The Axarquia Sentinella Edition No 182
www.thesentinella.com
November 19
Property Portal for Agents & Owners
www.redwell.com 952 539 742 See page 6
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m Fro Ed... the Firstly, welcome to the November edition of The Sentinella Magazine for the Axarquia area. I hope that you all had a ‘fangtastic’ Halloween!
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Editor: Kami Knight sales@thesentinella.com Sales: 664 210 468 / 664 689 138 www.thesentinella.com
I love living in Spain, but sometimes I have to question the seemingly endless bureaucracy and wonder if it really is worth all the hassle. One sunny day last month, I was in a really bubbly, upbeat mood — but unfortunately, it didn’t last long! That morning I had checked my diary to see if Wednesday was one of those ‘magic’ days when you are allowed to pay cash to a cashier in ‘Unicaja’ and, elated to see that it was, off I went with a spring in my step. I mean, isn’t it weird in itself that you are only allowed to pay into the bank on two specific days per week, and not only that, it must be done between the hours of 08.30am and 10.30am? Errrrrrr…… and the reason for this is?? Boy, I wish I worked in that bank because I seriously wonder what they must do for the rest of the week! I waited patiently in the queue. Although I was next in the line, I still waited just under 20 minutes but as I was still in a good mood at that stage, it didn’t bother me. My turn arrived and I asked to pay my IBI payment for the year — the equivalent of Council Tax in the UK. “Yes, no problem,” was the reply. After a quick transaction, my nearly 900€ was gone, no questions asked. And that’s when things suddenly changed. I asked if I could also pay a much smaller amount into a ‘Unicaja’ account towards a school trip for my daughter. My good mood disappeared in an instant. “Do you have any identification with a photo?” asked the cashier. “Ummmm, yes no problem,” I replied. “Here is my Spanish driving licence with my photo, NIE and signature”. A simple “No” came from the cashier.
Sentinella Axarquia Edition
Deposito Legal MA-1435-2005 No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. The Sentinella accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to Colin Checkley, the founder and editor of The Sentinel Magazine. May he rest in peace. (Born; 1960 Died; 2004)
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Strange News “What do you mean, ‘No’?” I replied a little sarcastically. “No, that is not an acceptable form of identification,” he said smugly. I could almost hear the pleasure in his voice as he told me this. I replied, waving my driving licence, “You said a photo ID, and this IS a photo ID!” “No, it’s not acceptable, it needs to be a passport or residency or NIE,” he said even more smugly. I explained patiently that my residency and NIE papers don’t have a photo, and anyway why, when I had just made a transaction for three times the amount, did they now require ID. “You happily accepted my IBI payment going to the government with no ID,” I fumed. “How funny!” He continued — with no explanation of course — and repeated, “I’m sorry, if you want to pay this today, I need one of the documents that I just told you about; one with a photo”. I had no words. It was unbelievable. You would have thought that after having lived here for so long — 13 years in February — that I would be used to these ridiculously strict rules and excessive and unnecessary procedures, but they still baffle me. And when I tell my friends in the UK about them, they clearly think I’m making it up as a joke. Well I certainly don’t find it funny — and I bet you out here don’t either! The mentality of some of these absurdities is rather amusing though, but not in a ‘funny haha’ way — more in amazement that this country actually survives. I mean, surely one day soon they will start to live in the 21st century and put all this ridiculous bureaucracy behind them? Grrr……..! Well, if nothing else comes good from Brexit (if it ever happens, that is!), I have heard we will receive a proper ‘credit card’ residency card which I will happily plonk on the desk next time I am asked for a photo ID. Have a great month everyone, and don’t forget to book in early for advertising spaces in the Christmas edition. Enjoy the read …
Kami Knight x
The Editor (of the original little mag)!
Toe challenge A former British Marine has drunk a cocktail containing his own mummified toe. Nick Griffiths, from Bolton, lost three toes during a 300-mile winter marathon in the Yukon and while in hospital, a nurse showed him a video of the Sourtoe Cocktail challenge. This is a tradition from the Downtown Hotel in Dawson City, Yukon, dating back to 1973. It involves drinking a shot of whiskey containing a mummified human toe and began as a bet when an explorer lost a toe to frostbite. He was challenged to drink a shot containing the toe — and he did. Griffiths, 47, decided to donate his toes to the hotel after learning they were experiencing a shortage because people had either accidentally swallowed or stolen them. He returned to Yukon six weeks later, when the mummification of his toes in rock salt was complete, to take the first drink containing one. He said: ‘It wasn’t as bad as you would think – it was more like a lump of ice than anything else — but it is definitely something I will always remember.’ Strip and rip A man has been given a community sentence after deliberately farting in the general direction of police during a strip search. Stuart Cook, 28, was stopped by police after a minor crash at the Lang Stract in Aberdeen. As officers approached, they smelled cannabis so took him into custody. Cook became irate as he was handcuffed and started shouting and swearing at police. At the station he was strip searched and asked to bend over. That’s when he deliberately broke wind saying to officers: ‘How do you like that?’ Cook, from Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire, admitted to possession of cannabis and behaving in a threatening or abusive manner, including ‘intentionally flatulating’ in the direction of police. Sheriff Ian Wallace ordered Cook to carry out 75 hours of unpaid work.
Expert Qualified and Regulated Financial Advice Please refer to article on page 91
Tim Kershaw
DipFA, CeMAP
Senior Wealth Manager
Mobile: +34 603 471 975
Abbey Wealth, Centro Plaza, Avenida Manolete 1, Minitienda 4, Nueva Andalucia, 29660, Spain Tel: +34 952 887 270 Fax: +34 952 880 696 Email: tim.kershaw@abbeywealth.com
www.abbeywealth.com
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Strange News (Continued) Mummy’s revenge A mother has been hailed a heroine after she gatecrashed her son’s class to get him to behave. Becky Crandley walked into Sittingbourne Community College in Kent was reacting to reports that her son, Harley, 12, had been showing a bad attitude. She had warned him that unless he improved his behaviour, she would go to school with him, but said little changed. So when she received emails from the year eight pupil’s teacher about two incidents, she triggered Operation Mummy Bear. Becky said: ‘I know he’s growing up, but I cannot stand his rudeness and disrespectfulness, and have had phone call after phone call about his behaviour. He’s had an untold number of detentions and isolations but nothing seemed to bother him. ‘I constantly threatened that I’d sit with him in school if needed, and he always laughed it off. He didn’t think I would do it, so he was very embarrassed when I actually walked in and sat next to him. He went bright red and everyone laughed.’
Hedgehog alert A kindhearted pilot took evasive action after noticing a baby hedgehog on the runway as he prepared for take-off. The 30 passengers on board the Loganair flight to Inverness were told the reason for the delay as they waited two minutes for the hoglet to cross. Neil Hughes, Loganair’s director of flight operations, said: ‘The captain safely avoided a prickly situation for the little hedgehog, following procedure until the animal was off the tarmac.’
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Should I Buy Or Should I Wait?
On June 22nd 2016, we thought the outlook for British people buying and selling property in Spain was fairly predictable, but what happened the following day changed everything. The referendum, by a narrow margin, voted to leave the EU. One immediate consequence was that sterling plummeted to a 31 year low on the currency markets meaning that many Brits who wanted to exchange their hard-earned Pounds for Euros could no longer afford the home in Spain that they had dreamed of. At the time of writing this article it is still not clear whether BREXIT will happen or not, whether their will be a second referendum or a general election. This farce has been going on for well over 3 years and most people have had enough. As a local estate agent we have recently seen this attitude reflected in an increase in sales to the British market, as people have simply had enough of David Cameron, Theresa May, Nigel Farage, Jeremy Corbin, Boris Johnson and all of their cohorts. Local property prices are at rock-bottom levels in much of the Axarquia. Last year, prices in the province of Málaga might have risen by over 10%, but even in Marbella average prices were below 3,000€ per square metre (compared with Ibiza at 7,400€) and the story was very different in specific local areas in the Axarquia, east of Málaga and in some inland areas values actually fell by over 10%. There could not be a better time to buy your dream home in the Axarquia than NOW! Forget the shinanigans of self-important politians, the time has come for us all to make decisions and get on with our lives. As I have stated previously, life is still wonderful here in
southern Spain. Where in the UK can you buy a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom detached villa with private pool for 180,000€? Where in the UK can you buy a large glass of wine and a tapa for 2€? And where in the UK does the sun shine for 320 days a year? The answers are obvious: nowhere! Life is too short for further prevarication, especially if you are of a certain age and are thinking of buying a retirement home. Act now before property prices rise everywhere. See the centre pages (66 and 67) to view some fantastic properties.
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Deadline for December adverts ----------Monday 18th November Contact us! Call: 664 210 468 www.thesentinella.com sales@thesentinella.com
DISCOUNT MOTORIST CENTRE yOUR BRITISH FAST FIT CENTRE WHILE yOU WAIT SERVICE TyRES
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TAJ MAHAL INDIAN RESTAURANT Eat as much as you like! 101 dishes cooked fresh
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Monday - Thursday Day & Night (except Monday lunch) Poppadam & Pickles Selection of starters: vegetable samosa or pakora or onion bhaji or Prawn puri or Chicken tikka Main course: chicken, lamb, prawn or vegatable: Korma, Madras, Vindaloo, Balti, Jalfrezy, Rogan Josh, Tikka Masala, Karahi Accompaniments: Plain or Pilau rice or Plain, Garlic, Cheese or Onion Nan Bread or Chapati FREE Pappadam with Mango Chutney & Pickle Tray with all meals
Menu del Dia Tues-Fri 12pm - 4pm 3 courses €5.95 with veg. curry €6.95 with meat/prawn curry
Takeaways available Free Pappadam & pickle with takeaways
Opening Hours 12pm - 4pm and 6pm - 12am every day (closed Monday lunch) Puente don Manuel (Chiringuito Antonio) Tel: 952 510 886 Mob: 667 934 731
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Firework Funnies Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off ------------------------------------------------------------Q: What do you get if you mix ducks with fireworks? A : Firequackers ----------------------------Little Johnny's father gives him â‚Ź50 to buy some fireworks. When he returns, they try a couple but none of them worked "Johnny, where did you get these fireworks? None of them work" "Strange, when I was on my way back, I tried them all and they worked just fine" ------------------------------------------------------------Fireworks remind me of sex... I'm always surprised when it lasts more than a few seconds.
Last Bonfire Night I remember watching the fireworks on the TV. In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best place to light them. ------------------------------------------------------------After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that was enough,... ...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that they didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a banger, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
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Funny Thoughts More pondering to wreak havoc with your mind! If a criminal turns himself in shouldn’t he receive the reward money? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to call himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there anything easier done than said? Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway! If money is the root of all evil then how come churches ask for it? Do pigs pull ham strings? Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests? Why do people never say “it’s only a game”
when they’re winning? If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight? Why does Bugs Bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Asiatico Feng
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Explosive Firework Facts The word for firework in Japanese is 'hanabi', which actually means “fire-flower". The earliest documentation of fireworks dates back to the 7th century in China 2000 years ago
pictures. All you need is a totally dark setting. Three sparklers burning together generate the same heat as a blow-torch.
Fireworks were invented before weapons, and actually led to the invention of gunpowder and explosives. Consumers spend about $662 million on fireworks each year. The largest firework show in the United States is the Macy’s “Lights Up the Night” show in New York over the Hudson River on July 4th. The show includes over 40,000 shells, and more than 3 million people watch the spectacle. Disney World has more than 1,000 fireworks shows every year and the Walt Disney Company is the largest consumer of fireworks in the world. The first recorded fireworks in England were at the wedding of King Henry VII in 1486. China is the largest manufacturer and exporter of fireworks in the world. 90% of all fireworks originate from here. Sparklers can be used to make funny
Sparklers can burn at a very high temperature, well over the boiling point of water. The largest fireworks display ever used 810,904 fireworks! Spain has fantastic firework shows. In fact, Valencia’s firework industry is recognised worldwide as one of the leading in the field. At some point during every fiesta or feria in Spain there is always a firework display and that’s a lot of fireworks! Fireworks in Spain are called fuegos artificiales. China may have created the firework, but Italy gave them their colour in 1830 by burning different metallic powders.
Mrs Carmen Silvia gallardo MuĂąoz-Cruzado & Team Lawyer
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es l d i r t n Wor u o C he Of T
is list us Z o d A er orl num ... w the and ean nd nds ic Oc u a o l if r ur ain is Pac o e n i m th 131 wo in er of t ones b p m Nu ade u aller m sm
New Zealand
Population - 4.7 million Language - English, Maori Located - South Pacific Capital - Wellington Currency - NZ dollar Religion - Christianity Main Exports - Dairy, eggs, honey Literacy Rate - 99% Life Expectancy - 82 years g.D.P. Per Capita - 42,940.58 uSD Total Area - 270,534 sq km National Sport - Rugby union Interesting Facts... New Zealand is a wealthy nation dominated by two cultural groups - New Zealanders of European descent and the Maori, who are descendants
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of Polynesian settlers. The Maori name for New Zealand is ‘Aotearoa’. It means “the land of the long white cloud”. Although it is around the size of Japan, New Zealand’s population is just over four million, making it one of the world’s least populated countries. In 1893, New Zealand became the first country to give women the right to vote. New Zealand has won more Olympic gold medals per capita, than any other country. New Zealanders love their cars! 2.5 million cars for 4 million people (including the kids) makes New Zealand’s car ownership rate one of the highest in the world. New Zealanders are also called Kiwis but kiwi is not a fruit. It is New Zealand’s native flightless bird. Dairy farmers produce a whopping 100kg of butter and 65kg of cheese each year for each person living in New Zealand.
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Random Funnies :)
THE TOWN FRIER Traditional Fish & Chips take away Mick and Andrea welcome you! All your traditional favourites inc. Kebabs, Pies, Sausage, etc. Cooked freshly to order We now serve Southern Fried Chicken, Popcorn Chicken, Zinger Burgers, etc. You must try!!! SHADED TERRACE
Telephone orders welcome Tel: 951 998 571 / 608 531 601 Cruce de Periana, Puente don Manuel
Opening times: Tues, Wed, Thurs 12pm - 9pm Fri 12pm - 10pm Sat 12pm - 4pm Closed Monday & Sunday
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Random Jokes When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date. ------------------------------------------------------------Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine." ------------------------------------------------------------A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a
laxative instead of a coughing syrup. Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.” ------------------------------------------------------------Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
Give Your Business A Boost This Winter from only 20 euros per month Call: 664 210 468
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Thank you!
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Tax Efficient Savings... ...by Antony Poole You have moved to Spain… and you are now tax resident here. You do not want the volatility or risk of investments, but want more earnings than you get out of a savings account. Is there a middle ground solution? The majority of expats in Spain move over here for the weather, the more relaxed way of life and let’s face it, because they can afford to do it! The savings, investments and pensions they built up are used to fund their lifestyle in Spain. The problem many are facing now is the changing financial environment; we have seen the pound devalue against the Euro and interest rates drop due to quantative easing, amongst other factors. This is great if you are looking at taking out a loan to start a business or to buy a house, but most expats are past this stage, so not good news. That sum of money held in savings is absolutely vital, as it is readily accessible and, in the majority of cases, protected from what the markets are doing, i.e. when the markets go down, it doesn’t affect the cash held on deposit! However, the low interest rates mean that, due to inflation (which affects retirees the most), the purchasing power of that cash is going down. The investment route does give you the possibility of earning more from your cash, but it also takes away all that protection. The markets have been pretty steady for the last few years, however, with quantative easing at the time of writing looking at coming to an end, so will the volatility of investments increase. The problem most expats face is that they do not have the luxury of time on their side to ride out the dips in the markets. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is what it is. When the markets climb it is all good, however, two weeks later when they are down then it can be very stressful, especially if this is when you need to access some of the money held in the investment!
So what do we do? Is there any middle ground? Yes, there is, but it is not very sexy! It is for people who are willing to sacrifice the spikes in market prices (this is the unsexy part) while limiting exposure to drops in market prices. It is a very prudent scheme that works like this: The investment you make is combined with a pot of around £500 billion and when this investment makes money they hold some of the gain back, so you do not get it. The flip side is that when there is a dip in the performance, they put the profit back in so you are not overly affected. This is called smoothing and this chart reflects how it works. The expected return is published every three months and is currently running at around 5% (August 2019).
This is a popular product in the UK for those who are either looking at putting a portion of their savings somewhere to earn more than just interest, or for those who are looking at a stable investment fund for their pensions. It can also be set up as last life policy, so can be used to limit IHT. Many expats also use this type of policy, which is now available Spanish tax compliant (your English policy is not, so speak to me about making it Spanish compliant). This is a low risk option for those preparing for market volatility and who want a stress free life! For more information contact Antony on 639 418 017 or email : antony.poole@spectrum-ifa.com See main advert on page opposite
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Classified Ads Actual excerpts from classified sections of City newspapers Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Our experienced Mum will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting of head illusion. Red Cross and salary.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Dinner Special - Turkey €2.35, Chicken or Beef €2.25, Children €2.00.
