The Sentinella Axarquia March 09

The Sentinella Axarquia Edition!

N o 55 A ll yo u n ee d f or ‘ i nf o o n t he go ’

Ma r ch 0 9

FREE!

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ARKWRIGHTS The British Store & more

Tel: 95 11 67 289 / 674

The little mag that fits in your bag for ‘iinfo on the go’

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From the Ed..

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March. The month of Mother’s Day – well the UK version anyway. Spanish mums don’t celebrate until May. Mum’s are so fantastic aren’t they?

When I was ten or so I wrote a poem about my Mum, which was later published in an anthology, called Poet Soup.

Here it is in all its glory.

Mum… You taught me the ABC, You cooked my dinner and prepared my tea, You gave me hugs when I was sad, And brought me presents which made me glad, You made me dresses and clothes to wear, You helped to wash me and brushed my hair, You washed my clothes and hung them to dry, You comforted me if I started to cry, You took me for walks and out places, You put on my shoes and tied the laces, You bought me games and puzzles to do, And I really love you!

And today you’re more wonderful than ever can be, SO GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND GO MAKE SOME TEA! Fortunately my Mum found the funny side. This year, I’ll forget the poem and launch straight into taking my Mum out for lunch.

If eaten in the right venue, lunch is always a nice gift. Flowers create a smile too. Of course, there are lots of other ideas how to show your Mum how much you love and appreciate her.

I might even get mine flowers AND lunch, after all she’s the best Mum in the world, my Ma! :-) Changing the subject completely I wanted to share with you all an extraordinary man I came across recently called

A Taste of What’’s Inside This Month

Useless Facts...............Page 10 Network Update............Page 23 Top Tens.......................Page 24 Amazing Animals..........Page 38 Film Review...................Page 65 Countries of the World.Page 70 Star Signs......................Page 83 What’s On......................Page 84 Information...............Page86 Puzzle Page...................Page 88 Jokes.............................Page 90 The Sentinella Trader...Page 98 CONTACT THE EDITOR PHONE: 664 210 468 EMAIL: sales@thesentinella.com Deposito Legal MA-1435-2005

No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. The Sentinella accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. So there!

The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to Colin Checkley, the founder and editor of The Sentinel Magazine.

May he rest in peace.

(Born; 1960 Died; 2004)

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Burt Goldman, aka The American Monk.

This man is 81-years-old, but within the last five years he has discovered a wide range of talents. These include photography (some of his photos are now in the National Photography Gallery), writing (he has published various books and sold them worldwide), he has started a multi-million internet business, he’s a singer, AND his artwork can be found in a range of museums and galleries.

WOW! But the best thing of all is that Burt claims that there is a special way in which he has unearthed these talents.

It’s called Quantum Jumping. Now you’re gonna want to know what the hell this means. Well, to prevent myself from sounding like a total loon I’ll keep it simple. There’s this theory you see, that the world consists of an infinite amount of parallel universes (a multiverse) and that in each of these universes there is another Keidi / Julie / Steve, etc… Essentially this means that there are thousands upon thousands of you and me out there all with different lives to our own. There’s a Queen Keidi, a beggar Keidi, a multi millionaire Keidi, a painter Keidi and so on… Now Burt has found the way to tune into his ‘double-gangers’ and through asking them the right questions in a state of relaxed meditation, he receives the right answers and the confidence to put this new talent to the test.

Sounds a little weird doesn’t it, but then if his methods work, I’m in!

To learn more visit: www.theamericanmonk.com

Keidi Keating x

Strange News

Editor (of the original little mag)!

Dumped on Facebook

A wife has spoken of her humiliation after she became the first woman to be "divorced" on Facebook.

Emma Brady claims she only found out her six-year marriage was over when 4 To advertise call

her husband posted a message on the social networking site.

It simply said: "Neil Brady has ended his marriage to Emma Brady."

Emma, 39, only learned she was dumped when her best friend from Denmark phoned to see if she was OK. Mum-of-one Emma, of Blackburn, said: "We were like any other couple. We had our ups and downs but as far as I knew things were fine between us.”

Man loses 160lbs - on garlic and onions

A Croatian man has lost eleven-and-ahalf stone in just six months - on a diet of garlic and onions.

When Momir Zmiric hit 26st doctors told him he could die if he didn't lose weight.

He tried several diets without success but then started living off garlic and onions - on a plain biscuit - with carrot juice.

Now down to 14st 7lbs, Momir, 42, of Split, said: "The weight dropped off."

Doctors have warned against the radical diet. A pal of Momir's said: "He looks great - but his breath is really rancid."

Sword swallower's near fatal gaffe

A Chinese sword swallower wound up in hospital after attempting to swallow a curved sword for the first time.

Wang Liang, of Dengta city, had performed with a straight sword for eight years with no problems. But his successful run ended when he agreed to a request from the audience to perform with a curved sword for the first time.

Chief surgeon Sun Lianhong, at the Central Hospital in Liaoyang, said the routine caused a 1.5cm cut in Wang's oesophagus.

Doctors successfully performed open chest surgery for four hours to repair the damage.

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Interesting Stuff!

Something to think about!

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb’.

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only... Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts – Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.

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If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. Most boat owners name their boats.

What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'? A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

GET YOUR FREE FULL PAGE COLOUR ADVERT IN THE SENTINELLA Find out how on page 77 For details call: 664 210 468 Email:

sales@thesentinella.com

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BAR VIVA

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Est. 1999 ‘The Friendly Family Bar’ DRAUGHT

Sunday Roast inc. glass of wine € 9.50 Bookings recommended All Day English Breakfasts, Full Menu Open from 10am till late every day

Quiz Night every Thursday from 8:30pm with cash prizes APARIV Charity Quiz last Friday of every month

C/Dr Maranon, Torre del Mar Tel: 952 544 362

If Only, Hey Men?

Easy Training Courses for Women

Thinking before speaking

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making deposits

10. Driving a Car Safely: A skill you can acquire

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where no woman has gone before 3. Parties: Going without new outfits

4. Man Management: Minor household chores can wait till after the game 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men need space in the bathroom cabinet too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is his 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - the last resort, not the first.

8. Communication Skills II:

9. Communication Skills III: Getting what you want without nagging 11. Telephone Skills: How to hang up

12. Introduction to parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing into a space 14. Water Retention: Fact or fat

15. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not his

16. Dancing: Why men don't like to 17. TV Remotes: For men only

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24HR...

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PLUMBING, DRAINAGE ALL GAS APPLIANCES MINOR ELECTRICAL WORK & SOLAR PANELS

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Modern Times

You know you are living in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your mobile phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your mobile phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

9. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

10. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

SALES PERSON REQUIRED To sell advertising space and products on behalf of The Sentinella Network

*Work from home *Commission based salary (expect to earn AT LEAST 1,000€ per month) *Hours to suit you *Sales experience essential *Must have own computer with broadband internet connection & Skype *Monthly targets and performance related bonuses

*Excellent chance to grow within an expanding company, as we launch new magazines & products throughout 2009.

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Answering Machine Messages

Imagine hearing these voice mail messages when you call your mates... Most bizarre!

Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP! Sorry we’re not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll

get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after and we tell each other everything.

Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.

Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it.....!

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Useless Facts

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

Japan has approximately 200 volcanoes and is home to 10% of the active volcanoes in the world.

French soldiers during World War I had the nickname ‘poilu’ which translates to ‘hairy one’.

Tomato ketchup is a good conditioner for the hair. It also helps get rid of the greenish tinge that some blonde-haired people get after swimming in water with chlorine in it.

In Belgium there is a museum just for strawberries.

Emilo Marco Palma was the first person born in Antarctica in 1978.

The word ‘diamond’ comes from the Greek word ‘adamas’ which means ‘unconquerable.’

The wheelbarrow was invented by the Chinese.

McDonald restaurants serve food and drink to an amazing 43 million customers on a daily basis.

Montreal is the second largest French speaking city after Paris.

Every continent has a city called Rome.

The word ‘Thailand’ means ‘land of the free.’

In a day, a mature oak tree can draw approximately 50 gallons of water.

Alexander the Great was an epileptic.

80 years ago: The food mixer and the domestic refrigerator were invented.

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The Stegosaurus dinosaur measured up to 30 feet (9.1 meters) long but had a brain the size of a walnut.

Armadillos, opossums, and sloth's spend about 80% of their lives sleeping.

The largest meteorite crater in the world is in Winslow, Arizona. It is 4,150 feet across and 150 feet deep.

The longest cells in the human body are the motor neurons. They can be up to 4.5 feet (1.37 meters) long and run from the lower spinal cord to the big toe.

Skylab, the first American space station, fell to the earth in thousands of pieces in 1979. Thankfully most over the ocean.

The world's largest amphibian is the giant salamander. It can grow up to 5 ft. in length.

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Hotel La Posada del Torcal

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Contact us for your personal quotation & reservations call 952 031 006 or email us at hotel@laposadadeltorcal.com. Visit our website at www.laposadadeltorcal.com

Axces Property Direct Selling or renting your property? How do you decide where to advertise your property?

Traditionally we have all used estate agents and left it up to them to advertise and market a property.

Times are changing, with purchasers harder to find, price reductions necessary and estate agents fees still a considerable part of your costs ... more and more people are turning to selling property privately.

Many of us are used to selling items on the internet from cars to old DVDs through avenues such as EBay and so selling your property privately on the internet is not dissimilar and will save you 1,000’s of Euros!

Your property is likely to be one of the most expensive items you will ever sell and the time and effort into marketing your property is essential.

What impression does your property brochure give? Have you got one? What about the photographs of your property?

Bad photographs are worse than no photographs! You are aiming to achieve the maximum price. A poor quality online presentation of your property does NOT make a great first IMPRESSION! AS Over 80% of people now use the internet to find their next property buyers have access to a wide choice to consider before even visiting a property. What online impression are they getting from yours?

We are NOT just another property listing website. Axces Property Direct provides a service! We take professional photographs, create a floor plan and online brochure, we market your property on the internet and provide regular statistics.

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Be the first to take advantage of our March Special offer (see our advert below) and call or email us today.

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Musical Funnies

Music history according to students

died from this.

2. Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing.

8. Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.

1. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

3. A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.

4. John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.

5. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.

6. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good.

Beethoven expired in 1827 and later

7. Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of.

9. An opera is a song of bigly size.

10. In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live happily ever after.

11. When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

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Mother’s Day Quotes

Mum’s are just great!!!

1) "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And chocolates!

You take a box to Mother — and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment." -Anna Jarvis, promoter of the establishment of Mother's Day 2) "Arise then, women of this day! Arise, all women who have hearts! ... We, the women of one country, will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs...."

Julia Ward Howe, promoter of a Mother's Day for Peace

3) "No one who traces the history of motherhood, of the home, of child-rearing practices will ever assume the eternal permanence of our own way of institutionalizing them.”

Jessie Bernard

4) "To nourish children and raise them against odds is any time, any place, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons."

Marilyn French

5) "Women's rights in essence is really a movement for freedom, a movement for equality, for the dignity of all women, for

Poligono la Panoleta C/Juan Gris No 5 29700 Velez Malaga Tel: 952 501 543 20

those who work outside the home and those who dedicate themselves with more altruism than any profession I know to being wives and mothers, cooks and chauffeurs, and child psychologists and loving human beings.”

Jill Ruckelshaus

6) "No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother."

Margaret Sanger

7) “Motherhood is neither a duty nor a privilege, but simply the way that humanity can satisfy the desire for physical immortality and triumph over the fear of death."

Rebecca West 8) "My mother could make anybody feel guilty, she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know."

Joan Rivers

9) "The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant and let the air out of the tyres."

Dorothy Parker

10) "A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's."

Diana, Princess of Wales

R C O BRI E TA AD M

For your Wood - Carpentry Kitchen furniture, Doors, Windows WE TALK ENGLISH!

Email: madercobrita@madercobrita.es / Web: www.madercobrita.es

To advertise call 664 210 468

Cocktails

This month we’re Raring to go with the R’s of the Cocktail World…

Rock Lobster 1 cup of ice, 1oz coconut rum, 1/2oz banana liqueur, dash of grenadine, 1/2 ripe banana (peeled), dash of pineapple juice, dash of orange juice, dark rum to top.

TO PREPARE: 1. Pour all ingredients except the dark rum into a blender.

2. Blend until smooth.

3. Pour into a chilled highball glass.

4. Top with the dark rum.

Roasted Toasted Almond 1oz vodka, 1oz coffee liqueur, 1oz Amaretto, milk or cream

Rob Roy 1 1/2oz Scotch, 1/4oz sweet vermouth, Angostura bitters to taste, maraschino cherry for garnish

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D R E SS M A K I N G SERVICE

Alterations Clothes Made To Measure Bridesmaids Dresses Party Wear Curtains & Soft Furnishings

Call Elaine on: 6 2 9 6 1 0 9 1 9

Located close to Puente don Manuel / Periana xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

raspberry liqueur, fresh whipped cream (for top) Rusty Nail – 1 1/2oz Scotch, 3/4oz Drambuie, lemon twist for garnish

Rising Sun 1 1/2oz brandy, 1/2oz maraschino liqueur, 1/2oz pineapple juice, 1/2oz orange curacao liqueur, 2 dashes Angostura bitters, lemon peel for garnish.

Rose 1 1/2 z gin, 1/2oz dry vermouth, 1/2oz cherry brandy or Kirsch

Raspberry Truffle 1oz Blue Ice American Vodka, 3/4oz Kahlua coffee liqueur, 3/4oz Chambord

Rimbaud’s Left Hand 1 part Pernod Absinthe, 1 part Benedictine, 1 part Aperol Orange Liqueur, 1 part lemon juice, 1 part pineapple juice, 1 egg white, rose water.

Red Carpet 1/2oz Patrón Silver Tequila, 1/2oz Patrón Citrónge Orange Liqueur, fresh raspberry juice, dash organic cranberry juice, fresh lime juice, gold sugar rim, orange wedge dipped in gold sugar for garnish.

Royal Tea 2 parts Beefeater Gin, 2 parts brewed and chilled Earl Gray Tea, Squeeze of lemon juice, Spoonful of sugar, lime wheels for garnish

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Mother’s Day

Treats for Your Mum This Mothers’ Day. Invite your mum over for an old fashion Tea Party. Serve tea and special desserts. Choose a dessert or treat, that you know will make her mouth water. Set out photo albums of her from over the years - share memories - laugh and enjoy your time together.

Invite Mum to go with you for a Walk. Go to your local park or walk in your neighbourhood. Enjoy the talk and the spring scenery. Even surprise her after the walk with a fresh bouquet of spring flowers, that you wrapped in tissue and a big silky ribbon.

For long distance mums - Send a Balloon Bouquet to bring on a smile or a chuckle. Or, put together a Bath & Body Basket - she will know you care. Choose products and scents, especially for her with relaxation and beauty, in mind wrapped with love.

For long-distance or local mum - Choose a favourite picture of your mum with you and your siblings, when you were young children. Have it blown up and buy a beautiful frame for it. Wrap a big silky ribbon around it. The memories will bring on a loving smile!

Rugby

Looking for somewhere for your children to get some exercise and a game of Rugby? Look no further!

A local rugby club in Velez Malaga , called Axarquia Rugby, is looking for new members to join - English and Spanish boys and girls.

They train on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 7.00pm to 8.30pm at the Velez football stadium and sports complex. They play various matches at weekends - recently it’s been Granada away and they played against Jaen and afterwards they laid on a lovely BBQ for all the boys (and girls) that played.

The club is very well run and is affiliated to the Andalucian Rugby Federation.

They provide insurance and membership to the national association and they take children from aged 12 up to 18.

For further information please contact Vikki on 629 540184

Invite her to go shopping with you and treat her to lunch. What mum doesn't like to shop!?

DESPERATE TO STAY IN SPAIN? DON'T want to move back to the grey UK? Learn to earn a substantial full-time income while working part-time at home.

Not MLM

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Call 671 879 715 To advertise call 664 210 468

Network Update

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com The Sentinella Network is pleased to announce the formation of a brand spanking new four-strong sales team, who will be working to sell advertising to larger companies based in Spain, the UK and beyond.

Lisa and Eddy, Angel, Eloise and Sophie Manger are working hard to accumulate new business on behalf of our five editions across Spain.

They are also actively seeking business for www.Sentinella-Homes.com, our online directory of estate agents and houses for sale in Spain and the UK. The Sentinella Mojacar (Almeria) is now run by a new member of The Sentinella team, Neal Oglesby, who despite having a few issues this month (computer, bad back, etc), successfully launched his first edition – the March 09 edition and the

magazine’s first Birthday in that region.

On an entirely different note The Sentinella Business Finder is now up and running.

So if you are looking for a particular type of company in a certain area try it out by visiting www.thesentinella.com/directory

If you have a company you want listed on this, please contact us on sales@thesentinella.com or on 664 210 468.

AMAZING BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY AT...

Would you like to be part of

The Sentinella Global Magazine Network?

We are looking for people to run The Sentinella in the following areas: Granada City Almeria West Gibraltar

Now Pay only €4,000 up front!

