6pm Lyric Theatre, W6 0QL Hammersmith ausnzfestival.com

FREE

Weekend festivals

£15

Weekly after match socials

Tunes: music on the day will range from classical to rap

Asian celebrations The tenth annual London Mela celebrates South Asian culture in a free festival of music, theatre, dance and more Words alasdair morton The London Mela, an annual festival that celebrates the music, drama and delicious diversity of South Asian culture and cuisine, is 10 years old this weekend and marks this momentous milestone with one of its biggest lineups yet. “Mela means gathering,” explains artistic director and co-founder Ajay Chhabra. “It’s a coming together of lots of different people and in that tradition we have re-invented Mela in London with our own twist. “I combine the traditional and the modern with a hint of the extraordinary. We’ll have international artists alongside UK stars, UK premieres of new work, and it’s all held together by the best street food in London.” As well as exotic flavours and music, there are a host of other activities to take part in on the day: everything from dance, comedy and cabaret to Asian-influenced street theatre, with Alt-Mela and Magic Mela stages, too. “Representing the past and the present is central to the event – the key premise is to have something for everyone,” Chhabra says. To that end, there are three stages 6

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of music, representing current stars, emerging artists and the traditional. The main stage alone shows Chhabra’s commitment to this variety, with upand-coming talent like Manchester’s Nafees and part-comedian, partmotivational speaker IISuperwomanII alongside Sufi songstress Harshdeep Kaur, who’s worked with AJ Ramen soundtracking movies such as Danny Boyle’s 127 Hours, and a headline set from Punjabi artist AS Kang, who’s been performing since the Seventies. The classical stage features performances that celebrate South Asian communities’ heritage and the BBC Asian Network New Music stage presents a wealth of emerging urban artists, such as garage MC Charlie Sloth and rapper Lost Souljah, and is hosted by BBC Asian Network New Music’s Nihal. With all that going on, it’d be hard to turn up and fail to find something you like. Chhabra has also put together a time-travelling theatrical production especially for the event, Swyron. “Swyron [the heroic character of the piece] is a Vedic-meets-Victoriana, steampunk-inspired super sleuth. [The

show] is going to be that extra surprise factor we always pull out.” The finale is always a key part of the event, and it’s the starting point for Chhabra when he’s putting the programme together. “In the past we’ve created our finale moments with performers, live music, a carnival, fireworks – this year’s event will involve The Philharmonia Orchestra, the [classical music performers] the Ali Khan brothers [Amaan and Ayaan] and a large scale shadow puppet show with pyrotechnics, Rama And Sita.” With a third of its audience coming from non-Asian communities, the London Mela is truly a festival for the city. “Its special combination of people, performance and good food always makes a memorable party,” Chhabra promises. Make sure you don’t miss out. If that's given you a taste for the South Asian, we've also put together a list of our fave curries in the capital. Enjoy! LONDON’S BEST CURRIES ›› The London Mela. Sep 1, 1pm-9pm. FREE. Gunnersbury Park, W3 8LQ Acton Town londonmela.org

INDIAN CUISINE

Mouth watering food and crisp service in the heart of London. Idealy situated, close to most of popular bars and clubs, for pre or after theatre dinners or business lunches. Three dining rooms with their own bar available for private parties. 44 Firth Street, Soho London, W1D 4SB

Headliner: AS Kang toplines the main stage

Tel.020 743 78261 Tel.020 737 07617 Tube-Tottenham Ct Road

OPEN AY YD EVER

Diverse: music, dance, theatre and more

DJ: BBC Radioâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bobby Friction will be a host on the day

134 Cromwell Road, Kensington, SW7 4HA Tube-Gloucester Road

For more information visit:

www.delhibrasserie.com

chak 89 south london

goa on your plate east london

This restaurant (below) won the best restaurant in the London suburbs accolade at last year’s British Curry Awards. Famed for its seekh kebab and extensive veggie menu choices, its luxurious interior and attentive service make it an extravagant and totally worth it night out.

Supperclub host Nilanjani Pai grew up in Goa and will show off the state’s wonderful food this week at this event, courtesy of the lovely folk at damngoodcurry.com. Spicy Goan sausages are among the starters, with the fiery Mutton Xacuti – ”probably one of the most well known dishes in and out of Goa”, Pai says – alongside chicken cafreal, prawn curry and more for mains. Dessert options include traditional Goan Christmas baath, made with coconut and semolina.

£5.95+

Tue-Sun, 6pm-12am 105 Bond Road, Mitcham, Surrey, CR4 3HG Mitcham Eastfields chak89.com

£25

cinammon kitchen the city Executive chef Vivek Singh’s spin-off from The Cinnamon Club and Cinnamon Soho brings the ethos of the two former restaurants to the City – traditional cuisine given a thoroughly contemporary spin as the spice of the subcontinent is fused with British ingredients. New pop-up The Butcher Bar arrives at the adjoining Anise bar (right) until October 28, bringing all manner of meat-inspired drinks and dishes (a cocktail garnished with crispy pig’s ear, for one). £12.50+

Aug 30, 7pm Wadham Lodge, E17 4LL Highams Park damngoodcurry.com

Mon-Fri, 12pm-2.45pm. Mon-Sat, 6pm-10.45pm EC2M 4YL Liverpool Street cinnamon-kitchen.com

chakra notting hill

lahore karahi tooting

Chef Andy Varma offers Londoners a menu that combines “the ingenious traditions of the Royal Maharaja Kitchen with the refinement of fine dining”. So you can expect food fit for a king. Highlights on the upmarket menu include the lamb chops, inspired by the Patiala Palace kitchen in the Punjab, and the tandoori black cod fillet. Factor in the exquisite decor and this is a simply sumptuous dining destination. Plus, with a wine and cocktail list that Varma and his team are most proud of, it’s easy to see why this west London restaurant walked away with the Best Newcomer award at last November’s British Curry Awards.

The cafe appearance and ultra-bright lighting bely the fantastic food at this truly authentic Pakistani restaurant. The kebabs and spicy chicken karahi are excellent, the place is always buzzing and it’s a BYO bottle policy, so it works out as a very reasonably priced meal out.

£15+

the famous curry bazaar brick lane Brick Lane has long been one of London’s most famous destinations for a curry. You’ll have to dodge the restaurants’ spruikers who line the street competing for your custom, but then the bartering banter is half the fun of an East End curry. One of the most well known in this part of town, The Famous Curry Bazaar, serves up Bangladeshi cuisine, which also includes a wealth of vegetarian options for the meat-o-phobes. £6.95+

Mon-Sun, 12pm-12am 77 Brick Lane, E1 6QL Aldgate East thefamouscurrybazaar.co.uk

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Mon-Sun, 12pm-3pm. Mon-Sat, 6pm-11pm. Sun, 6pm-10.30pm 157-159 Notting Hill Gate, W11 3LF Notting Hill Gate chakralondon.com

£4+

Daily, 11am-12am 1 Tooting High Street, SW17 Tooting Broadway 0SN Tel. 020 8767 2477

chutneys brick lane A Brick Lane fave since its arrival in 2004, this laid-back restaurant is known for its fine food and fun, relaxed atmosphere. £5+

Mon-Fri, 11.30pm-2pm. Mon-Sun, 5pm-9.30pm E1 6RL Brick Lane chutneysbricklane.co.uk

brilliant southall This family-run North Indian restaurant has been a west London institution for 40 years, serving up recipes that have taken pride of place in the family for three generations. Growing from a 30-seat restaurant when Bishan Dass Anand opened it in 1973, it is now a 220-seat monster famed for its flavour-filled Punjabi dishes. For what it’s worth, The Prince of Wales has been here and Gordon Ramsay dubbed it one of his ‘best’ in his Channel 4 series. £7+

Open Tue-Sun for lunch and dinner. Times vary 72-76 Western Road, UB2 5DZ Southall brilliantrestaurant.com

tayyabs whitechapel

standard balti house brick lane £7.95+ This famous curry house in the heart of Brick Lane is anything but standard. Since opening its doors in 1989, it has become one of the most highly regarded restaurants on the famous thoroughfare for its authentic Bangladeshi and Indian food. An enormous array of dishes of varying fiery content, including a palate-testing vindaloo, of course. Mon-Tue, 11.30am-2.30pm & 5.30pm-12am. Wed-Sun, 11.30am-12am 71 Brick Lane, E1 6QL Aldgate East standardbaltihouse.co.uk

East London’s Tayaabs has been a family owned and run business since its arrival back in 1972. Famed for its mixed grill and lamb chops, it began as a small cafe and now encompasses three properties crafted into one. One of the best-loved restaurants not just in east London but all of the capital. £7.95+

dishoom covent garden & shoreditch

Daily, 12pm-11.30pm (last orders) 83-89 Fieldgate Street, E1 1JU Whitechapel tayyabs.co.uk

Dishoom (which translates as ‘mojo’) have two Bombay cafes in town, which recreate the traditional meeting, eating and drinking places of India’s most populous city. With a laid-back vibe, there are breakfast and all-day menus that include everything from upmarket chicken and pomegranate salads and lamb samosas to spicy lamb chops and the legendary Dishoom chicken tikka. £6

Shoreditch and Covent Garden open from breakfast until late. Times vary. WC2H 9FB/ E2 7JE Covent Garden/ Shoreditch High Street dishoom.com

bombay palace paddington

Needoo grill whitechapel

With eight branches around the world from New York to Kuala Lumpur, the Bombay Palace team are doing something right. Prices are steep, but you get what you pay for – a chandelier-adorned dining room and a menu loaded with mouthwatering dishes.

Opened by a former manager at Tayyabs, Mr Ali, this low-key but sublime restaurant is known for its top notch kebabs, street food snacks and confidently spiced curries. There’s no corkage fee on the bring-your-own-bottle policy, either.

Mon-Sun, 12.30pm-3pm & 6pm-11.30pm 50 Connaught Street, W2 2AA Marble Arch bombay-palace.co.uk

Mon-Sun, 11.30am-11.30pm 87 New Road, E1 1HH Whitechapel needoogrill.co.uk

£20+

Veeraswamy central london Veeraswamy holds the accolade of being the oldest Indian restaurant in the UK – it’s been delighting customers since 1926. The opulent interior matches this eatery’s focus on Raj-style cooking, serving up classical gourmet dishes that have been “fine-tuned to the tastes of the 21st century”. As a bonus, you get great views of Regent Street, making for a really special night out at this particular curry house.

Photos: Getty

£4.50+

Mon-Fri, 12pm-2.15pm & 5.30pm10.30pm. Sat, 12.30pm-2.30pm & 5.30pm-10.30pm. Sun, 12.30pm2.30pm & 6pm-10pm 99 Regent Street, W1B 4RS Piccadilly Circus veeraswamy.com

bombay brasserie kensington This rather stylish restaurant has been bringing Bombay and Indian cuisine to Londoners for more than 30 years. £22+

Mon-Sun, 12pm-3pm & 6.30pm11.30pm (Sun until 10.30pm) Courtfield Road, SW7 4QH South Kensington bombaybrasserielondon.com

£5+

amaya kensington This Michelin-starred restaurant is all about the performance, its contemporary Indian dishes cooked in a theatrical show kitchen to make it a unique dining experience. £14+

Mon-Sun, 6.30pm-11.30pm (Sun until 10.30pm) Halkin Arcade, SW1X 8JT Knightsbridge amaya.biz

Rasa n16 stoke newington The first of what is now a six-restaurant chain across the country is held in supremely high regard by the locals who have been frequenting this south Indian vegetarian haven for many years. The pink exterior isn’t misleading – inside, the same colour scheme dominates. Dishes are served on a fresh banana leaf and eating’s done with the traditional right hand in what is a fun culinary experience. We definitely recommend the Avial curry. £7+

Sun-Thur, 6pm-10.45pm. Fri & Sat, 6pm-11.30pm. Sat & Sun, 12pm-3pm 55 Stoke Newington Church Street, N16 0AR Stoke Newington rasarestaurants.com

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Become a myTNT V for access to fantastic fre huge discounts and heaps o For just £50, joining our new club will give you the chan more in London and beyond For the full list of details an see tntmagazine.com/myT NEW! FREE membership to the exclusive Travel Club – worth £49 NEW! FREE MedSailor voucher for September travel – worth £200 FREE 8th Day Adventure membership for 30 VIPs – worth £140 FREE My Living London discount card for all VIPs – worth £60 FREE Cuisine Card membership for first 100 VIPs – worth £29.99 Save 10%

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NEW! THE TRAVEL CLUB Sign up to become a VIP and you’ll bag free entry to The Travel Club – worth £49. As well as offers and deals on fantastic trips, you’ll get a £100 travel voucher, airport lounge passes and 10% off trips booked with G Adventures.

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TNT SOCIAL EVENTS TNT knows how to throw a good party. And now you’re invited – for free! Whether it’s a BBQ on Australia Day, or a fancy dress party at Halloween, we’ve got your social calendar sorted. All VIPs get entry to TNT events.

2-4-1 BURGERS AT THE ELK BAR We all know how expensive food can be in London, so we’ve got your backs covered. Chow down on a succulent burger at the Elk Bar in Fulham before 6pm each day, and all myTNT VIPs will be able to bag a top 2-4-1 deal. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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THE HAPPENSTANCE BAR & RESTAURANT THE SCENE A packed bar-only area glowing in the aftermath of 2-4-1 cocktails (MonFri, 5pm-8pm), a seating area that is a coffee shop counter by day and then an expansive dining area – this place isn’t mucking about. Despite its size, it’s anything but sparse, with a warmth to the decor courtesy of natural timber and weathered (super-comfy) leather couches – there’s a refreshing lack of stainless steel – and bijou details. Is it a bar or a restaurant? It’s both or either – take your pick. THE GRUB Personal preference decides if the menu’s diverse and intriguing or too trendy and overstretched. There are substantial mains (shame the ‘medium rare’ lamb rump I ordered came without a hint of pink), burgers and chic salads (dishes that won’t make you fat have tape measures pictured next to them), small plates, sandwiches and five types of tattie sides. The stars for those tucking into cocktails are the flatbread sharing boards – basically super light, flavour-packed pizzas.

An extensive cocktail list with people who know how to execute them. The BBQ whisky sour (comes with bacon) and bloody caesar (a spicy delight with a big king prawn on it) are winners. Wines are divided by palate profiles. BILL PLEASE Small plates from £5.95, flatbread boards from £8.95, mains from £8.95, burgers from £7.95. More than 40 wines from £3.75/ £13.95 a glass/ bottle. VERDICT Muddled or magical, confusing or celebratory. Worth deciding for yourself. MG BEHIND THE BAR

No.1a Ludgate Hill, EC4M 7AA

3 OF THE BEST INDIAN COCKTAILS

thehappenstancebar.co.uk

Mansion House

Happening: trendy, with warmth

CHOCOLATE AND CARDAMOM MARTINI

CORIANDER AND LYCHEE DAIQUIRI

The intense flavours and spices of India make for some unique cocktails, like this exotic blend, with chocolate powder and lime juice (£9). At City bar and eatery Mint Leaf Lounge.

Soho spot Zenna Bar is an Indian-themed “cocktail underworld” beneath The Red Fort restaurant. Sip on this concoction (£8) in an atmosphere we’ll call “sophisticated subcontinent”.

mintleaflounge.com

zenna-bar.co.uk

CALCUTTA CUPPA Anise is the bar adjoining restaurant Cinnamon Kitchen, just off Bishopsgate by Liverpool Street. This drink (£7.95) blends gin, Assam tea, fresh lemon and mango chutney. Sweet without straying into ‘cloying’. cinnamon-kitchen.com/anise

Keep Ibiza alive… learn to dance like the podium dancers Every Wednesday from 11th Sept 7.30 to 8.30 pm Islington. Studio1B movingartsbase 134 Liverpool Road N1 1LA. £10 per class. Each week learn a new fully choreographed routine to a club dance track which incorporates key moves that you can next throw on the dance floor. Our classes are fun and energetic. SEpt 11th Snoop Dogg vs Guetta ‘Sweat’ SEpt 18th Sebastian Ingrosso ‘Reload’ SEpt 25th Guetta ‘Sexy Chick’

See website www.clubdance.co.uk, email clubdance@clubdance.co.uk or call Yasmin on 07860 855720 12

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ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

Europe Summer 22 DAY

EuroHotel

Europe Uncovered 12 September 2013

NOW

WAS £2220

£1776

20% OFF

Visits 12 countries including France, Italy, Croatia & Germany

28 DAY

Grand European 10 September 2013

WAS £2010 FROM

Jordan

10% OFF

EuroClub

£1678

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Includes £350 Food Fund Visits 13 countries including Spain, France, Italy & Croatia

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Greek Island Hopper

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5 October 2013

Includes £195 Food Fund

WAS £1,105

WAS £625

Visits 8 countries including France, Italy, Austria & Germany

NOW

£1023

10% OFF

Jordan & Israel

£1026

Jordan Adventure

£576

Includes £310 Local Payment

Includes £ 130 Local Payment

Tour Jordan and enjoy a short visit to Israel

A fantastic 7 day Topdeck trip of Jordan

10% OFF

WAS £930

£839

Visits Mykonos, Paros, Santorini & Athens

Oktoberfest

TOPDECK 1973

2013

EBR

CEL

North O10F%F America

19 September 2013

European Wonder 12 September 2013

Explorer

10 DAY

NOW

14 DAY

AT I N G 4 0 Y E

7 DAY

California Calling – LA to San Fran 8 September 2013

NOW

WAS £695

£626

Visits Vegas, Grand Canyon, & Yosemite

5 DAY

Camping

Prostmeister

Southwest States 7 September 2013

NOW

WAS £1185

£1067

Visits Austin, Momument Valley & Vegas

Camping

Steinmeister

Return coach from London

FROM

20-24 Sep, 27 Sep-1 Oct, 3-7 Oct

12 DAY

6 DAY

£229 4 DAY

19-24 Sep, 26 Sep-1 Oct, 2-7 Oct

£249 Camping

Festmeister

7 DAY

Camping

Grossmeister

Make your own way - Munich

Return coach from London

FROM

20-23 Sep, 27-30 Sep, 3-6 Oct

£109

20-26 Sep, 27 Sep-3 Oct, 1-7 Oct

£289

TNT13_33 26 Aug

Our campsite atmosphere is second to none. All Oktoberfest camping trips include a fully cooked breakfast, plus transport between the campsite and the beer halls.

