The River Journal, June 2011

Because there’s more to life than bad news

A News MAGAZINE Worth Wading Through

“Ten pounds of river in a fivepound bag.”

In search of the

Mysterious Morel

Local News • Environment • Wildlife • Opinion • People • Entertainment • Humor • Politics

June 2011 | FREE | www.RiverJournal.com

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June 2011 Inside 3 Clark Fork celebrates centennial 4 Marvelous morels 5 God willing and the creek don’t rise

THE RIVER JOURNAL A News Magazine Worth Wading Through ~just going with the flow~ P.O. Box 151•Clark Fork, ID 83811 www.RiverJournal.com•208.255.6957

SALES Call 208.255.6957 or email trish@riverjournal.com

6 News briefs

PRESS RELEASES

7 The genius of a place - Lou Springer’s Currents

(Email only) to editorial@riverjournal.com

8 The western grebe - A Bird in Hand 9 Getting kids hooked - The Game Trail 10 Road improvements ahead - A Seat in the House 11 Trish Rant 12 You get what you pay for - Veterans’ News 13 A hopeful future - the Scenic Route 14 Leaving the nest - Kathy’s Faith Walk 15 The first Bloomsday - Surrealist Research Bureau 16 Downtown Sandpoint event calendar 17 An impermanent life - The Hawk’s Nest 18 Obituaries 19 Building a boat - From the Mouth of the River 20 Thin blue air - Scott Clawson

The quote used on the cover was stolen from Bob Wire’s “How to Survive the Flooding” in the NewWest blog. http://www.newwest. net/topic/article/how_to_survive_the_flooding/C559/L559/

STAFF Calm Center of Tranquility Trish Gannon-trish@riverjournal.com

Ministry of Truth and Propaganda Jody Forest-joe@riverjournal.com

Regular Contributors

Scott Clawson; Sandy Compton; Marylyn Cork; Idaho Rep. George Eskridge; Lawrence Fury; Dustin Gannon; Matt Haag; Ernie Hawks; Lt. Cary Kelly; Marianne Love; Kathy Osborne; Gary Payton; Boots Reynolds; Lou Springer; Mike Turnlund; Michael White

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle COVER PHOTOS: Looking west from Cabinet Gorge Dam by Corey Vogel.

Morel photo by Peter Rossing.

Proudly printed at Griffin Publishing in Spokane, Wash. 509.534.3625

For tattoos that are more than just ink on skin 206 N. 2nd Avenue Sandpoint

208.691.5817

Contents of the River Journal are copyright 2011. Reproduction of any material, including original artwork and advertising, is prohibited. The River Journal is published the first week of each month and is distributed in over 16 communities in Sanders County, Montana, and Bonner, Boundary and Kootenai counties in Idaho. The River Journal is printed on 40 percent recycled paper with soy-based ink. We appreciate your efforts to recycle.

June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page

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Student Mountain the Ultimate Summer Camp June 26 - July 2

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Don’t Miss Our Canning Seminar

Your Host: The CO-OP Country Store Your Instructor: Carol Hampton, MA Boundary County Extension Educator

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DON’T MISS OUR PIZZA PARTY AT THE PEND D’OREILLE WINERY

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Free Student Mountain Experience* and an ipod! Raffle closes at 6pm -$300 discount on Student Mountain Experience for the first 10 people who enroll for the experience at the winery. This brings down the cost of the event from the $995 locals only price to $695 for five days of camp, food and lodging. *We need a minimum of 15 enrollees in the Student Mountain to honor the raffle prize for a free experience.

Clark Fork celebrates its 100th year

When “Clarks Fork” became an official town in the state of Idaho in May of 1911, it could be argued that it was already past its heyday. Originally settled in the 1880s by men who came to build a railroad, prospect for gold and silver, or cut trees to feed the world’s voracious appetite for wood, prior to incorporation the town had hotels, barber shops, grocery stores, saloons, a skating rink and a volunteer fire department. Carved out of the wilderness and built with the blood, sweat and tears of its earliest settlers, the town had 229 residents by 1900. By 1911, when it officially became a ‘town,’ children born in the shade of Scotchman’s Peak were now old enough to give birth to a second generation of Clark Fork “natives.”

On July 2, Clark Fork will celebrate its centennial. This commemoration, says city councilman Roger Anderson, is a way for the community to come together and celebrate “being a town and being a community... being neighbors.”

The party, which takes place just two days prior to the town’s traditional Independence Day celebrations, will make for a long weekend of festivities that hearken back to a time when community meant more than just the place where you live.

No one knows now for sure the identity of the first person to put down permanent roots in what would become Clark Fork.

Native Americans had long travelled through this area but were not believed to have made any permanent settlement; trappers found bountiful wildlife and the odd prospector or two undoubtedly roamed the mountains

looking for a lucky strike. But whites, along with hundreds of Chinese laborers, didn’t really come to the area in force until the early 1880s, when the Northern Pacific Railroad carved its Clark Fork Division out of this portion of the Cabinets.

In the 1880 census for Kootenai County, which at that time included the Clark Fork area, no names were listed as resident in this vicinity.

Ida Daugharty Hawkins, however, whose grandparents arrived in the area in the 1880s and is an avid amateur historian, names John Nagel as the area’s first settler. He and his wife, Annie, received a federal patent in 1900, and John was the man who platted most of the land he homesteaded into the residential and business district of today.

If Nagel wasn’t the very first resident (and he likely was), he was certainly one of the most influential. He was the first postmaster, donated the land where the Methodist Church stands, partnered in the general store and fathered the first child—his daughter, Alice— to be born in Clark Fork.

A 1950 article in the News-Bulletin names Herman (Fitz) Vogel, Sr. of Clark Fork as the longest resident of Bonner County (Nagel had died 15 years earlier.) The Vogels were another family among the original settlers.

Vogels and Nagels were on the 1900 census for the Clarks Fork District. Herman Vogel (from Switzerland) was there with his wife Catherine and working as a “tie-maker” (likely related to the railroad, not fashion). John Nagle (from Germany) and his wife Annie are found

around 50 entries later; John is the manager of a sawmill at this time, though he had also worked as a tie-maker in previous years.

Look through that 1900 census, in fact, and you’ll find more names that ring with familiarity; at least, they will if you’ve spent any time around this little community on the east end of Bonner County.

John White of Mississippi, whose son and grandson would both go on to represent Idaho in the U.S. Congress, was the railroad station agent; William Derr of New York and John Derr of Michigan were both farmers; James Brashear of New York was a bridge builder.

Descendents of these families, and of those who came to this area in the decades since, will all be on hand to help Clark Fork celebrate its 100th birthday.

The centennial committee has established a website (www.clarkfork100.com) and a Facebook page (search for Clark Fork centennial) along with an official logo (designed by Doug Fluckiger and available on a commemorative t-shirt) as plans move into high gear for this day of making merry.

Events kick off at 8 am with a Pancake Breakfast at the Senior Center; at 8:30, a softball tournament, harkening back to the old days of baseball rivalry in these small towns, will begin. Vendors will be set up on the school grounds, and the library is looking into some type of display. Expect live music and a community potluck in the shade of the old Clarks Fork school, a kid’s fishing derby, and the Injector’s Car Club will be on hand for a look at what some of our mid-century settlers were driving.

The Frank Vogel house (the “pink house” as some might know it) has been completely remodeled as a bed and breakfast and will be open for tours.

Visitors might plan to spend a couple of days, as at 9 am on the fourth, the town’s traditional Independence Day celebration will begin with the firing of rifles at the start of the parade. Games, races and raffles will take place on the school grounds immediately after the parade; don’t forget to stop at the Booster Club’s food booth for an early-morning burger or smokie. At lunch, head down to the ball field for turtle races, watermelon eating contests, chain saw and cross-cut saw events, a beer garden and more. Then top it all off with an incredible fireworks show at dusk.

These two celebrations are not just about fun and games, however; they demonstrate that Clark Fork has never forgotten what it means to be a community. Come join us in celebrating our history.

Left - This 1918 photo from the Lawrence Mine (from the C. Peterson collection now at the Bonner County Museum), shows Helmer Erickson, Joe Reed, three unknown men and Angus Reed. Middle - the Vogel house, now a bed and breakfast, will be open for tours.

June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page

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“Naw, I’m not gonna tell you that.” His jaw hardened and his eyes narrowed. A second question elicited an almost identical response.

“Nope, ain’t gonna tell you that, either.” You might think he was protecting the location of a favored fishing hole, or a particularly productive patch of huckleberries, but my questions were an attempt to discover the location of an even-more tempting morsel of mouthwatering magnificence—the Morel mushroom. And nothing triggers “stubborn” in this area quite so much as seeking to learn the secrets of hunting morels.

Smokey. Woodsey. Earthy. Mysterious.

When listening to an aficionado describe the morel, you’d think they were talking about a fine wine. Listen to them a little longer, however, and you soon realize that this temporary delight—found only in spring and so savored like wild asparagus for its short-lived enjoyment—is quite simply a passion for those who collect them.

Which is why it doesn’t do much good to ask where they can be found, because the true morel person wants them all for themselves.

Lucky for you, I am not a morel fan. I am not even a mushroom fan, and will pick them out of eggs or pizza and set them aside for my partner, David, to eat. Which doesn’t mean I don’t want to find a morel, and, indeed, I have found them before. And no, I won’t tell you where, because the thrill of the hunt is sufficient in itself.

I will, however, tell you how you can try to find them yourself.

First, now is the time to look. Morel mushrooms bloom in spring, and bloom especially well in a damp, overcast spring like we’ve experienced this year. Morels don’t particularly care for dry weather, but when all around you is slightly soaked, that’s when they thrust their heads above the leaf mold.

