Q Virginia | Pride 2018

I S S U E N O. 1 3 | VO L. 4 | P R I D E 2 0 1 8

SUM MER E Q UAL I T Y THRO U GH S TO RY TELLI NG

Visit Harrisonburg: •

Indulge yourself in downtown’s culinary scene

•

Stay in luxury at Hotel Madison

•

Pop in at the Shenandoah Valley Pride Festival (July 21st)

Vibrant, modern and diverse Harrisonburg ,Virginia boasts a happening atmosphere infused with a serious passion for local food and libations, cutting-edge arts and culture, and the historic roots that anchor it to the famous Shenandoah Valley landscape.

You can dive into Harrisonburg’s fascinating scenes and plot your exhilarating adventures.

Why not walk, bike, shop, eat, drink and revel your way through historic Harrisonburg for a full-senses experience you’ll not soon forget?

www.VisitHarrisonburgVA.com #HBURGROCKS

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DISCOVER FABULOUS DEALS WITH Q! Q Virginia is pleased to offer our very own Q Shop!

In this virtual store, you'll find one-of-a-kind products and deals on items ranging from luxury goods and fashion accessories to pet supplies and bizarre things you never knew you needed!

So grab a cocktail and get clicking!

4 | Q Virginia

Qvirginia.com

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Issue No. 13

Q Virginia Staff Publisher & Editor-in-Chief Justin Ayars, JD Managing Editor & Creative Director Jesse LaVancher Art Director John Dixon / Runningfire Design Director of Communications Steven Yavorsky, MBA Web Designer Taylor Pace Logo Designer Umbrella Management Group, LLC Advertising Manager Joy Farmer sales@qvirginia.com National Advertising Rivendell Media Collegiate Fellows Kyle Bevenour Lily Boock Aaron Keen Kristopher Patrick McKeever Q Virginia Contributors Justin Ayars, JD Ron Blake Jenn T. Grace Meredith Jenkins Allison Kugel Jesse LaVancher Jason Leclerc Russell Love Rayceen Pendarvis, HRH Peter Rosenstein Terri Schlichenmeyer Levar Stoney, Mayor of Richmond Adam Trimmer Jerome West Charles Williams Michele Zehr

Q VIRGINIA PUBLISHING OFFICE The Brookwood | 1342 Flynn Road | Richmond, Virginia 23225 | info@qvirginia.com Q Virginia magazine is published by Q Media, LLC. All rights reserved.

Q Media, LLC is Virginia’s Official LGBTQ Media Company.

It’s mission is to promote equality through storytelling.

6 | Q Virginia

LET YOUR TRUE COLORS SHINE.

Hampton has celebrated individuality for over 400 years. Discover the unique people, inclusive community and flavorful culture that make Hampton the city you will want to visit again and again.

800.800.2202 VisitHampton.com

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8 | Q Virginia

FOREWORD Welcome to the Pride issue of Q Virginia! This wonderful publication continues to enlighten Virginia communities by promoting equality through storytelling. Stories of challenges overcome, barriers broken and minds changed fill these pages and benefit Q Virginia readers and our commonwealth alike. While the content you read may focus on stories of LGBTQ Virginians, Q Virginia depicts a journey we have all embarked upon together—a journey toward a more equitable future.

Without publications like Q Virginia, it would be all too easy to forget everyone has a narrative as winding and as complex as the James River. While some may feel tempted to stereotype and divide their fellow Virginians by color, origin, religion, region, bank account, sexual orientation or gender identity, our goal in the City of Richmond is to reject these labels and embrace our diversity. We celebrate being inclusive as a strength and strive to provide equity and opportunity to all of our residents.

The vision I brought to City Hall of “One Richmond” asks our local government to look at our city as a colorful patchwork of narratives, not as a single story. The only way our city will grow in opportunity is by growing in understanding and inclusiveness. Our success is predicated upon this approach and it is why my office is focused on policy solutions that are informed by the many complex identities that make up Virginia’s capital. These policy solutions, therefore, are and will be born of strong, resilient partnerships within our community. These partnerships are the foundation of building a city that works for everyone and leaves no one behind.

Working with City Council, the Richmond School Board and the business community, we managed to invest an additional $150 million in our children to build new schools and replace the aging infrastructure of our school facilities.

We’re working with housing advocates in the private and non-profit sectors to create more affordable housing opportunities and discourage the abuse of lax state laws that have led to a disproportionate number of evictions in our city. And after more than 50 years, we convened the first serious, citywide conversation about the Confederate statuary on Monument Avenue; a conversation that will take our city further down the path toward the healing and reconciliation of its dark past and point us toward a brighter future.

My goal has always been to work with each one of Richmond’s community organizations and individuals to build a Richmond that provides opportunity for everyone.

At its core, One Richmond is about broadening our narrative. I want each student to know their education has value, no matter what school they attend. I want each parent to know their child is safe, no matter the precinct in which they live. And I want everyone who lives here, works here or plays here to know that they are in a city that cares for them, that welcomes them, that takes pride in them.

They are Richmond, no matter what they look like, where they live, how they worship or whom they love.

I ask Q Virginia readers and friends to be proud, to celebrate Pride and join me in this important pursuit.

Levar Stoney Mayor, City of Richmond

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LETTER FROM THE PUBLISHER Welcome to the Summer/Pride Issue of Q Virginia!

Although Pride Month is technically in June, the Pride Festival Season is in full swing across Virginia and DC from April through September! In this issue you’ll find a gregarious welcome from Richmond’s Mayor, Levar Stoney, an extensive statewide Pride Guide, a tell-all horoscope feature, book reviews, games, trivia and, of course, fantastic stories!

Some stories will make you laugh, while others will make you cry. Some are very personal, while others are just plain fun! Although much of our content is regionally focused, we also touch upon some important national and international topics. Personally, I find it very exciting to see our editorial and opinion pieces starting to take on lives of their own!

I encourage anyone who has a story they’d like to share to send it to info@qvirginia.com. We are a non-partisan, nonactivist publication that has no agenda other than to connect people and communities through storytelling. However, if you have a strong opinion on any topic, don’t hesitate to share that with us. Our “Opinion” section is a place for readers to voice their beliefs, concerns and/or ideas, even if they don’t necessarily adhere to the overall ethos of the publication. Our “Editorial” section, on the other hand, is a place where Q Virginia makes its stance known through the voices of our staff and other contributors throughout the region. To reiterate, this is your publication and we want to hear your stories. That’s what Q Virginia is all about!

As summer gets into full swing, I’m pleased to present this fabulous issue of Q Virginia and thrilled to wish everyone a very happy pride season!

Cheers,

SOME STORIES WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, WHILE OTHERS WILL MAKE YOU CRY. SOME ARE VERY PERSONAL, WHILE OTHERS ARE JUST PLAIN FUN!

Justin Ayars, JD

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Q's

CONTENTS

47 C OSMIC CONCIOUSNESS: WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?

25 Q's

2018 STATEWIDE PRIDE GUIDE!

82

IS QUEER OFFENSIVE?

12 Opinions & Editorial Bisexuals, bromosexuals and lesbians, plus an enlightening editorial

42 Featured Interview Burlesque, feminism and sensuality tour North America

14 Summer Reads Four books to bring with you to the beach this summer

61 Dining Under the Stars Lily’s five tips for a sensational summer dinner party

18 Queer News Bermuda, pride in the valley and conversion therapy

62 Foodbeat Simple summer recipes from the bar cart to the picnic table

22 Athletics Richmond scores the winning goal with Stonewall Sports

74 Are you a Cuckoo Bird?

Rejoice in who you are

77 Pride Beyond Pride Be proud of and active in your community every day 79 Take Pride My, oh my, how times have changed!

84 I, You, We: Living with AIDS Embrace the past to live an authentic present 87 Blake's Late Show Survival I’ll see you soon, Stephen Colbert

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Opinions: Why Are So Many Lesbians Invisible Within the LGBT Community?

I recall when I first came out

at age 19, I was young, naïve, yet proud of who I was. But not fitting into what people believed lesbians to look like made it very difficult for me to be openly and noticeably gay. You may be wondering why it matters if someone is openly or noticeably gay. It matters because it’s about living an authentic life and being who you are. If you don’t look the part, then living authentically can be a bit difficult.

There is a whole culture of lesbians in the LGBT community who identify as femmes, high femmes or lipstick lesbians – just to name a few of the terms. These are all women who do not fall into any preconceived stereotype of what a lesbian looks like. Some of the stereotypes you may be thinking of could be having short hair, presenting a rugged disposition, wearing more masculine clothing, etc. While there are many lesbians who personify these stereotypes, there are just as many who do not. This is where stereotyping gets tricky and can get you into trouble.

The femme lesbian can often be invisible to other members of the LGBT community making it very difficult to find that sense of belonging. For some people, belonging to a community is very important. For others, it doesn’t matter.

Going back to when I was 19, I wanted to fit in with the LGBT community and to find that sense of belonging. However, people never assumed that I was a part of the community. I remember wearing rainbow necklaces, sporting HRC jewelry and wearing shirts that practically screamed, "I’m a lesbian!" One of those shirts was brown and said, "I love my girlfriend."

Those are the extremes I went to in an attempt to be a part of the community in which I rightfully belonged; however, because I wasn’t easy to identify, I very rarely felt like I fit in. Even now, as out as I am, it occasionally happens where someone doesn’t know and will make some kind of disparaging remark.

The Toxic Myth that Bisexuals Don’t Exist Many bisexuals have been told "they are just going through a phase" or "just need to pick a side." This enforces the lie that a person can choose their sexuality.

It also assumes that bisexual people are only attracted to binary genders. Bisexual individuals have rejected this idea saying that bisexuality is the ability to be attracted in different amounts and in different ways to different types of people. Some believe that being bisexual is just the first step to coming out as gay or lesbian. The phrase, "Bi now, gay later" comes to mind. Likewise, just because a woman may date a man in a monogamous relationship, doesn’t mean she is straight. Assuming that someone is strictly heterosexual or homosexual leaves out an entire group of individuals.

Rejecting bisexuals from the LGBTQ community is damaging for everyone. It comes from the same place of exclusion and intolerance displayed by

12 | Q Virginia

A good example is one of my neighbors. She’s a bit older and still thinks that my wife and I are sisters, despite the fact that we’ve been neighbors for many years. I’ve overheard a comment or two in our time living near one another in regards to gay male couples. For some reason, since she doesn’t think my wife and I are together (or even lesbians, for that matter), in her mind it seems okay to make snide remarks about other gay folks in the neighborhood. Although I politely correct her when she says such things, it hasn’t made much of a difference. These types of encounters can happen in public when you are checking out at the grocery store or at the bank. As an invisible lesbian, it’s very hard to make it known who you are without being over-the-top about it.

Although I wouldn’t classify myself as being an invisible lesbian all of the time, there are many moments in my life when I am one. My message is simple: Never assume anything and treat everyone fairly.

By, Jenn T. Grace Jenn T. Grace is "The Professional Lesbian: Your LGBT Business Strategist."

Bromosexuals: I'm a fan! heteronormative society. How can we say love is love while saying that some forms of love are more acceptable than others? Having these conversations are important in bringing about change within the LGBTQ community and throughout society as a whole. We must create spaces celebrating more sexual identities instead of fearing and ostracizing them. Attraction can range from completely gay to completely straight, so there has to be a middle space. It is time to increase awareness that gender and sexual orientation falls somewhere on a broad spectrum. Only with this knowledge can we begin to embrace the "B" in LGBTQ. By, Aaron Keen Aaron is a senior at VCU and a collegiate fellow with Q Virginia magazine.

I am a vigorous advocate of them. It’s great to be able to sit back and talk about things like sex and relationships with a heterosexual counterpart, which before seemed like such awkward topics of conversation between two men of differing sexual orientations. There’s a masculine familiarity that I find refreshing and an ease of dialogue that I sometimes find lacking when talking to my girlfriends.

There was a time when bromosexual relationships were considered taboo; however, as younger generations continue to grow and influence cultural thinking, societal views are evolving in kind. Relationships and interactions between gay and straight men are, for the most part, no longer met with distrust and hostility. To mark this societal shift, maybe it’s time for a new brand of television sitcom. Instead of Will & Grace, let’s call it Will & Chase.

By, Charlie Williamson Charlie is a former collegiate fellow with Q Virginia magazine.

