TNT Magazine / Issue 1476 by TNT Magazine

December 12-18 2011 Issue 1476 tntmagazine.com

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YOUR 2012 WALLPLANN ER IS INSIDE

SHARE THE LOVE Where to volunteer in London this Xmas

GAMBLE ON THE GAMBIA Go for a big adventure in Africaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s smallest country

OFFICE PARTY NIGHTMARES Embarrassing tales that will make you stay sober

! G U B M U H BAH

as guide m t is r h C it n k out our a c e h C ? y d a e tivities alr s fe e h t f o k Sic

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER We’ve all got them – those embarrassing drunken office party stories which still make you cringe. And we’ve found a few people brave enough to share them. Flick to P40 for some top tales of debauchery which are enough to make you stick to orange juice at the work do. Sick of the sight of festive London? Turn to P8, for the lowdown on the best anti-Chrimbo events in the capital. Or turn to P59 for our travel section, and escape altogether. Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

LONDONNEWS

MY LONDON

DRINK & EATS

14-15

@TNT

COMPETITION

SPOTTED

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22,25

LONDON FOCUS

CHATROOM NODDY HOLDER

LONDON SCENE SPARE TIME

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT. Cover: Thinkstock

32-33 34

LIFESTYLE

37-45

SHOPPING

HEALTH & BEAUTY

38-39

CAREERS

40-41

LIVING

44-45

NEWS & SPORT

49-57

FEATURES BAH, HUMBUG

Grinch your way through Christmas this year with our list of alternative events

SURVIVING THE WORK DO

Don’t become the talk of the office – we help you avoid Christmas party nightmares

TRAVEL

ALONE IN THE BIG CITY

DIARY

NEWS

Are you really connected? A new film explores the theme of isolation in London

LATE DEALS

IN THE BULLRING

HOTSHOTS

TOP FIVE

Brit Alexander Fiske-Harrison’s adventures as a bullfighter in Spain

TIPS & STUFF

68-69

SHORTBREAK

70-71

48 HOURS IN... DUBLIN

74-75

CLASSIFIEDS

109-113

DESPERATELY SEEKING

114

FOR AULD LANG SYNE

From bathhouses to decorated oxes – Europe’s best New Year’s Eve parties

GATEWAY TO THE GAMBIA

Whatever The Gambia may lack in size, it makes up for in adventure

70 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

@tntmagazine

Paddle through London

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Graphic design manager Justine Mackay Picture researcher Laila Pacheco DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne IT manager Stephen Dann SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst

Shhh... SECRET LONDON KAYAKING LONDON: RIDE THE YULE TIDE

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Is there a better way to see London than by paddling down the Thames? You start at Chelsea Embankment before making your way past landmarks such as Battersea Power Station, Westminster Palace, the London Eye and Shakespeare’s Globe. Sure, you can ride around on an open-top bus or hire a boat but paddling up the Thames, under your own steam, gives you an idea of how central the river is to the life of the capital. £75

kayakinglondon.com

West Brompton

UNDERGROUND CHRISTMAS

DESIGNERS AND MAKERS

HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE

Check out the Brunel Museum, one of London’s lesser-known spots, which offers a fascinating insight into the Victorian engineering that shaped the city. And, down a winding staircase, deep in the bowels of the museum, is a theatre space cordoned off for Christmas stories and gift-giving. It’s festive, with a 19th-century twist.

A new wing of Somerset House has been opened up and this is a perfect opportunity to explore while also knocking over a stack of Christmas shopping. You’ll find unusual homeware, jewellery and art – it’s an unbeatable place to shop for anyone whose tastes skew just weird enough that department stores don’t cut it.

The 2004 film is one of modern cinema’s most striking works of animation and it’s now been adapted for the stage. The story’s premise is familiar, following young Sophie’s quest to break an evil curse, but the setting and strange characters are out of this world. It’s also narrated by Stephen Fry, which doesn’t hurt.

Weekends until Dec 24 Brunel Museum, Railway Avenue, SE16 4LF brunelmuseum.org.uk Canada Water

Until January 8 Somerset House, The Strand, WC2R 1LA somersethouse.org. uk Charing Cross

Until January 7 Southwark Playhouse, SE1 2TF southwarkplayhouse.co.uk London Bridge

£5

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The best in festive fare

REAL FOOD CHRISTMAS MARKET Southbank Centre Square

Christmas really is the best time of year for food-lovers and nowhere is that more abundantly clear than at this gastronomic explosion of festive fare. Look no further for the best game, ham, cheeses, chutneys, mince pies and mulled wine. Whether you’re cooking for a big group, dining with just a few or taking something to someone else’s place, it’s worth a visit. Never has inspiration been so tasty. FREE

December 16-23 Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX

Waterloo

realfoodfestival.co.uk

COLUMBIA ROAD SHOPPING

CANDLELIGHT CLUB

Well-known for its weekend flower market, Columbia Rd is opening in the evenings during the lead-up to Christmas. So you can head down to this old Victorian arcade, after hours, to pore over some of east London’s coolest vintage fashion and gourmet food. There will be live entertainment as well, so make a night of it.

Pop-ups and speakeasies are all the rage and this one might just be the pick of the bunch. In a den lit only by candles, you’ll be sampling the finest absinthe cocktails – hopefully you don’t go overboard and started seeing dancing fairies. There’s also a Christmas theme so it promises to be an eventful night out.

Until December 21 Columbia Rd, 7RG columbiaroad.info Bethnal Green

December 16-17 A secret location somewhere in London. Go online for more details thecandlelightclub.com

FREE

£15

LONDONNEWS

@tntmagazine

MAYOR STEPS UP ILLEGAL CAB DRIVE An illegal taxi was crushed last week as a warning to touts. The Mayor of London and Transport for London are stepping up a festive campaign warning of the dangers of getting into an unbooked minicab. The aim of Operation STAN, which includes the Met, is to make travelling in London safer after dark. Kit Malthouse, deputy mayor for policing, said: “With the festive party season underway and the nights growing colder and darker we are doing everything we can to crack down on illegal minicab touts.” See tfl.gov.uk/cabwise

If I give you the wrong size, it won’t be comfortable Former Goldman Sachs banker Joe Nelson explains the ‘size does matter’ ethos behind his new condom business, TheyFit

APPY DAYS IN DICKENSIAN TIMES Tablet users can now explore the grimy backstreets of Dickensian London with a new app. The collection of short stories and Google maps, depicting the capital’s streets as they were in Victorian times, was launched by The Museum of London on Friday. The free app, available via iTunes, coincides with the opening of a Charles Dickens exhibition at the museum.

ON THE TUBE

She wasn’t turned on by his pheromones

‘No festive spirit on Tube’

Body odour is top of pet hates, commuter etiquette study reveals Nearly a quarter of London commuters would not offer their seat to someone less able to stand, a survey has found. It may be the season of goodwill but the findings also show 44 per cent of Tube users refuse to make extra space for other passengers. And one in eight women have been mistakenly offered a seat because they look pregnant, while one in ten commuters have been asked out on the Tube. The Underground etiquette study, by Tube Map app creator, mxData, for which more than 2600 people were questioned, revealed 72 per cent said body odour is their top hate. Tube behaviour also considered inappropriate included playing noisy games on phones and iPads (63 per cent), and

being drunk on the Tube, with 51 per cent of people finding it offensive. David James, CEO, mxData, said Londoners should embrace the season of goodwill, adding: “Tube etiquette is something that can define a city’s personality and London is no different.” The findings come just weeks after a report by the Young Foundation called for transport staff to receive training in “John Lewis-style” politeness in a bid to improve commuters’ journeys. It also urged manufacturers to create a device to tell headphone users how much noise is leaking out to reduce annoyance caused to other passengers. The report acknowledged bad manners on the Tube, but added that the public “still cares deeply about civility”.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

Aping around

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

NORTHERN: No service between High Barnet and Camden Town southbound until 8.30am and northbound until 9am on Sunday.

WATERLOO & CITY: Closed as normal on Sundays.

FOLLOWING WEEK’S CLOSURES

CHRISTMAS DAY: No Underground services will be running.

See tfl.gov.uk for full details

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Photos: Thinkstock

BOXING DAY: Central, District, Metropolitan, Piccadilly and Waterloo & City lines affected.

Swinging from ropes like monkeys might not be the usual way to let off steam in the capital. But for one day only, Londoners are being given the chance to go back to their roots. To promote the release of Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes on Blu-ray, a domed playground is being constructed in Potters Field today (Monday) from 11am to 5pm. Inside the structure, which is based on an enclosure in the film, you’ll be able to swing, climb, jump and balance. You’ll also be able to take part in fitness workshops by instructor Erwan Le Corre based on ape movements. Sounds like the perfect way to release some of that pre-Christmas stress.

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Somerset House is so damn magical you will want to gnaw off your own face

Skating on through If you’re already sick of Christmas and its compulsory cheer, London still offers plenty to keep the grinches busy WORDS TOM STURROCK In the movies, Christmas is a time for miracles. In real life, though, Christmas is more likely to be a time when you’re broke, cold and thrown together with annoying members of your family. And the sting in the tale is that you’re meant to be thrilled about it, even though, unlike the Olympics or the World Cup, it comes around every year. Fortunately, in London, there’s still plenty going on during the festive season to take your mind off the sheer bloody chirpiness of it all. And the activity that grips the capital most tightly at this time is ice-skating. Why not make this your year to become king or queen of the ice? Like Nancy Kerrigan before Tonya Harding went to work on her. Like those guys from Blades Of Glory. You’ll be the very picture of graceful athleticism. Like a cat. Like a cat who can ice-skate. You may have noticed already, but pretty much any space in London has had a rink built on it over the past month, but the most spectacular may be the one at Somerset House. Located between The Strand and Victoria Embankment, Somerset House is one of the city’s snazziest arts and 8

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cultural centres and, until January 22, you can get your skates on. Be careful, though. When Somerset House is lit up like, dare we say it, a Christmas tree, you may find yourself getting all gooey about the ‘magic’ of it all. “The atmosphere is really festive and magical – especially in the evenings when the lights around the building and the Tiffany Tree are lit up,” Mel Green, the rink’s manager, says. “We programme a range of activities on ice for everyone – skaters and spectators, families and friends – from Club Nights and free storytelling for children and families to Teatime with Tiffany and Skate School.” Mmmmm… can’t you just picture the beady-eyed little darlings all rugged up, ready for their next Christmas story? It’s enough to make you want to get your tubes tied. But hey, surely it’s fertile ground for your festive misanthropy – sitting on the sidelines, laughing at people falling over, hoping that maybe that loveydovey couple skating along hand-inhand will collide horribly and shatter each other’s pelvises. Apparently not. Bah, humbug.

“Surprisingly, it’s easier than it looks,” Green trills like an excited chipmunk on Christmas morn. “And our fantastic ice marshalls are always on hand to give skaters handy tips. For under-eights, we have the ‘penguins’ for use in the training rink.” Those fantastic ice marshalls. They’re the real heroes. Seriously. This sounds like hell. But there’s more – some people are just so doggone zany and funtastic that they show up in costume. In costume! Just imagine. “Last week, as part of our regular Thursday to Saturday programmed Club Nights,” Green recalls, the hysterical memory dancing in her voice like a Christmas elf who’s taken too much LSD, “we had a whole group of skaters dressed up for Tayo’s Tracksuit Party – clad in garish ski jumpsuits, shell-suits and tracksuits!” If, after all this, you still want to go ice-skating, there are shitloads of rinks in London. Get online and check. What? You want me to do it for you? MORE ANTI-CHRISTMAS ACTIVITIES ›› To win tickets to Somerset House’s ice-skating rink, head to tntmagazine.com

Has RiRi been naughty or nice?

Have a very tranny Christmas

The zooâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gorillas donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give a shit about Christmas either

LITTLE ANGEL PUPPET THEATRE ANGEL

ROBOT FESTIVAL SCIENCE MUSEUM Check out the most cutting-edge technologies when it comes to robot innovation and design. This exhibition charts the progress of robotics and explores the way the field may come to shape our lives in the future. Will they be our maids and butlers or will they rise up and overthrow their ‘flesh masters’? Maybe, in time, they will invent a robot that can endure Christmas so you don’t have to. FREE

If you haven’t been to any puppet theatre before, you’re missing out. And the Little Angel is the centre of the UK’s puppet theatre scene, with exquisitely designed and choreographed productions running over the festive season. At the moment, the highlight is A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings, which is based on Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s children’s story. £13

Until January 29 14 Dagmar Passage, London N1 2DN littleangeltheatre.com Highbury & Islington

LONDON ZOO REGENT’S PARK London Zoo has dozens of kickass animals and you can bet that Mr Komodo Dragon doesn’t know its Christmas and that Mr African Hunting Dog won’t expect you to bring a plate of mince pies when you come to visit. For grinches, the company of animals is the only recourse when normally sane adults become obsessed with tinsel and nauseatingly saccharine carols. £18

Every day except Christmas Day Regents Park, NW14RY zsl.org/zsl-london-zoo

RIHANNA THE O2 Someone should tell the Barbadian sex kitten that’s it far too cold to be cavorting around in hotpants and suspenders. The poor girl should put on some Ugg boots and a fleece.

Until December 31 Exhibition Rd, London, SW7 2DD sciencemuseum.org.uk South Kensington

Camden Town

JOIN AN OCCUPY LONDON DISCUSSION THE BANKS OF IDEAS

£40

£11 The Design Museum is far too cool to do Christmas and, let’s face it, most of the festive season could do with a style reboot. So it’s a great place to get away from all the naffness. Even if you’re a complete novice when it comes to design, you’ll find the current exhibition, This Is Design, fascinating. It looks at elements of design that are so everyday that we no longer notice them. Who, for example, designs traffic lights and road signs?

The Office of Metropolitan Architecture design and engineer some of the world’s most striking structures and this retrospective is a winner for anyone with an interest in city skylines and the idea of buildings as art.

The tent city outside St Paul’s Cathedral was apparently just the start, and the Occupy movement – in protest against the excesses and inequalities of under-regulated capitalism – has since taken over a building owned by Swiss banking firm UBS in east London. The space has been transformed into a so-called Bank of Ideas, where people have come to trade skills and discuss issues. Certainly, these committed protesters won’t be sitting around discussing what they hope to find in their stockings this Christmas. Instead, you can sit in on seminars about media reform or the World Trade Organisation. Equally, you can attend a yoga session or a clown workshop.

Until January 22 28 Shad Thames, SE1 2YD designmuseum.org London Bridge

Until February 19, 2012 Silk St, EC2Y 8DS barbican.org.uk Barbican

Every day except Mondays 29 Sun St, EC2M 2PS bankofideas.org.uk Liverpool Street

THIS IS DESIGN DESIGN MUSEUM

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December 21-22 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX theo2.co.uk North Greenwich

OMA: PROGRESS THE BARBICAN £8

FREE

ART MACABRE DRAWING SESSIONS ISLINGTON Remember your high-school art classes where you had to draw a picture of fruit in a bowl? Well, this is nothing like that. Instead, you’ll be encouraged to let your imagination run wild with weird, wonderful, even slightly disturbing muses. Their next session will focus on Russian fairytales – they’ll also be serving Russian tea and baboushkashaped gingerbread. Not Christmassy at all. December 20 Cass Art, Colebrooke Row, N1 8AB deathdrawing.wordpress. com Angel

£8

TRANNY SHACK MADAME JOJO’S It’s hard to imagine a more dramatic departure from kids singing carols than transvestites performing Aladdin. It’s a pantomime, so technically still a bit Christmassy. And a visit to Madame JoJo’s is likely to scuff away that veneer of all-round festive cheeriness. It’s a bit dark and bit seedy – but in the best possible way. Look, if you don’t like Christmas, you’ll end up watching trannies in tights sooner or later.

VISIT FO GUANG SHAN BUDDHIST TEMPLE WEST END

£5

Wednesdays 8-10 Brewer St, W1F 0SE madamejojos.com Piccadilly Circus

If you’ve really resolved to ditch Christmas this year, then why not turn to Buddhism and embrace the dharma path? The Fo Guang Shan is one of the largest monastic orders of Buddhists, based mostly in Chinese Taiwan. They aim to purify human hearts and foster talent. If you show up on a Sunday, you might catch the Chanting of Great Compassionate Mantra. FREE

SLAVA’S SNOWSHOW ROYAL FESTIVAL HALL After a 15-year absence, this peculiar dream-like stage show has returned to London and is a perfect escape from the dreary reality of Christmas shopping and a mulled-wine hangover. Gorgeous sets, outlandish clowning and a thrillingly imaginative but still simple tale combine to make this a classic production. £20

Every day except Fridays 84 Margaret Street, W1W 8TD londonfgs.org.uk Oxford Circus

Until January 8 Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX slavasnowshow.co.uk Waterloo

CAROLS FOR GODLESS PEOPLE BLOOMSBURY THEATRE

HOW TO HAVE BETTER CONVERSATIONS SCHOOL OF LIFE

For anyone made uneasy by the unavoidable, inconvenient religious aspects of Christmas, this comedy-chat will be just the tonic.

The School Of Life is a unique little London institution – it’s a tiny shop that offers lectures on “how to live wisely and well”. It’s like a drop-in selfhelp centre, but without the weirdness and infomercials. This week, the School Of Life hosts a seminar teaching participants how to improve their conversations. If, after exchanging pleasantries with someone you’ve just met, you find yourself veering speedily toward familiar topics – the weather, what you did on the weekend, the cricket – then maybe you need to brush up. And, let’s face it, Christmas is the time for awkward silences between people thrust together by mutual friends.

£25

TACITA DEAN TATE MODERN British filmmaker Tacita Dean has contributed the 12th commission in the Tate’s Unilever series, which involves ambitious works of art being installed in the gallery’s cavernous Turbine Hall. This installation is an 11-minute silent film projected on to a giant white monolith. Maybe you’ll think it’s incredible. Maybe you’ll think it sucks. If you haven’t been before, it’s worth a look just to see art presented in such a striking space.

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

FREE

Until March 11 Sumner Street, Bankside, SE1 9TG tate.org.uk/modern Southwark

December 18-23 15 Gordon St, WC1H 0AH thebloomsbury.com Euston

CRUISE THE CANALS DEPARTING CAMDEN Boat trips along Regent’s canal, though London’s northern neighbourhoods, are all the rage in high summer, but are a chillier, more windblown experience this time of year. That’s no excuse – there’s still a great atmosphere and the route takes in some of the city’s prettiest parts from the water. £7

Saturdays & Sundays Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AR londonwaterbus.com Chk Fm

£30

December 15 70 Marchmont St, WC1N 1AB theschooloflife.com Russell Square

MIXOLOGY MASTERCLASS SHOREDITCH If all else fails at this time of year, the bottle is your last resort. But instead of just draining a couple of casks and passing out in the bath like last year, why not learn to get inebriated with a little more panache? Learn how to expertly mix cocktails and then, next time you’re at a party, you’ll have something to do with your hands while everyone else is ignoring you, hopefully leavening your feelings of inadequacy. £70

December 17 98 Curtain Road, EC2A 3AF mixologyevents.co.uk Old Street

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MYLONDON

SARAH CAWOOD TV PRESENTER What baffles me about London is that I can never quite get my head around the fact there are about as many people in the Greater London area as there are in Australia ... It really must have the most amazing allure, this fair city. I’m not sure it’s where I would choose to live if I didn’t have to be here for professional reasons, so I’m often puzzled by everyone else’s motives. London’s best-kept secret is Crouch End. People are fearful about the lack of Tube, so consequently, it’s always been nice and quiet and chilled-out with lots of independent shops and restaurants. Not as intimidatingly trendy as Stoke Newington or as busy and touristy as Islington. When I want to chill out I walk along Parklands Walk North from Ally Pally to Finsbury Park, along the old rail track. It’s going to sound naff, but the most interesting person I’ve met is my fiancé, Andy. I met him when I was working on Angela And Friends for Sky 1 and I’m never bored when we are together My favourite place for a drink is either The Queens in Crouch End, which is my local, or The Soho House in Greek Street. For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat a walk on Hampstead Heath and a roast dinner at The Flask in Highgate (if you can get a seat!). What gets me up in the morning? Andy, a cup of tea and a desperate need to pee (I’m currently pregnant so I’m peeing a lot!) This Christmas, I’m looking forward to not having any hangovers as I’m not drinking! Although no booze this year will also be the worst part of it! I can’t remember the last naughty thing I did, I am a paragon of virtue at the moment! I have no vices left! I probably told a white lie to get out of going out of an evening: it can get quite dull if everyone else is getting shitfaced and you’re on the Perrier. Five words that sum up London ... Bustling, grubby, colourful, contradictory, transient. sarahcawood.co.uk

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BARRIO NORTH

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An inviting community bar with flavour

BAR THE SCENE Stepping into Barrio North is like finding yourself on holiday in your own neighbourhood. The decor is loud and colourful, without being obnoxious: umbrellas hang from the ceiling, vintage multi-coloured suitcases line the walls, and a true-to-life camper van has been converted into a secluded seating area. Music, art and culture feature prominently in the design and feel of the space. A live DJ mixes upbeat music that creates a lively mood accented by the energetic young bartenders who visibly know and love their craft. Look out for their 2012 drinks menu in the new year that will feature an integration of music and drink. THE GRUB The bar doesn’t serve main meals, and bar snacks are the usual fare: dips, cheeses, houmous and veg. BEHIND THE BAR The cocktails are carefully crafted masterpieces, grouped into the flavours and styles of various geographic regions. Unique influences from around the world – often Latin – pop up in drinks such as the ‘Gunpowder’ and ‘Mayan Magic’. There’s something for everyone, but if you just can’t decide, the bartenders are also more than willing to make you something of your own. BILL PLEASE Cocktails from £6.50; beers from £3.50; a glass of wine from £4. “Amigo Hour” every day from 5-8pm offers £4 cocktails. VERDICT Barrio North is the perfect off-centre bar that you can’t wait to share with your friends. KELSEY CLARK

45 Essex Road, Islington, London N1 2SF

3 OF THE BEST MINCE PIES

barrionorth.com

Angel

THE LITTLE BAKER

GAIL’S

WHOLE FOODS

This hole-in-the-wall bakery in Camden pumps out fresh breads, cakes and holiday favourites. We dare you to walk past this gem without salivating over their warm baked goods.

This bakery in Hampstead Village produces pies that taste like they’re just out the oven. Enjoy the neighbourhood atmosphere created by these selfproclaimed “bread purists”.

Not the best ambience, unless you get excited by fresh produce. But these pies – made fresh in the in-store bakery – are an adorable treat to take home, with their cute heart topper.

94 Camden High Street

gailsbread.co.uk

wholefoods.com

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BITE SIZE

Shaka Zulu’s cavernous interior

COME ALL YO! FAITHFUL Sushi probably isn’t the first thing you think of when it comes to festive dining, but Yo! Sushi has made a Tokyo-style Crimbo treat. Screw Brussels sprouts, this one’s filled with fresh cucumber maki, salmon, tuna and prawn nigiri plus soft-shell crab and crunchy prawn and avocado ISO rolls (rice on the outside). The Yule platter is £11.50, serves two and comes in a Christmas tree-shaped box. yosushi.com

MAKE SOME BUBBLES Can’t get enough of the Taiwanese bubble tea craze that’s storming London? Make your own fruity or milky tea and tapioca drink at home in taro and assam flavours with this gift pack from Bubbleology, containing eight cups and straws, a shaker, and plenty of little gummy boba pearls. It’s available at Harvey Nichols for £24.95 and makes a tasty Christmas gift for any Asia lovers out there. Just don’t forget to put the lid on the shaker. harveynichols.com

LOW-CALORIE BOOZE If you’re worried about packing on the pounds this party season, opt for some decent vodka. Try out Grey Goose’s Le Fizz cocktail for a non-fattening option at 123 calories – 35ml Grey Goose vodka, 15ml elderflower cordial, 15ml fresh lime juice and a dash of soda. Ask Santa for the deluxe Grey Goose gift box, £33.50, and you won’t even have to buy it yourself. greygoose.com

SHAKA ZULU SOUTH AFRICAN THE SCENE Hidden away in an innocuous corner of Camden’s Stables market, Shaka Zulu’s low-key surrounds are in striking contrast to its grandiose interior. Every inch of this two-storey restaurant and cocktail lounge is decked out in African decorations – tribal carvings cover the walls and towering statues standing on the ground floor reach all the way up to the second. It’s a cavernous venue, two wide bars servicing the upstairs and a slightly more restrained environment in the downstairs dining room. THE GRUB The food is familiar enough but the different styles, native to South Africa and the sub-Saharan region, give it whole new dimension. A starter of prawns, for example, are served with a curry and ginger sauce; there’s also an ostrich carpaccio and rooibos-smoked salmon. The mains are a carnivore’s delight – there’s a special braai menu featuring an exquisite springbok loin as well as a delicious boerewors sausage. Or try the spit roast, which varies day-to-day but comes seasoned with an African relish called chakalaka.

