Today's Family magazine by Today's Transitions

FALL 2015

What

I can be complicated

B Need BOYS FAMILY APPROVED

WAYS TO ORGANIZE PARENT-KID

DATE! When Getting Angry is Right

BACK TO SCHOOL !

FALL 2015

Is your Teen a Rebel? p40

Check out how Liam Hartman stays organized in middle school, page 8.

US MARVELO R MENTO WINNER INSIDE p30

Break the Parenting Rules, GUILT-FREE p24 It’s a Bug Parade p32 Rules for Keeping Children’s Teeth Healthy p42 Make a Bouncy Ball p48

CONTENTS

PHOTO BY MELISSA DONALD

Where’s that Food Truck? p12 Share Your Favorite Pet Photo p22

BACKTO SCHOOL

GUIDE 4 Steps to an Easier Year p6

RAISING

BOYS

• How to be Prepared p14 • Playground Talk p18 • Boys and their Toys p20

Brain-Boosting Breakfasts p 34 Easy Fall Apple Recipes p 36 Refreshing Blueberry Spinach Smoothie p 38

INTRO

Volume 24 • Number 3 PUBLISHER

By Anita Oldham, Editor

Squeezing Chaos into Something that Appears Organized THIS MAGAZINE HITS YOU ABOUT THE TIME YOU ARE TRYING TO GET IT ALL BACK TOGETHER. This is the time that your lives are not your own because school is in full force and those after-school activities and daily homework take most of every day. Many parents welcome the consistency of the school year, but at the same time you are coping with phases of childhood that hold no consistency except that they are constantly changing. (You can still read some organizational ideas that might help someone in your house, page 6.) Each year, each season brings different attitudes, different struggles, different decisions with each child and your family dynamic. Your own kid’s issues are not the same issues as your neighbor’s. However, it helps to discuss and learn from each other because someone has been in your situation before you. In this issue, we look at the needs of boys directly from the parents of boys. We also look at the times that parents have blown their tops, and after reflection felt it was the right thing to do because it brought about change (page 24). Our questionanswer columnist Just ask Joyce tackles problems head-on (page 40). And as always we offer things to do this season by age (starts page 32) and a great bouncy craft (page 48).

Cathy S. Zion

publisher@todayspublications.com EDITOR

Anita Oldham

editor@todayspublications.com ASSISTANT EDITORS

Elaine Rooker Jack

elaine@todayspublications.com

Tiffany White

tiffany@todayspublications.com ADVERTISING DIRECTOR

Susan Allen

susan@todayspublications.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES

Kaitlyn English

kaitlyn@todayspublications.com

Teri Hickerson

teri@todayspublications.com

RAISING BOYS

Suzy Hillebrand

suzy@todayspublications.com

Joyce Inman

joyce@todayspublications.com GRAPHIC DESIGNER

April H. Allman

april@todayspublications.com

Coen, Weston and Kairo Ball

GRAPHIC DESIGNER

Kathy Bolger

kathyb@todayspublications.com PHOTOGRAPHER

Melissa Donald

melissa@todayspublications.com ASSISTANT EDITOR/DESIGNER

Jessica Alyea

jessica@todayspublications.com CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

Miranda Popp

miranda@todayspublications.com MEDIA ASSOCIATE

Alissa Hicks

OFFICE MANAGER

Jillian LeMaster

On the Cover KAIRO BALL , 2, shared a soothing moment with his teddy bear during our cover photo shoot. He is the youngest of three boys (photo above). Their mom shares with us what it takes to raise boys in this world on page 14. PHOTOS: MELISSA DONALD

PUBLISHED QUARTERLY BY: Zion Publications LLC 9750 Ormsby Station Road, Suite 307 Louisville, KY 40223 Phone 502.327.8855 Fax 502.327.8861

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Subscriptions are available by sending $15 to the above address for 4 quarterly issues.

Today’s Family magazine is published quarterly by Zion Publications LLC and distributed free to the people of metropolitan Louisville and Southern Indiana. Circulation 35,000. The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of the publisher. Today’s Family magazine does not endorse or guarantee any advertiser’s product or service. Copyright 2015 by Zion Publications LLC with all rights reserved. Reproduction or use of editorial or graphic content in any manner is prohibited without permission from Zion Publications LLC.

for a daily check-in of things going on in our city, voting for great pet photos, and the weekly giveaway for fun.

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ADVERTORIAL

School Starts, Seasons Change ...but what about our Pets?

With school beginning, our family will start to leave our one-year-old puppy alone at home for an extended part of each weekday; do you have any recommendations for the best way to limit separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety is a big problem when pets are left alone. This results in vocalization (attempts to call the departed figure back), hyperactivity, hyperventilating, salivating, shedding, destructive behavior and elimination problems. They can also quit eating and become depressed. Gradually acclimating your puppy to being alone is the best preventative. Start with just a few moments of separation, gradually working up to 60-90 minutes. Eventually leave your puppy 3-4 hours and then the entire workday. Keeping your pet occupied with toys (Kong balls work well), leaving the TV on, and games will prevent boredom. Until then, hire a pet sitter, take your puppy to a friend’s or boarding kennel, or consider taking him/her to work with you.

As the seasons and weather transition from Summer to Fall, what are some of the biggest things to be aware of regarding pet-health for dogs and cats?

• As the temperatures cool, cats like to sleep near a warm car engine, curling up under the hood by the radiator fan blades. Honk your horn before starting your car. Antifreeze is a huge problem in the fall (ethylene glycol) and is almost always fatal if not treated early; it tastes sweet and a very tiny amount destroys your pet’s kidneys; five hours after ingestion is the critical time period. • Halloween candy is not for pets. Besides eating too much sugar, chocolate is toxic and your pet will eat the wrappers, which can cause a bowel obstruction. • Holiday plants like holly, mistletoe and poinsettia are poisonous when your pet eats them. Rock salt used to melt snow and ice can irritate and burn paw pads. Frozen water bowls will cause dehydration if your pet can’t get enough water to drink. And use a non-metal bowl to keep your pet’s tongue from sticking.

We have two dogs and a cat and visit the Vet often. Is there coverage or a medical program that we can participate in that includes routine vaccines and regular wellness exams?

We’re so glad you asked. Jefferson Animal Hospital Fern Creek has a pre-paid medical care program called “Medi-Pet” that pays for all vaccines, lab tests and exams with monthly payments starting at $29. You can choose a level that includes spay/neuter and dental care or just the basics. We want your pet to live a long healthy life and want to make it easy for you to afford excellent pet care. For more information visit www.AnnualMediPet.com.

Ask Dr. K a question! E-mail DrKennedy@ JeffersonAnimalHospitals.com

Medi-Pet Comprehensive Healthcare Plans AnnualMediPet.com E-mail MediPet@JeffersonAnimalHospitals.com or call 502.499.6535 for more information.

Dr. Pat Kennedy Dr. K has been serving the Louisville and Southern Indiana community as a preeminent Veterinarian and business leader since 1978. She is the Hospital Director and owner of both Fern Creek Medical Center and Outer Loop Regional Emergency Center. In 2006, she was honored as “Women Business Owner of the Year” by the National Association of Women Business Owners, Louisville chapter, and esteemed as Kentucky Veterinarian of the year in 2011 by the Kentucky Veterinary Medical Association (KVMA). In 2014, her 24-Hour Regional Emergency Center was distinguished as one of four national finalists for “Practice of the Year” by the American Animal Hospital Association (AAHA).

The Mud Cabinet By Susan Viers Wobbe

THE PROBLEM: We needed a place to organize and store backpacks, shoes, play clothes, and accessories, and to post the kids’ calendar, class newsletters, and project assignments. THE SOLUTION: The creation of a mud cabinet/ organizational area. HOW TO DO IT: We lack space for a mudroom, so we created a mud cabinet. Everyone gets a shelf. I use mine to store my purse, and the girls use theirs to store play clothes, gloves, purses, and umbrellas. At the bottom is a large space for the girls’ shoes, and around the side of the cabinet are hooks — I use Contact brand that adhere with strong, non-damaging adhesive — for backpacks. There’s also a space where we post the girls' calendar, daily school schedule, and pertinent papers. It creates a one-stop shop for virtually all things school-related. WHY IT WORKS: If it’s something the kids need to get out the door for school, it’s kept in this area. It minimizes clutter, keeps things where they belong, and eliminates time spent looking for things around the house. SUCCESS STORY: My daughter, Elise, gives it the seal of approval: “If you are in a rush to get out the door, then the mud cabinet will be right there and you can just grab something you need.” We created an organizational cabinet, where each family member has a shelf. It helps make mornings a little less hectic. PHOTOS: MELISSA DONALD

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The Homework Binder By Barb Hartman

THE PROBLEM: • Eleven-year-old Liam was entering middle school. • Liam is a kid who would leave a piece of himself in each classroom throughout the day, resulting in an empty backpack and lots of tears. • I was panicked about what this would do to our home life and knew I had to come up with a plan. THE SOLUTION:

LIGHTEN THE LOADith

ng bag w A drawstri rk folder is a homewo am carries Li l al usually him from home with ch day. ea l o scho

• We used two four-subject zipper binders to split the school day into a.m. and p.m. • It involved taking liberty with how we fulfilled class supply requirements but in a way that still met teacher needs.

