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Whole Lotta Shakin’

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A News Magazine Worth Wading Through ~just going with the flow~ P.O. Box 151•Clark Fork, ID 83811 www.Facebook.com/RiverJournal (Webpage under redesign) 208.255.6957 • 208.266.1112 RiverJournalIdaho@gmail.com

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• December 2015 •

Hope, ID. Photo by Trish Gannon.

6. WHOLE LOTTA SHAKIN’. All over, and underneath, Lake Pend Oreille and its surroundings lies a network of earthquake faults. by Trish Gannon

16. HOLIDAY BLOOMS. Nancy shares the care and feeding of festive, seasonal plants. GET GROWING!

Trish Gannon • trishgannon@gmail.com

9. WINTER BREAK. Yeah, we’re doing it again.

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PRESERVATION. A successful vote in November gives new life to War Memorial Field. AS I SEE IT

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17. PINE GROSBEAK If you’re lucky, Mike says this “robust” bird might, in the winter, come to your house for a visit. A BIRD IN HAND 18. LIFE IN THE BODY OF CHRIST. No matter what happens in life, there is a community to fall back on.

KATHY’S FAITH WALK

“We are what we repeatedly do.

Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

11. THE PATROL PACK. Sandy’s not-sored-anymore backpack is colored with magic dust. THE SCENIC ROUTE

19. CELEBRATING BLACK FRIDAY. Forget crowds, shopping and traffic... Ernie follows a different tradition. THE HAWK’S NEST

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12. CANCER DRUG A MIRACLE CURE FOR PARKINSONS? Despite attention in the media, the path to a cure is a long one. ALL SHOOK UP

20. SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE. Scott speculates that the holiday experience may be similar for all creatures... including some magical reindeer. ACRES N’ PAINS

Contents of the River Journal are copyright 2015. Reproduction of any material, including original artwork and advertising, is prohibited. The River Journal is published the first week of each month and is distributed in over 16 communities in Sanders County, Montana, and Bonner, Boundary and Kootenai counties in Idaho.

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13. WEIRD NEWS ROUND-UP. A look at some of this world’s beautiful oddities in 2015. SURREALIST RESEARCH BUREAU 14 RISE ABOVE FEAR. Gil calls for a return to one of America’s founding values. VETERANS’ NEWS 15. SANDPOINT CHOOSES

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December 2015

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Whole Lotta Shakin’

by Trish Gannon

What’s Happening on the Hope Fault?

When the first earthquake struck at 7:32 pm back on April 23, I had just climbed into a hot bath. And then, accompanied by an astoundingly loud booming, I found myself riding a fiberglass jackhammer. I thought something had exploded. The epicenter of the 3.7 quake was just a mile or two from my house, and the surface waves were strong.

Two small (under 2.0) quakes followed within the hour, with a 3.9 quake following a little more than 3 hours after that. A 3.3 joined the parade just before 2 am the next morning. And then the Hope Fault, quiescent for all this area’s written history, went quiet again. A day’s worth of Facebook chatter, a mention on the Spokane news, and jokes about overturned lawn chairs quickly faded into the distance as area residents moved into an early spring, a dry summer, a devastating fire season, a late winter.

November 23, 1:03 in the afternoon, a 3.4 rumbled out underneath the lake.

Again, the booming, though this time, at my house, the shaking was less intense and shorter in duration... and I was fully clothed. It was a full 21 hours before the second quake, a 2.4, hit around 4 am. And the third of this series, a 2.6 at 7 am in the morning, didn’t arrive until almost a full week had passed, showing up on the earthquake maps on November 30.

The Hazards Mitigation Plan for Bonner County (April 2010) gives short shrift to the idea of local earthquake activity, based on information from the Hazardous Areas Component of the Bonner County Comprehensive Plan (2002). That document relies on information provided by the Idaho Transportation Department, which states there are no active faults within Bonner County. Obviously, we know now that is not true, but how much does that matter for those of us who live in the greater Bonner County area?

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Local quake activity in 2015 on left, quake activity since 1900 on right.

The River Journal reached out to the experts to find out: Dr. Mark McFaddan, who teaches geology at North Idaho College and is a consultant with the Idaho Geological Survey; Dr. Chad Pritchard, an assistant professor of Geology at Eastern Washington University (Cheney); and Bob Howard, Director of Bonner County Emergency Management.

THE QUAKES

First off, those six quakes I listed don’t provide a full picture. If I search the USGS earthquake map archives just since the beginning of 2015, I see there have been 34 actual quakes in the area of Lake Pend Oreille. The quakes range from a magnitude of 1.5 to 3.9, so all are relatively small. Push the date parameters back to show all quakes from 1900 to now—115 years— and that number hardly changes, adding only seven additional quakes to the total. And four of those came just last year, the highest a 2.2 in August of 2014.

“I’m not surprised,” said McFaddan, who added he expects this new trend of local, small earthquakes will likely continue. “It’s a dynamic earth, and it’s always in flux.” Although the movement may be infinitesimally small, the ground underneath our feet is always moving.

Because that movement isn’t smooth, areas get “hung up” and, when they eventually break through the hang up, we see earthquakes.

THE FAULT

These earthquakes—this year and in the past—are not all falling on the Hope Fault, as previously assumed. In fact, the epicenters plotted on the USGS earthquake map roughly follow a north/ south line that doesn’t quite match up with any known single fault system.

While the Hope Fault, along with tectonic features of the Purcell Trench, has been recognized since the early 1930s, a 2008 map (developed, in part,

by Dr. McFaddan), revealed a network

December 2015

of faults underneath Lake Pend Oreille and traversing much of Bonner County and its surrounding areas. This area, McFaddan explained, is something like “a junction of various faults,” most of which are not overly large, and remain unnamed. (You can look at the map, made available through the Idaho Geological Survey, online at http://bit.ly/1YOLKre.

Images courtesy USGS earthquake maps.

It’s fascinating, but the information is so extensive it’s a bit overwhelming.)

Recent (2014/2015) earthquakes seem to be occurring on a number of those different fault areas, potentially reflecting a small readjustment throughout the area.

THE RISK

The amount of information learned about earthquakes just in the last 30 to 40 years is stunning, but if geology were a birthday cake, what we’ve learned might amount to knowing there’s flour in that cake. How the earth moves, how those movements impact other areas, what activities, both natural and man made, can influence those movements... this area of knowledge is as dynamic as the earth itself, with new insights appearing almost daily.

With that said... the magnitude of an earthquake depends on the area of

the fault—length times depth. Depth of our local faults is unknown, so the best determination of how big an earthquake is possible in the area is to look at the greater fault area surrounding us. This area of Bonner County is part of the Lewis and Clark Fault Zone, a relatively large area described in “Putting Down Roots in Earthquake Country,” a publication of the Idaho Geological Survey, as “a megashear in the earth’s crust.” Approximately 30 miles wide and extending through 240 miles of North Idaho and western Montana, the earthquake history of this zone includes both a magnitude 6 and magnitude 6.5 earthquake on the eastern end of the zone. The rule of thumb, according to Dr. Pritchard, is to assume those magnitudes could be seen on the western portion of the zone as well.

