The River Journal, March 2012

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Because there’s more to life than bad news

A News MAGAZINE Worth Wading Through

Local News • Environment • Wildlife • Opinion • People • Entertainment • Humor • Politics

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THE RIVER JOURNAL A News Magazine Worth Wading Through ~just going with the flow~ P.O. Box 151•Clark Fork, ID 83811 www.RiverJournal. com•208.255.6957

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Call 208.255.6957 or email trish@riverjournal. com

PRESS RELEASES (Email only) to editorial@riverjournal.com

STAFF Calm Center of Tranquility Trish Gannon-trish@riverjournal.com

Ministry of Truth and Propaganda Jody Forest-joe@riverjournal.com

Regular Contributors

Jinx Beshears; Gil Beyer; Scott Clawson; Sandy Compton; Idaho Rep. George Eskridge; Lawrence Fury; Dustin Gannon; Matt Haag; Ernie Hawks; Kathy Osborne; Gary Payton; Paul Rechnitzer, Boots Reynolds; Lou Springer; Mike Turnlund

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Proudly printed at Griffin Publishing in Spokane, Wash. 509.534.3625 Contents of the River Journal are copyright 2012. Reproduction of any material, including original artwork and advertising, is prohibited. The River Journal is published the first week of each month and is distributed in over 16 communities in Sanders County, Montana, and Bonner, Boundary and Kootenai counties in Idaho. The River Journal is printed on 40 percent recycled paper with soy-based ink. We appreciate your efforts to recycle.


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2. ON A QUEST FOR THE SNOWY OWL Mike Turnlund, Brian Baxter, Sandy Compton, Ernie Hawks & Gary Payton write about the irruption of Snowy Owls in Montana. 5. PEDALERS GET GRANT Mountain bike trails get a big assist with some high-powered equipment. 6. WILDLIFE SUMMIT Out on the Game Trail, Matt Haag says the upcoming Wildlife Summit will attempt to figure out what we want, and how to pay for it. 8. COMPUTER LAB Clark Fork offers high speed computer access to the public free of charge. 9. RED HEADED STEPCHILDREN Lou Springer writes of the impending demise of the Bull River Clinic. Currents 10. CONGRESS Gil Beyer argues that we

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pay a lot of money for... nothing. Veterans’ News. 11. BANNING TEXT MESSAGING A BAD LAW Never more Politically Incorrect, Trish Gannon argues that a law banning text messaging will have unintended consequences. 12. CRUNCHING THE NUMBERS Rep. George Eskridge reports on the state of the budget in Boise. A Seat in the House. 13. 2012.1 Paul Rechnitzer argues it’s time for some consensus in politics. Say What? 14. YELLOWSTONE AND A NEW RELIGION jody takes a surreal look at the Yellowstone supervolcano and the Flying Spaghetti Monsters. Surrealist Research Bureau 15. GRACE Sandy Compton takes an alternate look at those times when “life gives

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you lemons.” The Scenic Route. 16. CALENDAR Upcoming events in downtown Sandpoint 17. BACK ON MY OWN TWO FEET Jinx is looking forward to a better life through medicine. Jinxed. 18. OBITUARIES

2 Photo by Ernie Hawks

19. WHAT’S (STILL) EATIN’ YOUR RIDE It’s a mag chloride redux from Scott Clawson as he watches his new truck be slowly eaten away. 21. THEY CALL ‘EM THE GOLDEN YEARS And maybe that’s because of what they will cost you. A fresh perspective on aging from the Mouth of the River.

6 Photo by Jinx Beshears

COVER PHOTO BY PAT GAINES, WESTMINSTER, CO. Used with permission.

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March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


On a Quest for the Snowy Owl

One Journey, Eight Snowy Owls, Four Reflections & a Bit About the Bird

In February, four North Countrymen set out to view the Snowy Owls wintering in nearby Polson, Montana. Brian Baxter, tracker and conservationist; Sandy Compton (The Scenic Route); Ernie Hawks (The Hawk’s Nest); and, Gary Payton (Faith Walk) shared the day and the extraordinary experience. Mike Turnlund (A Bird in Hand) kicks it all off with information about this stunning bird (shown in photographs by Ernie Hawks) that is drawing the birding paparazzi from all over. The appearance of Snowy Owls in our region has caused quite a stir. The press is noisy with sightings of these big, beautiful raptors. They are rare in our region, but necessity has forced them further south than normal and a large number of Snowy Owls are being spotted this late spring. Consequently, serious birders are out in force with cameras and binoculars in hand, trying to catch of glimpse of these birding celebrities. So what is a Snowy Owl and why are they visiting? Snowy Owls are big birds. In the field their dimensions and build might remind a

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person of a small-headed Great Horned Owl, sans the “horns” (at least visibly, as the Snowy Owl does have a couple of little tufts which are normally hidden away). They are sleek, but heavy birds—on average, the heaviest owl in North America. In fact, they are heavier than even the “bigger” Great Gray Owl. As their name suggests they are a distinctive snowy white, but this is really only true of the males. The female Snowy Owl sports a vivid twill pattern of black and white over its wings and breast, to the top if its head. This is also true of immature males. Still, they are gorgeous birds with or without this coloration. But the mature males are the most

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distinctive because of their stunning, almost solid-white, coloration. So why are they here in our region? The Snowy Owl spends its summers in the high arctic tundra, preying on birds and rodents. In the winter they travel south into sub-arctic regions, all the way down to the upper edges of the northern United States. They are common enough in places such as northern Minnesota that some of my relatives there have snapped photos of them from the highway using cell phones. So seeing the occasional Snowy Owl in our region this time of year might not stop the presses, but the larger than usual numbers has. What we are seeing is a phenomenon in the birding world called irruption. An irruption simply means birds moving in

large numbers to areas outside of their normal range and irruption can affect many species. This is caused by a food shortage. Basically, these owls we are seeing are hungry birds. This also explains why so many are being spotted during the day. According to my Sibley’s Guide to Birds: “individual (Snowy Owl) birds… seen farther to the south of normal range are often starved and stressed for food, and thus active in daylight. Healthy birds are mainly nocturnal, like other owls.” To be flippant, these birds are Okies, hungry and looking for opportunities to support themselves, even if that means traveling to places they would normally not travel to and working shifts that they normally would not work. Some have even been spotted as far south as Dallas, Texas!

Desperation is the key word here. This suggests to me that a lot of these birds are not going to make it back home. Carpe Aves—seize the birds! If you have the time and the means, get on out there and add a semi-exotic bird to your life list. There are more than enough birding sites on the Internet to help you find the best site near your locale. And if you can’t figure out how to do an Internet search, ask your local teenager, even pre-teen; I’m sure they’ll patiently guide you to birding nirvana. Or just sit back, prop up your feet, and read about four intrepid birders and their search for the Snowy Owl along the Clark Fork watershed. Happy birding!

Mike Turnlund

Brian’s Story

I awakened from a deep slumber, at a snail’s pace. Although my tired body craved a continuance of warmth and comfort, I became cognizant of the day’s mission and excitement finally snapped me out of the bed and into the shower. This anticipation had been building since reading the Daily Interlake and Missoulian articles on the Snowy Owl Irruptions! The intriguing, white-souled snowy owls have come down from the far north. Perhaps they are assisted by Boreas, the Greek god of the north wind. They do this intermittently. Irruptions generally occur a few years lag time after a boom in prey base. Lemmings, a short tailed northern rodent, are a staple of the owls’ diet. Following a recent rise in lemmings, snowy owls increased in population, which resulted in greater numbers and distances of their nomadic movements. Their alternate prey—meadow voles—have drawn them into the Polson area. I had graciously accepted an invitation from three fellow greybeards to take a journey down to the south end of Flathead Lake to check out this majestic creature. Greybeards is a complimentary term I have used occasionally to describe my brothers of the baby boomer generation, and I was honored to be invited by these gentlemen. Accepting the invitation, however, was somewhat uncharacteristic on my part. Basically a loner, I have made my living in the woods in wildlife research, forestry, and land surveying, preferring for the most part to be on my own. In the last decade, I have been branching out into teaching outdoor educational programs

and attempted short flights as a fledgling writer. Yet somehow, I had faith this would be a good group for an outing. Dark transformed itself, passing layers of frozen fog eventually assuring me of light as I met the gang. Ernie, of the “Hawk’s Nest” noteworthy column, was our pilot. Riding shotgun, Gary (the “Faith Walk” columnist), and behind him, Sandy, publisher, author, and wilderness advocate. I sat behind the pilot, silently hoping the guys’ writing talents would rub off on me this day. Sandy’s knowledge of geography certainly did. We topped a hill of urban interface and grass shrub fields. Spotting our target species, a spell ensued, sending each of us on his own hunting path. Cameras and binoculars blazed, with top gun Ernie capturing some great images. All spirits were in flight on this day. Maybe the last best place is just the last best place you’ve been. Let’s savor life and laugh again together, boys! For life is fleeting, much like the flight of the snowy owl.

Sandy’s Story

We are tracking an irruption, a word new to us in this cubic Honda, excepting critter expert Brian, who is seated behind Ernie, our chauffer. In the right front seat is Gary, organizer and advocate of irruption tracking. I’m behind Gary, savoring the advantages and vantages of a non-navigating passenger, watching Sanders County flow by. At Plains, we turn north on Montana 28 to Hot Springs, Niarada and a hard right

into Flathead County. We climb east into Lake County through J. Harlan Bretz’s proof of Lake Missoula floods, rolling radial hills, humongous ripple marks left from sudden emptying of that prehistoric lake at the end of the last Ice Age. We top an 18-mile-long ramp and find additional proof—ancient shorelines shaping hillsides above Flathead Lake’s Big Arm, Wild Horse Island and Elmo. We turn south on US 93 toward Polson and our irruption.