Further areas available in Cadiz, Sevilla & Cordoba provinces, plus along the Costa Brava, Costa Blanca, Portugal and the Islands

UK areas also

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Fee includes all you need to start up and run the little mag, including software, advice, tips, training notes, back issues full support, knowledge and a comprehensive start up pack... 5 streams of income For enquiries call: 610 976 284 Email: thesentinella@yahoo.co.uk

To advertise call 664 210 468

23

Top Tens

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts Celebrities and their phobias…

1. Johnny Depp - Clourophobia, fear of clowns 2. Sigmund Freud - Siderodromophobia, fear of train travel 3. Howard Hughes - Mysophobia, fear of germs 4. Marilyn Monroe - Agoraphobia, fear of public or open spaces

5.Billie Bob Thorton - Panophobia, fear of antique furniture 6. Alfred Hitchcock - Ovophobia, fear of eggs

7. Natalie Wood - Hydrophobia, fear of water. She died by drowning 8. John Madden - Aerophobia, fear of flying

9. Christina Ricci - Botanophobia, fear of indoor houseplants 10. Madonna - Brontophobia, fear of thunder

Top Ten most populated cities in the world: 1. Tokyo, Japan Pop – 32,450,000 2. Seoul, South Korea Pop: 20,550,000 3. Mexico City, Mexico Pop – 20,450,000 4. New York, United States Pop – 19,750,000 5. Mumbai, India Pop – 19,200,000 6.Jakarta, Indonesia Pop – 18,900,000 7. Sao Paulo, Brazil Pop – 18,850,000 8. Delhi, India Pop – 18,600,000 9. Osaka, Japan Pop – 17,375,000 10. Shanghai Pop – 16,650,000

PET TAXI UK * FRANCE * SPAIN

TRAVELLING IN AIR CONDITIONED VEHICLE DELIVERED DOOR TO DOOR

PETS STAY IN PET FRIENDLY HOTELS ACCOMPANIED TRAVEL AVAILABLE TEL:

24

(0044) 7850 575862 (0034) 667 235 205 email: pettaxitransport@hotmail.com To advertise call 664 210 468

$Share’oscope$

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com With eye to Shareoscope we see what's happening in the world of stocks and shares.

January's selection, Sepura are now on 34p and February's choice, Huntsworth, stand also at 34p.

Mr Stockmarket's March pick is Ferrexpo for 70p each, bringing in a total of 1428 shares.

Ferrexpo is a Ukrainian iron ore producer.

Tune in next month to see how the whole stack are doing then...

Random Joke

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, 'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' He said with a deep sigh, . . . . . ..

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

To advertise call 664 210 468

25

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

Random Joke

A young man named Gordon bought a horse from an old farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the horse is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.'

Gordon replied, 'Well then, just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'I can't do that, because I've spent it already.'

Gordon said, 'OK then, we'll just unload the horse anyway.'

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Gordon answered, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' To which the farmer exclaimed, 'Surely you can't raffle off a dead horse!'

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, 'Of course I can, you watch me. I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead.'

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'

Gordon said, 'I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!'

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, 'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the horse being dead?'

To which Gordon replied, 'The only guy who found out about the horse being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a horse, so he thought I was a great guy!!'

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.

The moral of this story is that, if you think Gordon is about to play fair and do something for the everyday people of the country for once in his miserable, lying life, think again my friend, because you'll be better off flogging a dead horse!!!

26 To advertise call

Newsletter

The Sentinella now emails a free monthly newsletter direct to the personal email accounts of readers, clients and whoever else wants to read it.

The newsletter includes interesting factual information, more of your fave Sentinella style funnies, a direct link to read the latest edition of The Sentinella online, plus all the latest news and offers from The Sentinella Group.

It’s definitely worth a damn thorough butchers and if you haven’t done so already we suggest you sign up by emailing info@thesentinella.com with the word ‘Newsletter’ in the Subject line.

Once you have done this, you will be activated to receive this little ‘gift’ every month of the year and then you’ll NEVER miss another issue of The Sentinella EVER AGAIN! So what are you waiting for!

664 210 468

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Restaurante

BRAVO

Wonder ful Seaviews

*Tapas Menu *Paellas *Beautiful Danish Pastries *Pancakes

Superb Daily Menu - 8.50â‚Ź Starters - Mixed Salad, Onion Soup, Tomato Soup, baked Brie with Almonds Mains - Pork Chops with Roast Potatoes & Ali Oli Come dancing with Grilled Rosada with Fried Tomato & French Fries Hugh Grant!!

Spaghetti Bolognese or Vegetable Spaghetti Salsa - Rumba - Cha Cha Pizza of your choice Dessert - Coffee & Danish Pastry - Swing - Hustle BOOKINGS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED Thursdays 4pm 5â‚Ź p/p

For reser vations call Maria or Niels on: 952 55 00 83 *Old musical instruments needed

Urb. Pueblo Nuevo, Edf. Montevideo, Algarrobo Costa

aariviss technologies

aariviss technologies are based in the Velez-Malaga/Torre Del Mar area of La Axarquia.

We specialise in the technology areas listed below.

I n for m a t io n Se c ur i t y Web D es i gn Anti virus options We specialise in web sites for small businesses How to keep your information safe and intact Clear and informative web sites How to secure your computer against attack Inexpensive web sites Information back-up advice No jargon, no complications and no problems I T Tra in in g P C H e l p a n d Tr o u b l e - s h o o t i n g Operating systems help Software Installation issues Computer troubleshooting and help

Microsoft Office and OpenOffice software training Browser and Internet training Training in the use of e-mail and its associated software Multi-media (music, pictures and video) help and training

If you would like to know more about our services, go to our website, www.aariviss.com or e-mail us at info@aariviss.com.

Alternatively, call us on 686 412 877 to arrange a meeting.

N340 Malaga onto the A357 Cartama – follow all the way through till the Alora turn off on your right. Keep going to the junction turn right onto the A343. Keep on that road DO NOT turn off at the Alora sign, keep going passed the garden centre on the right up to the T-junction, Los Caballos is on your left

DON’T FORGET OUR MARKET AT LOS JARDINES DEL TRAPICHE

EVERY TUESDAY 9.30 – 1.30 A SIMPLY BRILLIANT DAY OUT! Off at junction A272 straight towards Velez Malaga A356, over two roundabouts, DON’T turn off, look for the Country Farmer’s signs on the left hand side by ‘El Cruce’ restaurant, turn left to Benamargosa and in about 1 minute Los Jardines is on your left hand side

Can you bake, have you a hobby, or are you keen gardener with excess fruit and vegetables. Do you knit, sew, or make your own jewellery or clothes and want to make that extra bit of income,

PLEASE CALL Anita 627877164 Chris 617811030 or Dale 600783870

Kieler JURGEN steak house

open 9am - 11pm (Closed Tuesdays) S P E C I A L G R E E K K E B A B P L AT E LUNCH PLATES FROM 5€ S pe c i a l 3 c o u r s e ev e ni n g m e nu

Now Serving 3 course Sunday Lunch 11€ March 8th & 22nd Live Music (Tea Dance) 21st march - special menu - live music “dance into springtime” function room available for birthday parties, etc Nr. Centro Internacional 72BJ Algarrobo Costa (Opposite large swimming pool) Tel:628 239 780

POOL TABLE

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INTERNET ACCESS

Come and try our extensive food menu incl.

Pork Chops, Beef Chops, Fresh Chicken Breasts & Curries Served 10am - 10pm Mon - Fri & 12pm - 10pm Sat Sunday Roast served 1pm - 6pm Beef, Pork, Chicken, Lamb or Vegetarian Roast available 2 courses 9.95â‚Ź

Monday nights - 8.00pm - Bingo - good cash prizes Tuesday nights - 8.30pm - Successful quiz - good cash prizes Wednesdays - Fancy a game of pool? Pool club from 2pm SKY SPORTS

Friday 13th March Cheltenham Gold Cup Day!!

Cava & Strawberries

SETANTA

We are pleased to host the Alcaucin Branch of the Royal British Legion therefore we apologise that we will be closed on Thursdays throughout March.

*** Beat the Credit Crunch and join us Mon - Fri 6pm - 7pm for HAPPY HOUR***

For information or bookings call: 685 552 529 C/Buena Vista, Puente don Manuel

- Very competitive rates - single items to a whole truck load

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CONNECT DIRECT Why not sell your property direct to the buyer?

We are a company advertising properties direct from the vendor to the purchaser No A g les a S C SAVE YOURSELF THOUSANDS!! n o omm ent o N i s issio mis n Com Just register with us on our website or by phone or email

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WAYNES DRAINS & PLUMBING SERVICES 24 Hour Call Out EST. 1999

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If the answer is YES to any of these, then you need WAYNE’S DRAINS Quick & Reliable service 24/7 Latest equipment from USA including: High Pressure Jetting CCTV survey camera - can be downloaded onto DVD for Insurance purposes.

Root Cutter & Remover Pipe sizes from 3/4 inch to 12 inch Grease cleaner - Ideal for Restaurants All of our equipment is portable to ensure access to apartments on higher floors, houses & villas Septic Tanks emptied

NO JOB TOO BIG OR SMALL!!

Tel/Fax: 952 539 239 24 Hour Service: 634 275 030

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Puntastic!

Name Puns We'd All Like To See

1. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

2. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

3. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. 4. If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

5. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (Hey! Now everything is possible!) he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg.

6. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

7. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

8. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

9. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

10. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

11. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

12. If G. Gordon Liddy married BoutrosBoutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G, he'd be G. Ghali G.

13. Nog (Quark's nephew on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.

14. If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

15. If Jack Handy (SNL writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar, then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.

16. If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

17. If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy."

WANTED *Cars *Motorhomes *Plant Machinery *Bikes A NY YE AR ANY REG.

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CASH BUYE RS *Embargos No Problem Rick: 653 477 306 Matt: 636 808 268

To advertise call 664 210 468

35

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts Crisis – So What’s New

By Nick Snelling

Crisis?

Finally, at Casa Desolada, we have learnt about the international credit crunch. Evidentally, there is a worldwide economic crisis that is bringing the globe to its knees and one so bad that everyone´s lives will be affected. Or so we have picked up from local village gossip.

I had a feeling that things were taking a turn for the worse when the only cigarettes I could extract from our local bar were Ducados. These are are so strong that your lifetime is probably instantly reduced by half after only a few puffs.

Their presence, as the only cigarettes available in our pueblo, is a sure sign that times are hard and that the Mayor feels the need to reduce the local population quickly. Whilst I can see where he’s coming from, surely there must be kinder forms of euthanasia?

Nonetheless, I have been told that I must take the international credit crisis seriously and, as head of my household, I recently decided to advise my family of the impending doom heading our way.

This, obviously, had to be done with sensitivity, so as not to frighten the children and, far more importantly, my wife. The latter, like myself, has a particular sensitivity to the words ‘credit’ and ‘crunch’ – particularly when used together. Which, in our case, they invariably are.

It is not that we are, in any way, averse to credit. Not at all. We have always considered it a Good Thing and one to be used to the full. The trouble is that our bankers long ago classified lending to us as ‘toxic’ before moving onto the better bet of ‘derivatives’. Frankly, had I been given the choice, I would have done the same thing. After all, there is at least some chance of getting your money back from a decaying shack in Alabama

36

owned by an itinerant Mexican gypsy even if the shack is mortgaged to several times its true value and the owner has never worked.

But, it is quite another thing to retrieve your investment when it ends up as a simply staggering amount of fashionable clothing, pots, pans and other miscellaneous household items. I should know.

For years, I have been the one on market stalls trying to reduce my losses by selling unwanted items following one of my wife’s rampant shopping expeditions. To be honest, getting rid of ‘derivatives’ for a good profit is child’s play by comparison.

That said, my family reacted to my notification of world economic problems without batting an eyelid. Perhaps, used to the perilous nature of our family finances, they consider international economic problems a somewhat abstract concept. However, the same could not be said about their concern for the impending property crash. This has been something that all of us have suspected for some time – albeit that we have not raised the subject together before.

The trouble is that, despite my best efforts, Casa Desolada still appears ruinous and ready at any time to disappear down our hillside. I suppose we should have suspected something was amiss, when we were urged by our estate agent not to close the front door too hard nor to have more than two people at a time on the first floor. But how can our problems have extended elsewhere? I am not certain - but we are all taking the warnings of the property crash seriously and now sleep outside.

In the meantime, I am appealing to the government and various world bodies for money. Unless I have misunderstood things badly, it seems that you can obtain millions of Euros if you have

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com financial problems – even if it is your own fault. This is great news and I only wish I had known about it before. My wife is delighted and already planning with our daughter what she describes as an ‘Epic’. This, I gather, will be the mother of all shopping expeditions and is, she tells me, generously aimed at ‘kick-starting’ the economy. Certainly, I can think of no-one better qualified to do this and I am seriously thinking of hiring her out to various countries where consumer spending has dropped.

Hard times ahead? I think not. There is free money to be had and a fortune to be made...

Copyright Nick Snelling who is author of ‘Taking The Heat’ available from www.nativespain.com, Amazon and all good book stores.

For further information or articles see: www.nicholassnelling.com

Men..tal

Men & Political Correctness. How to speak about men and be politically correct

1) He does not have a beer gut.

He has developed a liquid storage facility.

2) He does not get lost.

He investigates alternative destinations.

3) He is not balding.

He is in follicle regression.

4) He does not get falling down drunk.

He becomes accidentally horizontal 5) He is not a male chauvinist pig.

He has swine empathy.

6) He is not afraid of commitment.

He is monogamously challenged.

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY IN SIDCUP, KENT, ENGLAND

£124,950

1 Bedroom purpose built flat

*Communal Entrance *Lounge, Kitchen *1 Bedroom & Bathroom *Communal Gated Parking *Double Glazed *20 mins London/WestEnd/City *Low Maintenance £100 p.a. Ground Rent £50 p.a.

RENTAL INCOME IN REGION OF £550 - £600PM

No Fo r w ar d Ch ai n . E a r l y V i e wi n g A d v i s e d .

F o r v i e w i ng o r fu r t h e r d e t a i l s 0034 675 391 967 / 0044 208 303 3531 www.your-move.co.uk

POSSIBLE EXCHANGE CONSIDERED

To advertise call 664 210 468

37

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

Amazing Animals

This month a look at the world of the bat…

There

are over 1,000 known species of bats. In fact, bats make up a quarter of all mammal species on Earth.

Bats can be found almost anywhere in the world except the polar regions and extreme deserts.

They

fly.

the Asian and African False-Vampire bats, eat mostly insects, but have been known to eat fish, frogs and even small birds!

Bats

are very clean animals and groom almost constantly (when not eating or sleeping), to keep their fur clean.

are the only mammals that can

Vampire

bats adopt orphans and are one of the few mammals known to risk their own lives to share food with less fortunate roost-mates.

The world’s smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand which weighs less than a penny.

There are 27 species of bat found in Spain alone.

Bats

are more closely related to humans than they are to rodents. Several studies indicate that the Old World fruit bats and flying foxes may actually be descended from early primates.

Most

bats give birth to only a single pup each year, making them very vulnerable to extinction. They are the smallest reproducing mammals on earth for their size.

Giant flying foxes that live in Indonesia

have wingspans of nearly six feet.

A single

little brown bat can catch 600 mosquitoes in just one hour!

There

are a few bats that are carnivorous, meat-eating bats. These bats, like

38

Menu of the Day 5.90€ (Monday to Friday) Open every day 12.00 - 16.00 18.30 - 24.00

Avda. Andalucia,35 Bajo 29750 Algarrobo-Costa (Malaga) Tel: 952 551 439 or 675 230 475

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

The Ladies Festival

For those of you who remembered the late Mr Colin Checkley the founder and editor of the Sentinel Magazine, (now The Sentinella) he was a long standing member of the Lodge of European Fraternity, Nerja.

This Lodge will be celebrating the Ladies Festival on Saturday 28th March at Restaurante Cueva de Nerja 7pm for 7.30 start.

Tickets will be available from Michael Traill 955 231 312 or 608 750 980 or email: mtraill2004@yahoo.co.uk or Sandy Shingler on: 952 037 030 or 646 436 967.

Please note. When booking, tables of 10

please wherever possible.

It has been arranged at Hotel Al Andaluz, which is very close to the venue, that there will be special discounted prices on a limited number of rooms for overnight accommodation. This will be a double room (2) persons including breakfast for 37â‚Ź.

Hotel Al Andaluz: 952 529 648 Please note this is the room price not per person.

Any hotel bookings through Sandy Shingler please.

See full details below.

To advertise call 664 210 468

39

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

Sentinella’s Fables

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you €800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her €800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the €800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologised 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak..'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when 40

they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.

'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

‘Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.

'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull Sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

To advertise call 664 210 468

TONY PHILLIPS

Terence Seaton & J Daniel Renovations & Refurbishments Professional Builders with over Pai g ntin ilin 20 years experience g

T

El e ing ctri b ci t y m Pl u Free advice / no obligations www.jdanielconstrucciones.com

Eng. Tel: 664 459 868

VI LLA LOOK IN G SH ABB Y?

Van & trailers.

Light haulage, removals up to 25m3, car & boat transport.

Vinuela based, 25 years experience.

Local or anywhere in Europe.

Regular Spain-UK-Spain trips.

Phone 636 844 209 E-mail: hazeltony@live.co.uk

SKY INSTALLED from €350 Includes all BBC, ITV, CH4 & CH5 DISH ONLY FITS 1.2m €250, 1.3m €300 Spanish, German also installed Service calls, realignment, relocation, etc, from €50 Call Paul 669 943 452 Velez Malaga All areas covered Coming soon FREESAT Recordable Boxes

Let me give you a free quote for re-painting at affordable prices.

Exteriors/Interiors, Rejas & Garden Walls My team can help.

Phone Nick in Vinuela

On: 6 7 6 49 1 8 11

ACADEMIA GALA

SPANISH COURSES INTENSIVE & CONVERSATIONAL ALL LEVELS AVAILABLE Including for children starting school C/Fragata, 6, Torre del Mar

Tel: 952 54 40 39

Swing

w ith R u s s e ll L e e O f S a x o ph o n e & Cl ar i ne t

Parties / Weddings / Anninversarys Le s s o n s a l s o a v a i la b le

Tel: 693 933 945

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

Bad Luck!

