Foreword

FOREWORD

C/W: mentions of self-harm, child abuse

As a young girl growing up in a conservative Chinese family, I was raised to be sceptical about the concept of mental health and the very idea that one could even be mental ill despite the constant displays of it running through my family. Even though I saw signs of self harm in the adults in my family, saw my young cousin who barely ate and stayed in his room all day until he eventually ran away, even though I saw myself coming home to feel nothing yet empty, I could not fully grapple with any of these things.

I had internalised abusive behaviour I thought was normal and acceptable, and ruthlessly mocked others as being ‘white’ for rejecting our culture’s teachings (in my early teenage years, there were too many moments when I jeered "you think beating your child is bad? that's so white"). Eventually that line of thinking led me into depression and a pervasive shame that continues even today; shame at needing therapy and of suffering from depression. Even now I lie to people when they ask why I went to the doctors; even now I struggle to talk openly about feeling depressed even with those close to me.

It’s only now in hindsight that I feel regret, sympathy and sadness at the broken down lives from the circumstances that hurt all of us. I am thankful I was able to escape that toxic and contemptuous mindset from the help of my friends with similar upbringings as people from immigrant PoC backgrounds.

Without us all sharing our stories, offering sympathy and support to each other, I could have never learnt to grow and look at those suffering (even myself) with kindness and love. That’s why I wanted to create this zine, why it’s so important to me; because everyone needs a helping hand, to know they are not alone in their struggles. It’s my sincerest wish for even just one person to read this zine and begin to understand and unpack their trauma.

JESSICA HUANG

C/W: mentions of domestic violence, racism

If you ask my loved ones, I am

notorious for being reckless when it comes to my mental health. I pride myself on my evolving mental health literacy and my ability to be a resilient pillar of support for those I hold dear. However, I struggle to channel that energy back to where it is needed most.

Having grown-up in a South-East Asian family, mental illness crept in the shadows. I heard it exchanged in hushed voices under the roofs of aunties seeking refuge from entitled men. It was concealed in stories of racial abuse moulded into comedic anecdotes and a hopeless search for a place to call. Conversations laced with resignation and trauma discarded like shattered glass introduced me to a culture that internalised our struggles through a misguided sense of strength.

We often talk about how difficult it is to start conversations around mental health. However, I found being able to have these conversations with myself was the biggest struggle. I grew up with internalised misconstrued ideas of resilience and made my terrifying experiences with anxiety my norm. It took several health scares this year, and the persistence of my partner

and a dear friend for me to accept that I needed help. Although, I still have a long way to go as I learn to take care of myself better.

We created this zine to be a safe space for PoC to reflect, find solidarity and exist without the burden of being hyper aware or making ourselves palatable. Mental health is overwhelming and terrifying and contentious. But these conversations must be had and there are safe spaces for PoC to have them in, including this one.

So, to those who struggle in silence – I hope this curiously curated collection resonates with you. And to those who have shown me to be vulnerable is to experience one of the purest forms of love and respect - thank you.

DORENE SHANKARAN