Editorial: Let’s All Take a Deep Breath BY, JUSTIN AYARS, JD When the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) decided in favor of cakeshop owner Jack Phillips in Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission (2018), many in the LGBTQ community concluded that their hard-fought rights—including marriage equality—were in serious jeopardy. Similarly, when Justice Anthony Kennedy—a 1987 Reagan appointee—announced he would retire this summer, many feared that President Trump’s second pick to serve on the bench would shift the high court’s ethos so dramatically to the political right that landmark cases such as Roe v. Wade (1973) and Obergefell v. Hodges (2015) would not just be relitigated; but, that the precedents they established would be overturned entirely. I, however, do not believe these seminal cases, or the rights they conferred, are in peril.

Stare Decisis Although, at first blush, it may seem that the very foundations of Americans’ civil rights are under attack, I would strongly urge our readers to sit back and take a deep breath.

Unlike Virgil’s character Dante in the Inferno who shuttered when he read the inscription, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” upon passing through the gates of Hell, I do not believe that all hope is lost. I believe this because of the powerful legal doctrine of stare decisis (“to stand by things decided”)—a principle embedded within the very foundation of American jurisprudence. In short, this doctrine means that SCOTUS will not overturn a past decision unless there are extraordinarily strong grounds for doing so.

Adhering to this bedrock principle ensures the consistent, reliable and predictable development of the law, while assuring the public of the court’s integrity.

Right to Privacy In 1973, SCOTUS reaffirmed in Roe that Americans have a constitutional right to privacy; a right that, while unenumerated in the Constitution itself, essentially exists within the “penumbra” of its text. For nearly 100 years, the right to privacy has been the justification for a wide range of civil liberties cases, including Pierce v. Society of Sisters (which, in 1925, invalidated an initiative in Oregon requiring compulsory public education); Griswold v. Connecticut (which,

in 1965, invalidated a Connecticut law banning any individual from using any drug or instrument for the purpose of preventing contraception); Roe v. Wade (which, in 1973, struck down a Texas abortion law, thereby restricting state powers to enforce laws against abortion); and, Lawrence v.

Texas (which, in 2003, struck down a Texas sodomy law, thus eliminating state powers to enforce laws against sodomy).

It’s worth noting that Lawrence explicitly overturned Bowers v. Hardwick, a 1986 case in which SCOTUS upheld a Georgia law that criminalized sodomy and oral sex between consenting adults in the privacy of their own homes. By decriminalizing sodomy based on a constitutional right to privacy, Lawrence not only set the stage for marriage equality, but it also illustrated how the court is willing to overturn prior decisions only when there is “special justification.” See United States v.

International Business Machines Corp. 517 U.S. 843 (1996). Such was the case when SCOTUS overturned Plessy v. Ferguson (which, in 1896 upheld racial discrimination laws under the doctrine of “separate but equal”) in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka (which, in 1954 declared state laws establishing separate public schools for black and white students unconstitutional).

Brown paved the way for the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 and Voting Rights Act of 1965, which, collectively, invalidated Jim Crow laws in nearly 20 states.

Since cases such as Roe (which, has been reaffirmed several times, including in the 1991 case of Planned Parenthood v. Casey, which applied the principle of stare decisis to Roe) and Obergefell are based, in part, on the well-established legal principle that individuals have a constitutional right to privacy, it is highly unlikely that SCOTUS will overturn the precedents they established (the right to have an abortion and marriage equality, respectively). Moreover, whomever President Trump taps to serve on the high court will, undoubtedly, recall that the United States Senate did not confirm President Reagan’s first pick for the high court in 1987, Judge Robert Bork, in part because he did not believe that individuals have a constitutional right to privacy. Reagan later appointed, and the Senate confirmed,

Justice Anthony Kennedy. To reiterate, stare decisis has protected—and will continue to protect—the right to privacy and those decisions (Roe, Obergefell, etc.) based on this fundamental right.

LGBTQ Rights Returning to the Masterpiece decision, media headlines could cause people to conclude that SCOTUS supports discrimination against gay couples and that their civil rights are, therefore, on the chopping block.

However, a deeper reading of the opinion reveals that the justices sided with the baker, Mr. Phillips, on a set of narrow facts that don’t have a wide application or any major implications whatsoever. In fact, the Masterpiece opinion explicitly defends gay rights and confirmed the ruling in Obergefell.

If the gay couple in Masterpiece were to return to Masterpiece Cakeshop today and request a cake to celebrate their wedding anniversary, Mr. Phillips would have no First Amendment right to turn them away.

Masterpiece, therefore, is another example of stare decisis at work and, indeed, was a victory for the LGBTQ community.

Concerning the LGBTQ community’s civil liberties en masse, I suggest we follow in the footsteps of the Civil Rights Era and work towards enacting a federal nondiscrimination law. Such a law would end the patchwork of state-based statutes that serve to outlaw antigay discrimination in 22 states, while allowing it in 28 others. This federal approach would also constrain the executive branch’s use of executive orders and agency rules to permit anti-LGBTQ bias.

In the meantime, it’s important that we all take a deep breath and recognize that SCOTUS is an institution with a history, and that history must be followed with very limited exceptions. While the LGBTQ community—and all Americans—must be vigilant when it comes to ensuring their rights are protected, we need not act like Chicken Little and proclaim that the sky is falling. Though it may seem cloudy now, I truly believe that, in the long run, justice will prevail and the sun will shine brightly upon us all.

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BOOKREVIEWS

EQUALITY THROUGH STORYTELLING A Lifetime Journey Toward Womanhood By, Terri Schlichenmeyer

It began near a lakeside cabin in Wisconsin. Author Denise Chanterelle DuBois says she was four then, a curious little boy who loved the water… until he fell in and nearly drowned. Once fished out, he was dressed in girl’s clothing while his dried.

He was enchanted. That was the beginning of DuBois’ lifetime journey toward womanhood. From Wisconsin childhood to womanhood in Bangkok, DuBois tells readers of a multi-city, lifetime self-search. This matter-of-factly-told memoir sets itself apart by its brutal honesty. It’s what will make you want to put Self-Made Woman in your hands.

Self-Made Woman is written by Denise Chanterelle DuBois and published by University of Wisconsin Press.

It Had to Start Somewhere By, Terri Schlichenmeyer

THE MILITARY TRIAL AT THE TIPPING POINT FOR GAY RIGHTS

BY, TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

In the newly updated book Transgender History

by Susan Stryker, you’ll see how the transgender movement started and where it goes next.

Though Transgender History is a revised edition of a book first published a decade ago, it has a fresh feel. It’s breezy and casually readable. There’s no stuffiness here and no air of the scholarly. Stryker makes this history accessible for people who want a story and not a textbook. For anyone who wants a basic, yet lively, overview of trans life in America, Transgender History is a great start.

Transgender History: The Roots of Today’s Revolution, Revised Edition is written by Susan Stryker and published

by Seal Press.

Your Mom and I Have Some News By, Terri Schlichenmeyer

Those are words that no twelve-year-old boy wants to hear. Jake Hardy knew that his parents were getting a divorce. That was four years ago.

Although Jake survived, he wasn’t sure how his parents would feel if they knew that he was gay.

Then, on a trip to Nova Scotia where some of the Titanic’s dead are buried, Jake learns that his dad is gay, too. Whether you’re a teenager or an adult, readers craving an authentic coming-of-age novel will experience waves of enjoyment from this story and find Titanic Summer to be a boatload of goodness.

Titanic Summer is written by Russell J. Sanders and published by Harmony Ink Press.

14 | Q Virginia

For those who love her, Margie Witt has always been known as an active, take-charge, caring person. Her new biographic book, Tell, provides great context for her powerful personal and professional journey through the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT) era.

A tomboy growing up, she befriended the friendless, got along with everyone, and was a super-responsible leader. It was, therefore, a natural fit when, in 1987, Witt decided to join the Air Force, even though she was gay. But, of course, nobody was supposed to know that. As an elite member of the military, Witt fully understood that just being gay meant a military discharge. By order, nobody could ask her about that and she, in turn, could not discuss her sexuality. Still, because secrets are never totally secret, Witt was ever-cautious. Fearing rejection, she hadn’t come out to her parents or her siblings yet. On the other hand, close pals knew that Witt was a lesbian, as did a fellow reservist who’d defied DADT in order to put his suspicions to rest.

In an oddly appealing third-person voice, author Major Margaret Witt (with Tim Connor) starts her tale with a deployment and moves quickly to a charmingly nostalgic biography that ultimately loses some of its charm in an overload of details. There are a lot of peripheral people in this tale, the presence of which sometimes feels more shout-out and less necessity.

Stick around: the details have a shift of focus about mid-way here, once you get past the set-up and into the book's raison d’être. Things move faster in the re-telling of the legal aftermath of Witt’s exposure, the fight for gay rights in the military, and Witt’s own (mostly)-happily-ever-after.

That’s what makes this slice-of-life history tale one that’s highly readable and deeply personal. That’s what makes Tell a score.

Tell: Love, Defiance, and the Military Trial at the Tipping Point for Gay Rights was written by Major Margaret Witt with Tim Connor and includes a foreword by Colonel Margarethe Cammermeyer. The book was published by ForeEdge.

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qvirginia.com | 15

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27 • 6PM–8PM CAROUSEL PARK, DOWNTOWN HAMPTON

Pride Party on the Peninsula

Party with Pride at the Fourth annual Pride Party on the Peninsula. The fun begins at Carousel Park in Downtown Hampton at 6:00 p.m. Attendees will enjoy complimentary food and beverage, as well as free rides on the historic Hampton Carousel.

Later, hop aboard the Miss Hampton II for the Second annual Drag Down the River Boat Cruise.

Free Food • Free Carousel Rides • Drag Cruise

To RSVP or for more information visit VisitHampton.com/PrideParty

The CENTER for EARTH-BASED HEALING offers survivors of domestic and sexual violence a positive, pivotal, and transformational opportunity to heal the mind, body, and spirit.

Twelve campers participate in a gentle wilderness experience for three days, engaging with nature in a safe, supportive environment.

Q's Crossword Answers

Our trauma-informed approach encourages experiential interactions with Mother Earth, guiding participants to use mindfulness, meditation, movement, and creative arts as resources to stay grounded in the present.

Current programs benefit women and teens,

I can say that this program has done more to help me heal than anything I’ve ever done.

–E.C., Camp Mabon ‘14

16 | Q Virginia

as well as the professionals who advocate for

them. For the future, programs are being planned for transgender and gender-queer survivors. Please contact Michele Zehr, CEBH’s executive director and featured Q Virginia columnist, with questions about our programs at michelezehr@earthbasedhealing.org, or at

www.earthbasedhealing.org.

Q UEER TRIVIA By,By,Meredith Jenkins Meredith Jenkins

The US has apparently already had a gay president, James Buchanan. For 10 years, he shacked up with future VP, William Rufus King. President Andrew Jackson referred to the couple as "Miss Nancy" and "Aunt Fancy."

The Catholic church sanctified gay marriages in the Dark Ages.

One such union was between Byzantine Emperor Basil I (867-886) and his partner John.

The word "drag" is apparently an acronym. It's a stage direction coined by Shakespeare and his contemporaries meaning "Dressed Resembling A Girl."

In 1629, a Virginia court recorded the first gender ambiguity in the American colonies.

The Governor officially declared a servant named Thomas(ine) Hall to be both "a man and a woman."

To stop everyone else from being confused, Hall was ordered to wear clothing easily attributable to both sexes every day. qvirginia.com | 17

Queer News

THE VALLEY OF DIVERSITY BY, RUSSELL LOVE

FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS, the Shenandoah Valley Pride Alliance (SVP) has hosted a single day pride festival. For its fifth year, SVP has expanded its pride festival into a three-day event.

Having a weekend chock-full of events provides attendees more opportunities to enjoy familyfriendly activities and evening entertainment in addition to Saturday’s street festival. This year, SVP is working with the local Arts Council, Court Square theatre, Capital Ale House and the Artful Dodger.

SVP also partnered with the Hotel Madison, just blocks from the heart of downtown Harrisonburg, which is offering discounted rates for SVP attendees (mention promo code Pride18, by July 11th to get the special rate). Sponsors including Walmart, BB&T, D&L Trophies, Rhinestone Productions, HRC, Capital Ale House and many others are making SVP’s weekend of festivities possible.