Earthquakes in the magnitude six range—considered to be moderate—can nonetheless cause significant damage, particularly to structures built on loose soils, especially when there has been no mitigation for earthquake hazard.

That’s not to say that our recent activity is a harbinger of greater activity to come. The only way to identify an earthquake “foreshock” is after the fact. If we were to see a larger earthquake here, then it might be reasonable to determine that this cluster of earthquakes were foreshocks to that event. “I really don’t see that as likely,” said Pritchard.

It’s also possible that these movements could be aftershocks to other events—to those 6 and 6.5 quakes in the Helena Valley way back in 1935. While 1935 might seem to be a long time ago (if not in a galaxy far, far away), if you are a rock that time span is an eyeblink.

What is most likely, however, is these events are merely movement and settling of the earth, much in the way that, over time, a house will settle. “I’m not Mr. Earthquake,” McFaddan laughed, but this is the explanation he believes to be most likely for our increased activity locally.

It should also be noted that, while we have no record of earthquakes originating in the Lake Pend Oreille area for most of our written history, that might only be because we weren’t looking.

Currently, we know an earthquake has occurred due to information received at various seismic stations. Prior to the

installation of those stations, however, geologically recent earthquake data (the last 100 years) is determined by the physical manifestation of rock movement, and subjective “felt reports”—we know there was an earthquake because people reported the ground shaking. Yet not all earthquakes are felt—witness those 34 earthquakes this year, of which less than a fifth created enough movement for people to suspect something had happened.

While that USGS earthquake map doesn’t list any earthquakes in the area prior to 1988, the “Seismicity Map of the State of Idaho,” a pamphlet available online through the USGS, lists six earthquakes in the area around Lake Pend Oreille stretching from 1918 to 1960. This report was developed by examining newspaper records for early quakes.

We also have a history of rockbursts in mines. These spontaneous fractures of rock have been noted many times. “Living in Earthquake Country,” states that “The sizable magnitudes of some rockbursts, their dominant horizontal strain direction, along with their location within the Lewis and Clark Zone suggest that tectonic stress release may be involved in this mining-related seismicity.”

So earthquake activity at smaller magnitudes of local origin may not be as uncommon here as we’ve previously thought.

DOES SIZE MATTER?

When it comes to earthquakes, the answer is both yes and no. In general, the greater the magnitude of the quake, the greater the damage. But there are other factors that are important as well, including your distance from the quake epicenter, the depth of the quake, and the underlying geology of the area where you happen to reside.

Pritchard pointed out another area of interest about faults in our local zone; they are, he said, “fairly steep. That means the maximum pressure tends to be vertical.” That is, while pressure waves will still radiate out horizontally, there is a stronger vertical component that is more pronounced closest to the epicenter. This likely explains not only the loud, booming noises with some of our recent local quakes, but also explains

Continued on next page

December 2015

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why my experience of a 3.7, within just a few miles from the quake epicenter, was a much more “jolting” experience than much higher magnitude earthquakes might have been in other areas. (The crystalline nature of the rock in this area might also account for some of the noise.)

THE FUTURE

Whether this area is subject to more low-level earthquake activity than was previously realized, or if this current spate of activity is something new, continued tectonic activity would suggest there is certainly an argument to be made that more attention should be paid to local activity.

That attention begins with Bonner County’s Emergency Management office.

Director Bob Howard shared that his department is just beginning to update both the All Hazards Mitigation Plan and the Emergency Operations Plan, and our current understanding of seismic risk and response will be a part of both those updates. “People should be aware and prepare,” he said, and pointed out that earthquakes are (now) considered to be among the area’s top five hazard risks.

Information about local earthquakes

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The map “Preliminary Geologic Map of the Sandpoint 30 x 60 Minute Quadrangle, Idaho and Montana, and the Idaho part of the Chewelah 3 x 60 Minute Quadrangle” can be viewed online via the Idaho Geological Survey. is collected from seismic monitors operated through the Advanced National Seismograph System. Epicenter and magnitude (the amount of energy released) are determined by correlating information from several different seismic locations. The closest seismic monitors to our area are located in Missoula, Mont., just north of Newport Hill in Newport, Wash., and just slightly northwest of Richland, Wash. Idaho has no seismic monitors of its own.

Much research is being done to help crowd-source an expanded seismic sensor network. Those interested in becoming a part of that effort can sign up with the Quake-Catcher Network at qcn.caltech.edu and contribute to the effort by allowing home computers and personal cellphones to be used to help monitor local earthquake activity.

If you’re only interested in knowing when an earthquake has occurred, you can visit the USGS earthquake map at earthquake.usgs.gov. If you have felt suspicious activity, but no quake is listed, click on the link on the lower left hand side of the page that reads “Felt something not shown—report it here” and fill out a quake report.

There are numerous apps for smart phones that will tell you when an

earthquake has occurred in your local area. Some cost money but many others are free. Simply google “free earthquake app” for a list.

STAYING SAFE

This year’s earthquakes should remind us that we do, indeed, live in earthquake country, and the risk of damage due to earthquake is high enough that mitigation efforts are worthwhile.

Although there are no specific risk calculations currently for Bonner County, in Idaho as a whole the risk of an earthquake of magnitude 7 or greater is 1 in 25. In comparison, the risk of being involved in an automobile accident is 1 in 6,500.

In addition, large earthquakes that originate outside our area can create the potential for damage locally. The publication “Seismic Intensities in Idaho,” available online through the Idaho Geologic Survey, attempts to determine relative levels of risk based both on seismic shaking maps, and the historical record.

Most of this area is listed as having a shake intensity of 6 for structures built on stable sites. “Shaking at intensity VI or less generally does not pose a serious safety hazard,” it states. But there are some important caveats the publication

December 2015

makes that should be considered. items like water heaters at a miniscule For instance, this determination has cost. a 90 percent confidence level; as the • Heavy objects on walls should be publication states, “Hence, they will be hung only on closed hooks, and no heavy wrong ten percent of the time.” objects should be placed over a bed or In addition, the intensity 6 is for where people may be sitting. structures built on bedrock, which is • Replace rigid gas connections with generally not the case for buildings flexible ones. Individual gas appliances As we go to press the plan, once located within our valleys. A look at should have excess flow shut-off valves. again, is for the River Journal to take a the 2008 map mentioned previously • Secure cabinets with child safety winter break, and suspend publication (it goes by the rather unwieldy name: latches. at least for January and February, Preliminary Geologic Map of the • Store flammables at the lowest with a return in March. That plan may Sandpoint 30 x 60 Minute Quadrangle, possible point. change—there has been considerable Idaho and Montana, and the Idaho part of • Practice earthquake drills. Contrary pressure from readers to keep the RJ the Chewelah 3 x 60 Minute Quadrangle), to older teachings, a doorway is not the going through the winter—but all of shows the underlying geological safest place in an earthquake. Drop, cover our writers appreciate the release from characteristics of all areas of the county. and hold on is the new recommendation. a monthly deadline, whereas Joe and I My own home, for example, is built on Seek out a heavy piece of furniture to are managing to stay quite busy with his top of an old river plain or, in the map’s crawl underneath in order to protect cancer treatments. terminology, consists of alluvial deposits yourself from falling objects.