Semi-Annual after Christmas sale.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. For sale. Three canaries of undetermined sex.
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Linea Directa What is the car insurance Green Card? The Green Card or International Insurance Card is an international certificate of insurance accepted by the authorities of all 48 countries for which the Green Card is valid. It certifies that visiting motorists have the minimum compulsory third party liability insurance cover required by law. The Green Card System Each year over 400,000 road traffic accidents occur in member countries of the Green Card system. The system was founded in 1949 to provide a series of guarantees compensation for victims of cross-border road traffic accidents and its handling bureau ensure legitimate claims can be settled in accordance with national legal provisions. It also facilitates the flow of cross-border traffic by avoiding the need to obtain insurance cover at each of the 48 member countries. Member countries Austria, Albania, Andorra, Azerbaijan, Belgium, Bulgaria, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Belarus, Switzerland, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Germany, Denmark, Spain, Estonia, France, Finland, Liechtenstein, UK, Greece, Hungary, Croatia, Italy, Israel, Iran, Ireland, Iceland, Luxembourg, Lithuania, Latvia, Malta, Morocco, Moldova, North Macedonia, Montenegro, Norway, Netherlands, Portugal, Poland, Romania, Russia, Sweden, Slovak Republic, Slovenia, Serbia, Tunisia, Turkey and Ukraine. (Source: The Council of Bureaux). The following countries are eligible for future membership:
Algeria, Armenia, Egypt, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Lebanon, Libya and Syria. How do I get it? Motorists can obtain a Green Card from the provider of their motor insurance policy. Currently the UK and Spain belong to the European Economic Area, which means that the cost for the Green Card is included in the price of the insurance policy. We hope the information provided in this article is of interest. If you would like to contact Linea Directa please call 952 147 834 More information about Linea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com See main advert opposite
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& t i Fru Facts Veg Acai berries — a little-known fruit to many — have some impressive health benefits. They can help improve heart health and aid in weight loss, skincare and digestion. They also help reduce allergies and boost the immune system and energy levels. The fruit is an aphrodisiac, a brain booster and a great weapon against premature ageing and unexplained fatigue or exhaustion. Acai berries come from the acai palm, widely found in the Amazon Basin. They are now being actively used by alternative medical practitioners. The different varieties are said to have different benefits, with the white acai berries not being as potent or powerful as the dark red or purple varieties. The berry has a large seed in the middle which makes up approximately 80% of the fruit, but the remaining endocarp, pulp and skin all contain beneficial nutrients. The berries contain high levels of anthocyanins — a form of plant antioxidants — which seek out and eliminate the free radicals that are responsible for a wide variety of conditions, including heart diseases. Anthocyanins are also related to regulating blood cholesterol by reducing the LDL (bad) cholesterol, thereby lowering the risk of atherosclerosis, stroke and heart attack. They have plenty of plant sterols, too, which act as vasodilators and relax blood vessels to reduce blood pressure. This prevents blood clots and generally improves the circulation and oxygenation of the blood. Research indicates that the pulp of the acai berry not only stimulates weight loss but also helps people maintain a healthy weight by reducing the negative impact of high-fat diets. In recent years, acai weight loss supplements and pills have become very popular. The high fibre content of acai berries can also reduce appetite and stop hunger pain associated with overeating and weight gain. Acai oil is frequently used in cosmetic
products because the antioxidants in it can relieve irritation and redness and moisturise the skin, helping to prevent wrinkle formation. Also, if acai berries are ingested, they can give the skin a healthy, attractive glow. In Brazil, the pulp of the acai berry has been used for generations to treat or reduce the number of skin conditions and diseases. Acai berry juice helps cleanse the body’s digestive system and removes the build-up of hazardous toxins. It contains natural fibre, which aids in digestion and absorption of nutrients from food. It bulks up the bowel movements and reduces the chances of constipation and other uncomfortable digestive issues. Acai juice is also a wonderful source of vitamin C, a well-known immunity booster. The acai berry extract is also used to boost instant energy, aiding in combating fatigue and mental exhaustion. Although the direct impact of acai berries on sexual stamina and sex drive is not completely known, they do have the ability to increase the blood circulation throughout the body and acai berry juice is commonly used as an alternative medicine. Acai berries slow down the ageing process by helping to remove the free radicals that cause the breakdown of skin, hair, teeth, and eye health. Regular consumption of the berry juice helps to reduce the damaging effects of tooth decay, hair loss, macular degeneration and cataract formation, and a link has been shown between the juice and increased mental functioning and sharpness of mind.
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Exercise How smart is your right foot? Just try this. It is from an Orthopedic surgeon...... This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you will struggle to. 1. WITHOUT anyone watching you and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6’ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. Told you!! And there is not much you can do about it!
B O A R D I N g C AT T E Ry Canillas de Aceituno
We offer safe, tranquil accomodation for your cat. Our pens are safe and secure but with all the comforts of home, making it very cosy. Only 20 mins from Torre del Mar, inland towards Vinuela, Campo Cats is a short 2 min drive from a main tarmac road which gives very good access. We welcome inspection visits where we can discuss your cat’s personal needs. We only accept cats that are fully vaccinated. For further details, call Linda on: 665 510 735 www.campocats.com Campo Cats Cattery
Random Joke Two statues were standing in the park, a nude man and a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years. One day an angel comes down from the sky and with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her. She looks at him. They go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel looks at his watch. "Um, you have fifteen minutes left… would you care to do it again?" He asks her, "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh! Yes, let's! But we should change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you s*** on its head!"
COLON HYDROTHERAPY
Colon Hydrotherapy also known as Colonic irrigation, colonic hydrotherapy, or a "colonic", is a treatment which is used to cleanse and clean the interior by means of copious enemas using only water. Price per treatment: 70â‚Ź
For more information contact Iris Werner: 722 533 986 Urb. La Sirena 113, Benajarafe
MANZ
PVC & ALUMINIUM WINDOWS & DOORS
Windows Doors Blinds Shutters Mosquito Nets Shower Doors Find us on
Facebook manzwindowsanddoors
Telephone: 655 425 686 or 608 241 429 El Cruce de Periana, Edf. Alzabel Bajo No.3, Puente don Manuel
Email: manzygarcia@gmail.com
Your specialists on the Axarquia Coast
Ref. SH1035
159,000€
Nice terraced house in Benajarafe, reformed, 100m2, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, living room with nice terrace, fitted kitchen and dining room, patio, communal pool, air conditioning and central heating, double glazing. The property has a garage and storeroom. Near the beach C / Infante 23, Edif. Faro 1, bajo, 29740 Torre del Mar, Málaga, España Tel./Fax. 0034 / 952 54 70 76 / 658 93 31 87 e-mail: info@suissehome.com www.suissehome.com
SWORN/OFFICIAL TRANSLATOR AND INTERPRETER English, Spanish and French • • • • •
Sworn/Official translations Legal, court and administrative translations Medical and pharmaceutical translations Business and financial translations Commercial and marketing translations
www.miguelangelcascales.com CERTIFIED IN SPAIN
info@miguelangelcascales.com (0034) 644 52 52 49 (9-17 h, Monday to Friday) C/ gabarra, Urb. Plazamar 3, 5.º 7 29740 Torre del Mar (Vélez-Málaga)
CERTIFIED IN THE UK
To r r o x
If you have a business in
advertise your busines
Email: sales@thesentinella Professional hairdresser with 20 years experience Open everyday 2 - close
Cooked Meats / Steaks / Paella / Fresh Fish Open Grill / Great Andalusian Kitchen
ERICA VILLEGAS ESTILISTAS erica_villegas_estilistas ericavill@hotmail.com
C/Balcones (around corner of post office) Torrox Costa
Ctra. El Penoncillo 43 Torrox Costa Tel: 951 578 334 territoriotorrox@gmail.com territoriotorrox
Open from 10am (closed Thursdays)
taurar s e R Ba
nt
Caribe
“Sympathy & Quality” Paseo de Maritimo de Ferrera Urb. Costa del Oro, Blq 7 Local 13, Torrox Costa Restaurante Caribe Tel: 952 530 831 Mob: 666 200 361 Email: deny5101989@hotmail.com
Welcome to Buddha House, a modern Nepali & Indian restaurant with classic dishes and Buddha House specialities Ctra El Peñoncillo 11, Torrox Costa (Easy Parking in front) Torrox Costa Open 12:30 - 15:30 and 18:30 - 23:30 (Closed Mondays) 10% discount on takeaways Tel: 952 53 09 21 / 602 817 658 Email: buddhahouse40@gmail.com Buddhahouse Torrox Costa
x
Costa
s in Torrox Costa you can
siness on these pages.
ella.com / Call: 664 210 468
For more information call us on: Paco & Antonia 952 535 417 :: 646 75 24 63 Or email us at: info@razahotel.com Or visit our website at: www.razahotel.com
Specialists in medicinal CBD • AUTO FLOWERINg SEEDS • CULTIVATION KITS • THE BEST FERTILIZERS AND SUBSTRATES • SPECIALISTS IN LEC, LED AND SODIUM LIgHTINg • ELECTRONIC CIgARETTES MODS, POD, E-LIQUIDS • CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES • AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!
Tel: +34 952 531 371 - info@sativagrowshop.com Ctra. de Torrox 29, Edf. Conejito, Torrox Costa
Deutsche Bäckerei german Bakery
Opening Hours: Monday - Saturday 7.30am - 1pm Sundays & Bank Holidays Closed
Pies and cakes for every occasion. Typical German pastry f.e. Pretzel, Crumble Cake, Rye bread and a lot more!!!
New Offers every week!!
Tel: 636 153 459
Avda. America, Blq 85, Local 2, TORROX COSTA
www.deutsche-baeckerei-torrox.com DIE Deutsche Bäckerei Torrox
BEAUTy AND WELLNESS CENTRE Open Tues - Sat 10am - 6pm
g RIN E F F W O ULL Ng NO F SSI RE E! D IR C HA ERVI S
Tel: 952 530 122 / 651 956 284 Rebeccah Curtis Beauty and Wellness Urb. Laguna Beach, Centro Comercial B, No.16 TORROX COSTA
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Businesses In Torrox Costa Rebeccah Curtis Wellbeing Centre Urb. Laguna Beach, Centro Commercial B, No. 16 Torrox Costa. Open Tuesday - Saturday 10am - 6pm. Tel: 952 53 01 22 & 651 956 284 Have you been to Caribe on the Paseo Maritimo, a fantastic location with uninterrupted views of the Mediterranean? Enjoy delicious food and also during the week we have a plate of the day. They have a special offer homemade cakes and a coffee-3€ and fantastic homemade gateaus and a new 3 chocolate gateau to enjoy, great with a delicious coffee. Fresh fish cooked Andalucían style, pizzas, etc. Paella is available from 1.30pm everyday (pre-orders only), with bread & alioli. Takeaway-available. Caribe can even cater for weddings & birthday parties with celebratory cakes made to order. Call in to find out more. Raza Hotel have excellent facilities for your Dog, Cat or Rabbit, the perfect Hotel for your pets while you are away. In the countryside your dogs can enjoy secure outdoor play areas with toys provided & kennels with indoor sleeping area & outside run. For Cats, large catteries with cosy beds, toys & activities to keep them occupied. The Raza Hotel also offer a safe place to leave your Rabbit or Parrot as well as providing dog grooming services. Open 10am-7pm, 7 days a week. If you would like to visit, Paco & Antonio would be happy to show you the facilities. For more info call: 952 52 5417, 646 75 24 63, or email: info@razahotel.com or visit the www.razahotel.com Contact Lewis Insurance Services for reputable buildings & contents insurance, car insurance, private medical insurance, pets insurance, funeral plans, cars bought & sold, call Mark on 653 322 392 Unisex Professional hairdresser with experience in two of the most top named hair salons in Nerja. Erica is now entering her 4th
year in her own salon in Torrox Costa!!! Erica Villegas. Erica will give you a very warm welcome and is fluent in English and is Spanish speaking. Facebook: Erica Villegas Estilistas Torrox Costa Call: 610 876 127 E-mail: ericavill@hotmail.com NEW LOCATION: C/Balcones around the corner from the Post Office, Torrox Costa Sativa Grow Shop in Torrox Costa. Ctra. de Torrox, 29, Edif, Conejito. Specialists in medicinal CBD, plus auto flowering seeds, fertilizers, cultivation kits etc.. Call: 952 531 37. Email: info@sativagrowshop.com A great Nepali and Indian Restaurant in Torrox Costa, Buddha House. A modern restaurant with classic dishes and Buddha House specials. Closed on Monday. Ctra. El Penoncillo 11, Torrox Costa. See FB page Buddhahouse Torrox Costa. La Cabana del Canario is open every day Monday - Sunday 2pm until close. They serve some wonderful Andalusian food including: cooked meats, steaks, paella, fresh fish and has an open grill. Located in Ctra. El Penoncillo 43, Torrox Costa. The German Bakery have been 11 years in Torrox. They offer a wide range of products eg: German bread, rolls, pasteries, cakes, sandwiches, sweet snacks & fresh coffee. The bakery offers daily fresh bread & bakery products. Orders can be placed by phone, email or sms. Be prepared for Birthdays and special occasion cakes. Special orders can be made as late as two days notice. Our products are made from the finest of ingredients which allows you to enjoy a healthy balanced diet. We only use natural products without flavouring or additivies. We have something for everyone, & special rates for events and functions. For more businesses in Torrox continue up to page 47.
C
C S
Dr. Carlos Castillo GP and Paediatrician
Dr. Arielle Perkins Family Medicine
Your health partner
w w w w w w
Lda. Mª. Patrocinio Haro López
General Medicine Paediatrics Acupuncture Physiotherapy / Osteopathy Urologist and Traumatologist Other Specialists
Psychology
Dr. Erik Schulten Urologist
Dr. Elias Reyes
Internal medicine
Dr. Daniel Gaitán Cardiologist
We Speak English, German & French Centro Internacional, Blq. 86, TORROX COSTA
Tel: 952 53 09 08 Please call for more information or send an
e-mail: clinicaeuropatorroxcosta@gmail.com or info@clinicaeuropa.eu Visit our website: www.clinicaeuropa.eu
S
Dr. Joaquin Mut Dermatologist
Dr. Federico Merino Plastic surgery
General surgery
Andalucian Surgical Institute
English Dentist: Dr. Michael Mannish B.D.S.
Dental Surgery w Cosmetic Dentistry w Implantology w International Standards of Sterilisation
Had an estimate elsewhere? Maybe we can better it
Centro Internacional, Blq. 86, TORROX COSTA
Tel: 952 53 09 08
(univ. London) Harley St. Cosmetic Dentist of 25 yrs.
Free check up & 2nd opinion
Jose Antonio Gonzalez Maxillofacial surgeon
Please call for more information or send an The best English/Spanish e-mail: clinicaeuropatorroxcosta@gmail.com Team for your dental health or info@clinicaeuropa.eu website: www.clinicaeuropa.eu
CAFE SPORTS BAR LA BODEGA Sunday Roast Roast Beef, Gammon or Chicken ONLY 6€!!! 2pm - Late POOL TABLE ALL DAY SNACKS ALL SPORTS SHOWN HOMEMADE DAILY SPE CIALS TAKE AWAY FOOD AVAILABLE QUIZ NIGHT EVERY OTHER FRIDAY - 6PM Open Mon - Fri 11am - Late Sat & Sun 12 noon - Late Located behind Tourist Information Office/Library
Torrox Costa
Tel: 605 968 163
Early to bed, Early to rise, Work like hell, And ADVERTISE! Laurence J. Peter
It doesn’t have to be expensive. Advertise in The Sentinella From as little as 5 euros per month!! Call: 664 210 468
Email: sales@thesentinella.com
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Novel Names
47
P. C Viruses Beware, you need good anti-virus software for these!
Hilarious book titles! Almost Missed The Bus by Justin Time Ambulance Driving by Adam Muhway
Disney virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy. Mike Tyson virus - Quits after one byte.
And Shut Up! by Sid Downe Animal Illness by Ann Thrax
Prozac virus - Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care.
April Fool! by Sue Prize
Lorena Bobbit virus - Turns your hard disc into a 3.5inch floppy.
40 Yards to the Latrine by Willy Makeit and Betty Wont
Spice Girl’s virus - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Advanced Maths by Smart E. Pants
Ronald Reagan virus - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
Allegiance To the King by Neil Downe
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus - Terminates and stays resident. I’ll be back.
