Uni2 Know Oct 2013

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The Second Year


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5 PLUS...

FREE... Commemorative Uni2 t-shirt to remember your incredible weekend!

Posh coach and ferry travel there and back!

TOUR GUIDE...

This weekend will be one A tour round the you won’t remember but incredible city from some of will never forget! the most experienced guides in the world!

Accommodation in a lively city centre hostel, and discounted tourist attractions!

BOOK NOW: UNI-2.CO.UK BOOK NOW: ed@uni-2.co.uk // call: 0115 870 8043 FOR MORE INFO: www.facebook.com/Uni2Know OR WWW.UNI-2.CO.UKor www.uni-2.co.uk

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The Ringleaders If you’re a returner hopefully you’ve heard of us by now. For freshers, this is by way of introduction. Uni2Know is Nottingham’s newest and riskiest student magazine. This is our second year and you’ll be seeing a lot of us over the coming months as we are continuingly expanding. This issue contains a smouldering photo-shoot, interviews with great bands, including Rudimental and Conor Maynard, as well as lots of great articles perfect for students, such as our Daytime TV guide, and pieces from our brilliant new columnists, who introduce themselves below. So give us a flick through, I’m sure you’ll find something that interests you.

P.S. Any terrible puns were Simon’s idea, and were put in despite my vehement protests.

Dan Fine

or Head Edit

We are always looking for writers and will be hiring an editor at each university we distribute to, if interested send me an email: daniel@ uni2know.com

Ned Wilson

Head Designer I’m the newest member of the Uni2Know team and I am seethingly glad to have had this opportunity. Working on this magazine has been an absolute joy and thanks to all the designers who took on work for us. You helped make this magazine what it is. Collaborating with Neil Kates on the front cover has been an experience I shall never forget and trust me, if you met or worked with him, you would say the same. This edition has got the best of what Nottingham has to offer; we have all the fashion, music, events that you could possibly want to blow that loan on. I hope that this year will be as full of regretful hilarity for you as it was for me. We are also looking for head designers at each university. If interested, or you simply want to design an article or two, email: designer@uni2know.com

ew

r The Uni2 C

The Graduate Suzi Collins

Hi! My name’s Suzi, I’m an English graduate from Uni of Nottingham, and I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I like superheroes, coffee and tiny dogs. I’m the most interesting person I know. You can find Suzi’s blog at http://suzilikestorant.blogspot.co.uk/ and on twitter @suzi_collins

The Gaffer

Darius Wainwright Intellectualista and all round, proper fella, seeking a fledging student magazine where he can vent his spleen on anything that takes his fancy. Tolerance of appalling metaphors, Jimmy Kebe and all things Reading FC necessary. A devil-may-care, do-what-I-want ethos, ideal. My ramblings may make even the naughtiest of little chaffinches blush. Twitter: @DazWainwright

The Inner Child

Malcolm Remedios UoN graduate, aspiring writer and film/comic book geek. Prone to indulging in my own fantasy. I am incapable of taking anything seriously and as such, I highly doubt I’ll be able to function out in the real world. I am still undecided whether to use this column for good or evil. For now, just think of me as your spiritual guide through the regression and immaturity that will be your years at university. Twitter: @MalRemedios1138

Aunty E

Would like to remain annonymous

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Hello guys and gals. I’m Aunty E and I’ll be writing as your resident sex and relationship advisor. I hope to bring my own brand of unscrupulous advice to all your vodka-triggered love triangles, as well as a few personal anecdotes to brighten your day. (Name changed to protect the shameful)


Contributors Photographer

Writers

Designers

Anthony Demetriou Keyta Hawkins Antonia Paget Eve Thompson Esme Lawrence Danny Kibble Martin Reguli Hannah Norris Špela Gala Georgia Martin Aatish Thakerer William Warren Lydia Scott Simon Jacobs Billie Crowe Nathan Jacobs Alex Knight Fran Jesson Freya Dodd Jess Whiting Aidan Grant

Camarch Bryan Amutjilani Dube Chris Green George Maddison Anna Milada Grossi Ruth Porter Emma Victoria Saavaidis Tom Wood Johanna Myers

Uni2know needs YOU

Neil Kates: http://www.keepingitneilphotography.com Email: Neil@uni2know.com

Models

Georgia Pembleton Olivia Gatter Emma Kemp Caleb Mierkalns Craig Williams Dom Leo Simon Jacobs & Dan Fine (Begrudgingly)

Uni2Know magazine is always out scouting for new talent. It’s an exciting time at Uni2. We’ve got an app on the way very shortly, a newly refurbished website coming and loads of exciting job and work experience opportunities. Don’t hesitate to get in touch and help us, contact us at

simon@uni2know.com

Congratulations! Uni2Know would also like to congratulate the best lettings manager ever, François on his engagement with Sheree! May they have many more happy years together!

facebook.com/ Uni2Know

@uni2knowmagazine

@Uni2_Tweet


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M r e m m u S r u O r

Simon Jacobs - Directo

This summer has been pretty hectic. I’ve been to Scotland, NYC and the highest motorway in England. My favorite part of the summer was celebrating my Grandpa’s 90th birthday in Israel. We flew out and stayed there for two weeks with my whole extended family, who had travelled from near and far for the event. There were four generations of Jacobs there! We did a bit of ‘raving’ and then had some cake. The rest of the time was spent chilling on the beach and in the sea. It was exactly what I needed after the busy year of Uni2-ing.

Daniel Fine - Head Editor My summer was mostly spent on the couch at home. In between I became a graduate (a word I’m still not used to) and spent a few weeks inter-railing around Europe, the highlight of which was the time I spent in Bosnia. It’s a very beautiful country, with awe-inspiring mountains and forests everywhere you go. It also has, in Sarajevo, a capital that has been privy to some of the most important events in world history. However, Bosnia also supplied the scariest moment of my trip. On my first night, we were all in the hostel, having a few beers, getting ready to experience the Sarajevo nightlife. When suddenly there was a huge bang! After a second everyone rushed to the window, obviously the worst thing you can do in this situation. A minute later the hostel devolved into a mass of coughing people, with tears streaming out of everyone’s eyes. The bar by the hostel had been tear gassed! It was the kind of thing that could have happened anyway, but when it happens in Bosnia, there’s a part of you that jumps to conclusions. Still the next night we were in that very bar that got tear-gassed, it was scary at the time, but we very quickly recovered and I’d still recommend Bosnia.

Jess Whiting - Admin Manager If there was one word to sum up my summer, it would have to be KAVOS! 5 girls, 7 nights, 2 rooms, 1 shit hole. Along with a lot of sun, sea, skinny dipping and alcohol! We pulled up in the middle of the strip during the carnage crawl. Always a good start when there’s no hotel in sight and the bus driver, who speaks no English, starts unloading your luggage….. Just your luggage. In sheer confusion we got off the bus, which was a task in itself with the mass of people dancing all around us. So we get off EVENTIALLY and that was it, with a point down a dark alley he drives off. So as instructed we follow and there it was, the beauty that stood before us of the Afrodite Complex, NOTHING like it was in the brochure. It was pretty much on par with that of the Inbetweeners …. Yes, seriously that bad. But FUCK it we were in KAVOS right?!

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s e i r o m Me Ned Wilson - Head Designer The summer I suffered was like none before, yet it was as familiar as spit. The baron tones of the very air simmered in the sundries of my lungs, and the scent of disorder scored a valley of blood in the trills of my nose. My setting unbearable, my thirst unquenchable, my escape undecided at this point, but I was pretty sure I was gonna lash outa there! Worthless is the desire of a man if he cannot decipher his own heart, and mine was drowning in a puddle of pure, symmetrical butter. Got a 2:1 at Uni as well didn’t I?! My business became the challenge. Duelling with dragons wearing painted armour just to pass time. Powerhuff, powerpuff and I also met three little girls who can knock anyone out. As far as dragon hunts go, this was by far the most shockingly average I’d ever experienced. But then again my centaur had three points on his license and I forgot to bring the lube…

(We don’t know either)

Billie Crowe - PR

Consultant

This summer I travelled through many different countries. But, as so often happens, the memory that most sticks out is of the scariest experience we had. We were in Chiang Mai, Thailand, looking for a way to get to Bangkok. We turned up at the bus station and found our battered, old-fashioned, scrap heap of a double-decker bus. It looked like it had been built in the 50s and the driver stunk of alcohol. But once we got on board it wasn’t too bad. Maybe this would be OK. As we travelled, I fell asleep. I woke to screeching tires, was jerked violently, and then the bus started to tip over. The driver had fallen asleep and the bus had veered off the motorway. Luckily it came to rest against a tree, settling on a slant. We were suspended with our legs dangling, the curtains were closed and the lights were off. We managed to get out of the seat and jump off the bus. My phone had been stolen and my sister’s was broken; we could do nothing but wait. Search and rescue turned up… in a pickup truck, wearing denim shorts and smoking. They left without helping anything. Eventually the other passengers piled onto a minibus and even though we didn’t know where it was going, we had no choice but to follow. It dropped us off in the middle of nowhere, but we managed to hail a cab and after an hour and a half we finally reached Bangkok.


This year was my first time at Glastonbury and it certainly didn’t disappoint. I joined the 180,000 strong crowd that descended on Worthy Farm, determined to battle the infamous Glasto mud and experience the godfather of all music festivals.

Thanks to a downpour on Thursday evening and a few too many beers, it wasn’t long before I honoured the ancient Glastonbury tradition of falling flat on my face into a huge pile of mud. The next morning, bracing a killer hangover, I set off in search of a shower. Stumbling into the Green Fields I came across an ‘eco-shower’, little did I know this involved a communal ‘hosing down’ in the great outdoors, surrounded by lots of other naked men and women.

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From there Friday could only get better. After witnessing Kodaline and Bastille on the John Peel Stage, we joined the crowd at the Pyramid stage for the Arctic Monkeys. First they performed songs from their latest album, before Wfire-breathing spider. we were treated to classics including ‘Dancing Shoes’, and an orchestral performance of ‘Mardy Bum’ for the encore.

Ben Howard’s live set was the perfect thing to wake up to on the scorching Saturday morning. His rendition of ‘Only Love’ and powerful performance of ‘Keep Your Head Up’, had the audience transfixed. Gabrielle Aplin’s intimate gig on the BBC introducing stage was another highlight. Her effortless vocals prove that she’s destined for big things. However, Saturday night was only ever going to be about Mick and the boys. Swarms of people gathered at the Pyramid stage hours before, building into a frenzy of excitement. When the Rolling Stones finally appeared Mick Jagger joked to the crowd, “After all these years, they finally got around to asking us”. They played through all the classics before finishing with ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’. We knew we had just witnessed a piece of Rock N Roll history. The party continued in Shangra La, Glasto’s ‘city of the afterlife’. There we watched world-class DJ’s perform inside Arcadia, a 30 foot mechanical, fire breathing spider.

On the final day I decided to explore more of what Glasto has to offer. We watched in awe at the best circus and cabaret acts in the country, before making the mandatory trip to visit the Stone Circle. Then we saw one of my all-time favourite bands - Mumford and Sons. Fans lit up the sky with flares and impromptu hoe downs broke out amongst the crowd, dancing along to ‘Little Lion Man’ and ‘I Will Wait’. For their encore Marcus Mumford invited Vampire Weekend, The Vaccines and female folk singers First Aid Kit and The Staves to join them for a rendition of the timeless Beatles song ‘A Little Help from My Friends’. The crowd sang the words we all ‘need somebody to love’ in unison; the perfect end to an incredible weekend and I can’t wait to do it all again next year! Freya Dodd


“For twelve weeks this city is ours”... So goes the tagline for the year’s most exciting season of electronic music parties. For the uninitiated, The Warehouse Project’s vast array of events, running over the next three months (many already sold out), can seem daunting. Simply put, it’s a series of parties thrown in a disused Manchester Warehouse, but to state it so plainly is to do the influential parties a great discredit. The Warehouse Project has been running since 2006. It moved to a new location, the Victoria Warehouse, last year. Whilst Store Street (the previous location) was more conveniently located in the heart of city, Victoria provides significantly greater capacity, allowing for more to get in on the fun and has less noise bleed from room to room. The Warehouse Project offers some of the most unique and important

nights in the UK dance music scene. The diversity of music put on across the nights is truly staggering. The fact that former Swedish House Mafia chart-topper, Axwell, can play in the same space a night before second-wave, Detroit Techno Legend, Carl Craig, is astounding. Although electronic music elitists may gripe about some bookings, it’s encouraging to see acts from the mainstream and underground scenes brought together. Rare bookings, such as the prolific Richie Hawtin and DJ duo Disclosure, are a real treat for Techno and House fans alike. UK club-goers are used to seeing only one or two A-grade acts play in a night. The Warehouse Project brings at least a dozen performers for every night and parties run for around 9 hours (not taking into account the numerous after-parties for ravers wishing to go on till the early afternoon).