How to tell if it is going to be a rotten day.

1. You wake up face down on the pavement.

2. You put your bra on backward and it fits better.

3. You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.

showing emergency routes out of the city.

8. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

9. You wake up and discover your water bed broke and then realize that you don't have a water bed.

10. Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the motorway.

4. You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

11. Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and YOU have a headache.

6. You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party last night, and there aren't any.

13. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.

5. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

7. You turn on the news and they're 42

12. Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

14. You wake up and your braces are locked together.

To advertise call 664 210 468

IKEA

Collection & Assembly

Complete Kitchens & Bedrooms or just a small Chest of Drawers.

Curtains & Soft Furnishings, Picture hanging & more NO JOB TOO SMALL For quotes phone Christine or Paul on:

952 030 025 / 958 360 333 648 196 282

Call Ian 657 247 647 or email: drivetec@gmail.com

*Qualified UK Driving Instructor *Refresher & Advanced Lessons *4x4 & off-road courses

Are you ready to make the income you really want?

Serious, motivated, & driven should call:

671 879 715

Carousel

Secondhand Furniture Shop

Open 9.30am - 2pm

Closed Wednesdays & Thursdays

Book exchange available Now on ground floor! “ Ho u s e C l ea r a n ce s ”

Able to help anyone overcome whatever problems they have in dealing with everyday driving in Spain.

La Vinuela Pueblo (Down steps at side of Bank)

952 539 219 / 622 719 640

Female Vocalist For All Occasions Disco & Karaoke Music to suit all ages from 40’s - 00’s Tel: Home: 951 167 228 Mob: 618 587 146 Email: bazandkatie@live.co.uk

English Dental Technician Over 20 years experience Fully Qualified Denture Repairs Adjustments / Duplications Based in Torrox Pueblo We can visit if needed Call Graham for confidential advice on any denture problem on:

DENTIST Dr Bakri

Dentures Implants & Dental Cosmetics Free check up for The Sentinella readers

Algarrobo Costa Torrox Costa Tel: 952 55 05 21 Tel: 952 53 20 12

Emergencies: 678 974 892

Call Gilly on: 630 211 907

The English Rose “KATIE”

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

BEM idiomas

I am always amazed when I arrive at my Spanish lesson at BEM Idiomas, the journey there I always feel like a naughty little school kid that has not done their homework and panic that I will not know anything until... I get there and for some strange reason all my panicking and worrying disappears. Maybe this is because as soon as I get there I am greeted by friendly staff that makes me feel at ease. It also never ceases to amaze me that I never know what I am walking into, each lesson is so different yet so fun. I never realised that there were so many different learning methods where I would actually learn either new words, phrases and of course the pronunciation everyone’s nightmare! My favourite so far, but the most testing for me has been the listening session. A tape recording of different dialogues which my teacher plays a couple of times, to enable me to familiarise myself with the new words and the different speeds people speak, then plays a sentence at a time of which I need to memorise, repeat and translate into English, very taxing on the old brain but

44

very good for remembering words and phrases and what way round Spanish say things which is obviously different to English. Then a technique I covered a little last month was playing games, “Taboo” the guessing game for my teacher and the speaking game for me.

Wasn’t my favourite, probably because it involves me really having to use my brain on my own! but I have played this twice now and the second time I was much more confident and managed to put sentences together on my own and my teacher understood and managed to guess the word I was describing. WOW! I might be getting there afterall. Next we have the reading and writing lessons, self explanatory really but very worthwhile.

So overall this month I am feeling good about my progress - might all change in the next few weeks but I am going to keep pushing myself.

If you have been trying to learn my new verb each month then well done, but something a little different this month the colours.

Colores Blanco - White Azul - Blue Gris - Grey Rojo - Red Naranja - Orange

Colours Negro - Black Verde - Green Amarillo - Yellow Rosa - Pink Marròn - Brown

See main advert on page 92

To advertise call 664 210 468

Yvonne

Professional Mobile Hairdresser Nail Technician Nail Extensions Manicures / Pedicures

TEL: 679 249 868

€SCAP€ THE CREDIT CRUNCH It’s so simple, No experience required

I’LL SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE LOTS OF MONEY FROM HOME

S I MP L Y CA L L

0034 671 879 715

SOLID BUILDING

TERRACING PAVING CLADDING RETAINING WALLS BRICKWORK CONCRETING PAINTING DECORATING NO JOB TOO SMALL

951 167 555 / 622 497 941 Reliable - Competitive Professional

CHIROPODIST (Registered) Foot & Hand Care

Treatment for Corns, Veruccas & hard skin etc...

Also Manicures, Pedicures Mon-Sat 9.30 - 14.00,17.00 - 21.00 Now doing Home Visits

C/Pizarra 40, (above bank), La Vinuela Tel: 695 243 238

ÜxÇáÉÇËá U |áàÜÉ

European Soccer School

Closed Tuesdays

For further details or booking forms please contact me by email: ljogbolu@hotmail.com or on: 0034 697 915 833 Luke Ogbolu Director of Coaching European Soccer School

*Live music every Saturday *1st Sat every month - Quiz Mon,Wed & Thurs Menu del a Noche 10€ per person 2 courses inc. a tubo or a glass of wine

Brensons Bistro, Canillas de Aceituno Tel: 952 51 80 83 Mob: 663 038 255

TONY’S POKER TOOL HIRE S

MIXERS

All types of tools Chainsaw Sharpening Service

New Location Alcaucin

For more details call: 951 167 093 693 505 272 693 286 625

WACKER PLATES

Making Soccer Fun WE OFFER: Toddlers Football - Girls Football Fun Football Camps - Federal Football Centres of Excellence - Senior Football Skills Award Programme Coach Education - Pro Training Camps

MAN & VAN!

Anytime...Anywhere

Locally based 12 cubic metres €25 per hour

S m a l l L o a d s to U . K Phone Mark: 951 321 660 669 255 968

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Muvver’s Facts

Don’t forget Mothering Sunday!!

Mothering Sunday (the British version) is on 22nd March. It was first celebrated in Britain during the 17th century.

It was honoured on the fourth Sunday in Lent.

It began as a day when apprentices and servants could return home for the day to visit their mothers.

Ho Ho Ho...!

Quirky sentences, to make you laugh till your sides ache!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

They often brought a gift with them, often a "mothering cake" -- a kind of fruitcake or fruit-filled pastry known as simnels.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

By the 19th century, the holiday had almost completely died out

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Furmety, a sweetened boiled cereal dish, was often served at the family dinner during Mothering Sunday celebrations.

Mother's Day in Britain -- or Mothering Sunday -- came to be celebrated again after World War II, when American servicemen brought the custom and commercial enterprises used it as an occasion for sales, etc.

People in many ancient cultures celebrated holidays honouring motherhood, personified as a goddess. Here are just a few of those:

Ancient Greeks celebrated a holiday in honour of Rhea, the mother of the gods.

Ancient Romans celebrated a holiday in honour of Cybele, a mother goddess, March 22-25 - the celebrations were notorious enough that followers of Cybele were banished from Rome.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

In the British Isles and Celtic Europe, the goddess Brigid, and later her successor St. Brigid, were honoured with a spring 14. A backward poet writes inverse.

Mother's Day, connected with the first milk of the ewes.

46 To advertise call 664 210 468

P EOPLE C ARE If you need help with:

*Cleaning *Ironing

*Shopping Trips or Personal Hygiene

THEN WE CAN HELP References available.

Ca ll D enise o r Da ve on: 65 722 7 764

Blue Badge Mobility

952 967 015 635 445 297 / 635 445 279

Locals 3 & 10, Bloque 3, Costa del Oro, Torrox Costa

Hir e & sales of mobility scooter s, wheelchair s, walking aids, bathroom aids, bed fr ames, hoists & much mor e..Wheel chair adapted tr anspor t including mini-bus. sales@bluebadgemobility.com

Pedicure at

Sherlocks Hairstudio

Pedicurist Margot - specialises in the treatment of diabetes and rheumatism of the foot - also nail art

Spanish Number Plates with no hassle & no unnecessary expenses Sara Bright:

951 167 094 658 501 610

PATSY

M o b i le H a ir d r es s i n g

(UK Qualified) Tints, High Lights, Complete Restyles, Wedding Contracts (on request)

Tel 679562328 or email: mo r ty.mor ty@btopenw or ld.com EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY & ADULT COUNSELLING

Patricia Winspear MEd. BA. DipEd. Albert Vickers UK trained counsellor

Assessment of children with Dyslexia, learning and behaviour problems Adult counselling

Tel: 608 858 983 6 Plaza de la Ermita, ARENAS (15 mins from Velez Malaga) We speak English, Dutch, Spanish and German

Tel: 620 150 605 / 678 429 649 Email: educationandalucia@gmail.com www.educationandalucia.com

G L A Z I N G S E RV I C E S

COLONIC IRRIGATION

*24hr boarding up ser vice *All single or double glazed units replaced *All repairs to windows, Doors & Mosquito Screens

Tel: 952 573 577 690 296 952

A HEALTHY MOVE

Cleaning of the Colon A detox Enjoy: clearer skin, increased energy, weight loss, mental clarity and more...

Call Eileen: 951 167 238 or 609 811 879 (near Hotel Vinuela)

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

Hotel La Posada del Torcal

“The perfect Wedding venue is not an easy find”, says Karen from La Posada del Torcal, Villanueva de la Concepcion, nr Antequera, Malaga.

Combining the need for a spectacular location with the privacy and level of service that one would hope for, to have your wedding arranged from start to finish, so all you have to do have to do is turn up and enjoy your special day. In short a completely stress free wedding and at an affordable cost!! Impossible you might say - not so. Karen Banham, co owner of the Hotel La Posada del Torcal, a luxury 10 bedroom country hotel in the heart of Andalucia , has been orchestrating tailormade weddings for couples from as far away as Germany, USA, UK and Ireland. Not too mention many couples from the Costas for over 10 years.

The hotel’s location alone is so jaw droppingly spectacular, that alone would be enough to impress the most hardened wedding guest!! Couples can choose from a Church of England blessing, a non denominational blessing by a Humanist minister, Jewish wedding celebration or can marry in the pretty local Roman Catholic church in nearby white village, Villanueva de la Concepcion.

Celebrations follow the service with a wedding reception dinner, on what must be the most amazing terrace ever, with the stunning El Torcal Park rock formations behind in the distance and vast

rolling hills and valley all around – it’s a dinner no one will ever forget. Best of all, the hotel and its facilities are exclusively yours for your wedding weekend.

Karen works with every couple to ensure that the wedding of their dreams becomes a reality. She co ordinates the entire wedding – there is a minimum requirement of 20 guests and maximum of 120. Guests are accommodated in other local hotels and also at the La Posada Rural Retreats – gorgeous country villas located close to the hotel.

No detail is overlooked, flowers, wedding cake, wedding menu, photographer, hair and make up, music, everything is planned meticulously by Karen.

Just one weekend planning with the couple several months before their wedding and the rest is left in Karen’s capable and experienced hands. The many testimonals and amazing photographs on the hotel’s website and on view in the hotel’s own wedding album on view at La Posada, bear witness to the fact that this is indeed no ordinary wedding venue.

Karen can be contacted directly on karen@laposadadeltorcal.com to discuss your wedding.

Telephone: 952 031 006 or 952 031 177. Mobile Phone: 629 534 055 See main advert on page 14

Hannah's Writing Group - informal, creative & fun 1. Start Writing 2. Develop your Style 3. Get Published -1st class free -

48

Meet Torre Del Mar, Tuesdays. Call 952 553 779/645 373 433 or email hannah@streamwriting.com

To advertise call 664 210 468

all about beauty hair - cosmetic - make up the first make over shop

TORRE DEL MAR C/ Infantes 23 Tel. 952 967 968 www.allaboutbeauty.eu

No need to take your car to a garage. Call us today & we will come to you.

No.1 for auto aircon Service & repair

Phone: 616 264 067 / 951 321 446 Email: mike@autocoolspain.com Website: www.autocoolspain.com

Part Time work for Full Time Income!

Argentinian Meats cooked on the grille

miriam.bowen@soaringteam.com

Avda. Tore Tore Torre del Mar Tel: 952 54 15 92 Mob: 687 232 149

Tired of Juggling?

The fastest growing international company in the Health & Wellness sector is now seeking to establish a team of 5 key people in the Axarquia region.

Honesty, self-motivation and reliability essential. Full training, high income potential and profit share for the right person.

Contact Miriam Bowen by e-mail:

Bar Cruce CafĂŠ/Bar Puente Don Manuel Tlf: 618 902 961

Special evening meal offer during months of March, April and May Grilled Succulent Pork Chop* Grilled Breast of Chicken* Grilled or Deep Fried Rosada All above served with chips or boiled potatoes *Chicken and Pork Chop served with choice of mushroom or pepper sauce Starter of mixed salad and choice of one of above including FREE drink of your choice (1 per person)

Great value at 8.50â‚Ź (closed Friday evenings)

Located beside La Maroma Estate Agency

We specialise in: Ribs, Wings & Steaks.

Closed Mondays Sundays: 3-Course Roast Quiz last Saturday of the month (7pm - 7.30pm)

Torrox Costa- Block 88 (next to tennis court and Auto 2000)

Tel: 952 532 369, 696 516 534

Torre Montessori Nursery

New Drop ‘n’ Shop Crèche Thursday 9-1pm No booking, 1 - 3hrs Shop in peace knowing your child is safe and happy.

618 489 503

www.torremontessorinursery.com

Dont dream the dream

WE ARE THE SPECIALISTS in PROPERTY SOURCING/SALES/RENTALS AND MANAGEMENT

Our track record speaks for itself, so SAVE time and money by giving us a call Tina/Geoff 0034 666135516 email: officespanishmanagemen@yahoo.co.uk

Specials in Paella, Prawn pil pil & Sardines Open 11am - 11pm (Closed Tues & Sun evenings)

Edf. Asuncion, 7 Algarrobo Costa Tel: 952 55 10 51

at

After 3 successful years at El Faro, we have now opened

Laguna Beach, Torrox Costa .

Laguna Beach is an Indian restaurant with a difference.

We offer an "All you can eat" menu, which is all freshly cooked to order.

Also you do not have to move from your table; everything is served to you! .

In order to make the best of this menu, we will serve your food to you in courses.

We do not compromise on the quality of the food or the standard of the service. .

Our friendly staff are always on hand to assist you in making your choices.

Separate upstairs dining area available for parties and celebrations.

.

Adults - â‚Ź12.95 / Children under 10 - â‚Ź7.95

Light of India, Laguna Beach, Torrox Costa, (next to Laguna Sport) Tel: 951 047 943 Mob: 627 141 966 Opening Times Full menu: 12.00 - 16.00 / 18.00 - 24.00 Indian Tapas Menu: 16.00 - 18.00

95 11 67 289 95 11 67 674

95 11 67 289 95 11 67 674

M ake sure you make the right move & turn right at Venta Baja crossroads to Arkwrights Aladdin’s Cave!

(Nicknamed by all who visit us).

MARCH OFFER

10% OFF ALL TEA’S AND COFFEE’S CAN WE GET IT? “YES WE CAN!!!”

ON A FREQUENT BASIS NEW CUSTOMERS COME IN AND SAY, “IN SPAIN YOU JUST CANNOT GET” .....................

HENDERSONS RELISH; PORK SCRATCHINGS; CREME FRAICHE; SOUR CREAM; DOUBLE CREAM; GRAVY BROWNING; ASSORTED STEAM PUDDINGS; MARZIPAN; PICKLED WALNUTS; STEM GINGER; TAMARIND; PEASE PUDDING; BEEF AND PORK DRIPPING; GOOSE FAT; ANCHOR; LURPAK & OTHER BUTTERS; LARD; STORK; GLYCERINE; FOOD COLOURINGS; FLAVOURINGS; CAKE BOARDS; CAKE DECORATIONS; ENGLISH NEW POTATOES; BRAMLEY APPLES; SWEDE; PARSNIPS; MANGE-TOUT; ETC. ETC. ETC.....................

95 11 67 289 95 11 67 674

95 11 67 289 95 11 67 674

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN???

ARKWRIGHTS SELL ALL THESE AND MORE. ASK FOR YOUR FAVOURITE WE ARE 99% SUCCESSFUL.

WE STOCK 50 COLMANS SAUCE MIXES 1.50€ & 1€, 120 GREEN CUISINE HERBS AND SPICES @ 1.50€, OUR LIST IS ENDLESS, WE HAVE ON OUR DATABASE (when everything is in stock) MORE THAN 7,000 ITEMS. This does not mean how many tins we have this is how many different products we stock.

OUR RECENT OFFER OF HEINZ SOUPS FOR 1€ IS ONGOING. WE STOCK BIG SOUPS, OXTAIL, MULLIGATAWNY, WEIGHT WATCHERS ALL AT 1€ A TIN. CONTACT US AND SEE IF WE HAVE YOUR FAVOURITE. HEINZ BEANS ARE STILL 4 TINS FOR 3€ Dates for your Diary: St. Patrick's Day: 17th March Mother's Day: 22nd March Easter Day: 12th April

AS ADVERTISED ON SKY T.V. Soon to be stocking Thane Direct goods

Las Yucas, Avda Andalucia 64, Torre del Mar www.casa-terreno.net and www.casa-terreno.com info@casa-terreno2.net and info@casa-terreno.com BENAMOCARRA Ref:983 Cosy village house (60m2), 2 beds, bath, reformed, f/f kitchen, east-facing, fully furnished, roof terrace, lovely views over to Vélez-Málaga and the mountains, public pool nearby, all amenities in walking distance.

