The Sentinella Axarquia December Edition 2022

A Christmassy welcome to the December edition of The Sentinella. Tis the season to be jolly Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... So, here we are, the festive month once again; you either love Christmas or you don’t. It’s a bit like Marmite — it’s as simple as that. I have to say I hate Marmite but I do like Christmas, though!

It’s the season of non-stop fun… starting with opening day one of your advent calendar and counting the days down to Christmas Day, decorating Christmas trees, homes and gardens with lights, preparing a nativity scene, attending Christmas mass, sending Christmas cards (if anyone still does this), shopping, baking, wrapping.. more shopping, more wrapping, more baking… exchanging gifts, meeting up with old friends and family, playing with the newly found Christmas edition of ‘Elf on the shelf’, which brings lots of fun and frolics to families every day in the lead up to Christmas Day. And of course, let’s not forget the true hero, Santa Claus himself as we wait for him to arrive… it certainly has to be the busiest month of the year by far. But, don’t forget amongst all the fun and frolics, it is also the season of goodwill. This could be as simple as remembering older relatives or neighbours and paying them a visit — maybe putting together a food parcel for someone in need or less fortunate, or donating toys to a local charity. Whatever you may like to do this Christmas, the most important gift of all is to be kind, and this gift is the best as it doesn’t cost a penny!

Despite all the mayhem around Christmas, December will pass quickly and then it will be time to celebrate the New Year in. If you haven’t decided what to do for New Year’s Eve as yet, at the time of writing this there are still a few places left at Mangoa’s dinner and party event at Salon del Mar in Torre del Mar. For full details see page 39.

No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, used or reproduced without our prior written consent.

The Sentinella accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors.

The Sentinella is a registered trademark in Spain

Deposito Legal MA-1435-2005

The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to Colin Checkley, the founder and editor of The Sentinel Magazine. May he rest in peace. (Born; 1960 Died; 2004)

Sunny outlook

NASA has shared an image of the sun "smiling", after a satellite captured patterns on its surface appearing to show a happy face. The US space agency posted the images on social media, writing: "NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory caught the sun 'smiling.' Seen in ultraviolet light, these dark patches on the Sun are known as coronal holes and are regions where fast solar wind gushes out into space." People were quick to make comparisons with a variety of characters and objects, including the Teletubbies baby, the Ghostbusters Stay Puff marshmallow man, a biscuit, a lion and a pumpkin. NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory was set up in 2010 to investigate how solar activity is created and how it drives space weather.

Pan Solo Han Solo may be a hunk. But "Pan Solo" is a hunk of bread. That's what a bakery in the San Francisco Bay Area has dubbed its 6-foot bread sculpture of the Star Wars character as he appeared after being frozen in carbonite in The Empire Strikes Back. Hannalee Pervan and her mother, Catherine Pervan, co-owners of One House Bakery in Benicia, California, spent weeks moulding, baking and assembling the life-sized sculpture using wood and a type of yeastless dough with a higher sugar content that will last longer. The lovingly crafted details show Han Solo's anguished face and his hands straining to reach out. The sculpture is now on display outside the bakery, located just north of San Francisco. Unfortunately, Pan Solo won't last forever, but the dough eventually will be composted, not eaten. So as a wise Jedi might warn: Don't use the forks, Luke.

Strange News (Continued)

Timely revelations

A time traveller from the 'year 3000' has claimed that he knows the exact month the US Navy will come into contact with aliens.

The man, who calls himself the 'TimeTraveller3000' on TikTok, has received millions of views on the social media site after many of his predictions about the future have come true.

Now, the traveller has claimed that there will be three major events happening in the next few months - with the first one due very soon. Complete with ominous background music, and spooky clips running throughout, the alarming viral video — which has had more than 16,000 views — warns the world: "In December 2022 the US Navy will come into contact with UFOs from the ocean."

Another major event the time traveller shockingly claims will happen is that Kansas in the USA will be hit by a F5 tornado in February 2023, "killing hundreds of people".

The clip has has stoked fear among many TikTok users due to the bold claims, with many on social media being left horrified at the predictions, while others laughed it off.

Winner in disguise

It’s quite common to hear of lottery winners who want to remain anonymous, but usually, they just accept the money and don’t do the photoshoot. A man in China has taken a different approach after winning a huge £26 million. He arrived to accept his massive cheque in a bright yellow costume with oversized eyes and a big head.

Speaking to local reporters, he said: “I’m really happy I won, but I don’t want my family to know about this since they might become too arrogant and complacent in the future.”

The man, identified as Li, wore the costume to face the media in Nanning City, Guangxi province, and claimed his prize.

Li had hit all seven lottery numbers, netting him a sum amounting to around 171.6 million yuan (£20.4 million) after taxes.

He said: “I regard the lottery as a hobby, and I don’t spend much money on it; it just provides a ray of hope for me.”

The lottery winner added that he is still thinking about how to spend the windfall, but has already donated five million yuan (£600,000) to charity.

Your specialists on the Axarquia Coast

Ref. SH1101

126,000€

Nice cottage in Lagos with sea views. The plot has 6,000m2 and a cottage with several rooms. In the entrance there is a glazed terrace which can be used as a living room, a big bedroom with air conditioning and heating, a bathroom, 1 furnished kitchen. The cottage has several terraces with sea views, with a bedroom and a bathroom for guests. There is a big storage room that can be converted into another room, laundry and a removable large pool. Has many possibilities!

C / Infante 23, Edif. Faro 1, bajo, 29740 Torre del Mar, Málaga, España Tel./Fax. 0034 / 952 54 70 76 / 658 93 31 87 e-mail: info@suissehome.com www.suissehome.com

Christmas One-Liners

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Where do sheep get their hair cut? At the baa baa shop.

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

Not saying I live in a rough area but just bought an advent calendar and all the

windows are boarded up!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas

Easy Chicken Recipe

Here is a chicken recipe that includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing – imagine that!

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try!

Ingredients:

4 - 5lb chicken

1 cup melted butter

1 cup stuffing

1 cup uncooked popcorn

Salt/pepper to taste

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing mixed with popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's arse blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room and lands on the table, it's done and ready to eat.

And, you thought I couldn't cook…

Richard

would like to wish all his clients a very Merry Christmas and a Healthy and Prosperous New Year!

The Care Company - Private Care Team

Getting to know your carer before needing help is extremely important, carers are there to help you with day to day duties, ranging from simple help like going shopping or sorting out doctor/hospital appointments to stepping in when a crisis arises. Helping you recover and keep everything ticking over.

Having a carer for one simple hour per week can make all the difference between the outcome of calling a carer when a crisis arises or having the carer regularly for prevention. Another bonus, when being registered at the health centre your carer helps access information rapidly such as, hospital appointments, prescriptions, and organising home visits from local doctors and nurses as the public system provides this free of charge.

A carer has to be someone you can trust and feel comfortable around, so that when you need personal care nothing becomes embarrassing or uncomfortable.

Ageing in Spain can sometimes be very difficult as many of us live out in the campo down dirt tracks or in town houses that have stairs to every level, and as we become less mobile we start struggling with very simple things such as, carrying things upstairs, coming back from the shops with heavy

bags, getting in and out of bathtubs or showers, etc…

Your carer can get to know you, get to know your routines, what you like, what you don’t like, and can assist you with household chores whilst getting to know you, facilitating being able to step in at short notice. Carers are also very good at spotting illnesses that you can easily miss, therefore helping a lot in prevention, keeping you healthy and maintaining your quality of life.