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


An irruption is an invasion, an irregular increase in numbers. In an upscale development on a hill above Polson, snowy owls have irrupted. An abundance of Arctic lemmings last year led to an abundance of snowy owls in the U.S. this year, some as far south as Missouri. We are here to witness the Montanan irruption, eight young individuals feeding on a hearty crop of meadow voles in the Mission Valley, stretching south from their hill; cold, grey and shuttered by low clouds this day. It’s 15°F, balmy for birds evolved to life above the Arctic Circle, but I’m pleased there is no wind—and somewhat disappointed the owls have chosen a chunk of suburbia to irrupt into. Ernie mounts his camera on its big lens, and we spread out along the road, trying not to get real estate signs in our pictures. Brian sends them “mousein-distress” calls. The birds are patient with a semi-constant flow of pilgrims invading their space, but when one gets too close, they fly to the roof of a nearby mansionette. We stay until we can’t take the

weather, go eat lunch, then return for a last look. A young woman in a long, dark coat stalks the hilltop, peering south, pointedly ignoring owls on roofs. She knows something we don’t, I think. We drive past the development into open farmland and find what she is looking for—a lone, spotted female on a leaning fencepost overlooking the wilder valley. She looks like she irrupted in the right spot. We’re an irruption ourselves, an invasion of amateur ornithologists and casual sightseers, the first of which will leave their cars even on days like this. We are irregularly increased in numbers, first two, then five, then 11; lining the blacktop on top of a hill above Polson. But, we don’t venture far. We are like the owls that take to the safety of rooftops. Yet, behind us, as we drive south toward Pablo and Dixon, there is the young woman in the long, dark coat on the hilltop—and the owl alone on the fencepost—showing us a different way.

Ernie’s Story

I try to start each day affirming I am open and receptive to all goodness and grace, a practice that allows room for wonderful surprises. Several weeks ago my inbox contained a note from Gary saying the Snowy owls were in the Polson area and was I interested? My intention of being open to good immediately buried any resistance I may have conjured. I wrote back, “I’m all in,” without any thought, an opening to a wonderful surprise. That is how I found myself, early one morning, driving into the Flathead Lake region with three friends. The car filled with anticipation, curiosity and keen interest as we drove through the remains of ancient glacial floods in search of the Snowy. In many cultures, mystery, fear, and wisdom are associated with owls. The Greek goddess Athena carried one on her shoulder symbolizing wisdom. Since most owls are nocturnal, fear of darkness and the unknown surrounds them in mystery. Plus, there is their silence, an absolute silence, when swooping down

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


on unsuspecting prey. Add to that large, round, all-knowing eyes with their uncanny appearance of tracking a full circle, thus giving the feeling of “other worldly” wisdom even in the dark. The Snowy adds to that mystique their ethereal white color and the fact they are as comfortable hunting in the day as they are at night. For me, light plus wisdom, mystery and silence gives birth to wonder. The first one I saw was sitting on a large rock outcrop. The curiosity I had been steeping in for several hours gave way to wonder, excitement, an indisputable thrill. Bigger than I expected, though I knew their size, and with a light grey ceiling for a backdrop, ghostly is the only way for me to describe the Spirit-like, white presence. Later, while standing camera ready, another one flew into my view only a few feet from me. I was amazed at the complete silence—even with wings spread to nearly five feet. To find them on the edge of a town, sometimes sitting on roofs and chimneys, people all around packing SLRs, pointand-shoots and camera phones, created cognitive dissonance with the habitat I know is theirs by nature—the vast, uninhabited wilds of the Arctic. All was a confirmation: I am supposed to be open and receptive to all the goodness and grace this Universe has planned for me, and it is greater than I can imagine.

Gary’s Story

It began simply with a Sunday edition of the Missoulian. The headline announced, “Snowy Owls: Parliament is in Session in Polson.” The occurrence of an irruption bringing these majestic birds close to home was all I needed. “Once in a lifetime” opportunities are not something I pass by easily, particularly when they involve critters in the natural world. With Internet swiftness our party of three River Journal writers and an intrepid, Libby-based tracker came together. Date set; minor logistics sorted out; and, off we went in Ernie’s wife’s vehicle. (Linda, did we ever say “thank you” for letting us old guys have your ride for the day? Thank you!) I knew the Snowies would be big. I knew they would have a certain presence. But I was unprepared for their ethereal beauty and its impact on me. Maybe it was their silence. Maybe it was the slow swivel of the head taking in all around with seemingly knowing yellow eyes. Maybe it was the owl mythology of the ages mixed with J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter, and his winged companion Hedwig. Or, maybe it was all that swirling together. Now, as I reflect on both the journey and the destination, themes from a life’s faith walk are reinforced. Companionship, abiding friendships, and a spirit of adventure are very good. Oh, what miserable souls we become when

Pedalers Get Trail Machine

When the Pend Oreille Pedalers (POP) were asked, “If you could have three wishes, what would they be?” the overwhelming response was, “a trail building machine, a trailer to haul it on and a crew to run it.” Amazingly enough, their wishes were granted! Well… it wasn’t quite that easy. After months of hard work and dedicated research by Larry Davidson, Vice President of POP, with the assistance of grant writer, Ruth Watkins, the bicycling club has persevered. Through a generous grant by the Equinox Foundation with the Inland Northwest Community Foundation, the POP were able to procure a fantastic mini excavator, a trailer and all the needed equipment for operating and maintaining the machine. The Takeuchi TB108 Compact Mini Excavator will ease the work load of many tireless bikers who have, until now, built all our mountain biking trails by hand. Trails that used to take months to create will now take days. Those who have felt like ancient Egyptians moving

enormous rocks with logs to create bridges will simply point at the boulders and grin, while they watch the articulating arm and thumb of the excavator go to work. “We are honored that the Equinox Foundation awarded us the grant and we will use the excavator to continue to improve and build new trails in our area,” said Brian Anderson, President of the Pend Oreille Pedalers. “The excavator dramatically shortens the man-hours it takes for us to build trails, allowing us to create many more miles of trails for bicyclists and hikers in our area. We have plans to use it on future trail projects in our area, beginning this Spring.” Earlier this year, the Pend Oreille Pedalers, in conjunction with the Bonners Ferry Forest Service, completed work on the new Brush Lake Trail. The 6.5 mile trail was specially built for mountain biking with stunts such as a teeter-totter, skinnies and technical rock drops and climbs. In addition, the POP Trail Building Team,

we cut ourselves off from the love and care we are charged to share with each other. What joylessness can creep into our lives when we no longer let ourselves feel childlike wonder. Four old guys on a daylong road trip was immensely renewing! For me the outing, of course, was about Snowy Owls. Last August, it was about wolves in Yellowstone. A year ago, grey whales off the California coast and before that orcas in the Puget Sound. Like so many readers of this River Journal, we are drawn into the wilderness seeking ways to commune with the Divine while we interact with the other creatures in this good Creation. As I age, I still long to see mountain lions in western Montana; the caribou migration in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge; and polar bears in the snows of Churchill, Manitoba. With three exceptional companions now, perhaps we will set out once again to climb mountains, carry cameras and binoculars, and patiently wait across a valley floor for a cougar and her cubs to emerge from their den. Oh, and Linda, may we borrow your ride again for the day?

led by Sandy Thomas and John Monks, maintains the Gold Hill and Mineral Point trails in collaboration with the Sandpoint Ranger District, as well as trails on private land through the generous permission of land owners. The Pend Oreille Pedalers, a non-profit organization which promotes and improves bicycling opportunities around Sandpoint and the Idaho Pandhandle, is an advocate of safe cycling in our community. The club provides information on group rides, for road riders and mountain bikers, beginners and advanced. The average member is not average; they range in age and ability to include those who occasionally dust off their bikes for a little fun, to the other end of the spectrum for whom bicycling is their only transportation and a way of life. The club sponsors Sandpoint’s annual Bike Week, which includes a Ride to School/Work Day, the Bike Swap and Bike Film Festival, as well as campouts and many other fun community events year-round. For those interested in membership, please go to their website at pendoreillepedalers.com.

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


Wildlife Summit Asks: What do we want and how do we pay for it? This coming August the Idaho Fish and Game Director, Virgil Moore, is hosting a Wildlife Summit in Boise from the 24th through the 26th. The Summit will be an opportunity to have a conversation with Idahoans who care about wildlife. Hunters, trappers, anglers and other wildlife conservationists enjoy wildlife in many ways and they are deeply interested in how it is managed. Early last year, Director Moore laid out for the entire Fish and Game’s staff the agency’s dilemma: legal mandates and public expectations have outgrown funding sources. Now Moore wants to lay it out for the rest of Idaho. He wants to discuss how to meet those mandates and expectations without infringing on the agency’s mission of stewardship of wildlife to provide opportunities for hunting, fishing and trapping. He wants to hear ideas and look for common ground on which to develop a plan for the future. The Wildlife Summit will be held August 24-26 at the Riverside Hotel in Boise. The following is a statement from Director Virgil Moore: I called for the Wildlife Summit because it is time to check in with Idaho hunters, trappers, anglers and other wildlife conservationists. We

want to facilitate a conversation about the current status and direction of wildlife management in Idaho in order to keep it responsive to changing needs and interests. Fish and Game needs to understand better what our license buyers and interested Idahoans expect from their state wildlife management agency, so Fish and Game can serve them better. Wildlife, hunting and fishing are valued by the vast majority of Idahoans. Americans are supportive of the use of wildlife, with 77 percent approving of hunting and more than 95 percent approving of fishing. The Wildlife Summit will uphold the legacy of hunters and anglers who were among the first conservation leaders in Idaho. In 1938, they championed the passage of Idaho’s first citizens’ initiative that charged Idaho Fish and Game with managing the state’s wildlife as currently in Idaho code: “All wildlife, including all wild animals, wild birds, and fish, within the state of Idaho, is hereby declared to be the property of the state of Idaho. It shall be preserved, protected, perpetuated, and managed. It shall be only captured or taken at such times or places, under such conditions, or by such means, or in such manner, as will preserve, protect, and perpetuate such wildlife, and provide for the citizens of this state and, as by law permitted to others,

Matt Haag is a conservation officer with the Idaho Dept. of Fish and Game. Learn more about the department online at IDFG.gov. You can reach Matt at mhaag@idfg.idaho.gov.