Blonde Hair by Bim Bow Body Parts by Anne Atomy
Woody Allen virus - Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.
TK’s
Bar y Restaurante Laguna Beach - Torrox Costa
Breakfasts, Snacks & Full Menu Specialising in Ribs, Steaks & Chicken Traditional Sunday Lunch Homemade Tapas available every day changing daily - 1€ Tuesday - Saturday 10am - 3pm / 6pm - Late Sunday 1pm - 5pm (bookings advisable) Closed Monday For more info call: Thomas or Kerstin
Tel: 642 598 217
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Brave The Shave
Last month Mick and Arthur bravely shaved off their lovely locks in aid of the fantastic MacMillan charity. It was a great night with live music amongst the various entertainment and the two brave lads were the highlight as a brilliant total of â‚Ź3,425 was raised!!! A fantastic effort for a fantastic charity
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49
Tenant’s Letters Actual letters from tenants! 1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked pavement. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
10. Our kitchen floor is very damp. We have two children and would like a third, so will you please do something about it.
3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
11. Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
4. The toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand?
12. Would you please send a man to repair my down spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall. 6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. 8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Fantastic various E-Bike tours enjoying a Culinary Tapa Tasting
Why not combine with a boat trip?
NEW departure point is at Chiringuito Tropy, Cáleta de Vélez For more info or reservations contact Monique: 609 955 391 www.ebiketourstorredelmar.es
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51
Stupidity The candidates for the 2007 Stupid Competition all paid a high price for their thoughtless acts... Their lives. Seventh place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. His head got stuck in the grate.
Sixth place A 49-year-old San Franciso stockbroker accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run. Fifth place Daniel Jones, 21, dug an eight-foot hole on the beach for protection from the wind. He was sitting on the beach chair at the bottom of this hole, when it collapsed, burying him beneath five feet of sand. It took rescue workers almost an hour to free him, but he was pronounced dead at hospital. Fourth place Santiago Alvarado, 24, died as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was robbing. The long flashlight he placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor. Third place Sylvester Briddel, 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger. Second place After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into a store to rob it. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from the pistol. The officer returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. the robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. And the winner is... Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before he finally got reilef. Investigators say Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the elephant an olive oil enema when the beast unloaded. the force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. S*** happens!
Broomfield Construction
& Property Maintenance All aspects of building work undertaken
Plumbing Tiling Kitchens Bathrooms
Plastering Rendering Terraces House Reforms
Call Matthew: 711 002 689 Urb. El Mirador de la Axarquia, 25 Vivienda, Alcaucin Email: broomfieldmatthew@gmail.com
Puente don Manuel
Open Tuesday - Sunday 13.00 - 16.00 / 18.00 - 23.30 Mondays closed Closed for Holidays 27th Nov - 19th Dec
Barriada Buena Vista, Puente don Manuel, Alcaucin Tel: 952 510 963 Mob: 616 942 212
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ym y n o Acr tionar Dic A
nar tio c i ed nlin - J o s d rce nym sou acro d w cro
f yo
JJY Just joking you JK Just kidding J/K Just kidding
JAM Just a minute
JKR Just kidding right
JAS Just a second
JL Joint intelligence systems Lightweight computer unit
JASE Just another system error JAWS Just another windows shell JB Jail bird JC Jeremy Clarkson JC Jeans and clothing JD Johnnies dog JEEP Just Expect Every Problem JFW Just for women JG Just a god JHV Japan home values JI Yiddish JIC Just in case JJWY Just joking with you
JMHO Just my humble opinion JMO Just my opinion JMW Junior middleweight JNV Justice not vengance JO Jack off JP Just playing J/P Just playing JPY Japanese Yen JPYL Just pulling your leg JQ Jack & Queen JSYK Just so you know JTLYK Just to let you know JW Just wondering
It’s all about the Quality!!
Live a different experience at El Restaurante de Mangoa. Enjoy avant-garde dishes and an explosion of flavour of Málaga. Varieties of the day, tasting menu, appetizers and dishes that will surprise you! Make your reservation! AND WE INVITE YOU TO A FREE DESSERT PER RESERVATION
Monday closed, Tuesday open for dinner, Wednesday to Saturday open for lunch and dinner, Sunday open for lunch
Plaza de San Francisco, 1. Mercado de San Francisco, Vélez-Málaga Tel: 951 069 000 El Restaurante de Mangoa
★
TED ERRUP UNINT URS HO
y FRIDA y A MOND M - 8PM 10A DAyS SATUR PM -1 10AM intment o By app
★
SALES & RENTALS We urgently Require Properties Tel: 952 52 41 40 Mob: 637 278 306 / 606 087 362 Calle Dr Fleming, 1 Nerja. 29780
Your specialists on the Axarquia Coast
Calle Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A Torre del MAr Tel: 952 547 554 / 680 210 414
info@buyahomespain.com www.buyahomespain.com
www.casa-terreno.net Calle del Mar 23, Torre del Mar Tel: 952 547 601
Country and Village Houses For Sale Office/Home: +34 952 55 77 33 Mobile: +34 606 010 580 unspoiltandalusia@gmail.com www.unspoiltandalusia.com
C / Infante 23, Edif. Faro 1, bajo, TORRE DEL MAR Tel./Fax. 0034 / 952 54 70 76 Mobile: 658 93 31 87 e-mail: info@suissehome.com www.suissehome.com
Cómpeta
Torrox
Torre del Mar
+34 952 51 61 78 +34 952 53 91 25 +34 952 54 18 86
Estate Agents! Quick Reference Page Call: 664 210 468 or email: sales@thesentinella.com to reserve your box
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63
Radio Bloopers Some radio quizzers just haven’t got a Danny la Rue. No cash prizes then, for this hopeless lot! This Morning Judy Finnegan: The American TV show ‘The Sopranos’ is about opera. True or false? Caller: True Judy Finnegan: No, actually it’s about the Mafia. But it’s an American TV show so I’ll give you that. Radio Two Presenter: What is the capital of Australia? And it’s not Sydney. Caller: Sydney Radio Newcastle: Presenter: How lond did the Six Day War last between Egypt and Israel? Caller: (after a long pause) Fourteen days Radio Lincolnshire: Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish
SPECIAL OFFER!! 2 Black Angus steaks, chips & salad PLUS a bottle of Argentinian wine ONLy 40€
677 329 962
Paseo Maritimo, El Copo next to Torre del Mar Monday - Friday 5pm - 10.30pm Saturday & Sunday 1pm - 10.30pm
speaking country in the world? Caller: Barcelona Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Caller: I’m sorry. I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain. Radio Kent Presenter: Where is the Taj Mahal Caller: Opposite the bakers Radio Bristol Presenter: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan Presenter: I did say European country, so in that case I didn’t hear that, I can let you try again. Let’ have your final answer. Caller: Er.. Mexico? Radio One Presenter: What is the Italian word for motorway? Caller: Espresso
64
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Best Explanation Of A Politician
HEATINg - COOLINg - SOLAR - HEAT PUMPS SALES - SERVICE - MAINTENANCE Constant climates using the latest inverter technology Covering all the Axarquia region
Do you want to receive new business? This advert will be seen by thousands of readers throughout the Axarquia area; Benajarafe - Torre del Mar - Caleta de Velez - Velez Malaga Algarrobo Costa - El Morche - Torrox Costa - Torrox Pueblo Torrox Park - Nerja - Burriana - Maro - Frigiliana Puente don Manuel - Vinuela - Colmenar - Competa - Maro Sayalonga - Canillas de Albaida - Sedella - Archez Canillas de Aceituno - Periana - Benamargosa - Trapiche Small price to pay for ADVERTISINg THAT WORKS!
Adverts from as little as 5 euros per month + iva Call: 664 210 468 Email: sales@thesentinella.com
SECOND Time Around
Second Time Around - First class OFFERS Selling for you, your once loved possessions, as everything deserves a second chance!
CHRISTMAS HAS ARRIVED at SECOND TIME AROUND. CHRISTMAS CARDS from 10cts; PACKS from 1€. Calendars 1€; Diaries from 90cts. Greetings cards from 10cts. You won't find quality greetings cards in Spain at a better price than ours! We are an agent for LOBSTER, the whole of Spain is talking about this mobile provider. You receive a free Sim, and a free gift when you register with us. As well as FULL SUPPORT from day 1! 30 days free if you sign before the end of November! We also sell on commission basis your once loved items Turn right at Cruz de Periana, (opposite PepeCar Mechanic) Puente don Manuel Tel: 659 375 603 Linda Joan Edwards Monday to Friday 9am – 4pm Saturdays 9am – 2pm
Sales I rentals I Management
do you want to sell your property? The market is ver y buoyant We have Buyers ready to move
PleASe CAll US NoW! Benamargosa
For Sale
S3-629
Beautiful 3 Bed 2 Bath Country House (139m² built, 1,000m² plot), 5-minute drive to village, fully renovated. Large lounge/dining room, open-plan f/f kitchen, master bed has en-suite & private terrace, 3 entrances so good for rental. Large mature gardens with fruit trees
Sales Price: .170,000€ (NeW!)
Iznate
For Sale
S4-283
Stunning 4 Bed Townhouse located at the top of the village.
Accommodation: living room, 3 double bedrooms, a casita which can easily become a 4th bedroom, f/f kitchen/diner & a spacious bathroom. It has a very large terrace with the possibility of building a splash pool. Ideal for buyers wanting to enjoy the Spanish culture and the amazing views
Sales Price: 119,000€ Calle Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A, (opposite bus station) Torre del MAr - Tel: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414
email: info@buyahomespain.com
Almayate
Sales I rentals I Management For Sale S7-017
7 Bed 3 Bath Detached House quietly located in the countryside but close to all amenities. Accommodation is on 2 floors with separate entrances. Upper floor: 3 spacious bedrooms, 1 bathroom, living room and a spacious f/f kitchen. Ground floor: 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, living room and f/f kitchen. Spacious roof terrace with 360-degree views, garden & parking
Sales Price: 145,500€ (NeW!) Torre del Mar
For rent
r2-353
2 Bed Apartment opposite the main bus station
in Torre del Mar and conveniently located close to all amenities. It is fully furnished, it has 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, living room and a lovely west facing balcony
rental Price: 475€ per month Benajarafe
For rent
r3-394
3 Bed Townhouse, located in Benajarafe and comprises a large lounge/dining room, a separate kitchen, 3 double bedrooms (1 with dressing room) and a family bathroom. Outside the front door it has an area for table and chairs
rental Price: 550€ per month
w w w.buyahomespain.com
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68
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Men vs Women Laugh-a-lot differences between men and women Names If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Jubbly and Bubbles. Eating out When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in 20€, even though it’s only for 32.50€. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. Money A man will pay 2€ for a €1 item he needs. A woman will pay 1€ for a 2€ item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale. Bathrooms A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Arguments A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. The future A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Marriage A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does. Dressing up A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the rubbish, answer the
phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. Natural Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. Offspring Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about the dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Thought of the day A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
GESTORIA VILLAR & BURGOS Mª.DOLORES BURGOS MORENO
Lawyers VEHICLE REGISTRATIONS AND TRANSFERS DRIVING LICENCE CONVALIDATIONS * NIE – RESIDENCE AND WORK PERMITS * NATIONALITY APPLICATIONS * SOCIAL SECURITY AND TAXES (ACCOUNTANCY) * INHERITANCES –WILLS * FORMATION OF COMPANIES * ADMINISTRATIVE PROCEDURES * SPANISH LESSONS
Tel. 670 433 389 E-mail : mariloburgos@hotmail.com
C/ Romero Pozo 11 Vélez-Málaga (next to Town Hall)
Mon - Thur 9.30am - 2pm / 4.30pm - 7pm Fri 9.30am - 2pm
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Saucy Postcards
AIR CONDITIONING & HEATING SERVICES Repair, Maintenance & Installation
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EXPLORE Chatelin ortopedia & pedicurist practice We are a company with over 30 years experience in the orthopedic sector. Linda is a qualified pedicurist and Henry is a certified prothesis and orthesis maker, for all your inlays and sport inlays, corset-knee, ankle and wrist supports, wheelchairs, walking aids, beds, rehabilitation articles etc...open Monday - Thursday 10am - 2pm and 3pm - 6pm. call: 695 481 082 or 658 773 857 Starcar in Nerja for all your car repair needs: bodywork painting, service, pre I.T.V. check, air-conditioning, tyres, brakes, clutch etc. Also car transfers. Find them at Avda Alcalde Antonio Villasclaras just up from the BP garage as you are leaving Nerja on the right hand side and they are below the gym. Call Jonathan who speaks English on 637 801 325 Dentadanés Dental Clinic offer top-quality Scandinavian dental care at competitive prices, a successful concept that has been used since the clinic was established in Maro (Nerja) in 1991. We have two dentists, (one Danish female, one English male) ready to solve all your dental problems. Please visit our website at www.dentadanes.com for a full list of treatments & prices as well as directions to and pictures of the clinic. Open Monday to Friday 10am - 5pm including all summer
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NERJA months. We speak English, Danish/Scandinavian, German and Spanish. Tel: 952 52 96 66. Visit Ink & Chips on C/ Antonio Ferrandis, “Chanquete� 6. They have all you need for your PC, such as ink cartridges & peripherals as well as laptop & printer sales. They also offer a technical service 365 days a year. La llave de oro, Calle Granada 88, Nerja, 952 524 651. Locksmith 24hrs emergency service, 606 939 929, opening & repairing safes, armoured doors, authorised technical service, key cutting, supplier for quality padlocks, safes & other security products. Do you need some expert advice in Holiday Accommodation? Nerja Beach Holidays are waiting to do just this! Visit their properties directly via their Virtual tour on www.nerjabeachholidays.com They offer all kinds of holiday and winter rentals. They speak English, French and Spanish to help you along the way. They have an extensive range of 1 to 3 bed apartments and villas. Booking can be made via Whatsapp, FB, Website, Email or phone. Nerja Beach Holidays have it all covered! Contact Karine +34 644 793 168 / admin@nerjabeachholidays.com
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Axarquia Solicitors Law Office Annual income tax returns campaign success Recently published official news from the Spanish Inland Revenue (Agencia Tributaria) provides information regarding the ANNUAL INCOME TAX RETURNS CAMPAIGN, (CAMPAÑA DE LA DECLARACIÓN DE LA RENTA), carried out during April, May and June 2019, corresponding to the Tax Year 2018. According to this official information the campaign was a total success in terms of TAXES COLLECTED by the Tax Office, being the highest amount in decades. The tax office normally refunds money to citizens (around 300 MILLION EURO), but this time the Tax office received an extra 1,100 MILLION EURO. The total amount of tax collected by the tax office was much more than expected by the authorities. The reason for this increase in the total tax collected was because now all European Union countries interchange their tax information and this together with the taxes now being paid by the bigger private companies like Airbnb, Homeaway, etc. also contributed to this rise. Using the information provided by other EU countries the tax office has sent thousands of
“Informative” letters to citizens suggesting that they should declare all their income in Spain, and this has proved to be very effective in many cases. In conclusion it could be said that the sharing of computer data by Tax offices is much easier and more effective nowadays. Resulting in the Spanish Tax Authorities having access to much more information than ever about citizens. To avoid penalties, charges and default interests, we recommend all readers should submit their annual tax returns correctly and on time (as residents or as non-residents), by contacting a professional solicitor / tax advisor. All readers should contact a professional to review their personal tax situation and be ready to pay their taxes on time. Our law office is happy to meet readers free of charge to review and discuss their personal circumstances and recommend the best course of action. To make a free appointment please contact our Law office. Jose M. Lopez-Avalos Tel. (00 34) 952 901 225 Fax. (00 34) 952 901 226 E-Mail: mail@manilvasolicitors.com www.manilvasolicitors.com See main advert opposite
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Normality Are you ‘normal?’ Check out these interesting statistics before you decide!
84% of women will not leave the house without make-up on.
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
33% of women lie about their weight.
21% of us don’t make our bed daily and 5% of us never do.
Still not decided!? More to come next month!
Men do 29% of laundry each week and only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man. 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz. 29% admit they’ve intentionally stolen something from a store. 10% believe in the 10 Commandments. 82% believe in afterlife. 45% believe in ghosts. 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail. 29% are virgins when they marry. 75% have called into work sick when we weren’t. 10% of us switch tags in the shops to pay less for an item. 35% give to charity at least once a month. When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton. 69% eat the cake before the icing. 22% of us skip lunch daily. 9% of us skip breakfast daily. 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds. Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side. 48% use mouthwash every day. The typical shower is 101 degrees F. 9% of women and 6% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
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Recipe Of The Month Braised Partridge with farmers sauce and caramelised winter vegetables
4. Add the stock and the red wine. Cook on low heat for 25 to 30 minutes.
Serves 4 Ingredients: 4 partridges 100g of butter 250g of fine chopped smoked bacon 50g of flour 1 cup of chopped carrots 2 cloves of chopped garlic 1 cup of red wine 1 1/2 cup of partridge stock Salt, pepper, thyme Cognac
5. Finish off with the Cognac, salt and pepper. Serve with mashed potatoes, green cabbage and caramelised winter vegetables.