The warehouse setting truly makes for a unique night. It’s an excellent change from many of the over groomed, ‘too-sleek-to-be-true’ clubs where bookings this large are usually held. Our generation missed the mythologised Acid House, Second Summers of Love by about a decade. Illegal raves from London’s Orbital roads, all the way to ‘Madchester’ took place in farmers’ fields, shopping mall car parks and warehouses. The Warehouse Project brings UK dance music back, not only to this industrial ‘anything goes’ setting and vibe, but also to Manchester, home of the Legendary Acid House club The Hacienda. It is unlike any other night in the UK. William Warren


… s w e i v r e t n Uni2Know I fter ot to fame a In sh rd a n y a M ube. Conor d from YouT m and re e v co is d being t albu ased his firs 2012 he rele strength to strength om r last has gone fr n with Cono w o d t sa e W since. . nd out more month; to fi Can you talk us through the process of being found, how you went from being on YouTube to having a record deal? Well it just goes to show the power of the internet. It was something that just started out as a hobby. I did some covers, and a fair few got big hits. When I covered Ne-Yo’s song ‘Beautiful Monster’, I actually got over a million views. I was amazed by the response, I couldn’t believe people were actually watching them. I mean these were bedroom videos which I had edited myself. I got contacted by Ne-Yo’s team via email, I’m not sure how they tracked me down, but they did. They said that Ne-Yo wanted to talk to me on Skype, according to the email they wanted to fly my whole family to come and meet them in the States, I was so worried that it was a joke. They arranged the Skype call and I sat in front of the computer for hours waiting for it, then Ne-Yo came on screen, it was unreal.

Maynard

Which celebrity has made you feel the most star struck?

What is the worst thing you’ve read about yourself?

I am usually really well behaved and tend to hide my star-struckness. But I was on a plane coming back from LA a while ago and was just minding my own business when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned around and it was Rihanna. She had come over to congratulate me, so not only was this Rihanna, but she knew who I was and she had come over to ME to talk. That was a ridiculous experience.

There was a rumor going round on the Twitter-sphere that I was dead, I had to call my mum and settle her down. That was pretty bad.

It’s looking like it’s going to be March time. It’s pretty much ready we’re just tidying things up, we don’t want to rush stuff.

What is the strangest question you have been asked in an interview?

You have a book coming out, what is it about?

I’ve had a fair few. I’ve been asked about walking in on my mum and dad; whether I’ve ever taken drugs; what I do when I’m in a hotel room by myself. The list goes on.

Yeh, it’s out Oct 10th. It’s about my rise to fame and my life so far, so it’s about 7 pages long. It covers what it’s like to be a YouTube sensation and how the internet helped me out, I’m hoping it’s a good read.

If you could have one more of any body part what would it be?

In a few of your videos you are having parties, are they fun to film or are they monotonous repeats? Do you get your mates involved?

And you’ve won strangest question ever! Erm, I’d probably have to go for another mouth. I could do harmonies, save money on vocals, save time and it would be quite cool.

Well, my brother was in my first video as was my manager’s son, Ellie Goulding’s brother, and a few others were up and coming artists. It is a long day though, hearing the same song over and over (even if it is yours), it gets a bit tedious.

Have you bought anything nice for your parents since your rise to fame?

Were you involved in the process of choosing the girl in the ‘Vegas Girl’ video? (If so, well done)

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Conor

Yes, I was involved to an extent. I made it clear that the girl COULD NOT be taller than me! That really narrowed the choice down, I was very pleased with the end choice.

Yeh, Christmas is a very exciting time for them. I got my brother a Mini Cooper S and I’ve bought my parents some nice watches. I’ve not really spent much on myself.

What are you planning for your 21st birthday? Surely you’ll be doing Vegas and can I come with? I thought about Vegas, but I’ve heard a lot of good things about Dubai and I have a lot of friends there, so I think it’s going to be Dubai.

When is your new album coming out?

What is the strangest request you’ve had from a fan? One girl asked me to kiss her mum. I said OK, the mum grabbed my face and planted one right on my lips. It was just awful.

Finally, do you have a mate that is the butt of all the jokes? What’s the funniest thing you’ve done to them? Oh yeh, totally! We’ve got a guy on tour called Steve, we mess with him loads. When he first joined the tour, we told him he had to tell the bus driver everything he had in his bag before he could get on the coach, so he was there telling this confused bus driver about his bag’s contents for about 20 minutes. Then we told him his bed was a shelf…He wasn’t impressed.


Conor’s new is release single ‘R U Crazy ’ do and his b n October 6th ook ‘Tak e Off’ is released on the 1 0th.


WE WANT YOUR DESIGN We want new designs for an exciting summer festival! Think you’re up to the challenge? 14

Send designs to the email below: Simon@uni-2.co.uk


y t r a P 2 i n U : t n e s e r p g i G a g e &M P u E n I l D e D d U t S r A StA Y d E m O c & C i S u M f O X i M t A e R AG & E t I s P m A HuGe cA N i W o T s E c N a H c F o LoAdS y l u J h t 0 2 h t 8 1 Competition: Uni2 areare looking for new designs name,for an a new for looking Uni2 exciting new 3 day festival in July 2014 at logo and branding for this exciting the Newark Showground. __ summer festival! The current logo is;

Think the current logo could be better?…let’s see you can do... do better? Reckon you canwhat to: Email designs and ideasor Want to go further and suggest a better name for the simon@uni-2.co.uk festival, give us a brand new name and logo

In Return:

with...

You will get; 3 VIP tickets to the festival VIP tickets TV to the 42” Plazma festival! 3 Free trips to Ibiza!

If you require any more information don’t hesitate to get in touch: simon@uni-2.co.uk

confirmation up e lin w ne r fo ia ed m al ci Keep an eye on all our so e information. or m r fo uk o. .c i-2 un @ on Email: sim

Want to enter? Uni-2.co.uk


The Graduate Like the billions of millions of other graduates in the world, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do after university. As an English graduate who, shock horror, doesn’t want to be a teacher (I don’t like children, nor do I like sharing all of my hardearned, extensive knowledge on multiple subjects), I felt pretty limited. The message I’d been sent throughout my years of education seemed to be that, upon graduation, I’d either have to choose the job that I’d stick with for THE REST OF MY LIFE, or continue along the education road. Surprisingly, neither seemed particularly appealing. Shockingly, I didn’t exactly take advantage of the careers service at my university. So I spent my last weeks as a student desperately scrolling through graduate recruitment sites, looking for something- anything- which I felt I wanted to commit to, but I came up short. I’m not the most decisive person in the world (I can barely decide on tea or coffee in the morning- most days, I just have both), so deciding on THE REST OF MY LIFE seemed a bit overwhelming.

Like a lot of my final year friends, I spent my last year of university FREAKING THE HELL OUT because I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do after graduation. I couldn’t (and still can’t) think of a single career that I’d like to go into (apart from maybe being a weathergirl on the telly- a childhood dream of mine), which obviously meant that I was going to WASTE THE REST OF MY LIFE. I’M GOING TO BE UNEMPLOYED FOREVER! I’d think as I tried to get to sleep at night. FOREVER ALONE! I’d yell as I made super noodles for breakfast. I’LL DIE AT 40 SURROUNDED BY PIGEONS. MY TOMBSTONE WILL READ ‘WASTEMAN’, I’d say after one too many glasses of wine.

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‘Unemployed’ is a terrifying word. The mere prospect of it horrifies most of us, maybe because we tend to believe that, once you’re unemployed you’re ALWAYS UNEMPLOYED. And then of course, there’s the idea of being an ‘unemployed graduate’, who just lazes around all day eating dry bread and playing computer solitaire (which isn’t too different to how I spent my student years). Unemployed graduates are often grouped together and used as nothing more than a statistic, rather than actual people who are either struggling to get a job or who are just plain confused about what to do after spending their entire lives thus far in education.

After wasting god knows how much time feeling sorry for my soon-to-be-unemployed self, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I made a list of all the things I like and started to fashion some kind of plan for the next few months. Some of the things I like don’t really lead to a viable career (as much as I’d like to be Batman, I’m not entirely sure the streets of Surrey need a hero at this moment in time), but some things seemed quite possible. My love of travelling seemed quite promising, so I started looking at the possibility of using the remainder of my student loan to get me to a foreign country and work for a few months. After a bit of research (shamefully little research, actually), I did the only logical thing I could think of doing: I legged it to Holland to work in a hostel for a month. Six weeks later, I’m still here. And I bloody LOVE it. I’m not saying that everyone should jump ship and move to a different country. I realise that it’s not possible for lots of people, and that I’m incredibly lucky to be able to even consider it as a possibility. I am, however, saying that not knowing exactly what you want to do after university isn’t the end of the world. I know that taking a few months out to pursue their interests isn’t viable for everyone, but I do believe that the first job you find yourself in after graduating, doesn’t have to be the job you stick with for the rest of your life. That you have to try new things in order to work out what you like. I thought that I’d HATE Dairy Milk Oreo because I don’t like Oreos but now it’s my FAVOURITE CHOCOLATE OF ALL TIME EVER (the extra layer of chub around my middle can attest to that).

A lot of pressure is put on graduates to ‘sort their lives out’ lest they’re labelled ‘lazy’, but I’m here to say SCREW YOU PRESSURE. If you’re motivated enough to get through university, then you’re most likely motivated enough to find yourself a job, even if you don’t find one you like straight away. Oh, and if a weather channel is reading this, I can stand in front of a green screen and talk and point. Jus’ sayin’.


The perfect TV guide for the 2nd year humanities student. It’s the beginning of the year. You’ve settled into your new house, gone to your first and last lecture, dumped the TV licensing envelope on the floor and have assumed your position on the couch for the next three months. But wait, what are you going to watch during these comatose 500 hours? Don’t worry, we’ll save you the strenuous effort of flicking through the TV guide, desperately searching for something menial and vacuous to vegetate in front of. Below is an extremely detailed and well set out plan of Freeview’s day time TV offerings.

Think of it as a day planner: BBC 1 BARGAIN HUNT

This absolute flannel will ease you into your hectic day of groaning, scratching and slobbing out. It’s an easy show to watch, and the red and blue fleeces the contestants wear will remind you of your grandma’s warm house.

12.15 to 1.15 ITV LOOSE WOMEN

For the slightly irritable, who want to channel their hangover into rage against the world, there’s no better way than hearing these middle-aged women rant for an hour. A very suitable alternative to Bargain Hunt.

12.30 to 1.30 E4 HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER 1.05 to 2.00

DAVE TOP GEAR 1.00 to 3.00

CHANNEL 5 JEREMY KYLE SHOW

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2.00 to 4.10

You’ve successfully got through your first hour of couch ‘potatoing’. Well done. For your next hit of mind numbing TV, HIMYM provides a simple, friendly and addictive hour to help fight off the last remnants of the night before. By the end you’ll almost be feeling fresh. It’s going to be legen- wait for it- watchable. Your self-loathing is rising, but it’s not yet enough to make you move. Especially when Top Gear’s on. Yes, it’s probably a ten-year old episode that you’ve seen three times already, but by this point you’ve acquired a strange smell which you daren’t inflict on anyone. And the shower’s all the way upstairs. The original, and best, TV filth. Ever felt disgusted with yourself after a messy night out? (Usually after a trip to Ocean) Well watching Jeremy’s guests scream at each other, will reaffirm your self-confidence and prove that it could always be worse.


E4 SCRUBS 2.35 to 3.00

DAVE TRAFFIC COPS

This is the show that tricks you into thinking you’ve done something worthwhile with your day (though we know the truth). With lines that seem to have come directly from the operating room, you may even learn something. And who knows, being on the end of a Dr Cox rant could force you off the sofa; but we doubt it. Turn over, shift slightly, and if you’re feeling particularly daring, you could stand up and rearrange. It’s time for an hour of watching Traffic Cops as they apprehend the drunk, stupid and speeding.

