Today's Family October 2019 by Today's Transitions

OCTOBER 2019

By Megan Seckman Photos by Melissa Donald

SLEEP, BABY, SLEEP Avoid those unhealthy ‘sleep crutches’ so that your children — and you — can have a restful night.

aggie Moore had a loving marriage, the perfect pregnancy, and an easy delivery. Motherhood, she assumed, would be a joyous and magical experience — the climax to a perfect story. And then her son was born, and he would not sleep. Like, ever. She and her husband would take turns rocking and swinging and bouncing and swaddling and driving desperately around town in an attempt to get their prodigal son to rest. After four months of this exhausting dance, with both parents sleep deprived and Maggie in the depths of postpartum depression, Maggie said it was enough. “My husband and I had been sleeping in shifts. The lack of sleep was making my depression worse, and I knew I had to do something,” Maggie explains. She sought the help of a sleep consultant, but came up empty handed. There were none available in the Kentuckiana area. At 16 weeks, Maggie hired an international sleep consultant over the internet. And within three days following her sleep-training protocol, her son was sleeping through the night. Soon, her depression became manageable, her marriage returned to normal, and she began to gain confidence in her ability to parent. Maggie was so inspired by this lifechanging experience that she decided to enroll in The Family Sleep Institute’s sleep consultant certification program to help other desperate families get their lives back. Her business Moore Sleep now offers sleep consultations via phone, internet, or in person to families of new children or multiples. “Sleep is important for good family dynamics,” Dr. Christina (Christy) Lane of Growing Kids Pediatrics, says. “When you are sleep deprived, you are practically drunk: you are forgetful, irritable, unhealthy, and make poor decisions. How do you expect to discipline or parent effectively in that state? We need to be thinking parents, not reactionary ones — and you can’t do that unless you are sleeping.” Dr. Lane firmly believes in establishing healthy sleep hygiene in infancy so that the entire family can function properly. That means that your infant is in their own bed sleeping six to seven hours a night by 8 weeks old so that you can sleep, too. “Children are a PAGE 54 >>

October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Lack of sleep led Maggie Moore to seek a sleep consultant for their then-newborn son Max. Now Maggie helps other parents find answers to their children’s sleep problems.

<< PAGE 52 healthy addition to the family, not the center of it,” Dr. Lane says. Maggie says that most parents fall into unhealthy “sleep crutches” like rocking or feeding (or swinging or driving or co-sleeping) their babies to sleep. Her advice for new mothers is to “sleep train” your infant by establishing strict schedules. First, stick to a bedtime ritual of soothing lights and sounds, a bath, or song. Then, choose a method to sleep training: cry-it-out, pick-up-putdown, or the chair method. If you allow your child to cry-it-out, your child will learn to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep in about three to five nights. If the stress of a wailing infant is intolerable, try more gentle methods like the “pick-up-put-down” or “chair” methods. In the first, parents stop, wait, and listen until their child is upset, then they pick up to soothe. Once the child is soothed but still awake, then they put down (and repeat). This method requires patience, but will eventually train the child to sleep on their own. In the chair method, the parent pulls a chair into the child’s room and avoids eye-contact and too much touch while the child is learning to gain confidence to sleep alone. The idea is the child will learn to selfsoothe but knows the parent is near.

October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Every few nights, the parent pulls the chair further away from the crib until the chair is out of sight in the hallway. This method takes several weeks to establish a routine, but is effective in sleep training older children who might have developed some attachment habits. Maggie also recommends 12 hours of sleep for toddlers and to be clear

What About the BIG KIDS? Dr. Christy Lane says that healthy sleep is also crucial in adolescence. An adolescent’s circadian rhythm is not set-up for school — their bodies want to wake around 9am and sleep around 11pm — and rely on at least 10 hours of sleep per night. In order to help your teen get the sleep they need, ensure that screens are not involved in their bedtime routine. “The blue lights of their screens stimulate the brain and they are addictive. The continuous alerts of their social media accounts will keep them from ever getting deep sleep. I recommend no electronic devices in the room before bed, not even TV. Read a book, talk with your children, pray, if that is what you do, but try to be the last face they see before bed. You could be missing out on these incredible intimate moments if you allow screens to be the bedtime ritual.”

