We All Need Help
M
y journey into caregiving started at age 15 when I was diagnosed with third stage rhabdomyosarcoma. During my almost four years of treatment, I battled it out with cancer. My family, and especially my mother who was my primary caregiver, along with my church family, my pastor and his wife, all taught me how to care for those who were experiencing their worst days dealing with the issues of life. There were truly times when I felt that life was leaving my body. This experience made me make what I call — a deal with God. I told God, “If you save my life, I will dedicate the rest of my life to You.” In the 30 or so years since that “deal” with God, I have journeyed with more than 500 caregivers as they faced serious illnesses. I am also the primary caregiver for my son who has autism with developmental delays and apraxia, and for my daughter who was diagnosed with lupus two years ago.
Angela Overton has provided pastoral care as an associate minister, as well as provided chaplaincy care during clinical pastoral education as an intern and then later as a staff chaplain fill-in with Norton Healthcare. She is also the senior advisor to the faith leaders throughout the United States with the Coalition to Transform Advanced Care (C-TAC) in Washington, D.C. where she advocates for policy change that will benefit and provide tangible resources for persons facing illness and supporting caregivers.
are caring for will not always express gratitude. In fact, quite often they will be mean, crude, and take their disappointments out on you. It is quite normal that those facing illness will take their pain out on those who are closest to them. We give them the space, but we also must have difficult conversations that involve our best efforts to set boundaries and reminders of appropriate ways to correspond when the woes of the diagnosis are difficult to articulate. From caregiver to caregiver, both for those new to caregiving and those who have been at it for some time, I am compelled to tell you that you cannot do this alone! Remember that you are human…right? You will need support! Ask for help! It doesn’t matter if it comes from clergy, a therapist, a friend, a family member, a support group, or a community-based organization. The most fruitful relationship for me is my relationship with God and folks who encourage me in my faith. What has been the most helpful and useful are the relationships that I have built individuals who are caring “THE LOAD OF THE CAREGIVER IS with for loved ones with a similar TEDIOUS, WEARISOME AT TIMES, diagnosis. I always ask: How are you surviving? Any new LONELY, CHALLENGING, AND TO connections? I have this issue… what do you suggest? What PUT IT SIMPLY, HARD! BUT IT IS don’t I know? I hope that one day we will ALSO REWARDING.” get to a place of coordinated health care, a day where we will To care for another is an awesome privilege, have a health care system that will be able to but there is an old adage that says, “it is also provide a cohesive streamlined way of care that an awesome responsibility.” Many times, we checks all the boxes of all involved when caring reason that this is not what we signed up to for our loved ones. Right now, though, you are do in life. However, I am happy that I have the greatest advocate for the person to whom the opportunity to fulfill this honor. There are you are providing care. According to John times when I feel like kicking and screaming Hopkins Medicine, a good health care advocate and am a little bitter that there is not someone is someone who knows the one they are caring else to shoulder the load, but I still am for well, who is calm, organized, assertive, and thankful for the opportunity. The load of the comfortable asking questions. As a caregiver, caregiver is tedious, wearisome at times, lonely, we must be bold enough to ask the questions challenging, and to put it simply, hard! But it we don’t have the answers to and insist that is also rewarding to be the one that nurtures those who do take the those we care about back to good health or to necessary time to answer peaceful rest. our questions and clear As a caregiver, we need to know first and up our confusion. foremost that we are human. We will not get it — Elder Angela right all the time. We will lose patience. We will Overton, M.Div. get angry. We will get frustrated. We will have to learn to ask for forgiveness. The persons we Today’s Transitions / Summer 2022
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