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) : a h a Jokes h A skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: '7’ tall, 350lbs, 20” penis, 3lbs of testicles, Turner Brown.' The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you, little fellow?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?' The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and I figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me............I'm 7’ tall, I weigh 350lbs, I have a 20” penis, my testicles weigh 3lbs each and my name is Turner Brown.' The little white Irishman says, 'Turner Brown Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, turn around" *********** A Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. 'Try again' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day doing the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. 'No,' she says, 'They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.' ********** Forty gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans. St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up GOD, saying: I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in? GOD replies 'We are over our quota on travellers. Go back out to the Pearly Gates and tell them to choose among them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.' Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to GOD again. 'They've gone', he tells GOD. What?' says GOD, 'All 40 of them?' No, the Pearly Gates'. ********** One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, ‘What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, 'University of Oklahoma...' And they say blondes are dumb... ********** What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”
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