about your expectations. “Toddlers are going to make, what I call, curtain calls: Can I have a drink of water; can I have another story; can I have another book? You have to anticipate their needs and state the expectations clearly — You will only get two books tonight and then you will have to go to sleep.” For children who climb out of the bed, simply walk them back without any engagement. Maggie recommends tying a bell to your door or purchasing a toddler monitor if they are stealthy. “The most important component is to remain consistent. Each child is an individual, so if what you are doing is working, then keep doing it,” Maggie explains. She also stresses the importance of monitoring the wake periods (the time in between naps) and feeding schedules. When an infant is overtired, they have a harder time getting to sleep, so don’t forget to allow for multiple naps in infancy, and remember that it might not be necessary to feed your child every time you want them to sleep. No matter your approach to bedtime, Maggie says it should remain positive. Bed should never be negative. After all, the patterns you establish with healthy sleep hygiene in infancy will have life-long effects. (And a house that can sleep is always a happier one.)

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Woman / October 2019

ast month you may have been among the millions of parents to drop your teen off for her first year away at college. You lugged in and unpacked the countless storage tubs full of necessities. You said goodbye and left. It was hard to leave, but you did so knowing that for your child, this is the next step to adulthood. But then the calls and texts flood in. “I hate it here. I hate my classes. I have no friends. I want to come home.” As a parent you find yourself in the tricky midst of trying to understand how to interpret and react to the signals your child is sending. “Homesickness is very common,” says Dr. Aesha L. Uqdah of the University of Louisville Counseling Center. “Being in a new environment with new responsibilities trying to function as an independent adult can be overwhelming, but at this point the parent should be moving into being more of a consultant than a problem solver. It’s important to resist the urge to ‘fix’ things. Also, resist the urge to let them come home on the weekends, at least for the first few weeks.” For Lisa Hinton, this wasn’t an easy task. Two weeks into freshman year, her daughter’s roommate left school, leaving her alone to fend for herself. Lisa says, “In high school, Chelsea had a small, close-knit group of friends, but none of them went to this college. She always felt a little socially awkward, so things weren’t as easy for her as for my other two. She wasn’t one to reach out to make new friends, so I was worried. At least with a roommate, she would have someone to go out and explore with. I

couldn’t see her doing it on her own and yes, I did everything they told me not to!” Dr. Uqdah continues, “Research shows that students who feel more connected to the university community are happier and more successful academically. (Because of this) the school plans a lot of social activities and opportunities for incoming freshmen in order for them to connect with others. Students who go home on the weekends, (especially during the first few weeks), miss out on this and can end up feeling even more left out down the road.”

“I GUESS AS A PARENT YOU HAVE TO WALK THAT MINEFIELD OF TOUGH LOVE SOMETIMES.” “Even though all my friends and family told me not to,’’ Lisa says, “I talked to Chelsea every night to make sure she was OK. She was coming home every weekend, and I quickly realized it was making everything worse for her at school. Finally, there came a weekend where we were going out of town and Chelsea said she’d come home to watch the house. I told her no. She needed to stay put. It was hard, but I knew I had to do the tough love thing. I felt so bad, but I stopped all the calls and didn’t answer hers, either.” Chelsea Hinton remembers this well. “Going to college, I anticipated this awesome new start. I thought I would have this great bond with my

roommate and everything would be good. When that didn’t work out, I guess I kept seeking a safe place and that was home. When my parents stopped answering my calls I kept wondering why they were mad at me. I guess as a parent you have to walk that minefield of tough love sometimes. In hindsight I can see my mom wasn’t helping me letting me call all of the time because rather than focusing on where I was, I was fostering my need to be around them and safe.” She continues, “Cold turkey definitely hurt, but it forced me to fill that void. I threw myself into my academics, and I tried to join a lot of study groups. It took my mind off of home and the isolation I felt. Pretty soon, I felt better.” Dr. Uqdah says, “To the freshman who doesn’t have another student to attend social activities with, I would say to just go anyway. The easiest thing to do during Welcome Week is to just show up. There are a lot of outdoor social activities and many of them have free food, games, and lots of opportunities to meet people. They are set up to be welcoming for you. If that’s not your thing, look into joining some of the registered university groups. The University of Louisville has over 500. “Another important point,” says Dr. Uqdah, “parents should give themselves some grace. They are adjusting as well. This is a new stage of life, and they may have feelings of ambivalence. Some may need to readjust and make a conscious effort to focus on themselves rather than their child.”