I have been told, with some authority, that areas two or three years after a burn are a good place to start looking, though that might be a lie, given how secretive morel hunters are.

And the times when I have found morels, they haven’t been located in formerly burned out areas—at least, not recent formerly burned out areas. Still, enough people have said it that if I were looking for morels myself, that is where I would start.

Second, I’ve read on the Internet that morels like the shade of certain trees: poplar, elm, ash, and sometimes even fruit trees, like apple. If you go out into our Northwest woods, you’re not going to find many of those deciduous trees... if you find a tree that sheds leaves in the fall, it will more likely be a cottonwood than anything else, and cottonwoods aren’t in the lists of preferred morel shade. Nonetheless, I have found morels near cottonwoods; they are a tree, after all, that prefers damp and plentiful water, and where they grow, morels can too.

Even more often, however, when I have spotted morels, trillium flowers have been nearby. A tri-petaled white flower with a golden center (at least, the ones I have seen have looked that way), the trillium also likes damp, slightly

ashy soil, but don’t pick the flower, no matter how pretty... it can take years to recover, if it does at all.

There is a certain technique to finding things in the forest, which works for morels as much as it does for anything else. At the risk of sounding mystical (because I am not a mystical person at all), let me say you must simply ‘be’ in the woods.

Jesus (or Matthew or just some guy who wrote something down that became a part of the Bible, depending on your point of view) said, “Seek, and ye shall find,” but he wasn’t talking about morel mushrooms.

If you look for them, you won’t see them.

Morels are best found when spotted out of the corner of your eyes. I can’t explain why this is, but everyone I have ever seen with a cache in hand has averred that this is the case. Of course, they could be lying again, but I suspect there is likely some great, spiritual truth to this. Not that I know what it is. All I can tell you is morels are best found when you’re not actively looking for them.

If you haven’t seen a morel before, Google some images to familiarize yourself with their appearance. The top looks... well, some say like a brain but I think they look more like some fancy bath sponge, with their honeycombed surface. In addition, the entire mushroom itself has a slightly phallic appearance—though that may just be my impression.

After you have familiarized yourself with what they look like, head out into the woods and relax. Take time to savor spring. Notice everything around you. Immerse yourself in the glories of nature. And pay attention to what catches your eye for a second look.

But even after familiarizing yourself with the look, take any mushrooms you gather into your local extension office, to ensure they’re safe to eat. (The false morel, so-called because it looks much the same as what must be called the “true morel,” is poisonous.)

When collecting morels, use a mesh bag, like those you get onions in at the market, so that, as you hike back out of the woods, spores will be shed to ensure the next season’s crop of wild mushrooms.

Looking back on this, I realize it’s not a very precise guide for finding morels, but maybe that’s a good thing. Because morels, I’m given to understand, are not your reward for searching; they are, instead, your treat for heading out into the woods, and appreciating the beauty that nature has provided for you here in the Pacific Northwest.

There are those who have said they have been (at least somewhat) successful in cultivating morel mushrooms, but I’ve never met these people, or seen a cultivated morel myself. If you have successfully done so, or know someone locally who has, I’d like to hear about it.

-Trish Gannon

Page | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

“God willing and the creek don’t rise.” La Nina fades, leaving behind a LOT of moisture.

La Nina, I believe, got her name by accident. cubic feet per second (down from a high of This weather phenomenon of colder surface 100,000 last week) with Noxon Rapids Dam temperatures in the Pacific Ocean, which a little lower. brings us colder, wetter winters here in the For other rivers, creeks and streams Pacific Northwest, is the opposite of El Nino. near where you live, use your eyeballs.

El Nino’s warmer ocean temperatures were If you’re somewhat new to the area, now named “the little boy,” or “Christ child” is a good time to get out and meet your as they were generally observed around neighbors; they’ll be able to tell you where, Christmastime. If a pattern is not the “little historically, the ‘low spots’ have been found boy,” then it must be “the little girl.” that are likely to flood.

And a snotty little girl she’s been this Learn about where you live. What are year of the winter-that-never-ends. Though your passageways into and out of town? her effect is fading as we move out of this Many areas are surprisingly land-locked, period, she’s left a legacy that those of us with little or no access should the major in North Idaho and western Montana (and road close for any reason; not just flooding, elsewhere, of course) must deal with: water. as water movement can trigger rockfalls Lots and lots of water. and mudslides as well. Know where you will Up in the high country, that water is go if for any reason you need to evacuate. mostly still trapped in the form of snow, Take the time to be neighborly. Are which is a saving grace right now with there people in your area who might rivers and creeks running high. As much as find it difficult to evacuate quickly? Are we all might long for warm weather, a slow there children at home after school alone warming is what we need, as a long period of whose parents are working? Are there hotter weather would melt the snow much elderly people who might need help with more quickly than our waterways—and we transportation? Once you are prepared to ourselves—might find comfortable. take action if needed, think about lending a The Clark Fork River near Derr Island Even slow melting may cause us hand to those in your community who might problems. As this issue of the River Journal is example, he wrote, “For all days beyond need the help. going to press, Lake Pend Oreille water levels the next day out, viewers would be better And don’t drive through high water are within two feet of flood stage—current off flipping a coin to predict rainfall than on the road. Seriously. As little as a foot of predictions suggest we’ll reach an action trusting the stations on days where rain was water can actually move a vehicle. Should possible. Oddly, N.O.A.A. — which had been flooding occur, our emergency personnel stage around 5 pm on June 8.

According to the National Weather one of the better forecasters in our other will be busy enough without spending time Service, “action stage” is the point when evaluations — was the worst in this one, rescuing those foolish enough to attempt to mitigation in anticipation of future flooding especially when predicting three days out ford high water on the roads. and beyond.” needs to take place.

Each season brings its own unique A lot of the discussion you hear locally challenges to the area, from flood season Regardless of the official stage, no one in this area is waiting—they’re taking action will focus around lake levels in Pend Oreille, to fire season to “good god will this winter whereas residents might well be more never end?” A little bit of preparation now now.

Bob Howard, director of Emergency concerned with what’s happening in the can go a long way toward making these Management for Bonner County, has ordered creek, stream or river somewhat closer to challenges easier to overcome. tens of thousands of sand bags for the area. their home. Exact water levels in most of There’s still a lot of snow in the Residents can pick up bags and fill them with these bodies are unknown, as very few area mountains that will be melting its way into sand at their local fire stations. (In the Clark waterways are equipped with measuring the lake. The Bear Mountain Snotel site, at Fork area, bags and sand are available at gauges, but lake levels matter even here. 5,400 feet on the Idaho/Montana border the transfer station right outside of town.) That’s because once the lake reaches its flood just off Rattle Creek, northeast of Clark Although no one is going to turn you away, stage, water from all those creeks, streams Fork, is registering a snow/water equivalent residents are asked to get sand and bags from and rivers will no longer flow as freely into of 67 inches. Mosquito Ridge (5,200 feet, their local stations, so officials can keep an the lake, and may begin to back up. located in the Green Monarchs southwest To keep an eye on the lake level, you can of Clark Fork) is at 42.2 inches snow/water eye on where the greatest perceived needs visit the National Weather Service website. equivalent. Schweitzer Basin is registering are, and be prepared for further action.

Lakeshore residents are weighting down Go to www.weather.gov/spokane and, from 61 snow/water equivalent inches; that’s 131 docks, and many in areas where water is the column to the left on that page, choose inches snow depth, by the way. (Idaho Snotel rising are moving irreplaceable belongings Rivers & Lakes AHPS. This will bring up data can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/ a map of area hydrographs. Click on the 29h534). to higher levels.

How necessary is this? No one really square labeled “Hope” for reports on Lake There is also, likely, more water on the knows—predicting the weather is an iffy Pend Oreille. Also available are hydrographs way. Despite the earlier caveat to weather thing at the best of times, and for weather for Bonners Ferry, Albeni Falls Dam, the predictability, all signs say June and even more than a few days out, you might just as Yaak and, for our friends to the south, Coeur July will likely be cooler and wetter than d’Alene and Cataldo. well toss a dart at a series of choices. normal. High water and the potential for The Army Corps of Engineers has flooding is expected as least through midJared Eggleston did an interesting study on television weather forecasts in the information available for the Clark Fork and June, and maybe even longer.

Kansas City area (you can read about it here: Flathead Rivers here: http://tinyurl.com/ http://tinyurl.com/44ar8n2). With rain, for 3nw999p. As we go to press, discharge at

by Trish Gannon Cabinet Gorge Dam is running about 80,000 June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page

BYE-BYE LIGHT BULBS? Despite what you may have heard about the American “nanny state” taking away your light bulb choices, there’s no need to rush out and buy hundreds of incandescent light bulbs to store next to the ammunition and canned goods.

The Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007, signed into law

by President Bush, merely sets new efficiency standards for incandescent bulbs manufactured in or imported to the United States. (You can read a summary of the law here: http://tinyurl.com/3or6ow2, which includes a link to the full law. The section regarding energy efficient lightbulbs is section 321.)

HORSES GET HERPES, TOO. A deadly and contagious virus, Equine Herpes Virus-1, has spread across 34 states (including Idaho and Washington, though not yet Montana as this is written) causing many horse-owners to keep their equine pals safely stabled until the spread is stopped. The virus is transmitted easily between animals via s n e e z i n g , whinnying, and other contact, and can survive on shovels, tack, and the hands and clothing of human caretakers until transmitted to another animal. EHV-1,

according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, can manifest in four separate ways as disease in horses: neurological, respiratory, abortion, and neo-natal death.

It is estimated that almost all horses have been infected with EHV-1 by the time they reach the age of two; generally, they become carriers for life, and the disease remains latent. According to USDA, it can “be reactivated during times of stress, such as strenuous exercise, long-distance transport, or at weaning.”