MAKE AN OFFER €70,000

Ref.:1512 Nice village house (92m2) with view to the mountains, 2 beds, bath and toilet, furnished kitchen, bathroom renovated, big roof terrace REDUCED €115,000

ALGARROBO PUEBLO

CALETA DE VELEZ- BAVIERA GOLF

Ref.:1157 Beautiful flat (72m2) , 2 beds, 2 baths, very well furnished, large terrace-garden (18m2), parking, living room with opened kitchen, communal pool, paddle & garden, only 300m to the beach and marina, 100 m. to the golf course.

REDUCED €165,000

TORRE DEL MAR Ref.:1943 New construction flat (70m2) in 1st beach line and south orientation, close to the centre of Torre del Mar, ground floor, 2 beds, bath, equipped with facilities for the handicapped.

REDUCED €178,500

Telephone: 952 965 724 :: 649 123 068

ALGARROBO COSTA Ref.: 1922 Duplex Penthouse (115m2) with breathtaking sea views, 3 beds, 2 baths, toilet, fully furnished, conservatory, 2 terraces, communal pool, garden & tennis, 50 metres to the beach. €260,000 REDUCED

CALETA/TRAYAMAR Ref.: 1940 Wonderful villa (117m2) with marvellous sea views, total new reformed, 3 beds, 2 baths, double glazed, fully furnished, fitted wardrobes, open fire place, BBQ, tropical garden, garage, 574m2 plot, walking distance to the beach.

REDUCED €349,000

CALETA DEL SOL

Ref.: 1725

Spectacular luxury villa with breathtaking sea views, walking distance to the beach, tropical garden with private heated pool, furnished, independent guest apartment, huge garage, marble heating, several terraces, alarm, orientation south/west, very high standard.

OUR OFFER!

€630,000

TORRE DEL MAR/VINA MALAGA

Ref:1707

Fantastic villa (217m2) in one of the best urbanisations in Torre del Mar, 5 beds, 4 baths, f/f kitchen, partly furnished, separate guest apartment with kitchen, heating, sat-tv, private pool (11 x 4.5), big garage, 523m2 plot, near to the beach.

REDUCED

www.casa-terreno.com

€695,000

www.casa-terreno.net

SWEENEY TODDZ Hair & Now Beauty Salon Hair & Now Beauty Salon

* Catering for all ages & styles * Wella Colour Salon * Modern & Traditional Styles

SPECIAL OFFER Wednesdays:- Cut, & Blowdry O N L Y 1 5 € A l s o : Spray Tanning, Facial Treatments, Massage, Make-up Wedding Packages Available Nail Technician - Acrylic & Fibreglass Nails, Manicures/Pedicures Tel: S iob ha n 625 138 564 Open: Mon - Fri from 10am - 5pm - Sat: 10am - 2pm No siestas - Late appointments available Salon situated under La Maroma, Puente don Manuel

New Spring Stock has arrived!

Clearance Sale still on!!

‘One Stop Glam Shop’

Siobhan - Sweeney Toddz Hair and Beauty Salon, is pleased to welcome Anibal Nolli.

Anibal Nolli, was born in Santiago, Chile, the son of Italian-Chilean parents. On successful completion of his second level education he went on to do a Comprehensive Beauty Therapy Course at one of the best Colleges in the area after which he travelled to Argentina to undertake a more detailed course of study specialising in: beauty, professional makeup and fitness. He attended a diverse number of international conferences and improvement courses throughout South America.

Throughout his career he has been exposed to the world of fashion, advertising, television and public relations and has also been responsible for the overall make-up for various fashion shows, films, etc.

He now lives in Spain and has a unit in our salon dedicated to a wide range of specialist beauty treatments. His work is rigorous

and professional and he will advise each customer individually of the best suitable treatment which includes various Facial and Body Treatments: Basic Cleansing, Deep Cleansing, Facial Hydration, AntiAge Treatment, Acne Treatment and Facial Massage. Body Treatments: Lymphatic Treatment, Anti-Stress Massage and Full Body Treatment. Make-Up: Weddings, Parties, Carnivals and Special Events etc.

All prices 20.00€ - Free Consultations The Beauty Treatments are not invasive.

All products are dermatologically tested.

Professionally licensed Beautician, qualified from South America.

Please fell free to pop in and meet Anibal for a free consultation.

We will be having a Spring Open Evening on Friday 13th March at 6pm where Anibal will be demonstrating a massage, make-up and facial.

Siobhan and “The Shoe Fairies” will be present too.

We look forward to seeing you there.

See main advert above.

THE MOSQUITO SCREEN C O M PA N Y WITH A MANUFACTURING FACILITY INTRODUCING 2 NEW MOSQUITO SCREENS TO SPAIN

THE MAGNETIC INSECT SCREEN

Top of the range 100% insect proof Magnetic seal allows simple window operatio PVC Frame fastens to window or brickwork Easy to fit or remove for cleaning Suitable for domestic & commercial applications For the DIY enthusiast, this screen can be ordered and comes with easy to follow manufacturing and measuring instructions in English

THE ALUMINIUM HINGED SCREEN

A simple but very effective screen Powder coated decorative profile

Suitable for Internal or External applications Also American style swing doors

NOW AT THE INDOOR FARMERS MARKET TRAPICHE EVERY TUESDAY

At the Mosquito Screen Company, we now manufacture all types of screens, from Aluminium Sliders, Roller Blinds and the above. We also deliver to the trade and public within 3 days of order.

NOW INTRODUCING: Aluminium Double Glazed Windows & Doors Balcony Enclosures in Double Glazing or Mosquito Screening

We also guarantee we will not be beaten on price or quality.

For more information or free quotation, please call: Te l / F a x : 9 5 2 5 7 3 5 7 7 690 29 6 952 / 63 8 499 140 or 6 65 392 299

T 51 el: 7 27 3 95 2

ARTS & CRAFTS CENTRE

0 : ob 02 M 49 1 6 60

Benamargosa

www.la-vaqueria.com

AN

DA LU L ST ARG CIA OC ES ’S K T CR IST MA OF AF TE T RI AL S

Card Blank s Peel Of fs P Decorative Stickers Charms & Brads D Embellishments E Rub Ons 3D Decoupage 3 Hand Made Paper Scrapbook Albums Fibres, Yarns & Ribbons S

We are at the top of C/Arroyo Limon.

Open Tues-Sat 10am-2pm and Tues-Fri 5pm-8pm Janet & Ken’s Traditional Sunday Roast Dinners

115€

250€

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

.... . .. .. .

Rio Gordo

yo

....

rr o C/A

Cutar

Limon

We are here

To Velez Malaga

RAIN & HISTORY Having spent so much time last month harping on about the cold, I feel it would be quite remiss of me not to give the recent rains a mention this month! Flooding, landslides, rising damp and leaky rooves have all become major topics of conversation and although we Brits have somehow managed to get ourselves a reputation for talking about the weather, do not be deceived, my Spanish neighbours have talked about little else either!

Here in Benamargosa the unfinished storm drains along Arroyo Limon (the direct access to LA VAQUERIA) are where the major damage has occurred, putting the estimated finishing date back by some weeks. Once again I would like to thank everybody for taking the trouble to negotiate past the large machinery, traverse muddy holes and find their way around the detours in order to visit.

Such a huge undertaking as these road works has led several of my visitors to wonder why such great lengths are being taken to pipe the residual waters away to the river so I have concentrated my efforts on researching the history of the Arroyo.

Part of the survey which was carried out prior to commencement of work states that the torrential possibilities of the Arroyo were known as far back as 1574.

On the night of the 23rd/24th September 1907 a huge storm caused numerous

victims throughout Malaga province, 16 of whom are recorded as coming from Benamargosa. The Church was flooded to a depth of 2.05m with a depth of 2.10m recorded at the lower end of the Arroyo.

In the municipal records there is information on a house being destroyed in 1914 and houses flooded in 1918.

In 1924 it was impossible to cross from one side of the village to the other, 1955, 1962 and 1972 all had flooded houses whilst 1989 also recorded 33 vehicles swept away by the torrents flowing down the arroyo. In 1986 the houses flooded again and yet again in 1996 when there was also damage due to the topsoil and stones which washed down with the flood waters.

In 1922 the construction of dams along the deep valley of the arroyo was started, finishing in 1946. When the arroyo was in flood these were used as the only means of crossing from one side to the other.

From 1950-1960 studies were made to divert the flow but it was considered to be too expensive.

The 1989 floods prompted fresh enquiries and the rest, as they say is history!

At LA VAQUERIA we are carrying on regardless: classes, workshops, shop and caf茅 all functioning as normal. No point in fretting is there; after all it has only taken 100yrs. mas 贸 menos!

If you have any questions or suggestions, enquiries or queries please contact Su, studio.20lavaqueria.com or call on 952 517 273/606 149 020 See main advert opposite

To advertise call 664 210 468

61

Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

€€€ Earn €€€’s

What do you want to achieve in your life? What goals do you have? What car do you want to drive? What countries do you want to travel to? Why? Would you like to donate regularly to charity, open a fashion shop, or play golf every day? If you could HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT in your life what would you ask for?

Another question. If no ceiling or limitations was placed on your income, how much would you like to earn in a year?

If you answered 100,000€ or more then well done, you’re just the sort of person we’re looking for. If, however, you answered any less than 100,000€ then maybe this opportunity isn't for you and you're better off with the 9-5 job.

We’re looking for much more serious and focused individuals, maybe those with entrepreneurial skills – previous or existing business owners who want to achieve a higher income, while still getting to chill out and enjoy life on a daily basis.

With this business all you need is a computer, a phone, a Skype connection is handy, the internet and effective verbal communication skills in English. The rest comes naturally.

Last year the top income earners in the company made in excess of one million Euros each.

To find out more log on to www.SuperHighIncome.com and for those who are still curious call me on 617 879 715 and I’ll put you through to a live phone call (free phone number), which explains the opportunity in greater depth and gives you the chance to ask any questions you may have.

REMEMBER, WE ARE ONLY LOOKING FOR MOTIVATED INDIVIDUALS WITH A WILLINGNESS TO SUCCEED. See advert on Page 80

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Random Joke

An armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. As he is on his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him.

One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also.

Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

"Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.

There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think me wife may have caught a glimpse"

THE DOG HOUSE While you are away on holiday or a weekend break, your dogs live in our house alongside our dog.

*Large Enclosed Play Area *Lots of Country Walks

*Pet Collection / Delivery Service *Vet Services - On Call

*Gourmet Meals if Required

‘ONLY THE BEST FOR YOUR PAL’

Ring: Phil (mob) 649 079 321 Email: philipclayton_1@msn.com Comares / Benamargosa Ex - cat & dog airlines.uk

Recommended

To advertise call 664 210 468

Refs Available

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com Cancer Care Hospice needs quality furniture in good saleable condition (sofas, beds, dining tables/chairs, bookshelves, dressers, armchairs etc etc) anything you don't need, or surplus to requirements, PLEASE don't dump, just ring Tony on... 661 826 654 or 638 108 564. Anything you give, helps us to raise much needed funds for our Cancer Hospice in Benalmadena.

Funny Pics

Sweet, but fancy looking like your dog!!

To advertise call 664 210 468

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What Do You Mean?

In foreign lands mistranslation is all too common!

Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

London department store: Bargain basement upstairs.

London office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

Majorcan shop entrance: English well

talking.

Moscow hotel room door: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

Roman doctor's office: Specialist in women and other diseases.

Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

N E W S A T U R D AY M A R K E T Every Saturday 10am till 2pm

H O T E L A R C O D E L SO L , C O L M E N A R Situated on the main A356 road towards Casabermaja

Enjoy a visit with all the family.

A superb selection of over 40 different stalls including: HOMEMADE PIES, PASTRIES, CAKES, QUICHES, CURRIES, SOUP, BEDDING, JEWELLERY, SUNGLASSES, HANDBAGS, DVDS, CHEESE PLANTS, PET, SKY, BLINDS, BOOKS, AVON & MANY MORE Enjoy everything from a Coffee, Tapas or a full meal in the Restaurant C O N TAC T:

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625 914 427 / 665 47 5 27 0

To advertise call 664 210 468

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wwww.th ww.th esentinella.com esentinell a.com Do Not Miss Out!!

Ju st 15 euros for 12 months!

Just with Weblink or...

10 euros for 12 months without weblink

on our new Business Finder Have a look today... http://www.thesentinella.com/directory/index.php Don’t miss out on this great offer.

Email: sales@thesentinella.com or call 664 210 468 for further information LET THE WORLD SEE YOUR BUSINESS!

Film Review

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

At once epic in scope and intimate in detail, David Fincher's THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON is certainly the director's most emotional film to date. Loosely based on an F. Scott Fitzgerald story, this romantic drama tells the tale of Benjamin Button (Brad Pitt), born in 1918 in New Orleans as a baby with wrinkles, cataracts, and arthritis. Benjamin will age backwards, getting younger as he watches those around him growing older. Included in that group are his adoptive mother, Queenie (Taraji P. Henson), and Daisy (Cate Blanchett), the love of his life whom he meets when she is just a little girl and he is an old man. They age in reverse, but despite Benjamin's globe-

trotting adventures, their lives repeatedly intersect. The script from Oscar winner Eric Roth bears more than a few hallmarks in common with his earlier work on FORREST GUMP: both adaptations cross decades and continents.

But BENJAMIN's script or even the fine acting aren't its most impressive accomplishment; the technology--both CGI and makeup--used to make Benjamin and Daisy age are remarkable, and makes the film entirely believable, but they're certainly aided by fine performances from both Pitt and Blanchett. The triumph of technology only serves to underscore the beauty of this film and of the love story at its heart.

The film has been nominated for 13 Academy Awards, including Best Director, Best Actor and Best Visual Effects.

My Rating: *****/***** (one of the best films I have seen in ages)

To advertise call 664 210 468

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D RE AM O F E DE N GA R D E N I N G S E R V I C E S

General Maintenance “Water Systems” Fencing Hard and Soft Landscaping

Contact: Don Brown “The Sentinella’s Gardener” 30 Years Experience Phone: 685 584 829 dreamofeden@yahoo.com

Life in the Australian Army

Letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland) Dear Mum & Dad,

big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year!

All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill Doug and Phil with Your loving daughter, laughter. I keep getting medals for Sheila shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as 66 To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

C.F.S

Quality Italian Sofas

The quality of the leather is very high, each sofa has a special protection which prevents any cracking, splitting or fading, normally leather without protection needs treating with creams etc, this is not necessary with any sofas purchased at C.F.S. Soapy water is all that is needed to keep your sofa clean and fresh as the day you bought it, also all sofas carry the 1SO 9001 certificate of quality, C.F.S. have just taken delivery of a new range of 2009 DINING FURNITURE, (in stock now.)

Combined with DREAMS for a top range of BRITISH BEDS including interior sprung, orthopaedic, memory foam, pocket sprung, C.F.S also stock electric beds And frame beds.

STOP PRESS….To help with the exchange rate they have marked down their prices even further……..

Combining a 20 year tradition of excellence C.F.S. welcomes you to their new showroom at Poli. Industrial Panoleta, Velez Malaga, LOOK FOR THE PINK SIGNS. You will be able to wander through the array of the most beautiful luxurious and unique collection of sofas on the coast all designed and made in Italy by top craftsmen at affordable prices, they are unique because of the pocket spring system in the seats.

We all know the nuisance when the seats in our sofas start to sag, they also become uncomfortable. The C.F.S. revolutionary springing system in the seats prevents any of this which brings me to the most important things to ask about when buying a sofa.

“What is inside the seat? Nylon webbing sags and C.F.S are proud to show you the pocket spring system which prevents this when you visit either Velez Malaga or their 3000 square metre superstore at Mijas where they even have a chair on display cut in half showing the inside.

All in all C.F.S are highly recommended and well worth a visit.

LOOK FOR THE PINK SIGNS. See advert on page 94

Computer Angel

STRUGGLING WITH COMPUTER OR INTERNET PROBLEMS ?

BILINGUAL ENGLISH/SPANISH SPEAKER CAN GUIDE YOU THROUGH:

!

!

Call Chema: 654 403 146 !

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Don’t You Dare Blokes!

Worst gifts to buy a woman

1) Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on TV that does everything but suck the life out of you, etc…. The only wise choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, "honey, I got you that large box of Daz you have been wanting." "This Windex should last you a while." "I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner." If you buy these, all I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the €5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a "night out with the boys."

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. "Honey, I'm sure you'll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won't be around for NEXT Valentines Day/ Birthday / Whatever Day… 5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pyjamas with a trap door in 68

back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the sexy woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you €1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, mouldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on "How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday." These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

The Nerja Hire Centre

***NEW LOCATION*** Long established family run business offering you the following service: LOCAL REMOVALS FULL OR PART LOADS NO JOB TOO SMALL IKEA COLLECTIONS Ring for a no obligation quote.

Come and look at our large display GOOD QUALITY SECONDHAND FURNITURE DOMESTIC HIRE We install BRITISH SATELLITE.

Contact Chris or Jackie: 952 522 687 / 660 962 327 691 552 459

e-mail: nerjahirecentre@terra.es

website: www.nerja-hire.com Ctra. Nerja-Frigiliana, Km. 1-4, Nerja

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Horse Riding

Les and Rob’s adventures

Les and Rob left London with great plans of running a horse-riding establishment in Andalucia. Like many they expected everything to go smoothly and to live out their days happily in the sunshine with not a care in the world. It didn’t quite work out that way and they ended up living in a small apartment in Granada with not a horse in sight.

Rob kept a record of their experiences by sending e-mails to friends back in the UK. Here’s his latest account.