Method 1. Season the partridges inside and out with the pepper, salt and thyme.
Eating the heart of a male partridge was the cure for impotence in ancient Babylon.
2. Heat the butter and brown the partridges on all sides, add the onion, carrots, bacon and the garlic. 3. After 2 minutes add the flour and now stir.
Partridge Facts The grey partridges are native to Britain, the red legged are not. During breeding the clutch can contain up to 16 eggs (one of the largest clutches of any living bird species)
For their size, bamboo partridge have an amazingly loud alarm call which is used when they sense danger or feel threatened. A cheaper is a young partridge.
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ss e l e Us ts y are us!eless Fac As alwaybsutthaemazing The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z; hence the name "OZ." The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
China has more English speakers than the United States. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic." The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead." Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorised all 158 verses. Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The scene where Indiana Jones shoots the swordsman in Raider’s of the Lost Ark was Harrison Ford's idea so that he could take a bathroom break. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. A snail can sleep for three years. All polar bears are left-handed.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
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Marriage Wars Thinking of tying the knot...? Think twice! After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but they still stay together. Hermant Joshi (Professor of Mass Communication and Journalism)
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” James Holt McGavran “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” Patrick Murray (English actor)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. Socrates (Greek philosopher)
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. Ogden Nash (American Poet)
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, “What does a woman want?” Sigmund Freud (Austrian neurologist)
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once... (Anonymous)
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” Sam Kinison (Comedian)
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Henry Youngman (English-American comedian) A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle (Comedian)
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A-Z Of Spain Following on from The Sentinella’s journey through the alphabet to discover the joys of Spain. This month we bring you the letter S Sangria - Usually drunk by the jug load, sangria is a typical Spanish drink, which contains red wine, various spirits and to nicely round it off, chunks of succulent fruit are also thrown in. It can be quite a potent drink, especially if it is made by the right people.
Chez Spice
now Indúlucia in Torre del Mar
Santo - As well as having a birthday Spaniards have traditionally celebrated el Santo, their Saints Day, when the saint they were named after is honoured in the Christian calendar. Unfortunatley for me, there is no Saint Kami day! Semana Santa - Easter. This is a very important holiday in Spain and involves spectacular processions with members of cofradias (brotherhoods) dressed in hooded robes and carrying their pasos (religious floats or statues) through the streets.
Sunshine - Praise the Lord! The sun shines a hell of a lot more here than in dull dreary UK and that is what makes us all feel so much healthier and happier. The sun shines on average for 320 days a year here in the
Indian cuisine and more....
Costa del Sol and Torrox Costa is said to have the best climate in Europe. Now that can’t be bad, can it?!
Sanfermines - The festival of San Fermín is a week-long celebration held annually in the city of Pamplona from 14th July. Crowds of people take to the streets drinking, dancing and singing. Early in the morning bulls are released along the narrow streets which lead to the bullring and people risk serious injury by running in front of them - a custom which is also typical in many Spanish villages.
Indúlucía
(Chez Spice)
FINEST INDIAN CUISINE at LA PERGOLA
The Absolute Indian Experience
Come and savour delicious food and drinks at the best venue on the promenade in Torre del Mar Menu del Dia - 10€ Mon - Fri Lunchtimes Growing success! Our Flamenco Night in INDúLUCÍA (Chez-Spice) with ‘Aire Flamenco’ Next event - 12th November Dinner from 7pm - Show from 8pm - 10pm
Call: 631 080 785 Open 1pm - 3.30pm / 7pm - 11pm Closed Wednesdays Indúlucia Torre del Mar Paseo Maritimo Levante 21
Tel Nick: 642 151 366 Email: brittonuk.nb@gmail.com Free No Obligation Quotes References Available
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Fun
cs i P ny
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Random Jokes :) A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of â‚Ź5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the â‚Ź5,000. She gives him back his â‚Ź5,000 and re-invests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these
Again, the man is impressed.
Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
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Film
w e i v Re
IT C
sequel to 2017's IT Chapter One and the final installment in Warner Bros.' series directed by Andrés Muschietti,
o Tw r e hap
Twenty-seven years after the Losers Club defeated Pennywise, he has returned to terrorise the town of Derry once more.
Release date: September 6, 2019 (Spain) Director: Andrés Muschietti Budget: 79 million uSD genre: Drama, Thriller, Fantasy, Horror Cast: Jessica Chastain as Beverly Marsh, James McAvoy as Bill Denbrough, Jaeden Martell as Young Bill Denbrough, Bill Hader as Richie Tozier, Isaiah Mustafa as Mike Hanlon, Bill Skarsgård as Pennywise the Dancing Clown / "IT", plus many more actors and actresses. Almost two years to the day since the first movie's release. IT Chapter Two is the
Now adults, the childhood friends have long since gone their separate ways. But when people start disappearing again, Mike Hanlon the only one of the group to remain in their hometown, calls the others home for one final stand. Damaged by scars from the past, the united Losers must conquer their deepest fears to destroy Pennywise once and for all putting them directly in the path of the clown that has become deadlier than ever. It seems the general consensus among the many reviews is that IT Chapter Two may have been unnecessarily long, at nearly three hours long. Star Rating ** or ***/*****
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s Now ong b e l C e e n & A r m s tr Th Alun Actor Alun Armstrong is one of Britain’s most recognisable and popular stars on TV, but he has also had a prolific — and much-praised — career in films and on the stage. He was born on July 17, 1946 in Annfield Plain, County Durham. His parents were both lay preachers but his father also worked as a winding engineer at the local pit. Alun attended Consett Grammar School in County Durham, and he credits his English teacher, who staged a Shakespeare play every year, with setting him on the path to acting. He taught him how to read Shakespeare verse and the rudiments of stagecraft, and in the lower sixth, Alun played Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew – a role he would later perform with the Royal Shakespeare Company. He took part in the National Youth Theatre summer school in 1964, but said later that he felt his background and northern accent made him feel out of place. He auditioned for RADA but was not accepted, so instead studied fine art at Newcastle University. He again felt that he did not fit in, and was expelled after two years because he stopped attending classes. He had jobs with a bricklayer and as a gravedigger before he decided to try acting again. He started out by working as an assistant stage manager at the Cambridge Arts Theatre. He then went on to a Theatre in Education company affiliated with the Sheffield Repertory Theatre, and performed in several Radio 4 dramas. He made his TV debut in 1971, playing the part of William Hedley in Advent of Steam. During the 1970s, he appeared in various TV series, including episodes of Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?, Porridge and The Sweeney. Alun made his big screen debut in the film
Get Carter (1971). He had written a letter to MGM upon learning that they were making the film in Newcastle, and was invited to meet director Mike Hodges, who was keen to cast local actors. His first cinematic lead role was as Maxwell Randall, the titular vampire in Alan Clarke's snooker musical Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire (1987). Alun sang "I Bite Back". He has been married to Susan Bairstow since 1977, and they have three children. His son Joe is also an actor, and father and son played older and younger versions of the same character in the 2010 BBC drama A Passionate Woman. They also played Northumberland and his son Hotspur in the 2012 BBC adaptation of Henry IV. Alun’s other son Dan is a musician in the band Clock Opera, and Alun appeared in the music video for their song "The Lost Buoys". In the television series New Tricks (2003) his wife is played by Susan Jameson, who is actually married to co-star James Bolam. He was awarded the Laurence Olivier Theatre Award in 1994 (1993 season) for Best Actor in a Musical for his performance in Sweeney Todd at the Royal National Theatre. He has appeared in various adaptations of Charles Dickens's novels: Oliver Twist (1999 and 2005), The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby (1982), David Copperfield (1999), Bleak House (2005), Little Dorrit (2008) and The Mystery of Edwin Drood (2012).
To advertise call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com Feud over Rylan Clark-Neal has laid to rest his long-running beef with Gary Barlow — seven years after they locked horns on ‘The X Factor.’ The ‘Strictly: It Takes Two’ host buried the hatchet with the Take That singer at a recent showbiz party, where they were pictured cuddling up together. Rylan tweeted the snap, captioning it: "After 7 years..... we're good." The two men clashed when Gary was sitting in for Simon Cowell as a judge on the 2012 series of X Factor, and Rylan was one of the most controversial hopefuls to get through to the finals. Gary made no secret of the fact he didn't rate Rylan's vocals and even stormed off set when his former enemy got through the first week of eliminations over his preferred act, Carolynne Poole. Their animosity towards each other quickly got personal, with Gary critiquing Rylan's performance one week by telling him: "I'm glad you learned the trick that when you pull the mic away we don't hear what you're singing." Fiesty Rylan later branded the judge 'Gary Bore-low' and pranked him by pretending to pick the Take That hit ‘Back For Good’ as one of his tracks later on in the competition, before getting a fake tattoo of his rival on his back for a mag shoot. It’s a ‘no’ from Sharon Sharon Osbourne has spurned Simon Cowell’s olive branch about appearing together again on TV. She insisted: “I don’t want to work with him.” Her remark came after Simon told the Mirror he phoned her to patch things up amid a feud and added she is “always welcome back” on his TV shows. Asked about the comments, Sharon said: “Because I said certain things about — and to — Simon, doesn’t mean I hate him for ever. He is OK, but I just don’t want to work with him.” Simon, 60, spoke about phoning her recently to smooth things over. But she said on her US
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C el e Newbrity s
talk show ‘The Talk’: “The other day? It was May 2018; I haven’t heard from him since.” Sharon, 67 today, previously claimed Simon booted her off The X Factor last year for being too old.
Bridget again? Fans of the Bridget Jones movies will be pleased to hear that Renée Zellweger would be on board for a fourth film. The 50-year-old actress, who is currently promoting her latest film Judy, where she plays icon Judy Garland, discussed her openness to continuing the Bridget Jones film franchise — that last saw Bridget become a mother in ‘Bridget Jones's Baby.’ When asked if she would consider reprising her role and continuing the story as Bridget tackles parenting, Renée told Australian talk show ‘The Project’: "Oh, gosh, yeah, wouldn't that be fun?" The Texas-born star gushed: "It's really the best job, it really is. So much weirder than folks can imagine from the outside." New love for Miley Miley Cyrus has a new ‘nurse’ to aid her recovery from a severe bout of tonsillitis. The Bangers singer took to Instagram to document her health battle and revealed that her new beau Cody Simpson had come to help nurse her. She told fans that the Australian hunk was keeping her company while she was receiving medical attention. Miley even referred to him as her 'boyfriend' — despite them only dating a few short weeks. Last month Miley was seen out with Kaitlynn Carter which followed on from her split from husband Liam Hemsworth after one year of marriage. But Miley seems smitten with the new man in her life as she admitted she felt the 'luckiest' to have him by her side as she recovered from her throat infection.
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Poems By Tricia Gabbitas This month's verses, specially illustrated for you. Hundreds of verses available for you to use - just put "Tricia Gabbitas" into the search bar on Amazon.
Tricia has prepared these mini cards for you so if you want you can cut them out and put them into your own cards or letters.
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Don’t Stress!!! I had a client come to me this week with flu like symptoms and generally aching everywhere. After numerous tests at the doctors they still were uncertain why she was feeling under the weather as they all came back clear. She was so surprised when I suggested her symptoms could be a result of stress. Your muscles tense up to protect themselves from injury when you're stressed. They tend to release again once you relax, but if you're constantly under stress, your muscles may not get the chance to relax. Tight muscles cause headaches, back and shoulder pain, and body aches. Your adrenal glands, which are small organs above your kidneys, respond to stress by releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones are part of your "fight or flight" response. Eventually the adrenal glands are so overworked by stress that they stop being able to produce the body´s natural anti-inflammatory and adrenal fatigue sets in. This, unfortunately, can affect so many aspects of the body and this is why when we stop for holidays after a stressful time at work or an event, this is when we become ill. If you are suffering from stress induced illnesses then it is important to find an activity like yoga, exercise or massage to distress and relax and regroup. By Amanda Edge, BscHonsRSA See main advert opposite
Pain
Reduced movement
Muscle tension
Reduced circulation
Muscle inflammation
HOLIDAy APARTMENTS 7 SEATER TAXI CAR RENTALS
All range of cars: Basic, Medium, Automatic and 7 seater cars Delivery & collection at Málaga airport or at your location HOLIDAy APARTMENTS IN ALgARROBO COSTA BEACH
For Free specialist days in November Please call for details
Algarrobo Costa Block Montevideo, 3 Tel: 0034 952 511 209 Email: estrellarentweb@gmail.com www. estrellarent.com We speak English, german & Spanish
Amanda Payne Edge BSC HONS; RSA
Qualified Sports & Remedial Therapist Specialising in soft tissue massage and manipulation treatments for sciatica, back problems, tension headaches, muscle injuries as well as relaxing and lymphatic massage. Treatments also using the G5 GBM Massage Machine. Also specialising in Kinesiology Taping & Passive, Active Stretching
Calle de Venta Baja, Puente don Manuel
Tel: 655 936 590
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Lexophiles Clever eh! A boiled egg is hard to beat. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired. A will is a dead giveaway.
12 ye ars of offferin eringg our ser vices 7 sp ecialis t dentist specialist dentis t s Fre Freee quot ations at io ns
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. A backward poet writes inverse. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name.
open Mon - Fri: 09.30 - 20.00 Avda. de Andacucia, 86 Bajo, Torre del Mar
Tel: 952 54 72 51 / 608 025 772 w w w.centrodentis.com
Come and meet or speak to our bilingual team;
Jacqueline Combe - Managing Director, Natalie Combe - Accounts department, Barbara Vizcaino O´Hara - Administration & Insurance, Juan Pedro Jimenez del Dedo - Solicitor.
Opening hours: 09.00 to 14.00
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Beautiful places – Cortijo El Trujillo, Montes de Málaga In the Summer I wrote about Cortijo La Breña in the Montes de Malaga. Did I think I could ever find another such beautiful, rustic little treasure in the same area? NO, I thought. But I was wrong!
One of the quirkiest features of this cortijo is the doorway from the dining room into the kitchen – cut unevenly through the thick stone walls, almost like a narrow tunnel, rather than a doorway!
This is yet another of those hard to find wonders of Andalusian country life, a beautifully preserved, ancient cortijo that has been restored and adapted for modern living. This gorgeous old farmhouse is totally private and oozes, like honey from a pot, with charm and beautiful original features. Beautiful tiled floors, thick beams, 1 metre thick stone walls, cobbled patios, wooden windows and double wooden doors leading from one stunning room to the next, natural rock features forming an integral part of the structure, and a nostalgic farmhouse kitchen with the sunlight pouring in from the windows. And outside, the glistening waters of a charming pool with natural stone surround, against a backdrop with wonderful country views.
For me, this is what Andalusia is really all about. Not the packed beaches and tacky bars of the concrete coastline to the West of Malaga, the part of Malaga most tourists flock to, but the hidden wonders and delights of the original country cortijos that are lucky enough to have had owners who cared about the little piece of history they represent. Check it out – maybe you know a bee that would like to try the honey!– it’s AX932 on our website. And if you have a place to sell, please do get in touch! By Toni Waterman, Unspoilt Andalusia (see advertisement below)
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Get Cashback Now With The New Liberty Seguros Promotion! The #1 preferred expat insurer in Spain, Liberty Seguros, is again offering more discounts to both existing and new customers through a new Cashback promotion, from now until December 23rd 2019. If you are already an existing customer and take out one or more new policies whether for Car, Home, Life or Funeral you will receive 60€ Cashback for each one you buy. That means you could receive unlimited cash whilst you protect yourself, your loved ones, your home and your car! Just bear in mind that these offers are not for renewals or replacements. Don’t worry if you are a new client, you can also benefit. If you switch to Liberty Seguros you’ll get 30€ Cashback on your first premium quote and then 60€ on each of your subsequent new policies. Basically, the more policies you take out, the more cash you will get back and as there is no limit on policies, there is no limit on cashback! So, what are you waiting for to take out a policy with Liberty Seguros? Apart from saving money there are many other advantages that you can benefit from. With your car insurance you will get a courtesy car up to 35 days in case of theft, accident, fire and mechanical breakdown; you even decide in the vehicle repair garage, among other benefits. If you take out a home insurance, they give you fully comprehensive accidental, including subsidence cover. Liberty Seguros also offers optional extended cover for jewellery and valuables, both inside and outside the home. Both their car and home policies give you access to 24/7 multi-lingual, emergency assistance via freephone so help is always right there when you need it! Did you know that Liberty Seguros also has an extensive network of around 300 brokers and agents who will be pleased to give you all
the help you need and look after you for the long term? If you value a more personal service and face-to-face contact, Liberty Seguros is your insurer company. Over 175,000 expat clients have already chosen Liberty Seguros, so why not join the leading expat company in Spain now? You know it makes sense! To find out more, and further details visit www.libertyexpatriates.es. Or simply call 91 342 25 49. Conditions may apply.