HELLO, MOM? I HATE COLLEGE AND I WANT TO COME HOME! By Bobbe Ann Crouch Photo by Melissa Donald

With all the excitement of starting something new, Chelsea Hinton and her mother Lisa didn’t expect Chelsea’s rocky start to college life. October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Woman / October 2019

FAMILY WALKS HELP BRING OUT By Tonilyn Hornung

istening to my son yammer on about “TAKING WALKS school is a welcome relief. As we AND BEING OUT IN jump over cracks in the sidewalk, NATURE HELPS WITH my heart fills to bursting with each story THAT MIND/BODY about a lunchtime revelation or a recess CONNECTION.” reverie. My open-hearted kindergartner is open again — a far cry from the closed Jessica Sharpenstein off kid I was parenting a week ago. The Mindfulness Educator simple act of slowing down, being mindful, and walking together is changing him and changing us. “At its core, mindfulness is taking a pause. It’s building a more constructive relationship with yourself from a place of non-judgment,” says Jessica Sharpenstein, mindfulness educator at Fairdale High School. I hadn’t intended on starting a mindfulness practice with my 5 year old, but in essence that’s what began happening with our after-school walks. When my son started kindergarten, I was prepared for changes. My days went from having a little boy glued to my side chatting about whether or not Chewbacca loved cheese crackers to having a panting dog glued who was only by my side when I opened a box of cheese crackers. This was a big difference. I can only imagine what it was like for my kid. His whole world expanded to include new faces, friends, and concepts. I was looking forward to hearing his heartfelt school stories, but those stories didn’t come easily. An awkward silence began to take over my kid’s usual chatty personality. I was getting one word answers to questions regarding school, and the replies were filled with an irritation I’d never witnessed. My son had always been open with his feelings. I wanted to find a way to keep our lines of communication open without forcing him to talk. That’s when I remembered our walks. As soon as my son took his first steps, he was going places — for him it was around the neighborhood. Early on, my family and I made walks an evening tradition. As he grew, the walks fell away and daily life took over. “Taking walks and being out in nature helps with that mind/body connection,” Jessica says. This is why I thought I’d try walking again. That simple act produced an instant change. “Mindfulness creates a space to be able to tune into yourself,” Jessica says. The space we shaped during our first walk allowed him to talk about a kid in class who’d hurt his feelings. We talked through it, and I felt his heart become lighter. I’d found a tool that could help. “There’s no right or wrong way to practice mindfulness. Being in nature, coloring, journaling, reading, practicing gratitude — anything can be mindful,” Jessica says. Slowing down and walking is bringing out the feelings in my kid. “Mindfulness helps develop compassion and empathy. When we start to have empathy and compassion for ourselves, we can also return that for others,” Jessica says. I’m relieved that I found a way that helps my kid speak his heart, and I especially love that on our walks he still lets me hold his hand.

October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

‘THE TALKS’

Photo by Melissa Donald

3 HEALTHY HABITS FOR KIDS’ TEETH

Jenna Schulten, DMD, and owner of Dupont Pediatric Dentistry, advises a young patient on the basics of brushing.

PROMOTION | By Tiffany White

eeping your children’s teeth strong and healthy is easy, if you are taking the right steps to prevent cavities. Jenna Schulten, DMD, and owner of Dupont Pediatric Dentistry, shares three ways for ensuring that you don’t increase your child’s chances of developing cavities and other dental health problems in the future.