“We finally found the perfect house, a pretty little reformed ex-olive mill with a small barn and enough land for the horses we hoped to have. Now it was time to find the right horses for the business we had planned. We started asking around and before long we had three donkeys, a dog and a goat. Not exactly what we had in mind! The trouble is that we’ve discovered that if you show any interest in animals people will always either have (or know someone who has) a poor animal in need of a home and we clearly have “sucker” stamped on our foreheads.

We are animal lovers and sometimes we take it too far but we’re not the only ones.

Some friends of ours relocated to Spain with only a tiny caravan to live in. They had, of course, to bring their beloved pets with them too. Two elderly Great Danes. Beautiful dogs, but big and one of them, sadly was blind. They found a house and invited us up to see it. We arrived and got out of the car to walk to the house and the dogs ran towards to greet us. Chloe jumped around, wagged her tail and generally said hello quite politely.

Marley (the blind one) tried to but although he can hear you coming and can smell you when he’s close enough, he can’t actually see you so doesn’t know when to stop running. Ever been trampled by a Great Dane in full flight? It hurts!

Some other friends sneered at us for being so soft about accepting strays and swore they’d never fall into that trap. One day they found a very sickly, old terrier

trapped in the stream by their house almost drowned. They pulled her out and took her to the vet. The vet said she’d probably die but he’d treat her if they’d pay and give her a home. They spent a fortune on that dog and she had a great home. Suckers! She was an odd looking dog, no-one could tell what type but the vet needed to put down something under “Breed” on her medical card. Given how they found her they suggested “water rat” and the vet duly printed the card.

We decided to have a house warming, we invited our English friends and also all our Spanish neighbours, hoping to get to know everyone. The last to arrive were Maria and Rafael from next door.

Most people had brought a gift, a bottle of something or other. As I greeted Maria she handed me a bag, which obviously contained a bottle. I thanked her and said “I’ll just put this in the kitchen”. “No, no, look inside!”. I did and there was a bottle of wine but also a baby rabbit. I put the wine in the fridge and the rabbit in a box with some hay. She told me that she could tell we liked animals and thought a rabbit would be the perfect gift so had gone to the pet shop to get me one. How sweet! How odd!”

More next month.. will Les and Rob finally reach their dream?!

Dogs Need Homes

Give a dog a home.

CHIAHUAHUA CROSS puppies born 11th Feb, beautiul mix. 50€ each. 662 097 051 / 664 156 095 / 951 167 375

--------------------------------------------

2 WESTIES, one female (6 yr) and one male (4 yr). Both Castrated, with up to date records for Boosters, Microchip, Rabies and the Rabies Blood test allowing them to travel. Both excellent with very young children and all other dogs.

Call Emma 649 320 055

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Countries of The World

Number five in the A-Z list, is one of our neighbours and the sixth smallest country in Europe, which boasts a very high standard of living...

Infamous for - Andorra declared war on Imperial Germany during World War One, but did not actually deploy it’s army.

Main Reasons to go there - Andorra's duty-free status and it’s winter resorts.

Main Reasons not to go there - Many compare Andorras ski resorts to those of Eastern Europe - cheap and the resorts are ugly.

Biggest Celebrity - None!

Amazing but True - The entire population of Andorra could fit inside the Old Trafford football stadium, and still leave 4,000 seats spare!

Andorra

Population - 68,000 Language - Catalan Located - West Europe Capital City - La Vella Currency - Euro Religion - Catholic Main Exports - Furniture Literacy Rate - 100% Life Expectancy - 83.5 years G.D.P. Per Capita - $40,000 Total Area - 467.8 km2

Famous for - The people of Andorra are currently listed as having the highest life expectancy in the world. They also enjoy the Worlds lowest unemployment rate of 0% and claim the Worlds highest chewing gum consumption!

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Kennels

*Cats and dogs both welcome *Generous sized kennels & runs *Extra large ones for 2/3 family pets *Large safe enclosed play area *Delivery and collection service *Full grooming service on Sundays *Dried food and treats included *Dogs walked 3 times a day in 36,000sq metres of fenced Almond Groves.

Wagtails is located within peaceful almond groves, Alhama de Granada

To advertise call 664 210 468

For bookings or more information please call: 655 579792 645 659935 www.wagtails.es

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The Man Rules!

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down! The guys' side of the story. (must admit, it's pretty good). We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

The Man Rules Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

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To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports 1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Men you will probably have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Read this to as many men as you can to give them a laugh. Read this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh!

MOVE IT! WITH MARK JOHNSON

R E M O VA L S & L I G H T H A U L A G E

Local, distance, Sp ai n-U K - U K-Sp a in REGULAR T RIP S M a n & Va n H i r e A v ai la ble

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OWNER DRIVER, NERJA BASED, MANY YEARS EXPERIENCE RELIABLE SERVICE .............................................

Call or email for a free quote Tel: 620459908 email: marknerja@hotmail.com

Ladies 40+

For ladies over 40. This is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40.

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologise.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Special Recipe

This months recipe comes from one of our readers - Thankyou Norma (Vinuela) Ye Olde Ginger Beer Recipe Ingredients

2 lemons 450gms sugar 8 pints of water (enough to ďŹ ll a demijohn) = 1 gallon Flat teaspoon of dried yeast 100gm fresh root ginger 2 heaped teaspoons of tartic acid (Cream of Tartar)

Equipment A large pan that can boil four and a half litres of water A jug A glass A coarse cheese grater A wooden spoon A 1 gallon demijohn A bubble seal for the demijohn A lemon juicer and zester A ďŹ ne sieve 9 glasses or plastic bottles of 500ml Method 1) Put 8 pints of water in the large pan and bring to the boil.

2) While the water is coming to the boil scrape the zest from 1 lemon, grate the ginger on the coarse cheese grater, add the sugar to the ginger and lemon zest in a bowl. Cut the lemons in half and squeeze the juice into the jug. Add the tartaric acid to the lemon juice and put the yeast into some warm water with a little sugar in a glass.

3) When the water has boiled add the sugar, ginger and lemon zest to the water, turn off the heat and stir. Allow the

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water to cool to roughly blood heat, stirring occasionally. Add the lemon juice and tartaric acid to the water and add the yeast mixture.

4) Use the jug to pour the mixture into the demi-john.

5) Seal the demijohn with the bubble seal (a good tip is to use salt in the water to sterilise the seal).

6) Stand the demijohn in a warm place for 48hrs at a bubble rate of 40/minutes 7) After 48hrs pour the mixture through the sieve into the jug and fill the bottles leaving an air gap for the pressure to build up in. Screw the caps tightly onto the bottles (8 pints (4.5l) should fill 9 bottles)

8) Leave the botttles at room temperature for 24hrs (to generate the fizz)

9) Put the bottles in the fridge for 2-3 days to allow the yeast to settle (failure to do this may result in an explosion)!!

To drink 1) Open the bottles slowly to release the gas.

2) Pour the whole of a bottle into glasses, as any gingerbeer remaining in the bottle will contain quite a lot of yeast.

3) Drink.

The ginger beer made this way should be fizzy and fairly sweet.

If you ferment the mixture in the demijohn for longer than 48hrs then the alcohol content will increase at the expense of the sweetness - try different times to suit your taste.

Enjoy!

To advertise call 664 210 468

Superb Daily menu at â‚Ź8,45 from 1.30pm until 4pm

Specialists in International Dishes

Avenida Andalucia 56, 29740 Torre del Mar Tel: 952 965 424 Mob: 629 264 032

Mechanic Aid Mobile / Plant / Generators / Cars

Vehicle repairs & recovery, ITV Preparation & Presentation Plant Hire & Sales All Plant & Diesel Repairs Repairs & Rebuilds on Diesel & Petrol Engines Generator Repairs / Sales / Hire 2.5kw - 200kw Official Distributor For INMESOL silenced generators English & Spanish Spoken

Mobile 676 368 443 Email: mechanic-aid@hotmail.com www.mechanic-aid.com

Thi s ccoould uld be y ou r space Advertise your Business here this Easter

1/4 page in colour for just 50 euros per month Call: 664 210 468 email: sales@thesentinella.com

Clinica Casa Blanca

Urb. Jardines del Mar, Blq C3 - Torrox Costa (near Garden Centre 1km direction, Nerja)

Do you suffer from back problems, pain in neck or shoulders, tightness in muscles, joint discomfort, migraine or internal ailments?

The BOWEN TECHNIQUE is gentle and works on the whole body for inflammation, illness and pain. The treatment is safe and appropriate for everyone, from newborn babies to the frail and elderly.We also offer massage, lymphatic drainage and other treatments.

Tel: 952 967 628 or 659 374 673 (also home visits) Ask about gift vouchers

Extensive publicity in every issue of The Sentinella, covering all areas from Mojacar through to San Roque... Seen by over 80,000 readers each month!

Get your properties noticed today!

For more information call: 664 210 468 Email: sales@thesentinella.com

€ one off payment Private sellers - Sell your property commission free! Just a 150€ guarantees your property is advertised with up to 10 photos until it’s sold!

Estate Agents - Feature 25 properties, including 10 photos per property € per year! + A direct link to your website for just 299€

Dive into our pool of holiday and investment homes for sale across the Costas!

DO NOT MISS OUT ON THIS FANTASTIC OFFER Order 1,000 Flyers (Double-sided & full colour)

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The complete package to kick-start your Business

*Offer vaild for new and existing clients when ordering and paying in March before the 15th of the month

Call: 664 210 468

Email: sales@thesentinella.com

Beautiful Holiday Villas

The new portal in Property Rentals & Sales WWW.BEAUTIFULHOLIDAYVILLAS.COM

Selling / Letting a Property?

Promoting your property through our website couldn’t be easier (or cheaper!).

For one low annual fee you get the following: * Simple & easy to use website * National & International Advertising * Easy to use admin area for listings/editing your property * 7 full sized photos! * Optional Video feature!

Call: 627 242 977

EXPATRIATE ADVISORY SERVICES ESPANA S.L. (Your peace of mind in Spain)

Tax consultants / Wills Fiscal Representation Conveyancing Residence / Business Permits Insurance Car Importation / Transfers Social Security

Translations / Interpreter Services Secretarial Services Formation of Companies Fax / Photocopying Driving Licence / Passport Renewals Legalisation of Buildings

Special Offer for the month of March 10% discount on U.K. Passports

C/ Playa Marina, 2C Edif Nautico 88 (next to Supersol) Torre del Mar, 29740, Malaga. Call: 95 254 06 11 Fax: 95 254 06 10 E-mail: info@expat-spain.com / www.expat-spain.com

? deserve?

Constructions Van Driel S.L.

· NEW BUILD, REFORMS, EXTENSIONS, PLUMBING. · TILING, PLASTERING, PAINTING, ELECTRICAL. · SOLAR PANELS, UNDERFLOOR HEATING, POOLS, ETC…. · PROFESIONAL TEAM WORKING AT VERY COMPETITIVE PRICES. · WE SPEAK ENGLISH, GERMAN, SPANISH, FRENCH & DUTCH. · AND FOR ADVISE AND QUOTATION, PLEASE COME TO OUR OFFICE.

We are just in front of Hotel Mainake (Torre del Mar) TEL: +34 952 96 78 60 MOBILE: +34 696 398 985 FAX: +34 952 545 419 E-MAIL: construc.vandriel@hotmail.com C/Los Prados nº 9 bajo, 29740 Torre del Mar (Malaga)

Ri - Jo

Dutch Bar Sky Sports available Specialities in Dutch cooking Open 10am - late 7 days a week Tel: 696 398 985 Algarrobo Costa (next to swimming pool)

G R E AT I N V E S T M E N T O P P O RT U N I T Y I N G R A N A DA C I T Y 2 9 9 , 0 0 0€

6 1 , 4 0 m O f f i c e f o r S a l e, l o c at e d i n t h e h e a r t o f G ra n a d a , C / S a n A n t ó n , N o. 8 0 , E d i f i c i o R e a l C e n t e r, n ex t t o S a n A n t ó n H o t e l , 1 s t f l o o r, O f f i c e n o. 7 , i n c l u d i n g t w o c a r p a rk s, N o s. 1 4 5 a n d 1 4 6 .

2

G R E AT I N V E S T M E N T O P P O RT U N I T Y I N VELEZ DE B E N A U DA L L A ( G R A N A DA ) 1 3 6 ,0 0 0€

Apartment for sale in Urbanización Las Terrazas del Jardín Nazarí.

Construction finished in November 2008 and due for signing of Title Deeds with the developer.

Splendidly complete exterior apartment located on the last 3 floor building, comprising of 2 bedrooms, lounge, kitchen, bathrom and private solarium on the terrace roof. It also includes car parking and storage room. Swimming pool, gym and communal Arab baths.

€175,000

Call: +34 653840726 or email: guusiman@hotmail.com

G R E AT I N V E S T M E N T O P P O RT U N I T Y I N VE LEZ DE B E N A U DA L L A ( G R A N A DA ) 153,000€

Gorgeous new two bedroom semi-detached house in the complex Las Terrazas del Jardín Nazarí is now for sale. Construction finished in November 2008 and is just pending the Title Deeds with the developer.

The house has accommodation arranged over two floors. The ground floor comprises porch, lounge, kitchen, bathroom and one bedroom.

The other bedroom and another bathroom are on the first floor.

It includes a car park and private storage room. Communal swimming pool, gym and arab baths.

Please feel free to get further information on +34 653 840 726, or by email to: guusiman@hotmail.com

Private villa with great views, easy access and south/west orientation near RioGordo. The property comprises of 3 bedrooms, one en-suite, bathroom, fitted kitchen, dining / living room with fireplace.

House: 120 sqm. Plot: 5.000 sqm.

Call Simon 617 367 549.

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Star Signs

Mystic Mag packs her postal bag to deliver her March readings to The Sentinella readers…

Capricorn – The early bird gets the worm and what’s even better is this worm is longer, fatter and more succulent than the rest.

Lucky sign – Soil

Aquarius – Some people like to run us down or make us feel inferior. Don’t let this happen to you. KNOW you are special and important and tell the loser to get lost!

Lucky sign – Pokey out tongue

Pisces – Shopping is not your favourite pastime but when your jeans have holes and your shoes are scuffed, it’s about time you hit the sales!

Lucky sign – Big spender

Aries – You need a holiday. Swimming in the sea, bathing in the sun, feeling the sand between your toes and immersing in relaxation and bliss, seems like a million miles away, but take a step closer and get down the travel agents.

Lucky sign – Flip flops Taurus – You are thinking of taking up writing, largely because you’re bored and looking for something to fill your time. Start with simple prose and forget the trimmings.

Lucky sign – Helicopters (the insects)

Gemini – De-clutter your vida! Empty your cupboards, dust your surfaces and

throw out all that old rubbish which has accumulated. Then watch new and amazing things happen in your life.

Lucky sign – Adventure

Cancer – You are feeling green. Not in the sick sense, but rather you are developing a sense of care and protection for the environment. Lead your friends by example.

Lucky sign – Recycling bins with no tops Leo – Woah, giddy up! You need to learn horse riding.

Lucky sign – A saddle

Virgo – Stop chasing rainbows and start seeking the sun. It’s the sun that gives life after all, the rainbows just look good.

Lucky sign – Fire

Libra – Where there’s a will there’s a way, so focus on these ‘wheels’ so long as you don’t roll away on them…

Lucky sign – Brakes Scorpio – Change is occurring and the stars are looking a lot brighter than they have of late. Very special.

Lucky sign – Steering wheel of life

Sagittarius – Itchy feet? Then soak them in a warm bath drowned in essential oils and use one of those foot buffer things on the hard skin.

Lucky sign – No itch

And if it’s your Birthday this month cheer up!

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Whats on...? Sponsored by:

ARKWRIGHTS The British Store & More OPEN ALL “OURS”

Puente don Manuel

Call: 95 11 67 674 / 95 11 67 289 / 65 93 75 603

www.arkwrights-groceries.com

Lux Mundi, Torre del Mar - March Events - 3rd, 4th & 5th, 3day Trip to Rota & Jerez 12th Film Night, 16th Talk on Danish Taize, 19th Trip to Gibraltar, 22nd Mother Day Lunch at the Centre, 27th Easter Bazaar. For further information call in at the centre Avenida Moscatel No. 1,"I", Torre Del Mar or tel: 952 543 334

RBL - Trapiche Branch - Trapiche Branch meets every Wednesday at 12 noon in El Trapiche Restaurant. 4th March Social Meeting with Bingo, 11th - Social Meeting with a Quiz, 18th Branch Meeting followed by the Monthly Lunch with Speaker, 25th - Social Meeting with Card Games, 28th - 70’s Night at El Trapiche Restaurant with chicken n chips supper. Raffle. For more information, or to book call Helen Vivian on 952 519 736 or Jayne Turner on 951 167 092. For Recruitment call Chris Vivian on 952 519 736 Or in person at El Trapiche Restaurant any Wednesday from 12 noon.

RBL - Los Romanes Branch meets every Tuesday at Pacos Pizzeria, Cortijo Romero, Lake Vinuela (formerly Ziggis Bar) from 12.30 until 2.30pm. A warm welcome awaits all members and new members too. Any enquiries please telephone Margaret on 951167600.

ABC Ballroom & Sequence Club, Ballroom, Latin American, Sequence and Fun Dances. Our next dinner dance is on 7th March 7.30pm - midnight at El Trapiche restaurnat, Velez Malaga.

Choice of menu, Chicken, Rosada or Salmon, 2 jugs of Tinto Verano on each table. 12€ per head. Dave is the only teacher of many classic sequence dances in this area of the Costas. Come and see for yourselves. Wednesday 84

dancing lessons at La Vega Torre del Mar 7pm - 9pm 6€. Call: David 952 531 259 or 617 863 193.