Equine herpesvirus myeloencephalopathy, the disease caused by the virus, is considered an “emerging disease.”

Symptoms include fever, decreased coordination, urine dribbling, loss of tail tone, hind limb weakness, leaning to maintain balance, lethargy and/or an inability to rise.

If your horse exhibits any of these symptoms, call your veterinarian immediately.

ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? If not, the CDC is here to help!

Seriously, the Atlantabased Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released an article in May on their Public Health Matters Blog, “Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse.” (http:// tinyurl.com/4xlzlu8) Before you ask, “What the ...?” think for a minute. As the CDC explains, “If you’re prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse, you’re prepared for anything.”

Kudos to the CDC for finding a novel way to draw people’s attention to the need for disaster preparedness, along with a brief note about CDC responses to disease outbreaks.

To learn more, visit the CDC link above, get information regarding preparing for disaster at the FEMA website (www.FEMA.

gov) or read the April issue of the River Journal and the article, “Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst.”

THE 45TH ANNUAL FARM TOUR, sponsored by the Bonner/ Boundar y Ag & Forestry Committee and University of Idaho/Bonner County Extension will take place on June 1 6 . Visits include Red Wheelbarrow Produce, From the Heart Ranch, the Flowering Rush Demonstration Site at the Clark Fork Drift Yard, and the Ruen Ranch. Lunch at the Clark Fork Senior Center is hosted by Bonner County Cattlewomen and Six Rivers Market.

Registration is $25 per person, $30 after June 9, and includes lunch, transportation and refreshments. Contact the UI/Bonner County Extension Office at 208-263-8511 for more information.

EDUCATION REFORM TO GO TO VOTERS. Oppenents to Idaho Superintendent of Public Education Tom Luna’s sweeping educational reforms, adopted by this year’s Legislature, have gathered the 48,000 signatures necessary for a referendum to put the reform measures to a vote of the people.

Don’t think you won’t see them out gathering more signatures, however, as the group plans to collect at least 60,000, in case of challenges to the listed voters.

With the necessary signatures gathered, the three education reform bills will now go before voters for approval—but not until November of 2012. That’s thanks to an emergency clause the Legislature attached to each of the bills.

Taylor & Sons Chevrolet is now open at its new location on Hwy. 95 just north of the Bonner Mall and Ruen Drilling, taking possession of two new trucks, was their official “first” customer. Commemorating the occasion, at right, are Brett Taylor, Laurel Taylor, Kelly and Byron Ruen, Greg Taylor, Arlen and Terri Ruen, and handing over the keys, salesman Pat Garvey.

Page | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

The Genius of a Place “Consulting the genius of the place,” a quote from the vast intelligence of Alexander Pope, rung like a bell and still reverberates around my mind. I have been searching for this combination of words since teaching an adult education class on gardening about six years ago. One session, we would discuss understanding your garden soil; another would be on knowing the slope, sunlight, drainage of your garden. Recognizing weeds and their control, ditto bugs and so on.

We all could have saved classroom time and chatter if I had known these words.

Because consulting with the genius of a place is the best way to become a successful

Veterans Stand Down Saturday, June 18 Bonner County Fairgrounds

Bring your DD-214, Discharge papers, VA Card or Military ID

FREE VETERANS’ SERVICES AVAILABLE INCLUDE:

• Service officers to provide help with VA claims • Employment counseling • Physical, dental and mental health professionals on hand • Free haircuts • Veterans’ Service Organization volunteers • Free clothing, food and services for all veterans, with or without dependents

gardener. And to consult, first one must understand the nature of the place. Each ‘student’ should have been assigned homework on different aspects of their own garden with a final term paper describing the genius of the place and how they plan to consult with it.

Cooperating with nature, rather than imposing our will, is the only thing that works on a garden in the long run.

“Ah,” the modern gardener could exclaim, “we are the masters of our universe,” and use the case in point of growing cotton in the Arizona desert as a proof positive of our mastery. Whereas depending on imported water is only proof of human error, hubris and ignorance of the genius of the place.

The genius of Arizona could call for sun farms to replace cotton fields and almond groves.

Gardeners, who haven’t thought it through, who haven’t consulted the genius, might be tempted to use a pesticide or herbicide to solve a problem. Do not do that. Do not leave the soil in a poorer condition than before you got your hands in it. Do not believe the chemical companies; they have a product to sell.

It might take a season or two before you figure out a solution to an insect problem. Take the time to experiment and study and devise. Broccoli grows well for us, but occasionally root maggots would destroy a plant. Ashes, we figured, would be inhospitable to soft-bellied maggots so we dug ashes into the soil around the plants which seemed to help a bit. Next year we tried collars made of cardboard toilet paper rolls to hold ashes around the stem which, as you can imagine, was not too successful. Now we use 4-inch plastic pipe as short collars filled

Lou Springer

CURRENTS Lou Springer

nox5594@blackfoot.net

with ashes and we set out strong plants as early as possible.

Through not consulting with the genius of our garden, we created a problem.

Instead, we had consulted a book, the classic how-to gardening book by Ruth Stout, “How to Have a Green Thumb without an Aching Back.” We faithfully followed her mantra of mulch, mulch, mulch and it really worked well to keep weeds from overwhelming the vegetables. I don’t know where Ruth was gardening, but it wasn’t in Heron, Montana. It wasn’t in rich, moist soils on a north-facing slope. All of our mulch created slug med for generations of horny young slugs to overwinter, to breed and revel. At night, if you stood quietly in the garden, you could hear the slugs chewing. It was freaky; you really did not want to stand still for very long.

Disgusted, we moved all the old straw out of the garden. We wasted a lot of beer in slug traps and money on ground-up sea shell additives. One day, my better half noticed a pile of grass clippings was smoking. And our mulch/slug problem was solved. Grass clippings get hot while fermenting, far too hot to be comfortable for slugs. Clippings can be piled thick enough to stop annual weeds. A bonus is that grass adds nutriments and humus to the soil. Within a season the garden has eaten all the cut grass and there is no winter shelter for the sad slug.

Consulting with the genius of the place means paying respectful attention. There are other ways to understand your place, but nothing will teach you better, or more, than a garden.

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June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page

A Bird in Hand

Western Grebe - Time for Grebe Lake, my favorite ballet

This is the perfect time to turn off the television, get up off the couch, and seriously consider a life-changing conversion. Yes, now is time, today is the day, to become a birder. Why? Because the grebes are dancing, specifically the Western grebe.

There are few things as exciting and fun to watch than the courting rituals of this bird.

It is a synchronized choreography that is unmatched elsewhere in the bird world. At least in our area.

In late spring Western grebes get ready to breed and raise a family. Though they pair for life, they still conduct their elaborate mating ritual every spring before copulation.

The “married” pair will begin with mirrored movements, such as arcing their necks in exaggerated preening movements or grandly dipping their long, yellowish beaks into the water. Back and forth, back and forth, the one mirrors the movement of the other. The male will also give the female a present, such as a fish to eat. Then, suddenly, they burst into a rush and run parallel upon the water surface, necks arced in s-curves, bills pointed in the air, and their half-open wings trailing behind them They speed along side-by-side, splashing mightily, for about thirty yards before ending the dance with a simultaneous dive into the water. Truly it is spectacular.

So how can the novice birder distinguish

a Western grebe from other species of grebes, let alone loons and similar birds? The Western grebe is quite distinctive. It is a medium-sized bird, smaller than a Canada goose, but bigger than a mallard duck. It is slim in build and its long and very slender neck is a field mark. The head is a large lateral oval perch horizontally upon the neck, and which tapers into a very long stabber of a beak.

The coloration of the Western also separates it from the other grebes. The prominent color of the body is a soft blackish brown. Perhaps “dark” is a better word. The distinctive neck is white on three sides, with the dark from the back climbing up behind from a high collar. The cheeks and throat are white and the top of the angular head is black.

The two colors meet at the eye line—white below, black above. The eye is an unnatural red. It looks like the bird is trying to be Eurochic with brightly colored contact lenses. Its look doesn’t work, but that’s what the good Lord gave it.

Now, if you are really fortunate you might be out watching the Westerns dance, dive, and do whatever it is that these grebes do—and it might not even be a Western!

How’s that? You might be watching a pair of Clark’s grebes. The Clark’s grebe is the Western’s near-identical cousin. The Clark is virtually indistinguishable from the

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Mike Turnlund

mturnlund@gmail.com Western—virtually the same mating dance, size, habitat, and coloration.

The only difference, at least for our purposes, is the coloration around the eye. If the black part of the head completely surrounds the eye, the bird is a Western grebe. If the eye is instead encircled with white, it is a Clark’s grebe. In addition, the Clark’s bill is bright yellow, whereas the Western’s is more drab and with a hint of green. There are enough other differences between the two birds to justify making them into separate species, but these are not discernible from your end of the binoculars. So, for practical birding purposes, limit the differences between the two birds to the eye area and the bill.

Like many other diving birds, Western grebes eat a variety of underwater life. Fish, crawdads, amphibians—whatever moves.

They do not normally overwinter in our area; they would rather spend the cold season on the Pacific coast. After the chicks are born, both parents will carry the babies on their backs.

This is a wonderful sight and quite accessible to see if you are determined. Of course, now that you’ve seen the birds dance you are so entranced with birding that you’ll never leave the house without your binoculars. Good job!

And more importantly, happy birding!

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BBQ, art, crafts, antiques, yard sale items and more! Learn about high speed Internet in the Selle Valley and enjoy some of the “hottest” (and “coolest”) drinks around!

June 18 at 6 pm Bonner County Fairgrounds

June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page

The Game Trail

Get kids “hooked” on fishing!