3.00 to 4.00 CHANNEL 4 COUNTDOWN 3.10 to 4.00 DEAL OR NO DEAL 4.00 to 5.00

MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER 5.00 to 6.00

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER 5.00 to 6.00

COME DINE WITH ME 5.00 to 6.00

Pick that stale WCheeto off your face and flick over to Channel 4. Countdown makes up for missing that accounting lecture (or so you tell yourself). Get a notepad out and see how many crude words you can come up with in 30 seconds. Truly the worst game show on the planet. The producers have managed to mix: The X Factor, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and Mr. Blobby, and turned it into one totally unskilled game show. Shocking television. If you accidentally start watching, you will be immediately hooked and before long you’ll be screaming at the TV “No, don’t open Box 5, that’s obviously got the £250,000 in”. Before realizing what you just said and reassessing all your life decisions that have led to this point. A bunch of wealthy bachelors who, in a last ditch attempt to find their ‘soulmate’, visit the equally wealthy and doubly annoying Patti Stanger. She then attempts to find them their perfect match. Stanger brings along her set of ‘eligible commoners’ and the millionaire gets their pick. Gold diggers? Surely not! We’ve all been there. Yes, you watched these episodes only four hours earlier, but maybe you missed something. I mean, you weren’t really paying attention were you? And thanks to E4+1, you can watch the same two episodes a grand total of FOUR times! By the end you’ll even recongise the extras. If you can’t bring yourself to watch HIMYM again, there’s always Come Dine with Me. Four strange, nosey people and a few, interesting meals, makes for some truly cringe-worthy television, rounded off by the superb sarcastic narrator. Just don’t think about what he’d say if he could see you now.

So that’s a wrap on your taxing, active day. I think you’ve earned yourself a takeaway. Simon Jacobs


F*ck it, go to Cash Shop.

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www.thecashshop.net 0115 941 2783 1 Kings Walk, Nottingham, NG1 2AE Just a short walk from Blue Bell


www.thecashshop.net


e e f f o C Crawl Bean there, done that

If you’re tired of the corporate soulless establishments: Starbucks, Costa and Cafe Nero, and want a cafe with a bit more character, then you’ve come to the right city. Nottingham has a great collection of quirky, independent cafes, and here’s some of the best.

Jam Cafe

Location: On Heathcote Street, up from Bar Bar

A “European style cafe bar” in Nottingham. Jam Cafe has a very cool vibe thanks to the whimsical decorations that include retro posters, and a plasma TV playing Japanese anime series. The food is highly recommended, especially if you want a proper meal. The ambitious menu includes such delicacies as roast butternut squash pitta and Pork Loin with apples, shallots, garlic and sage. Jam Café has an extensive sandwich selection and numerous breakfast offerings if you want something a bit lighter, along with a fantastic collection of Wines, Ciders and Beers. It is quite pricey though. Verdict: Check it out

Lee Rosy’s Tea

Location: On Broad Street, opposite Broadway Cinemas

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Lee Rosy’s is a wonderful little tearoom that’s a favourite with students. It specialises in numerous types of teas from all around the world, ranging from Japanese Bancha to Chocolate Truffle, Russian Caravan to something called White Monkey. For the tea connoisseur, this place has everything (don’t worry if you’re feeling less daring, you can also get a pot of normal English tea). They also have a delicious range of milkshakes and a cake selection that is to die for (especially the cheesecakes), all for very reasonable prices. The shop is decorated lovingly, with two floors of intimate tables. The food is a little lacking though, the sandwiches on offer are tasty, but they could do with a wider selection. So go for a drink and a cake, but eat beforehand. Verdict: A lovely place to catch up with a friend, a personal favourite. If you go in the weekend, you’ll probably see me there, typing furiously away on my laptop.


Hartleys Location: Also found on Broad Street Hartleys is more of a sandwich bar, than a café, but is well worth a visit nonetheless. Famous for the plastic cow that sits outside, often donning seasonal clothing, Hartleys is a small family run business and the owners give great, friendly service. It offers a delicious range of bagels, baguettes and sandwiches, along with a selection of hot drinks and fantastic milkshakes. The interior isn’t as nice as some of the other cafes listed here, but it will be less crowded. Verdict: Perfect for lunch, grab a bagel and a milkshake

Alley Cafe

A café that took me a couple of years to find. Hidden away down one of Nottingham’s many alleyways, opposite from the McDonalds at the entrance of Market Square. The sparse chairs outside don’t promise much, but once you climb the stairs into the cafe itself it reveals its true spirit. The quirky furnishings give the café real character and make it a real pleasure to stop there for a meal, although it is let down by a lack of space and can get quite cramped. The all vegetarian menu pleased even this carnivore, (the spicy tempeh burger is a good deal better than some meaty burgers I’ve had), and it also offers a great variety of hot drinks, milkshakes and smoothies. As well as a wheatgrass shot that contains 10 of your 5 a day, which I’m told is the best cure for a hangover, along with a lovely collection of cakes. The staff are very friendly and always willing to chat, which is a recurring trend at these small independent cafes, sadly lacking from the big chains. Verdict: The surroundings are very cheerful and the food is great, what’s not to like?

Aubrey’s Traditional Creperie

It took me three years to find this hidden little gem. Tucked away in the West End Arcade, an alley opposite Café Nero and Las Iguanas at the entrance to Market Square, it manages to escape the attention of most students. Although it is a favourite with international students, who seem to be better at finding Nottingham’s highlights than British students. Trying the food I was sceptical, being of the opinion that a savoury crepe was a waste of a perfectly good pancake that should’ve been drizzled in Nutella. How wrong I was. With a wealth of meaty and vegetarian fillings (I highly recommend the smoked salmon), their speciality Galettes showed me the error of my ways. You will surely find something to whet your appetite. Which is not to criticise their sweet crepes, of which they also boast a fantastic range (Strawberry and Vanilla Ice Cream being my favourite). Set up four years ago this September, the Creperie is run by only a few staff, which is reflected in the friendly, fantastic service. The small premises add to the personal feeling, and in many ways, it feels like you are just round at a friend’s. Verdict: Go right now. Seriously. Drop what you are doing and go. Dan Fine


Unusual City Breaks : THE TOURIST There are, of course, reasons why Ljubljana is not a British tourist hotspot. It does not have thousands of sculptures, museums or world attractions, and it is the capital of a country that most Brits would not be able to point to on a map (its Slovenia by the way). So what does Ljubljana have? Natural diversity and unspoiled beauty; architectural genius; food fit for gods, and cheap, tasty, local beer typically served by the half litre. Whether you’re on a budget or splashing your cash, looking for an active holiday or relaxation, Ljubljana has it all. The city itself is an architectural gem bearing the stamp of Jože Plečnik, one of the pioneers of contemporary architecture (also famous for his contributions to Vienna and Prague). Look out for the Central Market Colonnade, the Tivoli Park promenade and the Triple Bridge.

A stroll along the river immediately reveals the young and vibrant atmosphere of the city; crammed full of traditional Slovenian restaurants, new, experimental cuisine and quirky cafes (I personally recommend Café Cacao situated on the river, where you’ll find smoothies, milkshakes and a heavenly range of cakes all for a very modest budget). Slovenia’s heritage and location means its cuisine is a fusion; veal and gnocchi meet Italian pizza and gelato for a fraction of Roman prices. Seriously. This city knows how to cook. There is something to grab your attention at every step, whether it’s the exquisite, yet quite frankly, odd design of the doors at the Cathedral of Saint Nicolas (no give-aways, you’ll have to visit yourself), or the stunning view of the city and the mountains beyond from Ljubljana castle.

If this is not enough to tickle your fancy, Ljubljana is located mere bus rides away from scandalously beautiful, natural delights. The now emerald-green, now sapphire-blue waters of Lake Bled surround a tiny island, with a picturesque white church in the middle. The Postojna caves are viewed via an underground train, winding its way through eerily-lit stalactite-clad caves formed over millions of years. Neither is to be missed! Thus, Ljubljana’s allure is deliciously multi-faceted: it can be used as a base to indulge in the enchantments of one of the most untouched, unspoiled and beautiful countries in Europe while also enjoying the wonders of a truly enticing capital city. Hannah Norris

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Ljubljana THE LOCAL I used to dream of living abroad. I found Slovenia a small, boring country with nothing to offer. So during my studies I went to England and Russia for a semester. What I realized in these six months abroad, was that I live in a very small city - if you climb the tower of the Ljubljana Castle on a clear day, you get a panoramic view of not just the whole city, but also of the mountains that surround it. But that tinny tiny place offers enormous comfort, along with an amazing vibe, and a rich, impressive cultural scene. Our country lies in the crossroads of Europe. Ljubljana wears this juxtaposition on its sleeve. The attitude of citizens is a mix of our hard-working, northern neighbours (Austria) and the easiness of our neighbours from the south (Italy and the Balkans). We’re trying to become a highly developed country with a modern capital, but at the same time, we’re not willing to let go of the pleasure of not doing anything. No surprise then that we have so many bars and cafes, and they are all full of people, especially in spring and summer when every single corner of the city centre is buzzing. This summer there were so many festivals going on, that I’m actually looking forward to autumn and winter to get some rest.

Tivoli

When there is no festival happening (I’m not sure that’s ever the case in summer time), I go to Bikofe, a tiny bar on a cobbled lane in the old part of the town. It is probably the most hipster place in the city, but nonetheless, it has cool DJs, a great vibe and some really good live music. And, it is free entry. Another place I always check out is the Kino Šiška Centre for Urban Culture. Up until a few years ago it was a disused cinema. But the Municipality of Ljubljana rebuilt it into a gathering place for youth. Locals initially opposed the renovation, but today it is one of the best venues in the city, hosting a huge variety of performances, from concerts to visual and performing arts.

There is another place I never miss. It was a bit sleepy during the summer, but it is waking up now. It is celebrating its 20th birthday later this month, and I cannot wait; Metelkova City – old military barracks, now turned into nightclubs, galleries, and much more. It is a self-declared autonomous culture zone, hated by some, loved by others. For me, it is the treasure of Ljubljana’s night life, and it is surrounded by the best museums in town. Ljubljana is a great place, even when you just want to be alone. You can stroll along Ljubljanica River and look at the amazing bridges and historical architecture of Ljubljana – from baroque to art nouveau – that is so beautiful that sometimes, even we locals are amazed. Špela Gala

Metelkova


Keyta’s

t s a c e r o F n o i h s a nF

Autum

The tricky transition from summer to autumn is well underway, so girls and boys take notes, this is your ultimate autumn fashion forecast.

Gucci Made to Measure £42.00 Available as 30, 50 and 90 ml Eau de Toilette - Designed for “men who demand the very best”, Made to Measure is the sophisticated new scent from Gucci. Its spicy blend consists of bergamot and French lavender, making it an appropriately autumnal fragrance. What’s more, actor and director James Franco is the face of this new fragrance.

Doctor Marten Hadley Boot - £125 From the core collection, the Doctor Marten Hadley Boot is a classic and durable design. The built in air-cushion sole technology provides maximum comfort. Nothing is guaranteed to see you through the rainy/ snowy weather better than these bad boys.

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John Lewis Pashmina Scarf £89.00 From fur, to thick, flowing materials, autumn attire is all about the texture. As temperatures start to plummet, incorporating accessories such as fur collars and thick tasselled scarfs is the perfect way to add extra intrigue to your autumn ensemble. This beautiful light rose coloured, pashmina scarf by John Lewis is crafted with cashmere and silk and is perfect for keeping out the cold.

Tom Ford Lipstick in Black Orchid - £36.00 Dark vampy lips and matching nails are a trend that never fails to make a comeback, year on year. Deep shades such as red wine and plum, make for an extremely sophisticated look. Black Orchid by Tom Ford is an iconic lipstick that has taken the beauty sphere by storm, and there’s even a matching nail colour.

Tommy Hilfiger Brown Leather Strap Watch - £150

Topshop Leather Chelsea Boots - £75.00

With the nights drawing in, it is all too easy to lose track of time. Stay on time and on trend with this classic leather strap watch. No look is complete without a bit of arm candy, and this nifty Tommy Hilfiger watch boasts three hand movement and a date function to add to the stylish look.

Durable leather boots are a fashion staple that will never go out of style. Chelsea boots in particular are a big trend right now, and are extremely versatile. They look great paired with black leggings, straight leg denim or even a mid-length dress. Chelsea boots are extremely comfortable, making them appropriate to wear to school, shopping or on a night out. Function as well as fashion...yes please.


e r a D

r a e W o t

Black and ivory basque £165 (reduced to £35 in sale), Black skirt Primark £3 (in sale), Faux leather /wet look skater skirt Primark £8, Tights Marks and Spencers £9.50, Ballerina pumps Schuh £23


Leopard print bra H&M £14.99, Tartan leggings Primark £7, Mesh black jumper Primark £6, Rocketdog boots for Schuh £70

Black trilby hat Accessorize £15 Tweed jacket H&M £35, Lace black body Aztec £14.99, Chinos Zara £25, Knee high brown boots eBay, Brown bag Primark £8.