CALL 0845 257 5210 *Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. For full terms and conditions please visit www.topdeck.travel

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BITE SIZE

Burgers and bunnies: who needs class when you’ve got (s)ass?

BOXPARK BUNNIES Bunnychow will be bounding into Shoreditch’s Boxpark as of September, finding its first semi-permanent location after parking up the Bunnychow truck in Brixton Market back in June. Serving the South African fave – a hollowed-out loaf filled with curry – Bunnychow has a stack of inventive bunnies in its repertoire, from pulled pork in barbecue sauce with melted cheese to lime and chilli crayfish. Find it among the shipping containers of Boxpark’s top floor towards the end of September. bunnychow.com

Another type of tasty bunny (see also right)

battersea bash There’s a free festival at St John’s Hill in Battersea on September 8, with food, ‘Morris Men’, a beer festival and goldfish racing (we’re as clueless as you) stretching from Marcilly Road to the Plough pub. Expect everything from Portuguese eats to beauty and fashion stalls, plus a Zumba class. There’ll also be a raffle to raise money for the St John’s Hill Community Project. Wholesome, but delicious, ‘charidee’ fun. facebook.com/stjohnshill

BUTLER’S BLACKOUT Starting September 6 until September 15, the eateries at Butler’s Wharf on the South Bank of the Thames will be blacking out their electricity from 8.30pm every evening in honour of The Mayor’s Thames Festival, giving great views of London’s landmarks on the river by candlelight. There’ll also be special events, including blind wine tasting and a ‘fire and flambé’ night.

THE DINING ROOM AT playboy club LONDON THE SCENE This iconic club reopened in 2011 after a 30-year hiatus, proving there’s as much currency in gambling and girls as the first ever Playboy Club in Chicago (circa 1960) raked in all those years ago. But while it sits in the middle of Mayfair and boasts the obligatory burly bouncers out front, there’s something surprisingly inclusive about the venue. The glamorous bunnies who greet me and escort me between the bar, restaurant and nightclub are smiling and chummy, not cold and superior. Famous mixologist Salvatore Calabrese comes over for a chat about his signature Spicy Fifty cocktail as I sup it in his titular bar. And I spot as many female as male customers throughout the evening, all eagerly absorbing the old-school glitz. The grub The Dining Room is an eatery separated from The Casino by only a flimsy partition – you can watch people throwing their money away at the tables, all (wo) manned by bunnies, from your seat. The menu is adeptly suited to people settling in for a long night of boozing and gambling, essentially comprising posh versions of American diner food with the odd Asian twist, courtesy of Korean executive chef Judy Joo (a star of America’s Food Network). Starters of pork belly steamed buns and blinis with smoked salmon are competent, but the portions are huge and almost fill my date and I up before the mains. Happily, my prime ribeye steak is so full of juicy, fatty flavour it hardly needs any accompaniment, though I’m talked into a side of mac ‘n’ cheese with garlic crumb gratin by my waiter (say a prayer for my arteries). I had been tempted by the Hef Burger, which though steep at £40 is made from wagyu and comes with truffle ketchup and a glass of bubbly. But I’m pleased to have saved room for dessert; a brilliant pistachio brûlée that’s rich but not sickly.

Wine from £6/ £25 per glass/ bottle. Cocktails from £14.50. Starters from £7; mains from £10; desserts from £7. verdict As classy as new money, but priceless novelty value. LAURA CHUBB Behind the bar Bill please

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Locked up in a women’s prison for 30 years – well played brad manning

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Boycott call: Tim Fischer says shooting of Chris Lane should stop Aussies going to the US

EMAIL YOUR THOUGHTS TO LETTERS@TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Re: Tim Fischer calls for boycott of US after Aussie shot (tntmagazine.com): This isn’t about safety, but politics. We know we’re not likely to get shot over there. We’re aware that not many Australians get gunned down. The thing is that Australians as a whole think America’s gun culture is ludicrous. This one incident just drives that home, and is why so many people here in Australia have taken this incident to heart. PossiblyAlex, via Reddit

NO BAT SENSE

Re: Ben Affleck to play Batman (tntmagazine.com): No, no, no! Sorry B Affleck, but you didn’t go quite so well with a character that needed just four senses. Surely the fifth one will be one too many! Oh, and you will have to wear a cape. What next? Spiderman? My Spidey sense is … f#ck! Too many senses! You see, you are just not cut out for this. As far as Batman goes, my advice is this – Bounce! Llewellyn Cass, via Facebook

UP THE HILL

Re: TNT’s guide to Notting Hill (TNT 1564): Dear Notting Hill, apologies to your adorable book shops, your delightful cafes and your quirky shops – on any other weekend you are a cultural delight and a great place for the family. August bank holiday weekend however, you belong to the drunkards, and the drum and bass fans. We have destroyed your lovely home and left drunk and happy,

until next year… Jasmin Holahan, via email

BRAVE CHELSEA

Re: Bradley Manning gets 30-year sentence, changes name to Chelsea (tntmagazine.com): Good for her! At least she can feel normal in her own skin. It will be a tough journey in jail, but an inspiring thing to do indeed. Siobhán Bibi MoriartyRogers, via Facebook

TIM SHOT DOWN

Re: Calls for US boycott over shooting (tntmagazine.com): Tourist warning: everyone should think twice about going anywhere ‘cos something could happen. Non-tourism warning: think twice about staying where you are because something could happen there too. Na_cho_cheez, via Reddit RUGBY’S BRAD BARRITT /48 MEATOPIA /28

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Scanbalt Experience

The expert on budget travel in Scandinavia, The Baltics and Russia

WintEr experiences 2013-14 Lapland Christmas Tour 9 days €680

Stockholm-Kiruna-Inari-Rovaniemi-Helsinki This is our unique Christmas experience North of the Arctic Circle. Have a white Christmas, do amazing activities and look for the Northern Lights.

Lapland New Year’s Tour 9 days €680

Stockholm-Kiruna-Inari-Rovaniemi-Helsinki Celebrate New Year’s North of the Arctic Circle. The fireworks might be replaced with some Northern Lights! This is a trip of a lifetime with experiences like The Ice Hotel, dogsledding, visit to Santa, sauna with arctic swim and much more!

Magic Lapland Adventure 7 days €425

Stockholm-Kiruna-Abisko-Jokkmokk-Stockholm. Depart: Dec 17, Jan 5, Feb 23, Mar 20 and a special tour for the unique Sami event Jokkmokk Market in Feb. Explore Swedish Lapland, check the Ice Hotel, visit the Sami, look for Northern Lights and go dogsledding in stunning nature.

Russian New Year’s Tour 7 days €550

Helsinki-Moscow-St Petersburg-Tallinn Experience four great cities including Moscow on New Year’s!

Baltic New Year’s Tour 6 days €310

Helsinki-Tallinn-Riga Celebrate New Year’s in Riga and before that check out funky Helsinki, stay in medieval Tallinn and a night on the Estonian Countryside! Possible combinations: Combine The Lapland Christmas Tour with New Years to Russia or The Baltic States to get the maximum holiday.

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Enigma: swan lover Bjork tries a lion’s mane on for size – alright, you explain this then!

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bjÖrk Alexandra Palace, N22 7AY TUE, Sep 3 | Doors at 6.30pm | £65+

Sigur Rós, Eels, Dinosaur Jr, Poliça and Savages are among the musical acts at this north Dorset festival. Aussie Felicity Ward (left) can be found in the comedy tent, with loads of other activities going on such as a circus skills workshop, clay creations instruction, a stop-motion animation class, as well as the Where Is My Mind Music Quiz, a croquet lawn and the Ringo Music Bingo. Marks the end of festival season in some pretty damn fine style indeed. Aug 30-Sep 1. £175. Larmer Tree

When she’s not busy taking on paparazzi or dressing up like a swan for the red carpet, Bjork is also the world’s most daring, avant garde pop princess, and she’s bringing her outstanding Biophilia stage show to London for what will be a very special night indeed. Since premiering at the Manchester International Festival two years ago, Björk has taken her Biophilia tour round the globe, stunning and delighting everywhere it goes. The album itself, Björk’s eighth, released in 2011, was not just another record. Far from it. Taking three years to make, it was released with a group of iPad and iPhone apps, was intended as part of a children’s educational project “using sound, texts and visuals” and was made using a load of specially invented instruments (example: a gravity harp). As well as this impressive contraption, it had 10 absolutely stunning songs on it, too. With such ambition in the project from the outset, you can imagine that the stage show is quite something else. Putting musical and performance innovation at the top of the bill, the show is not your usual pop-filled, outfit-changing night out. It features a Tesla coil alongside its invented instruments, an Icelandic female choir, TV screens presenting specially designed visuals for each song, and an introduction and betwixt song explanations by British national treasure David Attenborough. Audiences worldwide have been stunned by the show’s spectacle and ambition – tickets might not be cheap, but you won’t see anything like this for a while.

Gardens, SP5 5PY Wood Green

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NEW BAND

alkaline trio GIG thur, aug 29. 7pm £22

After their Reading and Leeds fest appearances, the Chicago three-piece drop in to play this decidedly more intimate show. Their eighth studio album, My Shame Is True, was out in spring and widely celebrated as a return to form with some of the group’s strongest songwriting for years. Also marks 10 years of this ace venue.

Photos: Getty; Mike Baker Photography

Islington Academy N1 Centre, 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS Angel o2academyislington.co.uk

club de fromage: baywatch bash

soundcrash present: typesun

CLUB

sat, aug 31. 10.30pm-3am £8

sat, aug 31. 9pm-3am £5+

With the end of summer round the corner, Fromage’s Fat Tony and Slow Alfie are throwing this Baywatch party for all Hasselhoffs and Pamela Andersons out there. Those in red swimsuits and Speedos get to queue jump, and there will be all the best rock and pop from the last 50 years amid all the slow motion dancing.

The Bristol producer, drummer and DJ has been making a name for himself as part of the FallingUp collective, and comes to London for this headline show with a full band in tow. Support comes from Mancunian producer Pale (DJ set), emerging star Debian Blak (live) and DJ duo Howson’s Groove (live).

Islington Academy N1 Centre, 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS Angel o2academyislington.co.uk

Birthdays 33-35 Stoke Newington Road, N16 8BJ Dalston Kingsland soundcrashmusic.com

itunes festival 2013

sai’s house party xii: dj yoda

the great indoors 4

GIG

CLUB

GIG

sep 1-29. 7pm FREE

sat, aug 31. 9pm-4am FREE pre-10pm

sat, aug 31. 2pm £6

The annual orgy of free music returns to the Roundhouse in Camden. Highlights include series opener Lady Gaga (1), Sigur Rós (2), Arctic Monkeys (9), Kings of Leon (11), Primal Scream (20), Pixies (25) and Justin Timberlake (29). Register on the iTunes website then cross your fingers you get lucky and win tickets.

Hip-hop turntablist DJ Yoda will be dropping by north London’s Big Chill House for a special up close and intimate set. Nominated by Q Magazine as one of the 10 DJs you need to see before you die, he has became legendary for his diverse sets, his eclectic record collection and his inventive live shows.

This fourth annual indoor ‘festival’ celebrates bands, beer and burgers. For a modest sum you get Mark Gardner from shoegaze legends Ride, punks Her Parents, indie rockers The Winter Olympics, disco punks Desperate Journalist, classic rockers Cabin, art-rock noisemongers Razmo and Drop The Needle DJs. Top.

The Roundhouse Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8EH Chalk Farm itunesfestival.com

Big Chill House Big Chill House, 257-259 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL King’s Cross wearebigchill.com

The Windmill 22 Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ Brixton windmillbrixton.co.uk

outfit The buzz so far Mixing elements

of techno and house with live instrumentation, this Liverpoolbred, indie-dance five-piece make an unnerving sound. Getting together back in a 20-room mansion owned by an eccentric lawyer who let musicians and artists occupy his rooms, they moved to London two years ago to further their musical output, and released their debut Performance last month, full of apocalyptic vibes one minute before becoming warming and reassuring and full of uplifting moments the next. The Critics say “Full of fear, uncertainty and a distant sense of hope” Harriet Gibsone, The Guardian the plug Performance is out now. Play Electrowerkz Sep 12. £TBC 7 Torrens Street, EC1V 1NQ Angel facebook.com/outfitoutfitoutfit

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e. Granada ill v e S . d ri d a M . an Fe a S n . lo a iz Ib . Barce ia c n le a V . d. Barcelona ri d a M . e ill v e S . Mans a d Le a . e s u Gran lo u o T s. e n n language . Nantes. Ca n o Ly . e ic N . x u e rd o a. San Ferm iz Ib Paris. B . ia c n le a V . a n lo adrid. Barce Granada. Seville. M ermin F n a S . a iz Ib . ia c n le arcelona. Va B . d ri d a M . e ill v e S . ada NOW! K O O B t. u o iss m ’t n o d aces,

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French, on your Spanish and up h us br to nt wa t jus ish ing a trip abroad or ster the basics of Span Whether you’re plann r a BARGAIN £75. Ma fo u es yo urs d co an e e) ag lov gu guage of r FIVE-WEEK lan rld) or French (the lan wo e don’t miss out on ou al. th in loc a es ag like gu re ly spoken lan Cuba, Peru and mo (one of the most wide ing Paris, Barcelona, lud inc s ce pla ing az can experience am

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Rich Keam

The British winner of the best job in the world on why he loves Down Under and spending six months as Western Australia’s taste master INTERVIEW alasdair morton

How does it feel to have won the best job in the world as Western Australia’s taste master for six months? It feels great. I was on stage at the Sydney Art Gallery, where they had the presentation for the winners, underneath a load of yew trees and stuff. There were three finalists for each of the six categories [chief funster, lifestyle photographer, outback adventurer, park ranger, taste master, wildlife caretaker]. I was up there with everyone and I was a bit scared, nervous and anxious but excited, too. And then they read my name out! Were you surprised? My knees went a bit wobbly. Then they gave me a taste master apron and some giant salt and pepper grinders and I did a little speech. It has just been unbelievable. How does it feel now? It’s weird, it seems kind of normal now. The first application video was about five months ago and I got down from 300,000 to the final five and then the final three. I was out in Brighton [where he lives] the other day and I was talking to someone and they asked, ‘What do you do?’ So I said, ‘I’m a taste master for Western Australia,’ and they were like, ‘What!!?’ It seems normal for me and my family now. But to the outside world it seems pretty nuts. How have your friends reacted? There must have been some envious eyes... Haha, not envy. Loads of them said, ‘I knew you were going to win.’ But my grandparents and my girlfriend’s mum and dad are a little sad because we have a five-month-old boy, so they will be sad to see him go for a bit. But that’s why Skype is so good! What were the adventure activities you had to participate in during the selection process? We went snorkelling with whale sharks in Exmouth up the west coast. And we played Aussie Rules with the Sydney Swans. How did you get on? I loved it, you get to run around like a lunatic and throw balls around. It was excellent.

