Today's Family Fall 2018 by Today's Transitions

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Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

26 12 CONTENTS FALL 2018

LET’S HIT A HOMERUN By Anita Oldham

HOW MEDITATION IS REPLACING MY MEDICATION By John G. Warren

8 MILESTONES YOU SHOULD REALLY CELEBRATE By Carrie Vittitoe

8 10 12 16

LIVING WITHOUT THE LIKES By Megan M. Seckman

HELP IS ON THE WAY By Barbara Hartman

ARE AP CLASSES WORTH THE WORK? By Carrie Vittitoe

26 32

HEAD WEST!

CELEBRATE BACK TO SCHOOL By Sara Floyd

THE REVEREND JASON CROSBY AND HIS WIFE KATE KNOW ALL ABOUT FLEXIBILITY By Bobbe Ann Crouch

By Carrie Vittitoe

34 AN EMERGENCY SITUATION CHANGES THIS FAMILY’S LIFE By Carrie Vittitoe

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

JUST ASK JOYCE By Joyce Oglesby

WHAT I REALIZE NOW By Elaine Rooker Jack

Photo by Melissa Donald

Volume 28 • Number 2

SPRING 2017 • VOL. 26 / NO. 1 PUBLISHER PUBLISHER Cathy S. S. Zion Zion Cathy publisher@todaysmedianow.com publisher@todayspublications.com

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Anita Oldham Oldham Anita editor@todaysmedianow.com editor@todayspublications.com EDITOR EDITOR Tiffany White White Tiffany tiffany@todaysmedianow.com tiffany@todayspublications.com

Bo Richie hopes to play in the major leagues one day.

Let’s hit a homerun I

n this magazine we are carrying stories from local families who are running the bases of family life — and creating a great home base. Here are the home runs you can read about in this issue:

3 A decision to change the way they use social media because of their child, page 8.

3 A way to help friends or community members, page 10. 3 Celebrating Back to School and other milestones that might be different than every other family’s celebration, page 26.

3 Trying something new that will change your life, page 18. 3 Making things work regardless of the setbacks, page 16. Would you like to be part of a future issue of Today’s Family magazine? Let us know about things your family is doing by emailing Anita@TodaysMediaNow.com. — Anita Oldham, Editor

ON THE COVER

Bo Richie, 9, is a serious young man, who likes fitness training with his mom. “I love baseball, gymnastics and basketball. [For] baseball, I play different positions,” Bo says. “My favorite is second base.” He says that he likes the rings in gymnastics and “at basketball I am awesome at rebounds.” Bo has goals to improve his handsprings in the near future, but his overall goal: to play major league baseball. See page 33 of Today’s Woman.

ASSISTANT EDITOR CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Elaine Rooker Rooker Jack Jack Elaine elaine@todaysmedianow.com elaine@@todayspublications.com COPY EDITOR/SR Miranda G. Popp GRAPHIC DESIGNER April Allman miranda@todayspublications.com april@@todaysmedianow.com COPY EDITOR/DESIGNER DESIGNER/PRODUCTION COORDINATOR April H. Allman Jill Cobb april@todayspublications.com jill@@todaysmedianow.com GRAPHIC DESIGNERS DIGITAL DESIGNER/EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Jessica Alyea Aubrey Hillis jessica@todayspublications.com aubrey@todaysmedianow.com Kathy Bolger PHOTOGRAPHER/PHOTO EDITOR kathyb@todayspublications.com Melissa Donald melissa@todaysmedianow.com Jennifer Wilham jennifer@todayspublications.com OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR Scheri Stewart Mullins PHOTOGRAPHER/PHOTO EDITOR officeadmin@todaysmedianow.com Melissa Donald melissa@todayspublications.com ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Susan Allen OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR susan@todaysmedianow.com Amanda Peyton officeadmin@todayspublications.com BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT DIRECTOR Rachel ReevesDIRECTOR ADVERTISING rachel@todaysmedianow.com Susan Allen susan@todayspublications.com SENIOR MEDIA CONSULTANTS Teri Hickerson SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES teri@todaysmedianow.com Teri Hickerson teri@todayspublications.com Joyce Inman joyce@todaysmedianow.com Ann Hurst ann@todayspublications.com MEDIA CONSULTANT DeanaInman Coleman Joyce deana@todaysmedianow.com joyce@todayspublications.com CIRCULATION MANAGER ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES W. Earl Zion Kaitlyn English kaitlyn@todayspublications.com Today’s Family is published monthly by: Donna Piercy Zion Publications, LLC donna@todayspublications.com 9750 Ormsby Station Road, Suite 307 Louisville, KY 40223 CIRCULATION MANAGER Phone: 502.327.8855 W. Earl Zion todayswomannow.com Today’s Family is published semi-annually by: Today’s Family magazine Zion Publications, LLCis published bi-annually by Zion Publications LLC 307 9750 Ormsby Station Road, Suite and distributed free to the people Louisville, KY 40223 of metropolitan Louisville and Phone: 502.327.8855 Southern Indiana. Circulation 35,000. The opinions expressed herein are todayswomannow.com

exclusively those of the writers and do not The opinionsreflect expressed herein are exclusively necessarily the position those the writers and doFamily not necessarily reflect of the of publisher. Today’s magazine the position of the publisher. Today’s does not endorse or guarantee anyFamily magazine does not endorse or guarantee any advertiser’s product or service. advertiser’s product or service. Copyright 2017 Copyright 2018 by Zion Publications LLC by Zion Publications LLC, all rights reserved. with all rights reserved. Reproduction or use Reproduction or use ofcontent editorialinorany graphic of editorial or graphic manner content in anywithout mannerpermission is prohibited without is prohibited from Zion permission from Zion Publications LLC. Publications LLC.

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Photo by Melissa Donald

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

BBB RATING

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

The Milestones You Should Really Celebrate By Carrie Vittitoe

aby books always have a special page for moms and dads to list important milestones: the first tooth, the first step, the first haircut. Parenting books sometimes mention milestone regressions, such as how a child sleeping through the night is a complete fake-out; in most cases, a child reverts to nighttime wakings because of teething pain, growth spurts, or the development of childhood fears. What parents eventually realize is how many milestones the books fail to document. Some of these parents greet with a sense of profound relief; other milestones feel unexpected and bittersweet.

g n i n i a r t y t t o P Potty-training is a monumental milestone, but parents often erroneously think once a child can use the toilet, the achievement is met. But Sarah Burress, a mom of two sons in Mount Washington, Kentucky, says she is looking forward to her son “not taking off all his clothes when he poops.” And Devin Boughey awaits the day when her toddler doesn’t require someone to hold her hand during bowel movements. For some parents, celebratory dances occur when their child can successfully and independently wipe after bathroom events.

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Pe rs o n a l Hyg i e n e Personal hygiene is another milestone for both kids and parents, whether it is tooth-brushing, deodorant application, or regular showering without a parent having to forcibly put the child in the tub. Even though parents may quake at the thought of their children becoming teenagers, this developmental stage has its benefits. While a 10-year-old boy doesn’t care whether he stinks, a 15-year-old boy does, which means he will not only brush his teeth, but wash his hair and deodorize his armpits.

