TNT Magazine / Issue 1493 by TNT Magazine

April 9-15 2012 Issue 1493 tntmagazine.com

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CAMPING TIC KETS FOR BILBAO B BK LIVE FESTIVA L IN SPAIN

ANYTHING & EVERYTHING The comedy podcast kings come to London

CITIES BY THE SEA Our pick of the best bustling beach breaks

KNOWING YOUR ONIONS A complete guide to the capital’s markets

H G I H G N I Y FL

a ool Cartagen c ’s ia b m lo o C machetes in d n a g in c n a alsa d Kitesurfing, s + INTERVIEW: AMY CHILDS PHNOM PENH TOP 5 EXTREME TRIPS LATE TRAVEL DEALS

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EDITOR’S LETTER

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London’s markets are the best places to sit and watch the world go by – as well as bag top-quality products. Flick to P8 for your ultimate guide to what’s held when in the capital. Has the long Easter weekend whet your appetite for partying? Turn to P58 to read the lowdown on where to have fun in Newcastle. For a natural high, P62 is where it’s at for thrill-seekers, with our top five destinations for extreme activities. Let us know how you get on. Enjoy!

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THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

MY LONDON

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

SPOTTED

COMPETITION

CHATROOM AMY CHILDS

LONDON SCENE

30-31

SPARE TIME

LIFESTYLE

33-41

SHOPPING

HEALTH & BEAUTY

CAREERS

LIVING

NEWS & SPORT

42-53

TRAVEL

55-76

FEATURES FILL YOUR BASKET

OFF ON A TANGENT

NEWS

PARENTS UNDER ATTACK

LATE DEALS

HOTSHOTS

We examine the strange phenomenon of children who murder their parents

TOP FIVE

STUFF

SHORTBREAK

48 HOURS IN... PHNOM PENH

CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING

80-113 114

The brains behind popular podcast The Complete Guide To Everything

64-65

Your guide to the best markets London has to offer – grab a bargain today

DIARY

TIPS Photos: Getty; Thinkstock Cover: Thinkstock

CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

OUT ON THE TOON

The most awesome places to party in Newcastle – just don’t go too hard

LIFE’S A BEACH, BABY

Get the lowdown on the best European beach breaks you’ll find this summer

PURE COLOMBIAN

Get amongst everything Cartegna has to offer on a South American adventure

8 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Oliver Jones Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

@tntmagazine

Ooops: The Titanic in happier days

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com

Shhh... SECRET LONDON S.O.S – THE TITANIC CENTENARY BFI SOUTHBANK

This April marks the centenary of the infamous ship’s sinking. The DiCaprioWinslet film is back on screens in 3D, ITV has a mini-series and the BFI has a host of events, too. There’s various big-screen retellings of the sinking (A Night to Remember and German portrayal Titanic + In Nacht und Eis, with a decidedly anti-Brit POV); multi-media production The Debris Field looking at the cultural fallout from the ship’s ill fated voyage; and a special event about the Titanic film that was almost Alfred Hitchcock’s first US movie. £VARIOUS

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TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

00 4

Waterloo

From forgotten concrete wasteland to cultural and creative thriving hotbed, London’s East End has undergone a sparkling rejuvenation and Alternative London’s graffiti tour and workshop takes you through the heart of the Brick Lane area, with the opportunity to create your very own spraycan work of art for all to see. £15

Sat, 10am-2pm Brick Lane, E1 6SA Liverpool Street alternativeldn.co.uk

bfi.org.uk

FLIGHT BA2012

FAR OUT ISN’T FAR ENOUGH

These BA Great Briton-boasting popup events celebrate the ‘Isles of Wonder’ ahead of the Games, with a craftily constructed dining room (dinner’s sold out, though), art gallery, cinema and bar. Talent on show includes the Timothy Spall-starring short Boy and BA2012 ‘Dove’ designer, Pascal Anson.

Illustrator David Bray, who has worked for the likes of H&M, Puma and Harvey Nics, unleashes his new set of precision works, which incorporate as many women, animals and skulls as Bray fans might expect to encounter in his finely drawn, ink-penned one-ofa-kind creations.

Apr 10-13, 16 & 17. 6pm-11pm 3-10 Shoreditch High Street Shoreditch High Street facebook.com/britishairways

Apr 6-29. 11am-6pm Ben Oakley Gallery, SE10 9JA. Cutty Sark Greenwich benoakleygallery.com

FREE

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Pies at the ready: Bugsy gets brutal

FUTURE CINEMA: BUGSY MALONE The Troxy

This run of Bugsy-movie events comes to a halt at the end of this month, so you’ve got only a few days left to don your finest suit and get down to the regenerated Troxy for an evening of 1920s-themed gangsters and molls with a screening of the ace food-fight musical. Sing along, pick up a pie and toss it towards the nearest unsuspecting face, and embrace your film-loving inner child. £25

Apr 11-14, 16, 19, 20, 22-29. 6.30pm 490 Commercial Road, E1 OHX Limehouse

MARILYN

FAR EAST FILM FEST

The original bombshell blonde, Marilyn Monroe, takes centre stage for this collection of photos and paraphernalia, which includes shots from Norma Jeans’ movies, off-screen images from throughout her career, as well as dresses that she wore in some of her most famous films.

The fourth annual Terracotta Film Fest features everything from comedy and drama to horror (including a frightnight triple bill on Friday). Korean war epic My Way opens the show, with the all-China funded comedy Inseperable, co-starring Kevin Spacey, closing the proceedings.

Daily. 10am-5.30pm Getty Images Gallery, W1W 8DX Oxford Circus gettyimagesgallery

Thurs-Sun.10.30am Prince Charles Cinema, WC2H 7BY Leicester Square terracottafestival.com

FREE

Photos: Warrick Page

futurecinema.co.uk

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LONDONNEWS

@tntmagazine

£6000 BONUS DEAL FOR TUBE DRIVERS Tube drivers could bag bonus payments totalling £6000 for working during this summer’s Olympics. Workers will earn £1000 for turning up to work, in a deal expected to be agreed this week. They are also in line for overtime payments, and extra cash for shifts which extend beyond 1.30am. Underground drivers have been offered the latest terms by transport chiefs for a period covering nine weeks to the end of the Paralympics. A senior Aslef union source said: “If a driver worked all the opening ceremony, all the longer weekend shifts and late nights then they could earn an extra £6200.”

I just murdered that song. Thanks for helping me out Kylie Minogue turns to her fans after forgetting the words to Give Me Just A Little More Time during a gig at Hammersmith Apollo

BORIS AND KEN TO PUBLISH TAX AFFAIRS Two of the London mayoral candidates have agreed to publish all earnings and taxes paid in the past four years. Tory Boris Johnson and Labour Ken Livingstone made the deal during a TV debate last week ahead of May 3’s elections. It comes days after a heated debate about tax affairs on London radio LBC. In a lift afterwards, Johnson called Livingstone a “fucking liar”. » Our View P45

ON THE TUBE

All aboard: the world’s largest collection of merchant navy figureheads in the dry berth under the hull of the Cutty Sark. The 19th-century tea clipper, is due to reopen on April 26

Met officers in racism probe Three suspended as Scotland Yard hit by more allegations Three Met Police officers are being investigated over allegations they made racist comments. An acting sergeant and two PCs, based in Newham, east London, have been placed on restricted duties after complaints about their conduct. The alleged comments are said to have been made earlier this year to other officers, and were reported on March 19. The Met has referred it to the IPCC. It comes after Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe vowed to get to the bottom of “very damaging” footage of an officer apparently racially abusing a man and another allegedly assaulting a teenage boy last summer. Commander Peter Spindler said: “These are serious allegations that are being

thoroughly investigated so that robust action can be taken if proven. “The commissioner has already stated there is no place for racist behaviour in the MPS and we will work with the IPCC to identify any wrongdoing.” Last week, a man arrested during the London riots last summer described how he was subjected to racial abuse, which he says he recorded on his mobile phone. The 21-year-old, who has not been identified, said the police called him racist names and said his mother was a “whore”. A policeman has been suspended as the Crown Prosecution Service reassesses the complaint. Last week, an officer was placed on restricted duties while allegations of an assault, also in 2011, on a teenage prisoner are investigated.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

Megabucks: Francis Bacon

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

CIRCLE: No service all weekend. DISTRICT: Suspended between Earls Court and Aldgate East, and between Richmond and Turnham Green all weekend. Rail replacement buses operate.

NORTHERN: No service between High Barnet and Camden Town until about 8.45pm on Sunday.

WATERLOO & CITY: No Sunday service.

Photos: Getty

Scoff as you might at this half-naked painting, but it’s expected to fetch a whopping £25m when it goes on sale next month. Lucky Londoners have a chance to get up close and personal with Francis Bacon’s Figure Writing Reflected In Mirror when it goes on display in Sotheby’s on Friday. It’s the first time it’s been on show since 1977. The figure depicted in the work, which is described by the gallery as one of Bacon’s “most powerful and sophisticated paintings”, is believed to represent Bacon’s partner George Dyer and the artist himself. It will then go on view in New York where it will be sold as part of Sotheby’s Contemporary Art Sale.

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Fruit and veg: setting up at Borough Market

Roll up, roll up! From vintage clothes to high-quality foods, London has a market for it. We speak to newest, and oldest, on the scene WORDS CAROL DRIVER If you thought London markets were all about battered fruit and pie ‘n’ mash shops, think again. These vibrant corners of creativity – bustling places where you can buy everything from vintage clothes and crafty keepsakes, to dishes from around the world – are enjoying a resurgence. For London locals, they are one-stop shops for high-quality produce rarely found on supermarket shelves. For tourists, markets offer an insight into the rich cultures which make up the capital. Borough Market has occupied its London Bridge site for 250 years – making it the capital’s oldest fruit and veg market. However, new collections of stalls are now springing up, including Hackney Homemade Food, in east London, which launched last month, making it London’s newest. The community market, open every Saturday, combines street food and artisan produce in the iconic setting of the Grade II-listed St John at Hackney churchyard. Journalist Ben Norum, its co-founder, said he was keen to set up something that wasn’t “identikit” to other 8

markets in the capital. “London is a city built on markets, with the Cockney barrow-boy having become a national icon,” the 24-year-old says. “It’s also an important opportunity for small businesses. “Getting the right mix of stalls is tricky. It wouldn’t be hard to fill the space with traders, but there would be a lot of overlap of products, and no stalls would do well,” he explains. Up to 25 traders turn out on a weekly basis, offering delights such as fresh breads, cheeses, cakes and meats, as well as Mexican, Indian, Spanish, South American and Italian dishes. “It’s a unique mix,” Bornum adds. “It’s in a beautiful churchyard setting, with tables to sit and eat at, grass to picnic on – we’ve created a place to stay rather than just to shop and go.” No doubt Bornum would want his market to still be thriving in 2262 – just like Borough Market is today. Based near London Bridge, the trendy collection of stalls has earned a reputation of being the place to go for fresh, top-quality food. Marketgoers can now take threehour tours around the stalls with food

writer Celia Brooks. On the Gastrotour, they’ll enjoy wine tasting, as well as learn about how artisan foods – rarebreed meats, fine cheeses, Turkish treats and seasonings – are produced. So, what’s the secret behind the market’s success? How has it continued to thrive for hundreds of years? David Matchett, development manager, says: “It’s the diversity of the offering is what makes us stand out. “You can get biltong that’s been made in the UK to South African standards, and Australian products such as wattle seed and lemon myrtle are also available. “In the world of change it’s our tradition that makes us different.” Either that, or Borough Market offers something that has mass appeal – decent food. “Our traders go the extra mile,” Matchett says. “Usually in a van with a fish straight from the sea or veg straight from the farm.” MORE LONDON MARKETS ›› Hackney Homemade Food Market E2 Hackney Central hackneyhomemade.com Borough Market Southwark Street, SE1 1TL London Bridge boroughmarket.org.uk

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British cusine: What The Dickens?

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Bargains galore: Apple Market, Camden (P10)

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GREENWICH MARKET SOUTH-EAST

CAMDEN MARKETS NORTH LONDON

You’ll find original art, fashion, crafts, jewellery and fresh food, as well as a smattering of top pubs at this livley covered market. Stop by BananaMan for chocolatedipped fruit; Babel-Line for top Ts; and DeMEC for eco-friendly jewellery. Head here on May 11 for a late-night event celebrating Craft & Design Month. You’ll see wood turners, jewellers, knitters, quilters and blacksmiths at work. June 11-17 marks Glittering Greenwich, with contemporary and vintage jewellery on offer. Wander the 120 stalls with a cocktail, listening to the live music.

A trip to the markets in Camden is almost a rite of passage for tourists and Londoners alike. Expect the unexpected with each area boasting unique, quirky and alternative stalls. Made up of Camden Lock, Camden Stables, Camden Canal, Inverness Street and Camden Market, this the UK’s largest street market. Head to Cyberdog for a futuristic take on clothing; to A Variety Of Sins for ecofriendly tees with amusing slogans; or to Camden Cakes for lush treats and an East End knees-up on request.

FREE

Wed-Sun. 10am-5.30pm Greenwich High Rd, SE10 9HZ Cutty Sark greenwichmarket.net

FREE

PORTOBELLO ROAD NOTTING HILL Snaking for two miles, it can take quite a while to make your way from one end to the other of this popular market. It’s helpfully broken up into sections – antiques, fruit & veg, new, fashion and secondhand. It gets crowded from about 11.30am, so arrive about 9am to bag some bargains. If you know what you’re doing, head to the bustling antiques area, for which the market is famed. FREE

Saturdays. 6am-4pm Corner of Portobello Road and Westbourne Grove, W10 Notting Hill Gate portobelloroad.co.uk

MALTBY STREET BERMONDSEY

SHEPHERD’S BUSH WEST LONDON

Less a market, more a collection of stalls in railway arches, this is a new kid on the block. Here, it’s all about the food and drink. Stock up on delicious cheeses, moreish pastries, and first-class coffee – all in good time for lunch.

A down-to-earth market where you’ll find a variety of goods – from household produce to fruit and veg – all at bargain prices. This is a busy space without the bells and whistles. Don’t expect anything fancy, and you’ll not be disappointed. Stock up on tea towels and dish cleaner, then head to the falafel and kebab stalls, grab a bite, and sit and watch the local traders in action.

FREE

TOOTING MARKET SOUTH LONDON

Saturdays. 9am-2pm Maltby Street, SE1 London Bridge maltbystreet.com

This compact, inside space is crammed with stalls selling mainly foods from around the world, but you’ll also see Indian fortune tellers, Chinese medicine and African couture. The Brick Box also has a presence here – organising performers, film screenings and special, one-off events.

There are more than 200 businesses here, making it the largest fruit, vegetable and flower market in the UK. Also impressive is that it can trace its roots back to a handful of stalls trading in 1670.

Mon-Sun. Times vary Tooting High Street, SW17 6RT Wimbledon thebrickbox.co.uk

Mon-Fri, til 11am. Sat, til 10am Battersea Park Road, SW8 5BH Vauxhall newconventgardenmarket.com

FREE

Various Camden High Street & Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AH Camden Town/ Chalk Farm camdenmarkets.org

NEW COVENT GARDEN VAUXHALL FREE

FREE

Mon-Sat. 9am-6pm Uxbridge Road, W12 7JA Shepherd’s Bush shepherdsbushmarket.co.uk

BRIXTON MARKET SOUTH LONDON Bargain hunters should head to this lively market on the first Saturday of the month for its regular Flea Market. Billed as “just like a carboot sale, minus the cars”, root around for treasures, or, if you’ve got stuff to get rid of, turn up on the day to sell it. The second Saturday of the month has homemade jewellery, skincare, art and food on sale. Vintage lovers are catered for on the third Saturday of the month with clothes, books, records as well as cake and dancing. FREE

Mon-Tues & Thurs-Sat, 8am-6pm. Wed, 8am-3pm. Closed Sun Brixton Station Road, SW9 8PA Brixton bmtf.org.uk

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COLUMBIA ROAD EAST LONDON

OLD SPITALFIELDS EAST

This is one of the prettiest markets in the capital. Coming into full bloom on Sundays, there is foliage and flowers of every hue scenting the air on this east London street. You’ll find everything here, from bunches of lilies and pot plants, to sunflowers and banana trees. Expect patter from barrow boys as you shop. There are also quirky independent shops selling antiques, vintage clothes and cupcakes, as well as superb delis, cafes and pubs.

This undercover area hosts different stall holders every day of the week. Monday to Wednesday is a mix of fashion, footwear, gifts and bric-a-brac; Thursday serves up a gold mine for antique lovers; Friday is all about fashion, with a record fair on every first and third of the month. Judy’s Affordable Vintage takes place on the first Saturday of the month, with designers and craft makers taking over the third. Sunday is the biggest day for the market, with budding designers showcasing their wares. And it all takes place a stone’s throw from Brick Lane and Shoreditch, surrounded by top pubs and restaurants. FREE

FREE

Sunday. 8am-3pm Tower Hamlets, E2 7RG Shoreditch columbiaroad.info

COVENT GARDEN MARKET CENTRAL Sure, it’s rammed with tourists, but there’s a reason why so many people flock to this busy market. Watch street performers – ranging from acrobatic to magic – then head to the Apple Market for antiques and art. The East Colonnade sells goods such as handmade soap and handbags, and the nearby Jubilee is great for knick-knacks. There’s something for even the fussiest of shoppers. FREE

Mon-Sun. Various times The Piazza, WC2E 8RF Covent Garden coventgardenlondonuk.com

HOXTON STREET EAST LONDON

CABBAGES & FROCKS MARYLEBONE

This specialist fashion market boasts designs from around the world for decent prices. It’s also set in one of the trendiest parts of London, and launched a food market at the back end of last year, so feed your face as well.

This cute, vintageesq market is overflowing with delights. Created by the organisers of the popular London Fashion Designer Sales, it has a distinct boutique feel. Think retro clothes from independent designers and one-off accessories and shoes. Foodies will be in heaven with the delicious selection of olive oils, cupcakes, fine breads, hog roast, organic produces and cheeses on offer.

FREE

ALLY PALLY FARMERS’ MARKET NORTH LONDON Up to 50 producers and 2000 visitors head to this rave-by-night/ shop-by-day location for a weekly farmers’ market. Buy BBQ sausages, cheese toasties and Fairtrade tea and coffee for ready-to-eat treats, or stock up on local, rare-breed meats, handmade pieces, cakes, biscuits and other fresh goodies for a DIY dinner. There’s also an arts and crafts corner where visitors can buy ethical clothing, hand-carved jewellery and skincare.

Photos: Getty

FREE

Sundays. 10am-3pm Muswell Hill (bottom), N10 3TG Wood Green, then W3 bus bermondseyvillage.org.uk

Saturday. 10am-6pm Hoxton Street, N1 6TA Hoxton hoxtonstreetmarket.co.uk

PETTICOAT LANE EAST LONDON If it’s leather goods you’re after, you’re in the right place. Set in a traditional East-End spot, this low-key market, one of London’s oldest (having traded for two centuries) also sells bric-a-brac, household goods and decent food. FREE

Mon-Fri, 11am-3pm. Sun, 9am-2pm Wentworth Street, E1 Aldgate

Mon-Sun. Various times 16 Horner Square, E1 6EW Liverpool Street oldspitalfieldsmarket.com

FREE

Saturday. 11am-5pm St Marylebone Parish Church Grounds, W1 5LT Baker Street cabbagesandfrocks.co.uk

CHATSWORTH ROAD HACKNEY This small, colouful, often-talked-about market boasts a range of unusual finds. What The Dickens? champions British recipes from the Victorian era. Chomp on English muffins with scallops and black pudding, or kedgeree (a colonial India dish comprising eggs, smoked fish and rice). Then, wander over to the Madison Home Company for period furniture, and to Firefly Books for secondhand paperbacks. Before you leave, stop at The Pie Cart for a tasty, homemade treat. FREE

Sundays. 11am-4pm E5 0LH Hackney Central chatsworthroade5.co.uk

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What baffles me about London is how all these people can be in a rush all at the same time!

n U K G olde B ackpack

NER WIN avourite

London’s best-kept secret is the parks. They’re awesome, especially when you have kids that you need to run some energy out of. My favourite park would have to be Richmond because there’s plenty of wildlife and open spaces.