To our friend in Naples—I know, I atop of Mount Shields Formation rock— While it may be unlikely to experience told you we would continue to print primarily siltstone, sandstone, quartzite an earthquake in this area at an intensity through the winter. And maybe we will, and shale. strong enough to do damage, it would but it’s more likely we won’t. It’s said Further, “Seismic Intensities in Idaho,” not be unheard of. Taking sensible that “to everything, there is a season,” shows shake intensities up to 7 based precautions now may prevent untold and it doesn’t seem as though the dead on actual ground surface in the area. “At heartache in the future. Let knocked over of winter is really the River Journal’s intensity VII,” it states, “considerable lawn furniture be the greatest of our season. damage will occur in poorly built or badly worries.

Regardless of whether we see you all designed structures.” again in March, or in January, I would The study concludes that, “Perhaps like to wish all of you the very happiest the most sane approach to the shaking of holiday seasons, a very Merry hazard... is to move toward upgrading Christmas, and peace on earth for all. all older buildings... to the point where -Trish Gannon they can withstand intensity 7 shaking without damage to the occupants.”

The publication “Living in Earthquake Country,” lists many sensible and practical ways to be prepared in the event of an earthquake, most of which will be familiar from other hazard preparations, be it fire, flood or winter storm.

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• Politically Incorrect

Trish Gannon•

In the Dark

The wood stove was putting out a comforting heat and the flickering light of half a dozen candles gave a warm glow to the corner of the living room where I was sitting, bundled up under a blanket. But for this girl, raised for too many years in the Midwest’s Tornado Alley, it was a long and frightening night spent listening as a howling wind did its best to tear my house apart.

The damage revealed by the morning sun was disheartening, and as I made camp coffee on the wood stove, I struggled to “think positive” and recognize that our first big storm of the winter season could have been much, much worse — as, indeed, it turned out to be for so many others in the Inland Northwest.

There’s not much to do when the sky is dark for 15 hours of the day, the power is out, and your eyes have become too old to read by candlelight... not much but think. And with power — and the undeniable benefits it brings — at the forefront of my experience, my thoughts inevitably turned to climate change.

If you don’t believe in our current experience of climate change, or that it is driven by the profligate use of fossil fuels by modern-day humans, you should stop reading here as this is not for you. Because our global climate is warming, with catastrophic implications

for humanity, and I suspect we’re not going to do anything to change that until it’s much, much too late, despite the gathering taking place in Paris as I write.

The IPCC warns that we must keep global warming below a 2 degree rise over pre-industrial levels, and we’re already halfway to that increase. Even if we — as in all of us on Earth — meet that target, we will still have to cope with ocean acidification, rising sea levels, extreme weather conditions, drought, and increased forest fires. That is, a steady and worsening repeat of our last few years’ weather. I’m not looking forward to it.

The chances we will limit warming to that amount are vanishingly slim. It would require that we — the world — not only change the way we consume energy, but how we produce it as well. It’s possible that we could do that, but I have little faith we can do so in the time frame required, especially as we have yet to figure out exactly how to do that.

It is hard to imagine global action when I cannot even imagine effective American action on a problem in a

Vincent Corley Thompson

1991 - 2015 “When he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun.”

-William Shakespeare

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culture that sees people like Donald Trump, Ben Carson, or, God help us, Heather Scott as viable political candidates. There are so few political voices calling for any real change that I begin to despair.

But it’s a fool’s game to despair over the actions of others, that I do not have the power to change. All I can do is look to myself, and my own efforts toward mitigating this problem. And in the dark, while the wind howls around me, I have to admit that the verdict to my efforts is “not enough. Not nearly enough.”

How can I expect the world to embrace change when I struggle to do so myself?

How can I sit in judgement on others for ignoring this problem when here at home, I still act as if unlimited power is mine to the degree I can pay for it, with no repercussions down the line?

I have grandchildren. I care about the world they will live in.

So why is it so hard to do even the simple things I need to do?

Turn out the lights unless I really need them. Turn down the heat.

Limit my use of vehicles. Unplug those appliances that are using power while I sleep. Eat locally. Eat less meat. Cut my consumption of things I don’t really need. Treat power like the precious commodity it really is. Be the example that inspires others, not the voice that condemns them.

I don’t like being in the dark but it’s a good reminder to me that I’m not doing enough to avoid that future.

Maybe, just as I do “Meatless Mondays” and “One Day to Feed the World,” I need to consider a weekly day of no power, so that my use of it stays close to the front of my mind. Turn out the lights, turn off the computer, put away the keys to the car and learn to appreciate what it is that I have so that I will use it more wisely in the future.

December 2015

• The Scenic Route Sandy Compton • The Patrol Pack

The fragrance of subalpine fir rises from my pack, emanating from crushed needles trapped there in early October. It was a stellar, oneday excursion; in and out in 26 hours; grand company in grand country.

We took turns leading. I like that. It showed we can trust each other. Do trust each other. How we know to do that, I’m not sure, but I’m sure we do; maybe because we know enough to trust ourselves. It’s an important skill to have.

My friend is also someone who’s not afraid to look right at me. I like that, too.

I bought the pack at full retail in 1998 from the Alpine Shop; The North Face Patrol before it got China-ized, bright red, bulletproof — at least, so far — seventeen years old and going strong. It’s not quite as red as it once was, but maybe if I were to figure out how to wash it. . . .

No. I don’t think so. A bit of each place it’s been hauled to is ground into its tough hide — magic dust, hard

earned. It keeps me young.

The first time I used the pack, it tried to kill me. “Give me more,” it insisted, and I stuffed it as full as I could. Holy burning quads, Batman. A foray to the East Fork Meadow is on the mild side — it’s a bit over three miles one way — but it took five hours to get there. Admittedly, it’s all uphill, sometimes very up. But still.

My time to the East Fork Meadow has since improved, and even though I haven’t washed it, the patrol pack seems to have shrunk. I can’t quite get everything into it I want to take with me. But I try.

Once, I packed seven days on the Continental Divide Trail into that bag. But it was summer, or as nearly summer as it can be in southwestern Montana at 7,500 feet. The adventure I’m packing for tonight will require a few more layers. Late November is late November, even in the desert.

We may freeze our asses off before Thanksgiving dinner, but the plan is to have it in the Utah back country.

“We” are four twenty-somethings and me. Hopefully, I won’t live up to what I once feared would be my trail name: “Anchor.” One can’t give oneself a trail name, and friends who might have named me that — with good cause — waited too long. My throughhiking, Triple Crown-owning friend Beads named me “Contour,” saving me from indignity.

It’s been an interesting year. I turned 64 in March, with nobody to need me or feed me. But I can feed myself, and being needed — or needy — is highly overrated. It’s better to have friends who appreciate me, “warts and all.” Mine come in all ages, both genders and a couple of species. I am blessed. They aren’t afraid to look right at me, either.