With the likes of Rihanna, Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus flaunting their figure in racy lace, the underwear as outerwear trend is here to stay. But not everyone has the confidence to pull this daring fashion trend off, so Uni2 enlisted lingerie blogger, Fran Jesson, to show you how it is done! The trend first burst into the limelight due to Madonna’s 1990 tour, Blonde Ambition. It was during this that she showed off the iconic conical bra designed by Jean Paul Gaultier in all its glamorous glory, which made Madonna one of the original controversial dressers and paved the way for the likes of Lady Gaga. The underwear trend has flourished ever since, with designers such as Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen integrating lingerie elements into their designs. Demand on the high street has also been boosted by Television series, such as Sex and the City, depicting women wearing lingerie in an everyday environment. The key rule for wearing underwear successfully is to wear it subtly and elegantly rather than blatantly obvious. There is only one way to wear this style and that is with class. You want to show off your alluringly and teasing side, to purr “Come hither” not scream, “Come get it”. After all, you are a woman of sexual sophistication!

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If you want to give this trend a whirl, here are some things you need to know!

n If you are not bold enough to go full on with the underwear as outerwear, why not mix your daywear with some leather such as a skater skirt or a jacket? Wet look texture has serious sex appeal this season, inspired by the 50 shades of Grey phenomenon. n Stick to neutral romantic colours such as ivory, soft golds, pale pinks and taupe. Together with black, it will enhance the seductiveness of the boudoir inspired look. Avoid bright neon colours such as hot pinks and reds. n Retro inspired high waisted knickers can be worn as hot pants. If you are too shy to pull a Kylie, high waisted denim shorts are just as good. Complete the look with hosiery so you do not show too much leg. n Wearing a basque is a great way to follow the trend. If the basque is boned, even better, it will flatten the stomach and give you a sexy hourglass shape. Try this look with a pencil skirt to unleash your inner screen siren.

n Mix this style with the grunge trend to show your rebellious sexy side. This look is perfect for layering, with a chunky jumper over the shoulder to show a lacy bra strap or netted sweater for a more provocative look. Add some colour with tartan accessories such as leggings or bag. n Bodysuits are a good piece to experiment with. Pick a bodysuit that has some sexy detailing such as sheer mesh fabric or lace. Ensure you have full coverage around the bust to prevent feeling perky in a cold lecture room! Fran Jesson runs the lingerieloves blog, found at www.lingerieloves.wordpress. com, which promotes body image and how to feel good in lingerie or in fact, how to feel good in general. She can also be found on Twitter @LingerieLoves. Design by Ruth Porter. All images come courtesy of Nottingham Trent Photography graduate, Dan Turner who can be found at: www.behance.net/ concrytphotographic or Instragram @ concryt_photography.


Leopard print bra H&M £14.99, Black skirt H&M £20, Jacket Republic £55 (reduced to £25 in sale) Shoes French connection £100 (reduced to £36 in sale)

Black trilby hat Accessorize £15 Lace black body Aztec £14.99, High waist denim shorts Primark £9, Tights Marks and Spencers £9.50, Tweed detail high heels (model’s own)


Uni2Know Interviews… Rudimental udimental’s debut album ‘Home’ was released in April of this year. It debuted at Number 1 in the UK Albums Chart. Aidan Grant spoke to frontman Amir Amor, to get the lowdown on their meteoric rise to fame.

IME

R UD TAL

N RUD

IME NTA

Have you been touring with the album?

L

Yeah. It’s our debut album, we had an EP out before on Black Butter, but this is our first full scale album. We toured for two weeks in Australia and two weeks in America. In Australia we played with the Prodigy, Stone Roses and Dizzee Rascal which was nuts, I grew up listening to Ian Brown and Prodigy so to then go and get pissed with them in a pub was a very surreal experience.

Tell us briefly about the Rudimental journey, where did you guys meet? When did you first start to feel success?

IM RUD

L

NTA

IME

RUD

TAL

IME

RUD

N AL IME ENTRUD

L

NTA

IME

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We all came from a pirate radio background and have a background in youth work as well. A couple of the guys were working in a youth centre, essentially helping out the naughty kids who had problems at home. I was running a studio in Hackney for the past six years called ‘Major Toms’, so I had experience producing with bands. I actually worked with Plan B a lot and did a few things for Maximo Park before I met the guys about two years ago. They came into the studio and I was meant to be producing for them but we actually ended up working on two tracks together, one was ‘Spoons’ and the other was ‘Feel The Love’. It all sort of fell together nicely from there, we got on and we ended up going out drinking together. It feels like I’ve known them all my life because of our similar backgrounds.


Obviously ‘Feel the Love’ was your first big hit, getting to number one in the UK singles chart, how did that feel? Did you ever expect that kind of a reaction? Ah man, every song that we work on we think is wicked. I mean, we often think people are going to love it, but you never really know just how well it’s going to actually do. When we did ‘Spoons’ we put it out literally the next day and the reaction it got on SoundCloud was wicked. Then after we done ‘Feel the Love’ we thought this was going to be great, at the time it was actually one of us singing on the track. We later met John Newman in a pub where he was doing an open mic night and asked him to sing it, and then we realised that this is actually a massive song. But even so, we had no idea it would take us to the places it has. I mean we just had a gig with Snoop Dogg in Miami.

Tell us a bit about your process in the studio. Is it more similar to how a band might jam in order to make a track or is it more like how a producer would slave in front of a computer? It’s quite nuts because we don’t really have any method. I guess I usually finish the songs, but for example, on the album there’s a track called ‘Too Cool to Love Me’ and that’s literally just us jamming in the studio. So sometimes tracks start that way. We all play instruments, I play guitar and bass, Kesi plays the keys and Locksmith is a DJ. So sometimes it will happen organically or sometimes we will start with drums and work on it that way, but it really varies.

In your live performance you have lots of stage presence, instruments and general fun. Do you think this is something that’s missing from the world of electronic music? We were never really accepted into any EDM circle when we first started and when I first joined. But now we’re playing Dubstep raves with our Ben Howard remix and then we’ll play at drum and bass nights, at times it’s really like we don’t belong here! Because we’re four different people, it’s really such a mix-mash. We don’t have a problem with your typical, kind of laptop-based, live performance. It’s just that we like to actually play the songs.

What are your musical influences and how would you describe your music? I grew up listening to Hip-Hop and Garage, as well as a lot of Blur and many other different influences. I remember even doing Marvin Gaye songs when I first picked up a guitar. We come from Pirate Radio and the clubs, but we love soulful stuff and I think that comes out in our music. The album varies all the way from house to jungle, generally upbeat. It does have some darker tunes in there, but if we can make people dance and cry at the same time we have probably done alright. I guess I would describe it as rave with soul.


hild

C r e n n I The

The Power Rangers 20TH Anniversary

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“What’s that? It looks like a space dumpster”. With that line two unwitting astronauts allowed Rita Repulsa to escape her imprisonment on the moon, forcing Zordon to call on five “overbearing and overemotional humans” and we were first introduced to the team of “teenagers with attitude”.

Along with these storyline changes, the show has changed its line-up countless times, but it’s the core team from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers that our generation will always remember. Along with Tamagotchis and the Goosebumps books, Saturday morning episodes of Power Rangers were an integral part of childhood in the nineties.

The now legendary Mighty Morphin Power Rangers first aired on the 28th August 1993, yes it really has been twenty years (bet you feel old now). The original series focused on five teenagers from the fictional town of Angel Grove who, following the release of the aforementioned evil alien sorceress, are recruited to foil her dastardly plans to destroy the Earth. Racking up over 800 episodes and two feature films, the series has gone through several premise changes along the way, with iterations of the power rangers since becoming race car drivers, ninjas and time travellers, to name a few.

Surprisingly - given the lasting popularity the show achieved - during the mid-80s most of the major networks passed on Haim Saban’s original conception of the show. They predicted that the Power Rangers’ trademark combination of action scenes from the Japanese original, Super Sentai, with American high school drama would be a “disaster” (idiots) - the show only eventually getting picked up by relative newcomers, Fox, in 1993. To me this seems like madness, Mighty Morphin had everything you could ever want from a Kids TV show. It was the amalgamation of all its competitors: it had superheroes in spandex, giant trans-

forming robots, alien monsters, and one of the greatest TV theme tunes of all time. Although the show was very formulaic and the acting was atrocious, week by week it still had me on the edge of my seat (or behind the sofa) as Angel Grove was once again the setting for another destructive Megazord/ Giant Alien fight. And I’m not going to lie, I still occasionally practice the pseudo-kung fu moves required during “morphing time” in my bathroom mirror (FYI I’d make an excellent power ranger).


Unfortunately, the majority of the former martial artists (or so their Wikipedia pages claim), who starred in the 90s hit have since faded into obscurity, only surfacing from their retirement to make an occasional appearance at a “Power Morphicon”. Sadly, they are always one short as Thuy Trang, who portrayed the original Yellow Ranger, was killed in a car accident in 2001. On a brighter note Jason David Frank, who played the Green and White Ranger on Mighty Morphin, has suited up on multiple occasions over the yearsW and is set to reprise his role as Tommy Oliver in the upcoming Power Rangers Super Megaforce (they thought long and hard about that title). Not simply content with showing his devotion to the franchise with this latest appearance, David Frank commemorated the 20th anniversary date by free falling from 14,000 feet in the air. I guess once a power ranger, always a power ranger. Since the original manifestation of the show the franchise has experienced its ups and downs, but in the lead up to the show’s landmark anniversary, it finally seems to be back on track.

After ratings and toy sales sagged under Disney’s management in the noughties, Saban reacquired the franchise in 2010. He then reused the same methods of grassroots promotion that they used in the 90s, such as having “Power Rangers” appear at local shopping centres. As a result, Saban Brands recently reported that their costume sales have tripled in the past two years; kids are once again dressing up as their favourite Power Ranger. This Power Ranger renaissance seems to have made an impression on a few adults as well. Last month multiple news agencies reported on the good deeds of Tadahiro Kanemasu, a 27year old organic green grocer who in his spare time has taken to wearing a Green Ranger costume to help fellow Japanese citizens carry heavy objects up and down a dimly lit stairwell in a Tokyo subway station.

The Samaritan devotes a couple of hours after work every day to this selfless cause, and hopes that more Japanese citizens will follow his example and don different coloured versions of the spandex costume. Kanemasu, along with all the 90s kids, prove that there is truth in the iconic line “We may not have powers but we are all still power rangers”. Article: Malcolm Remedios Illustration: Ned Wilson


AMERICAN SUMMER CAMPS Every summer thousands of students from across the world and especially the UK ‘escape’ to the US for a paid holiday. Fancy traveling the world and getting paid to have the experience of a lifetime? Well, working at American summer camps sounds like the stuff of dreams. But whilst students are excited by the opportunity to work abroad in America for the summer, we’ve done some investigating and have had some experiences and know that it can also be confusing; choosing which company to go with, what camp to go to and a fair few other decisions. You’ll find hundred of posts and reviews about these American summer camps but it’s difficult to know if you can trust them. We’ve undertaken a long slog of research and have put together an up-to-date comparison table and some reviews of the main American summer camp companies: Americamp, Camp America, 34 Camp Leaders and CCUSA.

Something incredibly important to note is that these companies are just middle men, they do not own or run the camps. You could end up at a camp with someone else who has paid more and is being paid less than you! We rang round various companies offering the ‘American Camp’ experience. Some simply passed us onto the camps directly, this was unhelpful as the camps don’t really know how to advise or deal with people from the UK (hence the other companies). Our first real positive chat was with an advisor from CCUSA, their prices seemed reasonable and the pay they were offering also sounded attractive, they were very helpful and informative. The next company we received a good and helpful response from was Camp America. These guys have been running for years! They have a lot of experience in the game and can provide a lot of valuable information, they

do however have the highest charges and some of the lowest pay in the market. There were several levels of pay, however these were based on experience and skill set. We called Americamp next. Americamp are one of the younger companies to join the market, they do however offer very low prices and some very decent pay. They have definitely had a good look at the competition and have made sure to beat them. The advice they gave was great and the advisor on the phone was extremely easy to deal with. The final company to be called was Camp Leaders. Going with these guys seems to be a bit tedious. There are tonnes of forms to fill out, certain ‘discounts’ for having forms returned on time and in the end not all that great prices or pay. In total you could be entitled to a £150 discount however we fear that this would be difficult to claim in the end. All in all it was a bit fiddly.


Our winner,

Company

Salary

Founded

Benefits

Catches

Flights are included.

Low salary.

Most established. Flights are included.

Highest costs. Lowest salary.

Flexible flights. Highest salary. Lowest costs.

Flights not included.

Flights are included. Discounts are available.

Low min salary.