F t M iddle E as Operator A s voted by you!

When I want to chill out it used to be in the toilet for five mins of peace, but it seems that two-year-olds have no boundaries these days. I now like to take a walk along the River Thames and feed the ducks and swans. The most interesting person I’ve met is Steven Magee, our kit man. He’s a very interesting bloke with some unusual habits – he won’t let anyone else carry any gear at training or after a game and he has perfect posture when presenting the kicking tee to Michael Witt. And nothing’s ever too much trouble for him – he’s a legend, best in the business. My favourite place for a drink is anywhere with a beer garden on a sunny day. The Pitcher and Piano in Richmond is a favourite so far, but I’ve got a whole summer to explore further! When you’re hungover in London head to Lantana – a nice coffee bar on Charlotte Place, just like we have back home in Australia. What gets me up in the morning is my alarm clock – my 11-month-old baby girl, at 6.30am every day. I’m glad I have an espresso machine!

XXXXXXX /00 XXXXXXXXXXX /00

My perfect weekend would be in Europe, going somewhere I have never been and experiencing some different culture, food and beer – not necessarily in that order. I would love to go to Croatia as I have heard it’s nice, or anywhere in Germany that does massive schnitzels. The last naughty thing I did was get up to plenty of bedroom antics ... best not print them, though! Five words that sum up London ... Queen, corgies, pimms, palaces and curries.

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Photos: Getty

London Broncos play Dewsbury Rams at Twickenham Stoop, Apr 15 londonbroncosrl.com

trips for 18 to 30 somethings L8291 / Y2992

www.topdeck.travel

*Terms & Conditions apply. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.63, which must be paid locally in USD. Morocco local payment must be paid locally in GBP. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency ﬂuctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments. Subject to availability.

5/4/12 16:30:29

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Mortimer Market Centre Central London off Tottenham Court Road, WC1E 6JB 020 3317 5100

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The Archway Centre North London 681-689 Holloway Road N19 5SE 020 3317 5252

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Archway

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LONDONDRINKS

BLACKSMITH & TOFFEEMAKER

@tntmagazine

Trendy: but without being tryhard

BAR THE SCENE Once the mainstay of neighbouring City University students, the Queen Boadicea has received a makeover (and a name change) from first-time landlords Marc Dalla Riva and Matt Rix. The battered leather sofas have been thrown out, with trendy wooden benches and stools drafted in, and the gloomy, huntsman’slodge feel has been lightened with pale creams and beiges. The northern lads – Dalla Riva a chef, Rix an events guru formerly of Leeds’ legendary The Cockpit – have also freshened things up with a deli counter and British gins and ales. THE GRUB The B&T (as it will no doubt become known) has a small mains menu that comprises an eclectic mix of standard pub fare (burger, lamb hotpot) and the more exotic (Sri Lankan chicken curry) . But it’s the deli counter that will no doubt delight peckish drinkers – the black pudding and quail Scotch egg is a stroke of genius, while cold rabbit pie with celeriac remoulade is in a league of its own when it comes to booze-absorbent snacking. BEHIND THE BAR Strong British ales with a light finish, perfect for summer include Courage Directors (originally brewed exclusively for the directors of the brewery). The gin selection ranges from the likes of Beefeater to the lesser-known Sipsmith. BILL PLEASE Ales from £3.80, gins from £3. Food form £8.50. VERDICT Trendy without being tryhard, it’s a new era for the Queen B. LAURA CHUBB

292-294 St John Street, EC1V 4PA

theblacksmithandthetoffeemaker.co.uk

DIY. BLOODY MARY

3 OF THE BEST BLOODY MARYS

Gordon Ramsay’s City eatery, Bread Street Kitchen, offers an array of tasty Bloody Marys with its Lazy Loaf allday Sunday brunch. But the DIY version, £8, is the best – choose Tabasco content, and how spicy you want it. breadstreetkitchen.com

Angel

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY

PIZZA EAST’S BLOODY MARY

Mix your hangover cure (ingredients including a 375ml bottle of vodka, £50). Try dishes inspired by the cocktail, including Bloody Mary meatballs, £13.50. Sunday, 12pm-8pm.

A good traditional version of the cocktail, £7. Chunky homemade tomato juice, not too much spice and a just-right squeeze of lemon juice makes it a perfectly composed hangover cure.

theparadise.co.uk

pizzaeast.com

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

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BITE SIZE

Chilled out: good food, no pretension

A LOUISIANA LILT Southern Comfort has graced the world with its new lime version. Not only does it negate the need for a slice of fresh fruit in your SoCo and lemonade, but it’s also a tasty cocktail ingredient. To make a Louisiana Lilt, take 25ml Southern Comfort Lime, 25ml Finlandia Grapefruit, three dashes of Angostura Bitters and one dash of pineapple juice. For a Tropical Storm, add 25ml Southern Comfort Lime and 15ml elderflower cordial to a glass of ginger beer. Here’s to the Deep South. £14.99. southerncomfort.com

JAMMIN’ JUBILEE What does the Queen spread on her toast in the morning? If the folks at Hawkshead Relish Company are right, it’s a regal mix of English damsons and rose liqueur. Their limited edition Jubilee Jam, £2.60, in celebration of the Diamond Jubilee, contains just that. And we reckon old Liz would love the stuff. Find it in delis across London. hawksheadrelish.com

DIET PIZZA Watching the calories to get that bikini bod? Thanks to Zizzi, you can still enjoy a pizza-shaped indulgence out, with its new range of skinny pizzas. With half the calories of Zizzi’s regular pizzas, they’re a guilt-free, but just-as-tasty option. The Bufala Skinny Pizza, pictured, has buffalo cheese, sunblush tomatoes and a wholemeal base and racks up a not-so-naughty 470 calories. That means you’re totally allowed dessert. £9.95 each. zizzi.co.uk

THE HILL BAR AND BRASSERIE AMERICAN THE SCENE Both the menu and ambiance of Belsize Park’s The Hill Bar and Brasserie are inspired by northern America’s Pacific Coast. Service is something the US does well and, in this Haverstock Hill tribute, you’ll find the same professional but laidback attitude to food and drink. Sit at a table in the restaurant area, over which hang mirrors and chandeliers that once decorated the houses of George Michael and Boy George respectively. In the summer, you can dine in the garden or on a pavement table. If you’re too lazy to move after your meal, stay on – once the kitchen closes, the bar gets lively. THE GRUB The emphasis is on fresh ingredients and seafood; dishes that conjure up thoughts of California’s sunny coast. There’s a raw bar and a wide variety of shellfish and sashimi as well as Schezuan noodle bowls and steak-boards to choose from. It’s a sunny day, so I forgo the New England clam chowder and start with Irish rock oysters, which are firm and deliciously taste of the ocean. With them, my friend and I share a baked honey fig salad, drizzled with dolcelatte blue cheese dressing and topped with caramelised pecan. We drink a crisp New Zealand riesling and our tastebuds zing. The burgers in The Hill are worth the visit in their own right – the ‘Overboard’ contains lobster, prawn and crayfish – but I am won over by the seabass, which comes with wilted spinach and caper butter sauce. Despite working our way through several plates of food, the fare is light and we feel justified in finishing with a satisfyingly stodgy sticky toffee pudding, a dessert so good, we don’t say a word until the plate is scraped clean. BEHIND THE BAR There’s

a list of more than 50 wines, as well as a selection of cocktails. Earlybird weekday bookings (5pm-6.30pm) receive a complimentary bottle of house wine. BILL PLEASE Starters from £4.40; burgers from £9; main courses from £8.50. Bottles of wine start at £16; cocktails from £7. VERDICT Elegant but casual, The Hill serves incredible food without pretension. Fine dining at its chilled-out best. FRANKIE MULLIN TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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@TNT GET IT OFF YOUR TEXT

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I don’t read The Sun. Although, unlike most of the people who buy it on a daily basis, I could if I decided to

Andy Maturty test: On a scale of 1 to 69; how immature are you?

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Graham Don’t be tempted to try fishing bait... You’ll get hooked on it

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Londoners new and old: get your hands on free magazines and papers for inspiration. After three years in London, I still religiously collect TNT, Stylist, Evening Standard etc to keep a scrapbook of articles. I’ve found my homemade guidebook a valuable go-to reference when organising nights in London, where to find things like the best roasts, coffees and unique experiences and local tips when visiting other cities and much more. Emily Ford, via email

OH, BABY

BRICK OFF

Those criticising the 10year-old Wayuu girl who had a baby: what about Western women who wait so long to have babies that they need medical intervention? Or get plastic bags placed in their chests to look bustier and who inject poison into their faces? It is a tradition for the women of this tribe to have children as soon as they are able to. It is not more ‘strange’ or ‘wrong’ than many Western cultural traditions we practice. Some might say it’s more natural. Just sayin’. Lazza Sharp, via Facebook

Samantha Brick just lived up to the cliche ‘dumb blonde’. No offence to blondes, but come on: Brick looks very average. Her response to criticisms makes her sound conceited – no wonder she isn’t popular. I wouldn’t want a friend like her – or an employee, for that matter Aziza Al Busaidy, via Facebook

LIAR, LIAR Boris Johnson was right to call Ken Livingstone a liar. Ken has lied throughout the campaign and I’m not a Tory voter at all. In fact, throughout the last few weeks loads of Labour voters have stood up to denounce Ken. Clint Heine, via Facebook

ENOUGH BIG BRO Now the government wants full access to our internet history so some dweeb in a dark little office somewhere can search around to see if we’re sending or looking at anything offensive. It also extends to email, phone calls and texts. This’ll force those up to no good further underground and just cause resentment amongst the rest of us. Geordie, via email KIDS WHO KILL COLOMBIA /74

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Jenna Meginess: Best April Fool’s prank: Someone prank-called their mum saying they got caught drink driving and needed to be collected from police station!!! Stephen Morgan: Anchorman 2! Also announced: a Twins sequel called ‘Triplets’ and starring Eddie Murphy! I wish that were a joke, but it ain’t. Alexandra Reeson: I love Camden Market – everything alternative you can’t find on a high street!

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BOGAN BINGO The Underdog, Clapham Thursday, March 29 Photos by: Mariusz Czajkowski TNT Images

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LONDONSOUND

@tntmagazine

Brothers in crime: Orbital

festival

watch

EDEN SESSIONS

ORBITAL The Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP TUES, APR 10 | DOORS AT 7PM | £25

June 23-Jul 8, Eden Project, St Austell, Cornwall, PL24 2SG. £35 edenproject.com

Cornwall’s Eden Project, giant domes housing all manner of exotic flora and fauna, is the host for this summer season of gigs. Plan B, Aussie musical funnyman Tim Minchin (below), rapper Example, punk-folkster Frank Turner and The Sleeping Souls and US pop-punks Blink 182 are the headliners confirmed for so far this beautifully backdropped festival.

Orbital kicked off in the late Eighties, their debut release, Chime, a rave-star classic then and a set mainstay today. After calling time back in 2004, they stepped back into the limelight four years ago, with a clutch of festival shows and appearances during the past few years. This very special gig at the Royal Albert Hall, though, is different. Back with new album Wonky, their first in eight years, the Hartnoll brothers are not just riding the reunion train, but are picking up where they left off. Fuelled by the goodwill they felt when they returned in 2008, they decided rather than just continuing to tour Halcyon, Satan et al, if they were to keep going, it was best to make a new record – so they did. Wonky is not a dancealbum, but an ‘electronic record’, Paul told us when we caught up with him amidst finalising details ahead of this summer seasonkickstarting tour. Running the gamut of the Orbital canon, Wonky takes a songbased approach – a holistic attitude embraced by producer Flood, who the brothers cajoled into working on the release – that incorporates electro, techno, house and more. Diverse, but always an Orbital record, it sits so easily among their back catalogue that album opener One Big Moment will begin the set on this tour. Known for their improvisational live approach, the Hartnoll’s have been busy working on a new show and production for Wonky’s life on the road as well, so prepare to be blown away – Orbital are back. South Kensington

FINAL 1493 Lon Sound.indd 20

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NEW BAND

AMADOU & MARIAM GIG FRI, APR 13. 7PM £20

The music world can be so cynical, and with corporate-product such as One Direction being compared to the Beatles, it’s easy to be soured. Amadou & Mariam, the Malian couple who met at an institute for the blind, are a breath of fresh air and are touring their African-music-meetselectro-and rock second album, Folila.

Photos: Getty; Kristian Dowling; Steve Double

O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire W12 8TT Shepherd’s Bush o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

THE GALLERY

GAZ’S ROCKIN BLUES

CLUB

FRI, APR 13. 10PM-6AM £15

THURS, APR 12. 10PM-3.30PM £9

MoS’s weekly techy-trance electro line-up boasts W & W, ex-Faithless Sister Bliss playing for the first time since scoring a MOS Radio residency, and Martin Roth dropping by to road test his new, as yet untitled, album. And then there’s Donati & Amato, Gavyn Mytchel & Graeme Lloyd and Joe Brazil making sure there’s no slacking.

Ska, rock ‘n ’roll, jive but most of all just goodtime tunes take pride of place at this retroflavoured night. Head honcho Gaz Mayall’s long running bash is a London mainstay, and this evening takes in seven-piece (sunglass-adorned, obviously) two-tone ska band The Racketeers, too, to keep things skanking.

Ministry of Sound 103 Gaunt Street, SE1 6DP Elephant & Castle thegallery-club.co.uk

St Moritz W1F 8WJ Tottenham Court Road myspace.com/gazrockinblues

PETE MURRAY

FELIX DA HOUSECAT RUDE PHOTO LAUNCH

ANDREW W.K.

GIG

CLUB

GIG

THURS, APR 12. 7PM £16

FRI, APR 13. 10PM-10AM £10

THURS, APR 12. 7PM £17.50

Sports stars are not known for their good taste in music, let alone any song-writing capabilities. So the fact former rugby player Pete Murray has become a world-renowned international acoustic artist – fifth album Blue Sky Blue is out now – is decidedly impressive, and a shot against those keen to judge a book (or CD case) by its cover.

One of the progenitors of the electro/house sound, Felix is a Grammy-nominated artist and producer, and the very special guest at this evening’s festivities. In town to launch his own Rude Photo label project, the Chicago-born musician is joined by So Called Scumbags, Techletron and Nightlife In London.

He said he’d party hard, and he did. Surprisingly, the white jeans ‘n’ long-haired irony-free rocker has managed to keep going and is up to album number six now. It’s his breakthrough, I Get Wet, and stand-out single, Party Hard, on the menu this evening, as the 2001 record is aired in its entirety.

Scala 275 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL King’s Cross scala-london.co.uk

Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX Camden Road egglondon.net

The Forum 9-17 Highgate Road, NW5 1JY Kentish Town kentishtownforum.com

STRANGERS THE BUZZ SO FAR Gothic Eightiesinspired synth pop with epic, swooning choruses, Strangers are not going to be so for much longer. With three EPs under their belt – EP1, EP2 and EP3 – they’ve been growing in popularity since forming in 2010. Last year’s single, Promises, with soaring melodies and smart percussion, sounds like the soundtrack to a Brat Pack flick that never was, and new single Shine On You is just as catchy. THE CRITICS SAY “Like a cold futurist version of Elton John and Kiki Dee’s Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” Paul Lester, The Guardian. THE PLUG Hoxton B&K, Apr 11. Free 4 Hoxton Square, N1 6NU Old Street hoxtonsquarebar.com Shine On You is out Apr 16 through Killing Moon/Beatwolf.

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CLUBLISTINGS

MONDAY 9 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

BOOK NOW!

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50.

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

Jaded Keinemusik Showcase DJs Raymundo Rodriguez, Adam Port and David Mayer spin house and techno. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 5pm-1am. £12, concs £5. Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam spin pop and carnival classics. Walkabout, Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033). 8pm-midnight. £5, free before 8pm. Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8. Rehab DJ Haley, Zoe Demonette, Dan Udy and Malarky supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/ w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm. Service Industry Night DJ Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey spin R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight. Tins On Toast Indie, pop, electro and dance from Steve Harris, Liam Young, Ed Wilder from Club NME and Bandangos. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). 7pm-late. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3.

TUESDAY 10 Jamm Sandwich Eddie Pillar, Arthur Baker and Lascelle Gordon spin pop, hip-hop, R‘n’B and dance hits. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). 6.30pm-late. £5, guestlist £3. Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, w/flyer free before 10.30pm. Ruby Tuesdays Pop, R‘n’B and 1980s from Sandra D and Joe Grohl. Ku Bar, Lisle St, WC2H 7BA (020 7437 4303). 9pm-late. Free. Huw Stephens Presents The Welsh DJ supplies house and electronica. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 7pm-midnight. Free. Stupid Tuesday Resident DJs play funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977). 5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm. White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus provide electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/flyer £4.

Clapham Common. Aug 25&26. £85 Chase and Status headline the Sunday of this two-day electronic music party, alongside Skrillex (above), 2ManyDJs, Carl Cox and Erick Morillo. SW4 9DE

Clapham Common

WEDNESDAY 11 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50. Choke Resident DJs play hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass, electro, indie and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £4, guestlist £3. Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10. Fat Poppa Daddys The resident DJs spin hip-hop, funk, electro, house, dubstep, 1980s hits, indie and reggae. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 11pm-2am. £5, free before midnight. The Illusion Ball DJ Charlie Tee spins dubstep and electro. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). 8.30pm-1am. £25 & £30.

southwestfour.com

Work Lee Harris, Niyi Maximus Crown and Big John Freeman spin house, pop, electro, R‘n’B, funk and dancehall. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-5am. £5, £4 before 1am.

THURSDAY 12 Bad Sex Resident DJs spin electro and indie, plus live bands. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £7, £5 before 10pm, guestlist/NUS free before 10pm. Fuel Thursdays DJ Melody Kane spins house, funk, soul and urban beats. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-2am. £10, adv £5. Gimme The Loot DJs Sai, LeeN and residents spin hip-hop, R‘n’B and bashment. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 10pm-late. £3. Latin Krazy DJs spin salsa, merengue, bachata and reggaeton, plus salsa dances lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 6pm-2am. £4, free before 9pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

QueerlyOut DJ Robby D spins commercial dance, pop and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm3am. £5, mems £3, free before 9pm.

Smile Resident DJs play funky house, club classics and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977). 5pm-3am. £4, £3 before midnight.

Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 10pm.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

The Roots London Eddie Richards, Matthew Bushwacka and Richie Fingers spin house, electro and reggae. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 9pm-2am. £5.

Watchmepivot Magazine Vs Late Lunch Presents Joss Ryan, Nick James, Legaspi, Kani, Milli, DJ Ted, Riccardo Villella, Wam Way and Clockwork State spin electro and indie. The Macbeth, Hoxton St, N1 6LP (020 7749 0600). 7pm-late. Free.

Soul-D-Out DJs Rampage and Maurice spin house, disco and techno, plus Marvin Ambrosius, Incisive, Kaleem Taylor, Lea Anna and Tony. Paradise By Way Of Kensal Green, Kilburn Ln, W10 4AE (020 8969 0098). 7pm-1am. £10, £7 before 10pm.

SATURDAY 14 Antidote Presents Gavin Herlihy, Dubgraffiti, Yiannis Balkizas and Michael L Penman spin house and techno. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 7pm-3am. £15, free before 9pm. Attention! Deficit DJs Trevino, Doc Scott, Josey Rebelle, The Pushamann and Lewis B mix house and techno. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £10, concs £7.

Disco’s Deeper Resident DJs play disco, funk and house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-midnight. Free.