Tasty: Keam will spend six months eating and drinking around Western Australia What do you think was your strongest asset that helped you to win? When we got down to the final 25, we took part in a two-week promo tour which was to create some interest for the campaign. I wrote a few funny blogs about it as well as a song about Western Australia. What else made you stand out from the other candidates? I think one of the things was my not trying to give it the hard sell all the time. Instead, I just told funny stories that people could relate to. What was the hardest part of it? Being the focus of attention all the time, probably. There’s a film crew going around and it was quite tiring, every day was filled with so much stuff. Fun stuff, but then you had to go and write a blog – time management could have been the hardest thing! But we were so lucky, we stayed in five-star hotels, swam with sharks and looked at all the great restaurants in Perth. It was a brilliant eye opener. What was the first thing you thought when you saw the job ad? When I saw it I thought, ‘I want to go on an adventure with the family.’ I love food and music, they are my two main things. I had been to Australia when I was about 20 for a year on

a working holiday visa, and loved it and knew how amazing it is. And I wanted to try something, to enter and see if I could win. Why not? If you don’t enter it then you’re never going to know. What are you most looking forward to? I am looking forward to going to Margaret River for a bit, and relaxing with some wine and nice food. It has all been so hectic recently. What are you going to be up to first? I had a brief teaser for the first month. I will be up in Kimberley, in the Bungle Bungles in the northwest, for the first month, as it gets too hot there later in the year and floods. I’ll be going to Lake Argyle doing some barramundi fishing and mud crabbing at Cape Leveque. I’ll be going to a pearl farm. And I got an email through saying the federal tourism minister wants me to do a skydive – in the first week! How did your current employers react when you told them? It was easy as I work freelance as a costume designer on films. I said to the costume supervisor, ‘I can’t come in next week because I’m doing this,’ and he said, ‘Go for it!’ Rich Keam begins his new job as Western Australia Taste Master for Tourism Australia on August 26 tourism.australia.com

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No soapie: had she got to hack at people with an axe, Sharni Vinson may have never left Summer Bay

you’re next FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Sharni Vinson, AJ Bowen | 18 | 95mins | On general release August 28

the way way back FILM Starring: Steve Carell, Toni Collette | 12A | 95mins

Duncan is 14 and on summer vacation with his mother (Toni Collette) and her jackass boyfriend (an against type Steve Carell). Befriending Sam Rockwell’s water park owner, however, sends him on a coming-of-age journey to find out who he is, to break free, and maybe romance AnnaSophia Robb’s hottie. On general release August 28

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House invasion horror movies: you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all, right? People get knocked off one by one until the ‘final girl’ is left battling to defend herself. Not so, as horror aficionado director Adam Wingard (V/H/S) shows with his latest. It all begins according to expectations. Aussie Sharni Vinson’s Erin heads out to a remote country house (big old building, lots of creaking floorboards, no one else around for miles) with her boyfriend for a weekend with his family. But they are only moments into the first group dinner before the bickering begins. Then an arrow flies in through the window, obviously, and they find themselves under siege. What follows is a particularly grisly account as the family are picked off by animal-mask-wearing intruders. There are stabbings, some get garotted, some mashed in the cranium with a hammer – but what sets the film apart from others of its ilk is the surprising route the story takes as to who is responsible and who might make it out. Erin is far from an “I need saving!” victim, we’ll say that much. It also has a none darker sense of humour that chimes with the horror and makes it all the more unsettling – a humour that sits alongside the eviscerating without detracting from it; comedy not intended to take you out of the moment. It doesn’t quite manage to emerge from its genre origins into something more, but where so many horror flicks are content to merely serve up the same old, same old, writer Simon Barrett keeps you guessing right to the end, and Vinson is great value as the unpredictable femme fatale in the middle of it all. Good for: Laughing while watching between your fingers.

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COMEDY

American musical comedian Stephen Lynch makes his West End debut with a string of London shows. A Tony award-nominated performer for The Wedding Singer on Broadway, his brand of music-based comedy takes in everything from acid trips to veganism. It’s a debut you’ll want to catch while you can. Arts Theatre WC2H 7JB. Sep 4-7. £20 Leicester Square artstheatrewestend.co.uk

patrick caulfield

zoonation: groove on down the road

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

This retrospective of the famous London-born artist’s career looks at how his work changed and developed from his early days in the Sixties through to his last solo exhibition in 1999 before his death in 2005. He was regularly associated with the pop art movement and contemporary British art, but saw himself as a formal artist.

This latest venture for ZooNation harnesses the energy of a talented batch of kids and teenagers – all under 20 – in an exuberant 75-minute hip-hop musical rethink of The Wizard Of Oz, as Dorothy is released from a dull schoolroom and follows her dreams down the yellow brick road to Emerald City High. A real treat. LK

Tate Britain Millbank, SW1P 4RG. Until Sep 1. £14.50 Pimlico tate.org.uk

Queen Elizabeth Hall Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX. Until Sep 1. £10+ Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk

ronny chieng What’s the show about? It’s more of a one-hour stand-up comedy special than a “show”. OK, it’s “about” being Chinese-Malaysian, the internet and dating. And I want to state for the record that you can make anything sound boring in a one sentence blurb.

Photos: Dale May; Marc Bremner

How did you come to play Mr Meowgi in Sam Simmons’ Problems? I’ve known Sam since late 2009. He asked me to be part of his new TV show, then a week later asked me to dress up in full body lycra and be his spiritual guide cat.

upstream colour

the pride

FILM

THEATRE

Filmmaker Shane Carruth caught everyone’s attention with his brain-pickling 2004 debut Primer, but then disappeared. He’s back though, and his sophomore movie is just as ambitious a flick as you’d expect. It tells a story about two people whose lives interconnect as they’re affected by a parasitic organism without knowing it. One-of-a-kind filmmaking.

Jamie Lloyd (Macbeth) directs this drama about Philip (Harry Hadden-Paton) and his wife Sylvia (Hayley Atwell) who’re emotionally destroyed by his desperation to quell his homosexual tendencies. As a reminder homophobia is far from gone, the cast take the curtain call wearing ‘To Russia, With Love’ placards. LK

Released August 30

Trafalgar Studios Whitehall, SW1A 2DY. Until Nov 9. £24.50 Charing Cross thepridewestend.com

You’ve just done the Edinburgh Fringe, how was it? Taking a chance on shows by people you’ve never heard of and then being pleasantly surprised how much you enjoy something. And in Edinburgh, as the city is so ancient, every building looks like a mini castle. What’s next? Heading back to Australia to do the Sydney Fringe Festival, then I’m going to be taping my first one-hour comedy special to release on DVD. The Ron Way. Aug 28-Sep 7. £15 Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

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Frances took this at Canalival ...

... then made sausages in Greenwich. Holi fest in London – easily ‘epic’.

Challenge #4: Being a tourist

Challenge #5: You in London

BONUS PIC: SUMMERTIME TREAT

Trapeze in Regent’s Park. Respect.

Excellent technique in Piccadilly.

We loved this crazy spag/snag combo.

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Summer sorted ition winner!

H OF PRIZES – AND SHE WON THEM congrats Frances Gourlay! To celebrate our new social network, myTNT, we asked TNT readers to take on a series of photo challenges across London. Over a period of five weeks, we asked you to take a snap in London – based on a different theme each week – and post them on myTNT. One lucky winner would get their summer sorted.

AND THE WINNER IS ... Props to Frances Gourlay, 27, a marketing account manager from Middlesex, who posted a total of 42 photos over the five weeks and showed an inexhaustible fondness for star jumps all over town. (Check out our favourites on the left.) Her cheeky messages with the images may also have helped. Sample: “Hi judges, you look rather dashing today.” Flattery will get you everywhere, Frances. Check out exactly where below ...

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A TRIP AROUND EUROPE FOR YOU AND A MATE Frances bags a three-day La Tomatina camping trip PLUS a six-stop Busabout Hop-on Hop-off Flexitrip to get there – for two people! She can use the Flexitrip to explore Europe with a choice of 33 destinations across nine countries. Then she can jump off in Spain to get messy at the world's biggest food fight in the tiny town of Buñol on August 28. busabout.com/hop-on-hop-off/flexitrip busabout.com/festivals/la-tomatina

2 X BESTIVAL TICKETS including Wild Copse camping Frances also receives a pair of tickets – including Wild Copse camping – to music fest Bestival's HMSthemed weekend of fun on the Isle of Wight this September 5-8. The fest’s 10th anniversary year is not to be missed, featuring gargantuan headliners Elton John and Snoop Dogg, plus M.I.A, The Flaming Lips, Carl Cox and many more. bestival.net

an E-PL5 Olympus camera Also in her haul will be a state-of-the-art E-PL5 Olympus camera, with special features such as fast AF, touch operations and superb image quality matching that of the OM-D camera, and all within a compact, easy-to-carry design – ideal for capturing her amazing summer! olympus.co.uk

5 x tickets to Rock of Ages Frances also wins tickets for herself and four friends to see the smash hit musical Rock Of Ages at the Garrick Theatre in London’s West End. The worldwide smash-hit is a rockin' mix of Eightiesthemed hilarity and eyebrow-scorching tunes, including Don’t Stop Believin’, We Built This City and The Final Countdown. rockofagesmusical.co.uk

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Juicy: BBQ beef brisket from chef Tim Byreâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s book Smoke

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Unbeatable meat Top quality flesh, smouldering fire and chefs who know nose to tail – that’s Meatopia. We meet the London festival’s top chefs Words MICHAEL GADD

There’s no mystery ingredient at Meatopia, a festival that wears its rump, sirloin, brisket, cheek, leg, head, heart and mouth-wateringly more on its sleeve – this event on September 7 is as close as you’ll come to meat nirvana, as 25 top chefs cook one fleshtastic dish each over fire and coals. The ‘Meaterati’ will debate the virtues of meat (with arguments for the affirmative and the affirmative, we presume), against a background of live music and all-round meaty merriment. To find out what we can expect and to get an insight into the juicy world of committed carnivorousness, we caught up with four chefs who’ll be on the coals next week.

Richard H. Turner Chef and restaurateur who got his chops with kitchen royalty such as Albert and Michel Roux Jr and Marco Pierre White, now of Hawksmoor, Pitt Cue Co and Turner & George acclaim. Meatopia dish: Anch & Deckle – charcoal grilled Deckle steak with anchovy chilli butter. Favourite cheap cut of meat? Pig’s head. What would you do with it for your last meal? Braised with spices, maybe in a macaronade. The best way to sex up a steak? Charcoal. Turn a steak once or lots on the barbecue? Lots. Secret to a great barbie that anyone could do? Season well, keep heat to medium hot. What’s your happiest meat memory? My mother’s lamb belly. Can you explain vegetarianism? Without vegetarians there would be nothing for carnivores to eat.

Met a veggo? Richard Turner

What’s a meat dish you love that´s a bit of a hard sell for others? Pigs snoots (snouts). Your favourite drink with meat? Ice cold Meantime London Lager with a Pappy Van Winkle 15 (bourbon) back. You don’t make friends with salad, but what’s your fave meat side? Salt.

Tim Byres Old West-inspired chef with his background in Pan-Asian and modern Texan cuisines. Released the book Smoke, the same name as his restaurant in Dallas, Texas. Meatopia dish: Whole hog on a brick pit barbecue and tacos. Favourite cheap cut of meat? Ox tail. What would you do with it for your last meal? It’s better to ask, who would it be with? It’s not about the food but the community that results from it. I’d smoke the ox tails, then braise in red wine and onions. Serve with horseradish, sour cream, grilled toast and a beer. What’s the best way to sex up a steak? Simple is sexy. I like to contrast charred, smoky, meaty flavours with the acidity of lime, garlic and fresh herbs like chimichurri. Eat with your fingers! Turn a steak once or lots on the barbecue? Turn once. I like to grill with a live fire, not just with charcoal. Secret to a great barbie that anyone could do? Be committed and practice! Cooking with fire requires patience and leaving it alone. Don’t mess with it once its cooking and let the fire do its thing. Trust yourself and cook with the flavours and ingredients you like that are locally available to you. ››

Perfect recipe: steak and coals

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Pitt showstopper: Tom Adams

[Caption] Motherland: typical scene from Meatopia’s US HQ

Grill guru: Neil Rankin What’s your happiest meat memory? The most current one is Valentine’s Day 2013. My wife surprised me and the family with Big Night (acclaimed film about an Italian restaurant) and cooked the Timpano (delicacy from the movie) – it’s a meaty, sausage, cheese masterpiece. She completely pulled it off! Can you explain vegetarianism? It’s unnecessarily plain and uncreative most of the time. They should treat an eggplant or mushroom like it’s meat. Grilled broccoli with hummus, roasted and ground cauliflower, yellow squash carpaccio… What’s a meat dish you love that’s a bit of a hard sell for others? Brick roux gumbo with boudin and andouille sausage and buttery crusty bread. Your favourite drink with meat? A pale ale like Real Ale Rio Blanco Pale Ale or Shiner Bock Blonde. You don’t make friends with salad, but what’s your fave meat side? Pickles, raw herb salads, high acidity side again to cut the abrasive flavours of smoked meats, vegetable dishes and blue cheese coleslaw.

Neil Rankin

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Tom Adams Chef and co-founder of Soho restaurant Pitt Cue Co, which has a charcoal grill and two smokers as the kitchen’s hub. Meatopia dish: Smoked pig’s head and trotter sausage. Favourite cheap cut of meat? I wouldn’t say ‘cheap’, but I think a pig’s head is a pretty special thing. When we get a pig in from the farm the head is always one of the things we get most excited about. What would you do with it for your last meal? We have smoked pig’s jowl on the menu a lot, so I’d go with that. Or a whole smoked head with loads of pickles and salad. What’s the best way to sex up a steak? A great piece of beef shouldn’t need to be sexed up. Add salt and grill. Serve rare. Turn a steak once or lots on the barbecue? Lots of times. Secret to a great barbie that anyone could do? Use amazing meat. Good quality produce is the deal breaker. What’s your happiest meat memory? Butchering my own pigs that I reared for the restaurant. And then eating them. Can you explain vegetarianism? It can’t be explained. I have no issue at all with vegetarianism, and a great deal of modern meat production would push me towards it. Fortunately there are still lots of people out there doing it right. What’s a meat dish you love that’s a bit of a hard sell for others? I love grilled heart, others not so much! Your favourite drink with meat? A Pitt Cue ‘Pickleback’ (a shot of bourbon, followed by a shot of pickle juice). Then wine, lots of it. And a straight bourbon to finish. You don’t make friends with salad, but what’s your fave meat side? A great salad with homemade dressing is underrated. Provides a welcome contrast to the main event. ❚ Meatopia, September 7, 12pm-9pm. Tickets from £45 (includes two dishes and two drinks) to £89.25 (six dishes, six drinks, express queuing and goodie bag). Tobacco Dock, 50 Porters Walk, E1W 2SF meatopia.co.uk Tower Hill; Shadwell

Photos: From Smoke (Rizolli, £25) by Jody Horton

French-trained Scotsman who’s fused Korean, Malaysian and American BBQ techniques at John Salt and now-opened Smokehouse (guess what they do, really well) in Islington. Meatopia dish: I am afraid I cannot disclose it yet! Favourite cheap cut of meat? Ox cheek. What would you do with it for your last meal? Smoke it then fry it up with some nice gravy and creamy, buttery mash with a bottle of good red wine. What’s the best way to sex up a steak? Lots of salt and eat it with your hands. Turn a steak once or lots on the barbecue? Lots and lots. Secret to a great barbie that anyone could do? Don’t bombard your meat with heat. And don’t leave it till the end to rest it. What’s your happiest meat memory? My first taste of great beef. I think it was Dexter, which I cooked at home with my wife – changed everything for me. Can you explain vegetarianism? Yes I can, it’s a movement of people who prefer side dishes. A meat dish you love that’s a bit of a hard sell? Pig’s head. In fact any head of any animal is pretty good.

Your favourite drink with meat? A good burgundy and some Dexter beef and I’m anybody’s. You don’t make friends with salad, but what’s your fave meat side? Good tomatoes with a touch of salt or chips. You can’t go wrong with chips and béarnaise.

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The moral battle may still be raging for some time to come and, frankly, we’re not going to solve it any time soon. However, there is one very important meat vs veg debate we can settle right here, right now – which tastes better.

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Skiing is huge amounts of fun, but it can get pretty boring going to the same old resorts year after year. That’s why TNT thought it’d be a neat idea to compile the most surprising ski spots in the world, from Oz (left) to Iran.

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Internet sensation Grumpy Cat has been asked for his verdict on the candidates for Australia’s upcoming election – as you’d expect, he’s distinctly underwhelmed. It was erm, err ... thumbs down all round.