My mom died in June. We miss her, but there is not the big hole in our lives that one might expect. She might have needed us in her late years, but she set

us up not to need her. The transition has been bittersweet and relatively painless.

This trip is also my first big backpack of the year. Fire and other circumstances cancelled two last summer. And, this is a new crew I’m headed out with. It will be interesting to get to know them. More friends.

More magic dust. More stuff to keep me young.

At this point, we might not know what we are getting into, but we’re going to get into it anyway. I’m going to learn from them and they might learn from me. We will take turns leading.

And, I bet we won’t be afraid to look right at each other.

That’s a skill I’ve not always had.

Growing up wild, as we did, didn’t mean we became ferocious like wolverines, but more like white tail deer: shy. The patrol pack and its embedded magic dust seem to at least bring out the bear in me. Bears can be EVERGREEN REALTY both shy and ferocious. But, I’ve never met one that didn’t look right at me, Sales Associate, GRI though some — but not all — did run away.

The first time I hauled the Patrol, the number 25 ran through my mind.

I wondered if that meant I would get 25 trips out of it. I’m beginning to suspect it might be 25 years. Maybe 30. With all that imbedded magic dust and friends who aren’t afraid to look right at me, those years are going to be like the pack sitting in the bedroom — crammed with stuff that will keep me young.

321 N. First Ave. - Sandpoint Should he survive this trip, Sandy 800.829.6370 Compton will have another chapter for the 208.263.6370 Scenic Route. You can buy his book, The EvergreenRealty.com Scenic Route, at Vanderford’s, The Corner Bookstore or online at www.bluecreekpress.

SchweitzerMountain.com com. Or, if you insist, www.amazon.com.

December 2015 Page 11

Curt Hagan

•All Shook Up

A.C. Woolnough •

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Unfortunately, it is not.

There are a host of issues involved with taking mass media explanations of complex medical and scientific issues at face value and many are worth exploring. What first comes to mind is how the media came to this

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conclusion. It turns out there was a 15-minute presentation describing a very limited and short-term study given by the researchers’ own institution. It was not a published study; it was not a peer reviewed study; it was not even a complete synopsis or abstract of the study. The publication and review process can take months, if not a year or two. A published study includes all of the protocol and methods so it can be duplicated or taken to the next level.

The next level, a Phase II study, would include more people over a longer period of time to determine efficacy, safety and appropriate dosage.

In fact, the type of study reported is called open source study—everyone got the drug and both the subjects and the doctors knew it. The gold standard for a drug study is double blind: neither the subject nor the researcher knows who is getting the drug or a placebo (inert substance that looks like the study drug) until the project is complete. One of the primary reasons for a double blind study is the placebo effect. If a subject believes they are getting a helpful drug, often times they report improvement in their symptoms. This is especially pronounced with Parkinson’s Disease; the positive expectation increases the amount of dopamine in the brain— essentially what the study drug is trying to do. Oftentimes, the placebo group matches (and occasionally exceeds) the improvement, if any, of the group

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taking the actual drug. Remember, the PD patients using Nilotinib had positive expectations.

Another issue is the limited number of patients and the inclusion/exclusion criteria. There were some very specific exclusion factors related to potential drug interactions, stage of Parkinson’s and cognitive impairment. Heart attacks and death have occurred while taking Nilotinib (although not to the 12 PD subjects). Clearly, much additional research will need to be done.

Cost is another issue. Apparently Nilotinib can exceed $100,000 a year.

Another worry is that patients may try to coerce their doctor into prescribing this drug—essentially performing an experiment without the protection of a review board, informed consent or approved methodology. All PD organizations and foundations agree there needs to be further research but no clinical use until more is known about long-term effects, appropriate dosage, drug interactions and efficacy.

Was the media premature with their reporting? Were they irresponsible?

Those are loaded questions. Perhaps the easy answer is to not believe everything you read or hear. Ask questions, be skeptical, and investigate further.

That’s what we need with Nilotinib.

I’m cautiously optimistic that with further research we can determine if it lives up to the early hype. Believe me, I sincerely hope it does.

A.C. Woolnough has spent a lifetime in education. He lives in Sandpoint and serves the Parkinson’s Disease Foundation as both a Research Associate and a member of the People with Parkinson’s Advisory Council. In addition, he is the Assistant State Director for the Parkinson’s Action Network.

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• Surrealist Research Bureau

Weird News 2015

Al-Jazeera reported in September that one of the 116 remaining Guantanamo Bay prisoners, a close associate of Bin Laden’s, had opened up a dating profile on Match.com stating he’s “detained but ready to mingle.” His lawyer believes it’s an effort to humanize him before his next court appeal. Match.com has since suspended the account.

North Carolina’s public school system reported in July it would begin experimenting with online phys-ed classes for its high schools. Kids will watch videos on certain activities and self-report their mastery of the subject.

And in local news, a thief snatched the purse of an elderly woman in Spokane on July 23rd before fleeing through the parking lot of a Fred Meyers store, outrunning police. But he ran by Heidi Muat, 42, who sprinted after him, easily catching up with him and forcing him to drop the purse. Ms. Muat was later revealed to be Ms. “Ida B. Cheazz” in her spare time, leading the Spokannibals Roller Derby team.

In India, long known as the world’s leader in promoting the health benefits of urine, the head of the RSS, India’s largest nationalist group, is now promoting its new cow-urine based soft drink. India, its stated, “needs a domestic beverage to compete with the foreign influences of Coca-cola and Pepsi.”

Despite assurances by Olympic officials in Brazil, 2016 boating and surfing events in Guanabara Bay are expected to be held in waters so polluted with human sewage that an August AP report found that the

Jody Forest •

water’s fecal virus levels are as high as two million times the amount that would close a California beach. The report says that Olympic contestants can expect to almost certainly be struck with fever, vomiting, and diarrhea.

A judge in Montgomery County, Maryland gave probation to 3-time drunk driver Rene Fernandez. Later, the judge and his wife were both severely injured by a drunken Mr. Fernandez in his 4th DUI, for which he was given an 18 month sentence by a different, far less lenient magistrate.

Photos from the Dawn space probe show a mysterious, giant “hole” at the south pole of dwarf planet Ceres.

Evidence of a hollow planet? NASA says the large spot of blackness is simply because the South Pole was in the shade at the time of the photos.

The Opportunity Rover, busy snapping pictures on the surface of Mars, took a photo in July this year that appears to show a smooth dome structure arising from the surface of the planet. The official explanation is that it’s a shield volcano from an ancient eruption. If so, it’s much larger than any shield volcano so far observed on Earth or on our moon.

But that’s just one of many oddities showing up in photos from Mars.

There’s that statue of a reclining Buddha to consider, and a photo of what looks to be water running down rocks. And what’s with the pyramids?