Entice Presents DJs Bodyrox, Paul-Michael, Alex Zander, Philth, Heightz, Kesh Chandra, Scott Clark, Move The House and Random Branden mix house and electro. The Whitehouse, Clapham Park Rd, SW4 7EH (020 7498 3388). 9pm-5am. £12, adv £10.

Egg Presents Felix Da Housecat provides house, electro and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-11am. £10.

Inferno Andrew Elmore spins funk, house and dance. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £10, free before 11pm.

Jamm And Bowtell Promotions Present Skindred And Therapy (DJ set) mix rock and metal. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). 8pm-4am. £10.

Annie Mac Presents Mike Skinner, Joker, Jessie Ware and Monki join Annie Mac for dubstep, grime and electronica. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). 10pm-4am. £15.

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Lost In Music The Revenge, Pete Herbert, Dicky Trisco, Get Down Edits and Dave Autodisco spin house, funk and disco. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm2am. £8, £7 before 10pm, adv £5.

Soul Clap Presents The Efunk Album Tour Deep house and techno courtesy of Soul Clap and Josh T, plus No Regular Play perform live. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). 10pm-6am. £12 & £15, adv £10.

Micro Digital Sessions DJs SQL, Snk, Verve, Dufrain and Cavner spin drum ‘n’ bass and dub. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £10.

Tempo Eterno Resident DJs play house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

Old Skool Heaven: History Of Dance House, garage, jungle and drum ‘n’ bass across three rooms courtesy of DJ EZ, Scott Garcia, Donna C, Kenny Ken, DJ Brockie, Marcella Woods, Brandon Block and many more. Hidden, Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ (020 7820 6613). 10pm-5am. £13, adv £10.

Vinyl Impact DJs Phil Reynolds, Carl Nicholson, Kevsey D, Dave Curtis, Kirsty Lee James, Jon Hanley, Gaz James, Miles Gorfy and Fabio Seramota spin hard house and trance. Hidden, Tinworth St, SE11 5EQ (020 7820 6613). 11pm-late. £10, adv £8.

One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane spin house, mash-ups, electro, dance anthems, R‘n’B, hip-hop and commercial dance. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm. On The Real DJs Spin Doctor, Mr Thing and Chris P Cuts spin hip-hop and R‘n’B, with rap artist Freddie Gibbs, and MC Prankster. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 10pm-3.30am. £10, adv £6. Roller Disco Old school roller disco with DJ Lousie playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50. Tales Of The Unexpected DJs Dixon Brothers spin electro, punk, rock and swing, with live bands, plus burlesque and cabaret. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10, £8 before 10pm, guestlist free before 9pm, £6 before 10pm.

We Are One DJs Krisis and Flex spin pop, R‘n’B and dance anthems. Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010). 10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm.

SUNDAY 15 Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Mark Radford, Maximus, Lee Edwards and Roch-Mix-Hard spin house and techno. Club Aquarium, Old St, EC1V 9DD (020 7251 6136). 11pm-6am. £15, £10 before midnight, ladies free before midnight. Pause Resident DJs spin house, disco, hip-hop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10. Sunday At Gigalum DJs Graeme Lloyd and Gavyn Mitchell spin house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. Wet Yourself Betoko, Natalie Coleman, Cormac, Jacob Husley and Peter Pixzel spin techno and house. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £10, adv £5, NUS £7.

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FINAL 1493 Club Listings.indd 22

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MONDAY 9 Despite My Deepest Fear Metalcore from the London-based five-piece. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £6.

Unborn Twin, Marmaduke Dando, Drew Sarich The band plays alternative rock. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £12.50.

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Donae’o Dance and house by London-based singer Ian Greenidge. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £10.

FRIDAY 13

Ryan Keen The London-based singer-songwriter and musician plays folk and blues-infused acoustica. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). £6, adv £5. Radio Daze The collective performs Gypsy swing. Le QuecumBar, Battersea High St, SW11 3HX (020 7787 2227). £8. Sufjan Stevens Experimental music collaboration from the singer-songwriter, The National guitarist and the composer, with accompaniment from New Trombone Collective and Navarra String Quartet. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £20-£30. Teen Daze Electro-pop and dance from Vancouver-based musician Surface Jamison. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £8. This Part Is Us Contemporary rock by the Hertfordshire-based band. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £8. World Of Fox Indie-pop by Londonbased singer-songwriter Simon Fox. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £10, adv £8.

TUESDAY 10 65daysofstatic The Sheffieldbased four-piece performs instrumental post-rock. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £11. The Asteroids Galaxy Tour The Danish collective plays soulful psychedelic pop. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £12.50. Boy & Bear Indie-rock band from Sydney, Australia. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £8. The Famous Class The London-based three-piece plays pop-punk. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £7. Flipper, Eagulls Punk-rock and grunge by the San Franciscobased band. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £16. Orbital Electronica and kaleidoscopic techno from the duo. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £25-£42. Prinzhorn Dance School The outfit plays experimental electro-rock and post-punk. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). £8. Two Wings, Doug Tielli Psychedelic folk-rock from the Glasgow-based five-piece. The Betsey Trotwood, Farringdon Rd, EC1R 3BL (020 7253 4285). £7.

Amadou & Mariam The musicians perform a fusion of blues, pop and Malian music. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

JACK WHITE Brixton Academy. Jun 21. £30 The former White Stripes man’s solo album, Blunderbuss, is out now. Tickets for his first solo show sold out in minutes, luckily there’s this second date. SW9 9SL

Brixton

o2academybrixton.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 11 Agalloch, Velnias Prog folkmetal from the American outfit. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £16. Bigkids The band plays rock. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £8. The Do The French outfit plays experimental pop from the album Both Ways Open Jaws. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £13.50. Dum Dum Girls The Californian outfit plays art pop. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £12. Tim Eriksen, Cath & Phil Tyler Traditional folk and Americana from the musician, singer and member of the band Cordelia’s Dad. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £8 & £10. Ren Harvieu, Fossil Collective Indie-pop by the Salfordbased singer-songwriter. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £8. L’Arc-En-Ciel The Japanese alt rock and pop four-piece performs songs from its album Butterfly. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £50-£100. Alyssa Reid Pop and R‘n’B by the Toronto-based singer-songwriter. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £10. She Makes War Alt pop from London-based singer Laura Kidd. The Half Moon, Half Moon Ln, Herne Hill, SE24 9HU (020 7274 2733). £10, concs £7. Soap & Skin Ensemble Alt pop by Vienna-based Anja Plaschg and colleagues. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £15.50. Speed Caravan Oud player Mehdi Haddab leads his outfit in performing a fusion of Arabic, world, rock and electronic styles. Momo, Heddon St, W1B 4BH (020 7434 4040). £10.

Volcano The Bear, Braindead Collective, Glockenspiel The Leicester-based outfit plays improvised experimental music. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8JH (020 7254 4097). £10.

THURSDAY 12 ABSU, Impiety Black metal and thrash from the American trio. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15. Chuck Prophet & The Mission Express The San Francisco-based singer-songwriter and colleagues play soulful folk and roots-rock. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/ cc 020 7428 5929). £15. Richard Digance The comedy folk singer-songwriter performs original material. Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £18, concs £16, adv £17, concs £15. Fractures, Singtank Indierock band from London. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). £12. Ben E King Soul and pop by the veteran American singer. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/cc 0870 060 3777). £30. Manorexia Experimental music by Brooklyn-based musician, JG Thirlwell. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £12.50. Marion The outfit reforms to play Britpop and rock. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £13. Pete Murray Alt rock by the Australian singer-songwriter. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). £16. Soul Fiesta Latin-influenced funk and soul from the sixpiece. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm. Tyrese R‘n’B by American singer Tyrese Darnell Gibson. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £30-£50.

Sam Amidon Alt folk from the American singer-songwriter and musician. Westminster Reference Library, St. Martin’s St, WC2H 7HP (020 7641 1300). £13.50. Carleen Anderson The American singer is joined by British youth and adult choirs in performing soul and gospel. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £25-£45. Emilie Autumn The Los Angeles-born singer-songwriter, poet, and violinist performs electronic glam songs with her band, The Bloody Crumpets. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £16. Frank Turner’s Friday The 13th The folk-punk troubadour headlines his one day festival with Billy Bragg and Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £20. Hey Rosetta! The Canadian six-piece plays indie-rock. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10. Julaba Kunda The outfit plays folk. St Ethelburga’s, Bishopsgate, EC2N 4AG (020 7496 1610). £12, adv £10, concs £8. The Long Notes Alt folk by the London-based band. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50. Manteca Latin and salsa from the Colombian-based singer and backing group. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £12.

SATURDAY 14 Alchemy 2012: Humble The Poet Toronto-based hip-hop and spoken word artist Kanwer Singh. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £10, concs £5. Angels & Airwaves Alt rock by the American band. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50 & £22.50. Lauryn Hill The Grammy awardwinning American singersongwriter and former The Fugees vocalist performs R‘n’B, hip-hop and soul. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £38.50-£100. Kader Japonais Rai music by Algerian singer Abdel Kader Haibaoui. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £25-£30. Roy Orbison & Friends Barry Steele recreates the sound of the man in dark glasses, supported by Gary Slade as Billy Fury. Millfield Arts Centre, Silver St, N18 1PJ (020 8807 6680). £18, concs £16, adv £17, concs £15. Soul Trigger The London-based band plays funk-rock and reggae. Underbelly, Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU (020 7837 4412). £8, adv £6. Tin Spirits Swindon-based prog rock band featuring former XTC guitarist Dave Gregory. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £17.50. Waylayers London-based pop group. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £8. Your Demise The St Albansbased five-piece plays epic hardcore. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12. Maher Zain The Swedish singer-songwriter and producer performs R‘n’B, soul and modern Islamic music in support of his album Forgive Me. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £15-£100.

SUNDAY 15

The Slackers, Broken Nose The New York-based band plays ska. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15. The Spindle Sect, Cyphar, Collisions Industrial rock and hip-hop from the London-based band. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8. Martin Stephenson And The Daintees The Scottish fivepiece plays alternative pop. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £23.50. Chris Wood Acoustic folk-rock from the fiddle player and guitarist. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). £15, concs £12.

Alchemy 2012: Pete Lockett Rajasthan Collabo The percussionist and his band play world and folk. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/cc 0844 875 0073). £10-£17.50, concs £5-£8.75. Nipsey Hussle Hip-hop from the Los Angeles-based rapper, Ermias Asghedom. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £16.50. Daniel Johnston, British Sea Power Americana by the Texan-based singer-songwriter. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £18.50. Cher Lloyd, No Lights At Lockdown, SD - Jem R‘n’B, urban pop and hip-hop from the vocalist and 2010 X Factor finalist, promoting her album Sticks & Stones. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/cc 0844 477 2000). £17.

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Tim and Tom: just like hanging out with friends 24

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Everything in its place The US creators of an increasingly popular podcast bring their show to London, promising it won’t be like the last time WORDS REBECCA KENT No one is more surprised at the soaring success of weekly podcast The Complete Guide To Everything than its creators, Tom Reynolds and Tim Daniels. Their goal to vanquish Wikipedia as the go-to reference for knowledge about anything and everything may not have been acheived yet, but it’s turning out to be an highly entertaining journey. From North Korea and Nicolas Cage to Gordon Ramsay, not much is off-limits as the pair continue their quest to make the world a more informed place. “At the risk of putting too fine a point on it, it’s very tongue-in-cheek that we’re actually a guide to anything,“ Daniels, 29, says. “We’re not very well informed on any of the topics we discuss, so we just end up going into a free association, identifying what we know, then heading off on tangents.“ Indeed, a recent podcast about Reynold’s trip to Austin’s South By Southwest 2012, featured ruminations on St Patrick’s Day all-nighters, bathroom shenanigans, aggressive jerks at bars, a house with no privacy, and homeless 4G hotspots. You may scratch your head, but, with more than two million downloads since the friends launched their first podcast on June 25, 2009 – the day of Michael Jackson’s death – the formula works. In the UK, The Complete Guide has featured prominently on the nation’s iTunes podcast directory since its inception. Worldwide, it’s had 50,000 downloads a week, with 50 per cent of those coming from the UK and 35 per cent coming from the US. This week, Reynolds and Daniels step out from behind the recording equipment to perform their schtick live at London’s King’s Place. Accompanied by a host of visual elements, the world-weary men will share outrageous personal stories, concoct harebrained schemes, solve audience members’ personal problems, bicker with each other, and crack jokes of varying levels of taste. It’s the podcasters’ second UK visit and Daniels is eager to put some old ghosts to put to bed. “Last time London provided endless fodder for our subsequent podcasts,“ he says. “However, unfortunately, the real wellspring of inspiration came from the fact that I stupidly did not keep my eye on my bag when I was in a pub in London, and it was stolen. So that was basically the thrust of the postLondon shows that time: me saying awful things about the city, which I’d like to take this opportunity to retract.

I was speaking from an emotional place,“ he confesses. Nevertheless, it’s done nothing to dimish the podcast’s popularity here “People in the UK apparently like us because they feel like they get an insight into the mind of an average American, but I’m sure that’s not fair on America,“ Daniels says. “I would be very uncomfortable being any kind of representative for a legitimate American person. I’m not a good representation of an adult – or even a man.“

“

England feels like a comedy fantasy camp

”

Reynolds, 30, says: “Particularly since we have such a large following in England we go over there and it feels like going to a comedian fantasy-camp type thing – people have stopped us on the street – but then we just come back to ››

The hot topics: live onstage in London TNTMAGAZINE.COM

FINAL 1493 Lon Focus The Complet25 25

4/4/12 16:03:25

Twilight; Kim il Jong; Abe Lincoln; Gordon Ramsay are all fair game, but Homer Simpson is off-limits

our mundane, not very exciting day jobs.“ (Reynolds works for a tax company, Daniels is too embarrassed to reveal his). Daniels adds: “Believe it or not, recording an hour of nonsense in a basement every week does not bring in the bucks that one would expect.“ The pair made their foray into podcasting in 2006 with a project called 24cast, about the Fox Television show 24. Just 23 episodes long, it was featured as one of the Top 100 Most Subscribed To Podcasts of 2006 by iTunes. That was followed by a four-episode series entitled the Drudge Report Report Report, where Reynolds, Daniels and their friend Chris Judice read articles from news website drudgereport.com, and simply made humourous comments about them. “Those projects “just fizzled out,“ Reynolds says. But they were the perfect springboard for The Complete Guide To Everything, which features regular segments including You’re Awful, in which listeners are urged to remind people ’not to be a dick’, and Tim and Tom Solve

Your Problems, a sort of therapy session that, as you would imagine, can open up all sorts of cans of worms. Daniels says: “People call in with problems so bizarre it’s hard to believe we live in the same world as them, such as: ’there’s a dog in the neighbourhood that’s possessed by the devil and it’s trying to teach our local kids some bad words.’ That doesn’t interest us as much as the people that have legitimate roommate problems or mundane work issues.“ In between Abraham Lincoln and stuffed-crust pizza, there are some topics that are not up for discussion. “The things that we don’t cover, and that always get suggested, are topics that are already funny – The Simpsons, for example,“ Reynolds says. “Twilight on the other hand, was fair game. It’s so boring! Our podcast mostly became a discussion about how did the two of us get to a point in our lives where we were sitting down watching Twilight for the amusement of the internet – and I think it got a lot more existential than the movie.“ Whether that’s more worthy of tuning into than, say, marrying dogs, is subjective, but the pair are psyched that anyone’s listening at all. “We’ve could have never predicted where we got to – two idiots talking into a microphone – so for the time being, we are happy to ride this out to see where we go,“ Reynolds says. ❚ The Complete Guide To Everything. King’s Place. April 11-12. £9.50 90 York Way, N1 9AG kingsplace.co.uk King’s Cross

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

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Amy Childs The former TOWIE babe and vajazzling queen on her new workout DVD, idolising Katie Price and Aussie men INTERVIEW REBECCA KENT

How has your life changed since leaving The Only Way Is Essex? Oh my god, literally, before TOWIE, I was a beautician in a little salon, I loved it. I’ve always loved my job. I never thought about being in the public eye. TOWIE came to me and said: ‘We’re doing a show but we don’t know how it’s going to be, but would you like to try it?’ I was like: ‘I don’t know.’ Essex hasn’t got a very good name. But I thought, ‘No, I’m going to have a right laugh’, and I had loads of banter. It got filmed, and the next day everyone recognised me. It was a blast. Then I became an underwear model for Caprice. I’m the face of Bra Queen underwear which is in Tesco, I’ve got my own clothing line, I’ve got my own fake tan and eyelashes and my Salon – all from TOWIE. You are following a similar path to Katie Price. Is she your idol? Do you know what, I wouldn’t say that I idolise Kate. People think we’re similar because I was with Claire [Powell], Kate’s old management. She was the best in the country. I’m very different to Kate. I’ve never done topless modelling. I’m beauty trained in everything, I’m not a horserider, I play table tennis. Would you ever do topless modelling? I would never, ever do it. It’s never even come into my mind. I love doing my underwear modelling because it’s really classy. My friend, she’s a topless model and she loves it. But, you know, it’s really not for me.

Photos: Getty

Were you disappointed your reality show, All About Amy, was axed? Everyone was saying to me ‘your show’s got axed’, but it was only an eight-part series. It wasn’t like they cancelled it because it was so bad. I loved making it. People got to see how much of a family person I am. You see me being a businesswoman, not just vajazzling Harry [Derbidge]. Tell us about the DVD Get Fit In 30 Days It’s amazing for everybody. It does start quite easy and works its way up to being difficult, but you do see me in pain, you do see me working hard. There’s me doing squats, press ups, sit ups – a hundred repetitions of all of them.

Fit and fabulous: Amy Childs Tell us about your clothing range. I’ve got 80 pieces in my spring/ summer collection. When I launched my first website, it crashed because more than 100,000 people were looking on it in the first five minutes, which was amazing. I wanna bring out a summer collection for absolutely everybody: mums, young girls, even nans. My nan would love to wear some of the stuff that I’ve just brought out. Any other projects in the pipeline? I’m launching my own perfume in September. I go through a bottle a week, so I can’t wait to have my own and literally not even pay for it anymore. I’ll be spraying it all the time. What’s been your most extravagant purchase so far? I bought myself a Range Rover. I’ve worked hard, you know, and I bought it. When I drive it, I can’t believe that I’m actually driving a Range Rover. I said to my friend the other day: ’Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m driving a Range Rover.’ Knowing Peter Andre, what do you think of Australian men? I really want to go to Australia, like really. When I was doing TOWIE, I was on the phone to all the radios and they were like: ‘Amy, you’ve gotta come to Australia, you gotta meet all the goodlooking men.’ Dunno, I could meet an Australian.