ADvERTISE HERE If you are a business owner and reading this, then so are your POTENTIAL CuSTOMERS!!!
Contact us for details 664 210 468 Email: sales@thesentinella.com
TRAPICHE MARKET
Every Tuesday 9.30am - 1.30pm
Come and enjoy a relaxing morning at Los Jardines del Trapiche, THE nicest market venue on the Costa. If you have something UNIQUE to sell and EASY PARKING want a pitch, please contact Anita
Outside courtyard and beautiful function room full of fabulous stalls offering something for everyone. Browse at your leisure and enjoy a coffee in the stunning surroundings Take the A-272 turning onto the Velez-Malaga road A-356. Turn off at El Cruce restaurant towards Benamargosa. Over the roundabout and we are on the left just before the private airfield
Call Anita on: 627 877 164
WHAT’S ON!
Axarquia Fiestas & Events in November
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Cheap Airlines Tell tale signs that you have chosen a no frills airline! 1. Passengers are required to pedal to the plane to keep up. 2. The baggage options are, “carry-on” and “donate”. 3. Seatbelts cost extra. 4. The pilot sends around a collection plate for gas money.
November FESTIVAL gASTRONóMICO INTERNACIONAL Periana 10th November LOS REMEDIOS Vélez-Málaga 13th - 16th November FERIA DE MUESTRAS "PUERTA DE LA AXARQUíA" Rincon de Victoria 15th November FAWLTy TOWERS DININg EXPERIENCE - Tickets available at Salon del Mar, Torre del Mar 24th November FIESTA DE LA CHANFAINA Totalán
Whats on Axarquia Sentinella Axarquia Join us on facebook
5. First class has no seats. 6. Passengers are asked to flap their arms to get the plane off the ground. 7. The windows have duct tape around them. 8. The pre-flight briefing ends with “spare a little change” 9. They no longer say “oxygen will be provided”. 10. It allow tramps to ride for free if they work as stewards.
The Sentinella Bargain Boxes This size from just 20 euros per month +IVA Call: 664 210 468
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Wherever I Lay My Hat Currently, we are living in uncertain times. One thing we all have in common is that we are immigrants here in Spain and, over the next few months and possibly years, our status here could be facing some challenges. It seems more important than ever that we are tolerant and supportive of each other irrespective of where we decide to live. Axarquía has a whole range of potential locations. TOWIE (The Only Way is England…or Little England) If you’re thinking of settling here but are scared of language barriers or missing home comforts, Axarquía has the ideal solution. Situated around the incredible Lake Viñuela, there’s an assortment of places that offer a taste of home in the Spanish sunshine. Some might say that you will be living in a hot microcosm of Britain where there are no language barriers, unless you try to speak Spanish. However, if you are happy, does that really matter? If you want you can eat curry or fish and chips on a Friday night with a very large beer and consume an English breakfast after a night out. There’s the possibility of a full Sunday roast dinner, which I’m assured is of excellent quality and quantity. Real bacon, crumpets, fruit squash and real chocolate biscuits with no strange aftertaste are available albeit at a premium. Like yourself, they’ve travelled far. The Real Housewives of Axarquía If you’re wondering how to fill your time, do not worry. In fact, there’s a great likelihood that time will become increasingly less important. There will be times when you’ll need confirmation of what day it actually is. The Real Housewives of Axarquía will happily guide you to a whole range of activities and clubs that you can join. There are more clubs here than a freshers week at University! Bowls, books, every conceivable dance move, running, walking and somewhere in between groups. You name it and the housewives will have got it covered. And if your particular hobby isn’t catered for, feel free to create a social media group for it. Just because a soap carving group hasn’t been formed, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be.
Men: don’t despair. Your entertainment bases are covered too. There’s football where you can walk or stumble and much more. ¡Viva España! If you’re intending to move here to integrate entirely, it is completely possible in Axarquía. Many villages and towns retain their Spanish culture. Here you can embrace all things Spain with a passion that even the indigenous population would find difficult to muster. You might want to invest in an old banger that will be covered in more sand that the beach! You’ll need to purchase a toro sticker for the car’s rear. All your paperwork will be in order and in record time. You will know the unwritten rules: turning up at official appointments with copies of copies, bank payments already processed and a victory smile on your face. As Espanglish, you will know every Spanish fiesta, Feria, Saints day and more which you will celebrate with enthusiasm. There will be 2 breakfasts, late lunch, siesta and a snack in the middle of the night. You will blend in so seamlessly and effortlessly, that your own family will cease to recognise you when you collect them at the airport. The Good Life In the middle of these extremes is the campo dweller. The campo home is usually a good few kilometres up a dusty track that is more suited to a donkey than a car. Campo life is for the resilient and self sufficient. Think of a Spanish version of the 1970s sitcom, The Good Life. Replace suburbia and a neat semi detached with a rambling cortijo, a plot of land with olive groves, avocados and mangoes and this could definitely be the good life. Finally we all make our own version of happiness. We move to Spain for a myriad of reasons: the daily promise of sunshine, a relaxed lifestyle or the opportunity to regain a work life balance. Whatever, the reasons, Axarquía does seem to offer a whole range of diverse people a home like no other. Be sure to look through The Sentinella for advice on the options. Article written by Grimble
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Where’s Stig Where’s Stig
Last month’s answer on page 120
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A Taste Of... France France is renowned, globally, for many aspects. From history and architecture, through arts, literature, music, fashions and so much more, there is something to interest all. French wines need little introduction and the cuisine of France is now available around the world.
Other mains have ‘devotees’ for their succulent Honey-glazed Duck and Fish dishes. Tender Steaks have ‘followers’, too and are served with a choice of sauces, plus French fries. The team of chefs ensure all cuisine is cooked and/or presented to perfection. The complementing flavours of the
Le Garrick Restaurant is recognised as an ‘institution’. Very popular with theatrical actors and actresses, Le Garrick offers all-day dining, in a venue that has a lot of history. This ‘little piece of France’, in the West End of London, is known for its excellent, regional French food, service and atmosphere.
dishes are outstanding and impress, constantly. Desserts have something for all tastes and Tarte au Citron or a Chocolate creation will certainly not disappoint.
Having a ground floor, with window tables, plus a downstairs restaurant area, with intimate candlelight alcoves, Le Garrick offers character, exceptional dining and splendid cuisine. Being in close proximity to many theatres, pre and post-theatre dining is very popular. The menu is undoubtedly French. Les Entrées has selections that include Scallops and an Assiette de Charcuterie, for example. Boeuf Bourguignon (slow-cooked beef marinated in red wine and served with new potatoes, vegetables and lardons) is extremely popular for a main course – compliments to chef!
Champagne, plus high-quality wines/drinks, that are elegant, light, rich and powerful, have something for all palates. Having a good number of theatres within easy distance, this is most certainly a restaurant to consider prior to or after a theatre visit, as well as a venue to return to, when in the area and to make a destination, too. All dietary requirements can be catered for and gift vouchers are available, also. Le Garrick has regular clientele – always a good sign. Booking is advisable, particularly during popular times. Le Garrick Restaurant 10-12 Garrick Street, Covent Garden, London WC2E 9BH Tel: 44 (0) 20 7240 7649 Email: info@legarrick.co.uk www.legarrick.co.uk
As always, Enjoy! Trevor Langley
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es Chariti
What´s on in your area?
Volunteers needed. The Costa Animal Society needs your help, particularly with their efforts at the Sunday car boot markets in Nerja and Almuñecar. If you have some time, and especially if you own a 4x4 or other large vehicle, your assistance in transporting and selling goods on a Sunday morning would be much appreciated as both these markets help raise much needed funds to care for rescued animals. If you can assist CAS in any way call Wendy: 660271984 or Vera: 680 315880. SEEKING CHARITIES - People helping People Do you know of any SPANISH Charities (O.N.G) who help people and are seeking funding? The American International Club is currently seeking Spanish Organisations who are seeking assistance. The organisation will be presenting a donation at the Dia de Residente event this April in Nerja. If you are aware of an organisation that assists Spanish people, please send an email with contact information to nerjaclub@yahoo.com The American International Club is a social club open to all nationalities which spans the area from Almunecar to Torrox and beyond. Activities include tapas runs, monthly excursions, petanque, coffee mornings, dinners and walks. The Club raises funds for Spanish charities and each year makes a significant donation to a local organisation as a way of saying "thank you" to our host nation. Our motto is "If it isn't fun, we don't do it". To join in the fun email: nerjaclub@yahoo.com http://www.americaninternationalclub.com Los Romanes Royal British Legion. Los Romanes branch has two venues. We meet weekly at our NEW venue The Asador Restaurant Puente Don Manuel, and a NEW Day Monday 12.00 – 1400 hrs. And on a Wednesday at midday at the Bar La Vega, Torre Del Mar. Our friendly group get together not only to raise funds for and support TRBL in Spain, but also meet to be with friends and have some fun, including quizzes, bingo, monthly lunches etc. You do not have to have served in the Armed Forces to become a member. Interested? Then please Phone Branch Secretary Sue on M 691 544 140 or just pop in for a chat. Furniture shop, Torre del Mar is looking for volunteers who have a free morning or afternoon every week to help us to sell second hand furniture and attend to customers in the new store. Would you like to help us? Contact 952564910/671048304 voluntariado@cudeca.org
Date Diasr For y
Every 2nd Wednesday in the month AAR monthly quiz at La Tasca. 3pm start. Opposite the police station, Torre del Mar. Call Shelia for details 640 328 051 Every Monday is quiz night at the Irish Rover, El Copo, Torre del Mar. Come and support local charities. Call 603 186 347 to reserve a table. Feel Good Fayre Saturday 19th October 12 - 4pm. Stalls, treatments, therapies, demonstrations. Call Su or Josie on: 952 517 273 for details Every Tuesday Country Farmers Market between 10am and 1.30pm. Los Jardines del Trapiche Call: Anita 627 877 164 Argentine Tango classes in Torrox: Wed 5pm 6pm Salón Pilates con Lorena Calle Deire, edificio fantasia, sótano 2 derecha, Torrox pueblo Mario Correa 649 59 55 94 mac1710@gmail.com Scottish Country Dance Classes Every Tuesday evening from 7.15pm - 9pm at El Trapiche Restaurant, for all levels, with or without partners. For further information please contact George Bain on 619 069 966 Move it to Music! Dance fitness classes in Nerja starting Saturday 19 October, 11-12 noon, at Time Sport Gym (on main Nerja-Maro road). Feel energised and joyful with these low-impact moves set to spirit-lifting tunes. Option to meet afterwards for a chat over coffee. Just turn up with water and a towel, wearing trainers and stretchy clothing. Beginners welcome! No gym membership required. Classes run until Easter. More info - 675 846 217 / moveittomusic@yahoo.co.uk The Nerja Players meet on 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month between October and April. Perfomances are rehearsed readings. Location: Calle Castilla Perez 1, Nerja, Ma., 29780. Look for the very large BLuE entrance door. We are between Salon de Juegos and a Supermarket. Reservations: on our website. Email: admin@thenerjaplayers.com
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Move It To Music To meet popular demand, there is an extra Move It To Music! dance fitness class taking place at Nerja's Time Sport Gym on Saturdays throughout November, starting at 09:30 hrs. The second (identical) class starts at 11:00 hrs as usual.
Time Sport Gym is opposite Iranzo supermarket on the main Nerja-to-Maro Road. Feel energised and joyful with these low-impact moves set to spirit-lifting tunes. Optional chat over coffee afterwards. Come with water and a towel, and wear trainers and stretchy clothing. Everybody welcome!