It’s worth paying a visit to the upstairs cocktail lounge before settling in for dinner. There’s an extensive list to choose from, taking in the classics as well as Shaka Zulu’s own concoctions, the fancier ones maxing out at about £11. Downstairs, there’s an impressive selection of wines, including plenty of great reds from South Africa, starting at £19 for a bottle. BILL PLEASE Starters from £7; mains from £15; or try a tasting platter for £55. VERDICT The decor and the sheer size of the venue make Shaka Zulu a unique experience – best enjoyed on a busy weekend when you’re in the mood to party, rather than on a quiet weeknight. The service is knowledgeable and attentive and the best of the cocktails are top-notch. And if you’re after a prime cut of red meat Shaka Zulu will be right up your alley. TOM STURROCK BEHIND THE BAR

Stables Market, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB

shaka-zulu.com

Chalk Farm

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Pandas: treat ‘em well

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Why does Facebook ask what’s on my mind...I am a male of the species so it should be rather obvious, Shouldn’t it?

Declan King Which tennis payer is fond of touching money? PAt Cash

Geordie TNT magazine. Get over your bdsm and burlesque fetish. Not all of us have damaged childhoods

Anon Andy Carroll; The biggest waste of money since fat girls with nice haircuts

Manc Fred I once knew this really emotional delivery driver. Poor Barry Used to take everything the wrong way

Anna S Pot Noodles are crap. I’ve now eaten four and I’m not at all stoned

Roger Davis Just been to the Post Office to pick up my girlfriend’s christmas presents. I really hope she likes stamps

Stephen Grinchley testing something before you finish it always makes it beta

Salvatore hahaha. Just been reading the adventures of that aussie, Flemdog, at Tntmagazine.com. He’s a riot lol

Rebecca T

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STOP WAILING

HEY MR ‘DJ’

I see on tntmagazine.com an outcry about the latest Japanese whaling fleet to Antarctica being funded by disaster relief money. Most opposition to Japanese whaling is based on antiAsian racism and a cultural collective hangover from WW2 and the threat of Japanese invasion. I would bet money that if it was Norwegians going down there and whaling, the fuss would be far less. James Jenkins, via Facebook

DJs these days do make me laugh. All many are doing is simply plugging in a iPod and pressing ‘playlist’. DJing sadly isn’t the artform it once was and, now, any Tom, Dick or Harry can be a DJ – even a 10-year-old kid could do a three-hour set at Ministry of Sound in this day and age. Christian Belucky, via Facebook

If you’re gonna have an anti-X Factor Xmas number one, chose one song. Don’t spread your bets! When Rage Against The Machine won a couple of years ago, it was because of a focused effort. This year with Nirvana, The Wombles etc it’s all a bit messy and Simon Cowell will win again. And we don’t want that, do we? Dennis Jones, via email

TOO SOFT? Re: Clare Vooght’s sympathetic opinion piece about the teen burglar (TNT 1474). People are entitled to leave their windows open without some thieving little bastard breaking in. This semi-illiterate yob should be named and shamed. I rather hope that in five years’ time, he’s in a good strong jail. I’d like to extend something to him – my boot to his backside! Mark Taha, via email VOLUNTEER THE GAMBIA /77 /26

Obviously Lorraine (Letters, TNT 1475) has never actually seen the pandas in the national zoo in China. I cried and ended up leaving without seeing any other animals because of how they were treated. There is so much good that comes from breeding programmes like the Edinburgh Zoo’s. They fund the research for habitat conservation and help keep animals such as pandas and tigers alive for future generations. Aimee Steel, via Facebook Aimee wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker

YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @menshumour: If you want to get your girlfriend something for Christmas that’s really for you, get her Yoga Pants. @ineedaballrub: Name your iPod ‘Titanic’, plug it into the computer, “Titanic is syncing”, press cancel, feel like a hero. @randomisms: I don’t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.

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Wendy Hall: H&M’s computergenerated models are just another unrealistic image to stress normal women to aspire to Suzette La Pierre: I attended a volunteer induction for Crisis. May not be exciting but rewarding is probably the word I’d use, they need lots of volunteers over the Xmas period! David Ramsay: What’s you favourite Xmas song? Mine’s Kevin Bloody Wilson’s Hey Santa Claus

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‘A new West End hit has landed. ‘Ghost the Musical’ is a gleaming piece of stagecraft whose smoke, mirrors, full-throttle heartache and beguiling special effects put it light years ahead of many of its ageing competitors.’ Time Out

TICKETS TO GHOST THE MUSICAL ‘Super-slick staging, strong performances and most of all, an emotional, yet unusual story that can still transport an audience.’ THE TIMES

WIN Ghostt is a timeless fantasy about the power of love. Sam is trapped as a ghost between this world and the next, trying to communicate with his girlfriend, Molly, through a phoney psychic, in the hope of saving her from his murderer. A roller-coaster ride of romance, drama and excitement, the awardwinning Ghost the Muscial has been adapted for the stage by Bruce Joel Rubin, who won an Oscar® for Best Original Screenplay of the original hit film fi lm starring Patrick Swayze. The new

score and lyrics are by music legends Dave Stewart and Glen Ballard, whose total combined album sales top 250 million. The score also features the unforgettable Unchained Melody. Win one of five pairs of tickets! Enter at

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ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD Metallica, it has been revealed, might just have brought forward their touring plans from 2013 to next year to maximise their profits for fears the euro may go totally tits up and rob them of revenue. The band’s comanager Cliff Bernstein told the Wall Street Journal Metallica are “a US export the same way as Coca-Cola – we look for the best markets”. The music business is exactly that, a business, but this cynical move highlights the groups’ attitudes towards the fans that fund them. Profit dictates touring decisions over the prestige of playing a renowned venue. The knock- on effect could see Europe’s profitability drop creating a US absence at many of the continent’s top festivals come 2013 and beyond. Now there’s a real reason for France and Germany to sort it all out. Forget countries going backrupt, riots in the streets, impending Armageddon – there might be no Foo Fighters or Kings of Leon at Benicassim!

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MANIC STREET PREACHERS The O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX SAT, DEC 17 | DOORS AT 7.30PM | £32.50

Manic Street Preachers are a funny bunch. Morphing from their earlier, self-styled generation terrorists declaring ‘fuck queen and country’ to their current persona as national treasures (again self-proclaimed), they have matured with grace. And this week, the three Welshman assemble for a career-spanning Christmas gig. The show will see them play the recently released National Treasures singles compilation in its entirety, with the band promising an evening of “glitter, glamour and special guests”. Who the latter will be is a mystery kept firmly under wraps, but when they’ve got 38 singles to tear through – ranging from early-era glam-punk outings such as Motown Junk (complete with John Lennon-baiting refrain) and You Love Us, to Nineties classics A Design For Life and The Masses Against The Classes, as well as recent single This Is The Day, a cover of the The The track specially recorded for the release – it matters not. The Manics’ career has been packed with incident, the band earning an early reputation for provocative gigs, not least through the loud-mouthed, Daily Mail reader-taunting jibes of bassist Nickey Wire, whose rants were always entertaining, even if his targets were not always justified. Reinventing themselves after rhythm guitarist Richey Edwards went missing in 1995, the band proclaimed that ‘everything must go’ – their past, their baggage, their fans expectations. This show will see them embrace their past, present and – split rumours notwithstanding – their future too. ticketmaster.co.uk

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NEW BAND

THE LEMONHEADS GIG MON, DEC 12. 7PM £17.50

Slacker king Evan Dando returns to the capital with 1992’s It’s A Shame About Ray under his arm for this evening of reminiscing as the band play the album in full. Hear Lemon-classics such as Rudderless and Bit Part, not to mention their (in)famous cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s Mrs Robinson.

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Shepherd’s Bush Empire W12 8TT o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk Shepherd’s Bush

SOULWAXMAS

DEVIATION CHRISTMAS SESSION

CLUB

FRI, DEC 16. 9PM-3AM £26.50

WED, DEC 14. 9PM-2AM £7

In the first of two nights at the Academy, the Dewale brothers unleash their mash-up monster 2ManyDJs, cramming more tunes together in their furious genre-pilfering set than you previously thought possible, or indeed advisable. Support comes from Erol Alkan, Paul Chambers and Hot Chip’s Joe Goddard, to name but a few.

Radio One’s Benji B leads the charge at this east London night and keeps tradition going – he does it every December – with a staminademanding five-hour set combining dubstep, hip-hop, soul, drum n’ bass and garage. Expect classic party tunes and standouts from the past 12 months.

Brixton Academy 211 Stockwell Road, SW9 9SL o2academybrixton.co.uk Brixton

Concrete 56 Shoreditch High Street, E1 6JJ concretespace.co.uk Old Street

KELE

SNOWBOMBING GETS ITS SKATES ON

KASABIAN + MILES KANE

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SAT, DEC 17. FROM 7PM £16

THUR, DEC 15. FROM 8PM £17

WED, DEC 14. FROM 6.30PM £32.50

Kele was surprised by his former/ still bandmates when Bloc Party announced they were going in to the studio in September to record without him. His solo career continues to shine, though, and he takes to the stage at this recently opened venue, with his electro-indie debut, The Boxer, and follow-up EP, The Hunter, for company.

Ice skating in the capital has become as much a Christmas tradition as mulled wine, mince pies and red-faced mornings after the work Christmas party. Damon Martin (Disco Bloodbath), Ali Love and Ben Starr soundtrack this evening – the first of three – of late-night DJ-led skating sessions at the stylish surrounds of Somerset House.

The Leicester-bred boys began as Primal Screamloving revivalists but have outgrown this easily affixed label. With terrace-ready choruses and classic rock experimentation – see latest album Velociraptor – as well as two nights here at the O2, they’ve defintiely earned their place in Britrock’s history.

Electric Brixton Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ electricbrixton.com Brixton

Somerset House The Strand, London WC2R 1LA somersethouse.org.uk Charing Cross

The O2 Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX theo2.co.uk North Greenwich

FOXES! THE BUZZ SO FAR Indie jingle-jangle aesthetics, post-punk with punkinfused spirit, retro-styled layers of reverb and distorted guitars, Brighton’s Foxes! – led by husband and wife Adam (vocals/guitars) and Kayla (drums) alongside Alan Grice (bass, keyboard) and Matt Twaites (guitar, keyboards) – pick and choose from their myriad influences. Their pop-tastic, often piano-led, emphasis on fun shines through to the top, though. THE CRITICS SAY “Pleasing levels of naivety from indie poppers who clearly live in toy town.” Drowned In Sound THE PLUG Fri, Dec 16 The Windmill, 22 Blenheim Gardens, SW2 5BZ. windmillbrixton.co.uk Brixton. £4. Debut album Foxes! out Jan 16 through Big Salad Records.

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CLUBLISTINGS

MONDAY 12 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £5.

Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

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Heroes Uner, Inigo Surio, Raphael Mello, Mike Yills, Marta Del Valle, Lottie, JoJo De Freq and Warboy spin house, disco and electro, plus Le Jockey perform live. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-late. £20, adv £13.50. I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50. Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8. Salsa Cellar Resident DJs play Latin funk, salsa and reggae. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). 9pm-late. £7, concs £4. Tribe Xmas Party Boddhi Satva, Zepherin Saint, Matt L-S and Kristel Morin spin deep house, soulful house and Afro rhythms. Brixton Clubhouse, Brixton Rd, SW9 8HH (020 7326 4455). 10pm-5am. £10. Union Skream, Redlight & Dread MC, Youngman, Union and Brookes Brothers supply dubstep and breakbeat. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm-4am. £12. XS Scottie B, Spoony, Rampage, Sharma and Scandal spin R‘n’B and UK funky. Rainforest Cafe, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EU (020 7434 3111/cc 020 7434 3222). 10pm-3.45am. £10.

TUESDAY 13 In The Dark Christmas Special With Moshi Moshi Wave Pictures DJs supply rock and indie. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 7pm-10pm. £3 & £4.

YoYo Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip-hop, dubstep, garage and grime, plus live music. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7.30pm-2am. £7, £5 before 11pm.

FRIDAY 16 ELECTRIC MINDS Secret location, Dec 31. £10-15 Jay Shepheard (above), Duff Disco and Mark Pavitt are some of the names at this New Year’s event whose location is kept a secret until the last minute. info@elecrticminds.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 14 Breakout DJs spin 40 years of dance hits, plus live sets from Lois And The Love, King Charles and The Dodoz. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm1am. £6, £5 w/flyer after 10.30pm. Cheapskates Old school hiphop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50. Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10. Deviation Christmas Special DJ Benji B supplies house, dubstep, hip-hop and soul, with MC Judah. Concrete, Shoreditch High St, E1 6JJ (020 7729 1888). 9pm-2am. £7. Madd Raff Wednesdays The Heatwave supply bashment and dancehall, plus a dance session with dancehall instructor Safwaan Shoshoni of Pineapple Studios. The Social, Little Portland St, W1W 7JD (020 7636 4992). 7pm-1am. £5, £3 before 10pm.

THURSDAY 15 The After Work Jam TC Fords, Invasion Crew, Jag 1 Sound and Patrick J supply R‘n’B, dancehall, soca and funk. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (020 8993 2915). 8pm-late. £5, free before 11pm. Balada House Brazilian and South American soul, funk and house from DJ Jose Luis, plus live music from Fontanas. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600). 5pm-late. £5, free before 9pm. Change Your Tunes Down And Out, Ash Sowhani, Richard Aki, Drop Gear, SalemS and Sektor supply drum ‘n’ bass and dubstep. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 9pm-3am. £4, adv £3, free before 10.30pm. Cougar Trax Xmas Party Matthew Bushwacka, Pure Science, Liz Edwards and Grant Dell spin house and techno. Fluid Bar, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6JN (020 7253 3444). 7pm-4am. £3-£5, free before 9pm. Jingle My Bells DJ Melody Kane spins house and R‘n’B, with MC Bronzy, plus a live PA from Labrinth. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £20, adv £15.

Once Is Never Enough Resident DJs spin dance anthems, R‘n’B, commercial hits and funky house. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £11, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm.

Majestic Vibe DJ El Moreno spins funky house, R‘n’B and old skool classics. Diu, Greek St, W1D 4DJ (020 7025 7844). 9pm-3am. £5.

Short Back And Sides Dubstep, electro, indie and drum ‘n’ bass from resident DJs. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 9pm-2am. £5, free before 10.30pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

TV Nights Maz and Bloody Awful Poetry spin rock, funk and hip-hop, plus Buildings, RW Hedges And The Red Kings, Murray James, Alex Vargas, Seye and Dominic Hammond perform live. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £8, w/flyer £6.

Neighbourhood #6: 1st Birthday & Christmas Party Resident DJs spin dubstep and grime. Plastic People, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3QE (020 7739 6471). 9pm-1am. £7, £5 before 10pm.

Our Party Capita and Dead Air Music spin pop and electro-funk. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. £3.

Roda De Samba Samba music from DJ Limao and live band So Kem Eh. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600). 5pm-late. £5.

QueerlyOut DJ Robby D spins dance, pop and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. £5, mems £3.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £6, w/flyer £3, free before midnight.

Roller Disco Funk and disco for a wheeled audience. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pmmidnight. £10, £7.50 own skates.

White Heat DJs spin indie, electronica, new wave, postpunk and rock, plus a live performance from The Men. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 8pm-3am. £7.

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Local Posse Lazy Habits, Dizraeli, Klumzy Tung, John Fairhurst Band and More Like Trees spin hip-hop, folk, rock and dubstep. The Bedroom Bar, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 5706). 8pm-1am. £5. No Spitting DJs IO, Deft, Bobby Tank and Tobias Blow spin hip-hop and dubstep. Hoxton Hall, Hoxton St, N1 6SH (020 7684 0060). 8pm-late. £3.

Bedrock DJs Little Chris and George spin indie, electro, rock, retro and pop. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-4am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight. Cellar Door Resident DJs spin funk, house and Latin. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. DJ Yoda A live hip-hop, electro and funk audio-visual performance by the London-based turntablist and DJ. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/cc 020 7274 5537). 10pm-6am. £12, adv £10. Fabriclive Andy C & MC GQ, Chase & Status (DJ Set) & MC Rage, Sub Focus (DJ set) & MC ID, Loadstar & MC Texas, DC Breaks, Delta Heavy, Hamilton, Red One, IC3, Justyce and DRS spin electro, drum ‘n’ bass and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 10pm6am. £18, adv £16, NUS £10 before midnight, £7 after 3am, adv £21 inc CD. The Gallery Christmas Party Trance and progressive house from Markus Schulz, Cosmic Gate, Andy Moor, Rank 1 & Jochen Miller, Tall Paul, Gavyn Mytchel, Steve Lee, Owen Boyne and Kane Harris, plus a live PA from Amrick Channa. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10.30pm-6am. £15, adv £13, mems/NUS £10, £8 after 3am. One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane spin house, mash-ups, electro, dance anthems, R‘n’B, hip-hop and commercial dance. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm. Reggae Roast Presents Prince Fatty, Hollie Cook, Horseman, Exel & Moodie and Markle spin reggae and dub. The City Arts & Music Project, City Rd, EC1Y 2BJ (020 7253 2443). 9pm-4am. £10, adv £7. Tales Of The Unexpected DJs spin indie, electro, new wave and funk, with live music, plus alternative cabaret performances from Vivid Angel, Marnie Scarlet and Domino Bulesk. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10. University Of Dub Presents: Roots Dance Festival Iration Steppas, Negus Melody and Aba-Shanti-I spin dub, reggae and jungle. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). 10pm-6am. £12.

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SATURDAY 17 BBM Me Presents Roy Rovelli spins house and electro. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 8pm-2am. £10, free before 9pm, concs £7 guestlist before 10pm. Caribbean Renaissance Holiday Special Reggae and soul from Philip Level, Lady Shaz, Back 2 Basic and Lovers T. Porky’s Wine Bar, Sternhold Ave, SW2 4PA (020 8671 3424). 10pm-6am. £10. Electro Swing Club Christmas Special DJs Typo Boy, Jan Le Gitan and Max Pashm spin electro-swing and disco, plus visuals from Los Bastardos, and The Electric Swing Circus perform live. The Book Club, Leonard St, EC2A 4RH (020 7684 8618). 8pm-2am. £10, £5 before 10pm. Fabric Marco Carola, Surgeon, James Ruskin, James Priestley and Keith Worthy spin house, electro and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, NUS £10, £9 after 4am, adv £23 inc CD. Moulin Rouge Christmas Party Verity Mayes, Yvette Lindquist, Alex Madden, DJ Rob and JoshYou Are spin house, indie-pop and R‘n’B. Protocol, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 3242 0040). 10pm-6am. £10. Phonica Presents XMAS Party Will Saul, Simon Rigg, The Vangelis and Soho supply techno and dubstep, plus BNJMN plays live. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 10pm-4am. £10 & £15. Pure OldSkool Micky Finn & MC Skibadee, Matt Jam Lamont & MC CKP & PSG, Huck Finn and Kanga, Ballsy & Pec spin old skool house, garage and jungle. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). 10pm-late. £15. Ride Filthy Few and Jay Karim spin electro, indie and hip-hop, plus live burlesque and cabaret acts. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10. Shebang DJ Lizzie Curious plays house and techno. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

SUNDAY 18 Gigalum Present Koen Groeneveld plays electronica and dance. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free. Horse Meat Disco Residents Jim Stanton, Luke Howard, James Hillard and Severino spin disco and house. Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903). 8pm-3am. £8. Showtime DJ F-Sound spins house, electro, R‘n’B and dance anthems. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, adv £5, ladies free before 11.30pm. WetYourSelf Christmas Party Cormac, Hannah Holland, Jacob Husley, Raymundo Rodriguez and Peter Pixzel spin house, electro and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £10, adv £8, NUS £5.

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MONDAY 12 Anna Jane Casey Showtunes, cabaret and classic pop from the West End performer. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £20.

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Chameleons Vox Alt rock from the Manchester-based outfit. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/cc 020 7428 5929). £15.

The Lemonheads Alt rock by Evan Dando and colleagues as they perform songs from their seminal album It’s A Shame About Ray. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17.50. Mister Heavenly Indie-pop by the American outfit. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £12, concs £10. Molly Hatchet, Mojo Perry The Florida-based outfit plays Southern rock. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20. Smith And Burrows Indie-rock duo from London. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £15. Will Young The multi-platinumselling singer-songwriter, whose hits include Leave Right Now and All Time Love, performs pop in support of his album Echoes. London Palladium, Argyll St, W1F 7TF (0844 576 5483). £32.50-£45.

TUESDAY 13 Brand New Heavies Mainstream R‘n’B and soul outfit. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (0207 957 8261). £30-£50. Cherry Ghost The Manchesterbased quintet plays indierock. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £17.50. Gallows, Sharks, Feed The Rhino Hardcore punk from the Hertfordshire-based five-piece. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £15. Max Raabe & Palast Orchester The German singer leads his 1920s and 1930s-style cabaret outfit. Cadogan Hall, Sloane Terrace, SW1X 9DQ (020 7730 4500). £15-£25. Scala & Kolacny Brothers The artists perform choral interpretations of pop and rock songs. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £15. White Label Rock band from London. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £15. Winter Festival: Shlomo The British beatboxer performs a musical mix using his mouth, a microphone and a loop sampler. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £15, concs £7.50.

The Blues Band R ‘n’ B and roots music, with vocals by Paul Jones and Dave Kelly. Blackheath Halls, Lee Rd, SE3 9RQ (020 8463 0100). £22.

Winterfylleth Black metal by the Manchester-based band. The Purple Turtle, Crowndale Rd, NW1 1TN (020 7383 4976). £7.50.

The Bronx The American outfit plays hardcore punk. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). £15.

FRIDAY 16

Duran Duran Pop-rock from the New Romantic pioneers. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £35-£65.

Architects, Deaf Havana, Tek-One, Heights Progressive metalcore from the Brightonbased band. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £15.

THE RAPTURE Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Wed May 2, 2012. £15 The New York post-punk funksters hit the Empire to make you dance, in support of this year’s fourth album In The Grace of Your Love. W12 8TT

o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

WEDNESDAY 14 Def Leppard The veteran outfit from Sheffield performs its classic rock hits. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £47.50. Bryan Ferry Pop-rock from the singer-songwriter and Roxy Music frontman. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £30. I Am The Avalanche The New York-based combo performs punkrock. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £11. Jeru The Damaja Hip-hop from the Brooklyn-born rapper. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £12. Kasabian, Miles Kane The Leicester-based 2010 BRIT Award-winning outfit plays cocky indie-rock from its album Velociraptor. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £32.50.

She Bu

XFM Winter Wonderland A showcase of contemporary music featuring Kaiser Chiefs, The Maccabees, The Horrors, Ben Howard, Band Of Skulls, Tribes and We Are Augines. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £25.

THURSDAY 15 Aloe Blacc The LA-based musician performs smooth R‘n’B and soul. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £22.50. Death In Vegas Psychedelic indierock with electro influences from the Brentford-based twosome. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £15. Tommy Emmanuel, Gareth Pearson The veteran Australian guitarist plays folk and folkrock. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £20. Maybeshewill Instrumental, boundary-pushing rock by the Leicester-based band. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). £10.

Longview Indie-rock by the London-based band. The Wilmington Arms, Rosebery Ave, EC1R 4RL (020 7837 1384). £10.

Payback The nine-piece plays soul and funk. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.

Dan Michaelson & The Coastguard The singer-songwriter leads his ensemble for brooding Americana and alt country. St Pancras Old Church, Euston Rd, NW1 2BA (020 7388 1461). £10.

The Pineapple Thief Contemporary prog rock by Somerset-based Bruce Soord and colleagues. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £15.

Yael Naim And David Donatien, Laura J Martin The Paris-based two-piece plays acoustic folkpop. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £12.50.

Professor Green Hip-hop and rap artist from Hackney. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £18.50.

The Ordinary Boys Indierock by the Worthing-based band. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £13.50.

Rizzle Kicks, Maxta Indie-influenced hip-hop from the Brighton-based duo. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £10.

Finley Quaye, Brand New Second Hand The Londonbased singer-songwriter performs roots-reggae and soul-pop. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 7837 4412). £15.

Roachford Pop, R‘n’B and soul from the Londonbased singer-songwriter. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £20.

SATURDAY 17

Title Fight, Balance And Composure, Transit Melodic hardcore metal by the band from Pennsylvania. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £9.

Funkification Funk, soul and disco eight-piece. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, diners free before 10pm. Ed Harcourt Piano-based alt pop from the singersongwriter. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £17.50.