Bat hi n g Bathing independence can come with a tinge of sadness. Jennifer Browning, a mom of three in Richmond, Kentucky, says, “The one thing I miss is tub toys. I didn’t realize it was a milestone until it was gone. It’s a fun time when they enjoy taking a bath.” As children grow up and don’t want their parents to see their bodies, parents may miss the closeness that came with bathing, drying, and dressing their children.

Ho me Alon e

A milestone that my husband and I are enjoying is being able to leave the children alone in the house while we take a walk or run errands. My neighbor, who has four children under age 5, watches us wistfully as we pass by her house and has even asked me at what age this is possible. It does seem like it takes forever until a parent doesn’t have to put all the kids in the car to go anywhere. I distinctly remember how maddening it was to have to pack everyone in the car — with snacks — for a 10-minute grocery run for milk and bananas.

Some childhood milestones put parents in touch with their mortality. Katheryne Waters says a big milestone was “when I stopped tucking in my teenage daughter and when she started tucking me in.” Another one is when a parent and child can share clothes because they are the same size. While it is great to have a bonus wardrobe, it feels strange that the little person you used to hold in your arms is now as tall as you. Or taller. A downside to the adult-size kid is the cost, which inspires a longing for $6 Target shoes when you are paying $70 at Shoe Carnival.

Wa rd ro be Eating has its own set of unexpected milestones. Judith Boyd, a mom of two kids, says being able to drink out of an open cup or pour a drink without spilling are big achievements. She is waiting patiently for her son and daughter to be able to open fruit bowls without spilling juice everywhere. (Honestly, I can’t do that as an adult, so I think it is a manufacturing issue.) A child’s willingness to eat foods other than chicken nuggets or pizza is another dietary milestone that parents are usually thrilled to see.

Eat i n g

R e a di n g Independent reading is a milestone. Gail Raderer says, “My favorite milestone has been watching my older kids ‘get’ reading. Not just read . . . but love it.” It is exciting to watch your child move from picture books to chapter books, but it is a little sad, too, when they no longer want to snuggle with you at bedtime while you read to them.

Whether a child is cutting a first tooth or experiencing a first heartbreak, parents eventually come to understand that their children’s developmental milestones are also parenting milestones that can bring excitement and pride as well as a sigh of relief or a sniffle.

Today’s Family / Fall 2018

Living Without the Likes

One Mother’s Decision to Get Her Baby Off Social Media By Megan M. Seckman Photo by Patti Hartog

eagan White is no stranger to a camera. As a professional photographer, she is often found behind her lens waiting for the perfect shot. When her daughter Winnie was born almost two years ago, she easily fell into the new-mom trap of trying to document every smile, smirk, and minute aspect of her daughter’s first year. She found herself perpetually posting pics and counting comments from her vast scope of virtual friends. “I realized that I was spending more time engaged with friends on the Internet than with my daughter. Yes, my husband and I were always with Winnie, but our phones were always accessible when we were with her. I started to realize that we were checking our phones 3 to 4 times an hour and that was adding up to way too much time looking down at our phones instead of being present with her. I didn’t want her to ever think she was second to our phones,” Meagan says as she smoothes Winnie’s post-nap bed-head curls. Winnie, in her pink polka dot dress, binky in her mouth, looks ahead with wide eyes. The afternoon’s lighting and her innocent expression would make a great photo, but Meagan’s camera never surfaces. “The brass tacks of it all was that I realized I was posting Winnie for approval, not for the documentation or archival aspect of photography like my parents did. I’m a big believer in printed photographs — of old photo albums that create tangible memories — but that wasn’t what I was doing in Winnie’s first year. I started noticing that she wasn’t smiling when the camera was between us.” After extensive research on the subject, Meagan, 32, realized that there was no conclusive evidence concerning the long-term effects of social media on children, and that did not sit right with her. Megan’s husband, a youth minister, began seeing the ill effects of social media firsthand: increased depression, lack of self-worth, an obsession with image. In addition, wherever Meagan took Winnie – to a concert, to the park, to a birthday party — she noticed that everyone was viewing

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

these precious experiences from behind a tiny screen. So Meagan decided to do something drastic by today’s standards: she removed her life from the Internet. Since March, Meagan and her husband have logged off social media for the sake of their kid. Logging off wasn’t easy. When they made the announcement via Facebook that they would be deleting all of their social media accounts, aside from Meagan’s business Instagram page, they received a lot of backlash from their virtual friends criticizing their decision as being radical. They invited their close friends and family to sign up for a monthly newsletter they send with a few pictures and updates, free from likes and comments. Now Meagan still posts samples of her work, but minus Winnie. She lost 400 Instagram followers since logging off. Meagan says the hit to her business was worth the benefits of logging off, however. She says these past few months have been freeing. “Social media invites another person into your living room, into your conversation, into your bedroom if you’re checking updates before you turn out the lights. We now have more quality couple time, we’ve knocked out our spring cleaning, and we’ve been more present in our lives. Social media isn’t life-giving; I’ve realized we don’t need it.” She calls these new precious moments “snow leopard moments.” In The Secret Life of Walter Mitty there’s a scene where Ben Stiller stumbles upon Sean Penn high in the Andes Mountains. Penn’s character, a photographer, is perched atop a mountain waiting for the perfect shot of the elusive snow leopard. Stiller and Penn sit in awe as the snow leopard passes within view of the camera’s lens, but Penn decides not to shoot so that he can relish the moment himself, free from his equipment. “I want Winnie to live her life without worrying whether or not she looks post-worthy. I want her to know her self-worth doesn’t come from someone’s approval. I just want all of us to be able to have snow leopard moments, and that is hard to do when you’re counting likes.”

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

HELP IS ON THE WAY

HOW I BECAME A ‘GENIUS’ AT ORGANIZING PEOPLE By Barbara Hartman

am an organizer. It is a God-given talent buried deep in my genes. When presented with a problem my brain wonders not only how to solve it but how to unite people willing to help. And there are many generous folks in the Crestwood community.