Email: jacine@gonuts4free.com

Tiffany's bar Puente Don Manuel, Spanish conversation classes. Beginners Tuesday 10am and 11am. Beginner's Wednesday 10am and 11am.

Intermediate Friday 10am and 11am.

Please call Loli on 619717166 for more information

Colmenar Gym, fitness/pilates classes, weight/circut training, fully equiped gym.

Contact Carol 659 295 346 email: carolgrant2@tiscali.co.uk

Dovestones Trio, Vocal Jazz and Pop every Thursday at 11.00pm in “SABOA”, Torre del Mar (opposite the tram station), Call: 627 398 511 for details.

Come Dancing with Hugh Grant: Salsa, Rumba, Cha Cha, Swing, Hustle.

Contact for location nearest you. hughgrant@tiscali.co.uk 606 086300.

Morenos Bar, Sunday nights jammin night from 7pm, every 2nd Sunday.

Cruce de Periana, Puente don Manuel.

Thursdays and Fridays Spanish Conversation classes, Call Anne 952 494 325 or 635 905 323.

Nerja History Group. Meets on the first Friday of every month at Nerja Cultural Centre, Calle Granada. Meetings start at 11.30 prompt and finish at 13.30. For more info. please contact Jill Chtristian-Smith on 664 760 405 or jill.christiansmith@gmail.com

Bar Viva, C/Dr Maranon, Torre del Mar, Quiz night every Thursday from 8.30pm with cash prizes. APARIV Charity Quiz last Friday of every month. Call 952 544 362

Modern Jive Dancing at Restaurant Horto Malaga, on the main N340 road, Torrox Costa. Starts 8.30pm every Wednesday evening starting from 25th February. Modern Jive dancing with tuition. Open to single men, women or couples. Tel: Jacqueline 658 729 274

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Whats on...? Cont...

RBL - Torre del Mar Branch meet every Wednesday, 12 noon at La Vega Restaurant, nr the Mercadona Supermarket, Torre del Mar. You do not have to be ex-service to join the Royal British Legion. March events: 4th Branch meeting. 6th Shopping trip to Gibraltar 10€ for all. 11th Bingo with Dee & The Sewing circle with Fran. 12th Monthly lunch at The Rib House (German style) 17th Greenfingers garden group, visit Competa garden Centre. 18th Dee’s Quiz.

21st The Full Monty Theatre trip to Salon Varieties. 25th Bingo with Dee & the meat raffle draw. 26th Bowling at Ozone El Ingenio Centre. 27th Trip to Fuente de Piedra & Donkey Sanctuary.

5 day trip to Toledo and Salamanca departing on the 27th April. The excursion will also have several visits built-in. For more information and the price which includes transport, travel insurance, 3* hotel 1/2 board accommodation and wine with the evening meal. For bookings please ring Merryll: 663658354 or Gail: 952 030 378 & Welfare: 628 343 198

RBL - Alcaucin Branch meet every Thursday noon in the area of Puente don Manuel) to enjoy social activities and meet new likeminded friends. We regularly have a quiz, bingo, surprise events and presentations. Caramels provide us with a wonderful multi choice lunch for which most of our members choose to stay. Regular trips are arranged departing locally.

6th March - Gibraltar Trip from Puente don Manuel, 16th - Treasure Hunt at 10.30 leaving Romeros at 11.00, 19th Spanish Wine Presentation and Tasting 23rd - Trip to El Torcal and lunch. Members 22€, 26th - Fun Music Quiz 1920’s to 1980’s. Branch Contact is 696 391 224. Harvey. Social Contact is 677 866 008 Ann. Welfare Contact is 690 310 951 Dorothy.

ring: 952 514 226 or 669 201 927

COME DANCING FOR CUDECA Thanks to all our members and new dancers who supported the February dance for Cudeca where 200€ was raised during the raffle for the Cancer Care Hospice. Next dance is March 21st at El Trapiche 7.00pm for 7.30pm 10 euros. Fish, Chicken or vegetarian supper included. Ballroom dancing, Latin American and Scottish plus Simple Sequence. For tickets contact Mike on 952 510 189Joyce on 616 046 713 or email jjmunns@gmail.com

The 3rd NERJA FESTIVAL OF ART. 2nd March - 10th March 2009. 11am1pm and 6pm-9.30pm. Entry is free! El Sala Mercado, behind the taxi rank in Calle San Miguel, next door to Mercadonna and opposite the Guardia Civil.

Come along and see 43 stalls of artizans and artists, including leather, sculpture, tattoos, martial arts, dancers, bands, painters, jewellery and even art with sushi! For more details contact Heidi Williams tel: 650 315 452

FHT Axarquia Support Group aimed at Therapists and those interested in therapies. Jenny Wright, is looking forward to the first meeting of a new Support Group for Therapists. First meeting Wednesday March 25th at the Camping Bar, Vinuela, at 11am. If you are interested in maintaining or improving your health, having some fun and friendship thrown in, come and join us. Mo Reeves 663 564 699 moandpaul@gmail.com Jenny Wright 680 500 073 or 951 321 613 jennywright04@googlemail.com

Musical evening, come and join us for a special night of live music for Mike Springthorpe at El Trapiche 14th March Tickets 12€, 7pm for 7.30pm supper, Chicken, Fish or Vegetarian. Entertainment by members of Moreno’s Jam SesRBL- Benajarafe Branch Meet every Friday from 12.30 to 2.30 sion, Dave Stewart of El Ancla’s Jan pm, at the coastal, Puerto Niza restau- Session, Students and staff of St rant, we enjoy bingo, quizzes, more en- George’s British School, friend of Mike tertainment and monthly outings, a Springthorpe and other local artistes. superb lunch inc. drinks*, and we wel- Info and tickets contact John on 658 485 come all new and existing RBL mem- 469 or David on 615 944 076 bers. For more information please jjmunns@gmail.com 85 To advertise call 664 210 468

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Information

...In our own random order!

Emergency Numbers Police Municipal: 092/952 549 238 National: 091/952 542 000 Fire: 952 558 091 Velez 952 500 000 Torre Ambulance: 061 Water: 952 540 662 Electricity: 952 540 662 Red Cross: 952 500 321 Hospital General Basico de la Axarquia, Torre del Mar: 951 067 000

Bus Times Telephone: 952 540 936 Nerja-Malaga 06:30*, 07:30, 08:30** 08:55, 10:10, 11:10, 12:25, 13:40, 14:55, 15:55, 17:10, 18:40, 19:40, 20:25 Malaga-Nerja 07:00, 08:15*, 09:15, 10:30, 11:45, 12:30**, 13:00, 14:00, 15:15; 17:30; 18:45, 20:15, 20:45**, 21:30 Expect to pay approx 2.90€ one way and 5.15€ round trip Nerja-Nerja Caves 08:10, 08:25, 09:40**, 10:40, 11:50; 11:55, 12:35, 13:10, 13:35, 14:25, 15:25; 16:40; 18:10**, 18:55, 19:30, 20:10 Nerja Caves-Nerja 08:45, 10:00, 11:00, 12:00**, 12:15, 12:50**, 13:30, 14:45.

15:45, 17:00 17:45; 18:30; 19:30; 20:15 Expect to pay approx 0.80€ one way Nerja-Torre see Nerja-Malaga times Torre-Nerja 07:45, 09:00, 09:15***, 10:00, 11:00***, 11:15; 11:45**, 12:30, 13:15, 14:45, 16:00, 17:30***, 18:15, 19:30, 21:00, 22:00.

Church services in English Anglican Nerja - San Miguel Church 11:30am Sundays Competa - Holy Communion every Sunday at 5.30pm in the Parish Church, Plaza Almijara, Cómpeta Malaga - St George's Church 12 midday Sundays Torre del Mar - Lux Mundi Centre 09:30am Sundays ANGLICAN communion.

86

Alhama de Granada - St. Barnabas IERE (Anglican). English services 11 a.m. Sundays at Meson Diego, Plaza de la Constitucion. Tel.958359388 (priest) or 952 510 921 (churchwarden) St Barnabas IERE (Anglican). English services 11 a.m. Sundays at Iglesia Evangelica, Torre del Mar, opposite the bus station. Tel.952030461 (priest) or 618640132 (churchwarden)

Roman Catholic Torre del Mar - Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre, Saturdays 5pm, (Winter), Saturdays 6pm, (Summer)

Church of Scotland Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre - Worship every Sunday at 11:30 Tel 952543334 or 687764705 for more information.

Evangelical Torre del Mar Evangelical (Presbyterian Church) Now meets every Sunday for Worship in English at 11.30 in the Picasso Room of the Hotel Torremar, off Paseo Larios, C/ Saladero Viejo 15 Torre del Mar. All welcome. Minister J. Hartsmith Foy Tel 952532825 Puente don Manuel - Fellowship of the King, Sunday Worship - 11am Tuesday Fellowship - 7pm (Prayer time 6pm) We meet at Fellowship of The King premises Our new address is:- Fellowship of The King Venta Baja Road (next BLOCK up from Meson Sara) Puente don Manuel, Alcaucin. Phone: 952 518 185 or 952 033 021

Bank Hours Usually 8:30am-2pm except Sundays, Bank holidays and Fiestas.

Please note, the majority of banks will not accept bills to be paid (ie: electric, phone, rates) after 11am.

Taxis Torre: 952 540 016.

Nerja: 952 520 537 Velez Malaga: 952 540 016

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Information

Taxis continued...

Puente Don Manuel: 952 510 992 Mob: 616 034 636.

Shops 10am - 2pm - 5pm - 8:30pm (generally) The municipal market (fruit and veg) and the weekly markets are only open mornings.

Weekly Market days Mondays:: Torrox Costa & Market at Caramels, Puente don Manuel Tuesdays: Nerja & Country Farmers Market, at Jardines del Trapiche on the road to Benamagosa.

Wednesdays; Rincon de la Victoria & Algarrobo Costa Thursdays:: Velez Malaga & Torre del Mar & Frigilana Fridays: Cala de Moral Saturdays: Caleta de Velez & Competa Sundays: Malaga Consulates UK Opposite the main bus station Edif, Eurocom Bloque Sur C/Mauricio Moro 2-2ยบ- Malaga 952 352 300 Ireland Avda, de los Boliches, Nยบ15 Fuengirola 952 475 108 Netherlands/Dutch Avda, Carlota Alesandria, 33 Edif. San Andres - 1ยบ-7 Torremolinos 952 380 888 Germany C/Mauricio Moro 2, Malaga 952 363 591 Sweden 952 604 383 France 952 226 590 / 952 214 888 Belgium 952 559 159

Denmark 952 211 797

Airports Malaga 24-hour information 952 048 484 or 952 048 804 Granada 952 048 804 Airlines www.easyjet.com www.ryanair.com www.thompsonfly.com www.flymonarch.com www.flybe.com

Telefonica Dial 1002 to report a fault on the line. For general enquiries dial 1004

Tourist Information Nerja: 952 521 531 Torre del Mar: 952 541 104 Water Supplies Velez Malaga: 952 506 450 Nerja: 952 520 154 Malaga: 952 135 013

Railway Stations Malaga: 952 360 202 Granada: 958 271 272

Town Halls Torre and Velez: 952 500 100 Torrox: 952 538 200 Nerja: 952 548 400 Competa: 952 516 006 Rincon: 952 402 300 Malaga: 952 135 000

Hospitals Nerja Ambulatorio: 952 523 131 Velez Malaga: 951 067 000

ITV 902 575 757 or 952 551 084 www.itvcita.com - Open Mon - Fri 08.00am - 18.45pm, Sat: 08:00am 12.45pm

To advertise call 664 210 468

87

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Puzzle Pages

1. Who wrote the novel Kim in 1901?

2. Who was the comedy partner of Lou Costello?

3. What is the capital of the Ukraine?

4. St. cloud is a suburb of which French city?

5. How many days did Hannibal take to cross the Alps during the 2nd Punic war?

6. On which ship did murderer Crippen attempt to escape to Canada?

7. Jane Goldman is the wife of which television presenter?

8. Who was the author of the poem The Lady of Shallot?

9. What is the plural of monsieur?

Hey Diddle Riddle

1. I’m a hundred feet in the air, but my back is on the ground. What am I? 2. Eight years ago, Sam was eight times the age of his son Sam Jr. Today, if you add their ages together, they add up to 52. How old are Sam and his son?

3. What do you get if you cross an insect and a rabbit?

4. What word can be written forward, backwards, or upside down and can still be read from left to right?

5. How could a cowboy ride into town on Friday, stay two days and ride out on Friday?

6. I went to the garden and got it, when I came into the house I cried because of it.

10. A zila is a an administrative district in 7. What is cheese made backwards? which country?

Answers on bottom of page 90

Sudokus

88

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To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

Crossword

Two sets of clues but the same answer

To advertise call 664 210 468

89

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Jokes he he he :-)

90

pair jogged past. Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled: 'See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!'

---------------------------------------------------The miracle of toilet paper.

Fresh from her shower, she stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small. Instead of characteristically telling her, it's not so, he came up with a suggestion. If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'.

Willing to try anything, she fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

'How long will this take?' she asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' her husband replies.

She stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your backside, didn't it?'

---------------------------------------------------Q. Why did the tomato blush?

A. Because he saw the salad, dressing.

Q. What did the lettuce say to the celery?

A. Are you stalking me?

Q. Why do people kill animals?

A. Fur convenience steak.

Get Quizical Answers 1) Rudyard Kipling, 2) Bud Abbot, 3) Kiev, 4) Paris, 5) 15 days, 6) S.S Montrose, 7) Jonathan Ross, 8) Alfred Tennyson, 9) Messieurs, 10) India Hey Diddle Riddle Answers 1) A Centipede flipped over, 2) Sam is 40, Sam Jr is 12, 3) Bugs Bunny, 4) NOON, 5) Horse is called Friday. 6) An onion. 7) Edam.

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when, at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle.

We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."

"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny.

Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!'"

"I don't remember much after that".

---------------------------------------------------Prince Charles decided to take up jogging. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb.

'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and Fifty pounds!' He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'

One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her ÂŁ150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife. As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the

To advertise call 664 210 468

C/Canalejas, 15 Local, Velez Malaga 952 55 83 63 Caring dentistry using the safest techniques for your “Health”

ENGLISH DENTIST PR A CTISING HERE

Dr. MANNISH BDS - London University - Harley St. Cosmetic Dental Surgeon Dr. ALCAIDE MD - Implantology and Oral Rehabilitation

Complimentary initial examination and digital x-ray (OPG) Compare our quality and standards first

Wouldn’t it be foolish not to have a second opinion?

BE SAFE COSTA DEL SOL

FOR A PROFESSIONAL INEXPENSIVE CHIMNEY SWEEPING & MAINTENANCE SERVICE

Telephone: Russ Heath

654 184 242

“Clinton & Geoff welcome you” Food served all day

School of Languages

SPANISH COURSES

NEW LOCATION!!

DON’T MISS US... info@bemidiomas.com

www.bemidiomas.com Camino viejo de Malaga, 12C - Velez Malaga

952 54 92 33

D OE S YOUR S E PT IC TA NK NE ED C LE A NIN G?

All live football shown, 4pm kick-offs Sats Fridays “Light of India” Curry Nights Now serving Fish & Chips 10.30am - late Mon - Sat Sun 10am - 7pm

Call us and we will come & empty your septic tank.

(Certified)

BAR FOR SALE

E-mail: construccionesschmid@hotmail.com

Paseo Maritimo 43, Torre del Mar (opposite tennis courts) Tel: 659 132 579 OPEN ALL DAY

IDLE HANDS TATTOO STUDIO Tattoos & Piercing ***NEW LOCATION***

Mon - Fri 12pm - 8pm Sat Appointments only (Roundabout next to Unicaja) Torrox Costa Tel: 656 752 990

CONSTRUCTIONS & RENOVATIONS

652 65 60 66 Competa, Malaga

HELP YOUR BODY LIVE LONGER

WITH THE BEST NUTRITION ONCE A DAY & FEEL THE DIFFERENCE.

HERBALIFE

From The World's Leading Experts In The Field Of Nutrition

Tel: Maxine 606 084 9 03

Feeling The Pinch In Your Pocket ?

Then Advertise Your Business In One Of The 1/8 Page Boxes € Above For

Just 30 Per Month & GET One Month FREE* Call: 664 210 468

*Offer applies when boking an advert in March for April/May/June and get July FREE

Call Javier at: 666 13 88 86 or email: magnolialandscaping@yahoo.co.uk Free quotations and good prices

29740

Road opposite Police Station Open: 12pm - 4pm Tues - Sun 8pm - 12am Mon - Sun

Muebles

Open: Mon. - Fri. 10:00am - 19:00pm Sat. 10:00am - 14:00pm OPEN ALL DAY NO SIESTAS

CF Furniture S ALL SUITES POCKET SPRUNG, SCOTCH GUARDED AND COVERED BY ISO 9001 CERTIFICATE

ITALIAN LEATHER SOFA CENTRE YOU WILL FIND THE BIGGEST CHOICE OF SOFAS & THE LARGEST SELECTION OF TOP BRITISH BEDS ALL IN STOCK FOR IMMEDIATE FREE LOCAL DELIVERY

Vista La Maroma B&B Good rates

Small B&B in the heart of La Vinuela village

2 x guest terraces and dipping pool Group bookings available: All 4 rooms can be booked sleeping up to 10 guests.

Price on application)

En-suite rooms, all with air conditioning, sat tv and mini-bar.