The Emotions Soul and funk by the vocal group from Chicago. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £20-£50. From The Jam, JEL Classic Jam songs performed by original bassist Bruce Foxton, plus Mark Brzezicki and Russell Hastings. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (0207 957 8261). £28, adv £22.50. Kele The Bloc Party frontman and singer-songwriter performs dance-pop. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £15. Manic St Preachers James Dean Bradfield’s veteran alt rockers perform their hits. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £22.50 & £32.50.

Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel Pop-rock from the veteran singer-songwriter. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £20-£35. Harry The Piano The pianist performs the music of Dave Brubeck. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £25. Imaani The vocalist sings soul and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £12.

Mariachi El Bronx The Mexican alter-ego of Southern Californian heavy rock outfit The Bronx. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £12. Orange Goblin Doom metal from the London-based outfit. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15.

Men They Couldn’t Hang Folk-rock with a touch of punk from the London-based outfit. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £17.50.

Mike Sanchez R‘n’B and rock ‘n’ roll from the guitaristpianist. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £18, adv £15.

Napalm Death Grindcore from the Birmingham-based fourpiece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15.

UK Subs Classic punk-rock by the London-based veterans. Relentless Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/cc 0844 847 1678). £15.

New Model Army Classic agit-rock with punky overtones played with conviction and intensity by Justin Sullivan and colleagues. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £20.

White Lies Indie-rock from the Ealing-based three-piece. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £23.50.

Sabaton, Hell Stirring symphonic and melodic metal from the Swedish band. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £16.

Rolf Harris The Australian artist, musician and TV presenter performs his hits with a live band and didgeridoo to coincide with the theatre’s 100th birthday. Victoria Palace, Victoria St, SW1E 5EA (0844 248 5000). £20-£55.

The Saturdays Una, Mollie, Frankie, Vanessa and Rochelle meld commercial pop and R‘n’B in support of their album On Your Radar. Wembley Arena, Arena Sq, Engineers Way, HA9 0DH (0870 060 0870). £27.50-£33.50. Soulwaxmas Influential mash-up maestros David and Stephen Dewaele play electronica and dance-punk as both Soulwax and 2manydjs. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £26.50. The Wonder Stuff Miles Hunt’s alt rock band from the Black Country performs its album Never Loved Elvis. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £20.

SUNDAY 18

Levellers The folk-punk stalwarts celebrate the 20th anniversary of their album Levelling The Land. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £25. The Ronnie Scott’s Blues Explosion Contemporary and classic blues by the house band. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £20-£40. Shed Seven The indie-rockers from York perform a selection of their hits as well as celebrating the 15th anniversary of their album A Maximum High. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £19.50.

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A sense of connection: sometimes, a simple chat is all thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s required

Needed: your skills 26

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Job well done: volunteering offers satisfaction for all involved

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The gift of giving This Christmas, not everyone will have their hands out for presents. TNT meets some of those who will be helping others instead WORDS JAHN VANNISSELROY

It’s 5pm and quiet at Shelter From The Storm, a homeless refuge just down the road from Pentonville Prison in Islington. Outside, it’s raining – not quite a storm, but persistent enough to be unpleasant. In another hour, the place will come alive as the guests – 36 men and women of varying races and ages, all well-presented and unfailingly polite but each with a sense of weariness about them – will file in to receive food and shelter for the night. I’m tasked with making sure their stomachs are full. It’s a mammoth effort to feed and bed that many people and one that wouldn’t be possible without the help of a team of willing volunteers, all from different walks of life, and all with different motivations, but all with one goal: to help their fellow human beings. As the guests begin arriving, and in between chopping a huge mound of vegetables that will form the basis of a hearty stew, Craig, a 32-year-old pharmaceutical company business manager, talks about the year since he began volunteering. Introduced through a friend, he now can’t imagine life without helping. “I travel quite a bit with my job and I notice that if I don’t come down here, I almost get withdrawal symptoms,“ he says. “I miss it. It sounds a bit cliché, but it really is addictive. It’s a good feeling to help these guys out.“ With two years at Shelter From The Storm under her belt, Tamhi, a 25-year-old biomedical laboratory worker, is an old hand. Her satisfaction comes from mingling with the guests, providing an ear and a friendly face at the end of a hard day. She became a volunteer to meet new people and fend off a sense of loneliness she felt was encroaching on her life. “It’s not just about me giving,“ she insists. “I definitely get back as well, a lot. It’s helping give me experience in a field I’m interested in, social work, and I’ve met some great people here. You form a little team. It can be great fun.“ But the attitudes of Tamhi and Craig are not ones held by everyone. Tough economic times, if the latest Attitudes report from the National Centre of Social Research is to be believed, are resulting in a less-engaged British public, one much more hesitant about making sacrifices for others. The report suggests a growing view that it’s the responsibility of the individual to get through, rather than any subscription to the David Cameron Big Society theory of everyone pitching in to help each other.

“In a time of economic austerity and social unrest, the big question is whether we really are in it together, or just in it for ourselves?“ Penny Young, the centre’s chief executive, says. “An emerging sense of self-reliance may take the government some way toward its vision of a more responsible society, but an emphasis on individualism, not Big Society collectivism, may present as much of a challenge

“

Are we in it together or just in it for ourselves?

”

as it does an opportunity.“ As a result, volunteers for a range of organisations, from homeless shelters to support for parents struggling to cope to children’s charities, are more sought-after than ever. Among the most well-known of these groups is Crisis, ››

Give your time and make a difference TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Breakfast at the shelter: for some the bright spot in a bleak day

another homeless shelter, which opens its doors to volunteers at Christmas. Celebrating its 40th year, Crisis is usually met with a strong response. Indeed, in 2010, in just one week at Christmas, 670 guests used healthcare consultants; 280 accessed dentistry; 235 were seen by a podiatrist; 255 had their vision checked by opticians. The demand for help is definitely out there. Gordon Owen, a Crisis advice services manager with 30 years in volunteering, hopes the current doom and gloom and financial tightening-up will bring a positive effect to the sector. “From the volunteers’ perspective, people can’t afford to go out and about, to go clubbing and partying, as much as they used to,“ he says. “So the temptation to help out is there, as it won’t cost them anything and they can do something good at the same time.“ But while Owen suggests that the connection involved in volunteering is far greater than that of an employee at work – because the motivation isn’t purely about money – he insists it’s not all sunshine and light. “There are some difficult times; people in an upset

state and you have to deal with that – sometimes, you find yourself becoming emotionally involved,“ he says. “Last year, in inclement weather there were more people out there than Crisis could accomodate. That was hard – when you’ve only got 150 beds and 200 people wanting them ... some don’t get in.“ Back at Shelter For The Storm, it’s now 7pm and my stew is ready to be served. It’s been a full-on two hours, complete with burns, cuts and an incessant worry that it won’t taste as good as it should. My evening is far from over though; washing up is still to be done, but as I watch Craig serving up a line of hungry guests and Tamhi chatting away, I’m aware that what initially was just a room has now become a home, and the longer-term volunteers, once just another face like me, a type of family, an accepting presence at the end of a draining day. And Tamhi reinforces that: “For me coming down here, and to the other places I volunteer, has become a big part of my life,“ she says. “You tell people about it and it becomes a chain of connections when they come down. And, you can see that you can bring a positive element to someone else’s life … even if it is simply talking about their day with them.“❚

SHELTER FROM THE STORM

CRISIS AT CHRISTMAS

THE WILDFOWL & WETLANDS TRUST

KIDS COMPANY

London’s only free homeless shelter is open all year round and receives no help from the government, relying solely on the generous donations and the work of volunteers. It caters for 18 men and 18 women, seven days a week. Volunteering duties include cooking, cleaning and supervising overnight. The shelter’s end goal is to help guests into employment and on to a positive path in life.

Crisis At Christmas, celebrating its 40th year in 2011, provides nine shelters throughout London from December 23-30. As such, it requires the help of more than 8000 volunteers, from hairdressers and cooks to entertainers and those with the ability to speak another language. If you’re unable to help at the festival period, Crisis still needs volunteers to help in its centres all year round.

If you’re environmentally minded, here’s one for you. The trust conserves, saves wildlife and influences action throughout the country. From being a membership recruiter to undertaking outside projects such as planting, digging, reed clearance, pollarding, weeding and painting, people are always needed. And if you have specailist skills that may help, WWT, is eager to hear from you.

Whatever you’re into, be it gardening, street dance, science or geography, your enthusiasm can help enrich the lives of vulnerable children. Kids Company supports teams in schools across London and at its own centres. Full training and support are given and a minimum commitment of one hour per week, for at least one academic term, is required, although you’re welcome to stay longer.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

crisis.org.uk Various locations

wwt.org.uk 020 8409 4400

kidsco.org.uk Various locations

Photos: Getty

sfts.org.uk Caledonian Road

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Noddy Holder The former Slade star talks about sausages, the perils of X Factor, and why he still loves Chritsmas INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

You’re narrating A Christmas Carol – Unplugged. What’s that about? It’s a stripped-back-to-the-bones show – the Scrooge story set in the music business. It has acoustic music, interspersed with me narrating Dickens’ classic. We want it to feel as if we are all in the living room together as mates, and I’m the storyteller. How do you feel about writing the nation’s favourite Christmas song, Merry Christmas Everybody? I’m really proud of it. We knew we had a hit on out hands when we wrote it [in 1973]. It went to number one the week of release and stayed there for six weeks, which was into the New Year. We didn’t think for a minute it would still be going strong 40 years later. It’s great that a new generation discovers it year after year. I get little kids coming up to me saying they performed the song in their school Christmas concert. Though people do forget we had 40 other hit singles, too. Are you proud to be the third person on the Birmingham Walk of Stars? Yeah, a mate of mine, Ozzy Osbourne, was the first person on it, then Jasper Carrot was asked, and I was voted third. It was a big honour. The ceremony was two weeks before Christmas in 2007 and 27,000 people turned up, which was phenomenal. You’ve advertised Nobby’s Nuts – what’s the strangest product you’ve been asked to promote? Only last week I spearheaded ‘Britain’s Sausage Week’. We went around the whole country finding Britain’s best bangers, tasting 20 sausage recipes a day!

Photos: Manuel Harlan

Do you have any advice for young bands these days? Yes: get a good accountant and a good lawyer. Ever tempted to do a Slade reunion? Not really. We’ve been apart for nearly twenty years and are not the same four people. We worked together in each other’s pockets for 25 years which is a long time. It was like having three marriages!

[Caption] Mariah fan: Noddy Holder When did you know that you wanted to be in a band? I was singing in working men’s clubs from the age of seven. The first time I sang, I brought the house down with applause. I formed my first band in school when I was 12, played the clubs in Germany like The Beatles, and then I met the guys that became Slade. I’d been playing in bands for 10 years before I had any success. What would you have been if you weren’t in a band? A history teacher. I was doing very well at school and the teachers were mad when I left – in those days, it was unheard of to want to be a professional musician. It was seen as the lowest of the low. What do you think of X Factor? They [contestants] are chasing fame more than music. It’s a great show but it is doing nothing to forward the course of music. There hasn’t been any kind of long-lasting star to come out with songs that people remember for 20 years – no one writes their own material anymore. Mark Kermode described your film, Slade In Flame, as the “Citizen Kane of rock musicals”, but it wasn’t a success at the time ... No, it didn’t work very well for our career. People

expected a silly, slapstick, Hard Day’s Night sort of thing – not a hard-hitting behind-thescenes look at rock music. They had this image in their heads of Slade the band and they couldn’t separate it from the movie. But now it’s a classic. If you could play with anyone from rock, past or present, who would it be? Little Richard. He was my first inspiration in rock and roll; he made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. No one in the UK had ever seen a black guy with his pompadour hair playing the piano standing up. What’s your favourite Christmas song? Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas Is You. It sounds like old Fifties Motown to me – very uplifting. It is easy to write sad songs but 10 times more difficult to write optimistic songs. You were on the BBC’s Grumpy Old Men – what makes you grumpy? Not a lot, really. I did one series of the show and they didn’t want me anymore because they said I wasn’t grumpy enough. A Christmas Carol – Unplugged, narrated by Noddy Holder, Wed, Dec 14. £17.50 Union Chapel Theatre, N1 2XD unionchapel.org.uk Highbury and Islington

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‘Last one to that tree has to wear the hat’

SHERLOCK HOLMES – A GAME OF SHADOWS FILM review by Alasdair Morton STARRING: Robert Downey Jr, Jude Law, Noomi Rapace | 12A | 129mins

WRECKERS FILM STARRING: Benedict Cumberbatch, Claire Foy, Shaun Evans | 15 | 86mins

This low-key British drama stars Cumberbatch (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) and Foy (good value in Nic Cage’s terrible Season Of The Witch) as a couple who move to a remote village to start a family but find their relationship shattered by a few unwelcome home truths delivered by Evans’ newly arrived, chaos-inducing tearaway brother. On general release from Friday

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Guy Ritchie took his gangster shtick to Victorian times for 2009’s Sherlock Holmes, trouncing traditions with his bar-room-brawling depiction of the character. This steampunk-infused sequel changes little of the revisionist DNA, but stirs it up into a bigger, brasher package. However the same frailties still abound. Downey Jr returns as the fast-talking and faster-thinking Holmes, Law his oftenexasperated partner Watson (their bromance as strong as ever) to face off against master criminal and intellectual-equal Moriarty (a suitably villainous Jared Harris), with it falling to Holmes to prevent “the collapse of western civilization”. As before, Law and Downey Jr’s chemistry is what sells – the latter on fine form doling out the super-cool barbs and prescient powers of intellect. Stephen Fry brings a dash of humour as Holmes’ older, wiser brother Mycroft but the women play second fiddle (McAdams but a cameo; newcomer Noomi Rapace underused). The advent of the 20th century’s penchant for war brings an international flavour to the mindgames (and some tech gadgets such as machine guns and mortars add spice to the set pieces) but the process of deduction again underwhelms, Ritchie’s slow-fast editing style zapping these sequences of any surprise. It all zings along energetically enough, but there’s no disguising this contemporary spin on Conan Doyle’s character is getting a little routine already. GOOD FOR: Fans of boys-own adventures and Donwey Jr’s motor-mouthed mania

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GIVE US A

BILL BAILEY: DANDELION MIND

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

The versatile comedian – and part-time troll – brings his November epic arena tour back to London for this more intimate show. The former Never Mind The Buzzcocks star, with his combination of observational humour, dry wit and musical interludes, is the perfect preChristmas treat.

Ha ha!

Shepherd’s Bush Empire W12 8TT. Sun, Dec 11. £29.50 o2shepherds bushempire.co.uk Shepherd’s Bush

HENRY HUDSON: A RAKE REVISTED

BURLESQUE

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

Hudson is a former student of Central St Martins College of Art and Design who became fascinated with 19th-century artist William Hogarth, so much so in fact that he had decided to honour his famous work – the A Rake’s Work series – by replicating it through ‘painting’ with plasticine.

Blacklisted Johnny Reno may have talent but his career is going nowhere unless he names names in Adam Meggido and Roy Smiles’ new musical, set in 50s America. The plot takes time to focus, but pastiche vaudeville numbers, a lecherous theatre owner and stripping showgirls (and lyrics full of political comment) make a fun show.

Sir John Soane’s Museum 13 Lincoln’s Inn Fields, WC2A 3BP. Until Jan 28. Free soane.org Holborn

Jermyn Street Theatre SW1Y 6ST. Until Dec 18. £20 jermynstreettheatre.co.uk Piccadilly Circus

ALISTAIR BARRIE What’s your show No Pressure To Be Funny all about then? It’s about the news, which is a bundle of laughs right now. Why are comedy and politics so good together? Politicians want to be taken seriously, whereas comedians just want to get laughed at. Unfortunately, everyone keeps on confusing the two.

Photos: Getty

What’s the strangest gig you’ve done? In a tent behind a mansion in Athens, next to a glass carriage driven by Santa drawn by glass horses. And the mic was broken. The audience were diplomats’ wives, with so many facelifts they couldn’t have laughed if they’d wanted to.

PAUL FOOT: STILL LIFE

THE COMEDY OF ERRORS

COMEDY

THEATRE

Looking every inch like Steve Coogan’s Paul Calf with a dapper dress sense, this erstwhile comedian specialises in whimsical comedy off the beaten track. Unpredictable and often downright surreal, this show – on ‘flyday’ of the month of ‘decadence’, in Foot’s own words – is his last of the year.

This interpretation of Shakespeare’s comedy of muddled identity sees Lenny Henry on great form as the perplexed Antipholus of Syracuse who’s continually mistaken for his twin brother lost in a shipwreck. Impressive design conjures the sleazy city of Ephesus in a production that rarely blows off course.

Bloomsbury Theatre 15 Gordon Street, WC1H 0AH. Fri, Dec 16. £10 thebloomsbury.com Euston

Olivier at the National South Bank, SE1 9PX. Until April 1. £12-£45 nationaltheatre.org.uk Waterloo

Most embarrassing moment on stage? Justin Timberlake once revealed my nipple to a worldwide audience, but no one ever talks about it, it’s always “Janet, Janet...” Who’s the most absurd person in politics? Since Silvio resigned and Palin decided not to run, the field is open. But it’s a f**king massive field. No Pressure To Be Funny, Dec, 18. £10. Leicester Square Theatre, WC2H 7BX. leicestersquaretheatre.com

Leicester Sq

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SPARETIME

Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa: Mac And Devin Go To High School

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Power Rangers Samurai Nintendo DS

Wield the Samuraizer and master mystical elements. £TBA amazon.co.uk

The soundtrack to the film about teens’ growing pains, featuring Bruno Mars. £13.26 amazon.co.uk

Naruto Shippuden: Legends – Akatsuki Rising – Essentials Sony PSP

Va: Pop Party 9

Put your ninja skills to the test as you control members of the Akatsuki organisation. £9.99 play.com

CD/DVD

The perfect compilation for Christmas carousing. £8.99 hmv.com

Tap Zoo: Santa’s Quest iPhone app

Caitlin Moran: How To Be A Woman

Help Santa build a wonderland in time for Christmas. Free itunes.apple.com

Book

A witty polemic about the motivations of women, amid warm memories of family life. £7.19 waterstones.com

Where’s My Water? Android app

Swampy the Alligator ushers you through a physics-based puzzler with a sensational soundtrack. £0.63p market.android.com

Rough Guide: Make The Most Of Your Time On Earth Book

For intrepid travellers and armchair dreamers alike. £13.03 amazon.co.uk

Philips anti-bacterial, rain-resistant earphones Earphones

Blood, sweat and tears in the gym? No worries. £12.97 tesco.com

Most Haunted: Christmas Spirits DVD

Yvette Fielding and her team are on a mission to find out who’s haunting the manor. £10.99 Play.com

Abbey Road Studios laptop sleeve Laptop cover

Snap up this piece of funky merch from the famous recording studio. £29.95

The Hangover Part II

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DVD

It’ll have your Christmas guests howling with laughter. £9.97 amazon.co.uk

App of the Week Weathermob iPhone app

Discussing the weather is a time-honoured pastime. Here, you make your own weather reports with data, emoticons and photos. Free weathermob.me

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PRESENTS...

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Need a shoe fix? Head to Sebago’s new store on Regent Street. The brand’s footwear, apparel and accessories for men and women are taking pride of place in a 1,600 sq ft space, complete with a yacht-inspired staircase and inset portholes – a nautical look to match their ultra-stylish boat shoes (their speciality). Inspired by the New England coast, Sebago has a cool, preppy look and quality craftmanship – they’re made for a life on and next to the sea so you’ll get sturdy products that can withstand rough treatment. Also worth checking out are their leather lace-up boots for winter, plus their casual tees and jackets. And if your feet get tired when you’re walking around and marvelling at all the shoes, there are comfy leather lounge chairs to make it more of an experience than a dash to buy a new pair of ankle boots. OPEN 10am – 7pm COST Shoes from £80. sebago.com 78 Regent Street, London W1B 5RW Piccadilly Circus

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CLASS OF THE WEEK

BOY BAND

XMAS

Are the Christmas mince pies heading straight to your hips? The chocolates residing in your bingo wings? Or the beer weighing around your belly? And most importantly, do boy bands make you want to dance? If so, the perfect opportunity to shift calories and make room for more, is here. When N’SYNC (pictured below) turned Gene Autry’s Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer into a jovial track of festive harmonies, and New Kids On The Block had us swooshing our perms to their Funky Funky Christmas, they probably didn’t imagine they’d feature on the soundtrack of a two-hour cheesefest of a dance workout in studio in Shoreditch some 20 years later. This class promises to help ease the stress that comes with this season, and get you right in the festive mood, presumably through equally cheesy dance moves. However, since there are many tracks that should never have been released the first time round, let alone haunt you again, have your say on what makes the cut on the venue’s Facebook page. Closet boy band fans, it’s time to come out of the woodwork. The class is on December 17 at 2.30pm. £20.00

Quirky Crimbo Ditch the rellies and embark on something you really want to do this Xmas Day WORDS REBECCA KENT Sitting around making small talk with random members of family you hardly ever see isn’t most people’s first choice of a good time. So if you can’t be stuffed stuffing a bird, fighting over the last mince pie, or just want your Christmas Day to involve something slightly away from the norm, read on. We speak to three people doing just that.

going to take a walk along the Thames, stopping for mulled wine along the way, and meet up with some other Christmas orphans to play board games, Wii games, and since there’s an American in the picture, no doubt there’ll be some flip cup, too,” she says. Watching the Queen’s speech is a must, she adds, but after all the games, Her Maj is unlikely to get their full and sober attention.

Casey Mead, a supersize Christmas

David Simmons, Blue Badge guide

Far from going through the Christmas Day motions, Kiwi Casey Mead has learned that after six years of living in London, what you lack in family, you make up for with an extra dose of merriment. Unlike the 29-year-old’s ‘orphan’s Christmas’ last year, which involved beer and poker on Christmas Eve with 20 other expats, followed by karaoke and a hat-making competition, this year, Christmas takes a more traditional turn. Well, it will start that way. “My American boyfriend and I will have a champagne breakfast at home, then we’re

If David Simmons wasn’t out guiding tourists on Christmas morning, he would only be making a nuisance of himself at home. “We’ve had seven children and they’ve all got their children now, so I’ve had my fill of big family Christmases. Plus, I enjoy getting out, otherwise I only get in the way of the Christmas lunch,” he says. This year, Simmons, 68, will be hosting the Sights And Sounds Of Christmas In London tour with Golden Tours (goldentours.com), regaling bus passengers with Christmassy facts, like the tree in Trafalgar Square being

Frame, 29 New Inn Yard, EC2A 3EY moveyourframe.com Shoreditch High Street

Brrr: taking a swan dive for Christmas 38

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Winter stroll: hunt down mulled wine

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XMAS GOODIES

Men’s gym bag gift set Funky and bright – for exercise nuts £16.00 boots.com

Pop!: have a cracker of a Christmas a donation from Norway for offering refuge to its king and queen during World War II. Simmon’s is not one to sugar coat, either. “The tourists always ask me what most English people are doing on Christmas Day, and I say mostly eating too much and watching crappy TV.”

Brian Thomas, Serpentine swimmer Waking up at 7am on Christmas Day to voraciously unwrap gifts under the tree is understandable. But throwing yourself into Hyde Park’s Serpentine river – average temperature 5ºC – for a swimming race? Some would deem that a bit extreme. Not at all. It’s just an unshakable habit, says Brian Thomas, 56, who has competed in the annual Peter Pan Cup, a 100-yard race

for members of the Serpentine Swimming club, 39 times. He was just 12 when he competed in his first race in 1967. “My wife and children always say I’m mad for doing it, but I just tell them how much fun it is,” he says. “It’s a thoroughly enjoyable way to start Christmas Day. You are in the middle of London with the geese, the ducks and other wildlife among the trees, while most of the city is still sleeping. It’s just beautiful.” Established in 1864, the Peter Pan Cup has only ever been postponed twice – in 1980 and 2010 – due to the water freezing over. But Thomas broke the NEXT WEEK ice and jumped right in ... then got straight Festive feast cook-off back out again.

Juicy Fruity bath gift set Smell fruitilicious £5.00 wilkinsonplus.com

Dream of Coco de Mer Body wash, bath foam and puff £8.50 tesco.com

Photos: Scott Barbour, Getty

TOP TREATMENT: MOBILE MAKEOVER Wearing show-stopping make-up, or sporting a barnet in the fashion of glittering red carpet stars, isn’t as unachievable as you may think. Help is at hand with a range of new, downloadable guides for your phone, which give you precise, step-by-step instructions on how to recreate the look of a famous face, or a trend that takes your fancy. Who needs an army of stylists in their shadow? Download the guides for £3 each. mobile-makeover.co.uk

LCN winter foot cream Warm first aid for winter tootsies £4.70 bcidirect.com

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Everyone say ... alcohol makes your teeth white!