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OF THE WEEK BRETT MURPHY

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A BA IN PASSION I can’t help but fear that W.E.B. Du Bois’s impassioned conception of university is losing steam here in the present, falling prey to a youth culture enveloped in job security, stability and the technology era’s take on the American (or UK) dream. I floated through the University of Pittsburgh’s Cathedral of Learning as a fresher, green and giddy-eyed, without a decided major or £20 in my checking account. I’m not a freshman anymore. “Real life,” as collegians have aptly named the postgraduation, 40-year hangover until retirement, is trickling in. I already feel the itchy tickle of a white collar on my neck. The future of an English major – or that of any liberal arts student really – is hazy. STEM education has stepped to the forefront during the Facebook age, as a slow but sure gentrification sweeps over the working world. Many shrewdly map their futures not around their dreams, aspirations or passions, but around where they think 2020’s money awaits them. However, according to the figures, demand for liberal arts students is on the rise, because of the intangibles – the soft skills – they can bring to the table. It may sound like I’m playing into my own hopes to justify four years of tuition, and with 20 years of paying back loans who can blame me? I’d like to think Du Bois would have my back. Read more at: my.tntmagazine.com/blogs

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LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

fitness playground I am atop the National Theatre on the South Bank, watching the sun sink behind the London Eye. I star jump 180 degrees to see The Shard glistening in the last light. Why did I star jump? Because I am doing a class with Fitness Playground and the National Theatre is one of the iconic stop-off points on our fitness jaunt around the capital. Starting at the South Bank University Sports Centre, we jog from one designated stop to the next, pausing to do stretches and strength or cardio exercises using benches, traffic lights, steps and walls. At each stopoff we play a fitness game, from tag, to duck, duck, goose, to rock-paperscissors, all with an added fitness element – such as holding the plank position rather than sitting in a circle during duck, duck, goose. There were moments of self-consciousness – particularly as we had to wear a tabard emblazoned with ‘Follow Me, I’m Doing Fitness Playground’. But it made me feel good that, rather than spending the night in a pub like most of our spectators, I was getting fit, having fun, and seeing the most famous landmarks of London, which beats the inside of a gym. Mon & Wed, 6pm & 7.30pm; Sat, 10am. £12, discounted packages available CG

Tri this out Pros share their top triathlon training, tactics and tapering tips – say that at the finish line Words caroline garnar

Tri Together on September 1 encourages allcomers to have a crack at doing a triathlon, with beginners making up 80 per cent of participants in last year’s event at Crystal Palace. We’ve noticed an increasing trend for mere mortals giving the swim, ride and run a go at competitions all over the country, so TNT enlisted the help of some superstar triathletes to point you in the right direction if you fancy a stab at it.

The Brownlee brothers Alistair Brownlee won gold at the 2012 Olympics and his brother Jonathan (who won bronze in London) is the reigning ITU World Triathlon champion. ALISTAIR SAYS: “One of the biggest advantages we have is each other. So rope a friend/partner/family member into doing the event with you. That way you can help each other train, and having someone to meet really helps you get out of the door.” JONATHAN SAYS: “The root of our triathlon story begins with local people who took us to races, showed us training routes and shared their invaluable knowledge with us. People like this are generally found at your

local running, cycling, swimming or triathlon club. So go down and join in the fun.”

Matt Wroe Matt competes in endurance races, including the UK Ironman and Kilimanjaro Challenge, to raise money for Scope (scope.co.uk). MATT SAYS: “When training I use an elevation mask. This restricts the oxygen you take in while training, which increases your lung capacity, stamina and red blood cells, which carry oxygen to your muscles.”

Jo Carritt Part of the Challenger World Triathlete team, Jo came second in Ironman UK 2013 (female professional) and did the Olympic sprint at the Virgin Active London Triathlon. JO SAYS: “Divide your training time according to the proportion of the race – roughly 20 per cent swimming, 50 per cent cycling, 30 per cent running – unless you have a weakness in one, in which case spend a bit more time on that.”

Lisa Irlam Owner of Swimovate, which makes lap-

Southbank University Sports Centre, SE1 6LN Elephant and Castle fitness-freak.com

The mask: Matt Wroe uses an elevation mask when he trains 34

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Bros: the Brownlees are triathlon champs

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Goggles on: triathlons start out with a hardcore swim counting watches for swimmers, Lisa recently finished the ‘hardest triathlon in the world’, the Norseman Xtreme Triathlon in Norway. LISA SAYS: “Many people can’t find their bike after the swim, which wastes precious time. Buy the brightest, most garish towel you can find and lay it next to your bike. You will be able to spot it straight away.”

Heather Graz Heather represented South Africa at the World Mountain Running Trophy and recently completed the UK Half-Ironman. HEATHER SAYS: “Know your equipment. Have a play with adjusting swimming goggles and practice fixing punctures, especially with tired hands!”

Ross Macdonald

World Duathlon Championships. ROSS SAYS: “Around a week before your race, bring the distance and intensity of your sessions down in order to let your body recover from the harder training you have been doing in time for the big day.”

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Nick Grantham Nick is a triathlon performance enhancement specialist who has been training athletes in the UK for more than 15 years. NICK SAYS: “To recover my muscles after a hard session I use the firefly device (fireflyrecovery.com). You strap it to your leg to reduce delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS), meaning you can train again comfortably the next day.”

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TRI GEAR GUIDE FOR ALL BUDGETS

At 25, Ross won his age group at last year’s

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triathlons TO TRY

It’s a ‘wheel’ challenge

TRI TOGETHER: Crystal Palace National Sports Centre, Sep 1 2013. lcdisability.org/tritogether The brownlee Tri: Fountains Abbey and Studley Royal, Yorkshire, Sep 21, 2013. brownleetri.com IRONMAN UK: Bolton, July 20, 2014. ironman.com Virgin Active London Triathlon: Register online now to get first chance at entry for 2014. thelondontriathlon.com

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MONTHLY SPOTLIGHT on working abroad

Snow genius: the problem with skiing? It’s bloody expensive. Work in a ski resort, however, and you can get paid to do it

Snow business Canada’s slopes have been carved by thousands of Antipodeans who get paid to travel – you could be next Words caroline garnar With the thought of England’s long, dark winter already haunting us, we’ve set our sights on the slopes of Canada.

Why Canada? There are incredible ski resorts all over the world, so why choose Canada? Well there’s the famous Canadian hospitality, plus the place is massive. Be sure to extend your trip either side of the ski season to explore. If you sign up for a working holiday with Smaller Earth (smallerearth.com) you can enjoy Canada in all four seasons. “You can work on the mountains in the winter and surf in Vancouver during the summer,” the company’s global travel adviser Joe Green tells TNT. Big White in British Columbia is Canada’s largest ski-in, ski-out resort 36

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and one of the most popular in the country. It’s not overcrowded though, and has a great village vibe. It’s selfcontained with lots of aprés-ski options, and it enjoys 25ft of dry champagne powder every year. “I love the lifestyle of living on a ski resort,” says Aussie Katy Harris, a Big White employee. “It’s a beautiful place to live, the scenery is spectacular and it’s right outside your window. It is not too cold but the snow is second to none – powdery and fluffy.”

What jobs are there? Obviously you can be an instructor at the ski and board school. You can’t beat this job, but you do need qualifications. Big White, for example, requires you to have a Canadian Association ski or snowboard instructor

or coaching certificate, or equivalent. “Successful instructors are not only technically competent but also are personable and outgoing,” adds Katherine Furrer, controller and HR coordinator at Big White. “Instructors who work in the kids centre must love working with children and be able to engage all age groups.” If you are not certified to be an instructor, other positions include lift operators, housekeeping, service staff, shop staff, receptionists, sales, bartenders and cooks. “I worked as a bartender during last year’s season and I loved it,” Kiwi Tom Hunter says. “It was a shame I couldn’t work out on the slopes, but I hit them in my spare time. Plus, working in the bar means you get to be part of the

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Versatile: instructors must be able to engage with all ages

On the job david algie

Career Insurance marketing manager Age 31 Lives Twickenham From New Zealand How did you get into your job? I started at Union Income Benefit more than three years ago as the learning and development officer and was seconded as the workplace marketing manager part-time in 2011. I then applied through the UIB management training programme and was successful in becoming our insurance marketing manager.

Photos: Big White Ski Resort

Tasty: Big White make its Aussies dress like this all the time (not really) aprés-ski scene, which sorting your visa go up to CA$20+ can get quite lively (£13). You will also Y ou must have a Working • – not to mention the earn commission on Holiday Visa to work in Canada ski bunnies. I certainly subsequent lessons you – you can get one that lasts one enjoyed that side of book. Other staff can or two years. things,” he smiles. expect to earn around Y ou must be aged 19-30 and • Smaller Earth CA$9-12 (£9.50-7.50) the application fee is currently guarantees you a per hour. “Returning CA$150 (£93). position for four to six • The Canadian High Commission staff are paid months, although the incrementally more accepts applications from resort will decide what based on the number January and runs until the position you get. You of seasons they’ve been allocation is filled (typically can stay in Canada for with us,” Furrer says. by May). You should start the a year, though, and the On-site, shared process in October/November company will help you accommodation is so that you can apply in time arrange everything, usually provided as part for the New Year. from accommodation of your job package. to setting up a bank When should I apply? account and social security number, to sorting your visa (see box out). The fee Big White has just started recruiting for the year is £695. for its winter season. Visit its online You won’t need training for the job board at bigwhite.com/contact-us/ roles offered by Smaller Earth, but employment-info/ to apply for the some experience and a good attitude available positions. helps. “Most resorts hire people with Smaller Earth applications open at least some experience in hospitality later this year, or retail,” Green explains. “However, if but you can NEXT WEEK the candidate is mature, enthusiastic, register your motivated and level-headed and this interest now Eighties London: comes across in their CV, video intro and at smallerearth. Then vs now from TNT readers who application, they should be fine.” com/ww/ were here apply/216/.

Pay

Instructors start at CA$10.75 (£6.65) per hour for a Level 1 first year and

SURPRISING SKI DESTINATIONS

What do you do day-to-day? Lots! I manage a department doing everything from direct mail and email activity, and coordinating our regional development team. What’s the most rewarding part? The regional activity we do is extremely social and I have been lucky enough to interact with some fascinating people through this role. What’s the most challenging? Keeping on top of everything! The work we do is so varied; every day presents a different challenge. uibuk.co.uk; unioninsurance.co.uk

How to... make

work friends You’ve started at a new job and everyone’s in a clique. Here’s how to break into the group…

• Make sure you make a cup of

tea at the same time as one of them and start a conversation – if you become friendly with one, the rest will follow.

• Ask where the best places are

to hang out at lunch – one may get the hint and invite you to join them.

• Speak up in meetings. If you

come across as too timid people won’t bother with you.

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tntjobs.co.uk Bodean’s BBQ T: Soho 02072877575 T: Tower Hill 02074883883 www.bodeansbbq.com We are a busy American BBQ Restaurant specialising in top quality food and legendary service.

Sailing Holidays Ltd T: 020 8438 1122 www.sailingholidays.com

Job of the WeeK: Full Time Host/ess and Waiter/ess Location: Soho, Poland Street, W1F. Tower Hill Byward Street, EC3R Salary: Hourly rate, depending on experience We require candidates with fluent English, valid UK Visa or Passport, passion for hospitality industry, flexible working hours, can provide proof experience with references, with a pleasant and friendly personality. Send CV’s | tower@bodeansbbq.com or soho@bodeansbbq.com

Job of the WeeK: Office Administrator Location: Willesden Green Salary: negotiable Office Admin person required based in Willesden Green. Literate in English, Microsoft, e-mail and internet. Good telephone manner is essential. Duties include data input, invoicing and taking payments on-line. 020 8438 1122 | Email: mail@sailingholidays.com

Ponti’s Italian Kitchen T: 0207 493 6877 www.pontisitaliankitchen.co.uk Family-run since 1963, Ponti’s Italian Kitchen specialises in food from the Emilia Romagna region of Italy.

Olympic Studios www.olympiccinema.co.uk Boutique 2-screen Cinema, Café & Dining Room, Members’ Club and Recording Studio opening in October.

Be Select Ltd www.beselectrecruit.co.uk Be Select is an agency who specialise in providing office furniture fitters and porters to the commercial relocation and furniture industry.

The Bulls Head T: 01483 277447 www.thebullsheadhotel.com We are a busy village pub serving food. With B&B accommodation

Job of the WeeK: Waiters / Waitress Location: Oxford Circus Salary: competitive hourly rate plus tips Ponti’s waiter’s are the face of our restaurant. Ideally you will have had experience in a similar role. Our restaurants are fun and fast paced so thinking on your feet and being organised is essential. Ricardo De Abreu | rdeabreu@pontis.co.uk

Job of the WeeK: Bartenders, Waiters/ Chef de Rang, Floor Managers, Chef de Partie and Breakfast Chef Location: Barnes, South West London Salary: Competitive Position: We are looking for experienced, enthusiastic, motivated and committed staff to join our dynamic team. A good command of English is essential. All candidates must be over 18. Excellent opportunities to progress and excel in your hospitality career. Send CV and letter stating which role interests you to jobs@olympiccinema.co.uk

Job of the WeeK: Office Furniture Fitters and Porters Location: London and the UK Salary: Per hour If you are physically fit and able to have a good time, then why not join our team of office furniture fitters and porters. You will have the opportunity to work in some of the most prestigious buildings in London, and travel the UK. Tools and CSCS are an advantage but not a necessity. Please send CV and brief cover letter to joinus@beselectrecruit.co.uk

Job of the WeeK: To assist in running of country pub Location: Ewhurst, Near Guildford, Surrey Salary: TBA Live in couple required for to assist in running of pub. Competent well presented with good communication & customer service skills. No experience necessary but preferred. Immediate start. Must have valid UK Visa. John O’Brien | 01483 277447 or email CV to info@thebullsheadhotel.com

Care24seven T: 020 8912 4642 www.care24seven.com Dynamic Care Company is recruiting experienced and new LIVE IN & OUT carers within London.

Job of the WeeK: Recruiting experienced and new LIVE IN & OUT carers within London Location: Across London – Head Office Chiswick 020 8912 4642 Salary: Fair rates of pay available You are expected to provide care to the elderly in their own home. We are currently recruiting carers who can be dynamic and have good communication skills. Work within the guidelines of the company policies e procedures. Training is given. Please forward your CV to max@care24seven.com

Looking for your next job? New jobs online every day To advertise your job of the week contact 38 tntMagazine.com Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

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Leyland SDM is the local DIY store of choice with 17 stores on some of Central London’s most prestigious roads.

FULL TIME AND PART TIME EXPERIENCED RETAIL SALES ASSISTANTS required to join a dynamic business with ambitious expansion plans.

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Ewww: X-ray of fork in penis

forkin’ hell! fork stuck in man’s penis australia

Guys, look away now. An elderly man inserted a 10cm steel fork into his penis for sexual gratification, a hospital X-ray confirmed. The 70-year-old, from Canberra, had to undergo an operation to remove the cutlery, which was found lodged into his urethra. “The motives for insertion of a variety of objects are difficult to comprehend,” said a report on the bizarre incident in the International Journal Of Surgery Case Reports. The fork was removed using “copious lubrication” while the man was under general anaesthetic. Told you to look away. tweets of the week @piersmorgan England’s selectors have managed to regrow Australia’s confidence, and shatter that of two young players in the process. Nice work! #Ashes @pattonoswalt Bradley Manning got 35 YEARS and Rumsfeld/Cheney still walk free...oh wait, it’s Opposite Day. My bad. #Manning

999? give us a lift, it’s pouring down united kingdom

When the heavens opened on Sunday, a drenched father dialled 999 in the hope of catching a lift for himself and his children. What’s more, police officers in West Sussex obliged by driving the soggy family to a nearby bus stop. The man reportedly threatened to call the Police Complaints Commission if they refused to help. A Sussex Police spokesman confirmed: “A man rang from the Shoreham flyover to 40

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Steady now: Tammy, a 6.8kg South American Tamandua, on the scales at London Zoo. The height and mass of every animal in the zoo, of which there are more than 16,000, needs to be recorded in this annual weigh in

say he was stuck on foot in rain on his way home on Sunday, and wanted a lift. “A passing police car did give him a lift to the adjacent A283 as he had young children with him. “He was then left as he was able to wait for a bus or phone for a taxi. Clearly, 999 is for public use only in emergencies.” Street pastor Ian Chisnall said: “999 is not the right service to use. But full credit to Sussex Police – they helped some children.” From getting wet.

wallaby burger all blacks tribute new zealand

Fancy devouring wallabies just like the All Blacks did? Now hungry Kiwis can. Wallaby burgers have been put on

the menu at Wellington’s Edward St cafe Meow, a tribute to the All Blacks ahead of Saturday’s Bledisloe Cup clash in the city. As well as the usual fare, the £5.50 burger can also be served with an egg. Cafe owner Damian Jones told stuff.co.nz: “Egg on the face is part of the optional egg. If Quade Cooper wants to come in and get some egg on his wallaby, he is welcome.” Wellington Restaurant Association branch president Mike Egan added: “It would be quite funny if they did it on toast, because that’s what the Wallabies will be this weekend.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 4

Number of times a year a single man changes his bed sheets, compared to a couple’s once a fortnight

Checklist number that breasts factor in at – after eyes and smile – in terms of what a man notices first about a woman

Cover up: Big Baz

6.41

SHOW BIG BAZ BALLS, PEOPLE DEMAND ...