Last year SVP crowned Jayda Knight as Miss Shenandoah Valley Emeritus. This year, SVP will host the first annual Miss Shenandoah Valley Pageant on Friday, July 20th at Court Square Theatre. Doors open at 6:30PM and the show starts at 8:00PM. For more information, email chadthatis@gmail.com. After the pageant, folks are encouraged to sashay away to Capital Ale House for an after party where they can meet all of the contestants and the new Miss Shenandoah Valley Pride!

On Saturday, July 21 SVP will host its annual Pride Festival at Court Square from 2:00PM – 8:00PM. The festival features local and state business vendors, delicious food and performances from

18 | Q Virginia

local bands and drag queens. SVP will present awards honoring community members that have been a strong voice in the local LGBTQ community.

Former RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant, Miss Ginger Minj, will headline the event and be backed up by beats from DJ Jammin Jackie. After the festival, keep the party going at the Artful Dodger!

To cap off a weekend of festivities, Rhinestone Productions will host SVP’s inaugural “Hungover Brunch” at Capital Ale House. Relive the weekend’s excitement (and recover from all the fun you had) with a final performance from the Ladies of the Valley.

Email jaime@capitalalehouse.com for reservations.

This event will benefit SVP and help the organization start planning for next year’s Pride Festival.

To recap: Friday, July 20th: Miss Shenandoah Valley Pride Pageant at Court Square Theatre. Doors open at 6:30PM, show starts at 8:00PM. Saturday, July 21st: Shenandoah Valley Pride Festival from 2:00PM – 8:00PM at the Courthouse Square. After Party at the Artful Dodger.

Sunday, July 22nd: Hungover Brunch at Capital Ale House from 12:00PM – 3:00PM. Drag show starts at 1:00PM. shenandoahvalleypride.org

Queer News

BACK AND FORTH IN BERMUDA BY, KYLE BEVENOUR

BERMUDA is known for being a popular travel destination with its tropical Caribbean climate and pristine beaches. Recently, however, the island has been cast in a bad light. Bermuda holds the unique position of being the only nation on earth to legalize same-sex marriage and, subsequently, repeal it.

Bermuda’s governor, John Rankin, signed a bill allowing for the reversal of same-sex marriage despite a previous supreme court ruling that legalized the policy. Although the rights of samesex couples who had already been married in Bermuda were protected under the bill, the letter of the law stated that marriage was strictly between a man and a woman. The back and forth nature of the nation’s same-sex marriage law created a major backlash both on the island and throughout the world.

Ty Cobb, the Director of Human Rights Campaign Global said, “Governor Rankin and the Bermuda parliament have shamefully made Bermuda the first national territory in the world to repeal marriage equality.” With marriage equality not being recognized, same-sex couples on the island could only be in a domestic partnership.

The repeal of marriage equality posed a potential crisis to the island’s vibrant tourism industry. The cruise line industry is a prime example. Couples often get married on cruise lines, many of which are based in and/or dock in Bermuda.

The island nation’s reversal of marriage equality meant that many cruise lines would no longer be able to legally perform same-sex wedding ceremonies on the high seas.

A spokesperson from Carnival UK addressed concerned customers who wanted same-sex marriage ceremonies performed on their cruise ships saying, “We would still love to welcome couples on board though as planned. Whilst we are unable to hold the legal ceremony, we can still offer a Commitment Ceremony to celebrate their partnership or a renewal of vows ceremony, both of which will be officiated by the captain or a senior officer.”

Travel agencies began welcoming cruise lines to relocate their ports of call and encouraging customers to select cruise lines that do not dock in Bermuda. Gay travel specialist, Darren Burn, noted, “There are plenty of other cruise ships out there that do allow same-sex weddings.”

Because Bermuda faced such extreme political and economic backlash from its abrupt policy reversal on marriage equality, the island nation quickly opted to change the new law and legally sanctify same-sex marriage again. Marriage equality advocates and tourism industry professionals rejoiced in the decision. It shows that despite numerous challenges, same-sex marriage laws are advancing around the world and that #LoveWins.

qvirginia.com | 19

Queer News

YOU ARE NOT ALONE BY, ADAM TRIMMER

THIS MESSAGE IS SIMPLE, but when the comfort of those words resonate, they provide an unmistakable feeling of empowerment and freedom.

When I initially left conversion therapy in the summer of 2008, at age 18, I left behind teachings of shame, denial, restructure of identity, and blame towards family. In the years following, I was not met with empathy and understanding; I was seeing that very few people knew anything about this, and that for me to seek comfort, I had to explain everything first.

There were so many parts to explain, including group therapy, conferences, mentors, pastoral counseling, and how I, myself, believed in the process because it was introduced as a recovery program following a suicide attempt. I did not have the energy to reflect back on my life as an ex-gay, so instead, I kept it completely hidden. I felt alone.

I attempted dating after conversion therapy, but many of its teachings still pervaded my mind resulting in unintentional sabotage. For example, in 2013, I was so careful to not get too emotionally dependent on a first date, that I did not end it with a hug, kiss, or any form of touch. In conversion therapy I was taught that because I struggled with same-sex attraction, I was susceptible to becoming emotionally dependent and that I was to obsessively manage my interactions with other men. My ex-gay counselor led me to believe that this was because of an emotionally absent father and an overbearing mother, neither of which were true. While I was able to escape the programs and the pseudo-therapy, I was too ashamed to speak of the specifics, so those messages still influenced my lifestyle.

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It was not until 2016, at age 26, that I finally decided to seek counseling. Previously, I was so vehemently against getting help because I felt that I would never again trust a licensed professional with my mental well-being. However, after two years of real, affirming therapy, I started feeling free, understanding that the ex-gay part of my past will always be there, and that I have the capacity to acknowledge it and live in the present.

Earlier this year, I stumbled upon a book titled Boy Erased by an author named Garrard Conley. It was absolutely life-changing to hear another story with ex-gay terms that I knew well but had not heard anyone else use for a very long time. Each page of the memoir refuted the misconceptions that I was alone as a conversion therapy survivor and that I should keep quiet. I highly recommend this book to fellow survivors because of this impact.

I established a group in Richmond called Love Actually Won RVA with my friend Takari. We are a group for conversion therapy survivors and allies. We are not a non-profit group, nor are we a counseling service; rather, we exist as a MeetUp group. We informally meet once a month, united by our common pasts and one message: We are not alone.

Adam Trimmer lives in Richmond, Virginia and founded Love Actually Won RVA.

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Play Ball: Stonewall SportsRichmond

BY, CHARLES WILLIAMS

“Interacting with new people in the LGBTQ community can be difficult, but [Stonewall Sports – Richmond] has given me an opportunity to meet some amazing people, [it’s been] an outlet that I’ve been missing in my life [and it’s provided] a family that’s welcoming and unwaveringly supportive,” notes Team Captain, Mina Recta. This isn’t a statement you hear much about an organized sports league, but it speaks to the heart of Stonewall Sports – Richmond.

Founded in Washington D.C. in 2010 and now located in 15 cities across the U.S., Stonewall Sports is an LGBTQ & Ally community-based, non-profit sports organization providing an inclusive, lowcost and safe place to play recreation sports while raising funds for local non-profits.

Whether you’re an avid sports enthusiast or someone who hasn’t played since

22 | Q Virginia

elementary school, Stonewall Sports is meant for anyone and everyone, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race, age, ethnicity or religion. The Stonewall Sports vision states: “We believe every person should have the ability to feel comfortable being oneself in organized sports. Our league will value each player for who they are and what one brings to the leagues community. We also believe organized communities have the ability and responsibly to support others in need.”

Launched in August of 2017, Stonewall Sports – Richmond has become the fastest growing Stonewall League in its first year, jumping from 150 players in its inaugural season to over 300 in third season. Offering sports like kickball, dodgeball, volleyball, billiards and bowling, the competition sits as a backdrop to a greater cause: Connecting the community through fun

and philanthropy. With local beneficiaries Health Brigade, Side-By-Side Richmond and Diversity Richmond, players are offered opportunities to raise money throughout the seasons and also given the chance to create those opportunities on their own.

League Treasurer, Dan Lutz, comments, “I get to play sports with amazing people and I get to support charitable organizations that help my community become a better place. I’m proud of our organization and I can’t wait to see how much we grow in the future.” Through silent auctions, yard sales, photo shoots and social events, the League has raised almost $20,000 in charitable donations for beneficiaries in only three seasons.

It’s worth noting that without community support, the League could not exist. In its first year, Stonewall Sports – Richmond

received some incredible backing from local businesses, non-profits and corporations including Belle Isle Moonshine, Maymont, Virginia Pride, LYFT and Capital One. After the games are over each week, the entire League is invited to gather at a designated sponsor bar to celebrate the competition and get to know one another better. Throughout the season, teams are encouraged to visit sponsor locations and share their patronage via social media, thereby increasing the League’s and its sponsors’ visibility.

Sponsors like New York Deli, Barcode, Babes and Nacho Mama’s provide a safe place for players to mingle off the playing fields, helping to strengthen relationships and connect the community even more.

Regardless of players joining the League as “free agents” or even with a team of friends, a key component to Stonewall Sports is connecting and uniting the

community. The League brings people together from all walks of life, some of whom may never have met otherwise.

According to Commissioner, Tommy Otterbine, “Stonewall Sports is one small way that helps bring a marginalized population of amazing people within our community that much closer together." As the seasons get underway, strangers form friendships and bonds unlike any other.

Captain Joey Williams notes, “I am blown away by the incredible community that was around me, but I never knew existed. I’m so happy to feel like I have a place in the Richmond LGBTQ community and I have Stonewall Sports to thank for that.”

As small as Richmond may be, it sometimes may feel vast and scattered to the LGBTQ community. Joining Stonewall Sports – Richmond can not only help break down barriers and connect you to potentially great

friends, it also gets you involved in the community on a larger scale, giving back to organizations that do wonderfully impactful things in Richmond... all while having fun.

It doesn’t get much better than that!

Registration is now open for “The Summer of Stonewall,” a tournament-style season of bocce, bowling, billiards and volleyball. Fall kickball is not far behind, with registration opening in late August. stonewallrichmond.leagueapps.com

Charles Williams is an Inaugural Board Member and Sponsorship Director of Stonewall Sports – Richmond.

qvirginia.com | 23

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4

th

Annual

2018

Pride Guide

qvirginia.com | 25

Roanoke Roanoke Pride in the Park Dates: April 14-15 Location: Elmwood Park 706 South Jefferson Street Roanoke, VA 24011 Website: roanokepride.org Roanoke Pride, Inc. and the PRISM Foundation presented the 28th Pride in the Park Celebration this past April.

Moving the event, which has traditionally been held in September, to April puts the Roanoke festival at the front of the Pride festival season in the southeastern part of the country.

Thousands of attendees enjoyed a full day of events on Saturday, a concert that evening and a festival on Sunday. Roanoke Pride is unique in that it operates The Park dance club, the region’s hottest LGBTQ destination. Profits from the club fund Roanoke Pride’s youth programming and the PRISM Foundation’s youth initiatives, including scholarships.

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RESTON Reston Pride Festival Dates: June 2 Location: Unitarian Universalist Church in Reston 1625 Wiehle Avenue Reston, VA 20190 Website: uureston.org/reston-pride The Unitarian Universalist Church in Reston sponsored the first-ever Reston Pride Festival on June 2nd. Rev. Debra Haffner, a minister at UUCR, said that the church created the family-friendly, alcohol-free event to support and celebrate Reston’s LGBTQ community. Haffner’s son, Greg Tartaglione, emceed the event and performed as drag queen Mama Celeste, a local favorite in the San Francisco Bay Area. The festival included more than 10 performers, presentations by area political and faith leaders, exhibits, booths, food and music. qvirginia.com | 27

Washington D.C.

Capital Pride Dates: June 7-10 Location: Various locations throughout D.C. Website: capitalpride.org/celebration-2018 Theme: Elements of Us. Our nation’s capital hosted the Heroes Gala & Rally, numerous all-night dance parties, fabulous brunches, a legendary block party, a parade throughout Dupont Circle and a massive street festival on Pennsylvania Avenue, complete with a concert in front of the Capitol. According to Capital Pride’s website, “Together let us stand tall, look forward, take a deep breath and become who we are meant to be—confident, supportive, resilient, compassionate and glorious. Let’s celebrate the many ‘Elements of Us!’” D.C’s Capital Pride is one of the most well-organized and best attended pride events in the nation.