Xmas nightmares By all means unwind and have a laugh at your office party, but try not to commit career suicide. Here’s how WORDS REBECCA KENT Dancing on your desk with tinsel around your neck at your work Christmas party might be vaguely acceptable. But it’s a safe bet telling your boss to fuck off while skolling company-sponsored champagne won’t go down too well. If only good judgment could withstand the disintegrating effects of festive fizz. For Rubina*, it was at her now ex-boyfriend’s office do where she discovered drinking rosé wine made her lary. “We were eating a Christmas dinner at Pitcher & Piano. I didn’t know anyone that well so decided to have a few glasses of wine to take the edge off,” the 28-year-old from Fulham says. “One of my ex’s workmates started slagging off someone they work with and I replied with something like: 40

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‘Yeah, I’ve not really spoken to her but she seems like an absolute c***.’ “It must have been louder than I realised, because the next thing I know, everything’s gone silent and the boss, who’s sitting diagonally from me, has heard everything.” Not surprisingly, Rubina watched her relationship take a downward spiral after that, though she’s pleased to admit she has managed to maintain a level of decorum at Christmas parties since – by laying off the rosé. But Rubina’s not alone in enjoying herself a bit too much. Almost 25 per cent of workers in Britain admit kissing a colleague and one in ten say they have had sex with a someone they work with at a staff Xmas party. Media workers are particularly

prone to bedding their colleagues, while teachers are the most likely to call in sick the day after, according to research by TGI Friday’s. The study further reveals that in the spirit of Christmas, 17 per cent of workers feel they may have been overenthusiastic on the dancefloor, while tradesmen are the least likely to mince their words when it comes to their feelings about their boss. Terry*, a security installations manager recalls a blunt colleague at his office do. He says: “We had our party at a Comedy Store and it was all getting boisterous. One of my colleagues started giving the comedians a ribbing, while another one was kicking off at the bar. Our MD asked him to

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB DERVLA COGAN CAREER Co-founder, By Brilliant jewellers AGE 34 LIVES Chelsea FROM Ireland

Lights out: peak too early and you’ll miss it all

How did you get into your line of work? I was looking for a diamond pendant for myself, but realised my budget wasn’t going to get very far. I researched lab-made diamonds, which are identical to mined ones but cheaper, then set up a company with my sister to sell them.

*Names have been changed. Photos: Thinkstock; TNT

Hooters: dress modestly

“She did what to you in the toilet?”

calm down, to which THE WORST DO EVER 1. Remember it’s a he replied, ‘you can Chloe* recalls her nightmare party: business function (with fuck off you c***!’ “There was lots of company politics a social element). You’ll The next day, he was still have to work with going on at the time and after unemployed.” these people, and the drinks, it all came out. On a train Kylie Belov, 34, from area manager may not ride back to London my colleague north London, has a know your name but worked herself into a hysterical, similar horror story. you don’t want him to sobbing frenzy, telling the CEO “I was walking home she hated her job, how useless her remember your face for from the Christmas do the wrong reasons. assistant was and how crap the of a large accounting 2. Sitting on the company was. She resigned with firm I once worked for, knee of the colleague mascara running down her cheeks, and I saw my manager who fancies you and much to the bemusement of the lying on the ground like CEO. We could only sit in stunned stroking his bald spot a homeless person. He all night is nothing to silence as her two-hour meltdown was in a pool on vomit, be proud of. Appoint escalated. Somehow, she still has face down, so me and a wingperson to help her job, though relations with her another guy managed you avoid bad moves. assistant are somewhat frosty.” to pick him up and 3. Dress for the carry him back to the occasion. Leave the office. He spewed all through the foyer backless party dress for a Saturday and was so drunk we couldn’t get a night out with friends. response from him at all. 4. Thou shalt not mix drinks! Wine “We ended up calling an abulance, and whisky cocktails are a surefire way and he spent the night and most of the to lose more than your inhibitions. next day in hospital!” 5. Nobody expects you to stay sober, Of course, it would be nice to think but draw the line at drugs, especially if that everyone, most of all our bosses, clients are present, or you tread on the could be insouciant about what goes grounds of dismissal. on at the Christmas party. 6. Make sure But the truth is without restraint, you don’t commit NEXT WEEK a work do can be the perfect place to career suicide write off your career. So, here are some by discussing Set sail – working ways to dodge the pitfalls of office pay or revealing on a yacht party protocol. company secrets.

What do you do day-to-day? We go through all the ideas for designs we’ve had, and analyse whether we think they are ontrend. We fine tune them then send the sketches to our workshop. The best part of your job We offer a guilt free diamond shopping experience, so it’s great when we can see our customers enjoying the jewellery. What’s the most challenging? Making sure our jewellery is beautiful, affordable and ethical.

bybrilliant.com

HOW TO ... MAKE

SMALL TALK

• Ask the other person what

their interests are, which may give you something to talk about.

• Transmit emotion through

your face; raise your eyebrows, pout, laugh loudly, smile and radiate. It will put people at ease.

• Every utterance contains seeds

for further conversation. Listen out, and take advantage of topics and points the other person raises to keep the momentum of discussion up.

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tntjobs.co.uk 3D COURIERS www.3dcouriers.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Telephonist for a Courier Company Location: London Salary: £16k to £20k pa + benefits

3d Couriers are a privately owned, specialist courier company offering Same Day Courier Pushbikes, Motorbikes, Small Vans, Transits, Next Day Courier, International Courier, and Specialist Services on a 24/7 basis.

Previous call centre experience is not essential but desirable, and full training will be given. You will need to answer inbound calls and redirect where needed. Whilst knowledge of London is an advantage, it is not a necessity. You will be expected to deal with queries that may arise in the course of achieving the collection and delivery of couriered items. You must also be fluent in English. info@3dcouriers.co.uk

DANIEL OWEN T: 020 7248 0000 www.danielowen.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Trainee and Experienced Recruiters (Construction) Location: Central London Salary: £20-25k p.a.

Established for over 25 years, Daniel Owen is a successful recruitment agency focused on construction industry staffing. We provide White collar staff to the construction industry.

Bright and enthusiastic Trainees wanted for central London Construction Recruitment Agency. Full training and warm desks given to people who are comfortable in a sales environment and have an interest in the construction industry. Excellent earning opportunities & fun environment. Kevin Parsons | 020 7248 0000 | kevin.parsons@danielowen.co.uk

CLASSROOM LIMITED T: 020 7636 0600 classroomteachers.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Year 3 Classroom Teacher opportunity – February start Location: South London Salary: Depending upon experience

Classroom is an established recruitment services provider, providing exceptional levels of service. Our dedicated teams of consultants have a wealth of teaching expertise and education recruitment experience.

This fantastic South London primary school are looking for a motivated and talented Year 3 teacher to fill a maternity leave cover beginning in February 2012. The successful candidate will boast solid experience in teaching KS2, exceptional adaptability and excellent and creative classroom management. Nicole Morgan-Cole | Tel: 020 7636 0600 | nicole@classroomteachers.co.uk

CORNEY AND BARROW T: 07899 924631 www.corney-barrow.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bar and waiting staff Location: The City Salary: £6.08 per hour plus tips

We are the City’s most successful bar operator, providing fresh food, amazing service and a fun place to work.

You will be serving customers with fresh British food and an incredible wine list. With boundless enthusiasm and energy for your work, experience isn’t necessary but a winning smile and personality is a must. Monday to Friday hours only. Becky Rose 07899924631 rebecca.rose@corneyandbarrow.com

www.chezbruce.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Chef de Partie Location: Wandsworth Common Salary: On experience

Multi award winning, Michelin starred restaurant (part of the small group which includes Michelin starred establishments La Trompette and The Glasshouse).

Chez Bruce is recruiting its kitchen brigade. We are looking for a CHEF DE PARTIE. This is a rare opportunity to join a team of like-minded professionals with excellent working conditions. Experience is essential. Salaries are very competitive and dependent upon experience.

CHEZ BRUCE

Please send CV to: mattchristmas@chezbruce.co.uk

itk RECRUITMENT T: 07813085761 www.itkrecruitment.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Assistant Manager Location: Various London Locations Salary: up to £25,000 per annum

Recruitment agency working exclusively on behalf of a vibrant , fresh food concept for several openings in Londons

Looking for Managers full of personality and enthusiasm, with a real passion for great service and fun. There are flexible working hours and an opportunity to help develop this exciting brand. Anouska Cohen | 07813 085 761 | anouska@itkrecruitment.co.uk

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

JOBS JOBS

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CASH SAVING TIPS GET A REBATE Xxxxxxxxx The government’s Warm Home Discount Scheme XXXXXXXXX provides low-income Xxxxxxxxxxx households with £120 rebate on electricity XXXXXXXXX bills this winter. Call Xxxxxxxxxxx your supplier or visit the Department of Energy and XXXXXXXXX Climate Change website Xxxxxxxxxxx (decc.gov.uk) to see if you’re eligible. XXXXXXXXX Xxxxxxxxxxx

Photos: Getty

LEARN STUFF FOR FREE Feeling a bit unaccomplished? Check out tasterLab.com for a free ‘taster’ class in a range of subjects at venues across London. The website is geared towards helping people discover what they love, and offers free guitar lessons, badminton and kickboxing sessions, cooking classes and photography tutorials.

HOW YOU SPEND IT! Any money-saving tips? Write everything down. This helps me make sure that I don’t go over budget, by seeing exactly what I’m buying. And I try to buy nonperishable things in bulk when they are on sale.

EMILY HAGUE, 20 JOB Preschool teacher/ student FROM Massachusetts LIVES Kensington How do you budget? I start the week by writing

out a list of the different categories I’m planning to spend my money on. For example: food, drinks, transportation, events, etc. Then, I make sure I stay within my budget for that particular week.

Last big blow-out? My last big blowout was definitely a major shopping spree at Primark. I couldn’t resist! What non-essential items do you spend money on? I spend too much cash (waaaay too much) in Starbucks. Their holiday lattes are delicious!

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Shoe splurges Alexa Chung wore a pair of cat-face slippers to Paris Fashion Week. The £485 velvet kitty flats, by Charlotte Olympia, aren’t the only shoes that cost a bomb

❚ The ruby red slippers worn by Judy Garland in the 1939 film Wizard Of Oz will go up for auction on December 16. The iconic props are expected to fetch between £1.2m and £2m.

SHOP ELLOS Until March 31, enter the code 4914 at the ellos.com checkout to get 30 per cent off your purchase, plus a free bed throw. Online delivery from the Swedish clothing store is £3.99, but the gift alone is worth £15. Christmas present anyone? XMAS PARTY /40 LATE DEALS /64

LIFESTYLEMONEY

Frisky!

❚ A pair of solid gold heels with diamonds, made this year by British jewellery designer Christopher Shellis, have yet to be sold with their £140,000 price tag.

❚ Sex And The City star Sarah Jessica Parker has more than 100 pairs of Manolo Blahnik shoes, and isn’t afraid to spend $1000 (£636) on one set. She confesses she saves up money to make the purchase. Well, good for her.

❚ R&B singer Ciara spends a whopping $11,000 (£7000) a month on shoes. That’s $132,000 (£84,000) a year.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

LIFESTYLELIVING

@tntmagazine

HOME

STYLE . £18

London taxi plant pot Make a London lover happy this Xmas giftshop.bhf.org.uk

Wide open spaces Greenwich, SE10

99 £5.

Top views: Greenwich Park

WORDS REBECCA KENT

Gingerbread men cushion Christmas up your living room dunelm-mill.com

.00 £15

Kylie Minogue candle Designed by the miniature pop star herself houseoffraser.co.uk

.9 £24

Loud mouth novelty phone Answer the phone like Mick Jagger would therandomshop.co.uk 44

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Blessed with the grandeur of spectacular Georgian buildings, yet bustling on gritty, multi-cultural streets, Greenwich is a mixed bag. Situated along the south bank of the Thames River, it’s also decorated with some of London’s most famous landmarks and attractions, including the Cutty Sark, the 19th-century tea clipper currently under restoration after a fire in 2007; the Royal Observatory; and the National Maritime Museum. All this is centred around the area’s crowning glory, Greenwich Park, whose vast steep hills provide a challenge for runners, a playground for squirrels and brilliant sledding when the snow comes. But when the sun’s out, particularly on a weekend, Greenwich throbs with tourists. Toting cameras, they mill about its picturesque urban setting, taking in the views over the pier and docklands, and poking through a handful of independent boutiques, vintage shops and arts and crafts outlets. Of course, they also make a beeline to Greenwich markets – part of the town’s furniture since 1700 – to buy food, arts and crafts and designer clothing. “Greenwich is very much like an old village in many ways,” says Vanessa Babani, of Feliks Augustine estate agent (feliksaugustine.com). “It’s got a local butcher, florist, tea shops and a fish mongers, yet the people who live here are all quite young, including students, because there

are several colleges in the area, including Greenwich University.” Sold? Well, keep in mind rent in this pocket of south-east London is at the high end of the scale in the capital, thanks to an influx of wealthy young professionals who work in the financial hub of Canary Wharf and moved here with the extension of the DLR to Greenwich in 1999. As a result, property prices went through the roof. Now, on average, expect to pay £1000 excluding bills for a one-bedroom flat. “Greenwich has really come up in the world quite dramatically,” says Doug Norris, of John Payne estate agents (johnpayne. com). “Before all those young professionals started moving in, it was something of

Hit the markets a forgotten area, isolated by its lack of transport links.” However, if you’re slim on savings, don’t write off the area too quickly. It is essentially split into two – the west, where you are unlikely to get much bang for your buck,

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MY AREA JOE HENDRICKS Bookshop assistant, 22 You come here and it feels like you’ve stepped back in time. I often take my girlfriend for a drink to Cutty Sark Tavern and then we have dinner at San Miguel for tapas.

JENI BYRD Hotel receptionist, 44

and the east, on the other side of the park, characterised by rows of much more affordable workers cottages. “The east is not even miles away. It’s amazing how 500 yards can make a difference,” Norris says. Having so many young, hardworking professionals living in the area means people are always around late into the evening, giving it a buzy, safe atmosphere. A healthy mix of bohemian bars, cute cafes, family nosheries, dimly lit restaurants, and spacious pubs, also draw people from their houses, and from across neighbouring

areas such as Blackheath and Lewisham – though nothing is particularly cheap. If you are in the area, Norris suggests exploring Diamond Terrace, and Westgrove Lane. “These two unadopted lanes are such hidden gems, people who live here don’t even know they’re there. They get no traffic and almost have a NEXT WEEK semi-rural air about them. You wouldn’t Your guide to surviving Xmas even think you’re in London,” he says.

Greenwich can be on the expensive side, but it’s great. I love the indoor market, it’s got some really funky stuff in there, and I’m addicted to the Mexican place, Cafe Sol.

DIVYA NAIR Student, 20

I’m here through the week and it’s always got a really nice, calm air about the place, plus people on the whole are friendly. There’s no shortage of places to eat, either.

SE10 INFO BOROUGH

Greenwich £1291

COUNCIL TAX

7 mins Greenwich overground, or Cutty Sark DLR, Zone 2 and 3 TRAVEL TIME TO LONDON

Photos: Pawel Libera, TNT

TUBE

Houseshare £185pw

One-bedroom apartment £1000pcm

Two-bedroom flat £1400pcm

A furnished double room in a fivebedroom house in East Greenwich, with bills, wi-fi broadband, a weekly cleaner and gardener included. Close to Maze Hill train station.

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WORLDVIEW

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‘OMG, ugliest baby eva’

JO-NAZ: I DON’T CHASE, I REPLACE GERMANY A German Twitter user has proven a hit by retelling the nativity story in a 21stcentury style that recasts the events of the Bible in less that 140 characters. In his first tweet, last week, @joseph_von_naza introduced himself and his wife and went on to explain that he was a carpenter, looking for some work: “Why am I am here? A bit of advertising: if you have carpentry work in and around Nazareth, then I’m your man.” On discovering his wife had inexplicably fallen pregnant, he briefly considered leaving her. “I’ve decided to stay with Mary,” he tweeted. “I trust her even though she can’t explain how it happened.” TWEETS OF THE WEEK @Lord_Voldemort7 If you play a Nickelback song backwards you’ll hear messages from the devil. Even worse, if you play it forwards you’ll hear Nickelback. @blackstewi_ If two blind people are dating, would they still say they are seeing each other @InbetweenWill I hear Scotland’s currently being blown harder than Neil’s dad on a night out

NEEDING TO PEE AS BAD AS DRINK-DRIVING AUSTRALIA A group of Melbourne researchers have discovered that driving while needing to pee can be just as hazardous as driving under the influence of alcohol or without sleep. The pilot study results, published in the Neurology and Urodynamics journal, said cognition remained “relatively normal” 46

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Do they know it’s Christmas?: It’s not a scene from the Bollywood remake of 28 Days Later, which would be incredible, but the Shi’ite ritual of Ashura. While the rest of us put up Christmas trees, these chirpy chaps are flogging themselves – with a whip, not wanking – in memory of the prophet Muhammad’s grandson. Wonder why it hasn’t caught on

until the point where a person “absolutely positively” needed to go to the toilet, at which point, needing to pee has an effect on attention and memory. At that point, the level of impairment was the same as being slightly tipsy or being awake for 24 hours. Such a full bladder also reduced the speed at which drivers could make decisions.

CAT MARKS THE SPOT UNITED KINGDOM The discovery of a mummified cat entombed in the walls of an English cottage has led historians to believe they have found the site of Britain’s most notorious witch trials.

In 1612, 12 women from Pendle Hill, near Lancaster, were charged with causing death by witchcraft and, after a string of trials, 10 of them were hanged. Some historians have speculated that the cottage could have been Malkin Tower, the fabled meeting point of the witches. “It’s not often you come across a fairytale cottage complete with witch’s cat. You can walk through it and get a real sense that you’re peering into the past,” said Carl Sanders, of United Utilities, which unearthed the cottage.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 65

Years of practice it took Chinese stuntman Li Xin to be able to balance, standing on his head, on top of a metal spike

Would you drink it if you had to?

NASTY THINGS PEOPLE DO TO SURVIVE UNITED STATES An Alaskan man survived for three days after his truck got stuck in a snowdrift, but had to resort to eating frozen cans of light beer. Clifton Vial had no food and no water and was out of cell phone coverage. “I felt really pissed at myself,” Vial said. “I shouldn’t have been out there by myself unprepared for what I knew was possible.” After getting into a sleeping bag and wrapping a bath towel around his feet, Vial waited for rescuers to arrive, grew desperate enough to “eat” a few cans of Coors Light that had frozen solid. “I cut the lids off and dug it out with a knife,” he said. Light beer. Take it away.

WATER SLIDE PERVS FILM SEXY COUPLE

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

POLAND An amorous couple busted shagging at the top of a water slide were greeted at the bottom by staff, who ejected them from the park without letting them fetch their clothes. The pair were filmed on CCTV, the woman straddling her male friend before the couple disappeared down the bright blue tunnel, in what must have been a breach of all kinds of health-and-safety regulations, not to mention the age-old one-at-a-time rule. “They were at it for a good five minutes before anyone realised what was going on,” one lifeguard said. A spokesperson for the park summed up the incident: “This is a family pool and water park and we want everyone to have fun, but not that sort of fun.”

Length, in feet, of an enormous burrito created in London. The biggest burrito ever was 6561 feet long.

21,000

Price, in pounds, of the world’s most expensive dessert, which contains edible gold, caviar and champagne

Length, in words, of the tender document required of catering firms bidding to supply Scottish police with packed lunches

This filth wouldn’t happen at Sea World

COUNCIL VETOES PIMPED-OUT SCOOTER UNITED KINGDOM Doncaster Council have confiscated a supercharged mobility scooter that had been kitted out to motor along at 60mph, scaring wild deer and annoying residents in the area. The council insisted the scooter should not be driven through the area’s suburban streets but still registered some grudging admiration for its refurb, which included a 140cc petrol engine, go-kart wheels and a large exhaust. “We don’t want to stop people having fun and this is obviously quite a feat of engineering,” council spokeswoman Cynthia Ransome said. “But when they build machines like this they should be used at licensed tracks and not in areas where they annoy others. “Whilst it may look like a lot of fun to ride, this type of noisy vehicle annoys residents immensely and terrifies local wildlife and walkers.”

10,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK Everybody else started wearing orange and purple. It’s a fact. I love those trousers. I don’t give a shit if everybody else didn’t like them Cheryl Cole defends her garish purple and orange X-Factor USA ensemble. She’s such a strong, courageous woman

Every week, we bring you a round-up of the week’s best pictures covering news, sport,and the world’s most bizarre goings-on. To make things more interesting, we encourage our faithful Facebook friends to unleash their wit and write the captions. Here are the best from last week.

Y L G U E H T & D A THE GOOD, THE B T readers see it...

s as TN Bringing you the new

“Taking the plunge.” Joel Witter

“Where did you say that pearl necklace was Dave?.” Stephen Hall

“I’m gonna feel a right tit now.” Danny Thrope “Hope on a rope.” Luke Partridge

”Well, what a nice change to get close up to a chap who actually has hair!” Brita Bevis “Hi Mum”

“Quick someone throw me a lighter! I’ve got a big one coming!” Rebecca Clarke “And this is what I looked like when the woman pulled off the wax strip during my ‘back, sack and crack’.” Zozo Hermitage

Elizabeth Latham

“That’s one rough looking beast!”... “Come now chewwy, that’s the wife!” Matthew Daniel

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

What’s more offensive? Matthew Wright or pineapple on pizza?