• This created an infallible system that would allow the transition to middle school to proceed smoothly from an organizational standpoint. WHY IT WORKS:

• It allows your child to focus on one location for his needs. • The system can be tweaked as needed. Liam found carrying both binders home painful, so he added a separate folder to accommodate homework handouts. He put this and his homework agenda into a drawstring bag that was easy to carry and was the only thing that came home with him unless a book was required. HOW TO DO IT:

• Include your child in the process. Let them be part of the solution. CONTINUED ON PAGE 10

The Homework Solution By Lorie Gant Leitner

THE PROBLEM: Late-night homework arguments and complete meltdowns THE SOLUTION: Family Rule: Complete homework immediately after school before all

other activities. WHY IT WORKS: After a week of implementing this homework strategy, the house had relaxed. Plus, the time to complete homework was cut in half! Other benefits we noticed: • Getting home, whether by walking, car, or bus, offered a small brain break; however, the day’s lesson was still memorable and could be applied. • The mental confidence booster: who doesn’t like to check something off the to-do list? • Incentive to finish homework and move on to fun activities such as playing outside, gaming, or meeting up with friends. • No panic moments the next morning because of forgotten homework. HOW TO DO IT: First, hug your kid. School is their “job,” a structured workday of learning new things, sitting still, and getting along with others. Like you, they look forward to coming home to relax. • Create a workstation. It can be simple: a clean table or a designated room. • Support the study time by encouraging younger siblings to keep their distance and play quietly. • Be available for help, preparing dinner or reading a book nearby. • Offer praise when the homework has been completed. We prefer high-fives! • Agree to be flexible. If family events, sports practices, or other special events are on the calendar, accomplishing homework later can be negotiated. SUCCESS STORY: Changing our homework strategy allowed me to stay more involved with my child’s school assignments because I could review them for errors while I still had the energy and patience. More exciting was the change in my child’s attitude. He appreciated the routine and took ownership of completing homework, sometimes even on the drive home. It’s a relief to no longer nag and instead hear him say, “It’s done, Mom!”

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 8

• Divide each binder into multiple subjects. Label tabs just as they would be if found in a separate binder. • Notebook paper is consolidated, which allows for easy replenishment. • The Velcro pockets easily hold the composition notebooks for each subject. • Each binder has its own pencil pouch with its own set of school supplies. • Oddities such as tuba mouthpieces can be added by using another pencil pouch. • When your child gets his schedule, figure how best to split the day. It may change in the first week when he realizes he doesn't have time to get to his locker until after a certain class. But with this system, that is easy to correct.

ZIP IT!

Schedule Coordinating

Separate zippered binders for morning and afternoon classes helps Liam keep up with his stuff.

By John G. Warren

THE PROBLEM: • During the school year, our three kids need to be at multiple places at the same time. • My wife, Cheri, and I have demanding jobs and work long hours. • We live in constant fear of a child missing a commitment/assignment, getting our signals crossed, or being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

SUCCESS STORY: Success came in two forms. The first was realized when Liam came home Friday after his first full week with a big smile on his face. After showing me his agenda THE SOLUTION: and all needed supplies to successfully • We insist our children have dinner with us whenever possible. complete his homework, he said, “I • Here we sort out all the activities and commitments and run through the scheme of how believe this week went rather well!” we’re going to handle it. As a parent, you may only recognize • This system can lead to action during dinner, where a phone call or backpack check helps that your own blood pressure is soaring to keep it all together. with the anticipation of failure, but it HOW TO DO IT: became clear to me that Liam had been • This system of ‘planning sessions at dinner’ has replaced the group-texting method, holding his breath as well and was where multiple parents, grandparents, and coaches all blast annoying group MMS messages feeling pretty good about the outcome. that are often overlooked. In the long term, he has become more • When everyone dining is aware proactive about making changes of the following day’s events, such as R to his system when he notices DI N N E homework deadlines, ball practice, and PL A N n something not working. He feels io ss u dance, then we focus on the outsiders. c dis the confidence to do it on his Dinner und the ro a Does Papaw know he’s picking you up rs e cente own rather than coming to me le for th schedu ay. in the car-rider line and does he have to figure it out. As a parent, that next d an ID number for his window? Does is the most satisfying part of it all. Coach know you won’t be at practice and won’t be bringing snacks due to your commitment with the choir? • Before the dishes are cleared, we try to troubleshoot our plans. We look at past mistakes or hang-ups that we know we can improve. Do you have your house key in your backpack? Have you figured out how you’re going to finish that science project when you won’t be home from practice until 8:30? • Often Cheri will make a printable agenda for backpacks and briefcases that sorts out the most hectic days. I don’t know what I would do without my ‘idiot list.’

SUCCESS STORY: Since the implementation of the mandatory dinner sessions, things have been running smoothly. No more weekly meltdowns at my desk, stuck on a conference call, wondering if I’m supposed to be at the soccer field or at the pharmacy picking up my child’s prescription. These days my wife and I are calm and happy. And calm parents make for calm children.

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PROMOTION

TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 11

IAN AND LADONNA’S TIPS FOR CHASING FOOD TRUCKS: • Do your research. Follow the trucks you are interested in on Twitter or Facebook to see when you may be in the same area as they are. • Download free apps for your smartphone to find the locations of some trucks. Apps such as “Follow That Food Truck” and “Roaming Hunger Food Truck Finder” are free in the App Store. • Bring extra napkins and plastic silverware; they may run out if you get there late. • Be ready to do a little bit of walking if you want to try a variety of trucks. • They accept cash or credit, but most do not accept checks. • Look for the restaurant grade; all trucks must be licensed and up-to-date on all permits. • Consider hiring a food truck to prepare the food the next time you host an event.

By LaDonna and Ian Kennedy

y son and I recently saw a TV show promoting food trucks in New York City. These food trucks boast menus with gourmet specialties. We made the decision that this summer, we were going to find some food trucks here in Louisville. Ian was tasked with finding trucks whose specialties sounded yummy. He went straight to work and began by visiting the website for the Louisville Food Truck Association, louisvillefoodtruckassociation.com. We found that most of the trucks were available for hire for private parties and events. On days when they aren’t catering an event, trucks park around town at

12 FALL 2015

This mother-son duo made it a summer mission to scout out Louisville food trucks for a taste. PHOTOS: MELISSA DONALD

Chasing food trucks

lunchtime, primarily advertising their locations on Twitter and Facebook by 9am. We soon had four trucks on our list to try. We arrived downtown around 11:15am and parked just off Fifth Street at a meter. Our first stop was Boo Boo Smoke Shack, which was parked between 5th and Market. This is a great location because there is plenty of outdoor seating with umbrellas, a fountain to keep kids mesmerized, and three food trucks in the vicinity. We tried the pulled pork tacos, and they were divine. We also tried Red Top Gourmet Hotdogs. Ian chose a simple hot dog and raved about the bun. We then walked a couple of blocks to 325 West Main Street. There we found Zoom Zoom Yum, which features Turkish

cuisine, and POLLO, a chicken food truck. The crowds were beginning to gather, and we quickly learned to have our money and order ready to go. At Zoom Zoom, we tried the kabob wrap, and I adored it! At POLLO chicken, we tried their specialty, chicken and waffles with syrup. It was just the right mix of sweet and savory. By this time, we were pretty full. We had spent $30 and had three tacos, a large hot dog, a large kabob wrap, and a serving of chicken and waffles. This food is not cheap; they use quality ingredients and charge a fair price for it. They do give large portions, so sharing is key. Ian summarized the experience by saying, “I would recommend chasing a food truck. The people are so friendly, and all the food was really good.”

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 13

WHAT

“Think of the imaginative and inventive men you can raise if you ca n see past the crazy and encourage th e creativity.”

PARENTS OF BOYS NEED

By Meredith Ball • Photo by Melissa Donald

aising boys, at least when two or more are present, is like raising a pack of wolf pups. The pups — I mean, boys — are full of energy, constantly curious, unintentionally destructive, and prone to playful wrestling that can quickly turn into a fight if someone bites another’s ear too hard. I have the privilege and responsibility of raising such a pack, with three boys of my own ages 9, 7, and 2. My boys come from a long line of boys. There hasn’t been a Ball girl born since 1946! It may not be a huge secret what boys need as they grow — exercise, food, responsibility, love, more exercise, and more food. But what about their parents? If you find yourself raising a pack of wild dogs, especially if you’re just starting out, here are some traits you may need to cultivate in yourself: A sense of adventure. Those curious boys are going to find adventure wherever they go. That’s how they manage to make a jungle gym out of anything (especially in the grocery store or church), why as youngsters they seem to need to lick everything, and how they learn physics by throwing any object they can pick up. Having boys can make your life an adventure, too, if you can join in their curiosity. I’m not suggesting you climb the store shelves, throw a rock through a window, or lick anything. But think of the imaginative and inventive men you can raise if you can see past the crazy and encourage the creativity.

do what you can to replenish your energy reserves. Get sleep when you can. Eat good food when you can. And use whatever mental energy you have to devise creative ways for them to run off their energy while you sit by (oh, glorious sitting!) and watch.