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"The only queer people are those who don't love anybody." –Rita Mae Brown qvirginia.com | 29

FARMVILLE

Farmville Pride Dates: June 16 Location: Third Street Brewing 312 West 3rd Street Farmville, VA 23901 Website: meetup.com/FarmvillePride-For-LGBTQ-and-Allies Farmville Pride is structured as a Meetup group designed to celebrate the region’s LGBTQ community and its allies. The group is a safe space for LGBTQ individuals and allies to get together in a family-friendly, casual environment once a month. On June 16th, the group hosted a special Pride Month gathering called “Libations and Laughs (Part Deux)” at Third Street Brewing. Organizers displayed a pride flag on a table at the brewery where everyone gathered to celebrate diversity and community in the heart of the Commonwealth.

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Winchester Winchester Pride Celebration Dates: June 23 Location: Downtown Winchester Old Town Mall, Old Courthouse 33 East Boscawen Street, Suite 100 Winchester, VA 22601 Website: winchesterpridecelebration.com The first Winchester Pride Celebration will be held at the Old Town Mall in downtown Winchester on Saturday, June 23rd. The event will include vendor booths, speakers, drag shows, a scavenger hunt, a costume contest and a walking parade along the outdoor pedestrian mall. Many LGBTQ individuals and allies are excited about this inaugural event in northwestern Virginia that will surely be a success! qvirginia.com | 31

HAMPTON Pride on the Peninsula Dates: June 27 Location: Carousel Park 602 Settlers Landing Road Hampton, VA 23669 Website: hamptonroadspride.org/ events/pride-on-the-peninsula Party with Pride at the fourth annual Pride Party on the Peninsula! The event kicks off in Downtown Hampton with an educational forum at the Crowne Plaza Hotel (something new for this year’s event) celebrating 30 years of Pride in Hampton Roads called, “Pride 30: Reflect on Our History.” The fun continues with a Pride Party at Carousel Park, adjacent to the hotel, where attendees will enjoy complimentary food and drinks, as well as free rides on the historic Hampton Carousel. Later, hop aboard the Miss Hampton II for the second annual Drag Down the River Boat Cruise with performances by three drag queens. This event is a monumental step in building stronger connections between LGBTQ communities on the Peninsula and those on the Southside of the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel.

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Hampton Roads Pride Dates: June 24-30 Location: Various locations throughout Hampton Roads Website: hamptonroadspride.org/ pridefest Theme: Stand Up, Stand Out: 30 Years Strong. This year’s pride celebration will be the region’s largest to date. It will include a pre-pride kickoff at the Chrysler Museum of Art in Norfolk, a Drag Brunch in Virginia Beach, happy hours at two local breweries, an interfaith celebration at the New Life Metropolitan Church in Norfolk, a 30-year history of pride in Hampton Roads in Hampton, Pride on the Peninsula in Hampton, the seventh annual Block Party at the Norfolk Scope Arena, the annual Boat Parade at the Norfolk Waterfront and, of course, Pridefest at Town Point Park. qvirginia.com | 33

BLACK PRIDE RVA Black Pride RVA Dates: July 20-22 Location: Various venues throughout Richmond Website: blackpriderva.com This will be Virginia’s first official black pride. Black Pride RVA promotes the health and wellness of Black LGBTQ persons through celebration, education and empowerment. The event’s inaugural theme is “Pride with a Purpose.”

The weekend will include a benefit dinner and drag show on Friday, a Day of Purpose filled with family-friendly activities and an official after party at the Hippodrome Speakeasy on Saturday, and closing worship services on Sunday.

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HARRISONBURG

Shenandoah Valley Pride Dates: July 20-22 Location: Court Square 80 Court Square Harrisonburg, VA 22801 Website: shenandoahvalleypride.org Shenandoah Valley Pride (SVP) has expanded their annual festival into to a three-day event. A full weekend of events provides opportunities for attendees to participate in additional family-friendly activities and exciting alternatives for those can’t attend the main street festival on Saturday the 21st. SVP’s weekend of festivities will include local and state business vendors, delicious food and performances from local bands and drag queens.

Former RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant, Miss India Ferrah, will headline the event. SVP is also hosting the inaugural Miss Shenandoah Valley Pageant, as well as a new “Hungover Brunch.” The Hotel Madison, just blocks from the heart of downtown Harrisonburg, is offering special rates for SVP attendees. qvirginia.com | 35

"I hate the word homophobia.

It's not a phobia.

You're not scared.

You're an asshole." –Morgan Freeman 36 | Q Virginia

C harlotTesville

Cville Pride Festival Dates: September 15 Location: Sprint Pavilion on Downtown Mall 700 East Main Street Charlottesville, VA 22902 Website: cvillepride.org The seventh annual Cville Pride Festival will showcase local LGBTQ culture and resources in a fun, family-friendly and welcoming environment. The festival will cap off a week of events across the city celebrating the LGBTQ community and its allies. The Cville Pride Festival is always an uplifting, community-building and joyful experience that is not to be missed! qvirginia.com | 37

PETERSBURG

Petersburg Out & Proud Festival Dates: September 16 Location: 309 North Sycamore Street Petersburg, VA 23803 Website: petersburgout.com Theme: This is Me. The second annual LGBT Pride event in the Tri-Cities will be held at DJ’s Rajun Cajun in Old Towne Petersburg. The event will be a celebration of pride and community education featuring a host of family-friendly activities during the day. When the sun goes down, don’t miss the After Party at Benny’s Tavern where attendees can dance the night away with DJ Amy Alderman!

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RICHMOND

VA Pridefest Dates: September 22 Location: Brown’s Island Intersection of Tredegar and South 5th Streets Richmond, VA 23219 Website: vapride.org Theme: This is Me. With over 30,000 attendees, VA Pridefest is the largest annual celebration of the LGBTQ community in the Commonwealth.

Planned and implemented by Virginia Pride, this free, family-friendly day of festivities features a variety of vendors, local eats, activities and entertainment for a day of fun in the sun! The RVA Youth Pride Village will return for this year’s Pridefest! Grab your sunscreen and head out for a memorable day celebrating community, love and pride on Brown’s Island! qvirginia.com | 39

CENTREVILLE

Northern Virginia Pride Festival Dates: September 29 Location: Bull Run Special Events Center 7700 Bull Run Drive Centreville, VA 20121 Website: novapride.org Theme: United in Pride. The fifth annual Northern Virginia Pride Festival will be held at the Bull Run Special Events Center in Centreville. The event will include numerous vendors, family-friendly activities, music, tasty food and special guest speakers. This event is a fabulous way to celebrate the Pride Festival Season one last time!

40 | Q Virginia

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FEATURED INTERVIEW

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BURLESQUE ICON

DITA VON TEESE TOUTS HER OWN BRAND OF FEMINISM

BY, ALLISON KUGEL

Born out of a time capsule from Hollywood’s golden era, glamour girl and burlesque goddess, Dita Von Teese has been captivating imaginations around the world since she burst onto the scene in the early 2000s, first on the cover of Playboy Magazine, and then draped on the arm of controversial rocker, Marilyn Manson. Since then, Dita has carved out an iconic reputation for herself as the most famous and sought after burlesque performer in the world. Vanity Fair has dubbed her a “Burlesque Superheroine,” and Elle has declared her an “all around icon.”

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FEATURED INTERVIEW

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HAVING BEEN FASCINATED WITH HER IMAGE FOR SOME TIME, I SAT DOWN WITH DITA VON TEESE TO DISCUSS EVERYTHING FROM HER CAPTIVATING APPEARANCE AND STAGE PERFORMANCES TO HER THOUGHTS ABOUT FEMININITY, FEMINISM AND HER CURRENT TOUR, DITA VON TEESE AND THE COPPER COUPE. Allison Kugel: How do you define femininity?

Dita Von Teese: I grew up admiring movie stars of the 1940s and 1950s. To me, that was always the epitome of feminine, and it made a mark on me from a very young age.

I guess I have always associated that exaggerated femininity with the definition of feminine; the way a woman enhances herself with the tools in the beauty box, so to speak. I’ve always thought of glamour as feminine. That’s what I love for the outwardly feminine.

On the other hand, I have a different closed door feminine as well, where I can remove those layers and get to the essence of what we are trying to exaggerate with the hair and makeup and the high heels and all the things we do to be hyper feminine in public.

is the truth, my audience is mainly female.

My social media following is about 85% female. When I started in the 1990s I had a lot of male fans, and when I was a Playboy model I had a lot of male fans. It shifted in the early 2000s when I came out with a book and told my story about why I loved pinup, why I loved burlesque, and what it meant to me to have that to look to for my beauty icons. That resonated with a lot of people and I could feel that was when it all started to shift, when I exhibited my vulnerability about why I love this. I like to say that it’s an alternative feminist movement.

"IT’S NOT JUST

SENSUALITY, BUT

DECISIVE SENSUALITY."

Allison Kugel: I know you’re the Swarovski queen. I’m assuming everything is crystallized…

Dita Von Teese: Everything is crystallized on this costume. We haven’t weighed it yet, but I keep asking to. It’s completely covered, and we’re using a new version of their aurora borealis stone. They’re cut like diamonds, and the effect is mind-boggling. People have been asking if my costume is electrified or plugged in. It’s really something to see under the lights.

Allison Kugel: You’ve been quoted as saying that burlesque is a new kind of feminism. How so?

Dita Von Teese: It’s become that for a lot of women. The feminist movement must be respectful of other women’s ideals of what it is, and what it means. More than ever, we as women have to respect each other’s choices. Like I always say, and this

Allison Kugel: What do you say to the women who cry out that burlesque is objectification?

Dita Von Teese: Something that could have, in the past, been considered degrading to women, I think that idea has been turned upside down when my audience is mainly female. They’re getting inspiration from this and feeling like they can harness their own sensual power in a different way and be in control of it. I would never say that striptease and burlesque should be for everyone. I have always loved things that walk that fine line, where one person looking at it thinks it’s inspiring and magical, and another person thinks it’s dirty and bad. It’s interesting to me the way people see things. I find things that are polarizing to be interesting.

Allison Kugel is a syndicated entertainment and pop culture journalist, and author of the book, Journaling Fame: A memoir of a life unhinged and on the record. Follow her on Instagram @theallisonkugel.

Allison Kugel: Do you think femininity and feminism can peacefully co-exist in the #MeToo era? And have you found yourself in the crosshairs of a certain segment within this current feminist movement that doesn’t agree with your idea of feminism?

qvirginia.com | 43

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FEATURED INTERVIEW

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Dita Von Teese: Yes. But for me, I have always understood feminism to be about having choices. I don’t see how you can put rules on that, especially now. Whatever you do, there’s always going to be someone who criticizes it. I think more than ever it’s about sticking close to people who share your beliefs. You try to understand other people’s point of view, but you don’t have to take it for your own or feel like someone is pointing a finger at you. We have to stop pointing fingers at other people.

Allison Kugel: You perform your show all over the world. What are the differences in how burlesque is received in the U.S. versus in other countries?

Dita Von Teese: What’s interesting is that the striptease-style burlesque was invented in America, and it was thriving here in the 1930s and 1940s. That’s the funniest part about all of this. I had to go to France, England, Germany and Australia to get that big mainstream acceptance at first. I performed a lot in the UK during the early part of my career and I would do mainstream television shows over there. I could talk about what I was doing there, and I could go to France and do my show on television. They could show the pasties and the G-string, and it was fine with everyone.

Allison Kugel: In the U.S. there’s this strange sensibility where it’s okay to promote a film with a lot of violence, but it’s not okay to put overt sensuality into the mainstream.

Dita Von Teese: It’s not just sensuality, but decisive sensuality. That’s one of the things people have a problem with. If I had made a sex tape and I said, “Oh, I’m sorry I did that,” it would be more acceptable. As compared to me deciding to present striptease and eroticism and do it in this way because it’s decisive. It’s not “accidental.” I often think of that. Am I inspiring other women to embrace their sensuality in a way that they’re not apologizing for, and is that what upsets people?

Allison Kugel: For people who have yet to go see a burlesque show, what will the experience be like for them to attend one of your shows, on the Dita Von Teese and the Copper Coupe tour?

Dita Von Teese: They will be very excited to see the diversity of my fellow cast members. You’re on a wild ride of beauty and glamour in its many shapes and forms, and it’s unexpected and inclusive. I think most people walk away thinking, “I’m a little bit like her. I can be like that, yeah!” My show is a warm and welcoming place, and it’s raucous; it’s wild! I’m really proud of the show as a whole, and people will experience the biggest burlesque show in history.