CCUSA

£440 - £625

1985

Camp America

£400 - £550

1969

Americamp

£800 - £1025

2010

Camp Leaders

£375 - upwards

1999


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… s w e i v r e t n I Uni2Know

Newton

Faulkner

You went to the Guildford academy of contemporary music. How did you find life as a student? I had a great time. I was terrified before I went, because I went to an open day and realised that pretty much everyone else who was going to be in my class had been playing since they were about three. I’d only been playing for two years so I completely freaked out. I was like shit, I’ve got to play a lot, so I literally did nothing else. I had my guitar on a stand next to my bed, and as soon as I opened my eyes, I was like, “Ahhhh its guitar time”. I just sat in my dressing gown and a pair of lounging shorts and played all day every day, and caught up as much as physically possible.

‘Hand Built by Robots’, your debut album, catapulted you to fame. How did this feel and at what point did you realise that your music was becoming nationally recognised? When the first album came out, it was mental, completely insane. People ask me how I felt about achieving overnight success, but in fact my ‘overnight success’ was incredibly slow and took about 5 years. There was a huge build up and I had done years of work before.

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Gig wise it made sense, because the gigs kind of gradually stepped up. The only big leap was from about 300 people – I’d been doing quite a few gigs of this size – and then someone took a risk and put me on supporting Lady Rudd at Shepherd’s Bush, which is obviously considerably bigger.

Do you find that there is a lot more pressure for your new albums and singles after the success of your first album? Oh god yeah definitely, but I’m kind of used to it now. If you’ve had something that’s done really well then there’s pressure to recreate the same success. But with the previous albums, they were as pop as they possibly could be to try and chase the success [of the first album]. But with the new album I basically said: “I’m not working like that anymore. I’m going to do what I want to do, and make the album how I want to”. And this is what I’ve done. I think you can hear that as well - it’s much more natural and urban than anything I’ve ever done before. A lot of things conspired to make the first albums more heavily produced, but with this one I’ve just relaxed and done what I do. I engineered it and produced it myself, which is also a bit more pressure in other ways, because I’d never done that for a whole album before.

How often do you tour? Do you enjoy it? I’ve been on the road on and off for around nine years. It’s weird I feel like I was genetically designed to do my job! There’s not one bit that I don’t absolutely love about touring. All the bits people complain about are the bits I love the most! Like, “Ahh I hate being on a tour bus”. I’m like, Jesus… I sleep better on a tour bus than in a bed! Or “Ahh, I hate waking up and not knowing where I am”; I hate waking up knowing where I am! I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing and there’s not one aspect of it that I don’t genuinely love!

Newton Faulkner’s new album ‘Studio Zoo’ is out NOW. The Studio Zoo Tour will run from February to March, including a show at Rock City on the 21st February 2014


Favourite festival? Glastonbury. It’s obvious, but it’s obvious for a reason.

Quick Fire Questions

Favourite place in the world? I like being home; I’m not there very often so it’s nice to be home. Celebrity you would most like to shag? Probably Zooey Deschanel at the moment. If you could collaborate with any other artist in the world who would it be? Tom Waits, he’s just very strange and brilliant. Number one on your bucket list? I’d like to do a film score. If you could never play the guitar again what would you play? I’d play the piano. If you were a superhero what would your power be? I’d like to be able to control my own hair. It’s really long, so it could make me tea or something. Antonia Paget


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7 am waking up in

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Shottingam


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BLUE

STEEL


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Hey girl ;) Last night changed me.. Thinkin bout u xx I think I’m in love. You out tonight? See you in Forum!? :P Please reply :( Glass case of emotions! I miss you. 58


Fin.


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, o i d u t s c i s u m t s r fi s ’ Nottingham Opens its door s

When I hear the term recording studio, I picture a dark, padded room; clinical and uninteresting. This is not the case at Nottingham’s new ‘ROFL’ Recording Studio, which opened at the beginning of September, where each of the three recording studios has its own unique and distinctive art style. Local artists were given creative freedom to design each studio. The art collective ‘InkSoup’ decorated Studio A with a 1920s Hollywood theme, to tie into the partnership with the LA based West Lake Studios. Daxa Parmar decorated Studio C, tying in the art style with Indian philosophy. But the whimsical designs of Ned Wilson (Uni2’s brilliant designer) for Studio B is the real show stealer, beautifully adapting themes from Alice in Wonderland, including trippy drawings of Cheshire Cats and chessboards.

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The studio is the brainchild of Nottingham born creator Dave Stanley. It was a year in the making. Stanley returned from working at the prestigious West Lake Studios, where many famous songs, including Thriller, were recorded. When he returned he noticed the absence of professional studios located in Nottingham, and along with business partner Mark Underwood, set about plugging the gap. The studio, located on Perth Street behind the Victoria Centre, was a disused car garage that took four months of toil and trial to transform into the state of the art facility it is today. During this period they experienced what we were assured was only a minor set-back, when a forklift truck drove through the car inspection pit, creating a huge crater in the floor.

At the time of opening the studio already had 80 different clients booked in, around 3 or 4 appointments per day. Their clientele is made up of an incredibly diverse range of artists, from rappers to indie bands and even impersonators of Elvis and Amy Winehouse. ROFL Studios aims to be more affordable than other professional studios, with prices running from £25 an hour for use of Studio A, to just £5 an hour for Studio C. They are also aiming the studio at students, and when asked how student bands can book the studio, Dave replied “Just give us a call”. And if you’re feeling nervous, the studio employs a vocal coach.

Neither Dave nor Mark claim to be musically talented, but they are both very passionate about helping those who are and have created a truly unique studio. Its new existence offers a fantastic opportunity for both locals and students alike, one that should not be missed.

More details about Rofl Studios can be found on www.roflaudio.co.uk. Uni2 will be running auditions along with Rofl Studios for free studio time and stage time at an upcoming festival. More details to follow, email simon@ uni-2.co.uk and follow Uni2 on Facebook, if interested. Daniel Fine


the continuing disappointment Hard hitting plagiarism LARP prepares interfaith battle Live Action Role Playing Society were pleased to announce a pioneering event involving both the Christian Union and Islamic Society. The societies have come together to host a recreation of the Crusades. It will take place on the fields next to Cavendish Halls. The LARP President expressed his excitement for the upcoming battle on the event Facebook page “It’s great that we have this opportunity to unite so many students in our shared world history”. The event is expected to gather a wide audience from across the university, with the Secular Society expressing a keen interest to time-keep and smugly judge the process. As with all LARP events the battle doesn’t involve any physical harm to either team, although it has been confirmed that doctrines may be bruised. The LARP president has spoken optimistically about the effect the union may have, “If the event proves popular we may organise some more in a similar vein. American society have contacted us about an educational re-enactment of the 1960’s Vietnam war, with potential Agent Orange sponsorship by Tropicana.” Viewers are welcome to attend the event at 7pm on Wednesday 16th October, followed by a social at the ‘Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem’ Pub. Come along it’ll be a riot.

Ocean Introduces Controversial ‘No Freshwater Animals’ door policy

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The coalition for freshwater Mammals, fish and invertebrates was up in arms today (at least those which have arms) over the divisive, and allegedly discriminatory door policy, soon to come into force at the nightclub Ocean. The popular student club said in a recent statement “Ocean can simply not be expected to allow entry to freshwater animals on health and safety grounds”. The spokesman added: “They’ve always had specialist nights to cater for them, such as Las Iguanas. Ocean still welcomes any creature which can survive a majority salt-water environment”. Civil rights groups protecting the rights of freshwater animals were outraged by the announcement, claiming this was just another example of the torrents of cases where the salt-water defective have had justice swept under tides of abuse. The Continuing Disappointment would recommend Oceania as an alternative to any disheartened creatures, as they have a well-known policy of letting in animals that basically haven’t evolved yet.


Nottingham’s most successful and well known alumni a fictional criminal who didn’t even attend University Didn’t Attend Notts. Uni.

Attended Notts. Uni.

Robin Hood

Robin Hood

Albert Einstein

Clive Granger

Graham Greene

D.H. Lawrence

Samuel Johnson

Err,,,

Nelson Mandela

,,,

Winston Churchill

Erm,,,

John Lennon

An Olympian?

The heads of the university were in panic today when they came to the epiphany that the only person from Nottingham anyone had actually heard of, didn’t attend the University or even exist. Robin Hood, the fictional heroic outlaw, was added to the vast list of other famous politicians, scientists, humanitarians and entertainers that did not attend the University of Nottingham. Clive Granger (who?) Nottingham’s kind of famous, Nobel prize winning (but not like Peace Prize or anything) economist lamented the fact that Robin Hood’s economics are more wellknown than his in an interview just before his death, saying: “Christ if I’d just brought a pair of tights and a ponsey bow then maybe I wouldn’t have had to endure 3 years at that place and rack up debt that’d only further complicate my Economics”.

Clegg Mauled by Wolf In a shocking turn of events, Nick Clegg’s PR released a statement confirming that the Deputy Prime Minister had in fact been mauled by a large wolf. It emerged that the politician had made a series of phone calls to the Metropolitan police promising them that he was being tailed by a suspicious looking canine, in the days previous to the attack. Met Police Commissioner Mrs F. Godmother released a statement this morning, “We were inclined to believe Mr Clegg on his first three reports of harassment, after he gave his absolute word that the situation was becoming increasingly dire, yet we could find no proof of his word. After continuing insistence that he was not fictionalising the events we simply could not believe him anymore”. Nick Clegg unveiled a video he had filmed from his own hospital bed, expressing his contrition at the havoc caused by his broken promises, revealing that he could understand why the police and other services involved felt ‘let down’ by his initial, fictionalised claims.

Edgy Platform Editor Commissions SU approved Satire The ambitious young hacks at Platform magazine are looking for daring souls to “take on the challenge of writing irreverent satire”. Known for its cutting edge journalism and unmeasured insight into, not only Student life but the political and social landscapes of the wider-world. Who else better than Platform is there to blow our minds with biting, venomous comedic intellect? If you’d like to write for Impact then you’d better dang well be up for a rigorous inquest into your japes and quips. For anyone else submissions to continuingdissapointment@gmail.com

Headlines on the Blog Fox news radically changes editorial voice by reshuffling entire news desk to write about ‘Dog sized mammals which frequent cities and the countryside across the world’ Bitter Careers Advisor recommending the majority of Nottingham Students to consider working as a Careers Advisor Minotaur installed in Coates Building


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Unusual City Breaks : THE TOURIST Located in the middle of the backpackers’ triangle of Vienna, Prague and Budapest, Slovakia’s capital is often overlooked. Indeed, judging by our tour guide’s chatter, many people seem to visit by mistake, confusing it with the more southerly Slovenia. This situation isn’t helped by the fact that the only two pop culture references to Bratislava are found in Eurotrip and Hostel, neither of which paint the city in a positive light. So when you arrive at the very bleak main train station, you may be forgiven for wanting to turn around and leave. But those prepared to venture off the beaten track gouged through Eastern Europe by Britain’s twenty somethings, will be pleasantly surprised. Finding an unusual city that offers vibrancy and a small town feel not found in the nearby capitals… if you can get past the train station. Bratislava’s main sites are clustered around the Old Town, the remnants of its medieval past. Here the city’s location in the crossroads of Europe has left a clearly identifiable impact.

Bratislava was the capital of the Kingdom of Hungary from 1536 to 1783 and the ancient Hungarian coronation route is still marked along the main street. There’s even a bit of Napoleon still hanging around, albeit in the shape of a cannonball lodged in the town hall. Bratislava’s Old Town is a lot smaller today than it once was, as the Communists destroyed around 60% of the historical centre in order to make the city more industrial. But what’s left is very pretty, allowing visitors to meander amongst the cobbled pedestrian squares and small market stalls. Those who have travelled Eastern Europe may be unimpressed so far, as most cities in the region have a castle and an old town. But what make’s Bratislava an especially memorable stop, is its unusualness. Communist aversion to any building that isn’t a

big grey slab and bizarre town planning where decisions were seemingly made by officials going “fuck it, may as well”, has resulted in a city that’s best described by the word: random. After all its most photographed site is a statue of a worker climbing out of a man hole. Why? Well why not. The nightlife too does much to reinforce this wacky persona. Whether at a jazz bar with locals drinking beneath old Communist road signs or a club located on a moored oil tanker, the city provides plenty of opportunities for one of those great random nights out. This is especially so at the weekend, where the stunning locals (trust me on this) mix with young Austrians hopping across the border for cheap beer and a good time. So while Bratislava may not be the most popular stopping point, for anyone seeking to beat the cliché that inter rail trips are starting to become, it is definitely worth checking out. For however you spend your time in Bratislava, I can guarantee you’ll have some great stories by the end of your stay. Danny Kibble

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Bratislava THE LOCAL Introducing a town to readers who’ve never been is always challenging, trying to sound appealing yet not creating false expectations. This is even more so when talking about one’s home-town, in my case Bratislava, the capital of the Slovak Republic. What I can more freely describe, is what Bratislava has meant for me at times when I found myself studying in the UK, and why I always looked forward to going back home. Compared to the relatively large cities in Britain such as Birmingham, Manchester or Glasgow (where I spent my undergrad years) Bratislava, with just below 500,000 inhabitants, offers a relatively calm and relaxing change. The historical city centre is neither too big nor too small, with various cultural influences dotted throughout. Perhaps it lacks the pomp and the grandeur of the nearby cities of Vienna and Budapest or the rush and glitter of Paris or London, but it has its own unique flavour all the same. Tranquil in the day while an ever increasing number of bars, restaurants and clubs provide entertainment at night.