What’s been your most embarrassing moment in front of the cameras? Probably the first big celeb event I went to. I fell over flat on my face. It was so embarrassing. What’s the strangest thing you’ve received from a fan? I receive lovely letters and pictures and presents from my fans, I haven’t had anything really strange to be honest. I am quite lucky. Essex girls have a reputation for being promiscuous. How accurate is this? I think Essex girls are just glamorous. How do you cope with all the paparazzi that follow you? At first I found it really strange. The first time it happened to us, my mum nearly called the police as she didn’t understand why two men were sitting outside my house. Now I am used to it, and I think they’re really nice. What’s your personal routine like? I’m really good at going to the gym, and that’s why I wanted to bring out my fitness DVD. Although there are days where I eat rubbish, I’m quite good. I used to hate fitness, but training for my dvd has made me feel much better now. Get Fit In 30 Days £14.99

amazon.co.uk

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FINAL 1493 TNT Chat Room Amy Chi29 29

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LONDONSCENE

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‘Come at me, bro’

CABIN IN THE WOODS FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Chris Hemsworth, Kristen Connolly | 15 | 95mins

BATTLESHIP FILM STARRING: Taylor Kitsch, Rihanna | 12A

The popular board game in which you sink your opponent’s ships gets the big screen treatment (by Hancock director Peter Berg), with recent John Carter actor Kitsch, clothes-phobic popstar Rihanna and a truckload of megarobot-aliens. Think Transformers with a different cast and no Bumblebee and you’ve pretty much got a handle on this blockbuster-season kickstarter. On general release from Weds, Apr 11

Cabin In The Woods sounds like a by-the-numbers horror film, as a group of kids – the jock, the virgin, the slut, the brain and the stoner – head out to an Evil Deadstyled woodland retreat for a weekend of hedonistic indulgence that is likely to descend into terrors of the flesh. Only, as anyone who has seen the trailer will know, this film is anything but by the numbers. From Joss Whedon, who subverted horror conventions with Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and partner-in-crime Drew Goddard – writer on shows such as Angel and Alias – Cabin takes this simple set-up but reveals, from the first scene, that something else is going on. Much more, in fact, involving a corporation with a deadly role in the aforementioned weekend’s activities. To give more away would be to spoil the show (the suited puppet masters are revealed in the film’s first five mins) but it’s safe to say you’d best expect the unexpected. Never taking itself seriously, it’s a knowing and intelligent subversion of the horror genre. It is also incredibly funny, with some great gags (J-horror’s darkhaired girl terrors, for one), references to its monster line-up (vampires, zombies, hillbilly cannibals) as well as some lively dialogue, chiefly served up by the gang’s sage weed-hound. Where it lets itself down, though, is in the characters, who never quite come alive in the way you’d expect from Whedon’s pen, and the fact that its big reveal is not as earth-shattering as it could have been. It is wrapped up in a smart package that will entertain and, most of all, surprise. GOOD FOR: Having the rug pulled right out from under your feet

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GIVE US A

CHARITY NIGHT WITH HOWARD MARKS

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

As anyone who’s read his autobiography – or seen the movie – can attest, Mr Nice has had an interesting life smuggling weed and dodging the MI5, IRA and, more recently, the spliff-heads that gather at his shows. He’s a laconic and hilarious raconteur and this gig also raises money for the Beyond Food Foundation.

Ha ha!

Bloomsbury Theatre 15 Gordon Street, WC1H 0AH. 8pm. £16 Euston thebloomsburytheatre.com

REMOTE CONTROL

TOXIC BANKERS!

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

The idiot box – as it was once known – is the subject for this look at how TV has influenced life, society, our means of communication, mass entertainment and visual artists since it arrived in living rooms in the Fifties. Featuring works by Andy Warhol, Steve McQueen and others, along with a programme of screenings, too – of course.

SMS Ethical Investments’ money-motivated staff beaver away at their computer screens in Andrew Taylor and Desmond O’Connor’s new musical comedy about financial misdeeds. A well-researched plot, lively performances and the nifty lyrics of the intertwined songs make it an enjoyable evening. LK

ICA The Mall, SW1Y 5AH. Until June 10. Free Charing Cross ica.org.uk

Leicester Square Theatre WC2H 7BX. Until April 14. From £15 Leicester Square toxicbankers.com

NICK HELM New show This Time It’s War is about your love life – are you winnng the war? In terms of relationships, my army grows stronger with every blow. What is your best move on the battlefield? I should make it clear that I have never been on an actual battlefield. I’d hate you to get the wrong impression. I am literally just writing a show linking relationships with combat – not insinuating I have ever been in a military skirmish. If I were to have a best combat move it would be quite complicated and end with me getting shot by my own troops, which is pretty similar to my love life, actually.

Photos: Manuel Harlan

How do you deal with hecklers? They tend to just want attention so I take them home and fuck them.

DELICACY

THE KING’S SPEECH

FILM

THEATRE

Audrey Tautou starred opposite Tom Hanks in the much-derided adaptation of The Da Vinci Code, but to most she is best known for her breakout role in Amelie, as the impossibly cute and quirky Parisian forging a unique way through life. She has stuck mostly to more low-key material recently, such as this subtle drama about a widow reconnecting with the world.

Whether or not you caught the Oscar-winning film, Adrian Noble’s production of David Seidler’s script (initially written as a stage play) about the stammering monarch is a treat. Witty and humane, and simply staged against an outsize rotating frame, it’s impossible not to feel for Charles Edwards’ future King Bertie. LK

On general release from Friday

Wyndhams WC2H 0DA. Until July 21. From £17.50 Leicester Square delfontmackintosh.co.uk

Have you ever been kicked in the dick? I wouldn’t know. I always make a point of kicking it in the dick. The dick in my catchphrase is metaphorical. My dick has never been kicked, nor do I make a practice of kicking anybody’s real dick. The Tommyfield

185 Kennington Lane,

SE11 4EZ. Thurs, Apr 19, 7.45pm. £5 Kennington

thetommyfield.com

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SPARETIME

Alabama Shakes: Boys & Girls

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Secrets Of The Titanic Nintendo DS

Hop aboard the Invincible, which follows the route of the Titanic. £16.00 very.co.uk

A gritty soulful rock music debut from the US outfit. £8.99 play.com

Jo Satriani: Satchurated Live in Montreal

Star Wars Kinect Xbox 360

Live out the ultimate Star Wars fantasy. £32.89 toysrus.co.uk

Bku-Ray

A live album from the rock artist’s The Wormhole Tour. £13.95 zavvi.com

SeatGuru by Tripadvisor Irvine Welsh: Skagboys

iPhone

Check out the position of your seat on a flight before you fly away. Free itunes.apple.com

Book

Find out where it all went wrong in this Trainspotting prequel. £8.44 waterstones.com

Bioc iPhone

Alexander McCall Smith: The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party

Make your clockface shift and swirl colourfully with heat and motion. £0.62 itunes.apple.com

Book

A wedding countdown begins with some unpleasant occurances. £5.99 base.com

Apple Smart Cover Gadget

Got the new iPad? Protect it with this pretty thing. £35.00 currys.co.uk

The Portugese Nun DVD

An eccentric and captivating film about a French actress and her encounter with a nun. £10.99

Desktop Hangman Game Desktop game

Find the right phrase to save the condemned from the noose. £8.95 gadgets.co.uk

moviemail-online.co.uk

Mother And Child DVD

Naomi Watts stars in this film that interweaves the complex stories of three women. £7.00 direct.asda.com

App of the Week Streetstories iPhone/Android

Walk through King’s Cross and this app will automatically activate sounds, music and tales relevant to your GPS location. Free itunes.apple.com

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Men’s white fly shirt Pull this out of the wardrobe and get a buzz out of life. tkmaxx.com

Zebra print T-shirt Wear this shadowy top by day, or accessorise to wear by night.

3D ape hoodie Quit monkeying about and get this on your back.

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MARKETWATCH FASHION FIX

Get your hands on some seriously discounted high-end fashion as The Village, Westfield, hosts its spring-summer style event on April 18. The Village will be transformed into a dreamlike circus, with fortune-tellers, magicians, acrobats and live music across the two floors. The Fashion Playground will boast discounts and prizes for all who enter, including complimentary champagne, and up to 20 per cent discount on more brands than you could shake a stick at. The event will host an array of fashion gifts, such as complimentary beauty touch ups, personal styling with consultations with Vogue and GQ Fashion editors. Get yourself a ticket soon, because they’ll go like hot cakes. OPEN Wed, Apr 18, 6pm-10pm COST Apply for a free ticket online at uk.westfield.com; complimentary food and drink, and discounts up to 20 per cent on certain brands. uk.westfield.com/thevillagelondon Westfield London, W12 Shepherd’s Bush

Poodle print skirt suit This vintage-style ensemble is for hot dawgs.

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Squrrells scarf This 100 per cent wool neckwear will keep you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. lolarose.co.uk/

Cat bangle Meow! This is one hot little accessory – one helluva statement piece. tattydevine.com

Zebra character socks Earn your stripes out on the streets of London. topman.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

FAST CLASSES Yes, yes, we know how busy you are, what with your high-flying career and fabulous social life. We’ve understood (but don’t really accept) your excuses so far about skipping exercise, and have been polite to point out that you may have added a few extra kgs over the winter. But no more. New kids on the gym block, PureGym, are now offering fast classes – shorter, more intense, sessions that last between 15-20 minutes – ideal for people pushed for time or who fancy trying a class but don’t want to do, or don’t have the space for, a full hour. You can choose from zumba, yoga, pilates, yogalates, step and tone, cardiovasular, rowing, abs, bum and tum, aerobics, salsa, dance, boxercise – really, there’s something to target that ‘problem area’ for everyone. Price vary. PureGym is awesome: it’s open 24 hours a day and has stripped away unnecessary saunas, cafe bars & fluffy towels, replacing them with functional training zones featuring kettle bells, vibration platforms and suspension trainers. No excuses anymore, ya big fatty.

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Avoiding hell Five alternative Olympic commutes that’ll have your blood pumping in a very different way WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Commuters face a 30-minute wait for Tubes at hotspot stations during this summer’s Olympics. But how else can you get to work? Read our top five healthy ways to commute during the 2012 Games.

1. Cycle Barclays cycle hire costs from £1 (30 minutes; tfl.gov.uk). TfL also has some safe and quick bike routes through the capital, recommended by experienced cyclists. If you’re in the market for buying your own bike, you can get about 32 per cent off the cost with the government’s Cycle Scheme ( cyclescheme.co.uk) through your employer, as long as they’re signed up.

2. Run Bundle your work clothes into a backpack and don your trainers for a jog home on the tarmac. If you don’t fancy doing this alone, or want someone to carry your bag, join one of London’s commuter running

clubs on various routes from central London. Check out homerunlondon.com for more information and to find your nearest route.

3. Rollerblade It’s time to relive your youth and strap on some skates so you can speed past the traffic. London’s pretty flat, so it’s an easy city to rollerblade around. Some skaters use skiing or nordic walking sticks for balance and to increase their speed. Watch out for traffic, though, and wear a helmet, plus knee and elbow pads. Citiskate.co.uk gives good advice on skating in London.

4. Micro scoot They might not have caught on for adults the first time round, but you’ll make other drudging commuters jealous when you zip past them on your adult micro scooter. Get them form from microscooter.org.uk for £52 – that’s less money than paying for a travelcard for two weeks. And they fold up

Canterbury Court, SW9 6DE puregym.co.uk Oval

Rollerblading: always fun 34

On yer bike: Nice one, Boris

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WHAT’S NEW

Nad’s men’s hair removal cream Stay smooth £8.99 boots.com

Chou Chou toothy tabs It’s toothpaste you can chew £2.95 lush.co.uk

Race ya: run to work

small enough to stash under your desk or in a bag when you get to work.

LAZIER WAYS TO MAKE YOUR COMMUTE BEARABLE

5. Walk

Avoid the Central and Jubilee lines and if you can, plan your route so you don’t go to busier stations. See where they’ll be at getaheadofthegames.com

If you’re not one of the lucky few who live close enough to work to walk , get the bus or Tube part of the way, and when you get closer and things start getting busier, get off and beat the feet. A good site for routes is walklondon.org.uk, which takes in interesting landmarks and Tube stations, too – so you’ll get to know the NEXT WEEK city better and can jump on the Tube at How to be stations that aren’t a stunt driver so packed.

Take advantage of cheap West End shows – TfL is offering people who work in busy Olympic spots £10 tickets so they travel home later. solt.co.uk Get pampered at Sanctuary Spa in Covent Garden, because TfL is organising after-work offers there, too. thesanctuary.co.uk Take a commuter boat and enjoy the view as you travel up the Thames. thamesclippers.com

Eye make up remover Liquid-filled cotton buds £3.99 amazon.co.uk

Grin and bear it, while listening to an anger-easing playlist. Waves, dolphin sounds, whatever works …

Photos: Getty

TOP TREATMENT: HELP: CLEAR SKIN MEN Lads. Still troubled by pesky spots? Clear Skin for men professes to banish those nasty red blemishes after three to four weeks. Add the tasteless powder to a normal drink and its antimicrobial properties will get rid of anything unsightly. Here’s the science: lactoferrin stops the bacteria that causes spots, oligofructose is a fibre source which helps eliminate toxins and aloe vera heals, smooths and nourishes skin. £9.99 for one week’s supply

No more spotty faces ...

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Solait 360ª spray suncream Time to protect your skin £9.99 superdrug.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

@tntmagazine

Wild times: everyone say ‘you’re fired’

Facing the music Your social networking profiles could be a ticking time bomb WORDS REBECCA KENT

It might seem innocent at the time, those photos taken on a drunken night out with friends which end up tagged on Facebook the next day. But the reality is these images could cost you the job you’re after, or, worse, get you the sack, as TNT finds out.

The new bedfellows Facebook is becoming an increasing a source of agitation in the workplace. Indeed, last week, US teacher Kimberly Hester’s case made the headlines. She was suspended from her post for refusing to allow her boss access to her profile, which allegedly displayed a questionable photo of a colleague. Object as you might, Facebook and bosses are becoming best friends. And, 36

especially in this rocky economy, with more candidates fighting over fewer positions, social media is a rich source of information for employers seeking out the best people. Jenny Owen, careers director at the London School of Economics, says: “There is a concern among employers that they get a polished face in an interview. They want to check if that’s the reality. “Recruiting is expensive, and this level of background checks can help to liquidate the associated cost. Employers are genuinely just curious, too.”

A haunting past If you fail to clean up your online profile before applying for jobs, you’ll leave yourself wide open for criticism.

Research shows firms reject candidates based on what Google reveals. A study by CareerBuilder.co.uk found the top reason for candidates not getting a job was for posting inappropriate photographs. The next was for hosting content about alcohol or drug use. Boasting about how many pints you downed last night isn’t the wisest idea, but even the most conscientious Facebooker could find themselves misjudged by a ‘like’ years ago. Rod, an agency relationships manager at London’s planIT Services, uses Facebook to screen candidates. “We are not looking for dirt, we’re just trying to ensure they’ll be reasonable, not drugged off their head and pilling all weekend,” he says.

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ON THE JOB JONNY BLAIN CAREER Football statistician AGE 31 LIVES St Albans FROM Herts

Shock: you’ll be scrutinised But Rod adds that he would be impressed by an applicant who uses LinkedIn to connect with associations that correlate to their sector. However, he admits to pulling up employees for changing their job title on Facebook. “Perception is nine tenths of reality in any business marketplace, so if you’re providing a perception of yourself that is untrue, you will only create doubt – and probably be found out,” he says.

This will get you a job ... but not the right one THE NUMBER CRUNCH 91% of recruiters perform social networking screens of applicants 70% of recruiters reject applicants based on what they found online 9% of applicants were rejected because of photos of them drinking 13% of applicants were rejected because they were caught lying about their qualification 68% of applicants were hired because of their Facebook profile 13% of applicants were vetoed for making racist comments 38% of applicants were knocked back for exaggerating their qualifications and skills

Emily Gadd, 27, a freelance TV researcher who works in London and Cardiff, owns two Facebook profiles. “While I wouldn’t have any reason to hide my personal profile from my boss – even if all my photos seem to show me drunk – I can’t remember what I was posting on there when I was 20, so it’s not worth the risk,” she says.

Don’t go mad

Source: careerbuilders.co.uk/ Microsoft

Checks and balances

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

Minimise risk

To avoid something buried deep in your Facebook history coming back to haunt you in the future – embarrassing photos, silly posts – lock down your privacy settings and create a new career-friendly profile. “Google yourself and understand what people can and can’t see about you, including what comments people make on your Facebok page, and the comments you make on theirs,” Owen says. “As a rule of thumb, don’t put anything up you wouldn’t want your grandma to see.”

Before you start deleting all your zany photos, keep in mind bosses don’t necessarily want to hire someone straitlaced and buttoned-down. This was backed up by a US study which concluded that Facebook users with a lot of friends and photos of good times possess the sought-after traits of being extroverted and friendly – and the findings were born out of how well these people NEXT WEEK perform at work. Just hide the Seasonal jobs pic of you naked in London on the tabletop.

How did you get into your line of work? I started off as a runner at Sky News and, after pestering the head of the football department, secured an interview in the statistics office. It was essentially a 30-part football quiz, so right up my street. I passed the test and remained at Sky for five years before going freelance. What do you do day-to-day? I compile football ‘stat packs’ used by commentators, presenters and reporters as they broadcast live. I begin work on a Saturday game about five days before, write stats on all players/managers and look for any interesting trends that can paint a picture for the forthcoming match. What’s the best part of your job? The buzz of working in live TV. On matchday I am either at a Premier League ground or in the studio. What’s the most challenging? Ensuring my stats are accurate.

HOW TO...MAKE

YOUR JOB BETTER • Getting away from the grind

makes people happy. Fact. So, never leave holiday days on the table. Use them over several short trips, rather than one big one.

• Become a mentor. Helping

someone else achieve their goals emphasises your strengths and takes your focus off your own problems.

• Socialise more. Start with your co-workers, whether that be going out for lunch or chatting around the watercooler.

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tntjobs.co.uk IPG T: 07716 376 408

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £10,000 by Summer

IPG is an international company marketing leisure events (paintball, go-karting, theme parks).

Work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Free drinks every Friday night. 07716 376 408

PRIVATE Spinal injured media professional requires a care assistant (non-agency).

JOB OF THE WEEK: Care Assistant (full time alternate weeks) Location: Manchester Salary: £679 per week worked (pre Tax & NI) Care assistant required for sociable gay disabled media professional. Needs personal, domestic, social assistance. Work/live-in alternate weeks. Driver essential. Start late May/June. No experience necessary. Send informal info about yourself, photo and CV carejobstu@mail.com

THE PHEASANT INN T: 017687 76234 www.the-pheasant.co.uk With an abundance of unique period atmosphere and a sense of timelessness, The Pheasant has earned a well deserved national and International reputation.

JOB OF THE WEEK: General Assistant Couple FREE LIVE IN + IMMEDIATE START!! Location: Lake District Salary: £13K each Couple required to assist in top end 3 star, 15 bedroom hotel in Lake District. Duties to include front of house, bar and restaurant. Minimum 6 months experience required, references essential. English to be 1st language, must enjoy rural location. Applications to: wylie@the-pheasant.co.uk | 017687 76234

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CASH-SAVING TIPS DIFFERENT KIND OF SALE Xxxxxxxxx Lovers of things quirky and curious, visit the XXXXXXXXX Alternative Bring and Xxxxxxxxxxx Buy sale for goods to suit your look and lifestyle: XXXXXXXXX goth, punk, fetish, cyber, Xxxxxxxxxxx or just weird. Bring your own unwanted pieces XXXXXXXXX – fashion, accessories and Xxxxxxxxxxx music – or sift though everyone else’s. The sale is XXXXXXXXX on April 22 at Tufnell Park. Xxxxxxxxxxx alternativebringandbuy.co.uk

CHEAP CALLS ABROAD Avoid being stung by pricey roaming charges with the Vyke Abroad app. When wifi is available, you pay only the cost of the call (from 1p a minute, or texts from 4p), and when making a data connection, charges are reduced by up to 97.2 per cent.

HOW YOU SPEND IT! I’ve set up a weekly standing order from my first account. Any money-saving tips for life in London? Use mysupermarket.co.uk to compare grocery food prices.

POLLY KAUR, 30 JOB Media PR FROM Birmingham LIVES Wandsworth How do you budget? After deducting my rent, bills, travel, savings and

What non-essential items do you buy? I’m addicted to buying DVDs at the moment; I could open my own video shop!

Hooked on having fun Corrie star Jimmi Harkishin has been hanging out with £150-an-hour bisexual escort and porn star Kat Lee. So what? Loaded celebs want good times and they’ll pay for it

GET MORE TAX BACK Tax-free allowances rose last week. But millions of people still don’t claim enough back because their tax codes are wrong – so make sure yours is right. Yes, it’s boring, but it might give you an extra hundred quid.