The team has vast experience in Palliative care and both chronic and acute illnesses and can help you throughout your treatment.

At the Care Company, David and Teresa and their team have all the equipment necessary for their clients free of charge such as, hoists, hospital beds, commodes, etc... these can also be rented for long or short term at very low rates.

The Care Company helps you with all paperwork regarding health and can put you in contact with various non-profit organisations that help accessing financial aid to cover any care costs that you may need.

Call David or Teresa to discuss your requirements today

See main advert opposite

TORROX, Sole Agency.- Ref: 7505

Immaculate country villa + separate guest apartment within 15 minutes from the coast of Torrox with panoramic sea & mountain views, comprising of 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 2 lounges, mature garden, private pool, parking space....

EPC: In process M²: 172 Plot: 3.932 m² PRICE: 495.000€

The year is coming to its end. It's time to look back on what has been a challenging year. With this Christmas greeting we would like to thank our customers and partners for the trust they have placed in us. The entire Country Properties team wishes you health, happiness and success in the New Year 2023!

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

Back in the 60’s young people laughed at public transport by donning hot-pants, shades and roller skates to glide on down to the local corner shop for some bread.

And in the 70’s personal hygiene went out the window when young men began growing those greasy lamb-chop sideburns that were to frame their face for the next decade.

Linea Directa 917 002 006

Then in the 80’s young women ignored French fashion by wearing leotards, legwarmers and a scrunchy mullet to boogie-on-down to their local newsagents in the pouring rain.

Now in the 2020s, 9 out of 10 Línea Directa customers get the same satisfaction and recommend their car, bike and home insurance policies.

All customer service and documentation is in English, their claims service is fast and efficient, you can get quick no obligation quotes over the phone, and their easy payment options help spread the cost of premiums.

DEDICATED TO EXPATS

Línea Directa has been providing comprehensive car, motorbike and home insurance to British expatriates and residents in Spain for over 25 years. With over 3 million customers nationwide, Línea Directa makes sure you get the best possible price for the kind of insurance you really need.

EVERYTHING IS IN ENGLISH

Their Roadside Assistance team speaks English and will quickly help you with your

onward journey. If you urgently need a duplicate set of keys for your motorcycle, then their English-speaking customer service will sort it out. And should you require Home Assistance to set up your new Wi-Fi connection, then English speaking technical staff will set up a visit.

EARN CASH WHEN YOU RECOMMEND US

Línea Directa’s Expat2Expat programme means that whenever an existing customer recommends a person, both the policyholder and the friend are rewarded with 30€ in cash, when that person takes out any policy. You can recommend up to 10 people and earn up to 300€ in cash per year. Simply ask your friend to call 917 002 006 and quote your full name. Then once their application for car, bike or home insurance has been approved, Línea Directa will pay the reward straight into the bank account following payment of the next or first premium. See terms and conditions at lineadirecta.com

Call their English-speaking customer service staff on 952 14 78 34 or get a competitive quote now at lineadirecta.com

Cracker Jokes

It wouldn’t be Christmas without the corny crackers...

What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there's myrrh?

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite

What do you call Santa when he stops moving?

Santa Pause

What do snowmen eat for dessert? Ice crispies

How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?

Nurse them back to elf

What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop? A rebel without a Claus!

Christmas Funnies

Some more Crackers here!

My wife said to me that if I got her another stupid gift this Christmas, she would burn it. So I bought her a candle

I just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas. It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler

I have a talent where I can see inside wrapped Christmas presents. It’s a gift

The only Christmas gift I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with

When I asked my wife what she wanted she said she’d be happy with anything with lots of diamonds in it. She’s going to love this pack of playing cards I’ve bought her

Nursery Rhymes

The Future of Nursery Rhymes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. The wall structure was incorrect so he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring. Oh damn, it's Global Warming.

Mary had a little lamb her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill went up the hill and planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass now two of his teeth are missing.

Out And About In Torrox

Rebeccah Curtis Beauty & Wellness Centre including Hairdressing and now incorporating Nails and Beauty by Suzi Jackson. Urb. Laguna Beach, Centro Commercial B, No. 16 Torrox Costa. Open Tuesday - Saturday 10am - 6pm. Tel: 952 53 01 22 &  651 956 284

Raza Hotel have excellent facilities for your Dog, Cat or Rabbit, the perfect Hotel for your pets while you are away. In the countryside your dogs can enjoy secure outdoor play areas with toys provided & kennels with indoor sleeping area & outside run. For Cats, large catteries with cosy beds, toys & activities to keep them occupied. The Raza Hotel also offer a safe place to leave your Rabbit or Parrot as well as providing dog grooming services. Open 10am-7pm, 7 days a week. If you would like to visit, Paco & Antonio would be happy to show you the facilities. For more info call: 952 52 5417, 646 75 24 63, or email: info@razahotel.com or visit www.razahotel.com

Centro Casa Blanca was opened in 2008 by Bianca Bojahr. Bianca is a qualified Osteopath and a qualified practitioner in Bowen Technique, massage, lymphatic drainage, craniosacral osteopathy, reflexology, reiki and shiatsu. The Centre provides holistic techniques for a wide range of disorders and conditions including: Back problems, neck and shoulders, joint discomfort, tightness in muscles, fluid retention… and more. Call: 659 374 673 for more information.

Clinica Europa is a multidisciplinary medical center in Torrox, where they take care of your health, in the broadest sense, as defined by the World Health Organization. They speak English, German and French. Visit www.clinicaeuropa.eu or call: 952 530 908 for more information.

Shop Local Support Your Local Community If you have a business in Torrox

Tel: 664 210 468

To

Useless Facts

Asalwaystheyareuseless butamazing!

Grass flip flops are an actual product you can buy.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Bears don’t poop during hibernation.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

A Lego brick made in 1960 will fit perfectly with a Lego brick made today.

Hummingbirds are the only animals that can fly backward.

Ping Pong balls can travel off the paddle at

speeds up to 160 km/hr. That's just under 100 mph.

Dragonflies have six legs but can't walk.

The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.

Watching TV burns more calories than sleeping.

4 out of 5 children recognise the Mcdonald's logo at 3 years old.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The average adult spends more time on the toilet than they do exercising.

Your body contains about 100,000 miles of blood vessels.

The infinity sign is called a lemniscate. Slinkies are 82 feet long.

Interesting Facts... Somalia is the easternmost country of Africa, located on what is known as the Horn of Africa.

Between the 7th and 19th centuries Somalia was ruled by a series of sultanates following the arrival of Islam in the 7th century.

Recently, Somalia has again been struggling with famine following a two-year drought that ended in 2017. Millions are at risk of hunger following dry rainy seasons which has led to failed crops and the death of livestock.

Somalia is currently ranked the 2nd poorest country in the world (after Burundi) according to 2018 GDP per capita.

An intrinsic part of Somali culture is the camel. Camels provide milk, transportation, income and status for owners. Camel meat is also a delicacy in Somali cuisine.

Somalia is among the 10 most dangerous countries in the world according to the International SOS Travel Risk Map. It has been assessed as carrying an ‘extreme travel security risk’.

Waikiki

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Contact us to list your property for sale

Call or Whatsapp: (+34) 634 357 026 To be prepared is half the victory!