Dita Von Teese is currently touring throughout the U.S., Canada and Europe. Purchase tickets to see Absolut Elyx Presents Dita Von Teese and the Copper Coupe at http://www.dita.net/shows/.

44 | Q Virginia

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ZODIAC WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?

EXCLUSIVE COSMIC CONCIOUSNESS GUIDE BY, JEROME WEST

qvirginia.com | 47

1

Aries March 21 – April 20

ELEMENT: Fire RULING PLANET: Mars EROGENOUS ZONE: Head, face BIRTHSTONE: Diamond LUCKY DAY: Tuesday LUCKY COLOR: Red REPRESENTED BY: Ram BEST TRAITS: Brave, thoroughly unjaded, energetic WORST TRAITS: Oblivious, dominating, dangerously impulsive Rams are extremely egoistic, adventurous and ambitious; yet, they are concerned and loyal people. They are absolute path-breakers and pioneers by their thought and action. They are the ones who can be safely called “Born Leaders.” Being brutally blunt and inborn leaders, they often land into problems by lunging into something without considering all of the pros and cons at play. Aries’ spontaneous reaction to situations can be both their greatest strength and their Achilles’ heel.

CHARACTERISTICS Courageous, Energetic Optimistic, Enterprising Independent, Impatient Egoistic, Vain Jealous, Impulsive 48 | Q Virginia

2

Taurus April 21-May 20

ELEMENT: Earth RULING PLANET: Venus EROGENOUS ZONE: Neck BIRTHSTONE: Emerald LUCKY DAY: Friday LUCKY COLORS: Pastel shades of pink, pale blue and green REPRESENTED BY: Bull BEST TRAITS: Sensual, strong, steady WORST TRAITS: Stubborn, stupid, a slave to the TV Bulls are known by their sincerity and innate amount of perseverance. These are people who are famed for their determination and perseverance in every walk of life. Since their ruling planet is Venus, they are extremely sensual in nature. They love to enjoy the good life and, at the same time, are dogged and stubborn in their allegiance. They are some of the most dedicated people in the universe. Although not intellectual in nature, they are keenly sharp and practical. Sometimes, their virtue can become their vice—they can become fixed and unwavering in their own beliefs. However, they make for caring partners who shower their lovers with gifts and affection.

CHARACTERISTICS Patient, Reliable Warm-hearted, Caring Persistent, Inflexible Rebellious, Obstinate Unoriginal, Argumentative qvirginia.com | 49

3

Gemini May 21-June 21

ELEMENT: Air RULING PLANET: Mercury EROGENOUS ZONES: Hands, arms Birthstone: Agate LUCKY DAYS: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday LUCKY COLOR: Yellow REPRESENTED BY: Twins BEST TRAITS: Curious, clever, adaptable WORST TRAITS: Shallow, sarcastic, cold Twins are known for their split personalities.

Their dual nature makes them inconsistent and often confused as to what they want. On one hand, Geminis can be extremely social and fun; on the other hand, they can quickly do an about-face and become serious and glum. Interestingly, Geminis can feel the dual emotions of love and hate simultaneously—so much so, that their true feelings can remain enigmatic even to themselves. To be or not to be is their quintessential dilemma. Despite their dichotomous nature, Geminis possess an amazing acumen of insight into any situation.

They are by nature talkative, curious and energetic. They also possess a sharp wit and an even sharper sense of humor.

CHARACTERISTICS Versatile, Communicative Witty, Intellectual Enthusiastic, Inconsistent Superficial, Indecisive Anxious, Cunning 50 | Q Virginia

4

Cancer June 22-July 22

ELEMENT: Water RULING PLANET: Moon EROGENOUS ZONE: Chest BIRTHSTONE: Pearls LUCKY DAYS: Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday LUCKY COLORS: Silvery blue, smoky grey REPRESENTED BY: Crab BEST TRAITS: Loving, sensitive, affectionate WORST TRAITS: Clingy, manipulative, guilt-inducing Crabs are extremely intuitive and sentimental.

They are sensitive and deeply care about their home and family. For them, home, loved ones and creature comforts matter more than anything else. Cancers will go out of their way to help others. They are also known to avoid conflict at all costs, which makes them quiet, reserved about their feelings and unwilling to rock the boat on any issue. They often experience mood swings and can get annoyed or depressed for no apparent reason. Cancers generally stay loyal and true to their mates, showering them with love, affection and gifts.

CHARACTERISTICS Loyal, Caring Dependable, Responsive Adaptable, Moody Possessive, Selfish Narcissistic, Overly sensitive qvirginia.com | 51

5

Leo July 23-August 22

ELEMENT: Fire RULING PLANET: Sun EROGENOUS ZONE: Back BIRTHSTONE: Ruby LUCKY DAYS: Tuesday, Friday, Sunday LUCKY COLORS: Orange, yellow REPRESENTED BY: Lion BEST TRAITS: Loyal, loving, good leader WORST TRAITS: Bossy, pompous, vain Lions are truly fierce, bold and royal in their approach to life. They are extremely warm hearted, impressive and possess a deep magnetism.

They exude creativity, confidence, ambition, intelligence and positive thinking in all spheres of life. They are also the most authoritative and masculine amongst all the signs of the zodiac.

It’s pretty easy to pick them out in a crowd. Their enthusiastic energy, personal magnetism and purposeful strength allows them to accomplish anything they undertake. Their never-give-up attitude helps them turn their failures into positive stepping stones. Leos are independent and seek both social power and status. In matters of love, they can be tender and loving yet, at the same time, be demanding and outspoken.

CHARACTERISTICS Courageous, Passionate Loyal, Creative Influential, Dominating Arrogant, Stubborn Self-centered, Lazy 52 | Q Virginia

6

Virgo

August 23-September 22

EELEMENT: Earth RULING PLANET: Mercury EROGENOUS ZONE: Stomach BIRTHSTONE: Sapphire LUCKY DAYS: Monday, Wednesday, Thursday LUCKY COLORS: Green, dark brown REPRESENTED BY: Virgin BEST TRAITS: Thoughtful, clever, industrious WORST TRAITS: Anal retentive, petty, cheap Virgins are perfectionists. They are critical and scathing about most ideas, thoughts and situations, which can make them extremely irritable and even despicable to other people. However, Virgos are extremely efficient. Their natural attention to detail, methodical approach to life and overall cautious disposition makes them one of the most particular signs of the zodiac.

They possess great finesse in both speaking and writing. Their lives are often clouded by a great sense of responsibility. Virgos cannot be deceived by shows of gallantry or devotion.

Being observant and intelligent, they don’t just seek the truth—they will find it.

CHARACTERISTICS Meticulous, Perfectionist Trustworthy, Dutiful Hardworking, Inflexible Conventional, Temperamental Critical, Interfering qvirginia.com | 53

7

Libra September 23-October 22

ELEMENT: Air RULING PLANET: Venus EROGENOUS ZONE: Lower back, buttocks BIRTHSTONE: Opal LUCKY DAYS: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday LUCKY COLORS: Pink, pale green, various shades of blue REPRESENTED BY: Scales BEST TRAITS: Romantic, artistic, even-tempered WORST TRAITS: Passive-aggressive, indecisive, lazy Represented by two-sided scales, Libras are true balancers that also have two sides to their personality. Unlike Geminis, they don’t let their dichotomy come out. Despite being supremely balanced and level-headed, Libras can have a mean streak. They oscillate between heightened activity and complete inactivity. Libras have a deep fear of being alone. By trying to be just and fair all the time, they sometimes forget that they can have their own opinions. Because their ruling planet is Venus, they love beautiful things and harmony. For them, quality of life is more important than the quantity of life. They surround themselves with nature, art, music and beautiful things. They are the most intelligent of all the zodiac signs. Libras are excellent communicators, leaders and lovers.

CHARACTERISTICS Balanced, Diplomatic Romantic, Charming Affectionate, Indecisive Susceptible, Aloof Reckless, Hasty 54 | Q Virginia

8

Scorpio October 23-November 21

ELEMENT: Water RULING PLANETS: Pluto, Mars EROGENOUS ZONE: Genitalia BIRTHSTONE: Onyx LUCKY DAYS: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday LUCKY COLORS: Deep red, maroon REPRESENTED BY: Scorpion BEST TRAITS: Emotional depth, charismatic, driven WORST TRAITS: Domineering, secretive, extreme mood swings Scorpions are one of the most fierce and stinging signs of the zodiac. They can be extremely passionate and also fairly assertive. They will always be determined and decisive. Scorpios are emotional people who will lead from the front and take responsibilities on themselves.

They can also be mysterious and guarded, often holding many secrets in their heart. They can be conniving, egotistical, vengeful and zealous. However, Scorpios are great leaders, diplomatic, sensitive, engaging and highly intuitive. They are also fantastic lovers, inquisitive and eager to learn.

CHARACTERISTICS Attractive, Passionate Assertive, Trustworthy Friendly, Dominating Vengeful, Temperamental Stubborn, Malicious qvirginia.com | 55

9

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

ELEMENT: Fire RULING PLANET: Jupiter EROGENOUS ZONE: Thighs, hips BIRTHSTONE: Turquoise LUCKY DAYS: Wednesday, Thursday, Friday LUCKY COLORS: Rich purples, dark blues REPRESENTED BY: Centaur BEST TRAITS: Optimistic, fun, high-spirited WORST TRAITS: Brutally honest, morally slippery, conquest-oriented Centaurs are seekers of truth and tend to meander and wander aimlessly. They are deeply immersed in philosophy and religion. Sagittarians are adventurers at heart and can travel miles in order to seek answers. They also have a certain amount of duality in their character.

They can be atheists, yet fanatics; serious, yet tactless. Being spirituals, Sagittarians are optimists who are immune to criticisms. They love to fix problems and give advice. Sagittarians are independent at heart and constantly seek change. They are even-tempered and extremely well-adjusted. They can be rude and refuse to budge from their views, even when they are wrong. However, they are also extremely helpful and dutiful to their loved ones.

CHARACTERISTICS Cheerful, Energetic Optimistic, Helpful Ambitious, Restless Inflexible, Unemotional Dual Character 56 | Q Virginia

10

Capricorn December 22-January 20

ELEMENT: Earth RULING PLANET: Saturn EROGENOUS ZONE: Knees BIRTHSTONE: Obsidian LUCKY DAYS: Friday, Tuesday, Saturday LUCKY COLORS: Subdued dark green, grey, black, brown REPRESENTED BY: Goat BEST TRAITS: Ambitious, dry wit, patient WORST TRAITS: Opportunistic, overly cautious, depressing

Goats are the most determined sign of the zodiac. They are independent, aware of all their qualities and are completely sure of themselves. They are superbly focused and can move mountains to achieve their goals.

Sometimes they are perceived as ambitious and ruthless. Although they are willing to take risks, their moves are always calculated rather than spontaneous. Capricorns appear to be calm and collected; however, deep inside they are a veritable volcano about to erupt. They are also tender and caring. Their natural deep sense of responsibility can extend to feeling that they are responsible for everything. They put up a hard exterior as a rigid self-defense mechanism.

Capricorns believe that life is an opportunity and will always seize the day.

CHARACTERISTICS Trustworthy, Dependable Realistic, Classicist Humorous, Rigid Dictatorial, Doubtful Ambitious, Boring qvirginia.com | 57

11

Aquarius January 21-February 18

EELEMENT: Air RULING PLANET: Uranus EROGENOUS ZONE: Ankles, calves BIRTHSTONE: Amethyst LUCKY DAYS: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday LUCKY COLORS: Electric blue, turquoise REPRESENTED BY: Water Bearer BEST TRAITS: Brilliant, optimistic, innovative WORST TRAITS: Cold, strident, contrary Water bearers are humanitarian and deeply intent on making the world a better place.

They are philosophers and visionary souls.

Aquarians are sensitive and vulnerable. They are often associated with lot of organizations and clubs. Despite being surrounded by many, in reality they are lonely people who have very few true friends. Aquarians are extremely good communicators, so long as the topic at hand does not exceed their own mental realms. They have an unusual capacity of picking up things quickly and are innately curious about everything around them. However, their curiosity can cause them to focus on a single thing for too long, thus making it difficult to complete tasks.