Amount, in hours and minutes, of sleep the average Brit gets every night, says a survey. Lazy buggers

AUSTRALIA

It was deemed a shocking case of censorship when last week Tourism Australia posted a photo of a reclining kangaroo – with its genitals pixelated. Big Baz, as the animal is known (with pretty good reason too), was snapped on his back, arms neatly folded, ballbag flapping gently in the breeze. On Facebook, TA said: “When Featherdale Wildlife Park sent us this cracker of a photo we just couldn’t resist sharing it with our fans in all of its magnificent glory... Or nearly all!” Cue outrage. One fan, Martyn Hobbins, wrote: “How utterly pathetic. Censored for Facebook. You have just lost ALL my respect.” Begs the question, do you really want to see a kangaroo’s balls?

... BUT DON’T SHOW US 18 VAGINAS! Photos: Tourism Australia; Getty; Twitter; Thinkstock

AUSTRALIA

In a second case of censorship, a uni magazine has been removed from shelves due to a controversial cover featuring 18 vaginas. The editors of Sydney University’s Honi Soit said they published the graphic to make a statement about how female genitalia have become “artificially sexualised ... or stigmatised”. The Student Representative Council recalled 4000 copies after editors

Number of birdstrikes hitting planes recorded last year, with some causing engine fires and emergency landings.

Exposed: reader holds Honi Soit apparently used a see-through black bar when ordered to cover up the vaginas. On Facebook, the editors said: “We are tired of vaginas either being artificially sexualised (see: porn) or stigmatised (see: censorship and airbrushing). Don’t you dare tell me my body offends you.”

£500 IS A KICK IN THE NUTS FOR GOLF MATE NEW ZEALAND

A man who accidentally kicked a golf buddy in the testicles has been ordered to pay £500 for emotional harm. Judge Tony Couch said Michael John Graham’s kick in the backside caused the victim to need emergency surgery. He said the 33-year-old plasterer deliberately kicked the man at a golf game which followed a Christmas function in Tai Tapu. Mucking around, Graham went for a rear kick, but struck him in the groin. Graham’s application for a discharge without conviction was dismissed by Christchurch District Court.

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QUOTE OF THE WEEK Is this politically advisable? Does everybody have to kiss a croc, is this a standard thing? London mayor Boris Johnson puckers up for Prince George the crocodile during a holiday in the Northern Territory

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

Dumb and dumber? Oz’s pollies engage in a battle of the berks

Australian election 2013, or ‘The Great Twerp Off’

Photo: Getty

No wonder apathy reigns when the choices are so insipid

Plastic bags, Stoke-on-Trent, freeze-dried soup, my grandmother’s taste in interior decoration, clothes horses – it’s hard to think of many more things less inspiring than this Australian election. It’s all but impossible to get excited when your choice is between, at the height of varied criticisms from all corners, a psychopath and a sociopath (I’m sure you can work out who may be who). Let’s begin with the likely incumbent, the Liberal leader Tony Abbott. An oily-faced crag of contradictions. A genuine high-achiever who won a place as a Rhodes scholar to The Queen’s College, Oxford, and yet doesn’t know the difference between an anally ingested medicine and a repository. Before Abbott has even been elected he feels like an anachronism, not so much in the George W Bush mould, but as something before that; slick-haired, unpalatably handsome, running on a narrative of, “Look how much they’ve ruined everything,” when actually by most objective measures things have only improved in Australia. Abbott is every inch Australia’s Ronald Reagan. His charm even springs from the same place as Reagan’s. He’s a genuine person, who holds his albeit retrograde ideals and beliefs in good faith. It’s that almost naive integrity that makes him popular. Or there is Kevin Rudd, a man whose arrogant leadership style saw him ousted by his own party despite strong public ratings. A man who continually undermined the leadership of Julia Gillard and made Labor look like they were more concerned with infighting than running the country, the one thing the public despise more than anything. It wasn’t Rudd’s influence alone that led to Gillard’s dire poll ratings (plenty of good old fashioned misogyny doing much of the legwork there), but his actions helped, and then he exploited the ratings to grab power back with the elections looming – that’s cynical politics. Having lived through Europe’s lurch to the right following the financial crisis, I feel loath to see Australia go the same way, but Labor have only got themselves to blame. » Agree or disagree? Are the candidates inspiring? letters@tntmagazine.com

CHELSEA MANNING’S SHOW OF STRENGTH There was a collective ‘umph’ in the Twittersphere last week when Bradley Manning was handed down a 35-year jail term after being found guilty of a string of offences. That ‘umph’ became a ‘oooh’ on Thursday when a statement from Manning said he would be living henceforth as Chelsea Manning. It has long been known that Manning had struggled with issues regarding his

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Bravery in face of a crime of conscience

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sexuality. Indeed, in the web chats that landed Manning in jail, he confessed to the hacker Adrian Lamo of his deep alienation among his macho colleagues in the army. For those who’ve followed the case closely the announcement came as an unexpected and fittingly different silver lining. It takes a profound kind of strength to be handed a 35-year prison sentence for essentially a crime of conscience and then respond with, “OK, but you can call me Chelsea from now on.” TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Election 2013: all the gaffes The Australian election has been a political sketch writer’s dream with pratfalls aplenty WORDS OLI JONES “Suppository?” mouthed the Liberal candidate for Deakin questioningly to a room of the forgiving party faithful, bemused journalists, and campaign workers already implementing their damage management strategy. Seconds prior, in arguably the most memorable moment of the Australian election so far, Liberal leader Tony Abbott had claimed in a speech that “No man is the suppository of all wisdom.” Quite the mental image. It was a buttock-clenching moment of political theatre, but by no means the only pratfall to grace this campaign. Despite its brevity, the lead-up to this Australian election has been full of glorious gaffes from all corners of the political spectrum. Here are the most toe-curling.

The viral star Every election has its overnight sensation and 2013 is no exception. One Nation candidate Stephanie Banister’s interview with Channel Seven turned her from a suburban housewife (albeit one facing criminal charges for allegedly plastering antiIslamic stickers on supermarket food) to a viral superstar. In a broad-ranging chat the mother of two claimed variously that Jews follow Jesus Christ, the government’s Disability Insurance Scheme was “working well” despite it not coming into effect until 2016 and that she didn’t know the names of any of the candidates she was running against. However, it was Banister’s comments about Islam that really got the world’s attention. She was frank about her position from the outset: “I don’t oppose Islam as a country, but I don’t think their laws should be welcome here in Australia.” Christened, perhaps unfairly, Australia’s Sarah Palin (unfair to Australia, because she isn’t a mainstream party candidate, and unfair to Palin, because even she isn’t that thick), Banister responded by claiming that, despite the interview being videotaped, the journalist had “twisted all my words” and made her out to look like a “stupid moron”. 44

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The sex scandal Sexting politicians have been all the rage in the news pages recently and Australia, as ever on trend, served up one of their own. Married Peter Dowling, Liberal Party member of the Queensland Legislative Assembly and head of the Ethics Committee, was caught sending lewd messages to his lover. Among the array of saucy snaps Dowling sent was one of his penis in a glass of red wine. Dowling has since stepped down from his role on the Ethics Committee and said: “I owe my family an apology. I am sorry for the pain and embarrassment I caused you.”

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I don’t oppose Islam as a country The brain fade

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Liberal candidate for Greenway in NSW Jaymes Diaz is hailed as a rising star of his party, but on the evidence of an interview he gave to Channel Ten it’s hard to see why. Talking about immigration controls, Diaz said: “We have a six-point plan to stop the boats,” but when asked to run through those points Diaz was less than forthcoming. “Well, I can run through all the details of the points, but look,” he stutters, “the main thing is…”. But the reporter cuts him off, insisting on the points, to which Diaz spectacularly replies: “Well, one of the points would be, the key point would be, stop the boats.” The reporter pushes Diaz to give the other five points. Diaz, eyes glazed, voice dimmed, says: “I’ve answered your question.” The reporter, now towering over the diminutive politician, points out he’s only actually given one, to which Diaz can only meekly repeat: “I’ve answered your question.”

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Rather magnificently missing the point, former Labor leader Mark Latham slammed Abbott’s above faux pas, saying: “It showed very bad judgement” – then, in the very same sentence, showed his own limited judgement by adding, “and that he has very low standards.” Latham went on to claim Abbott must have had “beer goggles” on when he made the comments. “I had a good look at Fiona Scott ... and she doesn’t have sex appeal at all,” Latham said during a radio interview, not only judging her on her looks, but suggesting her looks weren’t up to scratch. Nice work.

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The unhelpful party grandee

TNT has been campaigning with your help against the UK Border Agency and the service it offers to visa applicants. We’ve revealed horror stories, gained press coverage in the UK, New Zealand and Australia, and attracted support from high-profile MPs. To read our coverage so far, visit tntmagazine. com/ukba. In March 2013, it was announced the UK Border Agency will be split into two organisations – one dealing with visas. In true shambolic style, a name for the office, and how it’s going to work, is yet to be decided. So far, all that’s clear is that it’s going to be the same staff, reporting to the same bosses, in the same building, operating within the same budgets. Therefore, our demands for this new entity remain the same. Add your voice to TNT Magazine’s UKBA Balls-Up campaign to demand the new office changes its policies so that:

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It was probably always Labor’s plan to put the Liberal leader front and centre during this election, and Abbott has done exactly what they must have expected, obliging with an impressively varied string of gaffes. In the creepiest moment of the campaign, Abbott, indulging in that most unnerving of political sports, baby kissing, attempted to plonk his lips on a child in Adelaide. However, the mother turned away and Abbott, whose lips were set to kiss and were determined to kiss something come hell or high water, ended up imparting a peck on the back of the woman’s head. That was shuddersome enough, but it was Abbott’s comments about Liberal candidate Fiona Scott that sparked the most controversy. Describing the new female candidate for Lindsay and a neighbouring seat, Abbot said: “They’re young, they’re fiesty, I think I can probably say, have a bit of sex appeal.” Abbott later conceded it was a “daggy dad” moment. However, Kevin Rudd was less forgiving, suggesting that if any employer in Australia had made those comments about a member of their staff, “they’d be in serious strife”.

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The bungling potential PM

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Tony Abbott (left) said female colleagues had “sex appeal”, but Labor’s Mark Latham (here) reckoned he’d got the “beer goggles” on. Way to debate the big issues, fellas ...

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✔ Every applicant receives correspondence when an application has been received ✔ Advice is then sent to all applicants detailing the process system and what it means for those wanting to work or travel ✔ Every applicant gets access to an emergency helpline which they can call for updates at any time, not only after six months ✔ The target for processing visas for those based in the UK who are eligible to work is reduced to three months ✔ A full refund is offered to applicants if their application takes longer than the target time if it is due to UKBA incompetency ✔ The amount of premium service appointments is increased – and a full refund is offered to applicants if the UKBA doesn’t adhere to the allotted 24-hour timescale ✔ Applicants wishing to extend visas to stay in the UK can do so before the ‘28 days before expiry’ deadline Add your name to our government epetition. Follow the link from tntmagazine.com/ukba

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New Zealand’s Corey Peters gets some kick-ass air as he competes in the Men’s Slalom Sitting LW12-1 race at the IPC Alpine Adaptive Slalom World Cup, an event forming part of the Winter Games NZ at Coronet Peak in Queenstown last week.

No Goodes: Swans may miss Adam

grand final replay for season finale afl

As if it had been planned, the opening game of the last round of the regular season will be a replay between Hawthorn and Sydney with both sides on track to be there in the last week in September all over again. The Hawks and Swans, who play on Friday, are part of the AFL’s all important top four. Daylight separates them, along with the ever-present Geelong Cats and Fremantle, from those fighting it out to be in the top-eight that make the play-offs. When Hawthorn and Sydney met back 46

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in round seven, the Hawks turned the 2012 Premiership decider result around. Since then, the Hawks have been flying, while the Swans are at risk of missing star Adam Goodes, who hasn’t played since round 13, for the season with a knee injury. “It would be fair to say time is pushing it now and he needs for things to go well pretty quickly from here,” Swans coach John Longmire said.

robshaw to be a quin until 2015/16 rugby union

England backrower Chris Robshaw has given Harlequins a boost a week out from the season opener by signing a contract extension that will keep him at the London giants until 2015/16. He will also remain as club captain. Harlequins director of rugby, Conor O’Shea said: “I think it would be an understatement to say that this is great news for the club and all of its supporters. Chris is not just an incredible rugby player but one of the great leaders of the modern game.

BIG WEEK FOR ... No Bale, no worries, to paraphrase some headlines when Roberto Soldado scored on debut for Tottenham against Crystal Palace in the season opener (from the penalty spot). The Spanish striker will get his first big-time Premier League challenge this week though in the north London giants derby against Arsenal at Emirates Stadium. It might be a good time to get the Gunners, as they’ll have played their second leg of the Champions League qualifying against Fenerbahce, but we’ll find out for sure if the biggest of Andres Villas-Boas’s impressive signings really fill the void to be left by the Welshman.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK It is only sport and a bit of banter. You don’t want the Aussies loving you because it probably means you are rubbish England quick (who bats a bit) Stuart Broad has the perfect attitude ahead of the return Ashes series in Oz

Good form: Shane Watson’s ODI/ T20 quality was never in doubt

PREVIEW TWENTY20 DOUBLE-HEADER DOUBLE AUSTRALIA V ENGLAND (WOMEN AND MEN) THUR/SAT, SKY SPORTS ASHES The coloured clobber comes out and the Women’s Ashes meet their male counterparts for the first time this summer with a double-header double this week in Southampton and Durham. While the women begin the final rotation of their three-format Ashes on Tuesday with the first Twenty20 in Essex, their final two games to decide the Ashes will be played as curtain raisers to the men’s. On Thursday they play at 2.15pm ahead

of the blokes at 6.30pm, and on Saturday the women play at 10am before the gents’ match at 2.30pm at floodlightless Emirates International Cricket Ground in Durham. The men’s England and Australia sides are bizarrely ranked six and seven in the world, although fifth Test century maker Shane Watson was a superstar at the 2012 World Cup in which his side made the semifinals – Watson was the tournament’s top run scorer and second-highest wicket taker. The Australian women are reigning world champs, but England beat them in the group stage of that comp.

THE CHAT | The transfer window ajar Seriously, when will all of this transfer window ‘will they, won’t they’ rubbish end? September 2, 11pm – just saying the date will make A many football fans feel relieved, unless you back the Gunners. For some weird reason, the window in which clubs are allowed to do business runs two weeks and two days into the start of the season. This means a club can make a bid on a player just before a game and provide a distraction, as was the case for Yohan Cabaye and Newcastle United, much to Alan Pardew’s disgust, last week. If your team’s eyeing off players in other leagues, these dates may be handy (Spain’s window closes one hour after England’s, while Germany stops trading at a not surprisingly sensible 6pm).