It’s easy to get involved when family friends have a need, but what if it’s someone you don’t know whose story grabs your heart? I came to know a woman’s story before I met her and once that happened, there was no turning back for me. The core of her situation was a cancer diagnosis with a largely negative prognosis, three daughters — two in high school and one much younger who is significantly autistic — and no other local family to be of help. There were housing issues, financial problems, a care situation resulting in a lot of missed school for the older two while mom was undergoing treatment, car issues... it was an avalanche, not just a snowball. How could we help in this situation and avoid overlapping all the other well-meaning friends and neighbors? This is where the online organizational love-of-my-life — SignUpGenius — comes into play. I contacted a few ladies whose names were provided through church and asked if they would like me to help at an organizational level. The first thing I did was create a SignUpGenius form that requested specific household items that I knew the family lacked. The plan was to “stuff the van,” which was currently undergoing free repair work at our family automotive shop. One thing I most appreciate about SignUpGenius is that all I do is copy the link and paste it to whatever email or Facebook message I am

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

sending out, allowing anyone to access it and see the needs. To sign up to help, a volunteer has to create an account, which requires only an email and password. Once signed up, you have complete access and are automatically added to the recipient list if I send out update emails. Some of the other benefits of using SignUpGenius include transfer of event ownership to another party, easy import of contacts from email, the ability to link documents from Google Drive, and best of all, great customer support. One of its newest developments allows users to collect money related to an event for a fee. I have used SignUpGenius for signups for a friend going through radiation treatment who needed gifts, the cross country banquet, pool parties, chili dinners, monthly library volunteering, testing help for the middle school, health fairs, and a whole lot more. I use SignUpGenius most for school-related event organization. The largest event I organize is the fall festival at South Oldham Middle School. Because of SignUpGenius I have been able to organize volunteers for an event that pulled in about 1,000 participants last year. One of the most fun events I organized via SignUpGenius was a host night for the Wisconsin Singers, a student group of performers from my alma mater, University of Wisconsin-Madison. We organized a meal for them at the Oldham County Arts Center and housed them for the night with local Crestwood families. The benefit of all of this organizing is more than simply helping the people I am organizing for, it includes the resulting relationships I build. I am just the vessel pointing things in the right direction, but I am held together by all the connections I have made over the years.

HEAD WEST!

ONE FAMILY’S RV TRIP ACROSS THE COUNTRY The Pearson family Jennifer, Brian, Claire (10), and Ian (7)

“This was a chance to live my dream.” — Jennifer Pearson

By Carrie Vittitoe

olklore tells us stories of how the geologic wonders of the western United States came to be, from Paul Bunyan forming the Grand Canyon to the trickster coyote turning the Legend People into stone to form the Bryce Canyon hoodoos. These stories lend a mythic allure to the west, which draws many families every year, including the Pearson family of Jeffersontown. When Brian determined that he would be able to take a three-week vacation in 2016, Jennifer began doing research on renting an RV, but she realized that they rented out quickly. “I was posting on some RV forums on Facebook when somebody in Louisville saw my post and said, ‘We might be willing to let you rent from us,’” she says. After contacting their insurance company, the Pearsons determined that the private rental would work for their trip from late August to mid-September.

The Itinerary Because the RV was so big (at 38 feet) and Brian planned to do all the driving, the goal was to drive between four and five hours every day. Their first stop on the way was St. Louis, Missouri, followed by Kansas City, on the line between Missouri and Kansas. Selina, Kansas, came next, and then the Pearsons had their first big stop: Mesa Verde in Colorado, which is a UNESCO World Heritage site. The family stayed a couple days there and then drove to Arches National Park. Bryce Canyon was next on the list, followed by Zion National Park.

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

The Grand Canyon was the last national park they visited before starting the journey home to Louisville. During the trip, they also veered into New Mexico and Texas. Jennifer says Bryce Canyon was her favorite location because it is a mixture of evergreen trees and red rocks. With an altitude around 5,000 feet above Arches and Zion, it was considerably cooler, too. She and Claire did some horseback riding at both Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park. The family hiked at every park they visited, and both kids participated in the National Park Service Junior Ranger program. Jennifer homeschools Claire and Ian, so the trip was both fun and educational. She laminated a map of the U.S. so that the kids could use dry erase markers to map the route they drove each day. She brought along books on the states they passed through, as well as on Native Americans and the Pony Express.

The Convenience Factor Jennifer says packing the RV took two days and felt strange. Rather than folding up clothes for a suitcase, she carried clothes to the RV to hang them up or put them in drawers. The convenience of not having to pack and unpack at each location was a big plus, as was not having to worry about whether they had left anything behind. “It’s like being a turtle,” Jennifer says. “You have your house on your back.” PAGE 14>>

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

“It’s like being a turtle. You have your house on your back.” — Jennifer Pearson, referring to vacationing in an RV

<<PAGE 12

Having a bathroom and kitchen meant they didn’t have to make as many stops along the way. While Brian drove, Jennifer and the kids could play board games at the kitchen table. Just the experience of being in an RV allowed the Pearsons to enjoy the journey. Jennifer says most trips are about getting from point A to point B as swiftly as possible, but being in the RV allowed them to be leisurely.

The Inconvenience Factor There were some things about taking an RV that weren’t convenient. Brian was not a fan of hooking up the sewage line and would don safety glasses, rubber gloves, and waterproof sandals each time he had to do it. Jennifer says she always paid attention to the ground to see if it looked soupy. Hooking up lines — including electricity and water — at a campsite took time and meant that the Pearsons didn’t want to unhook everything each day to drive to a national park. They decided to rent a smaller car once they got out west. Jennifer followed the RV in the rental car. They left the RV at campsites and drove the car to visit nearby parks. The Pearsons didn’t realize how much maintenance RVs require. “I felt like I was calling the owner of the RV every day at first,” she says. During a repair, the service technician told Jennifer and Brian that the movement of an RV on the road is the “equivalent of going through an extended earthquake.” One day, while pulling slowly into an RV park, the RV rocked, which caused the microwave door to pop open and the glass tray to fall out and shatter. Another time, when Brian went to open the front panel of the RV to restart the generator, the panel fell completely off. After contacting the owner to notify him, they called The Good Sam Club (which is like AAA for RVs). The representative said to duct tape the panel until the Pearsons could drive to Moab, Utah, and get it fixed, so they did. Driving the RV was strenuous, especially when Brian had to deal with a high-wind advisory in Kansas. Even though he felt confident that he could do it — and he did — it isn’t something he necessarily cares to do again. Jennifer says the height and weight of the RV made it unwieldy and required Brian to make extremely

wide turns, which almost felt like he was pulling into the middle of intersections. “I thought I could drive it until I sat in the driver’s seat and felt like I couldn’t see over the huge steering wheel,” she says.

On the Whole Jennifer says that it might have been easier to fly out west and rent an RV there rather than spending a week driving round trip from Louisville. By the time the family was nearing the end of the trip, Claire and Ian were exhausted. When they rented an ATV in Utah, Ian actually feel asleep while riding in it. She says while the kids enjoyed the Grand Canyon, it didn’t have the overwhelming impact it might have had if it had been the first thing they’d seen on the journey. The adventure did allow the family to spend a lot of time together, see some amazing sights, and learn about another part of the country. It also allowed Jennifer the chance to live out a childhood wish that stemmed in part from taking her dolls on all sorts of amazing imaginary adventures in a vintage Barbie RV. “This was a chance to live my dream,” Jennifer says. Just as this trip left a memorable mark on the Pearson family, they may have left their mark on the west. One day, in the folklore of the future, storytellers may try to explain the meaning of the spray-painted graffiti left by Claire and Ian at Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, Texas — a roadside art attraction along Route 66 that visitors are encouraged to spray paint — and speculate on what this band of travelers did on their own epic journey.

