26 | March 27, 2019
DIVERSIONS
ultravires.ca
A Definitive Ranking of the Washrooms in the Law School There is no washroom related pun in the subtitle because Diversions has integrity ANGELA HOU (2L) I’m sure that you all follow me on Insta (@_ angelahou) and that you’ve seen my Stor y ser ies where I prov ide the hottest takes on law school washrooms. Well, it’s getting close to exam season, and I thought I’d expand my reach to help all of you poor unfortunate souls that can’t drop a deuce at home. A s law students, we spend a lot of time in this building. We spend a lot of time studying in Bora, gossiping about who got clerkships in the atr ium, and judg ing that group of loud 1L bros in Rowell. It’s also an unfortunate realit y that we spend a lot of time on the porcelain thrones in the building. One of the great luxur ies of life (that law students are depr ived of ) is being able to use the facilities reg ularly and in the comfort of your own home. It’s okay though because I’m here to g ive you the def initive rank ing. So, the next time you’re unloading some timber in the school, at least you know that you’re using the best washroom $40,0 0 0 can buy.
1. Bora Basement Unisex This washroom has ever ything you want: a lock ing door (sort of ), peace and quiet, and no line of students who question why you’ve spent half an hour in there. You were probably cr y ing or play ing Candy Crush. We’ve all been there but we’ll all still judge you for it. This washroom is judg ment-free: so massive, it can hide your shame. You can even take a nap in here if you’ve really reached rock bottom and no one w ill even notice. No one ever notices you. 2. Facult y Washrooms (3rd & 4th f loor) Unisex These washrooms should be number one but miss out on the top spot for two reasons. First, they close at 5 pm. Most of us aren’t members of the law school elite and the plebs don’t get after-hours access upstairs. Second, a professor might walk in after you and you’re def initely getting an L P after they see what you did in there. The reason they would be number 1 is that they are always clean, never out of soap, TP, or paper towels, A N D they all have air fresheners (!!!). 3. 3rd F loor F lavel le This one is at the top of the stairs leading from the Fireside Lounge, a few doors down from Sara Fahert y’s of f ice. It is always clean, and it’s ver y convenient to get to from Rowell. But, it’s also the t y pe of washroom that you f ind ever y where in older buildings: the toilet seats are black so you can’t be sure what’s on them and the stall doors don’t go all the way up. If you’re tall like me, you r isk mak ing eye contact
w ith Sara Fahert y in the mirror while she’s washing her hands. Sorr y, A sst. Dean Fahert y, that must have been awkward for you. It def initely was for me.
4. Main F loor Unisex This washroom is one that you probably didn’t know about. Just beside the main entrance of J250, it’s usually clean enough, and there’s probably no one in there. It’s like Admin Law: you don’t hate it, but you don’t necessar ily want to be there either. However, it is designated as a handicap washroom so maybe don’t use it unless you absolutely have to, okay? 5. Bora Upstairs Unisex Upstairs Bora. Upstairs Bora w ishes it was as good as basement Bora, but is thank ful it’s not as bad as main f loor Bora. Upstairs Bora is just mediocre but has a hard time accepting that. Just like the major it y of the law students at this school. 6. Basement Fa lconer Unisex You didn’t see this one coming, did you? You might think I put this in here because it’s across from the Ultra Vires of f ice but I am a terr ible contr ibutor and have never been in the Ultra Vires cave [Editor’s note: can conf irm]. To be honest, I put this here because I’ve never been to any other washroom in Falconer. Is there another washroom in Falconer? Follow me on Insta and DM me to let me know. 7. Basement Jackman Women’s L ike most of you, I probably use this washroom the most. A lso, like most of you, I have an intense dislike of it. For my entire 1L year, one or both of the Dyson dr yers were broken. If you were wonder ing why all the women in the law school had wet hands last year, it’s because of this washroom. 8. Atrium Women’s Pick ing between the f inal two truly horrendous options was incredibly dif f icult. They are both completely and utterly aw ful. Atr ium Women’s manages to avoid last place solely for the reason that there wasn’t a gross spy camera found in it last year. This washroom is incredibly badly designed. W hy are there only three stalls? J250 alone seats 20 0 people! Half of people are women! The math doesn’t check out. The result that absolutely no one could have seen coming is that there is always a line and the washroom itself is always disg usting from overuse. This washroom also runs out of toilet paper by 3pm. We have 10 years to f ix climate change so maybe use less toilet paper?
9. Bora Main F loor Unisex This is it. The last one. Well, technically two, but they’re interchangeable. They are the worst of the worst. Ah, where to start? Well, despite the custodians’ best efforts, they’re always f ilthy. There was a literal spy camera found in it last year. What is even the point of spying on a law school bathroom? All that person probably saw was a series of people crying or playing Candy Crush. And the doors don’t actually lock so you run the risk of accidentally mooning a SNAIL, or worse, a 1L [Editor’s note: can conf irm]. This is the absolutely worst washroom in the law school. And yet, like many things in life, completely unavoidable.
Fol low @toilets_ in _toronto for more content Thanks for reading this incredibly useful list. If you would like more washroom content, follow the @toilets _ in _toronto on Insta. It isn’t my account because I don’t leave the law school but unlike this article, it’s good content. I’d like to conclude by thanking the law school’s custodial staf f. You’re tthe real gold medalists. T his article only ranks women’s washrooms because 1) most of them are unisex anyways and 2) gender is fake news.