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continued supplies of such wildlife for hunting, fishing and trapping.” This mission statement and the initiative that spawned it were born out of shared frustration of hunters, anglers and other wildlife conservationists who saw a lack of direction in the conservation and stewardship of a resource valued by Idahoans. It is our guiding principle in determining how best to represent and meet the needs of hunters, anglers, trappers and others who value wildlife. To me, these three sentences say so much about what Fish and Game does and what we strive to accomplish for Idahoans. Let’s look at each sentence of this mission statement and what it means to me. “All wildlife, including all wild animals, wild birds, and fish, within the state of Idaho, is hereby declared to be the property of the state of Idaho.” Simply put, Idaho citizens declared their right to the ownership and stewardship of all of Idaho’s wildlife as a public trust. “It shall be preserved, protected, perpetuated, and managed.” This made Fish and Game responsible for ensuring all of Idaho’s wildlife is managed for our children, grandchildren and all future generations. “It shall be only captured or taken at such times or places, under such conditions,

The Game Trail

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or by such means, or in such manner, as will preserve, protect, and perpetuate such wildlife, and provide for the citizens of this state and, as by law permitted to others, continued supplies of such wildlife for hunting, fishing and trapping.” This sentence gets to the guts of Fish and Games’ mission, clearly stating you can only use wildlife in a manner that ensures perpetual supplies. It directs wildlife be managed for harvestable surpluses. But it says nothing about meeting the various desires Idahoans have for their wildlife; about how many, how big, how the resource is distributed around the state and by what method wildlife can be taken. That is the job of the Idaho Fish and Game Commission with input from the public along with scientific information. The Idaho Fish and Game Commission has the authority and responsibility to implement the wildlife policy of the state. They set management goals—size, number and distribution—with input from the public and based on scientific wildlife conservation principles. They set the seasons and limits for the species that are hunted, fished or trapped. Since the initiative was passed nearly 75 years ago, Idaho’s human population has tripled from 525,000 in 1938 to 1.6 million today. Today, two out of three Idahoans live in cities whereas just 30 years ago half our population lived in rural areas. As a result, wildlife management responsibilities today are broader than in 1938. Federally designated endangered and threatened animals and plants, development impacts on wildlife, and management of nongame species are all parts of Fish and Game’s responsibility. This demands more agency responsiveness and resources. Meanwhile, license buyers expect to continue their rich heritage of hunting, fishing and trapping

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for sustenance and recreation. All wildlife is managed in trust for the citizens of Idaho, yet hunters and anglers pay nearly the entire bill—no state general tax revenue is provided to Fish and Game. Only a small portion of funding comes from Idaho’s wildlife license plates, and that is directed to non-game programs. As a result, it is a challenge to address the state’s wildlife conservation responsibilities while meeting our mission to ensure hunting and fishing opportunities and programs. We need your help in defining how to meet these challenges. I’m excited about the Idaho Wildlife Summit as a time for all Idahoans to gather to discuss the future of Idaho’s rich wildlife heritage, and how we can serve you better And they don’t to—aftermission. all, don’t in fulfilling Fish have and Game’s We we Americans if it’sWe ours, it’s oursto want to hear believe from you. listened and we can with it whatconcern we want?about Or hunters whodoexpressed is the Wildlife Summit original September dates overlapping archery And and weseasons. want it, then because needittotohear fromif our you have we to give us and youarchery don’t, hunters we changed the dates. then youtoo,sponsor terrorism and we’ll Virgil Moore, Idaho Fish and Game Director By the way, China wants that oil as you would China? like some infowho you well.If Remember Themore people can go to the Fish and Game website and loaned us all that money? China’s oil find all the ismost current information consumption around 6.5 billion barrels about the summit at fishandgame.idaho. a year, and is growing at 7 percent every gov/summit. Youabout can register to barrels receive year. It produces 3.6 billion e-mail updates on the Summit and soon every year. Does this math look good to you will be able to offer input on topics anyone? Can anyone other than Sarah for discussion. PalinLeave and No George Bush believe we can Child Inside drill our way out of this problem? Anyone who doesn’t think we better hit the ground running to figure out how to fuel what we WINDOWS & MIRRORS wantSIDE fueled with something other than oil probably deserves to go back WINDSHIELDS • TINTINGto an : I could go on forever, but you’ll quit reading. So one final discussion for the American public. First, let’s have a true, independent analysis of what happened on September 11, 2001. The official explanation simply doesn’t hold water. This is one of those “who knew what, when” questions that must be answered—and people/institutions must

How’s Your View?

Speaking of accountability, you might be surprised to learn that I would not support an effort to impeach President Bush after the November elections. First, because that’s too late, and second, because more than Bush have been involved in crimes against the American people. What I would like to see are charges (at the least, charges of treason) brought against Bush, Cheney, et al. Bring 600 Schweitzer Plaza Dr. behind Super 8 Motel the charges and let’s let the evidence of

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March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


The Clark Fork Community Computer Lab Now Open BJ Solomon works with residents at Clark Fork’s new computer lab.

Having More Retirement Accounts Is Not The Same As Having More Money. When it comes to the number of retirement accounts you have, the saying “more is better” is not necessarily true. In fact, if you hold multiple accounts with various brokers, it can be difficult to keep track of your investments and to see if you’re properly diversified.* At the very least, multiple accounts usually mean multiple fees. Bringing your accounts to Edward Jones could help solve all that. Plus, one statement can make it easier to see if you’re moving toward your goals. *Diversification does not guarantee a profit or protect against loss.

To learn why consolidating your retirement accounts to Edward Jones makes sense, call your local financial advisor today.

David B Reseska Financial Advisor .

521 North 4th Sandpoint, ID 83864 208-263-0515

www.edwardjones.com

Member SIPC

In a large room next to the Clark Fork Post Office, ten gleaming new computers, all hooked to high speed Internet service, sit waiting for community members looking to connect with the world. On February 8, officials and residents of this small town on the eastern side of Idaho’s Panhandle met with representatives from the USDA Rural Development program and with employees of Pend Oreille Valley Networks to cut the ribbon on a community computer lab that was provided free of charge as part of a USDA grant which POVN received to provide high speed Internet services to this rural community. The center is staffed and open 25 hours per week, with services provided at no charge to the community for two years; after that time, it will be up to Clark Fork’s city council to decide if they want to keep the center open. Local resident B.J. Solomon was hired by POVN to staff the center, where she provides basic support in computer and Internet usage, guiding less knowledgeable users through the intricacies of opening and maintaining an email account, viewing and saving photographs, doing Internet searches and the like. A full color, laser printer is networked to the system allowing users to print information (cost is 10 cents per page), and the plan is to bring in a web cam so that users can Skype with family and friends in far-flung places. For those interested, the center is open on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 1:30 pm to 8:30 pm and on Saturdays from 10 am to 2 pm. These hours will likely change in the summer depending on community usage. All are welcome, but young children do need adult supervision. Again, there is no charge to use the center. Although the center does operate as a Wi-Fi “hot spot,” the range is limited (you must be very close to the center to connect), and in support of Clark Fork’s ten o’clock curfew, Wi-Fi will not be available after 10 pm. Residents are welcome to bring their laptops or other mobile devices to the center in order to connect to the Internet. The Clark Fork Community Computer Lab was made possible through a USDA rural development grant which was awarded to POVN and used to provide high speed Internet services to the community of Clark Fork. Those interested in obtaining Internet at home can call POVN at 888-800POVN or visit www.povn.com. To reach the Computer Lab, dial 888-800-7686 and choose extension 410.

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


Red-headed Stepchildren of Sanders County Clark Fork Valley Hospital announces closure of Bull River Clinic When in January the Clark Fork Valley Hospital in Plains pronounced that the Bull River Clinic was closing, a tide of disbelief spread throughout the west end of Sanders County. Folks had trusted the CFVH’s mission statement: “Clark Fork Valley Hospital and Family Medicine Network will partner with our communities to improve the health of those we serve.” The planned clinic closure proves this lofty goal falls far short of reality. Partner with our communities. In February 1994, the newly formed Heron Community Center Board contacted the hospital and offered to pay all remodeling costs, utility fees, rent and provide for a volunteer nurse and receptionist if the hospital could get a Physicians’ Assistant down at this end of the county. Thus, on April 12, 1994, Karen Kooey became the first line of health defense for western Sanders County. CFVH decided the clinic should be in Noxon, so the community helped with the move. When CFVH toyed with the idea of having the clinic in Trout Creek, folks over there got a grant and put ton of volunteer work into remodeling the basement of the Senior Center building, only to have their hopes stomped when CFVH decided on the present location, near the junction of Bull River Highway and Highway 200. To become a partner with the CVFH, Heron and Noxon people approved a mil levy to support the clinic. This selfimposed property tax is presently raising $20,251 a year to pay rent and utilities. A lot of volunteer hours were spent accomplishing this and more hours are donated to serving on the Noxon Heron Public Hospital District board. Thousands upon thousands of hours have been donated with the goal of having a clinic close enough to be a literal lifesaver. People have canvassed for the mil levy, attended meeting after meeting and have built offices and examination rooms. Folks did this work because of a belief in the ‘partnership promise’ of the Clark Fork Valley Hospital. It turns out that the hospital did not have the courtesy to allow any discussion of the clinic’s dismemberment with their ‘partners’. They called a meeting and told