Not everything on an RV trip is rosy.

The Pearsons took in the scenic canyon and valley views out west.

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

The Pearson family left their mark with spray paint at Cadillac Ranch in Texas at a roadside communal art attraction.

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

An emergency situation changes this family’s life By Carrie Vittitoe Photo by Patti Hartog

edding anniversaries are supposed to be memorable. Courtney and Geoff Bosley will always recall what they were doing on October 22, 2014, not because it was their 10-year milestone, but because it was the day their second son, Leo (now 7), suffered a debilitating pediatric stroke. Leo was like any other threeyear-old. He had begun preschool in August 2014 and played soccer. On that October morning, he awoke unusually early, at 5:30 am, complaining of a headache. By the time Courtney took him downstairs to get him some medicine, he was screaming from the intense pain. Soon after, he lost consciousness. Courtney and Geoff rushed Leo to the car, where he began coughing and spitting up. Courtney says, “I thought he was having a seizure because he started foaming around his mouth.” They realized Leo needed immediate medical assistance, but the stress of the situation felt overwhelming. Geoff had difficulty calling 911. Courtney remembered that their neighbor’s daughter, Stacy Baxter, was a nurse at Kosair, so she grabbed Leo and ran to their door. During the 25 minutes it took for an ambulance to arrive, Leo was breathing on his own although he remained unconscious. Stacy rolled him to his side to keep him from choking in case he vomited and continued talking to him. She urged the Bosleys to have Leo taken to the downtown Kosair location, an act that doctors say likely saved Leo’s life.

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

By the time Leo arrived at Kosair, however, physicians had to intubate him because his breathing began to be labored. Doctors considered all possibilities in making a diagnosis and asked the Bosleys about whether Leo had experienced Geoff and Courtney recent head Bosley, Jack (13), injuries. Courtney Leo (7), Ruby (23 says, “He’s a months) boy, jumping everywhere all the time,” but no on his own. The first step was to specific event see if he could breathe without stood out. the assistance of a machine. A neurosurgeon was called in Over the next few weeks, before to examine Leo and look at the he was moved to Frazier Rehab results of a CAT scan. Medical on November 11, 2014, doctors staff inserted a tube into Leo’s learned the full extent of his skull to release fluid and pressure stroke damage. At first, Leo could from around his brain. Soon after move his head a little bit to the being transferred to the pediatric right and slightly move his right intensive care unit (PICU), hand fingers. He was unable to the Bosleys were given their vocalize anything. son’s diagnosis: subarachnoid By the time Leo went home hemorrhage in the brain stem. from Frazier on Jan 28, 2015, he It is very rare among adults and was able to eat again on his own unheard of in children. without a feeding tube, he could Courtney says seeing Leo in talk (although very slowly), and he the PICU, with his head shaved could sit up on his own. He was and on machines, was her worst left with some facial and hand nightmare. She recalls, “the paralysis, eye nerve damage, and nurses tried to do their best to deafness in his right ear. keep us hopeful, but they really Leo remains unable to walk couldn’t tell me if he was going on his own, although he uses to be ok. I just wanted a ‘yes” or a walker at school. Because even a ‘maybe.’” of the rarity of subarachnoid Because of the stroke, Leo was hemorrhage in children, the in a coma for five days. Once he Bosleys aren’t able to know woke up, it was a slow process likely outcomes and timeframes to see what he was able to do

of recovery. Leo is essentially forging his own path. Geoff and Courtney, who are originally from Bowling Green, Kentucky, moved the family back there to be closer to family, and that is where Leo is now in the first grade. Although his cognition was unaffected by his stroke, Leo has struggled with reading and math this school year. His new environment has also brought its own social challenges. Leo’s classmates don’t always understand why he speaks and moves more slowly than everyone else, and some have said hurtful things. Despite his challenges, the Bosleys know they are very fortunate. Had the stroke occurred just millimeters from where it did, it could have affected Leo’s ability to wake himself up or breathe on his own. Although Leo has limitations, Courtney says, “We’re very blessed that he is here at all.”

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

How Meditation is Replacing my Medication And 7 other ways it has improved my life.

By John G. Warren

rustrated by the auto-refill robot at my pharmacy, I started to look at ways to improve my health that might help get me off prescription medications. For years I’ve taken medicine for high blood pressure, cholesterol, and a host of special vitamins to enhance my bones so I don’t break my foot just walking down the street. I live on antibiotics because I grind my teeth so hard I’ve developed something called bruxism, which I thought was an addiction to deer hunting but is really my jaw disintegrating from clenching from stress. Luckily I found something that is making remarkable strides in helping me reduce the need for these medicines: meditation. Like many men in their 50s, I started to struggle with depression and anxiety, so I went to a psychiatrist. Expecting another prescription I was shocked when my new doctor suggested the centuries-old practice of meditation. He introduced me to the Passionist Earth & Spirit Center on Newburg Road, and I enrolled in the 10-week beginning meditation class. And it changed my life. In my first meditation session it was impossible to stop the chatter and noise bouncing around in my head. Even after learning to focus on my breath, something you learn right off the bat, it was bizarre to actually see the movie of thoughts that ran through my mind. I couldn’t stop the thoughts — my mortgage is due, I’m behind on a project at work, the guy behind me has a whistling nose — from driving me nuts. I even had trouble staying awake at first. But Father Joe Mitchell, who’s been teaching Mindfulness Meditation for decades, taught me it was normal and that it takes practice to quiet the mind. He taught me that the sea has a violent surf and waves at the surface, but on the ocean floor it’s calm. And the closer we get to the ocean floor of the mind, the more awareness we’ll acquire. He explained that a glass of muddy water sitting on a table will eventually settle so you can see right through it. And this is how you learn to see things as they really are. This is how to develop awareness.

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Dr. Chris Schrodt, the doctor who recommended meditation for me, also teaches at the Earth & Spirit Center. He’s been invaluable to me with his knowledge of the human mind, not just as a scientist, but also as a man who has a busy mind as well. He doesn’t have me levitating or chanting on a magic carpet; instead he has taught me to become aware of the present moment. To see things as they really are.

And the benefits have been many: • Before I learned meditation, grinding my teeth caused constant ear infections. Meditation has made me aware I’m doing it and practically cured it. • My blood pressure was in a dangerous range, but after meditation on a daily basis it’s normal. • I’m told my snoring has greatly diminished • I’ve learned to listen to people instead of blurting out and interrupting them. • And not once since setting foot in The Earth & Spirit Center have I made an obscene gesture or had an explosion of road rage. One of the biggest benefits of learning how to meditate was learning the way the human brain works. For 10 weeks I sat with other people like me who were trying to learn to calm their racing minds. Learning about my mind makes me give credence to my favorite quote by Mark Twain: “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” I also learned there are things I need help with. In our culture we learn to stuff painful memories, or learn to ignore uncomfortable thoughts, by pushing them down deep. But we all know they never really go away. There’s not enough liquor, Twinkies, or shopping binges that can keep bad thoughts away forever, but learning that it’s just a thought, and thoughts can’t hurt you, was huge for me. This never would’ve happened if I hadn’t learned to meditate. After all, my head is like a bad neighborhood: you don’t want to go in there alone!