We have pyramids all over the earth, and now it’s looking like they’re all over the solar system as well. This year it was pyramids on Pluto’s moon Charon, taken by the New Horizons

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probe, but photographs from Mars, Ceres and Comet P67 have also shown pyramid shapes.

In October this year, did the Solar and Heliospheric Observatory film a fin-shaped UFO entering the sun? Let’s hope not, because any civilization that can enter the sun without burning up is one we probably wouldn’t want to be messing with.

Many odd things fall from the sky, but in Spain this year we may have the oddest. Three times over the space of two weeks, mysterious black spheres dropped from somewhere, with no official explanation as to what they are or why they fell. The spheres are the size of large beach balls - around 3 feet in diameter - and weigh around 44 pounds. If they’re space junk, no one has yet explained where they came from... and regardless of what they are, no one would want to be underneath one when it fell. A similar object also fell in Turkey this year.

Also in 2015, myserious holes have continued to appear in several places in the earth. Siberia has most frequently been the source of large craters which appear overnight. Some speculate that methane gas, released by climate change, is the cause. Others believe they might be pingos - that is, subsurface mounds made primarily of ice that disappear once the ice melts, leaving a sinkhole.

Most of these items were garnered from the pages or websites of Fortean Times, Huffington Post, or the Weekly Weird News. Just google Weird News and a few interesting sites should appear.

So, with the vermouth lipped duck of doubt slowly roasting in my oven of Truth, I bid you farewell.

Keep spreading the word; Soylent Green is People!

All Homage to Xena.

Editor’s note: This is likely our last installment from the files of the Surrealist Research Bureau as cancer is interfering with Jody’s ability to concentrate. We thank him for his dedicated work in reminding us through the years of the odder things we find in the world.

December 2015

Page 13

• Veterans’ News

Gil Beyer ETC, USN Ret. • caring and open people that we’ve been the centuries since this nation was Rise Above Fear Like Americans Have Always Done over founded. If we don’t continue to give

First on this month’s agenda is a heartfelt ‘Thank you’ to all of the local schools that held programs honoring area veterans this past Veterans Day. On November 5th Northside Elementary School had breakfast for veterans and students. On the 10th, Hope Elementary School K-3 presented a skit plus music from the school band. Later that day Kootenai Elementary had a program honoring all veterans. On the 11th three schools — Sagle Elementary, Washington Elementary and Sandpoint High — had programs at 9 AM. At noon there was a program at the Clark Fork Jr/Sr High.

It was a pleasure to see all those students honoring those who have served our country. All too often the younger generations have no idea what their grandfathers and great grandfathers did ‘during the war.’ To most of today’s students, World War II is only seen in movies or on TV. So it is with genuine pleasure that I thank the administrators, teachers and students of all the schools that participated in these programs. I hope that we see more of these programs at more schools on future Veterans Days.

Next up I want to thank the local restaurateurs that feed area veterans so well this past Veterans Day. I know I’ll miss one or two of these fine establishments and apologize for any oversights. Stacy’s in Sagle offered a free meal to any veteran that came through the door all day long on the 11th. Sweet Lou’s in Ponderay gave a free steak dinner to any veteran

and continue to be the compassionate,

that came in on Thursday the 11th.

The Burger Express offered a free milkshake to all veterans on Thursday the 11th. The Elks offered all veterans and seniors a free turkey & ham dinner on Wednesday the 18th. Alpine Vista, though not a restaurant, also served a meal to veterans. I didn’t receive any other reports on other restaurants that might have had specials for Veterans Day. If anyone knows of something I missed please let me know so that I can correct this oversight.

Now I’d like to spend a few minutes discussing how we feel about treating people with humanity and compassion.

I’m not talking about our immediate family members. I’m not talking about our neighbors. I’m talking about how we treat those that are being displaced by famine, drought or conflicts around the world. This country was founded by people seeking a better life for themselves and their children. Over the years since our Revolution we have consistently welcomed people from all over the world. Welcomed them and given them a helping hand to become part of our “Great Melting Pot” that is America.

That welcoming, helping hand has been a constant over our history until very recently. We watch network and cable news with horror as we see Parisians, Syrians, Iraqis and Turks being murdered and torn asunder by men and women wearing explosive suicide vests while wielding automatic weapons. It is a natural reaction to become somewhat paranoid about our own safety.nutrients, We mustsuch rise above this fear increase as nitrogen and

This septic pilot project is being introduced in order to comply with water quality standards as determined by the Federal Clean Water Act. Designated to protect water quality, the plan, known as Fridays through Dec. 18 a “Total Maximum Daily Load” for Lake Pend Oreille, addresses nutrient issues

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in 2007 concerning a variety of water 208-263-4118 quality issues. As is turns out, their

aid and comfort to those peoples in need the forces of evil will win.

Now, many of our leaders at the state and national level are sowing seeds of fear and distrust around our nation. They sow this fear in the hope that we will forget that which makes this a great nation. We have always been a nation of peoples that don’t give in to fear. But rather we rise above it and do what needs to be done. The young men and women who serve this country are sometimes fearful too. But they knew that the promise of America makes their sacrifices worthwhile. Yes, we must be alert and vigilant for those that would do us harm. But we cannot let that wariness turn us into peoples that turns its back on those in need.

The extremists that slaughter innocents in the streets, churches, mosques, temples and most recently medical offices, are a sick minority.

They are an evil that needs to be eradicated from the congress of civilized peoples. But that evil is no worse than closing our hearts to those in need. We must always remember that we are a kind, giving and helpful people. We must never forget that we are people that help those in need. We must never close our borders to those in need. Those who preach fear of outsiders have forgotten that we were all ourselves outsiders once.

Until next month have a Wonderful Christmas and an even greater New Year.

Council website at tristatecouncil.org.

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The Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol 17 No. 18 | NovemberDecember 2008 | Page PageRiver 14 Journal - A News

20155

• The Way I See It

David Keyes • Memorial Field Vote Saves the Best of Sandpoint

Sandpoint residents have always picked up the tab for operations at City Beach, Memorial Field and the rest of Sandpoint’s great park system even though these two iconic symbols and the parks are heavily used by people living outside the city limits.

So it wasn’t a surprise that Sandpoint voters passed a measure that will raise the local sales tax by 1 percent for five years to pay for the demolition and reconstruction of grandstands at Memorial Field.

The sales tax increase will impact local shoppers to be sure, but anyone who spends money in Sandpoint will have some ownership in the new facility and will be in good company.

The tax will bring in an estimated $864,000 a year.

By increasing the cost of a $10 item by 10 cents, residents have guaranteed the Festival at Sandpoint, Sandpoint High School graduation, SHS football, soccer and baseball teams will continue to have the best venue anywhere.

The vision of panelized, realized.

Yes, the grandstands will be nice as well but the million-dollar view from the $2.75 million facility is stunning.

All a person has to do is take a look at Pend Oreille River to the south and a beautiful mountain backdrop in the

south, west and north, to understand why Memorial Field needed to be preserved and to stay right there.

Roughly 10 years ago, the facility failed a safety inspection and $55,000 was gathered in order to shore up the grandstands. The inspector said that fix would only be good for a few years and that something had to be done or the grandstands would be shuttered and probably demolished.