Complaint culture reinforces stereotype of whinging Poms

Photos: Getty

Stop carping – being “offended” doesn’t entitle you to anything I have a joke – just one – that I tell at parties. What is Austrians’ favourite kind of music? Well, they actually love a little underground house. Get it? Like Josef Fritzl and his little underground house. Yeah. Oooh. Close to the bone. So who is likely to be “offended” by my joke? Austrians? Fans of underground house? Those who spuriously claim the joke implies rape and incest are, in their own right, funny? In the past couple of weeks, a lot of people have been offended. Jeremy Clarkson offended more than 20,000 people. He apologised. Needlessly. And last week, Matthew Wright did an impression of Taggart, the Scottish TV detective, while discussing the murder of a 16-year-old boy in Stornoway. He apologised too. Because people were offended. But what do people even mean when they say, “I was offended”, whether by a joke, a scene in a movie or a song lyric? Not to their tastes? OK. So what? What do they want now? Does somebody owe them something as result? In the case of frivolous nonsense – no crime has been committed nor has anyone been properly vilified – everyone should just suck it up. Instead, people brandish their offence like a war-wound, hoping to collect some kind of ‘moral pension’ as compensation. They should not be indulged for a second. I, for example, am “offended” by the following: pineapple on pizzas; people who can’t figure out how to use Oyster top-up machines; anyone who mixes a good single-malt whiskey with coke; the fact England are now good at cricket. Presumably, as someone who has been offended – these grievances affect me far more than anything anyone has ever said on TV – I am entitled to demand apologies until the end of time. No? Why not? It’s because no one has the right to never be offended. People sometimes say or do things you can’t accommodate. Guess what? Tough shit. You don’t get to make them grovel by having a tantrum. So, if you ever run into me while I’m doing my new joke – about Madeleine McCann – don’t come looking for an apology. If you do, I’ll be very offended. » Agree or disagree? Fearless libertarian or amoral degenerate? letters@tntmagazine.com

SECOND EARTH: ARE WE THERE YET? Forget all this guff about reducing carbon emissions and finding clean energy and protecting endangered species. This planet is fucked, but thankfully, we’ve found a new one. Last week, scientists – or stargazers, if you only read tabloids and don’t like anything too thinky – confirmed the discovery of our new home. Kepler 22-b is a little closer to its sun than our current digs is to ours, but that’s not a problem because its host star emits 25 per cent less light. It keeps the planet’s temperature in the so-called Goldilocks Zone – it’s just right at about 22 degrees, supporting the

“

Our new home is in the Goldilocks Zone

”

existence of water. On top of that, a full orbit lasts only 290 days. Boom – always thought that 365 days between birthdays was way too long. So when do we go? Ah, you see, that’s the only sticking point. Kepler 22-b is actually 600 lightyears away, so it looks like we’re stuck on this hunk of junk a little while yet. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Big city lonely A new film explores the life of Joyce Vincent and her tragic death WORDS TOM STURROCK

When housing association officials forced their way into Joyce Vincent’s flat in January, 2006, they made a horrifying discovery. Mail was heaped high inside the front door and the food in the refrigerator bore long-past expiry dates. And there, in the middle of a pile of unopened Christmas presents, were Vincent’s skeletal remains. The lifelong Londoner, 38 when she died, had lain undiscovered for more than two years, her body decomposing in her Wood Green bedsit. A new film, Dreams Of A Life, pieces together Vincent’s life and attempts to explain how someone could simply disappear without the alarm being raised. It is both a touching eulogy to Vincent, who emerges as vivacious but troubled woman, and an unsettling portrait of urban isolation, of loneliness in a crowded place. “When I first saw the headlines, Joyce was so anonymous in the story and I couldn’t accept that someone could be so forgotten for so long, and that we just never think it of it again,” director Carol Morley recalls. “The story was so lacking in details, but then it started to appear on the internet, people questioning whether it was an urban myth. I thought we had to do better than that. I felt driven to find out who she was and how it could happen. “In the old days, you’d have the milkman delivering bottles of milk. If they mounted up outside the door, people would know something was wrong. Now, there aren’t those physical signs quite as much. It says something about our age, and I didn’t want her to be forgotten.” Morley tracked down people who knew Vincent but had lost touch – friends, lovers, housemates, work colleagues – and it is their recollections that form the film’s docu-drama narrative, presenting a composite sketch of a woman many of them felt they never truly knew. “It took a couple of years or so,” Morley says. “I put adverts in newspapers and did lots of public record searches to find addresses Joyce had lived at and found people that 50

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way and then put ads on the side of a London cab and in the Evening Standard. People started to come forward.” One of the most unsettling aspects of the film is that Vincent did not fit within any easy categorisation of someone ‘at risk’. She was not unemployed or elderly or addicted. She was, from all reports, an attractive, popular woman. “I think it is really surprising – if you hear her story, you might tend to think she was a drug addict or she must have been so miserable and had no friends,” Morley says. “But by finding out who she was, you start to learn that her story wasn’t as far away from your own life as you thought. It was interesting – it wasn’t what you might expect. And it becomes even more powerful because it happened to someone that no one thought would be forgotten.” Morley also tracked down Vincent’s family, who, she says, were devastated. They had lost touch with their relative, assuming she had cut herself off from them but had, at one point, enlisted a private detective to find her. Vincent, though, had moved around so frequently that their attempts were unsuccessful. That is not to say she had no friends, though. Indeed, that she was surrounded by gifts is particularly haunting, a suggestion there were, in fact, people who would miss her. “It implies she was ready to go out and reconnect with people,” Morley says. “I always read it as a hopeful sign – we’ll never know how she died – that it meant that she hadn’t completely withdrawn. People all said that Joyce was very generous and that they weren’t surprised.” Morley’s film only partly resolves its central mystery – the question of how, in a city like London, Vincent could lie dead for more than two years before being found. If it offers any explanation, it is that Vincent had a tendency toward secretiveness – many of those interviewed described her as a “chameleon”, as someone who seemed to keep parts of herself hidden or compartmentalised. There was

Clockwise: Joyce Vincent; played by Zawe Ashton in Dreams Of A Life; director Carol Morley

Photos: Getty

also a transience about her life – she would bounce from one set of friends to another, the various groups rarely intersecting, before dropping off the radar for months at a time. In the end, Morley concludes, she simply slipped through the cracks. “It’s weird – as the film went on, it became clear that it was precisely the things that what most attracted people meant that she was forgotten,” Morley explains. “People who talk about how immaculate she was in her appearance. Everyone thought she had stopped seeing them, they thought she was off having a better life than they were. Ultimately, people thought she didn’t want to see them rather than wondering if anything was wrong with her.” As much as Dreams Of A Life is about one woman – one sad, lonely death, remarkable only because nobody noticed – it is also about the strange disconnection peculiar to big cities. In London, people live in such stifling proximity to one another, yet seem perversely capable of ignoring those who share their space. It is as though, in their constantly overlapping orbits, people become increasingly blinkered and unaware. “You’re on the Tube stuck together but no one’s talking – it’s a way to keep boundaries but you don’t want to go to the other extreme,” Morley says. “The beauty of a city is that you can be anonymous, you can do things that, if you were in a village, everyone would know your business. But that’s also the downside – you can disappear. It does talk about urban life; we can be speeding along and not notice certain things happening. “London can be tough to survive and that obscures some of the need people have to look at what’s going on. You’d hate to think you’d missed somebody next door.” Dreams Of A Life is in cinemas from December 16 dreamsofalife.com

LONELY IN LONDON DON’T BE A STRANGER According to Jonathon Clifton, a research fellow at the Institute for Public Policy Research who has studied trends in urban isolation, the city lifestyle and technological advances can contribute to loneliness. “A city like London can be quite segregated and there is a higher population churn. People tend to cycle through and neighbours change,” Clifton says. “And there’s a higher concentration of poverty – if people are poor, they’re less likely to meet other people. “Family formations have changed – where there used to be more members of one generation, people now tend to have less family of their own age. And with online communication, families can live further apart – it means there’s less day-to-day contact. The way we deliver services has become more depersonalised, whether it’s at the bank or the newsagent – there’s less need to build relationships with other people.”

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Can Federer reclaim top spot?

NEWCOMBE BACKS FEDERER TO BE TOP TENNIS Australian tennis great John Newcombe expects 16-time Grand Slam winner Roger Federer to return to the top spot next year, arguing that his rivals may struggle physically. “It’s not going to surprise me if, by the end of July next year, Roger is very close to being No 1 again,” Newcombe said, highlighting the toll taken on Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal this year. ‘’Djokovic is really going to struggle the first six months of next year – he’s really knocked himself out. ‘’With Nadal, it’s like the heavyweight champion of the world that’s never been knocked out, and suddenly, gets knocked out six times within the space of six months by Djokovic.”

WARNE READY AHEAD OF BIG BASH RETURN CRICKET Nearly five years since bidding farewell to the MCG, Shane Warne will be back in action this weekend when he plays for the Melbourne Stars against the Sydney Thunder in the opening match of the Big Bash T20 league. “I feel fit and healthy and strong. The shoulder feels ready to go,” Warne said, before giving an Australian weight-loss specialist a shameless plug. “I’m 78 kilos now. I want to get down to 75. Jenny Craig will be able to help me lose another three.” Warne, 42, plans to play the full season and insists he is still bowling well enough to help his team win matches. “Success for me is about the team doing well and helping out,” he said. “I wouldn’t come out and play if I didn’t think I could make a difference on the field.” 52

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Tougher tests ahead: Australia’s bowling prospects have been transformed in the past few weeks, first with the emergence of Pat Cummins and now with rookie quick James Pattinson destroying New Zealand. That said, it’s hard to imagine the Indians – Sehwag, Dravid, Tendulkar and Laxman – throwing their wickets away as obligingly as the Kiwis

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South African batsman Ashwell Prince needs runs when the three-Test series against Sri Lanka starts this week. Three Tests against New Zealand follow next year but South Africa will be looking to bed down their line-up for next year’s series in England and Prince’s last Test century came in March 2009, the 34-year-old averaging 26 in 24 knocks since. On borrowed time?

Wallabies winger Digby Ioane has turned his back on a big-money offer to play in Japan, re-committing to the national side by signing a new threeyear deal. “Decisions are about more than money,” Ioane said. “The Reds have done a lot for me. [Coach] Ewen McKenzie has done a lot for me and developed me as a player, a world-class player. [Wallabies coach] Robbie Deans has too and I respect them both. “I want more titles under my belt. I’m still only 26. I want to be there for the next World Cup [in 2015] and I really want to prove myself to the world.”

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK I made a mistake and it nearly cost me my life. I was dead. I had five minutes to live. And you know what, it won’t happen again Australian boxer Shannon Taylor on the drug overdose that nearly killed him

Edin Dzeko has been among the goals for City this season

PREVIEW Are the Gunners back in the hunt? MANCHESTER CITY V ARSENAL

SUNDAY 4PM, SKY SPORTS 1 Manchester City’s emergence this season has been striking and the league leaders will present the best possible litmus test for an Arsenal side that appears to have recovered from its early-season funk. Despite their group-stage exit from the Champions League last week, City are, on form, behind only Real Madrid and Barcelona in the global pecking order. Of course, it may fall in a heap before the end of the season but, at the moment, they

are the best team in England, as evidenced by their 14-game unbeaten run to start the season and the fact that they’ve been scoring almost at will. Their strike-force is insane: Silva, Dzeko, Aguero, Balotelli – no other team can match that kind of firepower. Arsenal, on the other hand, have become increasingly dependent on Robin van Persie to score their goals. And, fortunately for the Gunners, the Dutchman has obliged so far this season, banging in more goals than any other player. If Arsenal are to upset City, though, they may need to find another avenue in attack.

THE CHAT | A shout out for Jesus

In 20 years, Marat will be the President of Russia Pete Sampras makes a big call on former tennis player Marat Safin, who was elected to Russian parliament

The baggy green is No 1 and everything else slots in underneath that. IPL right now should be a fair way down on his radar Former Australian captain Steve Waugh advises emerging paceman Pat Cummins against chasing T20 dollars overseas

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

FOOTBALL is Tim Tebow? Why is he currently one of Q Who the most derided figures in American sport? athletes thanking God for helping them win is A Pious nothing new but Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has taken it up a notch. While still in college, Tebow inked Bible verses under his eyes and, more recently, appeared in a handful of pro-life Superbowl commercials. And this season, he’s attracted attention for regularly getting down on one knee and praying on the field, a pose now known as Tebowing. “My relationship with Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my life,” he says. “So any time I get an opportunity to tell him that I love him or get an opportunity to shout him out on national TV, I’m gonna take that opportunity.” Sounds like a bit of a dick.

Chelsea v Manchester City Can City continue their unbeaten run? Monday 7pm, Sky Sports 1

CRICKET South Africa v Sri Lanka The Proteas should be too strong Thursday 8am, Sky Sports 2

AMERICAN FOOTBALL Dallas v Tampa Bay Just throw the ball

One for the anoraks Sunday 1am, Sky Sports 3 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY

Dip your toes: NZ Super Rugby franchises are up for sale

Show off your new team – but be aware, it’s not all yours Kiwi rugby’s win-win idea takes cash while protecting interests

» Would the Carphone Warehouse Crusaders really bother you? letters@tntmagazine.com 54

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WE NEED A HERO, NOT A SCHMUCK To borrow an Aussie expression, NZ cricket captain Ross Taylor needs to harden the fuck up – and fast. After mocking under-pressure Australian opener Phil Hughes by saying the Kiwis wanted him to play in the current second Test after his poor performance in the first, Taylor had a little pang of conscience, backtracking and raining plaudits on his adversary’s recent scoring and technique. Perhaps oblivious to the current scrutiny on young Hughes, nice-guy Taylor let a golden chance to create a bunny in the Australian team slip through his fingers. His nana’s friends must have been so proud.

“

Taylor had a little pang of conscience

”

Not content with his ‘I’m here for you, brother,’ act, Taylor then confessed he hadn’t checked the Bellerive Oval pitch because he had only captained in three Tests and wasn’t confident about lifting the cover up. Wise up, Taylor. You really want to know about the wicket? Well, the only thing greener than it is you.

Photos: Getty

For sale: one sports column. Comes with its own magazine. I’ll continue to own the column but the buyer will own the right to promote it how they wish. Ideas will be welcomed. Any advertising generated will remain mine, but the successful bidder can brag to their friends about how they ‘own’ it, pulling it out at parties and business events to impress people and leverage deals. The concept sounds fanciful, huh? Well, tell that to forward-thinking NZRFU boss Steve Tew, who last week announced four of the five New Zealand Super Rugby franchises are up ‘for sale’. According to Tew, while the NZRFU will continue to own the brands and be responsible for contracting players and coaches (read: limit foreign talent), private operators will have the right to manage, select and promote the teams. A team may be ‘owned’ by a US or Chinese consortium, but must remain in the country. And, get this, the wily NZRFU will continue to rake in all the revenue associated with broadcasting, sponsorship and commercial rights. The ‘owners’ are allowed to make something from naming rights and non-rugby activities. Tew’s idea is a stroke of genius – it seems the worst that could happen would be a stupid team name: perhaps the Carphone Warehouse Crusaders, the Burger King Blues or the H&M Hurricanes. It may also help combat the nation’s annual exodus of players unable to crack the top tier; with no salary cap in the Super 15, what’s to stop a rich owner topping up the contract of a Nick Evans-type player with third-party deals or ‘birthday presents’? There’s bound be a few nibbles on Tew’s line. Whether he lands the big fish remains to be seen, but he is to be commended for his lateral thinking. To bring more money into the NZ game, capitalising on the World Cup success and helping retain players is a great thing. And to retain control while taking that money is even better. Now, about that column … any takers?

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Dance of death Bullfighting has a unique power to fascinate and revile WORDS TOM STURROCK

It is 2008 and Miguel Angel Perera, one of Spain’s top matadors, is fighting six bulls in a row at Las Ventas in Madrid. On the second-last of the corrida, the bull catches Perera, goring him through his thigh and throwing him 10 feet. Blood pumps on to the sand from Perera’s femoral artery. Instead of leaving the ring, though, Perera ties his own torniquet to staunch the flow and fights on, killing the final two bulls. In the weeks that follow, it emerges that, in the goring, Perera’s scrotum was torn open. He fought on, despite one of his testicles hanging out. These harrowing events dominate the opening chapters of Into The Arena, by Alexander Fiske-Harrison, an Englishman who spent two years immersed in the world of bullfighting, his field report illuminating the much-reviled bloodsport and culminating with him entering the ring himself. “Ernest Hemingway did a pretty good job of writing about bullfighting, and if I hadn’t got in the ring, then all I would have done was update him, so it needed to be about actually doing it,” Fiske-Harrison says. “I had some very good introductions through Spanish friends, who put me in touch with breeders and matadors and a lot of them were guys who, as long as you’re under 50, would say, ‘get in the ring – why not give it a go?’ If you pass a cow three times, then you can call yourself a bullfighter, a torero, and it turned out I wasn’t too bad at it.” Bulls are colourblind but respond to movement. Hence, matadors use a cape, its ripples luring the bull into a charge. The key is that, even as the mass of bovine rage hurtles towards them, they remain rooted to the spot, turning, slowly, drawing the cape away from their bodies, keeping it an inch or so above the passing horns, lest the bull discover there is nothing behind the cape. Crucially, they must do it all with panache, with bravado, with elegance. Fiske-Harrison trained with mothers of bulls, less lethal but still big enough to ensure a painful learning curve. 56

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“The bruising was obscene – it’s like learning to play tennis while under gunfire,” he says. “And then you just sort of break through – more often, the animal was following the cape and not careering into me. You start to draw this thunder around you and it’s astonishing. It’s a completely unnatural movement. And when you mess up with a live animal, there’s a lot of damage inflicted.” Indeed, Juan Jose Padilla, one of the matadors most prominent in the book, was horribly gored two months ago. He slipped and a bull’s horn went through his jaw and out his left eye-socket. Padilla survived, after five hours of surgery, but lost the eye and one side of his face was paralysed. “Poor guy – it was the end of the season. He wasn’t taking any huge risks or going all out to impress,” Fiske-Harrison says of Padilla. “He appears to have tripped, which is insane because he’s 38, he’s been doing it for so long. I can only wonder what caused it – I dread to think it was a late night out because when he goes out, he really goes out. “He’s vowed to return to the ring with one eye. It could be a problem, because he will have no depth-perception.” In Spain, Seville particularly, bullfighting is a big deal. The best-paid matador, over the course of maybe 100 fights a year, gets paid £7m; only the pay cheques of the top footballers and biggest Spanish actors exceed that. “In Seville, it’s hard to walk into a bar without finding a bull’s head on the wall,” Fiske-Harrison says. “Even little roadside cafes next to the motorway have photos of bullfighters on the walls. It’s everywhere. It’s all-pervasive.” The matadors are not the only stars. There is, of course, no show without the bulls. Most cattle are bred for docility but fighting bulls are the complete reverse. “They are incredibly aggressive, very quick and very strong, with a different body shape to what we’re used to seeing,” Fiske-Harrison says. “They’ve got these great big shoulders and an enormous goring muscle that runs along

Clockwise: matadors risk serious injury; thousands pack the bullrings; caping elegantly takes practice

Photos: Getty

the back. They’re very twitchy – their head’s always moving – if you go past them in a field, their eyes will just lock on to you and follow you. “You have to shut down your instinct to flee, to get the fuck out of there. If you slip or get knocked over, it is a horrible feeling when they come for you with their horns. They are genuinely terrifying animals, like machines that won’t stop until you switch them off by whatever means.” Outside Spain, the ‘switching off’ stirs the anxieties of animal rights groups, some of whom would ban bullfighting. Fiske-Harrison, however, makes a persuasive argument about the hypocrisy of such objections – the welfare of fighting bulls is, for example, indisputably higher than that of factoryfarmed beef cattle. So why is it acceptable, Fiske-Harrison asks, to kill animals for the aesthetics of food or fashion, but not for bullfighting? “People get blinded by emotion and by anger – by the idea that anyone would want to see an animal damaged and damaged again and then killed,” he says. “So their real argument is against the virtue of the audience who wants to watch. But it is illiberal to argue that everyone conform to their set of ethics if there is not a strong welfare argument.” For Fiske-Harrison, bullfighting is an outlet for a part of the human psyche that cannot be shut off. “I came to regard bullfighting as necessary or, at least, worth it – an embodiment of Spanish culture. The rest is just the price you pay,” he says. “These matadors are terribly skilled and brave – they’re trying to create something of beauty. Their courage is undeniable, but there’s something cold there as well – to keep putting their lives on the line like that, to keep dealing out death with a sword. They are unusual men in an increasingly mundane world.” Into The Arena by Alexander Fiske-Harrison is out now and has been listed for the William Hill Sports Book of the Year Award

KEEPING IT IN THE FAMILY LEGACY OF THE AUROCHS Breeding fighting bulls is big business and the story goes that the most-prized bloodlines can be traced back to wild aurochs, giant cattle found in Europe, Asia and north Africa before dying out in the 17th century. All domesticated cattle are believe to have descended from aurochs, which were known to weigh more than 2000lbs and stand 6’5 at the shoulder. Julius Caesar, writing about his conquest of Gaul, described the auroch as “a little below the elephant in size”. In 2010, Italian scientists tried to recreate an auroch through a genetic engineering programme called ‘backbreeding’. They claim to have mapped the auroch’s genome, enabling them to isolate the relevant genes in cattle that survives today. They’re not the first to have this idea, though – Hitler ordered Nazi eugenicists to try to breed aurochs to populate the vast hunting reserves he planned to create in conquered European territories.

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NEED A DOGGY BAG? A street vendor sells dog meat at the Hanoi Beer Festival in Vietnam. Presumably nonlocals would need to knock back a fair few bia hois before taking home a doggy bag.

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT, Getty

INSIDE

’SHROOMING /62

OUT WITH A BANG /70

GATEWAY TO GAMBIA /76

Discover a strange world of deadly and psychedelic fungus while foraging for wild food in the New Forest.

Europe boasts some epic New Year’s parties. Here’s our pick of how to bid a memorable farewell to 2011 on the mainland.

The smallest country in Africa, The Gambia has gone unnoticed by many. We find the little guy more than measures up. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

@tntmagazine

The Virgin Mary is revered all over Mexico

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

TRAVEL INTO 2012 The last NYE I had at home that didn’t turn out to be a damp squib was more than 10 years ago, and even at that party I ended the night weeping on my then-boyfriend’s mother, snivelling that I wanted to dump her son. So it still didn’t amount to a roaring success.

DAY OF OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE Mexico City, Mexico There’s already been a week of celebrations throughout Mexico before the big day arrives, when tens of thousands of pilgrims descend on the 12 national shrine of Basilica de Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe in the capital. Many of them will be carrying flowers to present to the lady, while yet more crawl the last few metres to the shrine on their knees in supplication. DEC

WHY: The Lady – aka the Virgin Mary – became Mexico’s patron saint after apparently appearing to a local Christian convert on four occasions in 1531. According to Mexican lore, she has performed a number of miracles in the centuries since, which is why she is so revered and celebrated.

L’ESCALADE

Geneva, Switzerland If you like chocolate, you’ll love the Swiss for 12 coming up with such an enjoyable excuse for eating shitloads of it. The city’s biggest festival sees marzipan-filled chocolate cauldrons smashed to bits and eaten, before torchlit processions through the old town and then a huge bonfire in the cathedral square. There is a historical reason for all of this that dates back to 1602, but it’s tenuous at best. DEC

geneve-tourisme.ch

GISHI-SAI

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CHAUMOS

Kalasha Valleys, Pakistan The ‘pagan’ tribe of Pakistan, the Kalasha, who 11-21 resist Islamic conversion, celebrate the winter solstice. Seeking out the remote Rumbur, Bumboret and Birir valleys rewards you with the unique sight of the Kalasha’s colourful dress and the taste of fresh-baked, goat-shaped bread. Ritual goat sacrifice is widespread during Chaumos, however, and you may be expected to buy your own ill-fated goat to offer up. DEC

ST LAZARUS El Rincon, Cuba

Tokyo, Japan

A faithful 50,000 crawl on their knees (it’s a theme 16 this week!) to the shrine of St Lazarus to exorcise evil. DEC

DEC

13-14

Parades fill the streets to commemorate the ritual suicide of 47 ronin (samurai).

visitjapan.jp

DO IT BECAUSE: Despite the serious motivation for the occasion – and all those people on their knees – this is actually an upbeat event that promises all the usual accoutrements to festivities: street fairs with traditional food, crafts and dancing.

worldnomads.com

Photos: Getty

I had just about given up on having a decent December 31 when, a couple of years back, I agreed to an impromptu few days in Istanbul. Choosing to avoid the crowds in Taksim Square, we stuck to some cobbled backstreets around the blue mosque. After a raki or 10, we saw in the New Year dancing in the streets with our waiters, as fireworks whistled worryingly close by. Entirely by mistake, I had produced the perfect New Year’s equation: the thrill of a holiday combined with seeking out a smallscale local celebration. There was no bitterness at overpaying to queue all night at the bar; just elation at a new experience. I repeated the formula the following year at a house party in New York. No squeezing among the tourists herds in Times Square for me – I was taste-testing the microbrews in Brooklyn (where, for me, the real New York is at). I can’t remember a better New Year’s Day than walking in the winter sunshine, a New York brunch with mimosas my final destination. Eager to maintain my winning streak, this year I’m off to Cologne. I hear it’s the up-and-coming hipster alternative to Berlin, so it could be the last chance to discover this hotspot before it gets too hot. But whether it’s off the beaten track or not, I reckon New Year’s Eve abroad will always make a memorable way to celebrate: taking part in different traditions makes it infinitely more interesting. Find some ideas on P70-72.

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TRAVELNEWS

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EIFFEL TREE-TOWER Plans to turn the Eiffel Tower into a living tree have been leaked in the French press, leading Paris City Hall to distance itself from the project. French company Ginger has drawn up detailed plans that involve hanging 600,000 plants in bags of soil from the iconic steel structure. Architects and engineers have already built a prototype several metres tall, the news report added. While the company that operates the tower, SETE, was adamant neither it nor City Hall were associated with the proposal, Ginger said in a statement: “Should it not be the duty of engineers to imagine a new future where nature is brought back into the heart of the city?”

Photos: Thinkstock

SCOT TOURIST TAX Edinburgh Council is likely to begin slapping a tourist tax on travellers staying overnight. If the plans go ahead, the fee will see tourists charged up to an extra £2 per night on top of their accommodation. While councillor Steve Burgess said “£1 or £2 will not make a big difference”, Colin Paton of the Edinburgh Hotels Association branded it “a lose-lose initiative ... completely anti-business”. What do you reckon? Would you mind stumping up an extra couple of quid to stay in Edinburgh? Email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

BLURRING THE LINES The Nazca Lines site in southern Peru has been placed on the World Monuments Fund’s (WMF) 2012 Global Watch List of endangered heritage sites. The enigmatic geometric patterns, thought to have been drawn between 500BC and 500AD, are being overwhelmed by inappropriate tourism infrastructure such as intrusive viewing platforms, as well as rising levels of rubbish, according to the WMF. Other sites listed as under threat included the fishing villages of Halong Bay in Vietnam and the Royal Opera House in Mumbai.

WORLD’S BEST HOSTEL Hostelling International has revealed the best hostel in its global network is the Lerwick Hostel in the Shetland Isles, Scotland, as voted by Hostelling International customers. The umbrella network for Youth Hostel National Associations in 90 countries also announced the Utano Youth Hostel in Kyoto had been voted the most comfortable, while Baan Dinso in Bangkok was deemed the most efficient. You’ll have to travel to Martha’s Vineyard in the US for the friendliest, and the best overall destination for youth hostels was South Africa.