Energy. Boys seem to have an inexhaustible source of it. I think they might be syphoning it from my own reserves while I sleep. They go, go, go all day and still can’t settle down for bed. I’m dragging myself back to the coffee maker by 3pm. If I didn’t get a little exercise to keep up my strength (and a lot of caffeine), I would have no chance in keeping up with them. So it’s probably a good idea for you to

Delegation skills. As an adult, we often look at chores as, well, chores. What we forget is that making our kids responsible for certain tasks can make them feel needed, helpful, and capable. The first time I gave my oldest son a chore as a disciplinary measure, I was completely surprised. Not only did he NOT complain, but he actually seemed to enjoy it. Now, I’m not saying that our boys would list

14 FALL 2015

The Ball Boys: (left) Weston, 7, and Coen, 9, (on the floor) wrestle with Kairo, 2.

having responsibilities around the house as their favorite things to do. But it can instill in them a confidence in their own capability. If we give our boys opportunities to be responsible, it both encourages them and prepares them for living on their own down the road. So let them help you! Teach them how to do things! And let them do it. Remember, manual labor has the added physical component and thus expends energy. Two birds, one stone. Emotional detection capabilities. When it comes to emotions, boys are weird. Where I think and analyze what I’m feeling CONTINUED ON PAGE 16

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 14

and why I’m feeling it and then express it to anyone who asks, boys don’t even know that they ARE feeling something half the time. Their behaviors often run contrary to their feelings. Insecurity masks itself as arrogance. Sadness looks like anger. Defiance hides fear. Happiness is expressed in loud body noises. If we treat them as their behavior indicates, we can miss the real issue and even do more damage. If you knew that your son’s argumentative tendencies came from an underlying fear that he wasn’t just “wrong” but that something was “wrong with him” (lack of worth), would you react the same? Since many boys have a harder time figuring out what they are feeling, it takes more digging on a parent’s part. Don’t just look at the behavior. Think about how you felt as a child. Look at what is going on around them. Search for patterns. Your super sleuth skills may help them learn to analyze on their own someday. Or maybe those skills will get you a job with the FBI. Fuzzy vision, muffled hearing, and a forgetful mind. You DON’T want to see the mess they’ve made of your house or car. Fuzzy vision will blur the dents, dings, scratches, holes, and crumbs. There are also going to be disturbing noises: lots of weird and disgusting noises. Either learn to laugh at them or learn to block them out. And for everyone’s sake and your sanity, you’re going to want to forget half of the things they did to you, your home, or themselves by tomorrow so you can wake up with the positive, can-do attitude necessary for you all to thrive. A sense of humor. My boys do something every day that surprises me. My eyebrows are perpetually raised and I find myself saying “What were you thinking?” more than I care to admit. If I take the time to listen to some of the phrases I utter, ones that I never thought I’d say (such as “Get that fork out of your armpit” or “Why do you have a cupcake and a Sharpie in the shower?”), it’s pretty absurd. I find that I have the choice — either laugh or cry. I like the laughing better. Sometimes I do both. So keep your heads up, parents of boys! You are raising the next generation of strong, creative, daring, and capable men. I have every confidence that you can do it. And when you feel like you’re going to lose it from all of their crazy antics, meet me at Starbucks and I’ll tell you the insane thing that MINE just did.

16 FALL 2015

RAISING BOYS —

Physical and Emotional Intimacy

oys have an instinctual need for rough play. In our house, I head for high ground (the couch) when my husband and our three boys wrestle. It usually starts with “Anyone need a pounding?” and ends with someone mad or crying. But magically, the rest of the evening is drama-free and full of hugs. For boys, this is love. As a mom raising all boys (ages 17, 14, and 10), I’ve realized they need a parent’s physical touch as much as girls do, but not in the same manner, and not in the situations we expect. I still demand a quick hug and kiss each morning, just not in public. But I accept that their responses can be as unpredictable as a teen’s mood. Boys often need a parent to initiate affection, but they also need the parent to not take offense if it’s not reciprocated. Ultimately, sons need to be reassured that YOU KNOW they love you, anyway. Sometimes a playful shove at Dad feels better than hugging Mom. My friends with daughters tell me about the drama inherent with girls, suggesting boys are easier to raise. But I can’t imagine being more worried, frustrated, and confounded with girls than I am bringing up my sons. I’ve had to learn a different

perspective. Boys usually aren’t open about sensitive topics, so there’s a HUGE temptation to dig. Fortunately, some of our best talks have been “happy accidents.” Alone with one of my sons on the back deck or traveling in the car, I try to allow for plenty of initial silence. When I don’t assail them with questions, they open up to me on their terms. Like all kids, boys need a comfortable, laid-back place and time to be vulnerable with you. After school is the worst time to get them to open up. I’ve found that in their rooms after lights-out is a great opportunity to broach a touchy subject. After a full day — or even week — feelings tend to come out and darkness diminishes the embarrassment and judgment. If they aren't as forthcoming as you wish, don’t push; I’ve made this mistake too often. Watch for other opportunities. Finally, I’ve learned that boys naturally gravitate to their dads or other important men in their lives after a certain age. As future men, they crave affirmation from others who speak their “male” language. Some crucial talks can beautifully unfold without great expectations. In the meantime, I’m enjoying all the serendipitous moments I can with my boys. — Sanna Rogers

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 17

Dear Girl Mom,

By Lorie Gant Leitner

Tonight was crazy, huh? I was really worried about Sally when she ran out of the

playroom in tears, saying one of the kids had hit her in the face with a toy. She seemed pretty shaken up, and I hated our time together had to end so abruptly. I talked to Noah about what happened on the way home, and we both hope Sally feels better. Honestly, I wish I had talked to you before I left tonight. I’m not sure you noticed, but when we heard Sally crying, Frank looked at me and said, “It was probably your son.” I was pretty insulted. But now that I know it was Frank’s daughter who threw the punch, I’m more upset at myself for not standing up for Noah. It’s not the first time he’s been targeted as the perpetrator simply for being the only boy in the group. Ever since our kids have gotten old enough to walk and talk, I’ve watched our friends cringe at Noah’s daredevil antics. I’ve listened to the girls accuse him of wrongdoing: "He's mean! He pushed me! He won't let me play with the ball!" Tonight he told me that none of the girls wanted to play with him. While he was talking, the biggest tears came to his eyes. I couldn’t even think of what to say other than “I’ll always be your buddy!” But really, who wants his mom for a buddy? It’s not that I don’t recognize the differences between girls and boys. When you don’t live with boys, the things they do and say can seem outrageous. Last week, I had to sit through a 30-minute conversation about dinosaurs, complete with roaring. That conversation was followed by Noah yelling at his video game and then running through the house with the dog. Other than the house being noisy, it was a fun night. His imagination and excitement over the smallest things always impresses me. Did you know the T. Rex is considered a smart dinosaur with a brain bigger than a human’s? Noah’s sense of humor helped him get out of trouble last week. I sent him to school in a new pair of jeans and they came home with grass stains and rips in the knee. He was dirty, sweaty, and had jelly in his hair from lunch. When I yelled at him to get into Coen Ball, 9 PHOTO: MELISSA DONALD

18 FALL 2015

the shower, you would’ve thought I’d asked him to get in a tank with sharks. Then out of nowhere, as I’m threatening punishment, he starts to dance around in nothing but his socks and underwear. I tried hard to look stern but instead found myself laughing, which only encouraged him to perform more outrageous moves and name it the “Poopy Dance.” There are days I am truly grossed out myself, but isn’t it cool he isn’t obsessing over his looks? I’d much rather argue with him about brushing his teeth than about what pair of shoes he insists on wearing. Self-confidence rules! Plus, potty humor is funny no matter how old you are. But back to my point about tonight. By nature, boys are strong, and it's normal to tell our kids to be careful when playing. Unfortunately, so many play dates are peppered with someone pointing at my son and then at one of the girls while stating, "I'm afraid he'll hurt her." We’re at a playground, not a game of flag football. Do you know how often Noah gets knocked down by one of the girls? A lot. But because he doesn’t cry or come to us to tattle, no one ever acknowledges that he gets hurt, too. I wish you could see Noah in quieter moments. He’s so protective and attentive to his friends when he thinks something has hurt them. Or when I’m sick, he covers me in his favorite blanket and kisses my forehead. There is no ulterior motive when Noah gives affection. He’s just full of goodness and love. Thanks for letting me explain my son’s lesser-known traits. I know I’m biased, but I want Noah to be accepted. It’s important to me that he grows up to be a good man: the kind Sally and the other girls deserve.

See you at the playground!

Sincerely, Boy Mom

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 19

Are Weapons in the

Chromosome?

By Carrie Vittitoe

ome parents have very strong feelings about allowing their son(s) to have toy guns and other forms of plastic weaponry. Other than a couple Nerf guns my two boys received as birthday presents, I’ve never bought them novelty munitions myself. What I’ve realized about having sons, though, is that boys will turn anything, and I truly mean anything, into a weapon. We have a garage full of long sticks that my sons, Graeme (7) and Miles (5), have picked up on family walks around the neighborhood. They pretty regularly use them to poke each other, whack at trees, or disorder ant hills in the yard.

What I’ve realized about having sons, though, is that boys will turn anything, and I truly mean anything, into a weapon.