❚ England footballer Wayne Rooney is said to have paid £1200 for a seedy liaison with vice girl Helen Wood in Manchester last year – while his wife, Collen, was pregnant. The dirty dawg. ❚ An off-the-rails Charlie

hmrc.gov.uk/incometax Photos: Getty

overdraft, my final wage (what’s left of it) is the money I can spend. I have two bank accounts; the first is my main account happily clearing my overdraft, and the second is my personal spending account, where

Last big blow-out? I’m going through a serious health kick, so I walked into my local organic health food store. Twenty minutes later, I was £80 poorer, but far healthier!

HOW THEY SPEND IT!

vyke.com

PHNOM PENH /70 COLOMBIA /72

LIFESTYLEMONEY

‘Tastes like winning’

Sheen (left) thought nothing of splashing £315,000 on hookers and drugs last year when his urges to party became uncontrollable.

❚ R&B singer D’Angelo was allegedly stung for trying to pay £25 for sex with an undercover cop who posed as a prostitute in New York in 2010. ❚ Hugh Grant infamously paid £37 for oral sex from Hollywood streetwalker Divine Brown in his BMW in 1995. He was busted after cops noticed his brake lights repeatedly being pressed.

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LIFESTYLELIVING HOME

STYLE .99

£19

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Cash in on your home

Twister espresso set Grown-up reminders of being a kid truffleshuffle.co.uk

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Here’s how to make big bucks from your pad during the Olympics WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

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Nearly a million people are expected to arrive in London to watch 17,000 athletes at the Olympics this summer – plus there are thousands more flooding here from around the world to work at the Games. Hotels are booking up fast and as a result savvy Londoners are offering their homes to rent for very attractive sums. If you’re going away or have another place to stay, it makes sense to get involved, too.

How much can you make?

£7.

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Damn dishes tea towel If Mr T says it, you damn well do it hunkydoryhome.co.uk

It all depends on your property – people look to rent near the Olympic sites, but also in proximity to central London so they’re close to action, says Claire Whisker, the founder of London homestay provider Vive Unique. “Dalston is an obvious choice, but Islington is also really popular because you’re near the Games and still in Zone One,” she says. But you can still make a buck if your place is out west, because many won’t mind the journey. A four-bedroom house close to the Olympic Park can go for £400 a night, says Whisker. One client, William Roberts, a 34year-old lawyer from Queensland, is letting his two-bedroom Bermondsey flat out for two weeks at £4720. Selina Hoare, 34, an editor for a legal company, who has a three-bedroom apartment in Shepherd’s Bush, uses Home Away to rent her property. She says: “I’ve got one week booked for the Olympics for quite a silly price – I’m making £3500. It’s insane not to do it if you like holidays

Home is where the cash is: set yourself up and you go away a lot. It means I can go on holiday a lot more.”

Is it for you? You are letting strangers into your home, and you’ll have to leave your furniture and possessions there. Hoare says she has come home to find things missing and claims people have smoked in her flat. But, she says, for the most part, people respect her possessions and have been fine. Simon Hughes, managing director of Conran Estates, says: “When renting on a holiday-let basis, be mindful the deposit is normally only a few hundred pounds, so you risk losing more than its value. Even worse is what would happen if tenants emptied your

home and damaged it. While you can go down the litigation route, ask yourself, how will you find them? And if they’re overseas, how will you take them to court?” But this scenario, thankfully, is rare. Cathy Sayer, a 31-year-old PR from Auckland,

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TENANT? If you don’t own your home, you could still make some moolah. Here are the pros and cons: You can also rent out your flat for photoshoots during the Olympics – this is often done on a daily basis, so you don’t have to move out for it to happen. Always check with your landlord beforehand – you may be able to agree on renting out a room or two while you’re there.

Move out and make money regularly rents out her two-bedroom Notting Hill apartment through Vive Unique to help pay for her mortgage and holidays. “I often return home to a cleaner flat than when I left it,” she says. “It’s hassle-free

income and I already have a booking over the Olympics for which I am earning roughly double what I would usually.” It’s still worth getting insurance, just in case anything does go wrong – most home insurance policies don’t cover commercial lettings, but ask for a policy from your existing insurer or get one through your homestay company if they offer the service. You’ll need to check with your mortgage lenders to make sure you’re not breaking the terms – often lenders allow tenants but not always on a holiday let. Also, check with HMRC for your tax obligations. These will vary depending on how much you earn.

How it works Start by signing up with a holiday or shortterm rental company, which will advertise

the property. Fees vary from £25 to £150 for a listing, or it may be free to list and instead the company will take a cut. You can upload your own photos or listings companies send a photographer over to get the best pictures for the advert. Be warned – renting your place is a competitive game, and your flat will have to be up to scratch. People usually look for comfortable flats or houses with modern fittings and facilities, like plasma TVs and power showers. Whisker says: “Make sure your home is really well presented. The homes that attract people on the website are clean, minimal and clutter free.” There are a few other ways to outdo the competition and earn more cash too. “Think about investing in a good quality airbed that you can store,” Whisker says. “A lot of guests are families and they’re more than happy for children to be sleeping on an airbed or a sofa bed. “Also, if a homeowner can say to me, ‘we’re this close to the Tube and there’s a fantastic supermarket across the road and a fantastic restaurant and café’ – these are things that will help us to sell their property and to sell the location.” Agents are expecting a last-minute rush, like before Wimbledon NEXT WEEK last year, so there’s still plenty of time Spotlight on to get listed before Kilburn the Games.

Be careful, as your contract may say you can’t sublet under any circumstances. But as this is technically a holiday let, you may be able to get around it. Some tenants leave their flats during the Olympics and are planning to split the proceeds from the rent with landlords – have a word with yours if you think they might be interested. But be careful – make sure you know whose deposit will be hit if something belonging to your landlord is damaged or stolen.

USEFUL SITES Thinking of doing it yourself? Try these sites ACCOMMODATE LONDON

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WORLDVIEW

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Fire: more fun than the cinema?

BORED COUPLE HEAT THINGS UP AUSTRALIA A married couple drove around their neighbourhood, setting fire to houses and cars because they needed time away from their kids. Alan and Rebecca Sloane, both 30, from Kalgoorlie, had been drinking when they decided to go on the rampage. They were arrested last year after Mr Sloane threw a molotov cocktail through a window of a house and set another on fire while occupants were still inside. Mr Sloane was jailed for nearly 10 years for 19 counts of arson. His wife was jailed for 14 months for seven counts. TWEETS OF THE WEEK @stephenfry I reserve the right to use oxygen and freedom in a silly and unwise way when the mood strikes. Or I’d have to live in Iran. @ajhmurray I find a woman even hotter the second day she’s in the paper telling me how hot she is. @realjeffreyross Can’t decide whether to take a nap or join a cult.

RHINO THIEF GETS THE (WRONG) HORN SOUTH AFRICA A dumb thief got less than he bargained for after stealing the horn from a fibreglass rhino in a burglary. The model, called Barendina, was hanging over a fireplace at Lombardini Game Farm in the Eastern Cape. Believing the horn to be real, the thief hacked it off, no doubt hoping he would be able to sell it on the black market for the going rate of up to £35,000. “I was angry at the time, but it was also funny,” 42

‘Probably the toughest event on the planet’: 2012 Toughmudder competitors try to drag each other up a mud slope on Phillip Island, Australia. More than 22,000 hardy souls took part in the obstacle course, which was designed by British Special Forces

the reserve’s owner, Susan Lottering, said. “We found it outside on the sidewalk with its horn cut off – the burglar was looking for money and they didn’t find any, so I suppose it caught their eye.” The fibreglass model commemorated the reserve’s first rhino.

SHIT FUELS RECORDBREAKING PUMPKIN NEW ZEALAND Horse manure is the secret behind a whopping 712kg vegetable that has broken the giant pumpkin record.

Eve Barton and her sons Alan and Jason, from Parua Bay in the Far North, smashed the top spot which they set two years ago. “We’re quite competitive” Eve says. “Had to see if we could beat 500kg!” The family, pictured, planted their pumpkin in October 2011 and fed it horse manure plus a combination of DAP and potash. It gained 20kg a day from about day 40. “It was really exciting to see,” Eve says. “There’s a special way of measuring the pumpkin with a tape measure; from three different measurements you get a pretty good idea of what it weighs.”

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 60

Age of a Colombian girl – one of the world’s youngest mums – who gave birth to a healthy baby girl

‘I caught it trying to sneak into first class’

SNAKES ON A PLANE. NO, REALLY!

AUSTRALIA A pilot was forced to land his plane in the Northern Territory after he was shocked to find a snake slithering out of the dashboard. In a scene straight out of comedyhorror Snakes On A Plane, Air Frontier pilot Braden Blennerhassett was flying freight when the reptile popped its head out of the transmit button that he needed to press to communicate with the tower. The snake is now missing, though, with the plane grounded until it is found. Air Frontier director Geoffrey Hunt said: “We have got another chap here who is an aircraft engineer and a snake handler and he had a look and couldn’t find it.”

POSTIES ‘A BUNCH OF SCAREDY CATS’

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

UNITED KINGDOM Royal Mail workers have been banned from delivering letters to a house, because of a really horrible moggy called ... Snowball. Postal bosses have said the black and white cat is a “health and safety” risk, after it allegedly attacked three staff. However, the cat’s owner, Ian Wilkinson, from Peterborough, called his 10inch-high pet “absolutely harmless”. He added: “Although I acknowledge that my cat is a very intelligent animal, she is not able to lift up a spring loaded flap, keep it open, push her paw through a double brush guard and maul an

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Speed, in mph, of a Czech cyclist who was being chased by police along a motorway

Amount, in per cent, of over 50s that regularly get high on drugs, according to a survey in Britain

Age, in years, of a British lad who thought it would be a good idea to put a raunchy video of him and his girlfriend on Facebook

Cats: weally scary unsuspecting delivery person in the time it takes to deliver a letter.” However Royal Mail has insisted Mr Wilkinson will not receive any mail until an “alternative safe delivery point” is arranged.

SITE OFFERS GIRLFRIEND DUTIES UNITED STATES Lonely guys can now pay girls to do girlfriend-like tasks at five dollars a pop, on a new website called GirlfriendHire.com. The women are hired to send texts, play pranks, be fake internet girlfriends and create fake breakups. The online marketplace lets girls offer services like fashion advice and homework help and charge five dollars for each task. The idea behind the site, set up by web entrepreneur Cody Krecicki, is to help teen boys look cool in front of their friends. The site, says Krecicki, a 22-year-old student, is a way “for girls to be their own bosses and guys to have something fun – a tool to use, if you want to call it that”.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Hilarious. I wish I had such an inflated view of my looks Illusionist Derren Brown wades in on the Samantha Brick ‘I’m so beautiful’ debate. And surely if there’s anyone capable of mind manipulation ...

5/4/12 17:46:21

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: CAROL DRIVER carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

Getting heated: Ken and Boris on LBC

Olympics clean up offers a fake view of London

Photos: YouTube

Tourists should get a chance to see grit of the real city

Areas of east London are going through a massive, expensive, overhaul to make everything look shiny and new in time for the Olympics. Last week, it was revealed even prostitutes are being cleared from the streets in a bid to make the area ‘more respectable’. Every morning on my walk to Leyton Tube, I get a glimpse of the stadium and its surrounds, which have paved over the mess there before. Something which I think is a shame. There are loads of new walking tours springing up in London at the moment, ready to show off our capital city to the masses, and I’m thinking of jumping on the bandwagon. I’d like to give those visiting for the Games a chance to witness the real city. It’d start from my house in Leytonstone to Leyton Tube. En route, we’d pass the rubbish strewn across the pavements – everything from beer cans to flyers. We’d get to see one of the street sweepers in action – hopefully the one who stands there, spitting into the road, applying a ‘one for the bin, one for the road’ mentality while cleaning. Then we’d sidestep the wretch-inducing piles of vomit, which are still glistening from the night before – often, I encounter three of four of these in one morning. Of course, we’d then come across the steaming dog shit – sometimes up to 10 a day. The real treat, though, will be the tampons left in the gutter. This isn’t the rare find you might think. I once had the pleasure of seeing a discarded bloodied sanitary towel which took Waltham Forest Council five days to clean away (well, it was a bank holiday). Another treat would be if we see the guy who masturbates in his car while watching young girls walk to school. Admittedly, I have only seen him once, and he drove off pretty quickly after I stood behind his car, taking down his reg. But he could be back as the police didn’t want to know when I tried to report it. So, there you have it, my alternative London walking tour. Who wants to sign up? » Agree or disagree? Is this the worst walk to work in London? letters@tntmagazine.com

STICK TO YOUR POLICIES, BOYS Not that the world of politics has moral standing, but Boris Johnson and Ken Livingstone sunk to an embarrassing low last week after appearing on an LBC radio station debate together. Labour Livingstone challenged Tory darling Johnson on-air about his tax affairs. Johnson was said to be “shaking with anger” afterwards, and cornered his rival in a lift, screaming: “It’s all fucking lies, it’s all fucking lies, it’s all fucking lies.” Of course, politics is dirty, and it’s rarely the best man who wins, but more often the person who can rake up enough dirt on their opponent. I, for one, am sick of

“

Ken is washed-up, Boris is a buffoon

”

this pair taking the debate away from what this election is all about: London. Livingstone is a washed-up leftie and Johnson is a buffoon. We know this already. But this is the choice we have. At least the candidates could help us out a little and stick to their policies, rather than turning this into a school-boy spat. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Kids who kill As a teen is jailed, why do children murder their parents? WORDS CAROL DRIVER The sentencing of Daniel Bartlam – the Nottingham teenager who bludgeoned his mother to death as she slept – has reignited the debate about whether TV makes kids violence. The former prep school pupil was obsessed with horror movies and a Coronation Street murder plot. Wanting to commit the “perfect murder”, Bartlam (above), aged just 14, battered Jacqueline, 47, seven times in the head with a lump hammer. He then doused her body with petrol and set fire to it, causing such significant burns, his mother could only be identified by dental records. Last week, Bartlam, now 16, was jailed for life. On his computer, police found video footage of Corrie killer John Stape, who carried out a similar attack in the TV show, as well as horror movies, such as Saw. During his trial, the jury was told Bartlam (pictured above) was a “young man who immersed himself in a fantasy world; fantasy worlds he wrote, television drama, films he accessed by the internet and other internet sites”. As a society, we are outraged every time a child kills their parent, often seeking some sort of explanation by way of justification. Bartlam is a case in point – headlines about his Corrie obsession screamed from newspapers last week. However, according to research, it isn’t as straightforward as laying the blame at the door of violent films and TV. According to psychologist and author of Why Kids Kill Parents, Kathleen M Heide, there are three types of children who murder their parents: the severely abused child, pushed beyond their limit; the severely mentally ill child; and the dangerous antisocial child. However, she states there still a few children who kill without any remorse, who have loving parents. “These are the kids who kill their parents merely for some sort of instrumental, selfish end – never having to ask before borrowing the car again, for instance,” she adds. Apparently, sometimes, there is no reason why kids kill. 46

Sef Gonzales, Sydney, Australia Armed with a bat and two kitchen knives, Sef Gonzales sneaked into his sister Clodine’s bedroom one evening in 2001, smashed her over the head and stabbed her. The 21-year-old then attacked his mother, Mary Loiva, as she arrived at their Sydney home, knifing her in the chest and stomach, then cutting her throat. His devout Catholic father, Teddy, met the same fate when he returned from work. After the murders, Gonzales, who was hoping to inherit his family’s $1.5m fortune, went partying, and even put a deposit down on a Porsche. Several months later, he was caught, and in 2004, Gonzales was given three life sentences.

Derek and Alex King, Florida, US The trial of Derek and Alex King gripped America in 2001. The brothers were just 12 and 13 respectively when they beat their father to death with a baseball bat as he slept on the sofa. The boys then set fire to their Florida home to conceal the evidence. Neighbour Ricky Chavis, a sex offender, was convicted of being an accessory to the murder. The boys claimed he encouraged them to lie by telling the police their father had abused them. The brothers were both jailed. The motive for the killing is still unknown.

Qi Ping, Zhongshan City, China In 2009, Qi Ping suffocated her parents, then chopped them into small pieces using a fruit knife and a hammer. She stayed in their Zhongshan City apartment with the severed bodies for four days before her landlord suspected anything. The 18-year-old said she became angry when her mother threatened her sick father with divorce. Qi sneaked up on her, put a plastic bag over her head, tied her hands behind her back, and watched her die. Her unwell father pleaded with her to call the police, but Qi killed him the same way. When her landlord came knocking, she confessed all.

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Clockwise: Brian and Sydney Blackwell; Ashleigh and Holly Robinson; Alex and Derk King

Robinson sisters, Colwyn Bay, North Wales At 1am in July 2010, Ashleigh Robinson’s mother, Joanne Barr, received a text which read: “Things happened, he is no more. Sorry mum xxx.” The 19-year-old sent the message as her father, Antoni, 61, lay dying. She and her sister, Holly, 16, had enlisted the help of their boyfriends, Gordon Harding, 20, and Sacha Roberts, 19, to murder him. They crept into Antoni’s bedroom, and Gordon stabbed him 15 times with a kitchen knife and a seven-inch commando-style blade as the sisters watched. All four were found guilty of murder.

Bryan & David Freeman, Allentown, Pennsylvania With their skinheads and neo-Nazi tattoos, brothers Bryan and David Freeman resented their devout Jehovah Witnesses upbringing from a young age. Things came to a head in 1995 when Bryan, 17, stabbed their mother, Brenda, to death after trying to sneak out after curfew. Their cousin, Ben Birdwell, and David, 16, then went upstairs to kill the brothers’ father, Dennis, hitting him over the head with a pickaxe handle, before slitting his throat. They then attacked their younger brother, Erik, with a bat, hitting him so hard, it cracked his skull and his eye popped out. All three were jailed.

Photos: Getty

Brian Blackwell, Liverpool, UK The 18-year-old was considered a model student. However, in 2004, after a row over money with his parents, Sydney and Jacqueline Blackwell, Brian snapped. He battered his father with a claw hammer and stabbed him 30 times with a 10-inch carving knife, before knocking his mother Jacqueline unconscious and stabbing her. Brian escaped to New York with his girlfriend Amal Saba, 17, using his dead father’s credit cards to pay for a suite in a five-star hotel. He told Saba the cash was from a £70,000 tennis sponsorship deal. He was convicted of manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility and jailed for life.

Not guilty: David Bain

THE DAVID BAIN CASE WHEN THEY GET IT WRONG In 1994, David Bain was charged and jailed after five members of his immediate family were shot dead in their home in Dunedin, New Zealand. The bodies of his mother Margaret, and his teenage sisters Arawa, Laniet and brother Stephen were in their beds. The body of his father, Robin, was in the lounge. Renowned as one of the most complex murder trials in New Zealand, David’s defence claimed it was Robin who killed his family, then committed suicide. In 1995, David was given a life sentence. He maintained his innocence, appealing numerous times before, in 2007, the Privy Council held a five-day hearing and quashed David’s murder conviction, concluding “a substantial miscarriage of justice”. After a three-month retrial in 2009, David was found not guilty on five charges. He had served more than 13 years in jail.

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SPORTNEWS ALL OVER FOR GC UNITED FOOTBALL Australian football’s players’ association says an A-League club must never be allowed to fail again after Gold Coast United became the third team on the competition’s scrap heap. Football Federation Australia (FFA) confirmed the club would not continue, just a day after announcing it would bankroll a new Sydney franchise next season. While blaming a lack of public and corporate support for a team in the region, FFA laid the blame at former owner Clive Palmer. It said the team, while under his control, had failed to engage with the community and build a “football culture” around the club.

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Digging deep: Austraralian kayaker Warwick Draper trains after hearing of his selection to compete at London 2012, his third Olympic Games. The 35-year-old will give it his all in the K1 slalom event, and says it’s all about securing a medal this time around

WILLIAMS SET FOR SOUTH AFRICA FIGHT BOXING Sonny Bill Williams could be in line for a fight that would clash with the All Blacks three-series test against Ireland, South African boxing promoter Brian Mitchell has confirmed. “He is certainly a big character, there is lots of talk and interest in him,” Mitchell said. Williams would drop from heavy to cruiserweight for the bout, with South African Danny Venter rumoured to be in line for the contest, the winner of which will pocket £160,000.