moveittomusic@yahoo.co.uk WhatsApp / Tel: 675 846 217
No getting away from it now... Christmas is on the way and much as we like to wait well into December to acknowledge it, this year people were booking for our "Do" in October! So if you would like to join us for LA VAQUERIA CHRISTMAS SUNDAY LUNCH BUFFET on Sunday 22nd December please make your reservation soon. Our Sunday Lunch Buffet will have traditional Christmas dishes, mulled wine and all the trimmings with plenty of vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, sugar free and lactose free options using local and organic ingredients where possible. We always have live music on Sundays but on the 22nd we are planning to go on a little longer than usual with a little more music than usual! Meanwhile, back in the present, November sees some exciting new changes at La Vaqueria with the opening of a new venture. The "Smiling Cow" Therapy room has a huge range of holistic and well being treatments with a variety of therapists and practitioners. We are also offering packages - "All about Me" days which make a wonderful gift; a tai chi, yoga or pilates class, plus a therapy plus lunch... all in the homely, arty, eco Vaqueria. Please do not hesitate to get in touch for furtherinformation. As always we are looking forward to your visit. La Vaqueria Team x
WE SERVE HOMEMADE: Breakfasts, Lunch, Snacks & Cakes ALL DAY TUESDAY - SATURDAY CAFE. GIFT SHOP. PILATES. YOGA. EVENTS VENUE. GARDEN. ORGANIC FRUIT & VEG WEEKLY SUNDAY LUNCH & LIVE MUSIC
CHRISTMAS DO... SUNDAY 22nd DECEMBER... BUFFET & LIVE MUSIC FEEL GOOD FAYRE Saturday 16th November - 12pm - 4pm Check out our events
Volunteers Wanted English Speaking Email: 29094social@cruzroja.es
Open Tues - Sat 11am - 6pm Sun 1pm - 8pm Tel: 952 517 273
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s e i t e i c o S & s b Clu
Short Mat Bowls The Nerja Short Mat Bowls Club is now operating in the hotel Jimesol, C/ Chaparil, Nerja on Monday and Thursday afternoons from 1.45pm to 4.15pm. New members welcome. Contact Marian on 952 523 754 or Malcolm on 952 520 579 for more details. www.shortmatbowlsnerja.com Golf: TOGS (Torrox Golf Society) If you would like a friendly but competitive game of golf each Sunday morning at Baviera, then why not join TOGS, possibly the friendliest Society on the Costa. Email: torroxgolfsociety@gmail.com or call Captain: George Clay on 643 139 023 Colmenar Social Club is a group whose aim is to promote friendship and assistance to all our members. We meet every Wednesday from 12.00pm at Arco Del Sol Hotel, Colmenar on A356 Velez Malaga to Casabermeja road Km9. A great venue to enjoy a variety of activities such as wine tasting, talks, cooking demonstrations, monthly lunches, car sharing days out, theatre visits and a monthly bowling group. Everyone is welcome, if you’re interested please contact Carol on 623 125 656 or visit our Facebook page: Colmenar Social Club - to view activities. Phoenix Club We now meet every Tuesday between 12 and 2pm at Bar La Vega, Avenida Andalucia and is sandwiched between the small Mercadona Supermarket and the Repsol Garage on the way out of Torre towards Malaga. Call Gail 951 067 723 www.phoenixsocialclub.co.uk Do you like singing? Would you like to join a choir? We are inviting new singers to become members of the local, long-established choir, Coral Coraxalia under the leadership of Eusebio Pita. Great, friendly atmosphere, all nationalities, good repertoire, performances and concerts, social events, possible touring, etc. Rehearsals Thursdays 17.30 – 20.00 in the Casa Cultura on the main A7205 road at Viñuela village. Plenty of free parking opposite. Come along to a rehearsal and hear us and decide if you’d like to join us! For more information call 689 111 352 / 669 682 138 RBL - Nerja meets twice a month for lunch - on the 3rd Thur at the Al Andalus Hotel, Maro and on the
Sponsored by:
1st Fri at the Nuevo Arenas Restaurant, La Herradura. Everyone is welcome to join us. Booking is essential. Please contact Kim on tel: +44 7988029001 or email: kim_bowe1@hotmail.com. For any other infor about the Branch contact Eddie, our Chairman, on tel: +44 7590717384 or email: eddiebowe1@hotmail.com. RBL Benajarafe Branch meet every Friday from 12.00 at the Restaurante Mediterraneo situated on the coast road in Benajarafe. We enjoy bingo, quizzes, various entertainment & monthly outings. We have an excellent weekly lunch & welcome new/existing RBL members. Tel: 653108415 Email: benajaraferblspainsouth@gmail.com 41 Club If anyone wishes to know more about our 41 Club which has 50 members from 10 different countries throughout Northern Europe. We are a drop in club as most of our members only spend short periods of time in Spain but always turn up to join in our FUN. 41clubnerja.org or ring Alfie on 626998626 The Nerja Philosophical Group For info please call Tom Bryson on 699 170 931 Trumps Bridge We are a very friendly international Bridge Club playing Duplicate twice weekly on Monday and Thursday afternoons at 3.00pm. We now play in our new premises at El Zoco, Calle Neptuno, Nerja. We will be starting a beginners' course in the near future and run a Mentor scheme for those wishing to improve their game. Should you require a partner, or wish further information on our Club, please visit the website www.bridgewebs.com/trumpsnerja The Nerja History Group for anyone interested in Spanish History. We have Lectures and trips each month. We are of mixed Nationalities and lectures are conducted in English. Meetings are held at the Nerja Museum, above the underground car park, starting at 11.00am and finish approx. 12.30pm. Please see www.nerjahistorygroup.com and or email nerjahistorygroup@yahoo.com
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What’s O n ‘The 'Big Cats' We are a group of Jaguar enthusiasts living in Andalucia. We have a meeting each month for a meal and a good old chat about our cars. On occasions we organise something rather more special, Mystery Tours or Weekends Away. The Jaguar Enthusiasts' Club is the largest Jaguar Club in the world and was formed in 1984, by members of other Jaguar Clubs, for the enthusiast who not only used, but maintained or restored their SS, Jaguar or Daimler. Contact Philip Wray on 669 434 457 www.jec-spain.com JEC.CostaDelSol@gmail.com Join El Valle! El Valle is one of Axarquia’s most successful and longest running social clubs. We are based in the Lake Vinuela area, 10 km inland from Velez Malaga, and most members live fairly locally but we also welcome people from the coast and further afield. At our monthly meetings you can find out about our wide range of activities that range from the cultural and gastronomic to quizzes, games and films. We also organise days out and short trips away. Through its members El Valle has links to groups that enjoy a variety of pursuits including leisurely scenic walks, more energetic cross-country hash runs, photography, quad biking, drama, bird watching and dancing. So whatever your interests El Valle has something for you! We meet on the first Mon of each month (apart from Aug when we take a break!) at the Punto de Encuentro Asador (next to the Indian Palace) Puente don Manuel. Meetings start 7:30 but we start arriving from 7pm so come early and introduce yourself so that we can help you make the most of what El Valle has to offer. We also meet us on Fri mornings from 12:00-1pm at Meson Sara at the Puente don Manuel crossroads to join us, book an event or have a chat. www.el-valleasociacion.com Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre, Torre del Mar. Avda. Moscatel 1”I”, (Jardines Viña Malága/Antigua Casa de la Viña), Torre del Mar, 29740. Opening hours Mon through Friday 10am - 1pm and 3pm 6pm. For further information and bookings please contact the Centre, Torre del Mar Tel.952 543 334 E-mail: luxmundi@lux-mundi.org Please note you are unable to make bookings through the website. November Events Every Monday –Knitting & Crochet Group. Time 11.00 to 13.00 at the Centre. Every Tuesday 11.30 to 13.00 & Thursday 16:30 to 18:00. - Espan-Glish Group at the Centre. 2€ for room fee or with Friends of Lux Mundi card 1€. Proceeds for fundraising. Every Wednesday – Tech. Workshop, computer, phones and tablet. Please come along to the Centre with your laptop, phone or tablet and get
advice from our expert on how to use or solve a problem on your devices. Time 10.00 to 11.30. 5€ for room fee or with Friends of Lux Mundi card 4€. Proceeds for fundraising. Every Wed – Art & Craft Group. 2pm – 5pm at the Centre. 5€ for room fee or with Friends of Lux Mundi Card 4€. Proceeds for fundraising. Every Fri – Coffee Morning, Boutique & Books. Time 11.00 to 13.00. Friday November 1st – The Centre will be closed for All Saints Day. Mon Nov 4th - Half Orange “Bring and Share” Lunch, widows, widowers and singles group. 1pm. Tues Nov 5th – U3A Photography Group.Time 16.00 to 18.00. 5€ for room fee or with Friends of Lux Mundi card 4€. Mon Nov 11th – Spanish History Group. Time 11.00 to 13.00. 2€ for room fee. Wed Nov 13th – Fashion Show. – Please come and join friends in an afternoon of fun, when you will be able to see a wide range of quality new, second hand, clothes, shoes and accessories, modelled by friends of Lux Mundi. During the interval there will be refreshments, drinks and homemade cakes which you will be able to purchase. After the show there will be a chance to purchase the items modelled. Time 15.30 for 16.00. Ticket price 6€ for room use or with Friends of Lux Mundi card 5€, available at the Centre, limited number of seats. Proceeds for fundraising. Nov 18th U3A Art Appreciation Group. 11am. 3€ for room fee or with Friends of Lux Mundi Card 2€ available at the Centre. Proceeds for fundraising. Tue Nov 26th – Talk about “Living Will”. Please come and join friends and hear about how to make a “Living Will”, the talk will be held at Hospital Comarcal, Torre del Mar, in the Salon de Actos. This is being organised by Lux Mundi as part of our pastoral works. Time 11.00. Entrance is Free but please confirm if you wish to attend as soon as possible, as there is limited space. Fri Nov 29th – Christmas Artisan Market. Please come and join friends and have a fun morning. There will be lots to see and purchase small gifts, preserves, books, local arts and crafts and much more. International homemade food, refreshments and cakes to sit and enjoy in the beautiful garden. Time 11.00 to 1.00. Red Cross The Red Cross can help foreign residents with such things as basic needs (food, clothing and medicines) plus other services such as the loan of aids (wheelchairs, crutches and walking sticks), SOS type personal alarms and help to attend appointments e.g. GP or hospital visits. There are a small number of English-speaking volunteers so if you need help or would like to find out more about becoming a volunteer please email Richard at 29094social@cruzroja.es
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n o i t a m Infor ...In our own random order! Bus Times Call: 952 540 936 Nerja-Malaga 06:30, 07:30, 08:30 08:55, 10:10, 11:10, 12:25, 13:40, 14:55, 15:55, 17:10, 18:40, 19:40, 20:25 Malaga-Nerja 07:00, 08:15, 09:15, 10:30, 11:45, 12:30, 13:00, 14:00, 15:15; 17:30; 18:45, 20:15, 20:45, 21:30 Expect to pay approx 2.90€ one way and 5.15€ round trip Nerja-Nerja Caves 08:10, 08:25, 09:40, 10:40, 11:50; 11:55, 12:35, 13:10, 13:35, 14:25, 15:25; 16:40; 18:10, 18:55, 19:30, 20:10 Nerja Caves-Nerja 08:45, 10:00, 11:00, 12:00, 12:15, 12:50, 13:30, 14:45. 15:45, 17:00 17:45; 18:30; 19:30; 20:15 Expect to pay approx 0.80€ one way Nerja-Torre see Nerja-Malaga times Torre-Nerja 07:45, 09:00, 09:15, 10:00, 11:00, 11:15; 11:45, 12:30, 13:15, 14:45, 16:00, 17:30, 18:15, 19:30, 21:00, 22:00. Church services in English The Anglican Parish of Nerja & Almuñécar Services at Iglesia San Miguel (St Michael's Church), Nerja every Sunday at 12 noon and at Capilla de Nuestra Señora del Carmen (Fisherman's Chapel), Almuñécar every Sunday at 9.30 a.m. (except during August). There is also a short service of Holy Communion on Wednesdays at 9.30 a.m. in the Church Shop, Calle Málaga, Nerja. Priest in Charge: Father Nigel Thomas. Tel: Church House 952 521 339 Church Shop 952 522 460. Competa - Holy Communion every Sunday at 5.30pm in the Parish Church, Plaza Almijara, Cómpeta Tel: 952 219 396 Malaga - St. George´s Church in the Engish Cemetery. 11.00am Sundays Tel: 952 219 396 Velez-Malaga - Capilla De San Jose, Calle Linares 7, Velez-Malaga. Sundays 10.30. Website stgeorgemalaga.org Tel 952 407 050 Anglican communion. Torre del Mar - St Barnabas Church (IERE) Spanish episcopal services in English at 11am, Morning Prayer 1st and 3rd Sundays.
Local Police : 091 Guardia : 062 Fire : 080 Holy Communion 2nd and 4th Sundays. Tel. 952 030 461 (Priest). Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre, Avda Moscatel 1 "I", (Gardens of Viña Malaga/ Antigua Casa Del Viña). Sunday Anglican Church of St. Barnabas (IERE) 11am. Morning prayer 1st & 3rd Sundays, Holy Communion 2nd & 4th Sundays. Torre del Mar Evangelical Church Torre del Mar Presbyterian Church (Evangelical) meets for worship each Sunday at 11.00am in Legends Bar, C/ Don Cipriano Maldonado Jiménez, Torre del Mar. Everyone welcome. Email info@torredelmarchurch.es Web www.Torredelmarchurch.es Torre del Mar: International Church Málaga/Cornerstone International Church. Meets Sun @ 11:30am & Wed @ 6:30 pm for Bible Study. Calle Solera 2, Bajos,Torre del Mar (Opposite the Bus Station TDM) Evangelical Church - El Puente Christian Fellowship Sunday Worship 11am - Bible Study Wednesday 2-4pm. AA - Wed 7pm. Charity shop/books open Wed, Thurs, Fri & Sat 10-1.30pm. We meet at El Puente Christian Fellowship premises situated underneath Maroma Inmobilaria, Cruce de Periana Puente don Manuel, 29713 Phone: 952 117 145 or 952 518 185 Fellowship of Jesus Christ the King Whether you live in Spain or are visiting our area, we would be delighted to welcome you. Our meetings are characterised by uplifting songs & relevant sermons & a modern but reverent service, followed by free tea or coffee & biscuits. Why not come along & make new friends, every Sun at 10.30. Also Prayer meetings every Wed at 11.00. (John 3:16) Pasaje San Miguel, Nerja fojctk@gmail.com Facebook: FOJCTK Bank Hours Usually 8:30am-2pm except Sundays, Bank holidays and Fiestas. Please note, the majority of banks will not accept bills to be paid (ie: electric, phone, rates) after 11am. Taxis Torre: 653 917 004, Nerja: 952 520 537 Velez Malaga: 653 917 004, Puente Don Manuel: 952 510 992 Mob: 616 034 636.
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Ambulance : 061 Water : 952 540 662 Electricity : 952 540 662 Tourist Information Nerja: 952 521 531 Torre del Mar: 952 541 104
Informa
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Dial 1002 to report a fault on the line. For general enquiries dial 1004
Weekly Market days Mondays: Torrox Costa Tuesdays: Nerja & Country Farmers Market, at Jardines del Trapiche on the road to Benamagosa. Wednesdays; Rincon de la Victoria, Algarrobo Costa & Camping Vinuela Ctr.A356 KM30. Thursdays: Velez Malaga & Torre del Mar & Frigilana Fridays: Cala de Moral Saturdays: Caleta de Velez, Competa & Benajarafe, Algarrobo Costa, Opp Lidl (1st & 3rd Saturday each month) Sundays: Malaga Consulates UK Opposite the main bus station Edif, Eurocom Bloque Sur C/Mauricio Moro 2-2º- Malaga 902 109 256 or 913 342 194 Ireland Avda, de los Boliches, Nº15 Fuengirola 952 475 108 Germany C/Mauricio Moro 2, Malaga 952 363 591 Sweden 952 604 383 France 952 226 590 / 952 214 888 Belgium 952 559 159 Denmark 952 211 797 Luxembourg 952 857 197 Chemists www.bit.ly/dutychemists Telefonica
Airports Malaga 24-hour information 952 048 484 or 952 048 804 Granada 952 048 804 Airlines www.easyjet.com www.ryanair.com www.thompsonfly.com www.norwegian.com www.flybe.com www.bmibaby.com www.ba.com Shops 10am - 2pm - 5pm - 8:30pm (generally) The municipal market (fruit and veg) and the weekly markets are only open mornings. Water Supplies Velez Malaga: 952 506 450 Nerja: 952 520 154 Malaga: 952 135 013 Railway Stations Malaga: 952 360 202 Granada: 958 271 272 Town Halls Torre and Velez: 952 500 100 Torrox: 952 538 200 Nerja: 952 548 400 Competa: 952 516 006 Rincon: 952 402 300 Malaga: 952 135 000 Hospitals Nerja Ambulatorio: 952 523 131 Velez Malaga: 951 067 000 ITV Call: 902 702 727 www.itvcita.com - Open Mon - Fri 08.00am - 18.45pm, Sat: 08:00am 12.45pm
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) : a h a Jokes h WARNING! If you have a satnav that you can change the voice on, do not use Bono from U2. I did this last week and now the streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for! ------------------------------------------------------------Two Pakistani politicians Sharif and Shahbaz moved to London where they made friends with a English guy named Paul. They used to go all over London with him when suddenly one day, Paul disappeared. The two went to the police and lodged a complaint. The police asked them if they could give some vital clues about Paul that would help find him. Shahbaz said, "Paul was handsome and tall." The police said, "Most English men are like that. Give us something specific." Sharif said, "Paul had blue eyes and was very fair." The Police said, "C'mon guys, lots of English men are fair and have blue eyes, give us something specific." Sharif and Shahbaz said, "Oh yes ... now we remember ... Paul had two holes in his ass." The policemen get really interested. They said, "Now that's something very specific, but tell us, how do you know this? Have you guys seen the two holes in his ass?" Sharif and Shahbaz said, "No we haven’t actually seen the holes, but wherever we went out with Paul, everyone used to say ... ..."Here comes Paul with the two assholes!" ------------------------------------------------------------A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says. This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?" The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep. The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. ------------------------------------------------------------Just heard they are opening a 24 hour Aldi in Newcastle.... .....it gonna be called ‘Aldi and all neet’ ------------------------------------------------------------I entered the Nasal Congestion Awareness golf tournament. I got a bogey at the 2nd hole.
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Jokes h a ha :) My brother and I used to play cowboys and Indians when we were kids. He was the shopkeeper and I would do dodgy building work for him. ------------------------------------------------------------In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk
around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same f****** elephant. ------------------------------------------------------------Don’t wear headphones while hoovering, I finished the whole house and just realised it wasn’t even plugged in! ------------------------------------------------------------Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the river Thames in London......... The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it" ''Well,' said the big Croc, What have you been eating"...? "Politicians, same as you", replied the small Croc, 'And I can tell you how I catch them in the car park next to Parliament.....I crawl up under one of their posh cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the s*** out of them, and eat 'em!' 'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not getting any real nourishment. See by the time you finish shaking the s*** out of a politician, there's nothing left but an a*s****e and a briefcase! ------------------------------------------------------------Paddy had just bought a computer and found it won’t turn on, so he calls the helpline, “It won’t turn on” he tells the assistant. “Press the big button” he tells Paddy “I have but still nothing” he replies “Then try the cable at the back, maybe it’s not connected properly” the assistant says “I’ll just get a torch, don’t hang up, I’ll be quick!” says Paddy “Why do you need a torch?” he asks Paddy says “It’s dark, we have no electricity”
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s e g a P e l Puzz Get Quizical
Hey Diddle Riddle
1. Which was the first single by Queen to reach number one in the UK charts?
1. How is it possible to always find what you’re looking for in the last place you look?
2. Which star sign is Queen Elizabeth 11?
2. I like to be blue and have been since '63, but I could be anything if my circuit was fixed. I'm small yet infinitely bigger. I was grown but I'm made of metal. I am the last of my kind, just like my beautiful idiot once was. Together we will travel, have travelled or are travelling. Tenses such as seen, seeing, will see, are mysterious to me. Wibblies and wobblies, time correctly described by a Lord. What will I be, what have I been, or is it, what am I?
3. Which county has the website ending with the extension .cy? 4. What is the name of the mouse who is Dumbo’s only friend? 5. In which year was Donald Trump born? 6. How many players may be on the court during a game of basketball? 7. Which was the first flavoured crisp to be introduced in the UK, other than salt? 8. How many degrees does each numbered section of a dartboard measure? 9. In which European country would you find the town of Duffel? 10. Who was the first Tudor monarch? 11. Who wrote the 1886 novel ‘Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’?
3. In 2000, a 40-year-old doctor told his son that as a little boy, he decided to be a doctor when he saw an internet website about performing a heart transplant on a puppy with a defective heart so that the puppy would live a normal life. He then thought he would be a doctor so that he could help people in a similar way. What is the defect in this story? 4. Sally, Lisa, and Bernadette are triplets. But Sally and Lisa share something that Bernadette does not. What is it?