Currents

the local board it was a done deal. Improve the health. Could any of the medical people associated with the CFVH explain how it will improve the health of folks to remove the only medical facility in a 40-mile radius? The mother of teenagers who tells how the clinic stayed open late to complete some rushed football physicals, the gal who needs fasting blood tests, the fellow with the chain saw gauge in his leg, the guy who goes for physical therapy, the woman who needs a referral to a eyedoctor, the old fart with angina pain, are grateful to have this clinic. Lives have been saved by this clinic. CVFH should take pride in this, and see the value of keeping it open. Those we serve. The Hospital has not wholeheartedly served the taxpayers in this end of the county. They haven’t promoted wellness activities that are commonly offered at the east end clinics. Rather than helping their so-called ‘partner,’ Noxon Heron Public Hospital District, search for rural health funding, CFVH took their ball and went home. Being treated as the red-headed stepchildren of Sanders County is not new for folks living west of Trout Creek, but this is a new extreme of neglect. And this is being rained down upon us because, according to Deb Green, director CFVH’s four clinics: “folks are using the Bull River clinic for emergency service and urgent care but taking more advanced treatments with facilities outside the CFVH system.”* Yes, rural people are being deprived of urgent care because they take their business—advanced treatments—to physicians and hospitals in Sandpoint or Libby. Is this not the most cynical and selfserving reason ever given for removing emergency medical care from rural people? The geography of the Clark Fork Valley has not changed since the first clinic was established 1994: Heron is still 75 miles from Plains and 41 miles from Sandpoint. Did the staff at the CFVH actually think folks would drive nearly twice as far to see a doctor or have a procedure done at the Plains hospital? Just as the ambulances head west from the lower Clark Fork Valley, medical referrals are sent west. The only

change is that gasoline is pricier. As anyone who has ever had a financial transaction with the Clark Fork Valley Hospital knows, their bookkeeping can only be described as ‘creative accounting.’ Yet it is this messy bookkeeping that has determined the Bull River Clinic is a losing proposition. CVFH is closing the clinic based upon ‘underutilization’; their backward bookkeeping did not allow counting physical rehabilitation appointments, drop-in urgent care patients or last minute consultations. The rest of the residents of Sanders County get three medical facilities: Hot Springs Clinic, CFVH at Plains and Thompson Falls Clinic—all clustered in the eastern section of the county. The redheaded stepchildren of the west end are not supposed to get emergency service, urgent care, routine health checks or medical referrals. Petitions are circulating, folks are riled up. The CFVH has agreed to meet with people in mid March to defend their decision. As one disappointed clinic patient says, “And to look us in the eye while telling us they are closing our clinic.” The CFVH better take note: Heron /Noxon people can be a determined bunch. *From Sanders County Ledger, Feb. 2, 2012. Deb Green has not returned my repeated calls and messages to verify this statement. Clark Fork Valley Hospital has scheduled a meeting with Noxon/Heron folks on March 14th, 6 pm, at the Noxon High School Multi-Purpose Room.

Lou Springer is “grounded” in Heron, Montana and can be reached at nox5594@blackfoot.net

by Lou Springer

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page


Congress: A Lot of Money for Nothing When Jody Forest asked me to take over writing this column a while back I promised him that I would do my best to make them as interesting and informative as he had. There have been some small successes over the years and I feel that maybe—just maybe—I’ve given The River Journal’s readers some good information and, hopefully, some food for thought. The first several articles dealt with veterans’ benefits and services. I hope they included some things of value to that community. Over the past year or so I have written many words about the politics of veterans’ benefits and services. With tens of thousands coming home from both Iraq and Afghanistan now and in the very near future there is a huge need for expanded services and benefits. None of these benefits and services can be delivered without the political will to fund and provide them. Therein lays the rub. It is the Constitutional duty of Congress—not the President—to pass and fund legislation for the betterment of our country. There seems to be a distinct lack of political will to do what must be done for our returning men and women warriors. In fact, there seems to be a decided bent to obstruct anything from being done for anyone, be they civilian or former military. Last month I went into some detail on just how little the 112th Congress had actually done in the month of December. Well, it pains me to say this but they seem to have done even less in January. In the month of January Congress was in session 17 days. They managed to pass a total of 13 bills—six in the Senate and 7 in the House—but only four made it to the President’s desk for his signature. This is less than they accomplished in December. Two of those bills that did reach his desk dealt with smuggling—either under or over the USA/Mexican border in our failed ‘War on Drugs’ or illegal immigration— using Ultralight aircraft and tunneling. Granted, one of the remaining two others may have some good impact on the economy and jobs as they deal with airport runway improvements and modernization. But seriously folks, is that the best that Congress can do? They were ‘in session’ one hundred and seventy-four days in 2011. That works out to a thousand dollars

Veterans’ News

a day we’ve paid our representatives in Washington—at minimum (those in leadership positions get more). I’d work real hard for that. But there is a catch in that ‘in session’ number. Congress seldom is ‘in session’ for more than six hours on any given day. In fact, a great many of those ‘in session’ days are mere minutes long. Many of those ‘in session’ days had less than a half dozen Representatives or Senators actually in the building. A great number of the ‘in session’ days were actually pro forma days designed simply to prevent the President from trying to fill vacancies with recess appointments. These ‘recess appointments’ for positions on federal benches, agencies or panels can only be made when Congress is in recess. The GOP-controlled House used ‘in session’ days lasting less than five minutes on numerous occasions merely to thwart any attempt by the president to fill vacancies. This maneuver prevents the Executive branch from doing much of the people’s work. It seems to me that this is a gross waste of the taxpayer’s dollars. I haven’t done the math on this but I’ll bet that we are paying these yahoos a lot per hour for wasting our money like that. I find it unconscionable that there are so many elected officials so warped and myopic that they will place party politics, the enforcement of their rigid dogma and religiosity over the needs of the vast majority of the American people. We have serious problems facing this nation. A federal deficit in the trillions (created by tax cuts made during wartime—a national first); a vanishing middle-class caused by a tax structure that favors the very wealthy coupled with an unemployment rate near 9 percent; the loss of millions of American jobs to ‘outsourcing’ so that the wealthy can increase their profit margins; and, the near collapse of our financial/ banking system due to a lack of regulatory oversight. Add to these dismal facts the hundreds of thousands of young men and women returning from war who will be trying to get their lives back on track and hoping for a better future than their recent past. In the face of these realities Congress has shown itself to be focused on one thing and one thing only: to make the President

GIL BEYER

a one-term president. The hell with all our problems, the hell with the poor, the hell with women’s health issues, the hell with the elderly, the hell with jobs, the hell with our crumbling infrastructure. All the House majority seems to care about is to do whatever they can to thwart, delay and confound every effort being made to try and get out of the deep crater created by the previous administration. In addition to the above, the House majority insists on holding interminable hearings on things that have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on any of the things that will improve the life of ordinary Americans. They have involved themselves in NBA ownership/player negotiations. They have held hearings on the doping scandals in baseball from the 80s and 90s. And, most recently, they’ve held hearings on contraception and women’s health without allowing women to testify! The shear chutzpah of the House GOP is astounding on a colossal scale. I can find nothing comparable in our nations’ history that even comes close to the gall that is being exhibited by the 112th Congress. They make the “Do Nothing” Congress of the Truman presidency seem positively progressive. There have been zero attempts to negotiate or compromise with their compatriots across the aisle. They won’t even make a pretense of deviating from their position of “our way or the highway,” on any issue. Is it any wonder that the approval rating of the 112th Congress is the lowest in US history? We have nine months to make up our minds on which candidate we should send to represent us. I suggest that none of the current members of Congress are doing their constituents any good at all. Therefore, I submit that we may want to rethink the reasoning we use to select who we send to represent us in either the national or the state capital. I’ve always believed that we should choose the person, not just the initial after their name, when we make our mark come November. Until next month: Salud amigos, as I hoist a chilled cervesa and dip a tortilla chip in some fresh guacamole.

Gil Beyer, ETC USN Ret. can be reached at vintage40@frontier.com

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 10


The Bonner Community Food Bank is now open at its new location, 1707 Culvers Drive in Sandpoint. Clark Fork/Hope Senior Center Events

First Monday of each month - Social Sewing 9 am to 3 pm • First Thursday of each month - CF Hope Senior Service Board Meeting • Tuesdays - Wii Bowling 3-5 pm • Line Dancing - 5:30 pm • Wednesdays - Cribbage 9 - 11 am • Senior Meal @ 11:30 am • Social Bridge @12:30 • Fridays - Wii Bowling 9 to 11 am • Senior Meal @ 11:30 .m. • Duplicate Bridge @ 12:30 SPECIAL EVENTS: • March 10th - 7 to 11 am PANCAKE BREAKFAST • March 31st - 12:30 to 3:30 - DANCE - LIVE MUSIC Country Band $3 Single $5 Couples Bring potluck finger foods • April 4 - 10 to 11 am ‘FIT & FALL PROOF’ -12 week class for seniors • April 21st - 2 to 4 pm ‘OPEN HOUSE’ (Showcasing newly remodeled building.) •

Texting While Driving It’s almost spring, and with the sap rising in our blood, the Idaho Legislature is brimming with ideas that illustrate just how stupid government can be. Okay, that’s a little harsh, but I must admit, I don’t understand how conservatives want government to be so small it can fit right inside your uterus. As they steadily march in the direction of 1699 I find myself holding my breath, waiting for the bill to be introduced that removes from women the right to vote. But that’s not what I want to write about. Instead, I’d like to take aim at a bill sponsored by Senator Jim Hammond of Coeur d’Alene that has already passed the Senate, and will likely pass in the House as well— Senate Bill 1274, which will ban texting while driving... except maybe, of course, for Idaho’s first responders, who are so responsible and careful that it’s not dangerous at all for them to text while they’re driving. Okay, let me be fair here—this is not a stupid bill. It seems pretty obvious that sending or reading text messages while also operating a vehicle on Idaho roads is a bad idea. A really bad idea. But this bill is an ignorant bill, because it ignores the facts about bills in other states that ban texting while driving. Despite what your common sense might tell you, these laws not only do not work, they actually increase the amount of accidents on the road. This surprising finding was first published in the Highway Loss Data Institute Bulletin for September 2010, in a report titled “Texting Laws and Collision Claim Frequencies.” In a press release issued along with the report, Adrian Lund, president of the Highway Loss Data Institute and the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety announced, “Texting bans haven’t reduced crashes at all. In a perverse twist, crashes increased in three of the four states we studied after bans were enacted.” Crashes increased. Well, that’s certainly what we need in Idaho. Now before you say, “WTF? That can’t be right!” let me share with you the

speculation behind the numbers. It’s believed the increase in accidents is due to the fact that people simply don’t follow the new law. Instead, they move their phone out of sight and continue to send and receive text messages. And their eyes follow the phone. So if texting bans don’t work, and, in fact, even increase the number of accidents on the road, why do so many, particularly police departments, push so hard for them? Obviously there are many supporters who just don’t realize the bans actually increase the danger on the roads. And obviously, law enforcement is anxious for any law that gives them a primary reason to pull someone over, potentially allowing them to ticket you for some other infraction, even if your “text messaging” was a figment of their imagination. Personally, I think the police on Idaho’s roads already abuse their power over drivers, and I do not support giving them even more power that they don’t need. If a driver is driving erratically, the police don’t require an additional reason to pull them over— erratic driving is reason enough in and of itself. A law to ban texting while driving is a Minority Report-style law against “future crime.” This is actually an uncomfortable position for me to take, because I do believe that it’s dangerous for people to text while they drive. I know several people who do so, and who drive badly as a result of it. And I would support such a law if it actually worked. But it won’t, so legislation to ban texting is simply not the answer—education is. When people are educated about the dangers, behavior changes. Slowly, but it does change. Now if the Legislature is just looking for new laws to pass (which, after all, is pretty much their only purpose apart from determining how our tax dollars will be spent) I have one for them to consider: let’s make it a crime for the police to lie to you. I would enjoy that discussion.