Friends of Memorial Field was formed a few years ago in the hope that a solution could be found in the private sector. Litehouse jumped in. Panhandle was ready to sign a check and lead the charge and even Coldwater Creek was onboard. Bricks were sold to the public, and the city and school district also kicked in.

But a quick glance at the other possible contributors was an indicator that private funding would be tough sledding. Coldwater Creek went bankrupt and Panhandle State Bank was sold to an out-of-state bank.

Only Litehouse stayed committed to helping fund the facility.

There were enough funds in 2011 to replace the failing lights at the field. It was good timing: one of the poles caught on fire when the lights were turned on in 2010. The lights are great.

The Festival at Sandpoint also helped out by donating a dollar from every ticket sale to the fund during the past few seasons.

Memorial Field is really Sandpoint’s Field of Dreams.

If you listen closely, you can hear the Victory Bell ring, graduates shuffle out of the grandstands, the Spokane Symphony Orchesra play under the stars.

Here’s to Kim Woodruff, who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and the rest of the Sandpoint residents who understood that Memorial Field is much more than just a facility.

David Keyes is former publisher of the Daily Bee and is vice chairman of the Idaho Lottery. He can be reached at: davidkeyes09(at)gmail.com.

Grandstand image: CTA

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December 2015

Page 15

• Get Growing Nancy Hastings • Holiday Bloomers Cheer the Air

It’s that festive time of year when we bring a bit of the outside in for the holiday season.

Pine, cedar and fir are harvested for wreaths and folks scout their back acreage or the national forest for the perfect tree to be topped with the family ornaments. The big bloomers of December are the “forced” favorites of the Poinsettias, Hyacinth, Amaryllis and paper white narcissus that greet your guests with bright, cheery colors of red, white and pinks.

Named after the first Ambassador to Mexico, Joel Roberts Poinsett, who became obsessed with the Mexican plant he was introduced to and then brought back to the states to propagate, the poinsettia is sometimes referred to as a weed in its native land. Under careful cultivation and timing it becomes a Christmas miracle now, with hybrid versions in traditional red, white, pink, speckles and even curly leaves. Because of its tropical heritage, be careful when transporting these beauties. Keep them wrapped to and from the car and unwrap them immediately. Place the poinsettia in indirect sun but absolutely NO hot or cold draft locations or anywhere their leaves will touch cold windows. Choose a room that stays 65 to 70 during the day but doesn’t drop below 60 at night.

Check your plants daily but only water when they are completely dry and then water thoroughly and be sure to remove from foil wrap or planter to

Page 16

toss out any excess water. If poinsettias are left in standing water, their lower leaves will turn yellow and then fall off. There is no need to fertilize the poinsettia unless you have successfully reached February and you feel like you want to begin the exacting, yearlong cycle of trimmings, light

manipulation and fertilization required to return your plant leaves to their blazing glory. Most research indicates that the old tale of the poinsettia leaves being poisonous to be false, so enjoy with the kids in confidence.

If you prefer to enjoy the whole growing process from start to finish than the beauty of the bulbs is for you.

Paperwhites and amaryllis are extra easy because these bulbs need no chill time prior to setting in some rocks and

water and warmth. Hyacinth need to have 10 to 12 weeks of cool, 30° to 40°F temps to simulate the outdoor dormant period. When you buy the hyacinth kits you can assume the bulb has been pre-chilled.

All three bulbs can be grown in low, wide round dishes with good potting soil or even in 4 inches of clean rock, beach glass or marbles. Start by placing 2 inches of your medium down first. Paperwhites look best if they are grouped tightly together with their pointing end ups. Cover and stabilize the bulbs with your medium, leaving the tips showing. Add water to a soilless rock layout until the water reaches the very bottom of the bulb. Bulbs that sit in too much water will rot and not bloom.

Set your container or vase in a cool (50°-60°F is ideal) place away from direct sunlight. Check the bulbs frequently and water thoroughly when the potting mix is dry down an inch or when the water level is more than an inch below the stones or glass in your vase. Keep your bulbs in a sunny spot and enjoy watching the growth of roots, leaves and lovely blooms and fragrance. Once the Paperwhites and Amaryllis get their flowers they may have to be staked to keep their beautiful blooms standing tall.

Nancy Hastings grew up on a 300+-acre farm and now is co-owner of All Seasons Garden and Floral in Sandpoint. She and her husband John have been cultivating community gardens and growing for 16 years in North Idaho. You can reach them with garden questions or sign up for classes at allseasonsgardenandfloral (at)gmail.com.

December 2015

• A Bird in Hand

Michael Turnlund •

Pine Grosbeak - our tubby winter denizen

You know, I could probably stand to lose a pound or two, or twenty. But I hesitate. When friends ask me why I don’t diet, you know, for my health, I have my retort: I’m prepping for the apocalypse. When that day comes, I’m going be one of the last men standing.

All of them skinnies are gonna die!

Seriously, tubby is okay. In fact, some of my favorite bird species are tubbies, including this month’s featured bird: the Pine Grosbeak. One of this bird’s most prominent field marks is, well, its tubbiness. What one birding guide describes as robust. Yah, it’s robust alright, like a little feathered lard ball.

If you read last month’s column you recall that this time of the year is a great time to be birding. As the summer residents flee south, northern arctic species often come south to our region. Even more, many of our year-round residents, such as the Pine Grosbeak, come down off the mountains and to the valley floors; where we are. Now is the time to be keeping an eye out for these otherwise less-accessible resident species. Proof in the pudding: I almost never see Pine Grosbeaks except during the winter.

This bird is a beaut! And a biggie, for a finch. These are relatively large birds, about the same size as a Brewers blackbird, except more, err…big-boned. And you’ll find them in small flocks, perhaps just a handful of birds at a time. What stands out is the coloration of the males. These guys range from red to pink, with black wings sporting prominent white wing bars, and gray highlights on the back and underside. Gorgeous!

And they stand out against the winter background. The females look like a different species, being mostly gray, but with a dark golden head. Sometimes the gold will cover the breast and upper belly. Pretty!

As the name suggests, these birds have big beaks, hence “gross beak” (grosbeak). And the beaks are black, matching the robber’s mask covering

their equally black eyes. It is important to note that these birds are finches.

Grosbeak is a not a genus or species of birds. This can get confusing, as there are other grosbeaks in our area, such as the Black-headed, the Evening, and, on occasion, the Rose-breasted. These birds are not all necessarily related, but it is easy to understand the confusion as they all carry similar oversized beaks.

But this is related to their livelihood rather than their pedigrees.

During the summer the Pine grosbeak is predominantly a seed eater, while consuming the occasional insect to round out their diets. But in the winter it switches to eating mostly fruit.

This is to our advantage and one of the reasons you’ll see them increasingly around town and settled areas.