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The New Forest: who knew such strange things lurked in English soil?

EAT, DRINK, SLEEP

Mushroom foraging POOLE & NEW FOREST, ENGLAND

UNITED KINGDOM

MAP

REQUEST LONDON

The New PLEASE! Forest

Poole

GETTING THERE Trains from London Waterloo to Poole start at £19 one-way with South West Trains (southwesttrains.co.uk).

Bistro du Vin, at the Hotel du Vin in nearby Poole, serves up quality local produce in a cosy leather couch/ roaring log fire setting. Try the specialty cheese boards for a real treat. (bistroduvinandbar.com) Check out the harbourside terrace of Custom House for elegant, fresh local seafood dishes. (customhouse.co.uk) The coastal town of Poole, and its super yacht-rich Sandbanks area in particular, is an exemplary spot for watersports and, therefore, a popular hangout for Aussies. Try Dundees Sports Bar for a laughably inauthentic taste of home. (dundeespoole.com) The Rising Sun gastropub makes a welcome gear change from the rowdy waterfront. (risingpubs.com/poole) The romantic Hotel du Vin in Poole makes a great weekend break in itself, but also offers weekend packages that include a day’s foraging with Mrs Tee, two nights’ B&B accommodation, a bistro dinner, and a four-course mushroomthemed meal with matching wines for £299pp. (hotelduvin.com)

The writer discovers some edible amethyst deceivers 62

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Mushrooms grow out of bark (above) as well as the ground

The cheapest stay is offered at nearby, with dorms from £14pppn. (bournemouthbackpackers.co.uk)

UKTRIP

’Shrooming We discover a strange world of deadly and psychedelic fungus while foraging in the New Forest

Photos: HQBlue Productions; britainonview

WORDS LAURA CHUBB

This is the destroying angel,” says Jackie Histed, holding up a photograph of a chalk-white, parasol-like mushroom that couldn’t look more innocuous if it tried. “If we cooked one of these in a casserole, it would kill us all.” I’m one among a room of 14 would-be fungus foragers, and I notice that we all listen particularly attentively from hereon. I can’t say I’ve ever thought that deeply about mushrooms, which is why Jackie’s talk unveils a weird world I never knew to exist. I learn that poisonous mushrooms can hurt you even if you don’t ingest them – simply touching can be enough. No one has been able to identify the exact toxins in them, which means there are no antidotes: eat a destroying angel by mistake, and your proverbial goose is cooked, served and dispensed with. Every edible mushroom has a poisonous lookalike to trip you up. And of the 3000 varieties of mushroom in the UK, only 30 are worth eating. All of a sudden this mushroom foraging lark looks to be more complicated – and infinitely more dangerous – than I had first thought. For example: remember The Horse Whisperer, the vaguely sappy book that became an even sappier film with Robert Redford? In 2008, its author, Nicholas Evans, was poisoned when he picked what he thought were much-sought-after ceps in the Scottish Highlands. Turns out they were webcaps, the world’s most toxic mushroom. Chew and spit out one of these babies and you could still end up dead. The webcap’s toxin damages the liver, kidneys and spinal cord. After eating the deadly fungus, Evans was on dialysis for three years. The life expectancy of someone on dialysis is five to eight years, but Evans’ heart started weakening early. In a dramatic gesture to save his life, his daughter donated a kidney. He is lucky to have survived. So it’s a serious business, but not one without reward. I’m here to learn a few tricks of the trade from Jackie, who works for the only person who holds a licence to pick wild mushrooms in the New Forest in Hampshire, Brigitte Tee. Mrs Tee – as she bills herself – makes her money selling these high quality wild ‘shrooms to the likes of Michel Roux and The Dorchester. Though Mrs Tee is quite the character – the German-born 69-year-old makes much of the fact that her late husband, John Hillman, managed Jimi Hendrix in his heyday, and is

even wearing a Hendrix T-shirt when I meet her; she then insists we watch a TV documentary in which she bosses a plummy BBC presenter around as they cook mushrooms – it’s Jackie who takes us out into the woods. Jackie has been foraging for food in the wild since World War II when supplies were rationed. She used to go out with her father, and never stopped. Smoking a cigarillo, she tells me that she doesn’t much care for eating the mushrooms: “I just get excited about finding them.” And truly, I can see why. We’re only out in the New Forest for a couple of hours, but we return with bags upon bags

“

The toxin damages the spinal cord

”

of bounty – and who knew such strange things grew in the mulchy English soil? We find amethyst deceivers: blue-purple, psychedelic-looking growths. We learn about hen of the woods, which looks like a big, grey brain growing out of the ground, and beefsteak mushrooms, which resemble slabs of liver and leak a bloody red juice when you cut them. A puffball explodes in a burst of powder when I step on it. I’m told the New Forest is plagued by ‘mushroom poachers’ from Europe, who reckon the Brits waste their natural fortunes by seldom going out and foraging from the land. In the evening, we cook up our finds and I can see where the poachers are coming from: the flavours are intense and complex, as different from the field mushrooms I buy from the supermarket as the effects of a cep NEXT WEEK and a webcap. But bearing that comparison in The best FREE trips in the UK mind, I don’t reckon I’ll be taking up full-time foraging any day soon. ❚ A day of foraging with Mrs Tee and friends is £120pp including lunch and a bag of mixed wild mushrooms to take home. wildmushrooms.co.uk

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DEAL OF THE WEEK SHARM EL SHEIKH

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AUSTRIA A seven-night selfcatering ski holiday in Soll, Austria is £336pp (was £530) with STA Travel (0800 9886884; statravel. co.uk). Includes accommodation, flights and transfers, based on four sharing a one-bedroom apartment with sofabed. Departs December 31. ORLANDO A seven-night trip to Orlando, Florida is £477pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, roomonly accomoodation and flights. Departs January 24. EGYPT A nine-day Jewels of the Nile tour is £307pp (save 30 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 099 8852, traveltalktours.com). Includes accommodation, some meals and guides. Visiting Cairo, Luxor, Pyramids, Aswan, temples, Nile cruise and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by December 30; departs January 14, 21 and 28.

> £500 MOROCCO A 10-day tour of Morocco is £506pp (save 20 per cent) with Topdeck (topdeck. travel). Includes accommodation, some meals, and guide. Excludes flights. Departs January 6, 13 and 20 2012. HONG KONG A five-night trip to Hong Kong is £679pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes four-star, room-only accommodation and flights. Book by December 31 for travel in January. BORNEO A seven-night trip to Borneo is £1009pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes five-star, B&B accommodation and flights, for travel in December. EUROPE A 24-day tour of Europe is £1075.50 (save 10 per cent) with Topdeck (topdeck.travel). Visiting 12 countries; includes accommodation and transport. Departs February 9 and 23 and March 15.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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ALGARVE A seven-night trip to the Algarve, Portugal, is £163pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyJet.com/holidays). Includes B&B accommodation and flights. Departs January 30. TUNISIA A seven-night trip is £233pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, all-inclusive accommodation and flights. Departs January 8. FRANCE A four-night ski break to Morzine, France is £229pp (save £30) with Skiweekends.com (08444 060600). Includes return luxury coach travel from London Victoria, and two nights’ accommodation with afternoon tea and dinner. Telephone bookings only; departs December 15. MALAGA A seven-night trip to Malaga on the Costa del Sol is £194pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyJet.com/holidays). Includes B&B accommodation and flights. Departs March 2. LANZAROTE A seven-night trip to Lanzarote is £138pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes three-star, selfcatering accommodation and flights. Departs January 22. COSTA BRAVA A seven-night trip is £203pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes all-inclusive accommodation and flights. Departs January 17.

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LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

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HOT TIPS: Shooting Dark Shooting moving objects in low lighting could bring feelings of dread, but it doesn’t have to be such a hassle: think positively and set yourself a challenge. Showing movement in low-light situations will create some blur, and some aspect of the image will become out of focus. This is primarily a good thing; it will make for a more

atmospheric shot. The colour will naturally be alerted to the artificial tungsten lighting that may be the only light source. This will produce that beautiful warming yellow/ reddish tinge. A high iso and a low aperture are key to achieving your goal. Don’t try to freeze the frame, as this will make it static and sterile.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER DURDLE DOOR, DORSET Carmia Spies, South Africa

WHY IT WORKS Thinking outside the box when shooting a landscape shot can be difficult. Carmia has given us a great example of how to bring humour and a spot of quirkiness to an image. Having the backdrop out of focus brings our line of vision to the heart-shaped hands. But by choosing for them to be slightly darker than the rest of the image, our eye is again drawn to the landscape beyond, bringing a great balance to this sweet, playful shot.

RUNNER-UP THE CASUALTIES LIVE AT THE FLEECE, BRISTOL Hamish Mcmillan, New Zealand

WHY IT WORKS Photography is not just about the correct exposure and getting everything in focus; sometimes it’s about feeling. Remember, it’s a creative art form where rules can be bent for something a bit offbeat. A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

GOURMET GETAWAYS

CHECKING IN

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PIEDMONT, ITALY

Crash here, post apres-ski

HOTEL BRIGITTE ISCHGL OVERVIEW A chilled-out hotel in the centre of Austrian mountain party village, Ischgl. It’s close to ski rental shops, cable cars and the lively and all-important apres-ski bars. Friendly staff wear a modern twist on traditional Austrian clothes, which doesn’t exactly fit with the hotel’s bordering-on-Nineties decor, but is a charming quirk. WOW FACTOR The “wellness centre” has a gym, swimming pool, whirlpool and every type of relaxation room you can think of – from Finnish sauna to infrared cabin, aromatherapy steam bath to ice grotto. The views past the village and along the white-dusted valley are also breathtaking. ROOMS Although the decor is a bit dated – turquoise and orange curtains, faux-wood panelling and uplights on the cream walls – the rooms feel cosy. They’re clean and the beds are comfy after a day on the slopes and an evening on the booze. Baths (for soaking aching limbs after skiing) and balconies (for checking out the snow) are available, depending on the room. BILL PLEASE Basic rooms start at £91pn and go all the way up to £460pn for an uber-swanky design suite.

A-6561 Ischgl, Oberer Kirchenweg 3 hotel-brigitte.com

00 66

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Nestled in the north-west corner of Italy is the region of Piedmont, with rolling green hills that rise into secluded snowy mountains. The region’s capital of Turin is a picturesque cosmopolitan city known for its superb chocolate makers, who put on a two-week chocolate festival every year in early spring. The area is rustic-glam, with village cottages and a host of intimate grandma’s kitchenstyle restaurants. Turin is also famous for wine production. The Langhe hills are home to two great wine-producing villages. Asti, a town of medieval ruins with 100 towers, is the birthplace of spumante, Italy’s fizzy white wine (an alternative to France’s champagne). Neighbouring Barolo produces robust, red wines from its small but scenic vineyard landscape. You can take various tours of wine cellars to sample the tipples in this region. Bra, located in the province of Cuneo, is the world capital of the Slow Food movement (slowfood.com), where Carlo Petrini founded

the non-profit’s international HQ in 1986. With a focus on sustainable, quality food, the organisation has created a gourmet community built upon the region’s natural food products. Take a stroll through local farmers’ markets for some of the most eco-conscious produce in the world. You can then head away from the villages into the countryside for a truffle-hunting adventure: the region is renowned for its white truffles (see the prize-winning one pictured), which feature on local restaurant menus nearly as often as olive oil. There’s more to Piedmont than food, too – it’s home to the Italian royal family and was modern Italy’s first capital. When the capital moved to Rome in 1871, the region slipped back into a pastoral pace, and has since been regarded as Italy’s little secret, where Italians go for their own holiday. In a region where the harvest festival gets crazier than Carnival, you can’t go wrong looking for memorable, high-class eats. goitaly.com

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FEZ, MOROCCO

A thousand-year-old spice trade has made Fez’s flavourful cuisine a thing of legend, and the food capital of northern Africa. Couscous, beef, lamb, and chickpeas are staples of the cuisine, featured in the midday meal — the Moroccans’ main meal of the day. Traditional dishes are spiced to perfection, packed with flavour you won’t find anywhere else. Eating a kebab never felt more posh. visitmorocco.com

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

GOURMET GETAWAYS

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SINGAPORE

Singapore tops gourmet-getter lists for great multicultural cuisine. Serving everything from barbecued stingray and chilli crab to fried carrot cake and sweet noodles, the Singaporeans are passionate about their food. The island incorporates surrounding flavours of neighbouring Asian countries to create a truly unique cuisine, which features most prominently at open-air food complexes filled with more stalls than even our stomach can handle. yoursingapore.com

TOP FIVE

NAPA VALLEY, US

Known for its wine, California’s Napa Valley is a gourmet haven of local organic produce, prime meats and cheeses. An hour outside San Francisco and its international port, fresh seafood is abundant in restaurants and farmers’ markets. You know it’s good when world-renowned chefs, such as Thomas Keller and Masaharu Morimoto, come here to open their own restaurants. napavalley.com

LIMA, PERU

This coastal capital serves as a jumping off point to Cusco and Machu Picchu for many adventurers, but its unique ecological and climatic multiplicity makes it a destination for foodies searching for fresh produce and a diverse cuisine. Foods from the coast, the highlands and the jungle combine in Lima to unfurl fusion dishes that draw on Andean, Amazonian, African and European techniques. It’s also believed to be the birthplace of ceviche.

NEXT WEEK War-themed tours: seeking out the world’s history

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Climb the Arenal Volcano in Costa Rica for an adventure

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READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

want to go on an adventure holiday Q Inext year and I’m unsure where to go.

fiancé and I would like to spend Q My about two months in Africa, starting

I have already done trekking in Nepal and Peru, so I want something as incredible but something a little bit more unusual. Jen, via email

in Ethiopia and travelling to Malawi and Mozambique. We want to travel as independently as possible rather than join a tour. Can this be done, and, if not, where would we be best to undertake a tour to save time and money? Sarah, via email

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travel certainly is possible, it A Independent just requires more planning. Your journey will most likely be made up of a combination of buses, minibuses and coaches. A combination of independent travel and the occasional organised tour will give you the best of both worlds. You will most likely arrive at Bole airport in Addis Ababa on an international flight. To enter Kenya, the most commonly used crossing is at Moyale (a one-and-a-half-day bus ride from Addis Ababa), but you should check the security situation as it is sometimes closed. Be aware the Foreign and Commonwealth Office currently advises against travel in some areas of Ethiopia and Kenya (fco.gov.uk). In Tanzania, you may find it wise to book your bus ahead on popular routes. In Malawi and Mozambique, you’ll find buses are the best option for getting around. However, in rural areas public transport is more infrequent and accommodation options less varied. You may find that booking tours for small sections of your trip will be beneficial, allowing you to access once-in-a-lifetime experiences. On The Go Tours (onthegotours.com) have a number of options.

KEEP THE CHANGE If you are (for example) flying from London to New Zealand via LA (or via anywhere, for that matter), take a few local notes/ coins for the vending machines while in transit. I was once stuck in the airport in LA with kids and no drinks ... Lisa Jackson O’ Connor, via Facebook Do you mean drinks for your kids or stiff drinks for yourself? – Travel Ed

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com. If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice. This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

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Costa Rica. It is becoming A Consider increasingly popular, so I would advise visiting this spectacular country sooner rather than later. It is an incredible destination for adventure, with volcano climbing, whitewater rafting and surfing all on offer. It is also home to some of the world’s most stunning wildlife. Costa Rica is a relatively small country, meaning you can cover a large proportion of the sights. Start out in the cosmopolitan capital San José before heading out to explore the country. You can take a direct four-and-a-half-hour bus north to La Fortuna, the gateway to the Arenal Volcano National Park. The bus costs about £2-£3. From here you can organise activities including bungee jumping, canoeing, rafting and the highly popular canopy zip lining. Next, head west to the coast, where you can surf Pacific waves at the laidback town of Dominical. Further north, there’s Parque Nacional Manuel Antonio for gorgeous beaches patrolled by the cute capuchin monkey. If you’re keen on hiking, a completely different excursion to consider is Mount Elbrus in Russia. The climb is not for the faint-hearted; it’s considered by many as harder than Kilimanjaro. There is also skiing on the mountain.

TRAIN SPOTTER TIP I always make sure OF THE I have a copy of the maps WEEK for the underground/ train system of wherever I’m going with me, seeing as it’s usually the first thing you need to know when you get off the plane. If you have a fancy phone, keep it on there. Lara Jones, via Facebook

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WHERE IN THE WORLD?

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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

ANNAPURNA BASE CAMP, NEPAL Erik Bogata (second from right) and friends from Nepal

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

AMELIA SCOTT, 28

PHILIPPA BERMINGHAM, 24

Glasgow, Scotland

Teddington, England

BEST Six weeks in Mexico, without a doubt. I saw most of the country and don’t have one bad word to say about it. The people, the food, the beaches and the amazing ruins just made for a fantastic trip. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone. WORST I went on a typical boozing holiday to Malia, Crete with some mates. It was a pretty fun time, but vomiting my guts out every night isn’t something I’d like to do too often!

Most memorable travel experience? Skydiving in New Zealand at sunset. It was the first time I had ever done anything like that, and it was well worth it. Worst travel experience? I was travelling from Singapore to Malaysia to meet a friend and got on the wrong coach. I then managed to hitchhike but ended up on the wrong island. I found my friend after three days of manic travelling! Ideal travel partner? Michael Palin. He’d have knowledge to share.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

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SPLASHING OUT

HAWAIIAN HOLIDAY Molokai is billed as “the real Hawaii”, where no building is taller than a palm tree. Castle Molokai Shores boasts apartments in Molokai’s largest town. A one-bedroom ocean-view apartment is US$189pn (about £120) (save 15 per cent) with wotif.com. Available for stays on all dates until April 4, 2012, excluding December 31.

THE INSIDER

TRAVIS KATZ, Founder and CEO, Gogobot social travel network

My first ever big trip was when I spent a university semester abroad in Santiago, Chile, right after Pinochet stepped down – a time when there were soldiers with machine guns on every corner. It was a life-changing experience. My most challenging travel experience was in Vietnam. I was on an overnight bus from Hanoi to Danang and, when we stopped in the middle of the night for a bathroom break, the bus drove off before I could zip up. I was alone in the mountains, with no passport, no cell phone, and no one knowing I was gone. After a couple of hours, I managed to hitch a ride with some Vietnamese truckers. My favourite place in the world is Alaska. It’s one of the last places on Earth where you can experience true wilderness. My top travel tip is do less, not more. Lots of people spend their trip frantically trying to visit every famous site. I always find I enjoy myself more picking a few key must-sees. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Midnight at Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate

[Caption]

New Year’s Eve EUROPE

Cool parties in Iceland

A rave in a Budapest bath is a unique way to celebrate 70

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Neighbours build bonfires in Reykjavik

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See it out with a bang Europe boasts some epic New Year’s parties. Here’s our pick of how to bid a memorable farewell to 2011 on the mainland WORDS AZZAM ALKADHI

Whether you’re up for the world’s biggest open-air party or fancy a rave in a Turkish bath, we’ve got eight reasons why a break abroad for New Year’s Eve makes perfect party sense. Dive in.

Berlin, Germany WHY? Known to Germans as Sylvester – December 31 is Saint Sylvester’s Day – New Year’s Eve in Berlin is one hell of a bash. The city hosts what has been billed as the largest open-air party in the world, with more than one million people taking part. The ‘Party Mile’ stretches from the famous Brandenburg Gate all the way to the Victory Column – there’s 1.2 miles of bars and dance floors, with hundreds of bars and tents peddling booze and food lining the route. Laser and light shows fill the sky and fireworks come as standard at midnight. GET THERE: Fly from London Stansted to Berlin with German Wings from £120 return (germanwings.com).

Istanbul, Turkey

of impromptu street parties. Be sure to line your stomach with traditional Dutch New Year sweets such as oliebollen (sugar-coated donuts) and appelflappen (apple fritters). GET THERE: Fly from London Luton to Amsterdam with easyJet from £90 return (easyjet.co.uk).

Reykjavik, Iceland WHY? Icelanders pride themselves on their party spirit, and that’s never more evident than on New Year’s Eve. Downtown Reykjavik is filled with fun-loving locals who have one thing on their mind – making merry all night long and well into the New Year. After the traditional mass, everyone braves the cold and takes to the streets, and in each quarter neighbours gather to build a bonfire. Midnight is celebrated en masse before the hardcore droves head to the city’s bars and clubs, where live bands and DJs play until at least 5am. Dancing the night away should keep you warm in the Icelandic chill. GET THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Reykjavik with ›› Iceland Air from £330 return (icelandair.co.uk).

WHY? Where else in the world can you watch the New Year arrive from two different continents simultaneously? Whether you join in the festivities on the European or Asian side, you’re bound to have a raucous time in Istanbul. Large crowds gather in Taksim Square and Istiklal Street, where the constant din of drivers thumping their horns only adds to the party atmosphere. Alternatively, head to the well-todo neighbourhood of Nisantasi, where a street party is held with over-the-top decorations and kebabs galore. A word of warning – the morning call to prayer will have no sympathy for your hangover. GET THERE: Fly from London Heathrow to Istanbul, via Paris, with Air France from £170 return (airfrance.co.uk).

Amsterdam, Netherlands WHY? When it comes to fireworks, Amsterdammers are absolutely mad for it. All over the city, private displays take place from early evening until first light. The best place to watch the official display over the Amstel River is from the Magere Brug (Skinny Bridge). The public squares are jampacked throughout the night, with the biggest and best celebrations taking place in Museumplein and Nieuwmarkt. Amsterdam is a compact city, so you can take in any number

You can street-party-hop in AmDam TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Barcelona, Spain WHY? In typical Spanish style, Nochevieja festivities start a little later than you might expect. At the stroke of midnight, it’s tradition to attempt eating 12 grapes at the 12 bells, before the fiesta really begins. Plaça de Catalunya and Las Ramblas are the busiest locales to celebrate with throngs of people having a good time. You can also head to the clubs on the beach to get your party on. After all, what could be better than watching the sunrise from the sand to welcome in 2012? GET THERE Fly from London Stansted to Barcelona with Ryanair from £90 return (ryanair.co.uk).

Bologna, Italy WHY? If you’re looking for a proper Italian celebration, you can’t get much more authentic than the ‘Fat Ox Fair’. This involves adorning an ox with flowers and ribbons and holding a procession through the city’s streets. At the end of it all, one lucky winner of a special lottery gets to keep the ox. Good luck getting it home. There’s live music and a street market in Piazza Maggiore, and at midnight an effigy of an old man, representing the troubles of the closing year, is thrown onto a bonfire. Anyone present is given free panettone (a sweet bread) and sparkling wine, setting you up nicely for a night of revelry in this vibrant student town. GET THERE Fly from London Stansted to Bologna with Ryanair from £70 return (ryanair.co.uk).

Istanbul’s call to prayer will wake you in 2012

Paris, France WHY? Well, because it’s Paris. Take a bottle (or two) down to the Champs-Elysees for the classic Paris party. You’ll be right in the heart of the action, with a great view of the Eiffel Tower, which bursts into life with a spectacular light show at midnight. For a less conventional and more laidback

WEIRD & WACKY NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATIONS New Year’s Eve brings out some wacky traditions all over the world. Here are some of our favourites:

A sign of friendship

Budapest, Hungary WHY? The atmosphere in this grand and impressive EasternEuropean city is truly electric, often making it difficult to get home through the swelling crowds. People ignore the cold and ply themselves with warming booze, before taking on the city. All the main squares and streets hold parties and concerts, but the best times are to be had at the New Year raves held in the Turkish baths. GET THERE Fly from London Gatwick with easyJet from £160 return (easyjet.co.uk). ❚

DENMARK: Danes save old dishes throughout the year to smash at the doors of friends and neighbours. Waking up on New Year’s Day to a pile of broken plates is apparently a good thing – it means you have lots of friends.

PHILLIPINES: It’s believed that wearing polka dots, symbolising coins, will bring prosperity, making for a pretty dotty December 31 tradition. People also open all their windows and doors to let in good spirits for the New Year. It’s all fun and games til you hit the deck 72

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Photos: Rami Katzav, Visit Reykjavik, Luciano Mortula, Getty, Thinkstock

BRAZIL: Gifts and flowers are cast into the sea in little boats to thank Iemanjá, the goddess of the water, for past favours and to seek happiness for the year to come. Thousands of worshippers dressed in white head to the beaches of Rio, where priests usher them into trance-like states, and millions of tiny candles light up the sea.

celebration, head to Montmartre. Atop this hill – the highest point in Paris – you’ll benefit from fantastic panoramas of the city skyline and the inevitable fireworks that will dominate it. There are also wild street parties and plenty of très chic bars to choose from. GET THERE Fly from London Luton with easyJet from £130 return (easyjet.co.uk).