Separate guest sitting room and dining room

Tel: 952 519 095 Mob: 666 396 562 E-mail: vistalamaroma26@gmail.com Website: www.vistalamaroma.com

New Year Special Offers

All A la Carte Meals reduced by 1€ ********** Sunday - Buffet 13.00 - 16.00 Adults - 12.50€ Chidren under 12 - 6.50€ (inc. starters, various mains, vegetarian, rice & bread)

**********

Wednesdays Only

Special Dinner - 9.50€ 3 courses - Tea or Coffee

4 x 1hour Beginners Lessons only 33€ All equipment supplied

(Tandori or prawns are extra)

Open: 12.00 - 16.00 / 18.00 - 24.00 everyday Avda. Andalucia, Blq. Jupiter Pasaje Timon 2 Calle Timon, Torre del Mar

Tel: 95 254 77 98 / 665 675 053

Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays 10.30am til Sunset

Want To Draw & Paint?

Have you always wanted to draw and Paint?

“I developed my own learning to draw method and it works” Heather Gail Harman.

A new and exciting education opportunity is opening up east of Malaga. Renowned British artist Heather Gail Harman (BA hons) will be presenting new basic drawing courses in the Axarquia area. Heather who enjoys a truly international clientele has moved to Canillas de Aceituno. She has 20 yrs reputation as a top tutor in both the Adult Residential Colleges (ARCA) and in the private colleges, along with a unique 35 year reputation as a top ‘celebrity’ portraitist and pastel landscape painter with her work gracing many international collections. Having built her studio Heather is now compiling a tuition programme for beginner artists and those wishing to improve their skills; both in portraiture and landscape disciplines.

“My original plan was to cut down quite a lot of my teaching commitments but I couldn’t erase teaching from my life altogether – I enjoy it too much. It is such a joy to see someone achieve a level of creativity they didn’t think they had.”

In 20 years Heather has taught countless adult residential college courses notably in the Ribble Valley (Alston Hall) and in the Lake District (Higham Hall) in her specialities of portraiture, pastel landscape painting and the course for which she achieved many teaching accolades “I’ve Always wanted to Draw and Paint” – for absolute beginners, which features her own unique method of learning to draw.

“I estimate hundreds of artists have passed through my courses and I am still in touch with many of them. Some have never forgiven me for moving to a sunnier climate, and many still attend my painting holidays which have been running for over ten years in Benajarafe at La Finca del Nino, as well as in various locations in Greece,Turkey and France.

But now it is time to concentrate on my work in this area and the travelling can take a back seat for a while. I have also been asked to write more articles for the art press back in the UK – something I have enjoyed doing for many years.

Alongside this I am also launching the An-

dalucian Society of Portrait Painters which will keep me pretty much tied to my studio for the coming months!” Heather will be offering the full I’ve Aways Wanted to Draw and Paint’, experience: basic drawing, sketching techniques and sketchbook work, and painting instruction in all the major fine art mediums. Groups have already been set up in Puente del Manuel (Tuesdays), Canillas de Aceituno (Mondays) and Puerto Niza Beach in Benajarafe (Thursdays). Depending on demand – plans are in place for a fourth group either in Torre del Mar, or at Lake Vinuela.

Both portraiture and basic drawing can also be taking as individual tuition – by far the most effective and quickest way to learn, because each course is tailor made

by Heather to suit the individual. Private ‘individual’ art classes do cost more however. Private tuition will be available from April 2009.

For more information regarding tuition contact Heather direct: Tel: 951 167 146 - Mob: 628 306 371

Have you always wanted to Draw and Paint?

Weekly drawing for beginners course Presented by top international artist/tutor Heather Gail Harman B A hons (Leading to Painting for Beginners) Courses at: Puente don Manuel (Tuesdays) Canillas de Aceituno (Mondays) Benajarafe (Thursdays) Future courses planned Torre del Mar and Lake Vinuela (Los Romanes) Enrolling now!

Private Tuition Service available For details, prices and availability contact Heather;

Tel: 951 167 146 Mob: 628 306 371

Opening Hours: 19.00 - 22.30 Sunday Lunch & Bank Holidays 13.30 - 15.30 Closed Tuesdays CHEZ SPICE: Road to Los Romanes, La Carpa

Call: 650 887 100

CONSTRUCTION & HIRE Time served NHBC Builder with 40 years experience in Construction POOLS, EXTENSIONS NEW BUILDS, BRICKWORK TILING, PLUMBING ELECTRICAL SEWAGE & WATER TANKS PLASTERING CONCRETE & STONE WALLS MATERIALS SUPPLIED MACHINE HIRE (with or without driver) Ask to see our work Parajae Los Rosajes S.L. Alcaucin English: 696 547 646 Spanish: 636 219 689

The Sentinella Trader

Do you have something to sell? Minimal charges now apply to all Sentinella Trader adverts.

3€ for a maximum of 28 words or 15€ for boxed advert inc. photo. Payment to be made before the 17th of the month. Email sales@thesentinella.com before 15th of the month or Call Hayley on: 658 202 472 Suzuki Jimney 4 x 4 Cabriolet 2002, FSH, Lady Owner, 58,000km, Burgundy colour with white hard top roof, a/c, e/w, c/l, alloys, vgc, great price 6,999€ Tel: (0034) 647 590 566

Land Rover Defender 110 LWB, 9 seat, 2.5 diesel, TD5, 1999, 154000km, ITV 7/09. Full length roof rack, LHD, Spanish reg. 7,300€ (excludes transfer fees) Vinuela 676 224 487 or 951 322 120

VW Sharan 1.9TDI 7 Seater, 2000, ITV 01/11 CD Player, Climate Control, Ft. Elec Windows & Heated Seats 149000kms 8000€ Vinuela 661 951 460

Peugeot Boxer Van 2.8Hdi Diesel, Air con, FSH, 2003, 54,000kms, Spanish LHD, 6,950€ Call: 680 700 962

Ford Ka 1.3 2006, 37000kms, Air con Metallic Blue, Central Locking, CD Player, ITV 6/10, 5,000€ offers considered. Vinuela 680 244 129

Mercedes C200 Auto

VW Golf 1.9TD Lhd 1996 5door, Power Steering, New cambelt/clutch & tyres etc.

Fully serviced Excellent condition. Needs Spanish reg.

Hence 1,500€ Vinuela 951 167 397 or 663 726 265 dorian.f.hill@gmail.com

PEUGEOT 206 5 door X line 1.4 petrol first reg march 2004 silver 4,750€. Call: 636 014 662 ------------------------------------------------------LINEAGE ADS JUST 3€

Yamaha YFM660 Grizzly Quad Front & Rear boxes.

Tow Bar, Spanish reg.

5600kms. Immaculate ONLY 5,600€ Vinuela 663 515 341

1997. Needs camshaft Sensible offers

Tel: 663 515 341

Advertise your Vehicle or Business for sale including photo for 15 euros or lineage advert for 3 euros.

Call 658 202 472

Call Hayley today to reserve your space!

On: 658 202 472 or Email: sales@thesentinella.com

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

The Sentinella Trader

LARGE NEW LIGHT colour wood computer desk, 8 drawers. Cost 270€ - for sale - only 95€. NEW TERRACOTTA COLOUR bed settee, converts to small double, never used - cost 299€ - for sale - only 100€. THIS YEAR - make the effort! Brand new Michel Thomas ADVANCED SPANISH CD SET- no books, no writing - best way to learn! Unwanted gift. 30€.Call: 952 519 769 / 699 854 564 emai: frankie.horn@gmail.com

1000 LITRE WATER tank and pump for sale for 200€ Buyer collects Almayate area (near Torre Del Mar). Call: 952 556 709 or mobile 650 250 255.

GENERATOR, HONDA EC6000F, Petrol engine. GX390. 9.6kw output. 240 volt, 1x32 amp - 2x16 amp sockets.Excellent condition, usage less than 100hrs. Cost 1400€ will accept 900€ Tel: 951167407, 669323288. Near Velez Malaga COMPLETE CERAMIC HOB & Fan Assisted Oven. Excellent condition 180€ 600 x 600. 2 X SINGLE BEDS bases & mattresses. Never used, 50€ for both (size 200 x 95). COMPLETE FLOOR Polisher/Buffer, brand new in box, all extras, 75€ Buyer collects, Competa area, 618 656 405 / 638 854 279

TYPE GUITAR 145€. GENUINE FENDER STRATOCASTER in tan colour with soft case 525€. CASIO CTK KEYBOARD with 175 rhythms, 550 tones, auto accompaniment, user guide, USB connection, stand and charger.

175€. OVATION CELEBRITY guitar in beautiful condition with built in tuner. best offer over 500€ secures.

PLAQUE OF THE LAST supper in cast iron. Valued in the UK at over £1,200.

My price for this is 225€.

E:mail: meljacdyl@hotmail.com for pictures or ring me on 686 727 869.

GAS FRIDGE TAVER MAKE. 4ft high. large fridge with good size freezer compartment. Price new over 800€. Accept 350€. GAS FIRE, SUITABLE for mobile home or caravan. needs flue and underfloor airvent. 50€. Can deliver in Velez Malaga area if necessary. Tel: 676 906 431

SPANISH SCAFFOLD TOWERS andamos, 45€ each. Tel: 637 101 796

NEW ROYAL DOULTON ‘Images’ Bone China Figurine ‘For a beautiful Boy’ Boxed & cerified 20€ . ASSORTMENT OF KIDS DRESS-UP outfits age 3-9yrs from 5€. Call: 691 301 425

DINING TABLE & CHAIRS, Large garden table, SAT. system, T.V, Digiboxes, Long white cupboard, Gas Heater, & Halogen Heaters, Rugs, Domestic Appliances. Tel: 667 783 145

KIDS BOUNCY CASTLE Has 2 sections and slide entrance/exit Includes fan Has had repair to Slide piece Hence 75€ NEW NIKE FOOTBALL boots kids size 33.5, gold & white 15€. Vinuela. Tel: 952 030 878

SAMICK BASS GUITAR and 40 watt Bass amp. 235€. STRATOCASTER

BEAUTIFUL SHIH TSU Puppies Ready now. Tel: 677 370 321

GENTS MOUNTAIN BIKE Universal hand built 18 speed Shimano gears.

Good condition. 50€ phone Nick 676 491 811 Vinuela area.

TRAILER METAL 6ft X 4ft green 250€ KIDS BMX Bright yellow Only ridden 5 times. Good make. Age up to 8 years 50€ Vinuela 658 202 472

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Business For Sale

KENNELS BUSINESS WITH VILLA. Great opportunity. Beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom property being sold with a well established business. This very unique combination can be found in the countryside surrounding Mondron about 10 mins from the ever growing village of Periana.

The current owners have spent a lot of time and consideration "getting it right" in the development of the Kennels. The dog/cat area is well known in the area and further afield - the existing customer database speaks for itself. The repeat business is very reassuring and the annual income not to be ignored. It is really worth viewing and seldom will such an opportunity be repeated. Call 649 320 055 for further info. Was 330,000€ NOW 270,000€ ENGLISH BISTRO IN TORRE DEL MAR. 2 mins from the beach. Beautiful large premises. To include all fixtures and fittings. Massive potential. Please call: 609 108 759

Properties For Sale

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY in Sidcup, Kent England, £124,950. 1 bedroomed purpose built flat, communal entrance, lounge, kitchen, bathroom, communal gated parking, double glazed.

20 mins. London/West End/City. Low maintenance. Good rental income. No forward chain. Call: 0034 675 391 967

Properties For Rent

SUMMER RENT – 2 bedroom town house on Velesol urbanizacion, Velez Malaga with one bathroom, kitchen, dining room, sitting room and out house with small patio. The house is equipped with washing machine, gas cooker, gas water heating and air conditioning unit in the lounge. Available until October 2009.

420€ per month plus bills.

Contact Kerry on 636 588 697.

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Job Seekers

DO YOU NEED HOME HELP? Ex-English rest home owner, will visit you in your own home. Do chores like gardening, cleaning and will look after you or your spouses. For further information tel: Penny 662 097 051 ---------------------------------------------------FULL & PART TIME telesales staff and closers required for a successful/expanding telecoms company based in Nerja. Full Time: Generous basic + Comms + Bonus + Incentives 10am5pm Mon-Fri with overtime available.

Part Time: Comms + Incentives. MonFri, 10am-9pm with various shifts available. Experience in sales preferred but not essential as enthusiasm, confidence, lively character with a will to succeed is more important. Be part of a winning team in a friendly and dynamic call centre. Opportunities, for career progression available in various departments.

Contact Bev on 952 544 773.

----------------------------------------------------CARER WANTED to help lady with ms in a wheelchair, driving licence essential must be over 5 5" energetic and fit. Call Sarah 952 967 114

Miscellaneous

WANTED SMALL CHEST FREEZER, Will collect in Axarquia area. Call: 664 210 468 WANTED NEW MEMBERS at El Capitan Tennis Club Torre del Mar. Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings 9.30 11.30. Phone 675 391 967 FOR SALE Round table 60cm diameter & 2 chairs, cream wrought iron, suitable inside or out. Perfect condition 95€. 2 INDIAN SHEESHAM wood bedside cabinets, perfect condition 85€ each.

MICROWAVE OVEN combi with grill, brushed aluminium, hardly used, perfect condition 50€. CATA CERAMIC FAN HEATER, upright 20€. LIGHT BEECH TABLE 150 x 75, ideal office desk, excellent condition, 75€. CANE CHEST with two deep drawers, W92, D40, H40, excellent condition 50€. PANASONIC PHONE/FAX KX-FP205, perfect condition, 50€. Tel: 618 938 770

To advertise call 664 210 468

The Sentinella Business Directory WE CAN LIST YOUR BUSINESS HERE FOR JUST 5 EUROS A MONTH! (minimum 6 months)

CALL TODAY ON: 664 210 468

ACCOMMODATION

Escuela la Crujia Rural B & B & guesthouse in a pretty converted school, 10 minutes from Velez Malaga,Tel: 606 010 580.

Email: toni@escuelalacrujia.com Vista la Maroma Rural B & B La Vinuela Tel: 952 519 095 Mob: 666 396 562 E-mail: vistalamaroma26@gmail.com Website: www.vistalamaroma.com Accommodation.com. 50,000 Cheap Hotels Online. www.accommodation.com

AIR CONDITIONING

Maraverclima, C/Verdemar 2, Local 5, Torre del Mar, Malaga. Call: 952 54 40 99 / 658 955 751

ALLOTMENTS

Allotments for rent in Velez Malaga. 20 euros per month for 50 square metres. Close to El Ingenio shopping centre and Velez Malaga centre. Gardening tools available for use. Parking onsite. Come and join us - grow your own veg and save on your shopping!

Call Jose on 639120707 Email: galbraith76@yahoo.com

AWNINGS

Shademaker Awnings Enjoy the Al Fresco life style without burning to a crisp! Hundreds of choices of material, styles and models to suit all tastes. Also specialising in material changes to your existing awnings.

Save money... Pay in Sterling!!!

Call Craig on: 637 058 478

BOOKSHOPS

Pasatiempo Calle Infantes 30, Torre del Mar, 952 543 703, www.bookshoppasatiempo.com

BRITISH SUPERMARKETS

Arkwrights English Shop. Turn right at Venta Baja Crossroads or call: 95 11 67 674 or 65 93 75 603 www.arkwrights-groceries.com

BUILDERS

Milton Construction - 20 yrs experience in all types of construction from routine maintenance and repairs to new builds, pools, landscaping.Tel:625 348 406 for free estimates.

Professional Building Services 34 years in Building Trade Kitchens made or Just Fitted Reform, Extensions,Painting.NO JOB TOO SMALL FREE QUOTE call Garry or Olly Tel: 655279043 / 951167375 / 664156095 Spanish family builders for reforms, new builds, walls, pools etc. Good reputation with clients and known well in local town halls re: permissions etc. English speaking answering service. Please telephone: 660 144 402.

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

Earn executive level income working from home 2-3 hours a day. Must have phone and internet. Only looking for motivated individuals who desire a 6-figure salary. Call: 671 879 715

To advertise call 664 210 468

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CAR AND VAN RENTAL

One way van hire, UK, France and Spain. Call: 952 541 147

CARS WANTED

Wanted all UK plated vehicles. Year 2000 onwards. cash paid. Call: 667 235 205

CARPENTERS

Andrew Rodgers 20 years experience in kitchens, wardrobes, shelving, aluminium door & windows. Call the Window Doctor for any window problem. Roller shutter blinds, mosquito blinds, security locks, repairs and renewals reasonable rates, Tel: 660 597 894 email: rodgersfamilyinspain@yahoo.co.uk Carpentry & Joinery all aspects of carpentry including kitchens, windows & doors, Dave: 686 307 769 Madercobrita Poligono la Panoleta, C/Juan Gris, Velez Malaga, 952 501 543

CARPET & UPHOLSTERY CLEANING

Call Roy on: 958 640 068, Professional Machines, Best prices, Distance No Problem. 16years experience.

CATERING

Food For Thought Catering offering fantastic quality food at competitive prices.

Please phone us on 952 554 249 or 600 783 870 or visit our new website at: www.foodforthoughtcateringinspain.com for more information.

CHIROPODISTS

Registered Chiropodist/Podiatrist offering a complete footcare service in the comfort of your own home. 15yrs experience NHS & private. Call: 636 866 715

CLEANING SERVICES

Sunshine Cleaners for a sparkling clean result, daily, weekly or monthly visits. Also change overs and keyholding service. Give us a call on 639 583 400 M&M Cleaners in Competa and surrounding areas, cleaning all the way down to the coast. call the reliable ladies on: 952 553 729 or 647 145 628 Clean & Rosie - Private cleaning undertaken on villas and apartments, including windows, ironing and laundry. References available. Call Rose on 685 245 516

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COMPUTERS

PCTorrox.com. All computer problems solved. Torrox/Nerja and surrounding areas.