Alone, my sons are pretty subdued, but there is something about the combined testosterone of two or more males that drives them to a physicality that is exhausting for me to witness or referee. Recently, I watched my boys and their friends turn a game of cornhole into something more akin to dodgeball. The beanbags became….ahem….weapons. I find myself thinking, if not saying aloud, “What is wrong with you two?” when even the slightest disagreement becomes an epic assault. At the same time, though, I like that my boys will have it out physically, using whatever tools and techniques are available to them, and within minutes be laughing and playing again. Girl drama tends to linger and fester; their weapons of

choice are psychological and emotional. When we were kids, my younger brother once tried to hit me with a running vacuum cleaner. How does a kid see a vacuum cleaner and think, ‘That looks like an amazing battering ram!’? How does a flashlight become a cudgel, or a spatula a machete? It takes some pretty great imaginative power to transform a stalk of celery into a bayonet. Perhaps we should be celebrating their creativity!

My boys have used straws as weapons, poking each other in the head after all vestiges of liquid had been sucked dry. Forks, both plastic and metal, have been brandished in a threatening manner at the dinner table. Without going into unsavory detail, I can even affirm that certain male body parts have been wielded as small rapiers and/or squirt guns. During a fight, Graeme and Miles will launch anything within arms’ reach at each other as a weapon, including the Imaginext DC SuperFriends BatCave, which Miles tried to hit Graeme with during one of their rows. Weston (left) and Coen Ball PHOTO: MELISSA DONALD

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 21

TIME TO VOTE!

Now is the time to be heard! Vote for your favorite pet photo. The contest winner will receive a $500 Birthday Party from Champs Rollerdrome.

VOTE @ TODAYSFAMILYNOW.COM AUGUST 17-SEPTEMBER 4.

22 FALL 2015

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 23

WHEN FOLLOWING THE PARENTING RULES DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK You always are mindful of setting the right example for the children in your lives. Today’s Family asked our parent writer group about times when they flew off the mature parenting grid and are glad they did. Sometimes breaking the “rules” is a way to create change.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY CARLY ALLMAN, 10

When

Was the Right Thing My boys jumped in the car with me the other day and continued squabbling about the game of whatever they had been playing in the yard. Liam, 12, was drilling into his little brother about his failure to follow the rules. Sean, 9, was shooting back with a combination of I-don't-care and you-are-sowrong types of comments. I just couldn't let it pass. This is one of those teachable moments that we as parents feel obligated to address. I launched into Liam with a lecture that included “It’s only a game” and “Of the important things in life, this is low on the totem

When When my girls were of kindergarten age, I attended the Girl Scout troop formation meeting where I learned that all troops are volunteer-led and succeed most when many parents share the organizational load. Excitedly, I volunteered to co-lead both troops, a position I held for five years with my older daughter's troop and three years with my younger daughter's troop. Fast forward several years, and the interest in Scouting began to wane right around the time cookie-selling season kicked off. Not wanting to embark on cookie selling halfheartedly, my husband and I conferred with our girls and asked if they wanted to continue in Scouting. Neither did due to other emerging interests, but what complicated the matter was my responsibility as troop leader! After much discussion, we all

24 FALL 2015

pole,” all while throwing the occasional comment Sean’s way to make sure he knew he wasn’t completely blameless in the scenario. I felt pretty good about it. I was keeping calm and not using some of my more extreme comments such as “You’re sucking the fun out of fun,” which I reserve for short-fuse days. I had just started the fifth iteration of my nicely-phrased advice when Liam sighed, looked at me and asked, “When are you going to stop repeating yourself?” At least he was nice enough to ask and not just completely tune me out as he could have chosen to do.

Let’s face it, Mom and Dad have the uncanny ability to talk and talk and talk about moral subjects we feel are important for our kids to learn, but we seem to forget tuning out our own parents as they droned on about the lesson du jour. Society, peers, and school all have the ability to act as powerful motivators for our kids to become better people. We need to accept our role in this framework and hand out love and carefully chosen guidance while tempering our desire to ramble. Let life teach some of the lessons. — Barb Hartman

Was the Right Thing agreed that our commitment to finish the current year must be maintained, and so we would continue participating through May, the close of the troop year. I penned an email to the troops letting them know the girls and I would end our Girl Scouting commitment at the end of the school year, giving us five months to transition in new leaders. Though they’re difficult, such decisions galvanize the numerous and natural healthy components of parenting and encourage children to explore their hidden curiosities and interests. Leaving Girl Scouts, though painful then, was the right answer. It allowed us to refocus time on the right use of our girls’ resources. Of course, both troops survived and thrived, and our family remains forever grateful for the values given us by Scouting. My advice: Enjoy what’s right for now for your kids,

but pursue what’s right for them forever, and never hesitate changing course in the pursuit of what’s best. — Susan Viers Wobbe

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When

Was the Right Thing That Friday was busier than most. I taught until 1:30, picked up Miles (5), then grabbed Graeme (7) at school to make his 3pm occupational therapy appointment. We pulled in the drive a few minutes before Norah got off the bus at 4:30. Dean and I had plans for 6pm, so I was scrambling to go through the kids’ papers and lunch boxes, post my class assignments online, and prepare dinner. It was the witching hour on steroids. The boys were laughing uproariously when, suddenly, silence filled the room. Miles stood still, a full bladder’s worth of urine running down his legs, pooling on the rug, and then proceeded to waddle to the bathroom, dripping through the house. None of the parenting books offer this sage advice: “Completely lose your stuff and scream like a banshee when your child does something aggravating.” I know how I should have handled this episode. I realize that Miles has the same bladder issues I had as a kid that he can’t control (although refusing to stop playing and take bathroom breaks makes it worse). I recognize that I was tired, hungry, and trying to get too much done in too short a period of time. But the expletives flew out of my mouth anyway. I yelled, grumbled under my breath, stomped, and displayed other exemplary tantrum skills. It was the right thing to do. It reminded my kids that there is a limit to my patience, that my sole responsibility in life is not to clean up their messes, that I make mistakes, and that they aren't the only ones who react poorly in situations. And it gave me an opportunity to seek and be granted forgiveness by my children, and to reverse roles and empower them to be magnanimous. In the minutes it took Miles to clean himself up, I transformed from a rabid she-devil into an ashamed, embarrassed mother. “I’m sorry I threw such a fit,” I said to the kids. “That was just one more thing for me to try to handle, but I shouldn’t have behaved that way.” I hugged Miles, kissed his forehead and knew when his eyes smiled that l was forgiven. My children absolve me of my failures much more quickly than I forgive myself. — Carrie Vittitoe

26 FALL 2015

Was the Right Thing

Is there a right time to have a mom meltdown? When your child betrays you, a bigger reaction may convey you mean business. I’ve pitched mom tantrums before. But none so dramatic as the one where I felt betrayed by my 5-year-old daughter, Olivia. I’d worn the “push present” my husband gave me to breakfast out with Olivia and her aunts, uncle, and Mimi. My husband, David, had stayed home with our two youngest children so Olivia and I could enjoy pancakes without the chaos of a baby and a toddler. The garnet necklace celebrated the birth of Vivienne, our third child. During breakfast chatter, I mentioned that it wasn’t my style, but I would cherish it anyway. As soon as we returned from breakfast, Olivia pulled her father into the bathroom for a private conversation. She snitched to him that I didn’t like the necklace he’d purchased. Although she didn’t lie, she was more brutal than I had been in my conversation, and David decided to exchange my necklace. He was disappointed that I didn’t like his gift. I was uncomfortable telling him I didn’t love it because I

didn’t want to lie. At the center of the drama: little Miss Troublemaker. At first my fury led me to the feeling of betrayal, but after some good counsel, I realized Olivia probably was tattling. I yelled. Then yelled some more. I sent her to her room because I needed a time out. I was still angry. I talked. I yelled. I explained. I left her alone. “I remember spending a lot of time in my room that day, and you couldn’t see me,” Olivia says. “Then we took a walk.” After a couple hours, Olivia and I strolled the neighborhood. I told her that before you tell someone something that may hurt his feelings, you run it by the source first. I asked what her motives were in telling her daddy. Had she wanted me to face some consequences? Had she wanted Daddy to get upset? Sometimes all the don’t-do-this in a calm voice gets lost in the clutter of the day. A mom meltdown certainly grabs attention. She knew I meant business. The moral of the story for Olivia: sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut. For me, sometimes the infraction warrants the reaction. — Keri Foy

SOMETIMES ALL THE DON’T-DO-THIS IN A CALM VOICE GETS LOST IN THE CLUTTER OF THE DAY. A MOM MELTDOWN CERTAINLY GRABS ATTENTION.

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When Was the Right Thing At one of my son’s last lacrosse games in the spring, I sat calmly. No yelling, no outbursts, just clapping. OK, a few sighs and eye rolls. We all get annoyed by that angry, cursing parent in the stands. But as it turns out, cheering during youth sports games may not be the best thing for our kids. According to Mike Matheny, manager of the St. Louis Cardinals and a one-time Little League coach, it could be driving our kids to distraction. In a letter to youth league parents in 2009, which eventually became an Internet hit dubbed ‘the Matheny Manifesto,’ he says, “The biggest problem in youth sports is the parents.” Not a shock. Our criticism of referees, coaches and even kids — our own and others’ — can get out of hand. But can yelling “Go team!” or “You can do it!” ever be wrong? Matheny says yes. “If you ask most (players) what they want their parents to do during a game, they’ll say ‘Nothing.’” Period. Even positive cheering may only add pressure, he says. Clapping is OK, but “all they need to hear from you is that you enjoyed watching them and that you hope they had fun.” Sounds reasonable ... but excruciating. So I reluctantly reviewed my own spectator behavior. Mostly encouraging? Yes, but also loud, animated, and nervous. Matheny suggests we imagine our child is at work, and we're allowed to watch for a while. Would we want anyone — even loved ones — second-guessing our every decision? Criticizing the boss? Interrupting our concentration? As a competitive parent, I admit to occasionally checking my brain at the gate. It’s a good reminder that what happens on the field is most important. So that day, I tried to respect my son’s ‘work’ without interference. I clapped; I relaxed. And I calmed down my husband who had not yet read the Manifesto. — Sanna Rogers

[AT OUR CHILDREN’S SPORTING EVENTS], EVEN POSITIVE CHEERING MAY ONLY ADD PRESSURE.”