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

Folklore Galore This is Dublin in 48 hours WORDS KELSEY CLARK

DAY 1: 9:00 Start the weekend with a free breakfast buffet at your hostel, the centrally located Ashfield House (ashfieldhouse.ie) where you can stay in a dorm for just under £8 or opt for a private twin for about £20. Check out Trinity College (pictured above) next door, founded in 1592 by Queen Elizabeth I. 11:00 Introduce yourself to the city and its history with a free walking tour (newdublintours.com). For three hours you’ll wander past all Dublin’s major sights, led by friendly young guides who aren’t afraid to share their own personal stories of Dublin. Rain or shine, tours start at 11am and 1pm every day. 13:00 Fuel up at The Bad Ass Cafe (badasscafe.com) in Temple Bar for a lunch of bruschetta, handmade pizza and a jug of wine. Watch as your order is flung to the kitchen via catapult, and take in the donkey-themed art cramming the walls. 15:00 Still in Temple Bar, wander down the charming cobblestone streets and explore the bars, cafes and art galleries. Pop into the city’s only arthouse cinema at the Irish Film Institute (irishfilm.ie), or check out the Gallery of Photography (galleryofphotography.ie) for some cultural enlightenment. 17:30 Up for some childhood magic? Duck into the National Leprechaun Museum (leprechaunmuseum.ie) on Jervis Street. For about £8.60, wander through the museum’s 12 storybook chapters, search for a pot of gold and enter an enchanted otherworld of fairies and leprechauns. 74

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19:00 Fill up on some satisfying fried food before venturing into the infamous pubs of Dublin. Eat at Leo Burdock’s (leoburdock.com) for the best-known fish and chips in the city, and with good reason. The menu is simple, fresh and has been around since 1913 – so they’re doing something right. 20:00 Kick up your heels at the Irish Dance Party (irishdanceparty.com), an interactive music and dance show. For about £10, learn basic Irish group dances from professional Irish show dancers and challenge the young local musicians who take requests. 22:00 If group dances aren’t your thing, escape the kitsch at D/Two nightclub (dtwonightclub.com) in the Georgian area of Harcourt Street. This modern and stylish bar and club boasts one of the most popular beer gardens in Dublin and is frequented by a younger, student crowd. DAY 2: 10:00 Drag yourself out of bed and get a feel for medieval Dublin at Dublin Castle (dublincastle.ie). Not exactly the most breathtaking castle in Europe (no moat, no turrets, pah!), it plays host to diplomatic state functions and rock concerts. But for just under £4, see the extravagant interior state apartments, or just wander around the impressive grounds for free. 12:00 Climb aboard the Jeanie Johnston Tall Ship (jeaniejohnston.ie), a replica Irish emigrant ship from the famine era, located on Custom House Quay. For about £7, relive the cramped and depressing journeys of actual passengers from 1848, and be glad that you’re only visiting! 14:00 Get outside the city and on to the water with

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a Dublin Sea Safari (seasafari.ie). The 70-minute South Bay tour (at £30) has you watching for ocean wildlife as you bob around in a motorboat to nearby islands. 15:30 You could not honourably leave Dublin without a trip to the Guinness Storehouse, Ireland’s number-one visitor attraction (guinness-storehouse.com). For about £12, get a tour of the distillery which ends at the seventhfloor panoramic window bar for a fantastic view of the city. Your ticket gets you a free drink, so enjoy the view. 17:00 Head to St Stephen’s Green in south Dublin for picturesque greenery. Made famous by James Joyce’s Ulysses, the urban park is known today for its tranquil gardens and lively performances by locals. 19:00 Treat yourself to an upbeat evening of Irish folklore and storytelling at Dublin’s oldest pub, The Brazen Head (irishfolktours.com). For about £38, you’re served a traditional Irish meal with a side of live Irish music, ballads, history and storytelling. Doesn’t get more kitschy than this. 21:00 Enjoy your last night in Dublin at Porterhouse (porterhousebrewco.com) with live music and very local drinks. This pub brews all of its own beers, stouts and ales and ships them from Ireland around the world. If you haven’t had your fill of Dublin when you leave, embark on a pub crawl through Temple Bar. Just make sure you’re sober enough to find – and be allowed to board – your plane in the morning! Fly direct to Dublin from London Gatwick with Ryanair from £30 return ryanair.com

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The Gambia AFRICA

SENEGAL River Gambia National Park BANJUL

THE GAMBIA Brufut

SENEGAL

The fishing boats come to shore 76

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GETTING THERE Budget carriers fly direct from London Gatwick to Banjul. Flights are included in package deals with The Gambia Experience. (gambia.co.uk)

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Gateway to The Gambia The smallest country in Africa, this hidden treasure has gone unnoticed by many. We find the little guy more than measures up WORDS LAURA CHUBB

WHEN TO GO: Avoid June to This chimp looks mightily pissed off. I’m sizing late September: the wet season continent than any other). In this Gambia, renders many roads impassable. The a real African adventure awaits. up the distance between my tiny boat on the weather starts to get unbearably River Gambia and the trees in which the ape But for now, it’s back to the bruiser chimp. – eyes mad as hell and flexing the bodybuilder- hot around May. Tourist season is “This is Jumbo,” says Matthew Selinske, November to February, when the esque muscles in his back – is staring hard. a former US Peace Corps volunteer and sun is strong but not stifling. Chimpanzees can jump distances of up to five now programme manager at The Gambia’s metres, so I’m seriously hoping we’ve got Chimpanzee Rehabilitation Project (CRP), who CURRENCY: £1 = GMD44 this right. Here, at the misleadingly named is almost comically square jawed and shiny of (Gambian Dalasi). Baboon Islands, a poacher once tried to net tooth. “He worked in a circus, where he got ACCOMMODATION: himself some wildlife. The chimps surrounded addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I really There are plenty of beach resorts, and beat the shit out of him. Baboon Islands think he hates humans.” but for a more authentic and has no trouble with poachers now. That would explain the stare-down adventurous stay, it’s got to be Like the slight, quiet kid overshadowed by I’m getting from Jumbo, then. Also, male Hibiscus House, set in the heart of a family of muscular brothers, The Gambia chimpanzees in particular are renowned for an African village. You can stay as is an underdog in Africa. At just more than their aggression. Perhaps it’s the testosterone part of a package with The Gambia 300 miles long and barely 30 miles wide, it is Experience (gambia.co.uk/hibiscus). that comes with the ownership of unusually the smallest country on the continent, and is large balls: chimp testicles have a combined split horizontally in half by its namesake river, weight of about 110g, compared to a gorilla’s which runs the length of the land and then abandons itself 28g and a human’s 43g. to the Atlantic. If that topography wasn’t strange enough, In the River Gambia National Park, which is the official The Gambia is barely left room to breathe by Senegal, name for the three Baboon Islands on the water’s north bank, a Francophone country that completely envelopes this many of the apes are in rehab. In 1979, the CRP was founded Anglophone sliver. here to reintroduce chimps that had been mistreated – either Another reason The Gambia finds itself overshadowed is its in the entertainment or the pet industry – back into the wild. absence of The Big Five, or even giraffes and zebras. There are The rescued chimps have gone forth and multiplied, with the no safari parks taking 4WDs packed with tourists past the likes fourth generation now swinging through these trees. They’re of lions and leopards – The Gambia simply doesn’t have these joined by the animals endemic to these parts – baboons, red animals to show off. colobus monkeys, crocodiles, antelopes, warthogs and hippos, That might be the biggest reason why the tourist trade among others. here tends to lean towards the undesirable: package holidays You can stay overnight at the CRP and take a tour of the confined to the beach and long happy hours, or rampant islands – a worthy challenger to the thrill of your typical sex tourism – think Thailand, only swap fat, white blokes African safari. I’m guided around on a modest motorboat, for middle-aged European women, and lithe Thai girls for from which we stare at, and are stared at by, scores of chimps. athletic, young African men (known as ‘bumsters’). They swing from branch to branch with their babies, and hang But in just a handful of days, I discover a very different one-handed over the river, using their free hand to scoop the Gambia – one that shows the possibilities of veering from its water into their mouths. What strikes me is how unfailingly limited tourist trail, and into areas of almost untrammelled thoughtful they look. As humans’ closest relatives, the eyes innocence. I stay in a rural village, struggle to keep a safe the chimps regard me with are far from blank. distance from aggressive great apes, and am mesmerised I’m also teased with glimpses of bathing hippos, which by the sinister gaze of bathing hippos (The Gambia’s largest poke up above the water to catch their breath. We remain at animal, and one responsible for killing more tourists on this a good distance, as this too is a famously aggressive species, ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Hippos kill more tourists than any other animal in Africa

Sweat it out at Serekunda market

The local barber’s in Brufut village weighing between two and three tonnes and sporting humancrushing, massive jaws and teeth. There is only room for eight people at a time to stay at the CRP – guests sleep in safari tents in the mainland forest opposite Island 2 – which adds an air of exclusivity to what is surely The Gambia’s highlight. “A different type of Gambian tourist makes the effort to come up here,” says Selinske, a comment from which you can draw your own conclusions. That said, Selinske would like to see more visitors at the CRP, as tourism is “a lifeline”. The project receives some government funding and has a sponsorship programme, but money raised from visits like mine is crucial too. After the boat trip, draining a bottle of the local JulBrew – an easy-drinking and sneakily potent lager – while I watch the sun set over the water, I’m happy to be doing my bit. Retiring to my safari tent after a candlelit dinner of warthog and a couple more JulBrews, I’m bowled over by the view from my bed. The tent is more mosquito netting than canvas, giving the effect of sleeping outside beneath the star-crammed night sky. It also allows me to watch the sunrise from under the covers, a dawn chorus of strange bird calls and whooping monkeys ringing out over the dead-still river and wildly thick tangles of trees. I wouldn’t have discovered the CRP were it not for Susan Clifford-Webb, a former farm girl from Shropshire who came to The Gambia in 2001 “seeking sun and sea” and never left. She insisted I make the journey, and I’m glad. Clifford-Webb is also responsible for letting me in on what she calls “the real Gambia”, having built a mini-hotel right in the middle of Brufut, a rural village 25 minutes from the capital, Banjul. Over an invigorating ginger juice, she tells me: “Here at Hibiscus House, you are in the local community. If next door 78

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has an argument, you will hear it. And believe me, they do!” You could choose to find the experience of staying at Hibiscus House too jarring: a little paradise of verdant shrubbery and sunloungers, it’s very different to next door, where chickens scratch about in a yard fenced off by ugly sheets of corrugated iron, and food is cooked over a candle. While Clifford-Webb is keen to emphasise that Hibiscus House is not a community project – “it’s a business” – she

The Chimpanzee Rehabilitation Project’s sundeck on the river

says it has benefited the Brufut community. The hotel was built using local materials and labour, the latter providing villagers with lucrative skills. It benefits tourists, too: staff members live no more than a few doors away, and are friendly folk only too happy to show guests a world outside the hotel’s walls. “Musa, the chef, once had a naming ceremony and invited the whole hotel!” laughs Clifford-Webb. It’s typical of a country in which every person you see wants to say “hey” and asks your name. The first time I venture out into the village, watching children roll rubber tyres down red dirt tracks and scrawny goats skipping past shacks, I’m in pursuit of a gelli-gelli. These battered mini-buses are The Gambia’s public transport, ferrying around as many people as can be squashed in. Nearby Brufut beach is an almost-deserted stretch of sand, punctuated sparingly by simple frond-thatched beach bars, with a wellhidden Sheraton at the end. But I’m looking for something even further off the seldom-trodden road, and take a 25p gelli-gelli ride a few villages beyond to Batakunku. The drive takes me past scenes straight from TV: women swathed in bright colours carrying loads on their heads, be those loads trays of fruit, barrels or bundles of sticks. The

“

Children roll rubber tyres down dirt tracks

”

Gambia is 90 per cent Islamic, but it’s interesting to note how customs vary from the black-abaya-swaddled Gulf; those bright dresses are modest, but not all-covering, and when a woman begins breast-feeding her baby next to me on the gelli-gelli, there’s not a flinch. Getting off at the green-and-white mosque and mounting a sweaty stroll along a back road of ubiquitous red dust, my sojourn secedes to a genuine paradise. Batakunku beach gives the impression of an undiscovered, desert island, though the brilliant Fanso’s Beach Bar hidden in the trees means I’m never far from a tangy fish curry. Reclining under a palm frond ››

Cows roam the beach

The Insider's guide Susan Clifford-Webb built boutique hotel Hibiscus House with her son Oliver in the heart of rural Brufut village. She lets TNT in on her insider knowledge Where’s good for an adventure? All of The Gambia! There’s a different experience around every corner. You just never know what’s going to happen next. What’s The Gambia’s bestkept secret? Lots of tourists come to The Gambia and only see the beach. But old traditions are still here and are very strong. It’s very tribal. What’s your favourite thing about the country? You can be as hands-on Susan at Hibiscus House or as lazy as you like. You can go out by yourself and have an adventure exploring little villages on the river and seeing Africa as it once was, or sit on a deserted beach and watch a herd of cows moseying by – which is pretty special in this day and age. What’s your top tip for a traveller coming to visit The Gambia? If you’re invited to a local event, go. It could be a naming ceremony – a kind of christening with lots of people, music and dancing – or even helping to harvest peanuts. It’s all an experience.

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canopy, I watch a fellow tourist run down to the surf and help fishermen haul in their catch. After much tugging and “heaveho”ing, a pile of giant, odd-looking fish is slapped onto the sand, their bulging eyes almost cartoon-like. Clifford-Webb says of her decision to settle in The Gambia: “A little bit of that red dust gets into you.” And I see why. Never before have I had so much opportunity to interact with a country. I have lived among villagers; been invited into their homes and held their babies; shaken every hand as I walk their unpaved roads. There are no barriers between even you and the wildlife – as encounters with crocodiles and cobras (see ‘Best of the Rest’ below) attest. It might be a little country, but The Gambia boasts some big experiences. ❚ Laura travelled with The Gambia Experience, which offers seven nights at Hibiscus House from a discounted price of £638pp, including breakfast, return flights, taxes and transfers (based on two sharing) for March 6,13, and 20 2012 departures. TNT readers can take advantage of a 20 per cent discount from brochure price on Hibiscus House holiday packages for travel during January, March and April 2012, excluding Easter departures. Please call The Gambia Experience for more information and quote TNT. gambia.co.uk/hibiscus 0845 330 2087

A red colobus monkey

BEST OF THE REST THE GAMBIA KACHIKALLY CROCODILE POOL Crocodiles represent fertility in The Gambia, which is why local women who are having problems conceiving flock to this crocodile pool in the village of Bakau to bathe in the water. It is also the country’s A good idea? number-one tourist attraction thanks to the apparent “safety” of petting the hordes of crocs that hang out here. Visiting the pool is an unnerving experience – there really is nothing between you and the wild animals, which are fed piles of fish to ensure they don’t get hungry while you’re around. When I ask the guide whether anyone has ever been bitten, he pauses for a long time before deciding: “Not yet.”

ABUKO NATURE RESERVE Just south of Serekunda, following the trail through this forest gets you close to monkeys and a formidable array of snakes – one tourist tells me that upon disturbing a spitting cobra, her guide shouted the reassuring instruction: “Run!”

A local lady carries her load

NEXT WEEK

BRUFUT SCHOOL When staying in Brufut, a visit to the local school is a must. Teaching more than 1800 students aged between six and 16, it’s an impressive project, but one that relies entirely on donations to keep running. Take along some exercise books and pens bought from the local shop – every little helps.

Israel: Seeing all the sights on a whistlestop tour Sunset on the river

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Photos: The Gambia Experience, Thinkstock, TNT

SEREKUNDA MARKET Serekunda is The Gambia’s largest city, and it has a massive market to match. Get carried away by the crowds past a labyrinth of stalls selling everything from TVs to piles of reeking dried fish. As The Gambia’s population doesn’t quite reach two million, you often find yourself gazing at deserted dirt roads wondering where everyone is. The answer: they’re all here at Serekunda market.

h s i l g n E h c TeCaombine travel & work

Language School

e s r u o C L F E T e iv s n e t In d n e k Wee Perfect for readers looking to: ‹ Combine travel and work ‹ Teach during their gap year ‹ Have a career change ‹ Work part-time with flexible hours

} There are many job opportunities worldwide to teach English to children, teenagers or adults.

} You could be in Eastern Europe, Italy, Spain, Costa Rica or Japan teaching English in a classroom, privately one-to-one, or even online.

DATE 11-12 Feb, 2012 TIME 9am - 6pm VENUE Holland Park YHA Holland House, Holland Walk Kensington W8 7QU High St Kensington or Holland Park

* Teaching English as a Foreign Language

For further info or to book your place see:

ONLY Courses conducted by International TEFL Training

tntmagazine.com/tefl

£150

(normally £200)

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from £219!

Tour, Trek and Surf XMAS & New Years!

r Our gu e Mat ma

y unforge a e! Suz

Gorillas in the Mist 6 days Falls to Cape 22 days Gorilla & Game Trek 15 days Wildlife Express 22 days Gorillas & Tanzania 25 days Down Africa Way 33 days Big Five Explorer 36 days Kenya to Cape 43 days The Big Overlander 47 days Great Expedition 57 days

£430 £715 £720 £725 £1145 £1165 £1383 £1415 £1770 £1975

www.onthegotours.com

020 7371 1113 Prices reflect local payment, see website for full details. Phone lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 9pm. On the Go Tours, 68 North End Road, West Kensington, London W14 9EP. 䘠 100% On the Go Assurance.

5096

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TOURS, TREKS, SURFING, XMAS & NY! Mount Toubkal Trek 4 days Surfing in Taghazoute 4 days Marrakech & Beyond 8 days Marrakech Sahara & Surf 11 days Camels, Souks & Kasbahs 15 days Christmas in Morocco 8 days Rock the Kasbah - New Years! 10 days

£219 £219 £549 £749 £799 £579 £649

Why travel with ON THE GO t "#5" "*50 "50- o öOBODJBM protection t 8FMM MPDBUFE MPDBM IPUFMT BOE SJBET t &YDFMMFOU FOUIVTJBTUJD MPDBM guides t /P DPNQVMTPSZ ATJOHMF TVQQMFNFOU t /P AMPDBM QBZNFOU t 0òFSJOH a fantastic selection of year-round guaranteed departures t 5BLJOH ZPV Pò UIF CFBUFO USBDL t $IFDL PVU PVS $ISJTUNBT /FX :FBS UPVST PO TBMF OPX

www.onthegotours.com 020 7371 1113 Seasonal supplements may apply, see website for full details. Phone lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 9pm. On the Go Tours, 68 North End Road, West Kensington, London W14 9EP. 䘠 100% On the Go Assurance. 5096

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from

299!

or f

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EGYPT AND THE RED SEA Pharaohs adventure 6 days King Tutankhamen 9 days Egypt Unplugged 10 days King Ramses 13 days 5-star Jewel of the Nile 10 days

OFF THE BEATEN TRACK £299 £349 £399 £449 £779

Siwa to Alexandria 7 days Sandblaster 13 days Dunes & Tombs 17 days Beyond the Pyramids 12 days Nile Valley to Siwa Oasis 15 days

£599 £549 £649 £749 £779

Why travel with ON THE GO t -FHFOEBSZ &HZQUPMPHJTU MPDBM HVJEFT t "MM PVS IPUFMT IBWF CFFO DIPTFO CZ VT BOE SBUFE PS TUBST t "JSQPSU USBOTGFST BMXBZT JODMVEFE t /P DPNQVMTPSZ ATJOHMF TVQQMFNFOU o XF DBO NBUDI ZPV VQ XJUI B USBWFM NBUF t /P MPDBM QBZNFOU t 8F WF FYQFSJFODFE UIF UPVST öSTU IBOE TP XF LOPX XIBU XF SF UBMLJOH BCPVU

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egypt

LAST MINUTE DEALS! FESTIVE Egyptian Express 9 days - now £254 FESTIVE Pyramids & Beaches 14 days - now £364

15% OFF XMAS TOURS TO SUNNY EGYPT DEP 27 DEC

No Local Payments or Hidden Extras!

Egyptian Express fr £199

Pyramids & Beaches fr £359

ANZAC Day 2012 fr £239

Pyramids, Felucca, Luxor, Aswan - 9 days

Ancient Egypt + Dahab by the Red Sea -15 days

ANZAC & EGYPT combo tours - 4, 8, 12 & 17 days

XMAS/NY in Morocco fr £579

Hogmanay fr £239

Weekly Tours! fr £199*

Marrakech, Sahara, Surf - 8 to 11 days

NYE in Edinburgh & the Loony Dook - 4 days

9 and 15 day tours in the sunshine of Egypt!

Why Book With Us!

XMAS/NY in Russia from £399

quality, well located hotels WHYTop BOOK WITH US?

The best of Moscow & St. Petes in the Snow!

Guaranteed departures Perfect mix of sightseeing & free time ABTA, ATOL, AITO bonding No single supplements Industry renowned guides - MoMo, Alam and Haithem! *Conditions Apply Please call us for details

5096

Ph: 020 7471 6400 www.thegobus.com TNTMAGAZINE.COM

WIT

WAS

£390

NOW

all trips departing in DEC 2011 & JAN 2012

INCLUDES USD$190 LOCAL PAYMENT

DAY 20% 10 MOROCCAN EXPLORER OFF £605 WAS

£505

NOW

trips departing 6 Jan 2012 13 Jan 2012 20 Jan 2012

INCLUDES USD$110 LOCAL PAYMENT

UK Golden Backpack

Venice - 17–20 February

Dublin - 15–18 March

£189

St Patrick’s Day FROM

DAY 20% 15 PYRAMIDS & BEACHES OFF £456

4 DAY

Venice Carnival

£189

4 DAY

4-7 DAYS

Valencia - 17–20 March

Pamplona - 4–15 July

Las Fallas

Pamplona

£169

FROM

INCLUDES USD$135 LOCAL PAYMENT

4 DAY

£179

4 DAY

4-7 DAYS

Valencia - 27–30 August

Munich - 20 Sep – 9 Oct

La Tomatina

Oktoberfest

£159

FROM

£250

www.topdeck.travel/rewards

FROM

WAS NOW

all trips departing in DEC 2011 & JAN 2012

%DS 15 PSTTIVO SHATOVPDEECU AL REWAR K FE

FROM

DAY 20% 9 EGYPT EXPRESS OFF £292

2012FESTIVALS

FROM

www.topdeck.travel/deals

www.topdeck.travel/festivals

£109

NER WIN vourite Fa Middle East Operator As voted by you!

UK Golden Backpack

NER WIN vourite

Fa erator Festivals Op d te vo As by you!

trips for 18 to 30 somethings

facebook.com/TopdeckTravel twitter.com/TopdeckTravel

L8291 / Y2992

Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.640, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency ﬂuctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments.

www.topdeck.travel/winter

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR 4 DAY

Dep. 9 & 23 Feb and 15 Mar 2012

Includes Paris, Swiss Alps, Florence, Rome, Venice, Vienna, Krakow, Berlin, Amsterdam, Brugge, plus more!

£1380

INCLUDES £250 FOOD FUND

PARIS CHRISTMAS

EuroHotel

ONLY

4 DAY

14 DAY

£269

4 DAY EDINBURGH HOGMANAY

INCLUDES RETURN COACH!

£329

10% OFF

Winter Wonder Dep. 25 Mar 2012

Includes Paris, Swiss Alps, Florence, Rome, Venice, Salzburg, Heidelberg, Amsterdam, Brugge, plus more!

WAS £1195 NOW

INCLUDES RETURN COACH!

ONLY

Winter Spirit

NOW

MAKE YOUR OWN WAY

ONLY

24 DAY

10% OFF

WAS £1505

PRAGUE NEW YEAR

£179

EuroClub

£1075

UR SEE O NGE RA FULL INTER OF W IPS TR E! ONLIN

CALL US 0845 257 5210 Prices quoted are for speciﬁc departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off trip prices only, and do not include food funds, sailing funds and local payments. Flights not included. Topdeck Festival rewards available for Topdeck Festival past passengers. Maximum 15% discount only available for festival passengers who have previously travelled on three Topdeck festivals and are booking a fourth. See online for full terms and conditions.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVEL

IN WINTER

2012 FESTIVALS

FINAL WEEK

TO SAVE

Dont miss being a part of the world’s biggest festivals F -0# !&-'!# Q ! +.',%A &-12#* 9 &-2#* !!-++-" 2'-, -.2'-,1@ F 6.#0'#,!#" 9 .0-$#11'-, * -,2')' ,Q0- " 9 ,Q1'2# 2# +1@ F -3 !&--1# Q 0#230, !- !& 20 ,1.-02 2- -,"-, -0 +##2 31 2&#0#@ F 0# )$ 12 " '*7@ F 0#%3* 0 !- !& 20 ,1$#01 2 $#12'4 *1@ F -,2')' $#12'4 * %# 0 *')# t-shirts, hoodies & more.