THINKING OF SELLING YOUR PROPERTY? With Andalucia4you your property will be at extensive exposure through our website connected to the most popular search engines and international network. We collaborate as well with popular TV programmes such as ‘A Place in the Sun’ as seen on Channel 4.

of your property. We believe that communication is at the heart of everything. We realise that selling a property can be an emotional and therefore difficult moment. Please feel free to communicate your wishes and ideas with us.

Step 3: Start advertising your property - no sale no fee concept.

At this step we will be conducting viewings on your behalf, including communication with solicitors and surveyors if required.

At Andalucia4you we place ourselves in your shoes in case you are looking to sell. We will find you a buyer who will pay a realistic price for your property, the property which you had chosen once to be your home.

Ask us for additional services for exclusive sellers only!

Andalucia4you has direct access to a great cosmopolitan partner’s network and clients database to give you an opportunity to advertise your property for free in-and-outside of Europe as well as through local magazines and social media networks. With the help of our navigation we match the houses to potential buyers and we can therefore often help both buyers and sellers with a successful SALE.

4 straightforward steps of navigation to assist you with all aspects of your house sale from A to Z!

Step 1: Good preparation is half the work. Make sure your paperwork is in place and up to date. Ask our team for more information about the (D)AFO, which documents are required for the completion and the selling costs.

Step 2: What is my house worth? Contact us for a free photo/video session and valuation

Step 4: Buyer is found! At this step we will be preparing a reservation agreement which includes the time frame for the completion. Read more about the documents required for the completion at the Notary and for the Legal services on WWW.ANDALUCIA4YOU.NET We look forward to assisting you on your way to an optimal sale.

The Word ‘UP’

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning towards the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special

meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building

The turnip is scientifically known as Brassica rapa, a white-skinned root vegetable from the Brassicaceae family that has become globally popular both for human consumption and livestock feed.

Turnips are small to medium edible root vegetables which belong to the mustard family.

Turnips are an ideal weight loss product. 100 grams of this root vegetable contains only 30 kilocalories, but it contains more than enough vitamins.

The substantial level of iron found in turnips makes them an asset if you suffer from low blood cell count or anemia.

Turrnips have a sweet, peppery, radish-like taste. Both the roots and leaves are great sources of vitamin C.

Consuming one medium turnip provides 30.33% of daily vitamin C requirement.

If you are suffering from thyroid disorders, it is best to avoid eating turnips as this vegetable contains certain compounds that may affect the thyroid gland and interfere in the functioning of the hormone.

Drinking turnip juice can help in the treatment of kidney stones. It helps in dissolving the stone, if the stone is small in size.

Turnips can be cooked in the same way you would cook a potato, roasted, boiled in stews, steamed, add them to mashed potato, soups, or even stir fried.

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!! (true story)

British scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the Windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield,

smashed into smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions. Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo: "Defrost chicken”.

At Hemp Paradox, we are especially experienced on educating people around the potential benefits of nutritional supplements extracted from species of Hemp.

Bring coupon code CANNA69 or enter on our website for your 10% christmas bonus

Drinks: It´s a Gin Thing!

Juniper berries form the base flavour for gins and productions of these alcoholic beverages dates back centuries. Today, many different botanicals can be and are used, to great advantage, to produce gins that are a clear liquid through to a great number of coloured variations, which are appreciated and loved by numerous gin connoisseurs. Gin cocktails are hugely popular too and have devotees, globally.

For some gin lovers a simple gin & tonic is satisfying and welcoming. I searched for a company producing a good range of handcrafted gins, that utilises botanicals to create outstanding gins, which appeal to many.

The Ruddy Fine Distillery is very proud of their productions, which have been developed over recent years, by Cheryl Stretton and Rory Thorpe. Their LONDON DRY GIN (42% ABV) is infused with 11 botanicals, all carefully selected to provide an excellent, balanced product. The sweetness of orange zest is complemented by fragrant spices and botanicals, to produce this smooth, extremely popular gin. Botanicals used for the production of this gin include the exotic lemongrass.

SUMMER BERRIES GIN (42% ABV) has, as the name suggests, juicy berries, evoking thoughts of summer in England. Red fruits are in abundance, for the bouquet. Again, excellent on the mouthfeel and palate’s sensation. Cardamom

combines with the other botanicals, to provide this ‘pink favourite’, that pink gin lovers fully enjoy.

Other Ruddy Fine gin productions include NAVY STRENGTH GIN, CHRISTMAS GIN (Limited Edition) and LOCKDOWN GIN (Limited Edition). Gift vouchers are available too, plus other merchandise to complement the range. The Ruddy Fine Distillery, created by Cheryl Stretton and Rory Thorpe, is located in the pretty, rural village of Ruddington, Nottinghamshire.

The Ruddy Fine Gin Club is very popular, with memberships steadily increasing. For a ‘something different’ type of gift the Ruddy Fine Minis Gift Boxes are very attractively presented and could be the answer. As Cheryl and Rory say, “Our passion and desire to create the finest small batch craft gins comes through in every refreshing sip”. For all details and information please contact or visit their website.

The Ruddy Fine Distillery Ltd, 39 Nottingham South & Wilford Industrial Estate, Ruddington Lane, Nottingham NG11 7EP. Tel: 07540 096 234 E-mail: info@ruddyfine.co.uk www.ruddyfine.co.uk

As always, enjoy & Merry Christmas

Trevor Langley

SomethingIn TheDirt FilmReview

Running Time: 1hr 56min Rating: R (language and some violence)

Recent Marvel film-makers Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead have returned to their Indie roots to write, direct, produce and star in their own sci-fi adventure.

Irresponsible barman Levi (Benson) and apocalyptic evangelical John (Moorhead) become suspicious when a levitating ashtray hints that something might not be quite right in the former’s recently rented apartment.

Deciding their floundering fortunes might be swiftly turned around, they set up a few cameras and are determined to prove that the truth is out there. They document their brush with the paranormal, disappearing down a twisting and increasingly demented rabbit hole in the process.

Something In The Dirt is far more than a bargain basement ghost hunt, though. Like the pair’s twisted debut, Resolution, and time-twisting pseudo-sequel The Endless, this trippy concoction sends us hurtling down a slippery slide comprising explorations of gravity and electromagnetism, portentous tattoos, deep thoughts on fatalism and the human condition — and even a DIY radiation suit fashioned from a shower curtain. Star Rating ****/*****

Donation Of Spanish Property

I am a British resident and I own Spanish property. Should I gift it to my children during my lifetime?

If you gift Spanish property to your children, there are various things that one needs to think about.

As a Spanish non tax resident, regardless of whether you sell or gift your property, you will need to account for 19% Spanish Capital Gains tax (CGT). A capital gain is calculated by taking the sale price and deducting the purchase price and related fees and costs. In addition to the 19% CGT, one needs to pay plusvalía. Plusvalía is essentially a municipal CGT.

If you gift your property during your lifetime, you will also need to account for lifetime inheritance tax (IHT) in Spain, often referred to as a ‘donación’ in Spanish. This is generally very low in Andalusia as there is a 99% exemption when gifting to children.

This is only part of the picture for British residents in that British residents need to also consider their potential obligations and tax liabilities in the UK.

UK CGT is ordinarily charged at either 18% or 28% on second residential property, depending on whether the person is a basic or a higher rate income tax payer. An individual will normally be given credit for the Capital Gains tax paid in Spain to avoid double taxation.