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

ARE

AP CLASSES

WORTH THE WORK? By Carrie Vittitoe

ack in the proverbial â&#x20AC;&#x153;good ole days,â&#x20AC;? teenagers went to high school, took classes, and graduated. These days, making a high school class schedule has become complicated. Students can take regular, honors, or advanced classes, or they may select more rigorous courses that can earn them college credit. For some students, earning college credit gives them a leg up at university, but for others, taking college credit classes in high school may not be worth the stress. PAGE 22>>

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

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What are the college credit options in high school? So what is the benefit? In the state of Kentucky, there are four avenues to earn Even if not all the credits can be used in college, at least some college credit while in high school: dual credit, Advanced of them usually can, which may allow students to begin taking Placement (AP), International Baccalaureate (IB), and Cambridge. their major classes sooner, rather than waiting until sophomore Students who take dual credit courses earn both high school or junior year. The high school college-level courses may count and college credit at the same time as long as the student earns as electives, depending on the school and its programs. a C or better. Instructors of dual credit classes are credentialed With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, even parents who might by the college offering the credit, which now advise their students differently agree means their syllabus and instructional that the experience of taking college credit methods have to be approved. Robin classes prepared their children for higher McCoy, a comprehensive school education. Stacie Leonard, whose daughter counseling program coordinator with the Olivia took IB classes at Atherton and is Kentucky Department of Education (KDE), now a junior at Eastern Kentucky University, says that while Kentucky colleges and says, “I truly believe that the content and universities are more likely to accept dual workload prepared her for college. She feels credit courses, out-of-state and private college is easier after participating in the colleges may not. IB program.” Olivia will also be graduating AP classes differ in that a summative a semester early from college due to the test at the end of the course determines credits she earned in Atherton’s IB program. whether college credit is earned. Trish Kline, whose sons took both dual Students who score a 3, 4, or 5 can earn credit and AP classes at duPont Manual, college credit. “AP courses are recognized was pleased with the difficulty of the AP nationally,” says Jennifer Pusateri, an coursework. Some parents find that their educational consultant with KDE. students can earn good grades with minimal IB and Cambridge Assessment effort in advanced classes, but the material International Examination are more in AP courses really challenges them. Some Kylie Milliken College student holistic programs of study offered at students enjoy the rigor of college credit certain schools. Although students can classes and would be bored if they took less take a singular class, more often students demanding coursework during high school. take an entire curriculum that results in them receiving an IB or In some cases, students want to take AP courses because they Cambridge diploma. For students who think they may wish to go are taught by what students consider “the best” teachers. Trish to university outside of the United States, these programs are noticed that the AP teachers who spent time in summers scoring accepted internationally. AP tests “were the rock star teachers.” She says their scoring provided them a deep understanding of the course material This is where it gets complicated and test structure. Plus, the extra summer work showed how Regardless of which avenue a student uses to earn college dedicated they were to teaching the class well. credit, exactly how classes transfer to college is where it gets Jennifer Pusateri says data from AdvanceKentucky, an confusing and complex. organization that promotes participation and success in college prep Just because a student takes an English class for college classes, suggests that “Students who take an AP course increase credit does not automatically mean that class counts as their likelihood of going to college and staying in college.” Many his English 101 college class. A student who takes eight AP parents would prefer their children struggle in high school — where courses in high school doesn’t necessarily go into college as a they can provide guidance and support — rather than struggle as sophomore. Each college or university determines what course college freshmen. At college the cost of not doing well is higher. credits it accepts, how many, and what they can be used for. Some students may find that a chunk of the college courses they What should students and parents do? took in high school don’t count for anything. “If [students] are going to pursue college credit, [parents] Kylie Milliken, a 2016 duPont Manual graduate and current want to make sure they understand the transferability of Kenyon College student, took 13 AP classes during her high anything they do,”Robin McCoy says. “If a student is going school years. Her mother, Elizabeth Milliken, says, “She got to to apply to three different colleges, I would check the college, and no one else had done that.” As a Spanish/German transferability of courses to all three colleges.” major, Kylie was able to use only six of her AP classes for college It might make sense to not load up with too many college credit at Kenyon. credit classes until students have a clear idea of how many Although the rigor of the AP classes helped her learn to classes will actually transfer to the colleges of their choice. If manage her time well, Kylie doesn’t know if it was worth it. In only four classes can transfer and provide ample experience of some of the classes, “teachers were just packing your head full college rigor, does it make sense to take nine classes and pay for of info, which isn’t really conducive to actual learning,” she says. the associated tests? “I passed the tests, but I remember nothing.” Among some parents, there is a palpable sense of Scott Rountree, whose daughter, Isabeta, graduated from disappointment by the college credit process and a Atherton and now attends the University of Alabama-Huntsville, determination to help other parents have clear expectations. “Is says, “What I consistently heard from teachers, counselors, and it gonna save you money in the future? Nope. Is it going to put IB administrators was that the credits come off the top. The you ahead for your course load? Nope,” Scott Rountree says. reality was a little different.” Trish Kline’s son Ryan will enter IU with around 40 credit hours.

“Teachers were just packing your head full of info, which isn’t really conducive to actual learning. I passed the tests, but i remember nothing.”

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Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

“THERE’S NOT A MAGICAL FORMULA TO GET INTO A SCHOOL.” Kylie Milliken College student

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His two dual credit courses count, as will his AP classes, although some (Macroeconomics and Microeconomics) will replace Kelley Business School classes and others (Human Geography and U.S. History) will count as electives or as general education requirements. “Bottom line: he is going into college with approximately 40-43 credits already, depending on how he scores on his most recent AP tests,” she says, adding that “it doesn’t officially say anywhere he is a sophomore, but theoretically he will be.” Both parents and students also need to be realistic about the workload of college prep classes. “[Olivia] had three to five hours of homework a day, including during school breaks,” says Stacie Leonard. Her younger daughter, Alicia, is in Western High School’s early college program earning dual credit at JCTC, and Stacie says, “I did not understand that they are following both the JCPS schedule and the JCTC schedule. We are responsible to get her to class when JCPS is not in session, and she gave up her spring break to go to JCTC for classes because their spring break was in March.” Parents should have a conversation about what their students want their high school experience to be. Can the student realistically be involved in extracurricular activities, sports, and take five dual credit or AP classes without sacrificing their mental health or sleep? When Scott Rountree talks about what his daughter gained from taking seven college prep classes, he says, “What she learned is to pull all-nighters regularly.” Of high school, Kylie Milliken says, “I didn’t have a social life.”