Politically Incorrect

by TRISH GANNON • TRISH@RIVERJOURNAL.COM

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 11


Crunching the Numbers in Boise On Friday February 17 the Joint Finance and Appropriations Committee voted to set the Fiscal Year 2013 budget based on the Joint Economic Outlook Committee’s forecast of 4.5 percent, an increase of about 115 million dollars over the revised Fiscal Year 2012 (our current year) revenue forecast. This is about $33 million below the number used in the Governor’s budget recommendations. JFAC also decided to adopt a 2 percent salary increase for all state employees that will be reflected in the budget recommendations prepared by the committee for all agencies. This decision was prompted by testimony received from agencies during the budget hearing process that many state employees were leaving the state for higher salaries offered by other employers. The revenue number agreed on by JFAC and the employee salary decision allowed the committee to begin setting appropriations on Monday of this last week. Although most of the committee’s budget work will involve setting appropriations for FY-13, there are cases where additional appropriations for agencies having unanticipated expenses for this Fiscal Year (FY-12) have to be addressed. This is accomplished by approving “supplemental” appropriations for these agencies. On Monday of this last week the committee recommended supplemental appropriations for the Department of Correction, Juvenile Corrections, Health and Welfare, Water Resources, Agriculture, Administration, the State Independent Living Council and the Board of Land Commissioners.

The FY-13 work began in earnest on Tuesday of this last week. At the time of writing this article, JFAC passed out of committee the following appropriation bills: the Department of Finance, the Division of Building Safety, the State Lottery, the Commission on Hispanic Affairs, the Endowment Fund Investment Board, the Office of Energy Resources, the Public Utilities Commission, and the Department of Environmental Quality. The Department of Environmental Quality contained one budget item that is of particular interest to our area. Because of Idaho’s economic condition the past two plus years, funding for our Pend Oreille Lakes Commission (formally identified as the Lake Pend Oreille, Pend Oreille River, Priest Lake and Priest River Commission) was eliminated in the 2010 DEQ budget. Some temporary funding was provided by Avista Corporation to keep the Commission functioning in 2011, but there was no funding available for future years. In order to keep the Commission viable, a motion submitted by Senator Keough and supported by Senator Broadsword and I that provided for ongoing annual funding in the amount of $50,000 for the Pend Oreille Lakes Commission was approved by the Committee as a part of the DEQ budget. This appropriation has to receive the approval of the House, Senate and the Governor, but if approved will allow the Commission to continue its work in protecting the water quantity and water quality of these water resources in our area. I have stated in previous articles that the

A Seat in the House

GEORGE ESKRIDGE

JFAC budget recommendations have to be approved by both Houses of the legislature and the Governor, so even though JFAC has begun its budget work, its actions can and may be challenged. As an example, there is opposition by some legislators to the 2 percent pay raise that JFAC is including in agency appropriations. However, the House Commerce and Human Resources Committee passed House Concurrent Resolution 41 supporting a one-time, 2 percent raise for state employees based on performance. The legislation is going to General Orders, evidently to change from a one-time raise to an on-going “across the board” increase to employees. This change would conform to the JAFAC decision. JFAC will have to revisit its spending recommendations if both the House and Senate don’t support the JFAC salary increase There is also proposed legislation in the House Revenue and Taxation Committee providing for a decrease in Corporate and Individual income tax rates that could reduce revenues by as much as $35 million. This action, if approved by the legislature, would also impact the decisions that JFAC will be making relative to the FY 13 budget. Proposed legislation that isn’t budget related, but of interest to Journal readers, is Senate Bill 1274 that adds a new section to Idaho Code that provides infraction penalties for texting while driving. Texting in the legislation means: “engaging in the review of, or manual preparation and transmission of, written communications via handheld wireless

Continued on next page

George Eskridge, Idaho Rep. for House District 1B. Reach him at 208-265-0123 or P.O. Box 112, Dover, ID 83825

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March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 12


2012.1 Now that the new year is well underway we can put down our 20/20 hindsight glasses. They wouldn’t make much difference anyway because this year is going to be one for the books without regard for what might be considered normal or to be expected. The caucus races with the attendant posturing, polls and predictions have had their big moments in the sun. If you are a lover of classical music I am reminded of Revel’s Bolero. The months to come are going to be just like the music... a steady repetition of the same message building into a crescendo that will be the most momentous occasion of this year and perhaps the decade. As the clock ticks the world seems beset with contentious causes. No matter where or when, we are overrun with a multitude of ideas, most in conflict with either the status quo or some wacky idea that is the consequence of a ‘study’ or new pronouncements from a religious body. An interesting aspect of all these ideas that are flying around is that the torch bearers are right beyond reason. As someone once said, “it’s their way or the highway.” It the olden days it was not too difficult to reconcile your opinions with others. General agreement made for many pleasant moments. Now-a-daze it seems that you dare not say anything lest someone climb all over you. Why are so many people touchy? One possible explanation, at least in my mind, is that the air waves (old fashioned term for the younger readers) are full of

Say What?

opinions about everything. Then you have a candidate like Ron Paul giving voice (on national TV) to ideas that have the life span of that proverbial snow ball in Hell. Are you kidding? Is it possible that simply by getting air time you legitimize worthless thinking? And if you are trying to make sense of anything the current regime is doing, good luck to you. What will be a classic example occurred on February 15 in Washington, DC. The distance between buildings got much greater. In the court room of the Supreme Court, White House lawyers defending Obamacare, declared that the insurance mandate was perfectly legal because it was a TAX and the government has the power to impose taxes. Meanwhile, in a House committee meeting room on Capitol Hill, a poor hapless schmuck from the same White House was also defending the insurance mandate. Unfortunately for him he had missed a meeting of some sort because he said the mandate was not a tax but a FINE. The President’s contention about the mandate, according to those who understand all this stuff, is “indefensible.” But then, there have been some better moments in our society despite the incomprehensible acts of mad husbands. Perhaps all this crazy stuff that is happening causes us to be less than congenial. We can’t all be mad all the time, can we? A bright star in the sky has been the sudden rise of a Harvard graduate to shine on the professional basketball court.

PAUL RECHNITZER

Numbers - Cont’d from previous page

devices.” The bill does not include voiceoperated or hands free devices that allow the driver to communicate without using the driver’s hands. The penalty for the infraction is not large but may assist in deterring texting while driving, which is becoming a serious safety problem. The bill is before the House Transportation Committee for review. Another proposed bill I have received a large amount of opposition from constituents in our area is Senate Bill 1305. This legislation provides that in the case of livestock or domestic animals being molested by wolves, the owner of

Here I thought that all the Harvard grads had to either be MBAs (business majors) or lawyers. We do have a problem. The politically correct need to identify him not as a Harvard graduate but as something hyphenated. In my mind Africa and Asia are huge continents (most are) but AsianAmerican won’t get it. So it would appear that this hot round-baller is Chinese/ Taiwanese-American. So here is the matter of contention again. We think Taiwan is independent but the Chinese don’t want us to do that, so if you are going to talk about Jeremy Lin give a thought to whom you are speaking lest you be impaled on the politically correct spear. That idea he could cinch a game with a 3-pointer after accumulating 35 is a great story. Sad to note that the Afro-American players have not heard of him Anyway, I am for more consensus just because it made for happier days. Scrapping over every little thing may be the stuff Debbie Wasserman Schultz is made of, but it reminds me of bad breath. And that Harry Reid needs some spa time. And I don’t have much use for those attack ads that the devout Republicans are running. Since they all stress their religious beliefs, I can only assume they missed some Sunday school lessons. We came a long way without being so contentious. The power of positive thinking that Dr Peale preached has its place NOW. What we need is support for the ideas that will restore the pride we once had in our drive. I hope the ability to be great still resides in our hearts and minds. Anything less is beneath us.

Paul Rechnitzer is a local conservative and author, and a practiced curmudgeon. You can reach him at pushhard@nctv.com

the livestock or domestic animal may use a motorized vehicle, including a powered parachute, helicopter or fixed wing aircraft, day or night to hunt and destroy the wolf. The legislation also allows the use of live bait, including domestic animals to trap the wolves. In addition to being opposed by large numbers of the public, there is concern that if this legislation passes it could lead to the federal government taking away Idaho’s right to manage wolves because of the liberal conditions it allows in controlling wolves. The legislation is on the Senate’s third reading calendar but because of mounting opposition may not make it through the legislative process.