12. In which year did ‘Big Ben’ first chime? Answers on page 120
Sudokus Easy
Tough
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119
Puzzle P ages
Across 1 Catch off guard (5-4) 8 And others (2,2) 9 Intermediary (2-7) 10 Comfort, relief (4) 13 Race meeting notable for formal and fashionable dress (5) 15 Frugality (6) 16 Lethargic (6) 17 Obstruct (6) 19 Stay out of sight (3,3) 20 Remnant (5) 21 Genre of popular music (4) 24 Thick fog (3-6) 25 Way out (4) 26 Shrew, scold (9)
Crossword
Down
2 Swindle (4) 3 Turnip (4) 4 Smallest number (6) 5 American wild cat (6) 6 Informal ballot (5,4) 7 Concession of defeat (5-4) 11 Wanderlust (5,4) 12 Hybrid language of French and English (9) 13 Following (5) 14 Poisonous (5) 18 Feel admiration for (6) 19 Lithe (6) 22 Bribe (4) 23 Keep in check (4)
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s n e T 54 p o T 876 , 9 , 0
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The Top Ten Foreign Populations Living in the UK in 2018... 1. Indians 718,000
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3. Pakistanis 550,000
1. Moroccans 682,515
4. Irish 504,000
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5. Germans 323,000
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6. Bangladeshis 231,000
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7. South Africans 219.000
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8. Nigerians 217,000
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9. Americans 213,000
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10. Chinese 183,000
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9. Bulgarians 125,244 10. French 106, 508 Quiz Answers Riddle Answers: 1. Bohemian Rhapsody 1. If you find what you’re are looking for then you would stop 2. Taurus looking so it would be in the last place you look. 3. Cyprus 4. Timothy Q Mouse 2. The T.A.R.D.I.S. from Doctor Who. 5. 1946 6. 10 3. The internet did not exist when Find Waldo Answer 7. Cheese and Onion the doctor was a little boy. 8. 18 degrees 9. Belgium 4. The letter 'L' in their names. 10. Henry V11 11. Robert Louis Stevenson 12. 1859
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Last Month’s Crossword Answers
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The Tra der
3€ for e ach Email: sa Payment toitem or 15€ fo r les@the sentinellbe made beforeboxed adverts 1/ a.com b efore 17the 17th of the 16th page th of the m month o onth. r call: 66 4 210
Items for Sale CAR ROOF BOx 130m x 90m excellent condition. SILVER CREST 3 LITRE deep fat fryer. NEW PMR TWIN TALKER 2 way radio set. BRAND NEW SELFISTICK NEFIx. CIRCULAR SAW, cordless hammer drill, Rotary hammer, jigsaw trimmer, transformer, tool box with assortment of tools. Total 100€. Tel: 690 877 316 3 BRAND NEW RENBERG STAINLESS STEEL SAUCEPANS, with glass lids, 2L, 3L and 5L. 30€ Tel: 690 877 316 ERECTILE DISFUNCION PROBLEM? I can help you with my little blue pill. Call me on: 696 857 401 SUzUKI 5.H.P PETROL GENERATOR 50€
468
Items for Sale Levi’s for men 501, button fly. 505 straight leg with zip. Grade 1, very little wear. 30€ All sizes. Call: 696 857 401.
Wanted I WILL COLLECT FREE of charge all your used clothing, bric-a-brac, pots and pans, books, toys, CD´s garden pots, tools, pieces of furniture or anything else you are throwing out whilst you are cleaning. Call me on 625 319 323 Jacqui NEW MEMBERS WANTED - EL CAPITAN TENNIS CLUB Torre Del Mar. Open to new members. For information Ring 623192294.
Job Section STAFF WANTED APRENDO IDIOMAS in Nerja are looking for teachers, English, German and French. Calle Antonio Millon, Edf. Penaflor, Bajo 1.Call Rebeca 673684194
O.N.O Phone 951 067 737 / 604 350 683
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s e p o c s o Hor by Juanita Banana of www.AbsoluteAxarquia.com ARIES: March 21-April 20 Challenges in domestic areas will require attention this month for which you need to be flexible in your approach and solutions. Travel and studying are positively indicated TAURUS: April 21-May 21 Your focus should be on career issues with home and emotional affairs in the background. Compromise and collaboration are needed to attain your goals GEMINI: May 22-June 21 Your financial perception is in tune giving you confidence to risk speculation, especially if your ideas are innovative and creative. Exercise and a good diet are important CANCER: June 22-July 22 Your family environment will be cheerful and harmonious helping you to attain objectives through compromise and understanding. This is not a great time to be assertive or independent but networking will achieve rewards LEO: July 23-August 23 The focus for Leos during November should be on feeling good rather than on personal achievements. Focus on conserving your energy and sleeping well, maybe treat yourself to a spa or massage VIRGO: August 24-September 22 November is ideal for Virgo to formulate future career goals using personal enterprise and making some hard decisions, whilst leaving the execution of them to a later date. Resolve niggling family conflict for a relaxed home life
LIBRA: September 23 - October 22 Emotional issues will rule over career and professional ambition. Make your intentions clear and you will have the support you crave without need for assertiveness or dependence on others SCORPIO: October 23 - November 21 Whilst feeling inclined to indulge in shopping for personal items in November, you may also receive some luxury gifts from someone near and dear to you. Your friends and your partner will be supportive of both ideas and indulgences SAGITTARIUS: November 22 December 21 Humanitarian issues will be a source of activity for Sagittarians during this month with spiritual matters dominating. Your intuition is heightened, enabling you to visualise the future and make relevant plans CAPRICORN: December 22 - January 20 You can dictate the course of your life and accomplish objectives with more aggression than you’ve recently shown, whilst augmenting your career prospects with your excellent social connections AQUARIUS: January 21 - February 19 Despite chaotic conditions at work, there is considerable career development during November. Aquarians will be able to face all challenges with confidence and courage PISCES: February 20 - March 20 You can use your charm and grace to achieve goals this month with opportunities to enhance both professional success and personal understanding. You can expect recognition and financial reward
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el l a n i onth!! t n e S uros a m lla.com e e 5 t h s T ntine from ju ss here ail: sales@these e n si s u Pagina We can list yo6u6r4B210 468 or Em Call tod
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AIR CONDITIONING lFor Air Conditioning call Mark at Esola, 616 119 007, Torre del Mar lPolar Air For Professional and reliable servicing, repairs and installation of A/C at competitive rates by a qualified technician. Call Peter 655 211 192 or visit www.polarair.eu lCHS Cooling and Heating Solutions. All makes of air conditioning, serviced and installed. Also Solar, Heating and swimming pool heat pumps. Call: 655 791 167 Email: chsspain@gmail.com lConnect Air Conditioning. Supplying the latest in heat pump technology at the best prices. Contact Sean: 639 738 624 www.connectairconditioning.com Email: connect.aircon@hotmail.com
ALARMS lPerfect Alarm S.L High quality security systems including CCTV and Alarms. We speak English and German. Call: Mr. Martin on 608 517 661
AWNINGS lAwnings - Blinds - Mosquito Screens, Glass Curtain Repairs, Replacement of plastic jointing strips, New Installations, Roller Shutters / Repairs. New installations, Conversion from manual to motorised. Call Julian: 655 825 931
BEAUTY & BOUTIQUE lThe Hair & Beauty Studio Cruce de Periana, Puente don Manuel, (along from Morenos) Call: 951 204 158 or 654 897 410
BOOKSHOPS lPasatiempo Calle Infantes 32, Torre del Mar, 952 543 703. Email: libreriapasatiempo@hotmail.com
BLINDS lSolar blinds, ideal for large glazed areas to keep the view but also giving privacy and stopping maximum amounts of heat/glare and fading of furnishings. ian@solarshadetinting.com Speak to Ian 644 54 61 76 958 49 65 71
BUILDERS lLT Construction - is a building company based in the Velez Malaga area. We specialise in all aspects of design, building license application and construction, we have over 14 years of expertise in creating individual building solutions for our clients. Our local knowledge of the land and its soil types and how best to deal with the challenges posed by them - means that we are the best-suited company to advise you on your building requirements. Call Lee Talbot on 659324586 info@ltconstruction.es www.ltconstruction.es lJohn Housby, Building, Plastering, Tiling & Painting. For a quotation ring John: 699 261 414. Email: housbyjohn@gmail.com
CARPENTERS lAll Types of Carpentry Jobs Undertaken by time served carpenter. Kitchens, wardrobes, locks. Phone with your requirements. Andrew 660 597 894
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The Sentinella Paginas CAR ACCESSORIES lWindow Tinting, A mobile service for your convenience, ITV legal and certified. Cut out annoying glare. Stop U/V. Protect children and pets. Be cool. Enjoy the sun, don’t suffer it! Call Ian 902 888 176 / 644 546 176
CLINICS lAnalysis Clinic, Haematology, Coagulation (Contro of Warfarin), Biochemistry, Inmunology,Hormone, Bacteriology, Parasitology, Special analysis. Home visits for blood tests. Specialists in Laboratories -Torrox. Urb. Costa del Oro, Local-4. Torrox Costa, Phone: 952 605 893
CAR VALETING
COMPUTER SERVICES
lBio Clean Using the market leading bio products from America. Non abrasive, non toxic, no acids. We guarantee you have never had a better clean or your money back. See are main advert for further details. Call: 642 184 710 Email: bioovenclean@gmail.com
lSteve’s Computer and Laptop Service. Providing a thorough health check/repair for corrupted software and removal of virus/malware infections. Sales of used/refurbished laptops at competitive prices. Call Steve in Torrox: 634347055 Email: sfmay@hotmail.com
CARE HOMES lCasa Klein. A better place to live. Scandinavian convelescent and retirement home. Situated on a hilltop overlooking mountains and the sea in Velez Malaga. Tel: 952 50 21 30 Mob: 679 167 168 www.casaklein.com
CARPET & UPHOLSTERY CLEANING wRoy’s Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning. Professional Machines, 18 years experience. All areas covered. Call Mark on 958 640 068 or 656 561 669
CHIMNEY SWEEP lFireplaces - Inserts - Freestanding log burners and pellet burners. For your annual service Call or Whatsapp: Vaclav 600 663 648 Email: vmatousek6@gmail.com
CHIROPODISTS lRegisitered Chiropodist/Podiatrist offering a complete footcare service in the comfort of your own home. Over 25yrs exp NHS & private. Call: 636 866 715
CLEANING lUltra Clean, Clean & Changeovers, key holding, house-keeping, laundry, window cleaning, gardening etc.. Call Pammy: 674 597 984 Torre del Mar area lSqueaky Clean all types of household cleaning undertaken, key holding, changeovers and laundry. House and pet sitting. 20 years experience in Spain. Call Paula 622 939 742
12 months = 60 euros + iva Call: 664 210 468
COMPUTERS lDavid Fenton: Computer Help Specialist. Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer since 2000. House calls, remote assistance or bring it to me. Help and impartial advice with all types of technology. Tel 952 549 607, Mob 654 899 976
CURRENCY TRANSFERS lCurrencies Direct. For all your currency transfer requirements; excellent exchange rates, 100% no transfer fees or hidden charges – Contact the Nerja office on 952 906 581 or email nerja@currenciesdirect.com
DAMP PROOFING lElectro-OS S.L. Immediately effective. 20 Year guarantee. Tel: 958 656 560 / 619 666 363 www.electro-os.com info@Electro-os.com
DECORATION INTERIOR/EXTERIOR lTejidos Belen For all your soft furnishings. Specialists in cushions, pillows, accessories, interior & exterior decoration. We repair your sofas & terrace furniture. Tel: 952531732 / 650964624 Avd. Andalucia No.34 (next to Supermarket La Plaza)Torrox Costa
DENTISTRY lClinica Europa Centro internacional, Blq. 86, Torrox Costa. Call: 952 53 09 08 Email: clinicaeuropatorroxcosta@gmail.com British dentist, 24hrs response Call: 648 203 157 lDentadanes s.c Dental Clinic Offering Danish, top quality dental care at competitive prices. Est. since 1991. We speak English, Danish, German and Spanish Tel: 952 529 666 Mon-Fri 10-5pm www.dentadanes.com
l D M a E
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The Sentinella Paginas DRAIN CLEARANCE
EST AGENTS/PROPERTY RENTALS
lDrains & Plumbing Est.1999. 24 Hour call out. Tel/Fax: 952 539 425. 24 Hour Service: 634 275 030 / 657 862 628 lAt Your Service Plumbing, Electrical, Prop. Maintenance Torre del Mar/Puente don Manuel area. Ex. Corgi reg. with over 35 years experience. Tel: 951 066 064 / 692 330 420 Email: casaflores45@yahoo.es lDrain & Leak Solutions Your underground plumbers!High pressure water jetting, Drain tracing CCTV, Septic tank problems & installationsm, baths, sinks & toilets unblocked, leak detection & repairs. Fully qualified and fully legal. No call out fee!! Tel: 951 310 111 / 651 111 005 www.drain&leak.com
lSpanish Management Vinuela (next to the Farmacia) Sales, Rentals, Management, Holidays. Professional advise with 13 years experience in Spain. Tel 666 135 516 / 618 940 829 Email: spanishmanagement1@gmail.com Web: www.spanishmanagement.com lzalia properties, long established sales rental agents, Lake Viñuela area. Car hire, Pool, Villa cleans etc. El Cruce de Periana 4, Edf. Alzabel, Semisotano 2, Alcaucin www.zaliaproperties.net 952 519 718 / 663 093 782, 696 206 158
ELECTRICIANS lSparkinspain - Electrical installations & maintenance. Local from Nerja to Velez-Malaga & inland to Competa and Frigiliana.Tel Colin 951 242 449/Mob 666707297 sparkinspain@rocketmail.com Web: www.english-electrician-nerja.com
ELECTRIC SUPPLIERS lDo you pay too much for your electric? Contact Daniel from AxarEnergy today on: 662 114 241. More than 1000 clients have already changed over and there is no cost to you for switching! Email: daniel@axarenergy@gmail.com
ESTATE AGENTS lBuy A Home Spain Calle Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A, Edificio Salares, 29740, Torre del Mar. (Opposite the bus station) Call: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414. Email: info@buyahomespain.com Website: www.buyahomespain.com lAxarquia Properties S.L Established 2001. Office: 952 436 781 Cta.Almeria 194, Benajarafe Email: sa@axarquiaproperties.com www.axarquiaproperties.com lFleming Properties, Calle Dr. Fleming, 1, Nerja. 952 524 140 or 637 278 306/606 087 362, www.fleming-properties.com lAndalucia Real Estate (Belgian management)- sales and renovations since 2005 – Axarquia area – Dutch/Belgian/English market. Av. De Los Cipreses 16, Frigiliana. 0034-952 53 44 81 or 0034-666 82 17 96 info@andaluciarealestate.eu www.andaluciarealestate.eu lCountry Properties 29754 Competa - Málaga Plaza Almijara, 21 & Avd. Constitución, 33 Tel.: +34 952 51 61 78 29770 Torrox - Málaga Calle Elisa Ortigosa, 7 Tel.: +34 952 53 91 25 29740 Torre del Mar Málaga Avda. Andalucia, 32B Tel.: +34 952 54 18 86 / 654 693 680 www.countryproperties.net sales@countryproperties.net
FUNERAL DIRECTORS lLa Esperanza Funeral Parlour. Funeral Directors with their own funeral parlours and crematorium with more than 50 years experience in the Malaga province. Telephone 952 50 15 81, 24 hours a day 365 days a year (in case of death/emergencies)
FURNITURE lCudeca Hospice Charity Shop – Torre del Mar C/ Infante 21 – Edf. Jamaica Bajo Tel: 663 083 273 Mon-Sat 10.00 – 13.30 / Mon- Fri 17:00 – 20.00. Nerja C/ Almirante Carranza 15 Tel: 663 083 503 Mon-Sat 10.00 – 13.30 www.cudeca.org
GARDENING lRed Palm Beetles, Wasps, Ants, Woodlice, Mice, Rats and all pests. Processionary Moths. Call us for treatment and disposal of these garden problems. Tel: 634 431 099
GARDEN FURNITURE lDe Tropen - Specialist in garden furniture, 13.000m2, all models in stock. www.detropen.es Location: Autovía del Mediterraneo A-7 (Exit 272), 29700 Velez Malaga, Entrance behind Repsol gasoline station. Tel. 642 651 074