For example, the street I live on in Sandpoint is lined with mountain-ash trees, which carry heavy loads of hard, yellow fruit. Delicious, I suppose, when you have no other food to eat. They will also raid backyards looking for any leftover berries. Isn’t this great? You don’t have to go find Pine Grosbeaks, they’ll come to you! That being said, I’ve never seen them at my backyard feeder.

One interesting feature of these birds is that during the breeding season the birds develop pouches in their mouths with which to carry food.

This makes gathering food a simpler task, I would imagine, when trying to feed a hungry brood of demanding hatchlings. And in the winter these birds regularly eat snow to obtain water. Cool! I mean cold.

Dust off those binoculars and get out the bird guides. You’ll never know what you’re going to find this December and January. And if you’re in luck, it’ll be that special, robust finch which has yet to win the Weight Watchers Bird of the Year award. Oh well, you can always add the species to your life list. Happy birding!

Like bird photos? You can find my collection online at birdsidaho.blogspot.com.

Reach me at mturnlund(at) gmail.com.

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December 2015

Page 17

• Kathy’s Faith Walk

Kathy Osborne •

Life in the Body of Christ

The idea of the Body of Christ is a bit of a foreign concept to the western mindset. That’s because here, in this land of plenty, as individuals we really don’t need each other. Or more to the point, we are not supposed to need each other. This is one place where Jesus and His outrageous paradigm collide with the everyday human being.

I cannot count on both hands anymore the list of people in my life who are facing agonizing circumstances and decisions. I know several women whose husbands have abandoned them for other women. I know one family that finally was able to become pregnant after seven torturous years.

One dear mother is in Africa waiting for a government to let her and her new adopted son come back to the states. She hasn’t seen her family for six weeks. I know one young woman who is in jail and about to lose her children.

Three families have lost children to suicide and many more families are serving as missionaries in far flung parts of the world at their own peril.

The one thing each of these situations

has in common is that every single one is the real life experience of a Christ Follower. This is why we need each other.

So whoever had the audacity to suggest that following the steps of Jesus Christ is for the weak and ignorant didn’t get out much.

Every single day a Christ Follower somewhere is giving up his or her life, either by adopting an orphan, choosing to let an adulterous spouse go, or visiting those in jail. They are choosing to stay and work in the fields of life to help build the life of another person or village when the body and mind just want to pack up and go home. The danger, the anguish, the personal suffering is real. And it would be unbearable if not for Jesus and His weird paradigm.

The Body of Christ is like an army.

It is huge and ever-changing in location and expanse — a sphere rather than a line in time. Each “soldier” in the body has a job to do and it is often difficult to do alone. But as each soldier gets an assignment, he/she is immediately surrounded by other soldiers who help with the task in numerous ways from prayer, to financial help, to actually

coming alongside the soldier in the effort. This goes on continually, each soldier receiving and giving support to and from other soldiers. This is the way it is supposed to work. No soldier lasts very long on the battlefield when he is left alone. The Body of Christ is designed to flow with power, encouragement, tangible and spiritual assistance, love, respect, and it is all aimed at the one plan Christ has for locating and redeeming those who live outside of this body. His desire is that every person should come to knowledge of the truth and be saved.

(1Timothy 2:1-6) The Truth, by His own words, is Jesus himself.

The Body of Christ is a foreign concept to the individualist way of thinking. It is a matter of being born into a family that cares no matter what. Failings happen. Love endures.

Protection is in place. Forgiveness and restoration are continuously occurring because of Jesus’ death on the cross and resurrection. Because of Him, our place in the body does not diminish us.

It makes us all we were meant to be in Him. The Body of Christ is a weird and wonderful place and I don’t want to live anywhere else.

Kathy Osborne is the editor of the Co-Op Round-Up, and has been walking her faith in our local communities since birth.

Star Wars Premiere Costume Party Saturday, Dec. 17 • 3pm at the Sandpoint Library Enjoy snacks, games and a screening of Clone Wars.

This is a family friendly event suitable for all ages.

Page 18

FREE

December 2015

• The Hawk’s Nest Ernie Hawks • Celebrating Black Friday

Black Friday has always been important to us. We plan for several days to make sure to get to the right places. Sometimes we get out camping gear in order to make it the most successful day possible.

This year was no different, we checked out all the opportunities and decided a challenging day hike would be the best way to take advantage of Black Friday, again. We were complimented to discover REI’s campaign to “Optout.” We assume they were trying to emulate the day we have been celebrating for many years.

A desire to be out hiking on a chilly winter day fits our need for a more simplistic life. When that day is Black Friday and we are not getting caught up in the madness, it fits our life even better.

This year the day came just a few days after one of the biggest windstorms in history hit our area.

This, of course, made familiar trails considerably more challenging.

We had a plan with some options. As we headed down our trail we needed to negotiate several blow downs but met each obstacle with willingness and, ultimately, success. At a junction we looked at the route we had planned and the huge tree crossing it and closing it. We couldn’t help but chuckle, and take a picture, since the pine had narrowly missed a sign saying, “Bicycles not recommended.”

Very quickly we knew option “B” was going to be exercised. Now I’m sure you know when hiking wooded trails there is a very subtle difference between option A and, say, option Q. Taking another fork in the junction did not lead to any disappointment.

It wasn’t long and we were blocked again, this time by a cottonwood.

We decided it was too far in to turn

around, so climbed the steep hill through dense brush and crawled over the two and a half foot trunk before rejoining the trail on the other side and continuing. At this point we exercised another option: we would do a loop rather than an out-and-

back. That circuitous course required more climbing over, crawling under and going around many more trees.

The many course corrections we maneuvered did not distract us from the wonder of being in nature and seeing the woods in winter and hearing the Eagles screeching over Buttonhook bay as they soared upwards.

After a few hours the car was in sight and we knew our day had been easier then dealing with flying elbows, swearing consumers, and crying children at Wal-Mart or Best Buy. (What are we teaching those crying children?)

That was the beginning of our holiday season. On Thanksgiving we shared a feast with friends but it was more about friends then feast. I am sure if we had eaten mac and cheese the day would have been terrific; well, except for Linda’s new dessert.

The Black Friday hike on a brisk day in crunchy snow made the purpose of the season of peace and light meaningful and set a perfect intention for the next month of festivities.

There are some sads mixed with the joys though. Ana and the granddaughters will be here for several

days. Of course, that is a wonderful joy. The reason they are coming here is because their husband and daddy, Noah, is somewhere under the sea in a submarine. That is a sad.

For me, just like hiking, life is filled with polarities. Looking at it that way allows me to take the judgment out of it and the experiences become “both and” rather the “either or.” We need both the joys and sads to make a full life.

A trail hike on a smooth, level trail without obstacles loses some of its charm. It is those obstacles that give a feeling of a challenge met, even with tired muscles and a few scrapes. However as we tax those muscles and get those scrapes we may be questioning their value.

Obstacles in life may include major life events and losses creating emotional aches and scrapes rather then physical.

At times we are challenged to create new expectations and ways of being in the “holiday spirit,” It is the season of peace and light.

We focus on peace and hope at the same time the days start getting longer, bringing a little more light each day.