There are a number of sights within and around the compact city centre. The Bratislava Castle, situated on the hill by the Slovak Parliament (which, in fairness, is not that impressive), offers a panoramic view of the city. From the castle, I would recommend taking the walk towards the city centre, where one passes through the historical streets and enters picturesque houses and small cafés and bars. Once there you should also check out St. Michael’s gate and St. Michael’s street. Lastly, after years of waiting, Bratislava finally has a decent riverside which is lovely to walk along, with Janko Kral’s orchard (a public park) bordering the river from the other side. The biggest highlight of the riverside is definitely the Bridge of the Slovak National Uprising with a UFO-shaped restaurant on the top of the bridge. Further out from the city, the ruins of Devin Castle are situated by the Morava River near the border with Austria and offer an awe-inspiring view of the surroundings.

As far as the rest of the country is concerned, Slovakia is relatively mountainous. Hiking the main mountain ranges, the High Tatras and Low Tatras, offers the opportunity to discover and experience a hidden beauty. These are easily accessible from Bratislava. Slovakia also has many beautiful castles and a number of spas. Finally one cannot forget Kosice, the second largest city in Slovakia situated in the Eastern part of the country, which prides itself as the European Capital of Culture in 2013. Bratislava, and Slovakia as a whole, have a lot to offer, and I hope you’ll visit soon. Martin Reguli


… s w e i v r e t n I Uni2Know

Don Broco

ck rd based ro are a Bedfo 8, released co ro B n o D 00 formed in 2 st year, and band. They la m u lb udio a their first st g from strength to oin have been g then. Uni2’s Georgia ce n si h lead strength ught up wit ca y tl n ce Martin re Damiani. singer, Rob time I didn’t even realise. We played How did you get started as a band? We all started at school, then we went off to uni and it took a back seat because we were all spread around the country. Then when we all got back to Bedford, we really wanted to try it out and give it a go in a proper band. So we reformed and started again properly, hammering out the tours up and down the UK, and that’s taken us up to now.

Do you have any tips for getting into a band? We’ve all been in a few bands before, so don’t be afraid to chop and change bands when you first start. You need to all be on the same page, so have an open dialogue and be completely honest with each other about what you want to do with the music.

2012 was a hugely successful year for the band, what were your highlights? I’d probably say the day after our album came out, when we found out that we had gone top 10 in the midweek UK album chart. We were sandwiched between Jessie J and Rihanna, y’know, huge pop artists. We were just blown away by the response. 
But yeah, we were really hung over because we had a launch show the night before, so it just came out the blue and that was like wow. And I’d probably say Reading Festival. That was a real sort of landmark show for us. We loved that, it was such a sick show, everything about it. Apart from I lost my in-ear monitors, that was the only down side of the day. I went into the crowd and they got ripped out and I’d only just brought them, so I was like ‘nooo’.

During your song Thug Workout, you do a wall of death and you join in the mosh pits, do you ever get any injuries from it?

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Yeah, there has been one or two times that I’ve been really hurt. The worst

Hevy festival two years ago and basically some guy tripped up just before I ran across. So I just landed on the floor then everyone piled on top of me. It didn’t actually hurt at the time but a few hours later my back like seized up and I was like ‘oh shiitttt, this ain’t good.’

On the tour, how long do your think you’re going to go without showering? 
 We’ve been bad before. Normally we’re used to sleeping on our mate’s floors but now because it’s serious and we need to be good, we stay in a Travel Lodge. And this time we’re bringing a crew out with us. If we’re crashing at my Nan’s like we normally do, I don’t think she’d be that happy with 9 people turning up and sleeping on her floor. So yeah with sleeping in Travel Lodges we will try and get showers, but I’ll admit I’m pretty lazy with getting up in the morning, so if everyone else is ready and I’m late I normally miss out on the shower.

You’ve mentioned that your merchandise is good for pulling, how true is that?

It started when we had this t-shirt for our song ‘Thug Workout’, it said ‘sexy girls come up to me’. Then literally the other day we were watching TV and there was this guy on ‘What Happens In Kavos’ wearing one of our vests. And apparently he pulled loads of birds on holiday wearing it. I haven’t actually seen it in action yet, so I’ll have to linger around our shows and spy on people wearing t-shirts.

What are your plans for the rest of this year? It’s going to be quite busy, we’ve got a lot of touring and then we have some big festivals on the horizon. The first one we’re massively excited for is ‘Hit The Deck’ in Nottingham. Rock city is probably like my favourite venue, there’s so many good nights there. It’s sick for a club night as well and the student nights are wicked there. It’s the first proper festival we’ve headlined and it’s a big moment for us. I think the after party is gunna be mad. We went last year, it was crazy and obviously this time its gunna be even bigger.


e n i F n m a AD l i a t k c o C

The Rum Edition

W w

hen looking for alcohol worth drinking, everyone has their own set tastes. Some prefer vodka, others whiskey. Personally I find that the spirit with the most interesting flavours has to be rum. There are many varieties of rum: white, golden, dark, or a combination that’s been spiced. There are many great brands out there that won’t hurt a student budget and will taste delicious to boot. Since autumn and winter are approaching, now’s a prime time to spot discounts on well-known and particularly decent brands, and unlike the majority of mid-range vodka, rum is known for tasting dramatically different depending on the brand. Rum was first created in the Caribbean around the mid-17th century, after plantation slaves realised that molasses (a by-product of refining sugar) could be fermented and turned into alcohol. During and after its development in the Caribbean, it started to spread through North America. It became so popular that before the American Civil War, it was estimated the average person was drinking 14 litres of rum a year! In order to create rum, molasses needs to be fermented and distilled, akin to most other spirits. Once finished, it is either aged in oak barrels, or simply left in a metal vat. While being treated post-distillation, the rum is either left to naturally create its own flavours and spices, or other ingredients, such as honey and cinnamon, are added to give each brand the desired flavour. Most decent rums have their distilleries in either South America or the Caribbean, and the rum will usually be blended with batches from the same distillery, in order to create a very similar taste. My personal recommendation for students is to be on the look-out for deals, as supermarkets usually have their alcohol prices dropping in the autumn. My main brands of choice include Sailor Jerry, Havana Blanco/Bacardi, Kraken Spiced rum and Appleton Estate. They all generally float around the £12-22 mark. Now that you know the origins of rum, it’s time to learn how to use it. So below are guides to my favourite three rum cocktails. Naturally, if you don’t have a cocktail kit I’d recommend you get one, they’re very cheap on Amazon and in a previous issue (which you can read online), I explain how to use it properly. If you don’t want one, then just pour all the ingredients into the glass you’re drinking out of and stir. To ensure that these recipes are easy to make, they include items that either would be found in a student house, or would be very easy to acquire if not.

Strawberry Daiquiri

Variation on a spitfire

Angry Pirate

1.5 strawberries 50ml white rum 25 ml sugar syrup 25 ml lime juice

50ml Kraken (dark spiced rum) 50ml orange juice 25ml sugar syrup 25ml lime juice

50ml Sailor Jerry (spiced golden rum) 25ml sugar syrup/ a teaspoon of sugar 25ml lime juice 75ml pineapple juice 2 dashes of tabasco sauce

Muddle the Strawberries, then pour the rest of the ingredients into a mixing glass. Add ice, shake, and then double strain into a martini glass.

Pour into a mixing glass. Ice, shake, double strain into a martini glass.

Pour all of the ingredients into a mixing glass. Add ice, shake and then single strain into a tall iced glass.

All of these drinks are personal favourites of mine. Drinks that I either have on a regular basis or would happily make for my friends. As with all cocktails, before you serve them, ensure you’ve had a taste to make sure they have the right balance. Of course, you can garnish them with as many silly items as you want: a slice of lime; an umbrella or even sparklers if you fancy it. Similarly, if you’ve had a bad experience with rum in the past, you can lower the amount of alcohol to fit your taste and capability. Using less than the recommended amount for a drink is often a way to really improve the taste. Although summer might be gone, it’s never too late to enjoy a rum cocktail and get involved in tinkering around with mixing and shaking. Alex Knight


THE FOUR GREAT PLACES IN NOTTINGHAM FOR NIGHTS OUT ARE: R___C___ O____ T__F____ N______ THIS IS THE LOGO OF THE LEAST KNOWN OF THE FOUR

Nirvana is a new bar to Nottingham, based:

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20 Victoria St Nottingham, NG1 2EX 0115 985 9955


PICK N MIX BRAND NEW NIGHT COMING SOON! CHEAP DRINKS! CREATE YOUR OWN MIXES! FUN ATMOSPHERE! NIRVANA 20 Victoria Street NG1 2EX


Launch To say that Microsoft’s Xbox One did not have the greatest launch would be a kindness. It was disastrous. They may well have been attempting to revolutionise the industry. But by forcing the console to check-in online every day and placing heavy restrictions upon used games, Microsoft infuriated critics, online communities and would-be customers.

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This wasn’t helped by Microsoft’s train wreck of a PR campaign, which failed to justify any of these changes and was accused by the gaming website Destructoid, of “cocky, flagrant contempt for the average consumer”. This was especially evident when Microsoft’s Don Mattrick was asked what those without access to the internet should do, given the console’s check-in feature. His reply was to get a 360. Unsurprisingly, Microsoft have been constantly backpedalling on all these features since then, performing so many U-turns that by this point they’re just going round in circles.

And so it was that the launch of Sony’s console was overshadowed before it had even begun. As expected, Sony’s audience at the E3 gaming conference were treated to a verbal battering of the Xbox One (gleefully nicknamed the Xbone). Sony outlined how they were doing the exact opposite of all Microsoft’s unpopular decisions. This was greeted with enthusiastic applause and cheers of “Sony, Sony” from the audience, in a truly surreal example of mob mentality. The internet exploded with tweets, blog posts and memes decreeing the death of the Xbone, which drowned out anything that was actually announced about the PS4’s capabilities. The one thing that was abundantly clear, was that the PS4 is an exercise in evolution, not revolution. And I think it’s pretty obvious that Sony won this round.

Design Size-wise, this isn’t hard to gage. The PS4 carries on Sony’s tradition of aiming for the sleek and futuristic, the console coming to just under 2.8kg in total. Whereas Microsoft have carried on their tradition of making powerful but big and clunky machines – the Xbone comes in at 3kg and is roughly 10% larger than its predecessor. Though one might think this a poor design choice, it may actually be a sensible, cautious decision. The 360 had massive issues with overheating when it was first launched, and so it’s likely that the Xbox’s One’s extra space will allow for some additional cooling (and hopefully less melting).


Specs

Exclusive Titles

Design is always (sometimes) interesting, but the real winner of performance can only ever be decided through specifications – the real battleground for raw console power. The one question most people seem to have regarding power is in the (mostly pointless) debate over graphics. As both the PS4 and the Xbox One retain similar graphical units, this is a question which is incredibly difficult, if not near impossible, to answer. Perhaps the best way of making an estimate for power is to contrast the processing units of both consoles. So, here goes. Both consoles are powered by the AMD 8-core Jaguar processor. But, to prevent overheating, manufacturers of consoles have the unit clocked at a certain speed. The PS4 has been clocked at 2Ghz compared to the Xbox One’s 1.6Ghz. This shouldn’t affect performance of launch titles. But as time moves on, and developers learn how to push the boundaries of their console’s power, the PS4’s higher clocking is likely to keep frame rate issues and possible lagging at bay.

The truth is that the console war will most likely be decided, not on any of the above, but on the games available for each console. Looking back over the past few years and the now-tired battle between PS4 and Xbox 360 exclusives, there was always, at least to me, no contest between the two. The Xbox 360 had the fantastic Halo and Gears of War franchises though, unbeknownst to us at the time, the former title was reaching a peak in quality as the latter was running out of steam. The PS4 meanwhile, continued to pull in excellent titles throughout its shelf life, beginning with the sublime Metal Gear Solid 4, following through with the Uncharted series, and ending with the absolutely phenomenal The Last of Us. That is why it’s incredibly frustrating to be looking at the first exclusives announced for the consoles, and feeling torn between two equally impressive sets of titles. While some highly anticipated games (Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag and Watch Dogs) will be released on both platforms, details have emerged about the first offerings to be made available on each individual system.