• Start good dental hygiene habits early. “As soon as your child starts getting teeth, you need to brush them — especially at night.” • Use fluoridated toothpaste. “You don’t need to use a lot of toothpaste. Children between the ages of 1 and 2 need a rice-sized amount of toothpaste, and children between the ages of 2 and 5 only need a pea-sized amount. Some parents are very hesitant about doing this, because they say the child can’t spit. But we are not going for bubbles. We just want [the toothpaste] to touch the teeth.” • Be picky about what your child eats and drinks. “Hygiene is only 50 percent of it. You have to manage your child’s diet.” Jenna says the acidity level inside our mouths must stay neutral for teeth to remain healthy. “When kids snack on food the whole day or sip on juice all day, it is more damaging to their teeth, because it makes the acidity level drop, which breaks down the enamel on their teeth.” If you allow your child to eat candy, she says, it is best to brush immediately to prevent the candy from getting stuck in the grooves of the teeth. “Candy is not just sugary, it is sticky and stays on the teeth for a while. The longer it stays on the teeth, the more damage it is doing.”

3934 Dutchmans Lane | Louisville, KY 40207 502.897.0625 | dupontpediatricdentistry-louisville.com

Today’s Woman / October 2019

When You

Can’t Live Alone By Carrie Vittitoe Photos by Patti Hartog

There are few things harder than realizing that someone you love probably shouldn’t live independently, especially if that someone you love is yourself. It may feel like a defeat to leave your home and accept help from others, even if that help ultimately means a better quality of life. For many people, what they want from an assisted living community isn’t bells and whistles or nonstop activities. They want it to feel comfortable; they want it to feel like home. Beehive Homes, Creekside on Bardstown, and Twinbrook are three assisted living communities that offer their residents small size, warmth, and an intimacy they won’t find in larger settings. PAGE 60 >>

October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

our experts “To keep it small, quaint, and homey is what we love about Beehive.” AIMEE BOSCO General Manager Beehive Homes BEEHIVE HOMES includes two Louisville locations in Lyndon (8401 LaGrange Road) and Smyrna (8800 Smyrna Parkway). It began in 1987 and focuses on smaller facilities designed to resemble residential homes.

“We focus on the ‘whole person’ so our residents live the highest quality of life possible for as long as possible.” KELLY KING Sales and Marketing Director Creekside on Bardstown CREEKSIDE ON BARDSTOWN is located at 3535 Bardstown Road. Its approach is tailored to an individual’s cognitive abilities and strengths.

“We support residents as they need. It’s all of our staff’s job to support residents; we jump right in, and residents can still live an independent life.” ADRIENNE MADDEN Client Services Coordinator Twinbrook

TWINBROOK ASSISTED LIVING has been family-owned for more than 35 years. It is locally operated and located in the heart of the Highlands, Hikes Point, and St. Matthews at 3525 Ephraim McDowell Drive. Today’s Woman / October 2019

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Assisted living provides a variety of services to seniors. Some seniors simply need someone to remind them to take their medications. Others may need help with the activities of daily living, such as bathing or dressing. Some seniors may not have family nearby and reach a point where they want to have other people around “just in case” something happens to them. Virtually all assisted living communities offer similar services to residents, such as three meals a day, medication reminders, companionship, and social activities. Each community, however, has a unique feel that will appeal to different seniors depending on their personalities and interests.

SIZE MATTERS Not everyone wants to live in a large community. Many seniors like being able to easily navigate a building without the worry of getting lost. Beehive Homes are known for their small size; the local franchises have 14, 15, and 18 rooms. “We have a super family-like setting,” says General Manager Aimee Bosco. “Due to us being a smaller facility, we are able to work more hands-on with the residents.” Aimee says Beehive is like a really large ranch-style home. The living room, kitchen, and dining room are open and inviting as soon as guests walk in the front door. It is intentionally designed to feel like a home, which means individual rooms do not have microwaves or refrigerators. “We encourage the residents to partake in the daily activities,” Aimee says. Creekside on Bardstown is also on one-level so residents are in close proximity to common areas and the dining room, as well as the on-site beauty salon. “[Residents’] adjustment to the community is quick because it’s smaller and more intimate,” says Sales and Marketing PAGE 61>>

Thriving Residents The daughter of a Beehive resident has been thrilled with her mom’s successful adjustment to the community, which she attributes to the activeness and care at Beehive Homes. “I believe Beehive staff has helped my mom improve her overall physical and mental health this year. And that is saying a lot for a 90-year-old woman,” she says.