CHARACTERISTICS Witty, Intelligent Innovative, Spontaneous Honest, Inquisitive Obstinate, Sarcastic Aloof, Unemotional 58 | Q Virginia

12

Pisces February 19-March 20

ELEMENT: Water RULING PLANET: Neptune EROGENOUS ZONE: Feet BIRTHSTONE: Bloodstone LUCKY DAYS: Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday LUCKY COLORS: Soft sea green REPRESENTED BY: Fish BEST TRAITS: Compassionate, imaginative, intuitive WORST TRAITS: Manipulative, escapist, passive Fish are the most emphatic and independent sign of the zodiac. They are patient, gentle, generous, emotional and, usually, quite popular. Pisceans value human relationships above all else. Despite being popular and valuing human emotions, they prefer solitude.

These people are religious and devout. They are extremely intuitive, tolerant and have a latent artistic talent. Their intuitive and artistic nature tends to cause Pisceans to live in their own imaginary world. They are dreamers and tend to see a world which may or may not bear any resemblance to reality. If faced with harsh realism, they would rather retreat into their own minds.

CHARACTERISTICS Compassionate, Artistic Adaptable, Imaginative Gentle, Inconstant Idle, Escapist Fearful, Sad qvirginia.com | 59

Delicieux.

Baker y · Breakfast · Lunch · Brunch

700 Rose Hill Drive, Charlottesville · 434.529.6118 · mariebette.com

60 | Q Virginia

Throw a Fabulous Summer Dinner Party By, Lily Boock Food is always a great excuse to spend quality time with people you care about. This summer, make a point to host some fabulous dinner parties and impress your friends and family with your entertaining skills. Follow these tips to ensure that your party is flawless!

1. Shop Local Take a trip to your local farmers market and pick up some fresh, seasonal vegetables.

Try to base your dishes on what you pick up there. Homegrown vegetables always taste better than store-bought!

2. Stick with Tried and True Recipes A dinner party is not the time to try out new recipes. Carefully plan your menu with dishes that that you already know how to make and that also pair well with each other. Plan the menu at least a week in advance so you have plenty of time to collect your ingredients.

3. Prep Ahead Prepare everything that you can the night before, so you can focus on time sensitive food the day of. Also, make sure your dishwasher is empty prior to the party for easy cleanup.

Try to tidy up as you go so you are not left with a huge mess by the end of the night.

4. Details!

Tiny details make a world of difference! Set up your table display a few days early, so you have time to perfect it before your party. Prepare a playlist with music that your guests will like to have playing in the background. Use candles and ambient lighting to create a comfortable atmosphere. Your guests will appreciate this attention to detail.

5. Floral Touches No dinner party is complete without flowers! Visit your local florist to find the perfect flowers to use as your table’s centerpiece. Better yet, pick flowers from your own garden! In the future, consider planting a special garden with flowers and herbs to use for dinner parties.

qvirginia.com | 61

Food Beat

Mojito Watermelon This spiced up watermelon makes everyone's favorite summer treat even better.

INGREDIENTS 2

tbsp. olive oil

Flaky sea salt

2

strips lime zest, sliced, plus 2 tbsp. juice

Kosher salt

2

tsp. sugar

Freshly ground black pepper

1/3 cup torn mint 1/2 watermelon sliced

DIRECTIONS Whisk together oil, lime juice, and sugar in a bowl. Season with salt and pepper.

Serve watermelon topped with dressing, lime zest, mint, and sea salt.

62 | Q Virginia

Food Beat

Sweet Pea & Avocado Soup Chilled soup—creamy avocado helps smooth out the texture—will help everyone cool down after a heated game of croquet.

INGREDIENTS 2

tbsp. unsalted butter

1

medium-size sweet onion, chopped

4

cup vegetable stock

10

ounces sweet peas, plus more for garnish

2

cups packed baby spinach leaves

1/2 cup fresh mint leaves, plus more for garnish 1

large avocado, chopped

1/3 cup fresh lemon juice Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper 1

Plain Greek yogurt, for garnish

DIRECTIONS Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, and sauté until tender, 4 to 6 minutes. Add stock, and bring to a boil over high heat. Add peas, and cook just until tender, 4 to 6 minutes. Remove from heat, and stir in spinach and mint.

Cool slightly.

Stir in avocado and lemon juice. Purée soup in a blender, in batches, until very smooth, about 2 minutes per batch. Season with salt and pepper. Chill until cold, 4 hours or up to 2 days. Thin with water as needed. Garnish with peas, mint, and yogurt. qvirginia.com | 63

Food Beat

Chile-Lime Corn Wheels Picnicking embraces the great outdoors and, therefore, so should the cuisine.

Summery standouts like corn reinforce the one-with-nature vibe.

INGREDIENTS 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil 6

2

cloves garlic, sliced dried red chiles (such as Arbol), lightly crushed

tsp. lime zest + lime wedges for serving Kosher salt

4

ears sweet corn

DIRECTIONS Heat oil, garlic, and chiles in a small saucepan over medium heat until garlic is just beginning to turn golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes.

Remove from heat and stir in lime zest.

Season with salt.

Cook corn in a large pot of boiling salted water until tender, 5 to 8 minutes; drain.

Slice into 2 1/2" disks.

Serve corn drizzled with garlic oil and lime wedges alongside.

64 | Q Virginia

Food Beat

Cuban Sandwich These pressed-flat Cuban sandwiches will definitely fit in your picnic basket.

A good Cuban doesn’t have a lot of fussy ingredients, but it’s packed with a ton of flavor!

INGREDIENTS 1

loaf Cuba bread

12

slices dill pickle planks

1

cup yellow mustard

4

8

slices Swiss cheese (about 1/2 pound)

tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

16

slices maple glazed honey ham

2

slices hot capicola (about 1 pound)

1/3 cup fresh lemon juice Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper 1

Plain Greek yogurt, for garnish

DIRECTIONS If you are using a panini press, preheat to medium-high.

(If do not have a press, you can use a sauté pan). Slice the loaf of bread into 4 equal pieces and then each piece lengthwise. Spread the butter on the outside of each half and then spread the mustard on the inside of each half. Cover the inside of each half with swiss cheese. On one half of each sandwich, layer 4 slices of maple glazed honey ham and 4 slices of capicola. Place 2 -3 pickle planks on top of the ham and then close the sandwich. Place the sandwich in the panini press.

Cook until the cheese is melted and the outside is crispy, about 5 minutes. If you are using a sauté pan, heat over medium-high heat. Transfer the sandwich to the pan and then place a flat-bottomed dish like a baking dish or smaller pot on top weighted with something heavy, like a sack of flour or canned food. Cook 2- 3 minutes per side.

Transfer the sandwich to a cutting board and slice in half. Serve and enjoy! qvirginia.com | 65

Sangria Fresca

8 oz Tito’s Handmade Vodka 4 oz elderflower liqueur or grapefruit soda 1 750-ml bottle rosé wine 12 oz Fresca 1 whole lemon, cut into small wedges 1 whole lime, cut into half-wheels 4 cups fresh cut melon Combine Tito’s Handmade Vodka, rosé, and elderflower liqueur in a large jar or pitcher. Cut citrus and melons and add to liquid. Allow to sit, refrigerated and covered, for about four hours. Before serving, add ice and Fresca, and gently stir. Ladle sangria into punch cups or wine goblets, making sure that each portion receives some of the cut fruit as a garnish.

AMERICA’S ORIGINAL CRAFT VODKA® 66 | Q Virginia

Food Beat

ITALIAN SLING A classic Gin Sling (which dates back to the 1930s) is almost like a cross between the OG Sling and a Negroni, another summer staple.

1 1/2 OZ. MALFY GIN 1 OZ. CINZANO ROSSO VERMOUTH 3/4 OZ. FRESH LEMON JUICE 1 OZ. SIMPLE SYRUP 2 DASH ANGOSTURA BITTERS CLUB SODA

COMBINE ALL INGREDIENTS IN A ROCKS GLASS WITH A SINGLE JUMBO ICE CUBE.

qvirginia.com | 67

Food Beat

LITTLE BIT BITTAH For those long, scorching summer days— when a sweet drink just doesn’t cut it— here’s a libation that’s bracingly bitter, but with the rough edges smoothed down a tad (thanks to the grenadine).

2 OZ. REYKA VODKA 1.5 OZ. GRAPEFRUIT JUICE 0.5 OZ. GRENADINE 0.5 OZ. CAMPARI

COMBINE ALL INGREDIENTS IN AN ICEFILLED SHAKER, SHAKE VIGOROUSLY, STRAIN INTO ROCKS GLASS WITH A FEW ICE CUBES. OPTIONAL: GARNISH WITH GRAPEFRUIT SLICE.

68 | Q Virginia

Food Beat

BOURBON SWEET TEA Go classic with a good ol' glass of sweet tea, sweetened even more with peach preserves and lemon juice. And, of course, spike it with bourbon.

2 OUNCES BOURBON 2 OUNCES PEACH PRESERVES 1 OUNCE FRESH LEMON JUICE DASH OF APEROL SWEET TEA SPRIG OF THYME LEMON ROUND

MIX THE BOURBON, PEACH PRESERVES, APEROL, AND LEMON JUICE OVER ICE AND SHAKE. TOP WITH A GENEROUS AMOUNT OF SWEET TEA AND GARNISH WITH FRESH THYME AND A LEMON ROUND.

qvirginia.com | 69

Food Beat

STRAWBERRY MAMIE TAYLOR Who says a scotch whiskey drink can't be fruity?

Strawberry puree gives this cocktail a frothy finish, and the ginger cuts the sweetness. Whip this up just in time for strawberry season.

Recipe courtesy of Curich|Weiss.

2 PARTS MONKEY SHOULDER SCOTCH .5 PARTS LEMON JUICE .75 PARTS GINGER SYRUP .25 PARTS STRAWBERRY PUREE SODA WATER TO TOP

SHAKE ALL INGREDIENTS, POUR INTO A HIGHBALL GLASS WITH CRUSHED ICE, THEN TOP WITH SODA.

70 | Q Virginia

r o E f v n e e r d y r o a n e G A

NBGweddings.org 757-441-5830 x 320

qvirginia.com | 71

FLORA & FAUNA “ Love is love – and, at the Garden, Love is always in bloom.”

Norfolk Botanical Gardens ad

norfolkbotanicalgarden.org

FLORA & FAUNA “It’s a place of extraordinary biodiversity that’s welcoming to all people,” - CEO Michael Desplaines

Norfolk Botanical Gardens ad

norfolkbotanicalgarden.org

Be Proud,

We’re All Just a Bunch of Baby Cuckoo Birds

By, Michele Zehr 74 | Q Virginia

My entire life I have received this message, “You’re too much, your energy is too big.”

In fact, I was recently hiking with a group of women and one of them told me she questioned whether she should “friend” me on Facebook because she found me intimidating. Another woman agreed saying, “Me too, it’s your energy, but we love you now that we know you.” I am always completely shocked when I hear this because, frankly, I feel like a hot mess most of the time and can’t imagine what “story” people are telling themselves about who they think I am if they find me this intimidating. At the same time, I unapologetically own the fact that yes, I am a powerful woman and I love this about myself, but I am also a complete dork (you have no idea) and I love this about myself, too. I am not a woman who uses that power to bully, manipulate, or abuse others, which is the shadow side of powerful people, and there is no shortage of examples of this kind of powerful person in the world right now. Instead, I choose (because it is always a choice) to harness my power to inspire and encourage others to truly own their power, but the overall message women like me receive from society is “you need to make yourself smaller so that other people will not feel uncomfortable around you.”

Living in a culture where it is acceptable to tell women—especially little girls—that they are “too much” is perhaps one of the greatest betrayals of our time. The legacy these words have left in their wake shows up in generations of women and girls who develop the unwavering belief that in order to be accepted and worthy of love, you must be someone other than who you actually are. It is the genesis of co-dependency, people pleasing, and that feeling of being invisible that so many women experience. I have a hunch that more than a few of you reading this right now, including men, have heard this message, too—perhaps in a different context such as, “you need to man up” (a.k.a. “you’re too feminine”). It’s still the same disempowering message that “who you were born as is just plain wrong.”

As always, I turn to Mother Nature for wisdom on this issue and I’ve decided we’re all just a bunch of baby cuckoo birds. Some insects, fish and birds are considered brood

parasites, which means they rely on other animals to raise their young. A few species of cuckoo birds in North America will lay an egg in another bird’s nest so the energy to raise their young falls onto the little birdy shoulders of the clueless surrogate mama bird who is already trying to care for her own babies. In nature, energy conservation is every living organism’s prime directive as no animal actually knows if or when it will find its next meal. In some ways, this is a brilliant strategy by the cuckoo bird to ensure their own survival and the survival of their young. Let others spend their energy caring for your offspring!