No lifetime inheritance tax in the UK would be payable and this is known as a PET - a Potentially Exempt Transfer. Provided that

you live for seven years after the gift, it would not fall into your estate for the purposes of calculating UK IHT.

With property values continuing to rise, there is an increasing number of people who need to think about IHT. UK IHT at death, above applicable exemptions, is charged at 40% and 36%.

Each individual’s circumstances are different. For a confidential consultation tailored to your situation please contact Sam Baker, English solicitor at De Cotta Law: sambaker@decottalaw.net Telephone 952 527 014.

See main advert below

Businesses Businesses

Chatelin ortopedia & pedicurist practice They are a company with over 30 years experience in the orthopedic sector. Linda is a qualified pedicurist and Henry is a certified prothesis and orthesis maker, for all your inlays and sport inlays, corset-knee, ankle and wrist supports, wheelchairs, walking aids, beds, rehabilitation articles etc...open Monday - Thursday 10am2pm and 3pm - 6pm. Call: 695 481 082 or 658 773 857

Starcar in Nerja for all your car repair needs: bodywork painting, service, pre I.T.V. check, air-conditioning, tyres, brakes, clutch etc. Also car transfers. Find them at Avda Alcalde Antonio Villasclaras just up from the BP garage as you are leaving Nerja on the right hand side and they are below the gym. Call Jonathan who speaks English on 637 801 325

Dentadanés Dental Clinic offer top-quality Scandinavian dental care at competitive prices, a successful concept that has been used since the clinic was established in Maro (Nerja) in 1991. We have two dentists, (one Danish female, one English male) ready to solve all your dental problems. Please visit our website at www.dentadanes.com for a full list of treatments & prices as well as directions to and pictures of the clinic. Open Monday to Friday 10am - 5pm including all summer months. We speak English, Danish/Scandinavian, German and Spanish. Tel: 952 52 96 66.

Fruit & Veg Chart

This awesome chart can be used by everyone. Here’s A - G for you. H - Z next month

I WILL COLLECT FREE of charge all your used clothing, bric-a-brac, pots and pans, books, toys, CD´s garden pots, tools, pieces of furniture or anything else you are throwing out whilst you are cleaning. Call me on 625 319 323 Jacqui

JOKE BOOK Oh My Good Gawld 2 Yours truly has put together the 2nd joke book containing 84 pages of solid jokes & funnies. No pictures, no spaces, just pure unadulterated laughter. 5€ Call: 664 689 138

GOLF CLUBS 2 sets of golf clubs in good condition with individual bag. One set is Wilson the other Ben Sayers. Call 634 329 225

NEW MEMBERS WANTED - EL CAPITAN TENNIS CLUB Torre Del Mar. Open to new members. For information Ring 675391967

BELFE & BELFE SKI JACKET 20€ CULTURED PEARL necklace/earrings 60€ 1981 NINTENDO GAME BOY parachuteWorking condition - OFFERS

VENETIAN HANDMADE MURANO glass braclet 50€ La Viñuela - Tel: 603 253 335

INESCA TRAILER TENT. Two beds/outside awning. 2.80 metres x 1.40 metres. (Opens to double size) 900€ La Viñuela - Tel: 603 253 335

Background Information

Maitreya, the world teacher, and head of our Spiritual Hierarchy, is awaited by faith groups under different names - the Christ, the Imam Mahdi, Krishna, the Messiah or Maitreya Buddha. He is the teacher for all people, religious and non-religious alike, an educator in the broadest sense, inspiring the creation of freedom, justice and peace. The keynote of His message is: “Share and save the world.”

Maitreya has manifested miracles worldwide, for those who seek signs of His coming, touching the hearts of millions, preparing them for His appearance. Since December 2008 sightings of Maitreya’s ‘star’ have been reported worldwide heralding His imminent emergence. For over 40 years, the late artist and author Benjamin Creme’s role was to prepare a sceptical world for this extraordinary event. Millions have heard his message of hope and await expectantly for Maitreya’s full public appearance.

Maitreya’s first television interview took place in the USA in January 2010, announced by Benjamin Creme. Maitreya has now given over 170 television interviews (presented as an ‘ordinary’ man) in the USA, Mexico, Brazil, Russia and China. These will continue around the globe. His ideas inspiring people to call for a better and fairer world for all.

Transmission Meditation is a simple group meditation introduced in 1974 by Benjamin Creme. It provides both a dynamic service to the world and powerful, personal spiritual development. The meditation will be introduced by co-workers of Benjamin Creme. share-international.org share-es.org

Nibble my nuts

Rugby ace Mike Tindall, who is married to Princess Anne’s daughter Zara, made a revealing confession in I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!

In a recent episode, Mike turned conversation in camp to suits – and how he can sometimes get a bit carried away when dancing.

“I tend to over-exaggerate dancing at weddings especially … I rip a lot of suits, trousers and stuff, and the old ‘slut drop’ gets me every time. “I usually take a spare suit just in case!”

He went on to recall the time he was dancing with Princess Anne at his wife Zara’s 30th birthday – and things went from bad to worse.

“It was a disco 70s-themed party, I was dancing and I had flares on — the full outfit,” he explained. “It was quite tight — nothing ever fits a rugby player’s bum and legs — so when I did a slut drop in front of my motherin-law, the trousers split wide open.

“Unfortunately, the boxer shorts I had on at the time said ‘Nibble My Nuts’ — she just said ‘I’d rather not, if you don’t mind; I’m going,’ and walked off laughing. “I was mortified, but she took it in good part.”

Olivia’s ordeal

Olivia Attwood has finally spoken out about why her time on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! was cut short.

The Love Island star was forced to leave the jungle after just 24 hours, and while she’s shut down certain rumours, she hadn’t yet addressed why she was no longer there.

The 31-year-old was rushed to A&E by ITV staff after ‘routine blood tests’ showed her to be ‘dangerously anaemic’. Not only that, but her sodium and potassium levels were ‘worryingly low.’

“I was so scared,” she told The Daily Mail. She said her blood tests had been ‘fine’ when she had them done in England.

During the journey to the hospital, Olivia added that she was worried about being pregnant, or concerned that she had picked up a virus.

ITV bosses wouldn’t let her back into the jungle after the health scare, despite the hospital giving her the all-clear. She is still insisting she “loved” her time — albeit brief — in the jungle.

“I was absolutely devastated to leave the show,” she maintained.

Beatty an abuser?

Bonnie and Clyde actor Warren Beatty, 85, is being sued by Kristina Hirsch, who has accused the actor of grooming and exploitation. The pair met on the set of a movie in 1973 when she was just 14.

Hirsch, now 63, claimed that the abuse continued for months.

She had been taken to the set in LA by her neighbour and friend who was working on production, and claims that the actor, who was 35 at the time, repeatedly paid ‘undue attention’ to her.

The lawsuit states that Beatty gave her his hotel phone number and lured her there on various pretexts.

Beatty allegedly took her in his car, offering to help her with homework and having conversations with her about losing her virginity.

According to the Daily Mail, court documents read: "He used his role, status, and power as a well-known Hollywood star to gain access to, groom, manipulate, exploit and coerce sexual contact from her over the course of several months in the State of California."

As a result, she allegedly ‘suffered severe emotional, physical and psychological distress, including humiliation, shame, and guilt.’

She seeks damages, special damages and punitive damages.

No babies for Jennifer Actress Jennifer Aniston, 53, has spoken for the first time about her secret IVF battle and admits ‘the ship has sailed’ on her being a mum.