Matt Haag

mhaag@idfg.idaho.gov Take me fishing! That sentence is something we should all love to hear from our kids, grandkids, nieces or nephews. We need to act on such requests and encourage our children to not only fish, but embrace time in the outdoors. Unfortunately, there are a handful of today’s youth that are not interested in outdoor activities such as hiking, fishing, or hunting. Instead of playing outside with friends many children spend their life indoors watching television, or spending too much time with computers, video games, and cell phones. Yes, right here in beautiful North Idaho, some of our kids are experiencing “Nature Deficit Disorder,” a term coined by author Richard Louv in his 2005 book, Last Child in the Woods. I often reference his philosophies and sayings in this column, such as Leave No Child Inside.

The number of obese children in the United States is staggering, and we are not immune to it in North Idaho. We are truly blessed with a myriad of outdoor opportunities out our back doors, yet kids are plugged into electronic devices far more than then they should be.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, children between the ages of six months and six years spend an average of one-and-a-half hours a day with electronic media and children between the ages of 8 and 18 years spend an average of nearly sixand-a-half hours a day with electronic media.

Another alarming statistic shows only half of America’s kids between the ages of 9 and 13 are involved in outdoor activities such as

fishing, hiking, and walking.

Here in Idaho, the Department of Education’s Coordinated School Health Program has documented that approximately 30.5 percent of Idaho’s school-age children are overweight or obese. While this is less than the national average of 34.5 percent, it is still a significant percentage and cause for concern.

On the internal side, the mental and emotional health of our children also takes a big hit with children spending more time in doors. Children diagnosed with attention deficit disorders and depression are sky rocketing at an alarming rate. What the heck are we doing to our kids?

As a parent of two girls I understand the challenges of finding the time to get outside as a family, but it has to be done. It’s easy to fall in the trap of structuring our kid’s lives to a fault: too much parental supervision and too many structured activities. How much time are we allowing our kids to explore the world they live in, to jump in puddles, chase fish up a creek, or climb trees?

Free fishing day in Idaho is June 11 this year. Are you a single mom, or parents who have never fished, but would like your kids to learn the fundamentals of fishing? Please being them out to a free fishing day event nearest you. All events are staffed with IDFG employees and volunteers that will not only provide some fishing gear but also some advice and tips if needed. Here’s a list of locations for free fishing day events; Bonner’s Ferry—Snow Creek Pond from 9 am to noon; Clark Fork—Clark Fork Lodge Pond from 9 am to noon; Priest Lake—Priest Lake Golf Course from 9 am to noon; Sandpoint—Round Lake State Park from 9 am to noon.

We also have a fantastic new program called the “Take Me Fishing Trailer.” It’s more or less like a roving free fish day! The trailer is

packed with fishing rods and tackle for Idaho Panhandle kids to use free at trout-stocked ponds in June.

The “Take Me Fishing” trailer debuts this season on June 2, from 4 pm to 7 pm at Fernan Lake and then on June 4 from 9 am to 4 pm at Post Falls Park.

Fishing equipment can be checked out for free on a first-come, first-served basis.

Reservations are not needed. Participants who register will be granted a permit to fish without a license. If they get hooked on fishing after the event, parents will have to purchase a license. However, Idaho children under the age of 14 can fish for free.

Stocked with basic fishing equipment and information, the trailer wrapped with eyecatching fish illustrations is hard to miss. The fishing trailer will be parked near waters that are stocked with fish. Here are the dates for June, find a location near you and pack up the kiddos!

June 9: Round Lake, 4 pm-7 pm June 11: (Free Fishing Day in Idaho) Rathdrum City Park. June 14: Hauser Lake, 3 pm-6 pm June 16: Kelso Lake, 3 pm-6 pm June 21: Robinson Lake, 3 pm-6 pm June 23: Jewel Lake, 3 pm-6 pm June 28: Shepherd Lake, 3 pm-6 pm June 30: Perkins Lake, 3 pm-6 pm This is a golden opportunity for those parents who have never fished and want to get their children hooked on an outdoor activity!

I think I can speak for all the officers and IDFG staff when I say that we look forward to that parent or child attending these events who has never fished before in their lives. When that child catches their first fish, we are reminding of why we chose the career paths we did and we can only hope that we helped a child to get hooked on fishing and will someday soon ask their parents to “Take me fishing.”

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June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page

A Seat in the House

Legislature finds funding for transportation I discussed briefly in my last article the funding for Idaho’s transportation program, both from normal appropriations and projects that will be funded through the GARVEE financing program. Because funding from both these sources has resulted in several projects significant to our area, I am summarizing the status of those projects in this article.

House Bill 285 passed this legislative session approved additional bonding authority for the issuance of Grant Anticipation Revenue Vehicle (GARVEE) bonds in a principal amount of $162,000,000.

GARVEE bonds are a financing mechanism for new highway projects authorized under the National Highway System Designation Act of 1995 that allows state and local agencies to borrow money for transportation projects.

The agencies repay the principal, interest and other costs by using future federal highway funds allocated to the agencies.

The 162 million dollar authorization included $79.4 million for additional construction for two major highway segments of the Garwood to Sagle project plus frontage roads for increased traffic safety. The two highway projects will complete twelve miles of four-lane divided highway from the Ohio Match Road (Chilco area) to the top of Granite Hill. This extends the project from the three miles of improved highway that was previously constructed with GARVEE funding from State Highway 53 north of Hayden to the Ohio Match Road.

The U.S. 95 Chilco to Silverwood segment bid advertisement was published in April and bid opening scheduled for May 24. The contract is scheduled to be awarded the first part of June and construction will begin late June or early July.

The U.S. 95 Athol to Granite Hill bid will be advertised in June and the contract is expected to be awarded in mid-July and construction started shortly thereafter.

The two projects include three new interchanges, one in the Chilco area, one at Silverwood and one at Athol. These interchanges are part of the contracts for

the two highway segments.

The frontage road contract has been awarded and we can already see some of the clearing of right-of-way necessary to begin road construction.

The two highway segments, interchanges and frontage road construction is scheduled for completion by fall of next year.

Because funding is not available at present to complete all of the Garwood to Sagle project beyond Granite Hill, several safety improvements for the Sagle area are being funded to help relieve safety issues in this area until more of the Garwood to Sagle project funding becomes available.

These Sagle safety improvements include” • Implementing a 45 mph speed limit through Sagle • Providing amber flashing lights with speed reduction signs advising the 45 mph speed limit • Installing a southbound turn lane onto Gun Club Road • Installing overhead lighting at Gun Club Road • Excavating the slope northwest of Gun Club Road for improved sight distance The Sand Creek Byway project bypassing Sandpoint is funded through the normal appropriation process that includes both state and federal highway funds. This project was scheduled for completion in the fall of 2012; however the contractor has submitted a revised work schedule that anticipates substantial completion as early as November of this year. Theoretically, we could see traffic on the northbound section of this project even prior to November to accommodate construction of the exits into Sandpoint.

Funding for the U.S. 95 Sandpoint to Kootenai Cut-Off Road widening project was approved by the Idaho Department of Transportation Board just a few weeks ago.

This project will expand into a four-lane highway the current two-lane section of highway from the north interchange of the Sand Creek Byway to the four-lane highway just north of the Highway 95 intersection

George Eskridge, Idaho Representative for House District 1B You can reach him at 800-626-0471 or via email at idaholeginfo@ lso.idaho.gov with the Kootenai Cut-Off road. Construction of this project will begin this summer with completion scheduled in 2012.

Funding for this project was questionable because of the scarcity of funding for state highway needs, but thanks to a significant amount of support from the cities of Dover, Sandpoint, Kootenai and Ponderay, local agencies and businesses and the general public, the ITD recognized the need for the project and approved the funding.

The Dover Bridge project is one of many projects funded through U.S. stimulus funds made available last year to enhance the nation’s economic recovery from the current recession. The project includes construction of a new four-lane bridge bypassing Dover and construction of a four-lane highway from the Chucks-slough area west of Sandpoint to the east end of the new bridge. The new highway section will include a turn-lane at the east end of the bridge to accommodate traffic in and out of Dover. The project also includes new pavement and rerouting of the Dover to Sandpoint bike-path that had to be removed to accommodate the new and wider highway segment.

Even though we have and will continue to suffer some inconvenience during construction these are all major highway improvements for our area that will increase traffic safety and enhance vehicle traffic in our area significantly. As Senator Shawn Keough has stated in response to comments made by legislators and others elsewhere in the state relative large amount of funding approved for projects in our area: “We are just getting caught up with the rest of the state!!”

Thanks for reading and as always feel free to contact me with issues important to you. My home phone is (208) 265-0123 or you can reach me by mail at P.O. Box 112, Dover, Idaho 83825.

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Page 10 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

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have been as hotly denied as those about climate change. With peak oil, at least, a rapidly growing number of policy makers are now acknowledging that, um, oh geez, yeah, it’s not only an issue but, dang, we’re hitting it right about now.

Given our tendency to recognize a serious problem some years after it’s really too late to do much about it, I suspect we’ll see a recognition that climate change is actually occurring within the next year or so.

I find our ignorance of these issues absolutely stunning. After all, most of us who are alive right now will be dealing with the impacts of these two

Trish Gannon

trish@riverjournal.com issues (and other serious issues, like the explosion of antibiotic resistance) for the rest of our lives.

We’re like a nation—or even a globe—of alcoholics who won’t deal with what’s in front of our face until we hit rock bottom.

Fukushima leads me quite naturally to thinking of these two issues because there are those aware of the problems who insist we can deal with both of them by simply building more nuke plants.

This, to me, feels like giving a 15-year-old boy a bottle of whiskey and the keys to a hot rod and assuming it will all work out okay.