Photos: Getty

I’m very proud about that because I try to push my best every single moment. It’s good for me and my team mates at Sydney FC As if Alessandro Del Piero couldn’t be more impressive at 38, he responded to comments by Italy coach Cesare Prandelli that he’d consider the veteran for the World Cup in Brazil

TV HIGHLIGHTS ATHLETICS IAAF Diamond League, Zurich The penultimate meet of the season Thur, 7pm, BBC3

RUGBY LEAGUE Cronulla Sharks v Sydney Roosters Monday Night NRL between beaches Mon, 10am, Premier Sports

St Helens v Warrington Super League action as finals approach Sat, 8pm, Sky Sports 4

FOOTBALL Arsenal v Fernerbahce Return leg of Champs League qualifier Tue, 7.45pm, ITV

In demand: Cabaye

Liverpool v Manchester United Premier League giants live Sun, 1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Double vision England and Lions centre Brad Barritt tells TNT Saracens are ready to go one better this year in England and Europe, starting with the London Double Header WORDS MICHAEL GADD

The 2012-13 season was almost perfect for north London’s Saracens, yet the adage ‘so near, yet so far’ is rarely more apt. Now though, with an enriching trip to their second home South Africa, some hard graft and confidence-affirming pre-season matches behind them, they’re hungrier than ever. Speaking ahead of their 61-3 demolition of Championship side the Cornish Pirates at the Honourable Artillery Company in London on Thursday, centre Brad Barritt reflects a steely glow coming from the Men In Black’s camp. “There’s a renewed confidence and stern determination in the squad this year,” says Barritt, fresh from playing in a winning Lions tour against Australia after a late call-up stopped his Hollywood holiday short. “We’re, as always, looking to go onto bigger and better things.” Top of the ladder in last year’s Premiership Rugby season, they didn’t turn it into a grand final win, falling at the secondto-last hurdle when they were ambushed by Northampton in a semi-final first half barrage they couldn’t recover from. It was their first defeat at their new HQ, Allianz Park, and Saints would go on to be undone by Leicester Tigers in the final. “That’s the beauty of rugby,” Barritt concedes with his glass half full. “Any team on their day, irrespective of where they are on the ladder, can hurt you. Northampton turned up that day, played fantastically and did a job on us.” In the Heineken Cup, Sarries finished top of their pool ahead of Irish giants Munster and fought past that team’s rivals Ulster in the semi. Again, they fell one game short of the big show. In their ‘home’ semi at Twickenham against slick French moneybags Toulon they were beaten 24-12. It’s all fodder for motivation, Barritt explains. “Last season has made the squad a lot more hungry,” he insists. “We know we played some brilliant rugby, but that all amounts to nothing if you can’t come through in those big moments. That’s what we’re preparing for this year.” That preparation again heavily featured South Africa, 48

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where a large slice of Sarries’ top talent hails from – including Schalk Brits, Neil de Kock and Alistair Hargreaves, along with SA-born England stars such as Mouritz Botha, Matt Stevens and Barritt himself. It’s also the base of the club’s major shareholders and some significant charity connections. One warm-up game in Durban (where Barritt was born) against 2012 South African club champions Jonsson College Rovers was played on John Smit Rugby Field, funded by and named after the Sarries and Springboks legend who left the club last year to become CEO of Super Rugby franchise the Sharks. It stands on the Lungisisa Indlela Village (LIV), its

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Renewed confidence, stern determination

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mission being to turn around the lives of vulnerable children. They also visited the Little Champs project in Kayamandi, a children’s sport charity where kids play on the ‘Saracens Field of Dreams’ artificial pitch. “It’s so rewarding to go to these places,” Barritt says. “It’s all part of the preparation.” Then it was off to the Nambiti Game Reserve for three days. “Downtime to get to know each other better is a strong thing at Saracens,” Barritt says. “We believe friendships off the field will ultimately make the team stronger, so two days in the bush together is as good as that gets.” Despite the strong South African connections since Francois Pienaar joined the club after the 1995 World Cup, such distinctions don’t represent the squad’s worldly flavour. “It’s natural with how the club went, in terms of how it’s made up, but we’re still very much an English club,” says Barritt, one of 12 Sarries players born in South Africa,

Idols: Sarries players with Little Champs

Photos: Getty; Saracens.com

Piggy-back: Barritt was impressed by Chris Ashton’s second try in their 2012-13 Heineken Cup quarter final

Zimbabwe or Namibia. “We equally have players from Wales, Scotland, Fiji, Tonga ... so it’s very much a cosmopolitan club.” Add to that Samoa, Ireland, Argentina, New Zealand and the US and players such as Jackson Rae and Will Fraser who have graduated from the Saracens Academy. The 2013-14 campaign starts with the London Double Header on September 7 at Twickenham where all four London Premiership clubs open their seasons back-to-back. Saracens play London Irish before Harlequins take on the London Wasps. “It’s a great way to kick the season off. To get all four London teams out on the pitch on the same day is brilliant for players and fans,” Barritt says. Last year’s season opener was a one-sided affair, with Sarries smashing Irish 40-3, but Barritt isn’t expecting the same. “They finished the season off strongly and have got a few new faces in the squad, so it’ll be a tough encounter,” he says. Quins edged out Wasps 42-40 in their 2012 clash. As the Premiership gets going, Sarries’ Heineken Cup chase begins. They’ve drawn Connacht, Zebre and Toulouse, starting away at Connacht on Oct 11 before a return leg at Wembley on Oct 18. Of them, only Toulouse finished in the top two in their pool last year and they didn’t make the quarters. Confidence is being kept quiet at Sarries, though. “It’s great to play teams who haven’t been as strong in the Cup, but they’re hard away fixtures. Connacht is tough to go to and I’m sure Zebre will be. Toulouse are a force in Europe, so we’re going to have to be exceptional to win that pool.” Better than ever squad depth will make the difference for Sarries, says Barritt: “We have a fantastic squad, being together for three years with the young guys who’ve come through. We’ll be fresh and ready to peak when we need to.” Aviva Premiership Rugby London Double Header, Twickenham, Saturday, September 7: London Irish v Saracens, 2pm; London Wasps v Harlequins, 4.30pm. From £21.80 via ticketmaster.co.uk Twickenham TW1 1DZ premiershiprugby.com

New blood: Barritt as a Lion

Turnaround: Wasps’ Tom Varndell

wasps plan to sting back Can pain fix poor finish? Premiership Rugby sides need no added inspiration but London Wasps’ disastrous eight-loss run at the end of last season that led them to eighth gave them plenty to think about during an epic 14-week pre-season. Now Tom Varndell says his side will accept nothing less than a top-four finish as they prepare for the season opener against Harlequins, the second game of the London Double Header at Twickenham on Sep 7. “We’re definitely a different team this year,” the joint top try-scorer last year said. “We’ve signed a lot of players and they have settled in well in the games we’ve had. To drop off the way we did last season was really disappointing and that’s one of the reasons why we’ve come in so early to work on our fitness and hopefully we won’t have that problem this year.” The Wasps have “experienced some pain together”, now they’re ready to inflict some on their London rivals.

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

About timing: Shane Watson repaid the faith of selectors, eventually, at the Oval

Great knock Watto: now do it when it actually matters

Watson’s best is impressive, but came with the series already lost

» Agree or disagree? Is Watto back in the good books? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

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There are players who may be worthy of winning Ashes player of the series – Swann, Anderson, Harris, Bell – but as far as putting their mark on the five matches, no one beats Stuart Broad. The only thing the plucky quick who bats a bit (I can’t call him an all-rounder) failed at is his desire to not be liked by Aussie fans. Well, proper ones who like cricket and appreciate a tough competitor when they see one sure like the cut of his jib. All of the trash about him not walking and then walking should be forgotten – the only thing walking does these days is stop you from looking a bit silly. His 11 wickets

“

Proper cricket fans like the cut of his jib

”

at Durham was as good a few spells as we’ll see and secured the series win. His combative attitude even led Darren Lehmann into comments – lighthearted silly ones on Aussie radio that they were – about him that led the Aussie coach to be fined. Influence on and off the pitch – he’ll be a hit Down Under too.

Photo: Getty

Cometh the time, cometh the man – the time was the fifth Test at the Oval last week when Australia was already 3-0 down in the series, on a flat, white pitch with England charitably offering up two sub-par debutants to bowl pies. The man was Shane Watson, who happily smacked said newbies to all parts and got 176. To criticise a bloke after scoring 176 runs in a Test match against England is harsh, but may be fair, for when in a truly tough Test arena has Shane Watson stood up and said, “Don’t worry lads, I’ve got this”? His defenders will say his shuffling around the batting order like an afterthought has been destabilising and will point to big scores being around the corner, and fair enough, but we’ve had to wait, and when it came it was too late. This was his third Test ton in 46 Tests – about right considering it took him 15 Tests to score his first one, 120 against a limp Pakistan at the MCG (dropped on 99). His previous one pre-Oval was a beauty, and one of the likely reasons selectors stick with him – Mohali, first Test against India, October 2011, he grinded out 126 from 338 balls as both sides got 400ish runs. The Aussies folded for 192 in the second innings though, and India chased it down with a wicket left. That was 47 innings and 24 Tests ago. Significantly, it was also 11 of his 20 Test half-centuries ago, a shocking conversion rate for an opener/ number three. A look at the times when Bam-Bam look-alike Watto’s carved up with the bat is to see a flat-track bully, who mostly shines when the pressure’s off or the opponents are weak – 185 v Bangladesh in an ODI? Who cares? He dominated the last World Cup’s group stages, but no good in the final. Maybe this is why he’s so good at Twenty20. Last week he smashed Simon Kerrigan’s long-hops and full-bungers. He should have been out LBW early and got dropped, but no big innings is without luck – his best aspect was a recovery after getting hit in the head. He smashed Somerset (90 from 94 balls) and Worcestershire (109 off 139), but a start and out LBW (four times) were the story of his Ashes. He’s an asset, especially with his tight bowling, but he won’t win fans until he gets the timing right.

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The race is on to catch the winning flag during the village mud festival at Yumesaki in Himeji, Japan. The festival has been held annually to encourage youths of the village to participate in the community.

INSIDE

CORKING CULTURE /58

EAST SIDE STORY /66

STAR TREKS /70

Cork’s Heritage Pub Trail blends booze and history to create the perfect cultural tour of Ireland’s ‘rebel city’.

Break away from the uniform boozed-up weekend jaunts to Eastern European cities by travelling arm-in-arm with the ‘Baltic Bear’.

There’s more than one way to earn a look at Machu Picchu. TNT finds five different routes through the Andes to this Inca marvel. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb EDITOR

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Demon days: revellers dress up and run amid the firecrackers

HOLIDAY VS TRAVEL A third of British holidaymakers who have been to Portugal can’t find it on a map – many fingered France when asked to point it out – while half of folks who have been to Turkey had no idea where it was. Research by British Airways Holidays also found that more than half (53 per cent) of Brit tourists who holidayed in Cyprus this summer couldn’t locate the island, with a number of those surveyed believing it to be part of mainland Greece.

Do you ‘holiday’ or ‘travel’? Write and tell us about it: laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

LA MERCÈ Barcelona, Spain Spain is notorious for its barmy festivals (baby jumping included) and this is no exception to the rule. A parade of demons quickly descends 24 into a crazed run through town as folks try to stop them in their tracks – while dodging firecrackers, obvs. There’s also a castell competition, which sees teams racing to form human towers up to 10 people high. SEP

WHY: Actually taking place over several days (beginning September 20), this festival marks the end of summer and celebrates the feast day of the patron saint, the Virgen de la Mercè. Still very much a local celebration, it encompasses music, fireworks and big, colourful performances. US

POPCORN FESTIVAL

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THE HERMANUS WHALE FESTIVAL South Africa

Celebrate the world’s most famous kernel popper, 7 all-American Orville Redenbacher, in Valparaiso, Indiana, with tonnes of the hot buttery treat. Don’t forget to catch the popcorn parade. SEP

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FESTIVAL NO.6 Wales

Winner of last year’s ‘Best New Festival’ award, this 13-15 surreal music and arts event in Portmeirion, Wales, is headlined by national heroes Manic Street Preachers in 2013, joined by My Bloody Valentine and Chic. You can also catch exclusive film screenings or listen to storytelling in the woods. SEP

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DO IT BECAUSE: If you’re fed up of being pelted with tomatoes, or can’t summon the energy to outrun a stampede of angry bulls, then this festival is just the ticket. Sit back and leave the stunts to the seasoned pros while guzzling local booze and food.

Lining up musicians alongside creatures of the 20-24 deep may sound like an unlikely mix, but in South Africa they combine to create the country’s only enviro-arts festival. Revel in music, food and wine at one of the world’s best whale watching destinations. SEP

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NATIONAL BUFFALO WING FESTIVAL New York, US

Get your hands dirty and face sticky at the spiciest 31-1 wing and baby wing eating contests at the annual National Buffalo Wing Festival in upstate New York. AUG-SEP

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Photo: Getty. Research and additional words: Jessica Crisp

For me, this is the ultimate distinction between someone who ‘holidays’ and someone who ‘travels’. That sentence sounds audaciously snobby – and believe me, I’m not beyond sitting on my judgy throne, wearing my judge’s wig and being, well, judgy – but I’m not necessarily saying all holidayers are ignoramuses and all travellers are enlightened intellects. I’ve met plenty of stupid people on the backpacker trail; there’d be no ‘same same but different’ T-shirt trade otherwise. But I feel sad for the holidayer, whose only conception of travel seems to be to go somewhere hot. Maybe it’s unique to the Brits – their wan, gloom-confined faces making a break for the sun – but going by these survey results, there’s zero interest in the country itself and what there might be to explore. I can only guess the impulse to go to a place you know nothing about – and have little interest in knowing anything about – is to find out what over 10°C feels like and chug beer and fried breakfasts for pennies. I want to shake the holidayers and tell them what they’re missing. Spending hundreds to fly to another part of the world and not see it does seem kind of stupid. But maybe I’m wearing my judge’s wig after all.

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visit fukushima Plans are being drawn up to open the area around the Fukushima nuclear plant in Japan as a tourist attraction, it has been reported. The reactors at the plant, at the centre of the world’s second-worst nuclear accident ever after the tsunami that rocked the country in 2011, could take as long as three decades to fully decommission. However, the plan is to build a village at the edge of the exclusion zone around the site that will commemorate the disaster for future generations. Together with souvenir shops and a museum, there’d be hotels specially constructed to protect guests from elevated levels of radiation. Um, sign us up?

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LOST: ONE FROG Live parrots, a bag of diamonds and a frog have all made it onto a list of the weirdest items left on planes. Travel site Skyscanner surveyed 700 cabin crew from 83 countries and found almost a quarter (24 per cent) of crew had discovered passports left behind. Other, less conventional items found on planes included a falcon, a tortoise, a parrot, a prosthetic leg and, TNT’s personal favourite, a bag of sand. Skyscanner’s managing director, David Boyte, said in a statement that a prosthetic leg is surely “something you don’t forget”. Or your bag of sand, David. Or your bag of sand.

Nuclear plant: best tour ever?

RED SEA ON ALERT The situation in Egypt appears to be escalating as tourists staying in the formerly ‘safe’ Red Sea resorts begin to feel the impact of demonstrations across the country. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office had declared the Red Sea resorts unaffected by the political protests, but holidaymakers in Hurghada have since been warned to stay in their hotels, while Egyptian military personnel were stationed at Sharm El Sheikh last week, should the violence spread. The FCO maintained the Red Sea resorts were safe for tourists when TNT went to press, though other countries are advising caution.

THE ONLY WAY IS ... Essex airport Southend – sorry, that’s London Southend – has been named Britain’s best in a survey by consumer watchdog Which? The airport was awarded five out of five in half of the 10 categories used for assessment, including speed of check-in, security, passport control, information and navigation, and design. Other categories were airport environment, food outlets, shops, toilets and facilities. Luton Airport came bottom of the likeability table, with an overall customer score of 43 per cent to Southend’s 84 per cent. Almost worth going to Essex for, eh? Sorry, London. It’s a London airport.

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The rebel: Ireland’s ‘second [Caption] city’, Cork, is Dublin’s rival

ireland

Cork ireland

cork

GETTING THERE A return flight from London Stansted to Cork costs from £40 with Ryanair. ryanair.com

Former chemist: Arthur Mayne

Trad band: live in The Oval

Mural: Mutton Lane

Colour me Irish: Crane Lane Theatre 58

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Any room? Vicarstown Inn

Sleek: The Bodega

UK & IRELANDTRIP

Corking culture Cork’s Heritage Pub Trail blends booze and history to create the perfect cultural tour

Photos: Thinkstock; Facebook; Megan Hogarth

WORDS MEGAN HOGARTH

Once upon a time, Arthur Mayne was the go-to place for curing colds, headaches and other ailments. Tonight it’s addressing my need for wine and shelter as, typically for Ireland, it’s raining. A glass case holds thick, faded prescription registers and there’s a cabinet filled with half-empty bottles of morphine and codeine. But this isn’t some trendy gimmick dreamt up by the owner; these are all original features, found stored in the building when the 120-year-old chemist closed its doors and this shiny bar serving antipasti and cheese boards took its place. Arthur Mayne is just one stop on the Cork Heritage Pub Trail; essentially a pub crawl, but with just enough history behind each of its seven venues to justify spending your time in them as actually helping you get to know the city better. And Cork – widely recognised as Ireland’s second city – is well worth getting to know, a modern metropolis built on a rich past. (Its nickname, ‘the rebel city’, comes from its support of the house of York in the War of the Roses, circa 1455.) Among the more commercial shops and bars that crowd Cork’s streets are businesses that have been owned by the same family for decades. And herein lies its charm: Cork is a working city that has moved with the times, but hasn’t forgotten its history. To that end, each stop on the Heritage Pubs Trail comes with a story that reveals a snippet of Cork’s past. And I’m more than happy to visit each venue to learn it. I start the day in The Oval, built in 1918 by the Beamish Brewery across the road. Beamish Stout is one of Cork’s most popular exports and for more than 200 years has been brewed in what was at one time the largest brewery in Ireland. Inside, The Oval is much like several other pubs on the trail (Sin É, The Mutton Lane Inn, The Vicarstown Inn). Their snug, darkened interiors, lit by the glow of beer taps along the bar and candles in empty, wax-caked whiskey bottles, are all equally atmospheric, and often dotted with the odd traditional band jamming at a table. Beats a soulless chain bar every time. The oldest pub on the trail is The Mutton Lane, which has sat in an alley next to tourist magnet The English Market for more than 220 years. Running the length of Mutton Lane itself is a bright painted mural through which weaves a number of stories from Cork’s past. You won’t find yourself short of locals to ask about what is depicted in

the artwork, much loved by the city. In The Vicarstown, the twentysomething bartender tells me what the heritage trail venues have in common: “They are all pubs I’d go to.” Far from being tourist traps, these heritage pubs are as popular with the people of Cork as weekend visitors. The sleeker stops on the trail are the Crane Lane Theatre and the Bodega. The former’s colourful history includes a stint as a gentlemen’s club, but now the live music venue – dotted with candelabras and black-and-white photos of movie stars and musicians – is a popular late-night alternative to sweaty nightclubs crowded by college students.