Bee Hive residents Alda Harris, Justin Andriot, Evelyn Hornbeck, James Callihan, June Clez, Jim Mills, and Lucille Anderson with General Manager Aimee Bosco.

October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

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Director Kelly King. Refrigerators and microwaves are in the 20 assisted living apartments, which give residents the flexibility of eating breakfast on their own but joining friends for lunch and dinner in the dining room if they choose. Twinbrook is slightly larger with 60 apartments spaced out between two floors and all have either a patio or balcony. The building was remodeled five years ago in an update which included the Some seniors simply removal of bathtubs and the installation of walk-in need someone to showers. Microwaves and refrigerators are in remind them to take each apartment.

their medications. Others may need help with the activities of daily living, such as bathing or dressing. Some seniors may not have family nearby and reach a point where they want to have other people around “just in case” something happens to them.

STABLE AND FLEXIBLE A smaller sized assisted living community often means greater stability and flexibility. A community that feels like home to residents also feels like home to staff, so there is often less turnover. When the community’s administrators are close by, problems are solved quicker. Because of the smaller size of the community, the staff is able to give individual attention and companionship.

Caregivers at Beehive Homes often have the opportunity to do one-on-one activities with residents, which is especially nice for individuals who tend to keep to themselves. “We find out what interests the residents may have. For example, if a resident has a passion for art, then we try to incorporate something artistic into their daily activity,” Aimee says. At Twinbrook, Owner Brad McCoy and Client Services Coordinator Adrienne Madden, along with other staff members, have been there for decades. All staff members regularly pitch in to do whatever needs to be done to make residents’ lives better, whether it is driving the bus, painting, serving meals, or doing dishes. Having the owner on site means Twinbrook is supremely flexible. There is no need to call a corporate office for decisions to be made. “We work with people on when they’re moving in and when rent is going to start,” Brad says. “We can decide things quickly. We do what it takes to make people happy.” When she gives tours, Adrienne reinforces that Brad is available at all times. “The owner is right here, so if you have a question or a problem, it’s not like you have to go through a lot of hoops. He may be driving you to the grocery so you can just ask him then,” she says.

AFFORDABILITY Lush decor and luxury come with a steep price, and many seniors simply don’t have the resources. Those that do have the resources are often more frugal in nature; they have never lived lavishly and don’t feel comfortable in those surroundings. “Unlike many other senior living communities, our monthly rates are all inclusive, which gives our families peace of mind knowing the rent rates will not fluctuate each month,” says Sales and Marketing Director Kelly King. Creekside’s monthly rates include everything from utilities and meals to assistance with all activities of daily living (bathing, dressing, hygiene, and medication reminders). PAGE 62>>

Assisted Living Directory Assisted living offers minimal assistance in care, such as providing meals, helping with baths, and offering reminders to take medications. While some residents drive, scheduled transportation may be provided. Daily activities are organized, and there is around-theclock supervision. No health care is provided, and these facilities are not licensed, but certification is required.

Bee Hive Homes Lyndon: 18 units @ $4150/month Smyrna: 15 units @ $3500-$3900/month (502) 694-2956 beehivehomes.com Transportation available: free scheduled transportation Special services: Friendly home-like atmosphere. Home cooked meals, housekeeping/laundry/linen service, variety of activities, free cable TV. Caring and friendly staff. When it comes to care, small is huge! Call today for a tour. Owner: Flip Flop Operations Payment Accepted: private, LTCi, VA

Creekside on Bardstown 3535 Bardstown Rd Louisville, KY 40218 (502) 919-7715 creeksideonbardstown.com

Number of units: 24 Cost per month: efficiency $3500 Transportation available: yes Special services: Transportation, linen service, housekeeping, compassionate caregivers, 3 meals with snacks, engaging activity programming and community events. Owners: Elmington Senior Living Payment Accepted: private, LTCi, VA

Today’s Woman / October 2019

Submitted photo

Thriving residents

Wayne and Eileen Kotcamp take part in many of the activities offered to residents at Creekside on Bardstown.