DEMONS FLICK £1.29M SPONSOR AFL Melbourne Demons has dumped Energywatch as a sponsor after its CEO made controversial comments. Ben Polis has admitted to statements attacking Asians, Aborigines, women and Prime Minister Julia Gillard, although he has tried to dissmiss them as jokes. His comments included one about embattled Demons forward Liam Jurrah, after the indigenous player was recently arrested over an alleged machete attack. Featured on Polis’ Facebook page was a photo of Jurrah altered to picture him holding a machete, under which was an insulting remark. 48

PLAYING AWAY? Unlike the England cricket team, you can do it anywhere

www.pssremovals.com

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I would think if someone is going to offer him £200,000 a week it could turn his head a little, yes! Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp appears to be bracing for a bid from Manchester City for Luka Modric

Phil Jagielka tackles Luis Suarez

PREVIEW Double derbies serve up FA Cup drama LIVERPOOL V EVERTON

SAT, 12.30PM/ESPN

TOTTENHAM V CHELSEA SUN, 6PM/ITV1

The Merseyside and London derbies – in the semis of the FA cup. You’d be hard pressed to write a script that was as loaded with as much expectation, venom and propensity for drama as this draw has delievered. This season has been a tough one for Liverpool, with new signing flops, race

rows, and a lowly league position mounting pressure on the underfire manager Kenny Dalglish. FA Cup success will be top of his list of priorities to appease those calling for his head, and to do this by over their dearest rivals would make it that bit sweeter. Spurs and Chelsea are locked in a fight for that last champions league spot, Harry Redknapp’s men suffering an endof-season stutter just as Chelsea come good under Roberto Di Matteo. Both have empty trophy cabinets after recent fruitless seasons, so will be aiming to end this season on a high.

THE CHAT | Di Matteo for permanenent job

I’m watching Bear Grylls cope with the frigid French Alps before bedtime. If it snows tomorrow in Colombo I shall be the man to turn to England spinner Graeme Swann was always unlikely to get his wish in sweltering Sri Lanka.

We need a ladder to stop a player like Zlatan Ibrahimovic because he’s so tall Barcelona boss Pep Guardiola remains wary of the aerial threat of AC Milan’s premier strike force

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FORMULA ONE Di Matteo has won seven of his nine Q Roberto games since taking over the Chelsea reigns from AVB – should he get the job full-time? Matteo has steered the Blues to their most successful A Di period this season, and should he land owner Roman Abramovich the Champions League title – they’re two games from the final, sadly those are against defending champs Barcal – the job most likely would be his. Unless Barcelona’s Pep Guardiola puts his hand up, that is. Di Matteo has harnessed Chelsea’s experience and is popular among the players. He refuses to take any credit himself and manages his team’s big egos well, but while Di Matteo may deserve the job, who really knows what lurks in the mind of Abramovich?

Chinese Grand Prix The season’s third race, from Shanghai Sunday 8am, BBC1

CRICKET West Indies vs Australia Coverage of the first Test face-off Monday-Wednesday 2.55pm, Sky Sports 3

FOOTBALL Norwich v Manchester City Roberto Di Matteo

Every game’s a must-win for City now Saturday 12.45, Sky Sports 2 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

Sir Alex Ferguson with Fred The Red

League title would be the sweetest of Fergie’s career But is Sir Alex ready to fend off Mancini’s City long-term?

» Have City still got it in them to pip United to the title? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

Augusta National, dispenser of ludicrously lapelled green jackets, and home of The Masters, has come under fire once again for its policy of maleonly membership. Quizzed about the issue ahead of this year’s tournament, Augusta chairman Billy Payne contemptibly replied: “Thank you for your question, sir.” It’s hard to believe Augusta’s stance on female membership is even legal: it’s patently absurd that one of the golf’s major institutions should exclude women from its membership using that familiar veil of ‘tradition’ to hide its tedious prejudice.

“

Augusta’s stance is patently absurd

”

Not that women are missing much. From my experience it seems that the capacity to bore a person to dust is a prerequisite for membership at most golf clubs. Official and unoffical membership policies stilt the sport’s demographic and Augusta’s inaction says that’s ok. It’s not.

Photos: Getty

Manchester United’s clashes with Blackburn have an odd habit of settling title races, and while Antonio Valencia’s 81st minute strike last week will not be the final word in this 2011/12’s Premier League duel, it certainly gives Man U the upper hand over their crosstown neighbours as they enter the home straight. It’s a testament to the incredible winding narrative of football that, should United claim this year’s title, it would surely be among the most enjoyable of Fergie’s tenure at United. And, perhaps, a fitting end to the career of one of the game’s greatest managers. It would be, but it won’t. Because if we know anything about Alex Ferguson, it’s that he doesn’t like to be overshadowed. The idea Sir Alex would leave United in the hands of a newcomer to fend off a mutated Man City, replete with the funds necessary to consign his United to the same dusty footballing tome as Shankly’s Liverpool, Arsenal’s Invincibles and Mourinho’s Chelski, seems utterly contrary to the man Ferguson has proved himself to be during his 25 years at United. Winning the Premier League would be the first step in seeing off City’s challenge. It’s yet to be seen whether Abu Dhabi Investment’s money is as fickle as Robert Mancini’s opinion of Carols Tevez, but boardroom frustration leads to upheaval, and if there’s anything the Abramovich experiment has taught us, it’s that upheaval does not a Premier Leaguewinning team make. Should United secure this year’s league title, it won’t just be the sweetest victory of Fergie’s career but also the most impressive, because when you compare the United squad with City’s, man-for-man, the reality is, City are far stronger. If it was any team other than City, would Ferguson care as much? Doubtful. Oddly, the arrival of big money at Eastlands might have inadvertently extended the tenure of Ferguson at Old Trafford. And that’s the best news United fans will hear this season.

AUGUSTA’S WOMEN POLICY UNDER FIRE

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Ready for the jump Over here, the Grand National is the race that stops a nation WORDS TOM STURROCK

Each November, Australia’s Melbourne Cup makes instant pundits of the most clueless horse-fanciers, and this weekend’s Grand National has a similar effect on otherwise disinterested Brits. At Aintree racetrack, just outside Liverpool, 40 horses thunder around the four-mile track, jumping 30 fences as they race to the finish, competing for an increasingly lucrative prize pool, which, this year is only slightly shy of £1m. Like any great horse race, the National has its own peculiar folklore, its own esoteric litany of legends and intractable controversies. One need not be familiar with all the details to enjoy the race’s spectacle, but it might be nice to at least pretend you know all about it.

the race itself – including two, Ornais and Dooneys Gate, last year. These fatalities have made the race a target for animal welfare protests. Although they haven’t managed to have the race completely shut down, they have succeeded in improving the standard of trackside veterinary care and having some of the more dangerous obstacles modified. One obstacle, Beecher’s Brook, an 8ft-wide brook with a fence set a yard in front of the water, has developed a reputation as the course’s most dangerous. It’s named after Captain Martin Beecher, who fell there from his horse during the first official Grand National in 1839, and hid in the brook to avoid injury.

Origins

Back in 1928, William Dutton, the jockey of a horse called Tipperary Tim, heard a heckler call out: “Billy boy, you’ll only win if the rest of them fall over.” The sledge proved prophetic as 41 of the 42 runners fell. On a heavy track, a major pile-up reduced the field to seven before the field was culled to three by the second-last fence. Then, remarkably, the saddle slipped off the leading horse, the second fell and Tipperary Tim romped home to unlikeliest of victories. The reverse occurred in 1956 when Devon Loch had pulled away to lead by five lengths with the finish line in sight. But then, 40 yards from the post, the horse belly-flopped on to the turf and would not be coaxed into finishing the race.

There is dispute over when the first Grand National was actually run – it moved to Aintree in 1839, but there was a race over the same distance run for three years at nearby Maghull. There is no dispute, though, over the man who founded it. William Lynn, the head of a syndicate and pub owner, set out a course at Aintree and built the grandstand. Like any savvy publican, he probably knew that a massive horse race could only be good for business. Aintree has hosted the Nationals ever since, except for three years during the First World War, when it was relocated to Gatwick Racecourse, which is now occupied by Gatwick airport. Again proving their puritanical snootiness, some National experts refuse to recognise these three races, often leaving them off their list of winners.

Controversy The Grand National’s fences make it an unusually dangerous race for the horses involved. On average, three horses die each year during the three-day meeting, of which the Grand National is the centrepiece, and 76 have died during 52

Victory from the jaws of defeat and vice versa

Chaos in 1967 One of the most bizarre incidents occurred in 1967 when, on the 23rd fence, Popham Down, who had thrown his rider on the first jump, created havoc by wandering across the course into the path of those still racing. A frightful pile-up ensued and some horses even starting running the wrong way. Amid the confusion, a horse named Foinavon, who had been about 100 yards behind the leaders, was able to storm

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From left: there’s alway spills at the National; the fans love the action; Red Rum in 1968

home. Foinavon had been at juicy 100/1 odds pre-race and his owner had had so little faith in his horse, he hadn’t even bothered turning up to watch. In recognition of Foinavon’s famous victory, the fence near the spot where the melee occurred named after him.

Red Rum One horse, above all, is forever linked to the Grand National – between 1973 and 1977, Red Rum won the race three times and finished second on two other occasions. His first win was the most dramatic – at the last fence, he was 15 lengths behind the leader but reeled him in on the run-in to win by a yard or so. Four years later, when he won the race for a third time, as a 12-year-old, he became the toast of the racing world. He retired shortly after, but remained a national celebrity, being wheeled out to open supermarkets and his likeness appearing on all manner of merchandise. When he died in 1995, the story appeared on the front pages of the newspapers and, perhaps most significantly, Red Rum was remembered as a horse that helped the Grand National regain its relevance at a time when its popularity had dipped.

Photos: Getty

The race that wasn’t A remarkable turn of events led to the 1995 race being stricken from the record, no winner recognised and the result declared null and void. The starting tape failed to come up properly, causing one jockey to become entangled. A false start was declared but 30 of the 39 remaining jockeys didn’t not realise and set off regardless. Officials did their best to stop the jockeys, running on to the track with red flags, but many dismissed them as protesters, who had become increasingly active in the preceeding years. Seven horses ran the entire race, ensuring it be written off. Even worse, the horse that went past the post first, Esha Ness, finished in the second-fastest time in history.

Synchronised in action

INSTANT EXPERT WHO’LL WIN THIS YEAR? As history shows, the result of the Grand National is hard to predict but there are a handful of stand-out favourites this year. While Junior and Synchronised are among the early favourites, plenty will also fancy Ballabriggs, who was so impressive in winning the race last year. No horse since Red Rum in 1974 has won back-to-back Nationals but the Irish gelding is deemed as could a chance as any reigning champion of recent years. In a neat piece of coincidence, Ballabriggs is trained by Donald McCain, the son of the late ‘Ginger’ McCain, the legendary trainer who looked after Red Rum before passing away last year. “I love Aintree,” McCain said last week. “I have grown up with it but you couldn’t describe what it meant to Dad.”

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A VIP HOLIDAY TO CROATIA’S HOTTEST BEACH CLUB, PAPAYA The party never stops at Club Papaya – Croatia’s super club on the island of Pag – and TNT T is offering a lucky reader the chance to dance til the sun comes up over the sea at their famous Day And Night Festival, headlined by Armin Van Buuren (July 17-20, 2012). The prize includes return flights from London to Zadar, airport transfers to Novalja and accommodation in an apartment for two people – plus entry into the VIP bar at Papaya, where they will meet headliner international DJ Eddie Halliwell and also receive a Fire it Up goodie bag. Day and

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THE SHEAR CHEEK OF IT A ram has his wool trimmed in preparation for the Sydney Royal Easter Show at the Sydney Showground. The annual event is Australia’s largest, attracting about 900,000 visitors.

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

INSIDE

GEORDIE SHORES /58

CITIES BY THE SEA /66

COLOURFUL COAST /72

Put down that lolly water and do Newcastle’s famed nightlife with a dash of sophistication and swagger instead.

The sun is coming out to play, so there’s never been a better time to bag yourself a city break and beach holiday rolled into one.

Head to Colombia’s Cartagena on the Caribbean coast for a never-ending street party, with sexy salsa and kitesurfing to boot. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

@tntmagazine

Water war: expect a soaking at Songkran

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

INLAND ICELAND I always figured Iceland was a pretty well-worn stop on the tourist trail (the country, not the shop), but a whistlestop visit this week proved me wrong.

SONGKRAN (THAI NEW YEAR) Thailand Prepare to be drenched as natives and tourists alike hit Thailand’s streets armed with water pistols and buckets of H20, the entire country 13-15 erupting into an all-out water war that signals the beginning of the solar year. And while you can expect a thorough soaking from everyone you meet, it actually makes for a welcome relief in what is the hottest month of the year. APR

WHY: The original tradition of gently sprinkling water over one another to cleanse the spirit, mind and body has been abandoned in favour of a massive water fight. Household images of Buddha are also bathed, and young Thais respectfully drizzle scented water over their elders’ hands.

tourismthailand.org

TRELAWNY YAM FESTIVAL

Phnom Penh, Cambodia

CHAUL CHNAM THMEY

Yam basket races, donkey parades, gospel concerts, 9 yam hill digging contests, rum drinking contests, a Yam Queen parade and, of course, a wide variety of yam-themed cuisine all feature. Get yammy with it.

The Khmer New Year represents the end of the 13-16 harvesting season. Incense is burned, holy water and coloured talcum powder is thrown around, and statues of Buddha are cleansed in tribute. Makes a less touristy alternative to Songkran in Thailand this week.

Albert Town, Jamaica APR

APR

stea.net/events/tyf

TARTAN DAY PARADE

tourismcambodia.com

COACHELLA

New York City, US

Indio, California, US

Tartan Week culminates in 10,000 pipers and drummers 14 gathered on 6th Avenue to form the world’s largest pipe band. It celebrates Scotland’s Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, the inspiration behind America’s own Declaration years later.

California’s legendary music fest brings The Black Keys, 13-15 Radiohead, Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg to the stage, with Florence + The Machine, The Shins, Bon Iver and more also on the bill. The festival is back for a second weekend on April 20-22.

APR

tartanweek.com

DO IT BECAUSE: The festival is a chance for the whole country to cool off as it falls at the end of the dry season – it’s no wonder that everyone takes to the sparring with such relish. For the craziest celebrations, head to Chiang Mai, where Songkran lasts six days.

APR

coachella.com

Photos: Getty

It was while I was eating pancakes with the president ‘round his gaff that I realised, far from being the sort of chap only too happy to clear a space in his teeming schedule to host a journo for a cup of tea and a chat, he’s probably not actually got that much to do. He might be head of state, but there are only 320,000 people in that state to head up. So, what the hell, why not put the pancakes on? What I learned, essentially, is that Iceland is a far more remote country than I had thought. Of course, Reykjavik, the Blue Lagoon and the Golden Circle (geyser, waterfall, funny rock formations) receive plenty of visitors. But consider that Reykjavik is home to two-thirds of the entire population, and that the Golden Circle can easily be done in a day, and it quickly occurs that there are vast areas of this 103,000sqkm country that lay undiscovered, and are positively pregnant with potential for adventure. The landscape here feels like The Land That Time Forgot – looming black mountains, patches of bloodred earth that once flowed as lava, smoking holes in the ground. Iceland’s settlements are all situated in a ring around the country, leaving a wild interior of glaciers and volcanoes, which means the further inland you travel, the more outdoor action beckons. We named going deeper into Iceland one of our top travel tips for 2012 at the beginning of the year, and I’m sticking to my story. Now that easyJet is flying in each week, there’s never been a better time to go – while it’s cheap to get there, and before everyone else cottons on.

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NAKED TOURS Naked tours of Sydney’s Museum of Contemporary Art are to be offered later this month, for ‘adults only’. The museum explained that viewing works without clothes is intended to encourage art-lovers to “gain a new perspective”. The website added that visitors will “remove the material barriers between artist and audience (literally) when you join artist Stuart Ringholt’s tour, followed by a nude reception”. Curator Rachel Kent said: “Sydney loves nude people, if the nude beaches are anything to go by.” Hey, who doesn’t love nude people?

A TITANIC TIME The Titanic Belfast – a museum that resembles the shape of the ship’s bow – is now open for business. Commemorating the ill-fated maiden voyage of the Titanic 100 years ago, the £100m project features recreations of the ship’s decks and cabins, and tells the Titanic story through nine galleries. It is located beside the slipway where the liner was built. It is hoped the museum will provide a major tourism boost for Northern Ireland. A Titanic Festival is ongoing in Belfast until April 22. For more, check out belfastcity.gov.uk/titanic.

PLANE STALKING The concept of ‘social seating’ is “a completely scary idea”, according to 38 per cent of the more than 2000 customers polled by travel website holidayextras.com. The practice allows air passengers access to each other’s social media profiles in order to choose who to sit next to on the flight. It is apparently being tested by a number of airlines, including KLM, which calls its service ‘meet and seat’. Just 1 per cent of women surveyed were in favour of the romantic possibilities of social seating, compared to 4 per cent of men.

ISSUES FOR IBERIA Spanish airline Iberia has launched legal action to ban 30 days of strikes, planned by its pilots to affect flights on every Monday and Friday between now and July. The strikes are to protest the company’s new low-cost carrier, Iberia Express. According to the pilots, the new business will divert 40 planes from the main airline, slashing 8000 jobs. But Iberia has countered that the new operation is vital to increasing profitability, and is even fighting for compensation for the 12 days of strikes that hit the airline between December and March.