READ THE MATHENY MANIFESTO – THE ONLINE LETTER – AT MIKEMATHENY.COM OR READ THE BOOK THE MATHENY MANIFESTO: A YOUNG MANAGER'S OLD-SCHOOL VIEWS ON SUCCESS IN SPORTS AND LIFE (PUBLISHER CROWN ARCHETYPE).

When our daughter Laura was in middle school, she had a classmate named Cindy with whom she didn’t want to be friends. They were in class together starting in fourth grade when Cindy transferred to Laura’s school. The girls became friends and spent a lot of time together. Unfortunately, Cindy was possessive and would get upset if Laura wanted to spend time with other friends. Laura always felt pressure at school and at home to include Cindy. My husband, Joe, and I tried to teach Laura to get along with everyone. But asking her to do something that was uncomfortable for her was the wrong thing to do. By eighth grade, Laura was ready to move on. It was challenging because Laura and Cindy went to a small, private school; there were two homerooms for their grade totaling 50 students. At that point, sports and social events were awkward for all of us. Should Cindy be invited to a birthday party? What about including the parents in a night out? It was definitely a tug-of-war to practice what we preached. The end of her eighth grade year should have been an exciting time of growth for Laura. The PTO chose one

28 FALL 2015

of Laura’s art pieces for an award. She received a partial scholarship for high school. She was really looking forward to new adventures, but Laura continually felt stress about including Cindy. What finally showed us that we had to let go was during the planning of the school’s eighth grade trip. Laura wanted the freedom to choose her roommates. Cindy and her mother were pressuring Laura to include her, making Laura angry and frustrated. We realized that

she was being manipulated, and it was unfair to her. We stood by Laura as she told her teachers her roommate preferences. This relieved her stress, and she was finally excited about the trip. Making her own choice helped her self-confidence. This enhanced her relationships with other friends for the remainder of the school year, preparing her for the journey to high school. — Mary Ellen Bianco

When Was the Right Thing

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 29

Marvelous MENTORS

Milessa Barnes is the winner of Today’s Family magazine’s Marvelous Mentor award. Milessa won the voting because of her community involvement with our youth — helping girls grow in all ways. Thanks for all you do, Milessa!

30 FALL 2015

SPONSORED BY:

By Anna Patterson

In spring of 2012, Milessa Barnes — along with Joia Howe — brought the after-school program “Girls On The Run” (GOTR) to Rangeland Elementary in Louisville. For 10 weeks, girls in grades 3-5 train twice a week with a partner for a 5k at the conclusion of the program. And while GOTR does promote the importance of being healthy, what these girls achieve by the time they reach finish line is much more than an improved mile time. The main goal of GOTR is to promote positive thinking in young girls — teaching them to be bold, confident, and stand up for themselves. Every session begins with a snack and a time to talk with one another, followed by a lesson. Each lesson teaches the girls how to maintain positive thinking, whether it be throwing negative thoughts away to “Negative Nelly” or visualizing a plug in your brain that keeps in only positive thoughts. Milessa recalls her first season of GOTR where her running buddy was a 5th grade girl named Courtney. Courtney was not the most athletic girl, and Milessa, hardly a runner herself, thought they would be a good match. They began by walking to different points around the school grounds — from the track, to a tree, to the parking lot, etc. At the beginning, Courtney was reluctant to participate. But after 10 weeks, Courtney was the one telling Milessa their course. They began encouraging each other. Supporting each other. And eventually Courtney, the girl who did not want to participate, started a new branch of GOTR at Nativity Academy. Courtney was not the only one who changed that season. Milessa, a self-titled “couch potato,” began running on a regular basis. She now participates in local races such as the Triple Crown and the Mini Marathon. Many girls since Courtney have and will continue to change through the GOTR program at Rangeland. Girls leave the season with the tools they need to turn around negative thoughts and to stand up to bullies. GOTR wants every girl to leave believing the mantra, “Every girl can embrace who she is, can define who she wants to be, can rise to any challenge, can change the world.” 4 4 4todaysfamilynow.com 4 4 4facebook.com /todaysfamily 4 4 4 @todaysfamilynow

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AGE Page

Birth to 5

By Tami L. Pyles

BUG OUT! Head out to Bernheim Forest on September 19 from 9am-4pm for the annual BugFest and Fall Plant Sale. The event is free ($5 parking fee for nonmembers) and will give kids the chance to get up close with insects, participate in the bug parade (costumes encouraged), and lots more creepy-crawly fun! Source: bernheim.org/event/ bugfest-fall-plant-sale

Munchkin Money Management Research shows that children as young as 2 can begin to understand basic money concepts. But how can you break down this critical life skill in an easy-to-understand way for a preschooler? Matt Bell, a personal finance writer, speaker with Sound Mind Investing, and dad of three, recommends marrying financial behaviors with character traits to plant the early seeds of smart money management.

• Discernment — Help your child navigate pervasive marketing messages. Bell suggests talking to your child about commercials and the intent behind the message. Help him understand that the commercial is separate from the show he is watching. • Responsibility — Parents need to be role models. Talk to your child about how you manage your money. At the store, talk about why you are buying one brand over another (i.e., item is on sale, we have a coupon, we are willing to pay the higher price because we know it is a quality item). You can also promote responsibility by providing an allowance with instructions for how to allocate that money across three buckets: Save/Give/Spend. • Gratitude — “Many messages in our culture are about dissatisfaction,” Bell says. Help your child see that you do not need to buy the latest and greatest to be happy. Practicing generosity can also help him minimize the “I don’t have it” mentality. • Patience — Teach your child to save to make purchases, such as a must-have toy. Bell suggests taping a picture of the item to her bank so she has a visual reminder of why she is saving. Activities that take time to see results, such as baking and gardening, teach her the benefits of delayed gratification. Source: Interview with Matt Bell, Personal Finance Writer and Speaker, Sound Mind Investing

32 FALL 2015

The Deal with Teal What’s the deal with teal pumpkins at Halloween? Houses that display a teal pumpkin keep it safe for the one-in-13 children dealing with food allergies by offering non-food treats, such as pencils or bubbles. You can keep the holiday safe and fun for everyone by painting a pumpkin teal (white pumpkins work great!) and offering treats that will bring smiles, not allergic reactions. To learn more about the Teal Pumpkin Project and get ideas on what to offer, visit foodallergy.org/teal-pumpkin-project. Also, get involved with food allergy awareness in Louisville by participating in this year’s FARE Walk for Food Allergy on September 12 at Seneca Park. Register or learn more at foodallergywalk.org/louisville2015

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FALL 2015 33

AGE Page

6 to 11

Super Breakfasts for School

By Megan M. Seckman

Your mom was right — breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Regulate blood sugar, mood, and brainpower with these healthy choices:

Foxhollow Sunset Concert Series Soak in the last nights of summer at Foxhollow Farm in Crestwood August 14 and September 11. Bring your chairs and blankets and from 6-10pm enjoy live local music, food trucks, and great company in a beautiful setting. Tickets are $10 for adults, but children — and pets on leashes — are welcome for free. Purchase tickets at foxhollow.com.

Origami Master Michael Velliquette at Kentucky Museum of Art and Craft The Kentucky Museum of Art and Craft will be reopening in October with a unique exhibit that will interest origami enthusiasts. From October 23-November 21, witness the works of Michael Velliquette, who creates installations made entirely of cut paper (putting your cootie-catcher to shame). Enjoy the kid-friendly MakerSpace on Fridays and Saturdays from noon-3pm with the price of admission, which is $8 for adults and $2 for children ages 6-12.

1. Oatmeal Packed with fiber, this food releases glucose at a slower rate, enhancing cognitive performance. Top with healthy nuts (full of brain-boosting omega-3s), berries, and local honey (good for allergies).

Back to School Tips: Organization As parents, we forget we have to teach some of the most basic skills (such as how to properly squeeze toothpaste or staying organized). For this back-to-school season, set up clear expectations about organization, such as: 1. Use color-coded folders for each class and designate one pocket for work “to do” and one pocket for “completed” work.

Keep a bucket of sharp pencils in the homework station of your home. Make sharpening the pencils part of the chore list! 34 FALL 2015

2. Egg tacos A high-protein and carb punch with no sugar will keep them satisfied until lunch.

2.Use an agenda or planner every day. Create a reward system for keeping up with the planner at the end of each week. 3. Keep backpacks on a hook by the door and pack everything the night before. 4.Keep a folder for each child in a designated station for important papers. Empty after each report card. 5.Keep a bucket of sharp pencils and papers in the homework station of your home. Make sharpening the pencils part of the chore list.

3. Greek yogurt parfait Layer full-fat Greek yogurt (fats and proteins are beneficial for brain cell function) between berries and granola or peanut butter and chocolate chips.