GARDENING & POOLS lGarden & Pool Service, German gardener, landscaping, property maintenance, pool maintenance, boat servicing. Speaks German, English & Spanish. Good rates. All areas. Tel: 691 526 394
HEALTH & BEAUTY lWeight Control - Herbalife Independent Distributor, Bea Savory, 665 118 607 beasav24@gmail.com (business opportunity also available)
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The Sentinella Paginas lWellbeing & Fitness - Weekly Pilates, Dance & Yoga Classes at La Vaqueria, Benamargosa. Also space available for teachers to give classes. FB La Vaqueria for more details. Tel 952 517 273
HEALTH SHOPS lRincón Natural Nerja: natural remedies, organic food, superfoods, natural skincare products, spelt husk pillows, essential oils, incense & feng shui crystals. Alternative therapies: personalised weight control coaching, naturopath consultance etc. C/ Carretera 1, in front of Supersol, Nerja. Tel. 952 523 503 ONLINE-SHOP for Europe www.rinconnatural.com lHigh Grade Medical Cannabis Oils for sale - helps people with Cancer, Anxiety, Depression, Pain, Diabetes, Epilepsy, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma. Prices from €30/60ml 6%CBD. Magy's Garden Grow Av.Andalucia 106, Caleta de Velez Tel: 952 511 857 magysgardengrow@hotmail.com
HEATING lRedwell® – the leading brand in Infrared Heating Systems. White panels and designs like mirrors, pictures, glass etc. Low consumption, low running time due to partial storage material inside. Prevents damp. Contact/showroom: Avda. El Faro, Bl. 75, bajo 9, Torrox Costa, call 952 539 742, sscharler@gmx.de, www.redwell.com
HOUSE CLEARANCES lNeed your house clearing, garden clearing, scrap collecting etc? Odd jobs.. painting, restoration, local transport. Call or Whatsapp Jan the Van Man 643 623 681
INSURANCE lGPS Insurance Services - For all your Insurance needs (Personal & Business) Check out our easy to navigate website to request quotes www.gpsinsuranceservices.com email: admin@gpsinsuranceservices.com Tel/Whatsapp: 722 708 615 lLinea Directa, Car insurance starts from 194€. Best prices and best cover. Car, motorcycle, home and vehicle fleet insurance. Call: 952 147 834 www.lineadirecta.com
KENNELS AND CATTERIES lResidencia Cantalobos the Pet Hotel in La Herradura, offers the highest standards of care for your pets. Call Now - Tel: +34 603 739 886. www.valleverdeanimalrescue.org email: valleverdeanimalrescue@hotmail.com Facebook: Cantalobos Pet Hotel
12 months = 60 euros + iva Call: 664 210 468 lHome From Home Dog Boarding at my 10,000m2 finca in Riogordo. No kennels just lots of exercise, fun and cuddles. Also pet paw casting and bespoke animal sculptures in cement. Call: 678 189 019 or e-mail: riogordo@mail.com www.homefromhome.weebly.com. lSheila’s Cattery - Small cattery ‘just for cats’ in the Riogordo/Benamagosa countryside. We treat and care for your cats as our own. Tel: +34 643 635 617 www.sheilascattery.com Facebook: sheilascattery
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KITCHENS lIdecocina, Perfecting quailty, price and service since 1980. Design and fitting all types of kitchens and all styles, including accessories and electrical appliances. 952 541 895 C/Los Prados, 4 Torre del Mar. www.idecocina.com
LANGUAGES lTrilingo Idiomas is a British run language academy based in Velez-Malaga offering English and Spanish to Expats, from beginners to advanced – call Mark or Donna on: 951 768 175 / 679 792 329
LAWYERS lCS Abogados, Spanish solicitors, English Spoken, Torrox Costa, Urb. Costa del Oro local 8, (in front of Mercadona). Torre del Mar, Calle Rioja, 69, Edificio Salares, local A. (Near the Bus Station). Free initial consultation, 952 967 004 Email: info@cslawyers.es / www.cslawyers.es lAxarquia Solicitors 15 years helping expats and non-residents –Offices in Nerja & Velez-Málaga. 952 901 225 mail@axarquiasolicitors.com or ring Melanie Elst on 685589802 for a free no obligation appointment l De Cotta Law Spanish Abogados & English Lawyers. Consultations and advice on all legal matters. Conveyancing specialists. www.decottalaw.com. Call us on 952 527 014 or email info@decottalaw.net
MOTORBIKE RENTALS lRoyal Motorbike Tours Fun and adventure on a Royal Enfield 500 Classic motorcycle. Half and full day tours along the gorgeous back roads of Andalucia. Book now WhatsApp (+34) 652 200 702 *Motorcycle licence is mandatory. www.royalmotorbiketours.com
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The Sentinella Paginas METALWORK lMetalwork made to measure - Gates, Doors, Rejas. M.O.T. welding and on-site repairs. All areas. Also building work. All work guaranteed. We support the Axarquia Animal Rescue Charity. Andy: 676 719 066 Email: sainbena@hotmail.com
MOBILITY PRODUCTS lBlue Badge Mobility.S.L Hire & Sales of Mobility Scooters, Wheelchairs, Bathroom aids, Toilet Aids, Stair Lifts, Long term rentals, Best prices on the Costa. Quality Service. Contact Gary Or Sara 952967015/635445279 www.bluebadgemobility.com
MOSQUITO/FLY SCREENS lMosquito Screens made to measure & repairs. Plus nets for your pets too with reinforced dog flap. Call: 674 617 379. No call out fee!
MOTORCYCLE REPAIRS lRods motorcycles. Mobile motorcycle service and repairs. From scooters to superbikes. All makes and models. Factory trained technician. Contact 633 287 190.
OPTICIANS lHeiko by Heiko, Avda Andalucia 119, Torre del Mar 952 967 923 lOpticas Perea – Optical & Audio Centre. C/Santa Margarita, 15, Torre del Mar. Tel: 951 241 410 Email: info@opticasperea.es or visit our website www.opticasperea.es We speak English, German, French and Spanish.
PAINTING & DECORATING lProfessional Painting & Decorating. All aspects; internal, external, paint effects, murals, paper hanging, furniture, kitchen doors etc... Tradesman with 35 years experience. MPServices WhatsApp 669 330 076
PARAGLIDING lParagliding gift vouchers. Give a dream to your loved ones or fulfil your dream. Fly with an instructor with 30 years exp. without risk, over some incredible landscapes in the mountains and the sea, landing gently in front of a beach bar. www.parapentegranada.info
PLUMBERS lAndy Mann UK Corgi-registered Domestic Water and Gas services. All areas covered. Combi boiler technician. Emergency Breakdowns Tel: 633 875 588 Email: andymann_genesis@yahoo.co.uk
lSur Integral for all your plumbing or electrial needs. Also solar panels & air conditioning. Call: 627 262 624 / 679 313 215 surintegral.jl@gmail.com lEnglish/Spanish Plumber Over 30 years experience, trained and qualified in England. All plumbing work undertaken. For a fast and reliable service. Call José on: 638 609 906 lPlumbing by Chris, repairs, replacement and reforms. Est. since 1982. Call Chris: 674 617 379. No call out fee!
PRINTER INK CARTRIDGES lInk Cartridges for all makes of Printers. Original or Compatible. Tuesdays: Jardines del Trapiche Market. or call for free delivery 627 242 977 email: sales@printerink.es
PROPERTY MAINTENANCE lAll Mainenance For Your Property Garden maintenance, Clearance and Construction. Interior and Exterior Painting, Pool Cleaning Service etc... Covering all areas. Call: 634 340 706
PROPERTY OFF PLAN lAlexia 2nd phase in Caleta de Velez, 112 apartments and penthouses, don’t miss out! Set in a privileged location, the best in Caleta. Call: 952 783 531 / 910 516 354 www.alexia.es
PROPERTY RENTALS lBuy A Home Spain C/ Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A, Edificio Salares, 29740, Torre del Mar Call: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414. Email: info@buyahomespain.com Website: www.buyahomespain.com
REMOVALS lTransportation to UK to Spain to UK. Whole van loads or single items. Good rates. Regular trips. Also local removals. Call Graham: 620 353 594 Email: vgcasacolor@gmail.com lTony Roam Removals UK to Spain to UK Email: tonyroam@btconnect.com / www.euroam.co.uk ES: 636 393 542 / UK: 07973 362 003 lAlcala Transport, Fully Legal, Spanish registered Transport/Removals Company. Operating locally for over 10 years. We run two vans twice per month to and from the UK/Europe. Call Colin for a no obligation quote on 0034 608 085 700 or 0044 7936886822
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The Sentinella Paginas REMOVALS (Continuing)
SAILING SCHOOLS
lHub Transport Services twice per month to and from UK/Spain/France. Full and part loads including motorbikes. Car trailer also available. Fully insured. Two men if required. Call: 951 120 064 Email: moves@hub-connect.net
lForce 4 Sailing, are the only RYA Training Centre on the Costa Tropical who can offer sailing courses from the coveted Yachtmaster® Training Syllabus. Tel: +34 605 302 358 or +44 7847 887 931. Email: info@force4sailing.com www.force4sailing.com
lVamosvan.com for all your removal, transportation or man and van requirements. Fully insured and legal, Call: 683 592 449 (Spain) 07378 89 89 90 (UK) Email: dayn@vamosvan.com / www.vamosvan.com
SECOND HAND SHOPS
RENT A CAR lRent a Car Estrella Rent Delivery and collection at Malaga airport or in your location. Automatic cars. Unlimited kilometers, full insurance, VAT and additional driver included. 952 511 209 www.estrellarent.com / estrellarentweb@gmail.com lTransauto Rent A Car Malaga Our cars are delivered at the airport parking. Unlike other companies where you have to wait 30 minutes for a mini bus to collect you. No refuelling service fee. www.transauto.es Tel: 952 105 050
RESTAURANTS lTaj Mahal (Torre del Mar) Avenida Andalucia, Bloque Jupiter, Pasaje Timon 2, Calle Timon, Torre del Mar Tel: 952 547 798 or 665 675 053 lTaj Mahal (Puente don Manuel) Next door to Chiringuito Antonios, Venta Baja Tel: 952 510 886 / 667 934 731 lIndian Palace Barriada Buena Vista, Puente don Manuel Tel: 952 510 963 Mob: 616 942 212 Email: indianpalacealcaucin@gmail.com www.indianpalacealcaucin.blogspot.com lRestaurant Caribe, Bloque 7, Local 13, Costa del Oro, Torrox Costa. Tlf: 952 530 831 lTaj Mahal (Torrox Costa) Ctra. Nacional 340 (next to post office) Torrox Costa Tel: 952 534 972 or 632 637 470
lSecond Hand Shop, Garantiauto. Do you need money? Buy & Sell! They buy everything; Cars, Motos, T.V’s Video Consoles, Mobiles, Furniture & Toys etc... Call 625 317 360 / 952 53 00 84. On the N340 Penoncillo No. 34, direction Nerja, next to Varadero bar.
YOuR HEADING HERE 12 months = 60 euros + iva Call: 664 210 468 SECURITY lPERFECT Alarm S.L., Caleta de Velez. High quality security systems, like video surveillance, alarm systems, perimetric protection systems, home automation. Worldwide surveillance of your property. If requested, we are licensed to connect to a monitoring station. We speak English and German. Call Mr. Martin on 608 517 661
SOLICITORS lDel Prado & Partners, specialists in many areas of Spanish Law. Call: 952 52 72 74 / 952 52 17 47 www.delpradoandpartners-es.com lBest Law Office in Law Axarquia Area. Professional legal and tax services at affordable rates. Free quotations and consultations. Offices in Nerja and Velez-Malaga. Tel: 952 901 225 Email:mail@axarquiasolicitors.com
SATELLITE T.V.
STORAGE/PARKING
lTotal Satellite Installations Call Phil on: 629 556 266. Email:philbraid@hotmail.com
lParking El Llano Caravans/Boats storage & General storage 24hr security, from under 1€ a day. Long term discounts available. Almayate Costa N340. Tel: 680 180 468
SAILING lForce 4 Sailing, as featured on "A New Life in the Sun" offer 3, 4 and 5 hour all inclusive private sailing charters from Marina del Este. Contact Iain or Amanda on +34 605 302 358 or +44 7847 887 931 Email: info@force4sailing.com www.force4sailing.com
YOuR HEADING HERE 12 months = 60 euros + iva Call: 664 210 468
lPersonal Storage, fully insured with CCTV security. Secure storage / easy recovery / discount for bulk quantities. Prices from 14€ per m3, 5€ per suitcase (per month). Call: 682 525 106. Poligono Castillo Alto 66, Nerja. 150 metres behind Lidl on right.
SWIMMING POOLS lPool & Garden Service, German gardener, landscaping, property maintenance, pool maintenance, boat servicing. Speaks German, English & Spanish. Good rates. All areas. Tel: 691 526 394
TAXIS l24 Hour Taxi - English speaking. Call Javi on 653 917 004 lThetransfercompany.com - Malaga airport transfers at reliable prices. More than 10 years in passenger transportation. Check the website for prices or call: 667 063 087 bookings@thetransfercompany.com
TRANSLATORS lMiguel Ángel Cascales | Traductor Jurado/Sworn Translator, certified in Spain and in the UK. Spanish, English and French. Email: info@miguelangelcascales.com. Tel: 644525249. Calle Gabarra, blq. 3, 5.º 7, Torre del Mar
VETS lPet Vet Clinic La Herradura, Vaccinations, X-Ray, Dentistry, Operations, Pet Shop & More... C/Alhambra Nº3, La Herradura. Tel: 609 977 564 We speak: English, German, Swedish, Finnish & Spanish
VILLA CARE lAll Your Need Met & Looked After By Us. We offer cleans, pool cleaning, maintenance, gardening & key holding from Inland Axarquia to Nerja, any area considered. Est. 2003. Refs avail. Jane 666720732 / Andrew 660597894
WINDOW TINTING lMobile service itv legal Solar reflective tint for glass curtains, balconies, yachts stop fading, heat, glare, save money on cooling make living in the sun comfortable. 958 496 571 / 644 546 176 ian@solarshadetinting.com
WILL WRITING lwww.britishwills.com / 951 247 255 admin@britishwills.com British Wills & UK Lasting Powers of attorney for all UK Nationals who live abroad or who own property in Spain affiliated with: ‘The Society of Will Writers’ UK.
Calle del Mar 23 (Corner Avda. Andalucia) TORRE DEL MAR Tel: 952 547 601 Mobile: 649 123 068 info@casa-terreno.com
www.casa-terreno.net REF: 5047
ALMAYATE
Beautifully situated and spacious villa with a great view of the sea, the mountains and the city. Separate dining room, a spacious fully fitted kitchen with exit to the terrace. Living room with awnings to the terraces and the swimming pool. The adjoining can be used as a third bedroom. There is a cloak room, a utility room and two spacious bedrooms with several fitted wardrobes. All windows double glazed with mosquito nets and blinds. Outside there is a chalet, pool house, jacuzzi and a heated 8x4 swimming pool. On the first floor there is a spacious guest apartment with living / dining room, open kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. Outside there is a private terrace with beautiful sea views. Parking
450,000€
3
3
REF: 5044
TORRE DEL MAR
A townhouse in a highly sought-after residential complex. Upper floor (street level): open-plan living area with fireplace and access to the balcony with stunning views, fully equipped kitchen with adjoining laundry room and storage room and bathroom. Lower floor: 2 cosy bedrooms with access to the large terrace & bathroom. All living rooms are equipped with air conditioning and central heating. Other features include double glazed windows, SAT-TV, ADSL and a communal pool. Parking
REF: 5048
550m2
Yes
TORRE DEL MAR
Wonderfully situated penthouse apartment with sea views, high quality development in a popular location. 2 large bedrooms with access to the terrace, two bathrooms. Living room with newly built wood burning fireplace and access to the front terrace. Very spacious kitchen with door to the terrace. The outdoor area has several south and north facing seating areas with BBQ area, chill out corner, covered laundry area, communal pool and gardens. Parking
450,000€
240,000€ 2
304m2
2
95m2
132m2
Yes
2
2
175m2
100m2
YES
REDUCED! URB. EL ALGARROBO, FP1057 NERJA A two-bedroom terraced property with separate one-bedroom apartment, private secure parking, and marvellous views to the Mediterranean
249,000€ LONg TERM RENTAL 3 BEDROOM APARTMENT - CENTRAL NERJA TOP (THIRD) FLOOR (NO LIFT) 750.00€/mth + utilities
REDUCED! BENAMARGOSA FP0800
LOS VENTORROS FP0804
A 145m2, luxury, three-bedroom villa on a 5,383m2 plot set in the hills above Benamargosa with diving pool and marvellous views
A 3 bedroom detached property of some 100m2 on the edge of this small village near Comares. Fenced garden and marvellous views as far as the sea
248,000€
89,850€ Calle Dr Fleming, 1 Nerja. 29780 Tel: 952 52 41 40 Mob: 637 278 306 / 606 087 362