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Each child is different, so it is important to consider whether the student has the motivation, interest, and time to devote to college-level classes. Is taking a large load of college-level classes in high school in your child’s best interest not just academically, but socially and emotionally? Maybe find the middle way? At the back of parents’ minds is the fear of intense competition at the college level for both schools and scholarships, but “there’s not a magical formula to get into a school,” Kylie says. If two students apply to college, and one has taken six AP courses while the other has taken five, does that one class difference really matter? Aren’t schools also looking at SAT/ACT scores, grades, extracurricular activities, volunteerism, or working at a job during high school? Colleges don’t want students to be cookie cutters of each other. “Having students with varying academic profiles and resumes allows for different perspectives inside the classrooms and community. We look at the entire student’s profile. Test scores, GPA, activities, honors, and jobs tell us a story about the student and what their success could be at our institution,” says Lauren Keeling, senior associate dean of admission at Bellarmine University. Perhaps when making the college prep class decision, parents and students need to remember the Greek poet Hesiod’s dictate to “observe due measure; moderation is best in all things.”

MAKE SCHOOL SUPPLY SHOPPING FUN.

CELEBRATE BACK TO SCHOOL

Story and photos by Sara Floyd

Even if you opt for the pre-packaged bundle oďŹ&#x20AC;ered from the school, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fun to hit the stores and pick up a special item or two. The bins of glue sticks and brightly colored Crayola products have a way of igniting excitement in even the most reluctant child. Have lunch or grab ice cream afterward.

ack to School time is a mixed bag of emotions for me. On one hand, I dread the rigid schedule that comes along with the start of school. I have three children who think midnight is a perfectly acceptable bedtime, and while this works fine during the summer months, it makes the first few weeks of school an even harder adjustment. We spend endless hours together during the summer, and I truly miss them when they are gone all day. But let's be honest, it's not all bad. There is a real sense of relief that my job as Cruise Director on the Summer Ship of Fun is over for the season. I will no longer need to lie in bed at night wracking my brain for entertainment options to fill the long, hot hours of our summer days. The house will remain picked up and I will travel alone and in utter peace through the aisles of Target. I will meet my husband for coffee and make lunch dates with friends I haven't spoken to since May. Tasks on my to-do list will be finished without interruption. Since change can be hard, for little and big people alike, I have put together a list of ideas to make the Back To School transition a little easier (and a whole lot more fun!). PAGE 28>>

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Photo by Melissa Donald

Why I

My School

BY ERIN SPENCER / ASSUMPTION HIGH SCHOOL

T’S 7:45 A.M. ON A FRIDAY AT ASSUMPTION HIGH SCHOOL. The intercom clicks on, feeding a rundown of the day’s events. Most schools would stop right there, withholding all uplifting words. They would conclude with something lackluster like, “See you back here on Monday.” This is not the case with Assumption. It’s 7:56 a.m. now. The administrator wraps up with the traditional weekend send-off, “This is Assumption: where faith guides, compassion inspires, integrity matters, and excellence empowers. And girls, don’t forget to do your homework and go to church on Sunday. Have a great weekend.” Yes, this is the place I have called home for the past 17 years. Okay, so that may be an exaggeration, but ever since I was little, I knew Assumption was where I belong. Not just because I lived nearby, though that was surely a plus, and not because my older sister was an Assumption student. I knew because I sensed there was something different — distinct — about Assumption. Assumption had something special that other schools

couldn’t offer me. Thankfully, I knew exactly what I was looking for. Now, I could write an essay advertising the various academic awards we’ve won, faith and service opportunities we provide, and extracurriculars we offer. In fact, the list goes on and on, but that would be too easy. Of course, all these things should be kept in mind when considering Assumption. However, they could never fully embody this school’s greatness. What makes Assumption truly great is the deeply personal, yet widely universal experience students, faculty, and staff all share. If I had to sum up this experience in one quote, it would be, “The things that surround you change you — in the same way that you change them.” Kudos to Paolo Coelho, a writer we studied in AP English Literature and Composition. Throughout my time here, Assumption has changed me immensely. I went from shying away as I recited my name to declaring it loudly and proudly. From clapping along to our school song to belting out the lyrics with soul. From taking everything at face value

to developing my own informed opinions. From dreading the unknown to craving what’s beyond my comfort zone. Together, these lessons contribute to what I find most admirable about my school: Assumption helped me discover my identity, and the same goes for anyone who walks in these doors. It is for this reason families choose to join the Assumption community. Here, young women learn not only how to be good students and good athletes and good musicians, but good people. The all-encompassing approach to education we receive is like no other. And while it’s certainly a challenge, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My days spent learning inside the classroom, growing in faith on retreat, serving in the community, and playing out on the soccer field have all been adventures in themselves. It is through these experiences I learned to give to Assumption right back. I became a part of something larger than myself. A school. A community. A family. A home. And this — this is why people choose Assumption. It’s why I did.

Assumption Essay Winner Erin Spencer

My School

ESSAY CONTEST

Today’s Family / Fall 2018

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THINK OF A WAY TO BLESS YOUR NEW TEACHER.

Teachers are struggling to transition out of summer mode, too, and a little token of appreciation up front can set a positive tone for the coming year. We brainstorm ideas together and have given everything from flowers in a crayon vase to a Yeti cup to keep coffee hot. The kids love the idea of taking a gift in on that first morning and thinking of someone else seems to take a little of the focus off of any jitters they may be experiencing.

BACK TO SCHOOL PAGE 30>>

PLAN A BACK . L DINNERfor TO SCHOOup and go out

We get dressed s, but a fore school begin steak the night be ner din for t fas ak a bre delivery pizza or eat, we just as well. As we rk wo uld wo ion regarding tradit als go set to s the kid encourage each of . We discuss any , and friendships academics, sports t the upcoming ou ab e hav they may fears or anxieties safety and ir the for r a praye year, and we say a Schultüte m the e giv ner we success. After din ﬁlled with e’) con ol ho ‘sc aning (German word me w pair ne a m fro ts, gif d a few school relate a shiny to ce pie rm ifo un of school shoes or look forward pencil box. They ch year. to this tradition ea

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

JOT A NOTE OR ADD A SPECIAL TREAT TO THEIR LUNCHBOX. Since lunch is

the halfway point of the school day, they might beneﬁ t from a few words of encouragement from home. For younger kids, the knowledge that there is a surprise tucked inside waiting for them may help ease them out of your arms and into the building.

Photo by Aubrey Hillis

Why I

My School

BY DELANEY DAVIS / JUNIOR / PRESENTATION ACADEMY

LOVE MY SCHOOL BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT’S MORE THAN A SCHOOL, IT’S A SECURE AND NURTURING ENVIRONMENT THAT ALLOWS GIRLS TO BECOME YOUNG WOMEN. Presentation Academy has provided me with countless opportunities to grow and become a leader.

I have faith that I will succeed in the real world because I attend a high school that is setting me up for my future. I cannot express my gratitude for the teachers who have helped me get to where I am today. They truly want to see us advance and succeed, not only in a particular class, but in our lives.