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 35

AGE Page

By Stacie Martin-McCutcheon

12 and up

The start of the school year often means the start of a jam-packed after-school family schedule. Juggling parent work schedules with sport practices, homework, orthodontic appointments and everything in between takes patience and good communication. Schoolfamily.com offers the following tips:

SEPT.

INTERNATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY

Juggling Activities

CELEBRATE INTERNATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY with cinnamon red hot creams or chocolate-covered caramels from Schimpff's Confectionery in Jeffersonville, operating since 1891.

1) Have a family meeting once a week to go over the schedule of activities for the week. 2) Maintain an activities calendar in a prominent spot in the house and provide each family member a week-at-a-glance calendar. 3) Have the bags and equipment for each activity packed on Sunday night if possible. 4) Keep healthy snacks and drinks in the car. 5) Plan simple meals for the week in advance.

2015-16 ACT Test dates

Easy

Fall Apple Recipes Try one of these fast and easy ideas or surf the Internet for new recipes. • Apple Roll-Ups: cut refrigerated pie crust into circles. Pile sliced apples onto crust. Sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar. Seal with another pie crust circle. Cook at 375 degrees until brown. Top with ice cream. • Caramel Apples: Dip apples in warm caramel. Coat with mini chocolate chips, chopped nuts, coconut, mini M&Ms, or other toppings. • Core and quarter fresh apples. Top with peanut butter, hazelnut spread, or almond butter for a healthy snack!

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With fall weather comes nature’s bounty of apples! We are fortunate in Kentuckiana to have a variety of orchards bursting with every type of apple you can imagine. Spend a weekend this fall taking the kids out to the orchard followed by the smell of fresh-baked apples in the kitchen.

If you have a high school child, you are probably aware of the importance of taking the ACT. Many students take the test more than once and begin in their sophomore year. Many schools give the test to their junior students at no cost once per year. The ACT test, including the writing portion, costs $54.50, and without costs $38. Remaining testing dates for the upcoming school year are: September 12, 2015 (Register by August 7) October 24, 2015 (Register by September 18) December 12, 2015 (Register by November 6) February 6, 2016 (Register by January 8) April 9, 2016 (Register by March 4) June 11, 2016 (Register by May 6)

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Sensational Smoothie By Melissa Donald

It’s not easy to get children to eat their greens — especially spinach, which provides an important source of fiber, vitamins, and antioxidants. A great way to sneak in a green is to hide it in a refreshing smoothie. Once blended with the other ingredients, the spinach is not only tasteless but virtually undetectable. Spinach is high in iron, protein, fiber, calcium, antioxidants, and a variety of vitamins such as A, B2 and B6, C, and E.

Blueberry Spinach

SMOOTHIE

1 ½ cups frozen blueberries 1 cup packed raw spinach ½ large, ripe (can be frozen) banana, peel removed ½ - ¾ cups of water Fill a blender with all ingredients. Blend until all the ingredients are well incorporated. Add a small amount of your favorite sweetener, such as honey, if desired. The blueberries and the ripe banana should provide enough sweetness.

T) (SECRE H C SPINA OUSE H POWER foods are

per Two su is into th k c a p ed y-free ir a dient, d e r g in ple, fourat is sim drink th ritious. nd nut quick, a

38 FALL 2015

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Just Ask Joyce By Joyce Oglesby

Teen Rebellion

“There’s time for her to explore boyfriends and dating and love. Why rush...?”

“My 17-year-old daughter is rebelling about everything. We can do nothing right. She ignores her curfew and is driving home at late hours. She’s dating a boy of whom we don’t approve. She has changed her passwords to her computer, cell phone, Facebook, and other social media so that we cannot check up on her. We have always enjoyed a wonderful relationship with her and now that she’s going into her senior year, we are heartbroken over her lack of sound judgment. Have we lost her completely?”

Joyce: Tough love is more difficult on the parents than it is on their child. Boundaries spell love. They might read like a foreign language today, but in the future, she will come to interpret the truest meaning behind your actions. You must first get her attention. Here are some ways I would approach the behavior: • Who pays for the car? The gas? The insurance? A good place to begin is to take away her wheels. That alone would bring a screeching halt to some of her impertinent activity. • Confiscate her computer, cell phone, and other devices. She’ll have access to her accounts through other means, but not on your watch. • Invite her boyfriend over for dinner. Start “chumming” around with him. If she thinks you are beginning to approve, she will find more flaws in him than you did. (Besides, your influence on him could evoke a change.) • Don’t forget that you are still the parents; she is still the child. Freedom comes with responsibility, and responsibility earns freedom. My philosophy of “My House, My Rules” stands. Let her know her place: to honor her parents. Have you lost her completely? Perhaps for a season. But with enough love shown through setting boundaries, she will likely find her way back with esteemed respect in hand. It’s really your call.

40 FALL 2015

Dating Dilemma Teach Them Early

“How old must my child be before I start teaching him responsibility — like picking up his toys? He’s almost 2. My mother-in-law has convinced my husband I’m too strict with him. I just want him to respect what he has and our authority. Am I wrong?”

Joyce: Teach away, Mama! Our world needs more like you. My husband and I taught our children good work ethics very early in life. Did they do the job at age 2 as well as they did when they were 5 or 10? Absolutely not. But it was the beginning of responsibility. I can remember following behind our toddlers, chiding them to put the toys in the toy box, and my hand doing the heavy lifting. “Good girl!” I would applaud. Eventually, each knew when she was done playing, she had to put away the toys and when she got out of bed, she had to make it. Did we have to remind them? You bet. Kids will be kids. That’s when you apply patience with firmness. “Too strict” has its own definition in each family. However, your husband, as well as his mother, will applaud you when the children whom you all love become reliable, responsible, and trustworthy adults who excel in life.

“My 12-year-old daughter wants to date. Not car date, but movie date with his parents picking her up. Her dad is adamantly opposed. I did that when I was her age, so I see nothing wrong with it. Do I go against my husband or disappoint our daughter?”

Joyce: Are you really ready to allow your daughter to feel that grown-up? Perhaps the better question: Do you want to send a message to her that you and Dad are not a united front? It’s a different world out there. Personally, I believe parents are plunging kids into adult lifestyles at much too tender ages. Most kids are incapable of saying no to peer pressure over minor issues, much less sexual advances that are now happening as early as age 9. There’s time for her to explore boyfriends and dating and love. Why rush the burdensome responsibility attached to those kinds of experiences? At the end of the day I see two regrets facing you: 1) dividing parental unity, and 2) losing out on the last few years you have to enjoy your “child” daughter. Either regret comes after heavy consequences.

need family advice? Change your life … NOW! Write Joyce Oglesby, Family-Life Fix-It Pro, at justaskjoyce@gmail.com. I’m here to help! Check out my books and other resources at JustAskJoyce.com. Listen to my live talk show Monday through Friday on WFIA 94.7fm/900am at 3pm.

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015

By Lara Krupicka

25 Things

ay rides. Bonfires. Haunted houses. There are so many quintessential fall experiences we want to share with our kids; it can be hard to keep track of them all. This is where it helps to keep a list of don't-miss fall pursuits (or simply follow the one below). 1. Go apple picking. According to the U.S. Apple Association there are 7,500 apple growers in the United States, with apples grown in every state on the continent. (Some good options are Joehubers.com, hiddenholloworchard. com) 2. Jump in a pile of leaves. 3. Carve a picture in a pumpkin. Find hundreds of free downloadable templates at celebrating-halloween.com/ pumpkincarving/. 4. Write a gratitude list. Challenge

My Kid’s Health

to Fall For This Autumn

your kids to see who can come up with the most things they are thankful for. 5. Make homemade caramel corn (hint: it's actually quite easy). Look online or in a basic cookbook for recipes. 6. Serve in a food pantry, soup kitchen, or homeless shelter as a family. With 1 in 6 Americans facing hunger, your efforts will have an impact. To find a food pantry near you check out foodpantries.org. 7. Visit your local fire station during Fire Prevention Week the second week of October. Many fire companies host open houses and give presentations during this week. 8. Make homemade applesauce. Core and quarter sweet apples. Cook them in an inch of water in a large pot.

Once the apples have softened, crank them through a sieve or food mill. Add cinnamon to taste. If you don't have a sieve, you can make a small batch of applesauce by mashing the cooked apples with a potato masher (peel before cooking). Enjoy! 9. Go for a walk under the harvest moon, the first full moon after the autumn equinox (at the end of September). Unlike other full moons, the Harvest Moon rises right at sunset. This makes it very visible on the horizon, where it often appears larger and brighter than other full moons. CONTINUED ON PAGE 44

P RO M OT I O N

Keeping Children’s Smiles Bright By Mary Ellen Bianco We talked to Dr. Korie D. Acord, DMD, of Derby City Pediatric Dentistry about caring for children’s teeth. Q. My son doesn’t brush regularly. What do I do to encourage him? A. Boys tend to be kind of a tough group. The dirtier and yuckier it is, the better. From ages 7 to 8 until age 12 they usually don’t regularly brush, floss or shower. When girls come along and they start to notice them, boys begin to pay attention to their hygiene. Q. Do you recommend electric toothbrushes? A. I love them, and I use one myself. They can be used at every age, taking the technical skill out of brushing. Children can clean the outside, inside and chewing part of the teeth. The timer tells them how long to brush. As long as they can stand the vibrating sensation it works well with kids. Parents may need to tolerate a messy bathroom. Q. When do you suggest a child start to brush and floss on his own? A. We suggest flossing as soon as any of the teeth start touching, which is usually at 3-½ to 4 years old. Children don’t have the dexterity for a big, long string of floss so we recommend stick flossers for practice on the front teeth. Parents can help with the back teeth.