The legislature is about mid-way through the legislative session and we will see an increasing amount of proposed legislation for consideration. I will keep River Journal readers informed of legislative activity as we progress through the legislative session and as always please feel free to contact me with issues of concern or input on legislation being considered during this legislative session. My mailing address in Boise is: P.O. Box 83720, Boise, Idaho 83720-0038 and my phone number is 1-800-626-0471. You can also reach me by e mail at: geskridge@ house.idaho.gov. Thanks for reading! George

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 13


The Yellowstone

Supervolcano and the Flying Spaghetti Monster

What do the next volcanic eruption of Yellowstone and the Flying Spaghetti Monster have in common? The coming volcanic eruption in Yellowstone would equal 1,000 Hiroshimatype bombs exploding every second; the last such blast formed a still rumbling caldera more than 50 miles long by 27 miles wide, a ticking time bomb. It would cover most of the U.S. under three feet of ash and propel us towards a nuclear winter. It was Benjamin Franklin, of all people, speaking to a group of French scientists in Paris in 1783, who first proposed a link between volcanic activity in Iceland and an abnormally long winter and dense fogs in Europe and America. His theory was confirmed 200 years later by studies pointing to the eruption of the Laki fissure as the cause of that year’s dry fogs, overcasts and lingering cold spells. So Franklin is really the father of climate change and global warming sciences. Now, volcanoes and religions have a

long history together. It’s no accident that Scientology, for instance, prominently features a colorful volcano on the cover of its “Bible,” Dianetics. It’s not so well known (only to the more financially generous and more committed acolytes above “operating thetan level III”) that in the Scientology mythos, Xenu, ruler of the Galactic Confederacy, opted to eliminate the excess population of his home empire some 75 million years ago by kidnapping and paralyzing them, transporting them by spaceplanes to earth where they were laid out around existing volcanoes around the world as nuclear bombs were dropped into their craters to trigger eruptions and force humans to begin again. Some doubtful skeptics were quick to point out that many, if not most, of the volcanoes Hubbard claims the wrathful Xenu dropped bombs into did not even exist 75 million years ago and that other areas have no history of vulcanism whatsoever. However, I don’t wish to pick on Scientology specifically but will spread my bile around a bit. The Flying Spaghetti

Monster (or Pastafarianism) is by far my favorite of the New Age religions. Originally started as a protest against the Kansas School Board’s decision to allow the teaching of Creationism and Intelligent Design in school, the Pastafarians have mushroomed into unexpected, wildly creative by-roads of strangeness. Just google Flying Spaghetti Monster and you’ll be entertained for hours. Their volcanoes in heaven spout beer and have stripper poles, for instance. The original letter to the Kansas School Board reads, in part: “I foresee a day when all three theories are taught equally here in Kansas and with equal respect, that of Intelligent Design, that of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and that of Scientific Reasoning with Verifiable Results.” And a last word from their scriptures: “I am the Flying Spaghetti Monster—Thou shalt have no monsters before me. The only monster who deserves capitalization is me! Other monsters are false, deceiving monsters, undeserving of capitalization.” ‘til next time, a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to you all and All Homage to Xena!

FROM THE FILES OF THE RIVER JOURNAL’S

Surrealist Research Bureau

by Jody Forest

Paradise, Montana

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CELEBRATE SPRING! - Dine, lodge & soak. Couples’ packages Sundays thru Thursdays starting at just $169. Large groups can receive up to a 30% discount! Specials available March 1-22 and April 9-30. Make your reservations online at www.quinnshotsprings.com or call 406-826-3150 Page 14 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| March 2012


Grace

Sometimes, I get so frustrated, I can hardly contain my anger ... okay, can’t contain my anger. I can go for days, absorbing little blows and large; then something sends me over the edge, and kaboom! … I’m not fit company even for myself. I reached that point recently. Bambi jumped out in front of me night before last and as I swerved to miss him, his companion, Bambette, did a header into my passenger door and didn’t have the grace to die on impact. She lay thrashing in the road and I had to kill her with the ax I carry behind the seat. Fragile, innocent and stupid, Bambette was more like me than I want to admit. For being in the wrong place at the wrong time, her life blood seeped onto the pavement of Highway 200. My crime was similar, but my punishment was acting as executioner. Killing a crippled deer that just did a thousand dollars’ damage to my truck in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere with a blinkin’ ax seems worthy of entertainment in Hell. When the doe was dead, I walked back to my truck and flung the ax into the bed, so angry I could hardly think. I slammed my fist down on the siderail and yelled at the sky, “I want something for this! For having to do this, I want something!” There was no immediate answer. Two days after the death of Bambette, I wake up angry and wondering if God is angry at me. If He were to drop me a postcard to say He was sorry about the deer, I might be less inclined to blame Him for

The Scenic Route

random events that pile up in my life until the vein in my temple begins to pulsate. In the meantime, I want to hand Him the whole mess and say, “Please, do something about this,” but even if I could, I’m not exactly sure what I would have God do. Then, it occurs to me that it may already be done. A few days before the deer died, I stared out my kitchen window as I waited for Mr. Coffee to do his work at a miniature ruby that had appeared in my back yard. As I marveled at that tiny red light in a gray landscape, it changed to an emerald, a diamond, lapis, a sapphire and back to a ruby. The rising sun was funneling to me through a minuscule prism of frozen water. When I considered the forces that brought me that moment—the trajectory of the sun through the galaxy, the spin of the planet, the forming of the ice crystal and my own unwitting placement of myself—I thought, “What a gift!” Now, I am wondering, “Was it delivered early?” Our concepts of time, grace and justice are our own, and I sometimes think we have no real clue about how the universe works. Try as we might, there is no way around anguish and anger in our lives. We all face tasks and trials we might rather skip. Defusing the stress is what I might best address, rather than relief from the grief. But a little comfort would be nice; a hug, reassurances. An invitation to breakfast with a friend and a long talk over coffee

SANDY COMPTON

would be good. They needn’t solve the problems, if they will just listen. I actually have those things at my disposal. All I need to do is go out and get them, and the way I can get them is by offering them to others. I recall my rant in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, and I’m able to laugh. I’m probably not known for humility or diplomacy in God’s heart. It is with gratitude, though, that I enjoy the memory of the miniature rainbow under the tree in my back yard. I will remember that few seconds for a long time, perhaps longer than I’ll remember those minutes in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere. Frustration, anguish and sacrifice are as much a part of life and as real as the blood that ran across the centerline. So is that beautiful moment in my kitchen, and the many other times when I have looked up to find some grand gift handed to me by the universe, brought on by that same seemingly random series of events that makes up our lives, bringing us both grief and joy. So, perhaps I did get something for having to kill that deer after all—these words, a moment of grace, a look inside myself, and the prepayment of a set of jewels lying under the tree in my back yard. Sandy Compton’s books, Jason’s Passage, Archer MacClehan & the Hungry Now and Sidetrips From Cowboy can be purchased online at www. bluecreekpress.com. This column is from January, 1996, Sandy’s second ever for The River Journal.

mrcomptonjr@hotmail.com

DiLuna’s Presents

Clark Fork Baptist Church

SARABETH

Main & Second • Clark Fork

Tickets $10

Saturday, Mar 31

Doors open 5:30 • Music at 7:30

220 Cedar St. Sandpoint 208.263.0846

Sunday School............9:45 am Morning Worship............11 am Evening Service...............6 pm Wednesday Service.........7 pm Call 266-0405 for transportation

Bible Preaching and Traditional Music

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 15


DOWNTOWN SANDPOINT EVENTS SANDPOINT EVENTS March 30 at the Panida

BOSTON BRASS Sponsored by POAC

March

11 Bingo Fundraiser for Kinderhaven. Luther Park at Sandpoint, 510 S. Olive. 1 pm. 208-265-3557 11 The He Said ... She Said ... Folk Tour. Panida Little Theater. 7:30 pm. 208-263-9191 15 Women Who Wine. Pend d’Oreille Winery. 5-8 pm. 208-265-8545 15-17 Hugo (film). The Panida Theater. 7:30 pm. 208-263-9191 16 . 16-18 Stomp Games at Schweitzer Mountain Resort. 208-263-9555 16-18 Library Wine Tasting Weekend. Pend d’Oreille Winery 208-265-8545 16-17, 23-24 Separate Checks. Panida Little Theater. 208-2639191 17 KPND Ski and Board Party. Jalapeños 208-263-2995 17 Holly McGarry with Cedar & Boyer, La Rosa Club, 6-9 pm. 22 Team Laughing Dog Fundraising Dinner. Trinity at City Beach. $30, reservations only. 208-255-7558 29 Laughing Dog Brewery Beer Pairing Dinner. Trinity at City Beach $35. 208-255-7558 29 The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Sandpoint Waldorf 8th grade play, Panida Theater 7 pm. 208-265-2683 30 Boston Brass (sponsored by POAC) Panida Theater 208-263-6139 30-31 24 Hours of Schweitzer ski-athon. 208-610-2131 31 Business Showcase. The Greater Sandpoint Chamber of Commerce hosts a Business Showcase at the Bonner County Fairgrounds 208263-2161.

April

Experience

Downtown Sandpoint!

Visit www.DowntownSandpoint.com for a complete calendar of events

11 Get Lit! in Sandpoint! 10 am-8 pm Sandpoint Library 13 Contra Dance Sandpoint Community Hall. 208-2633613. $5 suggested donation 14 Battle of the Bands. The Panida Theater 6:30 pm 208-263-9191 14-15 PBCA Home and Garden Show Bonner County Fairgrounds.