I do wonder after the baby cuckoo bird hatches, does it ever look around and have this moment like, “Hmm, this is odd. I seem to be three times bigger than everyone else in the nest and I’m a completely different color. Why am I different?” Baby cuckoo birds do not have any more choice in who raises them than we do when we come into this world. We hope we are welcomed into a safe, nurturing, loving space where we get all the validation we need that “who we are is perfect and totally ok.” And when it comes to celebrating Pride, I know the historical roots of this celebration were first anchored by painful messages that said otherwise, messages such as: You are mentally ill. You are going to hell. You are disgusting. You need to fix yourself. You are an embarrassment. You are no longer part of this family. Or the one I heard the night before I left for Parris Island to begin Marine Corps boot camp, “You need to go see a Catholic priest so you can get yourself straightened out. You’ve broken your mother’s heart.”

After I hatched and decided to look around the nest for the first time, I realized I might not be like the rest of my family. Instead, I was attracted to women in every way possible even though I, too, was a woman.

It was such an enormous relief to finally question. Like magic, the previous 22 years of my life suddenly made sense for the first time. I was just a baby cuckoo bird who ended up in the nest with other people who were different than I am. They did their best and I am grateful for my family, but there’s nothing like the day when you jump out of the nest for the first time and suddenly run into a whole bunch of other

cuckoo birds like you! I think that is the power of Pride, that we get to be around “people like us.”

But even beyond Pride, there are still cultural messages that we must begin to question and change. I wonder, what parts of yourself do you still exile because you’ve not yet run into all the other cuckoo birds?

What other beautiful gifts are you keeping from the world because you’ve been taught that you should “make yourself small” so that others will feel comfortable around you? If you’re celebrating Pride for the first time or the 30th time, take a moment to dig a little deeper and see what else within you might still want to be reclaimed so that it, too, can inspire you to feel proud of who you are in your totality.

After all, in the history of the Universe— in other words, since the beginning of whatever “existence is”—you have to remember there never has been, there currently isn’t, and there will never be another human being exactly like you. So, in essence, we’re all just a bunch of baby cuckoo birds. This gives all of us permission to both “belong in our community” because we’re completely unique and, at the same time, “stand out as an individual” as we express our power and gifts as only we can because we’re completely unique.

Gotta love paradoxes. Happy Pride, Virginia!

Michele Zehr, M.A., M.Ed., is the founder of We2 LLC: Women’s Experiential Empowerment and the Center for EarthBased Healing, a 501(c)3 non-profit.

She custom-designs and facilitates empowerment workshops for a widerange of professionals, teaches R.A.D. Self-Defense for Women and, through her non-profit, offers nature-based programs for survivors of sexual and domestic violence. To learn more about Michele’s other services, please visit her websites at: we2empower.com and earthbasedhealing.org, or contact her via email, info@we2empower.com or by phone, 434-218-2462.

qvirginia.com | 75

RICHMOND TRIANGLE PLAYERS SEASON 26 / 2018–2019

Come see what all the fuss is about!

SONDHEIM ON SONDHEIM

By Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine

AUGUST 8 – SEPT 1, 2018

THE LARAMIE PROJECT

By Moises Kaufman and the Tectonic Theatre Project

SEPT 26 – OCT 20, 2018

WHO’S HOLIDAY

By Matthew Lombardo

NOV 14 – DEC 15, 2018

AN ACT OF GOD

By David Javerbaum Presented as part of The CityWide Acts of Faith Festival

FEB 13 – MARCH 9, 2019

SEVEN HOMELESS MAMMOTHS WANDER NEW ENGLAND GET TICKETS AT RTRIANGLE.ORG OR CALL (804) 346-8113

By Madeleine George

And make sure you check our web site at rtriangle.org for our Sister Series, cabaret nights, special events, and performers checking in from all over the country!

RICHMOND TRIANGLE PLAYERS AT THE ROBERT B. MOSS THEATRE 1300 ALTAMONT AVENUE, RICHMOND, VA 23230 MEDIA SPONSORS:

76 | Q Virginia

The 2018-19 Season Is Supported In Part By Funding From

APR 10 – MAY 4, 2019

GREY GARDENS Book by Doug Wright, Music

by Scott Frankel, Lyrics by Michael Korie

JUNE 12 – JULY 13, 2019

Pride

BEYOND PRIDE

BY, RAYCEEN PENDARVIS, HRH qvirginia.com | 77

AFTER FLOWERS BEGIN TO BLOOM, the sun sets later in the day, and the temperature rises, many people are thinking about Pride celebrations. Not that people weren’t thinking about it already; most of us know somebody who’s been working out all winter to debut their “new body” at a parade, festival, or party. Others have been planning to travel to a nearby or faraway city to experience those LGBTQ Pride festivities. For some, this is the time when they begin thinking about volunteering and look to see what shifts are available during their local Pride weekend.

Whether big or small, the festivities you attend this Pride season have likely been in the works for the past year.

Parades, festivals, and other activities don’t spontaneously happen. The bigger they are, the more time, energy, and effort they take to plan and prepare. Help is certainly needed at Pride events but helping out and taking pride in your community is something you can do throughout the year.

Look up your local LGBTQ center in your community. You can read about them online, call, or drop by and find out what opportunities await you. In Washington, DC, this includes The DC Center for the LGBT Community and Casa Ruby. They have many events and programs throughout the year, as do similar organizations across the country.

There are many LGBTQ youth who are dealing with various challenges, from low self esteem and depression to homelessness and drug addiction. These may seem daunting, but there are organizations that are helping this population.

Maybe you can help in some way, including being a mentor.

You may be able to encourage and inspire someone.

There are many underserved populations within the LGBTQ community, including trans women of color, who deal with discrimination and violence in ways that should alarm all of us. Again, find out what organizations are doing the work.

Perhaps you can contact a national organization or connect with someone in another city or state that is doing the work that needs to be done where you live. Be the person who takes the initiative to make a difference in your community.

As important as nonprofit organizations and charities are, sometimes the changes that need to happen are on a political level. If you’re eligible, be registered to vote and register more people. On election day, help people get to the polls. After the election, hold those elected officials accountable. Make phone calls and write letters. Attend town hall meetings and rallies.

If you don’t like what’s going on in politics, run for office.

Start at the local level. Several years ago, I was elected an Advisory Neighborhood Commissioner in DC. I am proud of the work I did during my term to better my community. There are all kinds of positions in every city, town, county, and state.

Some don’t pay much, and some don’t pay at all, but you can make a difference—especially if you are serving as an openly LGBTQ person. Representation matters on every level.

78 | Q Virginia

Maybe social issues and politics don’t appeal to you. There are still so many things you can do! Seek out organizations, projects, and events that appeal to your interests. There are LGBTQ sports leagues, entertainment events, and more which seek participants and volunteers every month of the year.

In DC, this includes Reel Affirmations monthly LGBTQ film screenings and annual festival, the OutWrite LGBTQ literary festival, and The Ask Rayceen Show, which I host every first Wednesday from March through November. Team Rayceen helps with all of these events and we are always looking to connect with photographers, DJs, performers, announcers, graphic designers, greeters, and volunteers for an array of tasks, big and small. All you have to do is contact us and let us know what you want to do.

Whatever your talents or abilities are, someone can use your help. Painting, cooking, cleaning, sorting, stacking, or packing—even if it’s just for an hour, you can make a difference. You might not even have to leave your home.

Many organizations need help with social media, their websites, and various technological help, which can be done remotely.

If you have had bad experiences with organizations, consider starting your own. Think outside of the box. Take a cue from the Ballroom community, who started Houses to teach people how to walk the runway, and start a finishing school to teach LGBTQ people how to walk into job interviews. If you’re a visual artist, consider offering free classes. Maybe you can simply make yourself available to sit and listen to someone who needs to talk. Whatever it is that you do best, you can use it to help your community.

For those who have busy schedules, consider donating money. Maybe you can get a tax write-off. Every little bit helps, particularly to small organizations and those who do not have 501(c)(3) status. Most of us could use a benefactor or a sponsor! If you have some money to spare, someone in the LGBTQ community can put it to good use.

As the leaves start to turn color, the sun goes down earlier, and the temperature is too cool to be scantily clad, don’t think of Pride season as being over. There is work to do and there is still fun to be had! Be active all year and have pride in your community every day.

Rayceen Pendarvis is an emcee, community advocate, social media personality, and host of The Ask Rayceen Show, a free monthly variety program and community festival in Washington, DC. For more information about Rayceen Pendarvis, Team Rayceen, and The Ask Rayceen Show, please visit AskRayceen.com.

Taking Pride in Being Gay By, Peter D. Rosenstein

I WAS IN MY EARLY 30s when I began

to feel PRIDE in being gay. After coming out, I became a strong advocate for the LGBTQ community so future generations won’t have the same experience. Those in my generation didn’t always have it easy. Today there are many role models for young people both in the United States and around the world to look up to and see they can be out, proud and live a full and successful life—from Adam Rippo and Gus Kenworthy, out and proud Olympians, to Daniela Vega the beautiful transgender woman who starred in the Chilean film A Fantastic Woman and became the first transgender presenter at the Academy Awards. qvirginia.com | 79

We have openly LGBTQ individuals in Congress. Last November, Virginians elected Danica Roem the first transgender person in the House of Delegates and there are now four members of the LGBTQ community in the House of Delegates and one, Adam Ebbin, in the Virginia State Senate.

It wasn’t always that way. I thought I was the only gay person in my high school of over 4,500 students. The first public LGBTQ event I went to was in Dupont Circle in 1980 and remember hiding behind a tree to make sure my picture wouldn’t appear in a newspaper fearing my employer might see it. A far cry from Capital PRIDE in 2015 when I rode in a convertible near the head of the parade as a Pride Hero.

I was lucky in the early 80’s when I came out DC had a large and welcoming LGBTQ community. That wasn’t the case around the country and certainly not in many cities and small towns in Virginia. By 1981, I was holding hands with my best friend as we walked to the PRIDE festival, finally living my true self and openly gay at 34. Those who know me today may find it hard to imagine I was ever closeted.

Each year at PRIDE, I remember back to those early years and realize how important PRIDE still is to so many people because not everyone lives in a big city like Richmond or Washington, D.C. Only recently we read about Starkville, Mississippi where Mayor Lynn Spruill broke a 3-3 tie to allow a PRIDE parade there to go forward for the first time. It took an alderman to change his vote after the ACLU threatened a lawsuit. There are still places where being out is not easy and for many in those communities, PRIDE will mean as much today as it did for me nearly 40 years ago.

Today we have PRIDE, Black Pride, Trans Pride and Youth Pride among others. In many places we are a large and diverse enough community to have categories for PRIDE to celebrate our different cultures and achievements. PRIDE celebrations have changed over the years. During those first years when I began going to PRIDE many more people were closeted and this was the one day of the year we actually could attend a celebration and know we weren’t alone. The floats in the parade weren’t always fancy, but they were fun. As the 80’s wore on, the tone of many PRIDE parades across the nation changed. The community was dealing with the ravages of AIDS and float after float reminded us of the epidemic.

Contingents marched with pictures of friends, children and lovers who had died and we 80 | Q Virginia

watched the parade with tears in our eyes remembering all those we lost.

As the years moved on, we again began to see PRIDE as a celebration of ourselves and our public face to the world. The mainstream media coverage of the events surrounding PRIDE began to increase and fostered debate in our own community about whether our parades should include bare-breasted lesbians or drag queens, afraid this would be the only thing the mainstream media would report. We went through a time where many in the community just thought we should assimilate with the larger community.

During this time, the crowds coming to PRIDE Parades and festivals swelled and became more representative of the community atlarge. Political candidates lined up to be in the parade. In D.C. by the 90’s, the LGBTQ community was in the mainstream of local politics and the PRIDE parade became the place to be seen. PRIDE Festival organizers had to curtail the political speeches as there were so many politicians wanting to speak it began to sound like a political rally.

In D.C. there is once again the debate over the purpose of PRIDE with some wanting to ban many corporate floats and contingents.

But in Virginia and D.C. the parade is still a fun event with politicians, floats from our various clubs, bars and sports teams—some from sponsors and some from our local and national organizations wanting to be seen and heard. Some advertising, but many saying thank you to the LGBTQ community with their LGBTQ employees marching. The community has come so far that cities like Tel Aviv, Israel and Sydney, Australia advertise themselves by touting the size and scope of their PRIDE festivals.