It’s been a relatively short time since old Ben Franklin was out playing with his kite in a thunderstorm, and in that relatively short time we have shown ourselves to be absolutely gluttonous when it comes to energy. We want it, we want all of it, and we want all of it right now. And that’s actually pretty easy to understand. After all, I really like my washing machine and my dishwasher and my microwave oven. These are convenient.

Move into things like refrigeration, and they are quite literally life-saving.

And that’s just on the personal side. Sit back, for just a moment, and picture what

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the greater world outside the doors of your house would look like without the abundant energy we take for granted today. Please do it, because that is the world we are setting up for our children and our grandchildren to live in.

Are there things we can still do to mitigate for what’s in our future? Certainly. Right now, it’s estimated that we here in America could reduce our energy usage 20 percent simply by conserving it. Do I think we’ll do it? Not really. We have shown ourselves to be many things in the 200-plus years since our inception, but thrifty is simply not one of them.

And we certainly won’t do it if no one is talking about how much we really need to.

Think about this the next time you pick up some strawberries to nibble on at the grocery store—strawberries that likely came to your plate from California fields that are already showing measurable amounts of radiation from the accident at Fukushima.

The time for action was yesterday.

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I have been following closely the events unfolding at Japan’s Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear plant and, despite the impression you may have, the situation is dire. Three reactors in at least partial meltdown, severe damage at the spent fuel pond of a fourth, at least two containment vessels suspected to be full of holes, leaks in the water storage facility being used to hold irradiated water, an evergrowing radiation no-go zone, radioactive material releases into the ocean, children being exposed to massively high levels of radiation—and still, almost three months after the accident, no complete handle on what’s really going on and, unfortunately, plans to get the situation “under control” depending heavily on things like... luck.

In fact, as I began to write this, the Fukushima Dai-ichi area was bracing to confront heavy rain and winds from typhoons for which, they regretfully apologized, they were not quite prepared.

For those who thought we were already living in George Orwell’s 1984, this should be an eye-opener—Big Brother isn’t keeping quite as close an eye on things as we thought.

Of course, news of what’s going on in Japan no longer makes it to the top of the news feed, and hasn’t for quite some time.

There are many reasons given for this, from Americans’ “crisis fatigue” to the compelling stories of disasters much closer to home (including, apparently, tweeted “junk” pictures). I suspect, however, that we simply have no patience for complex issues that require a longer-than-five-minutes attention span.

Which would also explain why there’s so little conversation about the two biggest issues of our time: climate change and peak oil. Instead, we prefer to spend our time discussing Sarah Palin’s rather amazing ability, as the daughter of a teacher, to flub the facts of almost any subject she chooses to talk about.

Warnings about reaching peak oil have been around for a long time, of course, and

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June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page 11

Veterans’ News

You get what you pay for

Gil Beyer, ETC USN Ret. vintage@gotsky.com

By the time you read this article another previous administration was busy funding Memorial Day will have come and gone. I two wars they gave very little thought to this failure has occurred. For the only time will have once more done my small part to funding the aftermath of those wars. The in our nation’s history we are engaged in a help area veterans by ‘shaking my can’ in current administration recognized this war and have cut taxes. In ECON 101 this is front of one of the local food markets. I have discrepancy and in the FY2009 and 2010 known as the ‘Law of Diminishing Returns.’ been doing this for the past few years and I budgets allocated over $34 billion more If you or I spent money we didn’t have we am continually gratified by the support that than had been allocated in FY2008. That could go to jail on any number of offenses. our veterans receive from area residents. is a lot of money but—there is always a One of these is ‘fraud.’ I think that a fraud has From one veteran to the people of North ‘but’—the money allocated to other Defense been perpetrated on the American people.

Idaho I offer my heartfelt thanks for your spending almost doubled between FY2005 We tried to conduct our wars ‘on the cheap.’ generosity and support. and FY2010.

Well, guess what—there is no such thing as On a more somber note I’d like to pass on What does that translate to you ask? a free lunch. The previous administration, some information that I learned from the Well, what it clearly shows is that while aided and abetted by the Congress, sold us Sunday, May 22, 2011, issue of the Spokesman the Defense budget was exploding at an a bill of goods and all those unpaid bills are Review. This information set me back on exponential rate, the monies allocated coming in—and now they are marked “Past my heels. Here it is—in Due.” Year GDP-US Veterans -fed Military defense -total the Spokane VA service We have several area (much of eastern $ billion $ billion $ billion nationwide messes to Washington, northern 2001 10286.2 45.36 b 299.14 b clean up—let’s start with Idaho and western doing what is right by our Montana) from July 2007 2002 10642.3 51.58 b 319.19 b veterans. We have to start to July 2008, 21 veterans 2003 11142.1 53.64 b 322.07 b somewhere and I think this committed suicide, 14 would be a good place to do 2004 11867.8 55.79 b 333.08 b so. As the wars wind down of them after they had sought help from the VA. 2005 12638.4 60.36 b 347.18 b and more troops come Granted these numbers home to join the ranks of 2006 13398.9 59.55 b 354.03 b our veteran community have gone down somewhat since the 2007 14061.8 72.85 a 551.29 a we need get our house in issue received publicity 2008 14441.4 84.65 a 616.07 a order. We need to gear up but it is still a staggering to be able to process VA number. Fourteen out of 2009 14119 95.43 a 661.05 a claims and provide the 21 means that two/thirds 2010 14508.2 108.38 a 693.59 a services our veterans were of those who committed promised and have earned. suicide had gone to Our veterans represent the VA for help. These slightly more than 7 percent Legend: veterans knew that they of the total population of needed help and it was b - budgeted estimate in US fy02 budget this country. They, more not forthcoming! than the wealthiest 2 a - actual reported This issue had percent, are the ones who reached such outrageous have given us the gifts we towards helping our veterans increased a proportions that on May 10 the Ninth total of 0.4 percent as a percentage of Defense continue to enjoy in this country. To quote Circuit Court of Appeals issued a ruling spending between FY2001 and FY2010. That, Winston Churchill, “Never have so many that, in essence, said the delays in the VA’s in military parlance, is known as ‘marking owed so much to so few.” treatment of combat related mental illness Until next month take care and the time.’ was so egregious it represented a violation There is no way that any company, next time you meet a veteran don’t just say of veterans’ constitutional rights. The business or organization can deal with an ‘thanks.’ Tell them that you have written or Court cited the lack of counselors, suicide exponential increase in the demands for called your legislative representatives to prevention officers and poor tracking its products or services if it has no means get our veterans the benefits he or she has procedures. to hire and train the personnel necessary to earned. increase nutrients, such as nitrogen and Council website at tristatecouncil.org.

Admittedly, contributing to the VA’s provide those services or products. While the poor track record was the military’s longprevious administration was dumping tons held attitude of ‘suck it up’—deal with it and This into septic pilot and project is taxes being of money two wars cutting it get over it. There are times when that ‘suck was doing almost nothing to dealwith with the introduced in order to comply water it up’ tradition is counter-productive. Just results aftermath these wars. qualityand standards as of determined

by The the as we blew it (nationally) in our treatment Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has laid the Federal Clean Water Act. Designated to of returning Viet Nam era veterans, we are onus on the Veterans Administration when well on our way to screwing over another protect water quality, the plan, known as they said, “The VA’s unchecked incompetence generation of veterans. That is so contrary a “Total Maximum Daily for Lake Oil Changes has gone on long enough; noLoad” more veterans to our traditional American values that I should be compelled to agonize or perish Pend Oreille, addresses nutrient issues Tire Rotation had to look at how we arrived at this sorry while the government fails to perform its state of affairs. Included with this article by appointment obligations.”

The VA canmany appeal the ruling In addition, lakeshore is a chart that shows federal spending on but I think the fault lies further upstream defense and veterans’ programs between homeowners participated in a saying survey than the VA. I agree with the Court fiscal year 2001 and 2010 (sorry, FY2011 and in 2007 concerning a variety of water that the government has failed to perform FY 2012 are unavailable) issues. As is turns out, their itsquality obligations.

A quick overview of the chart reveals an Where I disagree is the level at which interesting fact. That fact is this: while the The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol 17 No. 18 | November 2008 | Page 5 Page 12 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

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A hopeful view of the future It is graduation time, season of the folding chair and pithy speeches. I’m at a high school awards banquet, scholarship envelope in hand, waiting my turn at the podium. When it comes, the master of ceremonies introduces me as a “regular person.” I couldn’t be more pleased, for I have sometimes suspected that I am not, but rather, sort of irregular—not shaped to fit in, as it were.

What the counselor really meant to say was that I am a regular presenter at this annual banquet, at which I have been privileged to give scholarships from various groups to deserving young men and women for a number of years—encouragement in the form of recognition for their past and money for their future.

It’s not my money—at least not the very large majority of it—that I pass on to these children. I just happen to be the lucky guy who delivers it. Over the years, it has come from several different sources, and I would bet that any of the sources would assert that it doesn’t matter as much where it came from as where it’s going.

“So,” I hear you thinking, “are they children or young men and women?” It’s hard to tell, sometimes, for they are both, caught on the sharp edge of independence, some more to one side than the other, and some feeling as if they are being sliced in two by the process of home-leaving. We presenters try to ease the passage with certificates and checks—and pithy speeches.

Focus is on the cadre at the front of the room, tightly packed together at a couple of big tables, some slouching, some leaning on the table or each other, but all attentive to whoever’s turn it is at the podium. After all, the speakers, each and all, are talking about, and often to, them. This is their night, one of the last times they will be together as a cohesive group. Next is graduation, and after that... ? Well, who knows?

Some have a fair idea. The Navy. Australia.

BYU. University of Idaho. The city down the

road. New Zealand. Diesel mechanic school.