When I first came to Pres, I didn’t know who I was or what I was meant to do, the only thing I knew was that I came to the right place. Every single student (including me) will say that when they shadowed, it felt different, almost like a home. The loving and safe atmosphere made me feel as though I had a purpose and I was meant to go to school here.

High school is only a small fraction of my life, but I know I’m prepared for what’s to come because of the experiences I’ve had through Pres. I have grown through leadership forums, retreats, liturgies, and many other opportunities. With all of these, I’ve learned how to become a citizen in our global society, how I can make an impact in our world,

and I’ve become closer within my faith. The friendships I’ve made in high school have each impacted me in a different way. We’ve all grown into young women together, therefore, I believe we’ve created a special kind of bond and will carry these relationships for the rest of our lives. I can proudly say I’m a Pres Girl, and I will forever be thankful for my beautiful school.

My School

ESSAY CONTEST

Presentation Academy Essay Winner Delaney Davis

Today’s Family / Fall 2018

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WELCOME THEM HOME WITH A FUN SNACK AND CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE TO LISTEN TO THE DETAILS OF THEIR DAY.

In our family, this looks like taking turns from youngest to oldest, each sharing something, until they run out of things to share!

BACK TO SCHOOL

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

THINK AHEAD TO MAKE THE FIRST DAY BREAKFAST SPECIAL.

Getting the day started on a positive and happy note goes a long way to ensure that the ﬁrst day back will be a success. I decorate a little table for them and choose a simple menu that I know won’t add any stress to an already hectic morning. (Hint: school supplies can double as place setting decor.)

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

The Reverend Jason Crosby and his wife Kate know all about flexibility By Bobbe Ann Crouch

sk Kate Crosby if, when she was younger, she ever expected to be the wife of the co-pastor of a large, very socially active, and sometimes controversial church. She’ll give a resounding, “NO! I definitely did not, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!” In fact, the original plan for both of them was to finish school and become practicing attorneys. The two met in 2000 at Centre College. “The first thing that attracted me to Jason was his incredible kindness and ability to handle any social situation with ease,” Kate says. Eighteen years and two children later, the Crosby family defies traditional roles. Their game plan was altered when, in 2011 in his second year of law school, Jason answered the call to become co-pastor of Crescent Hill Baptist Church. When asked what made him shelve his lifelong plan, he says, “I just knew that I could be of more service to the community through church than I ever would be able to through law. It really wasn’t a hard decision to make.” With Jason’s position as a co-pastor and Kate’s as a partner in the Louisville firm Tachau Meek PLC, both possess demanding careers that require long hours away from home and call for frequent quick schedule changes.

How do you make it work? Kate responds, “We couldn’t do it if we lived anywhere else but here. We are fortunate to have a large network of support through the community, especially the church.” Jason adds, “It wouldn’t work if we adhered to traditional gender roles.” In the Crosby household, everything is fluid. Since Kate’s job requires the most on-site attention, it’s Jason who readies the children for school, attends most of their events, and gets them to their lessons. He does the laundry and cleans the house, and Kate does the shopping. The two share in the family meal preparation, and according to Brooks, Mama is the best at bedtime stories. Conversational topics? Although it may look like the Crosbys are balancing life with ease, there are occasional bumps in the road. Jason is a contributor to news media outlets

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

regarding issues of social justice, race relations, and equal rights for all, especially minorities, women, and members of the LGBT community. The responses are at times negative and sometimes even hateful. Jason says, “Our oldest knows that some of what I say and do is publicly criticized from time to time. We try to use those moments to discuss how to respectfully disagree with another person.” The bottom line for both Crosbys is an open line of communication and no rigid expectations. Kate shares, “When life throws a curveball, we have to be nimble and flexible.”

Happens at mealtime that probably doesn’t happen anywhere else? “Oh, that’s easy. Jason eats every meal standing up, while the kids and I sit down. We like to be close together so we eat at the kitchen island where there are only three stools.”

Advice for a successful marriage? Ruth Bader Ginsburg once said that ‘In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little bit deaf,’ and what she meant by that is to let things go that don’t really matter. I think we are both good at this. Either that, or we’re just too tired and don’t have the energy to argue about small things.”

Biggest pet peeve about your spouse? Jason: “Kate drives too slow. It doesn’t matter what the speed limit may be, she’s always going at least 5 to 10 miles under!” Kate: “It’s not a pet peeve, because it usually happens when he’s trying to be helpful, but Jason can lose my keys in under two minutes and it’s always when I need them the most!” Family fun for free: “We love to walk across the Big Four Bridge, ride bikes around the neighborhood, hike in Cherokee Park, and play Monopoly. All of the most fun things we do are free.”

Advice for other busy families? “The most important thing is to hit your mark with your spouse and children. The rest always seems to work itself out. We always carve out time to exercise and time to focus on our relationships.”

Kate and Jason Crosby with kids Millie Lou and Brooks.

Photo submitted HOW THEY ARE INVOLVED Jason is a frequent guest on WHAS11’s, “Moral Side of the News,” a member of the board of directors for Kentucky Refugee Ministries, a member of the board of directors for the American Civil Liberties Union of Kentucky, and an active member of the Empower West Louisville Organization. Kate is a member of the board of directors for the Louisville Bar Association and for the Louisville Story Program and is active in the American Constitution Society. Both mentor for “Bulldogs in the Bluegrass,” a service organization of Louisville Yale alumni. And their kids are already following in their parents’ footsteps. Brooks (7) is a rising second grader at Bloom Elementary. He swims, studies piano, plays soccer, and runs cross country. Millie Lou (5) will be entering kindergarten in the fall. She is interested in becoming a ballerina, but her current super power is snuggling.

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

Just Ask Joyce:

How to prepare my senior; Help our son find a friend; get video games out of my house

Q: Struggling with a relationship issue? Write Joyce Oglesby, Family Life FIX-IT Pro at justaskjoyce@gmail.com and find a solution for life. Now you can watch The Just Ask Joyce Show on a TV channel near you. Or, go to justaskjoyce.com to view. It’s where real life and family values connect!

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

“It’s my son’s senior year in high school and I’m scared to death. Have I prepared him for adulthood? He’s a smart kid academically, but he sometimes makes really poor judgment calls regarding relationships. I know there will be lots of temptations in college, but I am not sure he’s ready to face them. I am certainly not ready for him to.”

JOYCE: Not many of us

are ready for our kids to leave home, but it is better than taking a 30-year old to court because he fails to launch. You have a year ahead of you to prepare him for handling relationships. What you don’t impart to him, he will likely learn the hard way. Experience has been in the teaching business since time began. He is bound to face some trials, as well as temptations, this last year in high school and especially upon entrance into adulthood. However, learning to manage them well will equip him for greater ones that are sure to come. Use this year wisely. Seize opportunities to discuss life and love. Share personal experiences and the insight you gained from them. Encourage the other adults in your son’s life to spend meaningful time with him, as well. While preparing him for his future, don’t forget to enjoy his last high school year. It is over far too soon.

