7 minute read
Colour of Intimacy
The Hidden BLOCKS to Intimacy (and Creativity)
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Unresolved shock and trauma held in the body-mind
By Jennifer Love
When Amy first told me about this magazine, I was so excited for her and couldn’t wait to be a part of this project. I wasn’t exactly sure how to position my articles as I am an intimacy coach and not a “creative.” After a few brainstorming sessions, Amy and I had a light-bulb moment and the words “of course!” flew out my mouth. Both creativity and intimacy are deeply connected and live in our sacral chakra. I have now been waiting five editions to write this orange article; and, at the same time, this is the article that almost took me out of the game.
It is now a week past the deadline for submissions as I write this. I even told Amy that I had to sit this one out. Every time I have sat down to write, nothing flows— absolutely NOTHING! I had a complete creative block to writing this article and like I said, THIS was the colour I had waited for!
Orange is connected to our sacral chakra, the seat of our creativity and sexual intimacy. The whole premise for the Colours of Intimacy column was to teach you how to keep your creative energy flowing by connecting to your sensuality and removing your blocks to intimacy. The orange article was supposed to be full of sexiness, vibrant energy, fun, and creative juiciness. Instead, it has been a mirror of a deeper truth behind the orange that I wish to share with you.
In my coaching, I help couples remove their blocks to intimacy. We dive deep into the subconscious mind to figure out what beliefs, thought patterns, past programming, childhood and emotional wounds, as well as shock and trauma, are creating the friction in their relationship. It is these unconscious ways of being that wreak havoc until brought to the surface to be healed.
In my own life, I have been dealing with a situation for the past five months that has caused me both emotional and financial trauma. It came as a complete shock which still haunts me in my sleep. It has taken every ounce of my strength and compassion to see the truth in this situation, release it, and move on with my life. But it hasn’t been easy and is still something I am working through.
Orange is a CHEEKY B*TCH
At first, I did not connect the dots. I did not equate this experience to be connected with my blocks to writing and allowing my creativity to flow. But as I sat with the idea of not submitting my article, it quickly became apparent, and I knew what I had to do. I had to release the shock and trauma from my body, exactly the same way as I teach couples to do.
Rather than getting frustrated that I couldn’t write, I sat in stillness as the witness of what was happening beneath the surface. I allowed the thoughts and sensations to arise and gently followed where they led. My consciousness came to rest in my lower belly, my sacral chakra, where all I could see were images of war and fighting. This image made a lot of sense to me because I had literally been feeling at war for the past five months. Tears streamed down my face and I gave myself permission to cry. (Even as I write this now tears are flowing, which makes a lot of sense given our sacral chakra is also the home of our emotions.)
After releasing the tears and deeply feeling the sadness I was still holding from the past five months, I felt lighter but stayed with the energy. Below the sadness and even deeper within my core I felt an explosive anger. It was an anger that I believed was not “appropriate” and that I should not be feeling this way and so I shoved it deep within my body and tried to suppress it. All of my creative energy of my sacral chakra was keeping this anger in its place which was stopping the flow of the energy. No wonder I couldn’t write!
I gave myself permission to feel the anger. I let out a primal scream, threw a tantrum, hit my pillows, and let it all out. I felt the energy subside and laid down to rest. Looking up at my ceiling, I felt my heart open and heard a whisper to go sit at my computer. I opened a blank document and, just a few minutes later, my article was written.
What I learned from this experience is that trauma and shock held in our body doesn’t only create blocks to intimacy. It blocks EVERYTHING! Our creativity, our relationships, our life force, our daily experiences, our energy levels, our work is all affected—nothing is spared.
It is not easy to sit with the sensations, thoughts, and emotions that come to the surface, but it is necessary. The way out is to go in. To feel it deeply and to give yourself permission to have your experience, whatever that looks like. Once the energy is released from that subconscious block, it can flow elsewhere.
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HOW TO RELEASE SHOCK & TRAUMA
1. Sit With It—When a sensation, thought, or emotion presents itself, don’t ignore it. Give it space and permission to be there. You do not need to change it in any way, just sit with your awareness and breathe.
2. Get Curious—As you allow these sensations, thoughts, and emotions to come to the surface, get curious. Follow and track them as they move through your body. See where they lead you and if they have a message for you. Why are they there and what are they trying to tell you?
3. Feel It—If you feel safe and grounded to do so, allow yourself to FEEL the sensations and emotions. What does anger feel like, what does sadness feel like, what does shame feel like? Give life to your emotions rather than stuffing them down and pretending they don’t exist.
4. Express It to Release It—Find a way to express your emotions and release them from your body–mind. Keeping them stuck in your energy field stops the flow of your creative life force energy. Allowing them a safe way to be released will free up that energy within you.
EXAMPLES:ANGER—punch your pillowsFRUSTRATION—let out a loud primal screamDEPRESSION—kick your legs as you say out loud “WHY?”
GRIEF—curl up in the fetal position and bawl your eyes out
SADNESS—cry and releaseANXIETY/FEAR—shake your entire body
Releasing the unconscious blocks and trauma held deep within is a potent key to allowing your creativity to be expressed freely. If your creative energy is being stifled and held stuck in place by suppressed emotions, you will have nothing flowing. It is this creative flow that gives life to our creations in the world.
If ever you feel stuck, stagnant, or blocked on a creative project, I encourage you to try the above exercise. Get curious and follow the sensations, thoughts, and emotions as they arise. What message do they have for you?