Some don’t know yet, and may never, but they all know that soon they won’t be able come back to where they are tonight, except as visitors—or, maybe in a few years, as a new teacher who’s “come home,” not a bad fate for them or the school, for it is a school which needs—and has—teachers who

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care. And these kids already know how to care. They care about each other.

It is a small school. Total attendance in six grades, 7 through 12, is about 120. This year’s graduating class is made up of about 20. The members of a smaller junior class serve dinner and then tell stories about the seniors, one soon-to-be graduate at a time. Some, it is apparent, didn’t know their subject well before beginning their research for this assignment. On the other hand, brothers fete brothers, and best friends confess the impending missing. Intimate and funny details of life as high school friends are revealed.

Many of these young people have known each other since forever. One junior girl tells a story about “when you were six and I was five.” Others just got here—some by a very circuitous route—in time to spend their last years, or year, as part of this class. To look at them, you could not guess which is which, for they are bound together in a friendship that might not survive in a larger school.

They are The Class of 2011, and there will never be another like them. They know it.

Their teachers know it. Their imminent dissolution is both poignant and exciting, and farther back in the gymnasium are teary-eyed adults feeling growing pangs of umbilicum separatum and an attentive group

The Scotchman Peaks Keep ‘em wild.

For our Families, For tomorrow. www.ScotchmanPeaks.org

Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness

Sandy Compton

THE SCENIC ROUTE of underclassmen leaning into the forming void that will left by the seniors’ departure.

Anyone here tonight who reads this later might recognize the exact school this happened in, but something much like this also happened in other schools across the country—tonight, last night, and it will happen again tomorrow night, this year, next year and in years to come.

I’m glad to be a regular person at these homegrown celebrations of achievement. To fit, however briefly, into the lives of these children, and bear witness to their joy in the present and their hopeful view to the future reminds me that all is not lost, that at least one group of people believes we can survive ourselves. And, tonight, there are similar groups with the same radical thought all over the country.

First Thursdays in Downtown Sandpoint A monthly party featuring live music, interactive booths, and exciting specials from retailers and restaurants.

• July 7 • August 4 • September 1 All events 4 to 8 pm

Put on your party shoes and head downtown! www.DowntownSandpoint.com

June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page 13

Clark Fork Baptist Church

Main & Second • Clark Fork

Sunday School............9:45 am Morning Worship............11 am Evening Service...............6 pm Wednesday Service.........7 pm Call 266-0405 for transportation

Bible Preaching and Traditional Music There’s Hope if you need physical therapy.

There’s also Sandpoint.

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Hope: 264-5067 • Sandpoint: 265-8333 www.CaribouPHysicalTherapy.com

Life is Unpredictable So we’re here to help.

Won’t you help, too?

ANGELS OVER SANDPOINT Consider making a taxdeductible donation today.

Angels Over Sandpoint is an Idaho 501(c)3 corporation.

P.O. Box 2369 Sandpoint, ID 83864 • 208-597-3670

www.AngelsOverSandpoint.org

Kathy’s Faith Walk

Leaving the nest

Kathy Osborne

coopcountrystore@yahoo.com

My household has been in flux for some does not help to neigh, squawk, or moo—she time as some of the inhabitants decide where is on her own and she likes it that way. Who’s to go next, where to live, how to live, and idea was it anyway to teach this girl to be how to best serve God once they get there. independent?!? Oh yeah. Right.

That reference is, of course, to my grown My son is moving to the other end of the children. I have noticed they are not much continent later this summer and I don’t recall different from animal babies born on the him asking permission either. The band he is farm. Birth seems to be the most basic, easy in is being signed to a big label. One day he part. Growth and maturity... not so much. just started gently reminding me that this This is going to is for real and went take some faith. about filling boxes.

Babies on He has been tossing the farm have things out over the wobbly legs last six months and but once they tying up loose ends. get the hang of It is all happening how those legs as I sit in my chair work, holy cow! with a lump in my Look out, babies throat the size of a comin’ through! coconut.

They are curious Next fall, if all and constantly goes well, my other under the daughter will move watchful eye of to the other side their mother. of the continent She never lets as well to attend them wander culinary school. outside her She will be gone sight. In fact, for a long time and on the farm, it will be what she you KNOW has dreamed of for when a baby years. She didn’t ask has wandered permission either. too far because She just laid out a M o m m a plan and is making lets out an it happen. The u n m i s t a k a ble Photo by Gary Ashton-Coulton lump in my throat neigh, a moo, is now the size of or a squawk a watermelon. The that lets everyone know junior is AWOL. knot in my heart is growing too.

The babies come back and all is well. Then My babies are leaving the farm and they one day they begin to grow and mature. have our support and blessing to do so. They They begin to feed themselves and choose are all deep worshippers of God. They are all where in the sun to lie down. They stop on very good paths with a future. But in my asking for permission to move farther from heart and mind, they are still too small to their mother. They pick their companions in do this. The world still beats people up and the herd, spend less and less time in their in the face of this I talk to God a lot. I ask for mother’s company and eventually leave the wisdom so I can be an encouragement; for farm for parts unknown. Just like human peace so I can let go; for joy so I can celebrate babies. Just like my babies. these changes.

This leaving thing should not come as a God is always so generous with grace it is shock to me and really, it doesn’t. The first remarkable. He reminds me of the days we time one of my babies left the country I was gave these babies, these grown women and with him and we all came back together. men, to Him as soon as they were born. They But my daughter left the country alone the are coming into maturity. God reminds me first of April to work in missions. I have that He loves them more than I ever can and never seen the town where she lives. I don’t He has them safely in the palm of His hand. know the people she is with. I have nothing He reminds me, too, that my life will change except her weekly phone call which really, and it will be okay even if I don’t like it, even she doesn’t have to make. In short, I cannot if I can no longer see my babies. protect her and I am always aware of this. It This is going to take some faith.

Page 14 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

From ThE

Files

of The River Journal’s

SurrealisT Research BureaU The Weird Roots of the Original Bloomsday

by Jody Forest (“Yes” she cried, “yes I will, Yes!”) When I first arrived in North Idaho I was pleasantly surprised to see a number of ads announcing upcoming Bloomsday celebrations but was soon disappointed to find no relation to the madcap, surreal Bloomsday revelries I’d grown accustomed to during my college days in Santa Barbara. Pub crawls, poetry readings, nude beach bonfire parties and marijuana-tinged discussions of James Joyce’s Ullysses and singing Irish rebel songs were a relic of a simpler, freer, if only now but dimly recalled and halfway remembered time.

In Mel Brooks’ 1968 film “The Producers,” Gene Wilder’s character Leo Bloom (named after the Joyce protagonist) asks loudly to the night with arms open wide at the Central Park fountain scene, “Oh when will it be Bloom’s Day?” And lest one miss the point, earlier in the movie the calender in Max’s office reveals the date is indeed June 16, Bloomsday.

The poets Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath were married on June 16 in honor of Bloomsday and Jefferson Airplane’s 1967 album featured the song ReJoyce, an homage to Ulysses. Even today, U2’s recent song “Breathe” references events taking place on a mysterious June 16 and Pat Conroy’s 2009 novel “South of Broad” not only features a hero named Leopold Bloom but the first chapter’s action all takes place on June 16.

Now Joyce himself picked June 16 to commemorate his first date with his soonto-be wife, the 20-year-old chambermaid Nora Barnacle, who joined him after work for a long stroll around Dublin. In his later novel his protagonist Leopold Bloom walks about Dublin on that date doing various

errands. Joyce’s attempt was to show how one man’s day-in-the-life was analogous to an epic—in this case, of course, Homer’s Odysseus in the Odyssey, with different parts of the book relating to sirens (girls of easy virtue in Nighttown) Cyclops (bar

fights with one-eyed ruffians) lotus eaters (drunkards and hashish smokers) and so on. On this note I’d highly recommend the late scholar of mythology Joseph Campbell’s hard-to-find “Skeleton Key to Finnegan’s Wake” for insights.

Spokane’s own Bloomsday was not held

until 1977 (May 1) though according to its founder, Don Kardong, the race itself is an odyssey (like Joyce’s) in which ordinary people are involved in heroic journeys every day of their lives. I know otherwise normal people who practically live for the annual Bloomsday run; they’ve run every race, collect t-shirts and posters, and fill brackets like it’s March Madness! More power to them. For some of us, however, it’s the original Bloomsday that calls forth fond memories. I can still recall being in a drug-addled audience in 1969 watching The Firesign Theater perform “How Can You Be in Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere At All?” when at the end came a siren’s honeyed voice sacredly chanting what I later discovered to be Molly Bloom’s soliloquy: “I was a flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will, Yes!” Molly Bloom’s reverie (I just quoted the last few lines) is, or was until recently, the longest sentence in the English language at 4,391 words. On another topic, most of you are no doubt aware the world didn’t end on May 21 as prophesied. I was looking forward to looting with the rest of you but we still have Dec 21, 2112 to look forward to. ‘til next time, All homage to Xena!

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June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page 15

DOWNTOWN SANDPOINT EVENTS SANDPOINT EVENTS

Independance

June

Day Celebration

9 SHS Spring Fling. 6 pm in the Panida Theater, Panida.org. 263-9191

Downtown Sandpoint

July 4

Photo by Bashful Dan

Parades, stage performances, raffle and fireworks at dusk

Experience

Downtown Sandpoint!

Visit www.DowntownSandpoint.com for a complete calendar of events

10 June in the Garden: Plant and Garden Sale. Bonner General Hospital. Starts 8 am. 263-3958 10 On the Lighter Side. Pend Oreille Chorale at First Presbyterian. 7 pm.