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Classy: Newcastle offers more than hen-dos and blue WKD

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Newcastle

ENGLAND ENGLAND WALES

LONDON

GETTING THERE East Coast Trains runs services from London King’s Cross to Newcastle starting at £28 oneway, pre-booked. (eastcoast.co.uk)

Visit SIX, the rooftop restaurant at BALTIC, an imposing centre of contemporary art across the River Tyne. Dine on the likes of prosciutto-wrapped pheasant and take in the view of Newcastle’s seven bridges. (balticmill.com) No visit to Newcastle is complete without visiting Oseburn Valley and The Cluny, tucked awkwardly under Biker Bridge. This pub and live music venue simply rocks. (thecluny.com) For a modern, stylish hotel located next to Newcastle Central Station, stay at Sleeperz Hotel from £58.50 for a double room. (sleeperz.com) Just off the lovely Quayside area, Marco Polo dishes up imaginative Italian food. (marcopolonewcastle.com) Enter a bohemian world of mystical escapism, Eastern finery and exorbitant luxury at Tup Tup Palace. Complete with flame wall and waterfalls, obviously. (tuptuppalace.com)

Try a sophisticated night on the Toon, unlike this lass

Street theatre at Grainger Town

The Euro Hostel provides a fun and comfortable place to rest your head. Rooms have en suites and the Ware Rooms Restaurant & Bar is a huge area that really gets pumping. From £16pn. (euro-hostels.co.uk)

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UKTRIP

Geordie shores Put down that lolly water and do Newcastle’s famed nightlife with a dash of swagger instead WORDS REBECCA KENT

Newcastle’s nightlife is an attraction that doesn’t need labouring. For decades its haunts have been colonised by raging stag and hen parties, and thousands of hormonefuelled university students hell-bent on a Geordie-style Saturday night. “There are two universities here and 40,000 students between them. In a city as small as Newcastle, that’s enough to make quite an impact,” says my guide, Jan. Indeed. I’ve barely left the hostel when I spy one drunk mini-skirted lass fall down like a sack of potatoes. Minutes later, a voluptuous ‘hen’, a tequila shot away from collapsing, wraps herself around an obliging bouncer. But to dismiss Newcastle’s nightlife as a collection of stickyfloored haunts, awash with blue WKD, is to underestimate it completely. Classy establishments and hipster hangouts are cropping up faster than greased lightning. Here’s our pick of the best, so you can get sozzled on the cutting-edge. Tokyo, 17 Westgate Road Shoot up to the roof terrace on a summer’s night, with mojito in hand, and enjoy the chill-out tunes piping overhead. A worn-brick wall inset with candles and fairy lights lends a sophisticated glow. See: tokyonewcastle.co.uk Class rating: 4/5

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock; Britainonview; British Tourist Authority; TNT

Popolo Bar, 82-84 Pilgrim Street The hip and the hungry come here to knock back cocktails and nibbles, while soaking up its trendy ambience. This city centre bar has a loyal following of artists and musicians, who enjoy the venue’s faux-industrial, gritty setting. The food here is on the posh side – think upmarket pizza and classy pasta dishes – and the cocktails have names like Gin Laden and Freaky Tiki. See: popolo.co.uk Class rating: 3/5 No. 1 Grey Street, 1 Grey Street Grandiose on so many levels, this venue feel like a film set of a Hollywood epic. It’s also frequented by the odd footballer and there’s great people-watching to be had. Expect to hear the latest music echoing around the bar. Class rating: 4/5

Barluga, 35 Grey Street Fancy yourself a smattering of caviar and champagne to wash it down? This is your spot – a hangout for the beautiful. Join them in sipping on fine wines, daahling. See: barluga.co.uk Class rating: 5/5 Jalou, Neville Street New to the Central Station scene, this nightspot captures the stylings of 19th-century Paris. Think Moulin Rouge and the French capital as Renior knew it. Get your va va voom on and check out the fancy red staircase. See: jalou.co.uk Class rating: 3/5 Perdu, 20 Collingwood Street This is the place for a little stylish fun on the ‘Diamond Strip’. Chic and sophisticated, it’s a popular haunt for fashionistas and students, who drape themselves over the plush decor – think crushed velvet, snakeskin and black glass panels. The cocktails seem to be having a bit of an identity crisis – do you fancy the Great Gatsby or the Rhinestone Cowgirl? Whatever your choice, get stuck in. See: perdubar.com Class rating: 4/5 The Cut, 7 St Nicholas Street This ‘deconstructed musik space’ models itself on Berlin squat parties and plays everything from dubstep to drum ‘n’ bass. We recommend a trendy haircut before attempting to get in. See: whatisthecut.com Class rating: 4/5 The morning after Check out some street theatre in Grainger Town. Not as much fun as the performances of punters on Newcastle’s streets on any given weekend, but that is the stuff that money simply can’t buy. ❚

NEXT WEEK The UK’s weirdest extreme sports. Blokarting, anyone?

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LATEDEALS

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On the Go is offering a 2-for-1 deal on a 10-day tour of Vietnam, priced at £969

DEAL OF THE WEEK OKTOBERFEST

£169

A four-day tour is £169pp with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours. com). Includes accommodation, tour leader and commemorative T-shirt. Excludes flights. Book by April 22; departs September 28.

< £250

ROME Three nights in Rome is £289pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs August 23. JORDAN An eight-day tour of Jordan is £480pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com). Visiting Petra, Amman, Wadi Rum, Jerash and more. Includes B&B accommodation, desert camp, Red Sea, guide and desert safari. Excludes flights. Departs June 23. SAIL GREECE An eight-day Bodrum to Mykonos sailing tour is £359pp (save £340) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes seven nights on an ‘A’ category private boat with ensuite, some meals, tour leader and crew. Excludes flights, port tax and local payment. Book by April 22; departs June 24.

> £500 VIETNAM On The Go is offering a 2-for-1 deal on the 10-day ‘Very Vietnam’ tour, priced at £969 (020 73711113; onthegotours.com). Visiting Hanoi, Halong Bay, HCMC and more. Includes accommodation, some meals, and guide. Excludes international flights. Departs May 5. TURKEY A 12-Day tour is £524pp (save 30 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours. com). Visiting Istanbul, Gallipoli, Troy, and more. Includes accommodation, most meals, guide and more. Excludes flights, excludes local payment. Book by April 22; departs May 19. THAILAND Three nights in Bangkok is £599pp (save £440) with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference BKKLONPAC1. Includes five-star accommodation and return flights. Book by April 23; valid for travel June 1-30.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

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EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar 1.54 New Zealand dollar 1.95 South African rand 12.36 Polish złoty 4.99 Euro 1.20 US dollar 1.54 Canadian dollar 1.57 Hong Kong dollar 12.32 Swedish krona 10.61 Swiss franc 1.45 Singapore dollar 1.99 WHY USE TNTFOREX?

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BERLIN A two-night trip to Berlin is £166pp with easyJet Holidays (holidays.easyjet.com; 0843 1041000). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs May 16. IBIZA Seven nights in Ibiza is £86pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation in San Antonio and return flights from London Stansted. Departs May 2. PRAGUE Three nights in Prague is £199pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs May 14. CYPRUS Seven nights in Cyprus is £170pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation and return flights. Departs May 9. GRAN CANARIA Seven nights in Gran Canaria is £179pp with easyJet Holidays (holidays.easyjet.com; 0843 1041000). Includes three-star, self-catering accommodation and return flights from London Gatwick. Departs on May 16. MAJORCA Seven nights in Majorca is £181pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, all-inclusive accommodation and return flights from London Stansted. Departs on May 20.

£250 – £500

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HOTSHOTS

RUTH ROXANNE BOARD Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Landmarks Countless images of the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben and the Sydney Opera House may lead you to think that there are no original shots left. Situations like this present the digital photographer with a challenge to avoid clichés. Snap the straight scene first, as practice. Once these are in the bag, you will be free to be

get more creative. Walk around and play with perspective and unusual points of view, or shoot through another structure. For a more abstract arrangement, concentrate on structure, surfaces and reflections. Some landmarks are so well known you don’t have to see the whole structure to know what it is.

WINNER BIRDS’ EYE VIEW Thomas Mauch, South Africa

WHY IT WORKS Tower Bridge is such an iconic London landmark that it is hard to get a new perspective. The riverside viewpoint creates the standard composition but two factors set this photograph apart. The morning sunrise casts a melancholy mood over the image, highlighting the texture of the structure and the ripples of the river. However, it’s the seagull flying into the frame that steals the show. The bird’s unexpected presence reminds the observer that the Thames is a living and breathing river.

RUNNER-UP PENSIVE AT BRANDENBERG GATE Lindsay Pond, US

RUNNER-UP

WHY IT WORKS This postcard-perfect image has dramatically captured the grand construction of the Brandenburg gate. The artificially lit stone glows a sandy colour that wouldn’t look out of place next to the pyramids. The silhouetted figures brings context to the image. This is not an ancient structure but a monument in the centre of major modern city. A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

WIN

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TOP FIVE

EXTREME OUTDOORS

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CLIFF BASE JUMPING, NORWAY

Known as the base jumping mecca for thrill-seekers, Preikestolen in southwestern Norway is a dizzying cliff overlooking the dense, green valleys of the gorgeous, fjord-rich Ryfylke region. At a stomach-flipping 604m (1982ft) high, this rock formation – known as ‘the preacher’s pulpit’ – has a flat top that meaures 25mx25m, drawing hordes of masochistic travellers who like to picnic on high and peer over the edge. The mountain plateau is believed to have been formed by melting glaciers at the end of the Ice Age, nearly 10,000 years ago, and was once used for pagan rituals. Preikestolen now receives hundreds of thousands of googly-eyed gawpers a year. Considering its flat top, hurl-worthy height and views over the icy blue Lysefjord below, it comes as no surprise that, in the past 15 years alone, more than 30,000 base jumps have been performed off Preikestolen and in the surrounding Kjerag Mountain area. Indeed, Norway is considered by many to be the base jumping capital 62 00

of Europe, as it has the sheer cliffs and deep fjords ideal for a heart-pumping jump. Even better is the fact that the extreme sport is perfectly legal in the Lysefjorden area. Still, some adrenaline junkies have base jumped to their death here. Nine fatalities have been reported in the Kjerag Mountain region, so it should be remembered that this rush can come at a price. If you don’t fancy plunging off Preikestolen, there are other ways to enjoy its majestic magnificence. Hiking the 7.6km round trail to the top and back down again is becoming evermore popular. The path is undoubtedly steep, but it’s well worth the effort. Packed with roaring waterfalls and lush landscapes, you should also take time to explore more of Lysefjorden. The Trollstigen road, or Troll’s Path, is another steep trek, complete with 11 sharp hairpin bends. Make it to the top, though, and you’ll be rewarded with a view of the 320m Stigfossen Waterfall cascading down the cliffside. visitnorway.com

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TOP FIVE CHECKING IN

CAMINITO DEL REY, SPAIN

Snaking its way along the cliff walls of the El Chorro gorge in Málaga, Spain, is the 110-year-old El Caminito Del Rey, the world’s most dangerous hike. The one-metre-wide trail was built for workers to travel between two power plants. With rusting supports and gaping holes in the path, it’s no surprise two hikers have died attempting this 350ft-high walk. As a result, it’s being restored, so won’t be so extreme for much longer.

Photos: Thinkstock, Gary Carlson, seakayakalaska.com, edgewalkcntower.ca

barbaryrockadventures.com

VOLCANO BUNGEE, CHILE

If the average bungee jump isn’t quite extreme enough for you, the volcano bungee jump near Pucon, Chile, may be more your style. A helicopter will fly you over an active volcano (white-hot, bubbling and all), from which you’ll bungee jump 106m towards the caldera. Considering you’re dangling from the helicopter’s cord within just 200m of boiling molten lava, it’s little wonder that this is one of the world’s most dangerous bungee jumps. chile.travel/en

EDGEWALK, CANADA

Standing at more than 553m, Toronto’s CN Tower is the tallest free-standing structure in the western hemisphere and is a national symbol of Canada. It’s also home to the audacious EdgeWalk, which holds the Guinness World Record for the highest external walk around a building. Those who dare can tether themselves to the tower and walk hands-free for 150m along the ledge – which is just 1.5m wide. Do you dare? edgewalkcntower.ca

WHALE KAYAKING, ALASKA

Make whale-watching a little more adventurous and go kayaking alongside them – a great way to get up close and personal with these gentle giants. Submerged land formations, temperate waters and strong tidal currents make Point Adolphus Alaska’s most active whale feeding area, and one of the best spots to catch humpback whales surfacing. Keep an eye out for other marine wildlife, such as sea lions and killer whales, paddling alongside you, too.

No frills

THE ALBERT HOTEL OVERVIEW Kirkwall is the capital of the Orkney Islands, off the east coast of northern Scotland. And, despite being the biggest town in the Orkneys, it’s still pretty damn remote. The Albert Hotel fits in perfectly with the feel of a place where everyone knows everyone, and a Friday night on the town consists of farmers knocking back a few pints in the local pub. It’s charmingly old-fashioned and light on frills, much like Kirkwall itself. WOW FACTOR If you like a full English, you’re in for a stunner at the Albert, which serves up the most flavoursome slab of black pudding we’ve ever tasted. ROOMS Cute and cosy, and all about the beige, they feel like grandma’s spare room – in a good way. BILL PLEASE From £80pn, including breakfast.

Mounthoolie Lane, Kirkwall, Orkney, KW15 1JZ alberthotel.co.uk Flights from London Gatwick to Aberdeen start from £22.99 oneway (easyjet.com). Flights from Aberdeen to Kirkwall start from £54.99 one-way with LoganAir (flybe.com).

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TRAVELTIPS

Volunteering: Cambodia is a popular place to do your bit

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looking for a three- or four-week Q I’m volunteering opportunity. I want to go somewhere that I’ll be put to good use, but that won’t break the bank. What locations and companies/ charities would you recommend? Karl Harris, via email don’t have space to go into lots of A Iprogrammes, so I’ve picked out three

way back to Australia in August. But I’m worried that the monsoon season may affect my trip. Will it severely hinder many of the overland routes? I’m also planning on doing some volunteer work along the way. Do you have any advice for finding a good grassroots programme? Andrew, via email monsoon season isn’t generally A Although considered the best time to visit a country, it does have its advantages. Accommodation is cheaper and more readily available, resorts won’t be as busy, and the rain often provides some welcome relief from the heat. Cambodia will be especially pleasant to visit in wet season, with greener landscapes. In central and northern Vietnam, however, you may encounter typhoons which could dampen your travel plans. Laos’ weather varies accordingly to latitude and altitude so plan your trip carefully, avoiding remote areas in heavy rain. Generally speaking, you will be able to have just as great a holiday in monsoon season, you just need to be prepared. An interesting grassroots volunteer scheme that you could look into is In Search of Sanuk, (Sanuk meaning ‘fun’ in Thai) which teaches English in poor communities in Bangkok (insearchofsanuk.com). The project doesn’t require weeks of commitment, so is ideal if you are passing through and want to help out for a shorter period of time.

FOR DISABLED TRAVELLERS For disabled travellers, the metro in Denmark is very cheap and easy to use, and fully wheelchair-friendly. There are lifts everywhere and no gaps in between platform and train. Jane Cadet, via Facebook

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Photos: i-to-i images

very different options for you. Staying closer to home to reduce travel costs, why not look into helping out at an orphanage in Romania or teaching English in Moldova? Real Gap’s fourweek teaching programme in Moldova is £759 (including accommodation, transport to and from the project – but not international flights) and helps children get a better start in life by teaching them English or French. Cambodia is a popular volunteering destination. Volunteers Making a Difference (volunteer-cambodia.com) offers a large number of opportunities for an initial fee of about £50, with all of your meals, project transport and accommodation covered. You just need to pay for your flights. There is an application process, so be sure to allow yourself enough time for this before departure. If you haven’t been to Central America, not-for-profit NGO Entre Mundos (entremundos. org) offers volunteering in Guatemala. Arranging directly through an organisation can involve more work, but can save money as there aren’t set-up costs. See worldwidehelpers.org to put you in touch with organisations.

planning a two-to-three-month Q I’m trip through South East Asia on my

BROTHER ONE FEATHER TIP In Santa Barbara, hunt OF THE down the famous Brother WEEK One Feather. He’s the ‘professional hippy’ who has plastic figures stuck all over his van. Seriously, he’s awesome, and like California personified. He’s a moving tourist attraction – check him out on Google. I spent some time with him in a car park when I had nowhere to stay and slept in my hire car. I was like that (I’m crossing my fingers) with him. Jenni Dennis, via email

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Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

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BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

STACY GREENWOOD, 35

FRANZISKA KOLB, 19

Kingston-upon-Hull, England

Würzburg, Germany

BEST Tunisia, because it was really hot, which made for a nice change from the dreary England weather. I didn’t really care what we did there as long as we were outside. I just wanted to soak it up. WORST I flew with a budget airline to Florence and it was a disaster. The queues were so long at the airport that I missed my flight. I managed to take the next flight, but my bag was too big so I had to pay an extra fee. It was just enough to spoil the trip before it even started.

Most memorable travel experience? Egypt. We went snorkelling in the most beautiful, crystal-clear waters and saw a ton of animals – fish, turtles and dolphins. Ideal travel partner? A close friend; someone you can be yourself around. That’s important when you’re going travelling! Essential travel item? Well, you’d have to be pretty dumb not to take your camera. It’s the best way to remember the trip.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

SPLASHING OUT

Photos: Getty; TNT

FOLLOW THE TOUR DE FRANCE Following several stages of the Tour de France through France and Switzerland, this tour lets you cheer trackside and even cycle some of the stages yourself. This eight-day tour costs £2190pp, all-inclusive (0800 0744135; worldexpeditions.co.uk). Departs from Geneva on July 7; return travel to and from Geneva not included.

THE INSIDER

LAURA GREGORCZYK Head surf coach The North Devon Surf School

My first ever big trip was when I went to Canada. It was a group trip and we headed out into the huge Algonquin Provincial Park and did a week of trekking, followed by a week of canoeing. My most challenging travel experience was when I travelled to India on my own to volunteer in a small village. The experience was amazing and the villagers were very friendly. But you meet so many people in need of help and you have no way of helping them all. My favourite place in the world is ... hmm, I’ll have to give you my top three: Curio Bay, Catlins, New Zealand; the Fisherman’s Bastion, Budapest, Hungary; and the salt mine in Wieliczka, Poland. I always pack biscuits, a book, a sleeping bag, some patience and a smile, so whenever I get stranded somewhere for a while I’m able to relax. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Surf’s up: at Venice Lido, just a few minutes from St Mark’s Square [Caption] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Coastal cities EUROPE

Plunge into the Adriatic around Dubrovnik; above and bottom left: check out Barcelona

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Cities by the sea The sun is coming out to play, so there’s never been a better time to bag yourself a city break and beach holiday rolled into one WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Now the summer’s closing in, the toughest decision is this: city break or sun-and-sea holiday? Well don’t fret, because we’ve got this one licked. Some of Europe’s greatest breaks offer the best of both worlds, and are just a couple of hours away by plane. Here are our top picks.

Barcelona, Spain The Catalonian capital is probably the most obvious choice for the best of cosmopolitan city living and beach-bumming, and with good reason. Stuffed to the gills with sublime art, architecture, gastronomy and nightlife, it’s also a gorgeous seaside destination, with golden beaches stretching along the Mediterranean Sea. CITY SLICKER: Don’t miss the La Sagrada Familia church, an incredible feat of creativity that is still being built more than 100 years after construction work first began. You could spend hours absorbing its decorative details. Las Ramblas is also a must-see, a chaotic central boardwalk crammed with tarot readers and street artists, while the epic Le Boqueria food market pulses at its top. Veer off the tourist trail to Carrer de la Riera Baixa for vintage boutiques and secondhand record shops, and plenty of cheeky beer-stops. BEACH BUM: Millions of sun-seekers pile on to Barcelona’s beaches come summer. The busiest is Platja de la Nova Icària, where you’ll find scores of beautiful people catching rays and sinking drinks. A series of beaches spread northeast from the Port Olímpic marina, so have a wander if you’re looking for a calmer spot. There’s a small nudist section at Platja de la Mar Bella, if that’s your bag. FLIGHT TIME: About 2hrs from London.

walls and towers from white-sand beaches hemmed by that unbelievably blue Adriatic. Or, if you’re ready to expend a little more energy, try a kayaking tour of the city walls. Paddle along dramatic cliffs and take in the same view of Dubrovnik that approaching sailors and invaders have for centuries. adriatickayaktours.com FLIGHT TIME: About 2hrs 40mins from London.

Naples, Italy With its volcanic landscape, palm-fringed boulevards, and pristine sands sidling along the Mediterranean Sea, the sight of this southern Italian city is breathtaking. It also offers up a dizzying array of experiences for every kind of traveller, from sexy beach clubs and chic shopping, to shabby markets and tough hikes up nearby Mount Vesuvius. CITY SLICKER: The historic city centre is a World Heritage Site with a wealth of treasures to discover. We particularly like the Palazzo Donn’Anna, derelict but beautifully so, built out over the water and smack-bang next to a beach. It’s not open to the public, but makes essential snapping.

Dubrovnik, Croatia Barcelona’s got fierce competition for most stunning seaside city with Dubrovnik in the mix. This walled urban sprawl on the Adriatic Coast boasts a near-unbeatable blend of artistic tradition – marble streets, baroque buildings, stone-carved churches – and neon-blue waters lapping at its shores. CITY SLICKER: A stroll along the city walls – built between the 13th and 16th centuries – gives chest-swelling views over the Adriatic and its islands, and Dubrovnik’s magnificent old-world architecture. Also, check out the Rector’s Palace, a captivating example of 15th-century opulence. BEACH BUM: You can admire Dubrovnik’s rising medieval

Naples: city, sea and Mount Vesuvius TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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MORE SEASIDE CITIES THE PLANE RIDE IS LONGER, BUT WORTH IT ... Rio de Janeiro

CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA Nice: pebble beaches and the warren-like old town BEACH BUM: There are plenty of sandy stretches to choose from, so sample a few. The most scenic are bordered by the big blue on one side, and black volcanic cliffs decorated with bright houses and tumbling greenery on the other. FLIGHT TIME: About 2hrs 40mins from London.