Free Advice. No Fix No Fee. Hardware ,Software and Website solutions. PC service only 50 Euros. Call Rab on: 952967124 or 645236259.

Computer Help.Troubleshooting & Repairs. New PCs supplied with Windows in English. WiFi installations. Reasonable rates. Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer since 2000. Patient & professional. Call David on 952 54 96 07 or 654 899 976.

Computer Problems? Help is at hand. Upgrades, repairs, hardware and sofware problems solved, NO FIX - NO FEE. Advice on buying and setting up the right computer for you. Tuition from complete beginners to advanced, get the most out of your PC. Call David Fleck on: 952 510 729 / 620 328 382 or email: technophobe@orange.es

CURTAINS

Curtains/Blinds/Cushions/Bedding etc All Professionally made to measure, alterations undertaken, call for free estimate, 630 414 429 or 952 519 151

DENTISTRY

Unidental. English Dentist Practising Here C/Canalejas, 15 Local, Velez Malaga. Tel: 952 55 83 63 Ian Pett Dental Care, Five star dental care you can trust. Edif. Al-Zabel, Local 7, Cruce de Periana, 29713 Alcaucin, Puente don Manuel. 951 139 287 / 691 700 587 UK +44 1708 616 148. www.ianpettdentalcare.com

DOG BOARDING

Dogs - Home from home, boarding at my 10,000sqm finca in Rio Gordo. Offering a personal service where dogs live as family.

Call: 678 189 019 or e-mail: riogordo@mail.com www.homefromhome.weebly.com.

Also within 15km daily home visits for dogs, cats, horses etc...

Advertise your business in the business listing pages Maximum - 4 lines 6 months = 36 euros 12 months = 60 euros Call: 664 210 468 sales@thesentinella.com

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

DOMESTIC ENGINEER

(by Thursday market) open from 10.00 to 16.30 Mon to Fri and 10.00 to 13.30 Sats.

For donations of furniture please call Tony on 661 826 654.

Domestic Appliance Engineer From Ariston - Zanussi Your kitchen appliances professionally repaired, 25yrs experience with major UK Company, Tel Mick: 616 370 539, email: mick.griffiths@hotmail.com

GARDENING SERVICES

Electro-Cute! English J.I.B. Electrician For all your electrical needs and problems Fault finding/Lighting and power/Air conditioning Electric gates and Intercoms/Pumps Rewires/Upgrades Call Stefan 610048919 electrocutster@gmail.com Lakeside Property Services, 24 hour call out emergency Electrician and Plumber.

Call David on: 627 931 357

HAIRDRESSERS

ELECTRICIANS

ELECTRICITY CARD METER

Electricity Card Meter, Control electricity costs, set your own tariffs ideal for Air conditioning, pool pumps or whole house. Simple installation, 2 year guarantee. Only â‚Ź99 inc. programming card and 20 pre paid cards.

952 546 597 / 664 210 048 / info@esola.es

ESTATE AGENTS/REAL ESTATE

Ab Ax Properties Colinias del Puerto 124, Avenida de Andalucia, Caleta de Velez, 952 511 103, www.abaxproperties.com Axarquia Properties SL 952 554 235 or 626 038 851, www.axarquiaproperties.com Axces Property Direct call or email: 0034 625 346 200 info@axcespropertydirect.com www.axcespropertydirect.com Fleming Properties, Calle Las Melosas, Edf Nautico, Torre del Mar, 952 547 131 or 637 278 306, www.fleming-properties.com

FURNITURE SHOPS

Carousel Second Hand Furniture, Vinuela Pueblo (Under Cajamar Bank), access via steps at side of bank, or slip road behind bank, 630 211 907 The Furniture Barns, Tel: 686 734 837 www.thefurniturebarns.com Email: info@thefurniturebarns.com Country Furniture, furnishings, accessories and much more. Our website shows the latest stock or visit us La Vaqueria in Benamargosa. Top of Calle del Arroyo Limon between the Coviran supermarket and Casa Axarquia.

Open 10-2 & 5-7 Tues - Fri & 10 - 1 Sat. Cudeca Second Hand Furniture Shop, tel 952 545 212 Calle Infantes 48, Torre del Mar

Red Palm Beetles, Processionary Moths.

Call us for treatment and disposal of these garden problems. Tel: 657 165 373 Garrick Welch Gardening and general maintenance, Torrox, Nerja and surrounding areas. Also tiling, painting and small building works. Hourly rates, references available, no job too small. Friendly reliable service. Enquiries: 664 226 509 / 690 848 951 / 952 539 674 or email: av_gaz@yahoo.ie Blades - 20 years experienced mobile hairdresser & nail technician for acrylic nails.

Call: 658 733 661

HEALTH & BEAUTY

Weight Control - Herbalife Independent Distributor, Bea Savory, 95 253 4795 Email: beasav@terra.es (business opportunity also available) WeightWatchers Meetings in English.

Nerja, Velez and Torrox. Call Candace on 952 549 607 or 626 672 493 for further details.candace.edwards@weightwatchers.es Feel great, with our inner & outer body nutrition products. Call Kev or Fiona, 952 551 013 or 652 826 628. Also 2 job opportunities.

Email: kswetman20@hotmail.com Avon, for a brochure call Fiona 652 825 527. Why not invite family & friends & have an Avon Party Skin problems? Unwanted moles, warts or blemishes? Dr Suzanne Wildman-Chard can help improve your appearance with state of the art equipment and 30 years experience in the UK. Also treatments available for depression & chronic pain. Friendly affordable & initial consultation without charge. Tel Dr Suzanne on 952 725 415 or mob 678 117 894, www.wildman-chard-centre.es / e-mail: dr-suzanne@wildman-chard-centre.es Yoga, Health & Beauty Centre, 52, Calle Silla, Campillos, Malaga

Advertise here just 34 euros for 6 months Call: 664 210 468

To advertise call 664 210 468

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HOLIDAY LETS

Villas to Let Privately owned luxury villas to let. Contact Christine: 627 820 669 www.villaslet.com

HORSE RIDING

Andalucia Horse riding, 1hr, 2 hr or day rides with picnic or bar lunch. Situated close to Lake Viñuela Also riding holidays with accomodation. Tel: 616 032 215, www.andaluciahorseriding.com Pony Riding, Main road Torrox-Competa between km 13 &14. Call: 626 836 736 Professional International Horse Rider Trainer, UK qualified, available for lessons, schooling etc.. Call Tina: 666 135 516 Los Caballos del Puente, Horse riding in the area around Lake Vinuela. One hour 20€, two hours 30€. Call: 697 594 824

HOUSE CLEARANCES

M & S House Clearances, best prices, anything considered! Also man with van for removals and transportation. Call 952 037 762 / 669 454 791 / 952 553 189 or 652 325 387 House & Garage Clearances. Car Boot stock wanted. Fair prices paid. Call: 680 751 868 House Clearance & Removals. All items considered, cash payable on collection. Fast & Reliable service. Call Paul: 626 160 869

INSURANCE

LCJ INSURANCE, Not the cheapest, Not the dearest, Almost certainly the best, *Health Insurance, * Travel Insurance - Multi trips, *Car and House Insurance, * Funeral Plans, Call: 952 515 224 MAPFRE Insurance: Specialising in health, home, vehicle, business & life insurance. Range of pensions & investment plans. English & Spanish speaking. Call Victoria Harding for a no-commitment quote.

952 551 460, fax: 952 555 212 or email: vhardin@mapfre.com All types of Insurance available with Spains leading Insurance company Mapfre.

We also offer highly competitive rates for transfering currencies anywhere in the world.

English speaking service. Please telephone: 660 144 402 or e mail us at fairportinsurance@yahoo.es

INTERNET SERVICES

Riosat:SL, RioSat SL, No landline required. Internet and telephone services.

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Some areas free installation. Covering Andalucia. ADSL from 29€ per month. SDSL from 39€ per month. No necisita linea fija. Internet y telèfono. Instalacìon gratis. Cobertura Andalucìa. ADSL de 29€ al mes. SDSL de 39€ al mes Llàmenos / Call 951 239 310 / 626 679 018. Email: info@riosat.com Web: http://www.riosat.com

KENNELS AND CATTERY

The White House Kennels. Well established, professional holiday home for Cats and Dogs. Each kennel has it’s own indoor accommodation and outdoor run, as well as a communal 300m2 exercise area. Each cattery has an upstairs and downstairs, with toys designed to stimulate and entertain. All securely set within the peaceful countryside setting of Mondron, within a 10 minute drive from Periana. For bookings or to view call: 649 320 055 or email: thewhitehousekennels@yahoo.co.uk This business is for sale.See page 100 The Dog House While you are away on holiday or a weekend break, your dogs live in our house alongside our dog. Large play area, lots of country walks. Pet collection/del. service. Vet services on call.

Gourmet meals if required. 'Only the best for your pal'. Ring: Phil 649 079 321 Comares/Benamargosa. Email:philipclayton_1@msm.com Ex cat & dog airlines.UK. Recommended. Refs available.

LAUNDRY SERVICES

3-J's Campo Laundry Service Your Laundry Washed and Ironed. We Pick up and Drop off. Everyday is a washday for the 3-J's. Torre, Vinuela, Colmenar and inland. Julie 699 349 748

LAWYERS

Carmen Silvia, Solicitors Abogados, Spanish solicitors, English Spoken, Torrox Costa, Urb. Costa del Oro local 8, (very near Notaria Office). Free initial consultation, 952 967 004 Email: carmensilvia@telefonica.net International Law Solutions. English speaking Spanish Lawyer. English and Spanish legal advisors. Urb Torrox Park, Zona Comercial 3, 952 527 831 or 615 338 139, info.ils@hotmail.com

LOCKSMITHS

British Locksmith - 24 hour service, good rates. Tel: 676 262 073

MACHINE HIRE

Machines for hire, for all your building & reform requirements, with or without driver.

Call: 696 547 646, on road to lake.

To advertise call 664 210 468

To advertise in The Sentinella call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com Saxon SL JCB Digger Hire. New machine Good rates. Velez Malaga Call: 678 23 22 53 or 662 39 83 72

MASSAGE (THERAPEUTIC)

George Donker, massage, sport injuries, pain alleviation, stress therapy. Practice: 952 555 206. Mobile: 626 198 238, Caleta de Velez, 10 treatments half price.

Jonathan Mark Leggott, S.M.T.O. I.T.E.C Remedial Massage, Advanced Sports massage, Soft tissue manipulation. Centro Mar y Salud, El Morche -Torrox Costa. Tel: 639 528 205, 952 53 2065

MEDICAL CENTRES

Centro Mar y Salud offers good professional care and treatment in a friendly and healing environment. Our centre not only emphasises diagnosis and cure but also promotes maintaining your health and feeling good. We offer a range of practitioners and treatments; General Medicine, Psychology, Physiotherapy, Osteopathy, Obstetrics, Massage, Acupuncture, Gynaecology, Cosmetic surgery, Urology, Iridology, Colontherapy, Pedicure, Photo depilation, Yoga Classes, Gym classes.

Paseo Marítimo, El Morche/Torrox Costa, 952 532 065 / 617 913 196, www.centromarysalud.com.

MIDWIFE

Karen Fagan Independent Midwife registered with Colegio de Enfermeria Malaga & NMC London.Homebirth,waterbirth,birthing classes,breastfeedingsupport. Antenatal & postnatal care.Clinics held El Morche Centro Mar y Salud.TEL : 952 532 065 / 606 911 240 for appointments. www.costaguide.net/karen-fagan

MULTI-SERVICES

M TeK Building Services Engineers. Fully Qualified Team of Engineers, Consultancy service, Plumbing, Electrical, Gas, Construction. Total One Stop Solutions. Spanish speaking personnel. Tel: 952 512 491 - 617 839 660 - 7 days a week. e-mail: markrkitchener@yahoo.co.uk

OPTICIANS

Heiko Stumbeck, Avda Andalucia 119, Torre del Mar, 952 967 923 and C/Antonio Ferrandiz "Chanquete" 23-25, Nerja,

952 528 395. C/Jacinto, Benavente Edf. No. 6, Fuengirola, 952 197 565

PAINTERS & DECORATORS

Painting, Decorating & all minor repairs.

Also villa changeovers, reliability and high quality work at a reasonable price. Phone Ian or Vanessa, 951 167 711 or 678 265 022 Puente don Manuel, Brush Strokes. Rooms painted from 60€ (i.e) one coat white) Villas painted from 300€ Tel: 686 307 769 or 639 738 624 Peter the Painter, Paints the Property Properly. All Interior, Exterior Work Undertaken, + Property Maintenance. Tel: 638 489 711. email peterpainter4u@yahoo.co.uk

PALM TREES

Palms, trees and plants of all kind. For example: Wasingtonia Palm tree, 3m trunk 395€. Call Jeanette for further details, prices & info, as well as wholesale on: 659 110 165 or email: elpoli@web.de

PET COURIERS

Pet Taxi- UK, France & Spain Delivered door to door. Call: 667 235 205

PHYSIOTHERAPY

Sanne H. Mortensen, BSc (Hons), MCSP, SRP, Spanish registered, Col no 2066. Clinic appointments or home visits in the Axarqùia region. Experienced UK trained physiotherapist offering post-operative rehabilitation and general musculo-skeletal conditions.

Tel 626 152 756

PLUMBERS

24hr plumbing, drainage & all gas appliances, call 666 123 055 / 648 806 016 / 952 514 333

PRINTING SERVICES

Business Cards double sided from 140€ for 500. Flyers double sided full colour from 165€ for 1,000. Call: 664 210 468

PROPERTY MAINTENANCE

Property Care, for cleaning, gardening, general property maintenance. Reliable service. Refs available. Call Denise or Dave for friendly chat on 616 869 429 Doctores de la Casa, We revitalise your property for re-sale or rental. Property or room makeovers, Property Management, Pool & Garden Maintenance, Guest Services. Call: 657 247 647 or email: doctoresdelacasa@gmail.com www.doctoresdelacasa.com

To advertise call 664 210 468

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Please mention The Sentinella when replying to adverts

AxarCare™ Property Management and Maintenance Services. A full range of property maintenance services carried out by professionals, Building, Painting, Electrical Work & Plumbing the one stop solution. Property Management Specialists a very comprehensive service, Including professional pool cleaning, full details on the AxarCare website. Axarcare we take care of all your property needs. Company Website: www.axarcare.com Tel :616-809-423

REMOVALS

Move It, Removals & Light haulage Nerja-based, Call or email for free quote: 620459908. Email: marknerja@hotmail.com Man and Van (high top). €22 per hour.

Reliable and friendly service. Call Paul: 626 160 869

RENTALS

Tenants-All types of rental,holiday,long/short term lets etc.,Owners - Make sure I know about your property, Please ensure you have contacted me so that I can help you.

Tina 0034 666135516 or Email: officespanishmanagement@yahoo.co.uk www.spanishmanagement.com Rent a Home Avenida Andalucia, 133, Torre del Mar. Call: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414. Email: info@rentahomespain.com website: www.rentahomespain.com 4 / 3 bed 2 bathrooms, Canillas de Aceituno. Fabulous villa with independent guest annexe and stunning views across the countryside,

lake and mountains, Garage, private pool for long-term rent 695 Euro p/m tel: 951167603 billandheather@hotmail.co.uk

RESTAURANTS

Taj Mahal ( Torre del Mar ) Avda. Anadalucia, Blq. Jupiter, Pasaje Timon 2, C/Timon.

Tel: 952 547 798

SATELLITE T.V.

Total Satellite Installations Call Phil on: 629 556 266. Email:philbraid@hotmail.com Sky Shop Torre del Mar. Call: 667 235 205 or 952 541 147 Sat. Co. Sky and “Free Sat.” HD. Call us 7 days a week. Call Tom on: 657 484 853

SOLAR POWER

Tecnicas Maro, Heating, Cooling & Solar Energy. Providing energy saving solutions since 1992. www.tecnicasmaro.com Email: info@tecnicasmaro.com. Tel:952 52 95 38

SOLICITORS

C&D Solicitors Specialists in Real Estate, Civil and Tax Law. Tel: 952 532 582 www.cdsolicitors.net or email: info@cdsolicitors.net

WEB DESIGNERS

Spanglish Webs, Web designs, Data Base Programmes, Hosting, Domains, Menu Designs, English - Spanish Translation. All at realistic prices.

Contact Rachel: spanglishwebs@gmail.com or telephone: 691 660 187 Website:www.spanglishwebs.com

TO ADVERTISE IN THE BIGGEST & BEST LITTLE MAG IN THE AXARQUIA CALL: 664 210 468 & WATCH YOUR BUSINESS GROW!!

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To advertise call 664 210 468

PEQUENA AXARQUIA

FP0626

A spacious three bedroom villa, 15 minutes to the coast, with pool, lawned garden, easy access and enjoying marvellous southerly views.

Caleta

FP0582

A spacious three bedroom property on two floors with garage and two large terraces offering marvellous sea views.

199,000€ Communal pool.

FP0596

FP0259

80,000€

FP0548s

Mondron

A two bedroom village house in this small pueblo with roof terrace enjoying views to Mount Maroma.

Mainly furnished and with landline phone.

350,000€

A charming rustic, two bedroom finca of some 100m2 on a 1160m2 plot with many original features and with tarmac access near to village.

169,000€

Vinuela

A new, 84m2, two bedroom apartment on the edge of the village within easy walking distance of all amenities. Air conditioning throughout, sea views.

89,950€

Canillas de Aceituno

TORRE OFFICE Calle Playa Marina, 2D Torre del Mar. 29740 Tel: 952 54 71 31 Mob: 606 087 362 NERJA OFFICE Calle El Barrio, 11 Nerja. 29780 Tel: 952 52 41 40 Mob: 637 278 306