Kathy Kotcamp says her parents, Wayne and Eileen Kotcamp, spent a lot of time watching television when they were in their own home, but when they moved to Creekside on Bardstown, their activity levels flourished. “Our parents moved in almost a year ago, and we couldn’t be happier with our choice. They enjoy all the planned activities, art and cooking projects, music, entertainers, walks, exercises, and off-site excursions.” The Kotcamps spend their days interacting with caregivers and friends.

<< PAGE 61

Like Creekside, Beehive Homes are all-inclusive and do not have additional charges for levels of care. Prices begin at $3,500. Twinbrook is focused on being friendly, homey, and, most importantly, affordable. “We have no admission fee and a $500 deposit to hold an apartment, which goes toward your first month’s rent,” Brad says.

NOT A CRUISE SHIP, BUT A HOME Beehive offers a variety of activities to residents, from potlucks to yoga to trips to see soccer games, but the most important thing is for residents to be able to do what they want since it is their home. While there are routines in place, residents are empowered to make choices about what they want to do or not do. If they feel like sitting on the porch drinking lemonade, that is what they do. “We are flexible in changing up the activities depending on how the resident feels that day,” Aimee says. Twinbrook has been situated near Bowman Field and its surrounding neighborhoods for over 30 years so it is close to nearby shopping. For nearly two years, it has been the home of the Ursuline Sisters, while its motherhouse underwent extensive renovations. While Twinbrook is non-denominational, it now has a chapel and hosts Catholic mass six days a week. Seniors who have gotten used to going to mass regularly don’t have to give that up simply because they are moving into assisted living. PAGE 63>>

October 2019 / TodaysWomanNow.com

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There are activities to keep seniors socializing and involved at Creekside, including cooking classes, courtyard socials, and daily exercise opportunities. The community strives to meet the seven dimensions of wellness: physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, creative, social, and vocational. Because Creekside is nestled in a neighborhood convenient to the Watterson Expressway and Highlands area with mature trees and homes surrounding it, it is a place where residents can just be. Creekside has beautifully landscaped grounds and courtyards where their residents can relax and enjoy time with family and friends. Also, they offer transportation to sporting events, cultural performances, restaurants, and shopping centers in addition to resident scheduled medical appointments. Residents frequently take day trips to fun Kentuckiana places of interest, such as the Louisville Mega Cavern and the state fair. Pets are welcome at Creekside, and the community is in the process of adopting a pet from the local Humane Society to bring companionship to those residents who don’t have their own animals.

Assisted Living Directory Franciscan Health Care Center 3625 Fern Valley Rd Louisville, KY 40219 (502) 964-3381 franciscanhc.com

Number of units: 52 Cost per month: $2250-$4586 Special services: Compassionate, tenured staff; licensed RNs 24/7; chef-prepared meals; activities designed to nourish the mind, body and spirit; gated courtyard; salon; skilled nursing, short-term care, therapy services on-site. Owner: Trilogy Health Services, LLC Payment Accepted: private, LTCi

Twinbrook Assisted Living 3525 Ephraim McDowell Dr Louisville, KY 40205 (502) 452-6330 twinbrookassistedliving.com

Thriving Residents Marc Halpern visited eight communities before he and his mother decided Twinbrook was the right fit for her. She had lived in a luxury assisted living community in Florida, and knew what she wanted from a community in Louisville. “The number one factor in the decision to choose Twinbrook for my mother was the staff. Unlike large corporate-owned facilities, Twinbrook is family-owned, and the owners truly care and do much of the work themselves,” Marc says.

Client Services Coordinator Adrienne Madden and Owner Brad McCoy assist a resident getting on the Twinbrook transportation van.

Number of beds: 60 Cost per month: Studio $2750, 1 BR $3150 Transportation available: free Special services: Private apartments with emergency call cords, planned activities, medication reminders, assistance with bathing, dressing, grooming, three meals daily, transportation to shopping, charges for additional services may apply. Staff on duty 24 hours per day. Family owned and operated. Mass six days per week. Owner: Bryan S McCoy, Inc. Payment Accepted: private, LTCi, AL ins., VA

Let Our Readers Know What Makes Your Facility Stand Out!

List your senior living facility in this space. Call 502.327.8855 to discover more about this opportunity. Today’s Woman / October 2019

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Woman / October 2019