42 FALL 2015

When a child is able to tie his shoes or write in cursive he can brush and floss on his own. We suggest morning and evening brushing with flossing at night. Q. What food or drinks should children avoid? A. I recommend that children drink tons of water. Sport drinks are full of sugar and artificial ingredients. If a child uses them during practice he should drink water or rinse afterwards to reduce the amount of sugar on his teeth. Gummy vitamins also sit in the grooves of teeth, which can cause cavities. I tell parents to look at the list of ingredients to see how much sugar is in the vitamins. I think the old-fashioned kind like Flinstones are better. Q. What are some current topics of interest for Pediatric Dentistry? A. I use a laser for a procedure called a Frenectomy which releases the tissue that holds the tongue down or is attached to the top lip. In the past the tissue was cut. With the laser there is a lot less initial bleeding — I can get in and get out. Babies who are tongue-tied may have trouble breastfeeding since they don’t latch on well. They get more air and it causes gas. It seems to be a more prevalent issue that moms and lactation specialists are checking for.

Dr. Korie is originally from Northern Kentucky. She completed her Pediatric Dental residency in Louisville. Dr. Korie and her husband, Dr. Timothy Acord DDS, are huge U of L Cardinal fans.

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 42 10. Drink hot apple cider while eating caramels. 11. Visit a corn maze and try not to get lost. TheMaize.com provides listings of corn mazes in every state. (deerefarms. com and devinscornmaze.com are close) 12. Create a toasty lap blanket from fleece. Buy one yard each of two fabrics. Place one on top of the other, wrong sides together. Along all four edges make cuts 4-5 inches into the fabric and 1 to 2 inches apart. Tie top and bottom strips into a single or double knot. 13. Go to a football game — high school, college, or even peewee. 14. Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. NBC broadcasts the New York City parade live starting at 9am every Thanksgiving Day. 15. Break the turkey wishbone. 16. Watch It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. This classic Halloween show from 1966 follows the Peanuts gang as they celebrate Halloween, while Linus waits for the coming of the Halloween benefactor he calls "The Great Pumpkin."

17. Try a hearty fall soup like pumpkin, butternut squash, or baked potato. 18. Cuddle an animal or two at your local humane society or animal shelter for National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month during October. 19. Go to an Oktoberfest celebration. (Original Butchertown Oktoberfest — September 19; Belle of Louisville Oktoberfest Cruise — October 3, 10, 17, and 24) 20. Pack a note in your child's lunch along with a fall treat like candy corn. 21. Avast, mates and hoist t'sails for Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19). For more details on how to create some piratey fun for your family, check out talklikeapirate.com. 22. Teach your children how to plant flower bulbs.

23. Learn how to can or preserve fruits and veggies. Jarden Brands (maker of Ball Canning supplies) offers an inexpensive starter kit. Learn all about canning at their website: freshpreserving.com. 24. Take a hayride. 25. Check out a model railroad exhibit in November for National Model Railroad Month. Local clubs often have displays open to the public for special events. Find a model railroad you can visit at greatesthobby.com. Add in some trick-or-treating (and possibly that haunted house) and you'll have enough activities to keep you steeped in the season all fall long. And you'll gain many memorable moments with your kids along the way. Lara Krupicka is the author of Family Bucket Lists: Bring More Fun, Adventure, and Camaraderie Into Every Day.

A DV ERTO R I A L

What are benefits of Orthodontics? Q. What are the benefits of Q. What is orthodontics? Invisalign®? A. Though many people think A. Invisalign ® that orthodontics are just to uses clear trays straighten the teeth cosmetically, to straighten the they actually have other benefits teeth so that you that people don’t often think of. do not have to Orthodontics correct a person’s wear traditional bite by putting the teeth in the braces. Each set Dr. Anne Marie proper relationship with each of trays are worn Payne other. Orthodontics correct for two weeks problems with overbite, crossbites, at a time. This is a great and “under bites” to name a few. esthetic treatment option Also, straight teeth are easier to keep for many people. clean than crowded teeth, which could mean healthier teeth for a lifetime. Q. What should I expect at an initial consultation? Q. At what age should my A. Consultations at child see an orthodontist? BracesBracesBraces are A. Our motto is “8 is Great!” complimentary. At my offices, We like to see every child that is 8 we generally take a “panoramic” years old and older. There are some x-ray and do an examination to problems that are very important find out what the problems are. to address at this age and stage of We will discuss the problems, all growth. If you wait until the child of the options for treatment, and has all their permanent teeth in to will answer any questions you see an orthodontist, it may be too may have. late to correct some problems.

44 FALL 2015

Q. How long are braces normally worn? A. Orthodontic treatment time is determined on a case by case basis. If all of the adult teeth are in and you need a full set of braces, treatment times generally range from 12-30 months, depending on what problems need to be corrected. Sometimes kids need early orthodontic treatment before they have all their permanent teeth in. This is called “Phase I” treatment and is shorter in duration than full braces. Q. How often do patients see the orthodontist when they have braces? A. Most orthodontic patients are seen every 4-6 weeks, but the time between appointments can vary from case to case.

after braces, and then nighttime for a lifetime. The reason you don’t want to stop wearing your retainers is because teeth have a natural tendency to shift over time and nightly retainer wear helps prevent this from happening. Q. How do I get an appointment for a free consultation? A. To schedule an appointment for a free consultation at one of our convenient area locations, please call (502) 254-8525.

Dr. Anne Marie Payne practices at the New Albany, Ind., and Jeffersonville, Ind., locations of BracesBracesBraces. SPONSORED BY:

Q. What do retainers do and how long are they worn? A. Retainers hold your teeth straight. I have patients wear them full-time for the first 6 months

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TODAY’S FAMILY

FALL 2015 45

DIRECTORY Champs Rollerdrome

Kentucky Science Center

727 W. Main St., Louisville, KY 40202 502.561.6100 • KYScienceCenter.org

CELEBRATIONS

9851 Lagrange Rd., Louisville, KY 40223 502.425.1717 • SkateBirthdays.com

Focus: Birthday parties Ages: Any Capacity: Varies for private/semi-private Description: We offer several different packages for both private and nonprivate skating birthday parties. Prices and times vary, please see website for full details of each package. Choose fr om a variety of packages tailored with custom invitations, admission, skate rental, music request, unlimited Pepsi products, themed party supplies, pizza, popcor n, a shout-out from the DJ booth and more. All you need to provide are the cake and the kids. Contact: service@skatechamps.com

Kart Kountry Family Entertainment Center

Focus: Special Events Rentals Ages: All Capacity: Various Description: The Kentucky Science Center provides a unique event venue for any occasion! Rent the Riverview Room on the 4th floor , with its large windows overlooking the Ohio River. For a truly special event, rent the entire Science Center for exclusive access to the exhibits and our 4-story, large format theatre for your guests. Contact: Alexis Becker at 502.560.7141

Local family weekend events

315 Joe B. Hall Ave., Shepherdsville, KY 40165 502.543.9588 • gokartkountry.com

Focus: Birthday parties Ages: All ages Capacity: No capacity limit Description: Offering several options of fun party packages ranging in price. Choose from your choice of location- outdoor tables, party pavil ion or arcade party plus different party add-ons and more! It’s an easy 5-step process to create your own experience! Visit our website for the full list of party options and packages. Contact: party@goKartKountry.com

Great giveaways

Kid-friendly crafts

Find it all at TodaysFamilyNow.com

2170 Tyler Lane, Louisville, KY 40205 502.458.9551 • ahsrockets.org

Specialty: Nanny services Cost: To be determined Employee qualifications: Certified Professional Nanny credentials from the American Council of Nanny Schools/trained in CPR, First Aid & W ater Safety Description: Sullivan University’s nationally acknowledged Professional Nanny Program is an institution with more than 20 years experience training and placing qualified childcare professionals. Available for in-home day or live-in services. Contact: Lisa Zaring, lzaring@sullivan.edu

Grades: 9-12 Type: Private Catholic Cost: $11,700 tuition Scholarships: Yes Description: A college preparatory school for young women, found ed in 1955 by the Sisters of Mer cy. Our mission and values are the foundation of our identity and guide our decisions and actions as an institution. We are the community of Assumption where faith guides, compassion inspires, integrity matters, and excellence empowers. Contact: President Mary Lang, mary.lang@ahsrockets.org

The Gardner School

Meredith-Dunn School

CHILDCARE

3101 Bardstown Road, Louisville, KY 40205 502.413.8607 • sullivan.edu

3023 Melbourne Ave., Louisville, KY 40220 502.456.5819 • meredithdunnschool.org

Grades: 6 weeks – pre-K Type: Private Cost: Varies by age Scholarships: No Description: Preschool specializing in early childhood educa tion. This year, we achieved the honor of national accr editation through the National Accreditation Commission for Early Care and Education Programs! We offer year-round education programs both full and part-time. Contact: Jennifer McNickle, jennifer.mcnickle@thegardnershool.com