NewsCelebrity

In a recent interview with Allure magazine, the Friends star revealed the lengths she took to try and get pregnant during her late 30s and 40s.

"It was really hard. I was going through IVF, drinking Chinese teas, you name it," Jennifer explained. "I was throwing everything at it, but here I am today — the ship has sailed.”

She added: "I actually feel a little relief now because there is no more, ‘Can I? Maybe? Maybe?’ — I don’t have to think about that anymore."

Jennifer is keen to write a book to share her struggles with others in the same boat.

Charities

What´s on in your area?

SEEKING CHARITIES - People helping People

Do you know of any SPANISH Charities (O.N.G) who help people and are seeking funding? The American International Club is currently seeking Spanish Organisations who are seeking assistance. If you are aware of an organisation that assists Spanish people, please send an email with contact information to nerjaclub@yahoo.com

The American International Club is a social club open to all nationalities which spans the area from Almunecar to Torrox and beyond. Activities include tapas runs, monthly excursions, petanque, coffee mornings, dinners and walks. The Club raises funds for Spanish charities and each year makes a significant donation to a local organisation as a way of saying "thank you" to our host nation. Our motto is "If it isn't fun, we don't do it". To join in the fun email: nerjaclub@yahoo.com http://www.americaninternationalclub.com

Los Romanes Royal British Legion. Los Romanes branch has two venues. We meet weekly at The Asador Restaurant Puente Don Manuel, on Mon 12.00 – 1400 hrs. And on a Wed at midday at the Bar La Vega, Torre Del Mar. Our friendly group get together not only to raise funds for and support TRBL in Spain, but also meet to be with friends and have some fun, including quizzes, bingo, monthly lunches etc. You do not have to have served in the Armed Forces to become a member. Interested? Tel: Sue on 691 544 140 or just pop in for a chat.

Furniture shop, Torre del Mar is looking for volunteers who have a free morning or afternoon every week to help us to sell second hand furniture and attend to customers in the new store. Would you like to help us? Contact 952564910/671048304 voluntariado@cudeca.org

Pippa’s Pawprints Charity Shop C/ Antonio Jimenez No. 4b, behind the Bus Station and the Notary. Cards, bric-a-brac, bags, shoes and quality clothing at knock-down prices. Now open from Tues to Sat 10.30am - 2pm. 622 574 174

AAR (Axarquia Animal Rescue) shop. Avenida Andalucia 147, Torre del Mar. Open Mon - Sat 10am - 13.30 All donations gratefully accepted

Argentine Tango classes in Torrox: Contact Mario 649 59 55 94

Scottish Country Dance Classes at El Trapiche Market, contact George 619 069 966

Every Tuesday is Tony’s Bingo Quiz at The Belvedere at 3pm in Torre del Mar. Come along for a great fun afternoon! Call 610 100 908 to reserve a table.

Every Thursday Quiz at Bar Samba 7pm.

Every Tuesday Country Farmers Market between 9.30am and 1.30pm. Los Jardines del Trapiche Call: Anita 627 877 164

The Nerja Players meet on 1st and 3rd Tues of the month between Oct and Apr. Perfomances are rehearsed readings. Calle Castilla Perez 1, Nerja. Look for the very large BLUE entrance door. We are between Salon de Juegos and a Supermarket. Reservations on our website. Email: admin@thenerjaplayers.com

Torrox Tornadoes Walking Football Club Looking for players of this new team based in Torrox, for 50 and over men’s physical and mental health and to make new friends. Joining the new league on the Costa Del Sol. Join us on Facebook “Torrox Tornadoes Walking Football Club”

New Life Church Whether you live in Nerja or are visiting our area, you are very welcome to come and join us at our Sunday gathering. Join us for a time of Holy Spirit led worship and experience the presence of our God. Our teaching is Bible based as we honour God and obey His Word. During this time of uncertainty, God’s Word reminds us that the Gospel shines brightest in times of darkness. Our service lasts for about 1 hour and 30 mins. With Tea and Coffee afterwards. Sunday Service 11.00am Prayer Meetings Wednesdays 11.00am Pasaje San Miguel, Nerja, Email: info@nlcnerja.com www.nlcnerja.com FB: www.facebook.com/nlcnerja

Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre, Torre del Mar, Avda. Moscatel 1”I”, (Jardines Viña Malága/Antigua Casa de la Viña). Open mornings only Wed & Fri 10am - 1pm. For info Tel. 952 543 334 E-mail: luxmundi@lux-mundi.org Dec/Janevents: Thurs 1st Dec – Coach Excursion for Christmas Shopping to Guzman Garden Centre, Miramar Centre & Iceland. Friends are invited on a Christmas shopping spree. Wed 7th Dec – Quiz Night with a Christmas Theme. Please come along to the Centre and have a fun night out with your team of 6 friends. Light refreshments available and drinks can be purchased. Tickets available at the Centre 7€ or with a Friend of Lux Mundi card 6€. Doors open at 6.00pm and the fun starts at 6.30pm. Tues 20th Dec –Excursion to Malaga Christmas Lights.Thurs 12th Jan – Excursion to Gibraltar for the Sales.

...In our own random order!

Bus Stations

Torre del Mar Call: 952 559 100 Malaga Call: 952 350 061

Tourist Information

Nerja: 952 521 531 Torre del Mar: 952 541 104

Hospitals

Nerja Ambulatorio: 952 523 131 Velez Malaga: 951 067 000

Weekly Market days (mornings only)

Mondays: Torrox Costa Tuesdays: Nerja & Country Farmers Market, at Jardines del Trapiche Wednesdays; Rincon de la Victoria, Algarrobo Costa

Thursdays: Velez Malaga, Torre del Mar & Frigilana

Fridays: Cala de Moral

Saturdays: Caleta de Velez, Competa & Benajarafe, Algarrobo Costa, Opp Lidl (1st & 3rd Saturday each month) Sundays: Nerja Car Boot

ITV Call: 951 707 108 www.itvcita.com

Shops 10am - 2pm - 5pm - 8:30pm (generally)

Town Halls

Torre and Velez: 952 500 100 Torrox: 952 538 200 Nerja: 952 548 400 Competa: 952 516 006 Rincon: 952 402 300 Malaga: 952 135 000

Airports

Malaga 24-hour information 952 048 484 or 952 048 804 Granada 958 245 200

Railway Stations

Malaga: 952 360 202 Granada: 958 271 272

Water Supplies

Velez Malaga: 952 506 450 Nerja: 952 520 154 Malaga: 952 135 013

Consulates

UK 902 109 256 or 913 342 194 Ireland 952 475 108 Germany 952 363 591 Sweden 952 604 383 France 952 226 590 / 952 214 888 Belgium 952 559 159 Denmark 952 211 797 Luxembourg 952 857 197 Chemists www.bit.ly/dutychemists

Moviestar Dial 1002 to report a fault on the line. For general enquiries dial 1004

Church services in English

The Anglican Parish of Nerja Services at Iglesia San Miguel (St Michael's Church), every Sunday at 12 noon. There is an on-line "zoom" service on Wednesdays9.30am. Please contact Fr Nigel with an e-mail address if you would like to join us. Priest in Charge: Father Nigel Thomas. Tel: Church House951 815736, Mobile: 608 695 756, email: cofenerja@gmail.com, website: www:nerjaalmunecaranglicanchurch.co.uk. Competa - Holy Communion every Sunday at 5.30pm in the Parish Church, Plaza Almijara, Cómpeta Tel: 952 219 396 Malaga - St. George´s Church in the Engish Cemetery. 11.00am Sun Tel: 952 110 416 website: stgeorgemalaga.org Velez-Malaga - Capilla De San Jose, Calle Linares 7, Velez-Malaga. Sun 10.30. Tel 608 063 873

Lux Mundi, Torre del Mar Catholic Mass in English. Every Saturday at 17.00. Tel: 952 543 334.