St Patrick’s Day 4 Days March 15 - 18 From £229 SAVE £40 contiki.com/dublin

Easter in Amsterdam 4 Days April 6 - 9 From £235 SAVE £40 contiki.com/easter

ANZAC Day 4 or 5 Days April 22 -26 From £295 SAVE UP TO £50 contiki.com/anzac

Royal Ascot 1 Day June 23 From £89 SAVE £10

Pamplona Running of the Bulls 4 to 7 Day options July 3 - 16 From £199 SAVE UP TO £70

Oktoberfest 4 to 7 Day options Sept 20 – Oct 8 From £185 SAVE UP TO £70 contiki.com/oktoberfest

contiki.com/pamplona

Edinburgh Hogmanay Pamplona & Bilbao BBK Live* 6 or 8 Days July 9 - 16 From £375

4 Days Dec 30 – Jan 2 2013 From £305 SAVE £40 contiki.com/hogmanay

contiki.com/bilbao-pamps

XMAS & NYE Edinburgh Festival & Military Tattoo 4 Days August 24 - 27 From £299 SAVE £40

4 Days Dec 23 – Jan 2 2013 From £315 SAVE £40

',!*3"',% 0'1A +12#0" +A #5 -0)A ' +'A Las Vegas & Sydney.

contiki.com/tattoo

contiki.com/day-fest Enter/Quote Promo Codes l " 7 $#12'4 *1 S l lklm F o " 7 $#12'4 *1 S o lklm F p " 7 $#12'4 *1 S p lklm F q " 7 $#12'4 *1 S q lklm F r " 7 $#12'4 *1 S r lklm *Valid only on 2012 festival tours listed. Discount does not include Pamplona & Bilbao BBK Live tour, NYE in New York, Miami, Las Vegas & Sydney.

contiki.com | 0845 026 8900

LAST MINUTE DEALS

SAVE UP TO 20% Winter Wanderer 24 Days / 11 Countries 0!#*-, A -+#A '#,, A 0 %3#A #0*',A Amsterdam, + more

Departs 29-Dec-11

Save £325 Now £1840 contiki.com/wanderer Quote/Enter: PPCLMD1047

European Magic 9 Days / 7 Countries Paris, Amsterdam, Venice + more

Departs 04-Jan-12

Save £129 Now £726 contiki.com/magic Quote/Enter: PPCLMD1048

Contiki Winter 24 Winter tours to choose from! F ,2 12'! &-2#* !!-++-" 2'-, #4#07 ,'%&2@ F ls S np`1 -,*7; )# $0'#,"1 $0-+ ** -4#0 2&# 5-0*"; F &# ',"3120'#1 $0'#,"*'#12 9 #12 20 ',#" !0#5@ F 3*2'Q!-3,207 20'.1@ 0-+ tQmo " 71 F ,Q"#.2& 0#%'-, * 2-301 $0-+ p S lo " 71 including Italy, Spain, Egypt & Eastern Europe.

Spanish Spree 14 Days / 2 Countries "0'"A 0 , " A '8 A 0!#*-, ~ +-0#

Departs 09-Jan-12

Save £228 Now £911 contiki.com/spain Quote/Enter: PPCLMD1050

Ski Austria Ski Europe’s Top Resort the Austrian Welt Region

XMAS & NYE DEPARTURES SELLING FAST!

Ski Only

Ski Plus

(meet us there) (return coach from London) 7 Nights Dec 24 – Dec 31 8 Nights Dec 23 – Dec 31

£735 (all inclusive)

£775 (all inclusive)

Includes: F Accommodation in Contiki’s traditional Gasthof guesthouse. F Hot buffet breakfast daily. F Free pick up available from Innsbruck or Worgi Station. F Free Salzburg day trip. F Access to Contiki’s legendary bar & themed parties. F Awesome Xmas & NYE celebrations. F 6 Day Ski pass & Equipment hire F 3 Day 4hr Ski Lessons

1 OR 2 WEEK DEPARTURES STARTING 09-DEC TO 25-FEB 2012

Book at contiki.com/ski

contiki.com | 0845 026 8900

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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go to contiki.com/lates

europe

TRIPLE AWARD WINNERS

FLEXIBLE COACH NETWORK THROUGH EUROPE

20% OFF* ALL PASSES SAVE up to £166 * Book by 08 Jan. Enter promocode ‘earlybird2012’. Pay in full by 29 Feb.

BUSABOUT ADVENTURES

EASTERN EUROPE TREKS

15% OFF* SAVE up to £117

15% OFF* SAVE up to £88

* Enter promocode ‘earlybird12’. Book by 8 Jan. Valid on Croatia Sailing May, June & September departures only. Pay in full by 29 Feb.

* Enter promocode ‘earlybird12’. Book by 8 Jan. Pay in full by 29 Feb.

FOR ALL EARLYBIRD DEALS VISIT:

www.busabout.com/earlybird2012-uk

MOROCCO

15%* F OSAF VE UP TO £54

* Only valid on Paris Christmas & Amsterdam New Year. Limited spaces. Book by 18 Dec. Enter promocode ‘festive’

PARIS CHRISTMAS 4 DAYS WAS £339 NOW £288

DEPARTS LONDON 24 DECEMBER

NEW YEAR AMSTERDAM 4 DAYS WAS £359 NOW £305

Planet guidebook

MARRAKECH & SAHARA 8 DAYS FROM £574

Visit the Gorge to Dudes, Todra Gorge, go camel trekking and experience a INCLUSIONS: Busabout Guide / Return DEPARTS LONDON 30 DECEMBER Beber camp in the Sahara, ﬁnishing Coach and ferry from London to Paris / INCLUSIONS: Busabout Guide / Return with a visit to Ait Benhaddou’s 3 nights accommodation and 3 breakfasts coach and ferry from London to Amsterdam / famous Kasbah and / Christmas Dinner / Welcome dinner and 3 nights accommodation, 3 breakfasts and CHRISTMAS a tour of Marrakech. drink / Bike tour and river cruise / Trip 1 dinner / Amsterdam info pack / Orientation DEPARTURE to Palace of Versailles with picnic lunch tour Amsterdam / Town and country bike tour / (Incl: accommodation) 23rd December / Paris night tour by coach / FREE Lonely Canal cruise around Amsterdam / FREE Lonely

WATCH OUR VLOGGERS

FIND OUT MORE - NEWS & VIEWS

www.youtube.com/BusaboutTV

www.facebook.com/BUSABOUTeurope

www.twitter.com/busabout

08450 267 514

www.busabout.com

info@busabout.com

Scotland & Ireland

HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS & HOGMANAY

SAVE UP TO £30

* December & January departures only. Book by 18 Dec. Enter promocode ‘frosty’

HIGHLAND FLING

TRAVEL

FESTIVE

guides s nate local e * passtioland, england & wal * scover ever cancel * ne% recommendation ide * 99 ee lonely planet gu * fr

5 DAYS

Normally from £164 Now from £134

Our Legendary Festive trips! Experience a Scottish Christmas in a Royal Highland Hotel. MEGA HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS £415 DEPARTS EDINBURGH 24 DECEMBER - 5 DAY

All accommodation and breakfasts / Packed lunches on 25 and 26 December / Mulled wine on arrival to the Royal Highland Hotel / Christmas Eve party / Christmas dinner and wine / A traditional Scottish Ceilidh

INCLUSIONS:

15%* F OSAF VE UP TO £62

ROYAL HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS WAS £415 NOW £353

Loch Ness, Isle of Skye & North West Highlands DEPART LONDON 23 DECEMBER - 5 DAY

SKYE HIGH

As per 5 Day Mega Highland Christmas but with return coach travel from London plus 2 nights in Edinburgh INCLUSIONS:

3 DAYS

Normally from £99 Now from £79 Isle of Skye, Loch Ness & Glencoe

* Limited spaces. Book by 18 Dec. Enter promocode ‘festive’

ROYAL HIGHLAND CHRISTMAS £299 DEPART EDINBURGH 24 DECEMBER - 3 DAY INCLUSIONS:

As per 5 Day Mega Highland Christmas

HOGMANAY & HIGHLANDS Award Winning 3,5,7 & 10 Day Adventures Mini-Group Discounts 4bN_N[aRRQ 1R]N_ab_R` Preferred by STA Travel, Flight Centre & Travel CUTS

£385 DEPARTS EDINBURGH 7 DAY OPTION 1 – 27 DECEMBER Highlands then Hogmanay OPTION 2 – 29 DECEMBER Hogmanay then Highlands

2 nights hostel shared dorm on tour and 4 nights hostel shared dorm Edinburgh / 3 day Skye High adventure / Hogmanay Street Party Pass / Torchlight Procession / The legendary HAGGiS Ceilidh Night INCLUSIONS:

CELTIC COMBO

5% Groups of 4 - save 10% Groups of 10 - save

9 DAYS £539 PP*

* Dec & Jan departures only. Book by 18 Dec. Enter promocode ‘frosty’

CELTIC ROCKER 5 DAYS

NORMALLY FROM £184 NOW FROM £164 KILLARNEY, INIS MOR/CONNEMARA

FREE STUFF: Blarney Castle / Cliffs of Moher

SOUTHERN ROCKER 3 DAYS NORMALLY FROM £109 NOW FROM £99 GALWAY & DINGLE FREE STUFF: Blarney Castle / Cliffs of Moher

DUBLIN 10 MARCH 2012 The ultimate all-Ireland St Patrick’s extravaganza! See Ireland at its best North and South. INCLUSIONS: 8 nights accommodation and breakfasts, Exclusive Shamrocker St Pats Day t-shirt, parties and loads more

ST PAT’S PARTY 4 DAYS £199 PP*

DUBLIN 15 MARCH 2012 For all who claim to be Irish and those who want to be! This neat package gives you the St Patrick’s Day party you’ve been waiting for. INCLUSIONS: 3 nights accommodation and breakfasts, Exclusive Shamrocker St Pats Day t-shirt, parties and loads more

4 DAYS £269 PP* MORE STOPS MORE STUFF MORE VALUE

LONDON 15 MARCH 2012 INCLUSIONS: All the good stuff of 4 Day St Pat’s Party but with return coach from London to Dublin

EDINBURGH HOGMANAY £335 EDINBURGH 29 DECEMBER - 5 DAY

4 nights hostel shared dorm / Hogmanay Street Party Pass / Torchlight Procession / The legendary HAGGiS Ceilidh Night / Edinburgh walking tour / Highland Day trip / HAGGiS sponsored Loony Dook

INCLUSIONS:

HAGGIS HOGMANAY £335 DEPARTS LONDON 30 DECEMBER - 4 DAY

Return coach travel from London / All accommodation / Hogmanay Street Party Pass / The legendary HAGGiS Ceilidh Night / Edinburgh walking tour / HAGGiS sponsored Loony Dook

INCLUSIONS:

5% Groups of 4 - save 10% Groups of 10 - save

THE LOONY DOOK Not many people choose to swim in the sea on New Year’s Day in Scotland (it’s a wee bit chilly) but for those mad enough to take the plunge, the appropriately named ‘Loony Dook’ is a perfect hangover cure. Proudly sponsored by HAGGiS.

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HOGMANaY 2011/2012

(30TH EDINBURGH 2011/2012 - EUROPES BIGGEST NEW YEARS EVE PARTY ✔ Hostel Accommodation Only FROM £249 ✔ Hotel Accommodation Only FROM £269 ✔ Coach Tours FROM £309 ✔ Hi Speed Trains Tours FROM £359 WOW - LOOK WHAT’S INCLUDED

accommodation ✔ Our Famous Aussie/Kiwi New Year Party ✔ Superb top class city centre n to Stirling excursio art Bravehe ✔ Pass Party ✔ Choice of room configurations ✔ Street options Only Accomm or Coach Train, ✔ party Day ✔ New Years

ANZAC DAY 2012

SUPERB VALUE TO URS TO ANZAC CO VE

2 Day Tour 4 Day Tour 5 Day Tour 9 Day Tour

Just £99 From £159 Only £199 Only £329

– 25 APRIL

“THIS IS THE NON-STOP PARTY EVENT OF THE YEAR.”

LLING: E S W O N S R U O T 2012 cot Day Tours yal As - March 17 • Ro -23 • St Pat’s Day, Dublin c Ladies Day) June 21 (in ril 14 10 3ly Ju • Grand National - Ap ay a • Pamplon Holid 29 • Amsterdam Bank • La Tomatina - Aug 5-9 ril Ap h nic tours - Easter Mu t • Oktoberfes

PLACE YOUR TRUS PROFESSIONAL TO T IN THE MOST URS TO GALLIPOLI Land based tours

all start and finis

h at PP’s superb

info@pptravel.com • 020 7930 9999 Istanbul hotels

pptravel.com

thing do some head Why not d n a r a e y this as – m different st ri h for C to Egypt n o from ly trips start

£535

01963 363 400 www.oasisoverland.co.uk 96

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

DEC - 2ND JAN)

TRAVEL TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Next Stop? CHEAPEST VACCINATIONS ONLINE VACCINATION SEARCH NO CONSULTATION FEE! Swapping the concrete jungle for the real thing? 1st Contact Travel Clinic can take care of all your travel health needs â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with free advice plus vaccinations, tablets and accessories. Low prices, online vaccination search, same day appointments & free consultation.

0808 141 2324

www.1stcontact.com/clinic tntclinic@1stcontact.com

41400

Castlewood House, 77/91 New Oxford Street, London WC1A 1DG, Tottenham Court Road, direct: 020 7759 5437 1st Contact Travel Clinic is registered by the Care Quality Commission. Registration number: E010000632. 1st Contact Travel Clinic is a registered Yellow Fever Vaccination Centre by the National Travel Health Network and Centre. Registration number: UKYFVC2800.

3ODQQLQJ $ 7ULS $URXQG (XURSH"

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A D ST AN BIGGE L, THE A IN IG HE OR ST...T SKIFE

EST! THE B

■ SKIFEST XMAS & HOGMANAY NYE 23-29 DEC & 30 DEC-2 JAN

Gro Discouup nts SAVE up t

£50 pp! o

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS ■ 7DAYTOUR 23-29 DEC ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ Gets back Thurs 29 ✔ 4 days skiing

£529

■ 9DAYTOUR 23-31 DEC ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ Gets back Sat 31 ✔ 6 days skiing

£599

E higher tha n Kosciusko !

XMAS & NYE COMBO

1 1 0 2 AltimSate white christmas XM the u XMAS – COACH TOURS

NEW YEAR’S NY

TRAVEL

thl 9 nnua

£689

✔ 4 Nights Risoul ✔ 3 Nights Edinburgh ✔ 4 Days skiing ✔ Hogmanay’s NYE celebrations!

NYE – COACH TOUR RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS

£599

■ 9DAYTOUR 30 DEC-7 JAN ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ 6 days skiing

NYE – FLIGHT TOUR

£719

■ 8DAYTOUR 30 DEC-6 JAN ✔ 6 days skiing ✔ Flights ex-Gatwick

SKIFEST PRICE INCLUDES ✔ Return transport from London ✔ Optional b’fast & dinner daily in resort £80 ✔ Ski lift pass ✔ Ski/Snowboard hire ✔ Skifest merchandise ✔ Legendary Skifest parties & theme nights ✔ Amazing Xmas & NYE celebrations

@ Skifest Xmas Day

Our apartments

Book Online at

UNBEATABLE VALUE

www.thefanatics.com/skifest or call 0207 240 3223

FOOTBALL ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE ■ Fulham FC vs Odense BK WED 14 DEC £11 ■ Fulham FC vs Bolton Wanderers SAT 17 DEC £33 ■ Fulham FC vs Newcastle SAT 21 JAN £38 ■ Fulham FC vs Man Utd SAT 24 MAR Coach Day Trip £99 ■ Fulham FC vs Man Utd ✔ 1 Ngt Hostel ✔ Rtn Coach £139 ■ Fulham FC vs Liverpool SAT 14 APR Coach Day Trip £99

PADDY’S DAY CELEBRATE PADDY’S DAY IN DUBLIN! ■ 3 Nights Dublin 16-19 MAR £159 ✔ Three nights hostel ✔ Guinness tour ✔ Paddy’s Day Parade

HOGMANAY EDINBURGH’S MASSIVE NYE PARTY! FINAL HOSTEL PLACES NOW AVAILABLE! ■ 3 Night Hostel 30 DEC-2 JAN £239 ✔ Edinburgh street party pass ✔ Superb pubs, bars & clubs ✔ Funky tour t-shirt ✔ Experienced Fanatics tour reps

OTHER TOURS ■ Anzac Day Gallipoli ■ Western Front ■ Pamplona ■ La Tomatina ■ Oktoberfest

3-15 Day Tours fr£199 23-25 APR fr£259 5-8 JUL fr£159 27-30 AUG fr£149 21 SEP-8 OCT fr£139

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon-Fri 9am-6.30pm TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVEL

AfricaWith Grace WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS CHRISTMAS BREAKS CHRISTMAS IN PARIS From

Kenya Safari $2100 US Zimbabwe Conservation and Anti Poaching

ÂŁ259

Safari $1460 US

Sat 24 Dec - Tues 27 Dec. What better place to spend Christmas than the City of Lights? Incl. return train journey by Eurostar, 3 nights B&B accom, a guided sightseeing tour, dinner on Christmas Day and a tour manager.

Create Your Own Safari Gorillas, Game Parks,

PARIS AND DISNEYLAND From

Kenya and Tanzania Safari $2900 US

Zanzibar! Send me an email

ÂŁ180

with your wish list and see

Mon 26 - Wed 28 Dec. Return travel by coach, 2 nights B&B accom, one day pass into Disneyland, free time to explore Paris and tour manager

what can be put together for you!!

NEW YEAR BREAKS HOLLAND & BELGIUM NEW YEAR From ÂŁ249

Phone: +61 404 238 209 Email: africawithgrace@live.com

Fri 30 Dec - Mon 2 Jan. Return travel by coach and ferry, guided tour of Amsterdam, 3 nights B&B, free bar on first and last night, two nights buffet dinner, half day in Brugge and tour manager.

Web: africawithgrace.com

NEW YEAR IN PARIS! From

ÂŁ259

Fri 30 Dec - Mon 2 Jan. Return Eurostar travel, sightseeing tour of Paris, 3 night B&B hotel accomodation, plenty of free time and services of a tour manager.

LOW BUDGET ALL INCLUSIVE SKIING IN THE FRENCH ALPS

DAY TRIPS Â¸ Sat 17 Dec. Brugge by Coach from

ÂŁ45 ÂŁ50

Â¸ Sat 17 Dec. York Christmas Markets from

Â¸ Sun 18 Dec. Bicester Outlet Village Christmas Shopping from

ÂŁ20

PLUS Stonehenge & Bath EVERYDAY. From ÂŁ45 with entrances to Stonehenge & the Roman Baths included! Oxford and Stratford TUES, THURS, SAT & SUN From ÂŁ45

LUXURY MINI COACH TOURS No more than 15 people with customer specified pick ups in zone 1 From

ÂŁ55

Â¸ EVERYDAY - Oxford, Stratford & Cotswolds Â¸ EVERYDAY - Stonehenge, Glastonbury, Avebury & Chalice Well Â¸ EVERY SAT & SUN - Leeds Castle, Canterbury & White Cliffs of Dover

BOOK ONLINE AT:

www.andersontours.co.uk or call 0207 436 9304

NEW YEAR Party & Ski in TIGNES 30th Dec 2011 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 7th Jan 2012

t /JHIUT "DDPNNPEBUJPO t "MM NFBMT t EBZT 4LJ 4OPXCPBSE #PPU IJSF t EBZT &TQBDF ,JMMZ -JGU QBTT t 0OMZ ÂŁ18 FYUSB GPS IST JOTUSVDUJPO

ÂŁ599

Anderson Tours is fully bonded by Client Trust Account

Anderson Tours Travel Shop, 81 Charlotte Street, London W1T 4PP

BICESTER OUTLET VILLAGE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING 18 Dec Only ÂŁ23

Brugge Overnight 17-18 Dec Only ÂŁ129pp Includes: luxury coach travel, ferry crossing, 1 night hostel accomm, walking tour, services of a tour manager and plenty of free time!

100 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Finish your Christmas shopping for a fraction of the high street price! Includes Return coach travel from London to Bicester Outlet Village.

Book online at

www.outthere-excursions.com

Or call 0207 436 9304

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* Chunky and Pauline: Time has disappeared so quickly. But, you’ll be back for Sunday morning breakfasts, bike rides through Hyde Park, road trips around the countryside, train rides, Primrose Hill picnics and street art ventures. I’ve been so lucky to have you both in my life – picking me up from the airport, driving me around (from Heathrow to Wimbledon to Stonehenge to Loch Ness), cooking me dinner, showing me around town and being the greatest friends anyone could ask for. I’m going to miss you guys like crazy. You know that the south is too far away! Enjoy settling down (and the beach). NW6 always. Heidi. Who wants a trip to the snow?: A couple of friends and I are looking for one, two or three fun-minded, adventure-seeking people to join us on a Christmas ski trip to Val Torens in the French Alps. It will set you back only £380 for seven nights’ accommodation (Dec 31 to January 7) in a massive chalet including a spa, indoor pool and all the creature comforts. You will need to cover your own flights (to Geneva, costing about £70 with easyJet), transfers, lift passes, equipment hire, etc. Email xmasskitrip@gmail.com if you’re interested. Follow the leader: To Helen, the sexy androgynous Pied Piper from the house party in Shoreditch last week. When you got out your flute and started playing with it, all the other rats wanted a piece of you, too. Then you had us all in a merry dance. I hope you get wells

disease and your tits fall off. To the girl on the Winter Wonderland ghost train: I was in the car behind you and crept up from behind to frighten you on Thursday, December 1. How that changed when you turned around! You were scary-looking! I asked you where you got your mask and you said you weren’t wearing one, then you slapped me across the face (I don’t blame you). I can only apologise and would like to make

ran away with my Zara bone trench coat. If it was you, please bring it back! No questions asked. Laura FT. Three cheers: Happy Birthday, Mrs Allen! You’re the kind of pub lady everyone wishes they had at their local. Hope it was an awesome day, from your friends and friendly punters. It’s coz my name’s Wendy: After six years you are headed back to sunny lands/ Ending your journey after shaking Camilla’s hand/

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it up to you with a quick drink so I can give you the number of a good plastic surgeon. Thorpie. To the guys and gals who came to the Johnson Towers ‘Elves Who Don’t Wear Knickers’ party: Thanks for helping us put on the most mega hoe-down I’ve ever been a part of. I fear that Sonny taking a tumble down the second floor stairs with his kilt on and his bits dangling all over has been burned into my memory forever! I can’t believe he didn’t get hurt. Good times were had by all, but someone

And what a journey it has been/ Drinking snakies with all those keen/ Church, Walkie, Bels and the Redback/Another 19 year old home in the sack/Spinning heads are a warning/ It’s Puke66 time on a Monday morning/ London town will miss you every day/ So will C-Bourne and Booker Bay/ We will all be there to see you off on the plane/ Until we all meet up again! Yappy Sara: Where did two years go? I feel like I’m losing my right arm with you going back home! I don’t think I’m going to find many people who will a) eat

my ‘everything but the kitchen sink casseroles’ b) pull me out of my own puke puddle, not once, not twice and not even three times, but four times in one month (don’t worry AA has called), c) call in sick for me after puke puddle incidents, and finally d) never knock back a chance to party with me like it’s 1999! This is the end of era. Boo hoo! Have a great Chrissy with your family and don’t forget me! Willy. Hot to trot: To the Aussie guy called Nick, who was with a bunch of mates at She Bu Walkie after the Church on Sunday, December 3. We had some banter through the night, found out we have mutual friends, and then it all ended with a cheeky shoe shuffle and a kiss on the dancefloor. In the closing time rush though, I lost you. I’m keen to meet up again if you are. Same time next week? Siobhan. Spicy time: Sir Marovici, is it time for a jalepeno session yet? I’ve lost all your contact details, and I know you like a good DS, so read this and come get your chili on. Your Pepperoni Phil can’t hold on forever. Jingle bells, jingle bells: Merry Christmas to the First Avenue crew, all the way from Sunny Freemantle. Having a few prawns for you – now go get some spotted dick for me! Pippa, all the way from Down Under. Lemmycakes: What was she thinking letting you go with dimples like that!? Just know, especially after what you’ve done for me, I’ll always be your shoulder to cry on. Daisy.

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