PLUS:

Pub Music with Truck Mills Blues Jam every Monday night at Eichardt’s Trivia every Tuesday night at MickDuff’s. Tuesdays with Ray, Trinity at City Beach, 6 to 8 pm. Sandpoint Swing Tuesdays at 6:30 pm, $3. Bongo Brew/Earth Rhythms Cafe 208-610-8587 Bingo Night: hosted by The Loading Dock, every Thursday, 5-8 pm. Winery Music - Live music every Friday night at Pend d’Oreille Winery Live Music with Bruce Bishop. Trinity City Beach, pm on 2012 Fridays Page 16 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.comat | Vol. 21 No. 6-9 3| March


Back on my own Two Feet I am so excited! My “walk like a penguin” days could really be over! Stiff legged stumbling-gone! No more peg leg pirate moves! Dr. Tuck listened to me and today was my first consultation with an orthopedic surgeon. Dr. Kym is in Lewiston, it may seem like it was a bit far to travel, but honestly I would do just about anything to get my life back. To be able to walk and hike and camp and not feel like Grandma Moses would be a nice change of pace. (Literally, it would be a change of pace!) Last week, Dr. Tuck gave me a walker. Yeah, you read that right... a WALKER! Now I have six legs to control instead of two, that is kind of a scary thought! I was a bit embarrassed, (that is actually an understatement, I have barely left my house) but at least I don’t lose my balance so much. Of course, I brought the walker home and Banjo and Brad immediately started drawing out plans for a little 4WD motor, studded tires, and a convenient umbrella for those days that are a bit too snowy for my liking. Stacey and Billie decided that purple is nice, but breast cancer pink would suit me better: so far I have won the war on both those battles. It is bad enough to be using a walker, but I don’t think a bedazzled walker is the answer! Banjo was impressed that it had its own duel hand brakes. It has a little basket Aspen checked out too, and a seat to sit in if I get too tuckered. It kinda looks like the Wizard of Oz witch’s bike, except upright and with four small tires and no pedals. I haven’t test driven it much, not because of my pride (maybe a little because of my pride), but I did mention that it has four tires, right? I guess I should just be glad it doesn’t have bells for reverse, although it DOES have reflectors. And just as a heads up, if you see me cruising down the roads, my reflectors shining in your head lights, Aspen wiggling in the basket, burning rubber with the mere speed of my steps, immediately notify Stacey, because I am definitely NOT in my right mind! So, today, Stacey and I loaded up with my walker, (I think it needs a cool name) a couple of Cokes and Lola the GPS gal and made our way toward Lewiston. Because I have never been to Lewiston, I was amazed by the drive. It was beautiful of course—it is Idaho—but the grade on the road was shocking. It is like driving the downward pitch of a really high rollercoaster. The wind had begun to blow about the time

Jinxed

we hit Coeur d’Alene, so by the time we began our decline on the highway into Lewiston, the wind was at hurricane force! Stacey battled the road, just trying to stay between the lines. Now, I am from Texas and Oklahoma and wind is not abnormal in those areas, but this zephyr was clearly out of my experience! As we are driving down this steep grade, the wind was so high tumbleweeds were rolling in thick strips, like barricades. Eighteen wheelers on one side, oncoming traffic on the other, Stacey had to barrel through the tumbleweeds as if we were running through a road block! We were only hoping that the tumbleweeds were really as thin as they looked. It was the attack of the killer tumbleweed dream! The tumbleweeds were rolling so hard through the mountains, it looked as if they were trying to climb the hills! (Probably to get away from the wind). I am pretty sure we still have tumbleweeds hanging from beneath the truck. At one point we had to stop because the camper shell door flew up and I was certain that my pretty purple walker was going to go flying out the back. Stacey carefully got out of the truck and went to the back to close it. I couldn’t figure out why afterwards she came to the passenger side with me. She was trying to tell me something through the closed window, but one look at her and I was laughing too hard to actually hear her words. The updraft of the wind had caught her hair and was blowing it straight up on its end. She looked like a human matchstick! It is seriously a good thing she isn’t a redhead, I don’t think I could have laughed any harder than I already was. After I finished hysterically giggling, I understood that she was waiting for the oncoming 18-wheelers to pass, before she tried to get in on the driver’s side. In retrospect, I think she might have been hinting that she wanted to climb over my legs, but another round of chuckles hit me about that time and it was all I could do to even look at her and that hair. I do have to say that I expressed my amusement for quite a while afterward. I don’t think she found quite as much humor in it as I did. Finally, we reached Lewiston and did one of the most important errands of the day. We located the local Sonic. Then and only then we zigged and zagged the streets of Lewiston, listening to Lola for our directions, looking for the doctor’s office on Warner Street. When we did

finally turn into the driveway, the street sign read, “dead end.” I have to say that the sign did give me pause, for a few seconds. We parked our little Ford Ranger, putting the e-brake on due to the way the truck was frantically swaying in the raging wind. Stacey got out first to help me with my walker. As she opened her car door, it practically flew off its hinges. The journey to the front door of the doctor’s office wasn’t long, but the gusts of wind were so strong and sporadic that Stacey walked towards the front door, but the cyclone latched onto the bottom of the walker and sent me spiraling in the opposite direction. In case you think I am exaggerating, about that time a larger trampoline, complete with the protective netting, went whisking by with no intention of stopping anytime soon. The office’s industrial welcome mat had already taken flight like a genie’s magic carpet. Stacey grabbed the front of my walker and quickly dragged us to the front office (hair still standing straight up looking like it was mimicking the burning hair of the Ghost Rider). We were a pretty rumpled pair stumbling into the front doors. It was a total relief to have doctors, nurses and techs actually listen to what I was telling them. I had to have an X-ray and an MRI, which is never comfortable, but at least that is over and I am on my way to leading a better life. Stacey says that while I was safely downstairs receiving said treatments a tempest began blowing. The air currents became dangerous gales, driving clouds in a whirlwind so dense that the mountains became invisible. I don’t know whether to believe her or not though, she likes to tell stories! On the ride home we encountered every kind of weather imaginable. Ice, sleet, snow, howling wind and patches of sunshine scattered here and there. It was a meteorologist’s fantasy. At one point on the way home Stacey and I looked at each other, grinning. Seriously, a wooden broom was lying in the middle of the highway, flopping to and fro in the gusts of wind. Of course, we did speculate who might have capsized it and no real damage was noticeable, although it did give new meaning to the term, windswept. (If you’re missing a broom, look near Sagle). So now I am on a long journey toward a new and improved life, a renewed hope that has me standing up and screaming, “ I’M NOT DONE YET!”.

by JINX BESHEARS

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 17


PASSAGES Priscilla K. NORSTOG June 20, 1932 - January 25, 2012

Jean Rose Trsinar YUNGER December 1, 1915 -

www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Michael Wyatt SMITH June 18, 1992 - February 3, 2012

Joan Miller LAWSON June 29, 1926 - February 5, 2012

David Ian WILLIAMS September 12, 1955 February 17, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Bradley L SCHWARTZ, MD May 22, 1965 February 7, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Vernetta Sue KELLY May 25, 1951 - February 8, 2012

www.LakeviewFuneral.com

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Audrey “Inez” Davis WOOD March 12, 1926 – February 19, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Patricia Ann SCHOOLCRAFT April 28, 1927 February 20, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Priscilla Guest BALDWIN November 20, 1942 February 9, 2012

www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Gene Clayton ENVIK July 16, 1929 - February 11, 2012 www.Lakeview Funeral.com

Lucille Sylvia SIMONSON July 28, 1919 - February 10, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

F Francis “Fran” SCHUCK September 28, 1927 - February 24, 2012

Emmett “Bill” JONES, JR. October 17, 1920 - February 10, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Betty Lee MELLEN December 2, 1923 - February 11, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

John Edgar MATTMILLER January 29, 1942 - February 16, 2012

www.LakeviewFuneral.com

• •

Lorene A. GARRETT February 18, 1922 - February 11, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Olive Francis Wilson PARKIN February 4, 1918 - February 19, 2012

Earl Leroy SMITH May 12, 1917 February 23, 2012

www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Elizabeth J “Liz” Weisz KEMP December 22, 1930 February 13, 2012

Lynn C. FOX April 19, 1946 - March 1, 2012 www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Michelle D Hall SHUPP May 10, 1964 - January 31, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Sevoy D. PENNEL August 25, 1940 - January 31, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Marilyn Kay WOODEN July 23, 1938 - February 1, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Patsy Lou TRUTTON October 2, 1937 - February 1, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Lawrence “Larry” DONNERBERG December 29, 1922 - February 13, 2012

Aaron Gordon HEKI February 17, 1958-February 28, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

George William MCNEIL December 12, 1942 - February 27, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Lynn Joann Solberg RORMAN December 20, 1951 - February 25, 2012

Earl Sewall CLAY, JR. June 27, 1930 - February 29, 2012 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Earl Edward HEIL March 28, 1933 - March 2, 2012

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

www.CoffeltFuneral.com

The Scotchman Peaks Keep ‘em wild.

For our Families, For tomorrow. www.ScotchmanPeaks.org

Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness

Page 18 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| March 2012


and

ing ater the d to n as ake ues

ore vey ater heir

Council website at tristatecouncil.org.

Hay’s Chevron Gas • Convenience Store Unofficial Historical Society

Oil Changes Tire Rotation by appointment

208-266-1338

m | Vol 17 No. 18 | November 2008 | Page 5

IT’S THE SANDPOINT FACEBOOK YARD SALE... UNPLUGGED!

Straight from your screen to your hometown, Sandpoint Facebook Yard Sale will be holding a Spring Variety Sale will be Saturday March 24 from 9-3 at the Sandpoint VFW Hall (corner of Pine & Division). Over 25 vendors from homemade to home baked to home business and lots of yard sale type items in between! Something for everyone!