“

Each stop comes with a snippet of history

”

The same can be said of the Bodega, where I end the day. This began its life as the St Peter’s food market – built as part of a project in the 1840s to rejuvenate the city’s neglected market scene – before serving as a munitions factory during World War I and later a garage. Today it’s a glamorous restaurant, bar and nightclub lent a vintage vibe by the original pillars that support the high ceiling. Seven pubs down, I take the unusual step here of ordering a (virgin) coffee, forced to wait out the rain. But while I could have walked into any of the bars in Cork to stay dry, the stories and character of those on the Heritage Pub Trail have turned a typically boozy visit to Ireland into something more. The old pubs still standing and the new venues evolved from factories and chemists are proof of Cork, ‘the rebel city’s, resilience and future. Long live the rebellion.

NEXT WEEK

Info about the Cork Heritage Pub Trail can be found at corkheritagepubs.com

Day tripper: Best breaks just outside London BEST OF TRAVEL IN IRELAND

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italy Five nights on Lake Garda is £290pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 104 1000; holidays.easyjet.com). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation at Park Hotel Oasi and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs September 19. SAILING CROATIA An eight-day Split-Dubrovnik-Split sailing tour is now £272pp (60 per cent off) with Travel Talk (020 8099 9596; traveltalktours.com). Visiting Split, Hvar, Dubrovnik, Korcula and Brac. Includes seven nights on an ‘A’ category private boat, some meals, tour leader, captain and crew. Excludes flights, local payment and port tax. Book by August 30. Departs August 31. THAILAND A five-day street food tour of Bangkok costs £378pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 499 8487; intrepidtravel.com). Includes hotels and rural homestay, six meals, cooking classes and local transport. Excludes flights. Book by Sep 3. Departs Sep 6.

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DIVE INSPIRATION Shiloh Hodges, from Tokoroa, New Zealand

FIRST DAY IN LONDON Kellie Insch, from Mackay, Qld, Australia

WHAT’S THE STORY? Shiloh took this idyllic shot in Dahab, Egypt. “There was nobody around because it was the hottest time of the year, so it was absolute paradise – doesn’t it look the part?” she says. “This inspired me to work towards my Advanced Diver Certificate, and wow, the Red Sea is a whole new world to discover.”

WHAT’S THE STORY? This is Kellie’s first view of London, on her first day here on Jan 1. “I noticed I could get a photo of Big Ben and an iconic red phone booth in the same frame, with no traffic,” she says. “Being from Oz, it’s the sort of image we only see in books, so it makes me feel lucky to live here, even if only for two years.”

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TOP FIVE

quirky glamping experiences

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four rivers, cambodia

Ah, camping. The great outdoors, getting back to nature and living by the glow of the sun. What’s not to love eh? Well, try soggy tents, bad backs from hard ground and queuing for a cold shower (if there is one). Camping all too often seems like a better, more romantic idea than what the reality actually delivers, which probably explains why the world has gone glamping mad in recent years, with posh tipis and fancy yurts popping up in the strangest of places, and often for eye-poppingly extravagant prices. After all, it’s the business class version of a trip to see Mother Nature – you’ll still get woken up by birdsong, but after a good night’s sleep rather than a fitful marathon of shivers, drunken neighbours and dagger-like rocks in the back. Plus you’ll be able to charge your iPhone, meaning the world won’t have to miss out on your tales of getting away from it all… Ticking all the boxes is the 4 River Floating Lodge, based on a quiet corner of the Tatai River in the outer reaches of Cambodia’s Cardamom Mountains. 62 00

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Only accessible by boat, this unique lodge has a dozen seriously spacious safari-style tents, each atop a floating platform on the river, costing from £85 per night. There’s no mouldy sleeping bags to climb into here. Oh no. Expect proper comfy beds, air-con and an en suite bathroom with hot water, not to mention the terrace, flat screen TV and minibar. Basically imagine a swanky hotel room, without proper walls. That all means you’re actually going to enjoy the sublime surroundings, from the misty waters at dawn, to the splashes of jumping fish and the distant cries and growls from the creatures of the surrounding forest. There’s also no shortage of activities on offer to keep you from the minibar. Whether it’s kayaking through the mangroves or trekking to waterfalls, there’s no reason to hold back – you’re guaranteed a shower at the end. ecolodges.asia

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Elqui DOmos, chile

If camping is all about sleeping out under the stars, then glamping is admiring the heavens from the comfort of a double bed. At Elqui Domos, near the Chilean city of La Serena, you can do just that, from £82 a night. Sleeping options at the ‘astronomic hotel’ include twolevel metal and PVC domes that come complete with decking, lounge and bathroom, while the roof of the tent over the bed can be opened to the sky. elquidomos.net

Photos: James Florio (elquidomos.cl); Andrew Westbrook; Facebook

free spheres, canada

To literally take camping to a whole new level, try setting up for the night in a Free Spirit Sphere, where you’ll be bedding down in a pod suspended between the trees of Vancouver Island’s rainforest. Handcrafted and hanging from a web of rope, the spheres cost from £95 a night. According to the Free Spirit team, that includes experiencing how “the magical environment of the forest canopy conjures up thoughts of elves and fairies”. Nuff said. freespiritspheres.com

carrÉ d’etoiles, france

Casa del Cartel

Not a fan of curves? Then the Carré d’Etoiles, or star cubes, should go straight to the top of your wishlist. Costing from £78 a night, these cubeshaped mini-houses, made from recycled wood, are all about escapism in your natural surroundings while not missing out on the mod cons. The fully portable cubes, which come with a telescope and skygazing portholes in the ceiling, can now be found sat on 14 riverbanks and hilltops across France. carre-detoiles.com

gypsy wagons, england

For a taste of the nomadic lifestyle without the worry of council officers moving you on, a night in a Romany Gypsy bow top wagon should do the job. One of the best looking and located of the traditional wagons, built on an original dray with gun carriage wheels, can be found in the orchards of Tregaminion, on Cornwall’s dramatic Lizard Peninsula. Built and used by a genuine Romany, £75-a-night Elle, as the wagon is called, still includes original features such as a wood-burning stove. uniquesleeps.com

the drop bear overview Step straight into Colombia’s infamous drug past by bedding down in the one-time home of a cartel smuggler. Found in an exclusive suburb of Caribbean coast city Santa Marta, gateway to the Indiana Jones-style Lost City trek, the mansion still boasts many of its original details, including the massive satellite dish used to keep in touch with drug boats heading north. wow factor Join one of the nightly tours run by Sydneyborn owner Gabriel Killin, who shows off some of the property’s more unusual aspects, such as underground passages and hidey-holes, plus secret codes scratched into kitchen tiles, all while telling tales of the former owner’s incredible extravagance. rooms Exhaustively restored, the large rooms still contain many of their original features, including imported Italian tiles and ornate showers set so deep they can be filled to double up as huge baths. bill please Dorm beds cost from £9 per night while doubles start at £20.

Carrera 21, Barrio Jardin, Santa Marta, Colombia dropbearhostel.com

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View from the top: Lombok’s Gunung Rinjani volcano

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BRAVE THE BUS When visiting Machu Picchu, don’t take the expensive train from Cusco to Aguas Calientes, but plunge into authentic Peruvian life instead and take the coach to Ollantaytambo plus the Kombi to Aguas Calientes. Simo Valley, via Facebook GET STUFFED Senor Carbon is a fabulous restaurant in the Magisterio area – all you can eat buffet and grill. Simon Hare, via email

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A Indonesia is bursting with possibilities but given the length of your break my recommendation would be to either stay in Bali and explore options inland or check out the neighbouring island of Lombok. One week is definitely not enough time to really see Bali and there’s plenty of culture to be found beyond the popular beach resorts. Inland, you’ll discover a more traditional side to the island. Lush rice terraces, incredible cuisine and Hindu temples are just some of the highlights. In Ubud, see the stunning Pura Taman Saraswati water temple, and experience a traditional

Balinese dance performance at Ubud Palace. Continue north to the village of Munduk, where you’ll find some of Bali’s most impressive mountain walks. The village is set amid the mountainous interior surrounded by waterfalls, jungle, coffee plantations and hiking trails. If you are aching to get beyond Bali, Lombok is conveniently close by. You can reach the island by plane (30 minutes, around £100 return) or ferry (two-and-a-half hours, around £75 return). On Lombok, from April to October you can take a guided hike to the top of volcano Gunung Rinjani. At the summit you’ll be rewarded by a dazzling crater lake and mind-blowing views. It’ll take between two and five days, depending on which route you take. Visit the Rinjani Trek Centre to book. A three-day trip will cost you around £120.

How do you avoid jetlag? A common saying among airline crews is listen to your body – regardless of where you are and what time it is. If you’re feeling like you need to sleep then sleep, if you need to eat then eat. How do you get to sleep onboard? Sleep spray for your pillow is ideal. Bath & Body Works Pillow Mist Sleep (Lavender Chamomile), a cosy fleece blanket, mini hot water bottle and eye mask are musts to maximise that all-important rest. How can ladies stop their make-up from sliding off while in flight? A little spray of hairspray over your make-up keeps it in place for those long air-conditioned hours.

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23/08/13 11:28 PM

Party hard Praha: Prague is as fun as it is beautiful

[Caption]

Overlanding Eastern europe

Time warp: Krakowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s main market square

finland

helsinki tallinn estonia

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Krakow poland prague czech rep

Rudolph? Eat reindeer and mash in Finland 66

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Vodka: straight or not at all

Memorial: Church of The Saviour [Caption] on Spilled Blood in St Petersburg

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East side story Break away from the uniform boozed-up weekend jaunts to Eastern European cities by travelling arm-in-arm with the ‘Baltic Bear’ Words andrew westbrook

Europe, when you think about it, is a pretty small place. Jump on a plane in London and you can be all the way across the continent, in big old Russia, within just a few hours. And for not much cash. Where, however, is the fun in that? Where are the random meetings, the weird meals and the lost in translation moments that come from taking the road less travelled by bus, boat or train? There aren’t many places in Europe still untouched by mass tourism, but most that do still exist are out east. It’s more than 20 years since the fall of Communism, but the former Soviet states are still relatively cheap and undiscovered, plus safe and easy to get around. Sure, many cities get swamped with no frills flying weekenders, but escape the bright lights and you’re not likely to hear much English. One route characterised by its medieval castles, stunning old towns and vodka-swilling locals is one we like to call the Baltic Bear, starting in Prague before heading north-east, all the way to St Petersburg.

Czech Republic THE LOWDOWN: Fairytale-like and atmospheric, the Czech Republic is simply gorgeous. From Disney-esque castles to cobblestone villages and lush forests, it has only been a country since 1993, but offers a timeless experience for visitors. No longer quite as cheap as back in the day, Prague, or Praha as the locals know it, is only gaining in popularity. The Czech capital escaped virtually undamaged from World War II and then avoided redevelopment due to its extended era as a communist country. Plus, you can get there for as little as £26 from Luton with Wizz Air (wizzair.com). HIGHLIGHTS: Don’t miss the Old Town Square and one of Europe’s weirdest clocks, the Orloj, or astronomical clock, which puts on a little show every hour. Prague Castle, meanwhile, dates from the 9th century and is seriously massive and stunning. Then there’s the Charles Bridge, so beautiful you almost won’t believe it’s real, especially before the 10am tourist rush. Finally, don’t miss a poignant reminder of times past by seeing Europe’s best-preserved old Jewish ghetto. The Nazis chose not to destroy it, plus its six synagogues and cemetery, because they wanted to turn it into a museum of extinct races. MOVING ON: Jump on the overnight train to Krakow, Poland. The eight-hour trip costs from £38 (czech-transport.com).

Poland THE LOWDOWN: With historic cities, snow-topped mountains and even a beach or two, Poland is one of Europe’s most underrated countries, as well as one of the biggest. HIGHLIGHTS: Start in “cultural capital” Krakow, widely considered the Poles’ most beautiful city. While there, make a visit to Auschwitz to tour the remains and museum of the largest Nazi concentration camp in Europe. Even history haters will find it a day impossible to forget. Using Poland’s reliable trains, then consider heading straight north to Gdansk (eight hours, £30), where the historical centre has countless ancient monuments, the largest European medieval marketplace and plenty of magical pubs and cafes. It’s also the top choice for a seaside town. While there, mission out to Malbork Castle, the world’s biggest surviving medieval castle. And don’t forget to try the vodka – Poland, after all, is the spirit’s birthplace, so maybe don’t challenge the locals to a drinking contest. MOVING ON: After checking out Polish capital Warsaw for a bit, grab a bus to Vilnius (seven hours, £15, simpleexpress.eu), or you could fly from £67 with Air Baltic (airbaltic.com). ››

Solemn: each wooden tablet commemorates a Jew at Nazi death camp Auschwitz tntMagazine.com

The Baltics THE LOWDOWN: Full of cobble-streeted capitals, pumping nightlife and harrowing Soviet history, the trio of Baltic states – Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia – are like the up-andcoming hipster kids of Europe. There’s cool bars aplenty, while still a good eye for days gone by, thanks to the everpresent medieval spires and timeless old towns. Like Prague, the capitals have become slightly synonymous with pissed-up Brits flying Ryanair, but don’t let that put you off. HIGHLIGHTS: In Lithuania’s capital Vilnius head to the Genocide Museum for a sombre experience learning how the Soviets would torture Baltic freedom fighters. If you’re into diving, head to the west and northwest coasts of Latvia, where dozens of Soviet and Nazi wrecks remain below the surface (poseidon.lv/en/). Make sure you also check out the views from the top of the tower at Riga’s spectacular St Peter’s Cathedral. Little old Tallinn is probably the pick of the bunch. Its medieval old town includes buzzing squares, sea views, cobbled lanes and dozens of cosy cafes and boutiques. MOVING ON: Get the ferry from Tallinn to Helsinki for £20 (laevapiletid.ee). It will take from an hour-and-a-half to three hours, depending on what you’re willing to spend.

Finland THE LOWDOWN: A global capital of cool in more ways than one, capital Helsinki is not just a bit on the chilly side, but also a world leader in the field of design and architecture. While not as immediately stunning as its neighbours St Petersburg and Tallinn, this more subtle meeting point of Eastern Europe and Scandinavia will still win you over (while stylishly, smoothly emptying your wallet). HIGHLIGHTS: Have no doubt that Finnish prices will leave you bankrupt at the bar, so try to keep your sightseeing costs down. Head to the World Heritage-listed (and free, except for the ferry) Suomenlinna Fortress for lavish grounds, galleries and even a museum that’s a submarine. Also visit the Hakaniemi Market Hall (hakaniemenkauppahalli.fi) to try local faves such as reindeer meat, before taking pleasure in the Finnish obsession with saunas. MOVING ON: Book the high-speed Allegro Train to St Petersburg (four hours), from £78 (raileurope.com).

Russia

TNT’S BEST WEEKEND BREAKS IN EUROPE tntmagazine.com/euro-weekenders

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the vodka belt’s drink & dine delicacies

Smorgasbord: your choice of vodkas in a Polish shop Eastern Europe might not be famous for its dinnertime delights (think dumplings, potatoes and cabbage), but that doesn’t mean there aren’t delicacies to be found. Besides, try enough of the region’s favourite tipple and you might not be too bothered… vodka It’s for good reason the strip of northeastern Europe that includes Poland, the Baltic states and Russia is often labelled the ‘Vodka Belt’. What tea is to the English, here it’s all about the vodka. It’s everywhere – ranging in price and quality from stuff that’s cheaper than water and almost impossible to drink to some of the finest booze you’ll drink anywhere on the planet. Whatever you do, just don’t mix it with anything. It’s straight or, well, you probably shouldn’t be in a bar. Each country has its local version, but Russia and Poland are the real daddies, with early records from the 1400s suggesting the drink was once called ‘gorzalka’, or burned wine. caviar Ranging from super cheap to ludicrously expensive, but unlike vodka, the cheapest caviar is still tasty. It’s distinctive, but not unpleasant, and definitely livens up the sometimes stodgy food. In case you’re wondering, caviar is fish eggs. Possibly some of the best fish you’ll ever eat is smoked omul fresh from Lake Baikal. meat, meat and more meat This region gets bloody cold and nothing satisfies more than a hearty meal. Expect plenty of beef, lamb and pork. Dishes such as pork tongue, reindeer and elk steaks are also on menus, as is, occasionally, bear. As such, beef stroganoff is a regular classic. Invented in Russia, for the super-wealthy Stroganoff family, it’s a delicious, creamy beef stew. Another staple to expect plenty of is borscht (or barszcz in Poland), a soup made from beetroot which normally includes stewed meat. It tastes much better than it sounds (and looks).