“Our 7-year-old son is incredibly witty, but it often comes across as sarcasm, bordering on insults. His young friends, and even our adult friends, don’t know how to handle the humor. Consequently, his friend base is extremely limited, i.e., none. How do we change the situation without changing him?”

JOYCE: No friends makes

for a very lonely life for a little boy. He obviously has a natural talent that could be developed into a beneficial asset for him, perhaps a career. Without breaking his spirit, explain to him that being insulted does not feel good to people, especially those who don’t understand the humor attached. We live in an impertinent era where people hurl insults all in the name of a joke or intentional efforts emotionally to disarm, and I believe people are more sensitive and thinskinned than ever before. Coach him as best you can on how to use his humor to make people feel good and to laugh, as laughter is healing and contagious. Challenge him by giving him multiple topics on which to practice his humor with a positive twist at the end. Explain there is a time and place for certain types of humor, but kindness always draws friends. When his peers are older, they’ll appreciate he’s the class clown and will all be vying for friendship once he shows up on America’s Got Talent.

“I’m convinced video games are a curse! At least at my house. I battle the addiction all the time, but it’s difficult to win when my husband, the father to our boys, has a remote in his hands anytime he’s home. I’ve read about the harmful effects in children’s and even young adults’ development, but seldom do I read where they attribute to wrecking homes. It is destroying ours. How do I convince my husband to disengage from the screen so that our children will?”

JOYCE: Sounds as though

you must step up and be the adult for everyone concerned. A more radical way to get his attention, as well as your boys’, would be to dismantle the devices when none of them are home and put them away until a truce can be established. Sounds severe, I know, but sometimes it takes an extreme act to get the attention of folks. A less “explosive” means would be to sit with everyone and establish some limitations for each of them, including, and especially, Dad. Have your private conversation with Dad first, voice your concerns, ask for his support, and have a Plan B tucked away should he resist your suggestion for limitations. If Dad fails to be cooperative, you are still the parent to your children. You can and should put limitations on their screen time. Should they disrespect you by ignoring your wishes, it’s obvious it has been modeled for them. If this is the case, counseling needs to be sought for you and your husband first, expanding the sessions to include better parenting skills.

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018

What I Realize Now:

Shannon Kruer says, “Cut Yourself Some Slack…” By Elaine Rooker Jack Photo by Patti Hartog THE FAMILY: Shannon is children’s services librarian at Oldham County Public Library. Her husband David is a payroll manager for a Louisville company. Shannon and David both grew up in Louisville, lived in Georgia for 8 years and Colorado for 3, and they moved to Crestwood when their kids were in 7th and 5th grades. THEIR KIDS: Caitlyn (29) is a physical therapist; she and her husband Ryan live in Atlanta and are expecting their first baby in August. Sean (27) is a computer engineer; he and his wife Harvie live in Huntsville, Alabama, with kids Chuck (5) and Perry (1).

What was your biggest issue when your kids were little? “I remember how long some days seemed,” Shannon says, quickly adding that she feels lucky to have been able to stay home with them for the first few years, working in retail on nights and weekends, and caring for another child in her home after Sean was born. “Some days I’d look at the clock and it would only be 10:30, and I couldn’t believe it. I’d already done all the things there were to do. Some days were long and hard to fill. But then it goes by in a blink of an eye. I can’t even believe we’re already to this point.”

What was the theme in the teen years? “They were very involved: they both did band and swim team, Caitlyn played soccer, Sean was into drama, and show choir, and football. There was lots of figuring out how to get from Point A to Point B.” When Sean was in middle school and Caitlyn was in high school, Shannon began working 4 hours a week at the library — stepping in “with one toe at first” — before eventually being hired as the Children’s Services Librarian.

Looking at Story Time from both sides: “I tell the moms, when they worry about their kids’ behavior at Story Time, that when my kids were little — 4 and 2 maybe — we went to a Story Time at the library near us, and we didn’t know anyone, and we got there late, and we went in, and it was crowded, and Sean was . . . terrible. I felt everyone was looking at me. We left and we didn’t go back, and I regret that now. Story Time is great! I wish I hadn’t let what I thought people thought of me bother me. Kids all are terrible sometimes. But they all are wonderful sometimes, too. Now, when a mom seems upset after Story Time I tell her, ‘please don’t let it bother you.’”

When parents ask her what their kids should be reading: “I tell them to let them read what they want to read. There’s been research: self-selecting is really important. If they are allowed to choose their own books, they’ll be more interested.” She doesn’t discourage kids reading the “the classics” — books their parents read and think their kids should also read — but she encourages parents to allow their kids to read things that might be less literary but are engaging. She remembers a principal — who was forced to read the Little House on the Prairie series and hated every minute of it — saying, “If they want to read a motorcycle magazine, let them read it. If they want to read a video game guide, let them read it!”

When parents ask her for a book recommendation for a reluctant reader: “It’s important to me to get the right book into the right kid’s hands. There’s a book out there for everybody;

Fall 2018 / TodaysWomanNow.com

Shannon Kruer’s kids are grown but she still spends a lot of time in Kid World.

we just have to find it. I get a lot of questions about boys and reading: what’s a great book for a third grade boy? I always ask ‘what’s the last book he read that he liked?’ and if there isn’t one, then I ask them what he likes to do. What shows does he watch? What is he interested in? Books now are so different. What’s popular now is books that are funny — like Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Dogman — and some have a graphic element. I tell parents don’t take home just one, take four or five. And he might not like any of them. That’s OK. Bring them back and find something else.”

Is there something that parents do that makes you cringe? “I’m really lucky. Our library people are great with their kids, and they shame my ‘past self.’”

A big issue for you as a parent that now seems trivial: “Messes. When my kids would spill things when they were little, it really used to get to me. I’d say, ‘I can’t believe you spilled your milk!’ Why did I let it bother me? Just get a paper towel!” Now, at library activities, “we make a lot of messes!”

Was your parenting ever against the norm? “I didn’t let my kids jump on trampolines.” Shannon let them sit, but not jump, and they were good about it, but she thinks they probably resented it. Shannon’s brother had an accident that left him paralyzed, and the thought of her kids on a trampoline “just made me too nervous.”

What do you hope your kids learned from your parenting example? “I hope they value family like I do. I’m lucky: both my children married wonderful people, and our family has grown. And I hope they are more patient than I was, and that they don’t let the little things bother them.” Shannon says being Grandma to babies so far away is tough, but when her son’s kids were born she and her husband visited them in Austin, Texas, every couple of months. “We’d leave after work Thursday, drive until we were exhausted, and get up the next day and drive the rest of the way. And then drive back on Monday. It was rough, but worth it.” Now that they live closer, it’s easier to visit, and they stay connected with phone calls and Skype and Alexa to Alexa messaging.

Advice to young parents: “It really does go fast even though it feels slow at the time. Cut yourself some slack. Be nice to yourself as a parent. It doesn’t matter if your house is messy. Go ahead and have the play date.”

Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Family / Fall 2018