I hate doing research. It’s too much like watchin’ the news in that I always end up with a frown under my nose. Two winters ago, I stuck my ego out just long enough to buy a shiny new pickup and ever since I’ve been worried sick about its well-being. I barely made it home from the dealership before a jealous Subaru threw a rock at my windshield causing not only a two-foot crack, but it also threw in a verbal tsunami that swamped my mood for weeks. Actually, I think I sprained something important (like my sense of humor). Building on that was the dried out residue I kept seeing all over my pretty new paint, chrome, fake chrome, polished aluminum, lights, lenses, glass and vinyl from the sodium chloride bath it received twice daily on my typical to and fro. So I did an essay with a similar title as this one where I vented some of my concerns and advised everyone including myself to make regular visits to the car wash to ward off corrosion and its ability to eat right through your wallet, your mood and your car’s resale value. Well it turns out that I may have been wrong. I know! I can’t believe it either! It’s actually a lot worse than that. According to one theory I ran across on the web, pressure washing simply forces this caustic solution deeper into your rig’s fittings and hiding places, causing even more damage. Actually, wouldn’t going 65 on blacktop through a salt-rich slurry be somewhat of a pressure washing in itself? By the way, the very next time you find

yourself behind a plow with its deicer arms in operation, back off as far as you can without getting run over by a Peterbuilt full of pigs or wood chips, roll down your window, protrude noggin, retract it and roll up the window: now lick yer lips and tell me that doesn’t taste kinda like popcorn! Anyways, their suggestion was to purchase (from them) the soap needed (with the right ph) to isolate the salt and neutralize its corrosive qualities so you can get in a decent night’s sleep. If you use your vehicles in the winter, you’ll need an automatic car wash in your garage (using the right soap of course) and a batch of robo-gnomes to work on the finer details like alloy wheels, brake parts, tiny crevasses, paint chips and the veritable profusion of wiring hiding underneath. Oh! Here’s a thought: if your rig is nice and clean before getting cured in salt brine for 20 to 30 minutes on the way to work, then turn up a muddy road which will undercoat nearly everything from the door handles on down; your fate is now sealed, or actually entombed. ‘Snow-birds’ take note, just because you skip out for a warmer winter doesn’t mean much. Now that you’re back (and hungry for some wild mushrooms, berries or brookies) and runnin’ up and down some of our more popular dirt roads, treated with magnesium chloride to control dust and irritated voters, a summer shower

Continued on next page

Continued from previous page

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 19


Continued from previous page will turn this into a thick, gravy-like coating for your mechanic to play with later. Similar to cats, bears, dogs and two-year-old kids, magnesium and sodium chlorides get into everything and eat their way back out! The next time you’re driving a wet and/or muddy road, picture how your ride is taking it. Oh yeah, I know, “Geeze, it’s only a vehicle, not one of my kids or something!” But with direct links to your wallet, it can be even more expensive than that if you ignore it. Stick your imagination down there next to the transfer case, where it will undoubtedly come to understand the forces we’re talkin’ about here. Better yet, duct tape yer phone down there and record the whole thing. Stream it on You-Tube if ya like, if there’s anything left of it by the time you remember where you put it. It seems the more I read (surf), the more my temperament goes down the loo. It’s as though the only way to keep our rolling stock from rotting out would be to disassemble them on a regular basis, dry the parts after a thorough cleaning and neutralizing, then repaint and reassemble the whole mess before heading off to work again (or on a lark, in case you’re one of the new ‘independently unemployed’).

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If you think about it, maybe the ‘home car wash/neutralizer system’ would be cheaper in the long run. If any of this sounds like too much trouble, you can do what our government does: simply ignore the side effects, auction off their inventories just before they crumble into piles of repair bills, conjure or print up some money and buy new ones. Oh, wait a minute… that’s illegal! So don’t do that. Just buy a new unit every three or four years, just before the paint starts to blister up or the brakes begin to fail and you’ll never have to worry about what to do with any extra money ever again! If this sounds a little too expensive and/or enjoyable, try replacing a vehicle one or two parts at a time and notice what it does to your weekends. I don’t know how this correlates to rusty vehicles but roughly fifty years ago, the main drag in the little hamlet of West Yellowstone was so cratered with chuck holes that NASA came over from Craters of the Moon to prepare astronauts for the upcoming moon landing. The area dentist made a fortune in false teeth, shock absorbers were in short supply and a number of locals ended up with a permanent ‘lithp’ from talkin’ while driving. Being a tourist town, we caught the media’s attention by introducing sport fishing to the traveling public. We did this by stocking rainbow trout in some of the more appropriate reservoirs. One of these was in front of one of my favorite hangouts, Bud Lilly’s Trout Shop on the corner of Madison and Canyon. This was also the 4th of July weekend! When the county commissioners saw the front page of the Bozeman paper with a picture of some lucky kid pulling a nice trout out of a main roadway in their jurisdiction, well, they quickly decided to fill in all the fun we were havin’. It seems embarrassment is a pretty good laxative when it comes to bureaucratic progress. How to use this knowledge to stop corrosion, I have yet to figure out. If you have any ideas, leave ‘em on the outhouse wall (www.Riverjournal.com).

Scott Clawson

acresnpains@dishmail.net

REPRESENTING NORTHERN IDAHO’S TRADITIONAL CONSERVATIVE VALUES √ Senator Shawn Keough Legislative District 1 √ Representative Eric Anderson District 1A √ Representative George Eskridge District 1B Paid for by the Committee to Re-Elect Sen. Shawn Keough, Esther Gilchrist Treasurer and the Committee to Re-Elect Rep. George Eskridge, Verna Brady, Treasurer; and the Committee to Re-Elect Rep. Eric Anderson, XXX treasurer.

Page 20 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| March 2012


They Call it the Golden Years Ahhh, “The Golden Years.” I don’t know who the hell came up with that saying, but he must have been on some heavy medication. Let me tell you about my Golden Years. First, I have a lovely and beautiful wife. We traveled all over in the U.S., Canada and Mexico. As I am a cartoonist I can work from anywhere: home, motel, motorhome, fishing boat, hunting camp, you name it. I even paint funny paintings which I am paid well for. Leanin’ Tree greeting card company has used my humorous work for over 35 years. My cartoons have appeared in outdoor and western magazines even longer. All the companies I have done work for are like family to me, so, I wasn’t surprised when Coors Beer agreed to a set of Western bronzes depicting a branding scene. We had the premier in Houston, Texas during the Houston Rodeo at the Astrodome. This was back in the early 80s. Now, you gotta remember, up until this time in my life the only involvement I had with doctors had first involved horses and bulls. Those injuries always went away, only to reappear later in life as stiff joints that told you it was going to rain or a storm was coming. Now, I don’t actually remember how old I was at the time, I had noticed graying around the edges and all my friends were much older than I had first thought. I also knew that bulls had gotten much faster than they were just a few years ago. I had gotten up early one morning, long before the art show started and grabbed a big sweet roll and a cup of coffee and headed over across the street to the Astrodome to bullshit with some old friends about how the rodeo stock was much wilder back in our day and the kids today couldn’t come close to doing what we did. Shortly after finishing that sweet roll I was leaning against the bucking chutes sipping on my coffee and listening to a young bull rider explain how he had been hung up the night before and was saved by the bull fighter, when suddenly I got this sharp pain in my stomach. Thinking at first it was gas, I tried to strain it out, but it got stronger and in less than a minute I was on the ground, in severe pain and unable to breathe. Thirty-seven days later they turned me out of the hospital in Houston. They had cut me from stem to stern and had found a gallstone had blocked off my pancreas, causing a cyst, which caused the awful pain which led to the surgery. They had kept me on morphine for over 30 days. Apparently, heavy drugs are easy to get in Houston. However, they had forgotten to Quality and Affordable mention there would be withdrawals. I went Auto Repair and Maininto deep depression, tenance but it eventually went away, unlike the physical results of the surgery. Chris Gottwald Fast forward about 323 McGhee Road Ste 20 years. As a result of that past chop job a lot of scar tissue had

D & Z Auto

265-8881

From the Mouth of the River

built up in there and things started going bad again. Somewhere in there I had to have my gallbladder removed since it was the cause of all these pain problems in the first place. Somehow they had overlooked removing it in Houston. Guess they thought I was really attached to it or something. Anyway, they saw a big mass in there and thought it was cancer, but eventually figured out it was just a big mess left by the guys in Houston. So there was another surgery to try to tidy it all up somewhat. Everything was realigned, removed and bypassed as best as possible so it would all still work. But now that the doctors had me in their grasp they discovered a heart murmur and I needed a pig valve. “No problem, I said, “my wife has a pot bellied pig, we’ll just use one of hers.” Apparently, she and the doctor didn’t see it that way and her pig was saved. They raise a special pig to use for people parts, the doctor explained. Cost about thirty thousand. “Okay,” I said, “but I want the rest of that hog cut and wrapped. I’m not paying that much for just a little piece of him.” And yet today when a doctor or nurse checks my heart they say, “Did you know you have a heart murmur?” And I say, “No, that’s a little pig in there eating corn and breaking wind.” Then it was mentioned that at my age you should have a colonoscopy. “Thanks,” I said, “make it two and I’ll give one to my wife.” Apparently it wasn’t a gift. As I watched the camera probe my innermost person I couldn’t help but notice how pretty and pink everything was. “Good,” I said, “I’m clean.” Then things started to turn yellow, then orange, then red into black. Cancer. The doctor had taken pictures of the color change, so I sent them out as Christmas cards, and people thought they were abstract paintings. He said, “You have a lot of colon so we’ll take plenty of it out just to be on the safe side.” Well, I dodged a bullet that time. Fast forward six years and the next thing I knew it was back. In the meantime, I had also had two shoulder operations just so I could help send the doctor’s kids to college. This time the cancer had also moved over to my liver. Another operation to remove even more colon plus chemotherapy this time. Then arthroscopic surgery to take a tumor off the liver. They didn’t get it all so back to chemo. So after eight major operations in my Golden Years, I’ve gone from a “go getter” to a “come and get me”, and I still have cancer. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s never tell a doctor you have insurance. That information spreads like crabs in a marine base. I actually had a doctor come up to me on the street and tell m e he had just bought a new Beemer and would I make an appointment for him to see me. The guy was a pediatrician! I went in to see one doctor when I sprained my ankle. My foot was all swollen and stiff, and he asked me how much Viagra I had been taking. I think these people are studying medicine under Doctor Seuss.

BOOTS REYNOLDS

March 2012| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 21 No. 3| Page 21


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/DUFK 6W 6DQGSRLQW ,' ‡ Activation fee/line: $35 IMPORTANT CONSUMER INFORMATION: Subject to Cust Agmt, Calling Plan, rebate form & credit approval. Up to $175 early termination fee Offers & coverage, varying by svc, not available everywhere; see vzw.com. While supplies last. Restocking fee may apply. Rebate debit card takes up to 6 wks & expires in 12 months. Used under license. 4G LTE is available in 194 cities & 122 airports in the U.S. Speeds may be reduced for top 5% of users for up to 60 days when in congested network areas. Limited to stock on hand. Š 2012 Verizon Wireless

0212 C669


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