Admission is free. 263-0199 10 Contra Dance. Sandpoint Community Hall. Potluck. Suggested donation $5. 263-6751 10 Three Bands (Live!) at The Tunnel. Doors at 7 pm. 202½ N. First Ave. 627-9661 11 Sand Creek Paddlers Challenge, 9 am start at City Beach. 263-3613 11 Cinematographers Film Festival for Short Films. Sandpoint Library, 1 pm. Free. 263-3025 11 Alice DiMicele CD Release Show.

Di Luna’s Café 263-0846 12 On the Lighter Side, Pend Oreille Chorale at 7th Day Adventist.

Admission is free. 263-0199 16 Summer Sampler, 5 pm at Farmin Park. SandpointChamber.org. 2632161 16 Bears and Beer.

Idaho Conservation League at Ivano’s, 5:30 pm, IdahoConservation.org.

290-2828 16-17 Journey from Zanskar. The Panida Theater, 7 pm. 263-9191 17 June in the Garden: Chicken Coop and Garden Crawl. 263-3958.

17-18 Pend d’Oreille Winery Anniversary Weekend Bash 2658545.

17-18 and 24-25 Grandpa Was a Bachelor 7:30 Panida Theater. 2659828 18 Danceworks Spring Recital.

Panida Theater, 3 pm. 263-9191 18 Demolition Derby at Bonner Co. Fairgrounds. 263-8414 23-24, July 1-2 On the Verge.

Panida Theater.

SandpointOnstage.com. 2639191.

23 Bio-Luminesce Show. Trinity at City Beach, 9:30.

24 ArtWalk. ArtinSandpoint.org.

263-6139.

24-25 Relay for Life at Fairgrounds.

660-1445. relayforlife.org/ bonnerid 25 Schweitzer Summer Celebration 263-9555. schweitzer.com 26 Moonlight and Roses concert.

263-3958

PLUS: Summer Sounds. Free music Wednesdays at 4 pm, Park Place Stage. Sponsored by POAC. Sandpoint Farmer’s Market open 9 to 1 YOUR IMAGE, YOUR WAY Saturdays, 3:30-5:30 on Wednesdays. www.ImageMakerPhotoandVideo.com Winery Music - Live music every Friday 320 North First Ave ~ 208.263-5322 night at Pend d’Oreille Winery Pub Music with Truck Mills Blues Jam In-store Photo Studio • Film & Digital every Monday night at Eichardt’s Printing • Video to DVD • Photo Trivia every Tuesday night at MickDuff’s.

Restoration • Classes • Cameras • Tuesdays with Mike, Trinity at City Camera Repair • Accessories to No. 8 pm.6| June 2011 Page 16 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com Beach, | Vol.520

An impermanent life As the storm raged, the big old Ponderosa snag swayed violently from a mighty gust.

Two eagles sitting high above the lake on bare, gnarled branches opened their wings and lifted into the air instantly. With a deafening crack, another exposed rotting root broke and, with panicking ducks on water scattering into the wind, the 100-foot tall, gray weathered tree made a thunderous crash into the lake.

I had watched this tree for over thirty years; in fact, I named it The Eagle Tree because of so many sightings I had there.

Over the years, I watched waves breaking at the roots washing away the soil and rocks that gave this grandfather of the forest its stability. Each year it seemed another dead branch shed and floated away. It was obvious the time was near for the majestic old fellow to lie down. The only disappointing part is I was not with it—I could only imagine how the final moments played out.

Walking around a bend in the trail I looked west a quarter of a mile to where I always saw The Eagle Tree, but not that morning. A few more steps and I saw its branches sticking out of the water several feet from the shore.

A Kingfisher, looking for breakfast, perched on one.

Sitting at the base of my old friend I couldn’t help but think about the impermanence of all nature—of everything.

It was the first of June and as I was walking toward the old pine I had been thinking of Father’s Day. Specifically about Noah, our son-in-law, who is also a new father.

I’ve known him for nearly ten years now and have always liked him. When I heard he

Ernie Hawks

•

and Ana were “an item,” I was pleased and it has been exciting watching them develop a loving relationship and marriage. Now there is a baby girl.

Ernie Hawks

michalhawks@dishmail.net As expected, he has matured during those years, and with that, some attitudes have changed. Things that were important are now set aside and there is a change in his focus. All of this growth has created a man who is intelligent, compassionate and disciplined.

He was at sea when his daughter, Alice, was born so they didn’t meet until she was two months old. When I saw the pictures and videos of their first time together, I saw a father—a family man with another wonderful focus.

Speaking of discipline you should have seen him, as cameras flashed and the video rolled, trying to hold it together like a strong sailor. In his words, “I cried like a girl.”

A few weeks later, we met them in Seattle.

They were vacationing and we joined them to celebrate his birthday and be with the family.

This was our first time being with him and his daughter together. I’m biased, but I think he is one of the most engaged fathers I have been around, and is equally involved in every part of the baby’s care—especially the loving part.

For my part, as a new grandfather, the first time I held that little girl she was only a

How’s your view?

THE HAWK’S NEST few hours old. It may sound like a schmaltzy song but my heart opened up in a way it never has before and she crawled right in. I see the same has happened to Noah.

Now I sit next to The Eagle Tree thinking about impermanence and Father’s Day. At first it felt incongruent, but as I sat with them, the two began to reconcile in my mind.

I have seen an attitude change in our culture. The expectations of the father of my youth are different, in many ways, from today. There was a day when fatherhood meant providing for the family with food and shelter but not always being present in the family. When there were sons, he taught skills they would need to do the same. Now fathers are more involved in the daily care of the child. The permanence of old attitudes has evolved into a new norm.

When I think of Noah—all of us for that matter—I think about what was important and how, with life experience, perspectives change. As important as our ideas and beliefs were, they are not permanent either. Of course, that doesn’t mean they were wrong at the time; they, too, evolved. When I first met Noah, he was excited and proud, with good reason, of his hot new sports car. He told me about how fast it was, and how tight and flat it cornered. Today he drives an SUV; his needs have changed. His zest for life is intact, but like his ride, it takes a different form.

So, The Eagle Tree is down and the view along the trail is different but I’m sure there is another standing eagle tree somewhere. I will find it and hope it’s permanent enough to last for the next thirty years. If it isn’t, I hope I can be there to see the storm that proves it, too, is impermanent.

One thing that is not impermanent is Alice’s place in Noah’s heart. Even that will grow and evolve into a larger and more expressive form of love. Happy Father’s Day Noah.

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June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page 17

Coffelt Funeral Home, Sandpoint, Idaho.

Get complete obituaries online at

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

HELENE A. LOOZE WOLF September 30, 1911 - May 6, 2011. Born Buffalo, NY. Attended business college and earned an AA. Lived in Florida, and moved to Sandpoint in 1980. An avid gardener and mother of five.

Lakeview Funeral Home, Sandpoint, Idaho.

Get complete obituaries online at

www.LakeviewFuneral.org

ANN MAE SLOAN MILLER May 3, 1937 - May 5, 2011. Born Butte, Mont. Married Leroy Schock (wid) and Arthur Miller. Mother of five and stepmother of four. Enjoyed genealogy and published books about family and about Sanders County, Montana.

WILLIS ALTON REINECKE August 8, 1922 - June 1, 2011. Look for a complete obituary online.

MARIE AIMEE GUTHRIE COFFELT April 4, 1967 - May 31, 2011. Born Sandpoint, SHS graduate class of ‘85, Bachelors in Psychology from U of Wash.

Married James Coffelt in ‘88. Active in youth organizations, passionate about baseball and Disney. Mother of three.

RUTH MILDRED KINCAID TUCKER September 3, 1912 - May 19, 2011.

Born Ferdinand, Idaho, grew up on the Camas Prairie, Moved to Walla Walla then, in 1932, to Naples.

Cooked in her family’s logging camps, met and married Alfred Tucker. Became an LPN and worked at Page Hospital, Sandpoint Manor, Bonner General and for doctors Smith and Siemsen. Retired in ‘74. Mother of three, she enjoyed traveling.

LUCY MARY GALLITTO ALBANESE November 7, 1912 - May 18, 2011. Born New York, NY. Married Dominick Albanese (wid). Worked as a professional seamstress. Moved to California and Washington, then Sandpoint. Mother of two.

TORY OLIVER ANDREW FORT August 8, 1961 - May 4, 2011. Born Sandpoint, Idaho. An “Air Force brat” he traveled before returning to Sandpoint Worked at Beeman’s Machinist shop and Wal-Mart’s automotive department.

Father of five.

LOUISE MARY FRANCIS August 21, 1922 - May 3, 2011. Born Clearwater, Idaho.

Raised and educated in Winnemucca, Nev., attended Pacific Union College in California. Worked for the Voice of Prophecy radio program. Moved to Sandpoint in 2004.

An excellent seamstress, accomplished cook and avid gardener.

ALA MAE LANGWELL January 20, 1921 - May 2, 2011. Look for a complete obituary online.

MILLIE LOUISE MCKINNEY BREWER May 12, 1928 - May 8, 2011. Began working at age 12 and at 16 was a welder in the Portland Shipyards. Operated the Red Shed antique store in Sandpoint. Started a janitorial service in 1969. Married Bennie Brewer. Mother of 3, foster parent of 17.

KATHY M PONACK May 29, 1953 - May 27, 2011. A complete obituary will be available online.

LAVERNE EDWARD ‘VERN’ STOLZ January 8, 1937 - May 26, 2011.

Born Ferdinand, Idaho. Served 5 years in the U.S. Marine Corps, attended Kinman College in Spokane.

Married Janice Fricke. Moved to Sandpoint in the 70s and worked 30 years for Northern Lights. Father of three.

HADEN CHARLES KISTLER May 12, 1998 - May 21, 2011. Born in Sandusky, Ohio, moved to North Idaho at the age of 6. Student at Clark Fork Jr. High, an honorary volunteer firefighter and member of Idaho Drug Free Youth.