St Barnanabas IERE (Anglican) Torre del Mar, Morning prayer 1st Sunday, Holy Communion 2nd, 3rd and 4th at 11am. Tel: 657286284

Lux Mundi Ecumenical Centre, Torre del Mar, Avda. Moscatel 1”I”, (Jardines Viña Malága/Antigua Casa de la Viña), Torre del Mar, 29740.

Torre del Mar: International Church Málaga/ Cornerstone International Church. Meets Sun @ 11:30am & Wed @ 6:30 pm for Bible Study. Calle Solera 2, Bajos,Torre del Mar

Evangelical Church - El Puente Christian Fellowship Sunday Worship 11am - Bible Study Wed 2-4pm. AA - Wed 7pm. Charity shop/books open Wed, Thurs, Fri & Sat 10-1.30pm. We meet at El Puente Christian Fellowship premises situated underneath Maroma Inmobilaria, Cruce de Periana Puente don Manuel. 952 117 145 or 952 518 185

Bank Hours Usually 8:30am-2pm except Sundays, Bank holidays and Fiestas. Please note, the majority of banks will not accept bills to be paid (ie: electric, phone, rates) after 11am.

Taxis Torre: 653 917 004, Nerja: 952 520 537 Velez Malaga: 653 917 004, Puente Don Manuel: 952 510 992 Mob: 616 034 636.

‘

The 'Big Cats' We are a group of Jaguar enthusiasts living in Andalucia. We have a meeting each month for a meal and a good old chat about our cars. Contact Philip Wray on 669 434 457 JEC.CostaDelSol@gmail.com

Join El Valle! El Valle is one of Axarquia’s most successful and longest running social clubs based in Lake Vinuela area. We meet on the first Mon of each month (not Aug) at Punto de Encuentro Asador, Puente don Manuel) At our monthly meetings you can find out about our wide range of activities that range from the cultural and gastronomic to quizzes, games and films. We also organise days out and short trips away. www.el-valleasociacion.com

The Nerja Philosophical Group For info please call Tom Bryson on 699 170 931

Trumps Bridge We are a very friendly international Bridge Club playing Duplicate twice weekly on Monday and Thursday afternoons at 2.45pm. We now play in our new premises at El Zoco, Calle Neptuno, Nerja. We will be starting a beginners' course in the near future and run a Mentor scheme for those wishing to improve their game. Should you require a partner, or wish further information on our Club, visit www.bridgewebs.com/trumpsnerja

The Nerja History Group for anyone interested in Spanish History. We have Lectures and trips each month. Meetings are held at the Nerja Museum, above the underground car park, starting at 11.00am and finish approx. 12.30pm. Please email: nerjahistorygroup@yahoo.com

Phoenix Club We now meet every Tues between 12 and 2pm at Bar La Vega, Avenida Andalucia and is sandwiched between the small Mercadona Supermarket and the Repsol Garage on the way out of Torre towards Malaga. Call Gail 951 067 723 www.phoenixsocialclub.co.uk

Short Mat Bowls is now operating in the hotel Jimesol, C/ Chaparil, Nerja on Mon and Thurs afternoons from 1.45pm to 4.15pm. New members welcome. Contact Marian on 952 523 754 or Malcolm on 952 520 579 for more details. www.shortmatbowlsnerja.com

Golf: TOGS (Torrox Golf Society) If you would like a friendly but competitive game of golf each Sunday morning at Anoreta, then why not join

What’s On

TOGS, possibly the friendliest Society on the Costa. Email: torroxgolfsociety@gmail.com or call Captain: Bob Bennett on 691 571 570

Multi-National Choir has moved! We have relocated to Vélez-Málaga - easier access to people in local communities who want to come and sing with us. Rehearsals Thur, 17:30 – 20:00 in the Casa Hermandad de la Cofradía de los Estudiantes, Plaza de los Sastres, 1, CP 29700 Vélez-Málaga, near San Juan Church and the Language School. Parking nearby at the San Francisco market (1 euro). For info please contact 657 951 755 (English) or 689 111 352 / eucorax@hotmail.es

RBL Benajarafe Branch meet every Fri from 11.30 at the Restaurante Mediterraneo situated on the coast road in Benajarafe. We enjoy bingo, quizzes, various entertainment & monthly outings. We have an excellent weekly lunch & welcome new/existing RBL members. Tel: 653 108 415 benajaraferblspainsouth@gmail.com

Colmenar Social Club is a group whose aim is to promote friendship and assistance to all our members. We meet every Wed from 12.00pm at Arco Del Sol Hotel, Colmenar on A356 KM9. A great venue to enjoy a variety of activities such as wine tasting, talks, cooking demonstrations, monthly lunches, car sharing days out, theatre visits. scs.colmenarsocialclub@gmail.com Tel: Marjorie 608 409 864

RBL - Nerja meets several times a month enjoying lunches in Maro & La Herradura along with a monthly quiz on Torrox Costa. We host many specialised events throughout the year. Everyone is welcome. Booking is essential call: Kim on 711 077 576 or email kim_bowe1@hotmail.com For info visit us on FB page Royal British Legion Nerja or contact our Chairman Eddie on 711 052 499

RBL Riogordo Branch meet the last Thursday of every month from 12.30 at Bar Eusebio's, Paseo de Andalucía, Riogordo 29180. Come along and meet a friendly group of people, and enjoy Bingo, quizzes, raffles. Also outings with one of neighbouring branches. Lunches are available. You do not have to be ex services to be a member. Please tel 633 125 681 or email rbl.riogordo@gmail.com

Chess Club: For details call 658 503 604

Jokes ha ha :)

Bloke goes into fish and chip shop and says “Give me some chips now!”

“No I won’t, speaking to me like that! That’s not very polite let me show you how to ask. You come round this side of the counter and I’ll be the customer.”

“Hello can I have a portion of chips please?” “No f*** off you wouldn’t serve me!”

**********

One afternoon a lawyer riding in his limousine saw two men at the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, "But sir, I also have a wife with me - and six children!" "Bring them all" the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows said to the lawyer, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."

**********

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial.

It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room, "And gentlemen, remember — you're in this together — It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?”, answered the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

**********

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

'You all have obsessions.' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second mum, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third mother, Kathy: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on Dick, this chap has no idea what he's talking about. Lets go and pick Willy up from school and go home.

**********

Paddy says to Mick, “I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Mallorca and Mary got pregnant.”

Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?”

Paddy replies, “I'll take her with me!”

www.thesentinella.com

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.

They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was WINDbut I was wrong, too!"

**********

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

Jokes ha ha

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 16 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' ‘Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens’.

**********

Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid idiots because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

**********

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".

Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Puzzle Pages

Get Quizical Hey Diddle Riddle

1. What is the name of the Polish trade union founded in 1980 by shipyard workers?

2. According to Jewish folklore, Lilith was the first wife of which biblical character?

3. As of May 2021, who is Leader of the House of Commons?

4. What does the ‘C’ stand for in the United Nations organisation known as UNESCO?

5. What is the county flower of Lancashire?

6. The animal with the longest life span is a species of what?

7. According to Greek mythology, who defeated the Minotaur in its labyrinth in Crete?

8. Which musical duo were previously known as Tom and Jerry?

9. The Battle of Tewkesbury in May 1471 took place during which war?

1. What has many keys but cannot open a single lock?

2. What's always found on the ground but never gets dirty?

3. What do you bury when it's alive and dig up when it's dead?

4. What do you throw out when you want to use it but take in when you don’t want to use it?

5. What thrives when you feed it but dies when you water it?

6. Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How?

7. Two people are born at the same moment, but they don't have the same birthdays. How?

8. If you are running a race and pass the person in second, then what place are you in?

Answers on page 91 Easy Tough Sudokus

Across

1 Catcall; bird sound (4) 3 Fabric with vertical ribs, usually made of cotton (8) 9 Ran over (7) 10 Teutonic god, counterpart of the Norse Odin (5) 11 Chekhov play (1900) (5,7) 14 Tall conical Muslim hat (3) 16 Hit from the tee in golf (5) 17 Marienbad, for one (3) 18 Oscar (7,5) 21 Plant with erect spikes of usually purplish-blue flowers (5) 22 Patron saint of music (7) 23 Preponderate; take precedence over (8) 24 Excessively or affectedly quaint (4)

Puzzle Pages

Down

Hate ties (anag) (8)

In the act of broadcasting (2,3)

Queer; irregular (3)

Cheers! (4,3,5)

Turns in (7)

Pull sharply (4)

Genuflecting (2,6,4)

Manner of speaking (5)

Poisonous plant, the root of which is used medicinally or as a narcotic (8) 15 Kitty, pool of money, to scoop (7) 19 Grant; concede (5) 20 Greek Muse of history (4)

Subordinate who performs a routine but important function (3)

Horoscopes

by Juanita Banana of Banana Moon Yoga Therapy, Studio, Travel & Retreats

ARIES: March 21-April 20

The first half of December is peaceful and smooth but mid-month changes are likely. These positive changes may be a job offer or a favourable response to an application; perhaps a new project. As Christmas and New Year approach, allow yourself to be organised by family

TAURUS: April 21-May 21

Learn from previous mistakes and think twice before embarking on something new. If melancholy, your mood will cheer from December 18th when you become dynamic and playful, making the most of the festive period. Any financial difficulties are on hold

GEMINI: May 22-June 21

Your career gains momentum and your professional wishes come true as you leap forward. Your love life flails, however, and you might become disillusioned and disappointed. Sport or yoga will help remove stress or anger

CANCER: June 22-July 22

At the start of the month your priorities are mainly professional and you have difficulty finding space for family life. Positive changes come mid-month as you find ways to become “present” and make your loved ones happy

LEO: July 23-August 23

You are stubborn, allowing no-one and nothing to alter your decisions. Be open to avoid misunderstanding. Approaching Christmas, you are in a good frame of mind: happy, affectionate, attentive and caring

VIRGO: August 24-September 22

You are the darling of the planets during a very rewarding period, enjoying a beautiful evolution where your expectations and hopes come true – this is not a dream, this is reality. Your clan rejoices on your behalf

LIBRA: September 23 - October 22

Success is important to you and the Christmas season is an ideal time to dream about and work on your projects, whilst enjoying vitality, energy and good health. Leave your worries behind!

SCORPIO: October 23 - November 21

As you piece together the jigsaw of life, your courage is renewed and progress is made through good communication and constructive exchange. You are on the verge of success which comes with the aid of collaboration and effort

SAGITTARIUS: November 22December 21

You must believe again and be responsive to your own ideas and those of others. It’s important to move forward, to face up to responsibilities, be grown up! You are talented in so many respects and will always have opportunities

CAPRICORN: December 22 - January 20

Time for a well-deserved break, a rest for your body and spirit – at home or away. Following this recharge, allow some flexibility into family and business lives, remain open to change, perhaps going back to basics

AQUARIUS: January 21 - February 19

At the start of December life is comfortable and quiet, whilst you wait for projects to come to fruition. By the end of the year, you refocus on your personal journey with some enriching encounters and an explosive finish to 2022

PISCES: February 20 - March 20

Try not to let the pressure of this time of year overwhelm your moods and plans. Refocus priorities to find motivation. Plan new resolutions. Relax. Take a short holiday. Think calmly and the benefits will solve problems, large and small

The Sentinella Paginas

CAR RENTAL CAR RENTAL

lNo hidden cost, delivery along the coast, personal meet & greet service at the airport with no queues or bus journeys. quickcarhiremalaga@gmail.com 669 899 065 / Whatsapp available

CARERS CARERS

CHIROPODISTS CHIROPODISTS

lRegisitered Chiropodist/Podiatrist offering a complete footcare service in the comfort of your

COMPUTER SERVICES COMPUTER SERVICES

lSteve’s Computer and Laptop Service. Providing a thorough health check/repair for corrupted software and removal of virus/malware infections. Sales of used/refurbished laptops at competitive prices. Call Steve in Torrox: 634347055 Email: sfmay@hotmail.com

CURRENCY TRANSFERS CURRENCY TRANSFERS

lWise Really easy and a cheaper way to send money abroad. Every friend that you invite to Wise will get a first ‘fee-free transfer’ of up to 500pounds. Plus you get rewarded too. You receive 50€ once 3 friends are invited, who make a qualifying payment of at least 200€ each. Click below to receive your free transfer. https://transferwise.com/invite/asd/kamik9

DRAIN CLEARANCE DRAIN CLEARANCE

ELECTRICIANS ELECTRICIANS

lTeamsecomur - We are damp specialists and know how to get rid of rising damp problems in your property using the correct treatments. Call us today for a free quote 622 432 078 or visit: www.teamsecomur.com

DENTISTRY DENTISTRY

lClinica Europa Centro internacional, Blq. 86, Torrox Costa. Call: 952 53 09 08 Email: info@clinicaeuropa.eu

ELECTRIC SUPPLIERS ELECTRIC

ESTATE AGENTS ESTATE AGENTS

lAxarquia Properties S.L. Over 20 years the leading international estate agency in the Axarquia. Sell your property with us! Ctr. Almeria 194D, Benajarafe. Tel 952 436 781 Mobile & Whatsapp 609 436 537 mail: info@axarquiaproperties.com Web www.axarquiaproperties.com

lBuy A Home Spain Calle Pintor Cipriano Maldonado 7A, Edificio Salares, 29740, Torre del Mar. (Opposite the bus station) Call: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414. Email: info@buyahomespain.com Website: www.buyahomespain.com

lAndalucia Real Estate (Belgian management)- sales and renovations since 2005 –Axarquia area – Dutch/Belgian/English market. Av. De Los Cipreses 16, Frigiliana. 0034-952 53 44 81 or 0034-666 82 17 96 info@andaluciarealestate.eu www.andaluciarealestate.eu