Some of the Xbox One’s initial offerings include Halo 5 (what a surprise), Dead Rising 3, the quirky Killer Instinct and Project Spark (think LittleBigPlanet for Xbox). While Microsoft’s console seems to offer more in the way of independent/artistic games, the PS4 is pushing full steam ahead with bigger names like Killzone 4: Shadowfall, Infamous: Second Son, and a new intellectual property called The Order: 1886. Many factors will come into play here to bring out a winner – ease of development, console power and backwards compatibility, among others. As for the here and now, it’s far too early to call this one, and only time will tell which platform developers, and customers, end up preferring. Graphics: George Maddison


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cling-on appears at your doorstep.

worst


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The Gaffer Why 2013 is disappointing (so far)

“If 2012 is anything to go by, 2013 is gonna be sick!” Exclaimed a champagne-induced me on New Year’s Eve. How very wrong I was. With two thirds of this year gone, the feelings of disappointment I possess surpass those my parents have of me (which is saying something). Here’s why: 1. Reading FC are relegated from the top flight of English football From the outset, Gordon Brown’s Premiership was doomed. He was gaff-prone, there were numerous arguments within his inner sanctum, and his smile was off putting. Reading FC’s foray into the Premier League last season was similar, just without the grin. It was evident after a few games that Royals fans should wave goodbye to half decent highlights presented by Gary Lineker and say hello to the turgid trash served up by Manish and Steve. We would also have to do this without some familiar faces... 2. The departure of Brian McDermott and Jimmy Kebe For years these two individuals were stable, calming influences in the turbulent tornado that is my life. Alas, the Bald Messiah’s sacking and the Mali Magician’s decision to play for Crystal Palace (well he does do what he wants), have left a gaping hole in my soul. I now know what heartbreak feels like.

3. My summer sojourn in hospital From ridiculously attractive paramedics, to an old man chucking mashed potato-filled nappies at his consultant. It’s fair to say that my enforced stay in hospital was anything but dull. Despite this though, fracturing bones in your back should be avoided - I am currently unable to do most everyday things, focusing my energies instead on writing meaningless articles like this. 4. The dross on TV Thanks to high definition and flatscreens larger than my manhood, TV in 2013 should be brilliant. Yet the plethora of ‘reality’ programmes, as well as the truly god-awful soaps, have made me yearn for those black and white boxes that coffin dodgers regularly remind us they watched the Queen’s Coronation on. Through the Keyhole - Saturday night on ITV post X Factor - is a case in point. Whoever permitted Keith Lemon to roam free on primetime TV deserves the same spinal injury that I am currently enduring.

5. The Prime Minister’s proposed restrictions on adult websites I’m now going to have to get a girlfriend (and a life). Thanks a bunch, Dave! 6. The post-graduation job hunt Like camel hunting in the North Pole, seeking employment after university is frustrating, stressful and unlikely to be successful. Just like females the world over, graduate recruiters have not taken a shine to me. 7. I am now officially an adult Since I’ve known how to talk, I have been constantly ambling my way in and out of unfortunate situations - my GCSE English teacher put my knack of getting out of trouble to my puppy dog expression. Though, just like Roger Federer, youth is no longer on my side. Since graduating my various indiscretions will no longer be put down to naive tomfoolery and will instead be deemed unacceptable and immature. Can it be 2014 already?


Ever wanted to fly a 737? Well to qualify you need hours of flying time and thousands of pounds to get a pilot’s license, but if you can’t afford that, you can get the next best thing with the new simulator in the Cornerhouse.

“Are we coming in too quick?” High up in the clouds on the 3rd floor of the Cornerhouse sits a new business; Simspot. I chatted to one of the owners and the instructors, which really allowed me to understand the passion and idea behind it.

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Darren Wheeler, an ex-air traffic controller was offered the chance to gain his pilot’s license and then acquired a well-paid job flying in Afghanistan. He did this for a few months, building up great experience in flying as well as some savings which he used to start the company.

Together with his business partner they chose the shop, came up with their own branding and had a custom made, bespoke simulator built in Germany and put together here in Nottingham. Stepping into the cabin is an amazing feeling. The cabin door closes behind me and the instructor advises the best way to squeeze into the pilot’s seat; “right foot over and next to the steering stalk, then bring your left foot over”. Only a skilled few have the chance to sit in an aeroplane pilot seat for real, this is probably the closest I’ll ever come. “Where would you like to fly to?” “Rio please” The instructor then typed in the coordinates and informs the tower of our destination and chosen course. The simspot flight simulator is without a doubt the most realistic simulator I have been in. Every button, screen, radar, code and sight is a direct replica of the real thing. Looking out of the ‘window’ and seeing Birmingham airport’s runway in front of you, even just projected on a screen, was both

daunting and exciting. The instructor shows me how to switch on the engines, set up the various thrusts, and release the brakes in order to ease into take off mode. “Keep it straight and build speed, I will deal with the flaps”, it’s like an incredibly intense driving lesson. We are quickly gaining speed, the runway disappears out of sight and we are in the air. Climbing into the sky is a wonderful feeling, looking out the window I’m still able to make out vague shapes of the Birmingham skyline, a few minutes later and I can see nothing but sky and clouds. It’s going to be a long flight so the instructor teaches me how to operate and program the autopilot.

“No, it’s fine”

The autopilot can pretty much fly the whole way and can deal with almost any eventuality. A pilot’s job is to overview the flight and step in if anything extreme happens or the flight is re-routed. He explains how the airport codes are assigned and how to apply them to the flight and radar. With all that set and dealt with I


can sit back and relax. Thankfully the flight goes to plan and the autopilot does its job with no problems, now it’s time to land. Darren informs me that landing is the most stressful part of flying. He advises me to keep the horizon in view at all times, now I can see the tips of buildings and what seems to be Christ the Redeemer (but I might be making that up). Now a reasonably sharp left turn before straightening up for landing. I have to keep it steady but point the nose down and reduce speed; this has become very tense indeed. After such a smooth flight I wouldn’t want to crash the plane or embarrass myself. It seems to be going well, the instructor lowers the landing gear and helps with the flaps, I have lined it up perfectly, getting very close now! “Are we coming in too quick?”, “No, it’s fine”, I was sure we were coming in too fast, I squint my eyes and hope for the best, then a quite severe bump and bounce. The instructor then announced that we had in fact successfully touched down. I was over joyed; I powered down the engines and breathed a big sigh of relief. The instructor shook my hand, said well done on your first flight in a 737. He then stood up walked to the back of the cockpit and turned the simulator off.

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The Rise and Fall of $eapunk By Anthony Demetriou

T

he seapunk subculture has already risen and fallen, all within the space of a couple of years, passing most of the public by. It is one of the stranger music subcultures to pop up in recent years, combining an ocean themed aesthetic with electronic music accented by beach sounds, rolling waves and chattering seagulls. It was partly inspired by the Sega Megadrive

video game series Ecco the Dolphin, which is reflected in a stream of visual art incubated on Tumblr. Poorly rendered graphics infested with artefacts, lame animations which look like Windows 95 screensavers and all manner of eye-rollingly tasteless nautical images. Seapunk sounds like busy, overproduced rave music with a distinctive whiny synth which links these otherwise


completely dissimilar pieces of ‘seapunk music’ together. Yet my favourite element of seapunk is the fashion. Turquoise hair is common, but seapunk kids are often far more adventurous and may sport wetsuits, fake nails adorned with seashells and, of course, the barnacle encrusted leather jacket.

Amid contrasting interpretations of Seapunk’s history, internet hipsters and seapunk pioneers Lil Internet and Lil Government sent Vice magazine a ‘manifesto’, to set the record straight on how the ‘movement’ (or injoke, or whatever seapunk is), sailed from internet obscurity into the mainstream where it promptly shipwrecked and was abandoned. It all began in June 2011, when Lil Internet woke up from a dream at 5am, tweeted about a leather jacket encrusted with barnacles rather than studs with the hashtag “seapunk”, then went back to sleep. #seapunk became an in-joke for our two pioneers’ friends and images of crab claw earrings were flung back and forth. Independent magazines began to take notice and articles on #seapunk began to appear. Yet, as seapunk began to wash over more of the internet, it reached troubled waters: the beginnings of a mainstream mutiny emerged as pirates of popular culture forced their way on board. Soulja Boy released ‘Ocean Gang Splash’ and ‘Came out the Water’ as well as tweeting #splash hash tags and announcing the establishment of the Ocean Gang. 88

Seapunk was clearly gaining momentum. Coral Records Internazionale was created as a platform for seapunk artists. Its founder Albert Redwine mused that: “The beach to me symbolizes where we came from, since I think we are aqueous mammals. We are more similar to dolphins and whales than apes. I imagine a place where stars are bright and galaxies are visible in the night sky on a full moon, where all my friends and loved ones are raving for eternity, which is the essence of the beach to me.” Many celebrities jumped on board. Azaelia Banks released an aesthetically seapunk music video for her song “Atlantis”, and Lady Gaga appeared on stage with turquoise hair (including armpit hair). The #seapunk joke truly came to an end when Rihanna embraced the aesthetic for her performance of Diamonds on Saturday Night Live on 10th November 2012. Rihanna and her handlers represent the end of the line in the commodification and commercial appropriation of an idea: finally, seapunk had become a product to be packaged and sold.

Seapunk has already fallen away, a dead pixel in the sprawl of the online world. The New York Times has referred to it as a ‘web joke with music’, but perhaps there’s more to it than


that. These micro fads which fly through Western culture at the speed of light, reflect many interesting aspects of today’s world: the democratization of art and sophisticated instant communication, a post-modern culture in which we seem to be unable to create any more, only to reheat and rehash. They also show the speed at which big money swarms toward anything new and how successfully it can turn it into an income producing asset.

a line out, but doesn’t reel in anything new. It’s simply another example of our obsession with the past. The seemingly unanimous decision that 80s style Ray-Ban Wayfarers are the only sunglasses worth wearing, the enduring ‘vintage clothes’ fad, as well as the return of the crop top from the abyss of 80s fashion. Are we able to create anything new anymore, or are we destined to continue rehashing old fragments of fashion, music and art?

In the past, the creation of art was only for the few. Not only were materials expensive, those who had the time to create art would have been supported by some other income. Yet now, the means of producing art have been democratised. Almost everyone has a camera built into their phone and old digital cameras are cheap. Creative software, such as Photoshop and Logic, is easily accessible. Art produced here is disseminated through Tumblr or Soundcloud. It is the wide access to these tools that has allowed seapunk’s tacky art, music and fashion styles to develop. It remains to be seen whether this wider access to art is a good thing. They say that the more you have of something, the less it’s worth.

Seapunk’s rise was glorious but two years later all we are left with are a few twenty something hipsters with turquoise hair, lamenting that their in-joke has been hijacked by Rihanna. A disposable subculture which has come to the end of its short lifespan and, like a disposable razor, it is soon on its way to the landfill. We also have the beginning of something new, a seedling which is rising from the ashes of seapunk, another Frankenstein’s monster of crap culture which has been stitched together by the internet. Behold: ‘vapourware’, a new microgenre/aesthetic style/subculture that I will leave you the pleasure of exploring for yourself.

Seapunk is nothing more than a mishmash of old styles. It casts


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September 2nd. The day all managers, players, and nervous football fans were waiting for. At 11pm the Transfer Window finally closed and now it’s time for the dust to settle, teams to gel and the spotlight to turn back to the pitch. It was a record breaking Transfer Window with Premier League teams spending over £630 million. On top of this there were some especially crazy transfer rumours this silly season, which I note down here. For prosperity’s sake. Arsenal: Prior to Ozil signing, Arsenal’s transfer window had been overshadowed by many unsubstantiated rumours and failed bids. None more ridiculous than their bid of £40 million and ONE POUND for Luis Suarez. Aston Villa: One of the stranger rumours for Villa this summer: was their link with Montpellier’s creative midfielder Younes Belhanda, which continued even after Paul Lambert expressly said they weren’t interested. The rumour finally died when Belhanda was sold to Dynamo Kyiv for 10 million Euros. Cardiff: This is a contender for stupidest transfer rumour of all time. One Sky Sports pundit posted a tweet claiming that the Bluebirds were interested in taking Thierry Henry on loan. Complete bullshit. Chelsea: The silly season seemed to skip Stamford Bridge this year. There were very few transfer rumours coming out of central London that didn’t result in the signing of the player in question. The only “rumour” was their well documented pursuit of unsettled Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney. Crystal Palace: The most controversial, and implausible, rumour of Palace’s summer linked them with Brighton’s (their arch rivals) main striker – Leonardo Ulloa. Even though there was no way the Seagulls would sell to Palace.