I am thankful to have lived long enough to see so many young people grow up able to be comfortable being out and proud; to see our community having achieved marriage equality; and, so many in our community with their own beautiful families. While we are still fighting for full equality, each year during PRIDE one is able to rekindle the hope for a better future and be reenergized to continue fighting for it.

Peter is a non-profit consultant and LGBTQ and community activist. He writes for the Washington Blade, the Georgetown Dish and has a blog on his website, prosenstein.com.

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Is

Q ueer”

“

Offensive?

By, Michele Zehr, M.A , M.Ed.

I believe there are two valid

answers to most questions in life, because life is more of a “both/and” than an “either/or” journey, but for this question—is queer offensive—I think the most accurate answer is, “It depends.” It depends on what generation you’re from; it depends on whether you’ve experienced painful heterosexist name-calling using this word; it depends on your exposure to social justice discourses; and, frankly,

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it depends on too much to list here. So I’m offering another perspective for this on-going conversation, because I believe a fatal flaw exists with our “inclusive” alphabet soup, and embracing the word queer may offer a solution. First, a little historical context.

As early as the 1940s, the word “gay” appeared to refer to both homosexual men and women. It wasn’t long before gay women felt invisible

because people generally associated “gay” with only men. This became the birth place of our current day alphabet soup. Over the next seven decades we’ve seen “gay” morph into an endless series of ever-lengthening acronyms in an attempt to include everyone. Here are a few of my favorite versions: GLB, LGBT, LGBTIQ2, LGBPTTQQIIAA+, and in February 2015, Wesleyan University coined its own all-inclusive acronym that I have to admit, makes me giggle:

male), may feel psychologically female (feminine gender identity), might wear a combination of men’s and women’s clothing (androgynous gender expression), find themselves attracted to both men and women (bisexual orientation), but only have sex with women (heterosexual behavior).

We can mix and match along each spectrum all day long and still not capture every single combination or “degree” of variables—hence why we keep adding letters to our alphabet soup. We are trying to define every “way” of being human and I’m sorry, you can’t quantify the infinite.

What I mean by “infinite” is that there are an infinite number of “points” along each spectrum, so it begs the question: Where exactly does someone become exclusively lesbian, transgender or even heterosexual?

(There’s a great TedTalk that addresses this question called Fifty Shades of Gay.) When we are born, we aren’t “locked in” to our respective places on each spectrum either. In fact, many people travel back and forth on these spectrums in a more fluid manner throughout their lives, something Dr. Alfred Kinsey brought into our awareness in 1948 through his research known as The Kinsey Reports.

LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM. I genuinely appreciate what folks are trying to do here, but I think we’re now missing the point in our effort to be “politically correct.”

Here is the problem with our acronyms and why we keep having to add letters.

Humans fall on multiple spectrums of sex, gender and sexuality that are completely independent of one another.

For example, an individual may be born with XY chromosomes (biological

Personally, I thought I was straight until my early 20s because I didn’t know that loving another woman was even an option! It was a totally nameless concept within my life context. Of course, once the light bulb illuminated, I couldn’t help but wonder how I had ever missed it. With that said, when I came out of the closet in 1995, I first identified as bisexual but, in time, I began referring to myself as lesbian as I hadn’t found myself attracted to men for over 20 years. In recent years, I’ve begun referring to myself as a queer woman because the word queer encompasses all of those spectrums, not just the one that tells people with whom I share my bed.

Queer is, in fact, all-inclusive and it offers me the ability to define myself in the ways that feel most authentic at any given moment of my life. I hope, in time, we won’t even need to make a distinction between “straight or queer,” but society isn’t quite there yet.

So, this brings me back to the original question. Is queer offensive? As a social justice and empowerment educator, I personally prefer the term queer. It offers us a both/and solution. It both acknowledges that humans are not exclusively heterosexual and, at the same time, does not limit us to the latest string of “inclusive” letters that cannot possibly represent everyone.

There is one more reason I like the word queer. It is another example of how our community has begun to reclaim what was once a painfully derogatory slur and that, my friends, is an act of taking back our power.

This is not the first time we’ve done this as a community. The pink triangle was originally used to shame and denote “homosexual men” in Nazi concentration camps during WWII. It was anything but a badge of honor; but, that same symbol has been reclaimed and is now used in many inclusive contexts, such as Pride celebrations and as part of signage indicating that a particular place is a “safe zone” for queer people (ironically!).

So, for me, queer is not offensive, but maybe for you it is, and I can totally honor that. I’d like to suggest that we all consider the possibility that human beings are “big enough” to hold it all, and that this is not a right/wrong issue. If we are faced with having to use a label to describe someone else and are unsure of which one to use, how about simply asking the individual what she/he prefers, because in the end, nobody is a better expert on you than you.

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I, you, we:

Living with AIDS By, Jason Leclerc

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As American art museums go, New York’s Whitney (the old one, in the Upper East Side, before they moved it to the High Line) is the top of my list. In April 2013, I visited for a book launch event in Chelsea and then trekked Northward to pass five hours wandering exhibits of contemporary art.

While there, I consumed an exquisite curation called I, You, We: Art & AIDS. I uncontrollably and openly sobbed as I walked through a room with photos

by David Wojnarowicz and paintings by Hugh Steers. I stared into the hollow, sepia-tinged eyes of gay men gasping their last breaths under the oppression of a disease that disproportionately affected vibrant souls of gay men in the years when I was in elementary school.

The tears I shed were for myself: a selfish, privileged homosexual whose way of life was mortgaged by these men who suffered through one of the greatest American tragedies of the twentieth century. In an exhibit that challenged my sense of pronoun referents, I finally accepted that these chilling pieces embodied I and We. That I cried in public was no surprise. I’d always been considered a sensitive child; I grew into a sensitive adult. Until I graduated from college in the late 1990s, gay was something that was wholly not I. It was the realm of You. Others, “You, gay men,” languished of AIDS while I dwelt in my adolescent closet. The imminent death of these men, whose painful stares into the abyss of an uncertain afterlife, was pushed as far away from I as possible.

My closeted—repressed—youth was punctuated by unsatisfied longings hidden by a Wilde-like wit and a boisterous disposition. I watched from the safety of the sidelines, judgmentally.

With a child’s innocence and a Baptist’s fear, I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it meant when man’s man Rock Hudson died, flamboyant Liberace wasted away, or when Adonis-like Greg Louganis split his head on the diving board.

AIDS was something that You had.

I was more lucky than anything. My delayed coming-out coincided with the first year that effective treatments (besides abstinence) led to a decline in AIDS diagnoses. In 1996, I graduated college, moved to Orlando, kissed a boy and messed around for the first time.

I loved sex and made up for 22 years without it. I was reckless. I mistook my luck in the face of recklessness as something I had earned. It was a selfish arrogance rooted in the fact that I still saw AIDS as something for the other, for the You.

in I, You, We. I know that the connection I have with those hollow, last-gasped, painful gazes implicates me in a community whose membership within which I have no choice for opting out. I know that I am the heir to Rock Hudson, a peer of Liberace, and a brother of Greg Louganis. I know that I am nothing more than lucky.

Luckier still is the newest generation that doesn’t know about life without an Internet or life behind an AIDS-sentried closet door.

After 43 years on Earth and 22 years evolving into my truth, I am proud to proclaim that I am We. 360,000 men died of AIDS between 1980 and 1996.

I am lucky that I was not one of them.

I didn’t know any of them personally.

These martyrs, victims of an oppressive, pre-equality culture that dehumanized them made it possible for me to live: to be proud today.

We all have our coming out stories, our emergence from closets. For me, that was closely connected to my understanding—my misunderstanding— of AIDS. Over the intervening two decades, I have come face to face with people I care very much about—people I love—living secretly with HIV. I can’t do anything but love them. That, in 2018, we can live with HIV and leave it unspoken, is a privilege financed by souls in the 1980s. For those who have proclaimed their affliction with the virus, if not the stigma, I thank them for giving it a human, living, resilient, brave face.

Each day I wake up in the throes of love, not just for my spouse, but for the men who made it possible for me to be I. I am thankful, though grief-stricken, for the lifeless eyes—the stolen souls—of my gay forefathers. I am thankful that language and history can link how I see myself and how I see the world around me. I am thankful for the love of art—for sensitivity—that tear-streamed vision made real: that made I, You, We into a reality about who I am and where I fit into a world of love that has transformed my understanding of who I am—with You—into a persistent and proud We.

What this means, of course, is that I, too, am living with HIV. As real as it is to the bodies of these people I love, it is real to me. I do not carry the virus in my body; rather, I carry it in my soul, in my cultural memory, in my gay genes.

I am thankful that, in 2018, I am able to live with—and proudly, because of—AIDS.

AIDS is part of a We that I cannot escape: that I wouldn’t if I could. Though I’ve known its tangential reality to my relationship to a diverse community, I’ve known it directly and blossomed along the path that’s tangibly affected my evolving ideological DNA. I share a heritage with those men I encountered

Jason Leclerc is an internationally renowned poet, prolific blogger, film-maker, political columnist and author.

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BLAKE LATE SHOW: A STORY OF SURVIVAL By, Ron Blake I am a gay man. I experienced a trauma that most gay men do not talk about.

Three men entered my downtown Phoenix home one night when I was asleep and sick.

I was held down that night and sexually assaulted. I almost lost my life before police arrived. I knew all of these men.

The police dismissed this sexual assault as a playful misunderstanding between four gay men who had too much to drink. However, I had nothing to drink. And I made the call for help. Justice was not blind on that dark winter night. That dismissiveness exacerbated an already horrific event.

I began to isolate badly from society after that night. I was diagnosed with PTSD and life became very uncertain and bleak for me as the months passed by.

It’s as though the world slapped a gag order on me. Sexual assault is especially difficult for us gay men to discuss. There is a double stigma involved.

Many men are not completely out of the closet because there is still a stigma about being gay. I struggled until I was 35 years old to tell anyone I was gay.

And numerous guys are just not comfortable about discussing a sexual assault. There is, indeed, a stigma about male sexual assault. We are guys. We are expected to be “tough.”

Society assumes a lot of wrong things about us “gays” and sexual assault.

The three men involved in my sexual assault are gay men. Perpetrators in these crimes are usually not gay though. The truth is this: the majority of men who sexually assault other men identify as straight men.

Additionally, being sexually assaulted has nothing at all to do with sexual orientation.

There are straight men. There are gay men. There are bisexual men. Each of those men are equally likely to experience a sexual assault.

I have been on a cross-country journey to open up the dialogue about male sexual assault and to overcome my trauma.

It all began on a suicidal night I experienced in November 2015. A moment of laughter changed everything for me that evening when The Late Show with Stephen Colbert came on my TV. It was not that I laughed that saved my life then; it is that I recognized I laughed. I paused the show for three minutes and that recognition gave me the one thing that would keep me going: HOPE.

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…THROUGH THAT POWER OF LAUGHTER

In that aha moment, I decided I would embrace the power of that laughter and get on The Late Show as a guest. I wasn’t going to hide from my sexual assault anymore. And I would share my ongoing story of trauma to triumph with everyone.

My mission is to go out each day and meet strangers and tell them my story. And get them to sign support on giant foam poster boards for all my efforts to get on that show, overcome PTSD, and help other gay men (and others) overcome their sexual assaults.

So for 908 days in a row (and counting) and over 7,000 hours of work, I’ve been on this quixotic cross country journey to get on this show with the support now of 25,064 strangers I’ve personally met who have signed messages of support and hope for my efforts on 3,100 square feet of poster boards.

I’ve met dozens of gay men on this journey who have shared their personal stories of sexual assault with me. We are sort of like the Island of Misfit Toys from that animated Christmas show. We are forgotten. We are isolated. We are misunderstood.

Gay men are not being included in our national discussions about sexual assault. The tough guy culture and homophobia in our society continue to make this a taboo topic. It’s going to take a village to change this. A big bold village that is willing to open up more dialogue about sexual assault impacting gay men.

With continued support, I will eventually get on The Late Show and I will get us off that lonely island. We are all broken, and we are all misfits. But we all deserve love and healing…through that power of laughter. I will see you soon, Stephen Colbert.

This article of hope is brought to you by that guy of late night laughter. That guy of change is Ron Blake and you can find him meeting amazing strangers at BlakeLateShow.com.

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