Each day we learn to live with or through the sads, bringing peace of mind and spirit. Finding a little more joy just as we get a little more light. We climb over those trees that fall in our way and celebrate the accomplishments as we meet the challenges. It brings us joy and reminds us of our strength and resilience.

Our hope for you and ourselves is a joyous, restful holiday, one avoiding the madness and enjoying the simplicity and wonder of the season.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone from us at The Hawks Nest, We hope there are no black Fridays, only bright days for you.

Ernie Hawks is the author of “Every Day is a High Holy Day; Stories of an Adventuring Spirit” available on Amazon, Kindle or in your favorite bookstore. Photo, above, by Ernie Hawks.

December 2015

Page 19

• Acres n’ Pains

Scott Clawson •

Side Effects May Include...

It was bound to happen sooner or later, I was hoping for later.

What sounded an awful lot like, “Whadaya#!%$?’n mean, he’s got a red nose?” rolled off my lips and bounced off the twitching ears of our midwife while sudden thoughts of social repercussions did a line-dance in my head to the tune of “Bad Moon on the Rise” by the voice of Jim Neighbors in the octave Cindi Lauper uses most. I will never be the same again.

This sort of thing hadn’t happened to my lineage since decades ago when my great-grandpa dropped out of the ol’ bag (so to speak)!

Fearing public backlash the likes of which I’d only heard about in hushed and private conversations with my dad out behind the haystack when I was just a spike, my reverie over my wife’s labor pains, suddenly and contrastingly went numb like all new fathers’ moods do when confronted with the fact there’s a challenge on the horizon even bigger than college tuition.

The first thing I had to do was grab a ventricle with each hoof and pull my heart all the way open and accept that which is mine, compassion without question, without fear and most importantly, without any convictions or maybe some beer to go with ‘em.

This was on a Friday afternoon however, a time which I’ve historically set aside, like everybody else seems to, for ‘doing my own thing’ and, therefore, not necessarily what I ‘had’ to do for the rest of the world, like work! With that in mind and the fact I’m male and couldn’t help myself, I popped a cold Kokanee and started flicking through my files for a likely culprit!

The first thought to cross my mind (besides beer) was that kids these days, starting at ever earlier and earlier ages (like still in the womb), were too easily sucked into electronics with all their silly flash and fanfare, each one successively trying to outdo or just keep up with the rest of the herd. In other Page 20

words (or tweets), was peer pressure playing with our gene pool in a manner like never before? I suspect the dreaded “Neener, Neeners” are having their way with our society as a whole, postulating this theory: “ Is it possible to affect evolution by being under the influence of the “Neener, Neeners” just prior to conception?“ I’ve needed a new phone for quite a while and I can’t help but recall hearing, “Tisk, tisk, tisk” a lot whenever I pulled it out back when I was in rut. Wait! That didn’t sound right.

Or maybe it’s something in the new feed we’ve been using? The old supplier had some time ago been changed over to cut costs and the new stuff smells okay but tastes a bit like propane infused bratwurst in a benzene reduction on rye. All assurances have been given as to its quality and low flash point, but still, I’ve been detecting some subtle but very real differences in kids these days! And as a leader, I seek to see things in the “long term” or at least locate easy targets to make fun of whenever possible. My job! Somebody has to do it and that somebody might as well be big, dense and well antlered.

Marigold, our midwife (aptly named for her ability to repel gophers), backed out of the manger, revealing my wife’s slender torso, fuzzy white fanny and those loving big brown eyes full to the brim with motherly instincts.

Then I saw him, my newborn son!

Shiny and shivering, innocent as a drifting snowflake. He had his mother’s eyes, but then again, we all have identically big brown eyes, so he had mine as well. As a matter of fact, he still had bits of womb-stuff clinging here and there which I wasn’t quite ready for, but he did look exactly like I did when I was born, judging by the family album anyways, except for the fact that he obviously and unfortunately had his great-great-grandpa’s glowing perverted red nose!

From old TV reruns I’m really, really tired of re-watching, I knew that glowing, pulsating orb on the end of his muzzle and what triggered it to perform (for lack of a better term).

Excitement, anxiety, eating Skittles, getting startled, teased or jabbed in the butt by an antlered playmate and even birth itself, it now seems, are all hair triggers for an embarrassing light show and the requisite snickers. Later on there would be more, I was sure of that.

And I’m not alone here either!

My best friend, Twinkle Toes, had a cute little doe just last week. His mood immediately shriveled when she dropped out utilizing two thumbs on a ‘smart phone’. He suspects the dozens of ultrasound videos taken or maybe Verizon somehow are to blame. We don’t know what to think around here anymore.

My own adolescence, retarded by a severe cowlick of all things, was bad enough! But I coped, made adjustments, tried harder and became a team leader despite my handicap.

Thinking back to that ancestral strobe light (on my father’s side), I doubted Santa would fall for the same old “guide your sleigh tonight” gag that put my great-grampap up front when he was barely weaned. Gave him a big head, it did, and made his bulb unpredictable. A moderate to severe case of hiccoughs or, Heaven forbid, a hic-burp-sneeze-fart (the bodily equivalent of ‘the perfect storm’) would have made Edison jealous to the point of applying at least ten lawyers to the U.S. Patent Office.

Back to culprits, the main ones include: CONTRAILS, SOLAR RADIATION, FRACKING GASSES, LADY GAGA, GLOBAL WARMING, GLYPHOSATES, LEAD PAINTS (although technically an elf problem), and the diminishing OZONE LAYER over Donald Trump have been easy to make fun of for a very long time! Any of these could have some profound effects on some of the dominant genes already present in my blood that

December 2015

seem to produce latent tendencies to “get a bit lit” anyway whenever the fancy strikes, or a challenge appears on the horizon in the form of a multiple choice question like, “Does this make my butt look big?”

I’ve heard all of the other’s horror stories too, old and new. For instance, every time we finish a run and go through our debriefing and post-flight grumble fest, I hear ‘em all over again. “I dropped my inhaler somewhere over China!

WHEEZE! GHHAAAK”! almost trumped by, “SHEESH, my coat smells like Pittsburg, for cryin’ out loud!” then, “So does your breath! Here, have a mint!” as well as, “I fly right behind him and I presumed he ate Pittsburg for breakfast!” almost capped off with, “I lost my sunscreen just after St. Martin!” which never escapes being rebuffed with a chorus of, “You dumb ass, we fly at night, in case you haven’t noticed!”

These, of course, are irrelevant compared to the stuff I keep seeing on the Internet about cyber bullies and what

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other social media distresses my kid will have with his own impending Facebook page or Twitter feed.

The stress!! It’s already been all I could do at times, not to just run off with the next migration! And now we have another lit bulb in the family who may or may not be a roving wifi booster!

MERRY #’n CHRISTMAS!

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11th Anniversary Party January 15 • 6:00 pm at the Little Panida Theater 304 N. First Ave. • Sandpoint StoryTelling Company show featuring true and not-so-true tales of the West, plus music and a presentation from the FSPW executive director on the art and science of long distance hiking.

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December 2015

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