Nice, France This French city on the Mediterranean is, at first look, your classic picture-postcard deal; cocktails and parasols are par for the course. But stray from the seaside and you’ll find a warren-like old town, Roman ruins, major art collections and a world-class nightlife scene. CITY SLICKER: Wander the winding lanes of the old town and soak up the atmosphere as flower sellers flog their wares. Then swing by the city’s myriad art museums for your fix of Monet, Warhol, and more in between. Spend your evenings in clubs and bars to suit every hedonist, from Latin grooves to bohemian-jazz and big-name DJs. BEACH BUM: There’s an array of free pebble beaches with lifeguards and showers – perfectly suited to a few hours/ days of lazing. If you don’t mind paying a fee, Nice has 15 private beaches with bars, restaurants, changing rooms and loungers. FLIGHT TIME: About 2hrs from London.

Vibrant city life meets languid beach living in this naturally blessed metropolis. Fall out of African-chic restaurants and bars and on to any of the 20 nearby slivers of sand. The east coast is lapped at by the warm waters of the Indian Ocean, while the west boasts an icy Atlantic that’s great for surfing. FLIGHT TIME: About 11hrs 30mins direct from London.

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL An easy contender for the world’s most beautiful city, Rio is a jaw-dropping combo of jungle-tangled mountains, palmstrewn beaches and gritty urbanity. Check out the artsy, cobbled neighbourhood of Santa Teresa and get your samba on at Lapa’s legendary street parties, then sunbathe at Copacabana and Ipanema with Caipirinha in hand. FLIGHT TIME: About 11hrs 30mins direct from London.

DUBAI, UAE Chatter about Dubai inevitably revolves around shopping malls and tall buildings. What you don’t hear so much about, however, is the city’s assortment of gorgeous beaches. The warm, azure waters of the Arabian Gulf demand a dip, and you can choose between a number of free, open beaches and various beach parks that come with shade, snack bars and sun loungers in exchange for about £1 entry. FLIGHT TIME: About 7hrs direct from London.

Venice, Italy

Tale of two cities: Venice hides huge beaches away from the tourist drag

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

Think of the floating city and what comes to mind is water, not beaches. But skip over to Venice Lido, an 11km-long island just minutes from the tourist hordes at St Mark’s Square, and you’ll find two huge public beaches bordering the Adriatic Sea. CITY SLICKER: Shady courtyards, tiny alleys and gondolastrewn canals are as picturesque as you could possibly hope for. The sight of this city on the water takes some beating. BEACH BUM: Over at Venice Lido, sandy beaches take up about half the Adriatic side of the island. The majority are private, hotel-owned stretches, but there are free beaches at the northern and southern ends. Best of all, most holidaymakers are busy rushing around the city with no clue that a relaxing haven lies just moments away, so you can soak up the sun with a particularly smug smile on your face. FLIGHT TIME: About 2hrs from London. ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Phenomenal Cambodia This is Phnom Penh in 48 hours WORDS ADAM HENRY

DAY 1: 09:00 Sitting on the banks of the mighty Mekong river, Cambodia’s capital was known as the ‘Pearl of Asia’ during the French colonial period. Temples and monks litter the city landscape, while mopeds piled high with all manner of loads – fruit, pigs, families – speed past in a never-ending cycle of activity. It’s also home to an undeniably dark history, which you can get a sense of with a trip to the Killing Fields of Choeung Ek (admission about £1.25), a short tuk-tuk ride south-west of the city. A visit here is upsetting, but provides a valuable insight into the hell this country went through when the Khmer Rouge came to power. A stupa housing skulls that bear the cracks of bludgeoning (a preferred method of murder to save bullets) is a chilling tribute to the genocide’s victims, about 17,000 of whom were executed here. The purpose of the memorial is to ensure the world doesn’t forget what happened at the Killing Fields – and, after seeing it for yourself, it’s likely to stick in the memory. 12:00 That was intense, so wind down with the serene spirituality of Wat Ounalom (Samdech Sothearos Blvd, admission 60p). The most important temple in Phnom Penh, it’s the centre of Cambodian Buddhism. Established in 1443, it consists of 44 structures in a huge garden, and is even said to contain hair from Buddha himself. 13:00 Cambodia is great for markets, so whizz down to the Russian Market (south of Mao Tse Tuong Boulevard) where you’ll find weird, wonderful and exotic goods to scare family members with on your return. 14:00 You must be hungry by now, so jump in a rickety tuk72

tuk and whizz over to locally owned Friends Restaurant (13 Street). It collaborates with local NGOs, so your business benefits the community. Try the creamy, coconut-infused fish amok for about £3. But watch out for the monkeys that clamber the walls, as they, too, are partial to this delicacy. 15:00 Another haunting insight into the reign of the Khmer Rouge can be found at Tuol Sleng (Street 131, admission £1.20). It was at this former school that thousands of innocent Cambodian citizens were imprisoned, tortured and massacred by the regime in the Seventies. The scale of the horror is harrowing, but the faces of Toul Sleng’s victims deserve to be remembered. 18:00 Breathe a sigh of relief as the weather begins to cool, and the mood is set to change dramatically. Sovannah Phum (Street 99, admission £3) is home to traditional Khmer dancing, with its rich mixture of hypnotic, almost ballet-like gestures. Shows also include Cambodian Shadow Puppet performances (shadow-puppets.org). 20:30 Spend a kitschy but enjoyable evening on the Kanika Floating Restaurant Bar (Sisowath Quay), which provides incredible sunset views of the Royal Palace as you cruise down the Mekong river. Admission is free, and with Western and Asian dishes available from £4, it’s an absolute bargain. 23:00 Luckily, one of Phnom Penh’s friendliest and best value hotels, California 2 Hotel, lies on the same quay. For £15 per night including breakfast, with comfy beds, wifi and air conditioning, it’s a steal. Have a beer with popular American owner Jim, who will give you the lowdown on life in the city. DAY 2: 12:00 Sleep off those beers before hopping in

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Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

Rickety: there are no taxis in the city, so travel by tuk-tuk

a tuk-tuk for more sightseeing. Don’t forget to grab the free bottles of water Jim offers before you leave, as they’ll come in handy. Swing by the Lotus Blanc Restaurant (Stung Mean Chey), an NGO-run training establishment for hundreds of poor students, where the delicious £3 mango salad provides a pick-me-up. 14:00 Now make your way to the glimmering spires of the Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda (between Street 240 and 184, admission about £4). This peaceful complex shows off some stunning examples of Khmer architecture, so enjoy wandering the landscaped gardens at leisure. Keep an eye out for the medieval Buddhist artwork surrounding the palace interior – one particular painting stretches out nearly half a kilometre. 18:00 It’s been a busy one, hasn’t it? Slow things down with a trip to NGO-run Romdeng Restaurant (Street 74, #174). If you’re feeling adventurous, try the £2 fried tarantulas. If not, try the rather gentler pumpkin curry wrapped in a banana leaf for £3.50. 21:00 A refreshing drink is on the cards, so dive into a riproaring slice of modern Cambodia, the Heart of Darkness (Street 51, #26) to quench that thirst. Undoubtedly the most popular club in town, you can expect a crowd that’s up for a party. 02:00 Swig down the last drops of your Angkor beer and smile – you’ve just nailed Phnom Penh. A return flight from London Gatwick to Phnom Penh, via Seoul, koreanair.com starts at £675 with Korean Air

Harrowing: remember the victims of genocide at Tuol Sleng

Memorial: the Killing Fields is testament to those who died TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Cartagena

Cartagena Baru

VENEZUELA

COLOMBIA

GETTING THERE Iberia, Air France and Avianca fly to Cartagena via Bogota daily from London Heathrow (iberia.com/gb; airfrance.co.uk; avianca.co.uk). Return flights start from £657.

Bogota

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A life more colourful Head to Colombia’s Cartagena on the Caribbean coast for a never-ending street party, with sexy salsa and kitesurfing to boot WORDS JENNIFER CARR

WHEN TO GO: Weather is a balmy 30°C+ year round, but I can’t take my eyes off the machete. the romantic Andalucian architecture and peak season is from December I’m not sure whether it’s the sight of the grandiose Spanish cathedrals, to the many until the end of January, when weapon that’s paralysing me, or the owner’s naval monuments, the city’s troubled history accommodation costs soar to disarmingly beaming face. The only thing is splayed out before you, ready to read coincide with the popular Hay for certain is that I’m rooted to the spot. between the deceptively pretty lines. Festival. hayfestival.com I watch as the woman working the knife Underscoring this reality is the 11km deftly slices a pawpaw into 12 perfect pieces, CURRENCY: £1 = COP2807 walled fortress that surrounds the Old Town which are placed on a platter alongside ruby- (Colombian pesos) – a great place to catch a cool breeze and red watermelon and mango, then swiftly enjoy a birds-eye panorama of the city, old ACCOMMODATION: The sold to a salivating bystander. and new. After 200 years of French and Media Luna hostel is the shining It’s all for show, of course, the fruit-seller English attacks, the Spanish Crown got star on Getsemani’s hostel drawing a crowd via her notable skills with fed up with greedy buccaneers (including scene, with a large rooftop pool, the blade. But her smile is real and her sunny Britain’s very own Sir Francis Drake) and barbecues, plus friendly staff who Colombian manner medicinal after months of can help you arrange trips and kite- in the 17th century commissioned the wall grey UK. Heading out of the Plaza de Bolivar, to better protect the city’s supply of gold, boarding lessons. Dorm beds from away from the countless snack vendors, silver and silk. Drifting along the wall while £9pn. medialunahostel.com fruit carvers and Panama-hat-wearing shoe drinking a fresh coconut water, I find it SEE: cartagenainfo.net shiners, I begin the first of many wanderings hard to relate the joggers, chess players and around Cartagena, the tropical jewel in Colombia’s crown, interlocked lovers to the violence that Cartagena once faced. and arguably the most enchanting city I’ve stumbled across Culture clash on the gringo trail to date. In stark contrast, the Cartagena of today has never been so Light and dark at ease with clashing cultures, and that’s what draws people As Colombia’s fifth-largest settlement (and surely the in. A magical melting pot of Carib, African and European prettiest), the city packs a high-definition assault of colour on dwellers, it’s that which keeps it at the top of the list of the eye, from the fuchsia-hued bourgainvillea spilling from Colombia’s must-visit destinations, producing a thriving overhanging hacienda-style balconies, to the fluorescent fusion food scene and a diversity that makes daily life an greens, tangerines and lemons worn by the locals, and the endless round of sensory experiences. The to-die-for location candy-coloured facades of the houses. Monochrome doesn’t on the Caribbean Sea doesn’t hurt, either. belong here. Nor does silence. Melodies and music echo Nowhere is this truer than Getsemani, a once run-down through the streets, permeating the life and soul of a city neighbourhood a five-minute walk from the Old Town’s that loves a good party. On my second day I take in an earlandmark clock tower. Once a down-at-heel barrio riddled clanging combination of beatboxes, wind-up radios, barberwith drugs and gangs, significant improvements to policing shop quartets, humming waitresses and, most memorable of and sizeable investment in the area means Getsemani now all, a makeshift disco around a car boot filled with speakers, offers a buzz similar to that of London’s Dalston a few years a TV and a few gallons of rum, where men congregate on back. It’s still gritty, sure. But a flurry of independent bars, plastic chairs to swig local liquor and appreciate the sound of the freshest hole-in-the-wall pizzerias, fairy-lit music dens the two-step, and all before midday. and elegant, artistic coffee shops line the streets, enticing But beneath Cartagena’s dazzling, dizzying surface you with the prospect of a laidback ambience and throatsits a darker past – one coloured by repeated invasions tinglingly strong rum con coco (rum with coconut cream). ›› by the French and British. And the legacy lives on. From For just 7000 Colombian pesos (less than £2), this creamy TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Sinful street snacks are great for hangovers concoction, drunk to a steel drum version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow, reminds me that I could be nowhere other than the Caribbean coast. Come dancing With new-found friends, I sit and soak up Getsemani as it preps for its notorious party muscle. Be warned, from Thursday ‘til Sunday afternoon, Colombians bring seats, chess boards, deep-fat fryers, bottles of aguadiente (a local anise liquor that translates, ominously, to mean ‘fire water’), sound systems and some serious booty-shaking skills on to the street for three days of socialising – something to bear in mind when booking your guesthouse or hotel. That, and bring the best earplugs money can buy. Noise aside, it’s irresistibly fun. So we forgo all plans for dinner and partake in a little people watching. One traveller in our group jokes, “the Colombians have obviously realised the street’s more entertaining than anything they’d find on TV”. He’s right. That and the fact the city’s constant temperature of 32 degrees means it’s better to live your life outside and enjoy the balmy Caribbean trade winds when they make an appearance. Requesting a second round of rums, we park ourselves among the throngs that congregate around the barrio’s 500-year-old Iglesia de Trinidad, a crumbling colonial church that serves as a massive hub of activity come sundown. Here, teenage boys sit on the stone steps to play backgammon, their shoulders bobbing to the city’s signature sound, champeta. Originally a form of ‘Creole therapy’ to help Colombians forget about the country’s economic woes, over three decades champeta has evolved from a basic blend of local salsa, jibaro and reggae to encompass different variations of ragga and reggaeton. It’s the defining sound of Cartagena and the locals love it. From where I’m sitting, the sultry pelvis grinding and hip swaying that’s becoming more assertive as the square’s rum bottles are drained is comically jarring in the shadow of a Catholic church.

Cartagena is a sunny riot of colour these sinful street snacks to anyone wandering past. Made from fried maize and resembling a large hash brown, each patty holds a fried egg inside, which you then smother in piquant cilantro dressing and sour cream for only 1500 Colombian pesos (50p). It’s the perfect pre-bender snack and we all wolf one down before heading off to encounter Cartagena’s older musical stalwart: salsa. The cultural equivalent of tango for the Argentines, salsa forms part of Colombia’s staple musical diet. For a true appreciation of this sexy, sultry dance form, it doesn’t get better than Getsemani’s Cafe Havana. Deceptively shabby on the outside, this five-year-old nighttime haunt pulses with live Latino bands and a sweaty, mojito-swilling crowd from 10pm until 3am. We squeeze our way into the packed, dimly lit bar, where monochrome prints and tobacco-stained walls do a good job of echoing Castro’s Cuba. I spy a spectrum of nationalities attempting to perfect their two-step. They’re swiftly shimmied off the dance floor by two locals who make Mick Jagger’s snake hips seem stiff by comparison.

Hot salsa Leaving our spot, my fellow voyeurs and I stop off at one of the many night stalls framing the square. Here, freshly pulped fruit cocktails, meat skewers and my favourite, areppa con huevo, are served up piping hot by locals touting 76

[Caption] Head to Islas del Rosario for sublime snorkelling

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Island retreat The following day, deciding that Cartagena has got the better of me and my liver, I board one of the plentiful vessels heading to the nearby Islas del Rosario. Just 45 minutes away via a bumpy speed boat ride, this dreamy, protected marine park of 27 coral-fringed islands offers the chance to scuba dive, hike, horse ride, snorkel, kite board or simply daydream the hours away on sands so platinum they’d make Robinson Crusoe swoon. Touching down on Baru in Playa Blanca, I walk past sleepy cabanas, bamboo-thatched beach huts and a whole section devoted to hammocks, which you can rent for 7000 Colombian pesos (£2.50) to enjoy a night of slumbering under the stars. I’m psyched for an afternoon of nothingness, until I spy one of several kiteboarding instructors flying over the waves and decide to give it a try.

“

The street’s far more entertaining than TV

”

My instructor works for Colombia Kite, a well-respected company based in Cartagena that offers bespoke kite-surfing tours to take advantage of the coastal Caribbean winds. Strapping my feet on to the board, I’m unsure whether my upper body can handle the gusts here – between January and April, the winds get surprisingly fierce. This is why the region is a hotspot for the sport. That and the fact it’s affordable to learn (approximately £17 per lesson). Taking flight Grabbing the harness, I pull the bar with all my weight and watch the kite billow. The rope goes taut, and I start skimming over the waves with a gathering pace. Fortunately, my instructor watches my back, for fear I go flying off into the sunset. At one point my board takes off, and I really do take flight – if only for a few seconds. It feels incredible. By the end of my stint I’m exhausted, elated and energised. ›› I’m also starving.

Rainbow Nelson

The Insider's guide Rainbow Nelson, co-founder of city guide This IS Cartagena, serves up some local knowledge. Where’s best to let your hair down? Try Bazurto Social Club, just off Parque Centenario. The bar celebrates the Afro-Caribbean sounds long forgotten by most of the Getsemaní crossover hangouts; champeta, cumbia, terapia get more of a look-in and the drinks are cheaper than Café Havana. The owners Fadia de la Rosa and Jorge Escandon also organise tours of the raucous, open-air market Bazurto that gives its name to the bar. Pick up some fresh fish and then head back to Jorge’s place in Manzanillo del Mar to prepare a killer ceviche by the beach. ticartagena.com/bazurtosocialclub Where’s good to chill? There can be too many distractions to totally switch off in the Old Town, so escape to the islands. Playa Blanca, Baru, is the best public beach ‘in Cartagena’, even though it’s a 45-minute speedboat ride from the centre. When the boat drops you off, turn left and walk 10 minutes to gain a little space. Take a hammock and sling it up in one of the shady huts of Mama Ruth’s place where you can get a slap-up fish lunch for £6.50. If you want to push the boat out, Agua Baru offers an ultra-luxurious beach retreat that you will find hard to leave. hotelagua.com.com Where’s good for a cheap meal? La Mulata is great. For £4 you get a fish soup starter followed by one of four local delicacies that change daily. Also, the Pordesh Indian Restaurant is a pop-up curry house that serves freshly prepared dopiazas, tarka dals and bhunas, and has mains for £4. ticartagena.com/pordeshindianrestaurant

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Fortunately, Playa Blanca’s small selection of budgetfriendly fish shacks come up trumps, and I indulge in some grilled red snapper, fried green plantain and arroz de coco. I doze to the sounds of the ocean and the occasional albatross diving into the blue, until I’m woken by the beaming skipper from our boat, who tells me it’s “time to head back to the big shore, lady”. Looking at the paradise around us, something tells me the skipper can only be keen to get back for one reason – it’s time for the next insane booty-shaking party. ❚ More on Cartegena at cartagenainfo.net More on kiteboarding with Colombia Kite at colombiakite.com Windsurfing is also big business in Cartagena; see windsurfcolombia.blogspot.com for more

MUST-DO DAYTRIP EL TOTUMO MUD VOLCANO Have yourself some filthy fun not far from Cartagena.

Dark past: city walls and canons kept out invaders

A not-to-be-missed messy treat just 50km northeast of Cartagena, the El Totumo Mud Volcano features an impressive ‘mud vent’ that goes some 2300m beneath the earth, and acts as a channel for hot mud to rise to the surface of a 15m-high mud cone. Located in the Ciénaga de Totumo (Totumo swamp), the ‘volcano’ is reached by ascending a rickety bamboo staircase, from which you can observe plenty of mud-clad travellers, rolling around in the apparently therapeutic volcanic mud, happy as a pig in proverbial shit. According to local legend, the volcano used to belch out lava, fire and ashes, but it was turned into mud by a local priest who believed it was the work of the devil, and sprinkled holy water into the crater. Afterwards, rinse off in the nearby lagoon and enjoy a cold beer with the other gringo pigs. Be careful when arranging transport to the volcano – local cabbies have been known to try charging hundreds of pounds for the ride. Book a tour with your hostel instead, which shouldn’t set you back more than about £13.

Kite surfing and, right, the writer soaks up the vibes

Photos: Thinkstock, Jennifer Carr

See: colombia-information.com

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The clock tower

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TRAVEL

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TRAVEL

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