Grades: 1 – 8 Type: Independent, for Students with Lear ning DifferencesCost: Tuition $13,620 w/ $500 book fee Scholarships: Financial Aid Available Description: Meredith-Dunn School offers prescriptive, individualized education for students with lear ning differences/disabilities in Grades 1 through 8. We provide highly individualized instruction in a nurturing environment designed to empower students to become accomplished learners and resilient individuals. Contact: aeddins@meredithdunnschool.org

Presentation Academy

Sproutlings Pediatric Day Care & Preschool

Type: Catholic Grades: 9-12 Cost: Tuition $10,370 Scholarships: Yes Description: Louisville’s oldest continuously operating school, a college preparatory academy for young women. Founded in 1831 by Mother Catherine Spalding and the Sisters Charity of Nazar eth, it encompasses an education rooted in faith, embraces an urban setting/ diverse population, promotes leadership and provides individualized attention. Contact: Jacqueline Back, jback@presentationacademy.org

Grades: 6 weeks to 5+ years Type: Pediatric/ Private Cost: Varies by age Scholarships: None Description: The only Prescribed Pediatric Extended Care center in the region that integrates medically fragile children with kids in traditional daycare or preschool offering ongoing medical care, occupational, speech and physical therapies. Indoor/outdoor play areas, art space, cafeteria, interactive SMART Boards, Snoezelen Room and more. Full and part-time childcare available for children six weeks and up, M-F 6:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Contact: info@sproutlingsdaycare.com

EDUCATION

9401 Mill Brook Drive, Louisville, KY 40223 502.412.3088 • thegardnerschool.com

861 S. 4th St., Louisville, KY 40203 502.583.5935 • presentationacademy.org

FALL 2015

EDUCATION

Assumption High School

Sullivan University

3701 Frankfort Ave., Louisville, KY 40207 502.753.8222 • sproutlingsdaycare.com

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Arts

Louisville Metro Parks & Recreation

YMCA of Greater Louisville

Louisville, KY 40233 • 502.456.8142 • bestparksever.com

502.587.9622 • ymcalouisville.org Southern Indiana: ymcasi.org

Ages: All Ages Focus: Arts & Crafts, Physical Fitness, Senior Outr each & Nutrition Programs Cost: Most activities are free with a few exceptions, i.e. Summer Camp Description: LMPR operates 12 community centers, 2 senior centers, 2 arts centers and 1 indoor aquatic center . Each center offers a unique variety of classes, activities and events. If you ar e looking for a welcoming environment to finish homework, get in shape, lear n a new craft or hobby and more, call or visit your neighborhood community center. See website for locations. Contact: Alea Bankston, Alea.Bankston@louisvilleky.gov/ Karen Grinstead (Summer Camp), Karen.Grinstead@louisvilleky.gov

Ages: 3-17 Practice: Varied by sport and location Coaches: Trained volunteers who focus on nurturing, personal attention for all players. Season: All seasons Cost: Varies for members or non-members/age of child Description: Children learn the basics, improve skills and make friends! Basketball, baseball, soccer, swim lessons, indoor field hockey, lacrosse and flag football are offered at selected branches. We make sure that every child gets to participate and that sports ar e safe, fair and fun. Contact: ymcalouisville.org

Little Treasures Kid’s Sale

Clark Memorial Hospital Family Birth Place

502.541.4446 • littletreasuressale.com

RETAIL

Type/Product: Kid’s consignment Description: The area’s most anticipated kid’s consignment event held every March and August. Parents can earn money on the things their kids have outgrown and save up to 90% on new and delicately used brand name items. For more information about the sales, visit our website. Contact: Kelly Brown, kelly@littletreasuressale.com

Derby City Pediatric Dentistry

WELLNESS

2120 High Wickham Place Ste. 103, Louisville, KY 40245 502.254.6097 • derbycitypediatricdentistry.com

1220 Missouri Ave., Jeffersonville, IN 47130 812.283.6631 • clarkmemorial.org

Hours: 24/7 Insurance Accepted: ALL Description: The Family Birth Place offers a personalized birth experience with spacious labor and delivery suites, in-r oom waiting areas, garden tubs and certified midwives. We provide quality care to mom and baby through programs like Kangaroo Care and Quiet Time. A variety of childbirth classes and new sibling classes ar e available. Contact: Jan Austin, 812.283.2516

Sports

Ages: 2 and up Special Requirements: Appropriate dance shoes/ attire Instructors: Well trained/professionals in multiple styles of dance Cost: $30-$280/month Description: We offer a variety of dance styles including jazz, tap, ballet, hip hop, lyrical/contemporary, technique, pointe, and acrobatics. Recreational and Competitive programs are available. We can provide choreography for dance teams and wedding parties too. W e also offer birthday party packages and rent our space for special occasions. Contact: Tonya Boehnlein, tonya@dreamzdancecompany.com

EXTRACURRICULAR:

8603 Citadel Way, Suite 108, Louisville, KY 40220 502.493.2558 • dreamzdancecompany.com

Ages: 1-24 Focus: Children and adolescent evaluation and therapy Teachers: Doctors/specialists are experts in child & adolescent development Cost: Varies by service Description: Our expertise encompasses developmental/mental health concer ns including ADHD, learning, emotional, mood/anxiety disorders, autism, speechlanguage and social skill disorders. Our doctors provide collaborative therapeutic interventions that work with your child’s doctors and school personnel. Contact: meds@squareonemd.com

Administrative Office – 1297 Trevilian Way, PO Box 37280

EXTRACURRICULAR:

Dreamz Dance Company

WELLNESS

6440 Dutchmans Parkway, Louisville, KY 40205 502.896.2606 • squareonemd.com

Personal Development

EXTRACURRICULAR:

Academics

EXTRACURRICULAR:

Square One Specialists in Child and Adolescent Development

Dupont Pediatric Dentistry

1001 Dupont Square North, Louisville, KY 40207 502.897.0625 • dupontpediatricdentistry.com

Hours: Mon-Friday 8-4:30 pm Insurance Accepted: Most insurances, including Medicaid are taken Description: We make each visit a fun, easy and str ess-free experience for you and your child. From the first visit, we begin to develop a relationship with the new patient, educate you and your child on the health of your child’s teeth, including how to prevent cavities and provide lifelong healthy dental habits. Contact: Dr. Korie D. Acord, info@DerbyCityPediatricDentistry.com

Hours: Convenient hours M-F Insurance Accepted: In network with most insurance companies, including Passport and Humana Car esource Description: Providing specialized dentistry for children/adolescents in a caring, “child-friendly” environment. Our 2-3 years of additional training after dental school prepares us for the unique dental needs of each child. W e focus on preventive care to help each child grow a healthy smile that will last a lifetime. We serve infants, children, teens and children with special health care needs. Contact: Dr. Jenna Schulten DMD, DrJenna@dupontpediatricdentistry.com

Floyd Memorial Hospital Birthing Center

Stony Spring Family Dental

Hours: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Insurance Accepted: ALL Description: We offer a birthing experience tailored just for you. Moms can choose to deliver with a certified nurse midwife or an OB/GYN. We offer natural childbirth options, including garden tubs, birthing balls, birthing plans and doulas, as well as pain management options. Classes are available for new moms, dads and siblings, infant CPR and infant massage. Contact: Guided tours: 812.948.7420, childbirth classes:1.800.4.SOURCE

Hours: M & W 7am-3:30pm, T 8am-5pm, TH 10am-7pm Insurance Accepted: Most insurances accepted Description: We are centrally located and provide world-class dental care in a comfortable, family-oriented atmosphere. We Treat the Whole Patient, and the Whole Family. We are dedicated to offering dental care for the entire family under one roof, and we work with our patients in addressing their overall health as well as their dental needs. Contact: 502.499.8827, info@hammerdental.com

1850 State St., New Albany, IN 47150 1.800.4.SOURCE • floydmemorial.com/baby

TODAY’S FAMILY

David W. Hammer, DMD, PSC 3413 Stony Spring Circle, Louisville, KY 40220 502.499.8827 • hammerdental.com

FALL 2015

d•i•y

1 In one cup, combine 2 tablespoons warm water and ½ teaspoon Borax and stir to dissolve. In the other cups, combine 1 tablespoon glue and 5-10 drops of food coloring, depending on the desired color intensity, and stir. Add 1 tsp of the Borax solution and 1 tablespoon of cornstarch to each cup of the colored glue. Let sit for at least one minute.

2 Beginning with the first cup, stir contents together with a butter knife or stick.

4 Your ball will need to be reshaped often, as it will flatten when not being used. Keep it in a zipped bag when not in use to ensure that it won’t dry out.

Bouncy Ball

Ingredients • Water • Borax • Glue • Cornstarch • Liquid food coloring

3 When it begins to solidify after a couple of stirs, take it from the cup and squish it between your hands several times and roll it into a ball shape. Repeat with the contents of the other cups. Let it dry for a few minutes and bounce it!

Story and Photos By Miranda Popp

With a few household products and a little chemistry magic, you can make a bounce ball that will be sure to delight even the oldest kid (that’s YOU!) in your house. Glue contains polyvinyl acetate, which is a polymer that links to itself when mixed with borax, and that’s where the wonderfully fun bouncy action comes from! 48 FALL 2015

*Adults should handle the borax with younger children and closely supervise the project with older children.

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