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty; Wikicommons; TNT; Andrew Westbrook

THE LOWDOWN: St Petersburg, regularly dubbed the Venice of the north, is not just Russia’s cultural capital, but also its most beautiful city, packed with grand palaces, magnificent museums and fantastic nightlife, plus one or two canals. However, bear in mind that visiting Russia involves the major hassle of needing a visa. These cost a staggering £115 for Brits and slightly less for Aussies and Kiwis (visitrussia.org.uk). HIGHLIGHTS: Cram-packed with one of the world’s best collections of art, including a few Leonardo da Vincis and Pablo Picassos, you’ll be able to spend hours in the sprawling Hermitage, which includes the epic Winter Palace. Then there’s the iconic coloured domes of the Church of The Saviour on Spilled Blood, built as a memorial to the murdered Tsar Alexander II on the site he was assassinated. While in town try to get your hands on tickets for the Mariinsky Theatre to knock back champagne and caviar between performances of some of the world’s best ballet. MOVING ON: One-way flights from St Petersburg to London (three hours) cost from £103 with Air Baltic (airbaltic.com). ❚

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DISCOUNT! Limited time only! Go to website www.andersontours.co.uk and enter promo code TNT5 for £5 discount off day trips and TNT10 for £10 discount off weekend breaks. DAY TRIPS stOnehenge, glastOnburY & aveburY from OnlY £109 Saturday 28th, 29th and 30th Aug. Tour Includes: Entrance to Glastonbury Abbey, Free time in Glastonbury Village, Entrance to Stonehenge, Visit to Avebury – free time to explore, Luxury coach travel, Services of an Anderson Tours Tour Manager.

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Big finish: the money shot at the end of hard days’ hiking

Machu Picchu PERU

PERU BRAZIL

LIMA Machu Picchu

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GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Cusco, via Miami and Lima, from £650 return with Iberia. iberia.com/gb

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Star treks There’s more than one way to earn a look at Machu Picchu. TNT finds five different routes through the Andes to this Inca marvel Words Sarah Reid

Watching the sunrise over Machu Picchu is the ultimate bucket list experience. But with so many Andean treks available these days, it’s more confusing than ever trying to nail down which one to do. From the action-packed Jungle Trek to the little known Vilcabamba Traverse, TNT has got the lowdown on the most rewarding routes to the world’s most famous Inca site. Keep in mind that no matter which tour you opt for, only 400 daily visitors are permitted to climb Huayna Picchu – the ruins on the small green peak that overlooks Machu Picchu in most photos – so you’ll need to book your ticket in advance, or start queuing at the ruins by around 6am for last-minute tickets. Inca Trail

WHEN TO GO: The best time to trek to Machu Picchu is between May and September when conditions are fairly dry and sunny. However, June, July and August can get cold at night, so bring a good quality sleeping bag. CURRENCY: £1 = PEN 4.36 (Peruvian Nuevo Sol) ACCOMMODATION: You’ll get camping or guesthouse accommodation as part of your trek. In Cusco, the gateway town to Machu Picchu, try Wild Rover, another branch of the infamous party hostel in La Paz. Dorm beds from £5pn. wildroverhostels.com SEE: visitperu.com

Combining beautiful mountain scenery with a stunning mix of Inca paving stones, ruins and tunnels, the classic Inca Trail is the best known route to Machu Picchu, but it’s hardly a walk in the park. The 42km camping trek begins at the terraced ruins of Ollantaytambo (2792m), from where you’ll visit archaeological sites Llactapata, Qoriwayrachina and Wallabamba before reaching the highest point of the trek at Dead Woman’s Pass (4125m). On the last day of heavy trekking you’ll visit Phuyupatamarca, probably the most impressive ruin en route, and a magnificent cloud forest full of orchids, hanging mosses, tree ferns and flowers, before reaching the final campsite. Then on the last morning it’s only a 1.5hr hike to the Sun Gate above Machu Picchu, where you’ll spend the day before taking an Inca staircase down to the village of Aguas Calientes for the train back to Cusco. DURATION: Four to five days. DIFFICULTY: Moderate to tough. BEST FOR: Those who don’t mind battling the crowds along this well-worn but challenging trail for the classic Machu Picchu experience. DO IT: As only 500 hikers are permitted on the Inca Trail each day, it’s generally necessary to book the trek at least three months in advance. Dozens of local operators (try Llama

Path; llamapath.com) and international companies (such as Geckos Adventures; geckosadventures.com) offer the trek starting from around £330 with a maximum group size of 16. Jungle Trek

A backpacker favourite, this route costs around a third of the classic Inca Trail and combines around 20km of jungle trekking with adventure sports. On day one you’ll drive through the Sacred Valley of the Incas to the start point at the snow-capped peak of Abra Malaga (4200m). First, you’ll descend to 2000m by downhill bike, followed by an optional afternoon of white water rafting before bunking down in a hostel in the village of Santa Maria. On day two you’ll hike a 16km section of an Inca pathway (of which there are thousands – stretching all the way north to Ecuador and south to Chile) ending at the Santa Theresa hot springs, then wake on the third day for a spot of zip lining and a relatively flat hike to Aguas Calinetes. Here, you’ll have an early night before rising at 4am to follow American explorer Hiram Bingham’s 1911 scramble up the 1726 stairs leading to Machu Picchu (or opting to take a bus) before catching the train back to Cusco. DURATION: Four days (though it can be done in three, starting from Santa Maria). DIFFICULTY: Moderate. BEST FOR: Budget travellers with a sense of adventure, and without the flexibility to book the classic Inca Trail in advance. DO IT: This trek can generally be booked at the last minute through travel agents in Cusco’s Centro Historico and many city hostels, including Loki (lokihostel.com). Expect to pay around £130 for the whole tour, not including white water rafting (£25) and zip lining (£20). Salkantay Trail Traversing snowy mountain passes and dramatic cloud forests while observing several Inca ruins en route, this tntMagazine.com

›› 71

On track: catch the train back to Cusco

Crafty: traditional dress in the Chinchero district

Step to it: you’ll be climbing innumerable Inca staircases

mule-assisted camping trek takes a more gruelling ‘back door’ to Machu Picchu. Most tours follow the same route for the first two days of this 60km slog – beginning at the village of Mollepata (2800m), it’s a full day of mostly uphill hiking where you’ll get your first glimpse of Mt Salkantay, one of the holiest apus, or sacred peaks, in the Inca religion. On day two you’ll reach the highest point of the trek at over 4600m, before descending to a cloud forest campsite. Hikers doing the classic five-day route will hike through the jungle towards Santa Teresa the following day. On the fourth day the trail continues to Colpani where you’ll stop for lunch before the final 2.5-hour push to Aguas Calientes, where you get to swap your tent for a proper bed. The final day is the same as the Jungle Trek. DURATION: Four to seven days. DIFFICULTY: Tough. BEST FOR: Fit and healthy hikers who are happy to brave the steep paths and chilly nights (it often snows) for some really spectacular views. DO IT: Aforementioned companies all offer the Salkantay Trail, but it’s also worth checking out SAS Travel Peru (sastravelperu.com). For more comfort, consider The Lodge Trek (Journey Latin America; journeylatinamerica.co.uk). It basically follows the same route, but with guesthouse accommodation and gourmet food.

higher than that of the Inca Trail but a little lower than the Salkantay Trail, the hiking days on the Lares Route will test your endurance, but you’ll be rewarded with spectacular mountain scenery and the rare opportunity to visit several more traditional Quechua communities on the way. On the third day you’ll descend to the indigenous community of Patacancha, where a jeep will take you to visit the ruins at Ollantaytambo before catching the train to Aguas Calientes. Here you’ll stay in the luxury of hotel accommodation before

Lares Route Just beyond the mountains surrounding Cusco’s Sacred Valley lies the little-known Lares Valley, where local life continues much as it has for centuries. This 33km trek usually begins in the village of Lares where you can take a dip in a hot spring before the first afternoon hiking. Hovering at an altitude 72

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River deep, mountain high: a walk through the Andes is spectacular

Photos: Sarah Reidmedia, Embassy of Peru, Apus Adventure, Facebook, Getty

Zip it: writer Sarah on the Jungle Trail

climbing the Inca staircase with other hiking groups on the final day. DURATION: Four days. DIFFICULTY: Moderate to tough. BEST FOR: Fit hikers who really want to get off the beaten track (you may not pass a single gringo en route) and get a taste of indigenous Peruvian life. DO IT: As most operators offer varying itineraries starting at around £255, shop around to find one that suits your needs. Tucan Travel (tucantravel.com) uses llamas instead of donkeys or horses to carry equipment, which ups the authenticity of the experience, while Lares Route specialists Cusco Expeditions (cuscoexpeditions.com) only needs a minimum of two people for the trek – perfect for couples. Vilcabamba Traverse The newest trek on the Inca circuit with a similar elevation to the Lares Route, the Vilcabamba Traverse is based in the region inhabited by the remnants of Inca civilisation until 1572, when the capital Vilcabamba was sacked by the Spanish and left to the jungle. During this remote, challenging trek starting from Huancacalle (around eight hours from Cusco), you’ll cross the scenic Apurimac River canyon to the remote ruins of Choquequirao (“Cradle of Gold” in Quechua) and hike along original stone Inca highways through the sparsely populated Cordillera Vilcabamba, which looks much the same as when Bingham first explored here a century ago. You’ll also cut through several diverse bio-zones, from dry scrub to lush cloud forest and puna, a high-altitude grassland, bedding down at Aguas Calientes the night before tackling Machu Picchu itself. DURATION: Generally five days, though some operators offer longer routes covering up to 100km. DIFFICULTY: Tough. BEST FOR: Those looking for the most demanding and least touristy hike of them all. NEXT WEEK DO IT: Adventure travel specialists Apus TNT’s top 30: Peru (apus-peru.com) offers a five-day The ultimate route starting at £540. ❚ travel hit list CHECK OUT THE BEST GLOBAL TREKS tntmagazine.com/trek-the-world

LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW Business Design Centre Islington | N1 0QH Saturday 28 September

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APRIL 25TH

plona, La Tom with FFT to Pam d lle ve tra ve ha “I al Rock! “ xt? - First Festiv ne re he W . st fe and Oktober

The 25th April is one of New Zealand and Australia’s most important days, where we remember the ANZAC’s who have fought bravely, and especially those in WW1. Whether you choose Turkey or The Western Front in Belgium you will be left with lasting memories of the sites visited and the rememberance services that we will share. We have various tours on sale now for all our packages in 2014

Gallipoli We have a variety of packages from 2 days - 2 weeks. You can experience the diverse culture of Turkey, visit some of the worlds most famous hertiage sites. The Dawn Service at ANZAC Cove will be a poignant reminder of those lives lost.

fr £109

Western Front

INCLUDES ALL TRANSPORT

This 4 day experience is very passionate to us at FFT, with Kiwi, Australian and local historians as guides, you will be moved at the loss of lives and the impact the ANZAC’s had on this campaign. Vist The Somme,Ypres and much more.

fr £219

XMAS MARKETS 7-8TH DEC 14-15TH DEC BELGIUM

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The city of Brugges is well known for it’s winter wonderland of xmas markets not to mention the beer, the chocolate and other gastronomic delights. Our weekend package includes coach transport and hotel accommodation and vist to Brugges & Brussels Join us for some Xmas cheer

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OKTOBERFEST 21ST SEPT - 6TH OCT

TRAVEL

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With 14 Beerhalls to choose from, an array of German Food and a Fairground to make you dizzy, this is your ultimate party weekend. We have Hostel, Hotel and Camping options available on all weekends. By popular demand we have a 4 day camping package on sale now £139

HOGMANAY 2013

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EDINBURGH 30TH DEC - 2ND JAN

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The city of Edinburgh plays host to Europes biggest New Years street party. Packages are now on sale for you to experience the party of the year. Street party, band Parades mid winter swims and traditional dancing are just a few things you can experience.

RUGBY FRANCE

9TH NOV PARIS

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£189

The All Blacks are back in November, to take on the French, who will have much to prove after their NZ Series and we all know how unpredicable they are! We have Eurostar/ Hotel packages or if you want to make your own way just Hotel packages. See our website for full itinearies

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RUGBY IRELAND

24TH NOV DUBLIN

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£169

Join us in Dublin for a weekend of Rugby Craic ! The locals are always keen for a party and we’re pretty keen to have a go with them! Our packages are both Hostel or Hotel and all city centre. Please note this game is being played on Sunday afternoon.

SELLING FAST Full Itineraries can be found on our website First Festival Travel, 68 North End Road, London W14 9EP. Closest Tube: West Kensington

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. has five shirts all of which are the same (same store, same colour), he listens to music which is usually enjoyed by the elderly. And he eats his food with other food. I mean literally, no knife and fork, he’ll use one piece of meat to scoop up the vegetables. Seriously odd. Neil TESTING TIME: Dear Mother Nature, fuck you. Two Tests where Australia were doing alright and you dump your pissing rain on us. Give us a freaking break (sent on

you are on your phone, talking or (worse) texting, OR reading your fucking Harry Potter books on your Kindle, you may think you are but you’re not walking at a normal pace or in a straight line. Seriously, you shit me – some people have places to be. Murray AXE YOUR AXE: Your guitar skills Dom left something to the imagination. Sitting around the campfire last weekend, it was all too obvious someone was going

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Thursday, day two, so they may have won, but I’m not holding my breath). Allan IN-HOUSE NOMAD: To Mell, you’ve been with us now for six months. You rotated round the rooms from the smallest to the biggest. Which one are you planning on taking next, the kitchen, the cupboard under the stairs? You’re not coming in my room unless you bring that spunk from Saturday night with you. Big Kezza WALKING HERE!: Memo to time wasters and rage inspirers – if

to grab that six-string in the back of your campervan. But it would have been better if it was not you and instead was, say, someone who could actually play. No hard feelings, you did try, but maybe get some lessons – and a sense of self-awareness – before you try to entertain the crowds again! Ginny BUM NOTE: Jennifer, we’ve all been looking for a way to say this for a while, and since we couldn’t say it to your face, we thought we’d say it like this. Jen: your music is awful and you’re wasting your time pursuing a musical

career. You can’t even really play that accordion. It sounds like an elephant’s queef. And your singing, Jesus. Jenny, you’re a beautiful 21-year-old from Wahiki, and you sing like a chain smoking, many-times-divorced mother of seven from Doncaster who’s had one too many blue WKDs before commandeering the pub karaoke. Please stop it. Clare, Karl, Craig, Zara and Paul WRONG HOLE: Andrea, I don’t like it anymore. I know I said I was up for experimenting in the bedroom, but most of these experiments we’ve been trying have seemed to involve you penetrating me with increasingly large implements. And I’m not sure I like being penetrated at all. I thought you meant fucking, fluffy handcuffs, some minor blindfolding. No gigantic strap-on dildos! I’ve never missed missionary so much in my life. Keith MUMMY’S BOY: I’m in love, have been for years. But it is a love whose name I must not speak, ‘cept I’m gunna because I’m off travelling around the world next week, and I can’t live another second with this gnawing into my heart like some sort of blood rat. I’m not good at metaphors. I know this will be hard for you to read Bill, but you know how I’ve been doing your mum’s garden, it’s not because I’m just such a great mate, I love her. I’m not going to do anything though, I know I can’t, she’s 55, and I’m 20. But please tell her, she’s the only woman who’s ever made me feel special. Tony

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GINGER PITS: To the hairy ginger bloke with really bad sweat patches on pretty much every shirt you wear, stop trying to chat me up on the crowded Central line in the mornings, it’s totally inappropriate and embarrassing – you may have had the game once to get away with it, but I’m running out of ways to fend you off. Buy some new shirts and some industrial-strength antiperspirant. Blonde Helly LIFE-SAVER: BJ, you are a god. I landed a new place I love and then had to pay bond and rent in one hit, the week before pay day, before getting my previous bond back. A sheepish request for a couple hundred quid to you, while you’re on holiday in Spain no less, and you don’t even hesistate to “get rid of this problem” as you so blokishly put it. I know this leaves you tight for a week but it’ll be paid back promptly and with interest (beers, obviously). Miggy KISSING?: Donna, Lloydy’s move to North Acton was suss and then we found out you two are cousins! Gross. We don’t mind you hooking up with our flatmates but given this situation you can pay for the empty room. From 143a ALL WHITE: Jim, you’re a great bloke but the dandruff is getting out of control and is especially noticeable in your All Blacks shirts, like a fresh snowstorm of skin flakes. Wouldn’t mind but it’s getting on the sofa and looks a bit like smashed corn flakes. I’m buying you a hat. Franko UNIQUE HUMAN: In honour of our new flatmate, Darius. He

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