To advertise call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com

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ESTATE AGENTS (Continued) ESTATE AGENTS (Continued)

lAndalucia4you.net Advice on the entire buying-selling process including property management and reforms. Avda. Andalucia 125, Caleta de Velez. Call: 952 72 08 32 or whatsapp 634 35 70 26 Email: contact@andalucia4you.net www.andalucia4you.net

lImmotions Real Estate, selling to Belgian, Dutch, English, Spanish & Scandinavian clients. We offer; one go-to person, renovation guidance, after-sales service and much more! Call +34/654 899 531 or +34/656 823 048 Website: immotionsrealestate.com E-mail: info@immotionsrealestate.com

lBluCee Real Estate / InmobiliariaPersonal service by dedicated team covering Málaga to Nerja, and Axarquia. We are listing specialists. Spanish, Dutch, Swiss, German, Belgium, British, Scandinavian and American clients. Website: www.blucee.com Email: info@blucee.com Tel/WhatsApp: 0034 711 042 727

lUnspoilt Andalusia, Established 2002, selling country and village properties. Our aim has always been to make any sales or purchase experience easy, helping our clients along after completion! Offices just off the main A356 road in Trapiche village. www.unspoiltandalusia.com Email: unspoiltandalusia@gmail.com Tel/WhatsApp: +34 606010580

lCountry Properties 29754 Competa - Málaga Plaza Almijara, 21 & Avd. Constitución, 33 Tel.: +34 952 51 61 78 29770 Torrox - Málaga Calle Elisa Ortigosa, 7 Tel.: +34 952 53 91 25 29740 Torre del Mar Málaga Avda. Andalucia, 32B Tel.: +34 952 54 18 86 / 654 693 680 www.countryproperties.net sales@countryproperties.net

lhausstar Equity Release & Real Estate Need money to make your retirement more comfortable? Call the experts! Call: 915 302 491 or visit www.hausstar.es

lVillaSolutions Real Estate Agency: As seen on Ch4: A Place in the Sun, a family run business since 2002. Many EXCLUSIVES, view videos on every property. Head office: C/Puente de Don Manuel, 8, Local D, 29713 ALCAUCIN, Malaga. Call/WhatsApp Tim: +34 696522171 Email: tim@villasolutions.net Web: www.villasolutions.net

EST AGENTS/PROPERTY RENTALS EST AGENTS/PROPERTY RENTALS

lSpanish Management Vinuela (next to the Farmacia) Sales, Rentals, Management, Holidays. Professional advice with 17 years experience in Spain. Tel 666 135 516 / 618 940 829 Email: spanishmanagement1@gmail.com Web: www.spanishmanagement.com

lBuy A Home Spain C/ Pintor Cipriano

Maldonado 7A, Edificio Salares, 29740, Torre del Mar Call: 952 547 554 or 680 210 414. Email: info@buyahomespain.com Website: www.buyahomespain.com

FINANCIAL SERVICES FINANCIAL SERVICES

FISH & CHIPS FISH & CHIPS

FURNITURE FURNITURE

GARDENING GARDENING

To advertise call 664 210 468 or email sales@thesentinella.com 95

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lAxarquia Gardening Garden and pool maintenance and all the jobs that are related to gardening. Contact us on: 644 930 221 FB - axarquiagardening Email: axarquiagardening@gmail.com

GARDEN FURNITURE GARDEN FURNITURE

lDe Tropen - Specialist in garden furniture, 13.000m2, all models in stock. www.detropen.es Location: Autovía del Mediterraneo A-7 (Exit 953), 29700 Velez Malaga, Entrance behind Repsol gas station. Tel. 680 480 276

HAIR SALONS HAIR SALONS

lThe Studio Izzi & Capelli Paseo Maritimo de Poniente 17, Torre del Mar, (Close to the Lighthouse & Tennis courts) Call: 952 965 646 or 608 782 348

lErica Villegas Stylists Specialists in hair colour, balayage, weddings, Botox hair treatment, protein and keratin. C/ Cristo 10, Nerja. (Post Office street, down side in front of Coviran supermarket) Call 952 523 966/610 876 127

HEATING HEATING

lRedwell® – the leading brand in Infrared Heating Systems. White panels & designs like mirrors, pictures, glass etc. Low consumption, low running time due to partial storage material inside. Prevents damp. Contact/showroom: Axarquia Service Center, P.box 28, Torrox Park. 606 423 869 sscharler@gmx.de, www.redwell.com

INSURANCE INSURANCE

lGPS Insurance Services - For all your Insurance needs (Personal & Business) Check out our easy to navigate website to request quotes www.gpsinsuranceservices.com email: admin@gpsinsuranceservices.com Tel/Whatsapp: 711 021 479

lLinea Directa, Car insurance starts from 194€. Best prices and best cover. Car, motorcycle, home and vehicle fleet insurance. Call: 952 147 834 www.lineadirecta.com

lLiberty Seguros The Expats No. 1 choice for insurances. Avda. Andalucia, 61 Blq 1, Local E, Torre del Mar. Call: 951 552 085 / 617 967 668 Email: libertyexpatsmalaga@gmail.com FB: Liberty Seguros Expats Malaga

LANGUAGES LANGUAGES

lLanguage Classes Online. Learn Spanish online or in presence! We speak English, German and Italian. All levels catered for. Home lessons available. www.languagesclassonline.com Email: team@languagesclassonline FB: @languageclassesonline Tel: 648 69 77 96

lInlingua: Spanish classes for non-Spanish speakers in Velez Malaga. Certified bilingual teachers. Dynamic methodologies adapted for all levels. Also in English, French and German. Online or face-to-face sessions. Call: 952 55 85 24 / 626 21 91 68 FB:@delibesformacion Email: info@inlinguavelezmalaga.com

lTrilingo Idiomas is a British run language academy based in Velez-Malaga offering English and Spanish to Expats, from beginners to advanced – call Mark or Donna on: 951 768 175 / 679 792 329

LAWYERS LAWYERS

lCS Abogados, Spanish solicitors, specialists in property law. English Spoken. Torrox Costa, 952 697 004 Urb. Costa del Oro local 8, (in front of Mercadona). Torre del Mar, 951 832 130 Calle Rioja, 69, Edificio Salares, local A. (Near the Bus Station). Free initial consultation, Email: info@cslawyers.es / www.cslawyers.es

l De Cotta Law Spanish Abogados & English Lawyers. Consultations and advice on all legal matters, including Visas and Wills. Conveyancing specialists. www.decottalaw.com. Call us on 952 527 014 or email info@decottalaw.net

lMálaga Legal, Professional, friendly experts offering all types of legal advice, incl. family law, conveyancing, immigration, contracts, tax, Wills residency, etc.. all in English or Spanish. C/ Puerta del Mar 3, Local 17, Torre del Mar (directly opp. the Police Station) Tel: 659 752 538 info@malagalegal.com / www.malagalegal.com

MAN

& VAN MAN & VAN

lMan & Van Transport, Clearances, 15€ p/hour and 0.25c per KM. Extra man 10€ p/hour. Call Jan 643 623 684

METALWORK METALWORK

lMetalwork made to measure - Gates, Doors, Rejas. M.O.T. welding and on-site repairs. All areas. Also building work. All work guaranteed. Andy: 676 719 066 Email: sainbena@hotmail.com

MOBILIE HAIR & BEAUTY MOBILIE HAIR & BEAUTY

l

MOBILITY SERVICES MOBILITY SERVICES

lÓpticas Perea Optometry, contactology, vision therapy and audiology. Visual acuity and visual performance diagnosis with 3D/IA test. Hearing tests and IA technology. C/ Santa Margarita, 15, Torre del Mar, Tel. 951 241 410

RESTAURANTS RESTAURANTS