Enjoyed dirt-biking, four-wheeling, basketball, football, and hunting.

HELEN JUNE JACQUES August 21, 1928 - May 1, 2011.

ROBERT KERR WARING August 18, 1928 - May 1, 2011.

Born Palmerton, Penn. Graduated Virginia Military Institute. Married Judith Malin and worked 30 years at the E.I. DuPont de Nemours Co. as a research physicist. Lived in Sandpoint 1999-2008 and had returned here just six weeks prior to his death. Father of four.

DOROTHY LOUISE PHILLIPS BENNETT October 31, 1919 - May 13, 2011. Born Porterville, Utah. Married Lloyd Bennett.

Moved to North Idaho in 1950. Farmed and ran a dairy. Mother of five.

DIXIE MAE ENG BOUSE KENT December 9, 1946 - May 28, 2011. Born in Sandpoint, grew up working in her father’s restaurant, Lee’s Cafe. Married Lee Bouse (wid). Worked at Encoder, Super 8, and La Quinta. Loved animals.

Mother of one.

FRED WAYNE SOLOMON February 2, 1946 - April 17, 2001. Born in Bonner County, married to BJ. Father of four.

He was able to attend his own wake, and shared stories with friends and family. An avid hunter and fisherman, he proudly served his country in Viet Nam.

KENNETH JOHN SANGER March 19, 1914 - May 15, 2011.

Born Belle Harbor, NY, graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1935. Served 30 years and retired as Commander Fleet Air Aramada in Alameda, Calif. Worked for the state in various poisitons. Married Helen Tinsdale (wid) and Mary Anne Clemons. Moved to Sandpoint in 2009. Father of two.

CLARA MARIE NIEMANN NORMINGTON August 1, 1921 - May 9, 2011. Born Marshfield, Wisc, married her one and only love, Jim Normington. Enjoyed hunting, fishing and trapshooting, as well as her family. Mother of three.

KATHERINE ZANNIE “KATHY” MAYS DJEZVEIAN

December 28, 1948 - May 2, 2011. Born in Caspar, Wyo. Married Alex Djezveian.

Traveled extensively in the U.S. and the Middle East. Enjoyed the outdoors, homemaking and traveling.

The time has never been better to quit smoking.

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Page 18 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

From the Mouth of the River

What a year this has been so far! Climate change around the world with devastating effects from earthquacks, tsunamis, and erupting volcanoes, tornadoes like there never have been, floods throughout the world and some old preacher down South declared the world will end yesterday, today or tomorrow, for sure next week. I just wish he would predict when we could plant the garden.

The garden queen has bought her plants, twice,

hoping this time will be right, then it turns cold and rainy. The squirrels found where she stored her new plants and decided to use them to build their nest when she wasn’t looking.

Speaking of building I spent all winter, off and on, building a boat out in the barn to go fishing in. My neighbor the opera singer spent all winter building a sail boat in his shop, and then realized his shop didn’t have a door. With flooding around the corner, looks like those boats will come in handy.

We have another dilemma here on Trestle Creek; maybe you can help us with it. It involves the county road

would flow through a large culvert under the highway and in to Lake Pend Oreille.

This is the same creek the Bull Trout travel up to spawn, but it’s now diverted out into a pasture, where the fish, I guess, can be food for the coyotes and raccoons; I guess the Bull Trout in Lake Pend Oreille are no longer of interest to either agency charged with fish populations or they wouldn’t be gill-netting them by the boat load.

The landowner said he would clean out that creek so the water and fish could pass, but he said all the fish and game departments would have him arrested for interfering with

commissioners, the state highway department, the Corps of Engineers, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Department, the Idaho Department of Fish and Game and a land owner. Yet it affects all who live on or use the Trestle Creek Road.

Here’s the dilemma. Over the years trash and tree limbs have washed down the creek and started piling up, lodging limbs in the brush along the creek bank. The trash has built up to where it has plugged the creek, forcing the water to overflow out through the land owner’s property and across the county road next to the highway. While this in itself is bad enough, the water is cutting a ditch across the county road. In its normal path, water

the wildlife habitat.

Idaho’s transportation and road departments had a simple solution to there torn up roads; north of Sandpoint they put up a sign that said “Rough road, next twenty miles.” I guess that was the answer to fixing that problem. And here at Trestle Creek they put up a sign that reads, “Water over the road.” That’s the same fix they used last year.

Maybe our government could use this same concept when some country wants to start a war or starts raising hell. Instead of sending our troops, we could just put up a sign stating. “If you don’t clean up your act, we will send in the SEALS.”

Boots Reynolds

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June 2011| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| Page 19

Scott Clawson

acresnpains@dishmail.net I was gettin’ groceries late last week, halfway down aisle 7, staring at the back of my eyelids with my forehead pulled down in an attempt to conjure up the shopping list I’d left right next to the coffee pot that morning.

I was starting to get a pretty good visual on it when my ears interrupted.

“What now?” my eyes asked.

“Check this out!” my ears replied.

They reluctantly heard what could only be described as a bumble bee trapped in bubble wrap tapering off to a thumbnail running down the edge of a comb, culminating in a sharply audible ‘pop’ like a little bitty backfire.

My vision vanished, my list was lost, so one eye reopened for safety’s sake if nothin’ else.

This revealed where I’d left myself standing while my head ‘astral projected’ back home to read that list; right between digestive aids and wart remover. First thing coming into focus was a bottle of Bean-O. I noticed some irony here and without turning my head, offered some advice with, “Lookin’ for this?”

I turned around to find an old friend and fellow carpenter I hadn’t seen since before the great depression hit. He was fondling a comb and smiling in a wide open sort of way.

With guarded relief, I looked in vain for a bee and some bubble wrap, so I don’t know what the heck that was and didn’t bother to ask. “Sounds as though you could use a tuneup,” I said.

“You can’t always be certain of what’cha hear,” he offered as his defense, “Maybe it was a ring tone app on my phone!”

My nose wasn’t reporting anything to the contrary so I cautiously conceded to that one and after we played catch-up, discussed the weird weather, injury updates, new scars, old cars and the cost of bean dip, we went our separate aisles.

I filed away for future reference his defensive statement (and that his phone may have played a part in it) while I headed over to the wine section for the mood lighting, where it’s not unusual to be seen staring off into space for long periods of time anyways and’re thusly not likely to get interrupted by an overzealous employee looking to score a merit badge for being helpful. There I tried to clear my head and revisit that list.

Standing in front of the ‘box’ section, eyes closed, forehead in full-conjure mode, there it was! Roughly fifteen items, still indistinct but some of the ones I’d written last were starting to come into focus.

“Nnnnnnnuts! Nope, nutmeg!!” I announced to all the subliminal artwork in front of me, simultaneously realizing I’d said it out loud.

This made my eyes partially open up (in a Jack Elam sort of way) to check for any possible witnesses. Right in front of me was a pink box that said ‘Blush’, so I did.

I sensed a presence moving into my periphery, prompting me to study the fine print on a particular box of Pinot Grigio.

“No, not that!” came from over in front of the ‘imported’ section in a voice very close to Orson Welles’.

Instinctively, I sidestepped away and pretended to concentrate on a box of Bordeaux instead. Now, I’ll admit I know even less about wine than I do as to why so much of mankind is asshole-ish (but I’m trying).

“Not that either! They’re all full of nitrates ‘n crap. How about a nice, two-year-old Albanian Chianti?”

I didn’t think that was on my list but instinctively I began looking for one anyway.

Then came, “Now that would be good with shrimp but not squab.”

“Who said anything about squab?” I

retortfully questioned, not even knowing why and suddenly feeling hungry with all this talk of food. My stomach did its impression of a slow, noisy drain. It was late afternoon, what can I say? I had obviously blundered into some trap here, so I let my eyes drift downhill to look for banana peels, escape routes and anything that might be tyin’ my shoe laces together.

I let my focus relax as I stared ahead just to see if I could get a fix on all this advice I wasn’t asking for and seein’s how the voice wasn’t familiar to my circle of acquaintances, I was curious as to who might have the guts to offer up wine advice to a stranger decorated in sawdust and other work related detritus from the blue collar world (which’d be analogous to correcting a plumber on his spelling of ‘hydrint’ or ‘spiggit’).

“Dish soap and coffee filters,” wafted down the aisle at me.

“What!!?” Serious confusion began running around in my thoughts. “I’ve seen some bizarre wine names before but that sounds really…”

“And Preparation-H,” followed that in a totally different octave.

I decided I’d picked the wrong day to get groceries, so I skipped around the corner where I pert neer ran over a lady talkin’ sideways to something pokin’ out of her ear.

“I’d rather have shrimp, squab is for company.” she said at it, as she blew me a dirty look. Her face reminded me of a ’51 Buick with one exhaust header sticking out of its left wheel well.

Now, I’ll be the very first to admit that much of technology’s latest advances simply drift right on by without me reacting, other’n a rolled eye or two. And I’m okay with that.

There’s only so much time in the day, after

Page 20 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 20 No. 6| June 2011

all. Unless it has something to do with woodworkin’ or livin’ in the north woods while workin’, I haven’t got time. It’s all on a ‘need to know’ basis. If I don’t need to know, I don’t bother.

Up until a few months ago, I didn’t even know what a PDF was, and now I s’pose I are one, that is if it stands for ‘Protagonist of Domestic Facilitudes,’ ‘Perpetrator of Deceptive Fartriloquism,’ (a probable future essay on this page) or maybe even ‘Puttin’ Diction First.’ Any of those would fit. My editor is happy as a clam, now that I know how to play directly with her computer (vastly reducing the possibility of typo-graphical milkshakes or mishpelled woids as a result). I might even try doin’ poems again! HOOWAAH!

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