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Everton: The daftest rumour to come out of Goodison this summer, linked them with Porto’s versatile mid-

fielder Fernando, who according to the Daily Mail, had “agreed” a deal, supposedly to replace Fellaini. Fulham: One farfetched rumour, again coming from the Daily Mail, linked Fulham with former Chelsea midfielder Raul Meireles. Meireles has plied his trade at quality European clubs and is still in his prime. Why would he move to the Cottage? Hull: The Tigers have made many signings to boost their survival chances. But one target that was always out of their grasp, was Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner. How could Hull City hope to tempt away Arsenal’s self-proclaimed ‘best player’? They couldn’t. Liverpool: Liverpool supposedly made an audacious attempt to tempt former Kop hero Fernando Torres back to Anfield. In his heyday at Liverpool he terrorised defences, whereas he has sometimes cut a lone figure at Chelsea. Despite newspaper reports claiming that he was about to sign this return was never really on the cards. Man City: There was a report once again linking Cristiano Ronaldo with a summer move to Manchester, though this time to the blue half. Given Ronaldo’s affinity with United, I don’t think this was ever going to happen. Man Utd: The farcical summer of transfers for Manchester United was compounded by the failed pursuit of Ander Herrera. Supposedly, imposters pretending to be United officials

tried to force through a move. The link itself wasn’t utterly ridiculous, but it was carried out so appallingly that it’s definitely one of the daftest stories of the summer. Newcastle: Newcastle’s dire transfer window was almost brightened when they were linked with Barcelona’s Bojan Krkic. Unsurprisingly it didn’t happen. But it was more likely than the rumour, reported by the Independent, that Newcastle were going to bid for Rooney. Norwich: Another absurd rumour involving a former Barcelona player was the story that Norwich were going to swoop for Maxi Lopez. Think he’s a bit out of the Canaries’ league. Southampton: The Fifa obsessed among you will probably be familiar with Leandro Damiao. You may have expected the likes of Spurs, Arsenal and Manchester City to be in for the Brazilian ace but instead, Southampton, were supposedly keeping tabs on him. As if.


Stoke: Stoke City’s summer was quite uneventful rumours wise. The satirical article on ftbpro.com, claiming Stoke were lining up an 80 million pound bid for Bale fooled no one, surprisingly. Sunderland: Remember Ji DongWon? He famously scored the winner for Sunderland against Manchester City in 2012. Still nothing? Probably because beyond that goal, his influence has been non-existent. Which is why the rumour linking him with Champions League runners-up Borussia Dortmund was completely ludicrous. Swansea: None of the rumours coming from the Liberty this summer could quite match the story from December, which stated that Swansea were in for David Villa. Although Swansea are now in Europe and a growing force in the Premier League, this potential transfer still appears somewhat off the mark. Tottenham: Tottenham signed some big names this summer, so you’re probably thinking, who could be linked with Spurs that was completely unbelievable? Juan Mata. Just No. West Ham: The craziest transfer story coming out of Upton Park was that, bizarrely, Carlton Cole tried to

RE-SIGN for the team that chose to release him only weeks previously. Unsurprisingly Cole remains a free agent. West Brom: West Brom’s stature has fallen recently, but not far enough to make this rumour believable. The Albion were said to be taking recently retired Scotland striker Kenny Miller, on loan. Miller is currently playing for Vancouver Whitecaps after struggling to cut it in the Championship with Cardiff City two seasons ago. So I don’t think Steve Clarke really thought he was the answer to the Baggie’s problems.

Nathan Jacobs and Daniel Fine


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For Details on purchasing any of this art work by Ned Wilson contact: simon@uni2know.com

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White uniforms were NOT a good choice. Note: This article is better if read with a Scottish accent. Up in the misty hills of North East Scotland, lies a waterlogged piece of land with four goal nets, hoses and tents. This is Blairmore – Dunoon. Every year, in what the organisers ambitiously call ‘summer’, over one long weekend intrepid and ‘athletic’ tits flock from all across Europe, to put their bodies on the line in one of the most grueling sporting tournaments ever created - Swamp Soccer.


You’re probably thinking; ‘football is the best sport in the world, what could possibly make it any better?’ The Scots’ answer with: Shit loads of mud. Swamp Soccer is, what it says on the tin (other than the atrocious American word for football). Football and copious amounts of unsettled ground. The swamp is created by taking the pre-existing soggy Scottish ground, churning it up with JCBs and flooding it with water from the nearby river. Waterlogged is not only an understatement, it is a blatant lie. The rules are simple: •12 minutes a half. •6 man team with as many subs as you like. •You must wear the same footwear throughout the day •And at the end of the day you must partake in the ancient Scottish ritual of getting royally ‘blathered’. The tournament takes place over a weekend. We arrived at roughly 12pm on the Saturday after an arduous journey from Manchester that started at 5am and maintained several stops at drive thru McDonalds. Our two cars splattered with mud and manure. We clambered out, stretched, looked around and set out to build our tents…about 10 minutes in we decided it would be best if we just did this after playing. The tournament contained prestigious and established teams from around the world of football including: Deportivo Lack of Talent Unathletico Mudrid Breast Rummage Albion Northfolk & Chance

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We had a team of eight, every other team had at least twelve. This would have been fine if we weren’t all incredibly inexperienced and unfit. For our first game we were matched against a team with a years experience under their belt, however they also looked rather unfit and built in the traditional Scottish way (rotund), so we fancied our chances. Our captain took it upon himself to step onto the hallowed ground first.

His feet instantly sunk into the mud and he turned back with a look I can only describe as aghast. I imagine his internal monologue at that point, went along the lines of “what the fuck have we done?!” Obediently, we followed onto the pitch and took our positions; one brave soul took the decision to be keeper. The ref chucked the ball into the middle, it sploshed into the mud, stuck there and the game began. Prior to the match we had been told to keep the ball up in the air and to move constantly; sound advice, not so when you are less active than an asthmatic 75 year old. We were exhausted within 4 minutes. It might have been the worst game of football anyone had ever seen. It was like torture and we still had two more games to go. After losing 1-0 our spirits were low, the cold northern wind was slapping us on the face and stinging our

kneecaps. Our slightly blinded captain huddles us in and belted out a stirring team talk, we were ready! Our second game was on the same pitch, but this was 5 games later and they had “re-flooded” the pitch twice since our last match. It was much, much worse. The team we were up against had a squad of 12 and were all over 6ft. It soon became clear that we were outmatched. They kept the ball up high and scored some exceptional goals. We managed to get the ball into their half once (an extremely proud moment of ours). The score line was a whitewash; 6-0. We were all thankful it was over and crawled off the pitch still in good humour, but then we realised we are missing someone, the keeper. He was wadded down in the mud in front of his goal struggling to get out, like a tortoise trying to get off its back. For me, this sight was the


highlight of the whole weekend. After quite a few minutes of struggling we managed to lift him free. Our last game isn’t even worth mentioning, we lost 3-0 to the runners up of the whole tournament and that was the end of our brief but glorious title challenge. I’ve never been in a fight but this is what I imagine it feels like to be on the end of a pummelling. I had one of the most painful showers of my life and then we set out to put up the tents. Not a Fucking chance! We could barely lift our arms never mind set up a tent. So we headed to the cars, found a cheap hotel and passed out for the night. The next morning we thanked god for our awful performance, as we didn’t have to play in the final! We were cut, bruised, injured and unexcited about the 6 hour journey back, but were all overjoyed at the thought of our own beds.

I’ve never been in a fight but this is what I imagine it feels like to be on the end of a pummelling!

A few days later we met up all agreed that it was the most ridiculous and fun weekend we had had in years, and we would definitely do it again!

A few words of advice if you decide to venture into this sport: Bring more than 8 players. Train and train hard. Do NOT underestimate the challenge. Do NOT choose white as a kit colour. Make your tents before you play. Bring loads of tape for your trainers. And Never forget to help your keeper get off the pitch!


The third knipple is (The K

silent)

The 3rd Knipple was the precursor to Uni2Know. Started at the back of an incredibly important English lesson, oh well, it’s not like you need English to run a magazine! This section will allow you a peek into our insular and daft world – in-jokes, irreverent articles and our attempt at wit, lie inside… Don’t think any less of us.

Within every set of friends, exists one easily irritated, clumsy, and unlucky individual. They are fun to annoy and the butt of all jokes. Think of who that is in your group, if no one springs to mind, it’s most probably you. We call ours’ Gary. One weekend he invited us to visit him in Sheffield. Little did he know, that weekend would change his life forever. Gary and his housemate, Ben (who was driving), picked us up from the station and we piled into his car. Think 5 large sweaty males crammed into one small Ford. As per usual, we forced Gary to sit in the middle. The journey passed without Gary being annoyed… until suddenly an idea struck me: “I’ll touch him”. I shouted “TOUCH GARY” and stroked his face with a full sweaty palm, it was SO invasive. The car was silent, no one could quite comprehend what had just happened. I made eye contact with my fellow back seater, he knew what to do. “TOUCH GARY” he bellowed. Gary’s glasses were left askew, his personal space occupied and sanity assaulted. 13 minutes and 30 face bombs later, we arrived at Gary’s house. He got out the car, turned to us and said “please don’t make this a thing”. Oh, poor, poor Gary, he had no idea.

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That night Gary’s house threw a pre-drinks. I introduced myself to his friends, biding my time. Eventually Gary excused himself and headed to the bathroom. I took this opportunity to explain the ‘Touch Gary’ game to them, and they loved it.

He returned, joined in with the conversation and everything was normal. Then, about 5 minutes later, the quiet girl in the corner stood up, walked past her friends and placed a full, open palm on Gary’s face. His expression was a mix of anger and disbelief. His wider Sheffield friendship circle had been infiltrated, he was dejected and annoyed, and it was about to get much, much worse. We headed to a club, but got stuck in the queue. We were waiting by the bouncer, when another thought struck me. I leaned over and whispered the ‘rules of the game’ to the bouncer. He nodded, looked Gary up and down, and palmed him like a wet fish. Touch Gary had been spread to a COMPLETE stranger. Once inside the club I continued to tell everyone I met about ‘Touch Gary’ and it spread like wildfire. A few hours later the largest room in the club was filled with people we had told. And then it happened. Frenzy, Gary was swarmed, we were pushed out of the circle, as outstretched hands engulfed him. Our job was finished. So I urge you. Look back at the beginning of this story, think about who your Gary is and irritate them in whatever way possible. Trust us, you’ll have a ball. Spread the word, tweet #TouchGary and tell us how you irritated your friends.


.

orld.. W e h t d n u o r A m o r f rinking Games

D

g a Flunkyball Uni2 will be hostin October, more competition in late on our website details will follow

flunky ball

What do you mean you haven’t heard of Flunkyball? Flunkyball is one of the most played drinking games in Germany. It combines, agility, speed, guts and hand-eye co-ordination. The first recorded instance of a Flunkyball game involved Nikola Tesla and a still underage Albert Einstein, during a pre-lash in 1896 Frankfurt. Einstein won (although he admitted to accusations of foul play on his deathbed). The game is similar in many ways to beer pong. But since this game was developed in Germany, a country where most people start drinking at the age of 8 and have twice the alcoholic tolerance of a young Paul Gascoigne, the objective of the game is different. Where as in beer pong the aim is to get your opponent’s drunk, in Flunkyball the goal is to get yourself drunk. Maybe this is the reason why it hasn’t caught on in Britain. We prefer to watch on in glee as we make other’s suffer, secretly dreading the thought that we have to drink and knowing with certainty that if we lose, we will not make it out.

Still, for those of you brave enough (or stupid enough) to try this game, here’s what you’ll need:

Two Teams

One Ball

Two to Three Bottles

At least One Beer Person

The game is very simple. Each team lines up on opposite sides of the pitch, with at least one can of unopened beer in front of each player. In between, place the empty beer bottles. Each team then takes turning throwing the ball, attempting to knock over the bottles in the middle. When a thrower successfully knocks over the bottle, all of their team must immediately start drinking and only stop when the other team resets the bottles. The winner is the first team to finish their beers.

So now you know the rules, like Pandora with her box, you may well feel the need to give the game a whirl. If you do, all we can say is:

To those about to flunk, we salute you. *Please drink responsibly *Side effects to flunky ball have been known to include: Nudity, Loud and Aggressive behaviour, spending the night in a police cell, vandalism, passing out in the street, passing out in a dumpster, passing out in a field… basically passing out, vomiting, diarrhoea, spending outrageous amounts of money on kebabs and nudity. Uni2 takes no responsibility for these actions, it does however, partake in them.

Daniel Fine


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